Contents

Good Boy

A Bothered Boy

Sword Boy

Boys With Guns.

Good Boy

Notes: all t-shirt slogans come either from Scribe's wonderful site or coolsig.com

Xander walked off the elevator, looking at the name on the envelope then around the room.  It was a standard office setting, little cubicles all in rows.  He grimaced and walked into the nearest one, holding up the envelope.   The man cattycorner from him got pointed at.  "Thanks."  He walked over there, standing in front of him.  "I got sent to you."

"Why?" the older man said, looking at him.  "Do I know you?"

"Probably not but my teachers sent me to you with this and said for you to get me to see your bosses about an internship.  Apparently they decided it'd be a good thing to try, otherwise I'll end up looking at the normal labs."

"Uh-huh.  Internship during school?"

"Post-grad."  He grinned.  "Ballistics with a minor in trace and experience in construction and explosives.  I did my in-school internship at a military academy out in LA where they tested a lot of new weapons."

"Oh.  That's where I heard of you."

"They sent my picture?"

"Probably."  He took the letter to read over, nodding at some of it.  "Not too bad for qualifications.  Why send you to me?"

"You knew my Ballistics mentor and he said I'm scarily like your Abby sometimes.  Though I would have to warn about certain t-shirts around here, Agent Gibbs."

"Hmm."  He nodded once and walked him off.  "I'm going for coffee with the kid."  Xander obediently followed him, letting him read over the rest of the letter.  He looked at him.  "Any problems with working here?"

"Don't let me date without a background check.  Don't make me go to Cleveland or you'll never see me outside of a hotel room.  I deal in strange shit but I'm retiring the day I graduate college."

"Define strange."  Xander took off his shirt, letting him see the scars he had.  "Those are bite marks and that's not human," he said, looking at one.  He looked at Xander.  "Outside, kid."  Xander put back on his shirt, following him outside.  "Where you from?"

"Sunnydale.  Yes, I know I have a sealed 'do not touch' file.  Yes I was there when we took down the Initiative.  My instructor knows that because I had to save him from something trying to eat him a few months back.  He thought you should meet me anyway and I'd still scarily get along with Abby, his phraseology."

Gibbs blinked.  "I know that name...."

"Covert operation to train demons to be grunts."

"I remember those freaks."

"I helped stop those freaks. They had a friend.  They wanted to end the world.  It was Wednesday for us."

He snickered.  "Okay, so the real obstacle is the file?"

"Or sending me to Cleveland.  My former friends are there and you don't want to hear that rant.  I don't know you that well, you can hear it some other time," he finished more cheerfully, even with a scary grin.

Gibbs snorted and nodded.  "The dating thing?"

"I only date evil women.  My last one turned serial killer to kill my friends over and over."

"Okay.  You would fit with Abby," he agreed.  "Ballistics?"

"With a minor in Trace and field classes, plus the construction experience and demolitions.  Plus I like artillery.  I have to find a way for my personal collection to come with me."  He shifted closer.  "It'd be a year's internship, Agent Gibbs.  Then I'm looking to find some small department where I can have dogs."

"That's probably reasonable.  You like coffee?"

"I lived on it for the past few years."  He shrugged and pointed.  "Shall we?  Before I get in trouble for annoying you?"

"Sure."  He walked him down to the coffee shop.  "Have you been in the field?"

"Yeah, I had to take two mandatory field classes.  I figured taking the other four for a second minor was logical and a good thing for future work possibilities.  I did six weeks with the lab in San Diego for that.  Mostly I stood around going 'you missed a hair' to the person I was following for five weeks and then he had me in the lab the last one because he didn't want to get me involved in his serial case."

"Your ex?"

"No, she was killing representatives of my friends over and over.  She's in a padded room," he admitted, holding the door for him.  "Hopefully she'll stay there, but you never know with some psycho chicks.  Then again, I seem to draw them.  The one before her was in vengeance and I nearly toasted my ass when I left her at the altar."

Gibbs blinked at him.  "You walked away?"

"Her friends showed me how miserable we'd be.  I turned into my father.  I'm still having nightmares about what they showed me."  He looked up.  "How strong do they make it?"

"My strength and I'm a former Marine."

"Hmm, field strength so I should get the medium."  He walked up there.  "Hi, can I have a number three, milk, real milk not soy, and two of sugar?"  He nodded, ringing that up.  Xander got his and waited while they fixed it and Gibbs got his.  The kid didn't even have to ask.  He just rung him up and went to pour it himself.  "Come here a lot?" he joked.

"Every few hours," he admitted.  "Helps me think."

"Helped me get through Calc and Chem with tutors," Xander admitted.  He shrugged at the look.  "I do practical so much better than I do classroom lectures.  Especially since my Chem teacher was found to be making drugs."  He took a sip and nodded.  "Good, thank you."  He followed Gibbs back.  "Anyway," he sighed.  "The military academy I did my ballistics field hours in was good.  I got to make sure who hit the target was who said they did.  I got to work on their tester weapons.  I had to show someone why one was going to blow up on them and help them fix it.  I also got to show off my scary artillery knowledge to my ballistics teacher because he let us do neat things like fire a land-to-air rocket into a brick and cement block building we had so we could recreate it to see the damage coefficient."  He took a sip, weathering the strange look.  "I know, but it was fun," he said with an evil grin.  "Very, very nice explosion."

"Uh-huh.  Ever think about going into the service?"

"Yup.  Won't but yup."  Gibbs looked at him again.  "I have the utmost respect for it, but I'd drive someone nuts."  He took another drink.  "So, do you think my teacher's going to be mad at me for scaring you?"

"I've seen worse.  Wait until you meet Abby."

"Okay.  Is she a vampire?"

"Goth, close."

Xander snickered.  "Gibbs, one last thing you should know."  He pulled him out of the way of foot traffic.  "I worked on a hunting team from tenth grade until the day I graduate college.  That's in three weeks.  There's kinda an apocalypse when I get back that I'll have to help with.  That's about ten years of hunting the paranormal.  Most goths, not even close."  Gibbs stared at him in horror.  "That's one reason he sent me to you, so you could make sure I don't go out and break into a sudden *need* to go hunting.  That way I have someone who can point out where I'm going wrong when I slip back into that mindset."

"I see."  He sipped his coffee and thought.  "How many do you think you got?"

"I don't keep stats.  Do I look like a serial killer to you?" he asked dryly.  "What I did was necessary. Our town had more walking nasties than living ones.  Staked my first at sixteen, kept going until about last week.  You're in a low concentration area and I like that.  If not, I'm thinking about applying to Las Vegas."

Gibbs nodded once.  "That's not a bad handicap to have."

"No, I have a small one of those but it's compensated for," he admitted.  "Has been since the day Sunnydale became a hole in the ground."  Gibbs arched up an eyebrow.  "I walked into that battle with injuries.  Learned real fast when someone was coming up on that injured side."

"Left or right?"

"Left."

"Okay."  He stared at him, then suddenly blinked.  "One's glass."

"Yup.  That's what keeps me out of SWAT," he said dryly, saluting him with his coffee.  "I'm still one of the most competent in the field today.  Especially in the hunting I used to do.  I know *very* well how to compensate for it in battles, gun battles, and running battles.  Plus hunting."

Gibbs nodded. "You're honest."

"I was told you'd never accept me if I wasn't.  I was told not to be a smart ass and not to wear any of my smart-ass t-shirts," he offered with a goofy grin.

Gibbs smirked.  "Good idea.  How bad?"  Xander just smirked back.  "Uh-huh.  We do have a dress code."

"I'm sure you'll yell if one's too bad," he agreed.

"Good.  Then we understand each other.  C'mon."  He led him back into the building and up into the elevator, taking him to the director's office.  "He in?"

"MTAC, Agent Gibbs."

"I can wait," Xander agreed.  "I only have a level two security clearance.  Had to for my internship," he said at the odd look.

Gibbs nodded.  "Sit.  Finish your coffee."  He walked out, going to the situation room.  He looked at his boss.  "I had someone sent to me to help Abby in the lab for an internship.  One of the guys I served with is teaching ballistics."

"At UCLA, I heard," the director said, giving him a look.  "You like this person he sent, Jethro?"

"He's a lot like Abby with my instincts.  I think they'll work."

"I can interview him," he agreed, following him back.  He smiled at the young man.  "Do I know you?"

"Nope, not unless you got into my files."

"Probably not."  He let him into his office.  "Jethro took you out for coffee?"

"We talked about my in-school internship out at Sack's Academy, sir."  He sat, being a bit more stiff with him.  "My major's in ballistics with a minor in trace but I also have construction and demolitions experience.  Plus I've taken all the mandatory field classes for a minor there."

"Good.  That's more than I usually see.  Did you want to stay in a federal lab?"

"No, to be honest, I want to become the princess of a small lab and raise dogs," he said with a grin.  "After all, I'm cute and cuddly but I date evil women so they'll have to pay attention to that."  The director laughed.  "My last one was a serial killer," he said with a small shrug.  "She's not the worst I've dated either.  I'm realistic.  Dogs are safer."

He smiled and nodded.  "Did you bring your transcripts?"  Xander pulled out another envelope, handing it over.  "Thank you.  Your name, son?"

"Xander Harris.  Please ignore that file."

"What file, son?"

Xander looked at him.  Then outside, getting a nod.  He looked at his future boss again.  "I was there when the Initiative came down," he said quietly.  "I'm from Sunnydale.  There's a 'do not touch' rating somewhere.  I'm usually easy to get along with however.  I only eat stupid feds for breakfast.  I don't take you or Gibbs for that sort however.  My instructor said he wasn't and he could easily tell the others I'm not that mean."

The director typed his name into his computer, looking at the file.  "I'd say."  He looked at him.  "You were more than there, son."

"There were only four of us," he shot back dryly, giving him a look.  "I hunted since I was sixteen, sir.  I'm retiring the day I get that pretty piece of paper from UCLA in three weeks."

"Hmm."  He stared at him then went over his transcripts.  "Why so low in those classes?"

"I learn better from practical education.  Plus my chem teacher was making LSD.  I did have a tutor to put it back into practical application for me."

"That's good.  Anything else I should know?" he asked, changing pages.  He blinked at one thing then at him.  "Left or right?"

"Left.  Fully compensated for.  I can and have went into the field since it happened, sir.  That happened right before Sunnydale turned into a hole.  I was there and injured, I learned how to compensate really fast."

"Good!"  He went back to reading, smiling at the boy across from him.  He finally smirked.  "Did your teacher ever say you reminded him of Gibbs?"

"No, he said I'm scarily more like Abby since I usually bounce.  I'm a bit hyper usually.  I'm holding it in today," he said with a goofy grin.  "Don't want to *scare* anyone."

"Good idea."  He nodded.  "When can you start?"

"I graduate in three weeks, have to pack up the small amount of crap and the artillery I have, then drive it out here.  Five weeks?  That'll give me enough time to drive and not kill others with sleepy road rage plus find a dump to live in?"  That got a nod and he shook his hand.  "Should I ask about salary?"

"Our interns get the usual stipend, the two thousand a month you expect, and if they pull too much overtime we see if they're worthy of more."  Xander nodded at that.  "Good.  Anything else you can ask?"

"I usually wear t-shirts and decent pants.  Should I shop?"

"I'd prefer you not upset Abby.  She's a bit...odd but she's a genius in the field."

"I get along better with women then men, sir.  Just promise you'll never send me to Cleveland so I don't have to become a paranoid person."

"Not an issue," he assured him.  "They moved there?"

"After telling me I was stupid, unworthy, and couldn't possibly deal with their lives," he finished blandly, giving him a look.  "That thing I'd helped them with for years on end, ya know?  I stayed with Angel and I worked with him."

"Good enough for me.  I probably won't have a reason to send you up there, Xander."

"Thanks, sir.  Anything else?"

"Forms, son.  Forms.  Have Gibbs take you to meet Abby and then to HR if she can stand you."

"Okay."  He shook his hand and walked off, smiling at Gibbs.  "I'm sure you heard."

"I did.  You'll like Abby."

"I hope so.  I don't like making women pout."  They got onto the elevator and went down a few floors, letting him walk into the lab first.  "Hmm, compact but useable.  Very nice," he said.  The dark pigtails bounced and the woman attached to them spun around.  He grinned and waved.  "Hi, I'm a Xander.  You're my last person to meet to see if I can be your ballistics and trace intern for a year of post-grad work.  With a side of explosives and construction if you need it."

She blinked.  "Huh?"  Gibbs walked in.  "Gibbs?"

"This is Xander Harris, Abby."  She gaped in awe.  "You know him?"

"Of him," she said dryly.

"Please don't listen to Willow and Buffy," he moaned.  "They're both stupid, prejudice bitches who think I'm dryer lint."  He gave her a pitiful look.  "I'm much better than they think."

"I can see that," she said dryly, giving him a look.  "Hunting?"

"The day I graduate and get the pretty paper is the day I retire.  One apocalypse in the way between," he admitted.

"Don't get dead, kid," Gibbs ordered.

"I don't plan on it but I do get to play with the shiny artillery during it," he quipped, giving him a look.  Then at Abby, grinning at him.  "So, can I come learn from you?"

"In or out?"

"Post-grad."

"Ballistics with a minor in trace?"  He nodded.  "Okay.  We can try.  When do you start?"

"Five weeks," Gibbs told her.  "That gives him enough time to drive and to get rid of the artillery we'd have to arrest him for bringing across state lines."  Abby and Xander shared a look and he grinned at her.  "If you do and I find out we'll have to arrest you, Xander," he reminded him.

"I know," he sighed.  He shrugged at Abby.  "Anyway, t-shirts?  I tend toward obscure, mean, or snarky sayings."

"I'll let you know if it's too much.  Make sure you've got a spare in your locker I've approved of.  Dark jeans are fine but I'd prefer better.  Sneakers are good."

"Okay."  He nodded.  "That's about most of my wardrobe.  I promise not to wear leather.  Just don't let me date without a background check."

"I heard," she said dryly.  She came over to kiss him on the cheek.  "Go fill out the scary forms, Xander."  He beamed and nodded, bouncing some.  "Good boy."  She patted him on the cheek and gave Gibbs a hug.  "I love you for getting me my very own Xander.  Now shoo, I've got a stuck gun."

Xander took it and looked at it, then got the gun oil and used it, then went into the firing chamber to fix that for her.  He brought it out and handed it back then walked out with Gibbs following.

"He's good," she said, nodding. "I'll like him, even if he does turn scary when he dates."  Gibbs walked off shaking his head.  "Ooh, he'll learn," she said happily, going to tell Ducky.  "We're getting a Xander intern," she said happily.  "Ballistics and trace, Ducky."  He grinned at her.  "He's a very nice guy.  About my age.  Worked with a Brit before so maybe he'll understand you better than Tony does."

"That might be," he agreed, kissing her on the temple.  "Be a good girl, dear.  When is he coming?"

"Five weeks."  She beamed.  "He even wears mean t-shirts."

"Then I'm sure you two will get along quite well."

"Probably.  He got along with his former friends and they were girls.  Much meaner girls than I am."  She bounced back to her lab to get to work.  Ducky could only smile at that enthusiasm.  She was infectious.

***

Xander showed up his first day, making the guards stare at him in horror.  "I'm working with Abby, I'm her intern," he said with a grin.

"Abby?" one guard asked another.

"The one with the scary shoes you can't look higher up on."  He hand wanded him, giving him back his gun once he had seen the permit and the new work pass.  "I didn't know lab techs got to carry, Mr. Harris."

Xander shrugged.  "It's going in my locker, guys.   Plus I'm a *ballistics* intern.  Most of us like guns."  He beamed at him.  "Am I okay enough?"

They just nodded and let him go.  He had the proper forms and IDs for the gun and to be there.  One did call his supervisor to let him know that Abby had a new intern.  That way they could monitor her security system.

Xander found the locker room with a point from Gibbs, finding his new locker with his name already on the tape on it.  He put his things in there and pulled out one of his lab coats, his glasses, and one other thing.  Then he closed it and used his lock on it, heading to the lab.  He walked in and handed her the black velvet bear with a grin, putting on his lab coat so he could learn the lab's layout.

"You didn't have to bring presents."

"Willow raised me.  Yes I did."  He slid on his glasses, giving her a look overtop then a wicked smirk.  "I also brought a nerf suction cup gun for downtimes."

"We don't get many of those."

He kissed her on the cheek.  "I'm here to pull my own weight, Abby.  I don't want favors or favoritism.  I expect to come out of my internship being as capable as you are and I've worked for a *long* time.  I'm not some goofy little twenty-three-year-old frat boy."  She nodded at that, putting the stuffed animal on her desk then getting back to work typing something.  "Anything I can do?"

"You can get me a soda," she offered with a smile.

"I only treat the one I'm dating, Abby.  Did you really want to turn evil?"

"Well, no," she admitted, thinking about it.  "Not today.  C'mere.  You're going to get more experience in trace than ballistics."

"That's fine."  He came over to look over her shoulder.  "I can't program."

"That's why we have me and McGee, baby."  She beamed at him then got back to work.  "Okay, this is our current case.  Everything is laid out on the table.  Do a preliminary sweep for trace for me, Xander."  He nodded, moving to do that, pulling over a stool to sit on while he worked. "Do you mind music?"

"Not in the least.  I have some in my locker but I tend toward softer grunge, eighties metal, some comedy stuff, and some country."

"Eww."

"Sorry."  He gave her a look.  "Your lab. I'll complain if I get a headache or I'll take my first paycheck and get an iPod.  Not a problem."  She beamed and turned on her music, dancing while she worked.  He smiled and got back to work.  "Am I cutting samples out?" he called over the music.  She came over and looked then nodded.  He marked then cut out the small sample, letting her have it once he had it formally prepared and marked on the sheet.  Then he got back to work hunting for more.  A few he could swab.  A few he couldn't.  A few hairs in the cuffs of his pants.  One of his own that dropped.  "I need a hair net."

"Mark it on the sheet, Xander.  That way I know to expect it might show up."  He nodded and did that.  He also bagged it and wrote on the bag what it was from.  Then he got up and went into the bathroom to recomb his hair.  He came back.  "Grooming?" she teased.

"Don't want to shed more and be a suspect," he said with a wry grin.  He finished up with the last piece of clothing and came over to help her run things.  She swatted his hand.  "I've got to do it, you know that."  She sighed and rolled her eyes so he went back to work.  He grinned when the director came in, waving a hand.  "Hi, Director."

Abby turned down her music when she heard him.  "Hi, Director."  She smiled at him.  "Thank you for getting me a Xander of my own."

"I know you're used to working alone, Abby.  How are you two doing so far?"

"Okay but he's still trying to run samples."  She swatted him and took the one he was doing.  "Hold on, that's a wet mount."

"It's a smear from a liquid stain.  I've got a swab sample going in the GCMS already.  This way we can visually compare it to the one I found that looked slightly different on the back of his shirt in case they're similar."  He swatted her hand and took it back, going back to it.  "Told you I was going to pull my own weight," he said dryly.  He grabbed the results and got to work on the next sample.

The director smiled at the look on her face.  "He is very talented, Abby.  Remember, he's here to be trained and to make sure he knows what he's doing."

"Also to give you the day off if I do have some sort of idea," Xander offered with a grin for her.  "That way you know I can handle it on my own.  Future employers like that stuff.  I know I did when I was a boss."  He ran that sample and started to correlate data.  "Was the guy in a field?  That's crop fertilizer."

She pulled it up and shook her head.  "No.  Not unless he was using it on his lawn."  She looked over his shoulder, entering the chemicals into the database she had for that.  "Huh.  Used for tomato crops.  I didn't think we were the right climate to grow those in mass quantities."

"Maybe it'll point to a killer," the director offered.

"Or maybe he was using it in his personal garden," Xander offered then he shrugged. "We'll see."  He got the next results and kept going, getting them all processed and entered into the system, moving so she could check it.   "I'm used to writing short reports, am I?"

"I usually just tell Gibbs, reports are for the prosecutors," she offered.  He nodded, getting to work on those.  She watched him type.  "Hy, not hi."  He corrected it and kept going.  "Now, how are you going to present it?"  He spelled and grammar checked it then printed it out, putting the reports where they should go.  Then he presented it to her and went to clean the ballistics area.   "Okay, I'm impressed," she decided, cracking the director up.  "Thank you for getting me a Xander of my own, Director."

"Not a problem.  Should I tell Gibbs you've got something for him?"

"I'll bounce up in a few minutes."  He nodded and left.  "Xander."  He came out.   "Where did you do your in-school?"

"Sacks Academy, out by LA.  I did my mandatory field hours with the San Diego PD going 'you missed a hair' for five weeks then I got grounded to the lab because they pulled a ritual murder and he didn't want me to get sucked into something that could come with a high profile.  I got excellent evaluation marks," he offered with a shy smile.

"I can see why."  She stared at him.  "We can get along.  You can even have your own monitor."  She pointed at the one on the left.  "Use that one.  McGee often uses the one you were on."  He nodded.  "You can put up some mild decoration if you want too."  He grinned at that.  "There's a few rules you should know.  Never call me ma'am.  Never call Gibbs sir.  He'll swat you.  Never apologize to Gibbs' team.  Gibbs sees it as a sign of weakness.  So unless you screwed up majorly don't."  He nodded again, leaning against the wall, arms crossed.  "Never touch the sacred coffee.  Gibbs is meaner without it.  Also, Gibbs' team works like mules in a mine.  Sometimes we do too."

"Not like you can stop an apocalypse due to tiredness, Abby.  I was in college and helping Angel at Wolfram and Hart at the same time.  There were plenty of times I wrote papers on the way to fights and while I was being stitched up."  She smiled at that.  "I don't want it permanently.  Some year I'd like to slow down but I know I'll have some overtime here and there, even though interns are only supposed to be working thirty hours a week."

"Crap, I forgot about that."  He came over to give her a hug.  "Thanks, Xander.  Are you sure you won't get me a soda?"

"Only if I'm suddenly dating you.  I had a lot of that problem with Anya so I gave up."

"Anya?"

"Anyanka, the one I nearly married?  In Vengeance?" he prompted.  She shuddered.  "Money ho and sex ho.  I was *always* buying her crap."

"Sure, I can understand that.  Maybe I should set you up with a nice girl."

"Do you want to visit them when they turn bad?"

"Well.... no," she decided, shaking her head, making her pigtails hit her on the forehead.  "We'll work on finding you some new female friends."  She beamed.  "We're having a football outing this weekend.  Want to come with me?  Meet Gibbs' team?"

"Watch them have gay sex in teams?" he asked, looking confused.  "Don't you have to pay for that?"

Her mouth fell open.  She let out a squeak.  She slowly started to shake her head.  "No, not sex.  Football."

"With the grabbing, aggressive sex tendencies, and all those sexual positions?" he suggested, nodding a bit.  "Tara said it's just like aggressive gay sex in teams."

She squeaked a bit higher.  "Oh, dear.  We're going to have to fix that before Tony hears you say that.  He played ball."

"Why?"

"Scholarship."

"Oh.  I got tutored by gang members so I guess it's all good.  Wanna come help me decorate my slum of choice tonight?  That way you can preview the t-shirt collection?"

"Xander, do the girls around you go bad because maybe you're a little bit gay?" she asked hesitantly.  "Not that I care and I'm sure no one else will, I mean it's a personal issue.  Not like you're going to have comfy cuddles with anyone here or anything."

"I figured out long ago that I could find about one out of every ten thousand worthy but not really.  I'm much oriented toward women.  Now and then one will strike me but it'd only be for fun and games.  I can't see myself settling down.  I'll have dogs.  It's better that way."  She just nodded and gave him a hug then got back to work.  "Now what, boss?" he quipped with a bright grin.

"Go back to the ballistics stuff and see if you can find the shell casing I lost in there last week.  I looked everywhere."

"Okay."  He went to do that.

Abby squeaked when someone came into the lab, one hand on her chest.  "Give me a warning, McGee!"  She punched him on the arm.  "What's wrong?"

"Gibbs thinks you might need something," he offered, handing her over a soda.  "He wanted to know if your intern was doing okay."  He looked around.  "He left?"

"No, he's finding something."  Xander came out with the shell casing.  "Where was it?"

"Under the firing bed.  It was trapped.  I elevated it a few inches then put it back down and checked the level."  She nodded, smiling at him.  "What next, boss?"

"Go ahead and sort the cabinets, Xander.  McGee, this is Xander, my new intern.  He's a ballistics intern with a trace minor and experience in construction and explosives."

"Hi."  He shook his hand.  "I'm Tim McGee.  I'm on Gibbs' team.  You came up to him a few weeks back, right?"

"My teacher sent me to him to see if he could get me an interview," he offered with a grin.  "Xander Harris."  That got a smile back.  "We're fine.  Even if I did take work out of her hand to do it myself.  She swatted and I swatted back.  I'm not some frat boy, McGee.  I'm also very protective of those around me."

"Good.  We like that.  Abby should be protected."  He smiled and walked off, heading back to his desk.  "They're fine, boss.  She's got her new cafpow and he's sorting the cabinets for her.  She said they were getting along fine and he admitted he took work from her hand to do it himself, leaving her harder things to do.  He assured me he's not some frat boy and he's probably going to be okay.  He found that shell casing for her too."  He sat down.  "Why did he get sent to you for an interview?"

"Anyone who works with Abby gets cleared by Gibbs first," Tony told him, looking over at him.  "Because if Abby quits working we're all screwed."  Gibbs gave him a look.  "They do."

"They do.  I brought Abby into the agency, McGee.  Plus I served with one of Harris' teachers.  A few things had to be noted before the interview to make sure he'd be okay here."

"Is he a nice guy?" McGee asked.  "Should we take him out to show him around the city maybe?"

Tony looked at him.  "I'll gladly show him the nice clubs."

Xander walked over, looking at him.  "We probably have much different tastes.  Besides, if I date, we'll need to start doing background checks to make sure the next one doesn't start to kill people around me, dear."  He walked over to Gibbs with the report.  "Abby wanted to make sure that was in a format you could read and understand later on when you had to refresh yourself on the case before a trial.  That's my usual report format, plus test results.  She said she'd babble at you later but she's talking to her mother via IM at the moment."

Gibbs looked up at him.  "You do *reports*?"

"Yeah, that's what they taught us," he said dryly, waving it.  "All sorts of stuff, including crop grade fertilizer."  Gibbs took it to look over then looked up at him.  "It's the more massive one.  For ballistics I have a simpler format.  Since that's a full case of evidence I included it all."

"No, this is okay.  It's in plain english.  It was proofread by her?"

"Spell and grammaticked.  I figure if you found a glaring error you'd yell at me," he said dryly.  He shrugged at the look he got.  "We all know I'm not some party kid, Gibbs.  What would I do if I was?  I'd be bored stupid."

"Probably true."  He went back to reading.  "It's fairly understandable.  Can you teach DiNozzo how to write reports?"

He looked at the guy then back at him.  "If you want I can show him.  We all write differently.  The same as I could never wear his suit.  I'd look sucky in it and I'd itch and fidget all day."  He got a smirk for that. "I would.  Speaking of, Abby said to tell you I can't come to her football party this weekend because I have funny mental issues where girls raised me.  She didn't like my ideas on football being like aggressive gay sex in teams while keeping score."  Tony choked at that.  "It is," he defended.  "Otherwise you wouldn't be in the 'bend over and take me' position for half the game and patting each other the rest."  He looked at Gibbs again.  "She's trying to set me up with someone.  She does think she knows someone who's only mildly evil already so I can't taint them.  So we'll have to see."  He shrugged.  "Need anything else from us?"

"No, this should be okay for the day."  Xander beamed and walked off, stopping to get a drink of water.  "Calm down, DiNozzo, he was raised by a very girly girl," he sighed.

"He... he..."  He let out a shriek.  "That's not right!"

"Afraid he'll ask you out?" McGee teased.

"No!" he shot back, glaring at him.  "Asshole."

"Kids," Gibbs warned.  "DiNozzo, he was raised by very girly girls who taught him about sports.  He probably doesn't understand anything outside of ice skating and stuff.  Write Abby and have her ask him."

"First he called me uptight and then he insulted my sport, Gibbs."

"Write her an email, DiNozzo," he said patiently.

He growled and went down there, finding Xander rearranging the cold storage cabinet. "Are you supposed to be doing that?" he sneered.

Xander looked at him and nodded. "Until someone brings us more evidence, yeah.  Abby said so."  He got back to work.

"I'm not uptight."

Xander came out of the cabinet and closed the door, leaning against it, looking him over.  "The thong under the three grand suit proves that, dear; doesn't mean you don't play it very well."  Tony gaped.  "Before you ask I've got a shirt that says 'sexiest elf since Legolas' too."

"You know, everyone in the world thought it was a gay character," he shot back.  He was feeling very strange right now, like he had crossed into the Twilight Zone or something.  He was prepared to not like this kid but for some reason, he did.

Xander nodded.  "Those manly shoulder squeezes."  He gave him one.  "You're still not one of the one in ten thousand I'd go on my knees for, sweetie, so don't worry about it.  I like women.  I've turned a few very evil after having sex with them.  I've dated things that make men shudder in horror at the meanness of them and turn them into sex starved, money grubbing women.  You're not my type."  He gave his shoulder another squeeze.  "Besides, you're much too upper class for me, dude.  I worked construction before college.  We'd go to totally different bars."

"It's still not gay to play football."

Xander gave him a look then snorted. "Do you know any other time you get into that bent over with your ass in the air position?" he shot back.  "I don't."  Tony went pink.  "Or how often you pat the other guys?  How you hike the ball?  Tara, my very lesbian friend, was right when she explained it to me."

Abby walked in and groaned. "You talked about football, didn't you?" she moaned.  Tony nodded, giving her a look.  "He was raised by a girl who later became a lesbian, Tony."

"What do you think of basketball?"

"Redundant with girls in the center shaking it like strippers?  Boring."

Tony just let out a small whimper.  "What sports do you watch?"

"They watched gymnastics, ice skating, cheerleading stuff, and Willow watched horse jumping events.  Those are kinda nice to watch."

Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath, turning to hug Abby.  "Don't let him say that around the other teams.  Someone might try to hit him."

"Tony, Xander's pretty tough.  If they did, he can kick their butts," she assured him.  "He's just as tough as Gibbs is, it's just that he was raised by girls."

"I can do a mean face mask," Xander agreed.  He got back to work.  "Abby, is this cream in here an experiment? It's got orange fuzzies on the solid parts."  He held it out and she took it to throw it in the biohazard container.  Tony walked off shaking his head.  "Sorry."

"Be nicer to Tony, we like Tony," she said patiently.

He looked back at her.  "Not like I was mean to him!  I didn't summon anything to pick on him, I didn't overtly pick on him, and I'm being a good boy.  Incoming female stuffy person."

"That's probably Kate," she said, looking at her. "Yup, I was right.  This is Xander, my new intern," she said, letting him wave.

"Interesting view," she admitted. She stared at the ass, watching as he wiggled it in time to the music.  She looked at Abby again.  "He that cute on the other parts?"

"Xander!"  He came out with something else.  She looked at it. "Who put yogurt in my cabinet?"  She tossed it out too.  "I'll talk to whoever later.  Xander, this is Kate, she's on Gibbs' team."

"Then you've got to be a formidable woman, like the ones I'm used to," he said, shaking her hand.  "Xander."

"Thanks, I think."

"My former best friend was five-four and could kick anyone's ass.  In heels and a backless shirt."

"Then I'll take that as a compliment.  Abby, did you find anything on our samples?"

"I gave a report to Gibbs, including result reports, but she was saving something special for you," Xander said, going to clean the next cabinet over. "Were these alphabetical?"

"Nope.  By test and use."  He nodded, leaving it that way.  She looked at Kate.  "He's *very* handy."  She led her over to the computer.  "The one I was running while Xander stole samples from me to do have something to do came up this.  That doesn't precisely go with the fertilizer we found on his shirts."  They shared a look then looked at Xander's butt.

"I'm more than a great ass," Xander said dryly, not even having to look.  "Remember, I turn women evil, Abby."

"Good point.  He turned one into a serial killer who wanted to kill his former friends for him," she said brightly, smiling at Kate.  "She's in a mental hole."

"Good.  That's where she belongs."  She glanced at Xander again then at the screen.  "Is that going to help us?"

"You don't usually find that sort of dirt with crop fertilizer.  Which was what Xander found."

"Okay.  Thanks."  She walked off, going back to her desk.  "Gibbs, Abby's last sample, the one Xander didn't take from her to do for her pleasure, came up as a highly acidic juice compound.  Mostly lemon juice.  She said you wouldn't find that with the fertilizer samples?"  He handed over the report, letting her look at it.  "Interesting."  She sat down to work on that angle. "Did everyone else get to meet the new intern?"  Tony growled.  She looked at him.  "What?  He taking away the cute points you usually get?" she taunted.

"He called football aggressive gay sex in teams," McGee offered.  "Tony was insulted since he used to play college ball."

"Ah.  Well, it kinda does look like it from my point of view, but it's nice to watch them in the tight clothes."  She got back to work.

"The boy was raised by some very girly girls," Gibbs told them all.

"One of who was five-four and he said could kick the ass of anything while in heels and a backless shirt," Kate added.   Tony moaned at that.  She looked at him.  "He's not a bad kid."

"He's twenty-seven," Gibbs said dryly.

"It took him that long to graduate?" Tony asked.

"No," Gibbs said impatiently.  "He used to work construction, DiNozzo.  He got injured and couldn't so he went to school after his town fell in."

"Fell in?" Kate asked.

"He's from Sunnydale and that is the last I'm saying on that matter," he said firmly.  "We will not search it out either.  With that kid's luck there's someone still watching him."

"Why?" Kate asked.  Gibbs looked at her.  "Is it going to impact Abby?"

"Not without the kid killing someone."

"Okay.  So he's protective," she decided.  "We all are."  Gibbs moaned and typed in something, waving them over so they could see his 'do not touch' rating.  "So he came to a *federal* agency?" she asked dryly.  "Why!"

"His instructor served with Gibbs," Tony said, frowning some.  "How do you get one of those, boss?  I know you've got a 'do not annoy' note in yours."  Gibbs looked at him.  "I caught a peek when I brought down leave paperwork.  The girls were joking about it down in Personnel."

"I've seen one of those before when I was in the Secret Service.  It was someone who had been CIA but they had been made to let him retire.  He got his after he shot the person trying to bring him back into the field."

McGee typed in a code and they looked at the rest of the file.  Gibbs gave him a look.  "Abby found it lying around," he said dryly.  "Or so she said."  He went back to browsing then backed away.  "Whoa."

"Indeed," Gibbs agreed.  "So we don't bother the new kid.  He's allowed to be strange.  Those two girls raised him and warped him, and then they decided he wasn't worth the effort after he fought with them for years," he said quietly.  "Are we clear?"

"I'll teach him better about football," Tony decided.  "Injured how, boss?"  Kate gave him an odd look.  "He said the boy was too injured to go back to construction.  Injured how?  Are we talking combat fatigue?  Should we take the gun he brought in out of his locker?"

Gibbs shook his head.  "He's allowed to have it and carry it.  He's a near marksman with it, DiNozzo.  He can also undo bombs."  Tony nodded once at that.  His phone rang and he put it on speaker once he heard the voice on the other end.

"I can do anything up to a level 3 device, something with simple design or multiple triggers is fine.  Something with umpteen billion wires I'm not as good at.  I'm still working my way through all the manuals," Xander noted dryly.  "As for my injury, all you *need* to know is to cover my left side if you catch me in a brutal or gunplay situation.  I've got good compensation for that weakness already.  After all, I went into many battles with it.  I got hurt a little bit before Sunnydale fell in and I fought that last battle there while in recovery.  The only thing you guys have to worry about is me dating.  I date and draw evil things to me.  So if I'm dating do a background check, Tightass.  Anything else?  By the way, Abby  wanted me to remind you that profiling me is going to drive someone insane.  I'm complicated like that," and you could hear he was smiling.  "Also, unless you've been in my position, you won't understand.  Thankfully I've moved on and *retired* from that life.   So let's not worry about the Xander.  Worry about how your dead guy got crop fertilizer from Georgia on his shirt."  He hung up.

"He's got a point," Gibbs agreed.  "By the way, his file does list him as being a minor tactician for small group combat."  He smirked.  "Get back to work."

"Did he just call me what I think he did?" DiNozzo asked.

"Yup," McGee said, patting him on the back.  "So apparently you were throwing during the games, Tony."  He scurried back to his desk before Tony could hit him.

"Did his instructor send him to us so we would teach him how the rest of the US views masculinity?" Tony asked.

Gibbs shrugged.  "He did suggest that I watch out for his thing against sports.  Then again, I was told that's why he had the tiara."  He got back to work, canceling that off his computer and erasing his browser history.

"Did Abby know him before he joined her?" Kate asked.

"Of him, not him personally."

Abby stomped up to Gibbs' desk.  "Gibbs, make Xander let me clean my own weapons!" she complained.  "I don't care if they are meditation for him and whatever.  They're my weapons!"

"Have him do the one he brought in so he can brag," Tony said, giving her a look.  He waved Xander over when he saw him.  "Come defend yourself, kid."

"I'm almost the same age you are, Tightass."  He looked at her.  "I'm sorry!  I'm not used to having women who like their weapons and take good care of them!  It's always been my job to do the weapons.  Besides, we're done and I'm bored!"

She pouted at him.  "I like weapons."

"Then we'll go fire my LANS system at something this weekend," he offered, making her smile and nod.  "Not like you were giving me things to do, Abby."

"I'm working on a miniature.  You could help," she offered.

He considered it.  "Does it take depth perception?"  She nodded. "Then I probably can't do too much unless there's buildings or something?"  She nodded.  "Then I can help with that part," he offered with a goofy grin.  "Unless we're getting more evidence from another team?" he asked Gibbs.  Who shook his head.  "Downtime?"

"Not really.  This is about normal."

"Then I'll bring in bomb manuals," he decided.  "I need to go back over them anyway before I transfer my explosives certification out here."  He shrugged.  "Okay.  Oh, Abby suggested I remind you I'm an intern, not a pack mule."  Gibbs looked confused.

"Interns are only supposed to work thirty hours a week, Gibbs," McGee reminded him.

"Not that I don't understand and realize about times when it's vitally and critically important to have me there then, I just wanted to know how many more months I should expect to keep up my old hundred hour week schedule."

"Hundred hour weeks?" Kate demanded.  "What were you doing!"

"Going to school full time and helping some people with some very bad things on the side."  He looked at Gibbs again.  "So I don't care about some overtime as long as it doesn't become me needing to move into the lab permanently to live there."

"It shouldn't.  We only get cases we stay overnight for every few weeks," Gibbs offered.

"Then I'm there if you need me," Xander assured him.  "In most of my other areas too.  Then again, I doubt you'd have to stake too many things?"  Gibbs shook his head quickly. "Thanks, dad."  He grinned and walked off, dragging Abby with him.  "You can tell me where I'm ordering lunch from.  That way I don't poison myself with my cooking again."

"You can't cook?" she complained.

"Abby, my parents didn't own a stove and I'm poisonous," he said dryly.  "No, I can't cook.  It's best for everybody if I don't cook.  So no, Xander is not a cooking person."  He got them onto the elevator, leaning on her shoulder. "Should I wear my tiara tomorrow?"

She looked at him.  "Why do you have one of those?"

"The other students voted me the Pricness of Ballistics," he said with an evil smirk.  "Because I need the attention sometimes to make sure I'm not playing with the *big* weapons.  The instructor agreed and said that since there's no one who'll ever be like me, or else he'll retire and drink himself into a coma, it's my title for life.  Or until I have a kid and make them into me.  But that's why I'm fixed," he finished smugly.

She had the sudden picture of Xander's daughter looking at her and going 'mommy, I'm *bored*,' and shuddered in horror.  "Being fixed is good for you I hear," she offered, walking him back into the lab.  "It works for other puppies."  He giggled and gave her a hug, peeling off to go clean the other side of the lab.  She found another thought to get that one out of her mind before she got warped.  "Xander, what happens if they show up down here?"  He looked over.  "The ladies."

"I'm hiding.  I'll run and hide.  I'll hide behind Tightass or Gibbs even.  Just let me hide and it'll be okay."

"Sure.  I'm sure your friends would scare them too."  She smiled and got to work on her model, looking over it to see where she was.  "Did you move my army guy?"

"No, but McGee did earlier.  He was checking the feet for some reason."

"He helped me paint a few," she admitted, moving it back into position.  She counted.  "One's missing?"  She looked around, calling McGee.  "Did you steal some of my soldiers?"  She huffed.  "Then who did, McGee?"  She sighed and went to find the fingerprint powder and brush, letting Xander help with that too.  She'd have to dust the entire thing but that was fine.  Someone was getting swatted.  Then again, Xander was a very good swatter....  He was bored...  She found out who and sicced him on them.  It was good for him to go play with someone else.  New friends and people who were scared of you were good in their job.

***

Xander opened his door, looking at Tony.  "What?  Did I miss a call-in?"  He let him into the apartment.  "Welcome to my slum.  I went for warmth since I heard winters get cold and the hangings will keep in the a/c when I finally buy one."

Tony looked around.  "They're velvet.  You don't usually look goth," he said, looking at Xander, who shrugged.  "Gay?"

"I can appreciate one out of every ten thousand people, DiNozzo.  Doesn't mean it's your turn."

Tony smirked.  "I'm perfectly fine with that."

"Because you've got a Gibbs on your ass?"

Tony blinked.  "Noooo.  He's pretty straight, Xander."  Xander gave him a look.  "He is."

"Um, bi, and you'd be surprised," he snorted, walking into the kitchen.  "I've got soda and one semi-decent beer for my monthly drink.  Want one?"

"Sure, I'll take a soda."  He took one from the kid's hand.  "Why are you living here?"

"Interns get about two grand a month, minus taxes."  He took a sip and sat down.  "I can afford this place.  So, why else are you here?  Besides to investigate the scary decorating as Abby called it."

"I wanted to get to know you better.  If I'm going to depend on you in the lab, I need to know that I can depend on you."

"Sure."  He nodded.  "I get that.  What did she tell you?" he asked with a small grin.

"Well, nothing.  I did ask, but she said to look you up."  He relaxed.  "So I did.  Did you know about the sealed file?"  Xander nodded once.  "You know that Gibbs showed us."  Xander nodded again, taking another sip.  "How long were you in combat?"

"Tenth grade.  Just before my birthday," he said quietly.  "Injured many times.  Disappointed many others by my friends."  He took a longer drink and put his soda down.  "The biggest thing you have to know is that I've fought most of that time straight.  Not like we could take vacations, except for Buffy going to visit her father a few summers in high school.  The rest of us didn't take vacations."

"You were in constant combat since tenth grade?"

"Except some weeks when nothing was going on and when I was healing."  He stared at him.  "Yes, I'm better than they think.  If you ask anyone other than my former friends, they'll tell you that.  I scared the hell out of Angel and his crew when I broke out in skills.  They had been convinced I was a nothing little tagalong too."  He grimaced.  "They checked me for possession for weeks on end before accepting that the ladies in my life had been a *bit* biased."

Tony nodded at that, looking thoughtful.  "Girls?"

"Buffy, Willow?  Them?"

"Yeah, I saw about them."  He shifted, getting more comfortable.  "Are you dangerous to normal people?"

"Only when I'm lacking sleep and you'll know.  I'll growl first."

Tony grinned.  "We'll try to keep that down."  He stared at him.  "The girls obviously hurt you a lot.  Abby did say if they showed up she was going to help hide you."

"I'll run.  It's about the only thing I'll run from but I will run like there's a demon wanting to fuck me up the ass with a dick that shoots fire.  Again."

Tony smiled at that.  "Again?"

"One fixated.  Angel had to send him off a few times."  He shrugged.  "Just part of my wacky life.  You should remember not to let me date anyone you like.  I seem to turn them evil.  Somehow.   I turned Anya from a former demon into a money grubbing nympho who complained."  He shrugged.  "I don't know how but I managed it.  My last one was a stripper and she turned into a serial killer killing my former friends over and over by proxy."  He shrugged again.  "I have no idea how."

"I'll keep that in mind if I send any of my ladies your way," he offered dryly.  "What injury?"

Xander looked at him.  "Before the last battle in Sunnydale I lost an eye," he said quietly.  "I was still at the last battle of Sunnydale."

"They let you?"

"They needed me."

"Oh."  He grimaced. "That sucks."

"It does," he agreed, nodding some.  He even grinned.  "Wanna see my Princess of Ballistics tiara?"

"Sure."  Xander bounced up to get it, bringing it back carefully.  "They chose well.  It'd look good in your hair, Xander."  Xander beamed and put it back in the display box.  "Crystals?"  He nodded.  "Didn't think they'd go for diamonds," he said in a teasing voice.

"No.  I'm not a high maintenance princess.  Give me some guns and I'm a happy camper," he admitted, sitting down again and finishing his soda.  He got up to get another and came back.  "Sorry, spicy food earlier."

"Done that to myself plenty of times," Tony assured him.  He took his sip of his soda.  "So, you don't cook?"

"My parents didn't even own a stove, Tony.  I learned what one was in Home Ec.  I thought they were really ancient microwaves."  Tony snickered at that.  "I did!  I can kinda make cookies as long as someone's watching me very carefully.  I'm out of practice though.  I'm actually very dangerous in the kitchen.  I made the whole team in LA sick once because they were eating the snacks I had made."

"That takes skill," Tony assured him happily.  "So, clubbing?"

"I go.  I mostly go to get lost in the music.  Sex in the clubs is nice but I'd still make them less than good girls."

Tony nodded.  "I can see how that would happen.  I'm going next weekend, cases willing, if you wanted to go with me."

Xander grinned. "I think we've got different taste in clubs.  I can see you somewhere a lot more high class than I go."

"Probably true.  I can hit a grungier club if you want."

"I'll probably end up at a rave."

"Much more grungy than I am.  Do be careful."

"I am.  It was suggested by Abby."  He grinned gently, just a happy grin.  "She's a nice lady."

"She is but she only likes older guys."

"I'd never date my boss.  It screws things up at work, Tony."

"Which is why I don't do more than look," he said dryly.

"I heard you were a hole hunter.  And yes, that's how Palmer described you."

"I'm going to cream the little nerd."

Xander grinned.  "He blushed and said I was probably worse but I'd go for D&D chicks.  So I pulled out pictures.  He panted and drooled."  Tony shook his head.  "He's confused."

"He is very confused.  I'm all for the conquest but I do it for fun.  Not for the thrill of the count."  The phone rang and Xander reached over to grab it, looking at it, curling his legs up under him.  "Something important?"

"Nope.  Angel."  He answered it.  "It's me," he sighed.  He took a sip of soda.  "No, Angel. I retired.  I'm working a *real* job kinda with the military.  No, these guys repudiated the Initiative as not being theirs."

"No real soldier I know would've went for that," Tony agreed.  "They picked the sadistic ones."

"We know.  Buffy dated one."  He listened to Angel splutter.  "She did. Ask Spike if you don't believe me.   No I'm not telling you where I am, Deadboy.  Because you'll tell Her Blondness and I'd like to not take a cross-country run to get away from the woofing woman.  Yes, her.  Your ex.  The bitch.  Exactly."  He took another drink and mentally sighed.  "Gee, Angel, maybe for the same reason you checked me for possession for two weeks straight?" he suggested.  "Yeah, those friends.  The ones who described me as being like dryer lint.  So why would I care if they want to know where I am.  The only one out of that whole damn group I want to hear from is Dawn.  She knows where I am.  Anything else?  Oh, whine!" he said dryly.  "Then magic the sucker, Angel.  You're a vampire, act like it!"  He hung up and shook his head.  "Sorry, he's having a woose day."

"They happen to the best of us," Tony told him, finishing his soda.  "You're not the goofy guy Abby thinks."

"I am sometimes."  He grinned sweetly.  "Sometimes I can't be. Sometimes I've got to be the badass of the block.  Sometimes I get to be the bitch of the block.  Sometimes I get to be love's bitch. It all depends on what's going down around me."  He finished his second soda.  "Want another one?"

"Like movies?"

"Sometimes.  I got forced to watch a lot of dress movies.  Willow, and later Willow and Buffy, basically turned me into a very manly girl."

"I noticed," he assured him, standing up, smiling at him.  "I'm a movie buff.  Next Sunday?  Cases willing?  Share a pizza?"

"Okay."  He beamed at him.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Maybe we can work on the sports thing so you don't send someone else into a blind rage."

Xander shrugged.  "They're boring anyway."

"Fine.  Just don't air it out like that in the office.  There's a lot of other former jocks in the office."

Xander giggled.  "If they try me I get to show Abby how I liked to tie down Spike when he was in my care."  Tony gave him an odd look.  "He's a vampire, he would've licked me or worse.  It was bad enough he used to add blood to my cereal so he could claim it."

"Eww."  Tony shook his head quickly.  "We'll work on it, kid.  If you need geek support, go to McGee."

"He's a different sort of geek."

"True, but he's as close as you'll get outside of some of the computer geeks at the FBI.  We see them now and again."

"She warned me about a furry named Fornell."

Tony patted him on the head.  "He's not exactly a furry sort.  He's a mean bastard.  He and Gibbs are the same sort of bastard.  Abby's the only one who would call him furry."  Xander smirked.  "Ooh, just don't make whatever case they show up on worse for us, okay?  They already hate us."

"I'll do my best."

"Thanks."  He patted him again.  "One of the stones in your tiara was a bit loose.  You might want to check them."  Xander beamed.  "Good boy.  Remember, we all live by Gibbs' standard, even the lab."  That got a nod.  "No leather without prior approval."

"Unless I don't have any laundry."  Someone knocked so he got up to check.  "Ahh!  Dinner."  He opened the door and handed over the cash, taking his bags.  "Thank you."  He closed the door and peeked in the bag.  "They're very nice."

"A lot of the restaurants know us," Tony agreed.  "Plus we've got a pretty diverse base.  It all depends on where you can get to and what you can get delivered.  We'll make plans on Friday, cases willing.  Remember, don't turn off your phone.  Gibbs will yell if you're out of reach when he wants you."

"Okay.  I can do that."

"Good."  He grinned.  "If you've got troubles with Abby, come to me first.  She and I are really close.  It'll save Gibbs some stress."  Xander nodded.  "Good boy."  He patted him again.  "What about your later job?  Have you thought about where you want to end up?"

"I'm thinking a small department I can lord over the ballistics portion of and have a dog."

Tony nodded.  "That's a good idea.  I get one of the forensics journals so I'll bring it in tomorrow.  That way you can look over the openings listed."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Then I'll see you tomorrow.  Have a good dinner and be safe, Xander."  He left, going back to his house.  He had definitely made peace with the boy.  Even if he was the girliest guy he had ever met.  He had met more butch gay guys.  But the boy had a lot of undercurrent.  Not even Kate would be able to profile him easily.  It would be fun to watch her try.  She was probably tough enough that Xander would be wary thanks to his former friends.  That was not going to be an easy working relationship.  He got into his mustang and started the car, heading for his apartment.  It was a nice night.  Maybe he'd go out tonight after all.  He headed up to change then went to one of the clubs he liked to haunt.  Definitely higher class than Xander said he liked.

***

Gibbs looked around Monday morning, then walked back up to his desk.  "Where's Harris and Abby?" he demanded.

"I saw him Saturday night while he was at home, boss," Tony said, looking at him.  He called Xander.  "Xander, where are you?"  He nodded.  "Report up to our floor.  Abby's not in yet."  He hung up. "He's in the locker room taking something for his headache."

"Headache?" Gibbs demanded.  The boy came off the elevator, earning a long stare.  "Hangover?" he asked dryly.

Xander looked at him.  "Not hardly.  I'm waiting for bloodwork results to see what she drugged me with," he said with a squinty eyed look.  "I don't drink, Gibbs."  Gibbs stared at him.  "I have maybe one beer a month so I can let it all go and relax for a night without nightmares.  I don't drink otherwise."

"Where did you go last night?" Tony asked, standing up.  "I'll go check the machines, boss."  He headed off.

"Abby set me up on a blind date with her friend Evilista.  She said she's already partially a bad girl so I wouldn't turn her too much farther."  He shrugged.  "What do I know?"  He sat down in Tony's chair, putting his head down.  He pulled out his phone and looked at it under the desk.  Then he hit the send button.  "Abby?  Where are you?  Why are you in a closet?"

McGee got to work on his computer.  "Keep her talking."

"Sure."  He snorted.  "Abby, sweetie, either I was drugged or I had a stroke," he said slowly and clearly.  "Why are you in a closet?"

"Her phone is registering her closet, boss," McGee said.

"She said she's not, McGee.  She can see disco polyester and plaid.  Definitely not her closet."  He listened to her.  "The last thing I remember?  Evilista grinning at me like Buffy when she found chocolate in the fridge."  He looked at his phone.  "McGee, check to make sure this is her number I'm calling?"  He came over to get it then shook his head and traced that number.  He took his phone back.  "Someone reprogrammed my number for you.  Anything in the closet you recognize?"  He snickered at her yell.  "Someone's there with her.  She called him Scott and apparently he's ignoring her pleas to let her out.  Oooh, and she just found a dress Evilista borrowed from her and never gave back.  So she's at her house.  Somewhere toward Baltimore she said."  McGee printed off an address and map, handing it to Gibbs.  They stomped off.  "So, baby, what'm I doing today, boss?"  He yawned.  "I don't know.  They just ran out of here to save you like the knight I usually am."  He grinned.  "Of course you can kick their asses.  You're just as scary as Willow is at least.  If not Buffy too."  Tony poked him on the head.  He looked up. "She's in Evilista's closet.  They ran off with a map.  She reprogrammed the number I have for Abby."

"That's good.  You've got enough drugs in your system to knock you out since you were given it recently."

"She dropped me off for some reason.  I don't remember falling asleep.  I figured I had either been drugged or had a stroke."  He put his head back down.  "No, Tony's still here.  Want him?  Sure, I'll nap it off.  We'll start working again after lunch."  He handed over the phone.  "Abby's trapped in a closet that contains plaid and disco polyester."  He got out of Tony's chair and laid down behind it, curling up on the floor.  "I'll nap here.  She said so."

"Sure," Tony agreed, sitting down in his chair. "Abby?  Are you okay?  Pretty heavily.  He's even slurring a little bit.  Sounds almost drunk.  No, the guys are on their way.  Kate hasn't made it in yet.  Probably another flat.  They're redoing her road this week."  He smiled. "Sure, it's more than ethical to take your clothes back.  We'll have benadryl cream here to treat you for the hives you're getting from the polyester," he promised with a grin.  "Shouldn't take them too long.  Not with how Gibbs drives."  He snickered at her comment.  "No, he's snoring."  He snapped his fingers at the director, writing a note and handing it to him.  "We're fine, Abby.  No, this isn't your number."  He checked it then went back to talking, handing the director the drug report.  "It's hers, Abby.  Sure.  I'm still here.  I'll guard your puppy for you."  Xander barked.  "See?  He's already made himself comfy behind me.  I'm sure it'll be fine.  I promise I'll guard him.  Good."  He winced. "Sounds like Gibbs broke more than the usual speed laws.  Be safe.  See you when you get in.  Yell really loudly about the polyester."  He hung up when she squealed Gibbs' name.  "He's fine."

"Are we sure he shouldn't see someone?  I can have Ducky sent up."

"We might want to do that.  He's still slurring.  Abby said to let him nap it off.  Rophy is a good blackout drug.  Since he doesn't drink I can only guess she got him a soda.  He drinks coke usually."  That got a single nod.  He looked back at Xander, who had flipped over then back at the boss.  "He'll be fine.  Gibbs made it there in record time.  Abby set him up with her."

"He said not to let him date without a background check," he joked.  "Anything else I should know?"

"Hey, Harris, anything else happen last night?" Tony called.  Xander dug into his pocket and tossed something at him.  "Uh-huh.  How did you make money?"

"Refused to sleep with her," he mumbled.  "Happened before.  Ask Angel.  Didn't sleep with her, turned her down and walked off.  She pounced and tried anyway.  I handcuffed her to the bar and left the area to go play with Abby again.  It ended up in my pocket," he mumbled.

"Did he just say he got paid for turning a woman down?" the director asked.

"That's what it sounded like," Tony agreed, nodding.  "We'll run fingerprints and stuff, sir.  Make sure."

"Thank you.  I'm sure he didn't do anything illegal to get it."  He walked off shaking his head.  He did go down to the morgue.  "Ducky?"  The older man smiled at him.  "Someone drugged Abby's new intern."

"I thought they might have.  Abby called last night to warn me she had lost him.  Is he in the ER?"

"Behind Tony's desk taking a nap.  Abby said to let him sleep it off."

"I'll go check on the lad in a few moments."

"Good.  Help DiNozzo get a report on how he got paid by turning women down."  He walked off, going back to his office.

"Interesting. I haven't seen that skill since I was a young boy myself," he admitted, going up to look at him.  "Is he fully asleep, Anthony?"

"He's snoring if that's any indication," he said cheerfully.  "Abby set him up with her friend Evilista.  Then she locked Abby in her closet with plaid and disco polyester."

"I'll have something waiting on her for the hives.  Did we get a report on the drugs?"  Tony handed it over.  "That's fairly strong."  He came over to check Xander, looking at his glass eye.  "Interesting."

"We know.  He said he compensates very well."

"Good."  He checked his breathing and pulse.  Xander blinked at him.  "I haven't seen such skills at avoiding women since I was a young lad myself, Xander."

Xander grinned.  "Ask Angel.  I freaked him out when I got paid by the women who forced kisses and dances on me.  Made me one hell of a stripper too."  He closed his eyes again.  "I'm trying to nap, Ducky, why are you touching me?  Are we dating?  You'll be evil too."

"No, Alexander."  Xander glared at him.  "Xander?"

"Better.  Thank you."  He closed his eyes again.  "I'm fine.  It's no worse than the food poisoning or the concussions, even together."  He yawned.  "Just let me nap.  Abby said to nap here until she got back."

"That's all right then."  He stroked over his hair but the boy ducked. "Fine, I'll leave you alone, lad."  He stood up and looked at Tony.  "He'll probably be fine.  No slurring."

"He was doing that earlier."

"It's quickly metabolized."

"I'm a fast healer too.  Nearly mutant level," Xander joked.  "Can I nap or should I go nap in the elevator?"

"We'll be more quiet," Ducky promised.  He smiled at Tony then left to make a quick note in case it was needed later.

"Want music?" Tony asked.

Xander shook his head, hitting it on the filing cabinet.  "Ow."  He held the sore spot but fell asleep again until Kate came in.  She slammed her desk drawer closed and he threw a knife at her.

"He must be fully asleep," Tony joked.  "He was drugged, Kate."  She gave him a horrified look.  "He was drugged.  Abby set him up on a date."  Xander got up and went to the elevator, going to nap in there in the corner.  He shook his head.  "Gibbs should be on his way back, he'll get him out of there.  Can I have Xander's knife?"  She made squeaky noises while she pointed.  "You woke him up.  He was drugged, Kate."  He got up and came to get the knife.  "Good thing he's a damn good shot, huh?"  He sat down again, putting the knife into his desk drawer.

"I'm going to kick his ass!"

"I'd like to see that fight," McGee offered when he came off the elevator.  "Gibbs drug Xander into the lab with Abby.  They're both napping in her office on the floor."  He grinned.  "Did we miss anything?"

"Xander threw a knife at me!" she shrieked.

"You woke him up, Kate," Tony reminded her, loudly enough that any listening agents overheard.  "What did you expect after he had been drugged?"

She stomped off, going to find Gibbs.  "He threw a knife at me when I came in!  He missed me by four inches, Gibbs!"

"Next time, don't wake the combat veteran up," Xander shouted.  "Go away before I shoot you!  I'm a damn good shot!"

"Abby, cuddle the boy," Gibbs ordered.  Xander groaned but when he looked he was cuddled up with her, his face in her neck, holding her.  "Good boy, Xander."  He walked Kate out of the lab, giving her a look.  "I usually reach for a weapon too, Kate.  What did you expect?  He had been attacked."

"He's dangerous!"

"Only if he's not had enough sleep or he's in a mind-altering state."  He walked her back into their row.  "Anything else happen, DiNozzo?"  Tony held up the bagged money.  "From....."

"Xander's pocket.  He claims he got paid for not going to the bathroom or the backroom with someone."

"Uh-huh."

"I called his friend Angel while you guys were gone.  It's happened in the past.  Last time he got given sapphire earrings.  Every now and then he breaks out in this miasma of lust according to the guy I talked to out there.  Wesley said that it happens every few weeks, Xander doesn't usually go out alone because of it, and he doesn't usually end up kidnaped but has been known to.  He did say that the boy does protest heavily when women pay him for breathing, dancing, and the occasional kiss.  He also said one time he got paid because a few women decided to watch him and some girl in some back hallway and totally embarrassed them by rating it and paying him for it.  The girl fled crying but eventually went into porn."  He handed over the notes he had made.  "So that needs to go back to the kid.  I've got his dagger in my drawer, boss."

"Interesting."

"Ducky said he'd seen it when he was younger too.  He woke Xander up first by touching him.  Oh, don't call him Alexander.  He glared at Ducky, made him back off."

"Also good to know," Gibbs said dryly.  "Apparently he's in a bad mood?"

"I'd be in a bad mood too, boss."  He handed over the drug report.  "That's what's in his system.  He said Evilista dropped him off this morning.  Since he didn't remember passing out on her couch or going home with her he figured he'd either been drugged or had a stroke."

"Or drunk," Kate said dryly.

"He said he doesn't drink, Kate," Tony said firmly, staring at her.  "He said he has one a month so he can fully relax and let all the nightmares go for one night."

"Which says alcoholic parents to me," Gibbs agreed.  "His background check did show them too."  He handed back the report.  "Get one from Abby later about what happened.  Get one from him if he's got any memories.  Bundle it together in case."  Tony nodded.  "I had him cuddle up to her when the kid threatened to shoot Kate for waking him up again.  He's very cuddlesome."

"He seemed like the sort."  Tony smiled.  "I'll be very careful when I take him out this weekend, boss."

"Please do.  We don't want you kidnaped too, DiNozzo."  He gave him a look.  "It's happened too many times already."

"Not my fault," he complained.  He finished his report on this and bundled it and the notes together then put the money with the dagger.  He'd give it to the kid later.  "Maybe he'll move to a better part of the slum."  Gibbs snickered.  "Do you know where he's living?"  Gibbs nodded.  "It's a hole.  He decorated in velvet wall hangings."

"It'll help him later this winter," he agreed.  "Plus keep the a/c in if he's got one."  He sat down, writing the director an email about what had happened then he got to work.  "Do we have anything new on the B&E in the barracks?"

"I do, boss," McGee said.  "I've got the video fully decoded now.  I watched it earlier.  It's not very good video.  Fairly low resolution.  It does show a face we can clean up to get an ID off of.  It did show he was in uniform."  He put it on the plasma screen next to Gibbs' desk, letting it run.  "Abby's got software we can enhance it with."

"Do that.  Be very quiet," Gibbs ordered.  McGee nodded, transferring it down there then heading to sneak into the lab and get something done.  Gibbs looked at Kate.  "Why were you late?"

"They turned my street into a cheese grater, Gibbs.  It shredded two of my tires.  I had to have the car towed and take a cab here."

"How long?"

"They're saying a week but this is Public Works.  The same people who keep a lane of the interstate closed for months on end when they repave it."  He nodded once and got back to work.  "Is the person who had Abby in custody?"

"Local law enforcement has her," Gibbs said.  "Her husband said she's trained him to share her attention and he's used to her stashing toys in her closet so he didn't let her out when she started to complain.  He's in custody too."  Tony snickered.  "She fits her name."

"Abby apparently told him she was already slightly evil so he couldn't turn her worse, boss."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Gibbs said dryly.  "See if you can figure out what he's doing this weekend, DiNozzo."

"Sure, boss."  He got back to work on the leads they had.

***

Abby woke up cuddled and looked at the person cuddling her.  "If I turn evil, you're in trouble."  Xander hummed and sniffed her, then kissed her on the tip of the nose and gave her a squeeze, going back to sleep.  "Xander."  He hummed again.  "Xander, it's Abby.  I'm your boss, not your pillow.  You promised you wouldn't turn me evil, mister."

"Don't call me that," he muttered.  "Hated that from them."

"Sorry.  Can you let me go?"  She squeaked when he gave her a harder hug.  "Not a vampire."  He pouted and blinked at her.  "Good morning!"

"Weren't you in a closet?"

"Yeah, but you called and Gibbs rode in on the shiny car-horse thingy like he does.  Somehow that turned into us napping in the lab."  She looked at him.  "Can I go?"  He blushed and let her go.  "You're very comfy to nap with."

"Sorry."

"I'm not.  You're very comfy to nap with.  Even better than Bert, my farting hippo."  She got up with a help from him.  "Thank you, Xander."  She walked over him and went into her lab.  "Someone was in here."

Xander got up with a groan, holding his head.  "I know I don't drink."

"McGee was here."  She looked at the monitor.  "He left a note."  She read it and giggled.  "Someone took a picture.  They decided we're cute."  She let him see it and he grunted, heading upstairs.

Xander walked up to Tony's desk, opening his drawer to find his money and knife.  He left the money there, but took the knife with him, giving everyone a grunt on the way out.

"Xander, the money's yours too, kiddo," Tony called.  Xander flipped him off.  "It'll pay for soda."

"Soda Goddess," Xander said.  He came back to get it and blew a kiss, heading for the nearest machine.  He pouted, coming back.  "Change?"

"Take Abby to get a cafpow," Gibbs ordered.  "She can buy her own."  Xander nodded, grunting at him, going to grab Abby by the wrist and drag her out.  "Someone is not coherent when he wakes up."

"He said he's looking to move to a small department after this so he won't have to date and he can raise dogs," Tony told him.  "I brought in a forensics journal so he could see the current openings."

"Good idea," Gibbs agreed.  He got back to work.  "McGee, any way of unscrewing the program so the guy doesn't look like me?"

"Actually, boss, I've got it narrowed down to three people using face recognition.  I'm tracing them to see where they were that night," he admitted, looking at him.  "They all do kinda look like you."  He went back to it.

Tony looked at him.  "Are they related?"

"No, not that I can find, Tony.  Sometimes people do look a little bit alike.  Either that or they were wearing a Gibbs mask."  He felt the funny look.  "Like the guys who wear masks of presidents when they rob banks, boss."  He typed faster.

"Where would you buy a Gibbs mask?" Kate asked.

"The nightmare section of some joke stores?" Tony joked.  Gibbs glared at him.  "You can be, Gibbs.  That's why everyone but Fornell's scared of you."  He got back to his own portion.  "Send one to me, Probie.  I'll work on it."  One ID got sent to him.  "Thanks."

"I don't think it was a mask," Gibbs said.

"I don't know, Gibbs.  You are pretty scary," Kate teased.  "To everyone but Abby's little lab monkey."

"With what he used to fight, I find that comforting," Gibbs said sarcastically.  He heard them come back on McGee's computer.  "Are you hacked into the security system?"

"I wanted to make sure they're both okay, boss.  Abby's still a bit wobbly but Xander's flitting around and being a pain in the ass to her.  She just punched him on the arm.  He gave her a hurt look.  She's caving?  He's getting to go back to flitting around and doing things without her watching over his shoulder."

Tony looked at him.  "Spend any amount of time with him and you will too, Probie."  He got back to work.  "Mine's locked to base for being drunk.  Has been for two days, boss."

"In the brig?"

"Yup, on garden patrol."

"McGee?"

"Um, huh?"  He shook his head.  "Sorry, boss, watching him work Abby in a full fussing mood.  She's throwing a fit that he's cleaning things."  He went back to watching.  He gave her a cuddle and she stomped off.  "She's on her way back up here."  He looked at his screen. "One of mine's been in the brig for eight days, hit and run with an official vehicle, awaiting trial, denied bail.  The other isn't noted as doing anything so I'm assuming he's available for questioning.  His squad's listed as being on a PT run today."  He printed it out and handed it over.  He grinned at Abby and she punched him on the arm, making him wince and hold the sore spot.  "Sorry!"

"He's fussing!  He's fussing and he's ...he's flitting and he's cleaning, Gibbs.  Cleaning! This is not the proper Xander behavior!"

"Then it's probably the drugs," Tony told her.  "Or he's worried about what happened last night.  Maybe he's worried about little Xanders."

"He's fixed.  Which is a pretty good thing."  She looked at Gibbs again. "I don't care why, he's about to mop."

"Too late," McGee told her.  He got out of her way this time.  He knew better.

She looked in the security camera and called down there.  "All my stuffed pets had better be back in their correct and exact place, Xander.  Am I clear?"  She hung up and glared at Gibbs.  "It's time for a fatherly talk, Gibbs.  Now.  Right now!"  She pointed and stomped a foot.

Gibbs got up and went to talk to him.  "McGee, turn it off," he ordered as he walked.  He walked into the lab, looking at the mopping person.  "She thinks you're worried."  He sat down out of the way.  He took Xander as the sort to bop him with the mop by accident.

Xander looked at him.  "I worked fast food, Gibbs.  I know how to mop.  It needed to be done, she's not in any shape."

"Your apartment isn't that clean, kid."

"This is work."

"We're already impressed," he said flatly.  "Level with me, kid."

"I'm not that young!" he complained.

"I'm in my forties."

"Then you've got about thirteen or so years on me," he shot back, giving him a look.  "Can't a guy mop without causing a panic?"

"The day that you got drugged? Or the day that you got paid for not doing anything?"  He saw the hands tighten on the mop.  "We have a gym, Xander.  Go use the heavy bag."

"I don't want to scare people."  He stared at him, back into his more scary persona.  "I know I will.  I saw the looks when I drug her out for our drinks."

"That's probably from Kate complaining you threw a knife at her."

"I did?"

"She apparently woke you up."

"Oh.  Yeah, that's about right.  I used to throw one at Angel and Spike when they tried after I had crashed too.  They made me quit sleeping with a stake when I got Spike in the stomach."  He went back to mopping.  He suddenly stopped and hit something with the mop then pulled his gun and shot it.  "I knew I saw one of you."  Guards rushed in so he held up the rat.  "It's dead," he said with a sweet, goofy smile.  One of them took it and they all backed off.

"I'd have shot it too," Gibbs agreed.  "Looks like a New York sewer rat to me.  Do we have a leak from the sewer?"

"In the gym," Xander told him.  "There's an open cover.  No grate inside to keep anyone from coming up it.  Also, there's a security weak spot in the back of the garage.  I can get up from the dumpster onto the second level, which doesn't have a working camera in that corner.  It was an ancient camera with exposed wires.  I'm guessing that's why it doesn't work.  From there, it's not that hard to get a pass."  He handed one over from the table.  "Found that on the ground the other day.  I gave it to Abby and she just groaned.  Then again, a lot of people leave theirs in their cars."  They all moaned.  "So, yeah, but I'm sure that's where the rat came from. You might wanna warn the morgue.  They're closer to the gym."

The guards just nodded.  "We'll tell Doctor Mallard that, Intern Harris, and let our boss know about the security issues you spotted.  What branch did you serve in?"

"Protection level street combat in a small town with a very high death rate."  He grinned sweetly again.  "I'm from Sunnydale, that town that fell in."  They just nodded and left.  Xander looked at Gibbs.  "That's the only way I can describe it."

"It's probably the only good way to describe it without talking about the hunting you had to do to protect others."  He looked at him.  "So," he said grimly.  "Why are you worried?"

"Were you a terrier in your last life?"

"With my luck my former mistress was like your Willow and kept me on a very short leash if I was."  Xander giggled at that.  "Give, kid."  He walked over to him.  "Well?"

Xander sighed.  "I hate that things like that happen."  He gripped the mop tighter.  "I hate whatever draws them to me.  I'm bordering on hating most women at the moment thanks to things like that and my former friends."  He stared at him.  "It's not your fault but I don't want to scare anyone so I'm cleaning.  She can leap.  If I have to, I'll go clean the morgue."

"Ducky would fuss if you did."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "You turned them down?"

"I always turn them down."

"Then you have no issues with us.  Calm down.  Let DiNozzo help you figure out why this happens.  You and Abby can work on it during slow times.  It'll give you something else to do.  Maybe she can find an antidote.  Or whatever it was that blessed you this way."  He gave him a shoulder squeeze.  "Just calm down.  Quit scaring Abby."

"Yes, Gibbs."

"Thank you, Xander."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "Now, finish mopping before she can come down and make sure she doesn't fall.  We'd have to baby her and she'd shout at us too.  Also, let her do stuff."

"I'm bored," he hissed.  "A bored Xander can cause chaos."

"Then only work your thirty hours a week, Xander.  Trust me, if we need you more, we'll call you back."  Xander grimaced. "Bored at home?"

"I can't afford cable or an internet connection."

"Then move to one of those boarding motels."  He walked off, going back upstairs.  "Abby, he's still stressed about the clubbing stuff.  Leave him alone about it.  Also he found a rat.  I gave him permission to finish cleaning your lab."

"Thank you, Gibbs."  She headed back down there to help him clean.  "You found a rat?"

"I saw a sewer rat and I shot it," he said proudly.

"Good job!"  She clapped him on the back and carefully walked over his trail.  "Get me the wipes and I'll start on the main table then move around while you mop."

"As long as you don't fall.  Gibbs gave me orders to protect you."  He got them for her and handed them over.  "So be careful."  He went back to his cleaning.

She watched.  "You do that like you would a restaurant."

"Many too many times in fast food," he quipped.

"Ah.  No wonder."  A guard came in.  "Did we figure out where the rat came from?"

"We have.  We found the open manhole cover in the locker room your intern told us about but the boss said no one can get up off that dumpster."

Xander handed over his mop, lab coat, overshirt, and glasses, heading out with him.  He led him outside, then to the dumpster.  "Someone moved it by a foot.  It'll still go."  He closed the top, then looked around before climbing up.  Then he spit on his hands, rubbing them against his thighs before he jumped for the railing, catching it with one hand.  He made his way up and over, then got onto the elevator and went back to the lab.  He grinned and took his mop and coat back, nodding at the table.  "I only need the glasses for close detail work."  He wet his mop down and went back to mopping.

Abby shook her head.  "How far off was it from the last time you did that, Xander?"

"A foot."

"Wonderful."  Gibbs walked in and smacked Xander on the head.  "What was that for?" she asked.

He pouted at him.  "I'm being good."

"You're showing off.  Most guys can't do that."

"They'd be bad guys.  They're always more skilled than you think.  Even Angel learned that lesson eventually, Gibbs."  Gibbs walked off shaking his head.  "If they're determined they can be delivery guys too.  That's how most of the snackers I know got entrance into houses when they wanted it."

"You know, I never thought about vampires doing that," Abby admitted.  "Even I invite delivery guys in now and then while I'm grabbing money."

Xander nodded.  "Me too and I *really* know better."  She nodded, grinning at him.  "I also have a stake right there for my moments of stupidity," he admitted with a grin.  "Plus my super soaker with holy water."  He went back to his mopping, cleaning up the footprints Gibbs had made.

"Ooh, they're having Tony recreate it."  He leaned over to watch.  Tony made the same jump, barely.  He nearly lost his grip before he could get his second hand up there.  But he did make it over the railing.  "Before you ask if they fixed that camera, this is from McGee's phone.  It's a live feed."  Xander snickered and nodded at her to go.  "Ice pack?"

"Or something for his hands."

"I'll go baby him.  You finish cleaning and shoot any more rats we get."  She went to do that.  "Awww, you poor thing.  Did they make you try to be a Xander?" she teased, babying his hands for him.

"He's more athletic than I gave him credit for."

"It came in handy," she reminded him, giving him a look before bandaging his palms for him.  "There, you'll be fine."  She heard the guard flinch.  "He found another one?"

"Yup," he admitted.  "Gibbs, can you please suggest *traps* to the boy?"

"I don't want more dead things in my lab!" she complained.  They all stared at her.  "I'll let him use a crossbow."

"That'll work better," the guard offered.  "That won't make us flinch."

She called down there.  "Xander, use a crossbow instead.  Sure, the mini one you stashed in my desk is fine.  Thank you, Xander."  She hung up and went back to fussing over Tony.  "You know, he said they moved the dumpster a foot from the last time he tried it."

"I'm not surprised.  It must've moved when he jumped too.  The push-off force or something."  Gibbs looked at him.  "It would."

"It did an inch or so," the guard admitted. "He caught it one handed too, DiNozzo."  He went to report to his boss, shaking his head, letting him have the film he had taken.  "I had DiNozzo test it, sir.  It is a weak spot.  Along with the spot that's letting Harris shoot rats for target practice."  He moaned, going to call someone to fix that.  Even if the lab's security camera was letting a quiet 'here, ratty ratty ratty, come to Xander, ratty ratty ratty, let the nice Xander shoot you before you contaminate evidence' that made the monitoring guard snicker.  "Sir, is there something wrong with that boy?"

"I did some research on his former town.  It fell in about five years ago from an earthquake.  Most of the town got out," he offered.  "Before then it had an extremely high death rate.  In the twenties most years."  The guards all gaped at him.  "There's rumors of an informal protection patrol."

"Harris said something about street level protection combat," the guard from earlier admitted.  They heard a gun go off and all looked at the camera.  "Another rat?"

"No, sir.  I'm not sure what it was but if it was a rat, it was a giant rat."  They went jogging up there to see.  "That's one mutant rat," the guard said in awe. "I've never seen a three-foot rat."

"I have and they're cannibals.  They eat people."  He put down his mop.  "Help me drag it outside so we can burn the sucker.  There's a good chance I only stunned it."

"That's cruel, sir."

"No, cruel would be for me to shoot it more times and not burn it so it'd eat someone else."  The 'rat' shifted and the guards yelled and backed away.  Xander just sighed, rolled his eyes, grabbed the rat's feet and walked it out to the elevator, taking it down to the bottom of the parking garage.  Where he set it on fire.  It went up very prettily and was even cheery.  He waved at the running guard.  "Bullet didn't stop it."

"That's one huge rat," he said, sounding awed.

"Yeah, and if more come I want silver bullets," Xander joked.  "Can you go get some from my car?"  The guard gave him a look.  Xander just grinned back.  "I'm always prepared with reference samples because I *am* a ballistics tech."  The guard took his keys and went to get one for him, coming back with more crossbow bolts too as a blatant hint.  "Thanks."  He tucked the bullets into his pocket, the bolts into his back waistband, and made sure the rat demon was fully dead before heading off.  "It'll burn out."

"Sure, Harris," he said, staying to make sure of that, fire extinguisher by his side.

Xander met Gibbs in the elevator.  He stabbed the button.  "Giant rat."

"I saw.  Normal?"  Xander snorted.  "No more shooting."

"I'll use a silencer."

"Thank you."  They both got off at the lab, him and Abby both watching as he reloaded the gun with silver bullets and found his silencer in his bag in her desk.  "Uh-huh."

"No, I wasn't a boy scout.  It used to be necessary in my life."  He shot the next rat, looking at her.  "Better?"

"Much."  She took the crossbow, reloading it with a smile. "I like this."

"Just don't hit us," Gibbs complained, leaving them alone.  Hopefully she'd warp him just as much as he was warping her.  Then again, that meant they'd both drive him insane and try to warp DiNozzo and McGee.  Kate would resist for as long as she could, then she'd stomp off and go shopping or something.  He sat down behind his desk.  "Now that the entertainment is over with.  Do we have someone?"

"His troop's just now coming back onto base, boss," McGee offered. "I had the MP's call when they got back.  Told them someone's car had been spotted at an accident and we needed a statement."  That got a nod and the team left to question someone before they got overrun with rats too.

***

Xander looked at himself then at Tony when Tony stared at him.  "What?  Not good enough?"

"I don't even look like that in leather," he complained.  "C'mon."  Xander locked his door and did something to the frame before following.  "I thought that was your friend," he said quietly.

"It was but I picked up a little bit.  Enough to research the minor things."  He pointed at the mustang and Tony nodded. "She's a beautiful girl, Tony."

"Thanks."  He grinned.  That was odd, this little femme hunting guy liked cars?  "Get in."  He slid in and Xander did the same.  They headed out to a club Tony thought might be a good compromise.  "Gibbs said I was to see if we could find that offering thing out."

"He reminded me.  It doesn't work if I call it."

"That's fine.  Just be a normal guy.  Maybe we'll get some fun tonight."  He turned a corner and lights went on behind him.  "Huh."  He pulled over, pulling out his ID.  "Yes, Officer?"

"Sir, you're on a list to watch tonight?" she asked, spotting the ID.  "Gibbs put you on it, sir."

"I know.  My friend here was kidnaped last weekend.  He's paranoid."

"Gibbs?"

"Yup, Gibbs."

"Oh.  Are you all right, sir?"

"I was fine.  They stuffed Abby in a closet with disco polyester."  Xander grinned.  "I think it was watch out for us if Tony had to rush after someone to save me."

"Sure.  That'll work, sir.  Thank you."   She let them drive off while she went back to her car to report that to her boss.  That way the watch list could be modified.

Tony got Xander into the club he liked, watching as the boy moved out onto the floor.  He had moves.  The girls were gravitating toward him.  He got his own girl but kept an eye on the boy.  His partner huffed.  "He's new to town. I'm bringing him around," he soothed, smiling at her.  She still danced off but Xander sent one of his over with a wink, getting back into the action.  She cooed and cuddled up to him.  It was nice.  She was very sweet.  She had very sharp nails she was digging into his butt.  She was also dragging him off to the bathrooms already.  "Desperate?" he teased.  She nodded, latching on to have some fun with him.   He came out and found Xander liplocked in a dark corner.  Xander's girl squealed went limp in his arms, earning a very satisfied smirk.  She wobbled off and Xander went to play with someone else.  Huh.  He hadn't tried to get any for himself.  Tony found another partner near Xander, listening to him try to get away from someone.  He gave the woman a look, then tapped the outline of his badge in his pocket.  She went pale and disappeared.  He went back to it once Xander had grinned in thanks.

An hour later Tony looked around.  No Xander.  He checked the back areas.  Still no Xander.  He groaned and went to the back door, finding Xander outside with someone trying to attack him.  He let the door close, watching in awe as Xander methodically kicked her ass.  Then she went whoosh into a pile of ashes.  He clapped.  Xander stiffened and looked at him.  "She attack you?"  Xander nodded, moving to check her victim.  "She good?  Need the ER?"

"Could probably.  She's unconscious."  Tony called it in for him and they waited while an ambulance came up.  "We came out for some fresh air and found her like this," Xander said, looking at one.   "I don't know what's wrong with her."

"That's fine, sir."  They moved him, getting into the woman's space to check her over.  "Thank you, boys.  You probably kept her from being hurt a lot worse," he said while they put her on the stretcher.  They took her off and the boys both waved.

"Good cover," Tony said quietly.

"I couldn't tell them she was bitten.  They'd have taken me too," he replied just as quietly.  A bouncer came out the back door.  "We called in the girl that was laying in the trash."

"Thank you, Knight," he said, lighting up.  "The attacker a problem?"

Xander looked at him.  "Are you?"

"I am but I'm fairly peaceful.  I get my needs met other ways."  He took a draw, looking at him.

"I came out for some air.  The vamp attacked me."  He nodded at the pile of ash.  "I'm still retired."

"Good deal.  You might wanna watch out for a place called Kinetic.  It's a buffet."

"Good deal.  Give my greetings to the overlord.  I'm in on an internship at NCIS."  He nodded at Tony.  "He's one I personally protect."

"We know his team too.  We like Abby," he admitted with a grin.  "The overlord said she's too cute to turn or nibble on.  Go off, boys."  They nodded, heading to Tony's car.

"Knight?" Tony asked.

"The proper term for someone who jumps into the fight that's not his."  He gave him a look.  "It's not like I'm a slayer, Tony."

"Oh.  So they *knew* you?"  Xander nodded.  "You've got a rep?"  Tony got a nod again and a small smirk.  "You're retired?"

"Unless the world's bending over and grabbing its ankles or I'm attacked."

"Good.  Gibbs will like that."  He patted him on the back.  "You don't want to go there, right?"

"Nope.  I'm sure the city's watching the buffet for how many people disappear after being there."  He waited until Tony unlocked his door, then slid in.  "So, now where?  Cool down, keep going?"

"Keep going.  I'm not in the mood to cool down yet."  He started the engine and backed out.  "What are you driving?"

"POS sedan.  It'll die soon."

"There's a bus that comes to the gate.  I'm not sure how many transfers you'd need though," Tony admitted, heading off to the next club.  He decided to pick somewhere a bit more loose and fun.  "This one's a bit more upscale.  That good?"  Xander shrugged.  "Okay."  He pulled in and parked, letting the boy out so he could lock his car up.   He presented them to the door guard, smiling at him.  "Hi, Bob."

"Hey, Tony.  Newbie?"

"This is Abby's intern Xander."  Xander grinned and waved.  "He was very good at the last club."  The bouncer laughed and let them in.  "Go play."  Xander bounced out to the floor, diving into the moving mass of bodies.  Tony watched for a minute, getting a drink before heading out to join in.

***

Tony walked up to Gibbs' desk the next morning.  They had weekend call so they had to report.  He dropped four baggies.  Then he dropped a report on Xander's sweat.  Then he dropped something else.  "I have no idea where the boy is, boss.  Not only did he get taken, it rubbed off on me.  The last time I saw him he was with Senator Penfield's wife."  Gibbs moaned.  "She is an evil bitch so maybe he's not turning her more evil, but I can't show up on his doorstep to ask if his very married wife has my friend tied to a chair."

Gibbs called Xander's cellphone.  "Ma'am, this is Leroy Jethro Gibbs at NCIS.  You have my intern.  We'd like him back and this is the only offer you're getting.  I'm sending the FBI to embarrass you in front of the press if we don't get him back quickly."  He nodded. "That would be fine, ma'am.  Thank you, Senator Ketchum."  Tony shuddered at that name.  "We're at the office.  Yes, that would be fine as well.  Just in what he's wearing is fine, ma'am."  He put his head down at her suggestion.  He could not bust in to arrest her.  He'd be suspended to his desk for not being subtle with the politicians. They complained to his boss, who complained to him.  "No, that won't work.  We need him back, Senator.  Now."

Tony took the phone.  "Senator, Tony DiNozzo.  No, you don't have to take him shopping.  I'm sure he is a great shopping buddy.  His former friends warped him very badly so they probably traumatized by making him help with that too.  Obviously not for himself since he still has Hawaiian shirts in his closet.  We need him for a case, ma'am.  He's on call today instead of Abby.  Thank you, ma'am."  He hung up.   "She said it'd take an hour.  She lives on the other side of the city."  He walked over to his desk.  "So that's mine, boss, and yes I did complain when I got slipped money.  I think the jeweled cock ring was a new thing."  McGee choked at that, giving him a look.  Tony got up to find that bag, holding it up.  McGee whimpered.  "Exactly.  Someone slid it into my pocket after a grope to make sure it'd fit and left.  The money was just tips since whatever Xander has rubbed off on me in the car."  He looked at Gibbs.  "Did you know he has a scary rep?" he asked quietly.  Gibbs looked at him.  "A bouncer was one of those sort."  Gibbs nodded once.  "He had to handle something that attacked him.  He's damn good, boss.  He also pointed out he was retired."

"I'll let him spar with me soon."  He got up.  "Going for coffee.  Page me if he's back before I am."  He walked off shaking his head.  The kid was going to drive him nuts.  He came back in time to hear the complaining young man.

"No, I don't need a tux or diamonds," he complained. "I'm not a rent boy, Senator!"  He closed the door and started to stomp inside.

"Harris," he called, waving him over.  Xander gave him a hurt look.  He pointed and the boy came over looking like he had been kicked.  "You okay?"  He gave him the extra coffee he had gotten for him.

"Frustrated."  He gave him a hug.  "I'm sorry I'm such a pain."  He trudged inside.

Gibbs walked over to the car.  "Senator."

"Special Agent Gibbs."  She slid out to look at him.  "I had no idea."

"About?"

"You liking the boy."

"He's young enough to be my son," he said dryly.  He sipped his coffee.  "I'm watching out for him for Abby today.  He's her toy."

"Oh."  She pouted.  "Are you *sure*?  I know he was out with your second last night.  Most of us thought you two were together as well."  Gibbs choked.  She stroked his wrist.  "Don't worry, I won't out you two, Gibbs.  It's not politically expedient since I ran on a gay rights ticket."  She patted him on the cheek. "Take good care of that boy.  He needs a...firm hand."  She handed him a bag.  "These are his.  I'm sure we'll all appreciate him at the gala next month?" she suggested, trying to make it an order.

"That depends on our caseload."  He looked at the bag.  "He doesn't need that."  She snorted.  "He doesn't."

"I'm sure you can swing by for a few hours, Gibbs.  After all, it would be good for your agency."  She slid back into her car and blew a kiss.  "See you then with the boy."  She headed off with a cheery beep.

Gibbs walked inside, letting the guards x-ray the bag.  "Stupid senator," he muttered once they were on the elevator.  He got off and tossed Tony the bag.  "We were *invited* to the gala next month."

Tony dug into the bag.  "She's got decent enough taste."  He came to the invitation and looked at it then at Gibbs.  "It's him and a date, boss.  Abby or Kate?"

Gibbs gave him a look.  "She thought me."  McGee choked again, wheezing this time.  He glared at him, making the young agent head for the bathroom.  "Fix it."

"Sure, boss."  He carried the bag downstairs, putting the invitation in front of Xander.

"I'm not going."

"You might have to.  She can retaliate against the agency."  Xander glared at him.  "How did she get you?  I turned around and you were gone."

"I was dancing with her assistant and she drug me over for a drink.  My usual fruit slushy thing.  They started to talk around me.  I cut and ran politely but her assistant drug me off with a gun in my side.  I tried to find you, you were facing the wrong way and the bouncers fell all over themselves since she's a senator."

"This is DC.  They do basically rule the roost."  He patted him on the back. "If we can we'll get you out of going.  She thinks Gibbs should be your date."

"Think he'd handcuff me so I can't be taken again?"

"Maybe," he agreed with a smile.   "I did a report on your sweat from the shirt you left in the car when we moved for the second time.  Are you running another one?"  Xander nodded, pointing at a machine.  "Good.  What're you doing now?"

"The stuff Norfolk sent to Abby."  He held it up.  "I can run the trace portions and she'll be in around one for a few hours to look over my shoulder."

"That's fine."  He patted him again.  "Calm down.  She gave you some pretty stuff."

"I'm still not a whore.  I spent all night tied to a chair."

"If we're not busy, ask Gibbs to spar."  He smirked.  "Show him what you can do."

"I'm used to fighting faster things, Tony.  It doesn't always translate back to humans."

"It can," Gibbs assured him as he came in.  "Plus I'm not that slow, kid.  We'll see.  The Norfolk stuff?"

"The trace portions."  He looked at him.  "Can you just ground me?  She thought Tony was playing Daddy to me."

"I'll try, kid.  Now and then even I have to be forced to play politics.  It's the town."  He sipped his coffee.  "What did she send?"  Tony carried the bag to a work station and emptied it for him.  "How did she get your size?"

"She had it in the closet," Xander said grimly.  "A few of them."  He shook his head and went back to running it.  He didn't care.  Tony gasped so he looked over.  "What?"

"Money," he said, waving the check.  "You can move."

"Good.  I'd like to move.  My neighbor upstairs snores."  He glanced at it then at him.  "That's way too much for having me tied to a chair all night."  Ducky walked in.  "Hi, Ducky."

"Good morning, Xander.  A new case?"

"Stuff from Norfolk.  I'm doing the Trace they sent."  He ran another sample once his was done, going to prepare the next one.  "Tony, did you bring that journal?"

"I've got the last one and this one," he said happily.  "They're in my desk, Xander.  I'll bring them down for lunch."  He got back to browsing.  "She even bought you underwear?"

"Her closet.  She let her assistant pick it out.  She thought I'd look cute in a thong but I told her they never fit right.  They pulled in the wrong way.  So she groped and agreed there was a reason for that," he said dryly.  He took that information and put it where it was supposed to go.  Then he ran his last sample.  When that came out he finished bundling up and settled in to write his report for someone over there.  He left it with Abby's pile so she'd know what he did.  Then he came over to look.  "Cheesy.  I look bad in a tux.  Even Armani.  Oooh, and rubies this time," he finished flatly and sarcastically.  "Yay me.  Cordy would be pulling out her old pompoms."  He walked off shaking his head.  "I'm raiding the soda machine, Gibbs.  Be right back.  Clean that shit out of my lab please?"

"Sure, kid."  He shook his head.  "Senator Ketchum," he told Ducky.

"I'd heard she was in the mood for a new boy."  He helped Tony put things back in the bag.  "It appears Xander doesn't want to take advantage of such things."

"She all-but ordered us to the gala next month."  He walked off shaking his head, going to do a fast report on this for his boss, just in case someone called him about it.  He got back a 'yes, you're going, it's budget time' from him.  He groaned and sent back a 'can I send DiNozzo?' and got back a 'fine, whatever, make sure the boy has social skills' and the director going out for coffee.  He walked down to find Xander and Tony going over what had went wrong.  "Xander, I was ordered that one of us would go with you.  It's budget time and she's on appropriations.  She can slash our budget completely, kid."  Tony moaned.  "I was also ordered to make sure you knew how to act in a social setting."

"In a restaurant.  I'm not comfortable around people, Gibbs."

"We'll work on that," Tony promised, patting him on the back.  "It'll be like I'm your big brother."  Xander looked at him.  "Really.  I grew up in a lifestyle like them, Xander."  Xander gave him a confused look.  "I refused to join the family business."

"Mafia?" Xander teased.

"Only when he wanted something," he shot back, giving him a look.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "We'll work on that.  It'll be polite mingling and making small talk.  Sipping champagne.  Yes, you can have a single glass and keep it all night.  I do.  Not like they get the best stuff for those events."  He ruffled his hair.  "It'll be okay.  It'll be a boring three hours out of your life and then you can go pick up a girl for some fun or something.  A lot of them like men in good tuxes.  We'll have to get yours fitted in case it doesn't."  He walked out, going to get those journals for him. He brought them back and found Gibbs suggesting a spar.  "You should, boss.  He's good.  He'd definitely kick my ass."

"Abby can kick your ass, DiNozzo."  He nodded. "Come on, kid."  Xander sighed and put down his jacket, with the journals on top, following him down to the gym.  "Want to change?"

"I picked all my wardrobe for the purpose of fighting," Xander pointed out.  He waved him on.  "I still don't want to hurt you."

"Weapons outside the ring.  Let Tony hold them," Gibbs ordered, staring at him.  Xander sighed and took them all off, handing even his pocket knife to Tony.  "Thanks.  I realize you're a weapons fighter by the way you're standing."  He waved him on.  "Come at me."

"I'm a defender, Gibbs."

"Fine."  He lunged and the kid moved.  He looked awkward.  "At your usual speed, Xander.  I can take you out anyway."  Xander huffed but did as ordered, grabbing him and flipping him, then tapping him in the middle of his back.  He got off him and moved back, watching him.  Gibbs advanced again and Xander ducked to the side, getting in a side blow.  This time Gibbs fought back and it was a harder fight.  Xander was sweating by the time he was done.  It ended up in a tie but Gibbs probably could have wiggled out of it and gotten the kid when he called a halt to it.

"Better?"

"Much."  He looked around.  "Do we need to test you with weapons?" he asked the boy.

"No," he said, sulking a bit. "I'm good with weapons."

"I meant staffs, those things."

"I'm still pretty good.  Buffy had to spar with someone and Giles was too delicate now and then."  That got a nod.  "Plus I kinda learned on the job."

"That happens," he agreed.  He gave him a small smile.  "Good job."

"Thank you."  He grinned at him.  "I need a shower, I'm stinky."  He slid out, leaving his weapons and things with Tony for now.

"I told you he was good, boss," Tony reminded him.

"You were right."  He got out of the ring and came down.  "Make sure that gets back to him."

"Of course I am."  He went to put them in the lab in a pile, finding Abby in there.  "He did the trace stuff for you."

"I saw.  Where is my lab monkey?"

"He and Gibbs were sparring."

"Any good?"  He nodded, kissing her on the cheek.  "What's in the bag?"

"Senator Ketchum decided to outfit him for the gala in three weeks."

"Oooooooh.  Poor boy."  She logged into the security system, running it back so she could see the match.

***

Xander looked around the gala, looking disgusted.  "Why am I doing this?" he asked Tony.

"Because otherwise there won't be an agency for you to intern with, Xander."  He patted him on the back.  "Smile.  Small talk.  Hold your champagne in your left hand so you can shake hands.  Remember those few cases where they're going to shake oddly."  Xander nodded, pasting a smile on his face.  "Nicer, Xander.   You look insane."  He looked at him and poked him on the side.  "Imagine them naked."

"Eww."  He looked at his friend.  "Please don't do that to me. I've got a very strong imagination."

"Then think about them having to face Abby down."  He grinned and Tony nodded, grinning back.  "Better.  Now, let's go make some socially polite talk.  If anyone asks, I got told to bring you so we could show off our newest lab tech."  He took a glass of champagne for each of them, handing Xander his, and they walked further into the room.  They ran into the senator lurking in wait.  "Senator Ketchum."  He shook her hand.  "Gibbs couldn't come tonight.  He's twisted his ankle."

"So he trusted his boy to you?  Interesting," she purred, smiling at Xander.

"We're not like that," Xander assured her, shaking her hand.  "But thank you for pulling me away from my forensic and bomb manuals, Senator."

"Bomb?" she asked.

"I'm a ballistics tech.  I used to work construction.  I've got to switch my demolitions license here and then wherever I end up after my internship year is done."

"You're not staying?"

"I drive Abby insane in the lab taking work from her," he admitted with a gentle smile.  She shivered.  "I'm looking to go to a wonderful but small department where I can raise dogs."

"Show dogs?"

"I haven't decided yet," he offered, lying.  "If you'll excuse me, our boss is over there and told us we had to come even though I've got a homicide waiting on me."  She nodded, getting out of their way.  They walked off, smiling and shaking hands on the way.  Tony smiled and nodded he was doing fine.  "Save me?" he whimpered to the director.  "Please?"

"Give it an hour more, boys," he said, smiling at them.  "Tony, very good of you to help him."

"He's not from an affluent background, Director.  Besides, it'll help with interviews and things."  He smiled at Xander.  "There is someone you should meet.  Why is he up here?" he said with a nod toward the other end of the room.

"It's grant season as well," the director reminded him.

Xander looked at him.  "Is he a lab person?  He looks like the guy in the article."

"That is the guy in the article," he agreed, smiling at him.  "Go, I'll follow and save you if you make an ass out of yourself."

Xander nodded, walking that way, smiling and nodding at someone, ducking around another one.  He sipped his champagne to wet his mouth but grimaced, making the man watching him smile.  "Sorry, I'm more used to soda.  I saw your picture and an article on your lab in Forensics Monthly.  Xander Harris, Trace and Ballistics intern at NCIS.  I'm bothering Abby right now," he said, holding out a hand.

"Horatio Caine, Miami-Dade."  He shook his hand.  "Ballistics and Trace?"

Xander smiled and nodded.  "With just enough credits to qualify me for field work if it becomes pertinent but I'd like to stay in the lab."  He looked around and put his glass down, rubbing his hand.  "Sorry, hand cramp."

"It's fine, Xander.  We all have to pretend at these things.  How are you enjoying working up here?"

"I love working with Abby but we've got a lot of downtime right now.  Abby's used to being the lone tech for the whole department so I'm learning a lot of stuff outside my area, but I'd rather not be the only tech when I move on.  A good, supportive lab who would like to play with the dogs I intend to adopt, but not the only tech."  He blushed.  "Sorry, I babble when I get nervous.  The only reason I'm here is because a senator kidnaped me one night and blackmailed our boss since she's on the appropriations committee," he said quietly.  "Tony had to teach me how to act around smart, rich people."  He looked at him.  "How is Miami?  Is it nice?"

"It's a very nice city," he admitted, smiling at him.  "Before you ask, we do have a ballistics tech but she's also a field tech."

"Really?  Wow."  He grinned.  "Think you could use a sub tech in about a year?"

"I'll see what we can do.  Do you have a card?"  Xander patted himself down and handed one over with a goofy, happy grin.  "I'll look over your credentials, Mr. Harris."

"Xander, please, Lieutenant.  I trained out at UCLA, we're not that formal out there and Mr. Harris is the dirtbag who spawned me."  He looked around.  "There's Tony, I should probably quit hiding.  Think I could sneak out?"

Horatio smiled at him.  "Probably not.  Sometimes you have to do these things for the department."

"I've taken bullets, injuries, and sword cuts for the team, I suppose I can take being bored to death too," he sighed.  He grabbed his glass.  "I'll see you around."

"There's a convention in two months in Cleveland, are you going?"

"I'm going to try but Abby's not sure if she can go with me.  She wanted to be there so she could tell everyone how much I annoy her by taking samples from her to have something to do," he admitted sheepishly.  Horatio chuckled at that.  "We have ten teams locally and we're the only lab, but I expected to have more work to do.  Even then, I know there's stuff I'm missing in my education.  She doesn't do a whole lot with *physical* trace.  They do a lot with computer trace and that's not my best area.  I'm not a hacker," he admitted sheepishly, giving him a look.

"Then why go there?"

"One of my instructors knew one of the team leaders out here and he sent me to Gibbs.  See..."  He sighed.  "Back when I was in school and before college I had to be a ...protective person because things happened around some of my friends.  The teacher wanted me with someone who could understand what I just retired from in case anything interrupted my retirement from that issue."

"Protection...." Horatio said, looking at him.  "You know that irritating blonde creature in Cleveland."  He knew he had looked familiar.

Xander nodded.  "I used to fight beside her.  I was with her all the way until she moved to Cleveland, where she decided I was dryer lint.  Her words."  He took another drink, shrugging some.  "I'm retired from that.  The day I graduated UCLA I retired.  They wanted to make sure nothing interrupted my retirement and they thought having me near someone who knew what combat was would ease the transition."

"That's sensible," he admitted, smiling at him.  "UCLA?"  Xander nodded.  "So you took Destra?"

"Yes, my moron signal tower quips are going to waste since I don't get to use any of my field training here."  He grinned.  "If you call her, she'll tell you I used to do construction and have a demolitions license too," he quipped with a happy grin.  "I corrected her a few times on construction issues.  She loved me anyway."

Horatio patted him on the arm.  "Come to the convention, Xander.  There's a few people you should meet."

"Yes, Lieutenant."

"Good boy.  Now, quit hiding.   You can't sneak out from this side."  The boy gave him a naughty grin and smoothly walked off, going to slip into the crowd while he sipped his champagne and thought.  He found his earbud for his cellphone, calling home.  "Calleigh, call Destra out at UCLA.  I just ran into a very intriguing intern at this event.  Harris."  He listened to her babble.  "She did?  He said one of the others sent him to NCIS."  He listened to her babble about him and how he had a few issues but that he was going to be a great tech according to his teachers.  "Hmm.  Make sure you're on to come to the convention with Speed and I.  He's a ballistics tech with a minor in trace and field," he admitted.  She repeated that to someone.  "Yes, he's complained about that.  He's working with Abby at the moment.  Of course.  Thank you."  He hung up and nodded politely at Tony when he came over.

"Forgive him if he was bouncy and happy to find someone who didn't want to kidnap him," he said quietly.  "The boy's good, Caine.  Very good.  Gibbs appreciates him, thinks of him like some odd cousin he's showing the way into the field.   There's only three things you have to know about Xander.  He'll do what's necessary.  Never let him date without a background check, we found that one out the hard way, that's why we're here tonight.  And never, ever let him gorge himself on chocolate or he'll bounce.  Wore Abby out bouncing.   Shot at some rats that snuck into the lab too."  He got a smile.  "He's a good tech but NCIS wasn't the fit it should've been."

"He told me why he got sent to your people."

"His ballistics teacher used to serve with Gibbs.  He's still looking for some Trace teaching.  See if you can get him to do a half-year internship with you.  It'd help him and by then you'll know if you can stand the boy when he's bouncy and happy or who would best suit him."

"I might be able to do that," he admitted. He smiled.  "Quit worrying.  He made a good impression."

"Good.   I worked for over a week on his social skills.  His parents...not the best of creatures.  Can't call them human," he said at the interested look.  "Oh, he absolutely cannot cook.  Didn't know what a stove was until home ec.  Got kicked out of home ec for poisoning people with brownies.  Cannot cook.  Ever."

Horatio smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."  That got a nod and Tony winked before walking off.  "The boy gets more and more interesting," he decided.  A half-year internship would make sure Abby had finished teaching him what he'd need to know.  They all knew Abby in forensics circles, and that she did a lot of hacking things.  The boy didn't seem like the hacker sort.   A real lab with a lot of work would probably be better for the boy.  Or maybe he'd steal him for the rest of his internship year.  That was possible.  The boy seemed pretty stable.  He was also obviously the one he had heard about leaving that group.  He finished his champagne and went to find some more, forcing himself to mingle and mix with the people who gave his lab money.

***

Xander presented himself in front of Gibbs the next morning. "I was a good boy, I didn't even beat the bitch who kept pinching me."

"You were.  I heard you did very good last night, Xander," Gibbs promised, smiling at him.  "Abby said to make you go away.  She wanted to work.  Want to switch hours today?"

"No," he pouted.  "I'm bored too."  He frowned.  "Can I go into the field?  I have passed those classes.  I should probably keep up with them," he said dryly at the odd look.   "It's either that or I've got to call over to the FBI to go in for my explosives and demolition licensing with them.  They said so."

"Why don't I set you up with someone at Quantico who can make sure of what you do and don't know?" he offered.  Xander beamed and nodded at that, starting to bounce.  "Quit."  Xander quit bouncing.  "Thank you.  You give me a headache when you bounce.  Need anything?"

"Glasses.  They're down there."

"Go get them."  Xander jogged off to do that, jogging down the stairs.  Gibbs called out to the only IED instructor he knew.  "It's Gibbs.  I've got a ballistics and trace lab intern who had an explosives and demolition license before.  He's got to transfer it out here.  I want to know what he can and can't do.  Thank you.  I can do that.  Harris.  Dark hair, thin.  Male.  Him," he agreed, rolling his eyes.   "Abby?"  He smirked.  "The director knows he's not getting enough work here.  Thank you."  He hung up and wrote out the directions, handing them to Xander when he came back up in a simple t-shirt and jeans plus his NCIS hat.  "Good idea, kid.  Got your ID badge on you?"  Xander waved it.  "Go here.  Let them test you."  Xander took it and nodded, heading out.  He got back to work on his current case.  There was no way he was taking Harris onto a case in the field.  Even if he had taken all the classes, that was for agents and full CSI, not for Harris, who was a lab tech with credentials as far as he was concerned.  Abby came up confused an hour later, looking around.  "I sent him to an explosives person so he could reup his licence."

"Oh.  That's good for him."  She came over.  "He met a very nice lieutenant from another lab last night," she said, giving him a look.  "Where they do a lot more work."

Gibbs looked at her.  "If he wants to switch he can do that.  You've had him doing a lot of trace work and it's his minor."

"True.  They wanted him to go to the convention.  I need to go too."

"I'm not in personnel."

"It'd mean taking Friday off through late Monday."  Gibbs frowned.  "I need to go with him, Gibbs.  That way I can introduce him to the right people, tell them how he does in the labs, that stuff.  I'm not doing formal evaluations at the moment.  I'll do one at the end of his time."

"Make sure the director knows."  She nodded, going to do that.  He got a call.  "Gibbs."  He listened, then groaned.  "He left from here over an hour ago.  Let me call him."  He hung up and called Xander.  "Where are you?  Why does the FBI have you?"  He blinked a few times.  "Put the agent on.  It's Gibbs, NCIS.  He's Abby's lab intern.  He's going for his demo testing.  Get him there.  You can ask him about whoever shot at his car in a few minutes or on the way.  Yes, I said so.  Thank you."  He hung up and called his friend back.  "Someone shot at the kid's car.  FBI is bringing him out," he offered.  "Exactly," he sighed.  "Thanks.  Let me know."  He hung up again, grabbing his bottle of aspirin.  Tony came in with a box of evidence from an office raid.  "Harris got shot at on his way to his demo testing."

"I saw that.  I also saw him duck when the first shot happened, which was appropriate, then get out and blow the bike's tires, then go arrest the suckers before anyone else got there."  Gibbs stared at him, aspirin in his hand.  "I also stayed with him until Fornell got there.  I called Fornell personally.  Fornell was probably questioning a shooter if you didn't talk to him.  By the way, he needs a better car, Gibbs.  His really is a piece of crap sedan."  He handed over the box.  "All the financial records, including the books he was hiding his theft in."  He went back to his desk, taking his own advil.  "He's got style, I saw him pounce.  Bad handcuffing style but otherwise he was okay."  He went back to work on his portion of the paperwork.  "Kate and McGee are on their way back too.  Kate had to stop to get coffee for her headache."

"I can see why.  Any idea why they shot at him?"

"Diversion according to the first agent on scene."

"Ah."  He took the aspirin.  "Abby said they're both going to a convention next month?"

"That way the boy can have an internship that does what he needs, Gibbs.  Including giving him enough work."  They shared a look.  That was the only problem Abby had with him.  Him taking her work so he had something to do too.

***

Xander tapped on Gibbs' door.  "Sorry about the interruption to the plans today, boss.  This is the report he said you wanted.  He agreed with me, I'm not fast but I'm good."  He grinned and walked inside when Gibbs opened his door wider.  He followed him back to the kitchen, giving McGee a hug.  "Hi."

"Hi, Xander.  Get off."  Xander got off.  "What's that?"

"My demolitions testing.  He also showed me some I didn't know what to do with."

"I can see that," Gibbs said, reading it over.  He was rated 'competent but not fast'.  He looked over all the categories.  "He didn't go into the higher classes?"

"He said that'd take another day or three to teach me.  I said I had the manual for one but I was a bit lost.  I showed him where on the board and he explained that part to me.  But he did say I needed a few more days to finish that education."

Gibbs nodded, putting it down.  "Sounds like you did good.  Have fun?"

"Yup," Xander said with a grin.  "We talked artillery too while he was testing me.  He likes tanks and I like the newer stuff for destruction purposes."  Gibbs smirked at that.  "What?  I like explosions.  They're pretty."

"They are."  He shook his head but he was smiling.  "McGee, head for a few."  He went to the living room.  "Abby thinks that you're being stifled."

"Only a bit," he offered, looking a bit sheepish.  "I try."

"I know.  I've seen you try.  She was saying that convention would probably suit you better."

"Tony was suggesting I ask to do a half-year of internship after I graduated here.  That way I could get all the stuff I missed since she doesn't deal with everything or a very diverse crime base.  Plus since I'm not a hacker so I'm lost now and then."

"That's a good idea.  She was thinking you might want to change after that."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't want to leave her.  It'd look bad."

"Not necessarily," he offered.  He sat down.  "If they offer, would you?"

"You're tired of me, aren't you?" he sighed.  "I knew I shouldn't date."

"It's not that, kid.  That's actually an amusing side note most of the time."  Xander grimaced.  "It's more that you're right, you're not getting what you need in our lab.  We don't have a diverse base of crime.  We don't get into receipts that're wet, a wide range of ballistics, or very many ballistics now and then.  We're keeping you doing trace when that's not your main area.  She thinks you'd be better served by hitting a lab that could let you into the field."

"I could like that but it'd still look bad."

"Not really.  You can explain why you got sent to us.  I'm fairly certain that your teacher's worries were pretty groundless most of the time. In any given lab you're bound to either find someone with military training or at least someone who's had to fire in the field.  I think you'll do good with it.  Not that we won't miss you.  Abby will pout for weeks, and so will Tony."

Xander grinned.  "You're sure?"

"I'm sure.  Besides, she's going to hit you the next time you take work from her.  She's a bit more laid back than you are.  You're a lot more forceful than she is in the lab.  She's learned to pace herself by the rate of evidence.  You'd be better in a lab where you had a lot of evidence every day.  We're too small of a lab for you."  Xander nodded that he agreed.  "Did you like Caine?  Tony mentioned you had met him."

"He seemed pretty nice.  He knew something about Buffy.  He mentioned it.  It's supposed to be a great lab."

"It's a good lab.  Abby trusts results from them most of the time."  That got a shy smile and he knew the kid would do fine.  "Did you talk about lab positions with him?"

"I did.  His ballistics tech is also a field tech."

"So you could probably help in there.  Plus their trace department, and they could even give you field hours now and then for big scenes."

"True, but they might not have an opening.  I don't want to count on it, Gibbs."

"Which makes you realistic, kid.  We'll see what we can do.  We're all going to the convention."  Xander blushed and looked down.  "Just so DiNozzo can have some fun things to do for a weekend that doesn't include possibly becoming a father."  He sat up.  "Also, the director said your file doesn't contain a DNA sample and he wanted you to fix that tomorrow for some reason."

"Why?"

"He didn't say.  He said to put it in there just in case."

"I guess it'd help if I got kidnaped again."

"Probably true," he agreed, smiling again.  "You should take some of what you've been given to get a new car."

"Yeah, I need a new car.  Mine died."  He sat down.  "Before there was only one dealership near Sunnydale and I took what they had.  Where do you start new car looking?"

"New or used, just get something reliable that's good on insurance and gas, kid."

"I plan on it.  Did you know they use hummers down there?  The article I found was on their mobile hummer crime labs."

"They're sturdy vehicles.   It sounds good."  Xander grinned.  "If you can, if not maybe he'll know of a good place for you to go, Xander.  He's pretty well known in the world of forensics.  Between him and Abby, you shouldn't have too much of a problem.  Just dress nicely at the convention.  No going slutty and going out to party.  Make a good impression."

"Yes, sir."

"Don't call me sir."

"Yes, Gibbs," he said with a grin.  "So, I've got my demolitions license again.  They transferred it into the federal system so I don't have to keep switching it around.  They also noted I had construction experience in it."

"Good.  It can only help.  What did Fornell say?"

"A lot of muttered swears.  He said he'd see you in the morning when he figured out why they picked me as a diversion.  They were talking in Greek and I understand Hebrew but not Greek."

"That works.  Go home, go play."

"I can't go home.  The building was nearly destroyed earlier.  I'm waiting for permission to go in and pack."

"Why?"

"Gas main explosion."  He got up to turn on the radio, letting him hear the news report.  "That was about two buildings up from mine.  Mine's got concussion damage on the top five floors out of the eight."

"Okay.  Go to a motel tonight."  Xander nodded, going to do that.  He shook his head, listening to it.

***

Xander came in the next morning, handing Gibbs a card.  "I'm there until I leave.  They let me get my stuff at two," he said, yawning a bit.  "Sorry but I'm exhausted.  Not that I had that much stuff to move but all the hangings had to come down and I had to clean to get my security deposit back.  So I'm there, but hey, I have cable."  He yawned again.  "I'm going to nap in Abby's desk chair until she needs me."

"Go for it."  Xander nodded, going down there.  Gibbs shook his head but he was smiling.  He updated the kid's records and made a note in his personal ones.

Abby looked at Xander as he came in dragging.  "Are you fit for work?" she demanded.

"Nope.  I got to get my crap at two this morning."  She looked confused. "Gas explosion was two down from my apartment, Abby.  I can work if you need me to.  I'll just yawn a lot."

"There's ballistics evidence."  He took the guns with him, grabbing his jacket on the way.  She shook her head.  Even tired he was a great tech in the making.   She'd be sorry to have him go.  A few hours later they got a double homicide and things picked up again.  Xander was still dragging but he was working like usual.  They kept going until they had it all done and then Gibbs came down to get reports while she looked up a few things for him.  Another team came in with a homicide as well and Xander handled that while she got this one since it had phone records and things.  They sent a guard for more soda and coffee, but that was the only dinner they had.  They kept going even after the teams went home.  Xander fell asleep over his keyboard long after Abby had claimed her desk chair but that was all right.  It's what was expected of him.  They both knew that.

***

Tony came in the next morning, frowning at the man working.  "Did you get any sleep?"

"Three hours," Xander said, sounding like he was awake again.  "I'm fine.  Abby's still asleep but she found what you needed about midnight."  He pointed at her monitor and finished up what he was doing.  He frowned at the evidence. "Huh?"  He bit his lip, then paged that leader. "It's Harris, I'm done with the evidence.  Yeah, just now.  It depends, did you have anyone who was in North Carolina at Myrtle Beach?"  He grinned.  "Because you found sand from there on the body and a few other things.  Sure, I'm up."  He hung up and finished his reports, checking them over and printing them with the reports.  The team leader walked in grimacing.  "Hi."  He showed him what he had.  "By geological reports, the sand came from here.  The pattern of the sand on the body suggested transfer instead of running into it or it being poured on him post-death.  There was also a bit of glitter mixed in so it could have come from a novelty, touristy sort of t-shirt maybe?  Oh, and there's this."  He pulled up the ballistics report.  "That's the registered owner of the gun he was shot with.  Ballistics matched in the system.  You brought me a DNA swab with his name on it.  Abby's got it running overnight.  She did it before she fell asleep.  That's the last match we have, that to the sample from the envelope."  He looked at him.  "I don't do DNA, sorry.  But that's your best suspect right now and probably what you need to bring him in and break him."

"Thanks," he said dryly.  "Fancy yourself a field agent?"

"Actually, I am rated for field work," he admitted, looking a bit confused.  "I had the second highest score in the field classes, right behind the officer who was switching over and had to take it.  She was a detective."  The agent looked unimpressed.  "Did we get more evidence?"

"No," he ground out, taking the reports to walk off with them.  He handed them to his senior agent.  "Harris did everything but the DNA comparison.  He said it's running.  He said look for those things."

"The guy we questioned had a t-shirt like that and it was his gun, boss," she noted.  "That's the break we needed."  She got up and went to find the guy so they could bring him in.  She knew where he worked.

Tony looked at Xander, giving him a shoulder nudge.  "Good work."

"Thanks.  Oh, you've got something odd in his phone records.  Abby said something about ghost numbers?"

"Interesting.  Abby?" he called.  She came out of her office rubbing her eyes. "Good morning, sleepy."  He kissed her on the forehead.  "Ghost numbers?"

"Yeah, like phantom of the opera numbers."  She blinked at Xander.  "How long have you been up?"

"Few hours.  Cleaning crew got me up," he admitted.  "Everything but the DNA comparison is done on mine and I handed it over."

"He did a good job too.  He proved who it was without a confession in sight," Tony admitted.  "C'mere, Xander.  Look at this one."  Xander shifted over to look over his arm, then he suddenly highlighted one.  "What's that?"

"The porn line that's a CIA check-in.  I called it by accident.  I'm surprised no one complained about me again."

"Very interesting."  He patted them both on the back.  "Abby, can you run him through their system?"

"I can't get into their system.  Send McGee down in a few and I will.  Let me shower and change first."  He nodded, heading off with that information.  "Good job, Xander," she said proudly, beaming at him.  "Now, let me shower.  Refer them to my shower if they need it right now."  She walked off, going to do that.

Xander tidied up his last case, putting everything back into a box and sealing it, marking the case name and number on it.  "She's in the shower, Gibbs," he said without having to look when the door opened.  "She said she'd be back in a few."

"If I were her, I'd take time," an accented voice said.

Xander turned to look at the guy.  "And you are?" he demanded.

"Your better, boy."

"I doubt it."  He crossed his arms, looking him over.  "Hmm, trained.  With the idiots who shot at my car day before yesterday?"   The man nodded.  "Pity they were so pitiful."

"Ah but they did what they were supposed to."  He moved closer.  "You are quite an interesting young man.  You could do a lot for my people."

"I can do a lot for many people, but you'll never find out."  He lunged, catching him off guard, but the guy could fight.  Xander barely kept himself from having his head caved in.  But he let himself slip into the hunting mindset, the one that scared Angel now and then, and he finally won against him, getting him down.  He slammed his head into the floor, then looked around.  "HELP!  GUNMAN IN THE LAB!"  Guards came jogging in.  "Guys, I had to subdue him.  He had a gun somewhere."  He looked around.  "There it is.  Use gloves to pick it up!" he snapped.  They did that.  Two of the guards arrested him. Xander was helped up to his feet.  "He came in to tell me he was with the guys who shot at my car the other day and I could do a lot for his people."  Abby came in.  "We knocked into your evidence.  One report's under the table, Abby."

"Why?"

"Because he had a gun, he's with the guys who shot at me the other day, and he wanted me to come work for his team."

"Oh."  She looked at him.  "I have no idea who he is.  Is he a lab person?"

"Um, Abby, go have caffeine," Xander ordered.  "Shoo, now.  Let them arrest the nice terrorist."  She gave him a dirty look.  He stared back.  "Now.  Out of the way.  If he touches you I have to kill him."  She huffed, going to complain to Gibbs.  He looked at the snickering guards.  "I would.  Anyone who touched her gets his ass killed."  He shrugged.  "That's a pretty simple equation, even for me to do."  He waved.  "Go.  Shoo.  Let Gibbs have him."  They walked him out.  Xander got down under the desk, finding her reports for her.  Including something she had dropped last night.  He brought it back up, bumping his head on the table.  "Ow."  He rubbed it as he came up, turning to find someone he knew standing there.  "She huffed off to complain to Gibbs that I was protecting her, McGee, but she was working on that one."  He pointed at the monitor.  "Um, it had ghost numbers and a porn line that's a check-in line for the CIA.  I'm surprised someone didn't tell Gibbs when I hit it by accident."

"Thanks."  He nodded.  "Go see Gibbs yourself."  Xander nodded, going to do that, still rubbing his head.  McGee shuddered and called.  "Boss, sending Xander to you."  He hung up and looked over what she had found, finding what she needed him to do.  He was right, the guy was CIA somehow.

Xander walked into the hallway in front of interrogation, waving at Ducky.  "I didn't hurt him that much.  I only slammed his head into the floor once.  A few rib shots.  Some stomach torture, a few leg sweeps."  Ducky moved his hand to look at his head.  "I'm fine.  I hit it on the table when I was picking up stuff we knocked off."

"Did he tag you?" Gibbs demanded.

Xander frowned at him.  "Yeah.  Why?"

"Let Ducky look you over," he said patiently.

"I'm fine."

"Do it anyway!"  Xander slunk off, looking like he had kicked him again.  Ducky followed.  "Let me know.  Get someone to download the tape for me," he called after them.  He went back to the observation room, watching their suspect look calm, relaxed, and happy.  Ducky came back shaking his head.  "He hurt?"

"A bruised rib.  A few bruises on his throat and stomach will be coming up.  One to his cheek.  Nothing tragic.  The boy was right about that."  He handed over something.  "From the cameras.  Anthony pulled it for you, Jethro."

He looked it over, frowning. "He actually attacked first.  He has good instincts."  He reran it, this time with sound added.  He smirked.  "Good to know.  Tell me when Fornell gets here."  He went to interrogate the guy.  He was going to have some fun with that.

***

Abby looked at Xander later that night.  "Xander?"  He looked at her.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine.  Why wouldn't I be fine?" he asked, looking confused.

"You have ouchies, Xander."

"I've had plenty of them, Abby.  Including when I lost my eye."  He shrugged.  "So?  It's a bruise."

"Oh."  She got back to work.  "It was good work with the case for Peter's team earlier."

"Thank you," he said proudly.  "I didn't want to piss him off.  I'm not sure how I did."

"You stepped on his toes by solving it for him.  Some people are like that," she pointed out.  She patted him on the back.  "You should go home.  Have Tony drop you off."

"I've got my bus pass.  I'm living at a closer motel."  He patted himself down, finding the keys.  "See?"  He grinned. "You sure?  There's still some clean-up I can do."

"Go.  Now.  I'll clean."  He nodded, going to do that.  She smiled at his back.  She appreciated the hell out of Xander.  She loved Xander.  She'd love to keep Xander, but he was like a lion in a very small cage most of the time.  It was nearly as bad as when you locked Gibbs to his desk for a week and he had nothing to do after the first few days.  She finished wiping down her lab then headed to go home too.  He did look a bit slumped at the bus stop but the bus was coming.  "Xander, want a ride?" she called.  He looked over and shook his head, straightening up some. "You sure?"

"I'm fine."  He stood up to get on the bus, heading for his new place.

She sighed and then huffed, going to bother Gibbs.  "It's me," she called as she walked in.  They all knew he never locked the door.  Gibbs came up from the basement.  "I feel bad.  It's like he's a hurt lion in a very small cage."

"We're working on getting him to a lab that'll work better for him, Abby," he reminded her.  "I called Caine personally earlier to brag."  She smiled at that.  "How was he?"

"A bit slumped.  He said he didn't hurt."  She shrugged. "I don't know.  Do we have someone sitting on his motel room?"

He nodded.  "Tony's doing it tonight."  She smiled at that.  "Someone's got to, just in case."  He gave her a hug.  "He'll be fine, Abby.  Go home."  She nodded, leaving him alone.  "As long as the kid doesn't go do anything stupid tonight, he'll be fine," he said more quietly.   He could probably use some stress relief but he hoped the kid stayed in tonight.

***

Tony walked in the next morning with Xander attached to his arm.  "We're fine.  Fornell locked us together about four this morning, boss."  Gibbs found his universal key and got them unlocked.  "Thanks."  He rubbed his wrist.  "Fornell said to keep an eye on him, he'll be here about ten."

"I'm fine," Xander complained.  Abby came off the elevator.  "Tell them I can go work!"

"Well, you probably could but nope.  We're clear."  She shrugged.  "Pray to the mean Gods, Xander."  She looked at Gibbs.  "I got the most cryptic email from Fornell personally."  She handed it over.

Gibbs looked at it then at the kid.  "You're adopted?"

"I am?"

"He thinks you are."

"Huh.  Not that I'm aware of."  He shrugged.  "It explains why I'm smarter than the things who raised me if I was.  Not like I'm going to consider it a big tragedy."  He walked off again, going to the lab.  "I'm going to clean and sanitize the lab.  I promise more terrorists won't break in."  He walked down the stairs, going back to his job.

"He's adopted?" Tony asked.  Gibbs nodded.  "From who?"

"Remember the kid three rows down?"

"Jamie?"  He looked over. "Jamie!"  He stood up, giving him a confused look.  "Come here."  He came walking over, letting Tony take the email from Gibbs' hand to read before handing it over.  "It's about Xander.  The lab tech."

"I know him.  He's a nice guy, if a bit scary now and then."  He read it over then looked at them.  "Uh-huh.  I wonder if Mom knows."  He picked up Kate's desk phone to call.  "Hey, Mom.  Me.  Can you come to NCIS with Dad?  Fornell's coming here and there's something you should hear."

"He'll be here at ten," Tony told him.

"Tony DiNozzo said he'd be here at ten.  Thanks, Mom."  He hung up, smiling at Kate when she came in.  "Sorry, had to call my mom."  He handed it back.  "I want ringside seats but to be behind plexiglass.  Anyone mind?"  They all shook their heads.  "Cool."  He went back to his desk.  That was definitely something he'd have to think about.  Xander was a nice guy but kind of very scary now and then.

Abby looked at Gibbs.  "I want to do the paternity test," she said quietly.

"Go do it.  Make him do a coffee run. They're both in the system."  She nodded, going to send Xander off for coffee for the team and a cafpow for her.  He looked at DiNozzo.  "Why was Fornell worried?"

"He wasn't sure it wasn't related to his parents' business."

"Good point."  He shook his head.  "He does kind of remind me of Lee now and then."

"Boss, he's *so* Amanda's son," he said dryly.  "That trouble magnet nature?"  Gibbs groaned at that.  "Guess we know where the 'paying' thing came from."  He went to his desk.  "Fornell's bordering on paranoid, boss.  Fair warning.  He probably hasn't slept either."  He logged into his computer and checked his morning email.  "I have one from Miami.  Why?"  He clicked on it, reading it over.  He happily wrote a glowing recommendation of Xander and mentioned that the boy, him, and Abby would be at the convention with Gibbs.  Then he sent it.  He grinned at Gibbs.  "Hey, boss, Miami just wrote looking for recommendations.  You should check your email."

Gibbs got into it, finding the request.  He read what they wanted and wrote a good one.  Not glowing, but good.  He did note that the kid did bounce now and then.  Also about his problem with dating bad women who did bad things.  That was the only negative thing he could say about the kid really.   Fornell stormed in, early.  "We're waiting on his parents."

"You told him!"

"His brother works three rows over," Tony said dryly.   "We told them.  We let him read your email."

"That's fine.  Where is he?"

"Coffee run," Gibbs said.  He called down there.  "He's been gone for twenty minutes?"  He smiled.  "No wonder."  He hung up.  "He's coming in now.  He had to go to the further place for her soda."  He looked at Fornell, leaning back in his chair.  "And?"

"Who had his DNA put into the system?"

"The director."

"Uh-huh.  Someone knew it was going to come up."  Xander came off the elevator, handing him a cup of coffee too.  "Thanks, kid."

"Figured you didn't get any sleep either.  It's plain, no sugar."  He handed him a packet of sugar and a little container of cream.  Then he handed the others theirs and went down to hand Abby her soda.  He looked at her monitor.  "Is that mine?"  She nodded, looking at him.  "Who are they?"

"They'll be here soon."

"So they're spooks?"

"Yup.  Covert."  She gave him a hug.  "They're very nice people.  I stayed with them one summer."  He grinned at that.  "You're a lot like your mom, Xander.  She's a trouble magnet too."  He groaned.  "Sorry but you kinda are."  She gave him a squeeze and got back to it.  "Your big brother works upstairs.  You've met Jamie, right?"  He nodded slowly.  "He's your big brother."  She grinned.  "It'll be okay.  Really.  Your grandma will beg for kids.  Tell her you can't have any."  She grinned and got into her email.  "Oooh, Miami's asking for letters of recommendation for you," she said in a sing-song voice. "That's a very good sign."  Xander preened.  "You'll like Miami. It's full of pretty people."

"Don't... don't include this stuff, okay?" he asked hesitantly.

"Of course not.  You can tell them that if they want to know if this works out."  She turned and got back to her typing, then she read it over and adjusted one sentence.  She sent it and hugged him again.  "Not only glowing but good too."   She looked over as the door opened.  "Hi."  She smiled at Xander.  "Don't get upset," she said quietly, sliding past the couple she knew with only a pat for Amanda's arm.

"Hi," Amanda said, coming in closer.  "You're Xander, right?"  He nodded, sitting down.  "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

"Not a clue.  The director here said I had to put my DNA onto my file.  I was thinking it was about how I've been kidnaped a few times."  He shrugged.  "Not like I have a clue."

The male looked at him.  "You look familiar."

"You saw me in the store the other day.  I think."

"No, beyond that."  He frowned.  "Where were you raised?"

"Sunnydale."

Amanda groaned, holding her head. "We were over the inquest into the Initiative."

"That was some good work we did that day," Xander said dryly, shrugging a bit at their odd looks.  He grinned.  "I fought with Buffy."

"That's where it was.  It was on the security system," Lee said.  Xander nodded.  "Plus afterward.  You came back to scavenge?"

"Giles told me to."

"That makes sense, seeing if anything was left down there," Amanda agreed.  "We probably would have too," she said.  She looked at Lee then at their son.  "This is really odd."

Xander nodded.  "It is.  I'm almost feeling emotional."

"Those girls were bad to you," Tony called from outside.  "Fornell's here and he's grunting in displeasure.  Can he and I come in?"  He stuck his head in.  Xander nodded.  "Thanks."  They walked in together.  "Sorry, Lee and Amanda.  Terrorists shot at Xander the other day."

"I'd like to know why too," Xander admitted, looking at Fornell.

"He wanted to pick off people around Gibbs," he said dryly.  "What did you do to him?"

"He appeared in the lab.  I kicked his ass.  He said he was with the people who shot at me.  What did he say I did to him?"

"That you taunted him and made him want to take you."

Xander grimaced.  "Did I date him?  Usually that's a line the women I date use after I'm rescued."

Lee snickered.  "I haven't heard that since before we married," he told his wife, smirking at her.  She hit him on the arm and rolled her eyes.

"He's yours?" Fornell asked.

Xander canceled Abby's screensaver.  "She ran it specially."  He looked at his parents.  "So was I an intentional give-away?"

"No, they took you from us.  Your mother was in a coma and our former director thought it was for the best."

"Can I kick his ass?" Xander asked.  "I really would like to."

"He died about five years ago," Amanda offered.  "I'm about ready to dig him up."

"I can call in a favor with Willow, see if she can raise him.  As long as he dies again it'll be fine."

"No, not really a good thing," Lee admitted.  He looked at him.  "Do you still talk with them?"  Xander let out a bitter sounding snort.  "I'll take that as a no."

Xander shook his head.  "Buffy said I was like dryer lint when we went to Cleveland.  I annoyed Angel to undeath so he paid for me to go to college.  That way he could keep me around if he needed me but I was out of the way and away from his hairgel."

Amanda hugged him. "It'll be okay.  We'll get to know each other and it'll be less strange."

"Abby was thinking about getting him into a lab that has a wider range of cases," Tony told them.  "Miami's seemed pretty interested."

"Our lab's not that massive," Lee admitted.  "The FBI lab?"  Fornell gave him an odd look.  "He is a tech."

"We'd never let him come over.  Most of us don't like Abby.  The fact he trained with her means that we'd give him funny looks for the rest of his year.  The DC labs aren't that great either, kid.  Sorry."

"I liked Lieutenant Caine.  He seemed like a nice guy when we met at the stupid gala."

"You were there?" Amanda and Fornell asked.

"Ketchum kidnaped him and made it an order," Tony told them.  Xander shuddered.  "Sorry, kid."  He patted him and looked over when Abby's computer groaned like a zombie. "That's an email."  He moved the mouse, getting into it.  "He's going to see you at the convention, Xander.  Wear something appropriate for an interview."  Xander bounced and nodded, beaming at him.  "Calm down.  You know Gibbs hates it when you bounce in the lab."  He patted him on the back, accepting a hug.  "It'll be good for you and you can come back for vacations and things."  He let him go.  "Take your parents outside to talk with them."

"I want him in this building," Fornell complained.  "There could be more."

Xander looked at him.  "I grew up in Sunnydale," he said slowly and clearly.  Fornell shuddered and walked off.  "Okay, let's go outside.  I could use more soda."  They smiled and let him stop at the machine but took him outside.  He ran into the director and pinched him on the arm.  "Did you know?"

"I saw the resemblance," he admitted, nodding at the older spies.  "With the trouble he gets into, he could only be yours."  He patted Xander on the back.  "What's this about Miami?"

"Abby thinks I'm being stifled here and she thinks they have an open internship spot."

"That works," he decided.  "If you do, we'll want updates, Xander.  She'll pout."

"Of course!"

"Good boy."  He let them go, smiling at Lee.  "He is exactly like you when you two got together," he said quietly.  "Be nice to him."  He walked off, going to check on Gibbs.  "Miami?"

"I think Caine could handle him."

"Ahhhh.  Caine himself.  Where did those two meet?"

"The stupid gala," Tony said, coming in to sit down.  "They're headed outside, boss."

"That's fine.  Fornell?"

"Went to shudder in horror in the bathroom.  Xander said the name 'Sunnydale' and he nearly freaked."

"Good to know."  He looked at his boss.  "They're really his parents?"

"Before they were married, she was pregnant.  Or maybe they were married but no one knew," he admitted at Abby's harsh glare.  "She got knocked out on assignment and was in a coma for a while.  Their director thought it was for the best to do that to the kid and not tell them."

"Hmm.  Maybe Willow can raise Billy so they can thump him good," Abby said.

"Perhaps," Director Morrow agreed.  "Is the boy safe, Jethro?"

"Very.  Did the idiot get out?"

"Someone's trying."  He walked off.  "Guard him if he does get out."

"Of course."  He shook his head, looking at Abby.  "Go back to work."  She nodded, going back down to the lab to see where he had left off.  She forwarded the email message Tony had left open before answering it.

***

Xander looked at his grandmother.  "Hi," he said quietly.

"I'm not that scary, boy."

"Yes you are."  She laughed.  He shrugged.  "I'm used to girly girls."  Amanda led him into the kitchen, letting him help.  He pulled away from the food.  "I'm poisonous.  I don't cook.  I've nearly killed people."

"Okay.  You can watch.  The boys used to all the time, Xander."  She pulled out food to start preparing things, letting him watch.  "So, is there a special girl in your life?"

"Nope.  Girls are bad for me.  They go evil.  I'll have dogs."

"You can give me a great-grandchild," his grandmother demanded.

He looked at her.  "That's going to be kinda hard to do considering I'm snipped."  She gave him a horrified look.  "Not like I expected to make it out of Sunnydale and way too many bad guys like me to leave that an open possibility.  Sorry but no kids.  Dogs, I'll gladly adopt all the furry kids you'll ever want to play with."  He looked at his mother again.  "Also, I'm kinda bi.  It's pretty rare I find a guy I like but there's been a few."

"That's fine, Xander.  We don't care if you date a guy," Lee assured him as he came in.  "Francine is hiding in fear under her desk."

"Good.  I'll deal with her for hiding this secret tomorrow."    She smiled at him.  "There was a small conspiracy to hide you from us."

"That's okay.  I guess they thought it was necessary."  He shrugged.  "It wasn't a great upbringing but there's not too many things I can't kick the ass of or defeat one way or another.  Gibbs even sent me for more demolitions training since I only had the mid-level training from construction and things."

"Things?" his grandmother asked.

He grinned.  "I grew up in Sunnydale."

"That town that fell in from the earthquake?"

"Portal to hell," Lee coughed.  "You okay?"  He looked at his son and opened his mouth.  Xander scowled so he closed it.  "I'm assuming they know?"

"I've had it since before Sunnydale turned into a hole in the ground.  I went into the battle that turned it into a hole in the ground a few weeks after it was done.  I learned to compensate a long time ago."

"Good.  It means it's not going to hobble you."

"Maybe in the field, but not usually."

"Good," Amanda agreed, looking at him.  "I noticed it earlier.  He's a bit slow now and then, Xander."

"Did you name me or them?  I wondered about the middle name stuff."

"You were going to be named David," Lee told him.  "What's your middle name?"

"Lavelle."

Lee shook his head.  "Some parents are cruel."  Xander snorted.  "I heard.  We got your background check read to us on the way over this morning.  Did they survive?"  Xander shrugged. "You honestly don't know?"

"My uncle's in Texas.  As long as I'm not going there, I don't care.  More power to his DUI butt."

Amanda gave him a hug.  "It'll be okay.  We won't be Ozzy and Harriet, but we'll work out a good relationship.  We are not like them."

"That's good."  He patted her.  "I'm going to contaminate the food and make you all sick."

She laughed, pulling back to get back to cooking.  "Maybe we can figure out why you're poisonous in the kitchen."

"No one's really sure," he admitted.  "The first time I tried to cook it went bad.  Every other time it went bad.  Then again, the pseudo-mother couldn't cook either. She gave me food poisoning from fish and cabbage once."  His grandmother gave him an odd look.  "She did.  I spent a week in the hospital from it."  Lee moaned.  "So yeah, eating my food is punishment."  He leaned on his hands, watching her chop stuff.  "What did Fornell stop you to say on the way out?"

"Haswari's out."  Xander looked at him.  "He pretended to be dead to escape.  They think he left the city.  Before you ask, he's telling Gibbs too."

"If he was going after those around Gibbs, did he warn Ducky too?  And Abby?"

"He did," he agreed.  "He said Gibbs would if he missed someone."   Xander nodded at that, putting his head back down.  "Want to ...go look at family pictures?"  Xander shrugged, going with him.  "Have you worked with your big brother a lot?"

"He brought stuff down the other day for a homicide.  I solved it for their team and his team leader wasn't happy with me for it," he admitted.  "We see a lot more stuff from Gibbs' team.  It's like the other teams only do a fifth of the work."

"Jethro gets the harder cases," Lee told him.  "He's one of the senior agents in the agency.  He scares other agencies.  They give it to him."  Xander grinned. "If they can't take you in Miami for a few months are you going to stay?"

"I have to stay.  I need the internship hours."

"Good point."  He found the family album and sat down with him.  "Here we are.  Started when your mom and I got married.  She's got another one of the boys when they were younger, before her husband died."  Xander nodded at that, leaning over to see.  "Want to switch sides?"

"I'm good."  He grinned at him.  "You're trying too hard.  I'm not Buffy."

"No, you're not," he agreed.   He relaxed and explained who everyone was, ignoring his mother-in-law lurking.  Eventually she went back to the kitchen to pump Amanda for information on their son.

***

Xander came in the next morning looking confused.  He stopped in front of Tony's desk. "They're mad because I didn't know what to do at a family table."

"Like you do in a restaurant but you end up serving yourself like it's take-out," he said, looking up at him with a small smile.  "Only you use restaurant manners."

"I tried.  Grandma got mad because I didn't know how to use a casserole dish."  He frowned.  "Oh, got a message."  He handed it over.  "It's for Gibbs."

Tony glanced inside then at him.  "That's a good warning.  He's in the locker room I think."  Xander took it back and went to find him.  Tony shuddered.  He didn't want to know what she'd be like.

Xander found Gibbs changing shirts.  "Coffee spilled?"

"Someone tried to run into me on the way in."  He took the message to look over then at the boy.  "You okay?"

"Grandma's mad that I can't give her more great-grandbabies.  I couldn't use a casserole dish and that didn't make her happy either.  I guess my parents are cool.  We got along well last night.  We'll do another dinner in a few weeks, cases willing."  That got a nod and a small smile.  "Should I worry about this?"

"No. You don't have to worry about this."  He patted him on the arm. "Isn't today your day off?"

"Yeah but I'm bored."

"Go sleep, Xander."

"I can't.  There's a pro working next door and her clients like her to be a screamer."

He closed his locker and walked off, leading him back upstairs like a puppy.  "Go shopping.  Find something nice to wear for the interview you'll be doing."  Xander nodded, going to do that.  He shook his head.  That poor boy.  "Did you read that?"

"Yes, and the very thought of your ex taking over scares the crap out of me with what I've heard about your ex-wives, boss," Tony quipped.

"That's probably a smart reflex."  He sat down, typing that message to Ducky's email.  The director came down a few minutes later.  "Pinging me again?" he asked dryly.

"Wondering how you knew."

"Xander brought it in."  He looked at him.  "Why?"

"It's a political appointment, Jethro."

"Then she'll be great.  Just don't let her change crap for no reason, sir."  He went back to working.  "Before you ask, I sent Xander home.  There's no work and he's already over hours for the week."

"He is?"

"He is.  Why?"

"Abby hasn't been filing hour statements for him."

"Have someone in security find out when he's been in there by the video cameras."

"Good idea."  He went to get someone to do that, then came back.  "You let him out on his own?"

"The kid can take care of himself," Tony reminded him.  "Besides, I'm sure someone's watching the boy."  He looked over as Jamie came in.  "He's shopping.  It's his day off."

"That's kinda cool.  Think he'll come in for lunch?"

"Probably," Gibbs admitted.  His phone rang.  "Gibbs."  He took down a note and handed it over to Jamie.  "Thanks, Lee."  He hung up.  "Yes, he'll be in for lunch.  Probably sooner.  They didn't want him out wandering around alone either."

"He managed it once, boss, and he's not that untrained," Tony reminded him. "Plus he's probably armed."

"Dad hates going down to any station to get us out of trouble when we have to save ourselves," Jamie assured him, going back to his desk.  "Hey, Peter, my brother's coming in for lunch."

"Tell Philip I said hi."

"Wrong brother."  His team leader looked at him and grinned.  "Turns out Harris was Mom and Dad's together but the agency had him stolen to protect them."

His boss looked at him.  "You're related to that lunatic?"

"He is not."

"He's scarier than Abby!"

"He's also spent a lot of time protecting people out by LA," Jamie shot back.

"So he's a gang thug?  We're letting gang kids work here?" he sneered.

"Not hardly," Jamie said dryly.

Gibbs came over.  "First, you're loud enough to make me cranky.  Second, no, he's not a gang thug.  One tutored him in chemistry.  Another in economics.  He's not affiliated.  Unfortunately his former town had a bit of a high death rate so he and a group of friends constituted the quasi-legal defense team the town didn't officially sanction.  The rest were mostly girls before you ask."   Peter shuddered.

"I heard Buffy was a bit tough," Jamie said dryly, logging into his email.  He looked at Gibbs.  "Maybe I'll take him shopping for lunch."

"It could help.  He'll be interviewing during that convention.  Even Abby wants him to buy new pants."

"We'll work on it, or hey, let him go out clubbing some night and maybe one of them will take him shopping."

"Probably in handcuffs," he said grimly, heading back to his desk.  "He's here."

"Okay."  He grinned as Xander got off the elevator.  "Are they being mean?"

"Yup."

"Want lunch with me?"

"Are you going to nag for nieces and nephews too?"

"Hell no.  I have plenty, Xander."

Xander beamed.  "Thank you!"  He hugged him.  "Grandma nearly growled when she found out I was snipped."  He let him go and headed back down to the lab.  "They won't let me go home or go shop," he said at Abby's look.

"Then take my farting hippo buddy Bert and go nap in the office until lunch.  By then maybe we'll have a case."  He shrugged, going to do that.  This was going to drive her insane.  She'd be babbling so much that Gibbs would need a translator.  The scary thing was, Xander could babble just as well so he could be the translator.  She shuddered at that mental image and went back to going through her email.  She groaned at one and sat down to figure out when Xander had been here and when he wasn't.  She also started with today's.  Not like he was late but she did note he was there to sleep since they wouldn't let him go home or shop.  He definitely needed to shop.

***

Xander looked at his father that Friday night.  "I feel like I'm in jail."

"Protective custody, same thing," he admitted.

"I still need to shop for my interviews."

"You should," he agreed, smiling at him.  "We can drag the agents with us.  Or even see if Tony wants to come, that way he can tell you what to wear.  He's had more interviews than I have."

"Sure.  If he's not busy and wants to come.  Abby was going to make me dress in black silk."

"Depending on the shirt that might be okay," he offered.  "Maybe not but maybe."  He looked at the agent, who gave him a dirty look.  "What?"

"We found ten checks in Mr. Harris' apartment, sir?"

"Yeah, swag from the kidnaping dating I get."  He shrugged. "It happens sometimes.  That's why I went to the gala.  There was a senator who had me tied to a chair and she insisted."  He looked at his father.  "I've got cash stuffed around too."  An envelope was handed over.  "Why did we go through my things?"

"Because we wanted to make sure no one planted any bugs, sir."

Xander shook his head.  "I don't care if they want to hear me snore and whack off, guys.  Really."  He looked at his father again.  "Help," he mouthed.  "Escape?"

"Maybe.  Guys, why don't you stand down?  I'm sure I can protect the boy," Lee offered.

"Fornell would eat us, sir.  He's even scarier than Harris is."

"That's good to know."  Xander stuffed the envelope in his pocket, then looked at the guys.  "Here's the deal, guys.  I'm going to go out.  I'm going to do a bit of minor shopping because I've got interviews coming up.  Then I'm going to go out clubbing.  If you guys want to come as my clothing approval committee, feel free.  Maybe you guys can keep the girls from snatching me tonight or paying me for breathing and not sleeping with them.  If not, have a good nap."  The agents opened their mouths so he set off something on his keychain, watching as they all fell asleep.  "Yeah, demon things do that to some.  Especially Fricken's farts.  Coming, dad?"  He walked over the agents, heading for the door.

"Sure," he agreed, following along, smiling.  His son was so like him!

***

Amanda walked into NCIS the next morning, finding Tony already at work but no Gibbs yet.  "Did you hear anything from my son or husband last night?"

"Yup."  He quit typing to look up at her.  "He gassed the agents watching over them.  We're not sure with what.  They both said they woke up with the taste of farting in their mouths.  Then Xander and Lee did some shopping.  He sent me pictures for approval."   He let her have his phone.  "I turned down most of them.  Apparently your spouse needs better taste in interview clothes.  I finally suggested a *good* store and sent the boys there.  Then they dropped things off at Xander's motel room and headed out to have some fun at a low-pressure club.  That was the last I heard of them but knowing Xander, he picked up a girl or was picked up by a girl."

She sighed.  "I had hopes that it wouldn't happen again."  She handed his phone back.  "Thanks, dear."

"Welcome, Amanda.  He's due into the lab in about an hour if you wanted to wait."

"Please.  I think I need to spank my husband.  He should know better by now."  Gibbs came in, giving her an odd look.  "The boys escaped custody last night.  Went out to play."

Gibbs looked at Tony.  "Shopping then clubbing, boss."  Gibbs moaned.  "Have more coffee, really."  He sipped his own and got back to work.  "I'm still working on tracking Haswari, boss.  He's gone to ground.  Can't find a thing on him."

"We'll find him," Gibbs assured him.  Lee came off the elevator dragging Xander.  "You two okay?  I need to know before I yell."

"I can protect my own son, Gibbs, and he's very good at doing it himself."  He smiled and kissed Amanda.  "Hi, honey.  Thank you for the clothing recommendation, Tony."

"Welcome, just don't kiss me."

"Awww," Xander said, giving him a hug.  "Did you need to meet the woman I met last night?  She's a shrink and she seemed kinda nice."

"Until...." he prompted, looking at the boy.

"Until she pulled a knife and went at him for being so good on the dance floor," Lee told him.  "Oh, we went car shopping too.  That was after the police came to arrest her.  We went to look at a few lots and one caught his eye.  A woman came out of the dealership and they talked about it, so he's got a car again.  He's also got a lot more than that."

"Dad!" Xander whined.

"Sorry."  He shrugged and grinned at Amanda.  "He's definitely my son."

"We won't tell anyone in Miami that so they won't get worried in advance," she shot back.  "Xander, are you okay?"

"I'm fine.  She was a demon.  It was kinda nice she didn't really hit on me.  Gave me a good deal on the car though."  He shrugged.  "So I'm now a proud driver, it's in the parking lot and I need to go get a parking pass."  He headed off to do that after hugging his mother.  "Morning, Jamie," he called as he walked past that row.

"Morning, Xander," he called, waving a hand absently.  "Mom, Dad nearly got him kidnaped twice last night too.  Phillip said that they're both in trouble for the woman who gave him the money and the one who tried to take him out on her boat."

"That one was a ploy, son, and we knew that.  That's why we stopped her," Lee called back, rolling his eyes.  "Remember, I can still do the work, Junior."

Jamie stood up to look at him.  "Uh-huh.  Don't make me put Phillip on a conference call."

Lee grinned.  "You do that and Grandma comes to live with you for a few weeks while we have the house fumigated."

"That's mean.  She doesn't like my wife."  He sat down again, shaking his head.  His wife would scream for months if she came over for a weekend.  Much less a few weeks.

"We need the house fumigated?" Amanda asked him, looking confused.

"No, but I can have it done," he offered with a smile.  "Always happy to take you to a hotel for a few weeks, Amanda."  He kissed her and walked off grinning.  "Going to work."

"Change when you get there, Dad.   You look like you've been out clubbing."

"Gee, thanks, kid."  He got onto the elevator, shaking his head all the way down to get a cab to work.  He was proud of how his son handled himself.  He even walked past his former friend and teammate with a happy, goofy grin because his son was so great.  "Francine, you would not believe how good my son is," he bragged, making her moan and put her head down.  She was still under a death threat from Amanda.  His other son peeked out of his office.  "We're fine, son."

"Uh-huh.  Did anyone tell mom that the first lady gave him fifty grand?"

"Nope.   Nor am I, Philip," he said cheerfully.  "But he did get a good deal on a car.  You might ask him where he went."

"Sure, I'll do that when I take him to lunch today, Dad."  He went back to work, shaking his head.  His parents were getting strange in their old age.  Again.  His mom came in and walked in to look at him.  "We're going to lunch today."

"I know.  What did they do last night?"  He handed over the briefing sheet he had done.  "Thank you, Phillip.  Who paid him?"

"The first lady, not the one who tried to stab him or Haswari's person."

"Oh, charming."  She walked off reading.  At least the boys had dropped her off on Fornell's doorstep, even if ringing the bell then running was childish.

Xander checked into the convention hotel, smiling at the lady checking in for the convention events.  "Has Miami's team gotten here yet?"

"Earlier today, Mr. Harris."  She smiled.  "I know CSI Speedle is somewhere in room one.  He's got dark hair...."

"I looked him up online," he offered with a grin.  "Thank you."  She nodded.  He headed that way, spotting him by the bar.  He smiled at someone he knew.  "You're Bobby Dawson."  The man looked startled so he grinned and shook his hand.  "Harris, out of UCLA's program. You were my second choice but I got NCIS instead."

"I heard you did good.  I've got your classmate Sheila."  Xander snickered. "I see you remember robo-bimbo?"

"Oh, yeah.  We told her many times that showing that much cleavage didn't help her any and didn't get her underestimated at all.  I tried, I'm sorry."

"It's all right.  I had Catherine, our wise, older, senior tech on the team, go through her closet with her the first time she wore that red shirt."

"I remember when she bought that.  We all decided that telling her it was see-through in certain lights was a waste of time."  He nodded, smiling at him.  "Will I see you in the ballistics panel?"

"You sure will.  Talk then?"

"Please!  Abby's not getting a lot of ballistics so I've mostly been doing stuff for my minor in trace and I'm bored," he said more quietly.  "I miss my guns."

Bobby smiled.  "Don't worry, there's a lot of ballistics related stuff here this weekend, Xander.  Hey, I know you," he said, smiling at the guy who was coming up to them.

"That is CSI Speedle out of Miami.  I talked with his boss a few weeks back.  Hi, Xander Harris.  I came in hunting you when I ran into one of our Gods."  He shook his hand.

"You're the guy Horatio said we'd be talking to this weekend."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Relax, kid."

"This is relaxed," he said, looking confused.  "Should I be more uptight?"

"Nah, be yourself.  If you're bouncy like your current mentor, he'll understand that."  He looked him over.  "Good first impression, Xander.  You'll do fine.  Bobby, can I steal him or do you need more adoration?"

"I'll get more later."  He winked at Xander. "It'll be okay."  Xander nodded, following Speed out.  He shook his head.  "Poor boy, but why did he go to NCIS if they didn't do many ballistics?"  He went to find his teammates, going to tell them who he had met.  Sheila stomped off in a huff.  "Huh."

Speed smiled at the kid.  "The first time H saw me I was in a band t-shirt and jeans.  Calm down and it'll be fine," he said quietly.

"The first time he saw me I was in a tux.  It was at that stupid gala thing the kidnaper said I had to go to."

"Kidnaper?"

"Long story," he moaned.  "Anyway, I've been interning at NCIS, in DC, and it's been good.  I love Abby like a sister.  If I could clone her I'd bring one with me, but I'm not being used to my full potential.  She's the only tech they had for a long time and they don't get enough work usually to keep her fully busy.  So she's kinda upset with me because I've had to steal stuff to run so I could do *anything* in my area.  That's why she and your boss have been talking."

"That's what he said."  He got them onto the elevator.  "Checked in?"

"Sent my bags up with the bellhop but I came right in since I'm still nicely pressed.  The others went to their rooms I guess. I haven't seen Gibbs, Tony, or Abby.  Or the stupid FBI agent who's following me around."

"They want you to work in their lab?"

"No, we had a semi well known terrorist break into the lab and I kicked his ass," he said honestly, shrugging a bit.  "I don't like people like that."

Speed looked at him.  "Please tell me you're joking?"

"Wish I was," he said dryly, giving him a look.  "Really wish I was.  It was a pretty close fight too."  They got off on a floor and Speed moaned all the way down to the suite their team had taken.  He knocked before walking in, startling another guy.  "Hi, I saw your picture online," he said happily, shaking his hand.  "Xander Harris, intern out of NCIS in DC."

"You're the guy H has been talking about."  He grinned.  "Welcome to our slice of Miami.  You're a what sort of tech?"

"Ballistics with a minor in trace and enough field classes to qualify as a backup," he said modestly.

"Second out of UCLA's last graduating class as well," Horatio said, coming out of his room. "There was a detective taking it to switch over.  Xander."  He shook his hand and got a hug.  "Come on, we'll talk."  He smiled at the boy.  "Calm down."

"I am calm!  I'm normally bouncy.  Abby and I get bouncy in the lab together."

Speed snickered.  "Somehow that doesn't surprise me.  Calleigh?"  She came out of her room and Xander squealed, rushing over to hug her, babbling at her.  "He's a ballistics tech."

"I heard."  She pushed him back.  "Hi, Xander."  He beamed and nodded.  "Go with Horatio.  We'll talk later."  He nodded, letting Horatio walk him off.

"He drooled on Bobby too," Speed told her.  "Apparently NCIS isn't getting a lot of ballistics work."

"Why did he go there?"

"I don't know," Speed admitted.

"Combat history that wasn't military," Xander called.

"Well, that almost answers that question," Speed said dryly.  He shook his head.  "We're doing the meet and greet.  Shouldn't we go find our friends?"  They nodded, heading down to go mingle and mix, letting Horatio have the boy for now.  They'd get to talk to him later.  Maybe he'd explain the cryptic stuff too.  He ran into Abby.  "No pouncing this time," he ordered from behind her.  She spun and squealed, giving him a hug.  "Thanks, Abby.  I saw your boy and led him up to Horatio already."

"Thank you.  He needs a bigger lab with more things to do.  He's a hands-on guy and I can't finish teaching him everything because we don't have everything, and not many gun cases really.  It's gotten so bad I'm letting him do all the work and then I'm getting bored and it's not good for either of us.  Besides, Xander's very easy to abuse and make him do all the work, he's just like that.  He'll take samples from you to run if he doesn't have one and he cleans if there's nothing going on.  He even cleaned and arranged my exemplar cabinet on me.  I'm going nuts.  There's not enough work up there for both of us," she babbled, taking a breath finally.

Speed kissed her on the forehead.  "Come tell the rest of us about our new tech, Abby.  That way we know what to expect when he comes down."  She nodded, walking over there with them, making Tony follow when they ran into him.  "Guys, you know Abby, right?"

"Everyone knows Abby," Eric teased, shaking her hand.  "How's DC?"

"Filled with stupid politicians and terrorists who like Xander.  He even dates worse than Tony does," she complained.  Tony moaned. "He does!"

"He does," he agreed, shaking his head.  "Never, ever let the boy date without a chaperone.  It'll be safer.  Trust me."  He took a sip of his water.  "You, Miss Duquesne, are in for a treat.  The boy loves his guns.  He and his dad bonded over his small collection recently.  And his artillery I guess."  He took another sip even though Abby swatted at him.  "I'm being good."

"Xander just found out he has real parents," Abby offered.  "They're in Homeland."  That got smiles from the trio of techs.  "Anyway, what can we tell you about Xander?"

"He's like a male Abby, only he works until he falls down, he's more stubborn, he knows his stuff, and he'll ask if he doesn't have a clue," Tony told them.  "Unfortunately he's also a bit tough and rough when necessary."

"He said someone broke into your lab."

"Yeah, he was pretending to be a witness, got in on a visitor's pass," Abby sighed.  "Xander did kick his butt.  Didn't even trash the lab doing it, only knocked off some papers," she said, sounding very proud.  "If I could, I'd keep Xander, but we don't have enough work for me, let alone him.  Plus I do a lot more with the hacking and computer stuff than he does."

"So he's a physical, hands-on sort?" Eric asked.  She nodded.  Tony nodded.  "He's good in his areas?"

"He's very good in his areas," Bobby said as he joined them.  "Sheila, my intern, was behind him in the class standings.  Keeps getting upset.  Told me I expected her to be like him when I left her alone for six hours in the lab before she thought she was ready.  She says a lot of stuff about him that doesn't upset me in the least.  He's dedicated.  He pushes himself.  He's a smart ass.  He's a lot like our boy Greg from the way she described him, but she said he had this dangerous guy thing going."

"He grew up in Sunnydale.  They had a really high death rate so he was on the protection detail there," Abby told him.

Calleigh stiffened.  "I know that town."

Tony looked at her.  "We found out about that town.  They sent him to Gibbs to make sure he could calm down from that stuff.  He said he retired the day he graduated.  He's definitely a do what needs to be done sort, guys.  He's a great tech.  He's also a very quick tech and a very good report writer.  I love his reports.  They're simple to understand and include information I need to write mine.  It's enough to refresh yourself before a trial.  The boy's good.  He could be great.  He just needs a more varied environment."

"He told me he hasn't gotten to work with paper that's been wetted down too often or things like that," Abby offered.  "They showed it in class but he learns and understands better in a hands-on way.  Other than that, he's fantastic.  I already leave Xander alone in my lab for days on end.  If he wasn't here this weekend, he'd have full control of my lab.  He'd have to leave anything DNA related for me when I got back but otherwise I'd expect to come home to a clean table."

"Can he do field stuff?" Eric asked.

They both shrugged.  "We can't get him into the field.  Gibbs said so," Tony said at their confused looks.  "Gibbs said only team members, agents, can go into the field.  I know he took the classes."

"He told me he did his ride along hours for that stuff with San Diego going 'you missed a hair' for five weeks and then a week stuck in the labs because they had a high profile case they didn't want him involved in," Abby said.  "Which means he would have probably went with Griffold.  There he is.  Griffy!" she called, waving.  He waved back and came over.  "Hi.  I got Xander."

"You got Harris?" he asked, looking confused.  "Why?"

"His ballistics instructor sent him to Gibbs."

"I guess that's reasonable but man!  That's... how bored is your boy?"

"Very," she admitted.  "Which is why we're trying to get these nice folks down in Miami to finish his internship and maybe offer him a job afterward."

Griffold looked at the guys, rubbing over his very sparse blond hair.  "Boy'll do you proud but watch out.  He's a do what's necessary sort.  He stepped between me and a guy with a gun to protect me.  Took him down for me too.  He's not got a lot of fear left in him.  He's damn good though.  Even if he did claim I kept dropping hairs."  He grinned at them.  "Where's the boss?  I'll gladly give him a rec."

"Upstairs interviewing him," Speed admitted.  "He did good in the field?"

"The only problem he had was with that vision thing of his.  Made most of his pictures kinda fuzzy."

"Vision thing?" Calleigh asked.

"He lost an eye about five years ago.  You can't tell," Griffold told her.  "He compensates very well.  Even in a fight.  Maybe especially in a fight.  We had a gang thing happen on a scene while we were processing and he helped.  His weak side's compensated for.  He did say he wanted to mostly be a lab tech but he wouldn't mind being a backup field boy."  They all smiled at that.  "He's a puzzle sort too.  It's all a puzzle to be put together.  You guys get any serial cases, Abby?"

"Not really.  Why?"

"He's got skills in that area."

"Yeah, his ex turned into one," Tony said dryly.  "Kept killing his friends over and over.  There are four things you should know about Xander on the bad side.  He's bouncy like Abby is.  Never, ever let him have too much chocolate or he's really bouncy, even worse than Abby is.  Never, ever let him date because he turns the women he dates evil.  Not the ones he works with but the ones he dates," Tony said, nodding at Calleigh.  "And the boy was raised by girls.  He called football gay sex in teams."  Speed choked at that.  "Exactly.  "He's a nice guy but we're still working on that thing.   He was definitely raised by girly girls.  Knows how to be a very good shopping buddy but doesn't personally care about his own clothes.  He helped do a face mask for McGee when he got exposed to some mustard gas.  It helped calm his skin down and soothe it.  The boy can probably braid hair better than a hairdresser, but the guy's all guy."

"Gay?" Eric asked.

"Bi," Abby admitted.  "With a strong leaning toward evil women.  Mostly ones who want to pay him for breathing.  We had a senator who was dancing with him and ended up kidnaping him.  She gave him a tux, some stuff to go with it, and demanded he come to some gala event, which was nice because he met your boss there."  Griffold snickered.  "I take it you saw him date?"

"Had to rescue him from two," he agreed.  "We don't know what sparks it but the boy turns some women homicidal and some women into money sending sluts around him.  I went out with him one weekend while he was with us, just to see what he did.  He was dancing.  Some woman walked up to him, kissed him, slid something in his pocket, then walked out.  He protested.  I walked over to see.  It was a hundred dollar bill with her phone number on it.  He does protest but it does happen."

"One gave him a very good deal on a used beamer," Tony told him.  That got a smirk.  "One gave him Ralph Lauren clothes the last time.  Drug him off shopping in handcuffs at gunpoint.   He helped her pick out what would look good on her and protested the whole time so someone called the local PD.  They ended up rescuing him but she demanded that the clothes go to him.  Even hers.  They wouldn't do it so when she got out on bail she walked them into the office and handed them to security, pretending it was something he had left in her car."  Calleigh whimpered.  "He doesn't do it to those he works with.  Just don't date the boy."

"I'll keep that in mind."  She smiled as Horatio and Xander came back in.  "You do look nice in that outfit, Xander."

"Thank you."  He beamed.  "Hi, Griffy."

"Hi, Xander."  He let himself be hugged.  "I've given them a good recommendation of how  you did in your field classes with me."  He got a grin for it.  "Now, let go."  Xander let him go.  "Thanks, kid.  Caine, you'll like the boy.  He's steady, he's smart, and he'll pull his own weight.  Plus more if you let him.  We found it *real* easy to let him slip into overtime."

"Us too," Abby agreed.  "We've had three different overnight shifts and he lasted longer than I did.  He's grumpy the next morning but still longer than I did."

"He's coming down.  You can quit pimping him," Horatio offered.  "Xander, Calleigh..."

"I know.  I looked.  She's like a Goddess whispered at by the instructors."  She blushed at that.  "You are.  My instructor said the first time I met you I was to bow to you and Bobby both because you were both gods of the field."

"Aww," she said, pinching him on the arm.  "We'll get along just fine in the lab, Xander."  He beamed and nodded. "Did Horatio give you the lab rules?  I know Abby drinks soda constantly in the lab."

"Can I have one out of the way, like on the desk?"

"That's fine," Horatio agreed.  "As long as there's no chance of contamination or it getting anywhere near anything.  Keep it in a sterile area."

"I can do that," he promised.  He heard a scream and looked out.  "Um, 'scuse me."  He went to check and pounced the demon back through the emergency exit it had come through, going to kill the stupid thing.  "You just had to do this in front of my friends, didn't you?  And worse, in front of the people who want to hire me to play with the pretty weapons!"  He gave it one last kick then said something, turning it into goo, letting it run down the drain.  He looked at himself then snuck up to his room, going to change quickly and head back down.  "Sorry," he said when he rejoined them.

Abby looked at him.  "Retired, Xander?"

"It came here and it's a dangerous thing," he defended.  "It would've eaten people."

"Fine.  Be a good boy."

"I'm trying.  It's being in Cleveland.  It's setting my teeth on edge."

"They won't be here, Xander.  Trust me," Tony promised.  "Your former friends are not going to come anywhere near here.  Even if one is that smart she'd never fit in and we'd know."  Xander nodded, relaxing again.  He smiled at the others, who looked a bit shocked.  "That's why he got sent to Gibbs.  To make sure the retirement stuck and he was handling the transition all right."  Xander slumped.  "Which he has.  He's done excellently with that.  The only person still scared of him is one terrorist, who he annoyed by kicking his ass, and Fornell."

Horatio cracked a smile.  "We have other techs who had military service.  I'm sure we can help him if he has to break out in the former skills."

"I consider it like reincarnation.  It's my old life," Xander assured him.  "It doesn't usually happen, Horatio.  I promise it doesn't."

"Calm down," he ordered quietly.  Xander nodded, accepting that. "You're still good, Xander.  Now, get to know your coworkers.  You're ours for at least the rest of your internship.  That's seven months?"  Xander nodded. "Then we'll see if you want to stay."  Xander nodded, letting Speed draw him off.   "Truth, Tony?"

"Truth, Horatio.  It's a former life for him.  He's had one attack him that I know of.  They consider him scary.  He's got a good rep among them.  We were out clubbing when he got attacked, the bouncer was one and he didn't attack him.  Xander told him he was retired too."

"Good.  I like that boy more and more."  He smiled at the return of the bouncy boy.  "That's going to drive Speed nuts in the lab."

"I thought so too but you really do learn to appreciate the boy after having him around for a few weeks," Griffold told him.  "When he left I moped, guys.  Fully moped.  Xander's good at taking up any slack he sees.  Even if you're just having a lazy day he'll do it for you and then expect to do it the next time.  Whoever those girls who warped him were, they did bad things to his self-esteem.  He feels like he's got to prove himself repeatedly, every day.  It's very easy to abuse Xander into doing too much."

"He's pulled fifty hour weeks with us," Tony admitted.  "He's only supposed to have thirty and he's pulled fifty.  Even Gibbs likes the boy.  Just don't let him date.  One of my exes, very sweet and nice to me, a real baking cookies and brownies sort, ended up trying to keep him in her closet.  She didn't pat him down so he called off work that morning due to playing with her chiffon dresses.  Gibbs was not amused when he had to make her give him up.  She's still pouting about not having a Xander of her own."

"Don't tell them that.  I'll never get to go have fun," Xander complained.  "Tony!"

Tony grinned at him. "This way they know to go out with you, that way it's harder to snatch you, Xander."

Xander shook his head.  "Just because you let Evilista take me...."

Abby patted him on the back. "It's all right, Xander.  Some day you'll settle down. They'll be the ones to protect you then."  She rubbed his back.  She looked around. "Did you see your dad lurking in the lobby?"

"Yup.  Behind a newspaper. I'm ignoring it this time.  He's being overprotective because it's Cleveland."

"Want to put that behind you once and for all, kid?" Speed suggested.

Xander looked at him. "I'm not that young.  Really."  That got a snort.  "I'm nearly twenty-eight, Speedle."

"Speed, kid."

"Sorry."

"That's okay, you'll learn."  He patted him on the back.  "You can't move on until you put it behind you.  Then maybe the women problem you have would calm down."

"With his luck, they'll come to Miami to try to hurt him," Tony told him.  Xander gave him a look.  "I researched, sue me I'm like that, Xander."

"Did she show up?"

"Rosenburg did," he admitted.  "I let Kate have her."  He grinned sweetly.  "She and Abby took her to lunch for that very important talk."

Xander moaned.  "Poor Kate.  Did she warp you, Abby?"

"No, sweetie, but she left crying."

"Good.  I like that."  He nodded, taking a sip of his drink.  "Eww.  Someone put liquor in this."  He went to the bar to change it out.  "Someone put liquor in my soda."  Another was handed over.  "Thanks."  He paid for it and went back to the group.  "Sorry.  Don't hardly drink.  Maybe a beer a month."

"I don't usually drink either," Abby said.  "I will the night you leave.  I'll miss you so you had better write, Mister."  Xander gave her a hug.  "Awww.  It'll be okay.  They'll nurture you like I would or else I'll send Gibbs after them.  I'll even take Kate's midol and let her help."  She patted him on the back, smiling at Horatio.  "When did you want him?"

"We can use him now actually," he admitted. "Our last one had a car accident due to stupidity."

Xander looked at him.  "It'll take me a few days to do the paperwork and drive down."

"That's fine, Xander.  Say a week from this coming Monday?"

"Sure."  That got a smile and a hug. "Thank you."

"You're welcome.  Let go."  Xander let him go, giving him a sheepish look.  "You'll learn better, Xander.  You'll have fun in Miami as well."  That got a grin.  "Take Calleigh to talk to her about her lab.  That way she can tell you how she wants things done."  They nodded and walked off together.  He smoothed out the single wrinkle he had.  "These ladies are where?"

Tony pulled out a piece of paper and wrote it down.  "There."  He grinned. "We were going over there later to make fun of them for not appreciating the boy.  If Gibbs hasn't destroyed them by now.  He went when we got in."

"Good."  He put it into his pocket. "Speed, Eric?"

"I'll give the kid a try, H," Speed promised. "He sounds like he knows most of his stuff in Trace."

Eric nodded.  "I can definitely use a new intern to abuse and make carry stuff.  Maybe he'll help me move."

"Hire someone, Eric," Horatio sighed, shaking his head.  "Don't abuse our tech."

"Yes, H," the guys said, giving him hurt looks.

Tony snorted.  "Guys, trust me.  Xander off duty and Xander on duty are two different Xanders.  The same as Xander in danger and Xander on or off duty are different Xanders.   Give it two weeks.  Even Gibbs wasn't sure how Abby did without a Xander before."  They snickered at that, going to help tell the boy how the lab was run.  Tony looked at Horatio.  "I'll make sure his last stipend gets to you guys for him."

"That would be appreciated."  He shook his hand.  "I'll want evaluations, Abby."

"I can do a final one.  I haven't been doing weekly ones.  It's like he's a fully trained tech, Horatio.  He's as professional as I am.  Oh, watch out for some of his t-shirts.  After the 'I see stupid people who annoy me and therefore are targets' the director made him quit wearing them."  Tony nodded at that.  Then he walked off shaking his head.  "I think he's seen most of Xander's closet.  He helped him with the social stuff before the gala."  She sipped her soda.  "Are you sure you can handle him?"

"I'm very sure, Abby.  We've had one intern quit, one get severely hurt because she was drunk driving, and one who got fired for tampering with evidence when it didn't come out like she wanted it to.  We've got the open spots.  As for later spots I'm not sure yet.  We'll have to see in seven months."  She beamed and nodded.  "What didn't you have a chance to make sure he could do."  She pulled out the sheets she had downloaded off UCLA's site, handing them over.  "Hmm.  A lot of similar cases?"

"We deal in military crimes.  We get a few homicides now and then, a rare abuse case, and some B&E's, Horatio.  We're not that diverse.  I will note that Xander has *no* idea how to run DNA.  At all.  Ever.  He can run most chem tests but not DNA.  He's barely proficient in that and fingerprints.  The baseline you'd expect for a tech subbing."

"That's good.  I don't expect any specialist tech to be superhuman."  She smiled at that and gave him a hug, bouncing off.  He grinned, going back over the notes.  It was a good thing.  He heard a familiar voice and smiled back at him.  "Mac Taylor."

"Horatio Caine."  He shook his hand.  "How's your team?"

"Good.  We just found a new intern being sadly underused at NCIS."

"So I take it Abby's here with her wonder apprentice?" he teased.

"You've heard?"

"She's got an email pal relationship with one of ours," he admitted.  "She told him Xander's a great guy, even though he does take work from her hand so he has something to do.  She claims he's like a lion in a very small cage."  Horatio smiled and nodded.  "You're poaching?"

"Mutual decision," Xander said as he walked back over.  "Boss, I forgot to ask about dress code."

"Comfortable, you can wear jeans as long as we don't have an inspection planned.  No t- shirts that would make anyone scream.  Sneakers are fine as long as they're not too dirty or nasty."

Xander beamed. "Thanks, boss."  He gave him another hug and bounced off.

Horatio smiled at Mac, who was snickering.  "That's Abby's Xander.  Even Gibbs likes the kid.  He's off threatening his former friends for him."

"Interesting.  So he'll be here?"

"He and DiNozzo both escorted Abby and Xander up."  He handed over the forms Abby had given him.  "She hasn't had a wide range of cases."

"I can see that.  Pity.  We could use the kid."

"We've had three techs have to lose their job, Mac.  We need him more."

"What's his field?"

"He was second out of UCLA's last graduating class," he said with a fond smile for his team.  They were already integrating Xander.  It was good to see.

"I heard they had a hotshot young ballistics guy with demo experience," Mac admitted.

"He does?"  Mac smirked and nodded.  "Xander?"  He looked over.  He motioned him closer.  "You know explosives?"

"She didn't tell you I used to work construction and I have demolitions and explosives experience from that?" he asked hesitantly.  "Gibbs sent me in for further training.  I'm good up to the spaghetti wire bombs, boss.  Really.  They even put my ratings in the federal database when he tested me and upped my skills."

"I'm proud.  She hadn't told me," Horatio admitted, smiling at him.  "It's always good, Xander.  The more skills you have the better job you'll find."  Xander nodded at that.  "Have you met Mac Taylor yet?"

"I think he came out to recruit one of my fellow interns," he said, shaking his hand.  "Hi, Xander Harris."

"I wish I had a ballistics spot open, Xander.  I would've taken you too.  I heard good things about you in the program."  The boy gave him a shy grin.  "Go play."  Xander ran off again.  "He's an eager little puppy."

"Yes he is and he'll definitely be good for my lab," Horatio said happily.

"No, if you take him out, you take handcuffs and go armed," Abby told Eric loudly.  "Or else he'll be stolen and no one will have a Xander but some selfish girl!"

Mac patted Horatio on the back.  "Let me know how he turns out.  I might have a spot open."

"If he's that good I doubt I'll let him go, Mac," he said mildly.   He gave him a look. "Have you seen Gil?"

"Not yet.  He might not make it this time."

"He's speaking, I'd hope so."

"Really?"  He looked at the schedule of discussions.  "Hey, he is.  Maybe we'll have lunch."  He smiled and looked around.  "There's Danny and Sheldon."

"No Stella?"

"She's being cranky, I made her stay at home."

"Pity.  She does have fun at these."  They shared a smile and went to talk to their usual teams.

***

Xander parked his car in the visitor's lot in Miami, getting out and patting the hood.  "I'll get that ding fixed this week, baby."  He walked inside, shaking his head at Horatio's concerned look.  "Someone took out my battery."

"I got that message."  He smiled at him.  "Ready to work?"  Xander jogged back out, coming back with his lab coat, glasses, and locker bag.  "Bag for your locker?"  He nodded.  "Good."  He walked him that way, letting him have his locker.  He watched what he loaded.  "You keep sterile scrubs?"

"We had someone using uranium to make bullets.  We had a lot of decontam lectures that week.  We were doing a walk-through in the lab and I stupidly volunteered."  He shrugged.  "So now I keep them.  They're sealed."  He finished putting things up and put his lock on the door, handing Horatio the spare key.  "Just in case."

"That works."  He walked him off, watching as the boy put his labcoat on over his 'the voices tell me pretty things' t-shirt.  He could only mentally shake his head at the shirt.  It wasn't any worse than anything Speed had worn.  He walked him into the ballistics lab.  "This is your primary lab unless Speed or someone needs help in Trace.  Understood?"  Xander nodded eagerly.  "Good.  Calleigh's out on a call.  Let's let you familiarize yourself and then you can do anything she's got lying around."

"Yes, boss."

"Good boy, Xander.  My office is there," he said, pointing it out.  "If you need anything, come to me.  Let the other techs get used to you."  He nodded.  "Good boy."  He patted him on the shoulder and left, going to watch him from afar.  It only took him two minutes to look over everything and log into the computer Calleigh wasn't logged into.  Fortunately he had managed to get all his forms done in that intervening week.   Xander looked at what had been gathered then checked her computer for reports.  He checked the seals on the back, smiling when he passed some over.  She had resealed them.  Good instincts.  Xander looked at one that was apparently open.  He'd have to talk to her about that.  He checked the comparison microscope again, finding that bullet.  He put the envelope in front of it.  Then he picked up the next one to get to work on.  He was clearly comfortable.  He also snuck in earbuds, making him smile.  Soon he was dancing around in the lab and it was all right.  He was fast, he did do the warning calls when he was in the firing pen, he could barely hear him.  He worked in a steady, methodical way, writing reports once each one was done.  He'd have to check on those for style.  Eric paused beside him, watching what he was.  "His battery was removed."

"That sucks.  He good?"

"So far he looks good.  He's done two samples and a test fire.  Reports on all of them."

"Hell, he's better than I am then."  He shrugged.  "When is he getting into the field to see how he handles it?"

"Pick something simple, Eric."

"Sure. Calleigh's on her way back.  She said to warn you she's got an ancient long musket with her."

"I'm sure they'll both coo over it."  Xander looked up and smiled and waved, then got back to work.  "He's definitely comfortable in there."

"It's a good thing," Eric agreed, going to lean in there.  "Xander?"  He shook his head to dislodge an ear bud, earning a smile.  "Good idea.  Calleigh's coming in with a long musket.  She'll need space."

"That's fine.  I'm nearly done with the samples she left out.  I'll make room."  He went to do that, shifting things but keeping the piles he had already made.  It left her a full exam table and he went back to it.  "Would you like to proof a report, make sure it makes sense and has what you guys need?"

"Sure."  He came in to read one of his, looking it over.  "This isn't bad," he decided.  "Very informative."  He patted him on the back.  "It'll do."  He walked out smiling.  "He writes good reports, H."

"Good.  I look forward to seeing the first of them tonight."  He watched as Calleigh came in.  "Did it fire?"

"It did.  We're pretty sure into our suspect."  She walked in and looked at him.  "Why were you late?"

"Someone took my battery from my car," he pouted.  He looked at her.  "I called in."

"No one told me.   I get that a lot.  You'll call me directly, Xander."   He nodded, pointing at the open spot.  "Thank you."  She looked at the piles.  "Sorted by what criteria?"

"Whether or not you had signed off on the seals already."

"Good idea."  She came over to look at what he was doing.  "You left that one open?"

"I figured you had a reason since it was like that when I came in and there was someone in here to make sure it wasn't tampered with.  That's why I put the envelope there, so I wouldn't get it mixed up."  He looked at her, then grinned and kissed her on the cheek.  "I've done the first few.  Even the reports.  And yes, Abby let me do that."

"Be less friendly."

"I'd never date you, Calleigh.  I like to flirt but I'd never date you.  You're scary enough without being turned evil."

"Not all women turn evil, Xander."

"I made the last one a serial killer.  The one before that went from a former demon to a money grubbing nympho that was never satisfied and let everyone know in graphic, loud detail.  The one before that was already slightly evil.  She was a mean cheerleader.  Head bitch of the school."  He shrugged.  "Then again I used to have a crush on Buffy too and it broke about the same time her personality started to shift.  Then she went mean."

"That is a lot of empirical evidence," she admitted.  "Patting is fine, hugging and kissing me on the cheek unless I'm bruised is not.  I'm a tough woman, as tough as any guy in here."

He looked at her. "Of course you are.  You're blonde.  All blondes are because they have to put up with guys like Angel."  He shrugged and went back to work.  He knew she was rolling her eyes.  "Do I get to test fire the musket?  I've never packed one."

"We'll see if it can fire.  I've got to look up the procedure myself."  She looked at what he had done, doing a recheck of his samples.  "Good job," she said.  "I like the reports. They're concise without being too wordy."

"Prof Destra kept getting on me for babbling in my reports.  We worked two weeks on getting them down into that style."

"That works for me," she decided.  "Has anyone else seen one?"

"Eric."

"Run one by Speed.  That second one is on a case of his.  Spell check it and then go hand it in."  Xander nodded, finishing up what he was doing and doing that report before doing that task.  He resealed the bag and signed it properly, putting it in his pile.  Then he walked off with the report and sample in hand.  She'd wait a week to be impressed, make sure it wasn't just first day skills.  She did settle in to look up how you packed a musket so it'd fire.  She had no idea.

Xander tapped on the glass wall beside the door into Trace.  "I'm done with a sample on your case and Calleigh said to run the report by you too, Speed."

"Sure.  Anything good?"

"Two matches in the system to the same gun.   No known registered owner but a bit of research showed that it had been with a package of guns that were going around to gun shows out of Georgia.  It was listed as a show model for ordering purposes.  The dealer reported it stolen four months ago along with four other guns, all revolvers for some reason, and they're included as a footnote in case you run into them."

Speed nodded, looking over the report.  "This is a good job, Xander.  It's all in there.  Including name and number so I can look it up either way.  Good job."  He put it down.  "You doing okay?"

"Now that I have a new battery for my car.  I have to run down and put change in the meter at lunch and after work I'll have to figure out where I get a parking pass from."

"Downtown.  Let H call.  They might send him one so you don't have to go all the way down there.  If you get a ticket, tell H and he'll have it fixed."  Xander nodded.  "Okay, get familiar with this lab.  Calleigh can have you back in a minute."

Xander walked around, looking at everything.  "Did they plan to put them in this order or was it personal preference?"

"That's how the movers put them in and we're not strong enough to move them around.  We've gotten used to it."  Xander nodded, going on again.  "We've also got a tester lab with a lot of new equipment.  We're one of the top technogeek labs in the country."

"I heard.  Abby cooed that a few times."  He grinned.  "I'm not a computer guy.  She hacked, I can run what I need to on them.  I'd like to learn more some day but it's not my thing.  That was Willow."  That got a nod.  "But if we get to play with the toys," he offered with a grin.

Speed snorted.  "I'm sure you can sometime soon.  I'll have you in here with me tomorrow to check your proficiencies."

"Okay."  He went back to ballistics.  She gave him a look.  "Speed had me look around in there."

"I figured he did.  I was checking for sodas.  Relax, Xander."  He nodded, going to look over the musket.  She heard him open a swab and looked back at him.  "What are you doing?"

"Removing the green goop and what looks like blood from inside the trigger guard."  He finished scooping it up and sealed the swab, writing on the box where it had come from.  "What's the case number?"  She showed him the evidence tag and he copied off it.  He looked closer, going over the other evidence.  He even sniffed the end.  "Smells like gunpowder but damp gunpowder."  He flipped it over, going over that side then the hammer area.  He found another spot of something.  "It's too sticky to be gunpowder," he explained, swabbing it up.  He capped it and wrote on the box what it was too.  Then he looked at her.  "Do we need to clean it before we do a test fire?"

"I'm not sure.  I've got a call in to an expert to come look it over."  He nodded.  "Take those to Speed.  Come back when he's got reports for me."  He nodded, going to do that.  She smiled at his back.  He was trying very hard to be impressive.  She definitely was getting there.

"Speed, we found stuff on the musket Calleigh brought back in.  Where's the pile?"

"Go ahead and run it, Xander.  I'll make sure you know what you're doing."

"Okay.  One's a split blood sample I think.  Should I bring it to DNA first or here?  I know there's different protocols in each lab."

"Let me see."  Xander let him see the swab.  "Bring that to DNA first then bring the rest back here."  Xander nodded, taking them both with him.  He smiled at his back.  He was trying very hard.

Xander leaned into DNA.  "Hi, I'm a Xander intern.  I just found what I think is blood mixed in with my goop on the musket Calleigh brought back."

"I can check and see," she said happily.  "Which intern are you?"

"Ballistics with a minor in trace," he said, handing over that one.  "I tried to keep it on different sides, just in case.  It was too mixed in to take different swabs and not enough area."

"That's a good idea."  She looked at it.  "Well done, Xander."  She took a small piece off and started it.  "I've got it.  I'll bring it to Calleigh?"

"Okay.  I'm in Trace for the moment."  He took it and resealed it, letting her initial that she had processed it and make note of the case on her sheet.  Then he went back to Trace to do his own tests.

Speed looked at his sliver of swab.  "Economical."

"Thank you.  Big enough?"

"Should be."  He watched Xander do everything he should, arms crossed over his chest, one hip against the table while he watched him.  The kid was clearly nervous at being watched but that was normal.  He ran it in the proper machine, taking the paper out to frown at it.  "What is it?"

"Organic hair gel."  He handed it over and got to work on the second one.  "This may be gunpowder but it's sticky and was under the hammer."

"Don't they have fuses?"

"This one had a hammer and trigger.  Post fuse tube days."  He readied that sample and ran it, smiling when it came out as a seaweed.  "Very interesting."  He settled in to log into the computer and do his reports.  Speed came over to read over his shoulder, nodding at the lack of change of style.  "Good?"

"Very good."  He patted him on the back.  "Check on DNA then bring it to Calleigh."

"Yes, Speed."  He finished up, cleaning up his mess, took off his gloves and disposed of them properly, then went to bug DNA for his results.  "Hi.  Get anything?"

"It's almost finished with the machine," she said happily.  "What was the green stuff?"

"Organic hair gel."

"Eww."  He nodded.  Her printer spit a report and she looked at it.  "Hmm."  She ran it through the system, coming up with a human attached to it.  "Make sure this is her owner of it," she ordered, printing out that report as well. She handed them both over.  "There you go, Xander.  If we're free for lunch at the same time, wanna eat together?"

"Sure, but fair warning, I flirt without the follow through because I turn women evil."  He grinned and walked off to her laughter.  "Calleigh, got reports," he called, coming in and gloving up again properly.  She came out of the firing pen.  "The green goop was hair gel.  There was blood.  That's who it belonged to and the black stuff was seaweed."  He handed them over, letting her look.

"The DNA is the registered owner, that doesn't really surprise me.  The hair gel is a bit odd.  The seaweed is very strange, especially there."

"Well, it does smell damp," Xander offered.  "Maybe it was on a boat?"

"Maybe," she admitted.  She looked him over.  "No gun?"

"Horatio said I can't carry it in the lab because I'm an intern."

"That's reasonable.  Where is it?"

"In my locker and he's got the extra key."  He looked at her.  "Along with a few clean t- shirts, including one without the logo or saying, and a few clean pairs of pants.  Plus a set of sterile scrubs.  We had a guy who was making uranium bullets out in LA while we were doing a visit to the labs in LA and I was bored on the tour so I volunteered to help before they knew that fact."  She winced.  "It was okay.  Decontam showers are okay I guess.  I started putting one of those in my bag after that, just in case it became necessary.  That and my first aid kit."

"Usually we get that sort of stuff from Alexx.  Have you met Alexx yet?"

"Not yet.  Is he nice?"

"She's our ME, Xander.  She's like a mother to the unit."

Horatio walked in.  "She's on her way up.  Eric told her he was here."  He looked at the musket.  "That is very dirty."

"Yeah but it smells damp," Xander told him.

Calleigh nodded.  "It does so I've got a call in to someone to see if we need to clean it and how to pack it again for a test fire."

"That's fine."  He smiled and looked at Xander's computer then at him.  He handed over his reports from Trace with a grin.  "That'll work as well."  He looked it over.  "This is good but not technical."

"Prof Destra said to put it into plain english wherever possible because it'd eventually end up in the hands of a lawyer somewhere and they couldn't always read them accurately.  So unless it's a necessary technical term she said not to.  Is that okay?"

"That's fine, Xander.  We don't mind.  It makes it easier to read.  Some of the detectives like to read them too and can't always learn all the terms."  He smiled at him.  "Good work so far.  Remember, Alexx may hug.  Let her."  Xander nodded.  "Calleigh?  Anything else?"

"He found blood and organic hair gel in the trigger guard.  Blood is the owner's.  Under the hammer he found seaweed.  He thinks it may've been by the water, hence the dampness of the powder."

"That's a reasonable assumption.  Where was the body killed?"

"We think the marina but we can't prove definitively.  The body was moved and cleaned, and the only spots that it could've been were cleaned by the staff there.  They didn't say anything about blood but they wouldn't.  It's a country club marina."

"It happens."

"Was the seaweed specific to an area?" Xander asked.  "Could we narrow it down with that?"

"It's fairly common," Calleigh told him.  "We might be able to narrow it down some but probably to about half the city."  He nodded.  "That's a good question though.  I hadn't thought of that."

"See if Eric would know," Horatio offered.  Alexx walked in.  "Alexx Woods, this is Xander Harris, our new ballistics and trace intern."

"Hi," he said, grinning and shaking her hand.

"Hi, sugar."  She looked him over.  "You're a bit older than the fratboy who used to be in here."

"I worked for a few years before school.  I used to work construction."

"That's good.  It gives you more experience to draw on."  She stroked his cheek.  "Why were you late this morning?"

"Some unkind person jacked my battery from my car."

She chuckled.  "It can happen in some areas of the city.  Where are you staying, dear?"

"At the next step up from the Bates motel but it's got free cable and HBO."  She smiled. "It's a spring break place."

"I've got a couch in the morgue if the boys and girls partying annoy you this spring," she assured him.  "Now, how is he doing today, Horatio?"

"Very good so far.  Speed said he's at the standard he would set.  Calleigh's said the same thing."  She nodded.  "He does good reports.  I think he'll do fine without the usual intern problems."

"No, I don't plan on coming in with a hangover or running into a telephone pole."  He looked at him.  "Bobby said Sheila did that.  She was a bit toasty after a payday.  The same as I'm not going to call off on paydays or the day after paydays.   I ran my site for over a year, Horatio.  I'm not a little kid."

"We'll expect it," he assured him, smiling at her.  "You remember Abby?"

"Charming little strange girl with pigtails."  Xander burst out in giggles at that.  "She was."

"She's a bit goth but I've seen worse.  LA is the capitol of strange.  We had a group of nudists who worshiped a camel out there that I got to go on a call to because they ignored the other tech students on rotation.  Sheila got so frustrated."

"How did you get their attention?"

"I threatened to light the camel on fire or call someone to confiscate it.  They paid attention and we got what we needed from them.  Turns out the camel sat on him and he smothered in it's hind end."  Alexx stared for a minute then burst out in laughs, giving him a hug before walking off.

"You shouldn't taunt those with delusions, Xander.  They get upset."

"I didn't do much taunting, Horatio.  Just told the one that I'd have to if we didn't get the help we needed finding the body and taking questions.  The teacher said next time to leave off the threat to torch the poor animal and call the ASPCA directly.  They had to move, camels weren't allowed in that neighborhood."

Horatio walked off shaking his head but smiling.

"You are definitely unique, Xander," Calleigh said.  "Can you get a sample of the gunpowder in there?"  He nodded, going to find the filament camera and a long spoon.  She looked confused but he took pictures of it then covered the spoon with a glove's finger, using that to bring it out.  "Nice job."

"I didn't want to hit anything and we needed the picture proof if we had to clean it before we could fire.  Plus so your expert could see."  He snipped the finger of the glove off into the evidence bag once he had tipped the powder into it.  "There we go.  Should I mas spec it?"

"No.  It's gunpowder.  We shouldn't need a relative sample, I hope."  He nodded, labeling it and putting it aside.  "Let's look at the exemplar cabinet."  He nodded, following her, cooing and petting a few of the babies in there.  She had to smile at that.  Especially when he offered to clean it for her.  He was definitely meant to be a ballistics tech.  No one else but gun nutjobs cooed over their weapons.  She left him after making sure he knew what he was doing with the first one, going back to check over his other results.  She found one that was a partial match but his report gave a relative percentage and included pictures from the microscope.  She was quickly moving into impressed.  If he stayed like this she'd be threatening someone to keep him.  Valera ducked in.  "Hi.  Come to meet Xander?"

"I did that when he brought over the blood.  I was wondering if he was free for lunch yet.  He said he'd eat with me if he was."

"He got here a bit late today."

"I heard someone took his car battery."  She nodded at that.  "He okay?"

"I'm fine.  Can I take a soda break, Calleigh?"

"That you can do.  You can have lunch later."

"Sure."  He put together the last gun and put it up, putting a ribbon in his spot.  "That way I know where to come back to," he said at her curious look.  He cleaned off his hands, took off his gloves and jacket, then walked out with her. He could take fifteen minutes to have a soda and chat with his new coworkers.  He found another one in there.  "Hi, I'm a Xander intern."  He shook his hand.

"I'm Cooper, I'm in AV.  Call me DC, most people do."

"That's cool."  He looked at the selection, grimacing, but picked out his favorite caffeine from the selections.  "Diet?"

"Miami is very weight conscious," Valera told him.

"Oh, tell the truth.  Speed decided his butt was getting big and talked Horatio into changing it out," Cooper told her.  She gave him a look.  "He did."

"He's a skinny guy," Xander complained, sitting down.  "I'm bigger than he is."  He popped the top.  "Before you ask, I'm bi with a strong leaning toward women.  I'm of the sort that you either like me or don't."

"I don't care as long as you don't hit on me," Cooper assured him.

"Didn't cross my mind," he said dryly, giving him a wicked grin.  "But I will accept good het club recommendations for when I want to go turn women evil."

"Evil?" he teased back.

"My last one turned serial killer.  The one before that turned into a money grubbing nympho.  Before that was a mean, snarky cheerleader."

"With that evidence I'm not shocked.   Which serial killer?"

"Tanya Pertusin.  Former stripper.  She decided she hated my former friends and how they warped me enough to kill their likenesses repeatedly."  He finished his soda.  "Gotta go back, I'm only on soda break."  He jogged back to his lab, sliding inside behind the older guy looking at the musket.  "Hi."

"Hi. You must be her intern."  He shook his hand.

"Yup, I'm Xander.  How much recoil would one of those have?"

"A good bit at this size but it wouldn't have that much distance without a very powerful black powder.  Did you analyze the powder to see how strong it was?"

"It was damp," she told him.  "We have a sample and we can do that.  Xander?"  He grabbed it and went to Trace to run it.  "Could that thing have worked?"

"It's possible.  I'm not sure what sort of projectile he could have used except shot."  She let him see the lump of lead they had found.  "That's possible. It's the right size," he admitted. He looked at the musket then at the lump again.  "It's very possible."  Xander came back.  "What strength was it?"  He let him see it.  "Hmm, fairly weak."

"Having it be wet down might've changed the charge," he offered. "I know damp bullets often won't fire or if they do they don't do as well or go as far."

"That is true," he agreed, smiling at him.  "You are in the right field."

"I like artillery too," he quipped.   The professor laughed and nodded.  "What sort of range?  Average."

"Ten feet maybe."  He looked inside again.  "Do we have a light?"

"We do and Xander took a filament camera to it when he got the sample."  She ran it so he could see it.

"You'll definitely have to clean it and I can do a test fire for you, Calleigh."  She smiled at that.  "Do we have a suitable bullet?"

"I can pry one if you need me to," Xander assured him.  That got a nod so he looked in the microscope. "Twenty-five or thirty eight?  That looks halfway in between."

"Twenty-five," Calleigh ordered.  "We don't want it to jam."  He nodded, finding a spare one in the cabinet, coming out to clamp it and pry it apart.  "You're good.  Do you hand pack your own?"

"Now and then.  Never enough when I need them sometimes," he admitted as he worked.  He handed over the bullet, making sure he cleaned up the spilled gunpowder and casing.  He followed them back into the firing pen to see what he was doing.  Just in case they had to test fire another one sometime.  Xander even took notes.  He was a student.  "Is that a standard size or are there different calibers?"

"There's some difference in barrel size," he admitted.  "Most commonly they used loose packed shot for hunting."  Xander nodded, making a note of that as well.  "You're very diligent."

"Some year I'll have to run my own ballistics department."

"Good point."  He finished cleaning it and reloaded, then lifted it up and sighted it.  "The sight's off by about two degrees to the right, Calleigh.  Usually you don't tip your head that way."

"You would for stability, or using your cheek as an extra brace.  It'd kick back, not up, right?"  They both nodded.  He took it to hold, showing them how he'd do that.  "They're left handed.  This is awkward for me."  He let her have it.  She tried it and nodded, handing it back to the professor.  He fired it and Xander went to gather the bullet, bringing it back.  "Still not a great range," he admitted, letting her see how it had been squashed.  "Would that match and would other bullets come out of other muskets in the same relative shape?"

"Each mass would come out differently, even from the same gun, Xander.  No much rifling to guide it.  It would depend on the mass of black powder and how heavily you tamped it down.  How strong it was.  All that would change it."

"So it's not a constant but we could make sure it was similar."  He nodded.  He looked at Calleigh.  Then back at the professor.  "How many muskets do you think there are in the regional area?  Reconstructionists and the like?"

"Maybe sixty if I'm being generous.  There's not many Civil War or Revolutionary War buffs down here.  There's a nice group up in the panhandle," he offered.  "I haven't heard of one down here.  Do we doubt that's the gun?"

"Not if she doesn't but there's a defense attorney somewhere with brains to ask that."

"Good point."  He smiled at him.  "Very crafty too."

"Of course I am. I had to live on my wits for a very long time." He gave him a look then he grinned his most goofy grin.  "How many of that sixty are in your collection?  I think she said you work with an auction house or a museum?"

"I do.  A museum collection of pre-Civil War relics."  He looked at him.  "Surely you don't suspect me."

"No, just wondering.  Gathering facts to refute."

He nodded.  "Again, a wise move.  I have ten of them in my control or where I could get to them.  You are right that I did reconstruct Revolutionary War scenarios in my youth, up in Massachusetts.   I know more about the culture up there.  I moved down here because the heat was good for my joints.  You should also know that the dampness you found could have been caused by improper storage.  Humidity is still moisture."

"I hadn't thought about that.  I'm from near the desert out by LA."  He grinned.  "Thank you, Professor."

"You're welcome, Xander."  He walked out, nodding at Calleigh.  "He's a very smart young man."

"He is.  Thank you."  She smiled at him until he left.  "Xander?" she said sweetly, looking at him.

"Is that our gun?"

"Not with that range or strength.  They weren't that close.  What tipped you off?"  He motioned her closer, pointing at the gunpowder cone on the floor.  "It is wider but we haven't found the kill site yet."

"No, but with that much residue and the distance it went, it'd have been all over him.  The report on your desk didn't mention it on his clothes."

"Good point.  What are you thinking?"

"A quick study on muskets to find a deeper distance one.  Since there's a group in the panhandle we could ask them. Give them general facts but nothing too definitive in case they know the killer."

"We can," she agreed.  "Write that email when you find them but let me see it first."  He nodded, going to do that.  "Do you think he was lying?"

"No, but I think he has an idea who could have done that.  He gave the distance a thoughtful look and glanced at the pictures we had before he left and earlier he was scanning facts."

"So you think he knows a suspect."  He nodded.  "Would this group know?"

"The only ones I know cling together like geeks in high school.  It's not like their normal friends will coo when they get a new musket."

"Good point."  She rebagged the rifle and put it aside, coming over to watch him search.  "You're spelling it wrong."  He corrected that and redid the search.  "Is that them?"

"No, they're in Orlando.  Want me to try them?"

"Go ahead."  He clicked on that link, getting onto their webpage.  "They even have links to sites that give historical information."  He found one that looked promising, it gave gun and knife statistics and characteristics.  "Hmm, someone's a ballistics person."

Xander clicked on his 'email me' link and worked out how to word the email, letting her approve it.  She nodded and put both their names on it, sending it to him.  They got back an answer an hour later with exactly where they needed to look for guns and a few owners he knew of.  He did note one was a rabid collector and if he didn't know, it wasn't a reconstructionist.  They smiled and she took the information with her to question that person.  Xander went to clean the firing pen for a while.  The rest of the lab was done and he could sanitize it after he was done.

Speed came in.  "Is that a musket?"

"Yup.  Not the right one but yup."  He grinned back at him.  "Let me finish cleaning in here then clean up so I can't transfer."

"You'll be keeping a separate jacket in trace, Xander.  That way you don't have to worry about transfer."

"Sure, I've got four in my locker," he promised.  He grinned and went back to cleaning.  "Those things aren't that efficient."

"Yeah, but better than a bow and arrow."

"Not really.  It only went ten feet.  I've gotten more range with a crossbow, which they had at that time.  I heard dueling pistols did too."

"Maybe it was that design then.  When you're done, hit lunch.  Clean up and you'll come help me until she gets something else."

"Yes, Speed."  He finished cleaning under his watchful gaze, then went to clean his hands and carefully put his jacket on the rack facing the wall.  That way it wouldn't contaminate hers.  He washed his hands again and went to find lunch from a machine.  Speed shook his head, going back to his lab to figure out what he wanted to test the boy on.  So far he had done okay.  By the time he came back he had some more challenging samples and Xander clearly had some weak spots but he took instruction well.  Only one thing wouldn't go for him and Speed realized it was a depth perception problem so he helped him figure out how to compensate using a ruler this time.  By the time Calleigh got back, he had a fair idea of where to start the boy the next day.  She leaned in after checking her lab.  "I needed to set his levels in here."

"That's more than fine, Speed.  I've got one bullet laying in there."

"Was it magic? I didn't see anyone going in," Xander said.

"Alexx dropped it by a minute ago," Speed said.  "While we were fiddling with the exact distance pouring problem."  That got a nod and Xander finished what he was doing.  "Ah!  Slower."  He shook it slower.  "Better."  He looked at Calleigh.  "He'll keep separate coats in each place, just in case of transfer."  She nodded, leaving them alone.  "Much better, Xander."  He watched the boy run it, nodding in appreciation.  "Very good."  He patted him on the back.  "Go back to your mistress."  Xander grinned and took off his coat and gloves, heading back over there.  He came back a minute later and got into his jacket and new gloves.  "She didn't need you?"

"She said you're backed up."  Horatio walked in.  "Hi, boss."

"Xander, who is Tanya?"

"My serial killer ex.  Why?"

"She's escaped."

"Charming.  She was in a mental home.  Apparently the padded walls didn't sing right.  I'll be careful.  If she's here she'll go after blondes and redheads.  Just like those two in Cleveland."

"I did meet them."  Xander gaped at him.  "I pointed out that leaving you alone was probably the better idea since Willow had come to bother someone about you recently.  I'm sure they got the point since Abby pointed out threatening her was the best way to end up in jail."  Xander grinned at that, a shy, sheepish one.  "So it'll be fine.  If she does approach you...."

"I'll call you first."

"Good.  That's what I wanted to hear.  I don't want you to take her on, Xander."

"Horatio, she's not that bright.  She chatted, smiling and happy, with the detectives my teacher finally got through to out there like they were best friends about the mean ones who made her kill others.  It was like they were baking cookies before a sleepover.  She was a stripper, I didn't date her for her brains."

Horatio smothered a laugh at that.  "Still, call someone first, Xander.  We will come help you."

"Yes, Horatio."

"Is there anyone else I should worry about?"

"There's a former student who's in the same place.  Her name's Valeria Marks.  She was a Science major at UCLA.  She got kicked out for ethical violations.  She was using some of her fellow students to experiment on.  I turned her down and ended up running away from her and having her arrested when she tried to force me to participate.  They were in the same mental health facility so there's every chance at least of them getting together."

"I'll keep that in mind.  Are you done with him, Speed?"

"Let's look at the result.  I wasn't sure about this one anyway."  The printer started to print and he grabbed it when it fell into the tray.  "Hmmm.  That's odd."

Xander looked.  "We needed to take the first solution and cut it in half, diluting each side with either a base or an alkali."  He moved to do that with the remaining sample, letting him have them to run.  They came out clearer this time and he smiled.  "How's that?"

"That's good.  Abby teach you that?"  He nodded.  "Why?"

"It broke down the original solution.  Some things will automatically combine and change when added to water or another liquid.  Like salt will automatically dissolve."

"Good point.  Using each side let you break it down and see which side it was, plus the base chemicals could come back out.  Now, what was it originally?"

"Organic chem was not my forte," he warned.  "I had a tutor through it.  A very nice Crypt actually.  I could call him."

"No, that's okay.  We have reference books."  Horatio smiled.  "Go with him then bring one back."  Xander nodded, walking off with Horatio once he had his jacket and gloves down.  Speed shook his head.  "Yelina's going to smother that boy."

Horatio walked Xander into the detective's section, letting him look around.  "This is homicide."

"Good to know."  He smiled at one guy giving him a curious look.  "New intern."  That got a nod and he went back to his typing.  Horatio smiled.  "I've introduced myself all day as the Xander intern."

"You definitely are."  He came to a section and smiled.  "Xander, this is Yelina Salas and Detective Frank Tripp.  Guys, this is Xander, our new ballistics and trace intern."  Xander smiled and waved.  "Frank, that all-points you got was about his ex."

"You dated a serial killer?"

"She was a normal stripper until I dated her," he admitted.  "No one believes me yet that I turn girls evil when I date them."

"Maybe you should try men," Yelina teased.

"I can find one out of every ten thousand worthy to date but nothing long term.  I'll have dogs.  It's safer."  They both smiled at that and so did Horatio.  "I told you that."

"You did.  I can see why now.  Do you know the case number out there so we can get a good picture of her, Xander?"

"Sure, or you could ask her," he said, pointing at someone.  "Hey, Sascha, do you still have that picture of everyone at the picnic?"  She nodded, bringing it over.  "Are you interning?"

"In the non-felony lab," she said with a smirk.  "I heard you switched programs."

"NCIS didn't have a lot of work and I was pissing off Abby by taking samples to have something to do.  They have a single lab tech in their office and she does everything."

"Oooh."  She shuddered.  "Poor woman."

"Abby was the one with the pigtails at the convention," he said with a grin.

"Never mind.  A goth lab tech makes perfect sense in the military cop's lab."  She found the picture in her wallet.  "What's up?"

"Tanya's out and Valeria was in the same place.  They think one's headed this way."

"Charming.  I'll be on the watch for Valeria."  She pointed at them.  "That's Tanya, his ex.  That's Valeria.  That's Sheila, the one that Bobby just kicked out of his lab in Las Vegas.  She's jealous and used to blame everyone for her bad grades.  So if Bobby said he saw Xander then she'll probably blame him for her drunk driving binge."

"She hit a telephone pole after a payday night out," Xander told her, giving her a look.  "Did you know Horatio didn't believe we got to use the land-to-air rocket in class?"

"We did, Lieutenant.  They had a little concrete building.  We numbered each brick as we layered them in there.  Then Xander got to fire it off.   None of the rest of us could handle the recoil.  He's got construction worker muscles.  Then we got to rebuild it to see the damage it had done."

"It's an interesting class project."  He looked at the picture again.  "Who's the redhead in the back? I know her."

Xander looked then frowned.  "You don't wanna hear that rant," he said simply.  "She's dead.  If she's here, we're all in trouble.  The world'll go to hell, I'll have to talk to the brats in Cleveland again, and then Miami will turn into the same sort of hole Sunndyale is."  Horatio gave him a shoulder squeeze.  "It will."

"It won't, Xander."

"I hope not."

"It won't, I can promise you it won't."  He gave the boy a look.  "She's dead?"  He nodded.  "Then maybe it was a relative."

"She was adopted," Sascha offered.  "It could be but I doubt it.  She was pretty distinctive.  Then again, the people in the lab couldn't find traces of the body.  Maybe she decided to skip out on her student loans and change professions that way.  She kept saying she should have been an accountant."

"Maybe," Xander admitted, looking at her.  He raised an eyebrow and she shook her head. "You don't think?"

"No.  No one would eat her," she snorted.  "Not a good candidate.  She'd whine people to death for ages.  If you see her again, let us know, sir.  Her car supposedly exploded with her in it but they couldn't find a trace of her in it."  Horatio nodded.  "Which proves my pet theory, she dated Xander and went evil.  She's probably working with a terrorist cell or a major crook or something."

"Could be," Xander admitted.  "She didn't have the best grades but she did have things that could lead her into that life or cause for blackmail."  That got a nod from his classmate.  "Am I going to have to fight you for later positions if they don't have an opening here?"

"Probably not.  I'm hoping to go North after my internship year.  I want snow again."

"Apply in New York, they've got a great number of labs," Horatio offered.  "Do we know anything on this girl?"

"I can write it up for you, Lieutenant.  She was a creepy little bitch in classes."  She smiled at Xander.  "Photocopy that."  Frank took it to scan it in, letting her identify everyone in it. Then she put it back in her wallet and went back to work.

"Sorry, sometimes I still slip," Xander said quietly.

"It's understandable, Xander."  He smiled at Yelina.  "I thought I'd introduce him."

"Eric said he was having first day impressive syndrome," Frank teased.

"I'm always like this unless I eat a lot of chocolate, then I bounce more," Xander said with a smirk for him.  "Come down when you need us.  I'll be there."  He went to pounce Speed.  "Can you show me where the textbooks are?  That's bugging me."

"Sure.  The library's this way, Xander."

"Hole?" Frank asked Horatio.  Horatio typed something into his computer, earning a whistle at the destruction.  "Wow.  What happened?"

"Officially an earthquake, Frank."  He shrugged.  "The real story?  We're ignoring it."  He nodded at that.   "You remember a little blonde girl who came down about four years ago with her father?  Ended up in here because of an assault which ended up in the unsolved files because it was witnessed but no victim was found?"  He grimaced but nodded.  "He worked with her on the town's protection detail.  He's retired.  I need help watching him in the field to make sure he doesn't slip back into the same mindset," he said quietly.

"Sure, I can do that."  Yelina came over to look and gasped.  "That's a pretty hole."

"It is," she agreed.  "I saw that on the news.  Wasn't everyone on busses?"  Horatio nodded.  "At least they mostly got out all right."  She went back to her desk to call Alexx and talk to her about the boy.  He was a bit odd, but he was still a boy.

The men shared a look and Horatio went back to monitoring the lab.  He heard Xander crowing when he got off the elevator, smiling at the happy sound.  "I guess he found it."

Speed smirked at him.  "Not only did we find it, it's pretty rare and it's medical, H.  We got him and he's an annoying prick."

"Good.  Keep me informed when you bring him in.  Xander can watch you interrogate if he's free."  He walked off, going to ballistics.  "Calleigh, want him back?"

"No, I'm good."  She smiled at him.  "I found out who did it but he's out of town.  I've alerted the state boys along with the train and airport.  He's due to take a train back in two days.  We can be there to meet him."

"Good.  Can we execute a warrant on his residence?"

"The judge was iffy since no one's there.  We'll see if I can talk him into it."  She walked off much happier.

***

Xander's first day in the field came a month after he had started in the lab.  He was with Speed and Eric.  It wasn't a hard case.  He was doing good but Speed didn't let him take pictures after the first one came out wrong.  "Sorry."

"I figure it's about your eye, Xander.  Which side?"

"Left," he said quietly.

"That's fine.  We'll pay more attention to that side."  He pointed at something. "Is that native?"

"I don't know and I'm wondering how I'd pick it up without damaging the bag or envelope.  It's very sharp.  It had to change gloves thanks to it."

"Hmm.  Tweezers?  Plastic bottle?"

"Don't have any.  Do you?"

"Eric, do you have a specimen jar?"  One was pulled out of his kit and tossed over.  "Thanks."  He handed it to Xander, who picked it up with a pair of tweezers and put it into the jar.  He screwed the top on and made a note, putting it inside his kit.  They kept going.  Xander got to go to the autopsy too.  Speed drug him down there. "What's up?" he asked, kissing Alexx on the cheek.

"He died of toxin reaction."

"Like eating puffer fish?" Xander asked.  She smiled and nodded.  "We have people like that in LA.  Angel brought Cordy and I somewhere like that.  Was it puffer fish?"

"No, a different one."  Xander held up the sample and she looked at it.  "What is that?"

"We have no clue.  It's not in the book that we can find yet," Speed admitted.

"Is it poisonous?"

"Anything can be poisonous if you're reacting funny or allergic to it," Xander reminded her.  "I'm going to take a sample up to the college later, Speed.  See if their botanist can figure it out."

"That's a good idea.  We'll go together."  Xander nodded.  He looked at her.  "Anything else we should know?"

"He was pretty healthy," she admitted, letting them see in the chest cavity. "Heart and lungs were in perfect health."  Xander pointed at something.  "That's a reaction from the whatever.  I found a few more inside his stomach, Xander."  He nodded, taking a picture of that, then checking to make sure it came out okay.  Speed took the camera and checked it then took a few of his own.  "Take crappy pictures?" she teased.

"Blurry and I've tried everything," he pouted.

"We can't be great at everything.  Like people who play football very well don't often play with baby animals at a petting zoo."

"I'd hope that the aggressive people who play gay sex in teams don't go corrupt the innocent animals.  They're mean and nasty to each other."  He gave her an odd look.  "Eww, that's a bad mental image.  Now they're playing gay sex in teams with the baby animals."  He walked off holding his head.

"Yes, the girls who warped him told him that's what football was thanks to the patting, pouncing, and positions.  He said that in front of Frank the other day and made him choke on his spit so badly we almost called you."  He walked off shaking his head.

Alexx looked at her body.  "At least you're not warped by that.  You got to miss that speech, sugar."  She finished sewing him up then covered him and put him into a drawer. Then she went to do something to take that mental picture out of her head as well.  Because that had been a bit graphic for her tastes.

Speed found Xander talking to Horatio.  "We've got to fix your sport thing, kid.  Before you give us all mental images we don't want to visit."  Horatio looked at him.  "Football."

"It's all right, Xander.  We'll figure it out."  He patted him on the back.  "I'm not sure if we have a favored botanist we use when we're stuck on plant identification.  I know there's two departments in the city.  Pick whichever one you decide on, boys."  He walked off, going to check on Alexx.  "Are you all right?"  She looked at him and shook her head, sipping her cup of tea.  "What did he say?"

"I pointed out not everyone's good at everything, like football players aren't usually the sort to pet baby animals at the petting zoo.  I'm sure you've heard what he calls football?"  He grimaced and nodded once.  "His mind went to the place where they were using animals to play football."  She took another sip.  "Who did that to him?"

"Remember a few years back, that witnessed assault that had no proof?"

"Unfortunately.  Why?"

"He worked with the blonde girl who did it.  She's one of the ones who warped him."

"No wonder his ex wanted to kill them!"

"We're working on his sports issue, Alexx."  He walked off again, going to find someone who could better explain sports to Xander.  Before he had to tie him down and make him watch it while he explained it to him.  He loved the boy but his mind was a bit bent.  He saw Calleigh in her lab with John Hagen and nodded at them, going up to his office to take something for his new headache.  Then he came back down. "John?"  He smiled at him.  "Can I ask you a favor?"

"It depends, do I have to rescue your intern from more evil women?  Frank and I rescued him twice so far."  Horatio looked stunned.  "He caught one walking the boy out at gunpoint while we were out for burgers.  Then we caught someone trying to break into his place a few days later.  He couldn't get you so he called Frank.  We got her after he had tied her up on the floor."

"I hadn't heard about those.  I'll talk to him about them soon.  It's about Xander, but not that problem."

"His sports problem?" Calleigh teased.

"Yes.  That problem.  He just gave Alexx a very bad mental image with what he calls football."

"Well, it is kinda like gay sex in teams.  Very aggressive gay sex in teams," Calleigh offered.  Hagen looked at her oddly.  "The girls who helped raise him warped him that way, John.  He can do a wonderful pedicure or a face mask, he's a great shopping buddy for Yelina, even found Speed a shirt he likes.  He's just not very skilled in guy things beyond his hunting instincts and guns, and a little bit about classic cars."

"What does he call baseball?"

"Boring," she admitted.  "I asked.  He said it's a good reason to take a nap, like golf.  Somehow he got turned onto curling."  Hagen whimpered.  "I think Abby did it.  Her cousin Mortty is in Chicago and they've got a Mountie or two up there helping around her station.   He likes curling.  He understand gymnastics, ice skating, and horse jumping."

"I'll see if the boy wants to watch some basketball with me."

"He calls that reruns with hooker cheerleaders," she warned.

John just nodded and walked off, going to find the kid.  "Hey, Xander.  I'm going to a street ball tournament this weekend.  Wanna come?"

"Street ball?"  He looked confused.

"Basketball played by people who want to play, not those who get paid to play."

"Oh.  Basketball's like a great big rerun."

Speed made Xander look at him and nodded.  "Yes, you're going.  Before the guy in patrol beats you the next time you diss his sports."  Xander shrugged and nodded.  "He's off this weekend, John.  Just let him know."

"Sure.  It's Saturday afternoon.  Then maybe a beer?"

"I don't drink," Xander told him, shaking his head.  "I had alchie parents.  I have maybe a beer a month to unwind and sleep without nightmares."

John came in, closing the door.  "Why do you have PTSD nightmares?"

Xander stared at him for a moment before answering.  "I was doing protection in my former town, John.  I started on the squad when I was sixteen.  I kept going until the day I graduated with only a short break for the week when I lost my eye."  John gave him a horrified look.  "I earned mine.  It is where I learned about weapons and explosives first."

"That's interesting.  Where did you live?"

"Sunnydale, out by LA."  John looked at him.  "That town that fell in due to the earthquake."

"Uh-huh.  So you went to San Francisco afterward?"

"LA.  We had some former helpers who had teamed up in that town.  I went to help them.  They sent me to college.  I annoyed the hell out of Angel.  King hair gel was not amused by me."

John smiled.  "I know about Angel, kid."  Xander looked at him.  "My grandfather was a Watcher.  You're that Xander?"  He nodded.  "You retired, right?"

"Unless the world's bending over to grab its ankles or it attacks me."

"Good.  I like that.  You can have a soda while I have beer."  He grinned and walked out, leaving them alone.  It explained a whole lot to him that he hadn't been able to clue himself in about the kid before.  No wonder he was warped!  Rosenburg had even done it to Giles.  That poor kid hadn't had a chance.  He did have a quiet word with Horatio about what he knew.  Including the duality of what the group saw and what happened.  The Watchers had been watching the boy too.  He left it at that but he would try to help the poor kid.  He definitely needed a male role model.

Horatio gave the trace lab a thoughtful look.  The boy got more and more interesting the more he heard.  Too bad he was back to being bouncy and goofy again.  He almost wondered if one was a cover for the real personality underneath but you couldn't tell with him.  It was almost even or situational with the kid.

***

Xander frowned, watching John pace outside Ballistics from Trace a few weeks later, shaking the hand nudging him off.  "Not now, Speed."  Speed snorted.  "I mean it.  That is not good."  He took off his gloves, heading that way, just creeping.  He saw him go in and frowned, lurking in the doorway.  He saw him pull his gun and pounced then.  "Hi, John."  He grinned at him.

"Let go, kid."

"Hell no!"  He took his gun, then looked at the note.  He looked at him.  "So, what?  You think your rep's worse than mine for being strange?"  He slugged him, knocking him out.  He stood up, handing over the gun.  Calleigh was still giving him a shocked look.  He opened up the letter and showed it to her, making her clutch it.  "Welcome."

"Oh, God," she whispered.  "HORATIO!"  He came jogging in.  "Look!  Xander stopped him."

He looked at the letter, then at Xander.  "That is very good work, Xander.  Handcuffs?"  Calleigh handed over hers.  "Okay, someone call someone, Xander.  He needs help."

Xander walked out, looking at them.  "Hagen had a seizure.  We need an ambulance."  They nodded, someone running off.   He guarded the door, letting in the paramedics.   Horatio could explain it to them.  He nodded at Frank when he came jogging off the elevator.  "Guys, make room," he demanded when he heard the gurney go up.  They walked out, Horatio having a quiet word with Frank.  Frank pulled Calleigh and they headed after them, Horatio riding in the ambulance.  This was going to take an intervention of the highest order.  Xander said a silent prayer for his odd feeling about John this morning.  Then he went inside to bag the note in a 'confidential' bag so no one saw it.  Eric came in frowning.  Xander shook his head.  "I can't, Eric."

"Horatio told me."  He looked at the note then nodded. "Okay.  That's a good idea.  Put it inside a paper one too."  Xander nodded, finding one to put it into.  "His gun?"  Xander pointed at where she had dropped it.  That got bagged as well and put in the safe so he could have it back sometime.  "Do you have any idea, Xander?"

"I saw him pacing outside the door and it looked odd.  I crept over to check on him," he said quietly.   He sealed the paper envelope with tape and handed it over.  "Wherever the boss would want it."

"Thank you for making up the pretty lie."

"No one deserves that."  That got a nod and Eric walked the suicide note off while Xander got to work cleaning up what Calleigh had been doing.  He was still there later that night when Frank came in, giving him a pat on the back.  "Is he getting help?"

"Yeah, he is.  Thanks, kid."

Xander looked at him.  "It happens, Frank.  It's not that easy.  I know damn well there were times I wanted to switch sides because it was easier."  That got a nod.   "If he needs me I'm here for him.  Can I see him?"

"Soon.  He's on restricted visitors right now.  Where's his note?"

"I sealed it in a double bag and Eric went to put it somewhere."

"Good idea.  Horatio's on his way back.  Good job."  He clapped him on the back and left.  Xander went back to cleaning the exemplar cabinet.  He ran into Horatio.  "Boy wonder's in the lab cleaning guns."

"It's something to do when you're in heavy thought," he admitted.  "Everything else?"

"Delko had it.  The kid double bagged it."

"Good.  Thank you, Frank."

"Not an issue. He's not that bad a guy."  He walked off, going back to his desk.

Horatio went to ballistics.  "It's well past time for you to be home, Xander."

"I know."  He didn't look up.  "It needed to be done anyway.  I can handle it tomorrow if she's going to be gone."  He looked over.  "I'm even good for a few days of subbing, Horatio.  She's got to be torn up."

"She is.  She might come in anyway."

"That's fine.  If you need to lighten her load, let me help."

"Agreed."  He came over.  "How did you know?"

"I saw him pacing in the hall.  That's not like him."

"It's not.  So he looked worried?"

"No, he didn't look worried.  More resigned.  He pinged my bad shit radar this morning when I saw him getting coffee from our breakroom.  So I watched him when he came into the lab.  Then he started to pace and I knew it was something bad.  I thought maybe bad news.  That's why I crept over to eavesdrop and make sure.  I saw him go for his gun and I pounced."

"It was the right thing to do.  Next time, tell me?"

"You were out."

"Good point.  Let me know anyway.  Me or Frank, Xander."  He nodded at that.  "Thank you.  It was well done.  Now, finish up that one and go home."

"I won't sleep."

"You can."

"No, I can't.  There's too many times when I was tempted to go over and change sides because it'd be easier and nicer," he said quietly, looking at him.  "I knew what would happen so I didn't but I've been tempted.  I'll have nightmares about what I would've done," he finished quietly.

"I understand that.  Go home, have a drink, and go to bed."  Xander sighed, finishing up that gun and putting it back together properly.  He put it back and moved his ribbon to show where he had stopped.  They locked up the lab together and he left, driving back to his scummy motel.  Horatio followed him but it was for his own protection this time.  He paused while Xander went inside, then headed for his own drink at home.

***

Xander looked up when Rick Stetler walked into ballistics.  "Don't touch anything.  You're not wearing gloves."

"You know who I am?"

"Yup, you're the guy who pants after Horatio's tighty whities and won't ask him out," he quipped dryly.  "That's why you plague him so much."  He looked at him again.  "What do you want, Stetler?"

"You know you're an intern, right?"

"Of course I do.  And?"

"You lied when you said he had a seizure."

"He didn't deserve that to be spread around.  The station is like a conveyor of gossip.  It wouldn't help him any and it'd only hurt him more.  Especially if he came back.  I'm not doing that to anyone, not even my worst enemy.  So yes, I lied about what happened to the masses but not those who were dealing with it.  I play guard dog very well, thank you."

"Fine.  Why do you have a sealed federal file?"

"Which one?  I heard my ratings file was sealed for a bit while it was being updated."

"Why?"

"Because I worked at NCIS before we figured out the lab didn't need an intern as skilled as I am."  He shrugged.  "I got to take some extra classes here and there.  Gibbs sent me to expand my explosives knowledge and I got to sit in on a few classes at the academy and at the CIA for him."

"I see.  In?"

"None of your business.  Only my boss needs to know that, Stetler.  He does.  Gibbs gave him the full list of what I had done by case and what classes he had sent me to.  That's all that needed to be done.  My general credentials, skills, and grades got me the internship here.  Horatio found out about those afterward and decided I was worth it anyway."

"What did you do wrong?" he sneered.  "Mishandled evidence?"  Xander glared.  "You said anyway."

"I was raised by some trifling girls, Stetler.  I have lower than average self esteem.  Anyone who watched me would know that.  Obviously you didn't do well in interrogations since you don't study people.  Otherwise you'd know to back off by now."  Stetler snickered.  "Anything else?  I'm on my own today."

"I'm going to order a review of your internship status, kid."

"That's your puny dicked thrill then.  I've done everything excellently while I was here. Including my case in the field."  Stetler snorted but walked out.  Xander glared at his back, wishing for a second that he could set him on fire.  He calmed himself and got back to work, making sure he wasn't making a mistake.  When he saw Horatio he jogged out to corner him, making sure not to touch him with his gloves.  "Stetler just said he's ordering a review of my internship status," he said quietly.  "He came to see why I lied about what happened to the general crowd."

"Didn't play well with him?" he asked.   Xander shook his head.  "What happened?"

"He asked why I've got sealed files.  I noted my ratings and that file was sealed to be updated for a while.  I didn't mention the other one."

"Good.  What else happened?"

"I had a moment of low self esteem and he caught me at it," he said bitterly.  "We ended up trading insults.  You do know that half his aggression toward you is sexual?"  Horatio nodded, giving him a look. "Sorry, making sure.  I pushed that back in his face too."

"That's fine, Xander.  Go back to the lab.  I'll handle it."  Xander went back, regloving so he could get back to work.  He went to make sure everything was in order before he went to talk to the man in question.  "I don't mind that Xander told the crowd that.  It was a protective move.  It protected not only John but also Calleigh," he told him.

"He still lied."

"Not like he was under oath."

"How do you know he won't at other times?"

"Because I can read the boy, Rick.  I know exactly when he's being evasive."

"What's that sealed file?  Not his ratings one."

"Something that happened where he grew up."

"It's not an abuse complaint."

Horatio closed the door.  "There was a special ops program that moved into his town.  It was meant to find good ways to effect mind control on soldiers.  They used some of the town's populace to test it.  It included torture.  Xander and a few of his friends ran them off.  That sealed file is either from there or from the inquest that shunted those people to jail quietly.   It's also going to stay sealed.  His natal parents are in Homeland Security."  Stetler growled.  "He only found them when he moved to DC for his first internship."

"He's not a normal kid, Horatio."

"He's twenty-eight this month, Rick.  He's not a child.  His town had a very high death rate, which he helped protect again.  He had alcoholic parents.  He's a very well trained tech who had been working construction before an accident robbed him of a skill."

"What accident?  That's not in his file."

Horatio looked at him.  "He's fit to be in the field, even with it.  I'd never send him out alone. He's backup for the field."  His phone beeped, making him look at the text message.  "Speaking of, Speed's bringing him with him."  He looked at him again.  "Is there anything else, Rick?"

"No."

"Then you'll drop this stupidity against him for being skilled?"

"He's still not the normal tech. The hiring committee will never take him."

"You'd be surprised.  He's a very good tech.  He was competent when he got here.  He was more than competent to run the lab when he got here.  The last place said the same thing."

"Why did he transfer in the center?  That's not protocol or standard."

"Because the NCIS lab didn't have enough work for two techs.  They usually only have one who does all fields.  Their caseload is limited by being Marine and Navy crimes.  He was spending a good portion of his week taking extra classes so they wouldn't have to pay him for hours he had nothing to do in."

"Did you read his former employment section?"  Horatio smirked and nodded.  "He answered one 'yes' under job title."

"He didn't have one single job title and he did a lot of work, including maintenance and gophering, plus disarming a bomb they got sent, helping out in the lab there when necessary, and taunting some of the higher ups when they needed to loosen up."  Stetler dropped it, staring at him.  "The one he answered 'multi' under was a strip club.  He stripped, he bartended a few times, he washed dishes, and he waited tables a few times.  It doesn't say to list them separately if they're not major changes of job duties.  If you don't have one...."

"Fine.  That boy's still not normal.  I don't see military service listed."

"That was from the protection detail, Rick," he said impatiently.  "We already went over that.  I knew that before then."

"He said you found out about the extra classes afterward?"

"After I had decided to offer him a spot, at the same convention.  I also got to talk to the CSI he did field hours under during his training for that portion.  I talked to his former in- school internship director at the military academy he did those at.  I talked quite a lot with the people at NCIS.  They're still very proprietary over Xander.  They still consider him theirs.  Unfortunately he needs more DNA ability to go back to them.  The single person doing the whole lab's work means they need super techs.  Xander is one of those but DNA is a weak spot of his."   That got a snort.  "It is."  His phone beeped and he looked at it again, frowning.  "I've got to cut this short.  Something happened in the field.  They're taking Speed to the ER."  He walked off, hurrying out to his hummer.  He called Xander on the way.  "Where are you?"  He nodded.  "No, that's the right thing to do.  You hold the scene and wait on Eric.  What happened?"  He grimaced.  "Do you know who?  That's fine.  One of them will come spell you, Xander.  Wait there."  He hung up and called Eric.   "Either you or Calleigh go take Xander's spot.  The scene was a setup to get Speed.  He was shot in the shoulder.  Xander said it didn't look like it'd turn fatal.  He's already in an ambulance, I'm headed to the ER, Eric. You or Calleigh.  Now.  He said he got one.  Officers and an ambulance are there for him."  He hung up and sped up, turning on his lights.  This was not going to be a good day.

***

Eric stopped his hummer with a screech, getting out and slamming the door.  "What happened, Xander?"

"We got here, were working the outside of the scene.  Speed noticed a car creeping our way.  He told me to watch it, it was coming up on my blind side.  I looked, they rolled down a window.  A gun barrel popped out.  I pulled as they shot him, but Speed was already diving down.  I got the driver and the car both.  The guy in the back took off on foot with the officers holding the scene following.  I called EMS and dispatch to get us more help."  Eric nodded. "I know I'm not supposed to carry."

"I'm not going to fight with you about that.  Your gun?"  Xander pointed at it, it was already bagged.  "Fine.  What's your original scene?"  Xander pointed at it.   "That's parts."

"That's what Speed said.  They called us on that.  We had Alexx on her way.  She got here about the same time Speed's ambulance pulled out so she went with him.  I held the scene so nothing could be tampered with."

Eric frowned.  "Why would it?"

"They were really bad shots, Eric.  I was slightly behind and to the left of Speed.  He got hit in his left shoulder," he said quietly, staring at him.  "I have no clue why.  I haven't went over there except to offer basic medical assistance until the second set of paramedics got here."

"Good.  That's the right thing to do.  I want you to work those body parts and only those body parts.  Understood?"  Xander nodded, going to do that.  "Take as good of pictures as you can, kid."  He went to talk to the officers.  "Any ID on them?"  One of them handed over a wallet.  He looked then at the person.  "Why do you want the boy?"

"He turned his back on what was his," he sneered, his voice heavily accented.  "He could have had much."

Xander looked over and said something in demon, then Hebrew. The man spit at that.  "You need to call Gibbs about Haswari.  That's the terrorist who broke into the lab and I kicked the ass of.  He was going after Gibbs by taking out his support."  He got back to work.  "He was formerly Mossad.  And no, baby, he never offered me anything.  All he did was annoy the fuck out of me."  The second man shouted something at him and Xander glared, straightening up.  "Excuse me?  Repeat that please?"  He sneered and repeated it.  Xander grabbed his phone, dialing.  "Gibbs, me.  Listen, now.  It's important.  The dipshit from the lab is back. He's going after Kate.  He's going to kill her.  Because two of them are down here after setting a scene trap.  They claim I gave up everything that could've been mine."  He looked at him.  "So, you know my parents then?"  They went pale.  "Blanched totally.  Yeah, well, he's still trying to cut your support and make you ache, Gibbs.  To him, this is fun and shits and giggles.  Be *damn* careful and if you have to, call Dad.  I'm sure he'd love to hear from you.  I know he said the same thing the last time I remembered to call him."

He smirked.  "Exactly.  Thank you.  Let me know if you need me.  I do mean that."  He hung up.  "You've already lost.  You pissed Gibbs off."  He called his big brother. "Jamie, it's me.  A head's up because I doubt Gibbs is going to ask Dad or anyone for help.  Ari's back.  He wants to kill Kate to make Gibbs hurt.  He sent bastards after me at a staged crime scene.  Yeah, I'm fine.  I was slightly behind the CSI over my training. He's got a wound in his shoulder.  Please.  Also, tell dad they said I gave up my chance for everything.  Exact wordage?  I turned my back on what was mine, I could have had much.   Yeah, I think this needs to be spread around.  Because he wants Gibbs and he wants to kill Kate.  Please.  Subtly would work.  Not for Dad or me, but it'd work.  Please.  Because I know he'll try but I have this very bad feeling.  The last time I got it, I went missing an eye.  Thanks, big brother."  He sighed.  "I will.  Not tonight because things are going to be insane but I'll call mom soon.  Thanks, Jamie."  He hung up and got back to work.  "You're fucked now, you can tell Ari I said to pick a position he'll enjoy it in," he spat back in Hebrew.

"Why did you call your brother?" Eric asked, looking confused.

Xander looked at him.  "While I was in DC," he said, getting back to work, "I found out I was adopted.  Both my parents are covert in Homeland."

"Oh, crap," Eric muttered.  "Do I know them?"

"Ask Horatio.  He knows."

"Okay.  As long as he knows."

Xander grinned at him.  "I got to learn more explosives from the DoD too, Eric."  He gave him a manic grin and got back to work.  "Can someone call to get an update on Speed?"

"Yeah, I can do that."  The other ambulance pulled up.  "These two, and they're to stay in cuffs.  They've got ties to a terrorist cell out of DC.  The only person who gets near them is Horatio Caine until he says otherwise."  They nodded, getting them and the officers into the back.  "Guys, good luck.  Let's hope you don't get besieged by Feds."

"They won't.  It'll take a few hours," Xander reminded him.  They shared a look and he pointed.  "That's their car, Eric."

"Thanks, you turn it off?"

"It quit working when I killed the driver."  Eric gave him an odd look.  "Want me to check it for explosives?"  That got a nod so Xander handed over his camera.  "Take those for me."  He walked over there, looking under it first.  He looked inside, carefully reaching in for the hood latch.  He slowly pulled it out then walked around to check for more wires before popping it open.  "Huh.  Eric, I need wire cutters," he called.  "I'm in the good but not fast range."  He looked it over.  "I also need a consult!"  Eric came over with his cellphone.  "Hi.  Harris.  Yeah, that one.  Don't do that!  Just calm down and tell me which wire.  Yes, I am, but this is more spaghetti than I'm used to.  Do it later!  I've got a six strand with a timer, no visible explosive or battery.  Do I dismantle or cut what?"  He took a picture with the phone and sent it to them.

"There, got it?"  He listened, then nodded, taking the screwdriver to lean in, but he had to move.  "Sorry, sharp pointy thing in my stomach."  He got the part they said undone and he looked.  "Semtex.  Yes, I'm sure.  It says so."  He nodded, doing what he was supposed to.  "I can do that.  We do have a bare ground wire.  That could be.  Let me trace it."  He traced along it.  "Right to the car's battery.  That's probably what started it.  Back to the battery here."  He carefully removed it then handed Eric the display.  "Another mass of semtex.  Thanks.  Battery after that?"  He nodded, handing off the phone. "Listen for more crap."  He finished dismantling it.  Then he handed it over.   "Clear on the engine."  He looked it over then went to pop the trunk and see if it was backed up in there.  Nothing so he finished by getting back underneath to find something further up in the carriage.  "We're clear," he noted.  He came out and found Rick Stetler standing there.  "A bit more like spaghetti than I'm used to.  I'm good to five wires most of the time."  He went back to his parts.

Eric finished bagging them and got to work on the car.  "Xander, do you need the camera?"

"Not yet.  I've got the smaller digital Horatio said to try in my kit.  He thinks it'll make me quit taking blurry ones."

"Sure."  He kept that camera, going over the car inch by inch.  He wanted to see someone shocked to death for this.  He would see someone dead for this, either by the state or his own hand.  He looked at Stetler.  "He is rated to do medium level explosives."  He got back to work.

"Why?"

"The Department of Defense said so," Xander quipped from his part.  The IAB officer walked over.  "They did.  Gibbs sent me for additional training when he found out I already had some thanks to construction work.  Don't step closer.  This may've been posed but I think these are still real parts."  He stopped there.  "Thank you for following the path."  He got back to work, bagging a cigarette butt.  "Lipstick.  Interesting.  Maybe not part of it but you never know.  I don't know too many ladies who hack up bodies."  He kept going, eventually ending up finished but waiting on the ME.  "Eric, can you get us another ME?"

"Already noted we need one for a dead body here and your parts," he called.  He called someone.  "H.  Me.  How is he?"   He smiled.  "No lasting damage they think.  They pulled it out and he's on his way to recovery."  Xander let out a 'whoo-hoo' call.  "He's happy too.  He did, H.  It was bagged when I got here.  He also said it wasn't against Speed, it was against him.  Something about the terrorist who broke into the NCIS lab and Gibbs?  He did pause to call up there after trading insults with the two guys he injured.  Yeah, in Hebrew.  He said the terrorist was former Mossad.  Thanks. Yeah, I'm here.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Xander, you're not allowed in ballistics or any lab while we're doing any of this."

"I know.  I figured I'd be stomped on by him," he said with a head nod to Stetler.  He stood up and pulled out his permit, handing it over.  "I am actually licensed to carry concealed.  It was in my kit.  I always put it on when I come into the field, just in case something happens.  My former life made me a bit paranoid."  That got a nod and he took notes from it.  "C'mon.  Eric, leading him off."

"Sit on the hummer's gate, Xander."  Xander nodded, letting him have his kit and evidence bags.  "You good?"

Xander looked at him.  "Not the first I've had to hurt, Eric."  He walked off, opening the back of the hummer to sit on the gate.  "Okay, do you need a precise rundown? I can't give it minute-by-minute.  I can give it action-by-action though."

"You're too calm."

"Stetler, I've had to protect people for a very long time.  My original town had a twenty- something percent death rate yearly.  It was a small town, about the same size as Little Havana, if that big."  He got a horrified look.  "I was on the protection patrol.  Yeah, I've had to hurt things before.  I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I won't have nightmares later, I will.  That's the first human I've shot and killed."  That got a single nod. "I'm more a weapons and knife guy.  Forgive me, I like stabbing better when I'm in protection mode, it's less fatal."

"That's fine."  He made a note.  "I want to know more about that."

Xander sighed and pulled a card out of his wallet.  "I was told if someone asked to have them call that number.  That's my father's office.  They were over the inquest, which is that sealed file."

"Horatio said you helped stop that program."

"I was one of a few of us.  He has all the information you could need on that, Stetler.  As for today, Speed and I got called.  Calleigh's still out on leave."  He nodded, going back to making notes.  The card was between his fingers.  "We got here, I clipped on my gun as I got out of the hummer.  Speed saw me, he nodded that he approved.  He's seen me do it every other time too.  I've got another one in my locker at work.  Horatio saw me place it in there.  I like weapons, that's why I'm a ballistics tech," he reminded him at his odd look.  That got a single nod.  "We came over, signed into the site with the officer who had put up the perimeter.  As advertised we had parts.  A right arm, a left leg, and a neck and upper shoulder, again right I think - if I remember right.  Not connected to the arm and I'll let the ME say if they're from the same body.  I didn't match the cut angles."  That got a nod.  "Speed saw the car creeping toward us.  With the way I was standing, it was on my blind side."

"Blind side?"

"I'm missing my left eye, Stetler.  It was popped by a guy's dirty fingernail about two weeks before Sunnydale fell into the ground.  I still managed to help get the people out of town for the most part.  I was there when it fell in."  That got a nod and a look.  "That was about a year before I started college.  I was still working on that same protection patrol, only now in LA with some former members there.  I learned to compensate for it.  Most people can't tell and Horatio made sure I'm competent in the field, even with it.  Speed knew, I think the only one who didn't was Eric.  Eric, did you know about my eye?"  He nodded.  "Okay, corrected."  He shrugged.  "He noted it, I turned to get a good look.  When I turned, that put me behind Speed's left shoulder.  I saw the window come down.  I saw a gun barrel.  Speed dove, I pulled.  That's how I was trained.  I got the driver first and then went for the gunman.  He was reloading or clearing the chamber, there was a pause; it wasn't automatic or on automatic."

"Hunting rifle, he had to clear the chamber," he admitted. "You got him?"

"I got him when he leaned out to try to get me the second time.  The other guy on the ground, the guy who nagged me, was in the passenger's seat.  He got out and the officers ran after him.  They had fired on the car.  One hit a tire with me.  You'll find two bullets in that one."  That got another nod.  "I dropped my gun and moved to help Speed.  I visually checked the only officer still with us, he was in shock.  I called for help.  I kept pressure on the wound.  Alexx got here to pick up the parts about when the ambulance pulled up.  Dispatch sent us more officers.  As soon as Speed was in the ambulance I texted Horatio to let him know."

"He was in my office talking about you."  Xander nodded at that.  "He went with him."

"As he should.  He told me to stay here, hold the scene, which is what I told him I was doing.  Alexx followed the ambulance.  Speed's like her son, that's emotional and I understand that.  He didn't need me and someone had to hold the scene.  The officers were busy.  I found out later that the one guy was a rookie, hadn't seen blood yet.  That's why he froze.  I got him calmed down and puking, his guys took care of him.  He was on his academy ride-along and his partner was here.  They went back to the station since there were enough officers here.  Please don't hurt him for being a newbie.  Even I froze the first time."

"I'll try not to kill his career.  He will need counseling.  It's mandatory," he said at the opening mouth.

"I can bullshit with the best of them, Stetler.  I don't need the counseling.  Right now, I want a soda and a long walk."  He hopped off the back when the ME came.  "Hey.  Eric's got the full body and the parts are covered in their original spot."  That got a nod and he went to gather them.  He looked at Stetler again.  "I did what I had to do to protect them.  I'm a protector.  I'm also an end-game fighter.  Nothing gets past me if I'm in hunt and protect mode, Stetler.  Now, if you don't need more, we need to arrange to get the evidence back."

"You're letting Delko transport."

"That's fine, there's still two hummers."

"Good point."   He closed his notebook.  "What happens if there's another time?"

"I started on the protection patrol just before I was sixteen."  Stetler moaned.  "I retired the day I graduated.   I'm twenty-eight in another four days," he said quietly.  "What do you think?"

"I'll think about having you cleared to carry, Harris.  You will do your psych eval in the next two days.  No matter what."

"If I can.  They might not be there."  Stetler walked off looking very upset.  "Sorry.  Truth but sorry.  I don't make other's schedules."  He looked at Eric.  "Can it all fit in your hummer or should I take some from my scene back with me?"

"Just your kit, Xander."  Xander nodded, grabbing it and getting in, looking at the engine.  "Keys?"

"Apparently in Speed's pocket."  He sighed and looked around, then did something to the engine with his index finger.  It started and he put it in gear, heading back to the office.

Eric shook his head.  "I don't want to know," he muttered, putting everything in the back of his hummer.  Stetler came over.  "I got called last."

"That's fine.  Who's back at the office?"

"I called Calleigh to go back there until one of the senior people got there.  Then she could go to the hospital."  That got a nod.  "Is he in trouble?"

"For saving officers' lives?  He has a permit to carry concealed, Delko.  It'll go in his favor if there is an inquest."  He walked off.  He went to the hospital, checking in.  "The people who were there on the ground?" he asked in greeting.

"I've talked to them.  They suddenly can't speak English."  Horatio grimaced.  "I've called his father.  He's sending someone down."

"He gave me his card."

"You can wait."  He took it back.  "Thank you."  He put it into his jacket pocket. "Speed will be fine."

"Good.  The kid said he was aiming for him."

"It's possible.  I've been told what's went on so far.  I'll get my own report when I get back."

"I want it taped to make sure what I got was the same story.  Harris is to do his mandatory counseling within two days, then we'll see if we need to do more.  He was very matter of fact about it."

"He is," Horatio agreed.  "That comes with eleven years of combat history, Rick," he said quietly.  "He'll be fine and we'll help him through it."  Calleigh came rushing in.  "The boys back?"  She nodded.  "How was Xander?"

"He was fine.  Calm.  He went down to autopsy so I could run the ballistics.  I'm checking in before I go do that."

"Go," Horatio said.  "He's sedated for the moment.  He won't be waking up before tonight."  She nodded and got a hug from Alexx before leaving.  He looked at her.  "One of the others gathered?"

"I'm sure they did."

"Good.  Are you going back?"  She gave him a harsh look. "Alexx, I'll stay."

"You go, I'll stay.  Speedy's my boy, he's your friend.  I outrank you."  Stetler smothered a smile.  "You, shut up and leave the other kid alone.  Xander doesn't need this."  He stepped away from her.  "Horatio, go.  They need you back at the office.  You can drive Calleigh over later."  He nodded, going back to the office to help out.  She went back to patting Speed's hand.  "It's all right, baby.  I'm still here."  She glared at Stetler.  "You, out."

"I'll still have to question him."

"You can wait until he's off pain killers too."  He nodded, leaving them alone.  "Huh.  He does have some humanity.  That's a shocking thing."  She went back to babying the poor boy.

***

Horatio walked in and found Xander sitting on the floor, head in his hands, elbows on his knees, outside ballistics.  "It'll take her an hour, Xander."

"I know.  I'm waiting.  Nothing else I can do and I'm not going to eat right now."

"Do you want to talk?"  Xander looked up, looking confused.  "This is the first time you've had to shoot someone, correct?"

"Yeah, I guess," he admitted, letting Horatio help him stand up.  "Thanks, boss."

"Welcome.  Let's go to my office.  I want to know what happened."

"Apparently it's another trick of Ari's.  One of them said they'd take me and Kate both out, like taking out the porch supports on one side of a porch, watching everything on it tip and fall off.  We're just the first steps."

"I heard you called?"  He nodded.  "And?  Who else?"

"My big brother Jamie.  Gibbs is stubborn and he won't want to call for help so I called him and told him to warn Dad.  I also said I'd call home more often.  I've been tired recently," he admitted, sitting down across from him.  "I don't know, Horatio.  Speed spotted the car.  I turned and it put me behind his left shoulder.  I saw the gun, yelled, he dove, I fired."

"You didn't move for cover?"

"When I have a great shot and they're taking the time to clear the chamber?"  Horatio nodded at that.  "I almost started to move away from Speed, but something told me to stay, then I looked down and saw he was injured.  That's why I let the officers go off after the running guy while I took care of Speed."

"That's totally reasonable, Xander, and the appropriate thing to do," he assured him.  Someone knocked.  "Enter."  The Chief of Detectives walked in.  "Xander, this is my boss.  Chief, this is our ballistics intern, Xander Harris."

"Thank you, son."

"Least I could do, sir.  I wish I hadn't killed the one guy.  That way we might be able to get more information from them."  He got an odd look.  "When I was interning at NCIS a terrorist broke into the lab.  His plan was to hurt people around the senior team's leader, Gibbs, to make him ache and cave faster in his grief.  I was in the lab when he broke in.  He probably wanted Abby but I was there while she was showering.  I kicked his ass," he said honestly, "but he escaped federal custody.  From what they said earlier and the evidence I had in front of me at that time, they were coming after me again to do the same thing.  I also found out that they were going after one of Gibbs' team and warned them."

"Good job, Xander."  He looked at Horatio.  "Stetler?"

"He's already talked to Xander.  He'll have to wait to talk to Speed.  They've got him sedated."

"That's good news though, right?"  Horatio nodded.  "Good.  Let me know what you need, Horatio."  He patted Xander on the shoulder again.  "You'll go far, Xander."  He walked out, going to check on the evidence since they were doing that.

"He's right, you did the exact right thing, Xander."  Xander nodded, relaxing some.  "Now, are you going to be sick?"

"It's a lot different than stabbing something with a sword or staking it," he said quietly.  "I'll be sick later.  I've got that response down."  Horatio smiled at that.  "Training good."

"It is what you fall back on," Horatio agreed.  "If you want to talk to me, I'm here."  Xander nodded that he knew that.  "Do you have a formal report written out?"  He nodded, handing over a thumbnail drive.  He put it in and played it, smiling at the precise information he had given Stetler, including his father's card.  He handed that back before it got lost.  He nodded and printed it, letting him sign it.  The thumbnail drive was put into his pocket.  "Good.  Now, go get a soda, feel guilty in the break room.  If you hover, it'll take longer."  He nodded, going to do that.   Horatio took the report and found Stetler.  "He worked on it while he was waiting."

"He's been on the ball about reports from what I've heard," he admitted.  He looked it over and nodded.  "He's good."

"He should be by now, Rick."  He looked at him.  "Am I going to have to beat you?"

"No.  He saved lives.  There was an officer who froze at his first shooting.  I've already talked to him and the kid did then."

"I'm sure it's not the first time," he admitted.  Stetler shook his head.  "Do you need anything else from him?"

"No.  Follow protocols.  Get me the file on what happened up there."

Horatio smiled. "I'll get it from his father.  I'm sure he's nearly here by now."  He walked off, going to check on everything.  "Eric?"

"Nearly done with the car's stuff, H.  There wasn't that much.  DNA and fingerprints have samples running.  Calleigh?"

"Going there next.  Let me know."  That got a nod and he walked to Ballistics. "Calleigh?"

"I've done the test fire on his weapon and put it in the system.  I've noted the circumstances as well as him being an intern.  I'm waiting on the bullets from people."  That got a nod.  "Did he say what he shot at?"  He handed over the thumbnail drive, letting her print her own copy.  It had what Xander had done.  "Okay.  I'll make sure he didn't have a hit outside those.  He fired six shots that I can tell."  He nodded, leaving it there.  She got back to work on the diagram she'd be working from.  Then the key.  She decided she'd use green for Xander's shots.  Eric brought her some and she got to work on them.  It was going to be a long afternoon.  When she was done she found Xander sitting slumped over in the breakroom watching the news.  "You could have went home."

"I'm supposed to be here now.  I'll visit Speed tonight after I know if I counted wrong."

"No, you did good, Xander."  She gave him a hug around the shoulders.  "Your bullets went where you said they did.  You'll be in the clear."  He nodded, looking at her.  "Now, shoo.  Go visit Speed.  He should thank you and offer to cook you dinner when he gets out."  Xander blushed at that.  "Really?"   He shook his head quickly.  "Just the thought of cooking?"  He nodded.  She giggled.  "You eat.  Go see Speed.  I'll tell Horatio I sent you home.  Come in tomorrow bright and chipper and ready to see a shrink."  He nodded, finishing his soda as he headed out.  She smiled at his back, going to find Horatio.  "I sent Xander home."

"That's fine.  I know he was waiting to make sure he had recounted correctly."  She nodded, smiling at him.  "Exactly?"

"Yuppers.  The boy is good, Horatio.  Exactly where he said they went."  She handed over her diagram.  "Officer one and two are now known since no one told me.  I looked them up through the ballistics matches."  He nodded, handing it back.  "Is Stetler on the warpath?"

"Not yet.  I don't know why considering Xander insulted him earlier.  I'm waiting to see the fallout.  Chief Johnson came to see what had happened."

"He called, he wanted to know when I knew."

"You can present it to all of us at the same time."  She smiled and nodded, going to do that.  He called Lee himself.  "It's Horatio Caine.  Actually, he's fine.  Did the message not get passed back?"  He smiled.  "He's still fine.  He was just cleared through ballistics.  Every shot went where it should.  Pending IAB, yes.  I figured he would," he admitted. "He said he was going to."  He nodded.  "He's probably on his way to see Speed.  Calleigh just sent him home.  What about the other situation?"  He smiled at the 'we locked Gibbs' team in a house and have multiple guards outside it' answer.  "That might work.  Did you remember the others, like Abby and Ducky?"  He smirked.  "Even better.  He'll have to do the mandatory counseling and he knows he can come to me, Lee.  Of course I am.  Thank you.  Good luck.  He did say they were tied to the same incident and Eric said they were speaking Hebrew if it helps."  He heard that repeated and someone cackled.  "I'll leave you to that."  He hung up and went back to his own report on the incident.  He called Eric.  "It's me.  Is there anything that contradicts what Xander said?"  He nodded, making a note of one anomaly.  "He's clear with ballistics.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "A british configured car in Miami?"

***

Xander looked down at Speed, watching him blink at him.  "They're not letting you wake up?"

"Know I'll complain," he mumbled. "Hate hospitals."

"I'm with you there.  I hated it when I was in for my eye."  He sat on the foot of the bed, smiling at him.   "Horatio and Stetler got to agree on something.  I did a good job according to both of them."

"Apocalypse?"

"Not quite.  He's going to use this to dig into my past with my father."  Speed snorted.  "Want to know what happened?"  Speed nodded.  "Remember when I told you about the bastard who broke into the lab in DC?"

"Language!" a nurse snapped.

"I killed someone earlier, I'm allowed to swear about it," he snapped back, glaring at her.  She went pale.  "I'm the one who saved him, lady.  Butt out!"  She stomped off.  He looked at him again.  "They were related to that incident."

Speed patted him on the leg.  "I'm not mad they got me instead of you.  Needed the vacation anyway.  Want brownies?"

"No, I'm okay on sweets.  As long as you'll be okay I'm a happy guy.  Now if you had gotten dead I might've even talked to Willow about stuff."  Speed shook his head.  He nodded, smirking at him.  "Yes I would."

"If I got brought back that way I'd have kicked your ass first then had to fix it.  Miami can't be a hole like that."  He patted him again then pulled on his hand until he leaned down.  "I agree with the mantwat and H.  You did good.  Now, go bug them so I can go home?"

"Hey, nurse, when can I drag him home and order stuff for him to eat?"

"Four days, sir."

Xander looked at him.  "I'll get pushy in two," he promised quietly, winking at him.  Speed laughed, holding his shoulder.  "Can I bring you anything on my way in tomorrow?"

"Ear plugs.  Machines are noisy."

"Yes they are."  He gave him a kiss on the forehead.  "Get better and I'll drive you home."  He stood up.  "I'll let you sleep."  He pulled out his iPod and handed it over, earning a smile.  "Might not have songs you like.  I'll get yours tomorrow."

"I'll deal.  Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome.  Least I could do.  I got you shot."  Speed shook his head.  "They were aiming at me."

"Doesn't matter.  Not your fault.  Stupid terrorists."

"If you're sure."  He kissed him on the forehead again and smoothed down his hair, leaving him alone.  He glared at the nurse.  "He's a cop.  Of course we're going to be trooping in and out of here, lady.  We're also going to be having some who cry and some who swear. That's what normal people do when someone in our in-group is hurt.  If I had to take psychology and pass it, you should have too."  He walked off, running into his father.  "Hi, dad.  Mom let you out without the leash?"

"She had to.  She's no longer fit for field work thanks to her knees."  He gave him a hug. "You okay?"

"I'm fine.  It's still settling in.  I just snapped at a nurse that I could so swear because I had killed someone today."  He shrugged.  "It'll sink in tonight, like it did the first time I had to do it."  Lee nodded, giving him a better hug.  "I'm sorry I don't call that much."

"You're a busy guy, Xander.  We don't expect more than once a week, which is what you've managed to do.  You almost fell asleep last week when your grandmother woke you up demanding you adopt someone."  Xander moaned, shaking his head.  He grinned at him.  "Can we use you to break them?"

"Can I call them nasty things in Hebrew?"

"Sure."  He walked him into the secure room, nodding at the guards.  "My son.  The one they were aiming at."

"Greetings, anuses of pigs," Xander greeted in Hebrew, making the translator snicker and nearly fall out of her chair.  "They are.   Unclean and from unclean beasts."  He looked at  them.  "You might as well brag, boys," he said in English.  "Ari's already on a death list.  They're within twenty minutes of where he is.  If I have to go back up there to do the deed myself, he will be dead by tomorrow.  So please, brag about your pitiful version of how the world should be.  Give Allah or Jehovah one last glorious statement about how you planned things and how your compatriots are going to make us rue this day so we can get on with killing you too.  Maybe if your speech is good enough I won't call the demons who I used to hunt," he finished in Hebrew, staring at each of them.  "After all, they like tainted souls."  They both shuddered.  "Now, would you like to give someone a statement about your great plan?"

"It is the only way to bring down this evil nation of yours."

"Why?  Because we have showtime porn?" he asked dryly.  They both spit at him.  "You need work," he said, spitting on one's face.  "See?"  He stared down at him, walking closer.  The man whimpered, trying to move away from him.  "Now," he said, starting back into Hebrew again, "what did you have planned and why?  I will know before I send what little pure soul you have left to meet it's creator.  The rest I cannot promise the destination of."  The man swallowed.  "Well?  Tell me.  Confession is an honorable thing on your deathbed."

He babbled something that Xander didn't understand so he looked at the translator, who looked clueless, then his father.  "Was that Arabic?"  He nodded.  "Did you understand it?"  He got another nod.  "Good?"

"Very.  Thank you, son."  He gave him another hug.  "C'mon, let me check in with your mother and we'll have dinner."

"Okay.  I have to make one last stop so you do that while I talk to him."  He headed back to the elevator, going up to the psych ward.  "Hi, I wanted to see John Hagen.  Is he allowed visitors tonight?" he asked quietly.

"We've got him on pretty strict limitations.  What's your name, sir?"

"Xander Harris.  I'm the guy who stopped him.  I wanted to tell him why."

She smiled.  "That's a good reason.  Let me check."  She went to ask a senior person, coming back with a nod.  They let Xander into his room, letting him walk over and look down at him.

"Hey," Xander said quietly.

"I don't like you anymore."

"I couldn't let you, John.  Even if all you see is darkness, there's still some light left.  You were going to dim hers."  He pulled a chair over, touching his hand, getting a glare.  "John, think about this.  You called her the last pure thing in the universe.  You would have splotched her with blood.  You can't ruin that, man.  Even if all you can see is darkness, sometimes the world needs that view.  After all, the sunny and cheery people who only see the sunlit fields can't fight the dark that creeps under the flowers to get them.  The same as I lived in shadows for *years* I can't let you make her one of us, John."

John nodded.  "I understand, kid.  It wasn't fair to her."  Xander stroked over his hair.  "No girly stuff around me," he grumped.

Xander grinned.  "Someone's got to, your hair's all messed up.  You missed the terrorist coming for me today."  John glared at him again.  "I was slightly behind Speed so they got him in the shoulder.  He'll be fine.  He's down on three if you wanted to talk to him but he's pretty sedated and out of it right now."  He gave him another gentle pet.  "Even darkness isn't total darkness unless you're in a void, John, and you're not in a void as long as you've got someone who's there with you and who gives a damn.   Understand?"

He nodded.  "You okay?"

"Still sinking in.  This was the first time I shot anyone," he admitted.  "I got the driver and injured the shooter."

"Hell, kid.  Way to introduce it."

"One guy was a rookie.  Hadn't even seen blood before.  He froze behind me."  That got a sigh and a nod.  "He's getting help.  I asked politely even.  I even kept myself from making fun of Stetler at that interview."  John smiled at that.  "Okay?"

"I heard you lied about what happened."

"Not like you needed that spread around the station, John.  That would be unkind and mean of me.  I'm not that sort of mean.  Not to guys who still have some light left in their lives.  Besides, if you slip over totally, I'm bringing my ex Cordy down and letting her baby you."

"Now that's mean," he agreed with a small smile.  "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome.  Get better.  No one else will even listen to me talk about my sports anymore."

"That's because you traumatized Alexx, Xander."

"Sorry.  You know how my mind works."  He winked and stood up.  "Dad's down so I'm having dinner with him.  He got to handle the terrorists since they came for me.  Bring you anything tomorrow?  I'm brining Speed some different music.  Mine has country and stuff he'll hate."

"I could use a book on tape or two," he offered.  "Mysteries?"

"I can do that."  He grinned. "Get better."  He walked out, letting them relock the door.  "Thank you."

"It was good for him.  Books on tape or CD are allowed.  There's a player in his room that'll do either," she assured him.  He nodded, going to find his father down in the lobby so they could go eat.  "He's a very nice young man.  Clearly someone to look up to and mentor others."  She went to make notes on his chart about the conversation. She didn't understand some of it but the therapist would.

***

Horatio saw Xander coming in the next morning. "You're late."

"I dropped Speed some music he'd like more than my iPod's selection and John Hagen some books on tape."  He checked his watch then Horatio's watch.  "My battery must be dead.  Sorry, boss."  He went to log in and get sucked into ballistics again.  Horatio shook his head, walking back to check on everyone else.  "Hey, Calleigh," Xander called down the hallway.  "Is this pink envelope anything special?"

"Yes, leave it alone."

"Okay."  He went to do everything but that one, moving that one carefully out of the way when he broke into cleaning again.  She came back in and he pointed.  "I had to move it so it wouldn't get damp."

"That's fine.  Thank you for not snooping, Xander."

"I'm not like that," he complained.

"I know but some guys would."

Xander looked at her.  "Nor am I Eric."  She giggled and nodded.  "Sorry I was late.  My watch is dead.  I stopped to give Speed new music on his iPod.  Mine had country and stuff he'd hate.  I gave John a few books on tape."  She smiled at that.  "He's doing okay.  We talked last night before Dad took me to dinner."

"I saw him talking to the boss earlier."

"He's going to make people paranoid," he complained.  She sighed and nodded.  "I don't need it.  I won't go into the field for a while."

"I hope it's that simple."  She gave him a kiss on the cheek.  "Be a good boy."

"I try so hard," he said with a wicked grin.  "They said Speed could go home in four days but I promised to nag the nurses starting tomorrow."  She grinned and nodded.  "So if you want to spoil him, it should probably be soon.  I can whine a nurse to death.  That's how I got out of the hospital two days after they removed mine."

"You did?"

"I went into a battle two weeks later," he admitted.  She gaped in horror.  He nodded.  "It was necessary."

"Sure."  She stroked over his hair.  "You need a trim."

"Not you too," he complained.

"Yup, me too."  She grinned.  "Do that tonight."

"Yes, mom."

"Good.  Eat a good lunch too."  She pinched him on the arm.  "Go mop the firing pens."  He nodded, going to do that while she read the letter.  She put it in her purse then went to find Horatio.  "He's okay."

"Of course he is."  He looked at her.  "How are you?"

"I'm okay too.  He said he went to visit John."

"I've been a few times."

"I'm scared to."  He nodded, giving her an understanding look.  She sighed.  "I'm a big ol' coward."

"It's an emotional trigger right now, Calleigh.  When you're ready we'll go with you.  That way you can have some time alone but you're not totally stressed."

"Thank you."  She smiled.  "He wrote me a letter."

"I heard him dictating it to a nurse."  She blushed.  "I don't care what it said as long as you're okay."  She nodded, smiling at him.  "Now, we have the decision today on if it was a fair shoot or not."

"It can't be anything but!  They shot at Speed."

"Yes, but they'll try to say he shouldn't be in the field.  Stetler knows he only has one eye now."

"He's better with one than I am with two some days, Horatio.  He's an excellent tech and there's nothing that the puss sucker can say about it."  He chuckled and nodded.  "Can we go?"

"No, it's a closed meeting.  We'll be able to see him before and after."

"I want to be in there."

"I do as well."

"You're his supervisor."

"Which means I can force my way in," he agreed.  She smiled at his devious mind and left him alone to work out his strategy.  When it was time he went to gather Xander.  "Change shirts very quickly," he ordered.  Xander put on his overshirt, doing it up, earning a nod of approval. "No GSR?"

"No, I've been cleaning without gloves on.  I'm good."  He followed him down there, tapping gently on the office door.  "You summoned?" he asked.

"Just you, kid," Stetler said.

"He's my supervisor, he has the right to be here.  Besides, it's not like I hid anything from him, Stetler.  He knew about my past first."  That got a sigh and he was waved inside.  He stood at parade rest in front of him.  "I know my report was accurate via ballistics."

"The only anomaly we found was that the person you thought was the driver was a passenger.  It was british configured," he said at the confused look.

"In Miami?"

"Yes, in Miami," he agreed.  "I'm not sure where it came from.  Horatio?"

"Rental company.  They do fantasy cars.  Some people want to be James Bond."

Xander looked at him.  "My dad was a prototype for that."  Horatio snickered and nodded.  He looked at the IAB guy again.  "I know I'm not rated to carry for the department.  I'm just damn glad I had it on me that day."

"I have ruled it a good shoot, Xander."  He looked at him, leaning back some.  "Your combat history beside the point, you should not have been in that position in the first place."

"I am rated as a backup field tech, Stetler.  I always have been.  I graduated with it.  I've told each and every teacher and trainer I worked with that my eye was missing.  It's only made a difference once and that was because I was running a fever from an infection.  The only other thing it messes up is my depth perception and I have compensation for the rest of that.  Everything but taking crappy photos."

Stetler nodded.  "Which is good, but you're not supposed to be in the field."

"There is nothing in any statute in Miami or the US that says a disabled tech can't be in the field if they're competent to do the work.  I checked."  He got grimaced at.  "I did.  I can pull my own weight and it's rare occurrence that I get into the field, Stetler.  I'm on as a backup field tech.  If we have too big of a scene or if we've got too many scenes or if we've got someone on vacation and we get overloaded.  I'm not going to be in the field every day like Calleigh is.  I like the lab.  I'm a lab tech first with a skill that can take me into the field now and then."  That got a single nod.  "I'm sorry if you don't like that, but it's the truth.  I can do the exact same things I did before it got popped."

"I heard how it got popped, kid."  He turned off the tape recorder.  "I had a long talk with your father yesterday afternoon."

"I know.  He said so.  I suggested you talk to him.  All that was is prior training.  I had a year to get used to my eye in combat situations before I went to school then occasional combat after that to keep my skills sharp.  It's not like it's a new injury.  It was one I trained with.  The same as there's techs with only one hand and they trained themselves to still handle it in the field.  That's also something I told Horatio first thing.  Way back when it was still a casual acquaintance and I was feeling him out about switching over from NCIS at that stupid gala event.  It's not a handicap per se.  It's more an annoyance because now and then it itches."

"Still, you don't have the proper paperwork to clear you to work with that injury in Miami."

"I had one guy who suggested my life should be over with and I should shrivel up and apply for disability too," he pointed out.  "If you can find me a doctor who's not like that I'll get you the forms."

He handed over a card.  "He's the one who does a lot of PD physicals."  Xander nodded, tucking it into his pocket.  "I want to know within a week when your appointment is and I want the paperwork as soon as you step foot in this building, Harris."

"Yes, sir."

"Good.  Until then, Horatio...."

"He's a lab tech, as he stated.  Field work is a secondary minor for him.  A skill he needs to keep in touch with now and then."

"Good.  At least you're being reasonable."  He looked at Xander again.  "Have you ever had counseling?"

"I need it more for what the bitches did to my head," he said dryly.  He shrugged.   "I've made peace with my past, Stetler.  Even if I do freak people out when I talk about sports."  That got a shudder. "Sorry.  Which one did you hear?"

"The baby animals one, kid."  Xander shrugged again.  "Horatio, I'm going to make a note in his file that he does have combat history.  Unofficial combat history."

"That'll get him looked at oddly by everyone," he countered.

"Put it in as I have experience bodyguarding," Xander said quietly.  "That won't.  Doing that at my age and fitness level would be reasonable.  It would also account for my skills for the most part."

"That's a good idea," Stetler decided, looking at him.  "You did plan."

"Not like the girls could."  He gave him a look.  "Any other demands?   The shrink you made me see was sucking his thumb by the time I left."

"No.  It's clear you're beyond those means of support.  If you do break out into flashes or anything....."

"My first call is Horatio, my second is Gibbs, my third is my father."

"Good.  At least you're realistic."  He leaned forward.  "One last thing.  This club habit of yours?  It sounds an awful lot like prostitution.  I can't *prove* it."

"Hell, if I slept with them they'd probably leave me alone," Xander said dryly.  "I protest. You can ask Speed and Delko both.  You can ask Tony DiNozzo.  He went out with me many times to try to keep me from being taken again.  Sorry but if you can figure out how to stop it, please do.  I even tell Horatio about it and he keeps track of it.  It's nice, my rent's prepaid for the rest of my internship and I got the beamer fixed good as new."  He grinned.

"Speed and Eric taped one, Rick.  He threw fits with some of the women who gave him things.  Eric even tried to intervene as an officer and it made it worse by getting them both paid.  I know it distresses Xander."

"It does but I'm also being realistic at the moment.  That'll be what gets me through looking for an opening since there's no good ones open for ballistics and I'll be damned if I'm going to work in a compromised department with my credentials."  Horatio looked at him.  "Seriously!"

"I'm still waiting to hear about one locally, Xander."

"I checked, they said unless someone retired I was shit outta luck.  If not, I'd be in the non- felony lab with Sascha."

"We'll see.  Things have been known to happen."  He smiled at him.  "Keep it at the level of casual looking for now.  Most departments would expect that."  Xander nodded.

"I heard there's an opening in Texas," Stetler offered.

"My uncle lives there.  I'd hate to have to snap and kill his DUI living ass," Xander said flatly, looking at him.  "I don't want to be anywhere near my former family.  Speaking of, has anyone see Tanya?  I know she's down here but I couldn't get close enough to make a positive ID."  Horatio looked at him.  "We were in the mall, Horatio.  There's how many blonde strippers locally?"

"Good point."  He looked at Rick again.  "I haven't heard anything."

"Me either.  Ask your father?"

"He gave me permission to send her to Cleveland as long as I told the FBI at least two days after she got there."

"That is a bad idea, Xander," Horatio warned.

"I know.  I don't even want to think about that city."  He gave him a wry look.  "Did you like your tea with them?"

"It was very enjoyable," he admitted.

"Speed sent them a transcript of that discussion we had on sports with Alexx and a nice card thanking them for warping me."  He grinned.

Stetler shook his head.  "For right now, Harris, quit.  Follow those rules."  Xander nodded.  "Good.  Also, Horatio, have him cleared to carry."

"I don't have a badge.  I'm an intern, not a cop."

"We'll work that out later.  The Chief made a dispensation since you are licensed and there is a known threat to your life."  Xander nodded his thanks.  "Do it today."

"Of course.  Anything else?"  He shook his head.  "Then we'll both be seeing you after his appointment."  He walked Xander out, smiling at him.  "Breathe and relax."  Xander grinned at did that.  "Good boy.  Let's call from my office so you can capitulate with grace."  Xander pulled out the card to do that while they walked.  Horatio smirked at Eric and Calleigh, both of whom hugged him.  "He needs medical clearance for field work and we're going to classify him on the range, Calleigh."

"I can go."  She pinched Xander on the cheek.  "When you're done, go help Eric in Trace. I'm still clear."  He nodded, finishing up and writing down the date and time for Horatio then going to get sucked back in with Eric.  She smiled at him.  "Good job."

"I didn't have to push except for the field qualification."  He smiled.  "He had a long talk with Xander's father."

"He's a nice guy.  Needs a tighter leash though."  She went back to ballistics to go back over the letter John had sent her.

***

Xander looked at the people who were walking into ballistics almost a month after he got cleared for field work.  "Is there a crossover case?"  Tony nodded.  "Cool.  Is Kate still okay?"

"She's fine, Xander.  We ended up drawing him out and got him when he went after Kate," Gibbs said.  He gave him a look.  "I could have handled it."

"Why make yourself bigger targets?  There's plenty left.  Let Dad have some fun.  He had fun with the guys who came after us down here."  Horatio leaned in.  "Gibbs, Tony, I'm sure you remember Horatio.  They said there's a case?"

"There is and you can work with them," he agreed.  Gibbs gave him a horrified look.  "He is field trained," he reminded them.  "He's got very good instincts.  He's been an asset whenever we let him into the field.  Your appointment?"  Xander groaned, handing over the gun he had been working on.  "Go.  We'll brief you when you get back."  Xander nodded, hanging up his jacket and giving Tony a hug before leaving.  "We do appreciate him, Gibbs.  Thank you.  He's one of the best hires we've ever had.  I'm hoping we can keep him when he's done with his internship."  He nodded.  "Conference room?"

"Please," Gibbs agreed, following him.  "How is your man?"

"He's good.  He's at home going insane but he's good.   We're letting him do Xander's evaluations from at home.  He's spent a lot of time working with him to make sure he knew what he should know.  We spent about three days working with documents and paper trails that had been mangled or needed to be reconstructed.  He even throws pop quizzes at him."  He smiled at Calleigh.  "There's a crossover case."

"Are you stealing Xander from me?"  He nodded.  "Okay but Speed will pout."

"Speed is still not cleared for duty and Xander had his appointment to get his papers filled out."  She nodded.  "He was matching a set of bullets for you."  She smiled and waved then went to finish that.  "We spend a lot of time in the field.  Having Xander has lightened a lot of loads."  He opened the door, letting them inside.  "Here we are.  What sort of case?"  The other two trailed in from the hallway.

"It's up the kid's alley.  It's gun smuggling," Gibbs admitted.  "I don't like working with people who're new in the field, Caine."

"He's not new, Gibbs.  He's turned those hunting instincts into a concrete set of skills.  The only problem he has is he still can't take good pictures."  He smiled.  "He compensates well for everything else.  You can ask Speed and Eric yourself.  They've both worked a few cases with him in the field.  A probie he is not."

"I'll take it under advisement.  I'd rather have Calleigh."

"She's got a particularly nasty triple at the moment," he said quietly.  "We're searching for the man who assassinated the family traveling on the highway."

"That has to come first," Tony agreed.  "She'll be available if he gets stuck?"

"Of course and you'll have me with him, gentlemen, and Kate."  That got a smirk from Gibbs.  "I am more than an administrator, Gibbs.  Right now he's got to get papers to clear him for field work.  After the shooting IAB said so."

"I've jumped through that hoop a few times," Tony quipped.  "Is the doc going to be a problem?"

"Depends on which one he sees.  One will be horrified that he's got such a horrible disability and encourage him to go sulk in a dark corner wearing sack cloth and begging for food.  The other has a lot of family in the PD.  He'll be realistic and probably call one to make sure the boy can handle the field's responsibilities.  We did ask for the second."

"Let's hope he gets it," Gibbs agreed.  Horatio gave him a look.  "Where is Lee?  Amanda's been complaining."

"Shadowing his son trying to figure out what's going on when he goes into the clubs.  The same as Speed is," he admitted dryly.  "What sort of weapons smuggling?"  He sat down facing them.  "Are we talking guns, rifles, or artillery?"

"Mostly handguns and some smaller semi and fully automatic machine guns," Gibbs admitted.  "Mostly shipped back with other things.  Once drugs."  Tony slid over the file.  "That's the only spot we know that they come in on outside of homecoming events.  That is a domestic port that a lot of sailors come home through for visits instead of official homecoming with their ships."  Xander came back in.  "Problems?"

"Yup, the idiot was there.  I didn't know I was supposed to let Stetler be in my appointment."  He leaned down to whisper in Horatio's ear, getting a nod.  "He's all but cleared me but he wanted to talk to Speed and Frank.  I left my phone," he admitted, walking out again.  "Be back in twenty, boss."

"Sure, Xander."  He shook his head.  "Rick Stetler is getting very pushy.  Are we setting up a sting tonight or just monitoring tonight?  If we're doing real, hard surveillance, he'll be late tonight.  They want to clean his glass eye."  Tony shuddered.  "He doesn't like it either.  He refused to let Alexx near it."  He grimaced.  "It'll be fine."  He opened the folder, then he heard the screaming.  He got up, one hand already on his gun as he jogged out the door.  He saw the gunman.  He saw Calleigh knocked down with an injury. He pulled and fired on the guy.  The guy managed to duck just right, only getting a graze.

Xander stepped in and grabbed his gun arm, throwing him over his hip, pulling his gun and pointing it at him, foot in the middle of his chest.  "You're pissing me off," he noted quietly.  He heard something and turned, pointing his gun at the other guy with the gun.  "Badge?"  The man sneered.  "I've had enough.  Is this not clear?"  The man cocked his.  Xander shot the guy in the foot, then stomped on the guy on the floor's chest, making him scream in pain.  "Was I not clear?" he demanded.  They both whimpered and nodded.  "Get your asses on your knees right the fuck now!"  They both shifted slowly.  "Touch it, I dare you," he offered.  Other officers came running.  "Check Calleigh.  Do it now!" he snapped.  They did that, going to help her.

Horatio put his gun up, staring at him.  "Xander?"  He looked over.  "Thank you.  Can you go back to your exam now?"

"Sure."  He put his gun up.  "I got him in the foot," he told the officer handcuffing that guy.  "I stomped on the other guy's ribs and I may have dislocated his wrist when I threw him."  He walked off, going back to talk to the Captain and his brother the doctor.  "Sorry.  Calleigh's my mentor.  I get pissed when people touch what's mine to protect."

"I can tell, kid.  Good reflexes."

"I had to, Captain."  That got a nod.  "I'm supposing you heard?"  He nodded, looking a bit smug.  "Crap," he muttered.  "I still retired."

"I know.  It shows.  You're getting slow."  He gave him a look.  "Good instincts but not quite by the book."  He looked at Horatio.  "You froze?"

"He had it."

"Good point.  So, brother?"

"He's clear with me," he agreed, looking at Stetler.  "I can't complain."  The elevator dinged and everyone pointed their guns at it.  "Guys, I think he works here," he called.  He looked at Rick.  "Any other doubts?"

"No, not a one.  Harris, good work."

"Thank you, Sergeant.  If you'll excuse me, my former lab is down on a crossover case and Horatio said I could help."  He looked at Calleigh, hands now on his hips.  He was picking up Horatio's mannerisms he realized.  "Do I have to fuss over you too?"

"If you do I'll bite," she warned.  He came over and she backed away.  "Off!  Now!"  She weathered the pout and the sulk, even the kicked puppy looks.  "You can wait until I'm not in pain."

"Yes, Calleigh.  Meany.  I'm good at fussing over injuries."

"I don't care.  The ER gets me first."

He looked at the wound then at her.  "Got a pair of pliers?" he quipped.  She snorted and let them walk her off, no longer protesting that she was being drug.  "Hey, it did work," he said happily.  Horatio moaned and shook his head.  "She hates it when I fuss.  Therefore I  used some reverse psychology."  Tony burst out laughing.  "It worked!"

"It definitely did," Tony agreed, patting him on the back.  "You need our help?"

"Nope," Eric called, waving them off.  "Not much to clean up, guys.  I'll do it.  Someone take Xander's statement."  He made shooing motions.  "Go back to the case before I have to call Speed."  They all walked off, Gibbs shaking his head and muttering.

"Yes, I know I'm so cowboy I outdo John Wayne," Xander sighed, looking at him.  "It was necessary."

"It was, but it was still cowboy," Gibbs agreed.  He smacked him on the back of the head.  "You do *not* go after people with guns without your own unless you have to, kid.   You are not a comic book hero."

Xander gave him a look. "But I look so good in spandex," he teased.  Gibbs smacked him harder.  "Sorry, you set it up so well and I couldn't resist, Gibbs.   Shooting them would have led to a lot of paperwork and they wouldn't be able to beg for mercy.  We'd miss them begging for mercy for taking her on.  She would've missed it too.  This way they can kiss and lick her toes until she kicks them in the head.  Because those two, serious blow jobs of the moron signal tower."  Horatio coughed to smother a laugh. "They did!"

"Xander, calm down," Tony ordered. "I know you get bouncy after a crisis."  He sat him down.  "Sit, read the folder."

Xander took it to look over.  "Isn't this a commercial and travel port?"  Gibbs nodded.  "Are they shipping it back as cargo or sneaking it back as luggage?"

"Mostly as luggage.  One or two at a time because you'd expect a service member to have a sidearm," Tony offered.

Xander nodded.  "True, but not all types.  I wouldn't expect a sidearm to be an uzi."  He turned the page.  "Hmm.  That's a contact we know.  Horatio, isn't that the stupid bastards who've been giving Vice so much trouble?"

"He is."  He took it to look over.  "We've been paying a lot of attention to him recently.  He's been linked to the Argentinian drug lords."  He went to pull up their file on him.  "He's not linked to guns," he admitted.  "He's listed as doing drugs and a few prostitutes at a higher end club."

"Could he be fencing the guns there?" Xander suggested.

"It's in Model City, Xander.  All the pretty people and stars would not put up with such things in their clubs."

Gibbs looked at him.  "We've had one at a congressional country club."

Horatio looked at him.  "That's DC.  Down here they would complain and boycott.  They'd go out of business and be run out of town.  Our residents get vindictive when you take away their petty amusements."  He walked to the next lab, going to look something up.  He came back with a sheet.  "This is where we're seeing a lot of higher end weapons fenced.  The three in the purple font are near that area.  Before you ask, someone reset the fonts," he said, looking at Xander.

"I was only doing it for my own report," he defended.  "I can't figure out how I reset it for the whole lab.  Tech support couldn't figure it out when I walked them through what I had done.  They said it was freaky too."

"I'm sure it is," Horatio agreed.  "He was working late after the rest of us had left.  I got a very sheepish call from tech support at two in the morning asking what color I wanted the fonts.  Without any explanation beyond that.  I thought we had a drugged or drunk hacker."  He gave Xander a look.

"How many times has he went into overtime with your team?" Tony asked smugly.

Horatio gave him a look.  "Every week but one.  That week we weren't sure where he was for two days since they had him drugged and in their garage so they could talk him into providing semen for their nefarious breeding plans."

"That was their phrasing, not mine," Xander noted before Tony could laugh.  "I told them repeatedly I was snipped.  They didn't seem to care."

"Did you go out alone again?" Tony demanded.  Xander shook his head.  "You had people with you?"

"That's how we knew he was in a garage and drugged," Horatio said grimly.  "They took him and Speed both.  They decided to let Speed go first."

Tony shook his head.  "You poor thing."

"I've got my rent paid up to the end of the year," Xander said dryly.  "The beamer works better than when I bought it used."

"Good," Gibbs agreed.

"Very practical," Kate agreed.  She took the list of sites.  "Can we go in and look for a few?"

"Most of us are known and those sort are higher class," Horatio offered.  "They're going to expect weapons dealers."

"I'm great at undercovers," Tony assured him.  "Xander?"

"I can go."

"I doubt it," Gibbs said.  "That's an acting job.  They probably know you too."

"Only if they're Feds," Xander complained.  "Or they had access to get into my file, which they could do on anyone, even Tony.  And yes, Xander can play bored badass bitch of the block.  Did recently," he said with a renewed grin.  Horatio moaned.  "Sorry!"

"Never apologize, it's a sign of weakness," Gibbs reminded him patiently.

Horatio looked at him.  "Not in this case.  His father had him helping him," he said flatly.  Tony snickered.  "I see you've heard?"

"His brother Jamie works up the floor from us.  He walked over a note and walked off shaking his head muttering about his grandmother throwing fits.  Even your mother hid when Lee bragged how you had helped and it was just like seeing a younger him in action, Xander."

"Oops?" he said, then he burst out giggling.  "That was Dad's game plan, not mine.  I have more subtlety."

"Usually," Horatio agreed. "That day he came in wearing leather and a t-shirt that Calleigh said was going to get him stolen, again.  Even Speed was appreciative of his current look.  Messy hair and all."

"Dad had it done by someone.  Not my thing."  He flicked a hand.  "Can I have that back?"  Tony handed the folder back so he went over the list of guns.  He frowned at one.  "I've ran one of these recently."  He rolled over to the computer and pulled up the search engine, going through his saved reports.  He found it and printed it off. "Here, this case.   One of the Tech-9's."  Horatio looked it over then handed it on.  "Did Eric get his woman that time?"

"He did and we'll let them have access to her to see where she got it from," Horatio agreed.  "Anything else I need to arrange right now?"

"I smell aftershave," Tony said, nodding at the doorway.  Horatio looked then snorted. "Bosses?"

"Nightshift boss."  He opened the door.  "Yes, Gloria?"

"Can we keep Harris tonight?"

Xander leaned out.  "They've got a gun smuggling case and this is my former lab.  What did you need me for?"

"Field.  I've got two out."

Xander shrugged.  "I've been ordered to have someone clean out my eye.  I'm going to the doc's at five and I won't be done probably until seven.  I'll need some time to sleep off the light sedative he'll have to use.  If they don't need me tonight I'll process and hand over."

"That'll work.  Will you need him tonight, Horatio?"

"Gibbs?  Did you want to scout or watch tonight?"

"Let's question this person first, scout the other locations, see if we can find anyone who's already a suspect."  Xander took the list of fences and wrote down a few more places and addresses.  "Seen military personnel there?"

"Yup, and the last one's a hardcore club.  Gangster territory and you *will* need me to get in there."  He stood up and beamed.  "It pays to have gang tutors in chem and econ."  He nodded at Horatio.  "Let me go be tortured.  I'll call when I'm out and meet you wherever if you're not back here?  Gloria, want me on call?"

"I'm good with that.  Thank you, Xander.   I'll make sure the boss pays you overtime like a real tech."

"You do know Sascha's got field classes too?" he offered.

"Really?" she purred.  "Interesting."  She went to talk to her too.  She definitely needed to get another intern for her shift from UCLA if they were graduating folks like Xander and Sascha.

Xander grinned.  "She's been complaining about how many overtime perks I get.  Including break room couch sleeping rights.  Let me go be tortured, I'll call.  I'll think while I'm out.  Also, Dad's at the Raddison if you needed to pick his brain too."  He headed out, going to drive over to the doctor's office.

An officer outside stopped him.  "You're a CSI, right?"

"Intern."  He looked at him.  "Why?"

"You drive a beamer?"

"I drive an eight-year-old beamer and I got it used, dude.  I got a very good deal while I was in DC.  It's had to have some work done but it purrs along now."  That got an understanding nod.  "I paid, like, twenty for it total, including work.  It's a better car than the POS I could've gotten new."

"Sure.  Are your stipends that much?"

"No, it was a post graduation gift to myself.   I went through on grants and I worked through school.  Then again, I had been in construction and earning about twenty an hour until five years ago."  The man nodded at that.   "See, not a bad person."

"No, you're not.  Thanks, Harris."

"Welcome."  He got into his car, heading off.  Now he knew where the rumors about him being a dirty CSI had started.  It was his car and Stetler's constant attention. Maybe he'd ask Dad if he could let it slip that he was a Fed.  Or maybe not. That might cause more problems.  At least Horatio had done some damage management with some of the detectives.

***

Lee looked over as his hotel room opened. "Hey, kid.  What's up?"

"Gibbs and them been by?"

"Coming over in about an hour.   Hungry?"

"Eww, no.  Sedatives just now."  His father gave him an odd look.  "They wanted to clean the socket."

"I agree, that's gross.  Soda?"

"That I'll take."  Lee got him one and handed it over.  "So, anything on our case?"

"Which case?"

"Gun smuggling."

"Haven't heard a thing."  Xander sat across from him.  "Where?"

"A few ships and the local port.  Some sailors smuggling them back.  Mostly small arms, light machine guns and handguns.  We've found one and they were going to talk to the person who bought it.  The name they have linked was into the Argentinians."  He opened his drink and took a sip.  "Better," he sighed.  "Also I'm on call tonight for Gloria."

"You might wanna turn on your phone then."

Xander looked at it and held it up.  "It is on.  I got your message, that's why I'm here."

"Oh, sure."  He smiled. "Your mother's on her way down."

"Okay.  We can have dinner and stuff."

"You could move to a better place, son."

"I will if I get a spot down here.  I don't want to take an apartment for six months, Dad."

"I know.  Have you seen the inside of your motel room recently?"

"Yup and I took my gun back from the maid too.  I also changed the combination on my carryable safe.  She was not happy.   I don't care she wasn't happy and I pointed out I was going to arrest her ass if she did it again."  He took another sip.  "In front of the manager."  He got up to answer the door, smiling.  "Hi, Mom."

"Hi, son."  She gave him a hug.  "Are you okay?  You look pale."

"I had to let the doc clean my eye."  He looked in the hall, and waved at Horatio, who came that way.  "They're here."

"That's fine," Lee agreed.  "He's on call tonight, Amanda."

"After a medical procedure?"

"I'm fine, Mom, just a light sedative and I'm only on call."  He let the others in, sprawling in his usual chair again.  "Okay, what new things have we found out?"

"Not a whole lot.  She bought hers from a trunk of a car," Tony admitted.

"Any idea where?  We know most of those guys have their own areas.  We can use this as an excuse to bust them so I have more guns to play with."  Xander finished his soda and tossed out the can, looking at them.  "We can, right, boss?"

Horatio nodded. "That's how we usually do it, Xander.  Quit worrying.  It went all right?"

"Just fine.  He said I had crud.  Crud came out.  I napped through it thankfully."  He shrugged.  "I'm supposed to have it done every month but I'll stick to when necessary."  He looked at the others.  "What area?"

"Sola?" Tony asked.

"That..."  Horatio started.

"That's Rio's territory," Xander said, sitting up.  "Oooh, and he's got ties, bosses. " He smirked at Gibbs.  "He's a former Army guy, called himself an Army idiot once or twice.  Dishonorably discharged but we don't know why.  We've made a few careful buys from him to set him up."

"We who?" Lee asked.  "That hasn't been with the stuff I've let you help with."

"Let?" Amanda demanded, patting him on the head.  "No more begging the son, dear.  He's a CSI, not an agent.  He doesn't get paid to get shot at."  She looked at her son.  "I will pout."

"Yes, mom," he sighed.  Tony snickered.  "You try arguing with her!"

"No thanks.  I'll end up like your dad, slumping away from her."

"That was an interesting question, Xander.  We who?" Horatio asked.

He unconsciously shifted away from him.  "Um, Vice needed someone who knew guns and he knew Calleigh.  Sascha refused, claimed he wouldn't sell to her, he doesn't like women with guns, and it was a felony case anyway with what they were describing.  Her boss was jumping down her throat about her hours from what I heard."

"Hmm," Lee said.  "At least it wasn't Peterson asking.  He's a bit reckless."

"Isn't he ATF locally?" Kate asked.  "We checked to see who was down here that we might have to run over."

"There is a team leader with that name in ATF and there's also one in SWAT," Horatio said, staring at his intern.  "We will be discussing all this extra work you seem to have been doing, Xander."

"All the better to get a full-time job with?" he offered sheepishly.  "Sascha can go to New York, or Scotland Yard was scouting her.  I'll let her go."  He nodded.

Horatio sighed.  "You are an intern, you are to work thirty hours a week, Xander.  Not more than that.  Especially not more than Eric does."  Xander shrugged.  "It won't make it any harder on you to get a full time job down here."

"Yes it will.  The Chief said there's no openings.  I asked during one of his lunch breaks in the park, he said the budget wasn't going to stretch unless you wanted to give up all your interns and find another twenty grand a year."

"And I said we'd see, Xander.  Quit.  All your assignments are to go through me.  Everyone's, even your father's.  Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir," he sighed, looking down.

"Lee?"

"Clear, Horatio."  He was hiding some mirth at this scene.  His son was just as stubborn as Lee had ever been and it was fun watching Horatio run over his son while making him promise to quit being so stubborn.

"Thank you.  Considering you got him grazed recently that's the best thing I've heard today."  Amanda slapped Lee, making him yelp and move away from her.  "Want the others' names?"

"I'm not that mean," Xander told him.  "Most of the time."  He looked at Tony.  "Files, anything?  Please?" he mouthed.  He grinned and handed it over.  "Hmm.  This I can do.  This I can definitely do.  Not tonight since I'm on call for Gloria, but we can do this tomorrow night?  Or can we not set up a sting that fast?"  He looked at Horatio, who nodded.  "Then we're a go for tomorrow night and a sting?" he asked Gibbs.   "We can monitor a few places tonight."

"That's a good use of time.  You're still a rookie."

"And I've been playing in their yard for the last few weeks, Gibbs.  They already know me."  He handed it back.  "Oh, Horatio, another guy asked me how I was driving a beamer.  I told him it was eight-years-old and it needed a lot of work, I got it for twenty."

"Because the half-demon selling it wanted to blow you," Tony reminded him.

Xander shrugged. "I still did."

"True.  Can't argue with that."

"I didn't mention the sales associate was very motivated to let me have it this time.  Told him it was my graduation present to myself."

"It basically was," Tony agreed.  He looked at Gibbs.  "Want me to go in with him?"  That got a nod.  "Can we work on that tonight, Xander?"

"Sure."  His phone went off.  "Harris," he answered.  "Hi, Gloria.  Need me?"  He stood up with a stretch.  "No, I'm fine.  Upset stomach, mild sedative.  They had to remove my eye and clean the hole, Gloria.  Yup, I'm there."  He hung up.  "Mom, late supper?"

"I'll bring some down and you can take a break.  You call when you get back to the office," she ordered, kissing him on the cheek.  He nodded, heading out.  "Wear your vest."

"Won't need it this time."  He hoped or she'd nag.

Horatio watched his intern walk out and shook his head.  "I'm going to be counting hours he's been working tomorrow.  Lee?"   Lee printed something and handed it over. "Thank you.  Any other agencies I should talk to?"

"ATF."

"I'll do that as well."   He looked at Gibbs.  "Want to get dinner, settle into your hotel, then we'll go scouting?"

"That's a plan," he agreed.  "Has Harris been in most of those spots?"  Lee nodded.  "Your case?"

"My case is hunting a spy that's gone to ground, but he thinks he's a playboy for young cute men.  Xander's been playing bait and saying he heard he's around, he wanted to meet someone so famous.  He's also been using my last name since it's one of our guys in hiding due to something he stumbled over.  We're hoping he'll make contact soon."  He looked at his wife.  "He does play act so well."

"Better than you do," she teased.  Kate snickered. "I take it you heard?"

"A lot.  Jamie told us."  She smirked.  "We'll see you guys tomorrow or so."  She tugged on McGee's arm, walking out with Tony and Gibbs behind them and Horatio following since he was half of them's ride.  "Night."

"Night," Lee called, taking his rightful kiss. "I haven't been putting him in danger, Amanda.  The graze was some jealous young man.  Xander had attracted his boyfriend and they were dancing together.  Xander also got him down and had someone call the cops.  He didn't break cover."  She smiled. "But I know you're right.  He's not agency material."  She shook her head.  "Yes, dear.  Can we have dinner first?  I'm starved."

"Sure," she agreed, taking his hand and leading him down to the restaurant in the hotel.  It was a nice one.

***

Xander got the page his mother was there, coming out of Trace and holding up a finger.  "Ten more minutes.  Give them passes, they're going to break room so I get dinner."  The receptionist nodded, letting them have that.  He jogged back into the lab, going back to his last two tests.  When he was done he typed a quick and sloppy report, he'd do the rest when he got done.  He flipped off his computer and walked out once his jacket was off.  He stretched.  "Gloria, going to dinner.  Find me about thirty after I get back," he called, knowing she was in fingerprints.

"Sure, Xander.  Happy food."  She watched him walk.  "I don't know how he can eat after earlier."

Xander walked into the break room.  "Sorry, you got here sooner than I thought."  He settled in with a hug for his mother. "How's Grandma?"

"Still ranting you won't even adopt."

"I'd mess the poor kid up," he said dryly.  He flopped down.  "Before you ask, kids."  That got a nod from both of them.  "So, food?  I haven't eaten since noon."  Amanda handed over a sub and a new soda.  "Oooh, food."  He kissed her on the cheek, making her laugh, but he did eat.  He finally relaxed and smiled at them.  "Better."  His phone rang.  "No," he moaned.  He looked at it then answered. "I'm still eating, Gloria.  Yeah.... I turned off the monitor.  No, they're not done yet.  They're in pre-report format.  You can wait until I get done eating.  That'll be the same time the autopsy results are finished.  Because I'm that good.  Yes, I promise.  Within thirty minutes of me finishing my dinner.  Thank you."  He hung up and shook his head, making sure his phone was hung up.  "She's got an emotional push this time.  None of us like cases with kids."  He leaned on the table. "So, how was your day?" he quipped.

"Better than yours," Lee offered with a smile.  "Are you using the same personality when you go to buy weapons?"

"Yup.  It's easier."  He grinned at his mother.  "I play swishy gay guy very well.  It's always a shock to the weapons dealers when they see me."

"What have you been working on?" she asked, looking confused.

"That for Vice and ATF, a joint campaign.  That's how we're doing it with Tony tomorrow night."  That got a nod.  "So," he sighed.  "Anything good happening up in DC?"

"Senator Ketchum tried to send her regards but I punched the woman," Amanda offered.  "Pointed out you were my son and no way was any senator worthy of you.  Said I'd rather have you date a serial killer first.  A male one.  She pouted."

"You know, I don't know if I have been with a male serial killer.  Just a female one," he admitted thoughtfully.  "I don't know, I might turn guys evil too.   Someday I'll have to figure that out."  He shook his head and looked at them.  "Sorry, Tanya's in town."

"Your ex?"

"Yeah, her.  She's somewhere down in South Beach.  I reported her to the Marshals going after her and to Horatio.  Or actually I wrote him an email.  He'll probably get it later tonight.  I've sent out a memo to both shifts about her behavior and what she went for and that she was escaped and was believed to be in the area.  Just in case.  Sascha sent back a sympathy e-card.  So we know it's not going to be a good week."  Lee nodded at that.  "I got a nibble last time we went out.  Did it pan out?"

"A bit.  We think he knows who you really are so he might come here."

"I'm here a lot," Xander said dryly.  "He's more than welcome to come here."  Lee nodded, sending a text message to that effect.  "Any other good news?  I could use some cheering up."

"Phillip's wife is trying to soothe your grandmother by having baby envy at the moment," Amanda offered.  "I don't know what's wrong with the woman.  She was never like this until a few years back."

"Usually that's a sign you've realized your mortality and you want to make sure something of you goes on into the future," Xander reminded her gently.  "Did she get sick?"

"It was right after she had that bout of bronchitis," Lee admitted, looking at his wife.  "That would fit too, Amanda."

"It would.  I'm sure she'll work it out, Xander."

"Oh, if you get a possible DNA warrant for a daughter, don't worry, it's not yours, son.  Someone took some of mine and used it in Russia.  They just immigrated and I know there's one in the system."  He nodded once at that.  "So you have a half-sister."

"Cool.  That works too.  Are we bringing her home?"

"That would make my mother scream," Amanda sighed. "For many weeks on end.  Then she'd love the child."  She looked at Lee.  "Meet with the mother?  It's entirely possible that she didn't volunteer with the way the Russian system used to go.  We know she was a secretary in the KGB."

"Point.  I wouldn't care to meet with her.  We'll have to move around the system to do that."  Gloria stomped in.  He checked his watch. "Sorry, filling him in on some new news.  Go back to work, kiddo.  I'll see you tomorrow night."  Xander grinned and nodded, heading back to finish his reports.  Gloria looked confused.  "Yes, we're his parents."

"I know you're a spy of some sort.  Homemaker?" she guessed about Amanda.

"No, I recruited her," Lee admitted.  "She's where Xander gets his trouble magnet nature from."  Amanda slapped him on the arm.  "Ow, woman!  You'll have to kiss that and make it better later.  No more abusing me in front of non-family."

"Fine, we'll go bother Gibbs and I'll abuse you in front of him."  She stood up, smiling at Gloria.  "Is our son a good field tech?  I haven't gotten to work with him in the field yet."

"He's not bad.  He's always accurate.  This time it's more important."

"I realize that," Lee assured her. "He said it was a kid."  She nodded.  "We hate cases like that too."  He shook her hand.  "When do you think you're going to let him go?  We've got an undercover tomorrow."

She whimpered. "He does?"

"For me," Lee admitted.  "We're hunting another spy."

"Charming."  She walked off shaking her head.  "I'll let him go home once Trace is clear."  She walked into Xander's lab, watching him finish reports.  "You really did all those?"

"There were only five individual swabs.  Two came out the same substance.  It'll all be covered."  She nodded, waiting there.  He looked back at her.  "Shoo.  Let me write."  She sighed and walked off while he finished his reports.  He finished those and handed them over with the resealed and boxed samples.  "There you go.  Seven samples that we found at the scene."

"I thought we found ten."

"One was a knife, it's in fingerprints.  One was computer and AV stuff.  One wasn't a sample.  It was part of the furniture so we've got it on camera.  I taped the scene with a video camera this time so I can pull stills."  She nodded at that, walking off.  He went down to the morgue, shaking his head at the night ME.  "Got anything else for me?  I'm only on call tonight until Trace is clear."

"She was stabbed," he said.

"We found the knife.  It's in fingerprints."  He motioned Xander over, letting him look at the two different sizes of injury.  "Uh-huh.  What do we think the other was?"  He saw Gloria looking down from the observation room and looked at the ME.  His bad shit radar was going off.  "Any idea?"

He nodded.  "Looks like a pocket knife, Xander.  Also, did you get the trace off her feet?"

"Two swabs, one from each side.  It came up sushi seaweed.  Still raw but very wet, like it had been soaking and fell and she stepped in it."  That got a nod.  "Anything else we know?"  The ME rolled the girl over, letting him look.  He squatted down to get closer.  "Tell me you took UV photos?"

"I did.  The bruises came up with lividity.  We got there fairly quickly after the call.  Lividity hadn't set in yet."  He looked at him.  "I don't know what causes that sort of mark."

"I do.  It's a hand pushing in the same spot for a long time.  Did you do a SART kit?"

"Negative and negative.  She wasn't touched.  Any orifice."  Xander relaxed and nodded.  "I did take the pre-bruising subdermal photos, the ones that'll catch the bruises while they're still under the skin."  He handed those over.  "I had them run specially."

"Crap.  I know that gun.  I fixed that gun," he hissed.  He looked at him.  "Thanks.  Anything new for me?"  He shook his head.  "Then I'm going to go back to Trace.  Write your report, it's my case."  He nodded.  "Thanks, man."  He clapped him on the arm and walked out with the photos he had taken.  Including of that bruise.  He ran into his step- boss on the way out.  "We found some minor bruising, it looks like a ring pattern so I'm going to run with that.  Then I'll head."  She nodded, smiling and walking off.  He went to his trace lab and shut the door, checking the hall.  He decided to go over to fingerprints.  "Hey, knife?"

"Done now.  She's been hovering, Xander.  It's annoying."  She let him see the screen and he nodded.  "You knew?"

"Yeah, there was a subdermal bruise from a gun.  Can you print that for me?"  She handed him a copy.  "Thanks."  He walked out, going to AV.  He leaned down to get closer to the tech's ear.  "I think this has to do with a federal case I'm working on.  Can I have a copy of the full tape on DVD?" he requested quietly.  He nodded, handing one over.  "Thanks.  Was it less blurry?"

"Much less blurry than normal," Tyler said, smiling at him.  "Thank you for doing that, Xander."

"Welcome."  Tyler looked at the form in his hand.  "You didn't see that."

"I worked on H's crew for years."

"That's where I'm going tonight," he said, glancing around.  "He promised to yell at me about my hours," he said in a more normal voice, shuffling reports.  "Thanks, Tyler."   He nodded.  "Speed'll appreciate me bringing him one he can do an eval on.  He ordered and you know we all jump when Speed complains."

Tyler laughed.  "Very often."  He smiled at Gloria when she came in.  "Speed said he wanted to see the scene DVD.  He's working on Xander's photo problem.  If that's all right?"

"It's within the lab.  That's fine."  She smiled at Xander.  "Done?"

"Nearly.  I went to gather this first."  She nodded so he went back to trace, sending a text to Speed with a 'tell H I need him, 911 night lab' text.  He sent it and erased it from his history.  Then he settled in to search the gun barrel print.  He found the make and model and he was sure it was the same gun.  Speed walked in himself, going right to trace. "You should be on the couch.  I was going to bring you the DVD so you could do the eval and see if that's a better way for me to take crime scene photos."

"I should but I'm bored.  My apartment's too familiar.  Hey, Gloria.  I decided to come in to do this eval."

"That's fine, Speed.  Xander, anything on the ring?"

"Not really, it's a bit blurry."  She nodded.  "So I'll head after he does my eval."

"That's fine, boys.  We don't need Trace unless we get another call."

"Marissa just cleared," Xander reminded her.  She smiled and went to congratulate her.  He shut the door and nodded at the stack of photos.  Speed found the report.  "I fixed her sight the other day," he said quietly.  "It's a visual match to the gun."

"That's something you need H to intervene on," he agreed.  "Good instincts."  He pressed on his earbud, smiling.  "Sure, H.  Yeah, it is.  Thanks."  He hung up and ran the scene DVD.  He looked at him.  "Anything else we do know?"  Xander pulled up the backup copy of his report since his original seemed to be missing, printing it off and handing it over.  "Where's the original?"

"Eaten."  He gave him a look.

"Crap."  He nodded.  "Who else knows?"  He tapped the fingerprints report.  "Anyone else?"

"Me thinks."

"They're good at that.  The green goop was sushi seaweed?"

"Yup.  I looked up common uses for it.  Did I hit all the evidence high points?"

"You did.  It's not even blurry.  I'm impressed."  He smiled at him.  "We may make you do this from now on."   Xander nodded that was fine with him.  "Okay.  What do you want to do?"

"Go to bed."

"Beyond that.  I know it's been a long day for you.  You were at the hospital at seven."

"I got up at four."

"It's nearly midnight now, Xander."  Xander nodded.  "Okay.  Definitely time for you to be in bed.  H called to complain to Calleigh and I about your hours."  He gave him a look.  "You can't work more than me.  You don't get overtime."

"It's my job."

"So?"

"It means I've got the better shot of getting a job when it comes open, Speed."

"One'll come open, Xander."  He dialed a number on the room's phone.  "H, me.  We're here talking about Xander's hours."  He put him on speaker.

"Xander, who are you going undercover for?"

"A joint Vice/ATF project.  Plus luring that hiding spy out of hiding for Dad.  Why?"

"Xander," he said patiently.  He heard the door open.   "Hi, Gloria, going over Xander's hours."

"Can he come in late tomorrow?" Speed asked.

"No, we've got that crossover case with NCIS," Xander reminded him.  "I can go like this for at least a week, Speed.  There's been plenty of times when I had to pull thirty-six hour stuff in the past."

"We don't work like that, Xander," Horatio assured him. "Unless it's an emergency."

"Like a sniper or an air crash," Speed agreed.  He patted Xander on the back.  "I'll give you a ride home on the bike."

"Okay.  Never been on a bike before."

"We can fix that."

"If you crash and hurt you both I will kill you, Speed," Horatio noted.  "Gloria, is he done?"

"Yeah, it's just these two going over an evaluation of the scene tonight, Horatio.  I was coming in to check on him."

"That's fine.  Boys?  Speed, go ahead and come in tomorrow to do that.  Take the nice copies with you so you don't have to worry about hunting them down in the morning."  He nodded, gathering everything up and ejecting the DVD.  "Did the taping work?"

"It was surprisingly clear.  A bit shaky in spots but he zoomed in on all the evidence and took measuring shots too, H."

"Good.  Then we'll see if that's a workable compensation for his photo problem.  Have a good night, Gloria.  Speed, make sure the boys know not to touch his car."

"Yes, H."  He hung up on him.  "C'mon, kid."  He put everything in an evidence envelope.  "He's the best intern we've ever had, but he's doing ninety hour weeks and he doesn't get paid overtime," he quipped.  He walked Xander off, one hand on his back.  He looked at the guard.  "I'm giving Harris a ride home.  Leave his beamer alone tonight?"  That got a nod.  "Thanks.  He's exhausted.  He got up at four."  The guard checked his watch then shuddered.  "The life of a CSI, man."  He walked Xander out to his bike, pointing at the footrests. "You feet go on those.  Your arms go around me.  You lean where I lean.  Got it?"  Xander smiled and nodded, getting on once he had.  "No helmet but it'll work for tonight."  He put the envelope down his shirt so he couldn't lose it, noticing Gloria was watching them.  He waved as he started the bike.  Xander clutched him.  "Relax," he called back.

"It's like a big damn vibrator."

"That's why many men drive a bike, I do it for other reasons," he said patiently.  He walked the bike backward out of the spot and then took off, heading for Horatio's house.  It'd look natural to continue that conversation about his hours.  It was a nice drive and he felt Xander relaxing slowly behind him.  He checked in his mirror, the boy had this blissed out look on his face.  He sped up a little bit, making him squeak and hold on tighter but that was fine for now.  He took the long way to Horatio's, losing their tail, but did pull into his driveway eventually.  He turned off the engine and took off his helmet, making Xander wake up.  He smiled and nodded at Horatio to come get the boy.  "Knocked him out," he said quietly.

"It's good for that."  He helped get Xander unwound from Speed and it woke him up.  "Inside and onto the couch, Xander."  Xander shook his head, pouting some.  "We'll look that over in a minute.  Go sit down."  Xander nodded, trudging that way.  By the time they got inside the boy was crashed out with his head on Stetler's thigh, earning a very long dirty look.  "He fell asleep on the ride over."

"He called me a nice hippo and fell asleep on me."

"Abby has this stuffed, farting hippo she uses as a pillow now and then when she naps in the lab," Speed told him.  "Switch with me."  Stetler got up and Speed sat down.  Xander made snuffling noises.  "Rest on me, Xander."

"Nice kitty."  His head found the soft thigh and planted itself firmly on it, shifting to rub his cheek a few times.  "Scratchy."

"It's fine.  Quit nuzzling."  Xander quit and shifted to put an arm around his waist too.  "Good boy."  He petted his hair, looking at the amused older men.  "He got up at four so he could see John this morning before shift."

"No wonder he used me as a pillow.  What do we have?"    Speed pulled out the envelope, handing it over.  "DVD is?"

"We had him tape it to see if that came out better than his pictures," Horatio admitted.

"It's a bit shaky in spots but he hit all the spots he would have with the pictures," Speed offered.  "The others are his Trace report and fingerprints, plus pictures from the ME.  He did say he had fixed the sight on her weapon the other day and it was a visual match to that subdermal photo."

"Great."  He sat at the table to go over it.  "What do we need definitively?"

"911 tape?"  Horatio suggested.  "The fingerprint tech and who know?"

"He said the ME thinks it's hers.  He called him the 'me' though.  She was hovering like Calleigh when you're talking about her birthday."  That got a small smile and a nod of understanding.

"Birthdays bad," Xander grumbled.

"No, they're nice."

"Nope, bad.  Have clowns."

Speed looked down at him.  "I didn't figure you'd have a phobia, Xander."  He went back to petting him and he went deeper into sleep again.  "He does?"

"He did list a clown phobia that he's been working on," Horatio admitted.

"Clowns?" Stetler asked.

"He got traumatized by one when he was five at his birthday party."

"Oh.  No wonder he thinks birthdays are bad."  He went back over it.  "This is more than enough for me to dig underneath her, boys.  Thank you."

"Does this mean he can have a spot?" Speed asked dryly.

"Sure.  If the Chief says so," he shot back.  "How many hours does he work?"

"He's had seventy-two in the lab so far in the last week, plus however many he's had for Vice and with his father.  Since we pay him the usual stipend...."

"That sucks.  He's tripling his hours and doesn't get paid more," Stetler complained.

"He's trying to make sure if there's an open spot he gets it over Sascha," Speed pointed out.  "She's his only real competition."

"I do have a plan, Speed.  We need a new ballistics tech because Calleigh got one fired for incompetence."  Speed grinned at that.  "Doing some subtle shifting would make the position open in our lab instead of Non-Felony and Sascha said she wanted Scotland Yard.  If not, Vancouver.  Her parents are teaching in Great Britain at the moment."  That got a  brighter grin.  "So quit pushing and he can too."  He looked at Rick.  "Quietly without implicating Xander?"

"As much as possible."  Horatio nodded.  "Make him come in late tomorrow, Horatio.  You're not usually that much of a slave driver."

"He's been going behind our backs," Horatio said dryly.  "I know one of them he was cleaning guns when Calleigh left then decided to totally clean the lab and all the weapons, plus do the bookcases and evidence cases in there.  She came in to the monthly sorting already done. Including a few things moved that she had complained about."

Stetler shook his head.  "If all officers worked like him...."

"We'd all go insane too.  Hey, if I did, maybe I'll get hit on in the clubs like he does."

"Could rub off," Xander mumbled.  "Did to Cal and Tony."

"Ooh.  No wonder she was in a bad mood this morning."  Speed went back to petting him.  Xander snored and it was good for him.  "So?"

"We've got a briefing with Gibbs at ten.  Then we'll let him go this afternoon to prepare to take Tony out with him tonight.  That way they can coordinate and Tony can find clothes if he has to.  That also means he can have a real meal with his parents and hopefully fix the case for his father."  They nodded.  "Anything else, Rick?"

"No.  Let me get Yelina."  He went to wake her up and walked her out to the car.  She knew she had been a cover so they could talk about this new case.  She didn't care, she was tired.  As long as she got to sleep it was all good.

Horatio looked at them, seeing Speed nearly asleep too.  He got a blanket and covered Xander up, giving Speed a pillow.  Speed used it himself and shifted.  Xander pouted and ended up on Speed's chest, napping but sharing the covers.  Horatio took a picture and went upstairs to bed, smiling at the two dynamic and active young men finally sleeping.  Speed never slept enough.  He'd have to tell Speed Xander was picking up on both their mannerisms.

***

Speed woke up with his shoulder throbbing but someone was kneading it with the palm of their hand and it was easing the cramp.  He was clearly on a couch.  There was clearly a body on top of him.   He shifted and the body growled but snored once he was comfortable.  He looked down.  The blanket obscured everything but a few dark hairs and one hand.  He smiled at the care his shoulder was getting, but he had to lift up the blanket to look at his teddy bear.  "Comfy?" he asked.  Horatio took another picture.  "I will kill you."

"Have to do paperwork and I take your lab," Xander mumbled.

"That's a good reason not to," he decided, sighing a bit.  He looked at Horatio, who could only smirk.  "Did you tell Eric?"

"I sent him a copy of the picture from last night.  By the way, it's noon."  Speed blinked at him.  "I couldn't get you up.  Every time I tried Xander growled and tried to bite.  So......"

"It's odd but I'm not his, H."

"I know."  He gave him a gentle kiss and Xander made whimpering noises.  "We'll see, Xander."  Xander settled down.  "You rest."   He patted through the thick hair.  Xander yawned and blinked up at him.  "Good afternoon."

"It is?"

"It is.  We've talked with the people over in Vice to see how you usually go in.  They're giving us the prior tapes so we can see if any of the guns you found are on the list and so Tony can get used to your style.  You two are going out at eight tonight to find the one we're going after."  Xander nodded, yawning again.  "You are adorable on top of Speed."

Xander blinked at him a few more times.  "I'm always adorable."

"Quite often," he agreed, smiling at him.  "For now, let's get you back to your place so you can shower and change?  Come to the station at six and we'll wire you."  Xander nodded, getting up and stretching.  Then he turned and hugged Speed with a mumbled 'sorry' and fled.  "Usually he wakes up crankier than you do," he teased.  He took another kiss.  "I left you food in the microwave.  Take a shower and be in by six.  You can monitor tonight with McGee."  He nodded, getting up and stretching.  "How's your shoulder?"

"Fine.  He was kneading it."

"I saw."  He smiled and Speed headed for the food with a swat on the arm.  "Behave and I'll see you at six."

"Should I pick the boy up?"

"No, let him come in however he usually does.  He can say he was picking up something for someone if they ask."  Speed nodded but yawned.  "Have a good afternoon, Speed."  He walked out, taking the hummer back to the lab.  He smiled at Gibbs.  "They're up.  Xander's at his hotel getting himself ready.  Speed'll come in to monitor."

"Was it cute?" Calleigh teased.

"Very."  He showed them the picture from last night.  "He fell asleep on the ride over.  We had to peel him off Speed's back."  Eric's 'awww' was echoed by Kate and Tony.  He put it away and looked at the others.  "Did we find anything from the tapes?"

"Two guns on the list," Kate offered.

"I can easily handle his style," Tony agreed.  "We have people set up who'll give a verbal recommendation if I need them to.  Should I go in dressed like him or not, boss?"

"Ask Caine, it's his area."

"Go in dressed like a mafia thug," Eric offered.  "Nice, serious suit.  Gun.  It'd let you carry.  This guy isn't stupid.  He's paranoid and a tweaker."  Frank Tripp leaned in.  "What's wrong?"

"Xander said he'd look at my gun for me today."

"I can do that, Frank," Calleigh offered.  He smiled and handed it over.  "The spring?"

"I think so."  She took it apart to look at, nodding.  "How easy is it to fix?"

"Give me a few and I'll see if I've got a spare one lying around."  He grinned.  "Horatio, show him the picture."

Horatio sighed but let him see it.  "He fell asleep on the ride over, Speed fell asleep during the meeting."

"Awwww, they're like two dark little puppies.  They jump apart this morning?"

"Harris isn't one of those who's instantly awake," Tony told him with a bright grin.

"If he's half asleep and you're noisy he'll throw a knife at you too, and he's a good shot," Kate added.  Frank and Eric both gave her horrified looks.

Calleigh nodded.  "Cooper caught him taking a catnap for lunch a few weeks back, he threw a pencil at his chest like he was going to stake him," she admitted.

"So he really is like a puppy," Frank teased.

"Speed will growl and bite if you wake him up too soon," Eric offered.  "They're both like sleeping dogs.  Let them lie."

Horatio nodded.  "Xander bounced home after waking up enough to realize he was at my house."  He put the photo away.  "Calleigh, go fix his gun?"  She nodded, getting up to do that.  "Eric, go through the recent reports to see if those serial numbers have come up."

"Kate, go with him.  DiNozzo, did you pack anything?"

"Something close enough, boss.  You know I'm always prepared."

"Good.  Go do that."  Tony nodded, heading back to their room to get ready.  He had the surveillance gear in his bag anyway.  "McGee, help wherever you can."

"I can do the tapes again and the field reports from Vice, boss.  If I can have access to the system?" he asked Horatio.

"Use the one in here, McGee.  It's already logged in under my ID."  He rolled over to start his first search.  "Gibbs, feel free to use my office.  It'll keep me from doing some of the paperwork. I have to check on what he found last night and a few other cases we have going."  That got a nod.  "Don't make the coffee too strong.  They'll complain."  He walked out, going to find Stetler.  "Well?" he asked quietly.

"Your boy sewed it up tight.  Think he'd transfer?"

"He's still a lab tech, not a field CSI with a badge," Horatio said dryly.

"Pity."  He laid out what he had found.  "She got paid."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure yet.  I'm going to get her today.  At her place."

"Thank you for doing that quietly.  Is anyone else in her lab implicated?  If not, Marissa can take over since Deb's off."

"Whatever.  I don't handle that."  Horatio nodded, going to call both ladies to talk to them.   He moved to get his team together and go arrest the dirty CSI.  She had been doing this for a long time and they had a lot of cases to go through to see what else she had done.

Xander pulled his rental car into a spot on the visitor's lot, getting out and putting money in the meter.  He saw Stetler and smiled.  "Darling, I'm here to pick up something relating back to my accident a few months back," he lisped, his voice a bit higher with a slight accent.  His dark green pants were *very* tight leather.  His black t-shirt was nearly as tight, and he had a black leather trenchcoat on overtop of it but open. "Do you know where I should go?"  He flicked a hand and gave him a smug look.  Then he looked up and arranged a carefully gelled spike of hair.

Stetler stared for a minute.  "Desk," he said finally, pointing.  "The car?"

"Rental, darling.  I was in an accident."  He walked inside, winking at the receptionist.  "I'm here to pick up something from my accident. A report or something that my insurance meanies want.  I was to talk to a Lieutenant Caine?" he asked.

"He's upstairs, sir, let me sign you in?"  She smiled and let him sign in.  "Cute hair."

"Thank you.  It does take some of us *ages* to get ready."  He walked off, clipping his visitor's pass to his beltline.  He ran into Frank at the elevator.  "Hmm, a fine man that could be doing much for many people," he purred.  Frank gave him a horrified look. "Going my way, sugar?"

"I hope not," he blurted, then he realized who it was.  He opened his mouth and Xander winked, getting them onto the elevator.  Frank pushed the button for the lab.  "Are you ill?"

"Undercover for Vice and ATF, plus the new case."

He looked him over.  "It took me a minute."

"You should've seen Stetler's startled look when I got out of the rental corvette."  He walked off the elevator.  "Ah, such fabulous people," he sighed, smiling at Eric.  "And cute too," he added, pinching him on the cheek.   Eric gave him this horrified, nearly ready to cry look.

"He's here to pick up reports from his accident," Frank said.

"I wondered what happened to him.  Especially his hair."

"You don't like?  Raul would be very upset if you did not like," he lisped, smiling at him.   Eric shivered and walked off, letting Frank escort him where he needed to go.  "Oh, you *fabulous* people," he said as he walked into the conference room.  "Ooh, sweetie, wrong color shirt," he said, plucking at Kate's shirt. "You'll clash with the others and draw attention to yourself."  He smiled at Gibbs, who nearly had his mouth hanging open and was almost making squeaky noises.  Horatio had the same look.  "You like?  Raul spent *hours* working on my hair, darlings."  He flicked a piece again.  "That one will not stay.  I'll have to spank the meany for not making it all beautiful."

"Shit," McGee said in awe.  Calleigh swatted him.  "I never knew he could do that," he defended.

"Less lisp, more sitting," Speed ordered dryly, shaking his head.  "It's going to take forever to get that gel out of your hair, kid."

"No it won't.  They make special cleaners for it," he said in his normal voice.  "And after we're done tonight, I'm going out so anyone who wants to go with me can.  After all, Dad's still working on finding that nice spy who went to ground."  He looked at Horatio.  "I'm wearing the stuff they usually send me with."  He took off his jacket by letting it slide off his shoulders, then he stripped off his shirt, making sure it didn't mess up his hair.  "Another thing the girls taught me."  He let Horatio and McGee both check the transmitters on him.

"Video?" Tony asked.

Xander smiled.  "Fake tooth.  In the bling, baby."

"Nice."  He flicked his own earring.  "That's mine."

"Works for me.  Wire?  Isn't that one a bit big?"  He handed over his spare.  "That's the one Dad gave me to test.  It's smaller."

"Thanks."  He took off his usual one and put on that one.  It was smaller and it was masquerading as a chain.  "I like that.  Not too stupid?"  Everyone shook their heads.  "Goes with the earring?"  Everyone nodded.  "Good."  He came over to fuss one wire into place for Xander, making him yelp.  "Bare?"

"Necessity.  Skin colored patch goes over that spot and it pulls up the covering.  It breaks the wire when it does that."  He applied the patch and then two others.  "Like the temp tats?"

"I do," Horatio admitted.  "Much nicer than real ones."  Yelina walked in and paused.  "It's for a sting."

"I didn't think you'd be groping his chest in public, Horatio."  She smiled and kissed Xander's cheek.  "You are adorable."

"Thank you, sugar," he said, lapsing back into his lisp with an evil smirk for her.  She shivered and backed off.  "Aww, but a man like me used to do much for women like you," he teased.  "Then I had one who had me and voila!  It was a whole new world.  Just like Jasmine."

She cackled, walking out shaking her head.

"You just had to ruin it with the Disney reference, didn't you?" Speed taunted.  Xander nodded.  "You're one strange guy, kid."  They finished making sure both systems worked.  "We on?"

"We've got an hour.  Let's go over what we're doing," Gibbs ordered.

Xander put back on his shirt and jacket, having to undo his pants to tuck in his t-shirt.  "I'm going to go in looking for a specific type of piece for a job.  He's going to show me things.  If there's a problem I'm sure you'll know."  He looked at them.  "Now, I'm in a rental 'vette.  They all know I had an accident about six weeks ago.  That's how we set up the cover.  My former car had my stash."  He smirked.  "I'm going to get used to my car since I'm only supposed to be picking up reports from my accident today," he said, going back to his lisp and slight accent.   "Antony, I will see you in one hour at the Fantasy Bubbles carwash?"  He nodded.  "Good boy."  He stroked his cheek then left, heading back down to the lobby.  He handed in his visitor's pass on his way out.  He ran into Stetler again.  "Yes, darling?"

"You are in so much trouble," he noted.

"For?"

"Corvette?"

"It's a rental, sweetie.  I had an *accident* six weeks ago.  Someone slammed into me and I had to make the poor pouty person die."  He patted him on the cheek, stunning him.  "Now, let this nice, young, hot body go for now, okay?"  He walked off, sashaying really, getting back into the corvette.

Stetler went upstairs.  "They're really using him undercover?" he demanded.  Horatio nodded. "Why was he here like that?"

"So we could check his gear," Gibbs told him.  "Six weeks?"

"He had an accident in front of a known gang member's hangout," McGee admitted, looking at him.  "Then he got out and he supposedly shot the person who had rearended him.  Since he was driving a sports car and it was fiberglass it basically totatled the whole back end, boss.  The team moved in to respond to the shooting and he had to leave with his supposed stash of guns in the car.  He went to hide inside the bar and since he had just shot someone and sneered, then spit on him, they accepted him.  He was lamenting his poor car.  The gang members sneered at him because he was gay until he put two down on their backs on the floor and made another one pant and beg for him to put him onto his back.  The cops came into the bar and he fled with that member.  They think he's taken up residence, he's a contract assassin working the region, and his new friend set him up with people who could help him buy weapons.  No one asked him if he was a cop according to their notes."

"That flaming and the department wouldn't hire them anyway," Stetler agreed.  "Six weeks?"

"Three buys so far, two different dealers.  He's going back to Rio for the second time tonight.  He's even got a small notice in the system."  He pulled it up.  "That's the ID they made for him.  I guess you're a friend of a friend, Tony?"

"Probably."  He straightened out his tie.  "Works for me.  Fantasy Bubbles car wash?"

"It's a bikini carwash with gay men cleaning," Speed told him.  He wrote down the address.  "We had a case there about a month ago.  A witness to a hit and run."  He slid it over.

"That's also a good area to set up a surveillance post," Horatio admitted.  "There's a number of empty parking lots and depending on where Rio meets him this time...  That could definitely work.  When is he getting the location?"

"His phone is set up to double text.  Anything that goes into his phone is mirrored on the one on the table," McGee said.  "Once he knows, we'll know.  The area's good?"

"The area's excellent cover.  Businesses.  Some homeless so a van won't be that noticed.  There's a few industrial clubs so there's a band or two who end up sleeping in their vans now and then.  There's also a Vice sting planned in the area at one of those clubs tonight so we'll have near backup and they've been warned?"  Kate nodded.  "His ATF contact?"

"Begging us to not bust Rio tonight. I told them why and they gave me more names as long as I kept Gibbs out of their building.  We agreed if they ran into him in the field or here that he was still fair game."  She slid those over, earning a smile from Horatio and Tony.

"DiNozzo, head out, we'll tell you where you're going."  He nodded, going to do that.  He had rented a dark sedan from the airport just for today.  "We on?" he asked Horatio.

"We are.  Boys, stay in the van if possible," he ordered Speed and McGee.  "McGee, he was recently shot.  Unless it's about to explode I don't want to see him out and I'm making you *personally* responsible for my CSI's continued well being." He stared him down and got a swallow and a nod.  "Good.  Let's hit the van."  They headed down, going to do that.  Kate ended up with the boys in the back.  He and Gibbs got the front.  "You never said he was going to jump into every nook and cranny he could," he said quietly.

"We warned you he volunteered and jumped in to take things from Abby's hand.  Should've made the jump, Caine," he taunted.  He smirked at him, driving his usual style.

"Left, Gibbs."  He nodded, going that way.  "I went down to the head of Vice and apparently he had been warned.  He had a lot of things for me from Xander's file, including how many hours he had worked.  The chief was not amused."

"He going to pay him for some of it?"

"Not when he stays to clean the lab, but for the hours he was working with Vice and ATF, though they're going to be asked impolitely to do the same.  I put him together with his mother earlier so the same request could be made.  She only paused for a minute then the faxed statements came over about those hours.  Did you know he was working with his father back in DC?"

"He spent a lot of time bored back in DC.  It doesn't really surprise me any."  He looked over when he heard the phone cheep. "That them?"

"Twenty minutes, Sola, car wash," McGee read.

"That's the bikini carwash.  Rio must hate him being so gay."  He sent that to Tony.  "Head to The Sun Does Shine Carwash, Tony.  It's on Sola about four blocks ahead of you.  Xander's to meet him in twenty."  He got an affirmative click from the system.  "He's on and it's good.  I can hear his radio playing in the sedan."

"That's how we usually test it too," McGee assured him.

***

Xander parked and got out.  "Rio, darling, I brought an acquaintance who needs some of your special help as well," he said, going back into his voice.

"Is he vouched for?"

"By three contacts up north," he said, kissing him on the cheek.  The guy wiped it off and he gave him a smug look.   "Antony?" he called.  He walked in, glancing around.  "This is Antony.  He's in the same field."

"Boss, I know him," one of the guards called. "He's a fed."

"Really?" Xander asked, strolling back over to look at Tony.  "You are?"

"No."

"Hmm.  Boys, put him into my car."  Rio gave him an odd look.  "I brought him and it's my job to fix him," he pointed out.  "I always clean up my mistakes, Rio."  He waved a hand.  "Into the backseat well, boys.  Don't worry about handcuffs. I've got a gas canister installed and I'll deal with him in a bit."  They nodded, dragging him out there, not being too gentle either.  Tony got stuffed behind the seats and they locked him in, setting off the switch for the gas, which was very mild laughing gas but Tony could pretend.  "I'm sorry about that," he said.

Rio nodded. "Happens to the best of us, Sergio."  He led him back to his car.  "Dead and gone?"

"He'll be for the mean little fishies, like Nemo's older brothers," he said happily, flicking a hand.  "I need something for a specific job.  I need something to fit my hand but light and easy enough to carry concealed.  It'll have to stay concealed for a while."

"That's a hard fit.  Any particular brand?"

"No, I'm not going to be picky about brand.  Once I get this one I'm tossing it down to the mean Nemos too," he admitted.  That got a nod and they opened the trunk, letting Xander get down to look in the weak trunk light.  "You really do need to up the bulb, Rio."

"What does your *real* voice sound like?"  Xander looked at him.  "I know your history, Sergio.  I know that the lisp is affected."

Xander leaned closer to his ear and whispered in it, dropping his voice.  "Back when I had many women, they loved it," he purred.  "But now I find my man likes me better like this."

"You have one?"

"I do.  I have.  The first... well, it showed me the true path I wanted to be on.  This one...."  He shivered and moaned.  "Let's just say he's better for me."  He looked in the trunk.  He picked up one to test it for size.  "This one still has a serial number.  Is it clean?" he asked, going back to his lisp.  "I don't want to make someone else take credit for my work.  It's not right for their reputations."

"It was sold to me."

Xander opened it.  "It's dirty and has been used.  Targets or not?"

"I didn't try it out," he admitted. "I bought it as is."

"You should clean them.  They could be jammed," he said, dry firing it.  "Hmm.  Puny."  He put it back and tried another one.  This one had a serial number he wanted.  "This one is nice.  Think it could be concealed by a longer shirt?"  He put it in his holster, letting his normal gun sit on the trunk.  "Hmm."

"Looks good on you," one of the guards offered.

"Thank you, dear."  He blew a kiss and smiled.  "Think it'll go concealed?"

"It should.  It's tiny enough."

Xander nodded, putting it on a table.  He pulled out two more.  "These two as well, Rio, and ooooh, is that a dagger?"  He pulled it out to look at it.  "This is beautiful work."  Which it wasn't, it was a cheap re-creation piece with weak metal.  "Very nice.  Maybe I'll decorate with it."  He put his usual gun back and put the knife on the table.  "Those."

"I love working with you.  Are you this picky when you go clothes shopping?"

"My man comes with me.  If he doesn't drool, I don't buy."   He winked at one guard, who swallowed.  "We could use a toy now and then.  Want to play, little one?"

"N...no.  That's okay, Sergio.  Not my thing," he said, starting to sweat.

"Pity.  My man could do *much* for you.  The same as he does for me.  Then again, I could be...nice to a new toy," he admitted, walking closer to him.  "Very, very nice if you begged."

"Sergio, please don't turn my boys out that way," Rio complained.  "Ten each?"

Xander looked at him.  "Ten?"  He stroked the man's neck with his fingertips, running into a wire, like he thought.  "Make it five and I'll take this with me.  Show him how to truly guard a body."

"If you take my guard too, it'll be an extra five.  Six for the guns.  Two for the knife."  He did not want to draw this out.  He might want him too.  Those gay assassins were often odd little boys.  Xander pulled out an envelope, carefully counting the money in the open, taking the box he put the weapons in.   Xander put down an extra five hundred with a wink and a wicked smirk, taking the guard with him.  "I want him back in the morning, Sergio," he called after him.  "Able to walk and all that!"

"I'd never *hurt* my *new* toys."  He smiled at his toy, making him sweat worse. "Come, darling.  Into the corvette so I can take care of this small problem we have."  He walked out, leading him to the corvette.  He got in and drove them off, glancing back at Tony.  "Comfy?" he asked, dropping into his normal voice.

"Not really."  He sat up.  "Hi.  ATF?"

"FBI.  You?"

"NCIS.  How did that one guy spot me?"

"He's from DC, he probably saw you around," Xander admitted.  He looked at him.  "Miami-Dade and I'm helping the ATF.  I'm a CSI intern, dude."

"Oh, shit."

"Basically.  Tony, tell them to meet us somewhere like a hotel.  I took a room at the Grand."

"Hear that, boss?"  He nodded.  "They'll head there separately, Xan."

"Good."  He grinned at the guard.  "Sorry he turned you into a working girl."

"Not an issue.  Did you find the other guy you took out that way?"  Xander nodded.  "How did you know?"

"I worked in NCIS's lab with Abby for a few months.  Plus I had a Crypt who tutored me in Chem 1 and 3, and a Blood who did Econ for me."  The man blinked at that.  "I'm a hands-on person."

"You're Harris, right?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "Well, at least you've got pedigree."

"And helping Dad at night.  He's got a problem too."  The guard shuddered.  "We'll see what'll happen.  I'm sure by now Gibbs has called your people too.  By the way, your wire was sticking up just slightly in that shirt.  It's a good thing he doesn't pay attention to you guys."

"Yeah, I guess."  He got comfortable.  "Sorry about that, DiNozzo."

"It's happened in the past.  We might have to start borrowing Xander for undercovers."  He had to remove the earpiece, wincing at the loud shouting that had brought. "Never mind."  He put it back.  "Can you stop through and get a burger or something, Xander? They're in traffic."

"Sure."

"The gas?"

"Light laughing gas," Xander told him.

"Which does get used as a knockout gas," the other agent said.  "Good work.  Rental?"

"Of course.  Not like I'm driving my used beamer here.  Everyone at the station knows.   Speaking of, I think we have a leak.  I recognized someone when I came in earlier.  That's why I stayed in persona when I was in the open."

"Any idea who?"

"I can pinpoint him from the cameras," Xander offered.  He pulled into the parking garage.  "They'd expect me to order room service."  He got him out and left Tony in the car for now.  He could sneak out once they were sure no one was watching.  If anyone looked, he'd look knocked out.   He walked into his room and found Fornell waiting on him.  "Gee, I didn't know you were personally involved or I'd have brought you flowers," he quipped.  "Tony's sneaking up from the car in a bit.  The others are on their way.  Is the blond guy your leak or ours?"

"ATF's," he said, looking at him.  Tony slid in through the emergency exit. "You spotted?"

"No, the person he had following him looked in the car then left.  Gibbs said he spotted them and they checked the garage first.  They're on their way up slowly in groups."  He flopped down.  "Corvettes are not the most comfortable place to hide behind the seat of."

"Someone like Sergio would never drive a sedan," Xander reminded him.   The others came in, most of Gibbs' team up the emergency exit to the suite and Horatio's people more openly.  His Vice contact looked at him.  "What?"

"Man?"

"Someone's going to ask sometime since I haven't been going out to pick up rent boys.  Sergio would be a slut with how he talks."

"Good point.  Blond guy?"

"Frank saw him.  He was in the lobby."

Horatio called him.  "Frank, blond guy in the lobby tonight when Xander came in?" He nodded.  "Thank you."  He hung up.  "Phipps."

"We kept him out of this one.  He's getting too well known and he's got burnout," the Vice commander admitted.  He sat down. "You okay, DiNozzo?"

"Fine. A bit cramped but otherwise I'm good."  He looked at his boss.  "Box?"

"I have it," the guard offered, handing it over.  "What are you guys working on?"

"Probably the same case you are," Tony admitted, looking at Fornell, who shook his head.  "Arms smuggling?"

"Some, but ours is civilian based."

"Ours is Navy based," Gibbs admitted.  They switched folders.  "The local office?"

"Crappy," Horatio said simply.  "Annoying."  Fornell looked at him. "They are."

"Arrogant too."

"Which is why I bite back," Horatio said plainly, staring him down.

Fornell snickered.  "That's why I came down.  I figured if I had to, I could borrow Harris for a few hours.  Most of us knew that he was helping his dad now and then and when your boy got shot it proved it.  He helped scare the crap out of them.   Pigs's assholes?" he asked Xander.

"Pigs are unclean animals to them, those are unclean parts.  They're very unclean."

"Worked at the time," Speed offered.  He went to look at the door, opening it to the room service waiter, Lee.  "Get in here."  He let him in, checking the halls before closing the door.  "Food?"

"I'm starved," Tony admitted, grabbing a burger off the tray.  He handed one to Xander.  "Thank you, Lee."

"Welcome, Tony.  Least I could do to make sure my son eats."  He gave him a look.

"I ate breakfast."  He did eat anyway.  He'd get complained at by his mother if he didn't.  "Any signs of your guy?"

"Yup, saw him in a crowd earlier.  He clearly let me.  Be on guard for him to come to you at work."

Xander nodded.  "Sure."  He looked at Fornell.  "Need me for more?  If not, I was promised fun tonight."

"Keep on the wire, Xander. That way we know what happens tonight," Tony ordered.

"Sure."  He took off the fake tooth and put it on his plate, handing it to Horatio, who handed it to the Vice captain.  "Need me?  Last chance."  They shook their heads.  "Then I'm escaping for a night of fun."  He headed out, going to enjoy having a corvette at his disposal for a few more hours.

Gibbs shook his head.  "He's good."

"He's very good," Lee assured him.  He handed Horatio something. "Here, tapes of what I've had him doing.  Amanda only sent over manpower reports."

Horatio looked at him. "He is only an intern, Lee."

"I know," he complained.  "It's just so easy to get him sucked into the field.  It is a family job."

"He's a CSI," Speed said firmly.  "Not an agent."

"Fine."  He sat down next to Tony, taking his own burger to eat.  "I replaced you with a mask-wearing dummy.  Looks like you're already dead."

"Thanks, Lee."  He took another burger.  "Anyone else hungry?"  Speed took one when Horatio glared at him.  Kate and McGee both had one.  Gibbs took one too, grimacing. "Sorry, boss."

"I've had worse.  You cook, Lee?"

"No, hotel kitchen.  I don't know why he likes this place."

"The spa in the bathroom," Tony said dryly.  He finished that burger and dusted himself off. "You said he did this to another undercover agent?"

"He was ATF working on a different case," the Vice commander offered. "Paid for him for the night and brought him back to the meeting spot. He threw a fit until he realized what was going on.  The kid's got skills."

"He's still a CSI, not a cop," Speed said, staying firm.  He ate another bite at Horatio's amused look.  "He's not.  He can't get into the academy with his eye."

"True, he's not a field agent."  He glared at the people abusing his poor tech, making all but Gibbs flinch.

"Don't look at me.  I don't like working with rookies in the field."  He looked at Fornell.  "How are we going to combine this one?"

"Let's put all the cards on the table, gentlemen.  This is going through too many agencies," Horatio noted.  They nodded, sitting down to arrange things.  The agent had to be spanked so he walked properly in the morning but that was fine, he could take one for the good of the US.

***

Horatio knocked on a door the next morning, looking at the man in there through his sunglasses.  "I'd like my CSI back please."  The mayor gave him a heated look.  "Now, sir.  He is the son of someone in Homeland Security.  It's me or him and he'll bring the FBI.  Then we'll sit back and watch with the press."

"Fine," he muttered, going to release Xander from his hidden room and hand him over.  "Here, he wouldn't play with me anyway."

"Thank you, Mayor."  He walked Xander off.  "Thank you for keeping on the wire," he said once they were in the hummer.  "McGee brought it to me at six this morning when he reviewed it."

Xander gave him a look.  "Welcome.  Can we pick up the corvette?"  Horatio nodded, taking him back to the club to do that.  It was the second club.  The first one hadn't been that good.  He had been taken from the second to the third by someone.   He got out and looked around before finding the keys and getting in.  Xander flinched as the window was shot in, ducking down and pulling his spare gun out of the glove box.  The mayor still had his last one.  He grabbed two things and got out of there, heading back to the hummer.  Horatio got them safely away, patrol coming in to fix this.  He looked at his arm.  "Small graze.  Alexx can apply butterflies to that."  He looked at him, handing him something.  "Here. You'll need that and what's in the trunk.  Then you can make Stetler choke."

Horatio looked at the baggies then at him.  "Who did you get those from?"

"The mayor's wife.  She's the one who took me from the second club to the third and then he came to bring me home."

"Interesting."  He put both baggies in the backseat, turning to look at the injury.  "You should have that cleaned."

"I've had worse."  He shrugged him off.  "I'm fine, Horatio.  Thanks, boss."  He grinned.  "We've got to find a way to put the stuff in the trunk back into the proper owner's hands."

"I'll have it towed as part of the evidence."  Xander nodded, sliding out.  "Hospital."

"Office.  I'm due in an hour ago."   He headed off, going to catch a cab.   Fortunately no one had taken the money out of his pockets from last night.  He separated out a twenty.  "Crime lab please."  He nodded, heading that way.  "So, dad."

"Son.  Mayor?"

"Skanky old guy who needed viagra and a good spanking.  I wasn't going to give it to him.  Sorry."

"That's okay.  Drugs in the baggies?"

"No, tongues."

"Eww."

"Yup.  From his wife's toys."

"I'll make sure Horatio knows that."  He dropped him off.  "Hope your next rental goes better, sir," he said with a smug look.

"Oh, you know how it goes."  He trudged inside, looking around before taking off the trench coat.  He clipped on his actual badge while he headed for the locker room. A few guys looked at him.  "What!  I was tied to a chair!"  He put his jacket into the locker and changed shirts to something looser.

Gibbs came in and saw the t-shirt.  "No, change."

"The others are tighter."  He looked down at his highly insulting t-shirt.  Then at his former boss.  "It's not that bad."

"Yes it is.  What else do you have?"  Xander pulled out his other t-shirt. _No, no, no, NO! Spoons on the RIGHT, chainsaws on the LEFT_ did not give him hope either.  "You never wore those in our lab."

"Yes I did and Abby laughed at most of them."  He grinned at Horatio when he came in, seeing the look at his current t-shirt.  "It's the loosest I have, Horatio."

"Wear your heaven and hell t-shirt, Xander."  Xander put the one he was wearing and the one he was holding back.  He pulled on the other one, tucking in the front portion only so his badge would show.  Gibbs read it and moaned. _Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid [knows] I'll take over!_ "It's true," Horatio said dryly, looking at his tech.  "I took the opportunity to look in the trunk as suggested."

Xander shrugged.  "You're asking the wrong person, dear."  He closed his locker and headed to ballistics, finding his jacket and glasses along with Calleigh.  "Hi, mom."

"Hi, Xander."  She looked at his t-shirt then at him.  "Change."

"Horatio said to wear this one instead of the insulting one or the chainsaw one."

"Change."  She pointed.  "Now."

He sighed. "The others are still tighter."

"Now."

"Fine."  He trudged that way, shaking his head.  "Calleigh objected to your choice, Horatio."

"Speed, please let him borrow a shirt," Eric called.  "He's wearing scary t-shirts again."

"Coming," Speed sighed, coming out of Trace.  He was stuck in the lab for another three weeks but he could help the poor kid out.  "She didn't like that one?"

"No, and Horatio told me to wear it."

"No pouting."

"Sorry.  I don't mean to."

"We'll get you unwarped yet, kid."  He got him his spare shirt, watching as he put it on and tucked it the same way.  "Are you advertising?  Wear it loose."  Xander untucked it and let him look.  "Never mind, you'd wear it that way to the club to give hints about what you have.  Tuck it back in in front."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Calleigh, he could've worn the last one," he complained.

"No he can't.  Not in my lab."

He looked at her.  "Need chocolate?"  She batted at his good arm and huffed off.  Xander came out of the locker room, heading for the break room to make his boss some tea, then handed it over and went to go to work.  "Wash that and hand it back, Xander."

"Yes, Speed.  Not like I'd hand it back dirty with GSR."

"Point."  He went back to work.  Horatio and Alexx both brought him the baggies and the stuff from the trunk.  "Why am I getting tongues?"

"They're not human."

"They're from his wife's toys," Xander called from ballistics.  "Not a clue what they were from originally."

"Goats or sheep by size," Alexx called back.  Xander leaned out the door and she nodded.

"Eww.  Do I want to know what she was doing with them?"

"Probably not," she agreed.  "Shoo."  He went back to work.  "Where was he this time?"

"The mayor," Horatio sighed.

"Just think about how many sick, sad bastards he's helping us find, H," Speed said, patting him on the back.  "What's the rest of this crap?"

"Apparently stuff someone left in his trunk.  Xander?"  He came over and peeked in.  "The stuff in your trunk?"

"Someone was broken down on my way to the second club.  I gave her a ride.  She said she had to get that stuff to someone and then got out and forgot it."

"I see.  Do you know who she is?"

"There's a camera in the car, Horatio.  It's on the dash.  It might've caught her."

"Thank you, Xander."  He went to find it and download the stored information.  It was a very nice camera, very small, almost unnoticeable.  He checked the trunk, that's where it was recording to.  He popped the tape and went to hand it to Cooper in AV.  "From his car.  We need to know who he gave the ride to.  They left things in his trunk."  Cooper nodded, sticking the tape in a deck to rewind it. He put that one on the monitor and ran it forward, letting him see.  "Her?  He said before the second club."  He kept going, watching as it went black for a few seconds.  "Hmm, shuts off with the engine.  Good design."  They watched as the boys and the agent got in.  Then he kept going.  It went black again.

Xander going out to club.  Him getting out, coming back sweaty, driving with the windows down.  Horatio shifted his stance some.  The boy had some appeal.  Quite a lot of appeal.  He could see why people wanted to keep Xander.  "There," he ordered and Cooper slowed it down.  He froze it on a picture of the young woman.  "Does it have sound?"  Cooper nodded, turning that up.  He rewound it to the point where Xander found her broken down.  They listened and he sighed, going to call the bank she mentioned.  "This is Lieutenant Caine.  Yes I did.   She broke down and one of my interns gave her a ride. She stored it in his trunk overnight.  It's at the lab, yes.  Thank you."  He hung up and went to tell that to Xander.  "The bank's coming."

"Did we get her in trouble?"

"No, I told him she stored it in your trunk overnight as a safety precaution."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks.  She was kinda flustered last night.  Sheep?"

"Sheep," he agreed, smiling a bit.  "It'll be fine, Xander.  What are you doing?"

"Going through the 'done and handed in' versus 'still ongoing' stacks.  Making sure everything's ready to be filed."  That got a nod and he let him get back to it.  Calleigh came in.  "Housekeeping duties," he said before she could ask.  "I'm not touching that gun, I was related to it last night when I helped bust."

"Okay.  That's reasonable.  Those go in the glass tubes once they've been through trial."

"I know.  These are going into the 'handed over' bin, the place it goes before the little glass tubes."

"That's fine.  Bring me a list to make sure."  He nodded, getting back to work.  "You really do a lot of work you don't have to, you know that right?"

"Someone's got to and that's the job description of interns," he quipped.

"The cleaning crew can mop, Xander."

"Yeah but not while we're in here. When they do they don't sanitize the floors so we've got to go back over it anyway.  It's easier for me to do a sanitizing mop and get it all up at once.  Especially with feds in the lab," he finished quietly.  "Not that I think any of them would be that petty, but even one word..."

"I know," she agreed. "It's a good thought.  I have noticed that you clean while you think."

"Yeah, it's better than a heavy bag.  Cleaning guns is like meditation for me.  Was I humming again?"  She laughed and nodded.  "Sorry.  Did I get Disney songs stuck in your head too?"  She nodded again, smirking this time.  "Really sorry."  He got back to work.  "Who did this one?"  She came over to look.  "I didn't and it's got my initial on it."

"Hmm, that's not your handwriting," she agreed.  "Find any others?"  He went through, finding a few more.  He handed them over.  "Well, crap.  That's going to trial.  Horatio!" she called.  He came in.  She held up the envelope then one she knew he had done.  He took them both to look over.  "One's going to trial this week."

"Crap," he muttered.

"I've never seen two of those, Horatio.  They're dated from before I got here."

"Let me check."  He walked off, going to call up those reports.   They were signed in Xander's name as well.  He called his boss.  "Get the DA, come to my office.  I've found someone forging signatures."  He hung up and looked over it again, calling Speed.  "Someone used Xander's initials on bullets.  Pull your 'done' file to check for me."  He hung up and went back to it.  His boss and the DA came in.  He laid out the envelopes.  "The one on the left I saw him do.  I was using it as an evaluation sample."  He dug out the report.  "That's a sample of his reports.  The one on the right has his initials and they signed it in his name.  He wasn't even here yet.  That was from the week before he got here."  Speed brought up two more. "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He looked.  "That's not ... he wasn't even here then."  He looked at the others.  "Xander's great but he's not supernatural.  He can't be in two places at once."

"Exactly."  He looked at them.   "One's going to trial this week."

"Can you have someone other than him rematch those and scan the reports?"  He looked it over, frowning.  "I had one of these last month."  He looked at him.  "No one else in the database with those initials?"

"Not who'd have access to ballistics and trace," Speed noted.  He thought back.  "There was an Adam Horowitz once.  Wasn't he a fed tech that we sent packing a year ago?"  Horatio looked him up and nodded.  "Could've been him."  The DA handed over the not- Xander's report, which was signed in Xander's name.  "No, no way.  Not his style.  He hasn't changed his style since his school days, guys."  They all sighed.  "We can go over it, see wether there's more, but you need to stop that one."  That got a nod and he went to have a quiet word with the judge.  He looked at his boss.  "This isn't the kid."

Xander walked in.  "Two in fingerprints too," he said, holding them up.  "I only gather and ferry reports from there."  He handed them over.  "Cooper said he hasn't had any.  Valera in DNA said she hasn't either. Then again, no one processes but them in those labs.  I've been in the garage, trace, and ballistics, plus field cases."

"Calm down, Xander," Horatio ordered.

"Someone's trying to discredit me!  Hell no I'm not calming down!  I'm going to fucking well have them eaten and then destroy what's left down to the molecular level.  And yes, I'm pretty sure I can find a way to do that."  Speed made him look at him.  "If it was you you'd be throwing a massive fit."

"He'd tell me to calm down after I hit the wall too," he assured him.

The Chief coughed. "Figure it out and tell me, Horatio."

"Yes, sir.  Hopefully by today.  Xander, I want you to get onto the ballistics system and make me an index of every case your name appears on.  Then do the same in trace."

"Yes, Horatio."  He went to do that.  "I found two in fingerprints," he told Calleigh, rolling his stool over to the computer to start the search string going.  "Someone's going to die."

"It'll be okay.  We'll figure it out," she soothed.

"Some of them were from before I was here.  As Speed said, I'm good but not supernatural."  He pulled up his list.  "Huh?"  He looked it over.  "Horatio!" he called.  He came in.  "I've never worked in New York's lab."

"That's the dweeb you had fired, Calleigh," Speed said, suddenly getting it.  She looked at him.  "It's got to be.  He knew the intern's name before he got here.  He got into your email that time."

"Good point."  She considered it.  "He is that stupid and that vindictive.  Didn't he try to do something to one of Sascha's testfires?"  Xander nodded.  "You weren't here."

"She warned me when she heard I was coming down."  He looked at her.  "He also tried to isolate her in the bathroom one night by following her in.  Fortunately I ran the hand-to- hand lessons with the coach for the ladies in the program."  She smiled at that.  "If this was him, how do I get this cleared up?  I don't know that he didn't mismatch something to discredit me.  I won't have a rep like that."

"First, I call Mac Taylor since someone stupidly hired him up there and forced him into Mac's lab," Horatio said, stroking over his hair.  "Then we talk to the system admins.  They'll lock him out.  They'll lock all your files until we can figure out what you did and did not do."  Xander nodded, swallowing hard.  "It's not your fault, Xander.  He's jealous."

"I just barely started in the field.  Why is he jealous of me?"

"Because he's a pretty bad tech and you're going to be one of the greater people in forensics," Calleigh said simply. "He's jealous and you're outside his control."

"Speaking of, we'll need someone to do it outside our team," Speed said quietly.  "We need someone to quality control it, H."

"We do," he sighed.  "I don't want to bring in the oversight people."

"The Chief told you to hire a tech, Horatio.  I've got four months before you can hire me.  Hire one," Xander told him.  He looked stunned.  "You need another full field tech.  Speed won't be going out for a while.  You guys are tired and if you're going to make me stick to my thirty hours a week you're shit outta luck with me in the field.  Even with Speed back you'll need someone."

"True."  He considered it, nodding.  "We could even if we do add you as well."  He called his boss.  "Do you want me to call Oversight or do you want me to hire a new tech and then beg for Xander later?" he asked simply.  "He's never worked in New York but he's got files up there too," he told him.  "We think it's the tech Calleigh had fired.  We know he tried to move against the other intern we have.  Yes, Sascha.  Thank you.  Did it?  Have them call me directly, please."  He hung up.  "No wonder she was crying," he muttered, going to his office.  He called Mac first.  "It's me.  You have a tech up there logging bullets and samples under mine and Abby's former intern's name.  Stop him, Mac."

"Why?"

"Because he's tampering with evidence.  We think it's the one that someone forced on you after we fired him."

"Gladly.  What name is he using?"

"Alexander Harris."

"Okay.  I'll stop it and lock all those files personally.  Has he ever been up here?"

"Not even on a tour that I know of, Mac."

"Thanks, Horatio. I'll let you know."  He hung up and went walking up the halls.  "Danny!"  He came out of fingerprints.  "I need QC for ballistics and possibly trace."  Just in case because he remembered Abby's intern had done both.

"I can do that."

"Good.  Come with me."  He walked into the ballistics lab.  "You."  His tech looked over at him.  "We're doing quality control of this lab.  You're to sit in the break room until I come to see you."

"Why?"

"Because it's mandatory we do it now and then," Danny told him.  "Last time it was trace.  This time we're starting here.  Happens before a federal audit."  The guy looked a bit nervous.  "Some reason you don't want it ta go on?" he demanded.

"Who're you to question me?" he demanded.  "I've been a tech longer than you have."

"That doesn't matter.  Don?" he called.  He came walking in.  "Take him to the break room, hold him there until I come in."

"Sure, Mac."  He drug the struggling tech that way.  "Don't make me pull cuffs, you won't like it."  The guy broke free and started to run but Stella pulled her gun and pointed it at him.  "Huh.  Murder?"

"Using another tech's ID in the system.  He's trying to discredit a few interns down in Miami.  Calleigh called and said that he also tried sexually assaulting one but she got him instead."

"Good reason for cuffs."  He pulled his out and cuffed the guy.  "Come on, whichever one you are.  How petty are you?  Jealous of *interns*?" he sneered.  "You're pathetic."

"He's trying to destroy their careers so they're like him.  That's more than pathetic," Stella assured him, going to help Danny with the search.

***

Horatio looked at both interns later that night.  Rick Stetler was on the couch with their files.  "Sascha, we found out why you had such a mismatch problem for a few weeks.  The tech who almost assaulted you was switching samples."  She gave him a hopeful look.  "I have told the people over in Scotland Yard what was going on and what steps were being taken.  Calleigh and our new tech today did quality control.  Calleigh did yours, the new one did Xander's."  She slumped, nodding.  "She found *one* mismatch and it was a very close mismatch."  She nodded, swallowing.  "We did tell them that and showed them the proof of how close it was."

"I snuck in to look, it was a ninety percent sort of match," Xander said quietly.  "I needed my glasses but Calleigh about killed me for sneaking in," he said at her look.  "I thought they were working on mine."

"It's okay, Xander.  I know you're an overprotective boob who got warped by girls.   You're trying to be helpful," she said, patting him on the hand.  "Are they going to think about offering again?"

"They are.  They're going to be over tomorrow to talk to you about what happened and why.  I won't lie, they're going to be cautious but your evaluations are nearly perfect.  You've only had the one problem.  You should have told me that he tried to harm you."

"Then he would've had to go Fed," Xander said dryly.  "There's some lesser labs that might've taken him," he said at Stetler's glare.  "None of the *good* ones but some of the satellite labs."

"That's probably true," Horatio agreed.  "Some of them aren't very picky."

"The new Director up at NCIS picked a new helper for Abby without doing a background check," he said dryly.  "Totally without one.  She's having him sit in the corner while she has one done.  Mom found out and went *off* on the woman."

Horatio smiled.  "From what I hear, that's a good thing."  He gave his intern a long look.  "So far you've had two that were iffy matches but your reports state that they weren't total and perfect matches and why you thought so.  One of your trace ones wasn't a perfect match however."  Xander sighed and nodded.  "Looking at it, it does look a lot like machine error.  You ran it as what you thought it was and the wrong test came up with an odd answer.  You did put in your notes that you had referred it to a senior tech and that there should be a supplemental report on that.   You're honest to a fault in those, Xander."

"Of course I am.  If I try to make myself look better I'll end up being in trouble if I don't cover my ass.  Which sample?"

"The apple scented lubricant."

"What was it?"

"It was an apple juice based gel, but not lube."

"Oops.  Was I close?"

"Shower gel.  Fairly close.  Nearly a perfect match chemically but Speed found the difference."

"Which is what I put in my report since there were no other trace people around that day."

"True, next time I want you to hold off on writing that report and bring it to someone with more experience first.  Instead of passing it on that way."  Xander nodded, getting that.  "Good.  Rick, I know you talked with New York?"

"I did.  I also talked with the Oversight board.  I gave them the list you gave me.  They've assigned someone to help with the quality control up in New York.  The tech is looking at jail time.  Right now he's waiting on bail."  He looked at the interns.  "You two are good.  You'll be great."  He stood up, handing over reports.  "They'll be in next month to check over your shoulder as well.  They said they're going to quality control both of them at that time."  Horatio nodded. "Probably just of their current work.  I noted Harris had worked in DC at that lab up there and they called his former lab mentor, who I believe someone ranted to?"  Xander raised his hand.  "She said she's covered on her end.  They go into a different database than you use here, kids."  They nodded at that.  "We also found evidence he had tried to tamper with one of Duquesne's cases but she found out and stopped him."  Xander relaxed.  "You're both in the clear but you're both under watch."

"Yes, sir," Sascha agreed.

"They can do daily QC on me for all I care," Xander assured him.  "I always admit when I make mistakes and go back to correct or reevaluate.  I know I'm still an intern."

"Good."  He looked at Horatio.  "The other problem was fixed.  I found out exactly how many cases she fixed.  Plus who she fixed them for.  It's being handled at the federal level due to the problems she caused and how a judge was involved.  So expect some sort of suit to come in with a warrant."

"We'll happily comply," Horatio assured him.  "Any other problems?"

"Not at the moment," he admitted.  "Do you like that new kid?  He's cocky."

"He's new.  He's never had the teachers we had," Xander complained. "It's not like he got brought up as a tech.  We got mentors and hand holders.  Down here he got lecture classes."

"Point."  Stetler walked out.

Xander waited until he was out of hearing before looking at his boss.  "Why does he like me?" he asked quietly.

"He thinks some day you'll turn into him," he said dryly.  "He suggested you become the IAB CSI, Xander."  Xander shuddered.  "Consider yourself lucky."

"I am, but it's odd."

Sascha nodded. "I was wondering if he was someone who was going to kidnap you in the club someday," she admitted, standing up.  "Was my supervisor told?"  He nodded. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

"I hate seeing talent go to waste, Sascha.  Relax, pump yourself up for the meeting tomorrow.  If you need us to, we'll be there with you.  Calleigh has offered if you want."

She smiled.  "Please.  I think they'll like her more than they did me. They considered me brash and young."  She smiled at his chuckle.  She leaned closer.  "You do know that there's rumors now?" she whispered in his ear, glancing at Xander then walking out.

"Let me guess, someone said something about me being made to borrow Speed's shirt?" Xander asked dryly.  Horatio nodded.  "Let Speed snark on them.  He hasn't in a while."  He stood up, giving his boss a careful hug.  "Thank you, Horatio."  He pulled back.  "You're the bestest boss ever," he said happily.  "Can I actually work tomorrow?"

"Yes, Xander.  Tonight, go find more suitable shirts."  He sighed and nodded, going to see if anyone wanted to go with him.  Horatio smiled, shaking his head.  He did call Speed.  "It's me.  Did you know there were rumors about you and Xander since he's borrowing a shirt?"  He heard Eric yell and chuckled.  "Is he okay?"  He laughed. "I'll be home soon, boys."  He hung up and settled his desk for the night, heading to play with his boys.  It was a perk of the job to have them both being his.

***

Xander walked in the next morning in his usual jeans and a new t-shirt.   He saw the odd look at his shirt from Yelina and held it so she could read it easier. _A corpse is a corpse, of course, of course, and no-one can talk to a corpse, of course. That is, of course, unless the corpse is the famous Mr. Dead!_  "Neat, huh?" he teased.

"Very strange, Xander."   She walked off shaking her head to get it clear again.  She ran into Frank.  "Perhaps we should warn someone in the lab that Xander's got a new t- shirt?"

Frank moaned and called up there. "Delko, Tripp.  It's new t-shirt day?  Yelina walked in shaking her head to clear it.  Fair warning."  He hung up and went to lurk and watch how the others handled it.  Xander spotted him and let him read it, making him shake his head too.  "I hated the Mr. Ed show," he complained.

Eric saw Xander first, then blinked at him.  "No.  No, you can't wear that."

"Horatio said to buy new shirts, it's not offensive, doesn't have a popular or brand name slogan, and is well within the dress code rules as Speed explained them to me," he defended.  But mentally he was grinning.

Eric looked at him.  "It's not nice to torture your friends, Xander."  He walked him into Valera's lab, making her burst out giggling when she read it.  "I just got here, who's here?"

"Speed's somewhere with Alexx I think."  She called the morgue for him.  "Is Speed down there?  New t-shirt day, Alexx.  Sure."  She hung up.  "She said to bring her demented younger son down there."

"I sent pictures to my mom, she thought it was creative," Xander quipped.  "She also thought Abby would love a copy so I got her one."  Eric moaned, dragging him off by the wrist.  "It's no wonder you can't keep a date if you treat them like this," he complained.  He got free.  "I need that hand."  He looked at Cooper, who made 'let me see' motions while leaning back.  Xander let him see his shirt, making his chair tip backwards all the way until he fell on the floor from laughing.  "See, it's a happy making t-shirt."  He walked into the morgue.  "Eric's mean, Speed.  He was dragging me around by the wrist.  No wonder he can't keep a girl if he treats them like he does me."

"Last time I knew, you weren't that femme," Speed said.  He made him turn so he could look at the t-shirt, bursting out laughing.  "I like that one."

"I made DC fall on the floor," he said proudly.  He grinned at Alexx, letting her see.

"Sugar, you're a bit warped.  Do we need to talk about medicine maybe?"

"No, I like my voices.  They give me good ideas," he quipped with a wicked smirk.  "I need to go to work, guys.  It's within dresscode, right?"

"It is," Speed agreed.  He used her exam camera to take a picture of it, going to email it to Horatio's phone.  He'd get it when he was out of court.

Alexx said a silent prayer for the boy.  He clearly needed all the help God could give him.  Plus a few guardian angels.

***

Horatio knocked on Xander's motel room door that night, giving him a look.  "I missed you today," he said as he walked inside.  He went to look in his closet, separating out things.  "You can wear this side into the lab, Xander, and only the last six into the field," he noted, looking at him.  "Am I clear?"

"Sorry, Horatio."

He gave the boy a shoulder squeeze.  "It'll be all right.  You and Speed both need clothing help."

"I hate shopping.  I'm having Viccy's flashbacks."  Horatio gave him an odd look.  "Buffy and the others used to drag me shopping so I could be a pack mule and appreciation committee.  I spent a lot of time answer the questions 'does my butt look big in this' and 'does this make my chest look bigger' in Victoria's Secret."  He gave him a look.  "I'm sorry.  It's my sense of humor."

"I know.  It's all right that you have shopping trauma.  I'm proud that you can shop at all after that, Xander. But you need better taste.  You did wonderfully when Calleigh needed a new dress.  I wish you would show some of that in your own wardrobe."

"I'm clean and covered."

"I know that."  He patted him on the cheek.  "Would you go to where I shop?"

"I look like a dork in a suit.   You can pull it off.  I'm not you."

"Then how about where Eric shops?"

"Have you noticed he's wearing sweaters in Miami?" he asked.

"Point."  He smiled.  "We'll invite Tony down for a few days.  He's good at impression management."

"He's still uptight.  I called him Tight Ass for a reason, Horatio."

"Xander, someone needs to help you.  It's them or Frank."

"Can I maybe take John?"

"You could and it might help him," he admitted.  "We'll see if he's able to go out for things like that."  Xander beamed and started to bounce. "I know you two are friends and he's been working your sports issues."  He patted him on the cheek again.  "Also, shave.  You can't pull off scruffy."

"I was doing it to tease Calleigh today," he admitted.

"It added to the rumors that you and Speed are together, Xander."  He smiled.  "We'll see if John can help.  If not, I'm calling Tony."  He walked out, leaving him there.

Xander looked at the sorted out clothes.  "I wonder if he realizes that's only half of what I have?" he muttered.  Then again the Chief had seen him the day he had to wear leather to work and had put out a memo saying no leather was allowed at work.  But the other clubbing clothes....  No, that might make a cop go bad, or Calleigh, or even Horatio.  He wouldn't like that.  He settled in with his ancient laptop, writing Tony an email about Horatio threatening to make him go shopping.  Then he called the hospital.  "Hi, it's Xander.  Horatio said I have to shop to look a bit more professional.  I wanted to know if John could go out on an outing.  He could probably use some new stuff too," he pointed out.  "Sure, thanks."  He hung up and wrote an email to Horatio about that.  Then he settled in to watch HBO.  He liked this motel, it was included so he didn't have to pay extra.

***

Tony heard his email beep and looked over from where he was working on a physical puzzle.  Someone had sent them clues as a puzzle.  "Hey, boss, Xander said Horatio suggested the next time I got injured I should come down to help him shop for real clothes."  He got back to work at the amused sounding snort.  He reached over to forward it to Abby with a few mouse clicks.  She came up a minute later wearing the shirt that had been delivered to the station by same-day mail.  He looked and moaned.  "No wonder," he sighed.

Gibbs looked and choked.  "I remember the original show," he admitted while he coughed.  McGee got him his coffee and moved out of the way.  "Harris?"

"Yup!  Isn't it so cool!" she squealed.  "I *adore* this one!"

Kate walked off the elevator, looking at the t-shirt.  "It suits you, Abby.  Xander?"  She beamed and bounced while nodding.  "It fits."  She came over to help Tony with the puzzle.  "I found you glue."  She handed it over.  "The non-sniffable type."

"Thanks, Kate."

Gibbs looked at her.   "If you like it that much."  She went back down to show Ducky.  He moaned. "Yes, DiNozzo, the next time you're injured I'll expect you to be in Miami helping the boy shop before he traumatizes someone else."  He finished his coffee and got up to get more.  He found the director searching for the advil.  "She and Harris were soulmates in a lot of ways.  He found it for her," he said quietly.

"I hope you mean the shirt?"

He nodded.

"Remove it from the office."

He looked at her.  "If she's comfortable enough to work in it it's not a problem to us.  It's not like it's sexual, slang, gang logos, or other inappropriate graphics.  It's not discriminatory or otherwise harmful."

"It's distracting."

"No one goes into her lab anyway," he snorted.  "Not like they need to.  She sends out information when she has it."  He walked off with his new coffee.  He gave Tony a look and Tony wrote Abby to warn her. Then they got back to work on their clue.  Abby had too much other stuff to do so they could do this.

"Her assistant Chip could do that," the director said from behind them.

"No he can't," Tony told her.  "She said he can't, he can't.  He's not rated to touch any evidence, Director.  By the way, she finished his background check.  Did you know he was discredited for tampering with evidence?"  She gaped.  He looked back at her.  "I testified at his trial.  She found that out.  We're not letting him touch evidence.  Our victims deserve better than that."  She stomped off.  He got back to work.  "I've got a half a body, anyone got the bottom half?"

"I think I do," McGee noted, handing his over.  "It was loose, I couldn't fit it into the pattern over here."

Tony fit it and nodded, sealing it to it's mate.  "That works.  Okay, I've got feet missing."  Kate handed it over. "Thank you to you as well.  Gibbs, we're coming out in a collage of sorts."

He came over to look.  "Looks like a person looking into a mirror maybe?"

"Multiple images in the mirror," Kate noted.  "Like a looking glass self."  She went to look up the image online.  "Ah!  It's a textbook illustration, Gibbs."  He came over to look.  "He's dealing with personality.  Especially social creation of personality."

"As long as he hasn't modified the picture any," Tony reminded her.  "Does that help us?"

"It could narrow down our focus for the abductor," Kate said.  She got to work looking up types of careers that used that information.  "Let me know if you find any alterations."

"Sure.  If you send Xander an email about shirts he should be wearing."

"If I did that, he'd end up dressing like McGee," she said dryly.

"Which could be cute.  He is a geek.  He could do mega geek very well."  He found the next piece and laid it in, then frowned and shifted it around, finding how it matched. "Think I found one.  Unless her feet are supposed to either be very big or point sideways?"  She came over to look.  "We had some distortion in this area too," he noted.  "A distortion frame?"

"Could be."  She went back to add that into her beginning profile.

***

Xander looked up as Horatio came into ballistics.  "Am I in trouble?"

"I don't know, Xander.  You've been very quiet for the last few days.  Not even clubbing."

"I've been tired.  I'm tired of people too.  I hate to deal with the crap that comes with clubbing."

"That's reasonable."  He came in further.  He even closed the door.  "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I take these moods.  They'll go away in about a week."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure."  He gave him a look then got back to the gun he was working on.  "I'm fine, boss."

"Xander, why do you call me boss?"

"To give my poor mind some emotional distance."  He gave him a look.  "But I know you already caught that."  Horatio nodded.  "The same as I'm pretty sure you know I realize what you do after hours and I'm fine with it.  I'm happy but a boy's gotta have some sort of dreams.  In a few more months it'll go to someone else and I'll have naughty dreams about them."  He grinned.  "You think Taylor would mind?"

"Knowing Mac Taylor, yes.  He's not very comfortable with the idea of sexuality as far as I know."   He moved closer.  "Xander...."

"Horatio, I worked with Buffy when I lusted after her.  It changes *nothing* for me."

"If you're sure."

"Unless you want me to step up and take over protective bitch roles for your boys?  Because they aren't."

Horatio cracked a smile. "You'd be surprised.  Eric is every bit a jealous lover."

"Gee, I took that to be you, boss."

Horatio nodded. "You'd be right about that."  He made the boy look at him.  "I know it happens."

Xander shrugged and got away from him.  "I nearly married Anya, Horatio.  Not like I've got a good, realistic sense of what a good relationship is. That's why I'll date and sleep around like Eric supposedly does and have dogs.  It's safer anyway with my taste in mates."

"You don't have bad taste."  Xander snorted.  "You don't.  You were limited in your options before."

"Then how do you explain Tanya?"

"She took insult on your behalf when she learned how they had messed you up."

"Probably true.  I hated psychology."  He grimaced. "It changes nothing, boss.  Even my one nap on Speed's chest changes nothing.  That ruins careers and working relationships.  I'm not like that."

"That's fine. I wanted to make sure it wasn't a problem.  Are you and Speed still able to work together?"

"Haven't we?"

"Not recently."

"He said he's clear when I ask.  Maybe you should ask him that, boss."

"I'm going there next."  He stared at the boy. "Aren't you clear in here?"

"Yup, so I'm cleaning.  I do that.  Cleaning guns is like meditation."

"Why didn't you marry her?"

"Because one of her demonic friends showed me how miserable and like my adoptive father I'd end up."  He gave him a look.  "I looked terrible with a beer gut.  I can't let myself look that horrible."

"You can talk to me, Xander."

"And we are, Horatio.  I'd look really gross with a beer gut.  Hence me not making her miserable by looking at it when she jumped me multiple times a day for sex that I would put up with for the good of our relationship."

Horatio nodded.  "You don't know this...."

"You'd be surprised.  One always recognizes another."  He gave him a look.  "I'm not trading stories.  I'm the sort that would rather forget until I have to go kill someone for hurting their kids.  That's the last trigger you have to worry about with me."

"That's good to know."  He stared at him.  "You can't dance out of this discussion, Xander."

"I'm not trying to.  Think about it this way, you want to discuss funny dreams when funny dreams don't come into the real world.  I can tell the difference between the two, Horatio.  I've been able to since the incident when nightmares became reality for a day."

"As long as it won't affect things."

"It hasn't yet."

"Good point.  Thank you."

"Welcome.  I'd duck if you try to have this long of a discussion with Speed on this subject."

"I know.  We had it last night.  That's why he's in the bad mood."  He walked out, leaving the door open.  He saw the evil look Speed sent his way.  "Just making sure he's feeling the same way."

"Of course he is, Horatio.  Just...quit meddling and go do paperwork.  You're being more girly than he is now and then."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Next field case is mine and Xander's," he announced.

"You're not cleared yet," Xander called back.  "I'm not stitching you up, Speedle."

"Uh-huh.  Suck it up."

Xander looked at him.  "Not really my thing.  I'm more the make me your pleasure salve sort.  Thanks anyway."  He went back to work, ignoring the shocked look, smirking just the tiniest bit.

Speed gave his back a look.  "I'm sure someone will teach you better some day soon."

"Probably true, many have tried.  Why do you think I keep getting kidnaped and tied to ugly, uncomfortable chairs?"

"Good point," he decided, leaving it there.  He walked off, going to find something to do.  They hadn't had a new case in two days.  Even the new guy was bored with the cold cases he was working on.  "You, me, Harris, in the field next call," he ordered as he walked past the room he was in.

"Okay," Ryan Wolfe said, shrugging a bit.

Xander leaned in.  "I'll take video of the scene, you get camera duties.  My lack of depth perception means I take crappy photos, Wolfe."  He disappeared again.  He yelped a minute later.  "I hate this thing."  He walked out.  "Calleigh!"  She came out of fingerprints.  "Your gun bit me again, woman.  Why does your gun have PMS like Buffy?"

"The slide sticks."

"I noticed that.  Think you should change it out?"

"I put in for a new one, Xander."  He stomped off, heading into the locker room.  He came out with his other one, slapping it into her hand and walked off shaking his head.  She looked it over. "This is nice."

"You can *borrow* it."

"Thank you.  Can you figure out why my slide's sticking?"

"Rust."

"I thought I dried it off."  She followed to look.  "Ooh, that is.  I didn't think to look there."  She patted him on the back.  "Thank you for the loaner."

"You're welcome.  Clean it and make it pretty every week at the very least.  It's used to such gentle care."

"Sure."  She stuck it in her holster, looking down.  "It won't stay latched."   He sighed and changed holsters with her, putting her belt back on for her, then he walked off shaking his head again.  She smiled.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome, Calleigh.  Do not make me fuss over you in the hospital.  You'll die of embarrassment."

"Yes, dear."  She smiled at Horatio.  "There's one spot I didn't think to check.  He found rust.  I need a new gun."

"I'll prod the person over that.  Can you use his?"

"I can use any gun, Horatio."

"Fine."  He looked, it looked huge on her waist.  Xander did like larger weapons.  He went back to his desk to make that call.  He could not have her without her own weapon.  He thought about it.  "Wasn't Xander's locker gun in his kit?" he asked himself.  Then he decided he didn't want to know.  The kid was a gun lover.  There was no telling what was in his locker at the moment.  If he didn't know he wouldn't have to do anything about it unless it came into the open or became a problem.  Speed walked past with his kit, Wolfe trotting to catch up.  He checked.  Xander must already be outside.  He looked out the window.  He was at the hummer checking his kit when the two boys walked out.  "Good boy, Xander."  Xander took the keys from Speed, giving him a shove to the passenger's side, making him laugh.  "He's very overprotective of him."

Eric looked over his shoulder. "Did he just take the keys from Speed?"

"Yup."

"We'll get to calm him down later."

"He'll probably claim he's supposed to be watching and not working the case."  He smiled at him.  "He is very protective of all of us."

"I saw the gun switch just now," he said dryly.  He glanced around. "Is he okay?"

"He's fine, Eric.  He said it didn't matter to the work environment.  Those two have been close the whole time."

"I'm worried."

"Speed won't leave to go to him."

"No, but the kid wants.  You can watch him and see that."

"Yes, but he's scared of what a real relationship would do to him, Eric.  He walked away from Anya at the altar."

"Oh."  He didn't know that.  "Why?"

"He claimed someone showed him what it would have been like."

"Pity.  A good relationship can calm a guy down."

"Only the right one."  He smiled at him. "It'll be fine.  He's always been protective of Speed.  Ever since he saved his life."

"True, and before then too.   Speed lets him too."

Horatio gave him a gentler smile. "Speed likes to be fussed over.  That's all that is."

"If you're sure."

"I am."

"What about the nap?"

"Xander fled, Eric.  He didn't push it and he did tell me he knew."

"Good."  He relaxed and grinned fully.  "What case do they have?"

"I don't know."  He called dispatch to see.  "College."

"Hmm.  Probably an OD."  He walked off, going back to sanitizing his lab.  He and Calleigh got called out an hour later.  It was good until someone tried to run them over.

***

Xander walked in with the box of evidence, Wolfe had both kits.  "Watch out, evidence."  They got out of the way.  "Thanks.  Including chemicals.  She was mixing in her dorm room in a metal tub.  Definitely a homicide."

"How can you be sure?" Eric called.

"Her head was in a toilet six-thousand-twelve feet from the body," he called back.  "Using the stairs instead of the elevator for measurement."

"Yeah, that's a homicide," Eric agreed.  Speed came in with the hazardous chemical containers in a box.  "More?"

"Two more.  Thanks, Eric."  He went down to get them and lock the hummer back up again.  He saw Calleigh icing her wrist. "What happened to you?"

"His gun's got a stronger recoil than I'm used to."  Xander came in to look at her.  "It does."

"I've got stronger wrists than you, Calleigh.  It comes from lifting all day doing construction stuff and using a crossbow all the time."  He looked at her wrist.  "Warm soak, not ice pack."  He kissed her on the head and went to trace once he had his glasses.

She smiled at his back. "Goofball," she called after him.

"You okay?"  Speed asked.   She nodded.  "Good.  He's probably right.  He is the king of former injuries."

"I know.  I'm alternating.  I sprained my thumb joint with the kick."  He nodded, leaving her alone about it.  She went back to writing her report, flexing her thumb back and forth to keep it from stiffening up.  She was going to be in pain later.

Speed walked in and found Xander setting up a fume hood.  "Will we need that?"

"You wanted to open the containers without a containment chamber?" he asked, looking confused. "I'll do a lot for you but I'm not dying of inhalation."

"We have one of those."

"We do?"

He nodded, leading him to show him. "See, waldos and everything, Xander."  He shrugged and went to get the containers, bringing them in there.  They'd need them first, the rest of the stuff could be run afterward.  They needed to see if any of it was street grade drugs or likely to be sold.  Speed watched him.  "Slower."  Xander slowed his movements, being more precise.  "We should probably tape this in case an accident happens."

"There's an autotaping feature and I turned it on."

"Good.  That'll work.  It had a tape?"

"I think it's digital."

"Let me see."  Xander moved his body so he could check.  "Yeah, that's digital."  He stood up, watching what he was doing.  "You need practice aiming."

"I'm used to more sensitive ones.  The ones at Wolfram and Hart were more touchy."

"Why did they have some?"

"They're hell's lawyers.  They had a biochem lab in the building to make biological weapons and other nasties.  Angel still has control of their LA offices."

"Charming."

"Basically, but Fred liked it."  He finally got the pip in the bottle so he could empty it and withdrew it, letting it go so he could screw on the cap.  "Is it because I've got big hands?"

"Maybe."  Speed took over once that one was capped.  "No, they're stiff.  We could probably WD-40 them once the samples are gone but it'll take a while to dry."

"Never mind.  Use will loosen them."

"Hopefully."  He called upstairs.  "H, the waldos are stiff again."  He hung up and moved to the other set of waldos to work with them.  "These are even worse."

"Mine creaked when I started."  He sighed and put down what he was doing, pulling out his cellphone.  "Hey, Deadboy.  You still in control of W&H?"  He smiled.  "Can we bum the waldo equipment?  Magic-gram?" he suggested.  "Please?  Thanks."  He hung up and took off the necklace he wore, putting it out of the way.  Something thumped on top of it.  "Thanks," he called quietly.  He looked at Speed.  "Close everything, let's change out a set."  Speed nodded, making sure everything was sealed.  They broke into the containment chamber, changing out the waldos with the ones he liked more.  "Ahhh," he sighed as he slid into them.  "Even Fred's set."  He got back to work once it was all sealed it.  "Much better."

Horatio walked in and saw the necklace, picking it up to put on Xander again.  "Where did  those come from?"

"They're loaners from Angel and them."

"Next time, warn me."

"Will."

"Thank you, Xander.  Are they working better?"  Speed let him try his set, watching him grimace.  "Those need worked on."  He tried Xander's once he had things at a stage where he could put them down. "Where did they get theirs?"

"I don't know.  You'd have to ask Angel or Fred.  Get into my emergency contact stuff and write the email address.  Hers is Fred at whatever."

"I'll do that."  He went to do that.  It was a good piece of equipment.  He could ignore the connotations of the company they had come from.  He got back an answer and smiled at the babbling flow of words.  "He does like those who babble," he said fondly.  He answered that it would be fine if Xander's friend Cordelia came out to visit him and bring another set for them to keep.  She wasn't one of the two Xander had said he'd hide from.

***

Speed got paged to the desk the next day.  "What's up?" he asked the receptionist.

"She's got a delivery for Xander?" she said, nodding at the young woman nearby.

"Hey, the new waldos," he said, smiling at her.  "Thanks for this."

"Not a problem.  Where is Xander?"

"Working.  Give her a pass?  I'll give him a break so they can chat.  He's over hours for the week again."  The receptionist signed her in and gave her a pass.  He took the package to look inside of.  "Thank you.  Ours are creaky and stiff."

"Fred wanted to replace ours anyway," she said, flicking a hair through her streaked hair.  "So, you do what with Xander?"

"Mostly, I mentor him and make sure he's got all the knowledge in the trace lab that he'll need.  What did he tell you?"

"Nothing. The big dork doesn't write."  He gave her a look.  She snorted.  "I'm Cordy, Speed."  He went pale.  She smirked and nodded.  "Now, where is my ex?"

"I'll send him to the break room.  He's working on a delicate chemical substance."

"You let him around *chemicals*!  Are you insane!" she asked loudly.  "Oh my god!  That's worse than letting him play with guns!  How stupid are you people!  Xander's accident prone.  He trips over his feet and he does stupid stuff."

Speed looked at her.  "No wonder he broke up with you.  You're an evil bitch."

She stared at him.  "Excuse me?"

"No, I've dated worse," Xander called, coming out of the lab.  "The other waldos?"  Speed nodded, handing them over. "Thanks.  Go lock her somewhere so we can fight in a few.  Be right back, Cordy."

"What are you wearing?" she demanded.

He turned to glare at her.  "Just because I used to screw you does not mean you can come in here and try to ruin me with my new friends and those who like me. They even put up with my dating problem, which I still say was your fault."  She gasped.  "Not like I had this problem before I started to make out with you, Cordy.  Now, go get a soda.  We'll talk in a few."  He walked off shaking his head.  Wolfe gave him a sympathetic look. "I dated worse than her.  She was pretty tame compared to the one who turned serial killer and Anya.  That's why I'll have dogs some day.  Once I get a full-time, real, settled job."  Of course if she ruined that for him the world was going to end for one woman.  He'd have fun ruining her life before he killed her.  He stopped and took a deep breath.  "Evil thoughts are bad," he reminded himself quietly.  "I should not have those thoughts about others.  They'll try to give me drugs even if they knew her."  He finally got himself calmed down and installed the other set of fake hands, then resealed the system and made sure it read as sealed. "There, better."  He walked out, shaking his head at Calleigh's curious look.  "Someone said Cordy could come out.   She still can't believe I'm not sixteen."   He walked into the break room and got a soda, standing across from her.  "Did you come out to purposely try to ruin my career or was that a side-effect of your cheery existence?"  He took a drink.

"Xander!"

He glared.  "I know it escaped you in the last six years but I haven't tripped over my feet since I got used to not having an eye.  Nor am I as worthless as you seem to think.   Also, if it weren't for me, there wouldn't have been any weapons way back when we needed them.  Not like Buffy or Giles fixed theirs themselves."  He took another drink.  "For your information, since you and the others didn't care beyond Wes and Fred, I graduated second in my program, Cordelia Chase.  Three points behind someone with ten years of experience doing the work."  He stared her down.  "If you're not proud of me, up yours.  Am I perfectly clear?" he asked quietly.  She shrank back, nodding.  "Good.  Now, apologize to the nice CSI for saying stupid shit before you're the reason I don't get a job and all those bad thoughts come back again."

"Fine, you're not as worthless as I used to think," she snorted.  "You're still not supposed to play with this stuff!"

"It's my job, Cordy.  What did you think I did?"

"I thought it was like being a cop."

"No, I'm a ballistics and trace tech.   That means I get to play with guns and chemicals and they *pay* me for it."  She gave him a horrified look.  "By the way, the danger stuff runs in the family.  Found out I was adopted before your mind goes there.  My real parents are covert feds."  He smirked and walked off.  "If you want dinner tonight I'll be off at seven or so.  I'm sure Angel gave you my cell number."

"Um, yeah," she admitted.  She grabbed the woman walking past.  "Was he possessed again?"

"No, you're just mean to him," Valera said dryly.  "We all love Xander.  You actually threw him over?"

"He cheated on me!"

"Yeah and you blamed him and not her," she said dryly.  "I got an email from someone who told me that."

Xander came out of trace, looking at her. "Willow found me again?"  She nodded. "When?"

"Three months ago."

"Pity.  Also a pity because I know about the cheerleader code, Cordy."  She went pale.  "Turnabout and all that.  At least mine was still clean."  He walked off, going back to work.  "I'm off at seven or so.  Please quit annoying my coworkers, woman."

"Fine!" she spat.  She turned and stomped off.

Valera looked in the lab he and Ryan were working in.  "I'm sorry you dated that."

"It wasn't so much date as a sexual thing.  Getting together in closets.  We'd have fights like that and then go make out somewhere.  She's probably missing the old days again."   He gave her a look. "Remember, she was one of the nicer ones I dated."   She shuddered.  "Who invited her down with the prezzzies?"

"I think that was Horatio."

"Remind me to yell at him in a few," he told Wolfe.

"Sure, as long as I can hide."

"Lock him in a room with her," Valera suggested.

"Don't be mean to him.  He'll pout," Speed ordered.

"I was talking about Horatio."

"So was I," Speed assured her.  He looked down the hall then back at Xander.  "Not even Eric would date that."  Xander snickered at that.  "He wouldn't!"

"We'd do that then go make out, Speed.  I've called the harpy worse things."

"Harris!" Stetler yelled.  Xander turned it over to Speed and came out to the hall.  "Who was that?"

"One of the nicer women I used to date.  You wondered why I turned to guys now and then?"  Stetler looked flabbergasted.  "She brought down a donation to the lab.  Some new waldos.  Before you ask, yes, I screwed that harridan.  She's always thought of me like that and she's one of the reasons why I have low self esteem about my skills.  I'll kill her for dinner later.  Did you want me to try to hide it?"

"Um... maybe you should work late tonight," Calleigh suggested.

"She'll come back," Xander said flatly.  "Right now she's screaming at someone else about me being possessed or something and she'll expect sex after dinner.  That's *that* Cordy, Calleigh."  She shuddered.  He grinned sweetly. "She was the nicer one I dated.  Really."

"I'm so sorry.  I'll try to find you a nice man to date, Xander."  She walked off whimpering.

Stetler looked at him. "Keep it out of the lab, Harris."

"I didn't invite her down," he said dryly.  "Yell at the boss for that.  He invited her down."

"I'll talk with him next.  Next time, don't yell down the hall and close the door so you don't interrupt anyone else's work."

"If there's a next time, I'm letting her meet Alexx and Yelina."  Stetler's eyes went wide. "Or Abby if I can get her down here in time.  Good enough?"

"Cover up the homicide they'll commit."  He walked off, going to find Horatio and complain to him.  "You invited that screaming bitch down to cut into your prized intern and make him feel like shit?"

"Excuse me?"

"He called her Cordy a few times?"

Horatio moaned. "I didn't know it was one of his exes, Rick."

"Apparently it was.  They had a shouting match in the halls.  She yelled so loud Tripp heard her from his desk."  Horatio groaned.  "Exactly.  So I'd kiss ass with your staff, Horatio.  Even Speed apologized to the kid for having dated her."

"I'll see what happened and see how I can fix it.  Thank you for letting me know."

"As long as you fix it since they're having dinner tonight."   Horatio walked off with a small moan.  He smirked at his back.  "Good, ruined your day too."  He walked off, going back to his desk to make a note in case she did something stupid, like tried to take the boy from the station.

Horatio walked into the lab and Valera stopped him.  "She was evil, Horatio.  I'm not sure if Xander turned her that way or not but she asked me if he was possessed after he laid into her about her saying he shouldn't be around chemicals or guns because he was too inept and clumsy to deal with them.  Can I kill this woman?"

"No, I'll do it since I didn't realize she was his ex."  He smiled at her. "Let me handle it, Maxine."

"You'd better.  Speed told Alexx."  He walked off with a sigh.  "He said if she came back he was introducing her to Alexx, Yelina, and Abby if he could get her down here fast enough."

"I'll handle it."  He walked into the lab Xander was working in.  "I'm sorry."

"Going to be," Xander said dryly.  "I should tell her she can borrow your guest room.  Should I hide the homicide?"

"Please."  He moved closer.  "Those are much better."

"It's almost worth seeing her again."  He glanced at him then got back to work.  "I'm fine.  I'll spank her later."

"If I had known...."

"Cordy's not always that bad.  In an emergency she'll do whatever she has to.  It's the other stuff she sucks at doing.  Especially being a friend or being a girlfriend since she had the cheerleader code going for the teams."  He grimaced and fought the waldo.  "Don't tell me you're possessed," he complained.  It quit and he sighed, getting back to work.  "No wonder Fred wanted to switch them out."

"We hardly ever use them, Xander.  It'll do until we can get new ones."  He patted him on the back.  "Are you sure you want to go to dinner with her?"

"No but she'll storm in here and try to drag me out if I don't.  At least she probably won't be able to drag me back to LA."

"No, she won't," Ryan assured him.  "We can tail you guys."

"She'll think you're trying to protect her and she'll get you too," he said dryly.  "I'll be fine, Ryan.  She probably expected the old reflex to kick in and I'd end up liplocked with her.  That's how it used to be."

"I knew a few nice guys if you want set up," he offered gently.

Xander grinned. "Thanks, Ryan.  I'm not settling down.  I know how bad it'll be for me.  I'll sleep around and have dogs."

"Sure.  I get that.  With exes like that I'd have dogs or cats too.  Maybe an iguana or ferrets. Or a turtle.  They're a nice, easy going, non-stressful pet."

"You're babbling, Ryan," Xander warned.  "Keep it up and soon you'll be me and have to switch fields."

"I like to clean my gun but not like you do, Xander," he quipped back.  "Then again, I haven't dated in a while and if I started to date women like that I'd have myself fixed."

"Already snipped.  That way I wouldn't have to rescue a baby Xander from a woman like that."  He gave him a look and Ryan suddenly shuddered, able to picture it.  "Exactly," he agreed.  Horatio walked off moaning.  "Good, you deserve it for inviting her down."   He went back to work.  The waldo acting up got slapped by the other one and it quit.  "I'm so going to have to break into it and solder something," he muttered.

"You can?"

"Yeah, I learned running wire and doing bombs for construction stuff," he said, smirking at him.  "That reminds me.   I've got to register that down here."

Ryan leaned out, finding Horatio coming out of AV.  "Did he forget to register his bomb making skills?"

"It's in the federal database.  We knew."

"Sure."  He came back to work.  "He said they knew."

"I forgot he had me put in the federal system.  Maybe after I've spanked manners into her I'll look into learning the spaghetti bombs."  Ryan gave him an uneasy look.  "I can do up to five wires and multiple output and explosives.  I need to learn the multi-wire ones that look like masses of spaghetti.  The ones that take the back of a truck instead of a suitcase."

"How did you learn those?"

"Deconstruction."

"I worked construction one summer, Xander," he said quietly.

Xander looked at him.  "Look up my old town, Ryan.  I was on the protection patrol."

"I did.  I saw the high death rate.  I found video of graduation."

"That was mine," he admitted.  "I was there."

"I saw."  He stared at him. "You knew it then."

"I did.  It was necessary."

"I saw.  I'm not going to say anything, Xander."

"Thanks.  Not my favorite memories of my former life.  It's like reincarnation for me, Ryan."

"Sure. I get that."  He went back to work, swatting one of his waldos.  "I think this one's got a problem too."

Xander laid a hand on top of the machine and muttered something.  Everything beeped and died, then restarted.  The waldos were fine.  "Fixed without soldering."  He got back to work.  He also checked the tape.  "We can edit it if it has voice."

"Horatio will let us do that."

Horatio walked in. "I'll let you do what?"

"He asked a question about my graduation."

"Don't worry, Mr. Wolfe.  I knew."

"I saw video."

"I saw the same."  Xander gave him a look.  "I went looking when Abby told me."  He patted him on the back.  "What did you do to the machine?"

"Killed all soul energy inside it.  It shut it down for a minute," he said quietly.  "Does it tape audio?"

"No.  Only video of the interior."

"Good," he said, sounding more happy.  "Then all I have to do is gird my loins for dealing with the bitch tonight.  And hey, maybe I'll get laid."

"That's the wrong way to think about it," Horatio cautioned. "Think about changing her mind."

"Boss, she still sees me as the geeky seventeen-year-old she used to make out with.  She'll never see me as anything else.  Or else she wouldn't have accused me of tripping over my feet.  Especially after I saved her life by not tripping.  Multiple times."  He gave him a look.  "She's got blinders and all I want is to get her calmed down and sent back."

"I'm sorry I invited her, Xander."

"Not your fault.  You didn't know."  He shrugged.  "It happens.  Should I dress up?"

"Have fun, wear something that'll make her sorry she cheated on you," Ryan offered.  "Go in looking so good she's got to complain about you going for men instead."

Xander grinned. "I like how you think, Wolfe.  I've got stuff to make her drool and beg."  He went back to work.  "We're running through the last container now, boss."

"Thank you, Xander.  Keep me informed."

"Speed's running the samples."

"That's fine."  He patted him on the back again and walked out, going to find Speed.  He found him braced on the table, head down.  "He'll be fine," he said quietly.  "He's going to have her eating out of his hand."

"That's not a good idea, H."  He looked at him.  "I've dated some selfish women.  Eric's dated worse.  Even Eric called her a bitch that should be put down.  She was the *nicest*!" he hissed.  "Gods, H!"

"I know, Speed.  It'll be fine."  He stroked his back.  "We'll support him if he needs to talk about it."  He nodded and sighed.  "Now, how are we doing on the chemicals?"

"It looks like she was experimenting to make something new.  She's got some standard ingredients.  Pseudoephedrine, a few others. One has 'shrooms.  She was failing so far.  They're all fatal.  I had Eric do a search for recently deceased or missing persons cases from the college."  That got a nod.  "How can you love someone, something like that?  Or worse?"

"He was settling, Speed.  When all you have around you are lions and you're a gazelle, you find companionship among the lions," he said quietly.  He left him alone, going back to his covert watching of Xander.  He knew the boy could tell but it was important he understood this.  He was still confused.  He had better taste now, he hoped. He wrote an email to Abby to get her opinion.  Little did he know that she threw a jumping up and down and screaming fit about his dating habits.  At least until Gibbs sent a terse email back to quit upsetting Abby.

***

Xander knocked on Horatio's door that night.  "She's still living.  I drove her to the airport.  She decided LA was less strange than Miami and I'm still whole.  She didn't make too many people cringe in public at the restaurant.   They didn't ask us to leave after I reminded her she grew up with better manners than I did.   I also told her how to get in touch with my grandmother so she'd never ask me for another grandkid again.  Thought you should know."  He turned but Horatio pulled him inside.  "I don't want to interrupt your free time, guys."

"You're not, Xander.  We were just finishing dinner.  Did you actually eat?"

"Yeah, we had seafood."

"That's good."  He sat him down.  "How did it go?"

"I showed up in this outfit.  Ryan was right, it was good to see the horrified look on her face.  She started to complain again, I snapped at her about her manners.  She complained louder and I glared.  She slumped down and remembered she had grown up a rich girl.  She went over where she thought this was wrong and I countered.  We had dinner, she hinted that she might be hitting another mental growth spurt.  She had one back in her senior year when she realized she hated the sheep that followed her around.  Maybe that's what the mayor's wife was doing, killing the figurative sheep following her around?"

"Possibly," Eric agreed as he joined them. "Want some coffee?"

"He drug me in," he said with a nod.   He looked at Horatio.  "I made fun of some of her current issues with me.  Including the fact that I had moved on, had good grades, was doing interesting work that was better for the world at large and I was still protecting people.  I had given up on the hunting but I used the skills in new and interesting ways to save normal people who knew what I was doing.  She thought I was doing it for the groupie factor.  She was wrong and I pointed that out repeatedly. I had to hammer the fact into her head.  Then I pointed out she was probably the nicest girl I ever dated and that's why I was now bi.  She sniffled a bit but decided it was better for me since I had this habit of dating evil women, and she admitted she was one.  And then suddenly it was better and she decided to be mature so I dropped her off at the airport so she could go back to the old lifestyle and her insanity in LA.  Oh and she thinks she's pregnant by some demon spawn thingy with Angel's baby.  Not sure how.  Not sure I care how."  He stood up.  "With that I'm going to go back to my HBO and look at the bomb manual I need to learn.  I'm still working on the too many wire bombs."

Horatio looked at him.  "Did you realize you talked about it in the same manner, tone of voice and word style, that you use when you report on a scene?"

"Yup.  That's about what it was.  She created a scene, I ended the scene, end of scenario with her going home.  I'm free, yay me.  At least I'm not going to overreact and go get laid tonight."  He left, going back to his car.  He had gotten a rental so she wouldn't have his plate number or anything and it was good to just go for a drive for a change.  It was nice to put the top down, let the wind flow, and let it go for a while.  "Maybe tonight's my night for a beer."  He stopped to find one on his way home, he wasn't about to have it in the car in case he had an accident.  He would not make Horatio deal with that issue.

Speed walked out of the kitchen, looking at Horatio.  "Is he staying?"  Horatio nodded. "We're sure?  Absolutely certain?"

"I'm certain.  I've got his paperwork in my desk.  He saved your life and Calleigh's.  It didn't take much blackmail with the Chief."  That got a smile.  "Why?"

"He needs some stability.  Let's get him the dog he wants."

"That could help."  Horatio checked the date on his watch.  "He's got another month."

"It's about the right time to sign him," Eric reminded him.

Horatio nodded, smiling at him. "That is true."  He gave both his boys a hug.  "I'm sure you two can help him find a decent place and help him move."  They both nodded.  "Good.  Then we'll let Calleigh and Alexx fuss.  I'm sure they'll be disappointed that she's gone."

"That's mean, H," Eric teased.  He got in a mild pounce, making Horatio sit down to hold him.  "We'll help him."

"Good.  We'll plan it tomorrow."

***

Horatio pulled Xander into his office that Friday.  There was Stetler, the Chief, and him.  "Xander."

"Did I screw up?" he asked, looking worried.

"No, you didn't," Rick said.  "Though your paperwork runs out in six months."

"I can get more."  He looked at Horatio.  "What's wrong?  A big case you want me off of?"

"No, Xander.  It's only a month left on your internship," he said patiently.  He slid over an envelope.  "That's the official offer."  Xander gave him a stunned look.  "You've more than proved your worth to the lab, we want you to stay."  Xander squealed and pounced to hug him, kissing him on the cheek.  He smiled.  "Go over it with the Chief, Xander."  He nodded, taking it over to sit next to him and go over each of the provisions.

"I'd hope we won't see a complaint of improper relationships?" Rick asked.

"Stetler, if I was going to start something with him, it wouldn't be him pouncing me.  It'd be me pouncing him and it won't happen.  He'd never put up with me bouncing around all the time or my future dog."  He went back to it.  "I make that much as a lab tech?"

"That's about average with the federal labs," Horatio agreed.  "You'd be eligible for step raises after your first year depending on your evaluations.  Valera makes about five thousand more than you and you know how long she's been here."

"Wow.  I can afford a really nice place and a big dog."  The chief laughed.  "I can."

"Get something small that'll cuddle, kid," Stetler said grimly.  "You need it.  Is the heathen bitch gone?"  The chief looked at him.  "His ex, sir."

"Yeah, she's back in LA."  He went back to it.  He took Stetler's pen, signing it and handing it over.  "Yours."

"Yes you are.  I'll expect the same exemplary service for the rest of your tenure here, Xander."  He nodded, shaking his hand.  "Good boy."  He smiled and patted him on the arm.  "Horatio, I believe you have something for him?"  Horatio stood up and walked over an envelope.  "As signing bonuses go, it's not bad."

"Signing bonus?"

"You come to us, we pay you to do that," Stetler said, talking down to him.  "Like in sports, kid."

"They do?"

"It's a bonus that's meant to pay for moving and setting up costs, Xander," Horatio told him, smiling down at him.  "Use it to buy better shirts.  That way there's no more t-shirt headaches?"  Xander gave him a sheepish look.

"T-shirts?" the Chief asked.  Xander took off his lab coat to show his current one.  _Elephants wear tu-tus so they can hide in pine trees. Did you ever see an elephant in a pine tree? No? Well then, you know it works_   The Chief sucked air in through his teeth, then nodded.  "I leave dress code in the lab up to Horatio.  Horatio?"

He looked at the shirt and sighed.  "Xander."

"I was wearing my lab coat.  It's clean."

"Buy more, Xander.  Normal shirts.  Bring Tony down for the weekend and let him help you."  He patted him on the head.  "Keep that covered before someone has to go home."

Rick shook his head quickly.  He walked out holding it.  Calleigh was nice enough to hand him a package of tylenol.  He whimpered.  "Elephants."

She groaned, heading up there.  "Xander!"

"I had it covered all day.  It's all I had clean," he defended.

"We are taking you shopping."

"He got his signing bonus," Horatio told her. "We're going to help him find a real apartment, a dog, and do some shopping."

"Good!  About time!  Does this mean I can have Wednesday off after all?"

"No, I'm off that day," Xander reminded her.  "I have to fly up for that trial in DC."

"Good, take Tony shopping," she ordered.  He sighed and nodded.  "Thank you."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "Welcome to the department.  You get to tell Alexx.   She's having a bad day."

Xander waved her out of the way.  "I signed on permanently.  You're all SOL if you don't like me being here!"  He heard a few cheers.  He grinned at her.  "There, better?"

"Yes," she said happily.  "Have Tony make you look geeky and cute."   She walked out much happier.  She heard Alexx squeal and got out of her way.

She rushed in and hugged Xander. "I'm so happy, baby!  You're staying!  Now we have to get you out of that horrible, cheap motel.  That way the working girls leave you alone."

"They're my clothing approval committee.  If they don't say I'm hot, I can wear it."  She laughed and hugged him.  "Boss, can you hold this check for me?"

"Of course, Xander."  He put it into his top desk drawer.  "Don't let me forget.  Speed and Eric have both offered to help you look at apartments."

"I've got one in mind."  He grinned at her.  "I can even have a dog as long as it's under thirty pounds."  She cooed and gave him another squeeze before leaving.  He grinned at Horatio. "I'll try very hard not to carry in dog hair and you can whip me if I do."  He shook the Chief's hand again.  "Thank you, sir."  He danced down, going down to ballistics.  Then to trace.

"Lab coat!" Eric yelled after him.  Xander went to get it and put it on as he came back down the stairs.  He shook his head and went for tylenol.

DC looked at his shirt then frowned.  "Xander, you're strange.  Have I mentioned that recently?"

"Yup, but do you really doubt why?"

"Not after meeting your ex.  I dare you to wear that to interrogation later."

"If they'll let me," he said happily.  "I signed."

"I heard.  Congrats.   You buying lunch?"

"I take lunch?"

Cooper laughed.  "Good answer.  Where are you getting a dog?"

"The pound.  They need me."

"Good man.  Let us know what you get."  He went back to work.

Xander was doing up his jacket when he walked into trace.  "Hi."

"Hi.  T-shirt?"  Xander let him see and he squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head.  "I agree with him.  We can arrange it so you help Frank Tripp question someone later."  He patted him on the back.  "When do you want to go apartment looking?"

"I've got a spot I've talked to."

"Where?"  Xander handed over the clipping from his wallet then he put on gloves.  "Xander, this is a swinger's condo," he said, looking at him.

"I know.  It's got a nice gym, a pool, great spas.  Nice bedroom area."

"It's a brothel without paying."

"And?  I'll have a dog.  I can pick and choose."

Speed sighed and shook his head.  "No, Xander.  You need somewhere good.  With your luck you'll turn them all evil and then you'll have a bad problem with your minions."

Xander pouted.  "But it's got great spas in the bathrooms.  The three bedroom one is within my current paycheck and it's all utilities paid."

"No, Xander," he said patiently.  "It's too far out for call-ins."

"Oh.  I forgot about that."  Speed gave him a look.  "I did."

"We'll work on it.  I've lived a few places in the city.  Eric has too.  We're both going to help you and help you move."

"I can fit everything in the car, Speed."

"Furniture shopping?"

"Deliveries?"

"Point.  We'll still help.  That way we can come over and hang out without worrying about lava lamps in the shape of naked women."  Xander giggled.  "Eric had one."

"That might be cute.  I'll have to look in Spencer's for one."  He got to work.

"Did that one."

"It's got a bottle out and it's not sealed."

"I'm waiting on the report."  He handed Xander a sealed one and let him go.

***

Eric looked at Xander's list at the end of shift that night.  "Where had you looked?"  Speed slid over the clipping.  "We busted a few pros there," he said happily.  "Okay, what drew you here?"

"Utilities paid, spa in the bathroom, big rooms."

"Hmm."  He looked through the paper.  Then he found one.  "That's not a bad idea," he said, calling them. "Hi, I'm a new tech in the crime lab.  I noticed your ad in the paper, got referred by a coworker.  When can I come look?"  He made a note on the paper.  "That'll work.  Thank you."  He hung up and nodded. "Let's go.  You're driving, Xander.  We can come back to pick up our things."  They piled out, driving out there.

Xander smiled and shook the manager's hand.  "Hi, Xander Harris, ballistics and trace tech with the lab."

"Those are diverse fields."

"I'm primarily a ballistics tech but trace is my minor.  I just signed on with the lab."

"Congratulations, Mr. Harris.  How many rooms were you thinking?  I've got a one and a three bedroom open."

"It'll be me.  Do you allow small dogs?"

"With an extra deposit.  The one-bedroom is a small corner unit but the three bedroom is very nice. It'd give you a guest room and a home office."  He led them to show them off.  "How are your future paychecks looking?"

"Fifty-four thou a year," Xander admitted.  That got an appreciative look.  "With no loans to pay off."  He grinned. "How's crime out here?"

"Not bad. A few vandals.  A few idiot teenagers from up the road.  There's no children allowed in this facility."  Xander nodded at that.  He let him look around the one bedroom, seeing the pout. "I know, it's small."  He led them out and to the three bedroom. "This is more expensive but it's still all utilities paid and it's got a great view."

"How much is this one?"

"Eleven-fifty a month."  Xander gave him a look.  "It's the area and the view."  He let him see the view of the city.  "See?"

"I do.  It's pretty.  Is it within call-in radius, Eric?"

"It'll fudge it by about two minutes or so, depending on traffic," Eric admitted.  "You drive like Gibbs."

"Yeah, I picked it up off him," he admitted dryly, grinning at him.  "Tony hated it too."  He looked around again.  It was nice but bland.  Boring.  The bathroom wasn't that great either.  "Let me think about it overnight?"  That got a nod and he let them out.  Xander looked at them once they were in the car.  "Crappy, small bathroom.  It looked industrial."

"So you want something older with character?" Speed suggested.

"Somewhere warm and less than blocky."  He started the engine and led them out to look at his first choice. "I'm down to two choices," he said happily.  "Can I show my buddies?  They're helping me."

"Sure, Mr. Harris."  They let him into the apartment, letting his friends look around with him.  He was a nice young man with good prospects.

Eric whistled.  "This is nicer," he admitted.  There was a breakfast bar. The kitchen was roomy.  The bedroom was great.  It had a huge closet.  It had a large bathroom that they'd kill for at Horatio's house.  He looked at the manager.  "Do you have somewhere this nice a bit closer?  The problem is that he's outside of call-in radius at the moment."

She considered it.  "We do have another facility.  It's not a swinger's complex."

"He's going to be working a lot of hours," Speed pointed out. "If he wants it that bad, he can hold parties."  She smiled and nodded, getting them a map.  "One bedrooms or more?"

"I think we have a few different ones."  She went to call the manager.  "Hi, it's Bethany.  I have a Mr. Harris out here.  He's just signed on with the crime lab...."  She looked at him. "You were an intern?"

"I was.  I've been in a hotel because internships are only a year," Xander told her.   "I've been in town for the last six months."

"Ah."  She smiled and repeated that.  "Yup, dark hair, young.  Two of his coworkers are with him to look it over.  Because we're just outside call-in radius.  That's what they wanted to know.  I don't know.  I think he's looking for certain elements."

"That bathroom," Xander told her.  "Something not a total box."

"He wants the Majestic one," she said with a giggle.  "Sure.  Sending him over now.  It should be about twenty minutes."  She hung up and wrote out the address.  "Go here, boys.  They've got some *great* places in that complex."

"Thank you," Eric said with a grin. "If I have to move, I'm going to keep you guys in mind."  She giggled and let them out, locking the door behind them.  He got in to drive.  "That is a lot closer."  He drove them over, liking Xander's car.  They got there and it was a gated apartment complex.  There was a smoking woman outside the office waiting on them. "Hi, this is Xander Harris.  We're Delko and Speedle, his new coworkers."

"Charmed, boys."  She shook their hands.  "We've got about six open apartments right now, Mr. Harris.  What specifically were you hoping for?"

"A great bathroom.  I love my bubble baths after a long day.  Something a bit less than industrial and boxy.  Some room because I like to pace.  Do you allow small dogs?"

"With an extra deposit.  Nothing over forty pounds.  That narrows it down to four of the six.  Let's start looking."  She led them off.  "Do you mind gay people?"

"I'm bi with a stronger leaning toward women," he admitted.  "I also know a lot of goth people.  I'm a ballistics and trace tech."  She smiled at that.  "I'm a gun geek," he said with a happy grin.

"That'll definitely get you a lot of friends around here.  Last month you had a scene out here with our first homicide in ten years.   There's a few paranoid people still here."

"I remember.  Her apartment was very nice. It's how I got the name of the other place."  She smiled at that and let them into the first one.  He moaned, walking around. "This is great."

"This is the smallest one.  It's only seven hundred."  She led them out to the others, finding the next-to-last one that nearly got the boy off.   It had a view.  It had a crappy kitchen but the boy said he couldn't cook.  It had the biggest bathroom in the complex and it had four bedrooms, one fairly tiny.  He decided right then that'd be his gun locker and closet.  Which suited her as long as it was all legal or she didn't know otherwise.  Then again, he did work with the police department.  His friends were talking about furniture while he signed the paperwork and the application.  He had done the one for out there so he only had to put in which apartment he wanted and sign it.  It was her easiest sell of the year.   He didn't seem to care about the usual Miami necessities, like the pool.  He had air conditioning and he stated he was happy with that and a good bathroom.  He signed his signing bonus over to them letting it pay for his deposit and the first few months' rent.  She handed over the keys and they said they'd move him within the week.  Xander gave his friends odd looks but they reminded him he'd need furniture in place when he moved in.  Xander snorted and promised he could do that tonight, sleep in the tub, and he had the next day off.  She was snickering behind the papers at the boys.  They were so cute!

***

Speed walked into the house, looking at Horatio.  "He's got one.  He has tomorrow off?"

"He's flying out late tomorrow afternoon to go to DC for the trial.  He'll be back within seven days they think."

"Forgot.  Anyway, he's got everything moved over.  He's encased in bubbles in his new tub.  He said to give you his new address."  He handed it over.  "It's a great three and a half bedroom.  One's a large closet and that's what he's using it for.  He used his signing bonus to put down and he got his prepayment back from the motel already."  Horatio smiled at that.  "He really didn't have a whole lot, H."

"I didn't expect him to, Speed.  He didn't want to be encumbered while he had to travel."

Eric walked in.  "Xander said he's moving his artillery here with his father's help so just ignore Lee if he comes back for a few days when Xander comes back from DC."  He closed the door.  "He also said he'd let Tony show him how to dress so Calleigh quit having adverse reactions to his t-shirts when she had PMS.  It's a great place.  I want to move into one of those places."  Horatio gave him a look.  "Seriously."  He let him have the pictures of Xander's new place.  "He said he was thinking Rent a Center or a thrift store for a couch before he left.  If it had to be delivered his manager assured him she'd let them in for him.  We'll help him get a dog when he comes back."

Horatio smiled at the pictures. "It is a great place.  How much?"

"Twelve hundred a month, all utilities included," Speed told him. "All he'll have to worry about is rent and cable, maybe internet."

"Good.  It's good he settled in so quickly.  We'll have to have a housewarming party when he's done settling in."

"Small kitchen," Speed warned.  "Not that he cooks.  I think he keeps the lunch truck in business some weeks."  Horatio stifled a smile at that.  "He is.  Remember the suspect he offered a bite of his nachos to?"  Horatio nodded then burst out laughing.  "He said everything's like that.  Did you see the suspect today when Frank was questioning him?"

"I did wonder why the man was looking so horrified.  He and Frank had the same look on their faces for some reason."

"We arranged it so Xander had to go give Frank a report at that moment," Eric said with a smirk.  "The suspect read his t-shirt.  He got very, very confused."

"Calleigh ended up offering Rick tylenol," Horatio offered with an evil smirk.   His boys cackled at that and pounced him to cuddle and take the memory of that t-shirt out of his head.

***

Xander walked up to Tony's desk after his first day of waiting around to testify, giving him a look.  "The guards remember me fondly."

"They should.  You made Abby happy and a happy Abby means she doesn't have to hogtie anyone with duct tape," he said dryly, looking at him.  "Why are you up?"

"Trial.  They said I had to be up all week in case they needed me sooner?  That thing?"

"Oh yeah.  I'm due in Wednesday they think."  He shrugged.  "You get used to it.  How's Miami?"

"I signed on."  Tony beamed at that.  "I've found an apartment and I'm having the furniture delivered while I'm gone.  Horatio all but demanded I monopolize your time for a few hours while I'm up here so I get real clothes again.  For some reason they had a bad reaction to my t-shirt a few times."

"After that corpse one you sent Abby, I'm not really surprised," Gibbs said from his desk.  "How much was your signing bonus?"

"Six."

"Congrats."

"I used it all to move."  That got a knowing look.  "It paid all the deposit stuff.  It was good for that.  I just signed it over to them."  He looked at Tony again.  "I've only got three hundred on me but can you show me what I should be wearing so Calleigh quits having PMS fits about my clothes?"

"I can do that," he agreed happily.  "Boss, are we going all night tonight?"

"I hope not.  I've got a date," Kate grumped.  "Hi, Xander."  He came over to give her a hug.  "Get off."

"Cordy came to Miami.  They're very sorry I ever dated," he said with a smirk.

"So are we, kid, don't even think about trying to hug me," Gibbs ordered.  "DiNozzo, you done with that report?"  An inelegant snort was his answer.  "How much longer?"

"I'm going to my hotel.  It's not necessary tonight, guys.  Really."

"Yes it is," Tony assured him, looking over his current outfit. "No jury will ever take you seriously in those pants.  Or that shirt.  Is that Salvation Army?"

"I like thrift stores.  They do good for the community and I can get a whole new outfit for thirty bucks."

"Yes, but for court you want to look smart, professional, like a know-it-all geek, Xander," Kate told him.

"I want to look like McGee when he's playing English professor?"  McGee shot him a look but he grinned back.  "You kinda do."

"Yes, you want to look just like me for court, Xander."  He grinned.  "Have fun with the ties."

"Horatio doesn't have to wear one," he complained.

"We'll work on it."  Tony saved his report.  "Boss?"

"Go.  Make sure he makes it home alive and alone tonight, DiNozzo.  We don't want Ketchum or someone to snatch him again.  Prosecutors get mad at that."

"The last one who got me was a prosecutor," Xander quipped.  "She was not happy when I said I had to go to work at the lab.  She thought I was just cute, not smart."   He waved and bounced out behind Tony, only going down to invite Abby to dinner in a few days and squeal over her new pictures.  Then he let Tony have his wallet and his rental keys so they could go shopping.  He hadn't been in DC long enough to know where everything was.

***

Xander walked back into work his first day back, dropping his jacket in his locker.  Frank Tripp looked over, looking confused. "Tony made me get it."

"I know it's not your usual sort, kid."  He looked him over.   Dress pants were a change from the usual loose jeans.  Loose, untucked shirt.  He looked a lot like a cleaned up Speed.  "You comfy?"

"I hate these pants.  They ride too high in the crotch."  He looked at him.  "And I hate the shoes before you ask."  He looked at himself and growled, grabbing something else out of the bag he had carried in, changing pants and into his older new loafers. They were broken in and comfortable.  "Ah, better."  He walked out after closing his locker up, going to find his boss.  "I'm back, boss."

"I heard you come in, Xander."  He looked him over. "I like that outfit."

"Tony got me another pair of pants that rode too high.  They're in my locker.  They definitely need some tailoring."  He shrugged.  "But I'm okay to work in this.  I guess.  I don't know.  I was okay to sit around the courthouse waiting in this."  He shrugged again.  "I'm going to try to work but if the shirt annoys me it's going too."  He went down there, grabbing his jacket and glasses, looking at Calleigh.  "What?" he whined.

"Tony?"

"Yup.  Said these were work clothes.  The other stuff we bought wasn't."

She looked him over.  "Change at lunch, Xander."

"I can do that," he said proudly.  "I'll leave these for court clothes."

She nodded.  He went to see what was going on.  "We have some overflow from non- felony."

"I hope Sascha's having fun in Vancouver."  He got to work on those samples for her. "Did the disgraced one take a plea?  Abby thought he had but I hadn't heard."

"He did.  He apologized for discrediting his program and his labs.  He claimed he was jealous and that's why he did it."  Xander looked over.  "No, he didn't want you."  He sighed in relief.  She smiled.  "He did say he was jealous of your easy grace and skills.  The judge asked.  Apparently he'd heard about you, dear."  He shuddered.  "He didn't want you, he wanted to be you.  So calm down."  He nodded, getting back to work.  "Have you seen John?"

"I did.  I drove him home last night."

"Good.  Thank you.  Is he at the same place?"  Xander nodded, glancing back at her. "We've talked a few times."

"He said you came to brighten his life."  He grinned at her.  "Should I plan on inviting him over to the new place?"

"Maybe.  I'm not sure the others won't feel uncomfortable."

"I'll ask him first.  See if he wants to come."  He went back to his reporting on the gun in his hand.  "This one's so solid it won't move.  Did it fire?"

"According to the notes it jammed when the suspect tried to shoot at the officer chasing him."

"Um, yeah," he said, showing it to her.  She hissed. The slide was back and jammed open but there was a bullet in it.  "Bad gunmanship."  He looked at her.  "Permission to clean it?"

"Ask the CSI in charge."  He went to call her, getting a few nods in on his end while she complained about the hour he called.  He told her what was going on and she relented apparently so he got to clean the gun.  He did a few test fires as soon as he got it unjammed in case all the crud inside made the rifling come out a bit different.  "There's a general CSI convention coming up," she noted.

"I don't have leave time built up yet."

"We usually go as a whole team and it's in Vegas this year."

"Hmm.  Interesting image of Eric losing his shirt on the slots."  She laughed.  "If we can work it out I'll go."

"Sure."  She emailed that to Horatio, who had suggested it.  Then she came over to help him.  "Think we'll find more good techs out of your old program?"

"Kovalkes.  He's good.  Or at least he was when I was there.  I'm not sure if he's graduating this year or not.  Reed's a nice guy.  I helped him in ballistics a few times my last semester.  He loves guns but was confused so I showed him how I did it and took him along with his new identification manuals to the pawn shops."  She looked at him.  "That's how I got used to all the different styles.  I took the big book of guns and walked my bible into many pawn shops.  I explained, said I didn't care if they were hot or not.  I needed to work on my identification.  Most of them didn't mind and a few got very used to me.  Even called me when they got in something they didn't think I'd seen yet."

"I noticed you used the other manual."

"It has better pictures and better information."

"It can," she agreed. "Mine's updated more often."

"I know how to use yours and mine has looseleaf pages from the gunshows and model sites."  He grinned at her.  "I wrote them all for catalogs since I'm a ballistics tech.  In training at the time.  They checked with the school too.  That got them some new catalogs as well."  He finished his notation and boxed up all the samples with that gun, moving to compare.  "I'll be damned.  The crud does change rifling."  She came over to look.  "You said you weren't sure a few months back."

"Apparently you were right, it can weaken the lines and maybe even shift one," she said, looking at the comparison samples. "Interesting.  Note that in the report."  He nodded, finding one that did match their reference sample.

Things were back to normal so she was all good with this.  Even if he was humming the tune to Superman.

***

Speed looked around Xander's apartment then at him.  "Who decorated?"  There were candles and plants laid around.  It looked like a magazine shoot.

"I did."  He frowned at him.  "Why?  You don't like it?"

"I do like it."  He smiled at him.  "Just not what I expected from you."

"I don't have the swords out here yet or else I'd hang them up."

"Sure," he agreed, patting him on the back.  He went back to walking around, glancing in the closet.  "Xander?"  He walked that way.  "Did Tony really let you buy that shirt?"

"Yeah."

He moaned.  "No.  Not right.  He was trying to help your clubbing problem, not help your work wardrobe."  He gave him another pat.  "We'll let someone else help you."  He looked over as John Hagen came out of the back room.  "Hey, good to see you up and around."

"It's good to be up and around.  No more paranoid nurses."  He looked in the closet, then at Xander.  "Do I want to know why most of your wardrobe is black, grey, and blue?"

"Skulking around cemeteries to hunt and defile formerly dead people who were walking around?" he reminded him.

"That reason.  Okay, we're fixing that.  Even if I do have to drag Horatio with us."  He shook his head.  "Nice job, kid.  Even if you didn't touch the kitchen."

"I don't cook.  I'm poisonous, John.  I order."  He led him them that way.  "Tell Speed I can decorate with swords."

"I'm sure you can.  It'd be more manly than the candle wreaths you've got set up."  He patted him on the back with a smile.  "I'll help, Xander."

"Thanks.  I'm not fully comfortable with what Tony made me get."

Eric came out of the bedroom.  "I'm loving that bathroom, Xander.  I'm going to end up borrowing it now and then."

"Sure, Eric.  As long as you clean it when you're done."  He grinned at John again.  "You could get the food out of the fridge."

"Thanks."  He went to do that, letting the boys help him.

Horatio finally got there.  "I hate budget meetings."  Xander gave him a worried look.  "He was picking on me about you and Wolfe, Xander.  Don't worry about it."  He patted him and looked around.  "This was not what I expected."

"The swords aren't here yet," he said dryly.  "Then they'll be going up on the walls."

"They can be pretty," he agreed. "Where is your father?"

"He had to stop in Texas to thump my former uncle.  Oh, he found my father was alive so he kicked his ass too.  He'll be here tonight with Mom."  He nodded. "They're pulling out food trays."

"Good job."  He smiled.  "Now, let's work on this wardrobe situation of yours?"

"Tony made me get that shirt."

"I'll talk with Tony," he promised, patting him on the shoulder.  He went to look around.  It did have a good view.  He could see why Eric wanted the bathroom, it was better in person than in the pictures.  Xander had arranged his bed so he could see the view when he woke up.  He went to look in the closet, pausing when he saw the really hideous shirt right in front on the rolling rack.  He sighed and heard John laugh.  "Hi, John."  He walked in there and separated them out again.  Xander peeked in.  "Do not wear the ugly shirt."

"Tony said it looked good on me."

He pulled out his phone and looked up the number, calling it.  "DiNozzo, I meant for you to  help my poor tech, not make him look bad.  No, him wearing that hideous green mottled leaf pattern shirt won't keep him from being hit on in the clubs.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "He said it was to keep you from being taken again, Xander."

"Oops."  He walked off.  "It's not that comfortable either, Horatio."

"We can fix that."

John smiled at him.  "I figured it'd take the both of us.  Otherwise he'd start dressing like you too.  He's already got the hands on hips thing going."  He nodded at where Xander was frowning at his bookcases in that position.  "Xander?"  He looked over.  "Heard anything more from the scary patrol?"

"Fortunately not but Valera said Willow wrote her a few months back.  Poor woman, having to be infected by her."  He heard the laughing.  "Remember, I will run if they show up.  I will give an Olympic performance."

Eric smirked at him, coming out to look over his book and movie collection.  He saw a picture and looked then at him. "You were on your swim team?"  Xander nodded. "You never told me that."

"You never asked."

"Good point."  He went back to browsing titles, staring at a few in confusion.  "Um....."

"In case it becomes critical in a world ending way, Eric."

"Oh, good.  Comparative religions?"

"I know a bunch of wiccans and I lean that way myself.  Only less Earth Mother and more Moon Goddess."

"As long as you don't start talking about the fairies who come out to help you do magic," Speed called.  "Xander, why did you get the one with the meat no one can tell what it is?"

"I don't know.  I ordered a meat tray for twelve people and they gave me that."

"We're going to find you a better grocery store too," Horatio quipped.  He went to look.  "Alexx will be fixing that."

"Good!"  They came out shaking their heads.

That poor boy.  Calleigh showed up next, blushing a bit when she saw John, but it was good.   He helped by carrying food into the kitchen, loading it into the fridge for the poor guy.  Alexx came in and had more so she and Calleigh arranged what could go into the freezer instead.  Then Frank and his wife came.  John gave him a sheepish look but Frank just punched him on the arm and gave him a look.  Frank's wife gushed over how he had decorated.  At least until Lee got there and Xander had to help carry in his weapons collection.  Calleigh went to snoop.  She got shooed out of the closet before she messed up Horatio's careful system.   Horatio went to snoop and smacked Xander on the head for a few things.  The boy just gave him this sheepish, 'I'm a good and innocent boy' look and it was dropped.  Though he did decorate with the prettier swords and his battleaxe.  His mother gave him an odd look for it but he shrugged and pointed at his bedroom so she went to snoop.   Yelina came last and Xander beamed, letting her look around.  She praised his artistic style of mixing the more manly phallic things with the girly touches.  It was good.  Even if no one would touch that meat tray with the spam.

The party was going well until someone kicked in the door.  "Hi, Willow," Xander said dryly, waving from his spot next to his father.  He was too comfortable to run so he settled on letting the others handle it for now.

"You're coming with me, Mister, and I do mean now!" she said firmly.  "Enough of this playing around!"  She advanced on him.

Xander stood up.  "I feel the need to point out three points to you at this moment, Willow.  All but one of us in this room carries a badge of some kind."  John coughed.  "Okay, all but two of us in this room at the moment carry a badge of some type.  Sorry, John, I didn't think, you wouldn't be carrying it while on extended sick leave."

"I'm on suspension until a fitness board says otherwise, Xander."

"Have him talk to Stetler.  For some reason he likes him," Speed offered.

"I even called him little dicked the first time we met," Xander told him dryly.  "He's not intolerable and he always tries logic with me first."  He shrugged.  "He's not on my ass like he is Horatio's.  I'm sure the first time I fuck up that badly he'll be on my ass that way."  He gave her a look.  "Second point to consider," he said, going back to her.  "I don't want to be around you.   You and she screwed me up for years.   You especially screwed me up for years, Willow.  John's still fighting your sports thing that you did to my mind and how you made it go odd."

"She's the source of the football equaling gay sex stuff?" Eric asked.

"She started it, her former girlfriend, who I adored let me tell you, sweetest girl, even when hanging around me.  Couldn't turn her evil if I tried.  She finished that."  He looked at her.  "Third point, have you met my real parents?  I know Horatio came up to introduce himself to you.  But have you met my real parents?"  He pointed at them, and they both smiled and waved.

"They still gave you away," she sneered.

"No, I was stolen.  The dirtbags stole me from the hospital."  She gave him a horrified look.  He nodded.  "Mom was in a coma.  She's a spy," he said with a goofy grin.  Willow started to turn pale.  "You know, it's probably a good thing Abby's not here."  Speed and Eric snickered at that.  "It is!  She said I gave her mean thoughts.  It's a good thing I came down here to turn Yelina and Calleigh evil.  Abby's too nice to be so bad."  He looked at her again.  "There's also the fact that I don't care about you two anymore.   You two fucked up my life, you guys screwed me over..."

"Language," Amanda complained.

"Sorry, mom.  They did."  He looked at Willow again.  "If I remember right there was something about dryer lint in there...."  She stomped a foot and advanced.  "Keep coming, little girl.  I will have you arrested and you are *so* paying to fix the door.  Because I have a good job that has many hours."  Someone tapped.  "C'mon in, Cooper and Valera.  This is Willow."  He pointed at her.  "Yes, Valera *that* Willow.  Yes, Cooper, she's the one who broke my mind so I wear t-shirts like those."

"I like your t-shirts, they confuse suspects," Lee offered.  "I need a few of those.  Did he ever come into the open?"

"Yeah, he came to the station to take me to lunch last week," Xander admitted, grinning at him.  "By the way, he said to tell you you're still a sick man, he's still not gay, and the fact that I can act so well that way means that he should have bombed Sunnydale years ago."  He looked at Willow again.  "There's not a person in this room who'll stick up for you, Willow.  You burnt that bridge when you decided I was unworthy to help you fight.  Gee, Angel didn't have that problem.  They sure as hell don't have it down here either.  They didn't have it in DC.  Abby almost got me spandex.  Which you know I look fantastic in since you stared during swim matches."  She went even more pale.  "Now, is there anything else before *you* fix my door or should I let them arrest you for me?"  She shrieked and went for him.  He put her on her back, staring down at her shocked look. "Yeah, sweetie, I trained for a *very* long time.  Since about seventeen.  Then again, it's girls like you and Cordy who made me gay."  He kissed John then they both grinned at her, making her burst out crying and struggle to get away.  Frank led her out and called someone.  "Sorry, John, you were closest."

"It worked.  The look on her face was priceless and she'll stop her crap."

Amanda glared at him.  "I can soap your mouth too," she assured him.

"Sorry, Mom," he said with a bright grin.  "Do I have your permission to coopt Horatio to help me fix his wardrobe?"

"Please," Lee agreed. "Oh, son, you left something when you came back after the trial.  They sent it to Abby and she sent it to me."  He pulled it out and tossed it over.  "Also in there is the letter of apology you got sent from LA."

"Who apologized?"

"Your ex, son.  The one who came down and made an ass of herself."  His wife swatted him.  "Ow," he complained, giving her a look. "She did.  It's the only polite way to put it."

"Did she actually write it herself or did Wes apologize for her?"

"She wrote it herself.  I went to make sure you only had the one storage area.  She handed it over after finishing it.  Said it saved a stamp since I was dropping off your weapons anyway.  The rest of that was in your storage space and left in your hotel room, plus the one envelope left for you at NCIS in DiNozzo's name."  He grinned.  "We consolidated it for you."

John plucked the envelope from Xander's fingers, looking at the check.  "Yeah, we can get you real clothes for this."  Xander moaned and sat down, cuddling up to hide behind Speed.  He grinned as he passed it to Horatio.  "Here.  Make sure he deposits that."

Horatio looked and spluttered.  "Xander!"

"I went out with Tony and Abby!  We even went to a nice club, not my sort so I looked like a geek, all that," he complained from behind Speed.

"Twenty of that was in his storage area," Lee offered. "Sitting mostly loose.  Some in an envelope.  Someone built his weapons into a shrine to have him come back.  They missed him.  I even took pictures."  He pulled them out and let Horatio see.  Horatio moaned and handed them to Speed, who snickered and let Xander see.  He whimpered and hid further behind him.

John took it to look at.  "Uh-huh.  Someone wanted you badly.  Did they paste your head onto another body?"

"I spent six weeks working at a strip club when my car exploded," Xander moaned.  "I only stripped four times.  I sucked at it.  That's from the second time."  He shook his head against Speed's back.  "Who was the rest from?"

"Senator Ketchum sent the one to NCIS.  She said it was good to see you happy and playful.  Especially playful in leather, son.  The rest was probably from the club itself?"  Xander glared at him.  He just grinned back.

"Remind me to have a talk with her again," Amanda told him.

"Already did, honey."  He grinned at her. "She's very sure she's going to leave him alone since he's now fully gay as far as she knows.  She thinks he's having a long-distance thing with DiNozzo for some reason.  I didn't mention him at all but she thought he came up to visit him.  She jumped on that point during our nice, decent lunch."

"I'll warn Gibbs she might start to steal Tony."  She sent that email from her phone.  "Didn't some of that come from the new director?"

"It did.  She called it a reward for helping capture such a well-known terrorist.  When did you do that, son?"

Xander shrugged.  "I was out with Abby and McGee when I saw Tony chasing someone.  I stepped in to trip the guy.  He nodded his thanks and cuffed him before dragging him off to Gibbs' car.  McGee ran after him to make sure he wasn't needed.  I have no idea who he was.  He was a terrorist?  He looked like a geeky little geek, like pale, pasty computer in the basement that he lives in front of geek."

"He was an artificial intelligence specialist.  The other guy, the one that Abby said you needed spandex for."

"Xander?" Horatio asked.  He even sounded patient to his own ears.  He was proud of himself.  Sometimes, dealing with Xander took all his patience away.  Then Eric and Speed had to make him calm down.

"What? I was there!  McGee broke his foot.  I was between trial parts.  We had a whole day of recess.  They were looking for a kidnaped little boy.  I offered to help since I had come to pick Abby up for lunch and she volunteered my skills hunting.  I only got in the second floor window."

"Only?" Amanda asked.  "Jamie's team was backing them up.  Xander managed to get inside the house with the four terrorists threatening the little girl and little boy as it turned out.  He managed to knock two out before signaling the teams to come in.  He also managed to defeat their doomsday bomb and then catch the one who got away from Jamie's team leader.  Who is an idiot," she admitted.  Xander nodded.  "Abby suggested he should have spandex for that alone."

"Then they went out that night because Gibbs ordered them to destress and have some fun.  Jamie went to watch their backs," Lee added.  "Who had DiNozzo anyway?"

"His director," Xander said dryly.  He shrugged.  "It was what was needed.  I'm that sort of guy."  He was still hiding behind Speed so Eric had to move him.  "What?" he asked, looking so innocent.

"If H can't wear spandex under his suit, you can't wear some under your jeans," he said patiently.  "Ever.  If we get super suits, H gets his first since so many people shoot at him, then you can apply for yours once he makes sure they work well in the field."

"The ICPO is field testing new uniforms.  They're climate controlled so you're not cold or too hot and they're kevlar impregnated.  They're looking really handy.  They even look like superhero clothes," he said with a grin.

"H gets his first," John reminded him, patting him on the back.  Frank came back shaking his head.  "She going to my old bed?"

"Definitely.  The officer ended up having to shut her up.  She was muttering something.  Can we fix the door, Xander?"

"Sure."  He walked over to look at it.  Then he put it back in place and went to get his tools, putting the hinges back into the frame so they could be hitched down.  "That should work.  I'll make it prettier tomorrow."  He smiled.  "Tada!"

"Good job," Yelina said.  She smiled at him.  "I don't need help being evil, Xander."

"True, all you need is a shot of tequila," Frank teased.

"Do we have pictures of you in spandex?" Valera teased.

"Only from my swim team days and I was kinda skinny and geekly back then."  She shrugged so he let her into the bedroom, letting her have the picture.  She squeaked and blushed, bringing it out to show the others. "Told you I was skinny."  He went to look in the closet.  "Dad, didn't you bring the rest?"

"Son, I'm not walking artillery up here when there's officers in the house," his father called back. "Though I did steal something."

"That's fine.  I'm sure I can replace it."  He came out to see Speed staring at the picture.  "What?" he defended.  "It was my skinny phase.  Then I bulked up with muscle."  He took it back but Speed snatched it to look at it again.  "I'm not that skinny anymore."

"No you're not, thankfully," Alexx said, looking at it again.  "I can see why she stared.  I would have too."  Valera giggled and nodded.

Eric looked.  "I looked like that when I swam competitively," he sighed.  "Then I put on weight."

"Yeah," Speed snorted.  "You weigh less now because you're always running around, Delko."

"Do not!  Even my mother said I gained weight.  She was nagging it meant I'd never give her grandchildren."

"Gee, that sounds familiar," Xander teased, swatting his mother's hair.  "Did she stop?"

"She lost her voice.  It'll be a few more days."

The others laughed.  Calleigh looked at the picture when it got to her, blushing.  "Now I can see why women pay you, Xander."

He looked at her.  "I'm bulkier now, boss."

"Uh-huh."  She patted him on the cheek.  "Eat more food, Xander.  That way we don't have to worry about you getting into spandex down here."  Xander went to make himself a sandwich, letting the others pick on each other.  She smiled at John. "I'd give you a hug but I might turn evil by transfer."

He snorted and kissed her.  "I doubt it."  He grinned at her.  "Want to help us take Xander shopping?"

"I have bad flashbacks to taking women shopping, John.  Buffy used to make me her bra approval committee for pushup bras."  He came out nibbling on his sandwich.  "Plus bathing suits.  I can only stand so much.  The eight hours trying to figure out which style of pushup bikini top made her look the best broke me. The four hours it took her to decide between three pairs of black pumps made it a permanent break."  He ate another bite.  "I'll gladly help her or Yelina shop if they want, as long as it's not panty, bra, or bathing suit shopping."

Yelina looked at Calleigh.  "He did find me that dress you loved."

She nodded.  "He found me that pale rose shirt."  Xander just smirked and ate another bite.  "So why can't you dress yourself?"

"I do fine.  I'm perfectly comfortable."

Calleigh went into his closet, finding a t-shirt.  She brought it out so he could see it. _I wouldn't mind the wombats nesting in my lingerie drawer, but they WILL insist on wearing my Wonderbra,_  "Then explain this headache inducing shirt?"

"I like funny t-shirts."  He grinned sweetly.  "Just think, some day you're going to get really messy at a scene and I'll be the only one with spare clothes."  He finished his sandwich and turned on the stereo to play quietly, grinning at Cooper.  "What?"

"Advil?" he asked.

"Bathroom.  Through my bedroom."

"Nothing I shouldn't look at on the way?"

"Not like I bring people I have sex with home, Cooper.  They might decide they own me."  That got a nod and he went to find something for his headache, Valera following.

"For some reason, I have this mental image of Xander in a wonderbra," Alexx said, squeezing the bridge of her nose.  Xander got another picture and handed it over.  She squeaked and dropped it.  "Xander!"

"Charity event in college, Alexx.  It helped draw the sicko hurting trannies."  He walked off smiling.  "Remember, it was Calleigh who drug out my t-shirt."

John looked at the picture, picking it up to get a closer look.  He handed it to Horatio.  "Shopping tonight, buddy?"

"Definitely.  Speed, you too."  His lover gave him an odd look.  "I saw you borrowed a t- shirt.  I'm nipping that urge in the bud now."  Someone knocked politely.  Calleigh let him in.  "Mr. Wolfe."

"Sorry I'm late.   The Chief came looking for you, Horatio.  I had to stall him while I pretended to call around tonight.  Something about wanting you in the charity bachelor auction?  I didn't think it was critical for tonight."

"Thank you.  I'd rather not.  Xander?"

Xander looked over.  "Do you *really* want to risk that?" he asked bluntly.

"No," Eric decided, shaking his head.  "Food's in the kitchen.  Calleigh pulled out one of Xander's t-shirts.  Cooper and Valera are hiding in Xander's bathroom for some reason."

Yelina laughed.  "They're staring at the size of his tub."

"It gives a great surface for bubbles," Xander said with a sweet grin.

"You also missed his friend Willow showing up," Speed told him.

"No, I saw her when she got brought in.  The guys were complaining about how she was the cause of Xander being so strange and femme now and then.  I pointed out the guy who could handle the rocket launcher and stroked the one we confiscated wasn't that femme.  He was amused."  He looked at Xander.  "I tried but that nasty habit you have of talking about sports is going to keep getting you."

"Football does..."

John covered his mouth.  "Horatio?"

"Agreed.  We'll be back."  He grabbed Speed while John walked Xander out, hand over his mouth.  Lee handed over the envelope helpfully, getting a smile from John, who waved before shutting the door.

"I definitely missed the fun, huh?" Ryan asked.

"Hagen's been working on the girly stuff with Xander since the day he got here," Eric told him. "Calleigh pulled out a t-shirt.  Tony DiNozzo got him an ugly one no woman would hit on him while he's wearing.  Which was probably the intention," he realized. "That and the swim team picture and the one of him in drag for a charity thing back in college."  He let him have both pictures, watching his face.

"Wow, he used to be skinnier than I was back in high school."  Ryan only giggled at the second one.  "Can we show this one to his friend?  Use it to taunt her with?"

"Sure," Frank agreed happily.  "I like how you think, kid."  He grinned at Cooper and Valera as they were drug out of the bathroom.  "Have fun?"

"Have you seen the size of his tub?  He could definitely hold his sort of football matches in there."

Alexx swatted him. "Watch your mouth, young man.  I will soap it."

"Sorry, Alexx," he said sheepishly.  She walked off shaking her head.  "He could," he told Eric.

"We saw.  We helped him move his stuff from the motel in.  Lee, I won't say a word as long as Xander keeps all his weapons to himself.  Need help?"

"I could, yeah.  Anyone mind if I bring up the rest of my son's weapons?"

Calleigh looked at him.  "I won't say anything," she sighed.  "I'll just arrange things."  They smiled and piled down to the U-Haul to bring them up.  Along with some shirts he had in storage.  "I thought the t-shirts were bad," she complained, seeing the hawaiian shirts.  "Xander is not Magnum!"

"No, he said he wanted to be Batman when he was younger," Ryan assured her with a grin.

"No, that suit's coming from DC," she said dryly.  Amanda nodded.  "They did?"

"Abby charmed someone in the ICPO Test Office to let him try one of the new suits.  It'll be down in a few days.  She had it sent to the station."

"Uh-huh," Frank said, shaking his head.  "What is this thing?" he complained when they had to put it in the hall.

Calleigh flipped the latches and lifted the lid, then put the lid back down and resealed it.  "I did not see that and we should hide it from Gibbs too."

"Don't look at me, guys.  I took the rocket launcher because we needed one," Lee said.  "Under his bed, Calleigh?"

"If it'll fit.  It won't in here and should probably be stored flat."   She had to move the two trunks already under it but it did fit, barely.   She checked the trunks, holding up the pants that had to be skin tight.  "He doesn't wear these, right?"

"Nope.  Those were hunting clothes," Ryan told her as he brought in a lamp.  "He told me about the two trunks."  He put it on the dresser and walked out.  They got the rest of the artillery in and arranged in his closet.  It left enough room to walk and hid it behind the clothes.

"No wonder he's a ballistics tech," Valera said when she looked.  "Are all those artillery pieces?"

"A few are, a few are bigger rifles and things," Calleigh offered. "I know one's a machine gun by the labeling on the box.  He did do index labels."

"Now you know why I told the ATF to use him to bust the gun runners," Lee offered happily.  His wife pinched him.  "He had fun!"

"I'm sure he did.  You're still in trouble."  They settled in to hang out for a while, Valera going to fuss with one sword so it was more balanced against the floral piece underneath it.  By the time Horatio and John drug the boys back in, everything was settled and Xander had a lot more clothes than he had hangers.

John looked in the closet.  "The rest of his supplies?"  Lee nodded.  "Wonderful.  He can hang it up later.  No dog yet?"

"I'm getting her Sunday, John.  Wanna come?"

"Sure.  I'll keep you from bringing home ten or twelve dogs."  He patted him on the back.  "Now you look like a proper guy in the department, Xander.  Remember that.  No more calling football odd names."  He looked at Speed.  "You, no more looking like a slob either."

"Whine," Speed told him.  Horatio gave him a look.  "I'm comfortable."

"Speed," he warned quietly.

"What?  You gonna spank me?"  Valera squeaked and went bright pink.  Xander looked at her then went to fuss the sword back into the spot he wanted, adding another one to the wall next to it so the points formed an arch.  He moved the flower arrangement and kissed her on the cheek.  "Don't decorate," Speed complained.  "They might make you do the charity auction."

"Only if someone's going to be putting a GPS system on me and making sure I make it home," he said dryly.  "I still have the tux the senator gave me while she kidnaped me."  He shrugged and went to get a drink.  John coughed, turning around to laugh into a wall.

"He's not kidding," Amanda said, reaching over to pat him on the arm.  "I wish but he's not.  She's even a gay rights activist.  Isn't she from Florida?"  Lee nodded.  "So maybe you'll run into Senator Ketchum."

"Maybe she'll kidnap Tony so he can have a vacation down here while she kidnaps Xander," Eric offered with a grin.

"Don't suggest that out loud," Yelina complained.  "She might!  I like the woman's stance on things but she's apparently going wrong."

"All I did was dance with her assistant and another junior senator," Xander complained. "She's the one who brought me home and had her assistant tie me to a chair so she could use me like a Ken doll."  He sipped his soda.  "Did they finish the gun case, Dad?"  He nodded, looking back at him.  "Good.  Then we won't have to bother Gibbs until the trial, which he'll growl at me for."

"We'll make sure he doesn't growl too long, Xander," Horatio said. "You will come in dressed tomorrow?"

"Do I usually come in naked?  Because I heard that was a special holiday event in the labs."

Horatio coughed and Eric cackled.  Speed looked at him.  "Only when we have to take decontam showers, kid," he said smartly.  Horatio smacked him on the arm. "Ow!  Mean wench."  Eric cackled louder. "Keep it up, buy your own lunch tomorrow."

"Behave, both of you," Yelina said, giving them looks.  "Before Horatio has to spank you in front of the rest of us."

"Maybe he should get Xander too," Cooper teased.

"Sorry, not into spanking games," Xander shot back, smirking at him.  "Though I did talk to your ex...."

"I will pay you to forget that, Xander," he begged.

"No, that's another t-shirt," Frank joked.  Cooper looked clueless so he went to get it.  _As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep quiet._

"Some of us would pay quite a lot," Calleigh said with a blush.

"Make me some rhubarb sauce and I'll forget yours for a year or so," Xander offered sweetly.

"Deal."  She looked at Frank.  "What about him?"

"I don't know that much on him.  Dad?"

"Didn't do a check on him, son.  Sorry.  Ask Abby, I think she did."  Frank gave him a look.  "Really, I think she searched out everyone her favorite person would be working with.  I have no idea what she found.  She cackled at Eric's.  She's using his picture as target practice at the moment."

"That's because I suggested she take down her pigtails for a day," Eric said blandly.

"My Abby-buddy's pigtails are cool," Xander said, frowning at him. "You don't like pigtails?"

"I can't stand women who dress up like little girls.  It's an ex thing."

"I think we all have something like that," Ryan offered from his chair.  "I know I have one," he defended at the odd looks he got.

"You date?" Speed asked.

"I have, I'm not at the moment.  I'm not a monk, Speed."

"Could've fooled us," Eric taunted.

"Boys," Horatio warned and that special tone of voice let them know they were going to be spanked.  He was even going to have fun doing it.  They both settled down.  "Ignore them, Ryan.  You don't have to date like Eric did.  I'm sure you can keep a girl for over a weekend."  He looked at his lover.

"I had two that lasted over a month," Eric defended.

"Eric, you've dated the majority of women in the Greater Miami area," Calleigh reminded him.  "Not great odds.  Even worse than Xander."

"Don't look at me, I almost got married.  Hell, I made it seven months with Cordy and over a year with Anya, sweetie."  He sipped his soda.

"How?" Frank demanded.  "Even I heard her screeching at you.  I was at my desk!"

Xander looked at him.  "We used to fight like that then make out in the closets.  That was foreplay, Frank."  He grinned at John.  "Didn't you say you had one that bad?"

"Back in high school.  I think she's on prozac now.  Much more even."  He sipped his own soda.  Calleigh gave him an odd look.  "She is."

"Does that mean Xander's going to turn into you some day?" she teased.

"Who doesn't want to turn into me deep down," John teased back, smirking at her.

"I don't think I'd make a good you."

"You'd be surprised.  You do a mean impersonation, Calleigh."  He tweaked her nose.  "Go play with Wolfe before he pouts."

"I'm not pouting, I'm offering up prayers of thanks for only dating normal girls."  Frank and Yelina both giggled at that, Valera joining in from the kitchen.  "She was really the nicest?"

"The first one I truly went on a date with tried to kill me," Xander sighed.  "I selflessly said if she was going to kill Buffy she'd have to kill me first."  He shook his head.  "Poor Ampata."  Eric choked and spluttered.  "You clean it up if you hurl on the rug, Eric."

"Ampata?"  He looked at Xander.  He whispered in his ear, getting a nod.  "How!" he demanded.

"Sunnydale was like that.  Noticed the seal?"  He nodded slowly.  "Noticed the seal had been fixed?"  He nodded and whimpered.  "We spent a while superglueing it together again.  Remember that.  Or you too can have former girlfriend stories like me."

Eric shuddered and whimpered.  Speed gave him a special shoulder squeeze.  "We'd put you out of your misery, Eric," he soothed.  "I promise I'd have H put you down if you dated girls who wanted to kill you or who were like Cordy."  Eric nodded, leaning against his side.  He looked at Xander.  "By the way, I translated that for him."

"I was sixteen.  She was cute."

"We're going to start setting you up with nice men.  You mind?"

"Will they turn evil too?" Xander asked, looking confused.  He looked at his mom.  "Mom?"

"Don't ask me, son.  You don't get that from me.  It's radiation from Sunnydale."

"Okay.  Dad, got an opinion?"

"Date a nice boy, Xander.  Your grandmother will quit complaining some year."  He got pinched and kissed his wife.  "Do it again," he encouraged.  She blushed and settled in against his side.  He smiled sweetly.  "She misses the old days sometimes."

"Not hardly.  I didn't like being shot at."

"None of us like that," Frank assured her.  He smiled at Xander.  "Unless they warped you there too?"

"No, I don't like being shot at.  The last time Horatio fussed at me until I had Alexx check under the bandage."  He shrugged. "I'm used to injuries though so what do I know."  He finished his soda at the glare his mother sent his way.  "You try doing what I did."

"I would've left, son.  Never gone back after graduation."

"The thought had occurred to me," he admitted.  "But they begged so well."  He went to get another soda.  "Anyone need a drink or something?"

"I can get my own," Ryan said, heaving himself up.  "Did you not get a tv yet?"

"Next payday, Wolfe.  Which is when for me, Horatio?"

"Four more weeks, Xander."

"Crap," he muttered.  "Hold on, my last stipend payment?"  Horatio handed it over with a look. "Thanks, boss."  He grinned. "I knew I had one coming."  He checked it and sighed. "I hate taxes."

"Then get someone to give you an island and set it up as a sovereign nation," Ryan quipped.

"I could do that and I'd still be better behaved than most diplomats," he said dryly.  "Stupid brats who think they weigh a whole lot in DC."  He saluted them with his glass.

"We get those down here," Speed admitted. "They do things like murder."

"Up there they tried to tell me I had to give them things during a tour.  One did not like his stay inside the broom closet.   The other did not like his stay inside the manhole to the sewer.  I told them they needed to put the grate back inside so the rats couldn't come up.  I'll be damned if they didn't listen after I shoved a Peruvian down it."  He grinned sweetly at Horatio. "By the way, his daddy's in town for fashion week, whatever that is.  He left Junior at home.  His father was very nice and very polite and very understanding when they found his son in the sewer mewling for light and a ladder."

"His son got sent to a male finishing school so he can marry someone smarter," Lee offered.  "His uncle was amused.  Gibbs said you couldn't go to Peru in thanks for fixing the brat."

Horatio looked at him.  "Those sort of incidences I will spank for," he said quietly, staring Xander down.

"If I have to shove another diplomat somewhere tiny and dark I'll call you so you can play good cop, H."  He bounced out of the way and went to chat with Valera while the older folks all groaned.

"If you do, I want pictures," John told Horatio.

"Of me spanking him in front of the lab?"

"No of the diplomat.  I'll get front row seats for the other one."

Horatio nodded.  "You can do that."  Speed and Eric both gave him a look that showed he was not getting cuddled that night.  "He can have front row.  One of you can hold him still for me."

"I heard Vegas works with a Dominatrix," Cooper offered. "Maybe you can borrow some of their gear, boss."

"He'd look scary in that sort of leather, Cooper.   ADA West might even drool on him for being scary," Frank teased.

"Eww, bad mental pictures," Speed complained, rubbing his forehead.

Xander looked over.  "Speed, if he needs them for an assignment I'm sure he can borrow some of my leather pants."  He looked at Valera, who was snickering. "For an assignment of course.  After all, sometimes you have to go in as someone else.  It's how it goes."

She patted him on the cheek. "You're a bit too warped, Xander.  Time for a nap?"

"But I'd turn you evil and then Horatio would have to replace you.  Then what we do?" he pouted.  She snickered and had to run to the bathroom.  "Oops."

"Horatio, maybe you should cuddle the poor guy until he naps," John offered.

"No, that was Speed," Eric told him with a bright grin, getting out of Speed's slapping range.

"You will pay," Speed assured him.

John laughed again, shaking his head.  "You two are insane."

"It's exposure to Horatio," Eric said happily.  Horatio gave him that special look again and he grinned back.  "It is.  You calmed me down.  The bad thoughts have to come out somehow."  Xander got up and handed him a t-shirt - _Defect borg: Refutile is sistance. Your ass will be simulated._   Eric burst out snickering, nodding.  "That does fit you, Xander."

"You're the one who needs the bad voices to go away," he quipped back.  "Mine give me nice things, like smut at night."

"Maybe we should fix you up tomorrow night," Ryan quipped.  He pulled out his phone book to look at.  "Ah."  He called someone.   "Gary, Ryan Wolfe.  Actually, I've got a nice guy I wanted you to get to know and introduce around to some of your single friends.  Harris, yeah, how did you know?"  He grinned at Xander.  "He is very fun and very cute.  Sure.  Come down for lunch if we're in."  He hung up.  "He's the head of the gay officer's union, Xander.  You should probably get to know him anyway."

Xander shrugged. "Okay, I'm all for setups."   He shrugged and went to tease Speed and Eric some more.  It was his favorite game.  That and flustering Frank.

Horatio watched his boys play and could only shake his head.  Some day he'd have to do something to keep Xander in line.  But it would be fun when he did.

A Bothered Boy

Notes: some of the t-shirt slogans this time came from coolsig.com, while some came from members of the Imaginings list: Josette and Jenni Johnstone

Xander looked up from his lunch as a shadow slowly grew over his seat.  "What?" he asked, eating another bite of his burger.

"Xander Harris?"

"Today.  Why?"

The guy looked at him.  Then around then back at him.  "Yes or no, sir?"

"Yes," he said patiently.  "You need to lighten up, dude."

"Not this time, sir."  He sat across from him, handing over a file.  "We need someone with your skills and...mannerisms to go into this situation for us, sir."

Xander flipped it open, scanning it.  "Have we talked to Horatio yet?"

"We don't like your boss."

Xander looked at him.  "He will be livid."    He went back to reading it.  "Why me and not Calleigh?"

"We need a male tech who can handle gay people and who can blend into their group.  It'll hopefully take about three weekends.  We'd have to keep you off work for those weeks so they couldn't trace you back here.  There's a lot of artillery involved and you're known to know about that stuff as well."

"Okay, two problems," Xander told him.  "I'm Horatio's tech.   You have to clear using me with him first.  Second, this guy?  I used him in an ATF sting early last year," he said, showing him the name.

"He escaped from custody and there's a good warrant out for him.  We can have him removed."

"That might help but for me to be off for three weeks you've still got to clear it with Horatio, plus all the details.  Horatio told the local ATF guys that too.  We thought they put around a memo or something."

"We seriously hate dealing with Caine, CSI Harris."

Xander smirked at him.  "Flattery won't get you out of that requirement.  Ask my father, he tried it."  The man looked confused.  "I'm adopted.  My parents are in Homeland, covert in Homeland," he said quietly.  The man whimpered.  "So you *really* have to clear it with Horatio first.  Dad did the same thing and pissed him off too."

"Can you call him to a meeting?"

"I can do that."  He called Horatio.  "It's Xander.  I've got a Midwest ATF agent here asking me to help them with a three-week-long problem.  Undercover.  Gay people," he said dryly, staring at him.  "No, I told him he had to clear it with you since I wouldn't be here and you said all undercovers that anyone wanted me for had to be cleared through you.  Exactly."  He listened to him.  "It would mean I wouldn't be here for three weeks, Horatio."  He frowned.  "Do you need backup, boss?  Because I can do that," he reminded him dryly.  "Quietly even.  Where are you?"  He nodded, memorizing that address.  "I'll be right there."  He hung up and handed back the folder.  "Bring it over tonight.  There's a family issue in the way of the conference you wanted and I've got to attend."  He finished his burger on the way to his car, getting in and heading off immediately.  Horatio needed backup.  He wasn't going to ask too many questions until it was over with.

By the time he got there, Horatio was ready to bust into the warehouse by himself but Xander walked up to him, vest on, gun in hand, handing Horatio a stick.  "Snap it, throw it, wait thirty and it'll flash with a small concussion blast," he said quietly.  "It's a tester from Dad."  Horatio smiled, snapping it and glancing inside before throwing it.  It landed and flashed, letting them head inside.  Xander saw the reason for the family problem immediately, shooting two of the guys in the legs before anything else could happen.  He saw another figure in the shadows and frowned, but he recognized him from Ray Junior's and Yelina's pictures on her desk.  Horatio got Ray Junior out and Xander backed up to the door, nodding at the other person.  "Hey," he said quietly.

"Who're you?"

"His ballistics and trace tech."   He grinned a bit, nodding him out of the way so he could shoot the guy coming in the back door.  Then he pulled something else out, rolling it off once he had compressed the button.  It went off, releasing a low lying gas over those people on the ground.  "Drag him over," he ordered calmly.  "He's out of the cloud."  Ray Senior did that and the guy was knocked out too.  Xander looked over as Horatio came back.  "Angel toys."

"That works for me, Xander.  Thank you."  He looked at him.  "Not one word."

"If you need my contacts...."

"I'll ask," he promised, patting him on the arm.  "Take Ray Junior back to your place.  Please."

"Sure.  I'm off, you can tell Calleigh the pretty lie."  He walked out, finding Ray Junior was already in his car.  He slid in and nodded at him.  "Hey, Ray."

"Hey, Xander.  Where are we heading?"

"My place.  You can help me look at the petfinder spot for my new dog."   He backed out of where he was parked, going home for a while.  "Do you need medical or just a bathroom?"

"Bathroom would be good," he admitted.

"Ten more, Ray."

"I can hold it."

Xander grinned.  "I puked on my first hostage taker.  Angel was not happy."  Ray let out a small, hysterical sounding giggle.   "Go ahead and break, Ray.  I did that too.  It doesn't make you any less manly or adult.  It's a natural reaction.  The same as the nightmares are going to be."   He turned a corner and pulled into his parking lot, finding his spot was filled.  He grimaced but got the next one over.  It was his visitor parking.  He got out, guarding Ray inside.  One of his neighbors gave him an odd look so he smiled and waved.  "Just out of a bust, Miss Havendish.  Nothing bad, just needed to get him changed.  He's my ride-along today."  She nodded, going back inside while Xander got Ray into his house.  "Bathroom's across from the guest room, Ray."  Ray walked that way, locking himself inside.  Xander took off his vest, stretching for a bit.  Then he got the kid some soda, leaving one outside the door.  "I left you a soda, Ray.  Stay in there as long as you want.  He didn't say I needed to do any gathering so shower if you need to too."

He walked off again, going to sit on a windowsill so he could watch the parking lot.  He heard the shower come on and nodded.  It would be good for the boy.  His phone rang so he grabbed it off the counter.  "Xander."  He listened then smirked.  "Speed, Horatio told me to come home and to let my ride-along calm down.  Shower.  I wasn't told I'd have to run the routine but he's calming down in his own way.  Sure, I'm here."   He hung up and went back to watching the parking lot.  He opened the window when he saw the person approaching the car in his spot, leaning out.  "Dude, up here."  He glared at him.  "That's my spot.  If she needs a spare spot, use my visitor's spot, not mine.   I work really long hours sometimes and I drive by rote.  That'll mean your car'll be smooshed."

"Who are you to demand that."

Xander pointed at his car.  "Look on the dash, dude."  The guy looked then whimpered.  "Exactly, and I'm a ballistics tech.  I work eighteen hour days sometimes.  I won't notice your little car if I'm that tired.  Park in my visitor's spot instead please.  I'm being nice, I could've had you towed."  That got a terse nod and the guy got in to drive off.  "Thank you," he called, waving at him.

Ray came out.  "That's not really hiding, Xander."

"No one here is going to care, Ray."  He closed the window, smiling at him.  "Besides, my neighbor is a high priced escort girl."  Ray laughed.  "It's not too much to ask that he use my visitor's spot instead of my regular spot.  I'll point that out to her too."  He grinned.  "You good?"

"Better.  This is going to be horrible.  Things are going to change."

"It happens.   Want a hug?"

"As long as your club thing doesn't rub off on me."  He gave him a hug, relaxing against him.  He looked outside.  "That's Uncle H I think."

Xander looked then shook his head.  "That's Speed."  He nodded and Ray went to put on some of his clothes, getting comfortable.  Speed came up, letting himself in.  "Hey."

"Hey.  How's Ray?"

"He's fine.  He calmed down, had a shower, had a soda.  He's getting into some of my clothes."

"That's fine.  H isn't sure what's going to happen."

"Lots of plastic surgery?" Xander suggested.   "Me calling in every favor and pouting at Mom and Dad until they help hide him?"

"He was thinking about that second one," Speed admitted.  "Using his contacts not yours and him begging your parents."  He smiled at Ray when he came out in a plain t-shirt and jeans.  "Not going to try for a saying t-shirt?"

"I can't pull those off."  He gave Speed a hug.  "Am I going with you?"

"No, I'm here to check on you two."

"We're fine.  One of my neighbors got curious.  I told her he was my ride-along calming down after a thing."

"That'll work for now."  He ruffled Ray's hair.  "We're working on it, kiddo."

"Why did they take me?"

"Your father," Speed said honestly.

"Wonderful," he said, sounding bitter.  "I don't want anything to do with his old life."  He walked off, going to find something to watch on the tv.  "Xander, pet finder site?"

"I need to look at one," he admitted, looking at Speed, "but the ATF came up to me today about doing an undercover for them that'll take three weeks of me being theirs and off work," he finished more quietly.  "His ID said the Chicago office.  That's when I called Horatio and found out he needed backup."

Speed nodded.  "We're going to let that lie for a few more hours."

"I agree fully but if he's lurking."

"Good point.  I'll talk to him if he's back at the office."  Xander nodded.  "You two be okay?  Your fridge is chronically empty thanks to your inability to cook."

"I can order.  I've got money around the house," Xander reminded him.

"That's good.  We'll let this stand for now.  Ray, I want you stay with Xander until Horatio straightens everything out, all right?"

"Sure.  He's got not-ugly guest rooms," he quipped, waving a hand.  "I can even cook if he's got food in the house."

Speed smiled.  "Good kid."  He came over to hug him around the head.  "Behave, listen to Xander, let him protect you," he ordered quietly, getting a nod and a look.  "Good."  He nodded at Xander.  "Call if you have issues."  He left them alone, going back to the lab.  He found the ATF agent hovering.  "You're the guy who wanted Xander?"  He nodded.  "Horatio's having to deal with an issue that got his nephew kidnaped," he said quietly.  The agent moaned.  "Xander's helping him with that.  It's going to be a few hours if you need to check in with the local office."

"No, that's fine.  I'm good without that."  He handed over the folder.  "My card's in there.  I'm at a motel for the night.  When he calms down, have him read it over and call me please.  The local office agreed that I can't borrow your gun tech without his permission or else I'll get beaten to death by the rest of them for it."  Speed smirked and nodded.  "When he's got a few, hopefully tonight or early tomorrow.  We'll need to take him this weekend so I'll have to fly him out tomorrow night."

"I'll get with him by tonight.  You'll hear something."  He nodded, walking off.  Speed went to Horatio's office, finding him hiding in there.  "The local ATF agents told that one they had to get with you first or else they'd all beat him for us."  Horatio gave him an unamused look.  "How's things?"

"Bad."

"Have you called Lee?"

"I have.  He's not sure how they can help.  He suggested plastic surgery."

"Which could work but Ray Junior's not happy this had to do with his father's past."

"I'm not happy either," Horatio admitted.  "What do they want him to do?"  Speed handed over the folder, making him frown while he read it.  The full plan was now typed out nicely in there for his acceptance.  He sighed and pushed it aside.  "I don't think we can do without Xander for three weeks.  Or another tech because they don't have him with backup."

Speed took it to look over.  "His backup would have to go in as his lover."

"Probably true," Horatio agreed, looking at him.  "One crisis at a time, Speed."

"He said he needs to hear back by tomorrow morning so you've got time."

"Good.  The only fast solution is to get them out of the city."

"Is that the good solution though?"

"No.  I'd have to send them to a non-extradition country, like Brazil.  Yelina would like that but Ray would be put back into the same sort of position with the drugs being around him down there.  Ray Junior would be out of contact so there's no telling what would happen to him."  He held his head.  "I don't know what to do."

"Send just Ray?"

"That's not fair to his wife and son."

"She can join him and the nephew could stay up here for a few weeks until they knew if they could work it out.  Even if she's happy there's going to be fighting in that house when she's off her emotional kick."

"Maybe," Horatio agreed tiredly, leaning back. "It would be safer."

"Not necessarily.  Remember, he busted some of them too," Speed offered quietly.

Ryan leaned in.  "There's an evil looking Fed stomping this way, guys.  He does not look happy.  He's got a folder with Xander's name on it and a big red 'classified' stamp on the front.  Calleigh's stalling for a few minutes."

"Send him up.  This is the day for feds," Speed offered, getting a nod.  Ryan turned and whistled, nodding at the office.  Speed waved at the guy.  "What happened this time?"

"Do you know this man?" he asked, putting the folder down in front of Horatio.  "He's wanted for bringing down a military unit."

"That was torturing others and had friends," Horatio told him.  The man sneered.  "There were no charges brought against him.  There was an inquest after the four teenagers and a  librarian had to do that to the military unit to save their friends.  Why the interest now?"

"It was reopened."

Horatio called Lee back.  "It's Horatio."  He put him on speaker.  "Someone is in my office saying that they're reopening the inquest into the Initiative."

"Really?" Lee said over the speaker.  "Interesting.  I was part of that inquest and I don't remember hearing about that."

"He's wanted now for a formal military tribunal.  He attacked the government."

"He attacked agents and others using torture on native beings," Lee corrected.  "They all did.  I doubt you're going to do anything to them either."

"We are tracking the rest of them.  We know one died and the others moved through LA to somewhere else."

"Have fun with that," Speed said, waving a hand.  "Do you have a warrant?"

"I don't need one."

Lee coughed.  "Young man, that boy is protected by a lot of people in Homeland Security.  Yes, you do."

"Why?" he sneered.  "He screwing them?"

"No, he's my son," Lee said.  "By the way, I'm Stetson, in Covert Ops."  The man sneered worse.  "Horatio, hold on, I'll be there tonight with someone to fix this."

"Please do," Horatio agreed.   He looked at the man.  "You can wait that long."

"We will not."

"You will," Horatio promised.  "Or you will be sorry."

"My people are already gathering the young man and the teenager with him."

Lee snickered.  "I wondered why Xander just called Amanda and said he was going to go Zodiac on someone.  They're very safe, Horatio.  He's already hiding."

"My team leader...."

"Ended up eating a lot of carpet," Lee chortled.  "My boy's been trained for years in self- defense.  Wait on me, Horatio.  I'm going to see if Willow can help."  He hung up.

Speed called Ray Junior's cellphone.  "It's me.  Check in when you can."  He hung up, looking at him.  "It'll be fine.  You know Xander."

"I do."  He looked at the agent again.  "Who reopened this?"

"That's none of your business."

"Yes, it is, he's my employee," Horatio told him.

"And we're the government, sir."  He took the folder but Speed took it back and walked off with it.  "Give that back or you'll join him!" he yelled, following him.

Horatio used another of the balls from Xander's gear on him, knocking him out.   "We will see," he agreed.  He called Xander's special number, getting him.  "Are you two okay?"  He smiled.  "Be safe, stay safe, call me and keep me in the loop, Xander.  I just knocked him out.  Your father's on his way."  He laughed.  "That'll work."  He hung up and walked over the body, closing his office door with him in there.  He found Rick stomping up the hall.  "Stetler."

"Who is he?"

"A federal agent who decided to reopen the inquest in that sealed file."  He looked stunned.  "So I used a gas bomb Xander was letting me examine on him.  It won't harm him but it will give us enough time to figure out what is going on."

"You could be in deep for that."

"As could he, Rick.  As could he.  By the way, Xander has Ray Junior with him."  Rick moaned, holding his head.  "I'm sure you've found out why?"

"I did hear a small rumor, yes.  What are we doing?"

"I was hoping Lee came up with something better than Rio."  He walked off to get that file from Speed's hands.  "Who authorized it?"

"I scanned it in and sent it to Jamie, who can send it to his parents," Speed said, handing it over.  "Jamie was screaming and ranting.  Gibbs came on to see what was going on since he heard Xander's name mentioned.  Their director is part of that."

"Then she's got the life expectancy of a gnat," Horatio reminded him quietly.   "If this gets out more widely, someone's going to laugh at them."  Speed nodded at that.  He called up there. "Gibbs, Horatio.  Are you okay?  They're hiding.  Are you all right?"  He smiled at the assertion that his team and Jamie were fine, that Lee was already at the Pentagon.  That the people in charge were having a rude awakening since he released all the files.  "Good.  I gassed one in my office," he said quietly.  "Actually, no it's been a very bad day.  How deep of a background did you do before you gave us Xander?"  Gibbs said something smart.  "My brother, Gibbs."  He got a quieter response.  "Exactly.  It's been that sort of day."  Speed patted him on the arm.  "Thank you, Speed.  With an ATF agent down here to get Xander's help as well."  He smiled.  "That would work.  That's an open option but I don't like it."  He nodded at what he was saying.  "That might be more reasonable.  Thank you for the suggestion.  Keep us informed if you hear anything please.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Lee's opening all the files for the people who reopened the investigation.  They're not happy."

"I wasn't happy with what little I knew," Speed promised.  "Where are the boys?"

"Safe."  He smiled at him.  "They went to a very Xanderish place."  He patted him on the head then walked off, finding his door was sealed with crime tape.  "Did you drag him off?"

"No.  I left him in there," Stetler admitted.  "He's not dead?"

"He shouldn't be."  He looked. "He's breathing, Rick.  He can't be dead yet."  He looked at him again.  "Thank you for being there to handle this from the start."

"You tell the Chief, Horatio.  I'm not getting involved in this.  I like my badge."

"His father's reopening all the files so they know what they're dealing with."

"Charming.  Hopefully they puke too."  He walked off shaking his head.

Horatio went in to walk around the cloud.  Part of his desk wasn't covered yet and he did have a fan to push it away.   Xander had said it wouldn't react outside the cloud so he'd be fine for a short email to his boss and a few others.

***

Lee stomped in later that night, nodding at Horatio and the agent handcuffed in his office.  "Cease and desist orders," he said, handing them over.  "Along with an arrest warrant for you trying to kill two civilians."  He looked at Horatio.  "It's taken care of.  His whole team was recalled.  Both boys are fine and coming in now.  We're arresting him within the hour."  Horatio nodded at that, relaxing some.  "As for your other problem, Amanda suggested Witness Protection might work."

"His family?" he asked.

"I don't know, Horatio.  I really don't know.  That's going to be a hard situation on all sides."  Both boys were walked in by Xander's older brother Phillip.  "Thanks, Phillip."  He smiled at his son.  "Good work if I never mentioned it."

"Not my call.  The only way," he said grimly.  "Are we done with this idiocy this time, Dad?"

"We are.  The people who wanted to reopen it got showed exactly why the old program got stopped.  Your arrest warrant was cleared.  So was theirs.   All those hidden files were shown as well."  Xander nodded at that.  "How is Spike?"

"He died in the Hellmouth, came back, then died again when Angel did last week," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry.  Did you need to go to the funerals?"

"No.  I went back for Wes's."  He patted Ray on the back.  "Horatio, he was very good all day.  He didn't play with any of the weapons.   He made dinner out of the survival supplies I had stocked."  Ray smirked at him.  "He even made it taste pretty decent."  Horatio smiled at that.  "Dad, did the ATF guy get your pass-through too?"

"No, but it's sounding like a good idea, and it would get you out of public notice for a while," Lee offered.  "There's some who still aren't thrilled that this happened but they understood why it did.   Especially since we called the group out of the UN about it.  They admitted what they had done and not even the Director at NCIS is that brutal.  Though I do think Gibbs had a strong word with her before then.   I'm not sure, Xander."  He gave him a pat on the back.  "I do know you'll need backup for this operation coming up if you go.  They don't have you any planned and they want you on a loose leash."

"Um, no.  I want backup.  I like the tighter leash of having someone listening directly and ordering if I need it."  Horatio nodded he agreed.  "We'll work on that later.  Can I help you drag him down to the car?"

"I can do that," Phillip said, grinning at his little brother.  "You did very good hiding, Xander.  We wouldn't have seen you."  He punched him on the arm.  "Did Grandma scream at you too?"

"She does every week because I'm not having kids," he admitted bitterly.  "I'd like to have a grandma who didn't."

"She'll get off her kick soon," Phillip promised, winking at him.  "Jamie's wife is fixing her new need."  He gave his little brother a hug.   "I'll see if we can pop around during this thing.  Maybe have lunch or something."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Good.  What about your apartment?"

"They didn't break the door in, it was nice of them.  I did call my complex manager and told her what they wanted me for.  That it was a case of mistaken identity with an agent who had went rogue.  She told me they didn't break it and it was fine, plus I could rent my spare parking space to my escort neighbor so she quit borrowing it."  Horatio smiled.  "She also suggested that I should put a better security system on the house."

"Might be a good idea," Lee agreed.  "Especially with your weapons, son."

"They're still there?" Xander asked.  Phillip nodded.  "Good.  Sit, Ray."  Ray sat and so did he.  "What can I do to help?"

"For right now, calm down, help Horatio think," Lee ordered.  "He's got the harder decision to make."

Xander looked at his brother.  "Plastic surgery?"

"Could help some but it can't change the bone structure of his face.  It would be better used in tandem with hiding."

"Hiding is good," Xander agreed.  "The problem is that sending him farther away to safety leads to other issues."  He nodded at Ray Junior.  "Including his."

"Point," Lee agreed.  "We might be able to work out something in Witness Protection."

"Canada?"

Lee smiled.  "That might work too," he agreed.

"A lot less temptation," Phillip said quietly.  Horatio nodded at that.  "Plus no direct links to some of the same people like he would with Horatio's plan."

"She's from there," Horatio noted calmly.

"Hold on," Ray said, holding up a hand.  "What's going on?"

Xander looked at him.  "Your father's past."

"And?" he asked bitterly.

"He didn't die," Horatio said quietly.  "We've just found out he left his assignment.  The Federal government coopted him and made the death scene, Ray.  I only found out today."  Ray slumped.  "Right now, we're trying to figure out where we're sending Ray."

"LA?" Xander quipped.

"Not funny," Horatio assured him.

"Sorry."  He made Ray look at him.  "We want you safe and we want him safe.  He can't be safe here and we're not sure what's going to happen with you and your mom.  That's why we're tossing around ideas.  Do you have one?"

"Tell Mom, let her fix that?" Ray suggested.

"That idea did come to me earlier," Horatio admitted, smiling at his nephew.  "As well as letting them go for a few weeks first to see if they could manage to hide with each other and not kill each other.  Then they could ask for you to join them."

"Can I join a gang instead?" Ray asked.

"No," Horatio told him.

"Can I go to LA and learn how to be the next Xander instead?"

"Definitely not," Xander told him.  "You'd have to be warped from a younger age by girls, Ray.   Though....  Horatio, John?"  Horatio looked clueless.  "John's bodyguarding right now but he would know where the roots and ends of the distribution chain is.  Plus he should probably know since Ray Senior was his partner.  He and I talked about him recently.  That op started his slide down too."

"Which would be reasonable.  John could watch over them until something was figured out," Horatio agreed.  "I'm not sure it'd be good for John, Xander.  He went through a lot because of that."

"Then he definitely deserves the right to hit him because of it," Phillip pointed out.  "Plus his current employers are good at making people disappear when necessary.  They could help us set up new identities.  Hagen could watch them while they're settling in, mediate the fights, and help Ray Junior if he went right off the bat."

"Someone's got to take the frying pan from Yelina," Xander agreed.  He looked at Ray.  "If we could set it up so you're still in the US, would that help?"

"It would," he admitted.  "I'm not sure I can handle that, Xander."

"Ah, but you see, we could make it look like we're sending you off with John for your own protection for a few days," Xander offered with a wicked smirk.  "If it doesn't work, he'll say you don't need protection anymore and bring you back to Horatio or whoever he sets up.  If you stay, he can reappear saying that he set you up in a protection program."

"That would give them the time to see if they could work it out," Lee agreed.  "I know I'd want to hit him, Ray," he offered.  "I'm sure your momma's going to want to beat him too."

Ray nodded.  "It'll be nice for the first few minutes but then it'll go to hell."  He looked at his uncle.  "Can we work on that and make it somewhere closer by?"

"It's have to be somewhere big enough for you three to get lost in," Phillip offered.  "Maybe Hagen can get her on with his people for local jobs?  Move them to Las Vegas?  Lots and lots of people get lost there every year.  I know his team has an office out there for high rollers.  It's got such a mobile population because it's a tourist hole."  He looked at his father.

"That could work," he agreed.  "He could set up to stay home and hide, or work from home doing something.  There's a bunch of computer places he could do secretarial work or something for.  Decent schools.  Plenty of work for a former cop and lots of them won't ask why she's being hidden if she tells them she is in hiding due to a problematic old case."  He gave Xander a hug.  "I like the way you think.  You and Phillip both, kiddo."  Xander beamed at him.  "Think you could stand that, Ray?  You could keep in constant email contact if you decide to stay out there and if not, you can still chat with your parents from Miami."

"It's pretty far away."

"Yes, but remember, people take vacations out there all the time," Xander told him.  "It wouldn't be unreasonable for Horatio to go out to see you while taking a vacation."

"Point.  Don't they have all sorts of conventions too?" Ray asked his uncle, who nodded. "Do you like this plan?"

"As long as it won't get any of you hurt," he said quietly.  "I'd rather have you safe than close by."

"Ah, but the Las Vegas connections come out of LA," Xander reminded him.  "We saw plenty of that at school.  It's all Mexican and LA, which means the Asian groups.  Some gang activity but not as bad as down here.  None of the South American ones really, which would help since he didn't have to dabble in the Asian gangs before, right?"

"He didn't," Horatio agreed.  He looked at Lee.  "Is that doable?"

"Very easily doable.  I can get Witness Protection into it even.  Or John's company since they do some relocation services for abuse victims."  Horatio nodded.  "I'll call them...."

Xander pulled out his phone.  "Hey, John, Xander.  Where are you?"  He smiled.  "I thought you were getting back today.  No, we need you in a confab in Horatio's office.  Like right now right now."  He nodded.  "I know you can't get back in, but sneak or something.  We *really* need you.  Well....  Because some funerals were premature," he admitted, "and we need you to help Yelina and Ray Junior."  He nodded.  "That'll work.  We're here.  Thank you.  See you soon."  He hung up.  "He got back from Paraguay this afternoon.  He's very tired but he'll sneak in here, Horatio."

"That's fine."  He looked at his nephew.  "This will not stop us from talking."

Xander gave him a nudge.  "Maybe you'll find a pretty showgirl," he teased.  Ray grinned at that. "I'd even let John raid the survival stuff for you to make your own safety kit."

"Thanks, Xander."  He gave him a hug.  Then he got up to give his uncle one.  "Thank you, Uncle H."

"You're welcome, Ray."  He patted him on the back.  "We don't want this to impact you at all, Ray.  That's why I hadn't told either of you."

"We can ship stuff to Yelina," Lee agreed.  He looked at their prisoner, calling someone.  "Are we set?"  He smiled.  "I've got him here in cuffs.  Come pick him up.  Phillip can handle the stuff here while I go back with you.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Phillip?"

"I can hang with Xander," he agreed happily.  Lee hugged both his boys before dragging off his prisoner.  "Dinner, Xander?"

"After all this," he agreed, patting the spot beside him.  Phillip sat down, smiling at John when he came in.  "John, you know my brother Phillip by voice probably."

"Hey," he greeted with a nod.  "What's going on?"

"Close the door," Xander told him.  "It's going to piss you off."  John walked in and shut the door, leaning against it.

Horatio dialed the phone on the desk.  "It's me.  We're working on your exit plans."  He put him on speaker.   "John Hagen's here."

"Hey, John," Ray Senior said.

John took a moment to take a deep breath, as he had been taught in therapy.  "Kid?" he asked, looking at Xander, who shook his head.  "Who?"

"Feds," Ray Senior said.

"We think we can get them set into Witness Protection," Phillip said quietly.  "Especially if we can go through your people and ask them to shield Yelina.  We were going to send him out of the area but only to Las Vegas for that.  She's got plenty of employment opportunities there."

"You could go as guarding Ray Junior, who got kidnaped today," Xander said, standing up.  "That way you could say whatever you needed to to his face," he said quietly, looking at John.  "While making sure Ray Junior isn't arrested for homicide and he can handle it there."

John nodded.  "That's a good plan.  I know my company has helped abused spouses in the past.  That's really him?" he asked Horatio.

"It's really him," Ray Junior said grimly.  "Which is why I got kidnaped earlier.  Then Xander's fanclub nearly got me arrested and sent to a secret prison because he helped take down the Initiative."   His uncle patted him on the back.  "Fortunately, he's good."

"Very," John agreed.  "Okay, so you need me to do what?"

"I can set it up with your boss," Phillip promised.  "You'd go out with Ray Junior."

"I'd introduce Yelina to my boss out there," John agreed.  "That way we had a baseline.  Ray, is your assignment done?"

"My cover got blown and I skipped, which ended the mission and everyone's being cleaned up," he admitted.

John grimaced, balling his fists up.  Xander patted his arm so he calmed himself down.  "Okay.  The kid's right, we do need to talk, Ray.  I can definitely guard your wife and kid for a while until we get you settled."

"I'm sorry, John."

"That's not going to cut it with me, Yelina, or your other family, Ray.  You've got a *hell* of a lot of crawling in my case alone," he assured him.  "Fortunately it's good for me to face these issues and beat the shit out of them."

"I welcome you trying," Ray agreed with a small sigh.  "Yelina?"

"Haven't told her yet," Horatio admitted.  "We were going to tell her at the airport, Ray."

"Let me get with his boss," Phillip offered.  Horatio smiled at that.  "Then you can talk to the ATF guy who wants Xander to be very gay for the gun dealers and straighten that mess out too."  He got up, smiling and patting John on the arm.  "Think about how much lighter you'll feel."

"Plus, you'll get front row when Mom takes a frying pan to his head," Ray Junior offered, making John smile and nod at that.  "Want dinner?  Xander and his big brother have plans but I need teenage food.  I had to cook so Xander wouldn't poison us both."

"I could use dinner.  I had peanuts on the plane from South America.  C'mon, kid.  I'll protect you while we get burgers and fries.  Bring you back anything, Horatio?"

"Go to my house, John."  He handed over his keys.  "I'll be there soon."

"Sure thing."  He walked Ray off, talking quietly to him.  He smiled and winked at Calleigh, who smiled back.  "Maybe you'll find a hot woman out there.  After all, they like your uncle."

"True."  He bopped him on the arm.  "Xander knew it'd be hard, Uncle John, but he thought you might want to scream at him too," he said quietly.

"Oh, I very muchly want to beat him," he promised.  "Fortunately that'll be my bonus on this assignment."  Ray beamed at that.  "C'mon.  Which burger place are we hitting?"

"The good, greasy one by the school?"

"We can do that."  He got him into his car and drove him off, taking him to safety.  "Where is Xander's hidden spot?"

"I'm not sure.  He blindfolded me once we got into this abandoned building.  Then we did something and he drove me off.   We got there ten minutes later.  Maybe Phillip knows.  Or you could ask him, he might share with you."

"Maybe."  He nodded, taking the drive-thru option for their dinner.  Ray handed over the money Xander had slipped him, earning a smile.  "Gotta love Xander.  He's always prepared."

"Usually over-prepared.  Did you know what sort of weapons he's got at his hidden spot?"

"Doesn't shock me," John admitted, rolling down his window.  "Hey, give me two number twos, no mustard."

***

Xander found the ATF agent waiting on him and Horatio where he had said.  He and Phillip sat down, Horatio on Xander's free side.  "Hey.  Sorry, had a small crisis today."

"It's that resourcefulness that shows we were right in picking you, CSI Harris."  He looked at Horatio.  "I know you'll be struggling without him for three weeks."

"I could be," he agreed.  "Where is this going down?"

"By my territory.  We'd have him on a loose leash."

"I want a firmer leash or backup," Xander told him.  "I work best with a firmer leash for information I didn't pick up.  I need backup.  I'm not omnipotent."

"It took me four months to make him see that," Horatio agreed.  "I would insist on him having backup."

"Do you have someone else you can spare to go with him?  We could plan it as the boyfriend ploy," the agent asked, looking at Phillip.  "You'd do."

"He's my little brother."  He grinned.  "Dad sent me.  Mom's throwing fits."

"Do I know you?"

"I'm Phillip.  Amanda Stetson's son.  So is Xander."  The agent moaned.  "It makes so much sense, doesn't it?"

"It does," he admitted.  "He's a lot like your stepfather, Phillip."

"With a lot of his mother's problems," Horatio said, looking at Xander.

"What?  Like I asked the woman to give me rubies?" Xander complained.

"Point."  Horatio looked at the agent again.  "I would insist on backup."

"I don't know who we could ask," he admitted.  "Especially on short notice. I know it'd have to be a male.  Someone who wasn't adverse to playing his boyfriend.  Someone with some gun knowledge would be good."

"Who was your second choice?" Phillip asked.

"One of the techs out of New York.  Taylor makes sure all his people are up to date."

Xander shrugged. "I could see that.  If they can play.  You know how I was trained and it's not always PD issue."

"I thought about asking Special Agent DiNozzo but he got injured recently and he's out."

"Yeah, someone beat him for information," Xander admitted. "We might be able to bring him, I'm not sure if he could play boytoy though."  Phillip looked at him.  "I'm not sure he can.  I know he and I can be playful together."

"What about Taylor's team?" Horatio asked.  "Who were you thinking?"

"Taylor himself?  Then Xander would be the boyfriend."

Xander looked at him.  Then at Horatio.  "Can Mac pull it off?  I've only met him at the two conventions."

"I'm not sure," Horatio admitted.  "Can I bring him in?"

"Please.  We need to get them there tomorrow night."

Horatio called Mac, smiling at the gruff voice that answered.  "Mac, Horatio Caine.  Miami's all right but we've got an ATF situation here.  They want to borrow Xander and one of your boys to play his backup and boyfriend."  He heard the spluttering.  "Your name came up because your team is usually competent to handle anything that comes up but they'd be in the Midwest.  No, they like Xander.  Your team was second choice."  He listened to him run down who he had.  "Does it have to be a boyfriend?" he asked.

"Yeah, the head guy's gay.  He'll only deal with gay dealers."

"Go gay right's movement," Xander said fondly, smirking at him.  "Technically I'm probably bi.  Still figuring that out, dude."

"That's fine, CSI Harris."

"Technically I'm a lab tech," he said gently.  "I'm only backup in the field."

Horatio hummed then nodded.  "That might work.  Could he pull it off?  They would have to appear to be a couple, Mac.  I don't know how realistic they'd have to be."

"Please don't send me with Wolfe.  I love the guy but he can't act," Xander moaned, holding his head.  "Besides, I'm a bottom most likely."  The agent looked at him.  "Only happened twice.  Once to get my car fixed faster and cheaper."

"Oh.  Are you okay with that?"  Xander nodded.  "Good."  He took the phone from Horatio.  "Detective, ATF Agent Wilkins."  He smiled.  "It is that same assignment.  We can coopt Mr. Harris but he has demanded that we give him backup instead of a loose leash.  He said he works better that way."  Phillip nodded.  "His big brother agrees since he's done some work for them as well.   Homeland."

"ATF locally, Vice locally, NCIS up there," Phillip said dryly.  "Fornell and his fibbies."

"Don't remind me," Horatio warned.  He looked at Xander.  "Do you want to go on this?"

Xander shrugged.  "If they need me that much I can't really say no, even if I would rather be back here tormenting Speed with new t-shirts, Horatio."  That got a laugh from his brother.  "I have the feeling I'm the only gay or bi ballistics tech in existence."  Agent Wilkins nodded.  "See?"  Horatio smiled a bit at that.  "I don't normally want to do these," he said quietly.  "But with earlier, it'd be better if I was out of town for a while."

"It would be," Horatio agreed, patting him on the back.  "We'll miss your special brand of sanity until you get back."

"Awww," Phillip teased.  "Did he warp you too?"

"You have no idea how much seeing his t-shirts have made certain CSI calm down," Horatio admitted.  "Or how much better it is on a very bad scene."

"I'm good at stress relief," Xander said happily.  The agent nodded again, smirking at him.  "Don't send me with someone without a sense of humor.  They'll look too shocked when I crack bad jokes."

"If not, I might be able to spare Eric for the time," Horatio admitted.  "He plays boyfriend very well."

"He's had a lot of practice," Xander joked.  Horatio nodded.  "Think he'd cuddle?"

"Hopefully not that much," Horatio said, looking at him, getting a shiteating grin back.  "True, he would have to."  The agent hung up with a quiet 'thanks' and handed the phone back.  "Did he agree?"

"He said the three weeks was too long but he did have a suggestion in the form of one of their detectives.  He'll ask him discreetly and call back in a few minutes.  If not, could any of your boys go?"

"I'm not sure," Horatio admitted.  "I know Speed and Xander are close as friends.  Eric and Xander have a little brother relationship most of the time.  The same as I do."  He looked at Xander.  "I would like to see your hidden spot."  Xander looked at him and shook his head.  "I would, Xander."

"No you don't.  You'll yell."  He sipped his water, grinning at the agent.  "Should we suggest it to Tony before the team down here?"

"Maybe.  They might know who he is," Agent Wilkins admitted.  "Before I found out Lee was your father I almost suggested him."

"Eww," Xander said.  "That's my dad."

"I know, kid.  Sorry."  He looked at Phillip.  "Got any other ideas?"

"McGee?"

"He and I don't babble in the right sort of geek and he'd freeze," Xander told him. "Please don't suggest Gibbs either."

"I wouldn't, kid," the agent promised.  The phone rang.

"Horatio."  He smiled.  "Thank you for trying, Mac.  That's fine.  That is something to think about with the press he's gotten recently.  Have a better week.  No, today has been a bit hectic.  I'll write you a long email later.  Sure.  Thank you."  He hung up and looked at him.  "How would they know DiNozzo?"

"They have an operative in DC.  Otherwise we'd use our own people.  This is an extraordinary situation.  I'm not sure they don't know Xander, but he can be himself.  Xander Harris of Sunnydale and LA," he said at the curious look.  "Without the college.  You had a rep then as being Angel's gear person and with him dead...."

"Most of his team went too," Xander pointed out.  "All but Gunn and Connor."  He looked at Horatio.  "Who would be most comfortable?"

"If we hadn't sent John off earlier I might've suggested him."

"He would spanked me, Horatio."

"Point.  How safe is he going to be?"

"Very.  They don't know he went to college but I have heard someone mention his name.  Not in a bad way but wanting to see if they should see what he had in his arsenal to see if he wanted to trade, sell, or if he had created anything."

"I have," Xander admitted.  "And no, I don't do that."   He frowned.  "Horatio?"

"It would come down to Speed or I probably," he admitted.  "Speed's not comfortable around guns.  Eric could do the job but you two don't quite click on that level."

"He thinks I'm some goofy kid, still," Xander agreed.  "Even when I pulled his ass out of danger last month."  He finished his water.

Phillip coughed.  "Horatio, Dad called on the way over and said that you might have some fallout from gassing the guy earlier," he said quietly.  "That would let you go."

"That would," he agreed.  "Plus I do have ballistics and bomb squad experience."

"We do very well on assault backups," Xander agreed.  "Could you let me lead?"

"I can easily play the doting boyfriend, Xander," he said, giving him a look.

"Yeah but that would get me killed if they made us prove it."

"They would know before we went."

"That would still get me killed."

"I could explain it to whatever significant other you have, Lieutenant," Wilkins offered.

"I can do that.  It would keep you undaamaged."  He looked at Xander again.  "The real question is could you *pretend*?"

"Yeah.  I got over that, Horatio."

"Good."  He patted him on the back.  "Let me talk to my boss first."

"Of course, Horatio.  Are we going to brief your whole team?"  He nodded.  "That's fine.  I'll meet you at your place in two hours?"

"That would be acceptable," Horatio agreed.  The agent walked off.  "Thank you, Phillip."

"Welcome.  I did some searching.  This guy is shopping major weapons," he admitted.  "They wouldn't have come if it wasn't important, Horatio."  He patted him on the back.  "Let me take Xander to dinner and then we'll meet you at your place?"

"That would be fine."  He smiled at the boys as they walked off arguing about what to have for dinner.  He got up and went to his boss's house, finding him not happy to see him.  "There is more that you should hear."

"I was going to talk to you tomorrow, Horatio.  When I didn't have a headache and wasn't pissed."  He let him inside, taking him to his study.  Horatio told him everything that had happened, including why they had come for Xander.  He told him about the upcoming sting.  His boss just moaned a few times.  He got up to get a drink when Horatio was done, giving Horatio one as well.  "Who do you want to go?"

"It was suggested it'd have to be one of us that's not Wolfe.  They'll only deal with gay males."

"I've heard rumors," he admitted.

"I'm not going to confirm or deny, Chief.  My relationship has nothing to do with the lab."

"Fine.  I can agree to that.  I'm going to have to suspend you for a week anyway, you know that.  Attacking the agent was stupid."

"Technically I only gassed him."

"It's still an attack, Horatio."  He took a drink.  "Are you going to go?"

"If the others don't think they can.  It has been noted that Xander and I do back each other up very well.  He has said he wouldn't have a problem with the pretending but it would not come back later on."

"That's a hard promise to make."

"Not really."  He finished his drink and put his glass down.  "How would you like to do this?"

"I'm going to suggest you go.  It would be safer for Harris if there's fallout.  Where is the boy going?"

"John's taking him to Las Vegas.  We have some connections out there.  They can keep Ray Junior safe until we figure out where his parents are going to end up."

"That's reasonable.  He can easily get lost out there and there's none of the gangs he was busting out there either.  Hell of a commute for visitation though."

"It is a vacation capitol in the US, sir," he said with a small smirk.

"Good point."  He sighed and drained his drink.  "It would be for the best if you went.  That way you could skip out on any fallout.  As long as ...whoever doesn't mind."

"We're going to be telling them later and the whole team as well."

"Good idea.  You don't want to hide this one.  Can the boy handle it?"  Horatio nodded.  "You're sure?"

"I am.  He has had limited exposure to that... area before.   We had a long talk about it before we talked to Agent Wilkins.  We think they know the one he would've normally called, Agent DiNozzo from NCIS.  He and Xander worked very well together."

"Good.  Well, hell.  This is awkward.  Go for it, Caine.  With the day you've had you need some respite anyway.  Consider this a very tense vacation.  We'll put you both on paid administrative leave after your suspension is covered."  Horatio nodded.  "Thank you for telling me why you gassed a federal agent."

"I wouldn't have done it without good reason."

"Yes but it's still a bad thing to do, Caine."  He gave him a look.  "Never again, right?"

"Not unless it's necessary to save mine or someone's life," he assured him.

"That'll work.  Go away.  Let me get drunk in peace.  I'll make sure Yelina has the paperwork as soon as I hear from her or someone out there."  Horatio nodded, leaving him alone.  "Damn it!"  He got up to get another drink, going back to his family time.  "Sorry, a federal matter that just came up."

"I saw Horatio.  Is it a lab problem?" his wife asked.

"Sort of.  A federal agency wants to borrow Horatio and his favorite ballistics tech for an op for three weeks.  Plus Horatio's had a crappy day on top of it, including having to rescue his nephew from a kidnaping attempt."  She cooed and gave him a hug.  "It'll be fine.  They worked it out.  His team will run in his absence.  We'll figure it out."  He sat down to cuddle her, smiling at what she was watching.

***

Horatio looked at the gathered lab in his living room once they had all seen the file.  "The only suggestion anyone has had is that Xander and I go on it," he told them.  "Xander is due here in a while from dinner with his brother Phillip," he said at Eric's opening mouth.  Speed leaned back, staring at him.  "We do not know how deep we will have to go."

"Why you?" Speed asked.

"I'm suspended for a week anyway," he noted.

Speed nodded.  "You and Xander could play that very well but he and I would do it better."

"We're talking major weapons," Calleigh pointed out.  "You're not that comfortable with them, Speed."

"Point."

"Eric was my first thought," Horatio offered.  "Ryan, Xander did ask that it not be you because he doesn't think you could play the part necessary."

"No, I suck at the boyfriend stuff.  That's why I'm not dating," he admitted.  "Can you put up with his t-shirts for three weeks?"

Horatio smiled.  "I'm hoping I can mitigate it some."  Speed shook his head.  "I'll try."

"He'll get us worse later if you do," Calleigh pointed out.  "Ryan, help me make some coffee please?"  He nodded, following her to the kitchen.

"Boys?" Horatio asked quietly.

Eric shrugged.  "It sucks but he'll take good care of you, H," he offered.

"Even if it has to be proven?" Horatio said gently.

"Xander's not the sort to carry it over into the real world," Speed pointed out.  "He hasn't even when he had the crush on you."  Eric nodded at that.  "I'm not sure you can put up with his bouncy nature for three weeks though."

"It should be fine," Horatio offered.  "I can handle him if he gets too outrageous.  We will be going on his pre-college reputation."

"Which would be better if you could keep him from self-destructing," Speed agreed.  Horatio nodded.  "Okay, do you think you can do this?"

"I don't want to create a fight."

"You're not," Eric assured him, grinning.  "We think you'll come back and thank us for being normal after three weeks of close contact with Xander.  I can't be jealous of assignment stuff, Horatio."

"Me either, unless you come back calling his name," Speed agreed.  Horatio shook his head.  "Then we're good.  I'm certain Xander won't press the issue when he gets back."

"Good.  I will be very careful while I'm gone."

"You had better be," Calleigh said as she rejoined them, winking at him.  "Where is Xander?"

"He and Phillip went out for dinner," Horatio said, taking his cup.  "Thank you, ma'am."

"Welcome, sir."  She sat down next to Eric again, letting him drop his arm around her shoulders.  "Where did John take Ray Junior?"

"His father was alive," Speed told her.  She spluttered her coffee.  "That's why the kid was kidnaped and Xander had to help H rescue and guard him before the idiots came down."

"We put them into protective custody and John is going with Ray Junior to make sure it'll be healthy for him," Horatio agreed quietly.  "Plus to yell at Ray himself."  He took a sip of coffee.  "Xander suggested it."

"I'm sure he'll have a few choice words for him," Calleigh agreed.  She took another sip.  "What about the agent?"

"Phillip did a background for me."  He handed it over.  "He looks like a clean agent."

"Good.  I would hate to make Eric help me feed him to some alligators," Speed said, taking it to read.  Calleigh glared at him.  "You couldn't help me lift him up.  Sorry.  It'd mean chopping him up and more blood evidence up front."

"I could drive."

"Of course you can," he agreed, grinning at her.  "You can even hold the chickens to make them come up closer.  That way we can't say which one took the fatal bite."

Ryan came out with the other cups of coffee.  "We could always ask Xander's friends to help.  I'm sure they'd know things about body dumping with what they used to do."  He handed Speed and Eric theirs then sat down with his.  "Do you want me to help Calleigh in ballistics while he's gone, boss?"

"Wherever you can, Ryan."  That got a smile and a nod.  He sipped his coffee, waiting on the others to get there.  The agent was on time.  He let him in, watching as Philip pulled in a few minutes later, leaning on his cartop.  "Problems?" he called.

"Xander got another one."  He walked around and let Xander out of the handcuffs, walking him up to the door.  "I had to keep him from smacking the crap out of her.  Mom would be proud."   He handed him over and followed them inside.  "Sorry we're a bit late.  A woman wanted to adopt Xander as her kitten."

"Past life?" Speed asked.  Xander shuddered but shook his head.  "Good.  What happened this time?"

"He's still pissed," Eric said.  "Money?"

"Drugs," Phillip said, handing it over.  "I had to have her arrested and I put Xander in handcuffs so he wouldn't beat her for it."

"Thank you, Phillip.  Xander, go watch the water for a few minutes."  He nodded, heading that way.   He looked at the agent.  "You're not counting on that gift, correct?"

"Nope.  We hate it as much as you guys.  You can be as tolerant or not as you want during it if it happens."

"That would be fine," Horatio agreed.  "It will be he and I going."

"That'll work.  You two have complimentary skills and all that."  He handed over the full dossiers.  "We did remove the one he noted he ran into back in his internship.  I had someone local cross-reference his files for the other names earlier just in case."  Xander came in wet.  "Go for a swim?"

"It's raining."  He went to the bathroom, coming out with a towel.  "Sorry to bum, Horatio."

"Better that than dripping everywhere or getting sick, Xander."  They went over all the dossiers, setting up methods of communication back to his team and lovers if they needed them and how the ATF was going to guard them during it.

***

Xander looked around the private plane then at Horatio.  "Are you bored?"

"Very," he admitted.  "I should have brought a thicker book."

Xander opened his bag.  "Bomb manual?"  Horatio looked at him.  "I downloaded and printed some of the continuing education stuff."

"Thank you."  He took one he didn't know yet, going over it while Xander did the same.  "What did you bring?"

"Some of the hidden stuff.  The email I got said to bring something pretty as a host's present."  He gave him a look then grinned wickedly.  "Ray thought it was pretty."

"My nephew has good taste," he agreed dryly, giving him a look.  "I still want to see this hidden area of yours, Xander."

"Nope."  He went back to reading.

"I think I should.  Just in case something else happens.  That way I can find you."

"Jamie helped me set it up."

"I see."  He frowned.  "I should still see it.  Even if you do blindfold me like you did my nephew."

"We'll see."

"Xander."  Xander gave him a look over the edge of his manual.  "Don't you know that one already?"

"There's a new variation on how the explosive is placed."  He shifted seats so he could see.  "Using the curve there means that you get a warped blast radius.  They're hoping it means you can hide some of the signature that way."

"Who came up with that one?"

"Someone out of Detroit."  He let him have that one and pulled out the one he was working on.  "Sorry, I'm keeping my skills up to date."

"That's fine.  The last time I knew you weren't rated for that one yet."

"I'm not.  I'm taking my next vacation weekend up in DC to up my ratings."  Horatio gave him a cautioning look.  "Angel has contacts out there that'll test me to see where I stand.  It's not like I can go to the LAPD or even the MDPD and ask them to test me.  They tend to get a bit paranoid."  He went back to his reading.

"I think them being paranoid is a good thing," Horatio told him, going back to his own manual.

"It might be but I'm more interested in ring and collar explosives at the moment.  That way they can be applied to *big* things and solved faster."  Horatio gave him an odd look.  "Miami does get some out of the ocean.   I asked Giles.  He said one's due to come up within the decade down in the Keys.  So when it does I'll head down there for the weekend with a good collar to get rid of it.  That way we don't have to plan for a sudden gas main explosion like graduation, and maybe I'll find Callahan's down there.  Make a toast to all the protectors who've died and a wish for new ones to be born since I'm not adding to the pool."

Horatio squeezed his wrist.  "You could have it reversed, Xander," he said quietly.

Xander looked at him.  "Do you know how warped that kid would be?  With all the warping I got from Willow and Buffy?"

"Point," he agreed, smiling just a bit.

"Besides, I don't want to face the possibility that my daughter will be the next slayer called," he said quietly.  "I don't want to give the world another me.  Being me was horrible when I was younger, Michael."  That was their cover name for him.

"I can understand that, Xander."  Xander gave him a long look then shook his head.  "I have figured out some of it."

"Yeah, what I let you see.  I don't talk about most of it."

"You've been morose about Sunnydale again."

"It's the anniversary of Tara dying," he admitted, putting away the manual so he could look at him.  "I miss her.  She was one of the best things in my life, even back there."

"It's good to miss her but you can't dwell."

"Maybe if I do someone will bring her back as a white lighter or seer for the Powers," he offered.  Horatio shook his head.  "Why not?  They did to Spike.  Not like he was worthy."

"He had things they could make him atone for, things to hold over his head.  From what you've told me about Tara she didn't."

"True."  He slumped.  "It still sucks!  It wasn't even a battle, it was someone trying to shoot Buffy for ruining his evil plans!  Billy Joel was right, only the good die young.  That's why I'm going to be ancient."

"You are still very good, Xander.  Even if some would think what you were called to do is wrong and murder, it's still doesn't taint you."

Xander looked at him.  "You can't say that, Horatio.  The same as you can't say that shooting someone in self-defense or on the job isn't the same."

"I can't," he agreed.  "These are very heavy thoughts."

"I usually get them around this time of year.  Graduation's anniversary is in a few weeks.  Tara's death is this week."  Horatio gave him a hug.  "I'm sorry I'm bringing you down."

"You're not.  You need to work through these things."

"John and I talked about them.  He agreed with me."

Horatio let him go, covering the hands he was looking at.  "We all have to make the decision to stand and fight or run sometime in our lives, Xander.  You saved countless lives by doing what you did.  The hunting and all of it.  Do you know how many people the vampires you helped remove would've eaten?"  Xander swallowed but nodded.  Fred had worked that out one night.  "Then think about the lives they can live now.  Their families if they found one.  The fact that you helped stopped a number of incidences that would have ended the world means that many of us owe you a great deal of thanks."

"Four times," Xander admitted quietly, looking at him.  "And people wonder why I retired?" he said bitterly.

"You had eleven years of combat.  I don't wonder, Xander.  I think you should have retired back during college."

"We had to stop the world going dark then too," he admitted.

"Which I'm very thankful for."

"You couldn't wear your sunglasses in a dark world," he teased.  He was trying to lighten the mood again.

"Very true.  It would also make work harder."  Xander smiled and nodded.  "No matter how many ashes and how much blood you have on your hands it was for the right reasons.  You protected others when they couldn't protect themselves.  Many people have these thoughts.  I still talk to someone about my mother's death," he admitted very quietly. "I can help you find someone."

Xander shook his head.  "I don't like priests.  They get freaky when you mention some of it.  Even the ones who do the same work for the Church hate us and the Watchers."  He looked at him.  "Besides, religion never gave me the answers I wanted.  It gave me preformed ones, like Hardees burgers.  I like real hamburgers better."

"I can understand that," he agreed, giving the hands a pat.  "Remember you can still talk to me, Frank, John, all of us."

"My past would freak Calleigh out, Horatio," he said softly.  "Or Eric, or Speed.  I started to talk to Speed and he shuddered.  He had nightmares, you could tell the next day."

"I remember."  He stroked his cheek. "It'll be fine.  I promise it will be.  You can still talk to me."  Xander nodded.  "Good boy.  Now, part of retirement would be easing off on some of your emergency plans."

"But...."

"No buts.  I want to see this emergency area of yours.  Just in case something happens so I can get to it or get to you in it."  Xander sighed but nodded, pulling out some clean paper to draw him a map.  "Isn't that underground?"

"I learned a lot from watching the demons work.  It's one of their former areas too.  Miami's demon population peaked about a century ago and then slowly left until about twenty years ago.  Now you've got a very small one.  We have mutual respect.  I bought that off one for a workshop.  They sealed it so no water could get in or anything natural."

"You should consider getting a house, Xander."

"Houses are *way* expensive down there.  I'd have to sell the weapons to get one.  I don't want to do that.  I'm not ready for that step yet.  Not without some sort of exchange."

"Good point."  He smiled at the stewardess when she came back.  "Can I have another water?"  She nodded, going to get them both refills.  He looked at Xander.  "Are you ready for this?"

"Not really.  My weapons are my babies."  He shrugged, taking his new soda.  "Thank you."  She walked off and he looked at him.  "I wonder if we can take the plane back to Miami."

"Hopefully we won't have to fly commercial," he offered, taking a drink.  Their host had gotten them the flight and they knew that they were being watched by the stewardess.  "How far are you really in the bomb gear?"  Xander pulled out the one he was still struggling with.  He looked at him.  "That is much worse than we'd usually see."

"The DC contacts saw one at an event in the back of a truck from a terrorist," Xander admitted.

"Did they solve it?"

"Yeah, they had an inter-Korean situation.  One of the operatives fixed it for him.  The whole back of the truck had pretty plastique."  Horatio shuddered.  "Is there a way to chemically neutralize a fertilizer bomb?  To null the solution?"

"I don't know."  He flipped over the map, sketching out the most common form of fertilizer bomb, looking at it.  "You can neutralize this solution," he said, pointing at the bleach/chlorine side.  "Making it neutral might help.  It's always easier to disarm it."

"Sometimes there's not time.  Remember, I'm in the good but not fast disarming category."

"Point.  I would like you to work on the speed issue."

"My hands shake and I make stupid mistakes."

"We'll see if we can work on that with you."  Xander smiled at him and pointed at something.  "I'm not sure how you'd do that, Xander."

"Isn't there something we could pour into them to neutralize the ammonia in the fertilizer or whatever chemical it is in there?  I don't understand how those work, I only know how to put them together."

Horatio went over it with him, showing him step-by-step how they exploded and why.  It was a very good question.

***

Xander walked into the small villa, nodding and shaking hands with their host.  "You called?"

"I did, Mr. Harris.  Or do you prefer Xander?"

"It depends on how much of an enemy I'm facing," he said patiently, "and why they call on me to help them.  I learned that lesson with Wolfram and Hart."

"Good point."  He smiled.  "I know you said you had a host's gift?"  Xander turned and got into their gear, putting a small sapphire studded bracelet on his wrist.  "That is very pretty.  Given to you in the clubs?"

"Yup, and then modified."  Xander held up the small trigger, smirking evilly.  "I bet you can't undo it.  I won't set it off unless you piss me off."

"That's fair," he decided, letting his guard scan it.  "Hmm, totally organic?"  Xander nodded.  "Very interesting."

Horatio came over to look at it then glared at Xander.  "We will be talking."

"Why?"  He grinned sweetly and gave him a hug.  "I'm being good.  He never said why he needed a conference about my babies."

"Behave, Xander."  He looked at their host.  "I didn't know he was going to threaten you or I would've made him give you something that was less deadly."

"That's fine.  Do I know you?"

"You probably know my older brother."

"Hmm, works in the crime lab."

Horatio nodded, smiling a bit.  "I'm Michael.  His youngest brother."

"I thought Horatio only had the one former brother."

"I was very young when our mother died.  I was raised by one our mother's cousins."

"Oh.   That's understandable.  Watching over him?"

"With the way Horatio gets into trouble?"

"Good point."  He smiled and walked them off.  His guard x-rayed his pretty new thing, finding the particulars for him.  Their bomb techs got to work on it, getting it undone but not disarmed an hour later.  "Very interesting, Xander."  Xander tipped his head.  "What I'd like is your mind.  I know you have updated some of the weapons you worked with."  Xander shrugged, getting comfortable in his seat.  "We want you to take a look at some we've been offered to see if they're doable and will work."

"For who?" Xander asked.  He leaned forward.  "I'm not working for bad guys.  You should know that if you did any research."

"I do.  I can guarantee that none of these weapons are from terrorist groups and are not going to be sold to them from my people.  I'm more interested in military applications."

"Any current US warzones?" Horatio asked.  "I would have to protest."

"No.  I don't like the Middle East.  Too fickle and touchy if you're not of their faith and their brand of that faith."  Xander nodded at that.  "I tend to sell to the smaller governments who are trying to catch up to the superpowers.  I wanted you to look over some of them to see if they could work."

Xander and Horatio looked at each other, then Xander looked at him.  "In exchange for?"

"A good bit of money.  I've heard you're retired, this would pad that account so you could live comfortably anywhere you chose.  Even Miami with Michael."  Xander tipped his head to the side, studying him.  "A quarter of a million each weapon you can approve of."

Xander looked at Horatio again, getting a nod.  "He says it's a good idea and I don't deal with the money stuff.  Like the clubbing problem it drives me nuts."  That got a few smiles in the room.  "Are they here now or should we settle in for dinner?"

"Please, go settle in for dinner.  The first batch is coming in tomorrow morning by helicopter.  You can have them for as long as you need."

"That works.  Where's our room so I can freshen up?"  He stood up, hauling Horatio with him.  "By the way, those are organic because they grow back.  You'd be surprised how many demonic entities have regrowth properties."  The guards went back to the bomb while one showed them to their room.

"Xander," Horatio sighed once they were alone.  "No showing off."

"I'm not."

"You will show me that design later?"

"Of course."  He blew a kiss. "Shower?"

"Go ahead.  I'll settle in."  Xander turned on the water to mask their voices and they searched for bugs, tossing the few they found off the balcony in their room.  Xander even smiled and waved at the guards, clinging to Horatio's arm before they closed the doors.  Xander went to take a shower since it was nice and warm while Horatio checked everything else they had in the room.  He came out ten minutes later and Horatio took his chance to shower, letting Xander settle in wearing his flannel boxers and a t-shirt he didn't like. _Cleverly disguised as an adult_ was not what he wanted to see on this operation.   He'd rather Xander was a full adult.   He came out in his sweats, towel around his neck so he could finish off his hair.  "What are you doing?" he asked.

Xander looked up from his tinkering, holding out the small device.  "Playing," he said with an innocent grin.

"Xander," he sighed, looking at their equipment so Agent Wilkins could monitor them.  "Why are you tinkering with this?"

"Because it's giving me bursts of static again."  He took it back and finished changing the frequency.  That was better.  No static when the guards walked past.  Within ten minutes Wilkins had found their new frequency so it was all good.  He changed Horatio's over too, handing it back to him.  Then he pointed at the camera.  "I think they're perverts, dear."

"That can happen," he agreed dryly, settling on the bed against the pillows while he finished doing his hair.  "What else did you bring?"  Xander got into the bags with a groan for bending over, hauling two onto the bed to unpack them so his body was blocking the shots.  "Interesting options for the luggage."  He held up something innocuous.  "What does this do?"

Xander took it and shot it at the camera, making it explode a few seconds later.  "That."  He put it back with an evil grin.  "I'm not into being a porn star," he called when the guard walked past their room.  "That will piss me off, majorly."  The guard hurried off.  He put the weapons back, letting Horatio have the one he wanted.  Xander put something on his wrist then put the bag back onto the floor.  He grabbed some of his jeans, sliding into them with a moan of complaint.  "I hate new clothes."  He slid into his sneakers and walked out, going to find his host.  "Why did we find bugs and cameras in our room?" he asked the guard he found.

"For security purposes, sir."

"Uh-huh.  Someone wanted the cheap porn?"  The guard blushed but looked away.  "I don't perform for anyone but him.  Tough, sorry.  You can tell our host that and if he tries it again we'll commute in from the nearest hotel at his expense."

"I'll do that, sir.  What did you do to it?"

"EMF radio pulse.  A remote control that changed the frequency of the record head, which made it overheat quickly and go boom.  A small boom but a pretty one.  Most booms are pretty."

Horatio walked up behind Xander, turning him and walking him off.  "Thank you for not giving him more toys to blow up.  He's a bit bouncy today.  Too much soda on the plane."  He closed them back into their room.  "Please behave?"  Xander leaned against his chest, whispering something.  Horatio moaned and nodded.  Wilkins had thought someone else was watching these people.  That guard had been wearing a wire, not like the others had.  "Motel?"

"Motels are nice and allow you to take walks and strolls, and sometimes even swim.  Swimming's nice."

"It is," Horatio agreed, staring at him.  "No more watching James Bond movies, Xander."

"Shoot.  Meany."  He went back to bed, going to fuss in the other bag, pulling out their laptop so he could check his email account.  He had set up one through an anonymous service online and it was nice.  He had all sorts of messages from his mother warning him his grandmother was coming to see him.  "I'm about to get a visit when we get home."

"From?" Horatio asked, coming over to look over his shoulder.  "Oh, her.  Is she going to nag you in person?"

"Yeah.  Can I grab someone in front of her to make her quit nagging?"

"No, Xander.  That's not nice.  She's an older woman and she's concerned about her family's future."

"The others have kids."

"Yes, but you are the most unique among all of you," he said gently, stroking his back.

"Yeah but then the kid would have to be warped by me where I was warped by Buffy and Willow.   Social services would not like that."

"No, they probably wouldn't," Horatio agreed, shaking his head with a small smile.  He could see the kid's first day of school talking about sports like his father did.

"Besides, then I'd have to find a woman I wouldn't turn evil sleeping with.  It'd have to be someone like Abby or her sister."

"Abby might let you," he offered.

"Abby likes older guys."

"Pity."  He patted him again.  "Finish up so I can check mine."  Xander nodded, writing a note back to her reminding her what sort of warping the child would have to go through to be his kid.  Then he got a new message and read it, smiling at him.  "Tony said hi."  He let him have it.  Their guard was coming back. "Can we get some chocolate?"

"No, Xander.  You'll bounce worse," Horatio said patiently.  "We don't want to make them scared of you and you being that bouncy and hyper upsets many people."

"Fine.  Can I have some tomorrow while I'm going over the weapons?"

"Only if you haven't had any at that point," he said patiently.  He finished his email to Tony then logged out, getting into his email.  He wrote a short one to Eric and Speed, then a longer one to Calleigh.  She needed moral support.  John wanted to talk to her when he got back.  She was still prevaricating over trying to have a relationship with him again.

Xander looked over his shoulder.  "Tell her to hop his bones to see if it's still good or if he still has caveman syndrome over her," he advised, reaching around to type that in.  He swatted the hands so he couldn't.  "She should."

"She's a gentle, nice girl, Xander.  They don't do things like that."  He finished his advice to her and added Xander's at the bottom.  Then he sent it to her.  He found one from Yelina saying she hadn't taken a frying pan to Ray yet but it was starting to look very tempting.  He sent her advice too then logged off, letting Xander pack their laptop away again.  "Better."

"Much.  How is your nephew?"

"He's good.  He hasn't acted out yet, he's staying at sullen and angry.   She thinks it's cute."

"She would.  She has no idea teenage boys can be like volcanos, right?"  He shook his head.  "I pity her hearing when he finally blows."  He got back to his bomb manual, reading over it until someone tapped on the door.  "We're dressed."

Their host walked in.  "Told everyone you're fine?"

Xander looked at him.  "Not like I'm not going to check in, dude.  Do I look that uncautious?"

"No, not usually, Mr. Harris."  He smiled at him.  "We're having tuna for dinner."  Xander shrugged.  "That won't upset you?"

"Are they my school's former swim team?"  Their host slowly shook his head.  "Then I'm fine.  Tuna and what?"

"Rice.  A mixture of wild and Indian rice."

"Okay."  He grinned, going back to his manual.  "What am I going to be looking at tomorrow?  I need to know if I need my glasses or not."  He looked up at the lack of answer.  "Guns, ammo, crossbows, thermonuclear warheads?"

"Um, most are in the artillery class.  A few guided missiles and things."

"Cool," he breathed, beaming at him.  "We can test fire, right?"

"You can.  We have a small island out in the lake for you to work and test on.  We'll drive you over in the morning after breakfast with a picnic for lunch and then bring you back for dinner if that's all right?"  Xander shrugged.   "Will you need a guard?"

"No, I'll go armed in case there's snakes," Horatio told him.

"That's fine.  Do you do bombs as well?"

"I am learning them at Xander's hands.  That way I understand part of what he's talking about."

"His swim team?"

"Back in high school someone was using some biological chemicals to turn the swim team faster and better.  It turned them into something like the monster from the black lagoon and they mostly swam off.   A few got caught later on because they came up to nibble on someone but otherwise they mostly left."  Xander looked up again, grinning at him.  "I got to figure out what was going on."

"Oh.  A genetics experiment then.  All right."  He walked off, thinking about that.  He had no idea people like that had been in Sunnydale.

Xander looked back at Horatio.  "The coach was using mermaid stuff in the sauna."  He went back to his reading, tracing the design with a finger.  "Why would that work?  It looks out of balance."

Horatio moved up to look at that one.  "It does.  What's the yield?"  Xander flipped back to let him see.  "Hmm.  That does seem out of balance."  He went over it with him, smiling when they found the later step that completed the circuit.  "There's the balance."

"Oh."  He nodded, looking it over.  "So I'd have to separate the two halves and then diffuse the bottom, right?"  Horatio nodded.  "I can do that.  I need new tools though.  I bent one of the small screwdrivers recently working on my AK."

"What was wrong with it?"

"It's a refurbished one and it had a stuck magazine.  I had to pry it out.  That's how I bent the screwdriver."  He shrugged.  "Remind me next payday?"

"Sure."  He patted him on the back, going back to his own manuals.  Then he decided to get up and see what else Xander had packed.  Just in case.  Xander had some outrageous stuff at his house and you never knew.  He pulled out one thing, hitting the button to expand it.  Fortunately Xander ducked.  "I didn't know you had a collapsible staff."

"Comes in handy and it hides very well."  He took it so it could be put back, tossing it back into the bag.  "That's my aluminum one.  I've got a silver plated one at home in the sock drawer."

"Interesting.  I think I should do more than go through your closet."

Xander beamed at him.  "You hated the last time you went into my closet, dear."

"I know I did.  Your t-shirts give me headaches, Xander."

Xander blew a kiss.  "It's just the wacky guy I am, Michael."  He went back to reading, letting Horatio moan and shake his head in peace.  "Think he'll remember to give us soda and coffee tomorrow?"

"I think it's colder up here and you can drink coffee tomorrow," Horatio said firmly.  He checked Xander's clothes, holding up a t-shirt.  "Xander."

"What!"  He looked then he grinned.  "I'm sure I'll have one of those days.  I packed it as an alternate."

"Uh-huh."  He put it back, sitting down to go back to his reading.  He found the tv and turned it on, smiling at the very nice cable they had.  "That forensics show is on."

Xander put down his manual to watch, giggling at how they were handling things.  "Man, she would be so pissed if she did that in real life.  Someone would've swatted her by now."

"Probably.  I almost thought they modeled that one off that one guy in New York."

"They may have.  Do you think he growls that much?"

"Probably."  He stroked Xander's back, letting him calm down again.   He knew Mac did growl at the mere mention of this show.  Grissom too.  Xander yawned, curling up next to his side, head on his chest until he fell asleep.  Then he shifted and slowly wound an arm and a leg around him, earning a fond look.  "Comfy?" he asked quietly.  Xander meowed.  "Good kitten."  He petted him again, watching the show.  It was a double episode and it was angsty but giggle worthy if you knew your stuff.  No wonder Speed kept throwing popcorn at the screen when it came on.  The Trace expert was a lot like him, only with less talent.  He must hate that.

***

Xander yawned as they got off the boat, taking the picnic basket from the guard.  "Which way?" he asked.

"Follow the path, Mr. Harris.  The work building is there.  There's a range in the basement and you can test fire anything out in the open out here.  As long as no planes are flying overheard it won't be a problem.  Ooh, there's no cell reception or anything else out here."

"Good to know," Xander agreed.  "We have coffee, right?"

"We do.  I put two thermoses into the basket myself along with some candy for you."  He waved and moved the boat away from the dock.  "I'll be back around five."   He headed back to the mainland.

Horatio took the basket, letting Xander lead the way to the work building.  He saw a few smaller animals, squirrels and the like, but nothing larger or dangerous.  The work building was a simple concrete block building.  They walked in and found cases of weapons waiting on them.  He scouted the building for surveillance gear, nodding when he found two.  He left one up because they could easily get around it but the other got disabled with some spray that Xander had.  "What is that?"

"Corrosive," he said proudly.  He gave him a hug before bouncing over.  "Ooooh, toys," he said reverently.   He got the cases open, looking at everything.  "Hmm, some of these have already been noted in the trade mags."  He put those aside to give cursory test and make notes on.  They had brought a PDA that could go to their laptop for that purpose.  Well, and to send it back to Wilkins, but they'd have to figure that out.  He checked on Horatio, who was checking their new cellphone.  It was a satellite phone so maybe it would get a signal.  He shook his head.  Xander sighed and smiled.  "I'm not worried."  He got back to work, finding things he didn't know existed.  "Hmm, granite cased explosive rings."  He kept going, finding the biggest of them.  "How am I supposed to test fire that without a launcher?"  He looked it over.  "It's not self-launching or guided it looks like."  He frowned, tapping his fingers on it a few times, then he shrugged.  "I learned how to improvise before.  I can do it again."  He got to work on the weapons he knew would work, taking his PDA down to the firing range Horatio had found so he could make all the notes he wanted and needed.  Including serial numbers in case it came up.  Then he brought them back up, taking the next rifle down.  There was something wrong with that one. He broke it down and nodded, making notes about it.  "Won't work without something," he said, handing it to Horatio.  "Can you check its case?"

"Of course."  He went to do that, seeing what he did.  The spring was missing.  There wasn't a spare in the case.  "Can we improvise?"

Xander broke down another gun, looking at the spring it had.  "Maybe."  He took back the first one, inserting the spring and putting it back together so he could try it out.  He came back shrugging. "It's got a crap range and this spring nearly snapped."  He handed it back.  "That's got to be a design flaw."  He made that note and moved on to the artillery.  "Hmm.  Lets look at the nifty machine gun first."  He carted it outside, using it to blast a few trees.  He shrugged.  "Wimpy range too."   He took his PDA to make notes, then grinned at Horatio.  He opened a file, showing it to him.  "Go draw that figure in the dirt somewhere clear please."  He nodded, going to do that for him while Xander went back to testing.  He was sorting into things that he thought were worthy and crap but that was what he was being paid for.  He came to the last thing, looking at it.  "Hmm."  He stared at it then shrugged.  "Okay."  He went to the figure Horatio had finished drawing, making a few symbols in it.  A small creature appeared, getting whispered to.  It growled.  He glared.  It whimpered.  "Now please."  It disappeared and came back with his launcher from home.  "Thank you.  Stay."  He walked over, seeing if it would fit.  It wasn't a *good* fit but it'd work this time.  He set it up, launching it into the water, watching it go.  "Why is he going for wimpy weapons?"  He shook his head, making his notes, including the sort of launcher he had used.  He handed it back to the demon, then the PDA once he had saved the test file down.  "To the guy I put the amulet on please."  The demon grumbled so he tapped a foot.  "You do good, I'll let you go haunt Connor and try to drive him nuts again."

"Yes, Nighthawk."  The demon disappeared.

"Nighthawk?" Horatio asked.

"Long, long time ago," Xander sighed, looking at him.  "Picnic now or later?"

Horatio checked his watch.  "It's only eleven.  I suppose we could eat."  The demon came back with the PDA, then disappeared again.  "What is that?"

"Pretty harmless. They like to screw with your mind.  Bang on your closets in the middle of the night, haunt you in the shower, make you feel like you're being watched.  He and Connor have this agreement that Connor will kill him if he ever catches him but he can keep trying to annoy him until Connor catches him."  He grinned and went to find the basket, bringing it back to that area.  He found a notebook sitting there and looked through it, taking Horatio's pen to make some notes, then he sent it back.  "Connor."  He smudged a line and they settled in to eat, happily munching, saving some of the coffee for later purposes.  After about an hour, Xander looked around at their playground.  "I'm bored."

Horatio moaned.  "I hate that phrase from you or Ryan, Xander."

"Sorry, boss, but I am."  He got up, going to look at the weapons.  Way too many wimpy weapons for his tastes.  He sat down with the one really bad gun, breaking it down.  Then he took another one and broke it down, using the parts to create a new gun.  That one got fired off.  It had a small bullet size but a longer barrel, yet it was compact enough to carry under a jacket or to be used in a civilian street environment.  He let Horatio see it.  "That's been theorized recently."

Horatio looked it over, humming quietly while he examined the clip.  He took it down to the range to test it for himself, liking this option.  It was like a compact sniper rifle.  He brought it back up.  "Can we show him this one?"

"Sure."  Xander made notes on what they had done and got back to playing.  By the time the guards had gotten there most of the wimpy weapons had been used for parts, but that was fine.  He had his notes.  The demon had come back to get the new notes too.  They got back to the mainland and walked into the house.  "You gave me wimpy weapons."

"It was a test, Mr. Harris.  Did you enjoy launching the missile?"

Xander shrugged.  "Limited range, no pop for the buck.  Didn't come with a launcher either so I had to summon something to get one for me."  He handed over his note file.  "That's what I found when I tested and then when I played when I got bored.  What's for dinner?"

The man blinked at him.  "Bored?"

"He was done by noon," Horatio said.  "Including lunch.  He has that problem now and then when he's hyper."  He patted Xander on the back.  "Next time we'll remember to bring other stuff for you to read, Xander."

Xander beamed and hugged him.  "Sure, I should've thought of that.  Or the laptop so we could play solitaire or something."  He looked at their host again.  "Wimpy, seriously wimpy, weapons.  But I had fun and made a few new, better ones."  He grinned at him.  "Dinner?"

"In about an hour if you wanted to shower or something," he said weakly, waving a hand at the hallway.  "Let me go over your notes and we'll talk after dinner."

"Sure.  Can I keep the stuff I upgraded?"

"If I can't find a use for them."  Xander shrugged and bounced off.  "Not enough or too much caffeine?"

"Sugar," Horatio said grimly.  "The guard kindly left us a bag of certs."  He followed his tech, shaking his head.  Xander was going to drive everyone insane, not just him.  Now he knew why Abby had warned him about him being bouncier than her sometimes.  He found Xander bouncing and singing in the shower so he sat down to write an email to the family.  That way they could track his sanity as it slowly dripped out his ears from the tone-deaf singing in the other room.

***

Calleigh looked up as Agent Wilkins walked into her lab shaking his head. "Did something happen?" she demanded.  "Are they all right?"

"They're fine but your boss is going to go insane."

"Well, yeah....  He's trapped with Xander in a bouncy mood.  He's always bouncy when he's in danger unless it's a crisis or an attack.  No one told you that?"  He shook his head slowly.  "So, what did he find?"

"He put it into tech speak.  I'm hoping you can translate it for me."  He handed over the printed copy of the notes Xander had made.  "He had it delivered by this little...thing.  Looked like a blot of shadow with big eyes."

"I've seen him."  She went over it, giggling at some things.  "They gave him weak and wimpy weapons today according to him.  She found the journals he had referenced, showing him the ones they knew about.  "This is serial number.  This is the journal if he's seen it.  For these other ones he did a brief description and serial number.  Ooh, the missile he had to pull a launcher.  Not the right one but one that kinda fit it."  Speed leaned in.  "Xander's really bouncy and kinda bored.   He took apart the testers to make better weapons."

Speed whimpered.  "Poor H."

"Yup," she said, smiling at him.  "Come see."  He came over to look at the notes, frowning at some things.  He even pointed at one line.  "I don't know why he has a missile launcher, Speed.  We'll figure that out when we get him back."  She made her own notes for the poor confused agent, handing them over.  "There you go, including what he created when he used the wimpy guns for parts.  Also why that one wouldn't work because of the spring problem."

"Thank you, Miss Duquesne  I'm sure it'll be fine."  She photocopied the notes and handed him back the originals, earning a smile.  "Let me know if any of those are going to be a problem."

"I will."  He smiled and left so she smiled at Speed.  "Xander played."

"I'm not sure if I should worry about H or not," he admitted quietly.  "We have got to find the kid's hidden area."

"Areas," Eric called as he walked past.  "Wolfe said so when I asked."

"Interesting," Calleigh said, looking back at her pitiful exemplar cabinet.  Finding his areas meant she could have new guns.  Then at Speed again.  "Start with a property search or Ray Junior?"

"I'll call Ray, you try a property search."  She nodded, moving to do that while he called his favorite goofing-off buddy.  "Ray, me.  Nope, not an issue that's going to make you scream.  We were wondering about Xander's hidden stuff that you might know about.  Sure, you can tell John as long as he tells us.  Especially if he knows more than you do."  He grinned.  "That'll work too, buddy.  How you holdin' up?"  He beamed, then he snickered.  "That's fine.  We all know teenagers blow like volcanos.  Have fun with that and tell John to come back safely.  Write me tonight, man.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Ray's  presently avoiding his parents while he nibbles lunch."

"Does he know where Xander had him stashed?"

"He said he asked.  Xander bought it off some demon, it's underground, and it kinda stunk.  He did say John Hagen knows them both."

"I'm proud he told someone.  He probably wouldn't have before," she admitted.

"John's in the background saying he won't tell us and we'll have to ask the kid.  That Xander showed him the secret handshake to get in and he's not going to betray that confidence so you can squeal 'toys' at the top of your lungs."  She pouted.  "He said Xander probably did the same and it was cute when either of you did it but you know what Xander would do if you took over his toys."

"Yeah, pout," she said, frowning.  "Fine, we'll wait I guess."

"We should."

"I know.  I bet he's got nice things."

He gave her a hug.  "If it was demonic it might need something magical to get in."

"Point."  She went back to rereading the transcripts Xander had sent.  "They sent him some really crappy weapons but he did figure out how to manipulate some parts to make better things."

"Of course he did.  He's Xander."  He looked over her shoulder.  "Can you replicate?"

"Of course."  She went to get the ones she had, coming back to look at his notes.  She got two of the three connected and the other one was missing a part so she had to steal from the use pile she had in the drawers.  That got it working too.  "See?" she said finally, smiling at him.  "It took five guns worth of parts but I got three going."

"I'm proud.  Can we test them?"  She nodded, bringing them in there to test fire the new weapons.  She agreed with Xander, that compact sniper system was very nice.

***

Xander came in the next weekend to find a cake being brought out.  "I deserve cake?" he asked, peering at it.

"It is your birthday, young man," their host reminded him.

Xander frowned, taking out his wallet and then his driver's license, which he showed.  His birth certificate got handed to him.  "Oh.  I never celebrate it."  He shrugged, handing it to Horatio.  "There, you wanted to know too, Michael."

"I have.  You never let me celebrate these things. Our friends would like to."  His birth certificate was put in front of him.  He looked at their host and shrugged.  "He knows that."

Xander sat down at the table, nodding.  "Of course I do.  I needed someone to match my insane brilliance.  Who else but him?"  He shrugged.  "I get to tease his tech all the time with things."

"Yes, she wants into your hidden spot too, Xander."

"Fat.  Chance.  She'll try to steal my toys."

Their host coughed, sitting down in his usual seat.  "You knew he was a cop?"

"Like I said, someone has to understand me," Xander said dryly.  "Just think, he's getting me into the labs too."  The man shuddered.  "I'm make one hell of a ballistics tech."

"I'm sure you would.  That does leave us with a problem."

"Not really."

"He is an officer."

"If you're not selling to bad guys, why would it matter?" Xander countered.  Their host frowned.  "Really."

"The government does frown on it."

"That's because you don't pay taxes."

"Oh.  You heard of me?"  Xander nodded.  "How?"  Xander pointed at Horatio, trying to keep the rest of their cover intact.  "He did a background?"  Horatio nodded.  "Interesting.  Why?"

"For the same reason that I'm still very wary of Xander working for you," he said simply.

"Good point."  He waved a hand and his cook brought out dinner for them, then retreated with the guards.  "I can assure you that, while what I'm doing is illegal, I still don't sell to terrorists.  They have a nasty habit of killing their suppliers.  It's not good for my life expectancy."

Xander grinned.  "Probably true.  Then again, the demon underground is worse about that."  He dished up dinner, handing Horatio what he wanted.  Their host gave him an odd look.  "What did you think I did back in Sunnydale and LA, dude?"

"Ghost hunting for profit?"

"Um, no."  He got up and did something to the nearest mirror, bringing up Gunn.  "Hi.  Long time no check in.  He thought we were doing ghost hunting for profit.  Speaking of profit, the W&H stuff?"

"I've got yours in the safety deposit box, Xander, along with your crib notes from the lab stuff with Fred."

"Can I have Fred's notes?"

"You can," he agreed, smiling at him.  "Who's the older guy?"

"The redhead is Horatio.  He's mine."  Gunn looked confused.  "I'll write when I get home.  I'm vetting weapons for someone."

"Oh!  Sure.  I can send the lab notes you and Fred worked out to your home address in Miami?"

"Okay."  He grinned.  "Can I have the purple solution?  Or are we out?"

"No, we've got plenty.  By the way, Connor said it was mean reminding the little mind- screwing demon that he existed."  He handed it through the mirror.  "Anything else?"

"Can I have Wes's weapons?" he asked.

"What we don't need," Connor said as he walked into view. "Huh."

Xander grinned.  "You'd love Miami.  It's bikinis all over half the town, Connor."

"I'd have to figure out what to do with a bikini," he complained. "No more sending the little mind-fucking demon, Xander."

"I needed my missile launcher.  I'm vetting weapons."

"That's fine.  Make him leave me alone."

"Send him to play in Cleveland then."  He shrugged and grinned wickedly, closing the small portal.  He poured the purple stuff on the floor, making the demon reform.  "Hi."  It gave him a pitiful look.  "He wanted to know what I did in LA and Sunnydale.  Can you brief him?  If you do I might let someone add water to your potion."

"Fine," it complained, slinking over to talk to their host while Xander sat back down again.  Horatio looked at him so he grinned. "That was Connor and Gunn.  Connor came later.  He's Angel's son."

Horatio shook his head. "I'll get the full story tonight, Xander.  Eat.  It's safe."  Xander dug in, eating heartily.  He glanced at the demon.  "Are you in the unholy class?"

"Annoying," Xander told him.  "It's a sex demon Fred and I captured and she accidentally changed it to goo form for a while."

"Interesting.  Your lab experiments in LA....."

"You can see the notes," Xander agreed patiently, grinning at him.  "You would've loved Fred.  She was like a sweet and gentle version of Speed who babbles like Abby and I, but hell with a battle axe."

Horatio patted him on the back. "Tell me later, Xander."  Their host choked so they both looked over.  "What did you tell him?"

"Graduation."  Xander beamed proudly.  "That was one great battle plan, Nighthawk."

"Thank you," he said modestly.  "Not like Buffy can or would.  Giles' sucked monkey balls."

The demon nodded.  "So we saw."  He went back to filling him in, relishing the horrified look the guy kept getting.  He finally looked at Horatio.  "The Oracles have it saved down if you wanted to watch it."

"No thank you.  I'll get the highlights from Xander."

"Sure.  Just know that he'll downplay things."

"I've noticed that tendency.  I'm trying very hard to make him brag more."

"Then Dad looks all proud because I'm more like him than mom," Xander pointed out gently, patting him on the hand.  "I'm sorry I squeezed you so hard last night."

"It's fine, Xander."  He ate another bite.  He looked at the demon again.  "Do your kind have any idea why he can't cook?"

"Something about the taint he carries."  It shrugged.  "Not a clue."  He felt himself starting to go.  "Can I have some water?"  Xander held out his glass, letting it pour the water over it's body so it'd firm up.  "Thanks, Nighthawk.  Did you ever figure out what Fred did to me?"

"Yeah but I couldn't figure out how to reverse it.  I could ask Abs."

"Please do."  Xander nodded he'd write her tonight.  He went back to telling the horrified host what Xander had done for Angel and his crew.  Without busting the college stuff.  He had caught that clue already.  Even if it was cute how Xander's new boss had the hots for him.

***

Xander looked up as their host woke him up.  "I'm not going to be happy in the morning," he noted quietly.

Their host looked at him.  "I never wanted to believe in that life."

Xander shrugged. "Me either but they kept trying to eat me."

"I'll get that last shipment sent in tomorrow so you can fulfill the contract in the afternoon, Mr. Harris.  Thank you for your time."

"My money?"

"Will be deposited in an account in your name and the information will be given to you before the plane takes you to Miami."  He walked off, going back to his office to finish arranging the speeding up of the shipments.  He didn't want such things in his house.  He was going to church tomorrow.  Right after he had someone come in to rip up the flooring in the dining room and take out all the furniture so it could all be replaced.

Xander laid back down, shrugging at the quiet voice in his ear.  Jamie was highly amused by this turn of events and it would get Horatio back to his lovers sooner without him doing more than cuddling in some nights.  Because Horatio was a good cuddle but he wasn't his and he didn't want him to be his.  He'd take away his fun.  He got up and walked out to the office, finding it pretty easily.  "What about the ones I made?"

"I'll gladly pay you for those as well," he promised.  "Please go back to bed?"

"Sure."  He went back there, snuggling in under the blankets again.  He felt Horatio shift and patted him.  "Relax.  We're going to the island again tomorrow," he said quietly.  Horatio snuffled but nodded, drifting off again.  Xander let himself drift off, smiling at his good work.  This guy would *never* do anything like this again.  His scary reputation would keep others from doing it around him.  He was proud of himself.

***

Xander put his bags down inside the lab, letting Horatio pick his own spot.  "I'm going out our first night back."

"I'm sure you'll have fun," Horatio offered.  He looked at the cases.  "They did send some impressing things this time."

Xander looked, humming.  "Oooooh," he said at one, stroking it.  "New version of the RPG.  It's in military testing."

"You can't have one, Xander."

"Shoot."  He got to work carrying things outside where he needed them to go, setting up some of the rocks as targets this time.  Trees would be destroyed by a glancing blow.  Rocks would be a better test.  He heard a voice in his ear, frowning at it.  "Hmm.  Sure."  He fired off the first one, leaving a clear smoke plume for their handler to find them.   Horatio came out with the bags.  "Are you sure I can't take that with me?"

"No, Xander.  Only if you give it to Gibbs."

"Fine.  Did you find how they all got here since we haven't heard any helicopters?"

"I found a bunker entrance," he admitted.  "I sent it to Calleigh, who handed it over."

"Good."  He grinned.  "Are you *sure*, Horatio?"

"Very, Xander.  I do not want you to have RPG's in Miami."  He saw the guilty look.  "How many do you have?" he moaned, holding his head.

"Two?" he offered hesitantly.  Horatio glared at him.  "I'll let you see," he sighed, pouting as he blew up the next set of rocks.  They heard a helicopter and looked up, waving at Gibbs as he landed and got out with Tony behind him.  "Hi.  Come see the pretties."  He grinned.  "Horatio said I can't bum one."

"No, you can't, kid," he agreed, looking over it.  "These are in testing.  Where's this bunker, Caine?"

"This way."  He led them down to the doorway.  "It's sealed and I can't find how to open it."

Xander coughed and took off the locket he was wearing, opening it to take out the small ball of explosives and the little coil of wire from the other side.  He attached it to his watch and moved back, making them move.  He blew it and looked, then kicked it twice, making it fall in.  "Open, boss," he said proudly.  He beamed at him.  "A universal key."

"It is," Gibbs agreed, shaking his head as he led the way down there.

Tony patted Xander on the shoulder.  "I miss having you around.  He gets frustrated without your fun."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs complained, smacking him on the head.

Horatio looked at Xander.  "Warn me next time," he ordered quietly.

"Yes, Horatio."  They walked down and Xander cooed, pointing.  "See, there's plenty here."

"No!" Gibbs and Horatio said in unison.

"Meanies."

Tony looked at Xander. "I'm impressed you're not wearing a slogan t-shirt."

"Horatio made me turn it inside out."  He took it off and turned it rightside out, putting it back on.  _You can kiss me, you can hold me, but if you touch my hair, I will KILL you_ made Gibbs groan too.  "I like it.  Especially when I get to play Sergio.  I needed this one then but Frank found it for my actual birthday."

Horatio walked off shaking his head.  "I'll talk with Frank later, Xander."

Tony grinned.  "I like it and it did suit that character very well."  He let Xander lead him over to other stuff.  "Hey, boss, bombs," he called.

"I found his failsafe and I'm not this good," Xander agreed.  Horatio came jogging over to see.  "I want to yank this wire," he said, pointing at it.  "But I'm not sure."

Horatio moved him out of the way, looking it over.  He finally got it undone and disarmed shortly afterward, letting Xander help him up.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome."  He grinned.  "So, he created the lake on top of his bunker.  That'd be a waste of weapons.  Are others coming?"

"Wilkins and the ATF are raiding the house," Gibbs admitted.  "Your stuff was put onto our copter by the pilot, guys.  Can we find the other door?"

Xander nodded, following his instincts.  "Oooh, water view."  He closed the door on the viewing portal, then reopened it and frowned.  "That's his fish tank in his office."  He walked out, going to find another way in.  He found it and whistled, bringing Tony jogging over.  "I think this is it.  I can hear Wilkins complaining that he can't find us."  He opened the door, leaning out.  "We found the failsafe and the bunker.  Horatio disarmed the failsafe since I didn't have a clue about it."  He heard the groan so he closed the door, heading back to their original opening.  Tony kept him from taking anything with him, walking him out to the copter.  They checked the testing lab.  All their stuff was gone.  All but Xander's PDA, it was on the table.  He stuck that in his pocket on the way past, grabbing his jacket on the way too.  The weapons that had been inside were now in a big crate.  "They'll need more for the bunker."

Horatio and Gibbs came out talking quietly.  Horatio shook his head firmly.  Gibbs gave him a look and Horatio shook his head again.  It sounded like Gibbs said 'fine' and they were ushered onto their ride home, heading back to the nearby base.  Horatio got them stripped of their wires, handing them to Gibbs.  Xander got taken off by one of the ATF agents to show how he had restructured some of the guns, having to order him around to get what he needed.  Horatio watched, shaking his head at a few things Xander pouted at.  "Xander," he ordered.  Xander looked at him.  "Be professional."

"I am.  They're not giving me what I need.  That's the '06, I need the '07."  The guy huffed and walked off.  Xander took them both to show him why.  "The earlier one has a shorter barrel."  He got that one broken down and made what he needed to, handing it over.  Then he got to work on the others.  He got to make all the ones from the first afternoon, letting them have them.  "That last one still needs a firing pin.  I didn't have a spare one."

"That's fine, I'm sure we can find one."

"From a .226," Xander ordered.  That got a nod and he went to find one, letting Xander insert it then fire it at the target for him.  "See?"  He grinned.  "I'm a good boy usually."

"Usually," Horatio agreed.  "Anything else?" he asked the agent.

"No, sir.  We have copies of all your reports already.  We'll make sure you get to DC for that debrief."  Horatio quirked up an eyebrow.  "NCIS, sir.  Since we had to involve them when one came up as stolen from a Marine testing base."

"Okay.  I miss my Abby buddy," Xander said with a small grin.  "I started my post-grad internship with her."

"I'm sure she enjoyed your bouncy nature, sir," he said tactfully.  Xander patted him on the arm.  "Do you, Lieutenant?"

"Most of the time," he admitted.  "How are his parents?"

"They've helped now and then."

"Jamie was on the comm last night," Xander agreed.  "He wanted to know if I needed a bedtime story after I got woken up.  So, are you guys confiscating my fees too?"  The agent nodded.  "Pity.  I could do a lot with that money."  He shrugged and walked off, taking Horatio with him.  He grinned at Tony.  "We're being brought back with you."

"Yes you are," Tony agreed, grinning at him.  "Abby's being impatient about it too."  He looked at Gibbs.  "Are we done?"  That got a nod.  "Their stuff on the plane with ours?"

"Yup.  All of it, even his gun case."  He held up something.  Xander pointed it at the camera in the corner and made it explode.  "Interesting.  Overheated something?"

"Changed a polarity so it would overheat itself," he agreed, letting him have it back.  "Fred designed it."

"Who's Fred?" Tony asked, looking confused.

"One of Angel's former team.  She died a few years back," Horatio told him.  "She was apparently a physics person.  Babbled a lot like Xander, they worked together in the lab now and then, but she was very good with an axe."

"Oh.  Okay."  He nodded, walking them off.  "Boss, going to the plane."

"Go for it.  I'll clean up here," Gibbs agreed.  He looked at the agent, who was staring at the camera.  "She probably meant to use it to take down demons or something, Agent Hertz."

"I'm sure she did, sir."  He looked at him.  "Have fun with CSI Harris."

"I did when he was ours.  He kept Abby happy."  That got a laugh and Gibbs let him have the remote.  "I want that back."

"As soon as we figure out how it does it, Special Agent Gibbs."   He watched him go, then leaned against the wall in relief.  He called his boss.  "Wilkins, I survived Harris, Gibbs, and DiNozzo.  They're headed back to DC and I've got a toy Harris had, plus all the toys he made for us.  I have it all taped too."   Pause.  "Sure.  I'm here at the base.  Need me back there?"  He grinned.  "Even better, sir.  Let me get some coffee and I'll get to work categorizing these new weapons.  No, Harris said he had started his internship with Abby, sir.  Exactly.  They're already on their way and I survived without any new bite marks.  Purple stuff?  I don't know.  He said his brother was on the comm last night, you might ask him."  He hung up.  "I don't do explosives, how would I know?" he muttered, going to get a coffee in celebration of surviving unscathed, then went back to his cataloging job.  He would be transferring before he had to deal with Harris or Miami again.  He vowed it to God that he would while he drank his coffee.

***

Xander snuck into Abby's lab, getting to work beside her since she was busy hacking something and concentrating very hard.  He nodded at the assistant, who gave him a horrified look.  "Hey, Chip.  I'm Xander."  He grinned sweetly and got back to work, handing her results and taking a sample from in front of her.

"Chip, I said sit down and don't move," she ordered, turning to look at him.  She frowned when he was still sitting in the same spot.  Then she looked over at Xander.  "XANDER!" she squealed, hugging him.  "You survived!"  He hugged her back, letting her dance and bounce them around.  "Are you okay?"  She pulled back to look at him.  "You look okay."

"He had good cooks.  I got to prove the demonic did exist.  He had no idea I did that stuff.  He only knew that I was Angel's weapon guy."  He shrugged.  "Technically we're in for debriefing but Horatio and Gibbs are growling at each other.  So I'm down here avoiding the alpha bitch fights."  She giggled and hugged him again.  "I missed you.  Calleigh nags about my hidden stuff."

"I'm sure she just wants to play with the pretty toys."  She let him get back to work.  "Chip, this is what someone wanted you to be."

Xander looked back at him, grinning again.  "CSI Harris out of Miami-Dade, dude.  I came here on an internship."

"What field?"

"Ballistics with a minor in trace and field work, plus construction and demolitions."  He swallowed.  "By the way, why do you look guilty?"  Abby spun around, glaring at him.  "You might as well tell me.  I'm not the nice one.  Abby can tell you that.  I beat Ari when he broke into the lab."  Chip swallowed.  "Hmm.  Definitely guilty about something."  He moved closer, handing Abby the swab he had been working with.  "That needs a slide, Abs."

"Sure, Xander.  You get him to talk."

"I think I can do that."  Xander tipped his head to the side then stepped closer, making Chip stand up and back away.  "Hmm.  Are you trying to discredit the lab or an agent?"  Chip shook his head quickly but he was trembling and sweating.  "I'd say that's a yes."  He took a step closer, catching him when he tried to move.  He stared him down, then grinned a mean, evil grin.  "Tell me or else I'm going to get someone truly evil to question you," he said quietly.  "I'm sure Kate'll have *fun*."  Chip whimpered.  "Abby?"

"I don't let him do anything.  She never did a background check on him."

"Do one," he suggested.

"I'm having Jamie do it."

Xander dialed up there with his free hand.  "Big brother, what is Chip doing?"  He listened, then laughed.  "Really?  That's charming.  Tell the cranky one I'll be right up."  He hung up.  "Tony had him discredited in a court of law for *arranging* evidence."

"Oooooh," Abby said, shaking her head.  "That's a bad thing, Chipster.  Really, really bad.  We like Tony."

"I do like Tight Ass," Xander agreed.  Chip gave him a horrified look.  He grinned.  "I date guys now since I turn women into serial killers."  He looked at Abby.  "My grandmother still wants a baby from me.  We figured out it'd have to come from you or someone like you that I couldn't warp so if you decide you want kids, tell her.  I'll have to have the snippage reversed."  He walked Chip up to the agent's cubicles.  "Hi," he said happily.

"Jamie yelled over you were coming up," Tony admitted.  "How do I know him?"

"Big brother, do you have it or should he do a search?"

"I'm printing it now, Xander."  He brought it over a few minutes later, giving him a hug.  "We've missed you.  Mom went into baking overdrive because she was worried about you."

"He didn't even know what I did until yesterday.  He thought I was a *normal* weapons guy."  His brother snickered.  "Yeah.   Oh, there's something in Fred's stuff that I wanted to show Dad and brag that I helped make.  When I get it I'll call and maybe you can come down too?"

"If at all possible."  The director came down the stairs glaring.  "Director, my little brother just got back from a joint ATF/NCIS investigation. He's here for a debrief."

"Why is he holding Abby's lab assistant?"

"Because he's been discredited among the forensic community and is presently trying to set someone up to get back at them," Xander told her, smiling slightly.  "I didn't leave much before you got here, Madam Director.  I'm Xander, Abby's former intern."  She gave him a horrified look so he beamed and nodded. "Yuppers.  Jamie's my big brother."  He looked at Tony.  "Is that enough to get into his apartment since he's clearly trying to implicate you in something?"

"McGee, get me a warrant," Tony said, handing it over.  "Take him to an interrogation room while we search his place."  Chip started to struggle but Xander casually did something to his arm, making him scream as the pressure point was hit.  "Ow.  I know that hurts when the accupressure person I go to hits that by accident."  McGee walked him off.  "Thanks."  Xander hugged him too.  "Get off," he complained, grinning at him.  "I'm surprised it's not a worse t-shirt."

"You guys wouldn't let me change in the plane," Xander complained.  He looked at Jamie, then at Gibbs.  "Can we have dinner or do you need us right now?"

"I can do your debrief later tonight, Harris.  Bertha, you need Jamie right now?" he called.

"No, let him take the gun freak out of the building, please," she called back.

"Just for that I should date you," Xander called back.

She joined them.  "I will beg for you to never come near me again, Harris.  You'll turn me like you did that stripper you made into a serial killer and NCIS will lose me."

"You could use those skills to track down others," Tony offered.  "Just torture them before handing them in as long as we didn't know."

She glared at him.  "I'm not that nice."  She looked at Jamie again.  "Go.  Now.  Please.  Before he taints Abby and she turns evil."

Xander looked at Horatio.  "Call when you're done with supper, Xander."  He nodded, letting Jamie lead him off.  "That hasn't happened in Miami."

Bertha looked at him. "Don't let him date?"

"No, but we did see his ex-girlfriend Cordelia before she died," he offered.  She shuddered and walked off looking like she was going to cry.  "Should we warn Amanda?"

"No.  She's got her son's desk bugged," Gibbs admitted.  "Bertha will tell his plant."  Horatio smiled at that.  "How did you stand being in close quarters with him for two weeks?"

"We did a lot of work on his demolitions knowledge."

"I can have him tested before he goes back," Gibbs promised.  "DiNozzo?"

"Waiting on that warrant, boss."  McGee brought it to him.  "C'mon, Probie.  Let's see what he was trying to get me for."  That got a nod and they headed off.  "Caine, if you ever get rid of him, I want him back.  Especially if I lead my own team," he said as he walked off.

"He's Miami's now, Anthony, you can't have him back," Horatio said firmly, glaring at his smirk.  He looked at Gibbs.  "How is Abby?"

"Good.  Probably bouncing around down there."  He called down there.  "Jamie took him home for dinner, Abs.  Yeah, he'll be back later for his deposition and we've got Chip in a room.  When you're done, call me.  I'm taking Horatio to dinner."  He hung up.  "Ribs?"

"I don't care really.  I need a beer."  That got a nod and Gibbs grabbed his jacket, walking Horatio out.  "Thank you for nurturing him until we could steal him, Director.  Xander is one of our best hires to date."

She went back to her office to pull up his file, including the one with the 'do not touch' rating.  Morrow's notes were very enlightening.  So were Abby's evaluations.  She got sent a file from Fornell and read it as well.  That made her shudder in horror.  He would not be coming back to NCIS anytime in the near future.  Not even if DiNozzo got his own team.  She didn't care how good the kid was.  He was dangerous.

***

Horatio walked into his office and sat down in his chair, smiling and sighing in relief.  "Home," he said quietly, patting his pile of paperwork.  "I see no one subbed in for you guys."  He sat up, taking off his suit jacket so he could get to work.

"XANDER!" Calleigh squealed as she pounced.

He smiled, shaking his head.  "Her and Abby both."  Eric leaned in, smirking at him.  "We're fine.  He cuddles very well but nothing else happened."

"Good."  He came in to look at him.  "Speed's pouting."

"Because Xander went to ballistics first?"

"Because you didn't come down there."

"He can come up, like you did.  Right now I want to sit down.  I'm tired."  Eric nodded, giving him a pat on the head before leaving.  He made sure his hair wasn't messed up, smiling a bit.  Speed strolled in with a folder.  "You welcome me back with work?"

"Yup, sure do."  He put it down, giving him a gentle, satisfied smirk.  "He cuddles?"

"He cuddles very well, but nothing else happened."  Speed upped his smirk.  "We made our host drink by exposing him to demons.  He made the director of NCIS drink by being his happy self.  He upped his demolitions ratings in the system earlier today."  Speed nodded at that.  "His parents had him over for dinner with his family.  It went well."

"How many times did you want to spank him?"

"Only twice.  I did learn a lot about him however.  We did a lot of talking about his friends back in LA and what he did while there."  That got a nod.  "He's getting lab notes from someone named Winifred.  He worked with her on Angel's team and in the lab when Angel got control of Wolfram and Hart."

"I've heard."  Horatio gave him an inquisitive look.  "I asked."  He smoothed down a piece of flyaway hair.  "How was DC?"

"Gibbs took me out for ribs and beers last night."  Speed laughed at that.  "He was very happy and excited to play with the weapons."

"Calleigh saw his notes.  She wants into his hidden areas."  Horatio shook his head.  "No?"

"No, he said she'd steal some of them.  I'm barely getting him to allow me into there."

"Pity."  He stepped back when he heard footsteps.  "He's back, Alexx."

"I got hugged by the bouncy ball of little boy."  She came in and hugged him too.  "You survived two weeks with Xander?  I'm impressed, sugar."

"It wasn't too bad but I have seriously underestimated how intelligent Xander really is.  I think we all have."

"He's got low self esteem.  That doesn't surprise me," Alexx reminded him.  "So, how was it?"

"Good enough.  By the way, we celebrated his birthday then."

Alexx dialed ballistics.  "Why did you not tell me your birthday was this last week?"

"Because it isn't, that's when the kidnaping parents remembered to file my birth certificate.  On my school records she put a different date, Alexx.  They put it in September."

"You were born in July," Horatio reminded him.

"Yeah and I was stolen within hours of my birth, boss.  They filed for my certificate in November.  She put September on all the forms for school and decided that was the real date.  Don't ask me, ask the alchie pain in my ass."  He hung up.

"Interesting," Speed said, making Alexx giggle. "What's on his driver's license?"

"The September one," Horatio admitted. That got a nod and Speed walked off shaking his head.  He smiled at Alexx.  "It went fine.  Xander and I got to know each other a bit better."

"I'm glad.  Now, can you help Calleigh get into his hidden stuff?"

"No.  He doesn't want to let me in there, Alexx."

"Pity."  She walked off, going to tell Calleigh the bad news, but found Xander already resisting her.  "You could show her some of it."

"She's seen some of it when Dad brought it out from LA," he pointed out dryly, looking at his boss.  "You know that."

"It's not fair that you have toys and won't share them."

"If we get a major insurgence or something I will.  Until then, my toys.  Buy your own."

"I could be really mean and make you give them to the department or confiscate them," she reminded him.

"Which is why I'm not letting you near my toys," he shot back with a confident grin.  "Otherwise I won't have them when I need them."  He saw Stetler lurking in the hall and walked out there.  "Got a few?  I think you should know something before you can jump my ass about it."  Stetler gave him a light sneer.  "You know my natural parents aren't in Sunnydale, we told you that, but did you know that they totally messed up my birthday?"

"No," he said calmly.

"Yeah, I was born in July.  They filed for my birth certificate in November, but they put September on *everything* and since I had to go by my school records since I got my first license through driver's ed, they made me put September on everything."

Stetler shook his head.  "So your birthday's wrong?"

"I didn't know it was in July until my post-grad internship," he admitted. "When I got told I was stolen."

"Fine.  Do you want to change it?"

"No.  I don't celebrate the thing."  He shrugged.  "Why would I?  I got a card from the real family around the real time."

"You should change it before someone else finds out."

"Not my fault.  Yell at the Sunnydale DMV people."

"I would if they were still alive," he said grimly.  "I'll make a note.  Any particular explanation you want?"

"Stupid, drunk parents?"

"That'll work. You're not the first."  He walked off shaking his head.  "How was DC?"

"Good.  I made the director of NCIS drink by being happy."  He beamed and went back to ballistics, listening to the others in the labs giggle.  He hugged Speed when he came in.  "We watched a marathon of that forensics show and giggled about how the trace expert would've been spanked by you now and then."  He let him go and got back to work.

"Who fed you chocolate?" Speed asked.

"Dad."

"Remind me to write him later," he told Calleigh, who pouted at him.  "Ask him, not me.  It's not my storage areas."

"Nope.  Because then she'd take them to play with and I wouldn't have anything left to play with.  Or I'd have to find a new source of toys and then I'd probably get into trouble.   So no, she can't have my toys.  Sorry, Calleigh."

"Will you take me there if I don't confiscate anything?"

"Yes, he will," Horatio called as he walked past the doorway.  "Both of us."

"Meany!  For that I should have chocolate eggos again," he called after him.

Speed patted him on the back.  "Remember, we said if you ever did that to us again we'd be tying you down and dropping you in the ocean so Eric would have something to dive after."  He walked off, going back to work.

"I won't have syrup and cocoa with it this time," he pouted.

She gave him a hug.  "No, Xander.  That's cruel.  We don't want you to be cruel to us, just to the bad guys."

He pulled back to look at her.  "Does that mean I can do that and go down to the next gang meeting?"

"Definitely not.  We don't need you injured.  Now, get to work.  Enough playing."  She gave him a swat, making him wink and get back to work.    She went to DNA to check on her pending results.  "Anything yet?"

"Almost.  I'm running it through CODIS now," Valera said.  "Is Xander happy?"

"Very but he threatened to eat chocolate eggos again if Horatio made him take me and him to his hidden weapons areas."

Valera shuddered.  "That poor boy."  She shook her head.  "We'll miss him terribly if he does that."

"We will," she sighed, shaking her head.  "I love Xander like a little brother but he is very bad sometimes."  Natalia came back from a bathroom break.  "Find anything new?"

"Not yet," she admitted.  "At least not today."  She smiled at her.  "How is Xander?"

"Good.  Bouncy.  His father fed him chocolate before putting him on the plane."  Valera shuddered.  "Yup.  He's very bouncy but cuddly."

"So he's going clubbing tonight?" Natalia asked.

"Probably," Calleigh agreed. "We should send someone with him.  Ryan?"  He leaned in with a smile for the three women.  "Xander's bouncy, happy, and cuddly."

"I've got a date tonight or I'd go out with him.  I'll ask Cooper, see if he's free."  He went to do that.  "Hey, Cooper, maybe someone should take Xander out to have some fun tonight.  His father fed him chocolate on the plane."

Cooper turned his chair to look at him.  "Why would I want to date Xander?  I'm straight, man."

"You know very well we don't let Xander go out on his own," Ryan said dryly.

"Point.  Then again, he takes all the dangerous women away so I don't hook up with a psycho chick.  I'll ask in a little while."  He got back to work, shaking his head.  "What are you doing?"

"Date."  He walked off, going back to DNA.  "Valera, do I have anything yet?"

"Yours is about to come out of the machine, Ryan."

"Okay.  Call me.  I'll try to calm down the wonderball boy."  He went to do that, leaving them snickering.  "Hey, Xander.  If you're going out tonight, Cooper might not mind being your chaperone."

"I went out in DC with my brothers and nothing happened," he said proudly.

"How many times did they have to flash their badges or guns?" Ryan shot back.  Xander frowned at him.  "Really."

"Not that I know of."  He texted that to Phillip, getting back a low number.  "Phillip said only twice."

"Good!  Then maybe you won't have any problems tonight."  He came in further.  "How were the toys?"

"He kept getting wimpy guns.  But I did get to make better ones from the parts."

"That's good!  Did the ATF guys like it?"

"Yeah, they made me do it over so they could tape it."

"Interesting.  Anything else happen?"

Xander gave him a shiteating grin.  "I got to expose our host to the demonic because he thought I only played with Angel's weapons.  He had no idea what I used to do or why I like weapons."  Ryan went pale.  "We have this one in a bottle that's a sex demon Fred and I accidentally changed to goo form.  I called out there and got him, letting him brag for me," he said proudly.

Ryan shuddered.  "I don't want those details.  I think it's bad enough those girls warped you the way you are.  I don't need to wonder what else warped you."  He gave him a pat on the shoulder.  "When are you getting into the field again?  I'll go with you if you want."

"I don't mind.  I guess the next one I get sent on.  Horatio never said anything.  Hey, boss?" he called, leaning out the door.  Horatio walked out of fingerprints.  "Ryan said he'd go with me on my next field run."

"That's fine, Xander.  Give yourself a few days to enjoy being home.  Have fun tonight."  Xander beamed and nodded, going back to work. "We'll go to see your hidden areas tomorrow after work."  He smiled at the groan.  He was not going to let him forget that.  Horatio went to call John Hagen to let him know they were back.  That way he could get an update on his nephew.  "John, Horatio."  He listened to him.  "We are.  Just got back an hour ago.  Already in the lab.  Why?"  He hummed, leaning back.  "I've told him he's to let myself and Calleigh see tomorrow.  Even if he does blindfold us both to get there."  He listened.  "That's good.  Is everyone still all right and living?"  He laughed at the answer of 'mostly'.  "Thank you for helping them, John.  Yes, he's here.  He could probably use lunch.  His father gave him chocolate before we left DC.  Of course."

He hung up and called down to ballistics.  "Xander, John wants to have lunch with you."  He hung up and got back to his stack of paperwork, sending an email to his boss that they were back and working today.  His boss said he knew that, he had gotten a report from Agent Wilkins.  Horatio almost asked him what he had said about Xander, but he knew.  Wilkin's has said good things to him about Xander's conduct and how he had worked the operation.  Hopefully he was just as pleasant in his report.  A few minutes later he got forwarded a copy from the Chief's secretary, making him smile.  It was much more glowing than he had been in person.  That was good for both of them.  He got back to work on his backlog of paperwork.  Otherwise his homecoming celebration would have to wait for the next night and his boys would not like that.

***

Xander stomped in the next morning, frown already in place.  His t-shirt made a few people scurry out of his way.  Eric stopped him to read it. 'I like you best I think I'll kill you last' was not what he wanted to see.  "Bad night in the clubs?"

"You have no idea," Xander complained.   He walked into the locker room, finding Speed already frowning.  "What?"

"Not you."  He looked at his t-shirt, then at him.  "Didn't get hit on, nearly got taken again, Cooper left you, or something more random?"

Xander let out a bitter snort.  "No comment."  He walked off, going to ballistics once he had his glasses and lab coat, closing the lab's door and locking it.  He had a delivery chute, they could get guns to him.  He got to work on the test fires he had to run, feeling a bit better.

Speed and Eric both stopped Cooper, who was grinning and happy.  "What happened in the club last night?" Eric demanded.  "Xander's wearing a threatening t-shirt."

Cooper frowned, then shrugged.  "I don't know.  It was okay.  He only got hit on once.  I got hit on more.  You don't think he's jealous, right?"

"This is Xander we're talking about, DC," Speed pointed out.  "Keep going."

"Um, I looked over and Xander was gone at one  point, I thought he was off in the john or something.  I found him about twenty later and told him I was heading home.  He waved and finished his drink.  He didn't look too happy then."

"So, either something bad happened or someone bad hit on him."

"Possibly.  Like I said, I didn't see him."  He shrugged.  "I did see Stetler for *some* reason.  Maybe he pissed him off."

"If he did I'm going to bite him this time," Speed said, going to ballistics.  He found the door locked and could hear the firing going on.  "Uh-huh."  He pulled out his ID and opened the door, walking in and shutting it quietly.  He went to watch Xander fire the gun.  "How many times have you shot that one?" he asked between shots.

"Just one.  I only need one."  He looked at him.  "What?"

"Stetler or someone else?"

"Someone else.  He wasn't even the bearer of bad tidings.  That was my grandmother."

"Did you call your parents?"

"No, she called."

"Call your mom and tell her to make your grandmother lay off."

"She'll be down tomorrow."

"Charming, and?"  He moved closer.  "You're scaring Eric, Xander.  You don't usually go this bipolar over something this small."

Xander looked at him then dug out the note and handed it over.  "That was slid into my pocket last night."

Speed looked at it then at him.  "So someone knows."

"Right after I had to out certain things during the undercover."

"Oh.  Well...."  He looked at it again then at him.  "It could be a lot worse."

"No, that was the message on my voicemail."

"Did you keep it?"

"Yeah, until I ran into Stetler.  He caught me frowning and made a bad joke so I let him listen to the rant.  I can only assume it's the same person."

"Interesting.   Why does he like you?"

"He said I'm uncomplicated, like a little kid.  I don't usually lie."  He shrugged.  "Horatio said he suggested I join his department once."

"You'd drive IAB nuts, Xander."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "Have you told H?"

"I transferred it to my computer last night and then sent it to him via email."

"Okay.  Let me talk to him with this note.  Anything else get up  your ass this time?"

Xander nodded.  "I ran into someone I didn't want to."

"Former friend?"

"Yuppers.  Blew my happy mood up."

"One of the two brats?"  Xander nodded.  "Why?"

"Break."

"Great."  He nodded.  "Let me talk with H.  You hide in here."

"I tried to do that but you opened the door."

"I'll lock it on my way out."  He gave him a look.  "Let us handle this."

"Sure.  As long as I don't have to kill again."

"Fine.  We won't let you kill anyone."  He walked out, locking the door before closing it.  "Sorry, Calleigh, he needs a bit of privacy.  He's wearing out a bad mood."  She frowned so he held up the note.  "One of a few things last night.  DC, did you see the redhead or the blonde last night?" he asked since Eric was still interrogating him.  Cooper frowned, shaking his head.  He scowled back.  "Neither one?"

"One brunette girl.  Pretty, tiny, kinda thin.  Looked a bit tired.  I thought she might be an early stage junkie with how thin she was.  Why?"

"One of his former friends.  Oh, and his grandmother's coming down tomorrow."  They all shuddered at that.  "Exactly.  Is H in yet?"

"On Wolfe's scene," Eric admitted.

"Great."  He walked off, heading  up to the office.  He logged into Horatio's email, finding the message.  He called him, putting him on speaker.  "H, just listen to this one.  It came off Xander's email."  He hit play, letting the audio track run, having to rerun it and turn it up when he found it was really quiet.  At the end he picked up the handset.  "Xander got that while out clubbing last night and a note was given to him calling him an unholy murderer and a fag," he said quietly.  "He said he ran into Stetler and let him listen but this is just the beginning of the bad.  One of the brats is down.  Also, his grandmother's coming tomorrow.  Sure.  Locked in ballistics.  He's not coming out for a while.  Thanks, man."  He hung up, logging out of the computer and heading down.  He found Stetler staring off with Eric.  "He's wearing a threatening t-shirt for a reason."

"I know why.  I got some transcripts sent to me by an ATF agent and the director at NCIS."

Xander came out of ballistics.  "Excuse me?"

He handed them over.  "You have hidden areas?"

"I'm used to fighting an underground menace that wants to destroy the world.  Of course I do."

"I thought you retired," Stetler said.

Xander looked at him.  "Old habits die hard."  He went back to reading over them then smirked at him.  "Did she complain that I'm bi or that I have weapons?"

"That you have hidden weapons.  She thinks they might be part of the same ring."

"No, all my stuff is older.  I think the most technological thing I have is some ring explosives."  Stetler blinked at that.  "In case we have another thing like the 'gator that came out of the ocean two years ago, Stetler.  That's what I used to fight."

"I know.  You want to make any other comments?"

"Horatio is pressuring me to take him there so he can see and get Calleigh new toys against my will?  Or do you want to hear about Buffy or my grandmother coming down?"

"We can deal with your grandmother," Eric assured him.  "We'll let Wolfe play boyfriend for a day or so."  Xander grimaced.  "He can do it for a few days.  It'll be good practice for him."  He looked at Stetler then at DC.  "Brunette?"

"She let her hair dye regimen go," Xander admitted.  He looked at Stetler again.  "Am I in trouble for being a typical ballistics tech with a collection?"

"It depends, how much is illegal?"

"No comment," Xander said, handing them back.  "I'm actually proficient in them."

"Can others get in?" Cooper asked.

"Not without the security system frying them."  Xander looked at him.  "I'm very possessive of what's mine.  That's why I'm resisting giving Cal new toys."  He looked at Stetler again.  "What did the other one complain about?"

"Demons."

"Yay me.  Not like I wanted to deal with them, they were epidemic in my former town. I  had to so I survived this long.  Am I in trouble for that?"

"No.  The Chief did not like the birthday explanation I put into your file.  I gave him your father's email in Homeland."  Xander snickered, nodding.  "He got it straightened out since I haven't heard anything.  Is Buffy the brunette you used me to get away from?"

"Yeah, one of the ones who thought I was dryer lint."

"Charming.  Okay.  Where is Caine?"

"Wolfe's scene," Eric told him.

"I let him listen to the voicemail.  Xan sent it over from his computer last night," Speed offered.

"Good.  At least he's warned.  Anything else?"  Speed handed over the note.  "Well, that's worse than money."  Xander snorted and pulled the baggie out of his other pocket, handing it to him.  "Ooh, that's cute.  What is that?"

"I don't know and I'm not claiming that.  It looks like candy coated intestine."  Speed took it, walking off with it.  "It's smooshed around a twenty you can have if you want it," he called after him.  "Sorry I had to defend my area of expertise but he was trying to break our cover and I shot back at him in a way that made him go drink and leave us alone."

"That's reasonable in that situation.  It wasn't Wilkins, it was someone else."

"Can I have them fired?"

"Probably not. It'd be really hard to have a director of a federal agency fired."

Xander looked at him.  "Can I scare her then?"

"Probably not a good idea, Harris."

"Pity."  He walked back into ballistics and slammed the door.  "I'll be out for lunch."

"Sure," Eric agreed. He took the transcripts, looking them over.  "Why would this bother anyone?"

"Because some people have very narrow viewpoints," Cooper said quietly.  He nodded up the hallway at reception.  "I recognize her from last night."

Eric groaned.  "Tell Xander so he can hide in the morgue or something."

Stetler looked then smirked and walked that way.   He didn't like how the kid had been warped, and if she had done some of that she should pay.  He cleared his throat.  "You are?"

"Buffy.  I'm here to see Xander.  I heard he works here."

"He does but he's working right now."

She pouted.  "I only wanted to see him for a few minutes.  Give him a hug, say hi, that stuff."  She looked at him.  "Did I see you last night?"

"Probably.  He gets lunch at two, come back then."  He saw Horatio coming off the elevator and gave him the transcripts.  "From two sources in DC."

"Charming."  He looked at Buffy, frowning.  "Do I know you?"

"This is Miss Summers," the receptionist said helpfully.  "She's here to see Xander?"

"He'll get lunch at two," Stetler repeated.  "If he takes off to chat with you now I'll have to write him up.  Then he'll be suspended."

"I only want a few minutes," she pouted.

"Buffy, I'm sorry, we can't let you into the lab.  Non-personnel are not allowed back there.  It's against federal protocol," Horatio explained.

"Then can he come out for ten minutes?  I mean everyone gets a break sometime, right?"

"He's got a backlog of guns to examine today.  He just got back from an assignment out of town," Horatio told her.  "Come back at two and you can have him at lunch.  Outside if he wants and it stays nice."

She shook her head.  "I've got a manicure around then.  I can't."

"Then he gets off at six tonight probably and you can hang around until then," Stetler offered.

"Did Xander screw up?  Is that why you need him to be uber-good boy?"

"No," Horatio said patiently.  "He's just gotten back from an assignment out of town and we need him to do his work so more people don't evade their due punishments."  Ryan came off the elevator.  "I'll let you give that to Xander and please tell him that Buffy's here?"

"I can do that."  He smiled at her.  "Hi, Ryan Wolfe.  I work with Xander in the field."

"He gets to work with guns outside?"  She gave them her 'adorably confused' look.

"He also gets to go to crime scenes to do the evaluations," Ryan explained.

Buffy slowly shook her head.  "No, he can't do things like on that forensic show."

"Yeah, he can," Stetler assured her.  "Second highest in his graduating class, Miss Summers.  They depend on Xander to do many things."   He heard a door open.  "Wolfe, shouldn't that be logged in by now?"

"Going.  Which one of us screwed up this time?" he complained as he walked off.

Horatio looked at Buffy again.  "I promise he'll be here around two if you wanted to come back.  Right  now he's up to about thirty guns."

"But Xander only knows how to shoot them.  Is he shooting them all at someone?"

Xander came out, leaning on the end of the reception desk.  "No, I tell the other CSI who fired them and which target they hit, Buffy.  That's my primary job.  To log in, examine, and match bullets and guns.  Just like on the forensics show. I do what the blonde lady does."  She shook her head.  He nodded.  "That's what I do.  All day, every day.  Sometimes I even get to play in the trace lab and run tests in there.  That was my minor."  He looked at Horatio.  "I have an officer's gun?"

"There was an officer-involved shooting last night," Stetler admitted.  "I'm lurking for that reason really."

"Sure."  He handed over that report.  "I saw it and did it first in case.  I know you make others nervous."  He looked at Buffy.  "I've got about twenty-five guns and about sixty bullets left to do before I go home tonight, Buffy.  Why don't you come back for lunch?"

"Because I've got a manicure then."

"I'll probably be off at six or seven if you wanted to come back then."  She shook her head, frowning.  "Then I'm really sorry but I'm not getting fired for chatting.  I've *got* to do this today.  Otherwise murderers and rapists go free to do it again."  She scowled at that.  "Come back at two and I'll go outside with you for my half-hour lunch."

"You only get a half-hour?"

"Yeah.  Then I have to come back, hand out reports, and go back to work."

"But...  Normal people get breaks."

"Yeah but I can't drink in the lab, Buffy. This is my break.  I'll see you at two."  She stomped off and he groaned, putting his head down on the desk.  "Shoot me," he muttered.

"Don't tempt some of the officers, Xander," Horatio warned.  He patted him on the head.  "Go back to work.  It'll make you feel better."  He nodded, going to do that.  He looked at Rick.  "Is that the only case?"

"At the moment.  Though your boy did ask if threatening a federal agent was a good idea."

"I'll let his mother do it.  She enjoys it."  He walked off, going to his office.

The receptionist looked at Stetler.  "Is she one of the ones who gave Xander those pet names for sports?"  Stetler nodded.  "Poor thing.  Oh, there's a message for you."  She handed it over.  "There you go, Sergeant."

"Thank you."  He walked off reading it, shaking his head.  The boy's mother had already heard and was having a strong word with a certain director.  So maybe one problem would be solved.  Hopefully.  He'd hate to see a ballistics tech so stressed that they snapped.  Harris had access to too many weapons for him to feel comfortable with that idea.

***

Xander sat outside with Valera, smiling at her. "You sure?" he asked.

"I'm certain, Xander.  Besides, it keeps Natalia off you."

"Thank you, Goddess, for that small mercy," he quipped, looking up.  She kicked him under the table, smiling at him.  "Really.  Not my type, thanks.  Though, the tit patrol?  Seen better in college."

"I know.  She's here."  She smiled and waved Buffy over.  "Xander's over here," she called.  Buffy smiled and came over.  "Hi, I'm Maxine Valera, I work with Xander, up the hall in another lab."

"Hi.  Buffy."  She punched Xander on the arm, making him hiss and wince.  "No more guns?"

"Only about ten left, plus bullets," he admitted, still rubbing the sore spot.  He handed her a diet soda.  "Here, from our machine."  He sipped his own, looking at her.  "Why are you in Miami?  It's not break time."

"I came down for a vacation.  Cleveland's been hectic recently.  Lots and lots of problems."

"Valera's heard me ranting at the stupidity of some demons before," he said dryly.  "Most of my shift knows."

"Why?"

"Because they needed to know how I got into guns and things."

"Oh."  She grimaced, looking at Valera.  "Does he hit on you?"

"Xander?  No, he's a perfect gentleman.  He even stomps spiders for me if I ask.  He's a lunch buddy and a break buddy but nothing else."

"Oh, good.  Because you're kinda nice and we wouldn't want you to go evil too."

Valera shook her head with a smile.  "He hasn't had that problem since he got down here.  Maybe it's the lack of demons around here."

"Wow."  She looked at Xander. "None?"

"Fifteen vampires.  None of them have killed anyone that we've seen.  We've got a heavy goth subculture so they can feed without killing," he explained at the odd looks.  "A few sea demons now and then but nothing really *horrible* in residence.  Now and then I'm told we'll get one coming up to eat sunbathers.  I've got stuff for that."

"That's good."  She hit him again.  "You never write."

"Why would I?  You treated me like crap, Buffy."

Yelina came over.  "Xander, is this your girlfriend?" she asked, sitting next to Maxine.  "Hi, I'm Detective Salas.  I work with Xander when he's in the field."

"Hi, I'm Buffy.  No, I'd never date the Xander.  He's goofy but he turns women evil and I heard *way* too much about how he likes nasty kinky things from his ex Anya."

"Anya's only complaint was that I couldn't give her ten or twenty orgasms a night, Buffy," he said dryly, sipping his soda.  He looked at Yelina.  "Don't you think that's unreasonable?"

"I do and I believe you should date men, dear.  You know that."  He nodded at that, taking another drink.

"Eww," Buffy noted.

Xander looked at her.  "Not really.  I've met a few who kiss very well."  She hit him again and shuddered.  "Buffy, don't hit me again.  I'll hit you back."  She snorted.  He glared at her.  "Remember who used to spar with  you, Buffy."  She pipped down at that.  "So, why else are you in Miami?  I would've expected you to hit Disney."

"I just needed to get out of Cleveland and Willow suggested I come down here to see if I could find you and make you come home."

Xander snorted again, shaking his head.  "Not with the way you two treated me, Buffy.  See, down here they accept me for being me, one eye and all."

"You've only got one eye?" Yelina asked.  "I never would have guessed that with all the times I've worked with you, Xander.  You handled that gang drive-by very well for an experienced officer.  I didn't see a side-weakness."

Xander looked at her.  "The last battle of Sunnydale was about two weeks  post eye-loss."

"Oh.  Well it clearly doesn't hamper you.  I'm sure Horatio knows?"  He nodded. "Good.  Then it's probably fine."

"It is.  Stetler rides my ass about keeping up with my fitness paperwork just in case.  He found out when Speed got shot by the terrorists."

"Terrorists?" Buffy asked.

"We do have a few down here now and then," Yelina admitted.  "Mostly central and south american ones."

Buffy shook her head.  "Xander needs to go back to Cleveland."

"I like Miami and I'm staying, Buffy.  Nothing you or she could say would change that."  She glared at him.  "Really.  I'm staying in Miami.  I'm needed in Miami and they *like* me.  Now, any happy news?  I heard from Dawn recently."  She got up and stomped off.  He rubbed his arm again.  "Thank you, Yelina."

"I want Alexx to look at that arm," she ordered quietly.

"I will if it doesn't quit hurting."

"Bullsnot," Valera told him.  She called into her lab.  "Natalia, is anyone hanging around or can you call Alexx for me?  Buffy hit Xander three times on the arm and he's in pain.  I think it's broken.  We're outside.  Thank you."  She hung up, moving so he had to roll up his sleeve.  "That's one hell of a bruise coming up," she said.

Xander looked.  "Yeah, that's broken," he sighed.  "I do not need this today."  Yelina smoothed down his hair.  "I'm fine.  It's not the first injury, Yelina.  Thanks for momming me though.  When did you get back?"

"Earlier today.  I had to come fill out some paperwork and then disappear after I put the house on the market."  She smiled at him.  "You are staying?"  He nodded.  "I wouldn't mind if someone nice bought it."

"I don't have enough saved for a down payment but ask Ryan.  He's been looking to move into somewhere more permanent."

"I'll do that."  Alexx and Horatio walked out.  "I came over to stop her hitting him on the arm.  I'm filling out forms," she told Horatio.

"I understand.  Is it working?"  She nodded, smiling at him.  "Good.  Are you putting the house up?"  She nodded again.  "I know Mr. Wolfe is looking to move somewhere larger with less mold than his present apartment."

"I'll suggest it later," she promised.  She held Xander still while Alexx looked at the spot.  "She hit him twice that I saw."

"Three times total, then she walked off when we said it was better if Xander was gay and he agreed.  She wanted him back in Cleveland, boss."

"We'll work on it, Valera."

Xander frowned.  "Horatio, send someone to my apartment?  Please?" he asked quietly. "Willow had the address," he said at the funny looks he got.  "Remember, she kicked the door in."

Horatio walked off to order someone to watch Xander's apartment for him while Alexx got Xander up and inside, taking him down to x-ray it in the morgue.  Stetler walked in a few minutes later.  "It's broken.  That girl hit him a few times," Alexx told him.  "I'm evaluating for him to go the ER or not."

"You going to file assault charges, kid?" he asked.

"She's needed out in public to save humanity," Xander said grimly.  "If she trashes my house ask me then."

"I heard someone sent a patrol car over there."  He looked at the bruise, wincing.  "That's going to be a problem."

"No it won't.  As long as the bone won't shift I'll be able to work."  Xander looked at her.  "Yes?"

"It's not a bad break but it is broken.  They'll want to cast it, that means the one that goes over your shoulder."

"No it won't.  I can't work like that."  He slid off the table.  "ER?"  She nodded.  "Can I have the film?"

"I'll have you driven over," Stetler offered.

"I've got my car here."

"You also drive a standard, kid, you can't drive it with only a right hand."  He took the film and walked him out to where Horatio was waiting.  "Have him taken to the ER.  See if he'll press charges."

"I can do that.  Come on, Xander.  We'll talk about casts."

"No we won't.  I'll be fine.  Really.  Air cast."  He let Horatio walk him out to his hummer, being nice about not fussing.  "Did you get to see the note and the transcripts?"

"Yes, and I emailed your mother.  She had a wonderful lunch with the director, pointing out that you were our tech now and that we were jealously guarding one of the top ballistics and artillery techs in the US.  That her narrow viewpoint meant that Miami-Dade didn't have to help NCIS if they came down for a case, but that you appreciated Gibbs' team enough to help them or your brother's team."  He backed out, putting the hummer into drive and heading off.  "She's toned down her complaints and your father got into your profile after she added to it, locking her out of it after changing it back."  Xander smiled at that.  "Feeling sick?"

"Not really.  Headache.  Was I really that desperate then?"  Horatio nodded. "Wonderful," he said glumly.  "Is the patrol car already there?"

"It is and I've asked them to call me personally if she comes anywhere near your apartment, Xander."  He patted him on the knee.  "Any other injuries?"

"I stubbed my toe earlier kicking a wall."

Horatio smiled.  "That I can't help you with but I'll try to make them not give you the shoulder cast."

"Please."  They pulled into the ER's parking lot, letting him get out first.  He walked inside, holding his arm.  He looked at the sign-in nurse, holding up the x-ray.  "My female friend broke it for me.  That was taken in the morgue."

"Morgue?"

"I'm a CSI.  My boss is parking the hummer."

"Name?"

"Harris.  Xander Harris."  He let her have the x-ray and check his pulse in that arm.  She also checked the bruise.  "I know it's going to be a few minutes.  All I want is an air cast."

She looked at him, shaking her head.  "Not likely."

"I'm a ballistics tech.  I can't work with one arm propped out at odd angles."

"Fat chance."  She smiled at Horatio when he walked up behind him. "Yours?"  He nodded.  "It'll be a few minutes.  I'll give the nurse this.  Go ahead and have a seat, boys."  She walked off to hand that to the nurse.  "One of Lieutenant Caine's boys is here.  He said he's a ballistics tech and can't have a normal cast or he can't work.  He said his female friend broke his arm for him."

She looked at the x-ray.  "Woods take this?"  She shrugged.  "The morgue?" She nodded.  "Okay.  We'll see.  I see a prior break too.  I'll get a doctor onto this."  She went to find the attending, handing him the x-ray.  "ME Woods took it for him.  His female friend broke his arm.  He's one of Caine's boys.  Ballistics tech."

"Interesting."  He looked at it, holding it up to the light.  "I see a prior break, looks like it was rebroken once too.  He in pain?"

"I haven't seen him yet.  He's waiting.  They said he can't have a normal cast."

"Probably would get in the way of firing guns," he agreed, frowning at it.  "Okay, put him in a room and we'll see."  She nodded, going to get them.  By the time he got in there Xander was nearly done with his history form.  "That long?"

Xander looked at him and nodded.  "I was bodyguarding and things back in Sunnydale."  The doctor slammed the door.  Xander gave him a longer look.  "Relax, dude, I'm retired.  Buffy did it to my arm when she came down to talk me back to Cleveland."

"Pity."  He came over to look at it.  "Fully retired?"

"Yeah, except for some paranoid tendencies.  Then again, I am a ballistics tech."  Horatio frowned at him.  "A lot of us are, boss."

The doctor looked at him.  "You know?"  He nodded.  "Good."  He looked at his arm again.  "I do need to cast it, Xander.  It's broken most of the way through.  Any jarring could finish the break and make it slip."

"Can we do an elbow to armpit air cast?  That way I can still shower and work and stuff."

"We'll see."  He probed it more gently, then hummed.  "I'd like to get another x-ray in case.  From another angle."  Xander gave him a pitiful look.  "If it's fully through we don't want it to rebreak like the one lower down."

"It got rebroken years later."

"It shows as a weakness."

"Yippee," he said grimly.  "I'm a CSI now.  If I have to get into that sort of brawl I'm hoping for backup."

"Good," he agreed, smirking at him.  "I can do a regular cast."

"That'll suck for showering.  Which I do kinda need to do daily for work purposes."

"It's high enough up that I should give one of the propped shoulder casts, Xander."

"Damn."

"Yup."  He stepped back.  "Up to you.  Real cast from your elbow up or not?"

"Above my elbow?" he asked.  The doctor nodded.  He looked at Horatio.  "Can I work like that?"

"As long as you're not in too much pain.  It shouldn't hinder movement too much, correct?"

"I wouldn't send him into the field but he should be fine for lab work."

Xander sighed then nodded. "I guess I can accept that.  I'll get some fisting gloves or something for showers."  The doctor blushed.  "I finished up with Angel.  I had to listen to him the night he got drunk and reminisced."

"You'll figure that part out," he agreed, going to get the things he needed for the cast.  He came back.  "Shirt off.  The sleeve won't go over it."

Xander took off his shirt with some help from Horatio.  "Thanks, boss."

"Welcome, Xander.  Will he be fine for work?"

"Depends on how much pain he's in."  Xander gave him a look.  "I'm assuming you have a higher than average pain tolerance?"  Xander nodded.  "Good.  Then you'll only itch and be driven nuts that way."

"No, if it bothers me that much I'll cut the thing off," Xander assured him dryly, staring him down.  Horatio popped him on the head.  "Ow.  I didn't know you were Gibbs suddenly."  He rubbed it with his good hand.  "Meany.  Can you go check on my poor apartment?"  Horatio nodded, going to call the patrol officer to make sure she wasn't there yet.  "Doc, is it *really* necessary?"

"Yes, Mr. Harris."

"Why?"

"So it heals properly and straight.  Otherwise you'll have a bad ache there.  How many hits did it take?" he asked, soaking the casting material.

"Three."

"You're lucky she didn't hit you harder."

"I think she's starting to age out of her powers.  She hit me as hard as she could."

"Age does come to those of us who're lucky," the doctor quipped.

"I definitely have been," he agreed.  His phone buzzed.  "Um..."  The doctor handed it over.  "Can I take that?"

"Make it short."

Xander opened it.  "It's me, make it fast, I'm in the ER with a broken arm."  He listened, the groaned.  "There's supposed to be a patrol car watching for her.  Is she there?"  He nodded.  "Please let the cop throw her out.  I'll deal with the damage later.  Thank you.  Or my boss if he took off for there.  Someone official.  We'll handle that later.  Thank you.  Yeah, very soon.  No, broken arm.  Same source as the new damage.  Thanks."  He hung up hanging his head.  "Horatio?" he called.  He came back in.  "She is there, she did kick my door off the hinges and did start to throw things around. She found one of my handguns and shot at the walls."

"The officer was a bit late getting there but she just pulled up.  She'll arrest her, Xander."  Xander nodded, hanging his head again.  Horatio tipped it up.  "You'll be pressing charges."

"Humanity still needs her."

"She can have probation if the DA is nice.  They can move that back to Cleveland."

"We'll see.  Have her arrested for now while I think?"  Horatio gave him a look.  "I wouldn't if it was a psycho ex.  You know I'd have them arrested and laugh."

"I'll have her held."  He walked out to call the patrol officer again, giving her that order.  He came back.  "She'll bring her right to Frank, Xander.   He can keep her cuffed while you're getting casted."  Xander nodded, looking down again.  "It's not your fault."

"How?" he asked, looking at him.

"It was their fault they couldn't see how good you were, or how useful even.  That's why they sent you away."  Xander nodded.  "That was their fault, not yours.  They obviously weren't looking since I saw how good you were within minutes of meeting you and got bragged about how useful you were by everyone who knew you within a day later."  Xander let out a soft smile at that.  "I like you more than that now.  Remember, we do see you as more than useful."

"You might want to warn Valera before she goes off on her and Frank has to save her."

"I've already warned Frank.  Don't worry about it."  Xander nodded.  "Good."  He watched the doctor work on the cast.  "He'll have movement?"

"He will.  I'm not covering the inside of his elbow.  Give me another thirty and then drying time, Lieutenant."

"She can wait in handcuffs."

"She can break handcuffs, Horatio," Xander pointed out.

"Then Frank will put her in the special ones that we  use on the really strong people, Xander.  It'll be fine.  Frank's very experienced."

"Okay but if he starts to call sports funny names it's not my fault."

"No, it's not," Horatio agreed, smiling at him.  "By the way, your grandmother is here."

"Crap."

"Basically.  Frank said Calleigh met her at reception and told her you're here and why."

"Double crap.  She'll fuss."

"You'll survive, Xander.  She's only one woman."

"She'll be shrieking and calling everyone back in DC.  I'll get Mom fussing, Horatio."

Horatio smiled.  "It'll be fine, Xander.  Just think, if you have to move, they can help."

Xander grimaced. "Eww."

"Maybe you can move your paranoia arsenal there as well."

"Maybe."  He shrugged, then winced.  "Ow."  He popped his shoulder.  "Sorry, doc."

"Not a problem, Xander.  It happens.  A grabbing injury?"

"Yeah, they tried to do the pulling-me-apart-at-the-seams thing.  The vamps weren't impressed when I wouldn't rip.  It was years ago."

The doctor looked at him.  "You really do need a full copy of all your injuries," he said quietly.  "In case it becomes necessary."

"Are you precognitive?"

"No.  Thankfully not.  I hear visions hurt."

"Yeah, Cordy complained for ages about hers."

The doctor smiled.  "About more than that from what I hear."

"You should've heard her when she came down," Horatio told him.  "She got heard from the detective's squadroom."

"Yeah, that was foreplay when we were dating," Xander said grimly.

"Date more men, Xander.  It's healthier for you," Horatio said, patting him on the head.

"Then I'll get more nasty notes."

"Not if they knew what you had dated in the past," Horatio assured him.  Xander looked at him.  "Seriously.  Tanya is still out in the open."

"No, she's in the Keys.  I can call her to tell her Buffy's up here if you want.  She left me her phone number over vacation.  I gave it to Frank's email when I got home."

"That is a bad idea.  You know that."

"Sorry, now and then my mind goes to evil places."  He winced and hissed when the doctor molded part of the cast over the broken part.  "Ow."

"I know, but it'll feel better in a few weeks.  Do I need to worry about pain killers?"

"No thanks."

"Good boy."  He finished up, smoothing the edges over.  "There, let's let it dry.  You can go in about a half-hour."  He cleaned up his mess.  "I'll be back after I see a few more people.  Usually I'm a pediatrician."

"You're a better one than mine was," Xander said happily.  "No needles."

The doctor smiled.  "That's a benefit of being here.  I don't have to give too many shots."  He walked out, leaving them alone for now.

Xander looked at Horatio.  "How much damage?"

"Enough.  She broke the door and frame.  She overturned your sofa.  That's where she found the gun that she used on the walls and windows."  He texted Calleigh getting back an 'she's here, grandma's complaining to her' message.  He showed it to Xander, who whimpered.  "It'll be fine.  It's good that she's sticking up for you."

"Maybe."  He laid down, his good arm over his head.  "Can I hide here?"

"They'll have to plant an IV, Xander."

"Pity.  Maybe I could stand needles."

"No, Xander."   He made him sit up, looking at the cast.  "That's not that bulky.  Do you have shirts that'll fit over it?"  Xander shrugged carefully.  "What's in your locker?"

"My MDPD t-shirt right now.  I took the rest home to do laundry before that assignment."

"We'll figure it out.  Even if you do end up wearing a button up shirt now and then."  He ruffled his hair.  "You need a trim."

"I know.  I was going to do that tonight after I got paid."  The doctor came back to check his cast.  "My grandmother's yelling at Buffy in the police station."

"Go ahead and sign out, Xander, but be very careful of the cast.  It's still damp."  Xander nodded, shaking his hand and sliding off the table, going to sign out and head out to the hummer.  "You might warn him about making sure his insurance is up to date," the doctor told Horatio.

"It is. I  made sure of it on the way over."  He followed, letting Xander into the hummer.  He got in to drive, heading back to the lab.  By the time they got there having the windows down had dried the cast.   He followed Xander inside and to the detective's side, finding Frank holding his grandmother away from Buffy.  "Ma'am," he said firmly.  "Less yelling please?"

She turned to glare at him, finding her grandson there.  "They couldn't do it around your shirt?"

"The sleeve was too tight," he complained.  He looked at Buffy.  "You trashed my place?"

"Now you have to come back."

"No I don't.  I have to *move* not move to Cleveland."  He looked at Frank, then at Horatio.  "Unusual circumstances?"

"Fat chance, kid.  She's wanted in Cleveland for attacking her sister and her daughter."

"Daughter?"

"Dawn got pregnant," Buffy sneered.

"Most girls do that now and then.  It's how humanity and the world survives," Xander agreed dryly.  "So?"  He looked at Frank, then at Horatio.  "Probation?"

"We'll agree to extradite," Frank told him.  "If they let her go we'll charge her with assaulting a member of the department and property damage with a lethal weapon."

"That'll work.  Thank you.  Grandma, can you get me a soda?"

"You should drink more water."

"I do drink plenty, I want caffeine," he complained, walking her off.  "I'm going to the locker room to find a shirt," he told Horatio.  "Then I'll hang in the break room for another thirty to make sure I'm fit for work?"  Horatio nodded.  "Thanks, boss.  Grandma, this is Horatio."

She looked at him.  "Amanda said you were cute."  She pinched him on the cheek then smacked it before following her grandson. "Do you have another t-shirt?"

"My department one has looser sleeves.  It might work.  If not I've got to find more button-up shirts."  Ryan saw him and glared.  "Buffy," he said in explanation.  "They're sending her back to Cleveland."

"You need to press charges."

"She's wanted for assault up there."

"You still need to press charges, Xander," Ryan told him.  "Really.  Or else she can do it again."

"Go talk to Frank and Horatio, Ryan.  It's just a small break.  I've had worse.  Really."  Ryan glared, arms crossing over his chest.  "I'm fine!  I promise!   They've worked it out so she'll be charged if Cleveland lets her go."  Ryan stomped off, going to bother Horatio and Frank.   He looked at her.  "Buddies."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, he's straight."  He grimaced, going into the locker room.  "I'm bare chested if that's going to upset anyone," he called.  Natalia came out of the bathroom area.  He pointed at his cast.  "Buffy."  He got into his locker, finding his t-shirt in his gym bag.

Natalia smiled at the older woman.  "Hi, I'm Natalia, I work up the hall from Xander."

She smiled and shook her hand. "I'm Xander's grandmother, dear.  Would you  know who my grandson was dating?"

"As far as I know it's been casual dating, nothing serious."

"Pity.  He could use a woman like you."

Xander looked back at her.  "My last girlfriend turned into a serial killer.  No I don't."  He carefully pulled on his t-shirt, awkwardly but it went.  "There, now I'm not half-naked and drawing attention.  Tell Valera I'm fine, Natalia.  Please?"

"Sure, I can do that.  Alexx said it was a small break."  He nodded, closing his locker.  "Well,  you two have a good talk."  She walked off.

"She's cute.  You date her?"

Xander made sure they were alone then shook his head.  "Hell no.  She reminds me Buffy."

"Oh.  That's reasonable."  She led him back to the breakroom she had seen, buying him a soda as requested.  "Here you go.  Should I call Amanda?"

"No, I'll be fine.  It's not fully broken through, Grandma."  She smiled and sat down next to him, leaning closer to share some family gossip, making him happier.

Speed came in a half-hour later, looking at him.  "Calleigh said she's clear now and you're not coming into Trace with a cast, Xander."

"It's new and I'll have my coat over it."

"I can tell you from experience none of our jackets will fit over it.  That means you'll be carrying contaminants from lab to lab.  So stay in ballistics while you've got it on."

"I can get a new coat for Trace."

"If you can find one that won't hamper you moving around, but until then no."

"That's reasonable."

"No it's not," his grandmother complained.

"Grandma, I have to fire guns.  Gunshot residue would get on the cast if I can't cover it with a lab coat.  I can't track that to Trace and contaminate other samples or they can't be used in court," he explained.

"Oh.  How long do you have to have it on?"

"Few weeks."

She looked at him.  "If you remove that I will have your mother spank you, grandson."

"It's not a full break, I'll be fine, Grandma."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "What does Horatio want me to do?"

"Find a better place to live."  He patted him on the head.  "And get a haircut."  He walked out after getting a water, going to talk to Calleigh.  "It's from above his elbow to just under his armpit."

She shrugged.  "I'm still clear.  Horatio?"  He came in from up the hall.  "I'm clear.  We know lab coats won't go over casts.  It's not like we can glove over it that high up.  He can work in here without a coat, maybe, if we don't get busted for protocol violations, but we're under watch."

"He said he'd try to get a new coat that would go over it," Speed told him.  "His grandmother protested until Xander explained why I won't let him in trace while he's got it."

Horatio nodded. "I've got forms for him to fill out today and so does his apartment complex."  He walked off, going back to gathering the forms, handing them to Xander with two pens.  "Here you go.  Your injury report, your insurance claim forms, and your workman's comp forms.  That way you can go on it if we need you to, Xander."  Xander pouted.  "It's not your fault."  He smiled.  "Also in there are forms from your apartment manager.  She's went through the damage already and their insurance people are not happy."

"I'm not happy."

"Going on workman's comp would mean that you would have time to move," he offered.

"I can't afford to move this month, Horatio."

"Xander, we'll deal with that issue later.  It's easier than you think.  I'll have the boys and Ryan help you find somewhere."

"Did you remember to tell him Yelina was moving?"

"I have and he bounced over to talk to her about how much she wanted and then called his bank."  He gave him another pat.  "We'll see what happens."  He walked off, going back to his office to make the official notes.

"I still need to get a dog," Xander told his grandmother, earning a hug.  "I'm fine.  I''m just pouting.  I've had worse injuries and still worked construction and stuff.  I've never filed for workman's comp.  It's only a broken arm."  Valera came in and hugged him.  "Did you have to do the paperwork of doom too?"

"I had to do a statement for Detective Tripp.  Hi, I'm Maxine Valera, I work in DNA up the hall from Xander."

"Natalia works in her lab," Xander told her.

"Oh.  That's good."  She shook her hand.  "Do you know who my grandson's been dating?"

"Not a whole lot.  The last time he went on a date it ended up in a hostage situation.  The official department policy is that we'd rather have him be gay.  It's safer for him and everyone else."  That got a snicker from the older woman.  "Really.  His date before then was a blind date and she tried to stab him for not being able to cook even though they were at a restaurant."

Stetler stomped in.  "She broke it?"

"Yup, it's officially casted," Xander said, pointing at his cast.  "Horatio's thinking I should be on comp but I'm going to try to work."  He handed over that form. "Tell the boss I said so and I am stubborn."  He handed over the incident report too.  "Here, for the official records I know you'll be looking over.  Grandma, this is IAB Sergeant Stetler.  He's the one that Dad had to talk to when I shot the terrorist."

"Charmed, young man.  Do you like my grandson?"

"Not that much.  I appreciate your grandson.  He doesn't lie to me and he does what he feels is necessary but tries to stay reasonable."  He shook her hand.  "I'll hand these to Horatio.  You pressed charges?"

"She's wanted back in Cleveland.  Frank worked it out so we'll charge her for breaking my arm and shooting up my apartment if they let her go."

Stetler looked at him. "No.  Sorry.  She's here, we have possession, we get her first."  He went to tell Tripp that.  "She stays."

Frank looked at him. "They want her for assault with intent."

"We have her damaging a police officer and using a gun to cause mayhem and property destruction."

Frank stood up and walked him off.  "Unfortunately with her job they need her able to save humanity," he explained quietly.

"There's others.  Being like that doesn't excuse her bad conduct in Miami.  Cleveland gets her after us.  She injured a member of the department and threatened lives."

"The DA agreed, Stetler."

"I can fix that.  She doesn't get a free ride to doing harm."  He walked off, going to call the ADA over the case and let her know that there were others doing the same job.  They could wait a year for her to be in jail down here.

Frank shook his head.  "It's very strange watching him protect that kid."  He went back to his desk, watching her sneer at the others.  "That guy was Internal Affairs.  He's trying to make it so you stay here."

"I'm needed in Cleveland."

"And?" he snorted.  "As he pointed out, there's others doing your job now."  She glared at him, starting to move. "Do I and I'll charge you with intent to harm another officer."  She snorted and relaxed again.  "Good idea."  He sat down.  "We'll wait on the DA's decision this time."

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

"No.  Not unless I book you and put you into holding."  She slunk down, getting quiet.  "Thank you."  Wolfe came back.  "Stetler agreed with  you."

"Good!  It's only right we get to put her in our jails first.  Then she can go to jail up there for trying to kill her sister and niece."  He shrugged.  "Xander?"

"Grandmother in the break room."

"Horatio's trying to get him to go on comp time but he's being stubborn," Stetler said from his borrowed desk.

"The boy's middle name is stubborn," Frank said with a small smirk.

"No, it's Lavelle, which is a stupid made-up name," Buffy told her.

Ryan looked at her.  "Named after his grandfather on his adoptive mother's side, Buffy."  She frowned, shaking her head.  "You didn't know that his parents in Sunnydale stole him from his real parents?  Who're in Homeland Security now?"  She went pale.  "Yeah, exactly."  He walked off happier now that she was a bit more scared.  It made him a happy boy.  Happy enough he even bought Xander a candy bar.  "Here, you need chocolate to soothe the ache."

"Thanks, Ry."

"I told her you were adopted.  She didn't know."

"I told Willow."

"Apparently she didn't listen then either."  He walked off happier with the world, going to work in Trace with Speed.  "I'll fill in for Xander if you want."

"I could appreciate that," he agreed.

Xander looked up from his writing and nibbling as the Chief of Detectives walked in.  "Hi, boss.  I'm fine.  I can work tomorrow."

He looked at his arm. "Talked them into minimizing the cast?"  Xander nodded, grinning a bit.  "Fat chance, Harris.  Not unless you can get a lab coat over it.   You know protocol demands that you wear a coat and gloves in the lab."

Xander sighed, going to get his lab coat from Trace.  He walked out, working his arm into it.  "See?  I can fit into it."

"Uh-huh.  Can you fulfill all your normal duties?"

"I don't fire with that hand.  Recoil won't bother me unless it's a shotgun."

The Chief looked at him, then shook his head.  "Pain killers?"

"No, why would I need some?"

"Nerve damage?"

"Prior combat trauma and alcoholic adoptive parents," Xander said, starting to frown.  "I can work tomorrow."

He checked his coat. "Horatio?"  He came walking in.  "Can he work with his coat like that?"

Horatio checked it then grimaced. "Maybe.  It's going to limit his range of motion."  Xander groaned, sitting down again, putting his head down on the table. "Then again I think he needs a bigger size most of the time," he admitted quietly.  Xander looked over at him.  "They can be a bit tight."

"Only two of the five."

"Is this one of the looser or tighter ones?" his grandmother asked.

"Looser," Speed said from the doorway.  He handed over his ballistics one.  "This is a tighter one."  Xander was helped out of his jacket and into that one, wincing when it got stuck on the cast.  "Nope, not a chance.  You can't work in trace in a coat that's hindering movement."  Xander pouted.  "Rules, Xander.  Remember, we've got Feds waiting to crawl up our asses."

"Point.  Must I go on comp?"  Everyone nodded.  "But I'll go insane and they won't approve it for this.  It happened outside."

"Insurance will cover it," Horatio assured him.  "If workman's comp won't you'll get short term disability from the insurance, Xander.  The incident report?"

"I gave it to Stetler before he threw a hissy about her being shipped back for the other assault charges."

"I'll get it from him then.   Where are you staying tonight?"

"Home?"

"No, Xander.  You have no door.   You have fewer than five windows.  You have a broken sink as well.  Plus your microwave."

"How many times did she reload?"

"Twice."

"Oh."  He grimaced.  "I'll still need to pack stuff.   Like the other weapons."

"Calleigh and I have talked.  She'll take your weapons home with her tonight and then we'll both help you move things from your hidden areas back to your new place."

"Pushy," Xander said dryly, staring him down.

"Tough."

"I can't afford to move, Horatio.  I won't get my security deposit back with that sort of damage.  I don't have that much saved.  You need a lot of money to move."

"Think about buying a condo," he suggested, sitting down across from him.

"Condo?"

"You didn't build any back in Sunnydale?"

"No, we mostly did  houses.  A school."

"Condos are like buying an apartment.   Some have fees for the community they're in but not all.  Some are very nice.  Some could use some work.   You'll get to decorate however you want without checking with the landlord.  You can have pets as long as they're legal by Miami codes."

"A townhouse?"

"Are usually slightly bigger than condos."

"Oh.  But they're still expensive."

"Yes, but the great thing about buying things is that you have time to pay for it, dear," his grandmother told him.  "You can put down a few thousand as a down payment and then take out a mortgage for the rest to pay off over a few years.  How are housing prices, Horatio?"

"Fairly steep for houses but the condo market has recently bottomed out and I know that there's a good selection open right now.  Ryan was looking at some, Xander.  He can show you the ones he liked."

"But credit stuff and ...."

Horatio covered his mouth.  "Do you have any student loans?"  Xander shook his head. "Paid off?"  Xander nodded.  "Early, right?"  Xander nodded, smiling a bit because he was proud of himself.  "Good.  That'll look very good and we can help you.  Plus the union can help you get a good mortgage.  They offer a plan.  I'll call the union rep to make sure it applies to lab techs but it should.  You pay union dues."  Xander nodded more slowly.  He handed over his check.  "Put most of that in the bank.  Go to a motel tonight with your grandmother.  After you pack most everything up."

"I can put it into one of the areas," he said from behind the hand.

Horatio removed his hand. "That could work as well.  I doubt you're up to moving the furniture but you could move the electronics that way.  Then tomorrow you go talk to a good realtor."  He handed over a card.  "I've bought some investment property through her over the years.  Tell her what you're looking for.  Bring in bank statements.  Bring in your pay stub.  Tell her why you're moving.  Sometimes a good story will make the seller sell for less."

"I guess."

"You can do this and it'll mean more permanence, Xander.  That you're not going to move for a long time."

Xander smiled.  "I might like that.  And then I can get a dog?  I've been working too many hours to go to the pound."

"You can," he agreed happily.  "Okay?"  Xander nodded.  "Good boy."  He patted him on the good hand.  "Take your grandmother to dinner tonight too.  That way she doesn't have to fuss too much."  He got up and left them alone, taking the others with him.

"Well, he certainly seems to be very forceful," she said.

He looked at her.  "I trust Horatio's judgement and it would be nice to be able to paint."

"A condo's not inexpensive but not as bad as it could be," she admitted.  "You might even end up paying less than you did for rent and utilities before."

"I had all utilities paid," he admitted.  "Sometimes I forget that stuff."

She smiled.  "You can put that on automatic payment, Xander.  Through the bank, the same as you can the mortgage payments."  She patted his hand again.  "Finish up with the dreaded forms and we'll go pack up your things for the night."  Xander nodded, going back to his filling out.

***

Abby opened up her email the next morning, frowning at it.  "Why did someone shoot up Xander's house?"  She clicked on that email.  Then she stomped off, going to open it on Gibb's computer.  "We have to do something about her!" she demanded, starting to pace once it was open.  "She can't be allowed to break Xander's arm or to shoot up his place just because she's a selfish ...girl!"  She stomped a foot.  "Can't we charge her too, Gibbs?  He was working for us on that assignment and before."

"It's not like diplomatic immunity," he said calmly.  "It doesn't go from father to son, Abby."  She scowled at him. "I'm sure Horatio took care of it.  DiNozzo, look up where she's being charged," he ordered.

"Who?" he asked as he sat down.

"Buffy," Abby sneered.  "She broke Xander's arm and shot up his place because he wouldn't go back to Cleveland with her."

"Okay."  He typed that into the search database they had.  "She's being extradited to Cleveland because she tried to kill her little sister and niece.  Florida will have her after that if she gets off probably."

Gibbs waved a hand.  "See, they've got it, Abby."

"Can't we do *something*, Gibbs?  It's *Xander*!"

"I know it is and I'm sure he'll be fine, Abby.  Probably moving but he'll be fine."

"No he won't!  She broke his arm!"  She stomped a foot again, giving the pouty look to McGee.  "Buffy broke into Xander's place to trash it after she broke his arm."

McGee frowned.  "Is she under arrest or running?"

"They're sending her back to Cleveland.  She had repetitive idiocy syndrome."  Abby frowned at him.  "She did the same thing to her sister's place, only without the gun play," Tony explained.

"But he's with the department, Miami would be harder on her.  I don't care if she is who she is, the world doesn't need her if she's going to be like that," Abby complained.

"Write Horatio, make sure Xander's really all right," Gibbs said quietly.  "Make sure they're going to charge her if Cleveland doesn't."  She pouted all the way back to her lab.  He wrote the kid to warn him she was pouting on his behalf.  Xander's answer a few minutes later made him laugh.  "His grandmother's down there pouting on his behalf too and throwing fits.  She nearly attacked Buffy while she was in cuffs.  She's helping him look into the option of buying a townhouse or condo."

"It's a good investment right now," Tony agreed.  "With the buyer's market I'm looking into it too.  A very good investment.  Plus he could have a bigger dog if he wanted."

"Are you really ready for a ten year or more mortgage?" McGee asked.

Tony looked over and nodded.  "Yeah, and I can pay it off in five, Probie.  They do offer that option as well."  He got back to work.  "Since the value will probably grow, I can easily get something cheaper and then fix it up a little bit here and there.  Update a kitchen or a bathroom.  It adds about twenty percent to the worth over ten years."

"That's assuming you live ten years, Tony," McGee pointed out.  "With your history of being taken, beaten, and getting hurt...."

Tony looked at him.  "Only the good die young.  We'll sing sweet songs when you go, McGee."

"Boys," Gibbs said, glaring at them.  "That was uncalled for, DiNozzo."

"Xander said the same thing to me once, boss."

"We'll watch over him from the afterlife and cheer on the insanity in his life," McGee agreed.

"Don't let mom hear you say that," Jamie called from the walkway by the windows.  "She'll hit you too."

Tony looked at him.  "Going home?"

"Not hardly.  Just getting back from a scene in a field."  He grinned.  "And if she tries it I'm going to go bug Fornell."  He walked off cackling.

"Hey, maybe Xander can come up to visit more often then," Tony said happily.

"I almost feel sorry for Fornell if he does," McGee offered.

Gibbs shook his head.  "Enough.  Work.  Now."

"Where is Kate?" McGee asked.

"Doing girly things," Tony told him.  "She's at a spa, Probie.  Getting pampered, touched nicely in good ways, all that stuff.  Then she'll come back and grump at us for being men who don't need manicures."

"I like...."

Gibbs looked at him.  "I don't need to know that."

"Sure, boss.  It's very relaxing though."

"I have a boat.  It and bourbon are relaxation enough."

"I have Xander shopping when I get that stressed," Tony said with a wicked grin. "Because no one down there does."

"That might be a good thing," Gibbs noted impatiently.  "Do we have anything new?"

"Yeah, boss, the victim's profile is now gone from the system.  It ate it," Tony told him.  "No matter where I look she's gone."

"McGee?"

"I'm trying myself.  It does say that it was removed by executive order, boss."

"I'll talk with her in a minute," he muttered.

"You know, if they have Xander on comp time," Tony started.  "He could need some more shopping.  Almost nothing will fit over a cast."

"Especially if he's got one of the braced shoulder ones," McGee agreed.

Gibbs shuddered.  "If you do, I want to hide, DiNozzo."

"Sure, boss.  But remember, the gala for those seeking funds is coming up too.  Maybe Horatio will pimp his ballistics tech."

McGee shuddered.  "Better him than me."

"That's what he said about me too.  It wasn't *too* bad.  Just really boring," Tony told him.

"Let me find out who removed that profile," Gibbs said, going to hunt down the director and ask her since she's the only one who could have done it as it was an agent who had gotten hurt.   Tony and McGee shared a smile.  The boss always had to go to those things and with the new director being such a suck up.....

***

Xander walked into the station two days later.  "I hate moving," he told his boss.  "It sucks, I can't find anything, and everything's way too expensive even though it does suck."

Horatio gave him a small smile.  "You'll find something soon, Xander."

"No I won't!  I'm not paying a hundred thousand for an apartment!"

"Look a few more miles out.  There's some cheaper areas of the city about fifteen miles out."

"That is the cheaper area according to her."

"I'll talk with her, Xander.  Did she say what was driving up the price?"

"Having a bathroom.  Having more than two rooms."  He sat down with a pout.  "I hate moving."

"It'll be fine."  His phone paged him.  "We've got a domestic coming in."

"Can I help?"

"No.  You can ask Ryan if he's got a better list for you."

"Damn."  He went to find Ryan to ask him that.  On the way back to see if Frank knew anyone who was selling somewhere cheaply he ran into the husband yelling at the wife that he was going to smoke her.  "Are we talking like how you cure beef jerky or like how you cure bacon?" he asked from behind him, making the husband turn and sneer at him.  "Do it, little boy.  I make underdeveloped little boys like you piss themselves in fear and then I laugh as I piss on 'em.  Now, sit your ass down and shut the fuck up before I have to treat you like you treat her."  The man started to open his mouth.  "Ah!"  He held up a finger.  "I'm a demolitions expert and a ballistics tech.  That means I play with guns all day and the department pays my ass.  Sit down!"  The man sat, staring at him in horror.  "Good!  Now, shut up!  Real men don't have to threaten those who're weaker.  Though in this case I'll make an exception for teaching you better and having fun."  The man slumped.  "Thank you!"  He looked at the woman.  "And you!  I don't care what he's yelling, you can walk away.  There was no need to escalate that in the police station even if you did want him arrested.  You can fill out the forms and we'll gladly help you, ma'am.  That's what we're here for.  Pissing us off by fighting means we can arrest you both, even if it is unfair.  Understood?"  She nodded, stomping off.  "Do you want the forms?" he called after her.

"I have them. There's a restraining order."

"Then you call the next time he's in range to hear you scream.  We'll be there."  She nodded, leaving with her guiding officer.  He glared at the man.  "She needed one?  Because that's just pitiful," he sneered.  "Do I need to beat your ass to show you how you don't treat a woman?"  The man started to stutter.  "I can make you feel like one, not an issue.  Really."  He shook his head, looking away.  "Good!"  He walked off again, weathering the look from Eric.  "Was he the victim?"

"No."

"Then he needed to hear it," he complained.  "Frank, do you know anyone who's selling something to live in cheaply?  I'll even take a tent as long as I can hook up a shower.  I'm not spending a hundred grand on an apartment."

"Actually, I do.  John's got some near him, kid.  Have you talked to him?"

"No, I haven't.  You think he'd mind?"

"It's not like you're going to be roomies.  You can live in the same sector of the city and still not see him for weeks on end."

"Point, and it would be closer to some of my weapons.  Thanks."  He walked off again, happier now that he had gotten some of his stress out.

Horatio looked at Eric, who shrugged. "Don't look at me, H.  They were fighting in the hallway.  Xander walked up behind him and started on him."

"He's stressed over the move, Eric.  That's all that was."

"He can't really turn me into a girl, can he?" the guy asked.  Horatio nodded.  "That's sick, man!"

"Yeah but some people find that fun.  I'm sure his last girlfriend would like that.  She's a serial killer now."  The man whimpered and curled up on himself.  "You are free to go.  Remember to abide by the restraining order, sir."

"Not like I want to go near that harpy."  He walked off pouting.

"Damn," Speed said as he came out of the room.  Then he burst out laughing.  "That was a pretty good show."

"It was," Frank agreed, grinning at him.  "I bet the boy feels better now."

"Hopefully," Horatio agreed.

***

Xander let his realtor show him around this new block, frowning.  "There's no bathtub?"

"Not yet but you could put one in," she offered.

Xander looked at her.  "That takes a hell of a lot of work and I still have a broken arm."

"I was going to suggest a good plumber."

"I used to be a team leader on a construction crew.  I know how much plumbers make, even in low rent areas.  Which this definitely isn't.  General contractors are always cheaper."  She smiled at that.  "It would still be a pain in the ass to take a shower with this cast on."

"Good point.  Other than that, how about the general things?  Size of the rooms, number of rooms, those things?"

"I still can't cook and I still poison people when I try so the huge kitchen is great, but I don't need that.  Do you have anywhere dark and creepy but spacious?  I can stand goth stuff.  I worked with a vampire, it's all good and I see plenty of sun at work in the lab.  Someone put in way too many windows there."

"Sure, I think I have something that's less bright and airy."

"And probably cheaper too," Xander pointed out.  "Windows seem to equal higher cost around here."

"That is one thing that can drive a price up," she agreed.  She adjusted that rating down, coming up with a lot more in his range.  "Well, that brought up a whole new page of places, Xander."

"Any closer to the station but cheap?"

"No.  Closer to the station is not going to be cheap, even in the dark and creepy price range."  She led him back out to the car, taking him to the favorite she had on that list.  She knew what he wanted.   She could agree with him not having a big kitchen but his bathroom desires were going to drive her out of her mind.  Then she got an idea.  "There is one place but the owner is being selective on who she takes bids from."

"Why?"

"She's eccentric."

"Like fairy Wiccan strange?  Or like Voodoo Priestess strange?  Or are we talking Barbie strange?"

"Barbie strange but the house is very ...difficult for most people to like.  Plus she's got to like the new owners."

"Okay.  Does she have a crystal ball and cats or just cats?"

"Four cats, no crystal balls but a few crystals in the windows."

"Sure.  Yard?"

"There is one."  She pulled into the parking area and got out, nodding at him to follow.  "Until she accepts you, you can't parking in her driveway."

"Oooh, a driveway?"

"Small one."  She led him over to the house, ringing the bell.  "Ma'am, I heard this house was up for sale?" she asked.

"Still.  I haven't found one I liked yet."  She looked at Xander.  "Are you married?"

"Nope.  Women are evil.  My last one turned into a serial killer so I'll have dogs."  She smiled and took his hand, leading him inside.  The front room looked like a mausoleum.  It was marble with marble columns and marble tiles on the walls and ceilings.  "Strangely enough this reminds me of the Hyperion back in LA.  I worked with the group who bought it."  She gave him an odd look.  "Sorry.  My name's Xander.  I'm from near LA and I ended up working in LA with an investigative group while I went to college.  I work with the crime lab.  I'm a ballistic's tech with a minor in trace."

"I'm Agatha."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am.  If you don't mind me asking, why are you selling this house?"

"I'm moving in with my fiancee.  As soon as I can get it sold we're getting married," she said happily.

"I wish you many happy returns and a long and happy marriage," he said, kissing her on the back of her hands.  She smiled and patted him on the cheek, then looked at his arm.  "My former female friend.  She broke it because she's decided I'm worthless and she doesn't think I can do anything since I lost an eye about six years ago, but she wants me back.  She hit me because I wouldn't go back with her."

"Oooh, you poor thing.  What are you looking for in a house?"

"A large bathroom with a good bathtub so I can soak in bubbles after a long day.  A nice view is good.  A yard because I want a dog. I'm kinda lonely and my grandmother is nagging for grandkids.  So I'll give her a furry one for now."  Agatha smiled and nodded, leading him around.  The bedroom looked like an ancient version of a Vegas honeymoon suite.  "Would you mind if I painted over the pink?  Thanks to that friend I have bad flashbacks to pink and shoe shopping."

"No, darling, you're a man.  Even a gay man would paint over the pink in this room."  She led him into the bathroom, letting him see the very nice return of the marble, this time in green and silver.  She watched as he got down to look at things.  "You know construction?"

"For three years before I lost my eye," he admitted, smiling at her.  He got back to looking at the tub.  "I'd need to reseal around the edges but I could do that while I waited for the tub to run some night."  He ran an appreciative hand over the statue she had in there.  "I love how you decorated.  Who did that statue?"

"It came with the house."  She led him off to see the kitchen but he balked. "You don't cook?"

"I'm kinda poisonous, literally."

She giggled and nodded. "I've seen many men with that problem.  Perhaps you could learn?"

"No, I mean literally," Xander told her.  "As in I've sent people to the hospital with cookies from a mix."  That got a bigger laugh.  "My boss said if I ever tried to cook again he was going to arrest me.  Since he's Lieutenant Caine..."  She hissed at that name.  "You don't like Horatio?"

"He's a cold, cruel man."

"Really?  He kept trying to make me take pain killers for my arm and told my grandmother to baby me."

She gave him an odd look.  "Really?"  He nodded.  "Hmm.  Which one are you?"

"I'm his ballistics tech.  I work in Calleigh's lab when she's in the field.  Or trace if we're clear on gun crimes.  I occasionally get into the field myself but I keep it pretty rare.  Right now, he made me go on comp time.  That I will agree that he's mean about.  I could be working but he wanted me to take time off.  Suggested I *shop*," he said with a shudder.

"I like you."  She led him around the rest of the house, finding all the little nooks and crannies she had in here.  "I don't know who originally built it but apparently they had very earthy tastes."  Xander nodded, patting another statue.  "Another that came with the house but I'll be taking that one with me."

"Okay.  I was thinking something bronzy for in here."  She smiled at him, leading him into the small yard.  "This is nice."  She giggled and did a cartwheel.  "One up on me, Agatha.  I've never been able to do one of those."  She led him back inside, letting him run an appreciative hand over more things.  "How much did you want for it?" he asked quietly.

"What do you make a year, Xander?"

"Fifty-four before taxes.  About forty after.  So I can afford a good mortgage."

They ran into the real estate agent, Agatha taking her aside to talk to her.  They came back.  "Xander, she's asking about eighty-five for it. We have you cleared for up to one- sixty for a fifteen year mortgage or one-twenty for the ten year.  That would mean your average payment would be about a thousand per month base at the ten year rate."

Xander looked around.  "I won't need that much.  Can we make it for a hundred, that way I have enough to get some new curtains and furniture?"

"Darling, I won't need it," Agatha told him, patting him on the cheek.  "There's very few things I'm bringing with me."

"Are you leaving the bed?  Because I can see a serious love nest going up in there."

She giggled and nodded.  "I am and that's what it was meant for.  It originally belonged to a mistress of a Count."  He grinned at that.

"A hundred thousand would cover all the costs, plus hiring movers, getting some new sheers for the back doorway, and some new sheets," his realtor agreed.  "We can sign the paperwork today."

"We should sign the paperwork today.  I'm tired of the motel and I need to move my handguns from my coworker's house before she starts to covet them."  Agatha gave him a hug.  "Where are you moving?"

"Cotton row, darling."  She walked them out, showing him the front of the house as well. "Now, you tell that big meany that I'm going to let you buy my house because he's a grump and should help you paint where I put up the pink in the bedroom for being such a grump."

"I can do that."

"Good boy."  She stroked his cheek.  "You'll have a wonderful family some year and many dogs I'm sure."  She walked back inside, going to get the paperwork she had drawn up, writing in the price.  The realtor looked it over, nodding and letting Xander sign it.  Agatha signed it.  Then they went to file it and get her paid.   The bank was nice enough to process the loan application that day and with Xander pre-approved it went through nearly immediately.

***

Xander walked up to where Horatio and Frank were having lunch the next day, flopping down.  "Agatha said that you're such a grump that you should be made to help paint over where she put pink in the bedroom."

"Agatha?" Frank asked.

"The woman I'm buying the house off of.  She's a bit strange.  The front room looks a lot like a mausoleum.  The rest looks a lot like an ancient Vegas honeymoon suite but she said I could paint over the pink.  She said Horatio's a grump too."

"Is she that freaky broad who buys up strange houses and then makes the realtor bring the people by so she can approve of them?" Frank asked Horatio, who nodded since his mouth was full.  "Well, they're usually good houses but she's a flake, kid."

"I've lived in LA, Frank.  During my training I got to work a scene at a cult to a camel where the camel had sat on and smothered a member."  Frank choked at that, drinking his coffee to clear his throat while Xander patted him on the back.  "A little strange is good for me.  I felt right at home.  We close on the house tomorrow and she's leaving most everything there so I don't have to move everything with me.  So if you know someone who needs a few beds...."

"Ask Delko, I'm sure he's worn at least one out," Frank wheezed.

"I could use one for the guest room," Horatio admitted.  He ate another bite.  "Where are you moving?"  Xander handed over the sheaf of papers from the realtor, letting him hunt for it.  He looked at it then at him.  "You weren't kidding.  The front does look like a crypt.  I've been in there before."  Xander shrugged.  "We'll make sure there's no bodies."

"Is she a black widow?  She said she's going to Cotton Row to be with her future husband."

"Probably not," Frank told him.  He looked at the address.  "You're up the road from Hagen."

"It's cheaper," Horatio told him.

"She only wanted eighty-five for it," Xander agreed.  "I'm taking out extra for new sheets, drapes, and those things."

"Paint?" Frank suggested.

"Only over the pink stuff."  He grinned.  "She's moving in four days.  Want to help me steal my handguns back from the boss, Horatio?"

"I can do that, Xander.  She's only coveting one that I know of."

"Yeah but it's my new Desert Eagle," he said with a small pout.  "Mine."

"I'm sure she'll give it back," Horatio said.  "How's your arm?"

"Itches.  Can't I crack the cast yet?"

"No, Xander.  It's only been a week and a half."

"Damn it."

"You know, if you had an accent you could say that and sound like a frog," Frank teased.

Xander looked at him. "Don't tempt Willow.  I ended up being a puppy once and a lizard another."  Frank choked again.  "Sorry, Frank."  He looked at Horatio.  "I need to move the practical stuff in then see about the furniture."

"You can hire people do that for you."

"I'd have to move the weapons anyway."

"Rent a u-haul," Frank wheezed.

Horatio handed over his water.  "Here, Frank. You're out of coffee."  He looked at Xander.  "Plus you could move some of the other weapons too."

"Only if I put in a safe door."

"Which can be done relatively cheaply," Horatio pointed out.   Xander nodded. "Which would save you money."

"It would," he agreed.

"With your salary it would be a reasonable expense and would probably save you some on house insurance costs."

"I guess.  I'm going to have to get used to paying utilities."  He grimaced.  "Grandma said to put it on auto draft at the bank."  Horatio nodded.  "Anyway, we're closing tomorrow and I can start moving in four days.  Think Eric's bored?"

"He might be," Horatio admitted with a small smile.  "You did help him move the last time."  Xander nodded, he had helped Eric move into Horatio's house when his lease ran out.  "You could have him help us with the weapons and then hire someone to do the real furniture."

"I could," Xander agreed.  "But I'd need the safe door up first.  I'm not leaving the babies there without security."

"A good security system will also save you on house insurance," Frank said.  "It did on ours."

"Mine as well," Horatio agreed.  "Remember to check for flood and hurricane clauses."

"Horatio, half the house is marble.  It's not going to blow away."  Horatio smiled.  "Can I come back after I move?"

"Once a doctor clears you, Xander."

"Damn it."

Frank snickered. "It'll be soon, kid."

"Hopefully.  I'm bored without my guns to clean."  He looked at them.  "So, I guess this means I've got to have another housewarming party?"  They both smirked and nodded.  "Okay, this time I'll make sure the deli trays don't have spam."  He got up.  "I'll see you guys in a few days."  He walked off, taking the papers with him. He was starting to have scary adult feelings again but he could hopefully find something to take his mind off it.  Or maybe someone.  He wasn't against hiring a hooker for a few hours.  As long as no one caught him.  He'd never hear the end of it if Stetler caught him doing it.

Xander looked around the house once she had everything out, frowning.  "How did she make a living room?" he muttered, going looking again.  The bedroom was still going to give him nightmares until he painted.  He hated pink.  Pink gave him horrible flashbacks to high school.  But the bathroom was great and that statue he liked was still in there.  He brought it out, putting it in the front marble room.  "I guess you'll be the living room."  He looked around then groaned, going to the store first.  A modestly nice decorating place that was having a sale so he wouldn't cringe at the prices.  "Hi," he told the salesgirl.  "I'm moving."

"We have a good selection of plastic storage bins.  Safer and no bugs, plus handles so you can carry them."

"I've got enough of those, I'm decorating the new place.  First, I need sheers.  Very thin sheers.  My front room is marble and it'd be okay if some of the veining showed through but pure marble is too much."

"Okay."  She led him back to the curtains, letting him see.  "These are as thin as we have," she offered.

"I'm not looking for privacy.  I'm looking for wispy."

She frowned and found some in the plain fabric aisle.  "If you put in a few seams and a few good curtain rods, these'll work."

"I'd rather not have to buy a sewing machine but that's about what I want in sheers."  She frowned, shaking her head.  "Any chance you'll be getting any in shortly?"

"No, we don't usually go that thin.  Now, I know where you can get them."  She wrote down an address.  "That's a home place too."

Xander smiled.  "Thank you.  Let's go look at curtain rods.  I've got black/gray marble and a few very nice windows.  It'll have to go mostly around the room."  She nodded, leading him over to those.  He found a few that looked like old iron ones and they were good to him so he stocked up on those.  Then he went to look at area rugs.  Way too much marble meant that he needed  a few or he'd slip and fall.  Plus his poor dog.  He spent a lot there but he got most everything.  The other place had the sheers he wanted and candles so he stocked up on those too.  Then he went home to get his tools and then to the new place to start putting things up.  He was interrupted by the safe company guy, letting him show him which room he was going to turn into the vault.  It was a minor storage area right now but pretty deep.  It would work for a gun vault.  He went back to work, finishing with his curtain hanging project.  He got down and stepped back to look, nodding that he liked it.  He got the carpets out of the car and came in to spread one long runner from the door to the wood portion of the hall, then one in the bathroom.  Another went into the kitchen since he had some slick tiles in there and they were cold in the morning.  He came back to find Speed looking around in confusion.  "Hi."

"Hi.  Furniture?"

"Well, I'm thinking the living room stuff should probably go out here."  He looked around.  "I'm debating on spreading it across the divide, making small conversation areas, or using it to sorta block off the entry to the rest of the house."

"For now, let's just put it in here and we can arrange later."  Xander nodded, coming out to help.  "Doesn't your arm hurt?"

"Well, kinda," he admitted.  "But oh well.  The curtains had to go up."  He helped carry in his dresser, putting it where he wanted it.  Speed looked around then at him.  "She decided it belonged with the house."

"It certainly does," he agreed, nodding at that.  "What's the bathroom like?"

"Roman."  He let him see, watching him look impressed.  "There's a lot of marble."

"At least you won't have to worry about it getting too hot in here," Eric joked, leaning over Speed's shoulder.  "This is huge.  Can we make H put in one of these?"

"No, Eric," Speed taunted.  "You'd never get out of the tub and you'd get fired for always being late."  He went back to the truck, going to get more of the living room stuff.  Xander had them put that in the outer room, which made more sense than a bedroom at least.  It did feel lighter in there than it probably should with all the marble. "Maybe we'll let you decorate for H sometime soon, Xan," Speed teased.

"Sure, is he putting in marble too?"  He put down an end table, moving the couch where he wanted.  "Across the divide?"

"Do that," Eric agreed.  "With a chair and table set by the windows, Xander."  He nodded, doing that.  He heard a pitiful whine and looked outside, going to the kitchen to look out back.  "Did the mean boy stake you outside?  Xander, is your dog starved?"

"It's a whippet, they're greyhound cousins; he's supposed to be that thin, Eric.  I put him outside so he wouldn't get in the way of the moving stuff.  He likes to help."

"Knocked you off the ladder?" Speed asked, going to look.  "You are one fast little dog," he agreed, letting the dog sniff him so he could pet him. "Good boy."

"He is and he's a very good alarm clock too," Xander agreed, smiling at his dog.  "Give me another hour, Humphrey.  Then you can come inside, once we've got more places for you to sit."  He went back to the truck.

Speed checked the bowl, ice water, and he had a few pieces of kibble in the other one.  "Did your daddy give you a treat?" he teased.  He got up, looking at the dog.  "Come on, Eric.  The sooner we get done, the sooner we can play with the dog."

"It still looks too skinny to me."

"They're racing dogs.  Of course they're skinny."  He made him go inside and help Xander arrange things.  The only heavy things were after all the tables and small boxes.  "You are painting the bedroom, right?" Speed called.

"Yes, pink gives me nightmares.  What sort of sheets would you put on that bed?"

Eric shrugged.  "Comfortable ones?  The same as any bed?"

Xander took a picture with his phone and sent it to Tony in DC, he had good taste in antique things.  Tony sent back a shudder but a suggestion and his mother sent another one with a request for more pictures.  He sent back a suggestion for a vacation and a happy face then went back to moving things.

"When are you moving the other weapons, Xander?" Speed called.

"When the gun vault is done."

"And your hidden areas?" Eric teased.

"Maybe.  Not a whole lot of room unless I build an addition for it.  The attic's really small."

"Build a garage," Eric suggested.  "Or something next to the bush that's pretending to be a fence."

"I'm thinking about it but those can get expensive."

"You took out extra," Speed pointed out.  Xander pointed at the curtains.  "They cost that much?"

"No but I have some things I've still got to buy.  Like a washer and dryer."

"One of my cousins works in construction, I'll ask him how much a good outbuilding should cost to put up.  Then you add how much you put in for the vault door," Eric suggested.  Xander nodded that would be fine.  "Good.  That way we know where most of them are."  They went to get the couches, bringing them in and putting them on either side of the runner, letting Xander shift them back a little bit.  "You sure?"

"I don't want to stumble into one."  They nodded, flopping down to rest.  "Now I've got to get the stuff from the motel and ...."  Speed snorted.  "No?"

"Calleigh's got those and your weapons.  She checked you out of the motel."

"That means I've got to sleep in the pink room."

"You can fix that tonight," Eric assured him.  "Or sleep in the guest room or the tub."

"True, I could sleep in the tub."  He got up when he heard the beep, going out to find Horatio and Calleigh both pulling in.  "I didn't order anything if we're doing the housewarming party."

"No, just helping you move like good friends," Calleigh said happily.  "Horatio said I can't keep your desert eagle."  He shook his head.  "Pooh."

"I don't like honey that much," he teased.  She punched him on the good arm, giving him a hug too.  "Come on, they're putting in the vault door now.  That way I can see how much room I've got left."  He helped her carry in the specially padded trunks, the boys coming to help Horatio with the clothes.  That way Horatio could arrange the clothes so they didn't have more t-shirt headaches.

"You need sheets," Calleigh complained.

"I've got some back at the old place."

"Horatio has those, Xander.  We got the whole motel room and the rest of the stuff at your old apartment, plus the storage area you had."

"Then I definitely need an outbuilding."

Horatio patted him on the back.  "You can buy one of those, Xander."

"No, he needs to move the bigger pieces there, H," Speed reminded him.

"No attic?"

"Very tiny one."  He pulled down the ladder, letting him look.  "Some of the stuff won't fit up there."

Horatio looked down at him.  "What do you have that's that big?"  Xander grinned and walked off.  "Xander!"

"You'll probably see some day."

"Tonight, Xander."  He came down, putting back up the ladder.  "Tonight.  Right now actually since we're almost done."  Xander pouted.  "Now."

"He won't have much more room in here," Calleigh complained.

"I'm putting in shelves," Xander explained.  "Plus racks like we have at work on the walls."

"I'll see if my cousin's done for the day," Eric offered, pulling out his phone to call his mother and have her call him. She had everyone's number in the family.  "Momma, it's Eric.  Xander needs to put a small outbuilding onto his new place.  That's what I was thinking.  Can you call him?  We're ... there, yeah.  That's fine, Momma.  Please."  He hung up.  "She'll call him and we'll see when he can come out."

"I'll put it off the pantry," Xander said.  Speed frowned, letting him show him.  "Put it here, against the hedge."

"That could work," Speed agreed.  "It'd give the dog shade too when he was outside."   Horatio came in, walking Xander off by his wrist.  "You probably shouldn't take the hummer."

"We can take his car," Horatio promised.  "This time.  If we need it, we can use the truck to move more of it here."  Xander nodded that they'd have to.  "What do you have down there?"

"Just some stuff I've collected over the years."

"Uh-huh."  He got Xander his keys and made him get in to drive, walking around to ride with him.   Sometimes he worried about the boy.  He really did.

***

Xander opened up the door to his official open house, smiling at everyone.  "Come in, guys.  Stuff's in the kitchen.  Humphrey's in the bathroom for the next little while whining pitifully."

"Let the dog out," Speed complained.

"He begs and he's bouncy.  He likes to knock into people to get their food."  He left the door open, that way others could come in, going to fuss over the food.  The dog came running in.  "No begging," he ordered.  His dog sniffed everyone, barking at Calleigh.  "Didn't meet her when she helped us move stuff?" he taunted.  He handed over the bag of dog treats, letting her give him one.  "He's loud but cuddlesome."

"He bounced like you on chocolate," she teased, petting the dog.  "Hi, Humphrey."  He wagged his tail then went to bounce around Speed, making him follow his bouncing up and down.  She handed over the bag of treats, letting him give the dog one too.  He sat down, letting the dog crawl into his lap to pet him, seeming to grin at the others while he got loved on.  "You're adorable!" Calleigh told him, scratching his ears.

"I almost got the mini-doberman but it growled at me," Xander said, putting out drinks.  "You do not knock people's food down," he warned.  The dog growled at the door.  "Yes?"  Cooper leaned in.  "You're allowed.  Get in here."  The dog got down, coming over to growl at him.  "Humphrey!"  The dog settled down for the price of some ear scratches, going to sniff the new one who came in.  He heard someone putting down kibble so he ran into the kitchen, making Eric laugh.  "He is a racing dog, Eric."

"He's very fast."  He patted Xander on the back.  "I see the doggy door went up."

"Yup, and the outbuilding too.  Thank you."

"You're welcome."  He smiled at Alexx when she came in.  "Watch out for his dog.  It's like him on chocolate."

"He's a whippet."

"He's this poor skinny little dog, Alexx," Eric complained.

"At least Xander rescued him."  She kissed him on the cheek, going to put the casserole in the fridge for him.  She came back out with something to drink, going to look around the house.  "I like how you softened all the marble in here," she told him, making him beam proudly.  "But that bed, sugar."

"She left it."

"Ah.  No wonder."

"Horatio had to help me paint over the pink stuff."

"Well, the old owner did say to," Frank said as he came in.  "This is nicer than it used to be."

"Xander, why don't you move into a water park?" Cooper complained.  "You keep getting bigger and bigger bathrooms."

"You can't get clean when you use the slides," he taunted.  "Besides, I need a bath with the stupid cast.  I can't shower with it."

"How many people can you fit into that tub?" Calleigh teased.

"Don't know, haven't tried it yet."  He shrugged.  "Sorry.  When I do find out I'll let you know."  She blushed, but the others laughed.  "Go look around, guys.  Stay out of the vaults."

"Plural?" Alexx asked.

"Well, yeah.  I had to put on a small outbuilding for storing some of the larger stuff.  Horatio made me pare down my hidden areas to one.  The other's through the pantry I won't be using anyway."

"Good idea," Frank agreed, going to look.  He whistled at the size of the bathroom.  It was nice.  "I should bring my wife, let her get ideas.  She's talking about remodeling."  Eric handed him  a card.  "Cousin?"

"Yup, he put on Xander's outbuilding."  He went to get more to drink, coming back with one for Calleigh too.  "Here."  He saw the dog coming out, watching him jump onto the back of the couch Alexx was sitting on and walk up behind her before flopping down with his head on top of hers.

She looked up.  "Is that your dog?"

"Yup.  Humphrey," Xander complained.

"He's fine, baby."  She reached up to scratch him. "Don't mess it up too much, little one, but you can cuddle."

"He's like Xander on chocolate," Speed told her.  She giggled at that and the dog barked. "No, you be nice to Alexx.  She'll spank."  He sipped his soda, looking at the host.  "Sit, Xander.  We don't want to make you fuss over the food."

Xander flopped down.  "Where's Ryan?"

"Vexed with a case of twins," Calleigh told him.  "He said he'd be over when he figured out which one it was."

"Okay."  He looked around then at his dog, who was staring outside.  "No barking at the cats," he ordered.  The dog got up to do it anyway, making him groan.

"Humphrey, down!" Calleigh ordered.  He got down, giving her a hurt look.  "Bad boy to bark at the cats.  C'mere."  She put down a hand and he came over slowly.  "I won't hurt you."  She picked him up to cuddle and pet him.  "Much better boy to do this.  No more barking at the cats."

"Shelter dog?" Speed asked.  Xander nodded.  "Former owners?"

"Threw things at him."  He took his dog, letting him settle in his lap.  "I agree, no barking at the neighbor's cats."  He scratched his ears, getting a groan.  "Good boy."  The dog's tail started to go.  "Very good boy to protect the daddy."  He wiggled down, going over to sniff Frank.  He nudged his plate, making Frank drop it.  "That was not good, Humphrey," Xander said.

"I didn't have a good handle on it anyway," Frank said.  He looked down.  "He's fast here too.  Doesn't like cheese?"

"No, he hates cheese."  He looked at his dog until he ran off to play in the kitchen.  "We put the food up, right?"  Calleigh and Speed went to make sure, driving the dog back into the living room.  "Sit, Humphrey."  He sat on Alexx's feet, then laid down there, staring at him.  "Much better.  Good boy."

Alexx looked down at him.  "You are cuddly," she said, petting him.  The dog licked her hand, then jumped up to lick her face.  "Oooh, you do that very well too, even if you are getting pepperoni grease on my chin.  Lick it all off, sugar."  He kept going until she was without makeup too.  "Thank you."  She made im lay down, which made his butt sit on Eric's lap but he was fine with it.  "Good boy."   Horatio walked in and took off his sunglasses, getting a growl.  "He's a nice one.  You don't have to bark at him, Humphrey."

Horatio looked at the dog.  "You quit.  I don't have treats this time."  Xander handed over the bag, earning a smile.  "Thank you."  He handed over a treat, getting a happy bark.  "Good boy."  He smiled at Xander.  "Much better."

"Thank you.  What did you go raid earlier?"

"Most of the highly illegal stuff I sent to Gibbs."  He gave him a look. "You know better than to keep some of that."

"Some of it was a fee and some we found when we took out a demon enclave that was stealing weapons."

"Xander," he complained.

"Fine.  Did you tell him I found it?"  Horatio nodded.  "What do I have left?"

"Not as much."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "We'll work it out, Xander."  He got himself a drink then sat down next to Alexx, letting the dog crawl over to rest on his and her laps.  "Good boy, Humphrey."

"He's a lot like Xander on chocolate," Cooper teased.

"He is that," Horatio agreed.  "He's also very helpful.  He nearly became light charcoal gray when we painted the bedroom."  Xander laughed but nodded.  "Is he still hiding under the blankets with you?"

"Yup, until daddy got happy last night and made him sleep on top of the covers.  He gave me hurt looks all day."  Horatio shook his head.  "He did."

"I'm sure it'll be fine tonight, Xander," Speed told him.  He patted his lap once he was done eating and the dog looked.  "Wanna cuddle me too, dog?"  The dog got up and sniffed him, letting him scratch his ears, but he went back to Horatio and Alexx.  "Looks like he's found his favorite pet sitters," he joked.

"My kids would run him into exhaustion," Alexx assured him.  Xander gave her an odd look.  "They would."

"I don't know how."

"They would," she assured him.  She scratched down the back.  "You're a good boy, aren't you?"  He barked and wagged his tail.  "Yes, you."  Horatio handed over a dog treat, earning her more laps of affection.  "It's a good thing I don't like too much makeup, young man."

Valera leaned in.  "The dog won't eat me too, right, Xander?"

"No, not in the least.  That's Humphrey."  Valera cooed and the dog stared at her, head tipped slightly to the side.  "He's confused."

"That's okay.  He'll get to know nice girls."  She came over to pet him.  "Hello, Humphrey.  You're a good boy to guard the Alexx and the Horatio.  I'm sure they need it.  Who's sitting on the street?"

"That's Charlie, one of Dad's guys.  Dad got a threat the other day for him and all his kids."

"I did not hear about that," Horatio noted.

"Dad didn't want you to worry."

"Ah.  Told him not to tell me?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  "I do need to hear about such things, Xander."

"No you don't.  It's not a good threat.  He didn't think the guy knew about me."  Humphrey got up and went to bark at the cat again, making him frown.  He got up, going to grab the cat and bring it back to the neighbor's house.  "Mrs. Croats?"  A male came to the door.  "Who're you?"

"Her son."

"She has kids?"  The man glared.  "Before you say another word, I'm the new neighbor and with the police department.  Hey, Charlie?"  He came jogging up behind him.  "I have no idea who he is."

"Tell them you're fine, mom," the burglar ordered.

"I'm fine, Xander."  She took the cat back in her bound hands.  "I'm all right.  Hello, Fluffy.  Did you go taunt the doggy?"

Charlie hopped over the small hedge, going to arrest that guy.  He ran so it was nice.  Xander pulled out his pocket knife to free her.  "You really okay?"  She nodded. "Good.  Hey, whoever's still in the house, your buddy just got arrested by  a Fed.  I wouldn't do anything stupid."  They ran out the front door, she didn't have a back one, and right into his bodyguard.  "There, he'll call someone for you."  She patted his cheek.  "Fluffy was living dangerously, coming over to taunt Humphrey again."

"I'll try to keep him over here, Xander.  You go be a good boy and no loud parties."

"They're my coworkers."

"Even better."  She sat down on her front porch, waiting on the officers to show up.

Xander went back inside.  "Charlie's already called someone," he said at the confused looks.  "She's a very nice older lady but she's got about fifteen cats and one just had kittens.  They're tiny little puffballs if anyone wants one."  They listened to the sirens.  "Did you park on the street, Horatio?"

"I did.  They'll leave the hummer alone, Xander.  They always do."

"They're probably expecting one of us to show up," Eric taunted with a grin.

"That would be non-felony's job tonight," Horatio reminded him, taking a drink of his water.  The dog barked and wiggled closer.  "Thirsty too?" he asked, looking down.  "Come on, let's check your bowls."  He got up, making the dog go with him.

"I've got to do some more training with him, sorry."  An officer came to the door.  "Hi.  Coming to the housewarming?"

"Wondering why there was a crime scene hummer here, sir."  Horatio came out of the kitchen.  "Oh, that's why.  We thought it was yours, Lieutenant.  Should we call CSI?"

"That's a robbery.  Not a homicide," Frank reminded him.  He nodded, going to do that.  Horatio sat back down, getting a lapful of dog.  Frank laughed.  "He looks comfy with you, Horatio," Frank teased.

"He does."  He petted him, weathering the pitiful noises he was getting for drinking.  "You have doggy water, Humphrey."

"Dog," Xander said firmly, glaring at him.  He got down and came over to suck up to the daddy, getting more attention.  "Better.  Cooper, you're nearest the music, turn some on?"  He reached back to flip on the CD player.  "Thanks."  He looked down at the dog.  "Go nap on the bed."  He got up and went to investigate Frank and Eric again, getting a piece of sausage off Eric.  "Don't teach him to beg, guys.  I'm going to have a hard time breaking that habit."

"Obedience school," Calleigh told him.  "Since your arm's still bad and all."

"The cast is coming off this weekend.  I'll be back Monday."

"Did the doctor say that?" Alexx asked.  He beamed and nodded.  "Uh-huh.  I will want a doctor's release, Xander.  Otherwise I'll spank you and send you home."

"If you try to spank me I will retaliate by tickling or spanking back," he warned, staring her down, earning a smirk.  "I'm a big boy and not one you pushed out.  Only Mom can spank me, Alexx."

"Fine.  We'll see."

"No we won't."

"She tries it with Wolfe too," Eric told him.

"I've seen."  He gave her a look, shaking his head.  "No you won't."

"I can now since that cast looks like it got wet."

"I fell asleep in the tub the night we painted."  He grinned. "It seeped.  I could break it now."

"You'd still need a doctor's release," Horatio reminded him.  "That is PD policy."

"Meany."

"Tough, Xander.  We want to do everything correctly while we have Feds watching us."

"Can't I have them eaten?"

"No, Xander."

"Shoot."  He scratched his elbow.  Then looked around.  "Did the dog go outside?"

"Yeah, he's staring at the guys across the fence," Speed said, standing up to see better.  "He's giving them very confused looks."

"Humphrey, let the nice CSI do their jobs," he called.  "Get in here."  The dog ran in, coming back to hop in Alexx's lap and cuddle her.  "See, you can train him, much easier than me."

"We'll see," Alexx repeated, smiling at him.

Eric called Ryan.  "How much longer are you going to be?  There's going to be no food when the dog gets it."  He listened, then laughed.  "Are you going to be able to arrest tonight?"  He nodded.  "Okay, some of us will still be here then."  He hung up.  "H, he said about three more hours.  He's weeding out the twins right now."

"That's fine, Eric.  I'm sure Xander will still be up then."  Xander nodded.  He looked at him.  "Go play, Eric."  Eric grinned and hopped up, heading off.  "Speed?"

"I don't feel like watching him get loose in the clubs tonight, H.  Sorry."  He looked at Xander.  "You?"

"Eeeeh.  Not with the cast.  It'd be a liability someone would take advantage of.  Besides, he could use the fun without the babysitting duties of looking out for my psycho posse.  They're starting to really like him too."  Horatio choked on his sip of water.  "They are.  One tipped him the other day."

"We'll go out together next time, kiddo," Speed promised, patting him on the head.

"I'm still not that much younger than you, Speed."

"Mentally you are."

"I'll go with you two next time," Calleigh promised.

"We could go tonight, make Horatio and Alexx watch us," Cooper offered.  "Or you, Frank."

"The wife would get pissed if I picked up a hottie in the clubs, kids."  He looked at Xander.  "Go ahead and go.  You could use the burst of fun."

"Alexx?"

"I can watch the boys get down and funky."

"I'm in," Cooper agreed.

"I suppose I could be talked into it," Horatio admitted.  They all nodded.  "Where are we heading?  Some of us would need to change clothes."

"I don't care," Xander offered.  He looked at Speed, then at Cooper. "You two go out more than I do."

"That French named place?" Cooper suggested.

"Lame music," Calleigh said. "The one on Main?"  Speed gave her a horrified look. "It's a nice place."

"No, it's not.  There's way too many thugs there."  He looked at Xander, then at Horatio.  "The one Eric likes to hide at?  He probably didn't head there tonight."  Horatio nodded, taking Calleigh with him.  "Change, get hot, Xander.  I'll go with you."

"Need to borrow stuff?"

"We can pause at my place on the way there," he said dryly.   The others trooped out. "You sure?"

"You guys were looking kinda bored."

"Point."  He went to change while Speed put up the food so the dog wouldn't eat it all.  He came out in a good pair of leather pants and an extra tight t-shirt, and the cast was now gone.  "I only put it back on for Alexx," he said with a grin.  "It's mostly healed."  He slid into his shoes, then grabbed his wallet and keys.  They headed out together, letting Speed drive for now.  Xander needed to get into the happy mood.

***

Eric came in the next morning, looking around.  "Valera?"  She came out of her lab.  "Is everyone on calls?  I know I'm about ten late."

"No, we all went out last night.  Cooper's not here either."

Eric moaned.  "Wolfe?"

"Sleeping in the break room."

"That's something at least."  He went to wake him up then check on the others who had been there when he left.  "Frank?"  He looked over and smiled.  "Where is everyone?"

"I asked that question to John Hagen about six this morning when he called.  He's trying to find them at the moment."  Eric moaned.  "After you left they decided to follow your lead.  They went to where Speed said you like to hide?"

"Crap," he muttered, walking off again.  "Wolfe!"  He came out of the locker room.  "Let's find everyone else.  They went clubbing with Xander last night."

"I thought the time I did on my weekend off that turned into a sudden trip to Atlanta in handcuffs was odd."  Eric frowned at him.  "New friend."

"Yours or his?"

"His."

"Good."  He walked him off, finding the number for Xander's phone in his phone, then calling it.  "And who is this?" he asked the female voice.  "I'm Xander's coworker and he's not here."  She hung up on him.  "Okay, go run a trace."  Ryan headed back inside, going to do that for him while he headed in that direction.  He found John Hagen's number in there, programmed in by Xander, and called it.  "It's Delko, any idea where wonder boy is with the others?"  He groaned, then shuddered.  "Well, a female answered his phone," he offered.  "Wolfe's running a trace.  When I know you will."  He hung up, waiting on it.  It came up a few minutes later.  He called Hagen back.  "Del Rio's."  He hung up and turned on his lights to get there faster. It was an old club that had been shut down years ago.

***

Horatio walked into his office, flopping down with a groan of pain.  His boss stomped in.  "Sorry I'm a bit late, sir."

"What happened?"

"Someone decided to take us hostage.  She liked Calleigh."  The Chief of Police moaned, walking off shaking his head.  Horatio would not be telling him that Xander's theory was that his psycho drawing ability had rubbed off on her.  That would only make it worse. Horatio rested his head against the back of the chair, closing his eyes for a few minutes.  He heard someone sneak in and leave something then leave.  He opened one eye long enough to see it was a piece of paper, then let himself fall asleep again.  He needed a short nap.

"HARRIS!" Stetler yelled in the hallways.

"He's getting medical clearance and they wanted Calleigh," Speed called back then slammed the lab's door.

"I did not encourage that woman," Calleigh said bluntly.  "I didn't know her, didn't want to know her, and I'm still straight so she was just funny thinking."  She closed the door to ballistics too.  Just more gently than Speed had.

Stetler walked in there.  "Do you want to fill out the forms now or later for presents?"

She dug the bag out of her pocket, handing it over.  "Here you go.  I don't need it."

He looked then at her.  "Is that a nipple ring?"

"Not with where she was suggesting she could put it for me."

"Eww."  He walked out, shaking his head.  "Anyone else have anything to declare?" he asked.  Eric walked out Speed's and Coopers.  Ryan walked out a bag.  "Where did this come from?"

"My locker this morning.  The threat's in there too."  Ryan walked off again.

Stetler looked at the office.

"He's sleeping," Eric warned.

"He didn't get anything," Speed promised.  "Go away or go ask Alexx if she did.  Or ask Hagen for an account of the rescue, he was there too.  He's taking Xander to get medical clearance for his arm."  He stomped off, going to handle this new situation.  Speed looked up at the office, grinning.  He snuck up there to take a picture then back to trace to download it into his email.

"I want a copy," Eric complained, following him back into trace.

//////***

Later that night, Xander blinked up at the people coming in to rescue him.  "Hi."

"Hi, CSI Harris.  Did you go out again?"

"No, someone followed me from last night."  He yawned and stretched once his arms were freed.  "Where's John?  She had him in the kitchen after I made her sick."

"Wait there," the SWAT member said, heading that way.  They found John chained to the stove and her standing behind him with a whip.  "Ma'am."  She turned and they tasered her.

"Thank you, God," John complained.  "Guys, the keys are in her apron pocket.  How's Xander?"

"He was asleep."

"He got clubbed in the head a few times," John admitted.  "He babbled and she didn't like that about him.  She only wanted his hot ass."  They let him go and he turned off the stove, walking over her to go check on Xander.  "You know, you could hire me as a bodyguard," he teased.

Xander blinked at him.  "You're really expensive and I'd never get laid, John."

"Good point."  He helped him up and outside.  "You okay?"

"Strangely enough my head hurts," he quipped, letting the paramedic have him.  "I'm fine but my arm was recently broken."

"We were at the ER when we got snatched," John told him.

"We can go back there, sir."

"Can we go to Memorial?  There's a really great pediatrician there who casted my arm."  They nodded, taking them both there.  Someone could get a statement from them at the ER.  He giggled and waved at the doctor as he was rolled past him.  "Hi, doc."

"Hi, Xander."  He followed, shaking his head.  "What happened?"

"Kidnaping victim, doctor.  Clubbed in the head according to him.  Tied down for the last few hours.  He's one of two that got stolen from the other ER earlier."

"Charming."

"She made John cook," Xander told him.  "Chained him to the stove and put him in an apron too.  He had to burn it to get it off him."

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Xander."  He checked him over, shaking his head.  "You have a concussion."  Xander held up two fingers.  "Two?"  He pointed at another spot.  "Okay, so you have a good concussion."  Xander beamed and nodded, then passed out.  "Let's get a CT scan," he ordered.  "Also let's x-ray his left upper arm.  It was recently broken and he's missing his cast."  The nurse nodded, going to make those calls.  He went to check on Hagen.  "Bodyguard?"

"Now.  I should charge the kid."  He looked at him.  "I'm fine.  She only hit me a few times with that whip of hers."  Calleigh rushed in and stopped in front of him.  He grinned.  "We're okay."  She hauled off and hit him on the arm.  "Ow!  She got me with a whip, be nicer.  She clubbed Xander in the head," he said at the heated look he was getting.  "I'll be fine with something for the marks.  He'll probably be here overnight."

"Nope, hate hospitals," Xander called.  "My dog will wake me up."

Calleigh went over there.  "Speed went to feed your dog, Xander."  She stroked over his cheek, getting a smile and him moving her hand to his forehead since it was cold.  "Are you really okay?"

"Concussion."

"You'll be fine in a few days."  The orderlies came to wheel him off.  "Where is he going?"

"Radiology, Detective."

"I'm going too."  They nodded, letting her walk beside Xander.

"I'd have to have a lot worse than a concussion to get that sort of fussing from her," John complained to the nurse putting cream on his sore spots.

"I wouldn't suggest you try that.  She looks like she's a screamer," the nurse offered.

"Oh, she will be.  Xander's her lab boy."

The nurse smiled.  "That goofy little boy is a lab tech?"  John nodded.  "What field?"

"Ballistics."  She broke out laughing.  "Yeah, that's Caine's ballistics tech.  Poor guy."   He let her finish up then signed himself out, going to check on Xander.  It was a friend's duty to save a  buddy from being screamed at for stupid stuff.  "Hey," he said, walking up behind Calleigh.  "He good?"

"They're doing his CT right now.  They took another of his arm."  She looked at him.  "Are you all right?"  He let her see the bandages.  "Good!"  She hit him on the chest.  "Who did it this time?"

"Some woman who wanted to make me the wife," he said grimly.  "Put me in an apron and everything.  She tried it with Xander but she got really sick after he cooked lunch."

She sighed, hitting him on the arm.  "Twice in one day must be a record.

"Maybe, haven't asked."  He gave her a hug.  "He's fine if he was able to complain about her."  She looked at him.  "He finally got a dog?"

"One who's just like him on chocolate," she agreed.  "He's a whippet named Humphrey.  Eric swears he's starving."

"Delko comes from a momma who likes to feed him.  I'm sure the dog's spoiled."  He looked over as Xander was drug out.  "He good?"

"We're reading the CT soon, sir.  Should you be here?"

"I'm out, I'm waiting on him.  I'm his bodyguard for the day."

"Oh.  All right."  She got them all back down to the ER, where the head CSI was waiting.  "Lieutenant, it'll be about a half hour before we have his CT read."

"What about his arm?"

"Minor fracture but nothing too bad," she offered, heading off to get those results for him.

Horatio looked at John.  "An explanation please?"

"Psycho chick in the ER earlier.  She wanted us to be wives.  Let Xander cook for her at lunch but she got hellishly sick and chained me in there instead."

"I think you'll make a charming wife," Calleigh teased.

He pinched her on the side.  "Don't say things like that, I'll have to go do manly things to regain my machismo."

Xander blinked at him.  "Naked gator hunting?"

"What?" Horatio asked.

"Got a pamphlet in the mail," he said tiredly.  "Going to nap."  He rolled onto his side, looking at the IV when he tried to bend his elbow.  "Crap.  I'm yanking this stupid thing!" he yelled before doing it and turning it off.   "Better," he sighed, drifting off curled up in a little ball.

John looked at Horatio.  "So how was Missouri?"

"Good.  Colder than here but okay.  He got to try some reconfiguration exercises."  He patted Xander on the back.  "Uncurl please, Xander, so they can put the IV back."  Xander flipped over, trapping his hand to cuddle up to.

"Knew the boy would be cuddly," John said happily.  The doctor came back.  "Hey, Doc."

"I see he still doesn't like needles."  He hung up the IV on the pole.  "He should be fine without it."  He let Horatio have the reading he had been given.  "That should be about the same time as his arm is fully healed."

"Do you need to cast it again?" Horatio asked.

"Probably not.  It doesn't look like it had more trauma.  We do have to be careful of his head.  Otherwise he's going to start having the same dementia problems as boxers soon."  Horatio nodded once at that.  "They did find evidence of prior head injuries."

"He said his head hit many walls and gravestones," John quipped.  Calleigh poked him.  "He did."

"He did," she agreed.  "Still not the time or place."

The doctor smiled.  "I've heard about his past a bit.  I'm the one who casted his arm."  Horatio nodded. "As of right now, take the usual precautions for head injuries.  He should be fine and in a week should be able to go back to work."

"Thank you, doctor.  I'll have him try for medical clearance at that point," Horatio agreed.  "Can we take him home?"

"If you can wake him up."  Horatio moved his hand, making Xander slap around until he found one, Calleigh's, and took it to cuddle, pulling her across him to do that.

"Xander, I'll cuddle you at home," she complained.

"Meany," he mumbled.

"Come on, Xander.  Out to the hummer," Horatio ordered.  Xander blinked at him.  "You can't have Calleigh as a blanket.  We'll take you home."  Xander nodded, yawning and flipping over to cuddle Calleigh for a few seconds before getting up and padding out.  Horatio signed him out and they left together.  "John, are you heading out again anytime soon?"

"I'm on break for most of spring break.  If they need me they'll assign me locally for a few days."

"Good."

"Want me to stay with the kid?  Calleigh and I both can so she can get the fussing out of the way."

"If you want. The dog food's under the sink."  John nodded at that, letting Calleigh get him into his jeep.  Horatio headed for his hummer, driving the poor boy home.  Xander's keys had been found in the ER earlier so he had them now.  He let the boy in, watching him wander toward his bedroom, pouncing the dog to cuddle. "Good boy, Xander. You rest with Humphrey."  He snuck out, leaving the door open for Calleigh since she was parking.  "He's in bed with the dog."

"Poor dog's going to be cuddled to death," John said dryly, heading inside.  The dog growled.  "You quit or I won't feed you."  The dog wiggled free, coming out to sniff him.  "C'mon, let's get you fed, dog."  He walked him into the kitchen, finding the messy remains of the dogfood bag.  "I see you handled that yourself today."

"Speed must not've latched the cabinet," Calleigh complained.  She found the bag of treats, handing them to John, who gave a few to the dog, earning a tail wag and him going back to check on the daddy.  She smiled.  "There's two guest rooms and the living room.  Where did you want?"

"I'll take a guest room and so will you, young lady.  I remember what happened last night and you probably haven't slept yet."  He walked her that way, letting her take off her shoes, then he tucked her in, laying down next to her but on top of the covers.  "You nap. I'll worry about getting him up."  She yawned.  "Good girl, Calleigh.  You rest so you can deal with the pouting tomorrow," he said quietly, making her fall asleep.  He smiled, kissing her on the temple, then got up to check out the house.  He found both vault doors, using the entrance code Xander had sent him for emergencies to get into it.  Everything in that one was still fine.  The other had the artillery.  Not all of it by any means but some of it.  He smiled and snuck out, taking her car keys to go to the third hidden spot that Xander hadn't told him about.  Following the kid around could be very educational and quite fun.  Horatio had no idea what the kid did when he went out on his own.  He broke into that area, emptying it for him and taking it back to the house.  He arranged the things in the vault then went to wake up Xander.  "Hey, wakey time."  Xander glared at him.  "Good.  What year is it?"

"The year of you being eaten."

"You have a concussion.  You know this drill."

"Fuck."  He flipped over, pulling the covers over his head.  "I bite."

"I know you do, Xander. I'll get you up in another two hours, after I finish arranging things from the hidden area that wasn't very secure."  Xander peered back at him.  "The one you didn't tell me about, kid."  He grinned. "It's in the other vault."  Xander moaned, covering his head again.  He let the dog wiggle under the covers then he hid.  "You rest."  He left, going to check on Calleigh.  He found her in the artillery vault too, turning her around and walking her back to bed.  "No working tonight."

"But...."

"No working tonight."  He went back to close it and came back, tucking her back in.  She wiggled out of her vest so he helped her get more naked, kissing her on the lips this time.  "You need your sleep.  Horatio can't have both of you off."

She frowned at him.  "Did I take you back?"

"Yes, you did.  Otherwise more women will hit on you and I can make sure that you don't get more sapphires."  She blushed.  "Good girl."  He cuddled next to her, staying on top of the covers.   "You rest, Calleigh."

"Must I?  I wanted to see."

"No you don't.  Trust me on this.  You really don't."  He gave her a squeeze, moving closer to breathe in her ear, which made her shiver but slowly drift off.  It worked when he used to fall asleep on her shoulder.  He kissed her again.  "We'll find a cure to Xander's insanity soon," he promised quietly, staying cuddled up.  He knew what was in there.  Horatio might want to know but he wouldn't bust the kid over that as long as he didn't use it on the city.

***

Xander woke up to the sound of soft breathy moans, frowning at the wall.  "At least someone's christening the house."  He looked at the dog, who lapped him on the nose.  "Hi, Humphrey.  You should probably eat, huh?"  The dog barked and got up, heading for the kitchen.  "Sure."  He got up, wobbling up the hall into the kitchen.  He found the same mess and frowned at his dog.  "I'll have to get you more, dog.  Give me an hour."  He let him outside, going to make himself something to drink.  The breathy moans were continuing so he found his keys, his wallet, pants, and shoes, and headed out.  No one had taken off his t-shirt so he was fine to grocery shop like this.  It only took a block for someone to pull him over.  He gave the officer a bleary look.  "I have a concussion and the dog's out of food."

"Are you drunk?"

"No, I've got a concussion.  Why, do I sound drunk?"   The officer slowly shook his head.  "I'm fine.  Just a concussion.  I'm going to the grocery store and then right back home, officer.  I promise.  I'm even going slowly."

"That's why I pulled you over, sir."

"Um, Harris.  With the lab."  He handed over his ID.  "My dog got into his bag of food. It's only another block up.  Really."

"You probably shouldn't drive."

"Yeah but my minder was having sex.  I'm not going to interrupt for dog food."  That got a small smile.  "You can follow me if you want."  He took back his ID.  "I'm also still half asleep, that's most of this.  I've driven with concussions before."  He started the car and drove off, making the officer follow him.  He walked into the store, got what he needed plus some stuff for breakfast, then checked out and got back into his car, heading back home at the same slow, careful pace.  He parked and waved, going inside the house with the bags.  He put down dog food, then went back to bed.  His head was throbbing.

John woke up a few hours later, looking down at the person on his chest.  "Morning," he said when she blinked at him.  "How long have you been up?"

"Long enough to think."

"Quit that. You'll only make yourself mad."  He kissed her.  "Let me scrounge for breakfast and check on the kid."  He slid out, finding his clothes so he could do that.  He walked into the kitchen, finding the dog was eating out of a new bag of food.  He took it and put it into the cabinet, giving it a pat.  "Good boy.  Go cuddle the daddy."  The dog ran outside then went to do that.  He looked at the bags on the counter.  Then at the hallway.  He found the receipt.  "Calleigh, he went out earlier."

"I thought you were good at sneaking around," she teased.  He handed over the receipt.  "He drove!"

"Apparently."  She stomped out to look at his car, finding the nice note taped to her steering wheel.  He took it when she came back with a blush.  "Huh."  He went to check on the boy, finding him naked on top of the covers with the dog on his stomach.  "Under the covers, kids."  He grabbed the free side, putting him under it with the dog.  Then he walked out shaking his head.  "The dog's comfortable."

"I'm not."

"Not like he'll care and at that time I was giving you a foot rub, Cal."  She pinched him but was frowning.  "It's fine.  We'll talk with him later about stupid stuff like driving with a concussion."

"The officer said he didn't get over fifteen miles an hour."

"Which was probably better for him," John agreed.  "Let's go disable his car."  She nodded, going to do that.  John unpacked the groceries, sniffing the milk to make sure it was still good after all morning on the counter.  Then he called Horatio.  "We're disabling Xander's car since he decided to go out for dog food this morning."  He hung up and put out the croissants Xander had bought and the jelly for her, plus the coffee he started.  It was a good brunch.  He brought it out, smiling when she came in.  "Brunch?"

"Please.  I'm starved.  Should we make him eat?"

"He'll puke.  I've had one of those recently and I did for three days."  He sat down with his cup of coffee, sipping it.  "I called the boss, told him we're disabling his car."

"Good!  Someone needs a firmer leash on him."

"Then find him someone good to date," John pointed out.  She glared at him.  "It'd help."

"Probably."  She went to check on him, finding one very naked butt cheek hanging out of the blanket and a whining dog.  She gave Xander a nudge, making him get off the dog's tail, letting him run for outside.  Then she covered him back up.  "More than I wanted to see of you, Xander."  She went back to the front room, finding Ryan coming up the walkway.  "Did you finally find which twin it was?"

"Yup and I'm here to confiscate the keys."  John found them and handed them over.  "Thanks.  What did he do?"

"According to the note the officer left, he thought my footrub was her having sex and the dog got into the food so he drove out to get some this morning.  At fifteen miles an hour."

"Nice of him to be so careful.  I'm on lunch if you two need time to pick up stuff.  Horatio said he'd take tonight or I will."

"I'm fine until later, Ryan. Thank you."  She smiled at him.  "Which twin was it?"

"One planned, the other committed.  It was the one with the contacts that committed it."  She nodded.  "So they're both in jail."  He flopped down, smiling when the dog came out. "Hey, dog."  He let it sniff him.  "You're a good dog.  Go guard the daddy."  He ran back into the bedroom and wiggled back under the sheets.  Ryan smiled at them.  "Seriously, if you two wanted...."  John shook his head.  "Okay.  Then I'll leave you two alone with him.  I don't have a new case yet so I'll be out at the normal time, Calleigh."

"He's got frozen stuff," John offered.

"Always," Ryan agreed with a grin.  He walked out, closing the door behind himself.

John looked around.  "He did a good job making this look less like a crypt."

"He did," she agreed, nibbling another bite of croissant.  "You should see the bathroom.  Cooper joked he should move into a water park."

"Can't get clean going down the fun slides," he joked, earning a strange look.  "What?"

"That's what he said."

"That's who I got it off of."  He kissed her again.  "Eat.  You're too skinny."

"You can eat."

"You know I never eat breakfast."  He finished his coffee.  "Want some more?"  She nodded, letting him have her cup.  He glanced in the bedroom on his way past, then brought out fresh cups of coffee.  "We should raid his other hiding spots."

"Horatio made him move one here already and raided one to send some stuff to Gibbs.  What did you bring?"

"He had one that wasn't very secure so I brought that stuff here."  He saw Xander come out naked and looking confused. "This is the new house, Xander.  Bathroom's in your room."  He nodded, going to do that.  He looked at her.  "He'll be fine in a few days."

"Horatio will spank him for earlier."

"Probably."  He finished that cup of coffee and went to tuck him back in.  "No making her look at you naked," he said in his ear.  "She'll blush."  He patted the dog.  "Good boy."  He licked Xander's cheek.  "If he allows it."  He left them alone.  "The dog licked him when I told him he was good."

"He is very cuddly," she agreed happily.  "I'm wondering how Horatio fought him off during that assignment for the ATF."

John looked at her then shook his head.  "I've seen the transcripts.  He got woken up every night by the cuddly one, they got him trying to get free of him."  She giggled at that.  "Seriously."  The dog came out, giving him a begging look.  "I don't have food.  That's her."  He looked at her, giving her the most adoring look.  She sighed and handed over a piece of her last croissant.  He ran back into the bedroom, going back to bed with the daddy.  He yelped a minute later and ran back out, hiding under John's chair.  "Now you like me?  Xander, what did you do to the dog?"

"Demon bit me," he called.  "Sleeping!"

"I know you are, do more of it," Calleigh called.  She looked at the dog, patting her lap.  It came over to crawl into it, giving her all the cuddles and loves he could because she gave in to his begging.  "I love you too, Humphrey."   She smiled at John.  "He said he almost got a mini-dobie but it growled at him."

"I can't see him with a miniature anything," he said, thinking about it.  "Especially not something that small and pompous."

"You never know."  She patted the wiggling hind end, watching as he went to bark at the cats.  Again.  Xander came out and picked up his dog, carrying him back to bed.  She coughed, trying to calm her blush down.  "No wonder so many women want him."

John looked at her.  "Feeling a bit evil?" he teased.

Xander came back out, frowning at them.  "Why aren't you two christening the rest of the house for me?"

"It was a footrub, kid," John complained.

"Uh-huh."  He walked back into the bedroom.  "Go home.  I'm better now."

"Fat chance," she called after him.  "Go back to sleep, Xander."

"Meany."

"Tough.  You might get stolen again," John called.  The dog ran out to hide under his chair again.  "Did he growl?" he asked the poor thing.  He patted him but he went back to his female lap snuggler instead.

***

Ryan woke Xander up at ten, looking down at him.  "Food?"

"Fuck off."  He put his head back under the covers.

"You have to eat sometime."

"I'll have you eaten if you don't go away and let me sleep."

"I know they say you get personality changes when  you have a concussion, Xander, but be nicer to me or Horatio is coming instead."

"Meany."

"Yay me.  Keep it up."

Xander uncovered his head.  "I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten all day.  You have to eat sometime."

"No I don't.  Feed the dog."

"I already did."  He walked boxers over to him, handing them over.  "Come on.  Don't make me dress you, I'll put them on backwards so you have to walk funny.  Just because we had to hear Horatio growl about you telling the cop that stopped you that you were one of us."  Xander looked confused.  "When you went out for dog food this morning?"

"I did?"

"You did."  He handed over the note Calleigh had given Horatio, who had let him have it.  Xander groaned, covering his head again.  "Up.  Now.  Time for food.  I'll even be nice and cook."  The dog peeked in.  "Go use the outside, dog."

"Humphrey."

"Humphrey, go use the yard."

"He's got a doggy flap."  He snatched the boxers to put on, then climbed out of bed, following his coworker to the kitchen.  He sniffed, then looked at him.  "You made Thai stuff?"

"It was in the freezer."  He handed him a plate and some milk.  "She said you got that this morning too when I checked."

"I hate concussions."  He walked out to the living room with his plate, getting comfortable while he ate.  "What else did I do?"

"John was giving Calleigh a foot rub so you thought they were having sex.  Told the officer that your minders were having sex."  He brought his plate out, making Xander frown.  "Some of the frozen stuff."  Xander switched plates with him since his was less spicy, digging in again.  "Fine, you can do that."  He ate the food, ignoring the begging dog.  "You have got to train him not to do that."

"He laid on Alexx's head during the aborted housewarming party."

"Did anyone get a picture?"

"Have to ask Speed or Eric."

"I can do that."  He finished his dinner, putting the plate down. The dog sniffed, sneezed, then went to beg the daddy, who gave him a look.  "Humphrey."  The dog came back, letting him pet him.  "Do not beg, but good boy to answer to your name."  He let him go, watching him hop up next to the daddy, laying his head on his thigh, giving him the big eyed look of adoration.  A piece of chicken fell off his fork.  The dog nearly castrated him trying to get it off his lap.  "You okay?"

"Fine.  He tried to lap one of my nipples earlier and got shoved off the bed for it."  He finished his dinner, putting the plate down.  The dog jumped down so he could clean it for him.  "Why else are you here?"

"Xander, you have a concussion," he said patiently.  "Why do you think I'm here?"

"It's been a day, I won't die."

"No, you do stupid stuff.  Therefore you get a CSI of your very own."

"Yay me," he said flatly.  "Cable's not on yet."

"I can read books.  I even brought one."

"That reminds me.  I have to shelve the bomb manuals."

Ryan shook his head, standing up.  "Come on, we'll do that while the dog runs around."  He hauled Xander up, watching him wobble and turn a bit green.  "Deep breaths."  Xander calmed his stomach, heading into the extra vault with him.  He saw the frown.  "John said the one you didn't show him wasn't secure anymore so he brought it back."

"That's not all there was."

"Maybe that's why it wasn't secure."

Xander went to the other one, getting in and looking.  "No, he put the other stuff in here."  He went back to the main vault, getting down to work arranging things.  A few he had to check so he could make index cards, ignoring the fact that Ryan was whimpering in the corner about his artillery collection.  "I've got worse."

"Horatio said you can't play with them for a week because you told the cop you were with the crime lab to get out of getting a ticket this morning."

"Fine.  I'll be at work tomorrow anyway."

"Six more days according to the doctor.  He told me to remind you of that."

Xander looked at him.  "Did he put a tape recorder on you too?" he asked.

"No, just a list."  He handed it over with a grin.  Xander read it, groaning.  "Therefore you're going to be a good boy or else I'll treat you like your dog."  He patted him on the back.  "Are you going by number, style, or time you learned it?"

"Difficulty."  He went back to shelving, then found his phone in there, finally.  "I'm sorry," he said once someone answered Horatio's phone.  "I don't remember going to the store but I'm sorry anyway. Can Ryan go home now?  He nags."  He hung up and finished with the bomb manuals, going back to his arranging the weapons in the order of most likely to be used. He backed out, finding Eric waiting on them in the kitchen.  "Did he send you too?"

"Yup."  He handed over the new note.  "For you."  He patted him on the back.  "Wolfe, you need time off?"

"No, I'm good.  I just woke him up to make him eat.  Got friendly with the dog.  We played some fetch too.  I fed him but he didn't want to eat too much."

"He dove into the bag of food according to Calleigh."

"Ah.  No wonder."  He grinned at the slumping Xander.  "More problems?"  He took the note to look at.  "Huh, your dad's in town.  Well, if you're much better then it won't be a problem for you to stay awake while you see him tomorrow, huh?  Go shower and then go back to bed if you want.  I can watch the house and the dog."  Xander nodded, going that way.  He looked at Eric.  "Why is that a warning?"

"Because his father wants him to do something with him.  He always does," Eric said quietly, glancing at Xander's doorway.  Then back at him.  "It's going to become a conflict and Xander doesn't like to argue on personal matters."

"Okay, so I'm off tomorrow anyway, I can be here after I run a few errands."

"Might be helpful," Eric agreed. "Horatio's worried."

"I would be too.  Especially with the month he's had."

"He had one of these during his internship too," Eric reminded him. Ryan shuddered.  "So, who had them from the ER?"

"Some woman who Calleigh said wanted the guys to be wives.  She stupidly let Xander cook then made John be the cooking wife."

"Wonderful.  Stupid and psychotic.  It's a great combination."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Have fun with the dog, Wolfe.  It'll be fine soon enough."  He got into his car and headed back there, finding Horatio and Speed cuddled up on the couch.  "I gave Xander the note and explained things to Wolfe.  Xander said he didn't remember going out to the store."

"I should still spank him," Horatio said hoarsely.

Speed handed him back his mug of tea.  "I told you to drink that.  Before we spank you for diving into cold water to save someone without someone watching you.  You could've been bitten by that shark, Horatio."  Horatio sipped, getting comfortable again.  "Did the kid eat?"

"Wolfe made him eat.  Just got him up apparently.  He was in the back vault he had put in."

"Probably arranging things," Horatio agreed.  He put down the mug of tea, snuggling into his pillow to rest.  Speed made sure he was tucked in well enough and patted him until he fell asleep.  It was good to be babied.  They'd have to teach Xander that.

"Did he just say what I think he did?" Eric asked.

"Yeah, that we should have to teach Xander how nice being babied is."

"That would take girls not wanting to kill him.  I'm not thinkin' it'll be this year."  He went into the kitchen.  "Need more tea?"

"Please.  There's some on the stove getting cold."  Eric brought it out once it had warmed back up, earning a smile.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He grinned.  "Wolfe is in full fuss mode too.  He's been playing with the dog."

"The dog's cute.   I wouldn't mind a dog but we're never home."

"Point."  He gave him a kiss and went to get his own dinner.  He had just barely gotten home when Wolfe had called and he had been made the official messenger.

***

Xander looked at his father.  "What's up?"  He sipped his soda, curling up on the couch.

"What happened?"

"Psycho brat who wanted me to be her wife."

"Your arm?"

"Head.  Twice."

"Concussion," Lee said, understanding that. "You okay to go back to work soon?"

"The doc apparently said a week.  Horatio's being mean and enforcing it even though I could've wobbled in today."

"It's probably better if you don't, Xander."  He grinned at him.  "Are you okay otherwise?"

"I'm good.  The house is fully decorated.  My crappy month is due to be over with soon.  I've already made my first mortgage payment and all the utilities are on but the cable."

"Trash?"

"You have to pay for trash?"  Lee nodded. "I'll get that one later then."  He took another drink.  "Sorry, lunch."

"I've had a few concussions. I understand, son."

Xander looked at him.  "What did you need help with?"

Lee gave him an odd look.  "I couldn't just visit?"

"You'd bring Mom if it was a vacation."

"I do have a case that I think you could help me with.  I can get you excused."

Xander took another drink.  "No, dad.  I'm needed here."

"But...."

Xander gave him a look.  "The Chief wasn't pleased when the ATF borrowed me and Horatio.  Even if they did point out that I was one of very few techs who could've went and they were asking for me by name.  He didn't like that I had to go on comp time, even though he pushed me onto it for the broken arm.  He didn't like that Buffy showed up and made me move either.  He's talking that they're not getting their money's worth."  He took another drink.  "I have to do my real job for a while to calm him down, Dad.  If it was after-hours down here I wouldn't care.  Horatio might but I wouldn't."

Lee looked at him.  "I could start to guilt trip you."

"And then I walk away and stop taking calls," Xander said honestly, earning a shocked look.  "I got plenty of that from the ladies I used to know, including Fred, Cordy, and Angel."  Lee grimaced but nodded.  "Is it local?"

"No, St. Louis."

"They don't have gun techs there?"

"They do but not ones in the family."

"Just because I'm family doesn't mean you can't go to others.  There's ones who're rated above me in the scheme of ballistics techs all over the world."

"I know but you're family and I like working with you."

"Dad, you also think getting shot at is a bonding exercise."  Lee shrugged at that.  "As much as I love working with you, I hate being shot at."

"It's slowed down."

"No it hasn't."

"Yes it has, son.  Trust me.  In the eighties I never went a week without being shot at."

"Ow.  I thought the eighties were only about funny hair."  He finished his soda, putting the glass down on the coffee table.   Humphrey came out to snuggle.  "Got tired of being in the bed alone?"  He petted him.  "This is Humphrey.  You can tell Grandma you saw the furry grandkid."   Lee shook his head.  "No?"

"She'll scream at me again."

"Why not ask Jamie?"

"The director at NCIS hates us.  She keeps trying to take our assignments."

"I'm sure Gibbs loves that."

"Not really.  You sure?"

"If it was in Miami."

"You could be a great agent."

"Dad, I'm not an agent.  If Miami fires me I've got to go beg Gibbs for a job or work with Fornell."

He stood up.  "Fine, I won't guilt trip you or anything, son."  He gave him a hug.  "Get better, huh?"

"I will.  Come down for a vacation sort of thing sometime soon, dad."

"I will.  Your mom wants pictures."

"I sent her some this morning."

"I flew out at five."

"I'm sorry."  Lee smiled.  "Want a cup of coffee?"

"No, I've got an expense account for that."  He patted him on the head.  "Be safe and we'll see you soon."  He left, heading back to the airport.

Xander put his head down, looking at his dog.  "I don't like having to set that boundary," he said quietly.  "I really don't."  The dog whimpered, sensing his mood.  "I feel like I betrayed him, Humphrey.  I didn't but I feel like I did."  He went back to petting him.  "Hopefully that's the end of the crappy month from hell we've had."  He laid down, letting the dog settle in on top of him.  "Sure, we'll nap.  It'll be a good nap."

***

Horatio looked up as Lee walked in.  "Is it in Miami?"

"No."

"Then he can't go.  He needs to stay in Miami and do his actual job."  He put the folder aside, looking at the lounging, pissed off agent.  "That assignment pissed off the boss and our budget is very tight.  Techs are precious, expensive things, Lee.  The Chief could see that having Xander and paying him isn't justified if he isn't doing his work for us.  He's already warned me of that and I did tell him that."

"He could be given an excuse."

"The Chief won't let him.  He will fire him."

"Then he could get a job in the agency."

"Homeland would never hire him with a disability."

"Miami did."

"Miami knew he wasn't going to be in the field.  Homeland doesn't need a ballistics tech.  It needs field agents, which he's not qualified for with only one eye."

"It's not right.  I'm his father."

"And I'm his boss," he reminded him.  "I need Xander to do his job here with us.  Miami's crimes have to take priority over favors for his family and others, Lee.  I'm sorry but we need Xander here.  Even if it were after-hours and local we need him here and we need him healthy.  He doesn't have any more leave time left after his arm and his concussion."

"He seemed okay.  He said he would've come in today."

"I can't afford for him to leave if he does get sick."  He stared him down. "You're putting a lot of pressure on your son, Lee.   You're going to end up making him choose between his family and his career and there's a lot of ways for the Chief to make sure he's never hired anywhere if we fire him.  He's done it to other techs."

"I don't want to make him choose, Caine."

"You do or you wouldn't keep coming down to take him off for assignments.  Unless it's in Miami itself and he can do it after-hours and on his day off I can't allow you to take him."

"It's his life.  You're not his lover."

"No, I'm his friend.  Right now he's probably beating himself up for turning you down."

Lee grimaced.  "I'm trying to get to know him."

"Then come down on a vacation and relate like normal families."

"I can't do that."

"Then let your wife and other sons help you," he said firmly.  "We need Xander more than you do.  You have an office building the size of a block full of agents you can take to wherever.  We have Xander."

"You have Calleigh."

"She's a field tech with a speciality.  If we relied on her she'd always be backlogged."

"Fine."  He stomped off.

Horatio took the phone off speaker.  "Amanda, I'm worried that he's going to force Xander into something stupid so he has to leave the department."  He listened to her.  "He still has a concussion.  It's only three days old."  He nodded.  "That's what I'm worried about."  He listened to her go off on her husband's less than stellar qualities.  "What do I do to cushion him?  Because he's probably very afraid that he's wrecked what attachments he's made to all of you."  He smiled. "That could help, yes.  Thank you.  No, he's at home resting.  He'll start back next week if he's able.  Thank you for helping us.  Have a better day."  He hung up, going to talk to Ryan.  "How was Xander when you left him?"

"Crappy," he admitted.  "His head was still throbbing.  He was nauseous this morning when he got up.  Even the dog's feeling pitiful for him.  Why?"

"His father wanted him to go on a job with him."

"He's barely in any shape to work in the lab, Horatio."

"I know.  Do you think he could come in and work?"

"Xander's the king of stubborn according to him," he reminded him.  "He's come in with injuries before.  Even after his father got him shot at and grazed he came in to work."

"Point.  I'll check on him tomorrow and see if he can come back."

"I can help in ballistics, Horatio."

"It's safer for him if he's here and has a bit of support right now," he said quietly.

"Good reasons.  He might be able to make it.  He wanted to wobble in today."

"Then I'll check on him tomorrow morning."  He patted him on the shoulder and went to call the boy.  "Xander?  How are you feeling?"  He smiled at his 'crappy' comment.  "Your father was here."  He listened to him swear.  "I told him you weren't allowed to go anywhere but here.  I laid out some reasons.  Then I talked to your mother.  She agreed, you're needed here, Xander.  Yes, and wanted," he agreed at the quiet question.  "You're not too much trouble.  Even when you go out.  I'm sure you're not.  Now, how are you really feeling?"  He listened to him try to babble.  "I'll pop around tomorrow to check on you.  We'll see then how you feel."  He smiled at the happier answer.  "I know, you need to get back to work to feel better.  It'll be soon and I'll make sure you're not overworking yourself.  For now, rest.  You could use it.  No, let the dog play for now.  You rest.  Good.  I'll see you tomorrow."  He hung up, looking around.  "I can feel you watching."  Stetler walked in.  "What now?"

"I saw the kid's father."

"He wanted him to do something with him but we had to point out his son wasn't fit for it and we needed him here."

"Good.  The Chief doesn't like poaching."

"He's not; he's sure that's the only way he can bond with his son."

"It's still poaching."

"Xander's staying.  He's trying to get back sooner than he should.  I'll make sure he's healthy before he does."

"Good.  Feds are coming in tomorrow."

"How do you know?"

"They asked for Harris' file."

"Why?"

"I don't know."  He handed over the request form.

Horatio looked at him.  "Why do you like him, Rick?"

"The kid's got a bright future, Caine.  He shouldn't be dirtied by anything around you.  Even other ballistics techs are saying he's going to be tops in the field.  He can't do that if the mud that wraps around your ankles transfers."  He left, going back to his office.

Horatio glared at his back. Then he looked down at the labs.  "Something is going to have to be done about this," he muttered.  He called Xander back.  "Xander, the feds are coming in tomorrow."  He smiled at the assertion he could still pull a regular shift.  "Where are you?"  He laughed at the 'in a cab' answer.  "I'll see you soon then.  Come to my office when you get here."  He hung up, looking over the request form.  Why would they want Xander's folder?  Xander came in so he handed him the request.  "From Stetler."

"Why?" he asked with a frown.

"I do not know."

Xander nodded.  "Okay.  I'll watch out for them.  Going to work, boss.  Making sure I don't have any sight problems.  I'll be here tomorrow too."  He walked out, heading down to ballistics.  He had his clean lab coats with him.  The dry cleaner had been happy to let him have them back.  He walked in and took off his jacket, sliding into his coat.  He found his glasses where he usually put them and got to work on the 'in' bucket.  They would not be getting backlogged again.  Calleigh came in twenty minutes later and gave him a hug.  "I'm still nauseous.  Feds are coming in and wanted my file for some reason."

"Wonderful.  Are you released to work?"

"I'm making sure I don't have any reasons to complain when I go back to get clearance."  He looked at her.  "No wobbling vision or anything.  Remind me I need new glasses next month too.  These are scratched."

"I can do that.  I'm working on the Henderson case."

"I'm on the in bucket."

"That'll work."  She pulled on her lab coat and dove in too.  Together they could clear the lab tonight.

***

"Mr. Harris," the investigative head said, walking into ballistics.

"I'm busy, wait ten minutes."  He adjusted his scope.

"I think we'll talk now."

"I think I'm nauseous enough to puke on you so back the fuck off and go take off half the aftershave before it transfers onto evidence.  That *is* federal protocol for lab techs."

"We will talk now or I will have you suspended."

Xander turned to look at him.  "Look, sparky.  I don't give a damn what sort of hold you have over Horatio.  This is *my* ballistics lab, we follow *all* protocols and higher in here.  If you cannot follow the protocols your agency set up then why do you work for them?  You come into *my* lab and you had better be in a lab coat,  you had better be in gloves, and you had *better* follow the rest of the guidelines, which you are not.  Try to suspend me and I'll have your career fucking ruined.  Now, follow the protocols or get out of my lab.  This is your last warning."

"There are anomalies in your federal file, boy."

"Like the one that's got a rating saying I bite?" Xander asked blandly.  "Ten seconds or I'm ejecting you."  The agent sneered.  "Good enough for me."  He gave him a shove and called out to the agents around them.  "Does this guy have a boss?  I  will *not* have someone as ignorant of lab protocol in my lab."  One agent gave him a horrified look. "This is *my* lab and we do follow all protocols in *my* ballistics lab.  He violated ten within four minutes.  I want his boss's name and number, now, Agent ... Parkins," he said after glancing at her name tag.  "Right the hell now or I'm reporting you too for not having your hair up and wearing open toed shoes in a lab."  She wrote it out, handing it over.  "Thank you!  I would fix that before Caine finds out."  He walked back into his lab, dialing the number.  It led to a voicemail system so he left a long, detailed complaint.  Then he hung up and got back to work.  Another agent walked in.  He glanced at him.  "At least you're not violating most of the rules.  Hands in your pockets or put on gloves.  What do you want?"

"The agent in charge wants you in interrogation."

"He can wait.  I'm working.  I get a break in twenty minutes.  Miami's victims don't get their money's worth if I'm off on a break."  He got back to work.  "You can stare at my ass if you want.  I don't care."  He went back to his matching, smiling at the perfect match.  He turned and got to work on his report, noting the case number and name, then searching through the system.  He saved his report, bagged the test fire, leaving the original there and running.  "Before you say a word, the computer needs it there and it can take up to an hour to find a match.  Calleigh, leaving to talk to violation boy.  I have a sample running through the system."

"I'll watch it to make sure it doesn't walk off."  She patted him on the arm.  "Calm down.  Have a soda."

"I puked breakfast.  I don't think so."  He walked off with the agent, disposing of his gloves properly and then unbuttoning his lab coat since they were in the halls.  "Why are you here again?"

"Violations in lab protocol."

"In ballistics?"

"In your file, sir."

"From?"

"I don't know.  I'm not privy.  The rest of us are here for other matters."

"Pity you're being led by someone who violates lab protocol."  He walked into interrogation.  "Okay, I'm searching it.  What did you want?"  He stared at him.

"Your work in New York..."

Xander held up a hand.  "I've never worked in New York.  That was a tech trying to discredit me during my post-grad internship.  Your agency took over the details after we found it.  He had dated things down here before I arrived.  Last I heard he's in a super max somewhere begging not to be a bitch on the block.  And?  You're taking me away from my job."  He put his hand back on his hip.

"Your attitude...."

"I have a double concussion.  This is my first day back.  You're lucky I'm only biting verbally.  And?  Anything else?"

"You have to get clearance to work in the field?"

"I lost an eye before Sunnydale fell in.  That was before I started college.  I trained myself to compensate without it but IAB does demand that I do that, even though he's easing off with how little I get into the field."

"That doesn't hinder you?"

"No, as I said I trained myself to compensate for it.  That was over a year before I started my education."

"A bit late," he noted coldly.

"Sorry, I had other jobs until Sunnydale fell in."  He shrugged.  "Anything else?"

"You were on comp for the concussions?"

"No, I was on comp time because of a broken arm.  I was talking with a former friend who came down here to convince me that I'm so worthless I should go back to being her lapdog and she hit me repeatedly in one spot until I had a three-quarter fracture.  It was determined that I couldn't put a lab coat over my cast and therefore couldn't do my work in a realistic manner so therefore I had the time to move after she shot up my apartment when she left here."  He shrugged again.  "We can furnish those reports as well.  I'm sure Internal Affairs would since they had me fill out an incident report on both matters."

"The concussion?"

"Was from some woman who kidnaped myself and a former officer named Hagen.  I was in the ER getting clearance to come back from my arm.  And?  Got more?  I need a drink before I get back to work."

"Your federal file has a sealed portion."

"That's due to the inquest of a group called the Initiative."  He moved closer.  "See, we found out the group were torturing assholes who got off on the tortures they were doing to the residents of the town.  They took a friend," he said honestly.  "My former friends and I made them go away.  There was an inquest and *that's* what's sealed so no one else can get any bright ideas off it," he finished more quietly.  "Now, anything else you want to know?"

"Your *bodyguarding*?  You never listed it?"

"I don't have to answer that."

"I can have you fired for lying on your application."

"That was the only *good* way to put that in there so you didn't have to hear about Sunnydale and the protection detail.  It was as close as IAB wanted to go.  He made that decision after I had to shoot someone in the field who shot CSI Speedle.  Since it related back to a terrorist I ended up kicking the ass of while I was interning at NCIS, the matter came up."

"Why did you switch, Mr. Harris? That is not how *normal* internships go."

"Not enough work for both of us.  Also not enough varied work so I got a better hands-on experience in my minor or major.  Plus lack of field work since I am rated for that as well."  He looked stunned.  "Didn't read the whole file?  I'm a ballistics tech with a minor in trace and a minor in field work.  I get out there two or three cases a month, as I wanted to.  I couldn't do that at NCIS.  I was having to take work from Abby's hands to have anything to do.  Plus they do a lot more with hacking than I'm comfortable with since I'm a hands-on sort.  We all agreed it would be for the best since I spent a week cleaning total in my four months there."  He gave him another look.  "Anything else you wanted to know?  You could have asked politely if you hadn't broken lab protocol.  I am the bitch in this department about my lab's protocol.  By the way, some of your junior members are also breaking protocol.  I would correct it before I report them too."

"You reported me?"

"I did.  You broke protocol in a very major way.  I do not allow that in my lab.  You were in contact with evidence stinking of over-applied aftershave.  You were in contact with evidence without proper lab clothing and equipment on.  You were in contact with evidence without gloves on.  You could have endangered every single case in there when it goes to court and I do not allow that."

"Are you gay?"

"After my last girlfriend turned into a serial killer I thought it would be better to switch teams.  Doesn't help any since I still draw psycho women to me.  Hence the concussion.  Now, anything else?  I've got work to do so I can put away criminals.  You're getting in my way and I won't allow that either."

"You assaulted a federal agent."

"No, I gave you a shove out of my lab before you contaminated anything.  Try to charge me, I'm pretty sure any judge will see it my way and then I can sue you for trying to damage my career and reputation.  Now, as I said, I'm busy.  You done yet?"

"I will be looking into your past."

Xander pulled something off his neck, handing it to him.  "That's my full file of injuries.  You should be able to get enough out of that to fulfill whatever sick desire you have in regards to me.  I want that back so please give it to myself or my Lieutenant.  It's come in handy in the past when I got injured."  He walked out, going back to his lab.  He did stop to get a drink, then regloved once he was inside.  He found it had matched and printed that, checking the sample before he went back to his report.  Horatio came in with the keychain drive.  "Sorry I went bitch on him but I don't allow people in here without proper gear on."

"I agree," he said, looking at his report.  "Is that mine?"

"Calleigh's.  Yours is in the pile.  Give me another five and you can have the whole stack."

"Good enough.  I'll be in Chem."  Xander nodded, going back to his report.  He notated on the gun's listing in the system so they knew what else the gun had been used for.  Then he closed down that search.  He proofed his report, doing the usual checks, then printed it.  It got taken out, stapled together, and then the whole pile got lifted.  He took off his gloves once he was through the door, walking them down the hall.  "Ryan?"  He waved from Trace so he went in there, handing over his few reports.  He put Speed's down beside his work station too.  "For Speed."  He walked off, going to give Calleigh the rest of hers.  Then to chem to give Eric his and Horatio his.  "And I have one that Frank found.  Is he in?"

"At his desk, I checked," Horatio offered, giving him a smile.

"Thanks."  He walked it off, getting a sip of water on the way.  He found Frank reading something and put it overtop.  "The gun you found without a case."  He winked.  "It's mythical.  It makes you want to rape."  He walked off, going back to his lab.  The putz was in there.  "You had better not be touching evidence."

"You didn't seal this envelope?"

"I always include the printout from the system in it."  He photocopied it and put it in there, then sealed it.  "That way if it comes up to trial we know where the case file is if it gets wet, like what happened during the last hurricane."  He initialed it and put it into the done bucket, then got his next sample out.  He looked at the boxed gun, frowning at it.  "Hmm.  When did this get here?"  He looked at the date, then the seal.  "Excuse me.  Horatio?"  He walked out, showing it to him.  "Why did I get this back?"

"I don't know, Xander."  He took it to look over.  "Let's check."  He went to look up the case in ballistics, after putting on gloves as was proper.  He found it.  "It was pulled for case review by Stetler," he said.

Xander called him.  "It's Harris.  You gave me back a gun I had already done and you wanted what with it?"  He listened.  "Then why give it to me?  I can since it was put over here.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "He wanted it to be put through trace and fingerprints."

"I'll let you do that in trace."  Xander nodded, heading out, taking off his coat and hanging it up in there so he could switch.

"He works in other labs?" the head agent sneered.

"Trace is his minor," Horatio reminded him.  "He gets a good fifteen hours a week over there when ballistics is clear."  He walked him out then shut the door so they'd see if someone went in.  Xander was already bent over the gun's grip to check it for any signs of anything.  He walked in there.  "What did he want checked for?"

"Sand.  I'm not sure why."  He grimaced.  "I'm not seeing any yet."  He rotated it slightly, getting back to work.  "Horatio, Speed raised a point.  I'm fully with changing coats but should I have to change glasses?  One of the agents said I needed to."

"Not as far as I know.  You don't usually wear shooting glasses?"

"No, these are safety plastic," he admitted.  "I don't often wear them to shoot, they're for close work."

"Then it shouldn't be a problem.  You shouldn't have any transfer and I know you don't needlessly wipe them or anything.  I can check for you if you want."

"Please.  I don't want to violate anything."  Horatio nodded, letting him work while he went to look that up.  Xander found a bit of gel-like substance on the barrel and swiped it with  a swab.  He even broke it down looking for sand.  When he was done he walked it over to fingerprints once he had it back together.  "IAB is doing quality control on this case.  He wanted it checked for trace, mostly sand, and then fingerprints when you've got a clear spot?"

"Sure, Xander.  That's what I'm here for.  Did you really shove him out?"

"He violated ten matters of protocol within minutes.  Hell yes.  I don't let things like that happen in my lab, you know that."

"I do.  You're worse than Speed and Valera combined."  She grinned at his smirk.  "Go, shoo.  Did you find anything?"

"Swab of something on the barrel.  Looked like a gel.  I'll go run it in a minute.  Speed's got the machine tied up."  He went back to trace, finding Speed running it.  "I could have."

"I'm clear now, I can.  Also, case number?"

"I thought I did."

"One side, not both."  He showed him.  Xander took it and wrote it on the other side as well.  "Thank you.  One is good enough for a walk-over but it had to be done."  He gave him a shoulder nudge.  "How's the head?"

"Crappy and I've been thirsty all day."  He looked at him, getting a nod.  "Let me know?"

"Sure, or Stetler."

"That'll work.  She's got it to run for prints."  He walked off, going back to ballistics once he had changed his coat.  He had more evidence to log in and examine.  He did pause to get another drink.  Alexx gave him an odd look.  "I've been thirsty since the concussion."

"We should check your blood sugar."

"I've never had that problem but I do get thirsty from concussions," he admitted, grinning at her. "Think Humphrey's howling in misery?"

"Probably napping under your blanket again."  She looked into his eyes.  "How is your head?"

"Minor throbbing that's making me bitchy."

"That happens.  Take some tylenol."

"I have.  It's still throbbing and making me bitchy."  He shrugged and went back to work.  Natalia came in a few minutes later.  "Gun or bullet?"

"Complaint about your language, young man."

He looked at her.  "Natalia, I got clubbed in the head twice.  I have two spots of concussion.  I feel like hell.  If you don't like me describing myself as bitchy today, take it up with Horatio.  He agreed I was being bitchy this morning.  I don't normally swear.  Really."  She stomped off.  He got back to work, shaking his head.  Horatio walked in.  "I told her to go to you about her not liking me calling myself bitchy."

"She said it's making the rest of us look bad."

"No, I went full bitch on him earlier when he had me pulled out," Xander told him.

"I heard.  I was watching."  Xander gave him a sweet grin.  "I agreed as to what you said, but tone it down a bit more, Xander.  Or go take ten to get some more tylenol."

"I'm fine.  I can't take more for another two hours.  I'll take it at lunch."

Horatio looked at his watch. "Is your watch broken?"  Xander frowned, looking at it then at the computer clock.  "That is very wrong.  It's nearly one, Xander."

"Huh.  Let me write a note to computer services and then I'll take lunch."  Horatio nodded, watching while he did that.  He resealed his present evidence and went to eat.  The agents gave him an odd look. "My computer's clock is running slow.  I didn't realize it was my lunch time and time for more tylenol."  He walked into the break room, finding what he wanted.  Plus a soda.  "Ah, sweet goddess."  He sat down with that and two packets from the box of tylenol, gulping them before the food.

"It must be expensive to buy lunch every day," a female agent said as she walked in.

"I'm poisonous in the kitchen.  It's safer and better if I don't eat my own cooking."  He ate another bite.  "Saves a lot at home since I don't have to buy pots or anything."  He ate another bite, then held his stomach, gulping the rest of his soda.  He got up to get another one, clutching the machine.  "Food's a bad idea today."

"How did you get a concussion?"

"Some psychotic woman who wanted myself and a former officer to be her wives.  She took me from the ER when I was getting clearance to come back after my broken arm.  Clubbed me in the head after she made me cook and got sick."  He opened the new soda, sipping it slower to try to calm his stomach down.  "'Scuse me," he said, rushing to the bathroom.

Ryan saw and followed.  "Xander?" he called from the doorway.

"Food bad."

"Literally, like you cooked for yourself?"

"No, concussion stuff.  Go put it in the fridge for me please?"

"Sure, I can do that."   He went to put up Xander's food, bringing him back his newest soda, handing it over to him.  "I'll tell H you're getting sick in case you get back late."  Xander nodded, going back to trying hard not to get sick again.  He walked out, finding Horatio and Alexx coming up the hall.  "Food didn't react well with his stomach.  I put it in the fridge and gave him his soda."

"He should still be in bed," Alexx complained.  She walked into the bathroom without knocking.  Not like she hadn't seen it all before.

"I'll handle it, Mr. Wolfe, thank you," Horatio said quietly.

"Welcome.  After lunch I'm going on a suspect hunt."  He went back to work, seeing Eric's worried look.  "Lunch wasn't good for Xander."

"I've been there a few times," Eric admitted.  "Took me a week.  Worried my mother horribly."

Ryan looked around before moving closer.  "Eric, I'm very aware of where you live," he said quietly.  "I don't care, it makes you a happier person.  Okay?"  Eric nodded, smirking at him.  "So you don't have to hide it."

"He was worried too," he admitted. "But he's had his own a few times."

"I bet.  Wrecking his bike?"

"The other one, Wolfe."

"He could've wrecked a bike," he said with a small grin.

Eric snickered, shaking his head.  "Not him.  No.  You sure?"

"Why would I care, Eric?"

"Thanks."

"Welcome.  Now, can we work on setting Xander up soon?  He needs someone to fuss."

"You do okay at that."

"I'm still straight."

"He'd let you do all the cleaning you wanted."

"No thanks.  Never even wondered about that side of the fence."

"If you're sure.  Speed's trying to set him up with someone nice.  He's been talking with his mother too."

"Why?"

"His father came down to try to get him to go on a job with him."

"Damn.  Poor guy."

"Yeah, that was yesterday though."

"I remember the note."  He looked over as the agent came in.  "Xander still getting sick?"

"No, he's back in the break room getting a drink," he admitted.  "What does his father do?"

"Homeland," they said in unison.  The man grimaced.

Eric grinned.  "Now and then he coopts his son to help him with cases and things.  ATF does too.  They like him.  You got here on the wrong day."

"Yeah, usually Xander's nice, bouncy, funny to be around, an easy going guy.  By the way, where is your coat and gloves?  Now please."  The man stomped off.  "I should report that, right?"

"Let H.  He plays politics better."

"Did you see Xander shove him for that?"

"I did.  I'm surprised we don't see Xander with pretty new silver bracelets too."  Eric looked at him.  "Let Horatio."

"Fine.  Or maybe Xander later on."  Xander wobbled back to ballistics.  "Looks like he's staying."

"He's a better man than I am.  My last concussion I hid on the couch for a week."  He looked at his sample.  "What did you do that for?" he complained when he saw it bubbling.

Ryan looked. "Did someone switch the bottles again?"

"Maybe."  He took a sample to test, then nodded.  "Yup, this one."  He called Horatio to come there, handing him the bottle and the test result.  "Whoever that is I'm letting Xander bite them."  He got a new bottle out and new solution, getting back to work.  Fortunately that wouldn't matter with is rock sample.  Just ate the dirt off it.

"I'll look into it, boys.  Thank you.  Any others?"

"I haven't noticed any funny reactions," Ryan admitted.  "You might ask Speed.  He tossed a  bottle out earlier.  Banked it off the window."

"I can do that as well.  Thank you."  He went to do that.  "Speed, you tossed a bottle at the window?"

"Tampered with."  He pointed at the can.  "I used it to smoosh a spider that was on the glass since it had to go anyway.  Another one?"

"In chem."

"Xander's going to bite someone."

"Not today, he'd have to bring it back up," he said dryly, walking off to Speed's laugh.  He looked in ballistics.  "Go home, Xander.  Now."

"I'm fine."

"You're not.  Go home."

"Bite me, Horatio.  I'm fine."  He got back to work.  "I'm fine," he repeated when Horatio came in.  He turned him around and gave him a nudge out of the lab.  "Go fuss over Frank, he looked green earlier."  He went back to work, shaking his head.

"I did not get that clearance faxed, Xander," he said from the doorway.

"I'm fine," he said in a sing-song manner.  Horatio made a humming noise so he repeated it in Spanish.  At the next one he went to Latin, then Aramaic.  Then he started on Hebrew, then the demon languages until Horatio walked off shaking his head.  "Told you I was fine," he muttered as he examined the bullet.  "What are you?  You weren't shot with anything I know of."  He got out his identification manual, looking it up.  "There's no listings."  He looked around then walked out.  "Is Calleigh back yet?" he asked Cooper since he was in the halls.  "I have the impossible, a bullet without classification."

"Not yet but soon.  She's probably grabbing lunch to eat on the way back.  I can get Horatio if you want."

"Please.  I'm hoping it's head trauma making me not see a groove."  He walked back into the lab.  This was going to drive him nuts.  He turned it around, they were evenly spaced.  There was no hint of another groove.  Horatio came in.  "Two with a right-twist."  He let him see it on the bigger monitor.  "Evenly spaced.  No hints of other ones."

Horatio looked through the scope.  "Can you run it?"

"I'd have to put in a classification and I don't have one."

"Try it anyway, Xander, see what comes up."

Xander nodded, starting it through the system.  It came up unable to search, not enough information.  He looked at him, shrugging a bit.  "I don't know."

"Me either. Put it aside for now, show it to Calleigh later.  Maybe you two can figure it out together."  He nodded, doing that and going to the next sample.  Horatio walked out, going to look it up in the ballistics textbook they kept around for reference.  "Dueling pistol?"  He brought the book back.  "Run it as a pistol shot, Xander.  The book has a special case from a dueling pistol that only had two but a left twist."

Xander nodded, running the saved search through the system again.  He narrowed it down when he got nearly every gun in the system, coming up with nothing.  "Not a clue.  There's that guy in Orlando if we think it's an ancient gun.  I can ask him if he knows."

"Ask Calleigh first, just in case."  That got a nod and Xander ran the search another way, frowning when it came up with nearly every bullet again. "Is that one with a single twist?"

"Yeah, our musket shot."  He sorted them by numbers of grooves, finding one that had two.  "Doesn't even come closer.  Those two are together and that's from a silencer."  Horatio nodded at that.  He shrugged. "We'll see."  He got back to work on his current one.

Horatio walked out, finding Calleigh carrying in a tub of envelopes.  "Xander found one with two grooves."

"I thought he'd find evidence of worn other ones."

"Not that he or I saw."  She nodded, going to log in evidence then help him.

"Calleigh, I'm clear, want help?" Speed called.

She brought him back samples as soon as she had them logged.  "Please.  Someone drowned this guy in a vat of green jell-o.  We're debating homicide or accidental."

"A nurse?" he asked.

"No, no links to any sort of hospital food.  Might've been funnier but no."  She went to check on Xander's bullet, unsealing it and looking it over.  "What's this scuff?"

"The note said it hit concrete first.  Bounced."

"Hmm."  She enlarged it further.  "This  is strange."

"It's not showing up in the system or in the classification manual, and when I searched it I got every gun with a right twist or any gun with over two grooves.  That one did have a double groove gun but it was a silencer groove and right next to each other."

"Interesting.  Are you thinking a  custom gun?"  Xander shrugged.  "Or maybe another musket?"

"Not a clue."

"Okay.  I'll think about it."  She sealed it back in there and went to trace to help  Speed.  "Two grooves."

"Excuse me?"

"A bullet with two grooves."

"Only two?"  She nodded.  "What caliber?"

"I'd say  forty-five."

"Huh. Not anywhere in the system?"  She shook her head.  "Good luck."

"We need the gun."

"Good luck," he repeated.

"Thanks, I think I'll need it.  It's my case."  She frowned, going over those notes.  No gun recovered.  "Drive-by."

"Then I really wish you good luck. Green jell-o?"

"Yeah, green jell-o," she agreed.  "He was submerged about a foot down and had about two feet under his body.  He aspirated it according to Alexx."

"Factory worker?"

"No, they were doing a giant jell-o shooter on the beach.  A bunch of college kids."

"He one?"

"Yeah, the mixer."

"Charming," Speed told her.  "Great way to die."

"No. I'd rather not drown in jell-o.  Especially not alcoholic jell-o.  They were even letting it set up instead of keeping it liquid to slurp."

"Some do.  They use the liquor instead of the water."  Xander gagged, they could hear it.  "Sorry, Xander.  Her current case."

"Yummy, really," he groaned.  "If pregnant women feel this nasty I feel really sorry for them.  A report you wanted as soon as I got it done," he said, handing it to Speed.  Then he fled back to ballistics.  Gunpowder stink was settling his stomach again.  Horatio walked in and pulled him out, walking him outside.  "But...."

"Go.  Home. Xander.  You gagged in the lab."

"They were talking about jell-o.  The gunpowder is making me feel better."

"Go home, Xander.  Now."  The boy pouted.  "Right now."

"I need my keys," he pouted.  "Grumpy."  Ryan brought them out when Horatio called him.  "Thank you.  Tell him I'll be fine."

"Fat chance," Ryan told him.  "You gagged at the mention of jell-o.  That's bad, Xander."  Xander turned green.  "Go home.  Play with the dog.  Come back when you're not nauseous."  Xander pouted off to his car, shaking his head.  "I hate concussions nearly as much as I do broken ribs."  He went inside to tell Alexx they had finally managed to send Xander home.  He walked in and saw the green, slimy body.  "No wonder they were talking about jell-o."  Alexx looked at him.  "Xander gagged so Horatio finally got him to go home."

"Good for him!  About time!  Come help me hold this guy's leg."  He nodded, pulling on some gloves to help.  "Making a solid, giant jell-o shooter on the beach and the idiot fell in without anyone noticing.  In a clear container for over an hour.  We have to figure out if he was so drunk he fell or if he was pushed."

"Really drunk kids?" he asked.

"Uh-huh.   I called rescue to get a few who were passed out before I got more clients."  She hosed off that foot.  "This is going to clog the drains."

"Look on the bright side.  Xander used to work construction.  He can snake it for you so you don't have to wait for maintenance."

Alexx smiled, nodding.  "I could use that now and then."  She kept washing him off, letting the filter catch anything this time.  "We're pretty sure it's accidental but I need to get a clear spot so I can draw blood for tox."

"Not to mention pictures.  Jell-o distorts things.  His tattoo doesn't look the same through the goop."

"Hmm.  Someone somewhere will probably study it."

"Probably a college kid for his thesis," Ryan agreed.  "Some chemistry major."  She laughed, nudging him with her shoulder.  Calleigh peeked in.  "I'm helping hold."

"Might be a good idea."  She came over to help hold too.  Jell-o was sticky.  Especially alcoholic jell-o.  "They were going to call this the vomiting volcano shooter.  They're trying something new for the alcohol."

"What were they using?"

"I'm not sure, the guy was slurring really badly when he told me.  I confiscated the bottles.  All of them.  All twenty of them.  They were going to make it for the record book then dig portions out for everyone until it was gone."

"I sent six kids to the ER anyway," Alexx assured them, "and had an officer stay there in case the rest of them passed out.  Did we empty the jell-o out?"

"Oh, yeah.  Made them water it down and chop it up before tossing it down the sewer access.  No way was I going to let them keep it up after he had drowned in it.  I was nice enough to let the record book people check the weight of what we removed and how many liters it was."

Ryan shook his head.  "I was never that stupid in college.  I'm feeling really old right now."

"I routinely look at teenagers and wonder if I was ever that vapid," Calleigh told him with a grin.  "Oh, Xander came up with a good one.  Said if pregnant women felt like he did he felt really sorry for them."

"For months on end," Alexx agreed.  "Morning sickness is like that only without the headache."

"And you have *two*," Ryan reminded her.

"Yup, because the second one I got caught up in the moment."  She washed off another inch.  "We'll have to do another wash after this."  They both nodded.  "Ryan, aren't you needed in the field?"

"Yeah, I've got to take the rookie detective out to find my suspect."  He let Calleigh have his leg and headed off to do that, tossing out the gloves.  He popped in Trace.  "Alexx could use some more help holding up the body to wash it if you're bored."  He walked off again.

"I'm never that bored," Speed said to the empty doorway.

***

Xander looked up as someone pulled into his driveway the next morning.  He beamed, walking over to hug him.  "Tony."

"Xander."  He pushed him back to look at him.  "Are you all right?  You look a bit sick."

"Concussion."

"Me too."  He grinned.  Then he spotted the dog.  "Hey, Humphrey.  How are we?"  He let the dog sniff him, getting happy barks.  Then the dog saw the kitten sneaking over.  "No, don't bark at the meow.  The meow is nice."  They walked the dog inside, closing themselves in so the dog couldn't go nuts on the cat.  "How did you get a concussion?"

"Stolen from the ER.  You?  Want a soda or something?"

Tony gave him another hug.  "You need to come back to DC."

"Then I'd end up working with Dad all the time."

"Yeah, Calleigh was chatting with Abby and told her he had been down here again to get your help."

"The Chief was wondering why they hired and pay me."

"That's a good reason not to go."  He led him to a couch and sat them down, letting the dog into his lap.  "Hey, Humph."  He scratched his ears, getting a friend for life.  He looked at Xander again.  "Is anything else getting better?"

"They're trying to set me up with someone nice."

"That could be helpful.  Give you someone to fuss over."  Xander gave him a shy grin.  "So, this is the new house?  It looks different than your pictures.  I like the draping effect."  Xander beamed at that.  "How did you do on the bed?"

"I took your suggestion. Did you know how much thousand count Egyptian cotton sheets cost?"  Tony smiled and nodded.  "But it's worth it if they do fix me up with someone so I'll deal."  He stroked over his dog's back.  "Feeling jealous?"  The dog barked at him.  "Get a toy, we'll play."  The dog scrambled off, finding his rawhide chewtoy, but he stayed there to chew on it.  "Eric thinks he's starved."

"He seems pretty healthy to me.  Does he cuddle?"

"He even wiggles his way under the blankets with me."  Tony shifted closer and Xander patted him on the wrist.  "How did you get a concussion?"

"Gun butt to the head."

"Ow."  He made Tony tip his head down, finding the small lump.  "Poor baby."  Tony gave him a sheepish smile.  "So, did Gibbs send you down to raid my artillery again?"

"No.  I am on vacation."

"Cool.  I'm on enforced vacation until Horatio has medical clearance.  The doctor won't give it to me until Tuesday now.  He said me going back yesterday meant that I needed a caregiver."  Tony snickered at that.  "He even pushed it back a day."  Tony gently stroked over his hair.  "There, it itches but it hurts too much to scratch."  Tony gently rubbed for him, making Xander moan.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome.  Jamie's wife sent you some cookies, they're in my bag."  Xander grinned at that. "Come on, show me this mythical bathroom.  I'm thinking about getting my own condo in DC."

"I couldn't find what I wanted."  He led him back to the bedroom, letting him pause to look at the gun vault.  "Hand guns and rifles."  He led him into the bedroom.  "We painted over the pink stuff.  Humphrey helped, nearly got turned charcoal gray."  Tony laughed and nodded, leading him into the bathroom.  He heard the gasp and smiled.  "This is why I bought this place."

"This is amazing.  I want this.  I need to bring pictures home so I can have it renovated if I can't find one with it already in there."  He turned and found Xander right behind him.  He smiled.  "That a spa tub?"

"Whirlpool with nice jets.  I'll even let you have the padded seat."

"You can sit next to me."  Xander blushed.  "Really."  He got a kiss, making him moan.  "Two concussions means one of us will get dizzy soon."

"Like bubbles?"

"I do like bubbles."  Xander walked over, starting the tub, adding in his favorite bubble mixture.  Tony inhaled the scent, nodding. "I like that."  He took off his shirt, letting Xander help wherever he wanted.  "Thanks."

"I still think you're a bit of a tight ass but maybe some good sex will loosen that?"

"It always does," he agreed, winking at him.  "You a top or not?"

"Both.  You?"

"Both.  We'll figure out who gets what later.  For now we'll soak."

"Let me get juice and stuff."

"Okay."  He watched Xander walk out, his head tipped to the side.  "This was definitely a great idea."  He finished stripping, sitting on the side of the tub to test the water.  A bit warm so he turned it down a little bit.  Xander came back with a pitcher and glasses.  "Got fancy?"

"It's mix and pour.  All I had to do was add water."  Tony looked at him.  "Calleigh said it was fine."

"Good to know.  Why was she here?"

"The day after I got home she and John got to watch over me.  Apparently I mistook their footrub for sex and went out for dogfood.  Not that I remember driving the day after getting clobbered twice, but they said I did."  He tested the water and turned it back up.  "The bottom will be cooler," he reminded him.  He let him have his glass of juice, watching him sip it.  "See?  I can do that."

"You can."  Xander poured his own, gulping it down.  "Stomach?"

"Thirsty.  Concussions always make me thirsty."  Tony smiled at that.  "You don't?"

"Sleepy and I get the nibbles."

"I nearly puked yesterday at the mention of green jell-o."

"Why?"

"Someone drowned in it on the beach."

"A bowl?"

"Giant jell-o shooter."

"Eww."

"That was my comment."  He shrugged and got in, getting comfortable.  "Come on.  I'm not going to bite unless you ask."

"I may ask."  He carefully climbed in then sank down, sighing in pleasure, his voice a soft moan.  "Oh, nice.  I definitely need one of these at home."  He used his toes to turn off the water, finding the switch for the jets down there too.  "Inconvenient."  Xander handed him the remote with a wicked grin.  "Even better."  He turned it on high, all jets, and jumped when one came on just below his anus.  "Damn!"

"It's very playful," Xander teased.  Tony wiggled, groaning a bit until it hit the right spot.  "Good?"

"Perfect."  He shifted his back, hitting another one.  "I'm moving down here to take  your tub."

"Ask Horatio, he might need someone else."  He snuggled into his side, stroking his stomach while Tony got happy with the jets.   He snuck a few kisses, getting a content smile.  "Get you up in a few hours?"

"Please, then we'll play and cuddle."

"Good, I like that idea too."  He put his head back down on Tony's shoulder, letting himself drift off too.  It was a very nice tub.

***

Calleigh called John on her lunch break.  "Have you seen Xander?  It's Sunday and no one's heard from him since we sent him home Wednesday.  I called the house but got hung up on so I know he's alive, I think.  I hope."  She smiled.  "I know you're only a few miles away, can you check on him?"  She beamed.  "Thank you, John."  She hung up and went inside, going to tell Horatio.  "I asked John to pop around on Xander to make sure he was okay and not sulking himself into a coma."

"Thank you.  I was starting to get worried myself.  Usually he'd have snuck back to work by now."

"I called last night and got hung up on."

"That is not like Xander."

"Which is why I sent John.  He can unstubborn him if it's that problem or tell us if it's something else.  Or maybe just giggle if he brought someone home."

"That could be dangerous."

"You never know."  Horatio gave her a look.  "If I'm not evil with constant exposure and hugs from him some other woman might be able to resist."

"I'm not holding my breath."  She pinched him, getting to work beside him for now.

***

John parked, looking at the rental car in the driveway.  Then at the house.  "Hmm, family or friends?"  He walked up to the door, tapping first.  "Xander?" he called before starting to walk in.  The dog barked and growled.  "Shit, Humphrey, give me a heart attack," he complained, petting the small dog.  "Where's the daddy?"  The dog whimpered.  "Xander?"

"In the bedroom.  He's mad that we kicked him out to remake the bed."

Tony leaned out and grinned, waving.  "Hi, Detective."

"Oh, hey, DiNozzo.  I saw the rental."  He walked back that way, seeing how Xander was playfully nudging Tony.  "Well, thank God."

"I'm playing with him since I have to go back to DC," Tony told him.

"We could use a new detective."

"I'm thinking.  The new director's enough to make anyone quit."  He looked at Xander.  "But we can keep it casual, right?"

"Of course. You can come borrow my tub anytime and when you finally get one I can come borrow it."

Tony grinned.  "We can."  The dog hopped up onto the bed, laying down staring at him.  "Fine, we'll cover you up since the bottom sheet's finally on."  They made the rest of the bed, giving him enough room to crawl out.  "Want lunch, John?"

"No, kid, I'm good."  He smiled at him.  "I know for a fact they could use someone to replace me at the PD if you're looking."

"Your replacement is very much stupid," Xander agreed.  "He thinks every crook hangs out at this burger place down by Golden Beach.  Beyond that he refuses to listen to evidence.  Ryan's trying to train him better but he's driving him insane."

"Gibbs goes on his gut but it's not like that."

"Good!" John agreed.  "I've heard a lot about this detective.  He even vexed Calleigh the other day by not listening to her."

"See?  Very much stupid," Xander agreed.  Tony smiled and kissed him on the forehead.  "He's a great cook, John, are you sure you won't stay for lunch?"

"No, kid, she sent me over because you hung up on her last night."

"She has really bad timing.  I doubt she wanted to hear me make the same noises you made her make."

"That was..."

"John, I changed the sheets the next day.  I may not be a DNA tech..."

"That was after you left.  I was giving her a footrub then."

"Uh-huh.  She must really like your footrubs."  John blushed.  "So, sure you won't stay?"  One hand snuck around Tony's waist, goosing him, earning a yelp and Tony grabbing the hand so he could pull him closer and kiss. "Hi."

"Hi.  Let's not fall on the dog this time."

"More bubbles?"

"Couch?"

"Kitchen?"

"Kitchen's nice."  He looked at John.  "Right now we're sticking to cuddling thanks to the dual concussions we both have.  We're too dizzy to have sex."

"I'll let her know."  He walked out smiling.  It was good to see the kid happy.  He even called from the car.  "Xander has a buddy in to cuddle with.  He said it's been cuddling because that damn concussion is making him too dizzy to beg for it."  She squeaked and he heard a beep.  "Had me on speaker?" he teased.  "No, they're good.  The dog got mad at them for kicking him out of the bedroom so they could make the bed.  They've had bubbles a few times."  He started the car and backed out of the driveway.  "Giggling and happy, Calleigh.  He even cooks."  He laughed and hung up at her suggestion that Xander marry this person.  He'd let them talk about that.

***

Tony walked into work Monday morning, looking at his boss.  "I'm better."

"How much better?"

"I can drive but I've got one hell of a headache from doing it.  But I'm stable to stand up and I'm not puking food."

"So three-quarters?" he guessed.  Tony nodded.  "That's fine, I can let you do desk work or light field stuff today.  How was taking the kid shopping?"

"Didn't get much done."  He walked photos over.  "This is his bathroom.   The tub is deep enough that the water comes to my armpits when I'm sitting down and it doesn't come near the emergency drain.  With bubbles I got to sink in up to my neck."  Gibbs smiled at that.  "That's the freestanding shower next to it.  The dog still drinks out of the toilet.  The next one is how he fixed the pink areas in the bedroom."  He took the picture he had taken of a shirtless Xander on the lawn from him.  "That was Xander being goofy.  He had a concussion too, possibly a dual one.  That's the kitchen.  I did a lot of cooking for him and he worshiped me like I was a God."

Gibbs looked at him.  "I don't need details, DiNozzo."

"Not with two concussions, boss.  Too dizzy.  He said he'd do that next time I came down to cook for him."  He flipped to the last picture.  "That's how he fixed all the marble in the front room to tone down the crypt feeling.  And that's his dog Humphrey.  He likes to be an underneath dog.  Crawls under the sheets with you to cuddle.  Hey, Jamie, I brought back pictures of Xander's house," he called.  He came trotting over.  "The amended ones.  I'll let you copy off my memory stick."  He let him see them.  "That's the front room.  That's the tub. It's sinful, even has jets against your back, the back of your thighs and calves, and has two padded seats.  I had a lot of bubbles while I was down there.  That's the shower, freestanding next to it.  Low water flow adjustable stream shower head so it's very nice.   It's all marble in there, green marble.  That's the kitchen.  I did a lot of cooking for him and stocked him up with a lot of leftovers for a while.  And that's the bedroom once he got it fixed."  Jamie grinned at that.  "He said Humphrey tried to help and nearly got painted too.  He's there on the couch if your mom wanted to see him."

"Aww, and a shirtless Xander," he said, taking that one.  "What happened this time?  He's looking thin and tired."

"Concussion."

"Charming."  He handed them back.  "I'll copy those to my PDA later."  Tony found and handed over the memory stick.  "Thanks, maybe this'll make them quit fighting."

"Your dad nearly guilt tripped him," Tony told him.  "We talked about that too.  Xander feels absolutely miserable but Miami does need him more."

"He tried it with all of us.  He should be used to it by now," Jamie assured him. "He'll pout for another week and then Mom will kick his butt."  He went to copy the pictures he wanted, ignoring the less than platonic ones of Xander napping.   If Tony did it for his baby brother he wasn't going to complain.  He was a good and decent guy, it was a good change in Xander's life."   His team leader came back from her meeting with the director.  "DiNozzo went to visit my brother. He brought home pictures of his new house.  I'm saving them for Mom."

"That's fine.  What did he find?"

"A crypt," he said blandly.  "With an extravagant bathroom.  He softened all the marble."  He let her see the living room picture.  "That's all marble on the wall, floors, and ceiling.  He did a good job."

"He did. That looks comfy."  He flipped to the picture of the tub.  "That's nice.  Marble?"

"Yup, and Tony said it was deep enough to come up to his armpits without hitting the overflow drain.  With bubbles higher."

"Wow.  I want that tub."  Tony walked over the name and model number he had found.  "Thanks, DiNozzo.  Have fun?"

"Lots and lots.  Played with his dog until the poor thing was tired Friday.   Had bubbles all weekend."  She smiled at that.  "It was great but he's got a concussion too.  He got stolen from the ER by a woman who wanted him to be her wife.  Then she let him cook."  Jamie snickered.  "That's why he has the concussion, she got sick.  He was getting clearance to come back to work."  He took the memory stick with a grin.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  I didn't take all the pictures of him playing.  Mom only needs one or two good ones."

"That's fine.  Nothing was that risque, even when I did catch him napping in the huge old bed.  He even got the thousand count Egyptian cotton sheets I suggested."  He went back to his desk, logging in for the day.  "Okay, I'm here, boss.  What case are we working on?"  It got tossed over, letting him catch it.  "Gotcha."  He looked at Kate's desk then at him, getting a head shake.  "Kate still off?"

"No, Kate's still suspended.  The director tried to move her to a different team and Kate filed a grievance, the same as I did."

"I would too."

"Good to know.  Shouldn't come to that.  For right now, work."

"Sure.  Where's Probie?"

"Same place," he said grimly.

Tony looked at him.  "Just don't make my head hurt more when you drive later, boss."

"I won't, DiNozzo."  He looked at him.  "Now is not the time for a small sabbatical," he said more quietly.  "Or else I'd let you try."

Tony nodded.  "I know.  So does he.  He and Abby chatted Sunday, boss."  Gibbs grimaced but nodded.  "I'll show her pictures later."

"She'd appreciate it."

Tony IM'd down there, getting a sullen happy face back.  "She's using emoticons instead of words."

"I got her a new soda when I came in."

"It's going to take more than that."  He got up, taking down the memory stick.  "Hey, Abby lady, do you have anything on our case?"

"I can't work like this so no.  I don't."  She took the memory stick to run, smiling at the happy pictures.  "I want to go with him."

He gave her a hug.  "I know.  He's just getting over a concussion too."

"Why are you touching her?" the director asked.

"Because she's bummed and wanted a hug, Director.  Friends do that."  He looked at her. "He did invite you down to have bubbles in his wonder tub when you got a vacation.  You can even play with the dog."  She smiled a bit more at that, sucking on her soda.  "I already gave Jamie the house pictures."  She saved down everything then transferred it to her own memory stick, handing his back.  "Thanks, Abs.  So, anything on our case?"

"Nope, not yet.  Tell the bossman I can't work like this.  I'm not a slave.  I refuse to be a slave and if I can't concentrate I can't work."  He nodded, glaring at the director.  "Oh, I have a new lab gremlin."

"Should we let Xander do a background check?"

"Might help.  This one's a convicted felon."  She glared at the director.  "He's a rapist and you put him in *my* lab?  I do not think so."

"He's paid his debt...."

"I don't care.  I'm not working with him.  Ever.  Since I *am* this lab, take him and put him somewhere else, director.  Before you have to hire six people to do my job."  She stomped off.  "Good."  She looked at him.  "You might tell Gibbs I shoved him in the closet."

"Is he even qualified to do lab work?"

"No.  Never had a chemistry class in his life.  I've already filed a grievance with the SecNav.  She's in for a world of hurt.  Kate went to her friends in the Secret Service to tell their mindees."

"I'm sure the president has heard then."

"Oh, yeah.  They had lunch."  Tony shuddered.  "Exactly.  Kate is *pissed* and told them about him too.  Give him a new bottle of water?  I don't want him to die in there."

"I'll get Gibbs to drag him off."  He called up there.  "Boss, me.  Did you know her lab assistant is a convicted rapist who's never had a chem class?  Closet."  He hung up, looking at her.  "Stay strong or maybe we can all take over an office in Miami."

"I might like that."  She sipped her soda when Gibbs stormed in, pointing at the closet.  "In there.  I'm not letting him work with me.  I like my body."   She turned around, going back to her web surfing.  "By the way, Kate's lunch was productive."

"Good."  He hauled the guy out, looking at him.  "Are you qualified to be a lab tech?"  He shook his head.  "Then why did she hire you?"

"I don't know.  I wanted to be a janitor."

"We'll be down in HR," Gibbs said, dragging him off.  He walked in and put the guy in front of the head person's desk.  "He's a convicted rapist without any lab classes and you put him in Abby's lab?"

"No, I put him on the janitorial detail outside, Gibbs.  The director put him in Abby's lab."

"Fix it.  Abby locked him in a closet."

"Gladly.  Want night shift?"

"Please, ma'am."  He looked at Gibbs.  "I'm not like that, I'm never doing it again. You don't have to worry about her or anyone else here, Special Agent Gibbs."

"I had better not or I'm letting her show off her knife skills."

"More than happily.  I'll cheer her on if I slip."

"Good."  He walked off, running into the director.  "Trying to discredit our lab and make any and all evidence in there unusable in trial is a *bad* idea, Director.  It truly is.  She'll have to tell JAG and the other prosecutor's offices that he had been in there and might have contaminated evidence.  It could get hundreds of cases reopened.  Thank you for giving us more work."  He went back to his desk, shaking his head at Jamie's worried look.  "New guy in the lab," he told him.

"I heard.  Actually, I helped with the background check for her.  He seems to have turned his life around."

"He still doesn't have lab experience."

"Which I can agree with.  Not that she really needs a helper."  He handed over forms.  "Dad faxed those over for some reason."

Gibbs looked at them, then smirked at him.  "It's grant giving season."

"Eww.  Poor Xander.  They'll probably pimp him since he's a ballistics star on the rise.  Poor man."  He walked off shaking his head.

Gibbs sent an email down to Horatio, earning a groan back.  He checked his inbox, finding one from Kate, one from the SecNav, and one empty one from the SecNav.  He went into the one that hadn't been deleted on him, filling out the form in there.  Including Abby's helper and how she was now so repressed she couldn't work.  He sent it to her, to Kate, and then to Abby, who sent in her own complaint form.  Tony did too from down there.  Along with sending back some new information on the case for him.  "Thank you, DiNozzo," he said quietly.  Between them they could get Abby back on the even keel.  Hopefully.  If not it might take a vacation in Miami so Xander could work his magic on her.

***

Xander walked into work Tuesday.  "Am I finally cleared?" he asked his boss.

"Ask Alexx for final approval," he said with a small smile.

"Mommy Alexx, can I go back to work now?" he called as he walked up the hall toward her.

"Still dizzy?"

"Barely.  I can drive again."

"Did you eat?"

"Yeah, all weekend.  Tony was up and he cooks amazing food.  I nearly worshiped him in there."   She gave him a horrified look.  "What?  I was dizzy until yesterday.  I can't do that until we're not dizzy.  He had one too."

She looked in his eyes then nodded.  "Okay.  You can work.  I want to hear more about this visit later though."  She gave him a look and he smirked back.  "Uh-huh.  Give, baby."

"He loves my tub.  He had bubbles all weekend. Then he went home to the director trying to discredit their lab and Gibbs' team.  She hired a janitor without lab experience, one fifteen days out of prison, to be Abby's lab helper this time.  A convicted rapist."

"Is the baby girl okay?"

"Just fine.  She shoved him in a closet.  Gibbs hauled him off and got him reassigned where he was supposed to go.  The guy even agreed, he shouldn't have been anywhere near the lab.  Abby's been so put upon she can't work."

"We'll welcome her down here for a vacation too.  Now scoot.  I know Calleigh only has a few from me."

"Cool.  Haven't done trace work in a while."  He went to check, finding her in there.  "Am I late?"

She hugged him.  "No.  Not late."  She smiled.  "How was Tony?"

"He had a concussion too.  It kept me from worshiping him when he cooked."

She blushed.  "Okay.  Any other news?"  He put down the copy of Abby's email, then looked around.  "Go work in trace.  Is she all right?"

"She let Gibbs get him reassigned after she shoved him in a closet.  The guy agreed.  JAG agreed with Abby that she should not have touched a thing while he was in there.  Their director is going to be toast soon."  She nodded, putting it aside.  "She's so pissed."

"I would be too!"  She gave him a smile. "Go work with Timmy."

"I can do that."  He went in there once he had his glasses.  "She's clear."

"Are you actually cleared for duty?"

"Alexx said I could."

"Good.  How's DiNozzo?  I heard he was down."

"Good.  He loved my bubbles all weekend. He had a concussion too.  He cooked, we played with Humphrey until he was worn out.  I nearly worshiped him for cooking a whole lot of food."  Speed snickered, giving him a pointed look.  "Two concussions, Speed."

"Poor guy.  Maybe next time?"

"Definitely next time."

"Good."  He looked at his t-shirt.  _If you choke a smurf, what color does he turn?_  "Purple?" he guessed.

"Maybe, never got to try it."   He grinned wickedly, getting into the work.  "So, how did the evaluation look?"

"Better after that one guy got fired for breaking lab protocol."  Xander beamed sweetly at him.  "You ask anyone?"

"No.  I did not ask them for a single favor up there.  I left a detailed, four minute long, complaint on their system about how he had broken lab protocol and how he had tried to apply pressure over a situation his people had already found out and fixed that was not my fault.  That thing with the jealous tech came up."  Speed moaned.  "Yeah, so I included that in a later moment of complaint because he was still running around here without a lab coat or gloves on and he did touch evidence."  His phone went off, making him wiggle it out to look at it.  "Harris," he answered, listening to him.  "Why do you need me in the field, Horatio?"  He nodded.  "Okay, I'm mid-test, can I have five to finish and then grab my kit?"  He nodded.  "Be right there."  He hung up.  "Take this over?  Horatio just ran into an occult case."

"Gladly."  He took over the test, letting Xander take off his coat and gloves then jog off.  "That could be a bad thing."

Xander found the scene, parking the hummer he had checked out and walking inside with his case.  He paused to look at things, then at Horatio.  "Not as bad as you think, boss."  He moved in further, finding the problem.  He pulled out a special spray bottle, spraying the idol with holy water, making it scream.  "Oh, yeah.  That's a small issue."  He found what he needed, working the small banishing.  Half the marks on the walls disappeared and so did a body so he kept going until the body and the marks reappeared but the demon gave up hiding and left.  He moved around the room, going to find any other hot spots.  He found one with Ryan in the middle.  "Don't move."

"Every time I try something growls and I feel something around my ankles."

Xander looked then got down to look. "Lift a foot up?  Straight up?"  Ryan did that, bracing on his shoulders.  "Okay, a foot back.  Bit farther.  Down.  Then do the other.  You're not a tasty sacrifice, I am."  Ryan nodded, doing the same thing.  He slumped once he was free.  "Go get the sword out of the back of the hummer, clear the building of bodies.  Living and not."

"Give us twenty minutes, Xander.  Are there any other spots?" Horatio asked.

"He's got a few other traps.  Alexx, don't move any further until I say so," Xander ordered firmly.  She gave him an odd look.  He pointed at the walls.  "We're running into LA and Sunnydale stuff.  Do not move.  Ryan nearly got eaten.  Check Ryan for any wounds and I do many any.  Scratches, nibble marks, anything."  She nodded, motioning him out to her.  He stood up, looking around.  He found the other traps, springing them with a bite of the hamburger he had pulled through to buy.  The main area growled at him.  "Horatio, this is not what ate them.  If it had, they'd be in chunks.  These guys were his priests, the ones calling him," he said quietly.  "If there's a sacrifice, she's in chunks and it would be a she.  For right now, can we clear the building?  It's not safe until I kill this thing and it's going to be messy."

"Give me twenty minutes," he ordered.  "Alexx?"

"I can wait out here," she told him.  "If he says not to come in, I'm not coming in."

"It'll eat females, Alexx.  It likes to eat women, pure and not."

"I'm staying out here then."   He nodded at that.  "Get me the bodies, haul them out," she told Horatio.  She stopped a female body hauler.  "Not you either. They had traps that can only hurt women.  It's keyed to us.  Go get the van ready."  She nodded, going to do that.  "Xander, baby?"

"I've seen worse.  It's just inconvenient for it to show up here.  Horatio, has anyone checked the back rooms, behind the altar, anything like that for parts?"

"I'll do that," he agreed, moving carefully.  He made sure he didn't step over anything like a diagram or a figure on the floor.  "No chunks."

"So he's hungry.  They probably only got halfway through.  Then why are they dead?"  He looked at a body.  "Alexx, you're going to be giving me evidence in ballistics."

"Sure, I can do that."  He looked at her.  "I can."

"It looks like someone stopped the rite with a gun.  Maybe a practiconer, maybe one of them.  Could even be someone like me who didn't know they were this far along or didn't feel them."  Horatio had the last body cleared and the rest of the rooms taped for evidence.  He pointed.  "Cloth.  Torn."  Horatio bagged that while Ryan got his sword.  "Thanks, dear."  He stood up, moving around Horatio.  "Straight out, do not come in," Xander ordered. "Keep Alexx and Wolfe outside.  If it bit him it can call him."  Horatio nodded, taking them all outside.  Everyone, even the patrol officers.  "Okay."  He cut his hand on the sword, dripping it on the trap.  The demon sprung out, letting him duck it's swing.  He faced off with it.  "You get a piece of Miami over my dead body.  I am the protector of Miami."  The demon hissed and lunged, so Xander repeated it in one of the common demon languages.

"Hungry," it hissed back.

"Tough!"  It tried to attack but he got it this time.  He followed it down, grabbing the bottle of holy water off his kit to pour on it until it screamed and dissolved.  He looked around.  "I can feel you," he growled.  A higher pitched noise came out of the shadows, making him turn to look.  "Huh.  Hi, inner me.  How in the hell are you doing that?"  It lunged and he ducked.  "Not happening."  He stared at it.  "I know you're a mimic.  You might as well change back.  She doesn't hurt me."  It morphed into Tony's image.  "If  I had to kill him to save him I can do that too."  It growled and lunged and he got it with the sword, no effect.  "Fuck."  He pulled his backup gun out of his case and shot it, ducking the spray of ichor when it exploded.  He looked at the mess then grimaced.  "Eww.  Now I have to change clothes and I like this shirt."   He looked around, casting a small tell.  One small demon and he looked at it, going over to banish it too.  It sighed in pleasure as it left.  He walked over, opening the door.  "It's nasty and sticky in here now.  I'm guessing whoever did this summoned something to battle the original since the second something's the areas of green ichor.  Someone thought like a pokemon trainer.Oh, it's like very sticky blood so you might still get some fingerprints, maybe. "  He grabbed his kit and walked out, shaking off outside.  "Hey, boss, can I drive back naked?"

Horatio looked at him.  "Line the seats with plastic, Xander, please."  He nodded, going to do that.  They kept trash bags in the hummers for various reasons.  "Is it safe?"

"Yeah, but whoever did it was thinking Pokemon.  Bringing something to fight the original monster."  He slammed the back door of his hummer, walking around to cover the seat.  "Find him, bring him to me, Horatio, let me beat his ass for leaving that lying around."

"Agreed.  Go shower and change."

"Um, yeah, lots and lots of showering," Xander agreed.  He slid in once the seat was tarped, heading back to the lab.  He ran into Frank there, who gave him a horrified look.  "Dueling demon lords," he complained.  "Someone stopped the sacrifice by shooting the members and calling up something worse. I'm going to take a shower, I'll get rid of the plastic bag in a few.  Leave my kit alone please."  Frank held the door for him, getting a small grin.  "Used to be like this every night, Frank.  Aren't you glad I retired too?"  Frank nodded quickly.  "I know, I stink."  He walked inside, waving at the receptionist.  "I stink, I'm sticky, it's ichor.  I'm going to the locker rooms now.  Tell them not to touch my hummer, I'll clean it up."  She just nodded, signing him back in.  He found a shower already running in the locker room, smiling at that niceness.  "Thank you whoever did that."  He walked in there, making sure it was clear, then stripped down under the water to start his shower.  A bottle of body cleaner appeared.  "Dish washing detergent?"

"That I can do," Speed called back, going to find some.  He brought it back, letting Xander have it.  "Wolfe be okay?"

"It's gone, it can't call him.  We'll make sure of it later tonight."

"Good to know."  He walked off again, shaking his head at Eric.  "H called him to an occult scene and he came back covered in green eww."

"Did he cover the hummer seat?"

"Go find out."  Eric groaned, going to look.  Eric brought back Xander's kit and shook his head.  "Get some on the seats?"

"A few drops and some on the steering wheel.  I'm hoping it's easily cleaned."  Xander padded in a few minutes later, grabbing something from under the sink in that lab, then heading out.  "Steering wheel too please."

Xander looked at him.  "It's blood, Eric, not protoplasm or something."  He grabbed some paper towels, going out to clean the hummer anyway.  He came back twenty minutes later after having tossed the towels into a biohazard bag, getting back to work.  He found Ryan waiting on him and walked into the morgue to look at him.  "Any nibble marks?"

"One scratch," Alexx told him.  "Right on his ankle."

Xander got her phone book out, looking up a number, using her phone to call.  "Hey, it's Harris. We had a Dreath sacrificial group here in town?"  He listened to her groan.  "I've got an officer, a coworker, who was scratched by it in a trap.  No, I killed it, I want to make absolutely certain though.  Thank you.  Tonight's fine.  Ryan Wolfe.  Yeah, him.  I can drag him down there," he agreed.  "I'll even help.  Oh, if you hear *anything* about what happened to them last night I need to know right away.  Someone went on the pokemon version of battling the thing.  Yeah and I had to clean it up so I want to talk to this person who left *his* lying around.  Thank you.  Yeah, I'm at work, my cell is fine.  Thank you, dear."  He hung up, coming over to look at the bodies.  He found one, frowning.  "You're going to hate me, Alexx."

"Special preparation, like smudging?"

"It's tattooed on."  She came over to take the primary pictures.  "You'd cut how?"  She ran her finger barely above the body, feeling the sucking start.  "Exactly.  I need silver and I need salt.  Or I need my kit."  Ryan went jogging off to find it.  He looked at her. "Any others with this mark I'll have to fix."

"We can do that.  Can we skim it off for you?"

"Won't help until it's interrupted.  I'm not sure if you remove it whole if it'll work or not.  Never studied that."  He took his kit, bending down to open it on the floor.  Stetler slammed in.  "Doing Sunnydale and LA things," he quipped.

"You ruined the crime scene?"

"You'd rather have everyone eaten?  I gave them plenty of warning to tape and clear the area."  He found his silver knife and the bottle of salt.  "Okay."  He came up.  "Move Alexx back please.  It's trying to get her.  Just a few feet."  They got her back, letting her breathe again.  "Ah, nice."  He slowly and methodically cut through the marks the way Alexx would so she wouldn't have to hide this one, then put salt into it to block the power.  The body heaved then turned into ash.  He looked, finding his bullet.  "Huh. Interesting.  They should not do that unless they are undead."  He moved to the others to check, finding they all had it on them.  "How do you tell if a dead thing is undead?" he said, frowning at it. He checked the body over.  "In this case I'm going to say she is.  Alexx, want to document this one?  Or Ryan?"  He came over to document everything.  "Are the pictures coming out?"

"I'm using your camera, Xander," Ryan admitted.

"I've got the special filter on it.  Willow discovered it."  Once Ryan nodded he got to work on that one, getting another bullet.  Then he went to the last body, which was starting to smoke.  He dumped the salt on it, making it shriek and hop up.  "Ah, undead.  Can I have the bullet before you're toast?"  The vampire gave him an odd look.  "We need to know who shot you."

"Piers."

"Piers?  First, last, one of you?"

"New slayer chick."

"I'll deal with her later then.  Bullet please?"  Alexx handed him the forceps, letting him pull it out.  "Not real bright of her."  The vamp went to game face and he shrugged.  "I hunted with Buffy, dear.  I'm *that* Xander."

"You're a tagalong."

"Really?  Then why aren't I in Cleveland and why did Angel need me?"  She hissed and lunged, Xander did a nice hip toss.  "Ryan, can you maybe find my stake in my kit?"

"Sure."  He dug in, tossing one over.

"Thank you."  She lunged again and he dusted her, looking down at himself.  "I just showered  too.  Damn I hate days like this."  He tossed Ryan the stake and went to dust off in a neutral corner.  "Eh, has been worse I guess."  He finally got dust free and looked at the shocked people.  "What?  Yes, they were undead.  Someone shot undead people.  The little brat who did it is getting my foot up her ass too.  She should know better by now.  I will be stopping this one."  He grabbed his kit and walked off, going to change clothes again. "Hi, boss.  Do you want me to document how I got the bullets out of the undead bodies that went whoosh or not?" he asked as he passed Horatio in the hall.

"I would like a better explanation."

"Let Ryan babble this time.  He could probably use the time to work it out."  He walked into the changing area, finding his phone in his locker.  He dialed the same number.  "I want that little slayer bitch and her posse if she has one at my station in under an hour.  I don't care if she's grumpy, I don't give a damn otherwise.  She shot vampires.  Now please, before I have to hunt her, hurt her, and then send her to Cleveland."  He hung up, then changed clothes again, leaving his kit in there.  He headed out, finding Frank lurking.  "There's going to be a young woman coming here asking for me.  Stick her ass in an interrogation room where we can't be overheard when I paddle her.  If she's got helpers they can go together.  I'll be in trace."  He walked that way, going to help Speed.  "Hi again."

"Weren't you wearing a different shirt?"

"Yeah, and then the vampires rose in the morgue."  Speed nearly dropped the test tube he was working on.  "I had to change since I was a bit dusty.  How do we document that?"

"I don't."

"Oh, yay me."  He sat down at the computer to work on the report first, frowning when it came out stilted.  "This one sucks.  I pity the person reading it."  He saved it, proofed it again, then printed it, signed it, and handed it to Ryan when he came in. "Here, hand that to the boss please, and Stetler since he was lurking."  He put on gloves and got to work on his first sample of the day.  "So,  how was it while I was gone?"

"Boring," Speed said, looking at him.  "Wolfe, go deliver."  He nodded, walking off slowly.  "It'll be fine."

"I'm having him blessed tonight since the first thing nibbled.  He'll be perfectly fine."

"Good.  Very good to know.  We'll just watch him today then."  He shook his head.  "Do you ever want to not see those again?"

Xander gave him a look. "That's why I retired."

"Good point.  We're glad you retired, Xander.  Very, very glad you retired. We're very happy with that."

"You're babbling, Speed.  Go take a break, I've got trace covered."  He nodded, going to do that.   He shook his head.  "It wasn't even a really strange day," he complained, getting back to work.  A senior patrol officer stomped in.  "Caine has my report.  Your guys will be fine as long as they weren't nibbled on," he noted.

"Do you always do strange stuff?"

Xander glanced at him.  "I retired from the strange stuff the day I graduated college.  Unless it's a scene, going to eat one of you guys or us, or the city's getting ready to bend over and take it, I'm still retired from the strange stuff."

"Good.  You're which one?"

"Harris.  Ballistics."

"I'll remember that.  My guys?"

"I didn't see any that had been trapped.  Are you missing any female officers?"

"No."

"Then only Wolfe stepped in the middle of something and got hurt."  He looked at him again. "If they're worried, have them go to the priest of their choice and faith and take communion.  Take confession if they're Catholic."  That got a nod and he stomped off.  Horatio walked in with the report, putting it down.  "I wasn't sure what you wanted to hear.  That's the first draft of the truth.  You can tell me where you want me to make amendments when I get this done."

"We'll see later on.  Ryan will be fine?"

"We'll have him blessed then suggest he take communion or whatever his faith of choice does to get holy and right with God.  He'll be fine.  I've been bitten before and I'm fine.  You can pick on him about turning into me if you wanted."

"That would be mean, Xander.  Do you have any clues?"

He looked at him.  "Slayer brat named Piers.  I've told the local place I work with to have her appear or I'm hunting her down and paddling her there.  I told Frank if and when she showed up to put her somewhere we can't be seen or heard because I was going to spank her.  She should know you don't shoot the dead bodies by now.  Not like she was using wooden bullets, didn't get a heart shot either.  Didn't even interrupt the symbol, which would've helped more than the forehead shots she used."

"Okay.  When she shows up we'll make sure no one bothers you while you beat her.  Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome, Horatio, but I'm still retired."

"Thankfully.  Where's Speed?"

"Babbling how good it was that I was retired so I sent him on a break."  He grinned then got back to work.  "Oh, that bottle's tweaked too," he said, pointing at it.  "I will hurt them.  A  lot.  I'll even have fun doing it."

"We caught them on tape this time," he promised, going to look at the tape.  The bottle was bagged for him by Speed and he went to find the guy so he could work out some stress too.

***

Xander looked at the slayer brats he had found.  "So, an entourage?  Picking up bad Buffy habits?" he asked.  The male witch glared at him.  "Before you say a *word*, little boy, I'm Xander.  Buffy's Xander.  You're all in deep fucking shit.  You *shot* the vamps in the *forehead* with *silver*.  You left a demon or two hanging around.  This is not pokemon!" he shouted, making them all flinch.  "You do not summon a demon to take out a demon!  If I can kill it and I've been retired for over two years and I'm coming off a concussion  you damn sure should have been able to kill it if you're supposed to be in the field!"  They all flinched back from him.  "Whose bright idea was it to shoot the vampires?"  The slayer raised her hand and he swatted her until she ducked.  It gave him the opportunity to turn her over his lap and paddle the hell out of her until she begged and cried.  He put her on the ground, staring at her.  "You *stake* vampires.  In.  The.  Heart.  Or you decapitate them.  You do not shoot the vampires unless you're using wooden bullets and even then you do it in the heart!  Silver does nothing but make them laugh!"  She whimpered and nodded, still crying.  "Why the forehead?"

"Inner eye. The book said so."

"Bullshit!"  She flinched and ducked behind her witch for protection.  "You!"  The witch backed away from him. "You summoned a demon that was just as harmful, if not worse, than the one that was already there.  You didn't manage to kill or block the original demon.  You even left a little watcher demon hanging around!  This is not a game!  People could have died thanks to your demons.   Someone nearly did from the original one and then yours attacked me when I got the first one cleared!  You could be responsible for officers losing their lives.  Are you proud?" he sneered.

"It kept the other contained," he defended loudly.

"So did a sixty-nine cent hamburger and a sword.  It even killed it."  The kid gave him a sullen look so he went after him this time.  "Should've done this to Willow when she started her stupid shit; I'm going to fix you if I have to beat the Goddess into you," he said while he beat the kid's ass.  He looked at the last one, who was cowering in the corner.  "You, your attempt was?"

"I ....  I wanted to stake."

"Well, at least you're sensible."  He got into his kit, finding something.  "Piers."  She looked at him.  "Hand."  She held out a shaky hand, letting him drop the solution on it.  "Good.  You're a real slayer.  Gifted and all that.  I'm calling the people in Cleveland so you get some training," he said more calmly.  "That way we *never* have to have this sort of talk again after I defeat two demons, banish two more, and then have to take out three vampires in the morgue.  Am I clear why you're all going to get training, children?  Before I beat you again?"  They all nodded.  "Good!"  They all sat, staring at him.  He pulled out his phone, calling Giles' store.  "Buffy, put on Giles.  I found a slayer down here in Miami who shot at the vampires in the forehead with silver bullets."  He heard the laugh.  "I'm not kidding.  I  had to take out the demons and everything."  The phone was handed over.

"Giles, Xander.  I just spanked the hell out of one of your girls down here.  Piers.  If you haven't you need to.  Shot vampires in the forehead, inner eye, with silver bullets.  Her male witch tried to stop a Dreath summoning by calling up a mimicking demon that attacked me once I got that one killed and I had to banish two others, at least one of which was his.  Plus he's got a gear guy who could use trained.  Yeah, like me.  Could use trained in how to deal with the artillery and that stuff.  No, I'm still in Miami.  I'm still working with the crime lab.  Come down and get them because she and her sorcerer can't sit.  No, I did what we both should have done to Willow and Buffy when they started on their crap.  I spanked the hell out of them.  Come get them and get them trained so they can actually do the work if they still want to.  Thank you."  He hung up, looking at them.  "He'll be down in a few hours.  You will stay in here.  You will not talk to *anyone*.  Am I clear?"  They all nodded at that.  "Good."  He looked at the gear guy.  "Like swords?"

"A lot.  That's why I help her."

"Good.  You'll learn a lot about them from Giles.  Crossbows too.  Ignore Buffy, she's a twat.  Ignore Willow, she's a bigger one.  Tell Giles you want to learn the weapons stuff and he'll teach you.  Someday you can be in my position if you want to retire.  If not, then maybe LA could use you if they can't.  They're down on people and Connor's okay but a bit grouchy now and then."  The kid grinned so Xander helped him up.  "Sometimes you've gotta deal.  I know that better than most.  You still have to learn what you're dealing with.  So let Giles teach you.  If he doesn't seem inclined to, come back to me.  I'll teach you what I know."  The kid beamed and nodded. "You're still in trouble for letting her shoot vampires in he head though."

"Am I going to be spanked?"

"No, we found her fingerprints on the gun."  The kid nodded at that.  "Good.  Sit.  Like sodas, kids, or water?"

"Water," the sorcerer said quietly.

"I can do that."  Horatio walked in two sodas and a water.  "Thanks, boss.  Guys, this is my boss, Lieutenant Caine.  If we *ever* have to have this talk again, it'll be with him and he spanks harder.  We good now?"  They all nodded.  "Good.  Should we let you call your parents?  If not, Giles can handle it."

"I'm kinda free-falling there," the weapons kid offered.

"We'll still have to tell 'em but that'll be fine.  We can send them a formal letter if they're that bad."   That got a smile.  "Piers?"

"My mom will shit.  She's against the whole pagan thing and everything."

"Giles can explain it better than I can.  You, witch boy?"

"My mom knows Watchers."

"Good.  Then she can help explain things."  He looked at Horatio.  "Giles will be on the first flight down.  Should be about three hours.  They are going to stay in here and behave or else.  Any other orders?"

"No, that's good work, Xander."  He beamed and walked out, going back to ballistics.  He looked at the kids.  "What you did was very dangerous. It led to dangerous conditions for others.  Thankfully Xander stopped it before someone got truly hurt or we'd be charging you with creating a harmful environment and attempted murder."  They all nodded.  "You all need to start thinking and learn what you need to do so this does not happen again.  I did not like calling Xander to take out the creature this morning, any of them.  Am I clear why you will go be trained or I will see you in a cell?"  They all nodded.  "Good."  He looked at the weapon's person.  "If you do turn out like him, remember that hoarding artillery makes others nervous.  That's one lesson he had to learn repeatedly over the years."  The kid smiled but nodded.  "Good.  Thank you.  We'll check on you now and then.  Would you like to clean up for a few minutes?"  The girl nodded, letting him walk her to the ladies' room.  Then back in there.  "Stay in here.   Hopefully it won't take that long, children."  He closed the door, putting a patrol officer on the shit list in front of it.  "If they need something get it for them.  They are not to leave until CSI Harris or I say so."  The officer nodded, leaning against the wall.  Horatio walked off, finding Frank searching his desk.  "The medicinal flask is in the other side, bottom drawer, Frank."

"Looking for some liniment for your boy.  His hand's sore."

"He did spank them."

Frank looked at them. "They probably needed it.  It solved?"

"The girl is like Buffy so he called her mentor to come gather them for training."

"Good!  Less chance of having that situation again."  Horatio found the liniment for him, handing it over.  "Thanks.  Your boy be okay?"

"He should be fine, Frank.  One of them in there is probably bringing up memories.  Where is he?"

"Observation.  Stetler asked me to get the liniment for him so he could get back to work."  He walked off, going to hand it over.  "Here, kid."

"Thanks, Frank."  He pointed at the one kid.  "That was me ten or so years ago.  Almost exactly like me.  Only he dresses better."

Frank gave him an awkward pat.  "Look how well you did.  He can too."  Xander nodded, walking off thinking about that.  He watched the kids, shaking his head.  "Well, the kid'll either die or finish growing up into Xander," he decided.  He went back to his desk.

***

Giles looked at Xander when he came out to meet him at reception.  "You look well."

"I have looked well.  If you had come to graduation you'd know that."  He gave him a look.   "How's Dawn?"

"She split from the group."

"I've talked to her since she had Amanda, Giles."  He looked down.  "Joyce would be so pissed at you.  They're this way.  One is a younger version of me.  One's a male Willow.  One's a little Buffy with the same 'tude.  The little me could probably soak up all the weapons training you can give him and then head to Connor if you don't want them together."  That got a nod and Giles took his pass, letting Xander walk him off.  "By the way, they're going to have trouble sitting.  I spanked the hell out of two of them for their stupidity.  She decided shooting vampires in the inner eye area was good and right."  Giles moaned at that.  "Exactly.  With silver bullets.  Her prints were on the gun.  The younger me wanted to stake them so he's got some sense if you don't treat him like you did me."

"I'm sorry how I let them treat you, Xander."

Xander looked at him.  "Then you didn't ignore me too?"

"I'm...I'm sorry about that as well."  He looked at him.  "We undervalued you horribly while we had you with us.  It was the wrong thing to do."  Xander nodded.  "Would you forgive us?"

"Some decade.  At least you're the reason I'm such a good tech now."  He walked him into the room, letting Giles inside before closing the door.   "Kids."  They woke up, looking at him.  "This is Rupert Giles, head of the current Watcher's Council.  Giles, the one in all blue is the younger Willow.  The girl is Piers, she's a slayer. The droplet test came up bright pink so she's active.  The other one is Gary.  He's a younger version of me."

"Nice to meet you all," he said, sitting down across from them. "Let me tell you what we can offer you."

"No, Horatio and I agreed.  They're going.  They need the training because the sorcerer there conjured a mimic demon to defeat the dreath summoning and it didn't.  They will have the training or they will be arrested for endangering officer's lives.  I had to save one who stepped into the dreath trap circle.  I had to clear the room after that because there were ten people in there counting my coworkers and my boss.  It nearly got our ME eaten.  They will be trained or they will be going to jail.  Well, the younger Willow and Piers will be.  There's no evidence Gary was there."

"I can agree to that.  Their parents?"

"My mom knows some of you.  Hers is against pagan anything," the sorcerer said.

"We can deal with that.  Gary?"

"Mine won't care."

"Then we'll give them official notification and get the other two parents to consent."  He smiled.  "Come along, children.  If they're not being arrested, Xander?"

"Not unless they flunk."

"We'll see that they don't.  Come along, we'll go gather your things and get parental permission.  Then we'll go over what you were thinking and why.  It should help clear up many wrong ideas."  Xander handed over a copy of his report.  "Ah, yours?"  Xander nodded.  "Thank you."  He looked it over.  "The vampires reverted when you broke the symbols?"

"Yeah, two had staking marks."  Gary slowly raised a hand.  "Good idea.  Alexx implants wood now and then into bodies she thinks will rise."  Giles nodded, taking them off to talk to their parents, gather their things, and return to Cleveland.  Xander walked out, running into Horatio.  "He'll get their parents to agree and take them home."

"Are you going to forgive him?"

"I accept that their neglect and bitchiness is why I'm the man I am today.  Doesn't make it any better than a guy who can credit an abusive father for making him one hell of a Marine."

"Some year you will have to let go of those pains to feel greater happiness."

He looked at him.  "Been eating the book of Buddha?"

"No, Xander.  It's a truth I had to learn the hard way."

"I'll let go of it some year.  It's slowly easing as I find people who actually like and respect me."  That got a nod and a smile.  "Did you hear Tony was down?"

"I had.  Did you two have fun?"

"He had a concussion too."

"I'm sorry.  Maybe next time.  I did get reminded it was grant season."  Xander whimpered.  "We could use you to tout our program.  It would get you to DC for a weekend."  Xander wobbled.  "We'll see when and if we get an invitation this year."  He gave him a smile.  "Finish up for the day and go home."

"I'll be fine.  That kid has a better shot than I did.  Giles knows what he did wrong now."

"Maybe he'll go on to do great things too."  Xander smiled, walking back to ballistics.  Horatio went to watch Giles talk to the children outside.  He saw the odd look and the older man walked over to him.  "Mr. Giles."

"You are?"

"Horatio Caine.  Xander's supervisor."  He shook his hand.  "Thank you for pushing him to prove himself daily.  He is one of the best techs we've ever had thanks to that lack of believing in himself."  Giles swallowed, nodding.  "I do hope that in the future I can give the same compliment about the young man out there but for a different reason."

"I know where we went wrong with Xander."

"As he had hoped," he agreed. "Don't worry about Xander.  He's found love, acceptance, and possibly a lover recently.  He's happy now."

"That's all I ever wanted for the boy.  Thank you for taking care of my stray chick."

"It's not a problem.  We enjoy having Xander here.  He lightens the load and he helps us a great deal.  I would not want to see either Miss Rosenburg or Miss Summers again however."

"I'll keep both brats in Cleveland," he agreed, smirking at him.  "She really broke his arm?"

"She really broke his arm," he agreed.  "Then she broke into his former apartment and shot it up."

"I'm very sorry about her.  Perhaps Xander had the right idea with spanking the slayers who lack humility and common sense.  This one will turn out better."

"I can only hope so.  Xander is a role model they could aspire to."

"I'll use him as such for that one.  Thank you for helping him."

"It's a pleasure.  Xander is very easy to like and accept as family."  He walked off, smiling when Giles got the children into the car and drove them off.

"That's the guy who let those girls hurt the kid?" Frank asked.

"It was but he's seen the error of his ways, Frank," Horatio said with a smile.  "Isn't that the important thing this time?"

"Hopefully.  Otherwise you'll have another great ballistics tech in ten years."

"It would be an honor, Frank.  You know that."  He grinned.  "Or maybe I'll let Mac Taylor have the next one.  Can't be greedy after all."  He walked off smiling, going to check on his fragile little chick.

***

Epilogue:

***

Xander looked around the formal event, grimacing with distaste.  "I hate these things.  Why do they make us do this for funds again?"

Horatio patted him on the back. "Because it looks good and we can brag on you, Xander.  Think of it as a chance to see Gibbs and Tony again."  He pointed and Xander beamed, sneaking over there.

"So, I hear the rain has been bad this year," he said in greeting.  "All sorts of nasty weather."

Tony smiled at him.  "I taught you better manners than that," he teased back.  He gave him a manly hug.  "I've missed you," he said quietly.

"Missed you too.  You got to miss the slayer when I got back."

"A real one?"

"Yeah, got to spank her too.  Got Giles onto her case."  He grinned, walking them around, nodding at a few people.  One gave him an odd look.  "CSI Harris, out of Miami-Dade, Senator.  Their prize ballistics tech."

"Oh!  I've heard great things about you.  Are you up for the awards ceremony?"

"Not that I'm aware of.  I think my boss is but I'm up here to beg for money for our department."  That got a smile.  "At least I'm honest."

"You are.  It's a refreshing change."  He smiled at Tony.  "I do know you, Agent DiNozzo."

"Senator."  He shook his hand.  "Xander used to be our intern once upon a time.  He worked with Abby."

"That is very interesting.  How long?"

"Four months.  There wasn't enough crime then to keep us both busy full time and she hated it when I cleaned around her," Xander said, earning a loud laugh.  "I moved to Miami after that."

"I'm sure they'd love to have you back, son."

"Perhaps, but I like Miami.  Not so many agents lurking around trying to get into my work space."  That got an understanding smile.  "If you'll excuse us, I need to suck up to the person in Homeland who gives grants so he can tell my mother I was being good.  She's over there too."  That got a smile and nod, letting him shake their hands and walk off.  He found his mother staring around, sneaking over to kiss her on the cheek.  "You look as bored as I feel."  He looked around but Tony was talking with Horatio.  He looked at her again.  "Couldn't drag Dad?"

"He's still pouting that you won't join us."

"Tough.  I like my job.  I like my dog.  I like my department.  I'd have to drag everyone up here."  She smiled and nodded.  "So go home and tie him down, paddle him a little bit until he gives up, and it'll be all better."  He kissed her on the cheek again. "Gotta go pounce the man."  He walked off, going over to talk to his boss.  "Award ceremony?"

"Yes, you're up here for that too," Horatio told him.  "You and Mac Taylor both.  Mac."  He shook his hand.  "You remember Abby's former intern Xander don't you?  Also, this is Agent DiNozzo, out of NCIS."

"Pleasure, Agent DiNozzo."

"Tony, please."

"Tony then," he agreed with a small smile.  "Xander."  He shook his hand.  "I've been meaning to call about an odd sword.  Horatio told me you're his ancient weapons person."

"I do know a good deal about them," he agreed. "Did you bring something so I can avoid sucking up to people?"

"I did because I was hoping to run into Horatio tonight."  He showed him the picture he had folded in his pocket.  "Any idea?"

Xander looked then nodded.  "Two.  One is this thing that looks like a pizza cutter, only it has a spike in the center and it's on a short pole.  It's a re-creation piece from an earlier Tolkein movie.  It's kinda rare and you'd be able to tell from the spike itself."  That got a nod.  "Or there's a chance it's a scimitar.  Ever seen the old cheesy Aladdin movies?"

"I have.  One of those?"

"Probably more likely.  With that thickness it's more likely that and probably a lot less rare."  He handed it back.  "Either that or someone has a recreation of Xena's chakram and just stabbed them with it.  Your choice of course."

"Where would you get those pieces?" Tony asked.

"The same place I got Abby her Solstice present, Tony."  He grinned.  "And Gibbs' too."

"He opened his.  It's hanging next to the boat."  Xander beamed at that.  "I know she has a catalog so I'll try to get it for you, Mac?"

"That would be great, thank you, Tony.  Are you local?"  He nodded, grimacing a bit. "I've heard there's been some problems."

"Yes, but they stopped when Ducky was practicing his knife throwing and she walked into one.  We have a new director now."  Xander patted him on the back.  "It's slowed down a lot of the problems."

"Mom said he's not stealing information either," Xander agreed.

"You're mother's NCIS too?" Mac asked.

"Homeland."  He pointed.  "That's my mom and dad did show up finally I see."  He waved then looked at Mac.  Then at Horatio.  "What am I going to hide from tomorrow?"

Tony smiled at Horatio.  "I'll make sure he gets there, Horatio.  I'll see you tomorrow, Mac.  Gotta go catch up with our wayward tech."  He walked Xander off, letting him say hi to his father before taking him out of the event and into the fresh air so they could go play.

"Young love is so cute," Mac said with a bright grin.

"It definitely is that too.  Thankfully it's not with someone who will kidnap him, hurt him, or otherwise abuse my poor ballistics tech."  Mac laughed.  "I'm not kidding."  He walked him off to tell him what had been going on in Miami, getting the good gossip from New York in return.

***

Tony and Xander were walked into the awards ceremony by Gibbs, who handed them to Horatio.   "You went missing these two?"

"Where were they?"

"Tied to a chair.  Your senator missed them.  By the way she's making a donation to the lab."  He shook Mac's hand. "Taylor."

"Gibbs.  Tony's yours?"

"My senior agent."

"He's a good one.  So, how did you like having Xander?"

"We liked him a lot.  He jumped in, took things from Abby's hands to do, wrote decent reports.  Got into trouble like you wouldn't believe but that seems to keep happening."  He glared at the boys.

"We were at a club, Gibbs.  She took us from there," Tony defended.

"Uh-huh.  Not like I care."  He looked at Horatio then caught Xander.  "You have to accept it.  It'll get the lab good attention, kid."

"Damn it," he muttered.

"You still need an accent when you say that," Tony teased, poking him on the side.  Xander swatted him but gave him a fond look.  "There's news you should hear later."

"Why not now?"

"It's being announced later."  He grinned at Horatio.  "You can come too.  Did we get that catalog from Abby for him, boss?"  Gibbs pulled out the catalog, handing it to Mac.  "That's where he'd shop."

"They've got some interesting weapons in here," he said, taking his seat since the speaker was coming to the podium.  "He needs to be up there, Tony."

He walked him up there, sitting next to him since someone had put their seats together.  "I have to do it too," he hissed.  Xander gave him a pitiful look.  "Tough."  The speaker cleared his throat for attention, going into his short, boring speech.  The others were gone over and then they came to Tony's, earning a lot of claps from Xander.  Tony came down off the stage with his pretty box and shiny thing, giving Xander a nudge.

"For our last award we are awarding it to a ballistics tech who has positively influenced the field already in his young career.  He has pushed others to be better CSI.  He has encouraged others in his program in school and then later led by example, even with a small disability.  He has paved the way for a lot of future techs to have a lot of very hard work living up to his skills and legends.  So our last award goes to Alexander Harris, out of Miami-Dade's labs, for his outstanding accomplishments in the field of forensics."  Xander almost stumbled on the way up the stairs but he got a smile anyway.  He shook the speaker's hand, taking his box and shiny thing with a nod and a pause for applause.  Then he scurried back to his seat.  Finally they could go so Tony looked at him.

"I felt really odd accepting one of my own.  Usually I accept all Gibbs' awards for him."  Xander poked him again, getting up and going to hand his box to his boss.  Tony did the same.  "Only fair since I got all yours in my desk, boss."  He walked Xander out.  "We're going to lunch if any of you wanted to join us."

"I think we'll eat in public," Gibbs told him.  Tony shot him a wicked looking grin and disappeared with his boy.  "Those two are going to drive us nuts," Gibbs complained to Horatio.

"At least we'll be able to find them."

"Maybe," he agreed. "It didn't stop last night."  He saw Lee lurking.  "DiNozzo has him for lunch, Stetson. You can find your son later when they're taken again."

"I can do that.  Thanks, guys."  He walked out, going to track his son home.   Or to the park where they ended up making out but that was fine.  His other sons showed up later on and they made Xander come eat with them, with Tony too since he was apparently Xander's boyfriend now.  It didn't keep Xander from being hit on at the restaurant or anything but Xander was happier.  He only complained mildly this time.

***

Horatio walked into his called staff meeting Monday morning.

"Did you lose the boy again?" Frank taunted.

"There were a few senators who wanted to talk to him about his training and things.  He'll be back later tonight.  There is an announcement you should all hear however.  Due to the new director taking over at NCIS being a 'let's play nicely with others' sort, there's going to be some teams switching around."

"Are we going to lose Xander to them?" Speed demanded, sitting up.  "I will brain the bastard if he tries."

Horatio smiled.  "No, we won't be losing Xander, but we are gaining a different team in the local office."  They all stared.  "Miami is known for having trouble dealing with agents who come to us demanding things.  The local team has had no success.  Gibbs' team does not play well with others either.  Therefore they're sending them down here since we appear to get along well with them."  That got some laughs.  He held up a hand. "For those of you who do not know, we will be missing Xander now and then.  The same as they will be missing DiNozzo now and then.  We'll be able to find them together, but now and then we will have to remind them to be on time.  We did at the award's ceremony.  Gibbs drug them in for me."

"So, Tony and Xander?" Eric asked.  Horatio smiled but nodded.  "Okay.  That's a good thing, right?"

"It's a very good thing," Frank agreed.  "The boy'll have someone who'll fuss over him now.  He might even steal him back."

"Gibbs has said if they kept being stolen together he was going to implant microchips on both of them," Horatio told him.  "I gave him my permission immediately.  He'll have their ME do it today.  He is also coming down.  Ducky refuses to work with anyone but Jethro."

"Abby?" Speed asked.

"The new director does not like strange folk, as he put it.  Any of them who're not, basically, his version of Methodist and normal by that standard are being moved around.  Including a great many female agents I'm scared to say.  We are getting Abby as well.  The whole team.  Including their liaison officer, Ziva David.  She's from Mossad."

"Okay, so the bad side is?" Alexx asked.

"None that I can see yet, Alexx.  We may have a Xander who is late now and then, but he has assured me he'll try very hard not to be.  Tony will hopefully be injured less.  So will Xander.  I'm only seeing the positives here because Abby will let us come to her for hacking things.  McGee has agreed as well as long as they're not in an investigation."

"So, we're keeping Xander, getting a whole new team we can lean on and count on to know what they're doing, and Xander's going to be happy?" Calleigh asked.  Horatio nodded.  "Hell, I'm all for it then.  How soon before they move down?"

"Agent DiNozzo is coming down this weekend. He was going to move soon so most of his things are in the process of being packed.  That does mean we should welcome them Miami style into the family, people."

"Drive by?" Speed joked.

"Speed," Horatio warned.

"High speed chase?" Calleigh offered.  "Xander said Gibbs drives like he does.  Fast and rough."

"Calleigh," he complained.

"I don't think they'd care about either one as long as Xander didn't have to pull a sword," Ryan offered dryly.

"Quite true, Mr. Wolfe," Horatio agreed.  "The rest of the team will be down at the end of the month.  I was thinking something nice, a cookout maybe?"

"We can use Xander's yard since they'll need to know where Tony will be," Eric joked.

"That was my idea too, H," Speed agreed.

"I can see that happening.  He does have a nice yard and Abby did want to meet his dog."  He looked around.  "Also, there is a lab position opening."

"Why?" Calleigh asked.

"Field tech, ladies and gentlemen.  I have already been warned I may not poach from New York's labs, DC's labs, Las Vegas's labs, or New Orleans' labs again.  Though the person from Los Angeles did come up and ask if they could have Xander back.  Twice."  They all shook their heads.  "If you do know a field tech we might work well with or a patrol officer who wants to move I need to know.  Have them send me letters of interest along with qualifications and a resume."  They all nodded, making notes about that.  "Anything else that should be discussed?"

"Can we pick on the boy when he gets mushy?" Frank asked.

"Their version of mushy is backing each other up when one's taken, Frank," Horatio said with a small smile.  "We ran into the senator that was responsible for him being at the event I met him at.  She took them both home by force that night.  So if you know someone who wants to run for senator for this district, let them know as well.  She'll be retiring this year since Gibbs brought the press and the FBI with him this time."  They all looked stunned.  "He warned her.  She did not listen."  He gave them looks.  "Someone plan the cookout.  I'll tell Xander when I see him tonight."  They nodded.  "Go to work, people.  Crime hasn't stopped yet."

"They're only getting more creative too," Speed agreed, heading out first, thinking about what he could make that would be easy and quick if it was a long day.  He popped up to Horatio's office.  "Xander needs a grill."  He went back to trace to get back to work until he got called on a case.

Horatio started to make notes.  It would be a good welcoming party.  Some of the insanity would calm down with Tony down there.  He hoped.

Sword Boy

Tony looked around the corner, shooting at the person who was shooting him, smirking when a warm body hit his back and handed him a few spare clips.  "What are you doing here?"

"Saving your ass, like I have many others over the years.  Horatio's on the other end of the alley," Xander quipped.

"Thanks for the spares.  Will they fit?"

"If not, they fit my backup."

"Even better."  He looked at them.  "I'll need that."  Xander handed it over.  "Bless you."

"Want me to order tonight?"

"I could appreciate that."  He checked and nearly got shot but that let Horatio zero in on his position.  He came out when he heard the quiet 'move and I will kill you'.  "Hey, Horatio.  Long time no see."

"Tony.  Xander?"  He came out, looking at the person who had come up behind him.  "Gibbs.  Finally."

"Figured he'd be in trouble," he said, looking at Tony.  "This person did what?"

"The theft I told you about last night, boss.  Gave me a damn long chase too," he said, wiping his forehead.  "Ten blocks this time."

Xander patted him on the back before hugging Gibbs.  "Welcome to Miami.  They're using my yard to give you guys a cookout tomorrow night."

"That'll work," Gibbs agreed.  He walked over to their suspect.  "Caine, he ours?"

"One less piece of paperwork I have to do."

"How did you guys hear?" Tony asked.  "I didn't call in for backup.  I didn't have time to."

"We were heading to our scene and saw you," Xander said cheerfully.  "See, Horatio has TP sensing radar."  Horatio gave him a look.  "You do.  That's why you go watch Eric work.  So he can't get hit on like I am."  He looked at Gibbs.  "We're due at a homicide so let us know if you need us again."  He walked off. "I'm driving, Horatio, right?"

"My hummer, I drive, Xander," Horatio ordered.  He handed the suspect to Gibbs.  "Here, have him.  We'll see you tomorrow at Xander's for the cookout."  He followed his tech, shaking his head.  "Good spotting, Xander."

"Thanks, boss."  He waved cheerfully before climbing in.  "Did the guys really pick on Calleigh when we got the hummers?"

"She nearly had to hop up to get in.  Both Eric and Speed taunted her for weeks until she got them back."

"Hmm.  Spanked?"

"No, she did something meaner."

"Mean I can appreciate."  They headed off again, going to their scene.  "Well, let's hope ours isn't that exciting."

"Hopefully not," Horatio agreed.  "Do we have to talk about how you and Tony shouldn't work together?"

Xander looked at him.  "Not like I'm going to make out with him on the job, Horatio.  Not unless it's called for."

"Good to know."  He pulled into their scene, looking around at the MP's standing around.  He got out.  "Which branch?"

"Marine, sir."

Xander called Tony's cellphone.  "When you're done with him we think we have one that might involve you too.  Thanks.  Yeah, is that where you were heading too?"  He laughed.  "We're here."  He hung up.  "This is where Tony was heading when he saw his suspect run out of a deli after holding it up."

"Good to know."  He looked from the doorway.  "Two of ours, one of theirs."

"It happens," Xander agreed, starting from the doorway.  "Hmm."  He looked at the frame. "Kicked in instead of picked.  Strong guy too, he took part of the frame off."  He examined the door, finding the boot print there faintly.  He grabbed a lifter sheet.  "Can you hold the door steady for me please?"  Horatio nodded, doing that for him while he lifted the boot print.  He sealed it, putting it into his case after noting on it.  Then they moved in together.  "I hear a dog and a something in a cage, Horatio."

"There's a pet snake in the back bedroom," one MP responded.  "The dog's in the kitchen, sirs."

Xander looked at him.  "Where did you walk?"

"Around the outer edges outside, sir.  I came in through the back door and poured some food to get the dog back there.  Then I walked up the hallway on the beige part of the carpet since it's industrial looking, less chance of tracking things, and into the other bedrooms.  The other victim's back here."  Xander nodded, carefully stepping around the scene and following him.  "I did do a sweep for other victims."

"It's always better if there's a live one," Xander agreed.  "That's protocol, it's not an issue.  We'll take boot prints to rule you out."

"Standard issue, sir."

Xander looked at him.  "Everyone walks differently, so therefore we get different wear patterns.  That with age of the boots....."

"Good to know."  He let him open the bedroom door. "You'll need my prints too, I had to open this door and we don't usually carry gloves."

"We can do that by the time we're done."  He checked the victim, mentally groaning.  "Horatio, tell Alexx we've got a pre-teen back here."  Horatio came to the doorway.  "Our MP buddy said he had to open this door so we'll need elimination prints."  He grinned at him.  "It's much better being a buddy than a bastard."

"It always is, sir."  He looked at Horatio.  "Whenever you need me, sir."

"Take the dog outside if there's a run, Corporal."  He nodded, carefully heading back down the hall to do that.  "Shot?"

Xander looked then shook his head.  "Doesn't look round from this angle.  I'll wait to touch him after Alexx gets here."  That got a nod and they headed back out.  "Pre-teen in the open bedroom, Alexx," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "Hey, Gibbs.  Dig in.  We share information."

"Did you get anything off the door?"

"Boot print, really faint.  Like I said, we share."  He took his first body, going over her with the camera to film everything then looking for trace while Alexx examined the other ones.  "Alexx, the kid's wound didn't look like a shot from the angle he's slumping, it was from the front.  No blood on the back of his shirt."  She nodded. Xander held up a swab when Tony started to look for one.

"Thanks.  Any idea what this is yet?" he asked, holding up a swab of green stuff.

Xander took it to sniff.  "Wasabi."  He handed it back then covered his face with his sleeve while he sneezed.  "Sorry, spicy stuff very early.  I cannot eat like Eric does."  He got back to work.  He sneezed again.  "What is that?"

Tony sniffed.  "Gas.  Guys, someone check the stoves and things," he ordered the MP's.

"Check the stove," Xander yelled.  "We smell gas!"  The MP back there did that, coming out nodding.  "Off?"

"Now.  I turned it off at the meter, sirs."

"Thanks, man.  I don't feel like being blown up today."  That got a smile.  "It's not a good day to die.  We've got the welcoming party for the new NCIS team tomorrow at my place.  My dog's looking forward to people coming to play with him."

"Your dog will go spastic," Tony teased.

"The first time he met Alexx he crawled up behind her and rested his head on her hair," Xander told him.  "He loves his Alexx lovies."

She smiled at him. "Your dog sucks up worse than you do, sugar.  Tony, you can cook, right?"

"Yeah, I'm really good at it too," he said happily.

"Good, then I won't have to make extra for the walking stomach there."  She got back to work, smiling when an older man came in.  "You must be Ducky.  I've heard a lot about you.  Alexx Woods, the local ME for dayshift."

"Charmed, my dear.  How many do we have?"

"One in uniform, two without, and Xander said a pre-teen."

"Hmm."

"With gas that had been on," Horatio told him.  "Welcome to Miami, Ducky."

"Ah, Lieutenant Caine.  I have heard much about you.  I'd shake your hand but gloves and all that.  And Xander."  Xander smiled at him.  "Anthony?"

"Hey, Ducky.  Look out, there's wasabi on ours."

"Death should me a messy proposition or no one would remember the contributions you made," he said gently.  "Which isn't always a true statement but it is a good way of thinking about it."  He got down to look at theirs.  "I would say stabbed.  Doctor Woods?"

"I concur about mine.  Xander?"

"None on his back, Alexx, and he fell face down.  You know I can't flip him until you say so."  He picked off another hair.  "Also, I've got longish dark hairs on this guy."  He bagged it and moved on to get another one.  He held it up.  "Eww, lice."  He bagged it separately.  Alexx moaned at that.  "I'll help you fume them."

"Thanks, dear."  She came over.  "We done with him?"  Xander nodded.  "Let's flip him over then."  Xander helped her flip him over and let her open his shirt.  "Yeah, that's a puncture wound.  Poor guy, can't be over seventeen either."  She got up, heading to the other body by following the pointing MP.  "Thank you, Corporal?"  He nodded.  "Thank you, son."  She walked in there, clucking her tongue.  "Very young, you poor thing."  She looked at him.  "Xander, did we do anything with him?"

"No, Alexx."

"McGee, go help her," Gibbs ordered.  "She's in the bedroom with the child."

"On it, boss."  He carefully walked that way.  "Hey, Xander, Horatio."

"McGee," Horatio said with a smile.  "Alexx is back there."

"That's fine.  I've worked with Ducky a lot."  He walked back there, starting the processing from the doorway.  "Ma'am, can I get a clear shot of the body?"  She nodded, getting out of his way.  He did what he needed to do, helping her when it came time to move the body.  He looked at it then at her. "That's a steep angle," he said quietly.  She looked then nodded.  "You think it's self-inflicted?"

"I won't know until I measure it, McGee.  Give me a few hours to tell."  She got a nod and he moved to the computer, canceling the screensaver.  "I know that.  Horatio?"  He came in.  "Look at the picture on the screen."

Horatio came over to look, nodding slowly.  "I know that symbol.  Alexx, is he a member?"

"Let me check."  She undid his shirt, looking for tattoos.  "None on him.  Xander, check for a LES tat?" she called.

"None on mine, Alexx, but it's a she."

"One on mine," Tony said a minute later from the doorway.  He looked at the computer screen.  "Gang related?"

"It may be," Horatio agreed.  "We'll see within the day."  They all nodded. "Let's let Alexx and Ducky take the bodies.  You two can work out where he's working today."  She nodded, following her body haulers out with the younger body.  He looked at Tony.  "Is your lab set up?"

"Not a clue if Abby's down or not."

"Tomorrow," McGee said.  "I need to confiscate this computer though."

"Save it down under your name, McGee, that's local protocol," Horatio ordered.  He nodded, doing that.   He also made note of what was open, playing on the playlist, and what the screensaver had been.  Then he unhooked it and took it out to their truck, putting evidence tape on it.  Horatio finished the processing in there, coming up with a few more longer hairs.  "Interesting."  He bagged everything, letting McGee get his.  "We'll need both MP's prints and boot prints, just in case," he told Tony, who nodded, going to get them.  "Gibbs, is your lab working?"

"Abby will be in late tomorrow.  Can we borrow yours?"

"You can borrow our techs," he agreed. "The same as Ducky and Alexx can work out who works where today."

"That'll work this time."  He looked at the MP's.  "Thanks, guys.  Anything we should know?"

"We'll check with the neighbors to see if they know who can take the dog," Xander told him, looking up at him.  "Our shelters are chronically full since it's just past hurricane season."

"I'll go ask," Tony said.  "Get statements too.  McGee?"

"Coming, Tony."

"I'll do that as well," Horatio agreed.  "Xander?"

"I'm fine but remember my eye appointment is after work tonight."

"I know.  You can leave on time and come back if you have to."  He took his evidence out to the hummer, letting Xander finish up with the small details.

"Eye appointment?"

"Time to change my glasses," Xander told him. "Mine are scratched and it's time for another exam."  He found something odd and took a picture of it.  "Get my scissors please and a container?"  Gibbs handed it over. "That looks like gun oil."   That got a nod.  Xander cut out the spot, labeling the jar once it was sealed.  He put it into the pile of evidence.  Horatio came back with a plastic tub for his samples.  "Thanks, boss."  He gathered and went toward the kitchen, going to see what had been turned on.  "Stove was on, no pilot light."

"It could've went out."  Gibbs checked it.  "It's a self-lighter. Someone had to put it out."  Xander broke out his fingerprint brush and powder, getting to work on everything there.  "You're thorough."

"I always am.  Better to do it once than have to come back and go over stuff again."  Someone tapped then walked in.  "Hey, Ryan, bit late," he noted without looking.

"I'm here to take your spot.  You just got called to court."  Xander frowned at him.  "That homicide last week is taking a plea."

"Charming."  He handed over his brush.  "I want my kit back."

"Agreed.  Go change."

"They get me like this if they call me out of the field."  He walked out, waving at Horatio.  "Ryan said I got called to a plea sentencing."  Horatio nodded.  He looked around, waving at one of the cruisers.  "You're taking me to the courthouse."

"Yes, CSI Harris."  He slid into the front, going off with him.  "Do you need to change?"

"They called me in from the field.  They should be lucky I'm not wearing one of my threatening t-shirts."  The officer laughed.  "They should.  The DA knows this and so do most of the judges by now.  Thanks for the ride," he said when he got out, heading inside.  He showed his ID, surrendering his gun since he was only a tech.  They hand-wanded him, as usual.  The new scanner checked for gunpowder and he always had some on him.  He walked up the hall, finding a pacing DA.  "You called me from a scene?"

"I did.  The Bruenis case?"

Xander thought back.  "The double homicide with stabbings?"  That got a nod.  "Got the case file so I can read over it really quick?"  It was handed over.  He flipped through it, nodding.  "Okay."  He walked inside, taking his real file from Calleigh since she was in there too.  He handed back the other one.  He looked at the DA, who pointed at the stand.  He walked up there.

The judge looked at him.  "Who are you, young man?"

"CSI Alexander Harris, ballistics, field, and trace, Your Honor.  I was out in the field when I was called."

"You could have taken the time to change."

"Justice should be swift, not waiting for me to primp like a teenage girl.  I can do my job just as well in a t-shirt as I can a button up shirt and nicer pants.  My clothes don't lower my intelligence or my skills."

"Fine.  This time."  Xander held in his retort, he could see it and it made him smirk.  "Another comment?"

"No, sir. Let's get to the swearing, I have a quadruple murder case I need to get back to."  The bailiff came over to swear him in.  He sat down, folder on his lap.  The DA approached and started asking mundane questions so he could remember faster.  He had to resort to the file once but that was expected.

***

Xander walked into the office, leaning into Horatio's office.  "Judge Harkins hates me, still.  Not that I care but fair warning if he complains about my clothes this time.  He didn't recognize me but he tried to stare me down."  He walked off, going down to trace.  "Hey, need me?"

"Yeah, it's your case, you can help process," Ryan agreed. "Told you you should have changed."

"Justice should be swift, not give me time to primp."

"Good point.  He didn't like it?"

"No.  Though I did point out my clothing choices for field work didn't lower my intelligence or skills.  Also again.  The DA knows I wear this almost daily.  Next time he can give me more warning."  He put on his coat and gloves, getting to work.  "Anything from the autopsies yet?"

"Not yet but Ducky has said that Alexx is quicker than he is."

"She gets more bodies every day."

"Which was her argument.  He smiled and said it was a compliment since she was still accurate.  They're talking fishing I think."  He handed over a sample.  "From the stove."

"Did we get the stuff NCIS recovered too?"

"We did, and I got the boot print out of your kit too.  Doesn't match either MP.  Also, we got a better look at the tattoo, it's not a gang tattoo, it's in the wrong script for theirs.  It's more initials."  Xander nodded at that.  "So we're stumped at the gang angle."

"Unless he was in love with one of them," Xander pointed out.  "Then he wouldn't get a formal one, just an homage."

"Could be.  Frank's working that side with Gibbs right now.  He's also finding him good maps of the area for their use."

"I still need one of those," Xander complained. "Dispatch hates it when I ask for directions."

"Xander, I grew up here and even I need a map sometimes," Ryan told him patiently. "You need a guidance system for the car."

"I always seem to get the hummer without one."

"It's the last to go," he agreed.  "Have one of your posse give the lab another one with one so you can have that one."

"Don't suggest that out loud," Xander said, giving him a look.  He got back to work, frowning when his phone vibrated.  He found it and pulled it out.  "Harris."  He listened.  "Who broke into my house?  Is my dog okay?"  He nodded.  "No, the vault doors should both be closed, Officer.  Why?"  He nodded.  "I'll be right there.  Give me fifteen."  He hung up.  "Um, handle this."  He walked off.  "Horatio, someone tried to get into my collection!"

"Coming," he agreed, following him out to the hummers, making him get into his so he could drive.  They walked in ten minutes later.  "Officer, was anything taken?"

"Not that we can tell, Lieutenant.  Harris."

Xander gave him a look.  "My dog?"

"Bathroom, sir."

"That's fine."  He checked under the couch.  "They did take the loose guns."  He stood up after grabbing the one that was under there.  "Not mine.  There's six others spread around the house."   Horatio opened a bag for that gun, letting Xander look around.  Nothing else appeared to be missing so he got into the safes to look for his inventory list, coming out with it marked off.  "Okay, we're missing these seven but one may be with the old place.  I'm not sure I ever got the gun Buffy used on my old apartment back."  The officer nodded, making a note of them.  "They were all loaded with a single clip, no spare clips lying around.  This was under the couch on the left.  These two under the couch on the right.  This one was in the kitchen.  These two in my bedroom on either side of the bed.  The last was behind my headboard.  The other I'm not sure."

"Good to know, sir.  Any idea who?"

Xander looked at his doors, prowling back and forth.  "They had a key.  The only people with a key are the former owner, myself, Agent DiNozzo, John Hagen, the boss here, and my lawn boy so he could use the bathroom and get a drink."

"We'll start with the lawn boy and the former owner, sir."

"Thank you.  If they don't have that last gun I used to live at the address on the back of that list."  He looked then nodded.  "A former friend used it to shoot up my apartment."

"I'll do what I can, sir."

"Thanks."  He looked at Horatio.  "Let's lock up the house, let me check on the dog."  He went to do that, letting him out.  He barked at the officers but just wanted attention.  "Did someone hurt you?" he asked.  The dog snuggled into his side, getting comfortable.  "Good boy.  Very good boy.  You defended the house as well as you could."  The dog gave him a begging look so Horatio got him a treat. "There you go.  You be a good boy.  Go nap on the bed."  The whippet ran that way, hopping up and crawling under the covers.  Xander turned to find one of the non-felony people there with his list.  "Hey."

"Hey.  Vault doors?"  He pointed at the nearest one.  "No wonder they couldn't get in.  Let me print.  What's your lawn boy's name?"  He wrote it down and his number.  "Thanks, Harris.  I'll watch out for your beast."  The dog's head popped out.  "Hmm.  Greyhound?"

"Whippet.  Cousin to them.  Be a good boy for her, Humphrey."  He patted her on the arm.  "I've got a quadruple."

"Go, I've got it."  He nodded, leaving with Horatio.  "That poor tech."  She checked on the dog, who was peeking out at her.  "It's okay, Humphrey, you stay in there and we'll be just fine, dog."  She went to dust the back door for prints first.  That seemed like the safer bet.  The dog came out to watch her, head tipped to the side.  "You're a very smart pooch, Humphrey."  He licked her and nosed his bowl closer.  She looked at him.  "I don't feed doggies. You'll have to wait for your daddy."  The dog started to sound pitiful.  "Ah!"  The dog stopped staring at her.  "Thank you.  Back to bed, Humphrey."  He nudged his bowl again.  "No, I'm not feeding you.  Bed!  Now!"  The dog ran that way, tail wagging.  "Good boy!"  She got back to work, frowning back when he started to bark at the screen door.  "Don't like cats?" she asked dryly.  She shook her head, going back to her duties.  The dog could bark as long as he didn't bite her or anyone else.

***

Xander looked at the kids who had his guns, frowning at them.  "What did you think you were doing?" he asked calmly.  His lawn boy glared at him so he glared back.  "You stole from me?   You stole *guns* from me."

"You have plenty!" he defended.

"That's because I work here," he said, getting down in his face.  "I have guns because I need them to match with what other people use on little boys like you who like to play with things they don't know how to use."  He slumped down.  Xander straightened up.  "Your parents are coming."  They all groaned.  "Good!  I hope like hell all your parents beat the living shit out of you for this.  Do you really want to go to jail?  What you did is a felony, kids, and you're all old enough to be charged as adults.  That means no juvie.  That means *prison* prison.  Where they use little boys like you as toys."  They all slumped down at that.  "Now, I want to know *exactly* what you were going to do with my guns and I do mean right the hell now.  If you tell me I'll tell your parents you cooperated.  If not, I'll let them beat you and hand them paddles when their hands get tired."

"My momma won't beat me," one boy sneered.

Xander looked at him.  "Bet me.  You been in here before?"  He went pale.  "Uh-huh.  I'm sure we can convince her it'll keep you out of here for good before you end up in prison for the rest of your short life.  Now, what were you going to do with my guns?"  Gibbs walked in.  "Hey, not on our case."

"I know.  These the little punks who need their asses kicked?"

"Yuppers."

"Where you from, man?" that one kid sneered.

"LA.  I got tutored by Crypts and Bloods.  You wanna go LA style, little boy?"  He shook his head, slumping down so far he nearly slid under the table.  "Sit up!" he snapped.  They all did.  "Thank you!  Your poor postures aren't getting you any favors either.  Own up to it, boys.  They'll give you a mild slap on the wrist if you do.  If not, well, I hear prison orange looks flattering on some people after a few weeks in there."

Gibbs looked at them.  "We'll talk the judge into giving them the bootcamp option."

"Not available in Florida thanks to some deaths," Xander said grimly.

"Pity.  A good Marine could whip them into shape within minutes."

"Go right ahead, I'll watch the master at it," Xander said dryly, pulling out a knife to clean his nails, leaning against the wall.

Gibbs stared at them, looking at Xander's lawn care boy.  "You were going to do what?"  The kid swallowed.  "Kid, I'm a Fed.  With the amount of guns you stole, we can take it from Miami.  That means you'll be in *our* prisons."

"And none of you are rich enough to go to the good ones with golf courses," Xander told them.

"True, you'll be doing *hard* time.  Locked in a little cell every day for twenty-three hours a day.  Allowed into a small cage outside to get fresh air once a day.  Showering once a week."  They all started to look sick.  "Now,  you were going to do what with the guns?"

"We were gonna keep 'em and show 'em to our friends," the tough one said.  "You can't take us for six guns."

"He can," Xander said, looking at them.  "Unfortunately there's over five of you, in the state of Florida that constitutes a gang.  A gang's weapons can be confiscated and they can be turned over to the federal authorities if they had intent to sell them, use them in a terroristic manner..."

"That means making threats with them," Gibbs interjected.

"Or if you intend to use them in the commission of a felony that would normally get federal attention, ie a bank robbery, major murder spree, kidnaping, using them across state lines," Xander finished.  They all gave him horrified looks.  He nodded.  "He has every right to take you boys right now.  You're a gang by the law.  You took guns with intent to sell."

"No, man, we weren't gonna sell!" the tough kid said.

His garden boy shook his head.  "We just wanted them to look tough, Mr. Harris.  We weren't gonna use 'em or anything.  Just to be cool."

Xander looked at him.  "Guns don't make you cool.  Brains make you cool.  Obviously this point has alluded you."

"Rappers are cool and they have guns," another kid complained.

"No they're not.  Most of them can't balance their own checkbook.  They might be cool because they can rap, but not because they have guns.  Only half a percent of thugs with guns can rap and only one percent of those get a recording contract."  They all pouted.  "Having a gun won't make you cool.  You want to be cool, learn how to rap.  Learn how to paint.  Become a super brain.  Having a gun will make your parents bury you way too early and grieve for the rest of their miserable lives.  I'm sure you've seen it with other kids who thought guns were cool."  They all nodded.  "Do you believe them, Gibbs?"

He looked then nodded.  "Yeah, I think they're just terminally stupid this time.  Let their parents and the DA sort it out."

"I can do that.  Thanks."  He got a nod.  "Be right there to the meeting on the homicide."  That got another nod and Gibbs left.  Horatio ushered in parents, and he noticed one looked very relieved.  "Yours not here, ma'am?"

"No, son.  Where is my boy?" she demanded.

"He said it was stupid," Xander's lawn boy said, starting to pout.  "Is my Momma out there?"

"And your father.  You'd better pray he doesn't go for his belt."

"Not inside the station."  Xander looked at her.  "If we see them being beaten like they deserve for this stupidity we're required by law to turn the parents in to social services.  Take them outside the station and where we can't see before you beat them please."

The other mother looked at him and nodded.  "You don't have to worry about that."  She looked at her son, the tough one, watching him shrink down.  "You're in so much trouble, you'd better pray!" she ordered.  He nodded, starting to mumble one.

"Did they hear?" he asked Horatio, who nodded.  "Then I'll leave this with the DA and miss my guns until I can replace them."  He walked out, going back to their portion of the lab.  "Is the seventh with the old landlord?"  The tech in charge nodded. "Good to know I have to replace that one too."

"It'll be okay, Harris.  You can probably get a discount for buying in bulk.  Or start shopping at pawn shops and check them for being stolen and used.  Then get reimbursed for those that were."  He snickered, nodding at that.  She went to watch the parents and the ADA work out what would happen.  She leaned in.  "How about a scared straight program?  Gibbs was telling them about prison, let's let them see where they'll end up if they don't use their brains sometime soon."

"I know a few cons who'd love to do it," Horatio agreed.  "We have one who's a father in there.  He took a charge for his son.  He's due out soon."

"Give me his name and I'll see if he will," the DA promised.  Horatio wrote it out, handing it over.  "I remember this case.  Good.  We'll do that too.  If the parents don't mind?"

"Oh, I want my son to see where he's going," one mother assured him.  "In graphic detail.  Can he stay overnight too?"

"I'll see what I can do, ma'am.  Let's take this to my office so we can do the official paperwork. Officer?"  They came in to escort the parents and children out.  He looked at the relieved mother.  "If you need one, we can provide you an excuse for work."

"I don't need one.  My boss will be thankful it wasn't our kid too."  She walked out, going to tell her boss that it wasn't her kid this time, just all his friends.  Her son had brains!

Horatio smiled at the DA.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  Better to deter than have to see them again in five years."

"Or sooner," Horatio agreed.

"Definitely."  He followed the last child out, calling his secretary for her to start the paperwork for him.

Horatio went to the meeting.  "What do we have?"

"Are they taking deals?" Calleigh asked.

"Every single one of them," Xander agreed.  "They thought having one would make them cool, like rappers."

"Prentis suggested a scared straight approach as well as probation and a monitored teenage years," Horatio told him.  "One mother wanted her son to stay there overnight so he got the point.  It'll be fine."

"Good," Speed agreed.  "What happened?"

"My lawn boy took all the loose guns in the house and left me one that was jammed," Xander told him.

"Gave him a key?" Eric asked.  Xander nodded.  "That's why most people don't.  They can drink from the spigot outside and pee at the gas station, Xander."

"From now on that'll happen," he agreed.

Prentis leaned in.  "Hey, Harris, you have one hell of a dog, man.  Came to watch me, nosed his bowl when I gave him a compliment.  Hates cats though."

"Yeah, he does.  Was he any trouble?"

"No, the one time he tried to huff the powder I sent him back to the bedroom and he ran that way for me.  Good training job."  She walked off, going back to work.

Xander grinned.  "Now if only he didn't beg," Speed said.

"I'm working on it," Tony told everyone.  McGee and Kate both gave him odd looks. "What?  I'm staying with him right now.  It's a lot cheaper than getting my own place and I get the good bathroom every time I want it."

"I only charge him half my payments and cooking duties," Xander agreed.  "He's a *great* cook."

Tony smiled.  "You're easy to please."  He looked around.  "Now that we're all here, what do we have?"

"The boot print was standard military issue, we can use the wear pattern to match them," Calleigh said.

Ducky smiled.  "This is a refreshing way of doing things.  No barking from Jethro."

Xander grinned. "This is only special crossover cases, Ducky.  We pulled out the company manners for you.  I know that someone also turned the oven on and blew out the pilot.  I had to run off to see how many of my guns got stolen from my house.  Ryan was running it?"

Ryan coughed, nodding.  "I got a match to someone in the house."  He slid it down.  "Who it turns out is in transgender transition.  About two-thirds through according to Alexx.  That's the female figure, Xander."  He nodded at that.  "I also ran the other prints you guys pulled.  Mostly from the family but not all."  He slid down three more sheets.  "Those were also pulled from various points.  The youngest one's was pulled from the kid's room."

"What do we have on where he's serving?" Xander asked.

"He's at Fort Bragg right now," Gibbs told him.  "Doing some training.  He's a IED trainer."  They all nodded at that.  "Other than that, he's got a clean record."

Ryan leaned on the table.  "One of those belongs to someone stationed at Fort Bragg.  That's his second listed address in the DMV system.  We know most prints are cleaned off within a month, or sooner depending on how much of a clean person the victim is.  These were still clean, we only got one smudged print."

"It's something to ask, see if his friend might know who would want to hurt them," McGee agreed. "I can call up there, boss."  Gibbs nodded at that.  "Did we find anything else, like listings for girlfriends, boyfriends?"

"I didn't find a cellphone and I thought that was odd earlier," Xander admitted.  "Did you find one in the kid's room, McGee?"

"No, I didn't.  That is strange.  A younger kid I can understand, but three adults and no cells?"

"I don't remember a house phone," Ryan offered.

Calleigh pulled up her laptop, typing something in.  "According to the phone book online, no land line listed."  She got into another screen, typing in the name.  "The kid had one at least.  So we've got missing cells.  I can run that down later if Xander doesn't," she offered.

"That'll be fine.  We'll run down our guy's just in case it's got something classified in his voicemail," Tony offered.  She smiled and nodded.

"Alexx, or you Ducky, who got killed first?" Xander asked.

"The three adults got stabbed pretty near each other," Alexx said.

"We know from the blood evidence you collected that the Sergeant died last.  His blood flowed over the blood of the female victim, for want of a better phrase that won't upset someone," Speed told them.  "The other didn't have any mixing."

"So we have her, him, and sometime the other guy," Xander said, considering it.  "What about the kid?"

"He went last," Alexx said.  "His liver temp was slightly higher.  By the way they were all stabbed.  It was something round but not a screwdriver.  It wasn't perfectly round."

"So, if I took a really slim stake?" Xander suggested.  "Something hand carved?"

"Probably," she agreed.  "Or something pointy that was natural.  It was wood though, I found a chip.  It's pine by what Speedy found."

"Alexx, underhand or overhand?" Xander asked.

"Underhand, baby.  All four were underhand.  The kid's was at a steeper angle too.  He died right there by the blood pool."

"So someone staked him like they would give him the heimlich?"  She nodded.  "Or they were hugging him from behind."

"Probably, yes.  The others got it from a front angle.  I'd say the attacker was a bit taller than our transexual subject, about the same height as our Sergeant.  That one was the most straight on.  The other guy was at a sideway tilt so I'm guessing he was trying to turn when he got stabbed."

Xander looked at Gibbs, then at them.  "Relative size?"  She handed down a photo.  "How much shrinkage?"

"Maybe a half inch around.  Why?"

Xander looked at her.  "I have a wooden spoon that I do rice with that's this size."

"Pine?"

"There was a space on the wall," Ryan said, hunting through the pictures with Tony.  He got handed it by Tony.  "Thanks.  Here.  Slight discoloration.  Looks like someone took something that had rested there for a few months."

Xander traced the outline with his pen.  "That's a chili spatula."  He handed it down to Gibbs, who looked then handed it on.  "That's about the right size though."  Tony looked then nodded.  "Can we see if they had one of those from one of the neighbors?"

"One mentioned them being avid chili cookoff participants.  She's been perfecting her grandfather's recipe for years was what one said," McGee told him.

"I got that as well, and I'm assuming they're talking about the transexual victim," Horatio said.  McGee nodded.  "Did they hint?"

"They said she was a bit odd, but really nice so they could overlook her identity confusion according to the shrinks up the street."

"Gotta love shrinks," Xander said.  "Any old grannies who watch the neighborhood?"

Tony smiled.  "I did have tea with one.  She said that nice young girl was dating someone new, very charming and handsome, drove a shiny medium blue sports car, just darker than the sea at noon at the harbor according to her.  She said he's not the sort to pull up and honk, he always comes up and knocks politely when he wants to take her out.  The whole family loved the boy.  The Sergeant was sorely missed by his brother, the other victim.  He was struggling right now, his job was rocky with overtime demands.  Bobby, the female, has been doing a lot of filling in and she said she's been a very good mother to their younger brother, Paul.  The Sergeant was in for  week's leave, vacation time according to her.  He got here about four days ago.  Bobby had a date two days ago but he left without taking her with him and didn't look happy.  Could have been a fight, she wasn't sure.  Now, she did say that the dog would go wonderfully at her house so he's over there.  The snake we let Animal Control have when no one wanted to take care of it until we found more relatives."

Everyone nodded.  "She also said that the older brother hadn't had a girlfriend in nearly a year thanks to work issues.  She had stomped off screaming that he loved his job more than her and he should marry it instead so perhaps they were getting close to that final point.  She wasn't sure.  She did say that they were quiet, not heavy drinkers or partiers.  The Sergeant did when he was in on leave with some of his high school friends.  She said he went to Central?"  Horatio nodded he knew which one that was.  "That everyone there knew the six or seven boys who hung together if we needed that information.  She did think that Bobby would make a very pretty girl once he was done and she fully supported it because those boys needed some softness in their lives again.  She started right after their parents died with her cut of the inheritance.  The older brother, Steve, used his to pay off the house and make sure his little brother had a school fund, plus bought that big screen tv and fixed the kitchen up.  The Sergeant used his to buy a new car and take care of some older bills the family still had hanging around.  She did say that she thought one had been shady, that the father had been doing some drugs in his end days.  That he had succumbed, her word, due to the pain of losing his wife a month earlier.  Then he died in his sleep."

He leaned on the table.  "I would've called Ducky, but I figured you had already figured out she was a trannie.  Sorry if that shocked you.  I also found out that the boyfriend never showed up during the week, only on the weekends, only on Saturday and Sunday morning for church.  She said he wasn't local but she didn't get a good look at his license plate.  Just that it was white with a figure in the center.  Something colorful.  Possibly a bird."  They all nodded.  "She was sure it wasn't a Florida plate.  She also said that Bobby had an allergy to one of the meds late last month, had to be switched off one of the hormones.  She said that was just before the possible fight took place.  So I'm not sure if he agreed with her or not, but that was about the same time she got the implants as well.  She started to grow her hair about a month before that."

"Then it's possible her boyfriend didn't know," Xander offered.  "A 'how dare you do this to me' fight and breakup."  Tony nodded.  "If they were hugging the kid, they had to know him pretty well or he would've struggled.  Most kids his age hate being hugged or kissed. I know I did."

"I used to pull away from everyone," Gibbs agreed. "So we definitely believe it was someone familiar with the family?"  Everyone nodded.  "What about the gang insignia?"

"To throw us off?" Speed suggested.  "Or they could have some connection."

"It could relate back to the tattoo on the Sergeant," Kate offered.  "Did we find out if he was affiliated?"  Gibbs shook his head.  "He could've claimed it was a girlfriend."

"It's not that hard to find one and ask if they know them," Xander offered, looking at Eric.  "Hype that someone was trying to make them claim credit or be one of them?"

"That could work.  I know where they hang in the afternoon," he agreed. "Tony, do the high school."

"I can do that after I do the phone search."  He looked at McGee.  "Do a background on him.  Full, in depth.  Everything."  He nodded.  "Is there any evidence we haven't gotten to yet?"

"Tox isn't back yet," Alexx said.  "I'll have a final report by tonight when they get back to us."

"No DNA, all the fingerprints are done by those two smudges," Ryan agreed.  "I found a later one on the back door I lifted just in case."

"No ballistics, all the chem and trace are done," Speed agreed.

"No, there was DNA," Xander said.  "I pulled a lot of hairs off."

"I must've missed those in your case," Ryan said, going to get his case for him.  He came back with the two envelopes.  "Why two?"

"One had a lice."

"Oh.  Good idea.  I'll warn Valera.  That'll take until tonight too.  She's not too backed up right now," Ryan said.  "I'll deliver.  Need me on anything else?  If not, I've got next case."  Horatio nodded for him to go.

Xander looked at Gibbs.  "They showed you were the coffeepot was, right?"

"They did, smart ass."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks for thinking I'm extra smart today, Gibbs.  Horatio, did the judge complain?"  He nodded.  "Then next time give me more time."  He got up.  "I'm going to check in ballistics while you guys do that stuff.  Let me know when it's my turn again."  They all nodded, letting him go.

Alexx looked down at the others.  "Also, one last thing I forgot.  They had just eaten.  Probably coming in from a dinner out.  Looked like pasta, a bit of wine, some meatballs."  She stood up.  "I've probably got another body waiting on me by now so I'll go do that.  Let me know if you need more or who's going to claim the body, Gibbs."  She got nodded at so she left with Ducky following to help her with the bodies.

Gibbs looked at  Horatio.  "Your team is nearly as efficient as mine is."

"With less loud music," Calleigh teased.

"True, you don't listen to anything near what Abby does in her lab."  The others broke up, walking out talking about the case and what they were bringing to the welcoming party.  "DiNozzo, we need directions," he said quietly.  "So will Abby."

"Already got them printed, boss, and we're going to be fine with everyone at the house.  I promise."

"No closet issues?"

"No, I didn't have room in his."  He grinned and got up, heading to start his tasks.  Xander let him have his desk for that, earning a smile from Calleigh.  "Our office was trashed by the going away party the last team threw.  They *really* wanted to go to Alaska."

"So this was your punishment city for being good?" she teased.

"Sure is.  Not that we see it that way.  Except Gibbs.  Now he's got to find a new way to build a boat since he can't find a basement around here."  Xander chuckled.  "He does.  He found a good spot near a canal.  What am I making tomorrow?" he asked as he typed.

"I don't care," Xander told him.  "You're putting together the grill with me?  That way I have the mythical third hand that they don't tell me I'll need?"

"I can do that too."

"I usually order stuff from the deli," Xander told him.

"That's probably safer, Xander."  He reached over to pat him on the back.  "Okay, he does have a cellphone up there."  He dialed into the service provider, which was military friendly.  "Hi, this is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS, Miami, Florida.  We had one of your customers, a Sergeant Thomas Smythe," he spelled it, "end up dead down here and his phone is missing."  He read off his badge number, waiting while they verified.  "Just got transferred from DC," he admitted.  "Well, we need to know a few things.  What sort of phone?"  He made notes.  "Would it have GPS capability?"  He nodded, writing down that information.  She had his GPS ID on her screen.  "Okay, when was the last time he called?"  He made a note of that and to who.  "Please, if you can send our office the full call log for the last week, ma'am.  He was on leave with his family down here. Them too unfortunately."  He hummed and made a note of that.  "Thank you.  Can you also send the office a copy of his voicemails?  In electronic format or on tape, either is fine.  Thank you, ma'am.  Of course."  He made note of her name and ID number.  "Thank you.  I'll ask for you directly if we have any problems."  He hung up, typing the GPS ID into the system.  "Here we go.  Phone's on and walking."  He let her see, checking the ones for the other phones.  They were nearby.  "Can you get patrol to pick up the pockets they're in?"

"I can do that," she agreed, calling in that order as she walked off.  "Meet you back here, Tony."

"Thanks."  He looked at Xander.  "You sure?  I can make anything you want."

Xander gave him a gentle grin.  "I'm not picky."

"Good point."  He winked and got up, taking his notes with him to hand over to Gibbs.  "Calleigh's finding the people walking around with the phones right now.  I'm going to the high school to find his friends.  They're sending the voicemail tapes to us.  I asked for the last week's call log.  They're going to the office so someone will have to put together one of the desks soon."  He grimaced.  "Did you report them?"

"The director said we'd have new desks within a week."

"Sure, I can work on the floor, boss.  Can I have a laptop this time?"  He walked off.  "Going to find his friends, boss."

"Take someone with you."

"Hey, Wolfe, you busy?"

"Not yet."  He came out with his kit, just in case he got a call on the way.  "Any luck?"

"The cellphones had legs.  Calleigh's running down the Rockettes."

Ryan snickered.  "She'll have fun with that I'm sure."  Tony nodded.  "We're going after the friends?"

"Yeah, just in case so there's no loose ends."

"I know where that school is.  I went there."  Tony looked at him.  "It's one of three public ones in Miami."

"Wow.  DC had more."

"Consolidation hit us recently.  The rest are private, expensive, exclusive, or religious.   Or the alternative school."

"Seen those too," Tony admitted.  "I think they may be onto the right track with the boyfriend."

"The neighbor you found didn't say they had any other friends?"

"The Sergeant's friends.  The older brother was too busy for friends and the younger guy was too little for a pack."

"Packs?" he teased.  "Thinking like Xander already," he finished once they were in the elevator.

"Great minds and all that," Tony agreed happily.  "It bother you?"

"Hell no.  More women for me and they won't be evil from wanting Xander or you."  Tony snickered.  "You'll figure out the lab is a bit kinkier than you thought soon enough."

"I have noticed a few things.  What's with John and Calleigh?"

"She's resisting hard."  They got off the elevator.  "It's fun to watch though."  The ran into Frank outside.  "Hey."

"Hey.  Heading out on a new one?"

"This morning's quadruple.  I'm being a native guide to one of the local high schools.  Have you met Agent DiNozzo yet?"

"During the last case down here," he said with a grin.  "How is your banishment?"

"So far it's okay.  We got a memo saying that we weren't allowed to take a single day off during spring break.  Gibbs had to put the last team on report for trashing our office.  We don't have a single piece of unbroken furniture."  Frank laughed at that. "They were very happy to go to Alaska.  What did you guys do to them?"

"They got pushy with Horatio a few times," Frank admitted. "Got the behind-the- sunglasses stare down from him.  Then again, their junior officer was the only one with balls to stand up to anyone in the lab."

"She probably dated Eric," Ryan joked.

"Possibly.  The boy is a bit of a slut," he agreed.  Tony laughed.  "Heard you were too."

"I'm a good boy, Detective," he said with a smirk.

"We heard.  As long as you treat the kid right.  Or else we'll have to step in and Horatio can be...creative."

"Not an issue."  He looked at the parking lot, frowning.  "Tell me that isn't Rosenburg."

Frank looked.  "Or a clone.  I'll call, you two scurry off."   They headed off while he called Horatio.  "Incoming."  He hung up, giving her a patient, calm look.  "Yes, Miss Rosenburg.  What can we do for you today?"

"How do you know me?"

"I was there when you kicked in Xander's door."

"Oh.  Is he here?"

"Don't know.  Why?"

"I wanted to talk to him.  Is there a problem with talking to him?"

"Um, yeah. You kicked in his door and tried to kidnap him."

"I'm not like that," she said weakly.  "I wanted to talk about what he told the new kids he found for us to train."

Horatio walked out.  "Miss Rosenburg.  Welcome back to Miami."

"Can I bum an hour of Xander-talking?"

"When he has lunch, at two."  He stared at her behind his sunglasses, making her wilt.  "We will be watching for aberrant behavior this time."

"Fine.  I can understand that.  Buffy was really mean to him.  She hit him and things."

"She broke his arm," Frank told her.  "Then she broke into his place and shot it up."

"Oh."  She pouted.  "I don't want to hurt him."

"I know you don't, that's why we'll only be watching," Horatio told her.  "Go and come back at two."  She nodded, going back to her car.  He looked at Frank.  "Thank you for the warning," he said quietly.

"You want to tell Valera?  She still wants to smack Buffy around for breaking his arm."

He smiled. "I was going to tell Calleigh and Alexx, Frank.  Valera can wait behind them."  Frank shivered.  "Since this is the second time I think she deserves it."  He walked back inside, calling Calleigh once he got into the elevator.  "Willow showed up.  She'll be back for lunch to talk to Xander."  He hung up, going to the morgue.  "Alexx."  She smiled.  "Willow just appeared."  Xander leaned out of the office.  "I told her you couldn't talk until lunch."

"So same as last time?" Xander asked.  Horatio nodded.  "Okay.  Guess that means I can't eat with Cooper," he said, shrugging a bit.

"You can bring him and me, sugar," Alexx promised with a sweet smile, patting him on the cheek.  "Now, come help us rod all these wounds."  He nodded, coming out with the rods so he could do that.  "Two, Horatio?"  He nodded.  "I'm sure we'll have a *lovely* lunch."  He walked out smirking.  "Don't you worry, if she tries anything I'll get to practice my swatting.  Ducky said that Gibbs finds it very therapeutic."

"And then some," he agreed.  "Should I duck out of lunch and let you guys talk?"

"No, let's see what she wants to apologize for.  Then we'll see."  He nodded at that wisdom.  "Good boy."  Ducky came back.  "We're going to have lunch with Willow today."

"That poor lass," he said with a happy smile.  "Well, I'm sure she won't warp any more young men into calling sports odd names.  Anthony nearly beat Xander for what he calls football."

"So did I," Alexx said happily, smiling at Xander.

"It does.  Or like they're giving birth and then passing them off to their daddies. That would make touchdowns taking them home."

"Don't make me smack you," she warned.  "I had a bad enough image with the baby animals."  Ducky gave her an odd look.  "I was making an analogy to make him feel better about not being perfect in everything.  Pointed out football players don't often go to petting zoos."  Ducky moaned.  "Exactly.  His mind went to where they were playing it with the baby animals."

"Well, every lad must have some sort of odd thinking, it's what leads us to consider the deeper subjects of life," Ducky decided.  "Let us use yellow for the gunshots and blue for the stabs?"  They nodded, letting Xander help them place rods.

***

Xander looked up when Willow walked over.  "Hey.  This is Cooper, our AV tech, Alexx, our ME, Calleigh, my fellow ballistics person, and Gibbs, you might remember him.  I interned with his department and he just switched down here.  Come sit."  He ate a bite of his sandwich.  "What's up?"

"Can we talk about what you told the mini-uses?"

"Why?  Is it going to change things?"

"Were we really that bad?"

"Do you remember the last three years we were together?"  She nodded.  "What was I doing?"

"Hanging around.  Fixing weapons."

"Doing your job for you because you and she were lazy," he snorted. "I did plenty of patrols on my own, Willow.  You guys refused to see me as anything but lesser.  I didn't need that then and I don't need it now."

She pouted.  "You don't have any special powers."

"And yet I managed to fight and survive the same way you did," he pointed out, staring her down.  "And then I became better because I actually finished college, got a degree that helps people and let's me do what I like to do all day long, and now I'm one of the top people in the field.  Huh, so very worthless."

"You were injured!"

"Angel didn't seem to care."

"He was humoring  you."

"Is that why he woke me up out of a sound sleep more often than not?  Made me come in when I had finals, papers due.  Presentations, lab times?"  She scowled at him.  "I did a hell of a lot for Angel.  If he was still alive you could ask him.  Or you could ask Gunn or Connor."  She glared.  "They knew.  They never discounted me.  They let me prove what I could and couldn't do.  Which was a hell of a lot more than they thought I could do based on what you guys told them.  Funny about that.  For the first month they kept  going 'they never said you could do that' until the point where Cordy had to point out why they didn't know."

"You never paid attention!  You couldn't do the research...."

"I can read as many languages as you can," he said bitterly.  "I did more of the research because you snuck off to do magic research while I was working on the real problems.  Hell, even Wes got treated better than I did when we were in high school.  By the way, he was there when I was too.  He was shocked as hell that you guys hadn't wanted me along since I'm damn good with most weapons.  Oh, and get this.  People come to me to see what sort of archaic weapon something was."  She huffed.  "I was never less than you two were.  It's just that you two were being bitches about things because you felt *special* and damn, there I was a normal guy without the specialness doing the same work, and more most times, and it made you feel normal.  Of course you shoved me away, Willow.  It's elementary psychology.  I took away your Goddess complex by proving I was better."

"I staked more than you did," she told him.

"Not hardly.  Even before you went to Cleveland.  You'd do an hour of patrolling, you and Buffy would go back, and I'd stay out to do more.  There's a reason why people know who I am and not you other than you're a witch.  I've had non-hunting vampires and harmless demons check to make sure I was staying retired when I did retire."  Her face fell.  "Sorry but no.  Doesn't fly in the face of reality, Willow.  Find reality, it's been calling now since tenth grade."

"You lied to her about me resouling Angel."

"The only way to stop it was with his own blood since he opened it with it.  He had to close it with a sacrifice.  Do you think she could have done that?"  She stomped off.  "By the way, I still like how you blamed me for you kissing me.  Wasn't my fault, Willow."  She flipped him off.  "Very mature.  When you finish growing up, come back."  He went back to his lunch.  "Sorry you had to witness that.  She needed it."

"She probably did," Alexx agreed.  "Thankfully you're retired now so we don't have to worry about your violent urges."

"You didn't have to worry about them before unless you picked on me."

"I still wanted to know what happened at that one scene a few weeks back," Cooper said.

"No you don't," Alexx told him.  "Not unless you want to clean up the next one."  She looked at Xander.  "Which t-shirt are you wearing?"

"A threatening one.  She should've been smart enough to get a clue."  _Hi  I don't care  Thanks_ about said it all for him.  He answered his phone.  "Harris."  He listened.  "She didn't catch the clue that I moved?  Have her arrested.  Not like I want to deal with her.  Tell the new tenant I'm very sorry.  She's deluded and childish.  She also thinks I'm worthless and horribly disabled, I should be begging in a corner."  He saw Stetler come out of the building sneering.  "Sure, have her brought here to the lab's precinct.  Call 911.  Thank you for letting me know."  He hung up and stood up.  "Hey, Rick, Willow's here and she just went to trash my former apartment if you wanted to talk to her like you did Buffy about my sports issues."  Stetler sneered at him.  "The redheaded menace."  He walked back inside shaking his head.  He sat down again, getting back into his lunch.  "He enjoyed his talk with Buffy."

"That's because he put her down, got to override her, and shot all her illusions," Cooper said, shuddering.  "It was brutal."

Xander looked at him.  "Did it work?"

"She cried."

"Doesn't mean it worked," Gibbs told him. "I made her cry back when we had him as an intern."

"Uh-huh, the weekend I signed on with Miami," Xander said happily, grinning at him. "How long did you have to shower after you walked out of the Magic Box?"

"Only twice.  I was shocked, there weren't any parts in jars."

"No, we weren't into that.  That was Angel when he lost his soul."  He shrugged and grinned, digging in again.  "We did herby things."

Alexx patted him on the hand.  "Remember, you're retired."

"Yup, I am.  Now I only have to do it if the city's bending over to take it up the butt."  She swatted him.  "Hey!  It's an apt description this time."

"Not one I need to hear," she complained.

"Sorry."  He shrugged and dug back in, waving when Frank came out.  "Willow's coming back in bracelets," he called.

Frank walked over.  "Of course she is.  You didn't date her too, right?"

"No, she used to have a major crush on me that I ignored," he admitted. "The other side of the psycho posse."

"What did she do?" Frank asked.

"The same thing she did last time.  The poor new tenants are horrified."

"Ah."

"He told Stetler so he can break bad on her too," Cooper told him.

"That was kinda fun to watch," Frank admitted, going to call Horatio and warn him.  He walked over when Willow was brought in, taking her out of the car.  "Charge sheet?"  The officer finished it for him.  "Thanks.  She keeps bothering one of the CSI."  He walked her inside.

"Oh, no, she's IAB's, Detective," Stetler told him.  "You can have the prisoner after I question her."  Frank shrugged and handed her over.  "No complaints?"

"I wanna watch."

"Fine."  He walked her off to the room he had specially prepared.  He knew Caine was watching too.  "Now, Miss Rosenburg, I hear you have information on what CSI Harris used to do?"  She nodded slowly.  "How much of it was illegal?"

"None.  Well except that we had to steal a grenade launcher from the military because it was the only thing that would kill something that was going to eat everyone on the planet."

"Did they know?"

"Yup, but they didn't charge us.  Firing a grenade launcher in a mall at a blue thing sucking emotions out of people for nibbling times gets on the news even in Sunnydale.  They decided it was for a good reason when Xander explained it and warned us not to do it again."

Stetler stared at her. "You're serious?"  She nodded, smiling at him.  "How did he get on the base?"

"Prior possession gave him the codes.  That's the Ethan's fault."

"Anything else?"

"I kissed him and he cheated on someone so we rightly blamed him."

He stared at her.  "Wouldn't that make you guilty instead of him?"  She looked confused.  "You said you kissed him.  Wouldn't that make you just as guilty since I heard you were dating as well at that time?"

She shook her head. "It was his fault.  He's the guy, he should've stopped me."

"See, I talked to Miss Chase," he sneered.  She went pale.  "She blamed you.  She did admit she was cheating on Xander.  They were already starting to break up.  You were not, were you?"  She shook her head.  "Hmm.  Then, as a thinking and rational being, you should have stopped yourself.  Not relied on him to stop you.  As I've heard he has other times in the past.  Including when *you* tried to end the world."

"I was grieving!  You wouldn't understand!"

"You'd be surprised," he said blandly.  "That's something billions of others have done through history and yet *they* didn't try to end the world.  Even the ones with the same powers as you."  She glared at him.  "They didn't, did they?"

"No," she ground out.

"So, you went evil.  Interesting."  He sat down across from her, pulling open the file he had on Harris.   Her last charge sheet was in there.  "I see you have a propensity for violence."

"No I don't."

He looked at her.  "You broke into his apartment and threatened the new residents just now.  You broke into his apartment the last time and threatened police officers and federal agents.  You tried to end the world in a shower of making everyone hurt and be in pain.  You have admitted in the past that you were a serial killer in your youth.  How is that not violent?"

"He said he staked more than me."

"Yes, but he did his out of a duty to protect others.  You did yours for very different reasons.  Doing it out of frustration, the joy of watching them dissolve.  You probably even celebrated when you got to fifty of them."  She went very pale at that.  "Did he?"

"We didn't think he staked that many," she admitted.

"Yet, he was there in the patrols with you, correct?"

"We protected him. He's a normal guy without skills."

"Really?  Is that why he recently received an award from the federal government for his achievements and accomplishments in the field of forensics?  Or why numerous federal agencies count on his help?  Why other departments come for him in the matter of archaic weapons?"

"That's that stuff, it's not the same as staking someone."

"You're right.  What he did was like killing a fleeing suspect in the line of duty.  What you did is like being a serial killer.  You're so bad you inspired one of you own, didn't you?"  She looked clueless.  "Harris' last girlfriend.  Tanya whater-her-name-is.  She was going around killing blondes and redheads repeatedly.  You are not only a serial killer, you inspired another one.  That's a feat that's worthy of federal study."

Gibbs leaned in.  "They don't want her.  I called to check.  They said Miami could have her for the assaults and threats."  He closed the door, going back to watching.

"Maybe it's not that rare then," Frank offered from his corner.  He walked over and opened the door.  "Someone make sure she doesn't have any other warrants please."  He closed it and walked back to his corner.  "That way we don't have to send her back like we did the other one."

"Thank you, Detective, that was helpful."  He smirked at her, watching her look confused.  "You damaged property.  You threatened two innocent people."

"Three," Frank said, handing over the charge sheet.

"Three," he agreed, smirking at him.  "Even more helpful."  He looked at her again.  McGee leaned in.  "She's mine for right now."

"That's fine.  There's no warrants for her arrest but a note was put in that she had hacked some systems back in Sunnydale to help with the problems out there."

"To cause or help?" Stetler asked.

"They said to help and the files say that."

"Files?" Frank asked, looking impressed.

"Her new ID, her old ID, and her one from high school.  I can pull them if you want," McGee offered.

"No, that's all right.  I think I have plenty here.  As long as there's no warrants?"

"Not that I could find, federal or any state."  He closed the door, going back to watching.  Xander walked behind them, shaking his head.  "You never told me she was a hacker."

"Abby knew."  He watched Stetler destroy her.  "You know, half of that could be applied to me."

"You did it as part of your duty, kid," Gibbs said.

Xander looked at him.  "Now and then it was frustration relief."

Gibbs looked at him.  "Felt guilty later?"  Xander shrugged.  "Now?"

"Now and then."

"Then you're not like her.  You can see the value in other's lives."  He went back to watching.  He felt someone else join them, looking back to see Eric hugging him.  "Go ahead and let him go, Delko.  He doesn't need to see this."

"Sure.  If he wants to I'm sure Cooper is saving it down."  Xander groaned, going to ask him not to do that.  He shifted closer, leaning on Calleigh's shoulder.  "I thought he was only mean to Horatio."  He took a bite of her fries to nibble.  "Thanks, needed lunch."

"You need to eat, Eric.  Or else I'll tell your mother or someone."

He looked at her.  "Not like any of them ate lunch."

"I can nag them in a few minutes."

"They're on their way in.  We'll steal the rest of your fries while we watch."  Speed brought in a bag of popcorn, letting him share.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Figured you were hungry too."  He leaned on Calleigh's other shoulder, letting her steal some of the popcorn too.  He even let Horatio have a few pieces before he went in there to help.  Willow gave him a horrified look when he laid out a full charge sheet with multiple offenses.   His assertion that she should be charged for blackmailing a department official was valid because she was trying to blackmail Xander into his bad former habits was enough to make them all smile.  "He's good," Speed agreed.

"He's very good," Calleigh sighed.  "We need to get a copy of this tape to John.  He'll giggle like the time they mixed up his meds and gave him happy pills."

Back in the labs, Xander found all the evidence he needed, going over it.  It gave him a place to look for a suspect but they'd probably need Tony or someone to do it.  He looked around then sighed.  "Kate?" he called.  She peeked in.  "Here, a suspect, dear."   She came in to get it.  "I think the boyfriend is his military buddy."

"Interesting."  She looked it over, nodding at the information they had.  "It does look like it.  I'll have someone pull him down here for questioning."

"Shouldn't you go up there unless you have to bring him down?"

"We'll have to anyway," she said, patting him on the cheek.  "Good instincts, Xander."

"Should I bark?" he asked dryly.

"Only if Tony likes it."  She walked out reading the information.  "Gibbs, we have a suspect," she called.  "Xander put it together.  We need to go up there or drag him down."

Gibbs came out of observation, looking at the information.  "That would fit."  She pointed at something.  "You sure?"

"He thinks so.  Who do you think?"   He pointed.  "Same guy, Gibbs."

"Even better.  We'll go tonight after we get the tox results back."  She nodded, going to put together the full file and input it into their system.

***

Tony walked Abby in the next night, making her squeal and run to hug Xander.  "Kitchen?" he teased.

"Waiting on everyone.  Watching the dog sniff the grill."  He looked at him.  "We need gas for it."

"Let me see what we need."  Xander handed over the instruction book.  "You're being handy," he teased.

"Often."  He went back to hugging his Abby buddy.  "I missed you."

"Of course you did."

"Willow came down."

"Were they mean to her?" she asked.  He nodded.  Tony nodded more quickly, going out to look at the grill.  "I'm sure they had good reason.  I have a letter from your mom."  Xander pulled his head up to look at her.  "Her computer's broke at home."

"Oh.  Okay.  Are you staying over tonight?"

"If you want."  She felt a cold nose and looked down, cooing.  "Hi, Humphrey baby."  She sat down to play with him, getting a happy puppy since she did feed him treats.

"He'll get fat, Abby."

"He'll play it off tonight with all of us.  I'm sure he loves to play with everyone."  She took him out back to help Tony with the grill.  "Is it hooked up?"

"All but the gas tank," he agreed. "I called someone to pick some up."  He looked at the nose worming its way under his arm.  "Hey, Humph."  He scratched his ears.  "Go get your ball.  Go get the ball!"  He ran inside, coming out with a rope.  "That'll work too."  He gave it a tug and the dog pulled back, sinking his feet in.  Abby came over to play, using her mouth.  "Dog germs."

"Dogs have very clean mouths.  Shouldn't that be sitting on concrete or something?"  She went back to tug of war with the dog, making him a happy dog.

"She's got a point, Xander.  Do we have spare tiles or anything?"  Xander went to look, coming out with the loose ones they had found in the bathroom but hadn't had time to fix.  "That'll work."  He set them up, putting the grill on top of them.  "Yeah, that's level, it'll work."  Ryan came through the house with two gas cylinders.  "We're cooking that much?"

"You never know," he told him, helping him hook the first one up.  Xander came out with the tools, earning a smile.  "You're a handy guy," he teased.

"Bad joke, Ryan."  He got it hooked up and started, letting it warm up. "Okay, there's meat in the fridge that Tony picked out last night."  Tony went to get it before Xander could touch it and ruin it.  "Ry, this is Abby."

"Hi, Ryan," she said, going back to playing with the dog.  Xander picked her up and moved her further out, making the dog bark and follow.  "Okay, I'll play over here."

"We don't want you to run into the grill."

"That's a bad thing," she agreed. She gave the rope a tug and the dog tugged back, growling at her.  She went back to her oral tug of war, making him a very happy dog.  She understood him!  He let go suddenly, making her fall, but he rushed over to climb over her, sitting on her back to lick her ear.  "You're a good boy," she praised.  "You won, I falled down."  She carefully moved, letting the dog sit on her chest so she could pet him.  "Such a good boy."

"Are you staying tonight, Abs?" Tony called.  "If not, we'll have to let you into Kate's place or let Gibbs take you home."

She looked back at him.  "That depends, would I be an imposition?"  The dog lapped her so she went back to her attention.  "You love me. You really, really love me, huh?"  She got up, letting him chase her around since she had the rope.  Xander took a picture, she saw him do it, but oh well.

Gibbs came out shaking his head.  "Abby, let the poor thing rest."

"You hush, bossman, he needed played with since Xander works all day."  She changed direction, earning a bark and him speeding up.  "Yes, you needed a long run, didn't you," she panted.

Tony caught her, making the dog growl ta him. "I took you for a run this morning when I went for mine.  Go get the ball!"  He ran inside, getting his ball this time, which was more sedate.  He played fetch very well.  He went back to the grill, finding Xander tightening the gas nozzle again.  "Did it loosen?"

"I heard a pop, I'm making sure," he said from under the grill.

Calleigh came out of the kitchen.  "Do I want to know what Xander's doing?"

"Making sure the gas doesn't leak," Ryan said with a grin.  He looked over at Abby, taking another picture since she and the dog were tugging on the ball again.  "Abby, Calleigh's here."  The dog barked and Abby barked too, getting a wet tongue to the lips and nose for speaking his language.  "You should be careful, Abby, he might think you're a female puppy."

"Only when the last director annoyed me," she quipped.  Calleigh laughed.

Xander came out from under the grill, looking at her.  "The oversight people came down and I told one I was being bitchy that day."  She giggled, rolling around with the dog.

"Didn't Natalia complain?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, she thought it'd make the rest of you look grumpy too."

"I was more than happy to watch you bully the guy into putting on the proper gear."  He grinned at John when he came out, giving Calleigh a pat on the shoulder.  "That's Abby."

"Her or the puppy?"

"Her."

"Hey," he called, waving.  She waved back, going back to her tug of war for the ball.

"Abby, you can't steal his dog," Gibbs said when he came out with Horatio and his boys behind him.  Kate followed more slowly, dragging a chair to flop down.  "No lawn furniture, Harris?"

"See the door on the side of the gun vault?  Open it, pull out stuff."  Gibbs went to do that and Xander looked at Horatio's dish.  "There's a table in there too."

"It can hit the fridge for now," Speed promised, taking it back in there while Eric set things up.  He let everyone else in, giving Alexx an odd look for walking in with Natalia.  He got a shrug back.  "Okay," he mouthed.  "Everyone's out back," he called.  "No snooping in Xander's bedroom, Valera.  Or you, Natalia."

"I was checking out the bathroom," Valera teased.  "Xander, you have tiles missing?"

"We're using them under the grill for the night," Tony told her.  "Then we're sealing them back down this weekend."

"Okay."  She came out to help cook, being nice enough to give Horatio a nudge toward the others.  "Go chat.   You need to relax too, boss."  She looked at the meat then at him.  "Eric can eat that all by himself."

"There's more in the fridge."  She beamed, going to check.  She came back with a soda and a water, letting him take his choice.  "Thanks.  Grilling is hard, manly work."  Xander gave him a look.  "You come near this grill and I will spank."

"Then you wanted to nap with Abby tonight and the dog?"

"No," he admitted.  "Kate, let her know where you'd put her up tonight so she can choose."

"I've got a couch, Gibbs has a couch and a spare room, they've got a spare room and the dog."

"I'll stay with the dog.  She appreciates me."  She checked under the tail.  "Ooops, he."  She patted him, getting a cuddle.  At least until he saw Alexx, then he went to pounce her, crawling into her lap to lick her and love on her until she laughed and put him down with an ear scratch.  "He loves you."

"I love him, he's a good boy," she agreed.  The dog barked and ran over to sniff the new people, sneezing at Kate and Ziva.  Then he went back to his oversized littermate.

Calleigh suddenly squealed and hit John on the arm.  "As I told the little punks who stole my guns and their parents, if I see boyfriend, spousal, or child abuse, I am required by law to turn those people in to the proper authorities.  Take him out of my sight to beat him if he needs it that badly, boss.  That way I don't have to turn you in for beating him," Xander called from his spot on the grass.

"Gibbs, you're closer, smack him for me," John requested.  Gibbs leaned over and smacked Xander on the head. "Thank you.  That was just a playful swat, kiddo."

Xander looked at him.  "How would I know?  Not like I like swatting games before sex.  The closest I got to that was Cordelia."

"Don't remind me of the heathen woman," Horatio ordered.  Xander grinned at him.  "Really, Xander."  Frank came out.  "How did it end up?"

"Willow is going to take her probation back to Cleveland and behave for a change.  I also called Mr. Giles to tell him what had happened.  He promised to spank her himself."  He looked at her friend.  "She and Stetler had a *long* talk about how and why you draw the psycho women.  How did you handle Anya?"

"I have incredible stamina," Xander said proudly, beaming at him.  "Just ask my dog after I've played with him for hours on end."

"You're a better man than I am if you could deal with that, Harris," Frank said.

"Just think, I did that after patrol, then went to work the next morning at my construction job."

"No wonder you never sleep," Tony complained.  Xander grinned at him.  "We've got to break you of that bad habit, Xander.  We really do."  He flipped the meat.  "The first stuff is getting ready to come off, guys.  Someone get me plates and pull out the other stuff."  Alexx went to do that with Speed's help.  "Abby, go wash up."

"Fine.  We'll go clean up and then we'll eat, Humphrey."  He followed her into the house, letting her clean his face after hers.  They came back out together, him hopping into her lap to snuggle in and nap.  He was tired now.   He didn't even beg more than a few times.  His littermate understood.  She gave him a good portion of her dinner.

Horatio came over to get his.  "Have you showed her the lab yet?"

"Not yet.  I'm giving her a happy night," Tony said quietly.  "We'll be able to hear the shriek tomorrow."  He handed Xander down his plate, getting a smile.  "Not enough chairs?"

"Table's not big enough."  Tony smiled, putting on the new stuff, making Xander follow him over to the table so they could sit nearby.  "I didn't cook anything," Xander said when everyone looked at him. "I promise I haven't done more than tighten the gas on the grill."

"I watched, he didn't," Ryan assured them.  They dug in.  The two teams joked, laughed, and played while Ziva watched, looking very confused.  Xander finally took pity on her and leaned over to whisper in her ear in Hebrew, earning a surprised look.  "Did he just hit on you?" Ryan teased.

"No, he speaks my native language."

"It came in handy for research working with the Watcher's Council," he said with a grin.  Her eyes lit up.  "I grew up in Sunnydale."

"Oh, dear."

"Basically.  I helped Rupert and Buffy."

"That would explain why you know Hebrew."  She gave him a long look.  "Why did Director Sheppard not like you?"

"I'm bi-sexual.  I'm smart, I'm good at my job.  I'm male.  My parents coopted me now and then.  I ruined some of her plans, like having Abby and Tony discredited and Tony put in jail."

"You missed one," Abby said.  "She hired a recently-released rapist without any training at all to be my lab assistant.  I locked him in the closet until Gibbs got down there."

"He agreed with both of us, Abby.  He had no business being in your lab," Gibbs told her.  "How was he doing?"

"He said he'd miss my perky cheer but so far it seems his rehabilitation has been successful."  She grinned at Ziva.  "She hated him because he's something she always wanted to be."

"She was good as a field agent," Jethro said.

"Yes and she let it cloud her judgement, Gibbs.  Or else she wouldn't keep trying to take over your investigations."  He looked at Ziva.  "Did you notice how she was always pushing her way, even if it caused problems?"  She nodded at that, a bit quickly.  "That's why she didn't like me.  I pointed out when she screwed up and why.  Repeatedly if necessary. Add that onto the fact that she's threatened by men who wouldn't sleep with her even if she begged and, well, you get the picture probably."

"Why are you bisexual?  I know some who are either but no one who's both."

"I've always been this way but I used to lean more toward women.  Then I started to date psychotic women who liked to kill others.  Since my last real girlfriend became a serial killer...."  She just nodded at that. "I went closer to fully gay than not.  Every now and then I still look.  There's some very beautiful women in Miami.  Some of whom are here right now, but some of them will smack the crap out of you if you look."

"Wait until she experiences spring break," Eric teased.  Ziva looked confused.  "It's the end of February through the end of March.  All the colleges get a spring break.  A good portion of them come down here to party for their week off.  Miami gets an extra two hundred thousand people during that time."  She gave him a horrified look.  "All young, eighteen to twenty-five usually.  Mostly drunk.  All running around in bikinis and really short shorts.  Lots and lots of crime though.  We're lucky if we're not pulling all nighters during spring break."  Horatio moaned since his mouth was full, nodding at that.  "You will also see the stupidest people ever."

"Oh, I don't know," Calleigh offered.  "I think the jell-o shooter guys were pretty damn stupid myself.  Not even on spring break."  She looked at Ziva.  "Ten kids decided they were going to create the world's biggest jell-o shooter on the beach."

"What's a jell-o shooter?" she asked, looking confused.

"That's where you mix jell-o with alcohol instead of water," McGee offered.  "Gets you really drunk really fast but you don't usually taste the liquor."

"Why?"

"They're teenagers and it's fun," Xander told her.  "I used to like to lick them off bellybuttons."  Tony laughed and nodded that he agreed.  "How many gallons was it anyway, Cal?"

"Nearly thirty gallons of jell-o.  They mixed it with stuff that was going to be solid.  They were slowly layering it to get in some record book somewhere. The guy mixing it fell in between two layers and drowned and no one noticed because they were so drunk.  We had to dig him out of the top layer of jell-o.  A foot of green alcoholic jell-o.  Then we had to wash the body."

"Nine times," Alexx agreed.  "Hand to God I've seen less mess with chainsaw killings and people run over by a train."

Xander nodded.  "It was nasty.  I had a concussion and even the thought made me sick.  He did fall in?"

"Yeah, he was so drunk he fell in.  His blood alcohol was up in the point-three range, Xander.  And the kids still wanted to finish drinking it after we pulled the body out because they were that drunk."

"And that's spring break right there," Speed agreed.  "All the 'I was so drunk I did this or that' stories come from spring break.  We're one of a few favorite destinations.  I really sorry for the guys who have to work Lake Mead out in Las Vegas.  They get tons of drowning deaths from stupid, drunk kids."

"We get plenty," Alexx assured him.  "So drunk they pass out in the ocean.  Or on the beach and drown in the tide.  Waking up wondering what country they're in."  Ziva shuddered.  "That's spring break down here. That and little, tiny girls in bikinis so small no one has to wonder what they have."

"Who all want to play with Horatio's hair and think Alexx is a mom figure to ask advice from for some of the oddest questions," John finished.  He saluted them.  "I wish you much luck this year."

"We aren't even allowed to take a day off during it," McGee complained.

"Our building has a wonderful view of Collins Avenue," Tony told him.  "We can sit up there with field specs and see *everything* without having to leave the office if we're free, Probie."

"Only if you want to clean the restroom with your toothbrush," Gibbs told him.

"I had one girl last year who flashed me and asked if I'd autograph her.  They were holding a contest and I was her cop entry," Horatio told them.

"I got two of those," Ryan agreed.  "On a scene.  Walked up to the tape and flashed everyone.  The officers choked."

"I signed them so they'd go away," Eric reminded him.  Speed looked at him. "I did.  One had a permanent marker too."

"Spring break is the place where pictures are taken that you will never show your kids and probably not your spouse," Kate said.

"I liked the bikini photo, Kate."

"Pig."

"No, it's on the grill," Tony quipped back, getting a head shake from Horatio.  "It is."

"It is."  He went to check on it, flipping it over.  "Anyone ready for seconds?"  Xander hopped up, Eric and Ryan following him.  "Spring break, Ziva, is like Mardi Gras or Carnivale for younger people without the religious overtones."

"I went to the one in Spain a few years back," she admitted.  "It was fun but very easy to find targets with all the drunks."

Xander patted her on the wrist.  "It'll get better.  Spring break is always the same but never quite exactly the same.  But it's fun.  Too bad I'm too old to enjoy it anymore, but it was fun."

"Last year you got taken five times in one day," Speed complained. "From scenes, Xander.  You're not leaving the lab this year."

"I was nice enough to donate the money I got given that time," he teased.

"It went into the antacid fund," Ryan told him.  "Thank you for that."

"I thought we got a new microscope with it," he said, looking at Horatio, who nodded.  "More antacids too?"

"Definitely.  We needed it.  He's right, this year you will not be leaving the lab unless there is a multiple body scene and we will make sure that we double the amount of patrol officers watching over us."  Xander grinned but nodded.

"Did you keep the piercing the one girl did?" Speed asked.

"Hell.  No."

"I didn't hear that part," Abby complained.

He looked at her. "Nor am I going to tell it with Calleigh around.  I asked her opinion and she gave me this really horrified look before walking off crying the last time."

"She told me," John admitted.  "How long did it take it to heal?"

"Someone found the hole, it's still partially open.  Other than that, it doesn't hurt anymore.  That took four days of limping around and standing funny."  Tony giggled.  "It did!"

"I know why too."  They all looked up as loud music started. "I'm going to blow them up.  Anyone mind?"

"Yes," Frank complained.  "I can't hear those things, DiNozzo."

"He can't say them either," Gibbs told him.

"But... every single night, boss!"

Xander looked up.  "I'm calling the cops if you don't shut that shit off right the hell now!" he yelled.  It got shut off.  "Thank you!"  He picked up his chicken leg to nibble on.  "Last time she turned it off long enough for the officer to get there and then turned it back on when she thought he had left.  I had him waiting in the kitchen.  We had that 'I'm going to blow up your stereo' talk."  The music started again and Xander grimaced, getting up to get something.  He pointed it at the house and they heard a shriek of music as the system overheated and the CD drive popped open forcefully.  "I knew I brought that back from Missouri for a reason."  He put it on the table, looking at Horatio.  "It's still a handy thing."

"It was then too," he agreed, taking it to put into his pocket.

"Someone asked where you got the ideas for the guns you tinkered with while there," Gibbs said.

"I used them like Leggos."  Gibbs just nodded at that.  "Abby, if you want to nap, we'll get you into your room."  She nodded, letting him lead her that way and get his mother's letter from her bag.  The dog curled up with her, woofing at him when he covered them both.  "Sleep well, guys.  We won't be too loud."  He walked out, reading his letter while he walked.  "Phillip's wife is having the next great spy," he said as he sat down.  "Mom said that grandma is very sorry about nagging me.  She sent her to talk to Giles and Buffy.  That's probably why Willow came down."  He flipped pages, smiling at the part from his father.  "Dad's sorry he guilt tripped me and he'll only try to borrow me for Miami cases from now on.  Though he did say that there's one coming up in Mexico.  They're going on a cruise for it."  He went to the third page, smiling at the love they sent.  He put it into his pocket, grinning at Tony.  "They heard you're a good roomie.  That's what dad said," he offered at the amused look.

"Do they all know?" McGee asked.

"I told them, that way we would know who was keeping track of Xander if he got snatched again," Horatio admitted.

"I put the microchip in them both this morning," Ducky offered from his seat.  He got up, getting some more dinner.  "Shall I turn off the grill, Anthony?"

"Please, Ducky.  We have a microwave if we need to warm stuff up."  He patted Xander down until he got the letter to read, smiling at it.  "McGee, they wanted to know if you wanted set up with the oldest niece.  She's about twenty now.  Jamie got married very young," he said after some mental math.  Xander nodded.  "Shotgun?"

"Dad had an AK and promised they'd be married or else.  Her father tried to protest, even with her being pregnant.  That was his first wife.  She had an auto accident.  His new one likes him more."  Someone came through the back gate and he kicked Horatio, nodding at their visitor.  "Hey, Tanya, why are you here?"

"I came to see you, silly."  She came over, giving him a hug.  "I wanted to make sure that you were happy or else I'd have to fix it."

"I'm very happy," Tony told her.  "Really.  If I'm not, Kate'll fix it for me."  He nodded at her.

"Good," she said, smiling at Kate.  "My Xander bear deserves to be very happy."  She hugged her.  "As long as you watch him we'll be fine.  I've heard you're a woman like me."

Horatio coughed.  "Tanya, have you been reliving the old aggressions again?" he asked gently.

"Yes, I saw them and I nearly went after them. But that's okay because I'm going to Cleveland tonight."  She blew a kiss. "You're a hottie but my studly bear is better for me."  She trotted out, heading off again.

Frank listened to the voice on the other end of his phone.  "Yeah, that one. Trotted out of Harris's back gate.  Said she's going to Cleveland after his friends.  Sure.  Let me know if you catch her."  He hung up.  "The rookie's coming to chase her."

"I'd stop her at the train station," Xander offered.  Everyone looked at him.  "When we were together she was afraid of planes falling out of the sky.  She didn't believe anything as strong as physics and thoughts could keep a plane up.  She compared physics to praying for healthiness."  He sipped his soda.  "She's had how many?"

"Four that we know of," Horatio admitted, updating Dispatch to that fact.

"I see what you meant when you said you didn't date her for her brains," Speed said.

"No, I did not.  She could cook."  Tony stared at him.  "I like more than your cooking skills, Tony.  Especially when you dress me."

"Yes, we do need to talk about your closet again, Xander."  He looked at the t-shirt of the day.  "_Ask me about my explosive diarrhea_ is not what I want to see in the lab."

"I thought it was a statement that he ate his own cooking again," Speed suggested.

"I have worse," Xander offered.  "I could be wearing a chaos shirt, an entropy shirt, or something like my elephant t-shirt."

"No, that's quite all right," Eric said, Frank shaking his head quickly to back him up.

"It was a good day for a nap," Ryan said, looking at Eric.  "Overcast, rainy.  A little bit cool.  All of us who got so afflicted we couldn't function had a good nap.  Even Stetler."

"He demanded a list of all my t-shirts.  For some reason he hasn't bothered me about them since then," Xander said.   "Oh, Abby got her sister Mortty a copy of our corpse t-shirt."

"I'm sure she appreciated it more than Director Sheppard," Kate offered.  "She got the theme song stuck in he head for the rest of that day and couldn't make herself quit humming it."

"I even tried to give her other brain-knot songs," Tony said happily.  "Abby tried the Oompa-Loompa song."

Gibbs smacked him again.  "I got that one stuck in my head."

"Feel lucky, boss, I got Disney songs all day," McGee complained.

"Now and then I get the Toys R Us song," Xander told him.

"I hate that store," Alexx announced.  "My kids drive me nuts every time we go in there to get sand for their sandbox."

Horatio looked at them.  "Let's change the subject before some of us have nightmares?"

"Where's a good place to fish, boys?" Gibbs asked, putting his feet up on Abby's chair.

"The 'glades," Eric told him.  "Unless you want to go out to get bigger ones."

Xander leaned closer to Tony.  "Think we could take a weekend to sneak away to Paramount?" he hissed.

"I think we can sync schedules now and then," he agreed, smiling at him.  "Hey, boss, convention's coming up next month."  Gibbs gave him an odd look.  "It's in New York.  You could challenge Taylor to another arm wrestling match."

"We'll see tomorrow.  The office budget is going to be shot with needing new furniture and a whole new lab."

"There's a high school chemistry, single eyepiece microscope," Tony told them.  They all gave him horrified looks.  "I'm guessing they imposed on you guys for cases?"  Horatio nodded.  "Abby's going to freak and have a panic attack."  Kate nodded at that.  "The computer's ten years old.  We don't have 'net access at the moment."

"No wonder they were so happy to go to Alaska," McGee said, frowning.  "How are we supposed to work?"

"I warned his secretary that we'd be calling tomorrow about the state of the office and the lab," Tony told him.  "I told her it was going to be bad, that Abby was going to freak out for a bit, and she's warned him that he's getting a call."

"Good work, DiNozzo.  Is there a coffee-shop nearby?"

"Two blocks, Cuban coffee and regular sludge," Eric told him.  "Not a national chain place, a real coffee shop where they roast it on premises."

"Better prices than Starbucks?" McGee asked.

"Lower.  Also, I warned them you'd have some major caffeine people moving in, told them about the Caf-Pow problem.  They have a take-off of it.  It's more caffeine than the original but it comes in six different flavors, like a high octane slushie.  I've stayed awake for *hours* on those, especially the grape."

"She might like that," Horatio said.  "Xander would."

"He's not allowed to have those in the lab," Calleigh reminded him.

Xander grinned.  "What if I construct a plastic box for it?"

"No.  You can hike out like the rest of us."

"Even if it can't spill?"

"Are you still concussed?" Alexx demanded.  Xander shook his head.  "Then why are you still so thirsty?"  Xander pointed at Tony.  "Is he that salty?" she teased.

"No, I made some very salty stuff recently," Tony said, grinning at her.  "That's beyond the point that the doctor said he didn't drink enough fluids every day."  She gaped.  "I made him go when he got sick one morning.  Just in case Rosenburg decided he should be pregnant."

"He'll need to redo his clearance to work soon," Horatio told him.

"I can go to the same guy," Xander promised.  "He said so."

"Good.  Anything else we should know?"

"The mattress is squishy, I keep waking up with a sore back," Xander told him.

"Then lay on  Tony," McGee suggested.  "He's probably firmer than the mattress, maybe."

"I am, thank you.  There's a way to put a board under it, Xander.  We'll find one."

"Okay.  Then I'm out of problems for the moment.  Unless something came in the mail?"  Speed shook his head. "You peeked?"

"There wasn't anything in the box.  It was open."

"The electric bill came," Tony told him.  "Nothing else but ads."

"Good.  Did the payment actually show up this time?"

"I didn't check."  He went to get it, coming back nodding.  "It did."  He handed it over before sitting down again.  "What are we doing for hurricane season?"

"The house is mostly marble, it shouldn't fall over," Xander pointed out.  "We've got bolt locks for shutters."

"What about the office, does anyone know?"

"Run like hell was how they used to put it," Eric said.

"Then we'll figure it out," Gibbs agreed.  "Can someone find me safe lab protocols for hurricanes and other disasters?  We only had biochem disaster drills in DC."

"I have them in my desk. You can borrow them," Horatio said.  "Xander, I heard back about your question.  As long as your glasses are clean and free of GSR, you do not have to change them going to Trace.  You have to clean them if they're caked with residue but  you normally would anyway."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome.  It was a question that no one had thought to ask before.  I would suggest you start wearing goggles instead."

"I do most of the time but now and then I forget I have them on."

"When's your next appointment about your eye?" Eric asked.

"Two weeks.  After shift.   He's the same guy who does my fitness paperwork.  I don't need it refitted," he said at Speed's odd look.

"If you say so.  I noticed yesterday it was a bit swollen."

"Means it needs cleaned.  I've probably managed to get some GSR back there."  They all shuddered.  "Sorry."  He hopped up to get the ringing phone.  "Harris."  He listened.  "No, this is his phone but he's out back.  Let me get it to him.  Horatio?"  He handed over the phone.  "You left it in the kitchen when you got up."

"Thank you, Xander."  He put the phone against his ear.  "This is Horatio Caine."  He listened, then nodded.  "That would be fine.  Both our ballistics techs will be in tomorrow so we can run that for you.  Do you have the gun as well as the bullet?"  He nodded once.  "That'll work for us.  Bring it into the lab, we'll be there.  I'll see you then, Captain."  He hung up.  "Calleigh, you and Xander need to compare one to a cold case we had last year.  The county on the other side of Tampa is bringing it in."

"Boonies?" Xander asked.  Eric nodded.  "Seen them before?"

"We had one case that ran up there," Speed admitted.  "Eric and I went.  The only diner they had at the time fried *everything*.  I couldn't even get a salad."  He looked at Horatio.  "Which case?"

"Crimson."

"I kinda remember that one.  I'll pull it in the morning, Horatio," Calleigh said with a smile.

"Thank you.  He's hoping it's a match.  We never did find that gun and their system is being iffy on the match."

"That's fine," Xander agreed.  "It happens to the best of us sometimes."

"It does," Gibbs agreed.  "Even Abby's been frustrated by a near match."

"Xander notes those in his reports," Calleigh said proudly.  Tony grinned at that.  "He's well trained.  We get interns again next year and I'm going to have him help me pick one."

"That's a good idea," Horatio agreed.  He stretched and yawned.  "We should head home too, boys.  It was a good party.  We'll see you tomorrow."  They got up, heading out.

"Am I missing another Americanism?" Ziva asked quietly.

"Eric's lease ran out and he couldn't find a decent spot within call-in radius," Xander told her.  That was their standard reason.  "Speed lives out by them."

"Oh, that's nice of him," she agreed, smiling at that information.  She saw the look Kate gave him.  "What?"

"Wondering if Horatio was single."

"No," Tony said, shaking his head.  "He's very quiet about it but he does have someone."  He heard movement inside the house.  "What's wrong, Humph?"  The dog came out and nosed his hand.  "Hungry?  We didn't feed you regular food tonight."  He got up, going to do that.

"I should probably get home too, boss, it's getting late and tomorrow's going to be a stressful one trying to rebuild the office."  That got a nod and McGee got up, helping Kate up.  "Walk you out?"

"Sure, I wouldn't mind.  Ziva, are you heading now or later?"

"I'll go home in a few minutes."  She looked at Gibbs.  "Tony and Xander are together, yes?"  He nodded.  "I thought so."  She got up, going to tell them she was okay with it, finding Tony nuzzling the dog. "You look good with him too."  She smiled and walked out, heading to her apartment.

Gibbs came in.  "Be safe tonight, boys.  Baby Abby if you have to get her up too early."  He walked off, heading for his car too.

Xander brought in the dishes so Tony could get the leftovers, sneaking kisses when they passed.  Tony smirked at him.  "Bubbles?"

"As long as you set the alarm this time.  I can't be late."  Xander nodded, going to do that once everything was in the dishwasher.  They could set it to run when they left in the morning.  Tony joined him, pouring in the bubbles he wanted that night, earning a smirk for it.  Xander stripped down, letting Tony give appreciative looks before he climbed into the tub.  Tony stripped off and joined him, getting in to play and cuddle.  Xander was definitely a cuddler.

***

Xander walked back into ballistics from lunch.  "Hi, and you are?" he asked, holding out a hand.

"Captain Prussian."

"Horatio said you'd be coming in today.  Xander Harris."

He smiled at him, then at Calleigh.  "There, now you don't have to worry your pretty little head about this gun, darling."

Xander coughed to hide his laughter.  "Um, Captain, can I introduce you to CSI Calleigh Duquesne, the head of ballistics here?"

"I get it all the time," she assured him.  "They fall for the charming exterior."

"Sorry about that, ma'am.  We only have one female tech and she's our DNA person."

"Don't worry yourself."  She smiled at Xander. "Did you pull the bullet?"  He handed it over.  "Let's see what we can find."

Xander looked at the new match, then the gun.  "Did it jam?"

"It was jammed when we found it."

"Hmm."  Xander looked it over.  "I have to ask, did you dust for prints and all that?"

"We found it in one guy's closet."

"It's still protocol around here," she told him.  "Plenty of stupid boys hide things for their friends."

"Hadn't thought about that.  Go ahead if you need to."

Xander nodded, getting the fingerprint powder and a brush from up the hall, coming back to do that. He checked, then got a different powder, stealing it from Ryan.  "Thanks, doing a shotgun."  He went back there to dust it, frowning at what he found.  "I've got two great partials on the trigger guard, Calleigh.  They don't look the same either."  He pulled them off together.  "I can't get them separately.  They're overlapping."

"We can separate them in the system."  He nodded, handing it over.  He found another one on the end of the barrel, lifting it as well.  "Good job."  He smiled and put the powder back, weathering the swat from Ryan.  "Stealing from Ryan?"

"Yup, sure did."  He came over to check the gun over.  "I can see why it jammed.  Someone put a piece of pen in here.  Looks like...."  He took it out with some tweezers.  "Ah, the spring broke, it bridged the extra distance."  He let the Captain see.  "That should be noted.  It might give you a way to make someone slip up and confess they fixed the gun."  He started the report for her, looking at the case number and name, then the county it happened in.  He looked at the bigger screen when it went up.  "That's not a reload."

"No, it's the same as the other."  She stared.  "Not a perfect match."

"But a good one?"

"Can you magnify the scratches on the original?" Xander asked.  She did that.  "That's not a bouncy mark."

"No, it's not a ricochet," she agreed. "Silencer?"

"On a shotgun?" the Captain asked.

"Coffee can or other big can with cotton glued inside," Xander told him.  The older guy gave him a horrified look. "It'd muffle but not fully.  There's better insulators but that's the fastest, cheapest, and easiest.  Plus there were unknown cotton threads on the body that looked like they came from cotton balls."  He pulled on his glasses.  "Could that be a scuff from a silencer, Cal?"

"Maybe."  She turned them both around.  "Without that scuff I'd say it's a perfect match."

"When was the exemplar firing done?" Xander asked.

"About six months ago."

"Then let's do another one, just to have a better comparison to the old one."  He found a spring of about the right size, putting it in there. Then he came back and looked.  "The spring breaking wouldn't cause that."

"No, it wouldn't," she agreed.  "Go do the test fire, Xander."  He nodded, going to do that.  She looked at him. "Give us about ten more minutes and we'll be able to be definitive and give you a report right after that."

"Sure."  He looked toward the firing pen.  "He's one of those froufy little gay boys, isn't he?"

"He's never been froufy around me.  Happy, playful, bouncy, but never swishy or anything."  He gave her a look. "He is with a male partner.  It keeps him from being kidnaped.  We recently recaptured his last girlfriend, she turned into a serial killer."

"Oh.  We don't get many of them in our town either. Unless they come this way to be show boys in the big city or something."

She patted him on the arm.  "He can't sing and he's further hampered because he can't cook.  He's poisonous."

"Not even with a can of beer and a grill?"

"Nope, not even then.  If he tries we're going to arrest him for intentionally causing injury to us."  He smiled at that.  "Really.  He's fed a cookie he made to a suspect and we  nearly got sued."  Xander came back with the test bullet, letting her see it.  "No scuffing?"  She took it to look at, replacing the last test fire.  "This one sucks, Xander."

"It's not the spring.  I even took it apart to see why."  He found their pinhole camera and stuck it up the barrel, looking at the monitor.  "There's a good reason.  It looks like someone sprayed the inside with acid."  She looked, frowning.  "Someone up there did the new test fire themselves?" he asked.  The Captain nodded. "How long ago?"

"Four weeks."

"What did they do after that?"

"We did have a small chemical leak into our storage area.  Evidence is right next to the lab's supplies."

"That would explain the etching," Calleigh agreed.

Xander  moved back to the computer, running the bullet.  It came up with a match in the system.  "The refire came up with a match," he said, waving them over.  He clicked on the gun, looking it over.  "Hmm.   It looks like someone in Tampa lost it on the way to being melted."  The Captain looked stunned.  Xander grinned at him.  "Being thorough, I'll run the other one."  He ran that one, coming up with a different gun.  "Same  brand, different gun, boss."  He let her see.  Then he looked at the Captain.  "Looks like you found a different crime, maybe.  Give us about four more.  Let me check with fingerprints too."  He went to do that, coming back with a sheet.  "We had a number of prints."  He handed it over.  "Is that who had the gun?"

"No, it's not.  It's his uncle."  He looked at the shotgun then at the boy.  "That's very interesting."

"The first match he ran has other samples," Calleigh said, pulling them up to compare them.  "They're very close."

"So no joy?" the Captain asked.

"It looks like a case of the same brand but different gun," Xander told him, looking at him.  "Though you did find the gun to another crime.  Did  they have any others in that make and model?"

"Two more.  We can test those.  The kid bragged that *that* one had been used in that crime though.  We're going to decide on his charges tonight."

"Felony weapons charges, obstruction, and accessory charges?" Xander suggested.  The Captain smiled.  "At the very least the felony charges, since this was on a destruction trip when it was stolen, will probably make the kid beg."

"Oh, he'll beg anyway," he agreed.  "I'll have our boy test the others too."

Calleigh printed off views of the bullet and wrote the case number on it for him.  Then she let Xander finish up the report.  He proofed it, being extra careful to make sure it looked okay.  He printed it, letting her staple it.  "If we can help you any further, just call me," she said, smiling at him.  "I wish it had been better this time."

"No, this is good news.   Got anything on the destruction?"  She printed that as well, handing it over along with her card. "Thank you, ma'am.  You too, kid.  I'll call if our boy has questions.  Thanks for this."

"Not an issue, we're always happy to help," Xander said, finding one of his cards and handing it over.  "I'm usually in here, even if she's in the field.  Call either of us if we can help."

"What sort of training did you do?" the Captain asked him.

"I graduated second in UCLA's program," he said with a quiet smile and some pride.  "I'm a ballistics major with trace and field work minors."

"Wow."

Xander giggled.  "The person I started to intern under just moved down from NCIS up in DC.  She *is* the entire lab.   A hacker too.  She doesn't even have an assistant."

"That's skill," he agreed.  "Thanks, guys."  He walked things out to his car, nodding at Caine.  "Not quite what I wanted and hoped for but some good news."

"Good luck," Horatio told him.  "If you need us, call us," he reminded him.  "That's what we're here for."

"That boy of yours is really hyper."

Horatio smiled, nodding.  "He likes overtime too."

The Captain laughed.  "Good luck calming him down."  He got in, closing the door once everything on was on the seat next to him.  He waved before starting the car and backing out, heading back north.

Horatio waved, going back inside.  "Xander?"

Xander leaned out of ballistics.  "He told Cal not to worry her pretty little head, Horatio.  He called me a froufy little gay boy.  He was nice once we busted the illusions."

"That's fine.  You were polite and professional?"

"Of course!  Aren't I always when I do consults?"  He pulled back in then came out.  "We are clear, boss.  Trace?"

"Clear as well."

"Whoo-hoo, hall bowling,"  he said happily, making Horatio shake his head.  "No?"

"No, Xander.  Not unless we've been clear for over a day, gone over all the cold cases, and can't find any other work to be done around the office."

"Fine, spoil my visions of fun.  Did they call from the new office?"

"They did.  Abby walked around in circles for an hour before they got her calmed down enough to call the new director.  She made him go to her lab to show what she had to have.  He complained about the price so she pulled up pictures of our lab and he flinched at the special labs we have.  She pointed out that she needed the minimum of her old lab, but she could get some multi-tasking machines and beg us for DNA running privileges for a few more months if he would get her the rest of it.  He agreed with that and Tony showed him the bullpen area.  He was not impressed.  He did promise they would have some desks sent down from storage. As well as computers. They'll be up and running within days."

"Good.  If I have to I'll go help Gibbs put together the desks after hours.  Going to get a drink."  He went to do that, coming back with a soda he finished in the halls before going to AV.  "Do we have anything for me to do?"

"Not a thing, Xander," Cooper said with a small grin.  "Clear?"  He nodded.  "Go look at cold stuff with Ryan.  I think he's clear too."

"I can do that."  He went to pop in on Ryan.  "Cooper suggested I help you look at cold stuff since both my labs are clear."

"I'm finishing up reports," Ryan admitted, going back to his typing.  "I hate writing reports."  Xander laughed, giving him a hug.  "Thanks.  Did it match?"

"Nope, matched to a stolen one in Tampa.  There's two others up there of the same make and model so they'll try those."  He looked at the screen.  "Is that how you spell that name?"

He looked then grimaced, backspacing and going over the name again.  "Thanks.  Go clean?"

"Sure."  He went to do that, finding Speed had already cleaned.  Everything was shiny.  So he went to non-felony and leaned into ballistics down there.  "I am clear," he announced.

The tech in there gave him a sour look.  "Don't brag."

"Need help?"

"No.  I've only got four left.  Thanks for the offer, Harris."

"Sure.  How about the exemplar?"

"All clean.  I did it last night while I was trying to figure  out if I wanted to file for divorce."  He shuddered.  "That's why I cleaned the cabinet.  Speaking of, we need to up the exemplars.  We need a ballistics meeting."

"I'll tell Calleigh."  He walked off to do that. "Calleigh, Melinda said we need to have a lab meeting about the pitiful exemplar we have."

"I'll call it later if we stay clear," she agreed, making a note of it.  "How are they?"

"Four.  She cleaned last night when she was trying to decide some marital things."

"That's a good way to think," she agreed with a smile.  "Help Ryan with the cold case stuff."

"He's doing reports."

"Oh."  She thought then looked at him, then at her watch.  "Go take twenty, let me see if I can find us some work.  Maybe checking patrol guns."  He nodded, going to get another soda while she went to find Horatio.  "We're clear and he's bored."  Horatio let out a delicate shudder.  "Patrol gun check?"

"Go for it," he agreed.  "Non-felony?"

"Four guns left and Melinda cleaned the cabinets last night.  She wants a meeting about buying new guns."

"Do that later if you stay clear."  She nodded, going to tell the patrol supervisor that they were pulling a random gun check for the patrol guys.  She smiled as she walked into his office.  "No new crimes?"

"Not in the last little while.  Why?"

"Ballistics is clear."  He moaned, giving her a look.  "How about a random gun check?"

"I can see that.  Give me ten to start it."  She nodded, walking off to grab some supplies.  Xander joined her with his stuff.  He walked out into the squad room.  "Unless one of you goes out to kill someone or finds a homicide, ballistics is pulling a random gun check.  Go find the gun nutjobs.  I will be getting reports."

The officers groaned, but did it.  They knew an order when they heard one.  They found Calleigh in their break room, Xander at another table, and split up to let them check their guns.  Calleigh noted each one, serial number, and clean or not, plus any maintenance that needed done.  Xander did the same but a few times he stood up and smacked a cop on the head.  For some reason his line shrank each time he did it.  One he handcuffed next to him.  He had to glare to get people back in his line.  Even the commander came in and he got smacked on the head too.  The guys laughed at that.  The detectives got told and they came in, as well as John Hagen since he was in for lunch with Frank, and only John got smacked of all them.  Calleigh only had one she had to glare at, making him slink off.  By the end of the day, they were tired but the guns were cleaned, even the guy who had a jammed one.  Xander made him clean his once he got finished, he was even nice enough to let him out of his cuffs.  The lists were handed over to the commander, who nodded at them and sent them up without changing anything.  He knew better.  Calleigh went into the lab, going to check everyone else's while Xander called the ballistics meeting and found their exemplar inventory list.

***

Horatio stopped Xander on the way out that night, looking at him.  "You hit a few officers?"

"If their guns were that filthy, yes."

"How filthy did you consider it?"

"Near to jamming.  One guy had one that was jammed, his slide was stuck open even, in his holster.  That's the guy I had handcuffed."

He nodded, letting him go.  "Next time, be more tactful."

"They expected it from me.  The first few guys sighed in relief when I made a few clean theirs.  Then I got one that was dirty enough that it wouldn't have fired."

"I  understand why, just be more tactful, Xander."

"Yes, Horatio."

"Good boy."  He smiled at him.  "Abby called to tell you she found an apartment. You were in the ballistics meeting.  How many guns did the team decide to buy?"

"Nineteen. Mostly theirs.  I did not volunteer my stash before you ask."

"How many are you going to buy?" he asked with a small smile.

"Twenty-six," he said sheepishly.

"Do you need them, Xander?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"So I have one."

Horatio patted him, shaking his head.  "Don't buy them unless you need them.  You can add some of your collection to the lab if Calleigh agreed."

"My guns," he pouted.

"I know but this way they would do more good than being locked in a vault and cleaned once a week.  The other techs could use them to find more criminals and to learn from them."

"They won't take care of my babies like I do."

"I know they won't.  You have some duplicates, think about donating those."

"That would cut down the buy list by about ten," he admitted.

"Which would save the department money," Horatio agreed.  "Which could pay off the next time we have to rescue you from some evil woman."  Xander gave him a look.  "We know it'll happen sometime, Xander.  It always does."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," he promised.  "Come on, we'll go look, maybe there's some you aren't as fond of that can go to the cabinet.  If we don't need them, Mac might.  You know he'll treat the guns well."  Xander nodded, going to his car.  Horatio went to his hummer, going to follow him home.  He found Tony in the kitchen.  "We're looking at weeding out some of his personal exemplar."

Tony looked at him.  "Wear the sunglasses so you don't get the full power of the pout."

Horatio smiled.  "He has duplicates."

"He has sword duplicates too."

"I've heard."  He walked into the handgun vault behind Xander, watching him look around.  "Do we have their list?"

"I called Calleigh, she's faxing it to me."

"You're out of room already, Xander," Horatio pointed out.  Xander sighed but nodded and got to work with him weeding out the duplicates and what was on the lists.   He saw Horatio's nod at the machine guns and shook his head quickly.   "They could use those too."

"No they can't. I asked, they said they can use confiscated ones."

"This way we don't have to worry if one is going to be destroyed."

Xander pouted, petting his favorite AK.  "Must I?"

"Not that one.  I  know we have one of those in there."  Horatio gathered some, letting Xander snatch a few back.  He still managed to weed out another thirty guns from the automatic weapons racks he had shown.  "Should we look at the other vault as well?"

"Nothing in there is for an exemplar cabinet."

"If you say so."  He helped Xander note on the inventory which was going to the labs in the morning, giving him a hug when he pouted.  "This way you can buy things that are more special, Xander.  You don't need *every* gun.  As a ballistics tech you have access to most of them.  Get *special* guns for your collection."  Xander looked at him.  "Really."  That got a nod and Xander added another six handguns. "Remember, you can use this on your taxes as well as part of the mortgage payments to reduce your taxes."

"I can?"

"You can.  Go to the tax people this year.  They can help you with that."  He gave him a pat, helping him pack the guns in one of the padded trunks.  The automatic weapons went into another.  "There, we'll sort them in the morning before cases come in.  Then what Miami doesn't need we'll give to Mac during the convention."

"Am I going?"

"You are going.  You are going to help Calleigh pick your next intern."  Xander smiled at that.  "Good.  I'll call Melinda on the way home to let her know that you're donating some of them to the cabinet.  That way she and Calleigh can fight over them."

"Yes, Horatio."

"Good boy."  He gave him another hug then let him go.  "Where's the dog?"

"Tony, where's my dog?" Xander called, walking out of the vault, closing the door once Horatio was out of it.

"Abby's.  He refused to get out of her car."  He came out of the kitchen, giving Xander a hug since he still looked pitiful.  "We'll get a new dog in a few days if he won't come home."  Xander nodded, resting against his chest.  "Horatio, staying for dinner?"

"No, I think he could use some cuddles tonight.  Make sure he goes to someone good for his taxes this year, Tony.  He needs to."

"I can do that."  He smiled as Horatio walked out, giving Xander a gentle kiss. "You can still see them, clean them, and play with them all the time.  They'll be at work and this way others can see what a good collection  you have."  Xander nodded against his shoulder. "Come on, I'm making calzones."

"Really?"

"Really.  With the good cheese."  Xander grinned, letting him break the tension that way for now.  They'd cuddle later and talk about a new dog.  It was quiet without Humphrey barking at the neighbor's cats.

***

Xander got out of his car the next morning, finding Calleigh and Melinda waiting on him.  "I will be pouting," he warned.  They jogged over, pulling open the back doors to get the trunks out, letting him help carry one.  Melinda even checked for his keys and locked his car for him. "Now, I clean all my guns once a week at home.  If I check and they're not clean, I'm repossessing the whole lot of them," he ordered.  They both nodded, letting him help them carry everything into the main gun locker.  They sat down with their lists to figure out what each one wanted.  Only one gun remained on the buy list and Calleigh had a lot of fun with the automatic weapons doing test fires so they had them on file.  The remaining half trunk went into Horatio's office with a lock on it.  Then Xander went to work while Calleigh did the logging in for them.  Melinda's boss came in an hour later and gave him a hug too, then walked off with a happy smile.

"He has artillery at home too," Speed called after her.

"She can't have it," Xander called from ballistics.  "Mine!"  Calleigh gave him a look.  "Still mine, you can't have it either."

"I saw what was in the back vault, Xander.  I don't want it, I want to hand some of it over to Gibbs."

"No.  Mine."  He scowled at her.  "Don't make me take them home."

"I won't."  She finished up, putting them in the 'Xander' section of their in-lab exemplar. Since he had worked there a new gun would appear now and then.  She had decided that one panel of the wall was 'his' section and his others would go there just as well.  She even put a sign over it for nightshift.

***

The nightshift ballistics tech walked up to where Calleigh was changing.  "We have a lot of new guns that don't have evidence tags."

"They're not from a bust.  They're from Xander's collection.  Horatio got him to donate some."  She smiled at her.  "He added some automatic weapons too.  Non-felony got everything on their list but one."

"He has a collection?" she asked flatly.  Calleigh nodded.  "A real one?"

"Yeah.  He's got a good collection.  Don't you have even a small one at home?"

"No," she said, trying to sound patient.  "Those are for anti-government nutjobs out in Utah, Nevada, and Montana."

"It's all part of Xander's past.  He's always kept some weapons as a backup.  He's got swords and crossbows too.  What we're not using is going to the convention as a hosting gift to the felony lab up there.  Though I do hear that Mac Taylor has a tech from Montana now."

She walked off shaking her head.   She ran into Xander running a hand over them.  "They'll be fine.  They're guns, they won't feel separation anxiety."

"I'll miss them."  He looked at her. "They will be properly taken care of or I will be taking them with me.  Am I clear?"

"I'll do my best, Harris.  Loosen the sphincter before you become Wolfe."  He gave her a look.  "Really.  They're *guns*."

"Actually they're more like my kids.  Which is why they will be treated properly."

"Fine, we'll be very gentle with them."  He nodded, walking out.  She rolled her eyes, calling her non-felony counterpart.  "How many guns did your lab get from Harris' collection?  Apparently he's got a gun nutjob collection at home as a personal exemplar.  Yeah, that's where those new ones came from and why he's got his name on one of your boards too probably."  She looked at the 'Xander' board. "Yes, Calleigh gave him a whole board for his collection.  Looks like we got thirty from him today.  Fair warning, he claims they're his babies and if we don't treat them right he's going to repossess them."  She laughed.  "Yeah, exactly.  Someone needs to date the boy and straighten him out.  So if you know anyone...."

Ryan coughed from behind her.  "He's letting a member of the new NCIS team live with him at the moment since he couldn't find a place. Yes, they're like Xander's family, they don't treat him like the girls who warped him did, who were his old family.  He cleans his *entire* collection once a week, Karen.  He is *very* serious about that."  He handed over the bullet.  "From Alexx's last body."  She put it into the dayshift bin.  "Thank you.  Tell Fredricks I said hi."

She listened to her friend.  "I know you heard.  Yeah, that was Wolfe.  Once a week.  No wonder he smacked a few officers yesterday during the gun check.  Exactly.  We have *got* to set that boy up.  I'll let you go since that's your boss."  She hung up and went to look at the new guns.  They were nice and things they didn't have lying around the office.  Natalia walked in.  "Bullet for us?"

"I came to see Xander's collection that he donated."

"Probably not all of it," she said grimly.  She saw the confused look.  "Some ballistics people are in the field because they are gun nuts.  Wolfe said he's got swords too."

"I guess that's what's behind the vault doors at his house," Natalia said, looking at them.  "Aren't some the same?"

"Yes, but different years.  They changed them enough to need a different notation in the classification manual.  He has good taste in what he bought over the years.  Some are classics, some are the updated versions.  One's a POS that we see now and then on the streets but we don't have a version here to look at.  Xander definitely knows his guns.  I heard he memorized the manual."

"I didn't think ballistics was that hard," Natalia told her.

She snorted, pulling out Xander's copy of the manual, putting it on the counter with a slap.  "That's the current classification manual.  Most of us can tell them on sight by looking at the bullet.  Xander can do a few of them by feel in the dark from what I heard.   He learned the manual by going to pawn shops and going over each and every gun in there until he knew it by feel, how it broke down, how it was weighted, canted to which side, and how it fired, hard or soft.  I've heard him rattle it off before for another CSI.  I also know he can do domestic, which is this book, and foreign, which is that book," she said, pointing at her copy.  "He prefers Eastern Bloc weapons because they fit better in his hand and they're heavier.  Doesn't mean he's not in the top three percent in the field."

"Wow.  Xander really needs to date."

"Go right ahead," she said dryly. "Wolfe said he's letting a fed shack up in his new house with the dog."

"I met Tony and his team.  He was nice.  A bit joking and fun-loving."

"Sounds like my sort.  See if he's straight.  Give him my number."

"I'll do that.  Thanks."  She walked out, going to call Xander.  "Hey, it's Natalia.  I heard you donated some of your personal collection to the department.  Want to go out for drinks?"  She heard the answer and blinked.  "Really?  I never pictured you as a non- drinker."  She nodded at the reason.  "That's fine I guess.  We can go out for dinner instead if you want to talk."  She heard the other voice say something and blinked.  "Did he just say something about your bath being ready?"  She blushed.   "Oh.  Okay.  Sorry.  Have a better night, Xander."  She hung up, going to shake her head in the locker room.  Ryan came in a minute later.  "I'm free tonight, want to go out?  Xander's roommate is fussing over him."

"I know.  You didn't realize that they're together?" he asked quietly, checking to make sure they were alone.  She slowly shook her head.  He nodded.  "Yeah, Xander's like that now and then.  Bi.  Very bi.  Very happy at the moment too."  She shrugged and closed her locker door once she had her keys.  "As for dinner, I'm unfortunately having it with my parents tonight.  Maybe some other night?"

"Sure, I'd like that."  She smiled and left, going to talk to someone else.  She ran into Frank Tripp.  "Did you know Xander was with...."  He covered her mouth.  "What?" she demanded behind his hand.

"That is not a topic you talk about in a police station," he said clearly.  "Not everyone is a tolerant person and I'd hate to see the boy if he had to shoot someone to protect himself.  Am I clear?"  She nodded so he moved his hand.  "Yes, I have known.  They're cute, they're good together, and the boy has someone to fuss over who returns it.  It's very good for him to be with them."

The rookie detective looked over.  "Xander's dating?" he asked, looking horrified.

"Yes, smartass, and they're good for him."

"Oh.  They?"  Frank glared at him.  "I'm not a bigot, Tripp, but Hallelujah.  Maybe that'll keep the bad women off him for a change."

"Last time they got taken together," Frank said with a smirk.

"Oh, well, at least he's happy then.  Good for him.  Better than that Buffy thing or that Willow person."

"True, it's much better for him."  He looked at Natalia.  "I'm surprised you didn't pick  up on it at the welcoming party, Natalia."

"I wasn't paying that much attention to him.  Was it that older guy?"  Frank gave her a look.  "What?"

He walked off shaking his head.  "Go home, Natalia, you're clearly tired."  She stomped off.  He went to find Horatio, finding Eric teasing him in his office.  He tapped then leaned in.   "Boa Vista didn't realize Xander was bi, dating Tony, and thought that he was with Gibbs when I mentioned the rest of us who didn't know caught on at the party.  Are you *sure* she should be here?"

"I am," Horatio agreed.

Eric looked at him.  "She didn't know Xander was bi?  We've been talking for months with Valera about setting him  up with some nice guys."

"Apparently she's not nosy and wasn't listening. The new kid prayed that it was a good thing."  Horatio smiled at that.  "He bummed?"

"He went home to Tony and a bubble bath," Maxine said from behind him.  "She really didn't catch the same clue the rest of us got?"  Frank shook his head.  "Let me guess, she tried to out him in the squad room?"

"Yup," he agreed.

"Stupid," she said, shaking her head.  "Boss, one last report," she said, tossing it in at him.  "I'm going to drink away the knowledge that she's that clueless if you wanted to go out, detective."

He smiled. "I wouldn't mind one or two beers," he agreed.  "I had to stop her from outing him and she asked why."

"Some people lack sense," she agreed, walking him back to his desk.  "I'll let Alexx handle her if something bad happens."

He grinned at her.  "That's just plain mean, Valera."

"Thank you," she said happily, making him laugh.

Eric laughed.  "That was cute."

"That was," Horatio agreed, smiling at him.  "Aren't we done for the day?"

"Speed has two more tests to run.  Meet you at home?"

"Gladly."   Eric winked and walked off, heading for the house.  Horatio stood up, put on his jacket, and followed, finding his boss outside.  "Chief," he said respectfully.

He looked at him.  "Pretty night."

"Very.  I was going for a walk on the beach."

"You're not my type, Caine," he said dryly.

"I wasn't offering, sir."

"Good.  What's this I hear Harris has taken up with a fed boy?"

"Gossip travels fast."

"I heard it yesterday off a patrol kid."  Horatio nodded. "Will it help his little problem?"

"Now and then, but he has the same problem.  We've since implanted microchips so we could find them easier."

"Good to know.  He donated?"

"He donated sixty-one guns to the department," Horatio agreed.  "I helped him sort them last night."

"Good man.  How many did we keep?"

"That is what we kept.  The rest are locked in my office.  They're to be a hosting gift when we go to the convention.  Xander's going to help Calleigh pick our next intern for ballistics."

"I hope you find another good one.  He having problems with this new knowledge?"

"Only from one of the ATF agents and one oversight agent.  Why?"  The Chief looked at him.  "If something like that were to happen from one of our boys you would hear about it when I drug their mutilated corpse into your office in handcuffs," Horatio assured him.  "The same as if it would happen to any of the rest of my lab."

The Chief stared at him for a minute then nodded.  "I like that answer even if it's not very tactful.  You're picking up habits from the kid, the same as he is you.  It suits you, Caine.  Have a good walk with Delko and Speedle."  He walked off much happier.

Horatio stared at his back.  "I hate the gossip network," he muttered, going to his hummer so he could go home and get comforted.  By the time he got there Eric was spread naked on the couch, slowly stroking himself, and grinning at him.  "The Chief knows about us."

"I know, he sent me a happy anniversary card."  He held up his free hand.  "I seem to need help."

"You do?"  He looked his body over.  "I don't see why."  Eric tilted his cock toward him.  "No, it looks like you're handling that very well."  He stripped down, sitting across from him, spreading out in his favorite chair.  "Handle it for me, Eric."  Eric moaned, going back to his stroking.  It was a happy sight.  Speed stomped in and paused, then shook his head with a moan.  "Not have a good day?"

"No, I did.  I solved it.  I also heard the Chief knows?"

"He sent me an anniversary card," Eric moaned, arching his hips up.  "Speed, he said I don't need help."

Speed watched.  "I don't think you do.  You're doing it pretty good so far, Eric."  He stripped off, lounging next to Horatio on the floor, letting one callused hand work its way through his hair while they watched Eric bring himself off.  "That was pretty."

"It was," Horatio agreed. Eric gave him a lazy smirk. He shifted his legs outward, letting him see.  "The real question is I thought we were going to walk on the beach tonight."

"We can once the sun's down," Speed agreed, turning around, staying on his knees, resting his chin on Horatio's thigh. "I think maybe I need another demonstration of how to handle that problem, boss."  Horatio laughed but kept going for his boys.  It made them happy and he liked them being happy.

***

Xander walked into the New York lab with the case, Horatio having the other end.  He smiled at the receptionist, holding up his ID.  "I have a hosting gift for Detective Taylor from Miami-Dade felony."

"I'll page him for you," she said happily, telling him that.

He came out looking very confused.  "Horatio, Xander."  Xander gave him a one-armed hug.  "What's that for?"

"I made him clean out his collection," Horatio told him.

"Of...."

"Not the artillery," Xander said happily, moving so he could see the trunk.  "It's a hosting gift.  Someone did try to beat manners into me once upon a time.  It was Willow so she beat really hard, but she did try."

Mac smiled.  "Come to my office, boys."  He walked them that way, watching as they put it onto his couch so Horatio could undo the lock.  He got into the trunk, smiling at the guns in there.  "These are nice," he agreed, smiling at Xander.  "Good choices."

"Thank you."

"We got sixty-one of them," Horatio told him.  He sat down.  "We decided that he needed to collect more special guns."

"I got a Walther the other day on e-bay," Xander said happily.  Mac looked at him.  "What?"

"Why?"

"It's a neat gun with an interesting design.  It's an old one.  A James Bond era gun."

"Interesting."  He straightened up.  "Our tech will love you, Xander.  Let me get him."  He paged him to his office, going back to his looking.  "By the way, you were right.  It was a scimitar."

"Thought it might be since no one mentioned fan stuff.   Horatio is *not* getting into my swords before you ask.  Or the artillery."  The local ballistics tech walked in looking a bit confused.  "Hi, Xander Harris, Miami-Dade felony dayshift."

"You're a god," he breathed.  Xander blushed and shook his head.  "Yes you are, man.  They're saying you're going to be tops in the field some day soon."

"He brought us hosting gifts since he was cleaning out his personal exemplar collection," Mac said.  The tech squealed, coming over to look.  "Thank you, Xander.  You made him very happy."

"I like happy people.  Are you going to the convention?"

"I'm supposed to.  We're looking at the intern candidates.  You too?"

"Calleigh couldn't come.  So I'm picking our next intern."  The local tech hugged him, earning a squeeze back.  "You're welcome."  The guy grinned, closing the trunk and carrying it off.  "I've got seven of those at home, you can have that one," he called after him, getting another grin and a wave.  "I like happy people."

"He'll be squealing for days," Mac said with a smile.  "You're early for the convention."

"I'm speaking at the intern's thing tonight," Xander admitted. "I have no idea what I'm saying but they said it's question and answer."  He shrugged.  "We'll see."  He grinned.  "We just came to make your day and I'll leave Horatio here with you.  Come have lunch with us during the convention?"

"If I can," he agreed.  Xander beamed and walked out, heading out to catch a cab.  "If you ever have to let him go, for *any* reason short of homicide, I want first crack," Mac told Horatio.

"Granted, but his boyfriend is a federal agent," Horatio said happily, smirking at him.  He heard feet go running past and moaned.  "Please let that not be Xander handling something," he begged God.

Mac looked.  "No, Chad dropped the case and the lid popped.  That's Flack."  He leaned further out.  "That's a hosting gift from a ballistics tech in Miami," he called.

"He has nice taste," Don called back.  "Can I help?"

"Ask Chad."  He pulled back in, looking at Horatio.  "I've got about three more hours of work on my present case."

"I can go back to the hotel and lounge," Horatio agreed.  "Call me when you're done and we'll have dinner."

"I can do that."  He shook his hand.  "What happened to Calleigh?"

"Xander ended up beating a patrol officer who made fun of her for being short, female, and blonde.  She's mad at him," Horatio admitted.  "He pointed out that she couldn't have kicked his ass the same way and that it was his duty as her junior officer to handle those things for her.  The same as he would for me.  The officer was begging and crying to IAB when he was taken to the ER.  She's still in a disagreeable mood and we don't want to scare the interns."

"Sometimes you've got to let them do it themselves to prove the point."

"She had proven it verbally but he was still sneering.  He's a bit taller than I am.  Xander turned him into a begging, sobbing, huddled up man after she got frustrated.  She'll calm down this weekend."  Mac smiled at that.  "She will.  I left Speed with her to calm her down."

"Hopefully it'll work itself out."

"They're still friends and she accepted why he did it for her, but she's still mad at the officer."  Mac chuckled, giving him a pat on the arm.  "You missed the surprise gun inspection the day they were clear and bored.  He popped a few on the head like Gibbs does for having ones that were nearly jammed."

"Like I said, I want him if you can't keep him," Mac told him.

"Fat.  Chance."  Mac walked him out, smiling and happy again.  That's what friends were for after all.

***

Xander looked at the group of intern candidates.  "Since I'm not the president and I don't make speeches I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing so I'll take questions, how about that?" he suggested.  A bunch of hands went up.  "Okay, let's go front to back."  He pointed at one.  "I feel like an oracle so ask."

"When did you graduate?"

"Two..."  He pulled out his wallet to check his mini-diploma.  "Almost three years ago now," he said, smiling at him.  "Time does fly.  I graduated out of UCLA's program.  Second highest.  We had a detective that was switching over and I scored right behind her.  I have a major in ballistics, a minor in trace and field work to clear up that one."  He pointed at the next one over.  "What did you want to know?"

"You have a major and a minor?"  He nodded.  "Is that required?"

"No.  Quite a few labs only want you to have *one* speciality.  Especially the bigger labs.  They want you to do one thing and do it excellently.  It's the smaller departments that will need someone that have skills in another area.  By now you should be trained to at least be able to help now and then in another area.  If you're going to a small department I would use your last semester to up that area."  They all nodded.  He pointed at the next one.

"Where did you intern?"

Xander grinned.  "I started at with my in-school, as most of you have.  I did mine at a military academy for my ballistics one.  They did a lot of artillery testing and I know a good bit about that.  My in-school field work I did in Sacramento with a wonderful tech named Griffold.   My in-school for trace I decided to be lazy and do it out of the LAPD labs and I had done some other ballistics filling in with them over my last few years as well.  They knew me by then and knew I knew what I was doing.  My out of school ones I started at NCIS.  That's a federal agency and I interned in their DC office.  We didn't have that much crime and that's a place that has *a* tech.  Abby's a wonderful tech.  She *is* their lab.  She can do *anything* but she's a hacker and I'm not.  That's the only point of dissension we had between our styles.  I love Abby, she got transferred to Miami and stole my dog when she moved in.  I needed more hands-on and more work, because I was taking stuff from her to run, and I was driving her nuts by doing so.  Fortunately I ran into Lieutenant Caine at a fundraiser thingy and we clicked.  Abby talked me up so they got me four months into my internship and I've been there since working under Calleigh."  He pointed at the next one.  "What's your question?"

"How hard is it to work for a girl?"

"Let me tell you, it's not hard at all," Xander said with a grin, sitting on the front of the stage.  "Calleigh's very determined to pull her own weight.  She's not here this weekend because I ended up having to get between her and a really stupid officer who thought it was cute that she's five-four, blonde, and carries a bigger gun than he does.  It kept her from shooting him and I nearly got beaten for doing so.  Most females in the lab have heard every single sexist joke there is and have shot back at someone.  They can all do the work.  I do not expect anything less from the females except running times and even then some of them beat me.   If you end up with a female boss, enjoy it.  Be yourself, if you annoy her she'll tell you.  Tell her to tell you upfront if you're worried.  I did that with Abby because I'm seriously warped after having been raised by my best friend.  I hug.  I told Abby up front to tell me if I got annoying.  She did every time I mopped around her."  That got some laughs.  "So yeah, they're just the same as we are, only prettier."  He looked at the second row.  "It looks like there's two of you so lady's first?"

"Go ahead and let the poor boy go," she called.

"Okay."  He pointed at the guy.  "What's your question?"

"What else did you bring to the lab?"

"Well, before I went to college I did construction for three years so I brought that knowledge.  We had to do some demo work in the company I was with so I brought bomb skills too.  I used to hang out with my high school's librarian, who was slightly odd and had a lot of swords and crossbows so I'm very good at archaic weapons - personal use, not the siege or war weapons, though I am upping my skills in that area in case it becomes necessary.  I brought a slightly warped viewpiont of the world.  I brought tracking skills because I used to hunt a bit when I was younger.  The librarian I hung out with hunted vampires."  They all laughed at that.  "So yeah, I brought those skills as well."  He scratched the back of his neck.  "The best way to find out what other skills you have is to look at the really long application you guys had to fill out.  Look at each job, look at the skills you used on that job.  It's sometimes important that you did learn something.  Even if you only worked fast food you probably got something.  I did that and a lot of working in convenience stores.  I can tell a thief *really* well by body language now.  That sort of thing."  He skipped over the female for a second.  "You look like you have a related question?"

"Where are you from?"

"Three hours outside LA, and then LA itself for my college years."  He smiled at the female intern.  "I think you're going to head us in a new direction so I'll come back to you."

"I do have one that's in a different direction.  Hours?"

"An interesting topic.  As an intern it's usually, in almost all cases, stated that you're to work thirty hour weeks. Ten to fifteen more if you've got a minor.  Most departments will let you get by with a few hours here or there of overtime if it's necessary.  Some bosses will use interns like pack mules and make you do overtime.  Those you wanna kinda watch out for because most interns don't get overtime pay.  When you get your contracts look it over and ask that question. Most bosses will scoff at the idea of overtime but if you get a major case there's every chance you're going to need to stay over as well.  I did in Miami a few times.  Then again, I had someone in Homeland that I know who had come to ask for my help finding a hiding agent and we had a joint Vice/ATF gun ring and I was the only unknown male ballistics tech they could pull in the city.  The guy wouldn't work or sell to women, claimed they were more vicious and apt to shoot their supplier."  She smiled at that.

"When you get your contract, look it over.  Ask about overtime.  I will tell you that you will be spending one full shift on your own in your lab by your sixth month if your trainer thinks you're ready.  You get that when they think you're ready so they can see if you can handle the everyday stresses of the lab.  Don't freak if they pull a sick day.  Abby didn't do hers on purpose but I got a few of her shifts covered.  The better you are, the more competent you are, the sooner you'll get that and then they might offer to let you start working full time and maybe even get the boss to up your stipend for you."  She smiled and nodded at that.  "I know out of my interning class, Las Vegas' lab had their ballistics tech who nearly had to shut down his lab because his mom got sick and he didn't have a competent tech in there.  Unfortunately I had a classmate who was a stupid brat and she wouldn't pull her own weight.  I heard from him and recommended he go poach another tech that I knew.  Within a month he was able to go be with his mom for a few weeks while she started treatment.  Being *that* sort of tech will only earn you praise."

He looked around.  "That does bring up a point that my boss asked that I talk to you guys about so I'm going to diverge here into another topic.  Tech behavior.  Your behavior is looked at in and out of the office.  A good lawyer will ask you how much you regularly drink if you get called to testify.  That would be a defense attorney who is trying to discredit you."  They all groaned.  "Being a lab tech doesn't make you immune and those of you who're going into the field portion of being a CSI this is even more important.  Yes, you can have fun now and then.  If you're a nightly drinker, stop.  Before you start your internship.  They won't like the hangovers and it'll affect your ratings negatively.  If you're the sort to call off on paydays, don't.  Your evaluations will say that.  They will be honest with your employer when they're asked, and if you get either of those reps you won't get a job after your internship and I've seen interns that have been let go for too much partying.  It jeopardizes cases because hangovers make you make mistakes.  Now, again, if you're a mild partier it'll be fine.  Don't come in with a hangover and don't call off for it.  That's why you have days off.  That was a direct quote from a teacher a of mine.

"That tech in Vegas who wasn't worthy of filling in?  She got fired for calling off on paydays, drinking very heavily, and for drunk driving because she wrapped her car around a telephone pole.  Didn't hurt her but they got her anyway for it.  Also, for those of you on drugs, any sort of drugs, the myth that you can get them out of your system is false.  If you listened in an upper chem class you know very well we can take a hair sample for a drug test.  Even prescription drugs show up.  Everything shows up and it shows how long you used it for, in what strength, and they can guess frequency of use from that.  If you're on a prescription drug it is *highly* important that you let your future bosses know that.  If they get surprised at it when you're popped for a random test, you won't be happy with the talk.  By the way, they do randomly test interns at a rate of three times more often because we're rumored to do stupid shit.  Also, you should be aware that there are certain classes of drugs that you cannot take and be in the lab.  Any lab.  By federal regulations. If you're on them and you need them then I would talk to your doctor once you get the protocol sheets off the online source.  Because if they find it you will be fired automatically, even if you're a God of the department, and they will banish you from lab work.  You'll be lucky to find work in biomed since most of them won't allow those same drugs.

"This is one of the hardest thing for some new techs to get.  Once you sign on with an internship, in-school or not, your reputation is *everything*.   It will get you hired.  It will get you offers.  It will get you offers to do this in a few years," he said with a grin.  "You can *never* take your reputation too lightly.  Due to me having an oversight agent fired because he refused to put on gloves in my lab I've actually got a point in my profile where it lists me as bitchy, in that term, about lab protocol.  I will be the first to admit I am.  If you're going to be *my* intern  you're going to live up to my expectations.  Some of you will be talking to me this weekend about an open internship in Miami.  Those of you, be yourself.  That's the most important thing I can tell you.  If you're bouncy, let your inner nature come out.  Don't try to hide who you are, they'll get frustrated.  If they know you're a bit hyper or bouncy up front most bosses will say 'you're young, you'll grow out of it'.  Mine did that and well, I think it's the only time Horatio's ever been wrong, but he did think that."  That got some laughs and he pointed at the next one with a question.  She shook her head.  "Who else had questions?"  He got two hands and pointed at the one up front.

"What about clothes?  I know a lot of us are going on a limited budget."

"If you're getting financial aid, get a bit more that last semester," Xander told him. "You're going to have crappy paychecks until you're out of your internship.  Most of the ones I looked at paid two grand a month before taxes.  Most of the places they were in had housing costs of about nine hundred to a thousand a month for rent."  That got some horrified looks. "Interns make shit wages, guys.  It's a universal complaint.  There's some departments that hire interns because they can't afford a new full tech.  It's great, they get to mentor you guys and all that, but we get shit wages.  So if you're on financial aid, I would take the time to shop.  Now, I don't think you have to go overboard.  It does depend on your field and your lab.  I don't expect *any* intern to wear suits like Horatio does.  Even if they're rich kids.  Suits can get dirty too.  His dry cleaning bill is *enormous*."  That got some laughs.

"Seriously.  He wears a suit daily.  Now, you will need a suit for interviewing.  You will need a suit or two for court.  Most labs will let you get away with decent pants and a shirt.  Some field techs can wear jeans now and then, but baseline expect nicer pants than jeans and a decent shirt.  I'm odd, I wear sayings t-shirts that make people take naps now and then.  Horatio is very understanding about that."  That got another mass laugh.  "Seriously.  One day I had a t-shirt that made twelve officers, one CSI, and another tech take a nap from the headache.  There was also a great run on tylenol that day for the rest of them.  Horatio had been out in the field until someone called him.  He came back specially to take it off me, drive me home, and suspend me for the day.  So nice pants, don't have to be too expensive.  You'll want to check but most labs will accept things like dockers, especially for interns.  They know you make shit wages.  They did once upon a time too.  Shirts, I would go with something plain or a button-up if your dress code says it.  For interviews, let some of your personality come through in the suit.  If you're a happy, singing person who likes to wear flowered clothes most of the time I'd expect you to wear a suit that has it.  For women, the pants versus skirt thing I can't answer.  I don't like skirts.  My female friends tried very hard now and then to make me wear one.  I hate skirts."

That got a few laughs.  "You guys can easiest show your personality by what you wear to your interview.  Be yourself but be a bit stiffer version of you.  We expect you guys to be nervous.  In some cases awed.  I nearly bowed to Bobby out of Las Vegas.  Those of you in UCLA know that some teachers will tell us to."  That got a few nods.  "For those of you worried about costs, you can find nice things at second-hand stores and thrift shops.  Make friends with the people who work there, tell them you're going to work in a lab and ask if they've got any dress pants, good shirts, that stuff.  They might even start hanging things back for you and it's a lot cheaper.  That or ask for family for Christmas presents.  I got a few of those over the years from a few different friends.  Or you can snatch and run from some friends' closets and they won't mind, much.   I did that to Angel when I left LA.  He only called once to get his black silk shirt back."   He pointed at the other tech.  "What's up?"

"What's the most important thing you learned during your internship?"

"Well, huh."  He considered it.  "Don't piss off the boss comes to mind first."  That got a laugh from the questioner.  He looked at her.  "One of them would definitely be to listen.  Even if you're great in your field, even me, has something to learn.  I learned a lot watching Abby.  I learned even more watching the guys down in Miami.  I definitely upgraded my interviewing skills thanks to them and they helped me with a few areas I was weaker in.  Also, if you're interested in another area and you know a bit about it, ask that tech, see if he'll let you watch him on your day off so you can learn more.  There's no such thing as a useless skill.  The most important skills I had at NCIS was that I could bounce and be happy with Abby when she wanted to bounce and I made good enough coffee for the head agent we worked with a lot because he was coffee addicted and a grouch if he didn't have it."  That got more laughs.  "Seriously," he said, holding up a hand.  "It kept my butt from being chewed a few times when he thought I had done something stupid, which in my case was dating."  He looked at her again, a gentle, content smile.  "Just remember, you're there to learn.  You're there to make contacts and friends if you can.  Be yourself.  They'll accept you and probably like you, but no one can keep up a fake personality for that long."  He saw a hand go up.  "What did you need to know?"

"I was at the DC award ceremony," a voice called.  Xander shuddered.  "They said you're disabled?"

"About a year before I started school I had the unfortunate event happen where I lost an eye."  He popped his out, holding it up for a second before putting it back.  "When I was in school I told every single teacher.  I had to prove constantly that I could do the work.  A few of them helped me learn how to compensate.  If you've got one, it's important that your boss know but also if you've learned how to get around it to still do the work you need to assure him of that.  If you need something like a platform for a wheelchair to sit on, tell him exactly how he'll have to change the lab around.  Or give him examples from your training and references from your teachers and other interns showing that you can compensate for it.  Gibbs wouldn't let me anywhere near the field because I was a lab tech.  It wasn't about my eye, he said only agents got into the field.  Horatio was wary at first but I switched to Miami-Dade at a convention like this one, the one in Cleveland, and everyone who had worked for me told him how well I learned to compensate for it, any issues I still have because I take absolutely crappy scene photos.  I tape instead to solve that issue.   The things that you need a precise distance during pourings I use a ruler.

"I had to prove myself in the field with the detectives a few times but they figured out pretty quickly that I knew my shit, I knew how to compensate for it, and I wasn't any more dangerous than any other ballistics tech in the field.  So yeah, if you have one, tell them.  Be honest. Unless it's something that absolutely will not impact your career then you can leave that off.  My bigger handicap is that I'm a hands-on person.  I don't learn anything from lecture classes.  I even had a few where I was tutored by gang members to get me through them."  That got some horrified looks. "They were college students too, but they were gang members taking the classes for their own future.  I had a wonderful Crypt that got me through Chem with this one teacher who hated giving us lab time.  I had a Blood who got me through Econ.  I consider that a bigger handicap than my eye because it did mean I didn't get the fullest extent of the lectures and I told that to Horatio and Speedle, who does Trace and Field down there.  He put me through my paces for weeks on end finding where I was weak and drilling me until I wasn't.  He was very patient with some things and growled at me about others when there was one thing I could not get for anything.  Then Eric and Horatio stepped in and helped me learn it in a different manner.  I still suck at it but I can do it technically correct, which is the important thing."

That got a mass of nods.  "That goes back to my main point of be yourself.  They'll need to know but you don't have to walk in with a sign around your neck that says 'I'm dyslexic' or anything.  When they ask you about your schoolwork saying something like 'well, I had a few troubles thanks to a minor learning disability, but I handled it with tutors' or however is a lot better than sitting down and going 'I have this problem and this problem and this problem' to them after shaking their hands.  "If you ask Horatio he'll probably tell you that my biggest disability is that I'm bouncy and a bit hyper plus that I date psycho women who want to kidnap me.  I did warn him of that one during our interview and so did everyone at NCIS who he talked to.  Just because they had to rescue me a few times," he finished with a small grimace.  The crowd laughed.  "Any other questions?"  They shook their heads.  "Then I wish you all luck.  Those of you who're interviewing with me about the ballistics spot, have me paged if you can't find me.  I'm probably getting a soda. Oh, that's a good point to mention.  Ask them the drink rules in the lab.  Abby gets sodas all day, I have to walk out to get my habit of choice.  It's a good thing to know up front."  They all smiled.  "Go, have fun, but be careful.  New York is a big city that can eat people if you're not careful.  We don't want to make someone call the locals away from their relaxation to find one of you.  Good luck to all of you and welcome to the field."  He hopped off the stage, smiling as the kids walked out in groups.

"You did very good," Mac said as he came down.  "Though you're right, Horatio does consider you being bouncy your biggest disability."

"I know.  Oh, you so missed it.  We had to do one for a county upstate that needed to check against an old case.  He told Calleigh she didn't have to worry her pretty little head about the gun."  Mac burst out laughing.  "Called me a froufy little gay boy a few times.  Calleigh told him I couldn't sing or cook."

Mac patted him on the shoulder.  "That's not a bad thing to hear as a warning about you, Xander.  Dinner?"

"Sure."  He walked back with him, finding his boss back there.  "How big is your dry cleaning bill?"

"It's still in the low three digits," he said, pinching him on the arm.  "Calleigh sent that."

"Aww, is she over being pissed at the officer?"

"He came up to her with his new cast and sling to apologize.  He decided she was like an ethnic mother if she could handle you.  That strong, resilient woman who never let anything get her too down and could beat her sons no matter how old they were."

Xander grinned sweetly.  "I'm sure she'd try too."

"She told him she was from New Orleans, that's a whole different sort of strength and that you were nice if you got to know you."  He walked them out.  "You did good.  Thank you for hitting that one point."

"It was necessary.  Too many techs end up without jobs because they do stupid shit.  Besides, someone's got to live up to my reputation someday."

"Which one, the kidnaping one?" Mac teased.

Xander looked at him then nodded.  "Yes, that one too.  That's why Grandma wants more grandkids."  Mac laughed, nodding and patting him on the back.  "Come on, I'm starved and I budgeted a good dinner this convention.  That way I can skip out tomorrow and go sword looking."

"Do you really need more?" Horatio asked.  Xander gave him an odd look.  "Never mind."  He shook his head.  "Remember what we said about bringing guns home."

"Ship them through Fed Ex.  They don't scan as well."

"That was said as well," Horatio agreed.  "Though I do believe Tony said no more than five without permission?"

"Well, yeah," he admitted.  They walked into the steak place at the hotel, smiling at the hostess.  "Three please?  Unless Stella or someone is coming, Mac?"

"Flack is.  He's got a sword-wielding nut he wanted you to look at."

"Sure.  Four."  She nodded, leading them to a table.  He took his menu, looking at the prices.  "Wow."

"That does happen."

"Hey, I make a real salary, I can at least get my dinner," Xander decided.  He looked at Horatio.  "When should I get the step raise?"

"When the Chief takes off the raise freeze," he admitted.  "He instituted it a few months back to save on the budget for a few months."

"So I'll get it retroactively when he takes it off?"

"Probably not."

"It is in the contracts."

"I know, but that's a city-wide power, Xander.  They did it to all of us."  He grimaced.  "It happens now and then.  It'll be broken shortly I'm sure."  Xander nodded.  "Besides, you are living on your current salary."

"Yeah, but I wanted to put the raise into the house payment to pay it off quicker."

"Which is a financially sound idea," Mac agreed. "That and your retirement fund."

"I have one of those?"

"You probably should.  You do things that make you get hurt," Horatio noted, giving him a look.  "I'll give you the name of who handles mine when we get home, Xander."

"Okay."  He smiled when the waitress came back.  "Can I have a coke no ice?"  She nodded, taking that down.  He looked at the menu again.  "Also, can I have the number five to start?"

"Sure can," she agreed. She looked at Horatio.

"Side salad to start.  Coffee please."  She wrote that down.  "Mac?"

"I think I'll have the platter, with the baked potato, and a salad to start.  Water please."  He handed his menu over.

"I'll take the number four for the meal," Xander said, handing his over.

"I'll take the steak and mushrooms," Horatio said, handing his over.  She smiled and walked off.  "Are you starved, Xander?"

"Well, yeah, and what I don't eat I'll have as a midnight snack later on."  That got a nod.

Mac texted someone, and their dinner companion showed up, ordering his own when the waitress came nearby.  She nodded, putting it onto their check as he sat down.  "Hey," Flack said, smiling at Xander.  "Don Flack."

"Xander Harris."  He shook his hand.  "Mac said you had a super psycho for me."

"Oh, yeah."  He handed over the file.  "I don't know why, I don't know with what, all I know is that he's annoying and it keeps getting me up at five because he attacks joggers."

Xander looked through the folder, separating out a few things.  He put his soda off to the side when it came, his appetizer too.  He nibbled while he read, then held up a picture.  "This isn't the same."  Don looked stunned.  "Different style of cutting.  See, you can swing a sword a few ways but even if you're doing the same thing a different person is going to get a different swing.  Height and strength differences, quality of sword.  This one's not as deep or as long.  It's also not as high on the body.  So either the guy was shorter and had shorter arms or it's someone else."  Don nodded, making a note on his notepad.  Xander nibbled another piece of his sampler platter, grimacing at what he was eating.  "That's not what I expected."  Horatio took those.  "Please, poach.  No one would believe you ate healthy all weekend anyway."  He let Mac have a few of his cheesesticks too.  Then he went back to browsing.   He finally leaned over, showing Flack something.  "He's always around this spot."

"We've tried to catch him."

"Get a scent dog and handler. Have them wait there.  Have the dog check for his scent until it shows up."  Don looked stunned.  "It's a different use but he should be able to do that.  Now, I will say that the guy is having issues."  He pointed at something.  "This wound has grease on it.  The next one he checked too.  It was on his hands.  So he's doing something menial or he's homeless."  Don nodded faster, writing that down.  "And I'm thinking you're going to find that he's homeless but I'm not sure why I think that but I do.  Now, for the sword?"  He ate another bite of his treat, then sketched something and wrote down a web address.  "I love them.  You've got some goth places in the city that'll sell the same thing.  He's using a knight's sword.  Long sword, thin blade.  Horse battalion quality.  If it's not chipping steel off he knows exactly what he's doing when he sharpens it or he's having someone else sharpen it for him. That's the other reason I'd exclude that picture."  The waitress came back so he cleaned up his mess to make room for his dinner, putting it on the bench beside him.  "See, this one is fatter, it's also less deep.  The original sword had a stronger point, meaning a deeper 'v' shape.  This one's shorter and squatter.  I'd say a two handed bastard sword or maybe a longish short sword but this one is definitely different.  Thanks," he said when he got his steak.

"Is this going to be on the same check or different ones?" she asked.

"I'll get mine and his," Mac said, nodding at Flack.

"I've got mine and he's got his," Horatio told her.  She nodded, going to make note of that. "Where would he find it?"

"See, the shorter one is looking cheaper.  We're talking cast aluminum."  He showed him the picture.  "That's metal shavings.  It's not a good sword."  He nibbled a bite with his fingers, picking up the other picture.  "This one's a very good sword.  It stays sharp, it cuts cleanly.  It's cared for.  It's sharpened carefully."

"Okay, so we can find those types in the city?" Don asked.

"I'm bugging out of the DNA stuff in the morning and don't have intern candidates until after lunch.  I'm going sword and gun shopping anyway so you can come with me if you want."

"Sure, I'd like that," Don agreed, smiling at him.  "Eat like a real person, kid."  Xander tidied up the file, handing it back to him.  "Thank you for this."

Xander shrugged.  "It's what I do."  He dug in, finishing his appetizer and then digging into his steak.  He did end up taking half of it back upstairs with him but that was fine.  He could use a snack later.

***

Xander drug Don into a goth shop.  "There's a reason we're here besides the fact I need a Solstice present for Abby, Don."  He smiled at the counter girl.  "Hi, he needs to look at swords and I need to look at something pretty for a goth girl I know.  She's a lab genius."

"Okay."  She led them to the swords, letting Don stare at them for a few minutes.  She let Xander look at the jewelry.  "Is she special to you?"

"Like a sister."  She pointed at something and he shook his head.  "She's got this one," he said, pointing at one.  She looked at him.  "Her name's Abby.  She's a federal lab genius."

"Oh."  She pointed at something else but he shook his head and pointed at something in the back of the case.  "That's pretty," she agreed, letting him see it.  He smiled and put down his debit card, letting her ring it up and box it for him.  "There you go."

"Thank you."  He walked back to where Don was, pointing at something.  "Your original looks like that.  Only it's of use quality.  That is ceremonial for some of the pagan practiconers."   Don nodded firmly at that.  "Your other one is about that one's size," he said, pointing at another one.  "But it has this sort of tip," he said, pointing at the one on the counter.  "Probably that sort of handle too."

"Okay, that gives me a general outline."  He looked at him.  "Now, where do you go to find swords in New York that are use quality?"

The salesgirl wandered over.  "What sort of use?"

"Someone's using a mounted knight's blade in the park," Xander told her.

"Ellory's would know best."  Xander nodded that they were going there.  "Or, if you're looking renfiar there's a blacksmith down by the park."

"Thanks," Don said, smiling at him.  "Has anyone bought one of those?" he asked, pointing at the first one.

"Yes, but if they're using it and having to sharpen it, that's not the fully best metal mix for that.  Your friend is right, that's for ceremonial use.  Do I know you?"

Xander smiled.  "I worked out of LA and Sunnydale."  She went paler.  He shrugged.  "Swords are good."

"They are.  Ellory's got sorts like you who would know."

"That's why I'm going sword shopping there later," he agreed happily.  "Which blacksmith?"

"Um, Jenkins.  Tall guy, nice guy, but very tall, kinda odd."

"We'll talk to him before we go bother the stuff antique sort," Xander said, kissing her on the cheek.  "Be well and be safe."

"You as well, Knight."  He winked, walking Don out.  "Wow."  She went to send an email to a friend to tell her who she had met.

Don looked at him.  "Knight?"

"I used to help with the strange shit problems in my town and LA.  That's the formal title for someone who jumped into the fight without a reason to and without the inborn skills."

"Oh.  Interesting.  So you've got a rep?"

"Yes, and the people at Ellory's will sneer for a good bit because they don't like who trained me or me."  He grinned.  "It'll be fine though."  He led him into another shop, looking at the salesman.  "Has anyone bought a two-handed bastard sword or a mounted knight sword recently?"

The guy looked at him.  "You a cop?"

"Helping.  Someone used both of those and my expertise was called in.  He's a cop," he said, nodding at Don.

"Huh.  Only two long swords and one short, troll sword, sir."  He pointed at their stock.  "Mostly Templar actors."

Xander went to look.  "These are nice."

"They are, but they're still lesser metal than the museum quality pieces."

"Yes but they're probably also lighter than mine.  My long sword at home is about fifteen pounds."  The guy winced.  "Exactly."  He looked at one, finding one that felt good in his hand, and another katana, because he liked them.  He found the whole set in a box and moaned.  "How much for the jade dragon set?  It's not marked."

"One eighty."

Xander brought them up, letting him ring him up.  He accepted the bag, walking off with Don again.  He let him see the long sword.  "That's what he's using.  Only of better quality."

"How is he hiding this?"

"Trench coat.  I can.  Or if he's a Highlander fan he might've figured out how they manage to hide them under short coats.  I never could."  Don moved them into an alley to give it a swing.  "No, like this," Xander said, putting down his bags to show him.  "This is what he's doing.  So if he's coming out of hiding, he's moving this way."  He did it for him, getting a nod.  He handed it back. "You can carry that one as a reference sample."

"Thanks, kid."  He watched him pick back up the bag.  "Did you need the new katana set?"

"Yeah, my other one's a bit bent at the moment."  Don snickered.  "It is.  I used it on something big and hard the other day.  I banged it into a column in the living room and it was marble."  They walked out of the alleyway, heading to the park to talk to the blacksmith.  "Hey."  The guy looked up at him.  "I heard you do Renfair sharpening?"

"Real actors can do their own."

"As can I," Xander agreed.  "But he's a cop and we're looking for information on the guy using the knight's sword in the park."

"Oh, Henry."  He nodded.  "It's a beautiful blade."

"Is he using it to kill people?"

"Henry?  Nah.  No, it's a family heirloom, the last thing he has left of them," the guy said, coming over to lean on his half-door.  "There's a few in his group that might be the one you want though."

Xander looked at Don.  "That's going to be touchy."  Don nodded.  He looked at him. "Any idea where they'd be?"

"Yeah, right now they're usually down at the pond.  Henry likes to stab fish and ducks for dinner."

"That'll work, thanks, man," Don said.

"Can you not take it from him?  It's the last thing he owns," the blacksmith said quietly.

"That's between him and CSI.  If I don't have to, I won't," Don promised.  The guy nodded, patting him on the back.  "Any idea who's been using a ...what was it, Xander?"

"Someone else used a cheap recreation two-handed bastard sword a few days back."

The blacksmith nodded.  "Yeah, one of those idiots out at Ellory's."

"Going there later," Xander agreed happily.  "Thanks, man."  He walked Don off.  "You're in luck, I am a CSI," he teased.

"True."  He led him to the pond, letting him see the group.  "I'm guessing that's Henry."

"I know him."  Xander handed over his bag, walking over there.  "Lord Muscgrove?" he called. The man stopped trying to stab the duck and turned to stare at him.  "Xander Harris, from Giles' little group.  Need to talk to you, sir."

"Something dangerous?"

"Not from you and hopefully not for you."  He nodded, coming out of the water, letting Xander lead him back to Don.  He took the file and held up a picture, earning a moan.  "In the park."

"Not with mine," he said firmly.

"Are you sure?" Don asked.

He nodded.  "It's not mine.  I can let that one swab it if you must."  Don smiled at that.  "As long as I get it back."

"If at all possible if it's the murder weapon.  If not it's yours," Don agreed.  "Any idea who does?"

"Oh, yes.  Quite a lot.  I've seen him wandering around."  He flicked a hand.  "Stupid little boys who think they're in Highlander.  I can show you."

"I would appreciate that."  Don held up the other picture.  "Any idea which guy at Ellory's I need ta beat?"

He looked then snorted. "Thompson," he sneered.  "Always trying to update things."  He looked in the bag then at Xander.  "Downgrading?"

"I bent my last one.  I can't practice with my real one in case I bend it too.  I live in a house full of marble and marble columns in Miami."

"Well.  I suppose that's all right.  Where is Rupert?"

"Cleveland with the bitchy hos."

"Ah, them.  Is Buffy still alive?"

"Broke my arm a few months back," Xander agreed dryly.  "Warping the others Willow ended up calling."  He looked stunned.  "Before the thing with the First, Lord Muscrgove. Why are you out here?"

"Hiding from the Bringers."

"But... we sent them packing when we battled the First and Sunnydale fell in."

"No, I've seen some.  They're still here."

"Then you definitely need to see Rupert," Xander ordered.  He nodded at that.  Xander pulled out his phone, taking the address from the entry for the shop's number.  "That's Rupert's shop.  He's running another magic shop."  He handed it over.  "Go see him."

"I shall tonight, Xander.  Thank you.  Are you Miami's protector?"

"Pretty much.  We've got an overlord.  I'm retired unless it's really horrible or eating a cop.  I'm a ballistics tech," he said proudly.

"As your training probably suits you for, lad."  He looked at Don.  "Tonight, go sit on the Lover's Walk, at the green bench, the one with the heart on the back.  Pretend to be one of us."  Don nodded.  "Watch for him, he'll be there.  You can stop him when he shows up."

"I'll do that and talk to the other guy," he promised.  "Thank you."

"You are quite welcome, young man."  He walked off, going to find a phone and make that call.

Xander looked at Don.  "Shall we?"  He took his bag back with a grin.

"We shall.  How much time do you have left?"

"About an hour and a half before lunch."  He walked him off, taking him to Ellory's, which necessitated a cab ride, but that was fine.  He walked in and noticed the sneers.  "Stuff it," he ordered.  "Or else I'll get Willow to turn you all into lizards."

"She still has that frog phobia?" a bored male voice asked in a German accent.

"Yuppers."  He walked over.  "Shopping for my private collection.  Yes, I know I bought cheaper stuff to practice with."  They quit looking at Don, but he took his bags.  "Where's Thompson?  He needed to consult with him about something."

"In the back.  Thompson, the police are here for you," he called.  The man came out and Don walked that way to talk to him.  "What are you shopping for, young man?"

"Interesting stuff.  I still have most everything leftover from Sunnydale."  That got a nod and he walked him over to another showcase, letting him leave his bags in a chair behind the counter.  He peered at something.  "That's not that old."

"It's blessed."

Xander looked at him. "Why would you bless a poisoner's amulet?"

"I do not know," he admitted. "Maybe they worked for the Church."  He shrugged, letting him see some things.  "How big is your budget?"

"My man would kill me if I spent over two grand this trip."  He looked up.  "But we're seeing if I can talk him into a better mood.  I definitely can't spend over four.  Why?  New kits in?"  He nodded, letting him see one.  "Hmm.  That handgun won't work.  It'll jam after a few uses."  He pointed at one.  "That's a better version.  Oh, Giles has a mini-me in training named Gary.  I'm hoping he sends him to Connor before Buffy and Willow warp him too."

"We have recently sent Connor a new gear kit," he admitted.  "With a better gun."

Xander grinned.  "Good."  He got back to his browsing, wandering around the store.  "Aww, that's so cute!  A baby demon trapped in that."  They all looked and he grinned.  "The red one, guys."  They took it out to look at it and marked the price up.  He looked at his host.  "Okay, now where's the real stuff?"  He was led into the back room, letting him see the stuff back there.  He found a sword he didn't have a type of, taking it down to test it.  "Oooh, that's heavy."  He handed it over.  "I don't have one of those."  He looked at the other stuff.  "Go stop Don if he's coming back here.  He's a detective."  He nodded, going to stop him.  Xander walked around, looking at most everything, picking up two new guns and another, good, katana.  One that was historical by the wrapping on it.  Then he looked at the artillery in the back area.  He picked up a case, moving to open it on the floor.  "Oooh, pretty, and Horatio took mine."  He closed it and walked it out to the host's area.  "I need these."

He looked at the case then at him.  "That is outside your budget."

"Not unless you mismarked the price."  He let him see.  He grinned. "Plus, don't I still get the Watcher's discount since I'm the only Knight in Miami?"

"I thought Hendricks moved down there," another person called.

Xander looked. "I thought he was in Tampa."

"Well, he might be.  He's somewhere down in Florida."

"Takes half a day to get there from where I am.  Plus, I work with the PD as a ballistics tech."  He grinned.  "Flack asked my opinion on swords."

"Fine, you can have the discount," his host sighed.  "Are we shipping to you?"

"Please.  That way I don't get in trouble with my boss."

"I can do that."  He let him write down his address and pay for it, watching him tuck one of the new guns into his back waistband.  "Are you sure you want that thing?  It needs cleaned."

"I know.  It's a good gun and it could use some love.  That's what I do for a living."  He winked and took his bags, walking out.  Flack had the guy in a squad car.  "See, I helped."

"You did.  Who are those guys?"

Xander grinned.  "Watchers.  They're over the strange crap training.  Which is why you didn't need to see the pretty swords in the back room."

"Fine.  I won't mention it but I will keep it in mind."

"Oh, you have to be one of us to buy from in there.  Or else it's *real* expensive and they'll tell on you for the most part."

"Good ta know.  Thanks, kid. Need a ride back to the hotel?"

"I wouldn't mind in the least."  He got into the car, holding out a hand when Don took the new gun.  "Mine."

"Did you have this earlier?"

"Just bought it."  It was handed back.  "It needs some TLC.  The last owner didn't clean it often enough.  Since Horatio made me clean out my personal exemplar I had to give my last one to the department."

"I saw it that night," he admitted.  The squad car took them back to the hotel first since it was on the way.  "Tell Mac I got one and I'll get the other tomorrow."

"I can do that.  Call if you need me."  He slid out, making sure he had everything.  He headed inside, running into Horatio and Mac.  "Don's got the atypical case and Lord Muscgrove told him how to get the other in the morning."

"Good.  What did you buy?"

"Practice stuff.  I bent my last practice katana on a column in the living room when Gibbs scared me."  He walked it up to his room, and his new gun, putting them all down.  He patted the gun.  "I'll baby you tonight, dear.  Don't worry."  He made sure they were hidden then went down to get lunch and find his candidates.  He barely got to sit down when one was across from him.  "Hey."

"Hi.  You said to be ourselves and I'm nervous."

"It happens.  Which part of Miami's labs were you wanting?  I'm only doing ballistics today.  Horatio's doing the others."

"AV?"

"That would be Horatio."  He paged him, getting him and Mac again.  "This one wanted to be impressive and work with DC, Horatio."

"We can talk," he agreed.  "We were going out for a hotdog, walk with us?"

"Okay."  He bounced up to follow them out, handing over his resume to both. "Since I have an interview with Detective Taylor later tonight anyway."

Mac smiled.  "No time like the present."

Xander dug into his burger, calling Tony.  "I was good.  I bought Abby's Solstice present and only a few other things.  Including a new practice katana."  He smiled at the happiness that created. "No, I was helping up here.  They've had a sword murder."  He listened, nibbling on his burger.  "No, I was a good boy.  Thank you, Tony."  He hung up and finished his lunch, then went to find his interns.  They had a room set up for them to interview in so he flopped down next to Horatio, whistling.  "Yo, my ballistics interns, I'm here."  A few came over, one leaving her last interview.  He looked at her so she dropped her forms and went back.  It was probably not the best impression but that was her mistake.  He got down to the first one, questioning them hard about what they did and did not know.  At one point Horatio looked at him and shook his head.  "I can."

"They can learn it this year, Xander."

"Fine.  Spoil my fun."  He went back to it, weathering the smirks.  "That's the boss's boss.  I make a cut, tell her, she calls, then she tells Horatio."  They nodded, letting him get back to the interviews.  He already had a few he favored.  His notes and chart for the beginning questions was going to Calleigh on Monday.

***

Tony walked into the house Monday afternoon, finding a new case in the living room.  He looked around. "Xander?"  No boyfriend.  He must have dropped it off.  He opened it and groaned, taking it out to the car so he could drive through somewhere for a late lunch while he headed back to the office.  He walked the case inside, handing it to Gibbs.  "It appeared on the couch."

He opened it then looked at him.  "He's got good taste."

"He does, but we don't need that."

"Horatio made me take his last one too."

Xander walked in and closed the case, taking it with him.  "Yes I do need it.  Tough."  He walked out, taking it home and putting it into the hidden area of the vault.  Because some stuff you had to hide from the nosy people he lived and worked with.  It was the problem with hanging around with CSI.  He came out of the vault, closing it and going to make himself a sandwich.  He kissed Tony on the way past.  "Love you anyway."  He found his practice sword, heading into the back yard to get to work. "When can we get a new dog?"

"You have me, why do you need a dog?"

Xander looked at him. "You don't bounce and lap?"

"True, I don't."  He walked out.  "I'm just as cuddly though."

"You are," he agreed with a smile, kissing him again.  "But I like dogs."

"We'll get a new one tonight if you put back on a shirt and put the sword away."  Xander beamed, going to do that.  Tony shook his head.  He knew being around Xander was warping but he had been hot without his shirt on using the sword.  Too bad there wasn't time for lunchtime sex.

***

Xander walked his new pet in the next day, letting him sniff Frank.  "We're showing him off before we go home with him."  The dog sniffed Frank, then the person next to him, sitting down and looking at Xander.  "Good boy!"  He beamed.  "He can already smell gunpowder.  I found a brilliant puppy."  He hugged him and walked him off, taking him home.

Frank looked at the rookie.  "Range?"

"Yup.  You?"

"Not in a few weeks thankfully.  At least he found a lab.  They're usually bouncy and happy dogs too."

"Didn't he have a dog?" Eric joked.

"Abby stole it when she moved."

"The dog did love her," he agreed, handing over a folder.  "Here you go.  All yours."  He walked off again, shaking his head.  "Hey, H, Xander got a redish colored lab looking dog."

"It's a lab/setter crossbreed.  He named him Bert," Speed called.  "He said the dog sniffed him and sat down, so he's clearly somewhat trained."

"Xander said gunpowder," Eric agreed. "He brought him in to sniff Frank."

Horatio shook his head.  "I'm sure they'll get along very well."  He called Tony.  "What did he buy in New York?"  He said he'd send him an email and hung up.  Horatio went upstairs, finding Tony had sent it with a picture of the dog and the fact that Abby was not allowed to steal this one.  He smiled at that, and the list.  The part where Tony told him he couldn't find the new artillery made him sigh a bit.  He called Xander.  "Where did you hide it?"  He listened to him babble about hiding spells and those things, then hang up.  He groaned, shaking his head.  Only Xander.

Boys With Guns.

John Hagen walked into Xander's house, backing up a step when a large red dog came barking at him.  "Whoa!  I like the boy!  I'm not here to hurt him!  Who're you!"

Xander came out of the handgun vault.  "That's Bert.  Bert, he's a buddy, let him come in."  The dog quit barking, sniffing instead, bouncing up to lick his face.  "Good boy!"

"He is, he's a very good boy," he agreed, giving him a few pets.  The dog went back to helping Xander and John went that way.  "You hide stuff by magic?"

"Of course I do. That way the nosy friends and coworkers can't get into stuff."  He beamed at him.  "Which is why you missed stuff when you moved that storage area."

"Did you get it?"

"Yeah, I got it the other day."  He patted the head that pushed into his lap, smiling at him.  "Good boy, Bert.  Very good boy to guard the daddy."  The dog laid down next to him.  "So, what's up?"

"Horatio wanted an accurate count."

"If he can't see it, I'm not telling him."

"Uh-huh.  I doubt that'll work."

"He can't prove I have it if he can't see it."

"True but he wanted to know, in case something happened and someone broke in?"

Xander gave him a confused look. "They won't be able to see it either."

"Someone may."

"Not without setting off the magical alarms I had someone set up."

"Interesting."  He sat on the counter, watching him clean guns.  "That's new."  Xander let him see it.  "Big."

"It fits in my hand."

"Yours and mine.  Any good?"

"Yeah, I took it to the range this morning.  It's very good."  He let him see his range score sheet. "It's a bit of a recoil hog but I'll learn to love it too."  He put it into its spot on the wall and got to work on the next one.

"Who did you see in New York?"

Xander grinned. "The Watchers."  He got back to work, humming a bit.  "I have a slight ethical dilemma."

"Those are Horatio's area, kid," John reminded him.  He took the piece of paper he handed him anyway.  "What's this?"

"A storage area that survived the destruction.  I had forgotten I had it.   I set it up to autodraft out of my former roadtrip savings account.  Since the bank had other branches it kept going even after the destruction.  I thought Anya had wiped that account out too but apparently I was wrong.  It's just now running out and I have a month to claim it."

"So what's the dilemma?"

"They were originally Giles' books."

"Did you ask him?"

"Look at the third clause down."

He looked then blinked.  "That might make them yours.  You should still ask him."

Xander looked at him again.  "I called up there to tell him that it had survived.  He said it was couches and old textbooks from his museum days."

"What is it really?"

"Magic books.  Other Watchery books."

"Oh."  He handed it back.  "I'd make sure he knew that."

"I asked 'what if some are Watchery stuff' and he said he hadn't packed anything there, he was sure of it.  All of his from the library had been in the house and survived because he had sent them to Angel before the destruction."  He gave him a look.  "Which he did but not that stuff."

"So it means you've got a lot of books you probably shouldn't let the average person have."

"And I don't want them around Willow anyway.  He told me to deal with it."

"Which to you means yard sale?" he guessed.  Xander nodded.  He considered it.  "If he said it's okay."

"That's what I thought but that little voice that Speed prompted to come up a few months back keeps popping up and saying I should give him an inventory."

"What makes you think he doesn't know and is hiding them from himself and Willow?"

"Which was my other thought," Xander admitted.  "I'm confused, John."

"Can these other Watchers buy them?"

"Yeah and they still hate Giles."

John laughed.  "Talk to Caine.  You'll need a few days off to go out there anyway."

"He's coming over for dinner.  I was going to present it to him."

"So I'm a second opinion?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  "That'll work for me.  As long as you don't buy more explosives or artillery."

"No, I'm going to be a good boy."

"That would be nice," Speed said as he walked in.  "You can't steal Horatio tonight.  It's our anniversary.  We had to remind him of that fact but it is."  John handed him the paper.  "What's this?"

"Stuff that used to be Giles' but he gave them to me to store.  They survived Sunnydale."

"Wow."  He looked it over then at him.  "Did Giles want it back?"

"No.  Not that he thinks it is what it is."

"What is it?"

"Magic books."

"Oh."  He handed it back.  "Sell them to people who won't use them to hurt others, Xander."

"He'll need time off to deal with that."

"He can bring Horatio lunch."  He looked at him.  "Not a bad idea.  Where is the extra stuff?"

"Hidden even from you guys.  You guys are nosy."

"We're CSI, it's a good trait to have," he said blandly.  Xander just smirked.  "Fine.  You won't tell me.  Is it worse?"  John shrugged.  Xander went back to cleaning his gun.  "Go talk to H, Xander.  I'm not sure if you have time left after the arm thing."

"I didn't get paid for it so I hope so," Xander said grimly.  "Though I did get my comp check today so that went to pay the bills."  He got up, putting that gun up since he was done.  "Okay, let's go.  Come on, Bert."  He woke up and followed them out, sniffing Speed.  "We love him like a brother too.  He's a packmate."  Bert woofed and went to lay in the sun in the kitchen.  He closed the vault and followed Speed out, waving at John on the way to his car.  "See you in a few.  You can hang out with the dog."

"Sure, I'll do that.  It's nicer than my place today."  He went to play with the dog, getting a happy bark but that was good for him.  They had even bought the new dog new toys.  "What did happen to his last dog, do you know?"  He played some fetch, which made the dog very happy.

***

Xander walked into Horatio's office with the lunch offering. "Bought, not cooked."

"I could use a mild dose of food poisoning to have a day off," Horatio admitted, taking his lunch.  "What did you want to talk about?"  Xander handed over the forms.  "What's that?"  He read it over then looked at him.  "Yours?"  He unwrapped the thick meat sandwich.  "Thank you, Xander.  I needed a real meal."

"Welcome.  They were Giles and he doesn't want them back.  Even if they are magic and Watchery books."

"So you need to do what?"

"Go clean it out and take them to the Watchery sort in New York.  The ones I got the new compact missile system from."

"Where is that?"

"Hidden.  I'm a good boy, you know that.  I simply have nosy friends and coworkers."  He gave him a look.

"As long as it doesn't get used without me knowing, Xander."

"Yes, Horatio," he sighed.  "I won't spend it all on new swords either."

"Good.  How long will it take?"

"Probably about a week but did you know I wasn't using my vacation time for my broken arm?"

"I didn't."

"I didn't get paid for it."

"Interesting.  Let me call about that?"  Xander nodded, sitting down with his soda.  Horatio finished another bite while dialing the phone.  "This is Lieutenant Caine in the lab.  I need to check on the amount of leave time one of my CSI has.  Harris.  He thought so too but he claims he didn't get paid for that time off."  He listened while she looked it up, then smiled.  "How did that happen?"  He nodded.  "Xander, would you rather get paid for it or have the leave hours?"

"Leave hours."

"He'd rather have the leave hours.  He's about to get his comp check."  Xander nodded that he had it.  He ate another bite while she looked it up, fixing it for him.  "Thank you," he said, hanging up.  "All right.  I need a leave request form."  He found one and handed it over.  "You have this weekend off."

"I know."  He made it starting next Monday, then handed it over.  "That way you don't miss me for too long."

"That'll work too."  He signed everything then handed him his copy.  "Deliver this to the chief and tell him why if he complains.  Just that someone found something of yours that survived the problems out there and you need to pick it up."

"Sure, boss.  Did Calleigh get my recommendations up to you?"

"She did but she didn't like one of your choices and liked one of the others."

"I doubt I could work with the one she liked.  She kept giving me looks like I was stupid."

"That can happen.  We'll figure it out."  He nodded, heading off to do that. Horatio dug back into his lunch.  He was starving.  He hadn't gotten more than coffee for breakfast thanks to an early case.

Xander drove downtown, parking at City Hall so he could go bug his ultimate boss.  He walked inside, letting them scan him, showing his ID.  It got him into the right hallway, and to the secretary.  "Horatio said I had to hand him this copy?"

"What did you need leave for, CSI Harris?"

"Some of my stuff was found to have survived the earthquake in Sunnydale. They need me to go pick it up by the end of the month.  Since they didn't use the leave time for my comp time after all..."  She smiled at that, taking it into the office.  The Chief came out.  "They didn't."

"That's fine.  What survived?"

"I had rented a storage area.  There's books and things in there.  That'll give me enough time to fly out there, sort through it, pack it up to get it back here or to someone in New York if it's some of the stuff I used to handle out there."

"Interesting.  I've heard of your other reputation."

"I'm still retired.  And hey, if they're some of Willow's magic books, not like I'm giving them back to her.  She's proven she's dangerous."

"Fine.  I can approve this as long as you have the leave time."

"They didn't use it.  Horatio checked when I said I didn't get a check this time. Fortunately I did get my comp check."

"Good.  You're on this weekend?"

"Off, that's why I scheduled it that way."

"Then I'm sure he'll deal.  New interns?"

"We have a few good ones they're going to interview further.  One Calleigh liked gave me looks like I'm stupid.  One I liked she didn't.  There's another four on my short list so hopefully one of them."

"Good.  As long as it's handled."

"It is and I helped them up there during the convention so I was working," he said with a grin.  "When do we get restitution for those things?"

"Probably next payday if you submitted all the forms."

"Horatio walked me through it, sir.  Thank you."

"Welcome.  Have a good trip home."

"Not likely but it's got to be done."  He laughed, going back to his desk.  Xander headed home to play with the dog.  Even if John had worn him out.  So he played with John instead.

***

Xander drove his truck into Connor's parking lot, parking and getting out, locking the door.  The guard gave him an odd look.  "I'm visiting Connor."

"He's at work."

"Damn.  Where?"

"Hyperion."

"It's still standing?  I thought we destroyed the building."  The guard shrugged so Xander  called.  "It's me, I'm in for the day.  Your parking lot, live boy."   He listened, then laughed.  "Sure, I'm here.  I  can go get a sandwich.  In a few."  He hung up.  "He'll be back in a few."  He walked off, going to find dinner, getting back to the truck just after dark started to fall.  "Hey."  Connor looked at him, grinning and giving him a hug.  "How's the mini-me?"

"He's doing good.  He takes instruction.  He doesn't have your mouth or fashion problems," Gunn said as he walked up to them.  "What's that?"

"My storage locker in Sunnydale survived."  They moaned.  "Did you know we had hippie commune of demons who moved in there?  They're trying to positive atmosphere the place into less bad karma."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Gunn said.  "C'mon.  We've finally found all your files and stuff.  That way you can take them with you."

"Did you figure out how to undo the demon?"

"I did get a note from someone named Abby?"

"Abby's the one I interned with in DC.  Love that girl."  They walked into Connor's place, finding a few boxes waiting on them.  "Oooh, my stuff," he cooed, patting it.  "What about the other hidden things, like Drac's crap?"

"That one may have been destroyed," Gunn admitted.  "Huge demon stepped on it.  I can check."

"Sure.  Not that there was much in there, except furniture I think.  Maybe a few books."

"One stuck to the demon's foot and turned the pavement pink every time he stepped down on it," Connor said.  "How long you in town for?"

"Overnight.  Then I've got to take the truck to New York."

"Not Cleveland?" Gunn asked.

"I asked Giles, he said he didn't want it back.  I'll take it to Ellory's in New York.  Or Bob."

"I hate Bob," Connor said.

Xander grinned.  "You hate Bob because he hits on you."

"Yeah," he agreed, nodding at that.  "How's work?"

"Work's good.  I got a new dog.  Abby stole Humphrey when she moved out."  He pulled out pictures.  "That's Bert, that's Tony with Bert.  That's Abby."  They smiled at her picture.  "She's cool.  Very, very cool.  The sort of cool I always wanted to be."  He kept going.  "That's the boss.  And the boss's boss, Horatio, with the rest of the team on the one across from him."  Gunn smirked at that. "Horatio's still trying to get me to weed out the artillery.  Do you guys need any of it?"

"No, we're good," Gunn admitted.  "Wes's crap had plenty of it in there.  Speaking of, he did leave you something.  We finally got his will probated."  He went to find the envelope. "Here.  From Wes's lawyer."  Xander smiled sadly, turning it over to open.  The musical card was odd but very Wes and Xander now and then.  It holding the Madonna theme to Evita was odder, but again, Wes and Xander stuff.  He looked at the other papers, frowning.  "Problems?"

"He left me his sword collection?"

"He did?" Connor asked, reading the note.  "He did."

"Guess that's what's in that damn magical trunk of his," Gunn said, shrugging a bit.  "Thing seems bottomless."

"Cool.  I could use that."  He kept reading, laughing a bit.  "He wanted to know if anyone killed his parents yet."

"His dad died with the Bringers, right?" Gunn asked.  Xander nodded.  "Oh, what's with the Bringers in New York thing?"  Xander looked up and shrugged.  "You sure?"

"Lord Muscgrove is one of the older, retired Watchers.  One that Giles actually respects.  He said he saw them and he's been hiding from them by being homeless.  I'm not real sure.  Has anyone been brought back or did it maybe taint Willow?"

"Not that we're aware of.  We're searching it out now," Connor told him.  "Any other good news?"

Xander beamed.  "I own a house."

"I heard that," Gunn said happily.  "You said it was full of marble."

"Yeah, I dented my practice katana on some of it.  Had to get a new one."  Connor laughed at that.   "I was in the living room."  He pulled out those pictures.  "I draped all the marble so it'd look less like a crypt.  The next one is the bathroom.  Tony moved in because of it."  He grinned and went back to reading.  "Hey, Gunn?"  He looked over and Xander pointed at something.  "Does that mean that his father's stuff comes to me?"

"I can check."  He shrugged, getting back into the pictures.  "Who's the hottie?" he asked, letting him see.

Xander looked then grinned. "Kate, she works with Tony.  She's really smart.  She's a profiler and former Secret Service."  He folded up the letter.  "If you could check on that for me I'd like it."

"Not a problem," Gunn promised.  "Someone's got to do something with it."  He ruffled his hair.  "You need a trim, boy."

"I know," he sighed.  "Tony was nagging too.  He said he shouldn't be able to pull my hair."  Connor gave him an odd look.  "Yes, now and then he does grab.  Not that I usually mind.  He cuddles very well."

"More than I need to know," Connor told him.  "I'm still confused by girls.  Adding gay sex only makes it worse."

"Just don't date Buffy," Xander ordered.  Connor shuddered.  "Did you hear what she did to Dawnie when she got pregnant?"  Gunn gaped, slowly shaking his head.  "Yeah, kicked her out when she came home crying.  Threatened her.  Dawn got help from a social worker.  She was old enough to file for emancipation since Buffy's her only relative.  The next time Buffy saw her she was six or seven months along.  She asked her bluntly if she was terminating or adopting it out.  Dawn said neither so she walked out and hasn't seen her since.  At least until she went to kick in her door one day to take the baby as a sacrifice."

"Damn," Gunn said in awe.  "The baby okay?"

"Fine.  She's kinda floundering and could use some good common sense."

"She need to move?" Connor asked.

"She might.  You could ask."  He pulled out his phone, letting them copy her number.  "The baby has asthma, she's a little on the sick side, but she's a happy baby beyond that.  Joyce would've yelled but not kicked her out and not done that to her.  The baby's daddy left her three days after delivery.  He's now being hunted for child support."

"He here?" Gunn asked.

"Arizona.  They found him the last time she heard.  They're going to garnish his wages."  Gunn winced.  "Yeah, so she could use a family."

"She was nice to me," Connor said, looking at him.

"She's got her Momma's sense too," Xander agreed.  A ghost started to form in the middle of the floor.  "Spike," he said blandly.  "What brings you back again?"

"Soddin' Powers," he said glumly.  "Dawn should come out.  You'll have to talk to Giles again soon."

"Why?"

"Not a clue.  They didn't tell me that," he said, giving him a look.  "You look...tanned."

"I live and work in Miami; of course I am.  It's very bright down there," Xander agreed.  Spike snickered.  "Anything else I should know?"  He shook his head.  "If you see Wes tell him I said hi and I have a dog now.  And a boyfriend."  Spike giggled so hard he dissolved. "Who's a Fed and keeps trying to hand his boss my stuff."  The other two laughed at that.  "Come on, guys.  Help me move this to the truck.  I won't bum a couch tonight."  They helped him move that stuff down there and Wes's trunk too.  Xander went to visit graves while they talked about him.  He had to stake a vampire but they deserved it.  They tried to pounce.  He looked at the ashes.  "My dog does that so much better, and my boyfriend's nicer."

***

Xander looked at the former building in front of him, sighing in displeasure.  "Crap.  He was right."  He had parked his truck in a nearby parking garage so he caught a cab to Mac's lab, signing in and going to find him.  He found Stella instead.  "Hi, Stella."  She looked confused.  "I'm Xander, from Horatio's lab."

"Oh!  His ballistics person.  Yeah, what's wrong?  More guns?"

"No, actually I'm wondering if you know why one of my local contacts got blown up and if anyone's searched the wreckage."

"I can check.  Which one?"

"Ellory's."

She looked at him.  "We wanted to talk to someone about that."

"Me too.  Let's see if we can find answers together," he quipped, offering his arm.  "Can I escort you somewhere to talk, ma'am?"

"You can."  She took his arm, taking him to Flack's desk.  "Look who showed up."

"Harris," he said, looking at him.  "What happened to your buddies?"

"If I'm right, Henry was right."  Flack looked confused.  "Lord Muscgrove?"

"Oh, him.  Yeah.  What are Bringers?  Assassins?"

"Longer than average story.  Let's say they're why the original Watchers Council disappeared in a big ball of flame."  He sat down.  "Did anyone search the wreckage?"

"Of course."

"How much artillery did you find?"  Don gave him a horrified look.  "Remember, we deal in the strange crap."

"Oh, crap."

"Basically.  Let me call someone else in town.  Got a phone book?  That way we can see if anyone survived."  He handed over his phone book.  Xander found the name he wanted, calling out there.  "Hey, is Bob there?  It's Xander.  Harris.  Tell him it's Sunnydale and Bringer related."  He listened, then nodded.  "I can meet him there in half an hour.  Sure."  He hung up.  "Let's go.  That way we can move the back areas too.  There's no telling what's going on."  He stood up, letting Stella follow them out.  He looked at her.  "If I'm right, this is going to get uber strange."

"It happens."

"No, I mean worse than that.  As in what I used to do in LA strange."

"LA strange isn't that far off, Xander."

Xander smiled.  "Go look up Sunnydale and see the pretty destruction, Stella.  It's the same cause if I'm right."  She frowned.  "I normally wouldn't care but that thing will kill you and I can only protect one person if we run into one."

"Fine.  I'll protect myself."

"Okay.  You'll want a sword."  She gave him an odd look.  He nodded.  "Yeah."  He let Flack pick the car to drive them over in.  When they got there they found Mac and a balding man there.  "Hey, Mac," he said as he got out.  "Bob.  Bringers?"

"Henry was right.  I don't know why.  I can't get Rupert."

Xander gave him a look. "I can."  He looked up.  "WILLOW!" he bellowed.  She appeared a minute later, squealing and giving him a hug.  He turned her around, pointing.  "Bringers.  That was Ellory's."

"Poopie!" she said, going over to look.  "We've got some very nice hidden areas."

"I know.  It's the artillery room, Wills.  How are there Bringers?"  She gave him a horrified look.  "Did you?"  She shook her head.  "Did the little sorcerer?"

"No!  He's not that strong and he's doing blood magic."

"Okay, then do a scan?"

"Once I get home.  We have the scythe.  Oh, poop, this is going to get bad.  I can get someone local to undo the hiding spots."

"I can do it."  She laughed.  "I hid shit from you for years," he said patiently.  He walked through the wreckage, finding the doorway.  He laid a hand on it, chanting quietly until it appeared.  He looked at it, then got down to look at the lock.  He said something to it quietly and it opened, letting the rest of the walls appear.  She gaped when he turned around.  "Go find out why and solve it!  I'm not letting New York or Miami be destroyed like Sunnydale was.  Way too many to evacuate."  She nodded fast, disappearing.  He looked at Mac, nodding.  "C'mon.  Hey, Bob, I've got a bunch of Giles' stuff in a truck."  He walked him inside, sighing in displeasure.  "I can take custody of them if Bob doesn't want it, Mac."  Mac gave him an odd look.  "The world needs it now and then."

"What artillery?" Stella asked.  Bob went to unhide that area for her, making her and Mac both gasp.  Don just whimpered.  "Why?"

"It's what we do, miss," Bob told her.  He kissed Xander on the cheek.  "They hated you."

"I know, but I don't care."  He grinned. "And I'm taken.  Tony would be very upset."

Bob grinned.  "You sure?"

"He's a Fed and a forensics person.  Yeah.  He'll be pissed.  He'll use you as a hunting toy and then cover up the evidence."

"Pity."  He pinched Xander on the ass.  "What about the basement and those areas, Detective Taylor?"

Xander looked at him.  "I've only been in here.  I heard there were workshops."

"In the basement.  Along with a hidden thing that it takes a male slayer to find."

"I can hit that," Xander agreed.  He looked at Mac.  "You can have the artillery but we need to keep the other stuff just in case.  Besides the fact that some of this stuff is priceless."

Mac considered it.  "I am going to confiscate all the artillery, all the explosives, and anything illegal, Xander.  Horatio warned me about your collection during the convention."

"That's fine, they had crappy taste in automatic weapons."  He shrugged.  "They were old white guys from Britain mostly who fought the bad, hidden, shadowy things in the world, Mac.  They were more swords and crossbows.  They didn't get into guns until about a decade ago."

"Fine.  As long as we agree."

Xander shrugged. "There's only one thing back here that I can't get on my own and that's way too expensive, way too big, and present military issue.  I'm dating someone in NCIS.  Gibbs would paddle me."

"Yes he would," he agreed, going to look.  "Let's see the rest of these areas."

"Bob?"

"I'll stay with the charming young detectives, dear.  Follow the silver path if you see it."  Xander nodded, going to do that with Mac.  He looked at Stella and smiled.  "You are adorable."

"Thank you, but I'm also smart."

"That's even better.  Is this pretty one taken?"  Don gaped at him, shaking his head.  "Another pity.  Such prettiness should be appreciated."  Don squeaked.  "Awww, that's adorable!" he cooed, pinching him on the cheek.

"I think that was an 'I'm straight' but I can't be sure," Stella admitted with a grin for Don.  "No wonder Horatio's so possessive of Xander."  Something downstairs yelped.  "Are you okay?" she called.

"He's fine, the vampire we woke up isn't," Xander called.  "But that's to be expected.  Hey, Bob, they sent Spike back to tell me I had to talk to Giles again sometime soon.  Think the Powers are tired of them too?"

"It's possible."  He shrugged, looking at the swords, clucking his tongue.  "All specimens of questionable virtue."  He led them into another room, letting them see the things in the cases.  "This is what Xander could never hope to afford.  I gathered this collection myself over the decades I worked with the Watchers.  They never appreciated such great pieces.  Such dark thoughts from them."  He led Stella over to a crown. "This has always been one of my favorite pieces.  Cursed to make the wearer kill her spouse.  Such a wicked little curse on something so beautiful.  The duality of the nature of humanity."  She gave him an odd look.  He smiled.  "It is."

"Much of humanity can be like that but some aren't."

"Yes, but they only resist their nature.  Like dogs, they can be trained to resist it.  Those who fight and win over it are always stronger and better for humanity."   She smiled at that.  He patted her on the hand.  "The broach next to it was from Venice.  It still contains a drop of poisoned blood.  That blood would be mixed with something to drink and fed to someone.  If the poison didn't kill them the blood would taint them since it's human.  It would make them a cannibal and no better than a demon to the Church.  It would lead to a great many hunts of nobility over the years.  They killed thirteen Counts, a Lord, and a Pope due to that broach."  She shivered.  "The history of humanity is written in the blood, both the good and bad, my dear."

"I know, it's still shudder-worthy."

"As it should be for those who resist and those who have fought it in themselves."  He led her on, telling her what the other pieces were.  Something knocked a wall in and he sighed.  "Xander, do hurry up please!  One's here!" he called.  He smashed a case, getting the dagger from inside.  "This won't be that effective."  The thing suddenly went to dust.  "Well!  That was odd."

Xander walked in with a bronze scythe.  One that looked almost identical to the one over the fireplace in Cleveland.  "Mac and I saw it together."  He handed it over. "We're not sure if it's needed or not and their library's down there."  His phone rang.  "Harris," he said, listening to the frantic voice.  "Who died?" He grimaced.  "Did she find another spot of it?"  He nodded. "Good to know.  I'm in New York.  Tell Giles they blew up Ellory's.  We're clearing out the back areas and the library.  I'm with Bob."  He hung up, looking at him.  "Willow summoned Spike back and let him eat her."

"Without a pathway their way and power was closed," Bob said, looking at the scythe.  Then at him.  "You are a male slayer, Xander."

"I know.  I'm still retired.  I've also got to make sure she didn't taint me since I was in on the spell to bring back Buffy."  Tara appeared, shaking her head.  "I miss you."

She smiled.  "I miss you too, Xander.  You're not."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."  She walked over to kiss him on the cheek.  "I miss you too."  He relaxed, letting her pet him like she used to.  "They're gone.  You can relax."

"And move shit."

"And move stuff," she agreed. "Including the stuff that Giles gave you and didn't realize."  He grinned.  "Good boy.  The Powers are pissed."

"What did I do this time?"

"Not at you.  The little you is very good though.  We adore him."  Xander beamed at that.  "I'm watching over him for you.  Plus Connor and Gunn."  She stroked his cheek again.  "They're gone.  Relax."  Mac came in with Don.  "Hi."  She smiled at him then at Stella.  "You're very special.  Never doubt that.  I used to and couldn't see it until Xander spanked me for it one day.  He still doesn't see it himself though."  She poked Xander on the side.  "We like the Tony.  Tony's cute and nice."  She winked and disappeared.

Xander sniffled. "Tara," he explained.  He looked at Mac and Don. "You okay?"

"I moved before it came in," he admitted.  "What was that?"

"Not an issue anymore, but that was a Bringer. A super vamp sent to prepare the world for the First Evil to come out.  That's what happened to Sunnydale and my eye.  One of her other disciples popped it on me."  He looked at Bob again.  "Any of them survive?"

"The one in prison."

"And?"

"Giles."

"And?"

"Me.  You."

"Henry?"

"Could have.  He's there."  Don shook his head.  "No?"

"No, we found him with his sword on his chest a few days ago," he admitted.  "Someone made it look like he was laid to rest that way."

"Did we bury him with his sword?" Xander asked.  Don nodded.  "Thank you."  He looked at Bob.  "Anyone else?"

"Not that I know of."

"Shit.  I've got a shitload of Giles' books in the truck. Including magic books."

"I'd rather he and Ethan not have those back," Bob said grimly.

"Me either.  Just think, I found a mini-Willow too.  He summoned a demon to fight a dreath demon and left them both there to eat officers."  Bob whimpered.  "Yeah.  I do not want those books there.  Dawn maybe but not there."

Bob shook his head quickly.  "Dawn's planning on moving to LA with the others.  How was Sunnydale?"

"There's a demonic hippie commune trying to undo some of the bad karma on top of the hellmouth."

Bob moaned, shaking his head.  "I hope they can but I know it's futile in many ways.  All right, while Detective Taylor gets to work removing the things you should not have, I can look at what you have and perhaps buy it off you."  Xander handed over the envelope from his back pocket.  "An inventory?"

"Yeah, how else was I going to get this done?  I'm due back in Miami in two days."

Bob smiled.  "That is a good reason."  He looked it over.  "You weren't kidding.  Some very powerful magic books."

"Oh, yeah.  Oh, there's someone looking into Wes's father's stuff.  He died in the blast over there.  Wes died after him and left me his magic supplies and sword collection, plus whatever his father left him."

"Interesting."  He went back to reading, then nodded and looked at Xander.  "Let me get to the bank, dear boy.  Thirty percent of worth?"

Xander gave him a look. "That's how much?  I don't know that much about book worth."  Bob whispered and he wobbled.  "That's good, I like that."  Bob smiled and patted him on the ass as he walked past him.  He blinked at Mac.  "Okay, let me get him that stuff and then I can use the truck to take stuff down to Miami."  He grinned and went to do that while Mac and Don swore and Stella giggled.

***

Tony woke up at four, listening to someone move things around in the house.  "Xander?" he called.  He got up, padding out to see what he was doing.  "Did you buy out the Watcher shop?"

"No, the Watcher shop got blown up.  I'm hiding their stuff."  He stole a kiss.  "There's almost no Watchers left."  He went back to moving stuff.

Tony pulled him back into the house.  "Move those in the morning, Xander."  Xander nodded, going to close and lock the truck, letting Tony drag him to bed.  "It's early.  Anything I should tell Gibbs?"

"Mac confiscated that stuff."

"Even better.  Horatio won't be mad either."  He snuck another kiss, stripping Xander off and making him go to bed with him too.  He'd think about there being a small u-haul truck in the driveway full of guns and swords in the morning, when he was more awake.

Xander grinned, snuggling in.  He loved his Tony.  Tara was right, Tony was cute and good.

***

Xander walked in an hour late the next morning.  "Sorry, boss.  Didn't get back until four."

"Why?" he asked patiently.

"Because the people I went to see in New York got blown up so I'm hiding stuff for any future Watchers.  Oh, and tell the ATF guys that they won't find them."  He walked off again, going to clock in and get to work.

Horatio went to call the local ATF office, three-waying with Mac so he could explain it to both of them.  That agent called Rupert when Horatio gave him the number to make sure that was right and Mac told him nothing was illegal and Xander was a ballistics tech.  He decided an arsenal like that was iffy but he'd leave it alone for now.  Horatio came down to ballistics an hour later, giving Xander a hug.  "Are you all right?"

Xander looked at him. "Not like they were friends."

"Good."  He smiled at him. "I will be seeing them when?"

"It's handguns and swords," Xander pointed out.  "Really.  You can see the files that I got from Connor and Gunn.  The stuff that Fred and I used to do in the Wolfram and Hart labs."

"I'll look forward to it tonight.  Is the truck back?"

"I'm doing that tonight.  There's stuff I still have to move."  Gibbs walked in.  "None of it was artillery."

"They heard you're our former intern so I have to check them to make sure, kid."

"Okay.  They're in the spare room at the moment.  It's all swords and handguns. Only two bigger things.  I can easily find the other stuff in the underground."

"How?" Horatio asked.

"The other hunters and the demons have their own network."

Horatio looked at him.   "Can we break that last one up?"

"They're wrapped around each other at a few points but I don't see a problem with doing that.  Every now and then I call in a tip to the ATF line."  He shrugged.  "If you want."

"I would appreciate it, yes," Horatio agreed.

"I've heard about the one 'blue guy' one someone called in," Gibbs told him.

"He was."

"He was, and the guy didn't realize that until he was facing him.  Then he retired quietly after dealing with that.  By the way, he's the one who sent the threat because you're gay."

Xander grinned.  "Then it was good for the world, huh?"

Horatio gave him a gentle pat.  "Finish up here, we'll go to your place over lunch, Xander."  Xander nodded, going back to work.  He looked at Gibbs.  "How's your lab looking?"

"Better.  Abby's going to have a lab warming party next week sometime when the last machine is in.  She still can't find a caf-pow down here."

Xander looked at her.  "I'll fix that after lunch."  He got back to work.  "Cal said she hired the sneering one?"

"She thinks it was a momentary problem," Horatio admitted.  Xander gave him a look.  "If you have a problem let me know."

"Okay, can I complain about another problem?  Tony had a note that got mailed to the house to me from the Union Rep who said he didn't like me being gay.  Since *someone* in the lab told him...."

Horatio nodded. "Do you know who?"  Xander nodded, pointing next door. "Maxine?"

"Nope."

"I'll talk to her, Xander."

"Thank you. I  know he told Stetler.  I asked him and he told me who told him.  I'm going to assume it's the same person as told the union rep.  I asked him and he went pale so I'm pretty sure I'm right.  That's the other reason why I'm late."

"I will be handling that."

"Thanks, boss."  Horatio smiled, walking Gibbs out.  "Lunch?"

"That's good for me.  We haven't had a case in three days.  DiNozzo and McGee are helping Abby hook things up."

"I'll meet you there."

"Have fun with her."

"Oh, I will be," he agreed, getting a smirk.  Gibbs left, Horatio went to DNA.  "Maxine, Xander's back."

"I heard he had problems."

"No, the people he used to work with left him some weapons.  ATF was concerned about his arsenal."

"Gee, I don't know why," Natalia said dryly.  "Not like he doesn't have artillery at his house."

Maxine looked at her.  "Natalia, the boy has saved the world a few times. Shut up."  She looked at Horatio.  "I'm going to hug Xander."  She made sure everything was safe and went to do that.  "I'm sorry she's so cranky."

Xander looked at her.  "She's mad because I don't want her."

"I know.  She did the same thing to Eric and Ryan."

Xander nodded.  "I know.  They finally compared notes."  She giggled.  "I don't care if you don't like me but I do expect people to be socially polite and not try to ruin my career."  He looked over as Agent Wilkins walked in.  "Hey.  It's handguns."

"You have how much artillery?"

"No comment.  You know what I used to do."

"I do, unfortunately.  You've given me a good few nightmares.  What about these Watchers?"

"Who do you think trained me?"

"Do they need it?"

"Did you see the thing that came out of the water last month?"

"I'm still babying the ulcer I got thinking about it," he admitted.

"I have artillery because those things happen.  Not like I'm going to go blow up things."

"I know.  I still need to approve of your containment system."

"I have two locking vaults with safe doors. The majority of the artillery is hidden.   Horatio goes over it now and then too."

"The payment you just deposited this morning?"

"A bunch of stuff Giles gave me back in Sunnydale that he didn't want anymore.  I asked him if he wanted it back and he said no.  So I sold it to another Watcher who could use it.  I got thirty percent of the books."  The guy nodded.  "Again, not like I use them to play with around town."

"I know.  Which is the only reason you're not in a cell."  Xander gave him a look.  "You haven't turned in anyone in a few months."

"I did, but you guys refused to go look at him."

"We don't want to deal with demons either."

Xander looked at him, then shrugged.  "I gave you guys hints.  Find a human they're dealing with and make him.  The Chief would get mad if you borrowed me and now and then I need some of them."

Agent Wilkins nodded, smirking a bit.  "What about that younger version of you?"

"Gary?  He's helping Connor and Gunn in LA."

"Think he would?"

"I think if you asked, Tony might."

"I can ask DiNozzo and Gibbs.  Thanks, kid."  He walked off.  "I want a full inventory list, just in case the unthinkable happens."  Xander groaned but nodded.  "Good boy."  He ran into Caine coming out of DNA.  "I'm getting a full inventory list, even what he has hidden.  I want you to make sure what he has hidden is not going to be taken by some smart gang kid."  Horatio nodded.  "If so, I need to know immediately."

"He'd hunt them down and kill them.  His guns are his babies," Horatio reminded him.

"Then maybe his grandmother has a point and he should have kids."

"I'm snipped," Xander called, making Valera giggle.  "I am, think about how warped that kid would be," he complained.  "John wold never be able to straighten them out about sports."

She walked off laughing, having to lean on Horatio to catch her breath.  He patted her, letting her get back to work.

"The mother would go evil anyway," Horatio said blandly, cracking Wilkins up.  "I'll get the full list from him today. I know he keeps an inventory and checks everything once a week."

"Good.  I got the list of what Taylor confiscated.  There's some who are very scared of these Watcher people.  I pulled up the inquest file and they decided it was better they deal with it instead of us.  As long as nothing got out into the open.  Would you have Mr. Giles' address?"  Horatio nodded, going to get it for him.  "Thanks.  Got to talk to him, make sure he doesn't have an arsenal too."

Xander leaned out of ballistics.  "Giles hates guns more than he does computers.  He considers them corrupting the ancient ways.  If he has any it's probably a small collection started by Gary.  The Watchers didn't start collecting them until ten years ago.  Until then their ballistics person was working on a better explosive to attach to crossbow bolts.  They're the ones who created RDX and sold it because it was too weak."  He pulled back in, going back to work.

Wilkins looked at Horatio.  "That's why we worry."

Horatio nodded.  "I'll see if he knows what the explosive is."

"Thanks, Caine.  Pleasure working with you.  Try to keep him emotionally stable."

"He hasn't wanted to bomb us yet," he admitted.  "Plus he's dating someone nice."

"Even better.  Let's hope they keep him happy."  He walked off happier.  Nothing too bad would happen in Cleveland.  Harris wouldn't make him want to drink anymore for at least a month.  Life was good!

***

Xander walked into Abby's lab with a huge cup.  "Sip," he ordered, holding it out.  "Close your eyes and sip."  She frowned.  "Just do it.  It's not like it's toad parts."

She closed her eyes and took a sip, then opened them.  "Caffeine!"  She moved closer, opening the lid.  "It's a slushie."

"It's always hot in Miami, this way it stays cold."  He looked at her.  "It comes in six flavors.  I like grape, you can pick yours.  They have a cola flavor.  It's at the same spot Gibbs goes to get coffee.  It's twice the caffeine of Caf-Pows so be very gentle with them."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "I got to panic the NYPD lab, ATF, Horatio, Gibbs, and others.  I'm proud.  I've never caused mass panic before."  He beamed and walked out.

She took another drink, walking upstairs, making Tony smile.  "The slushie part is odd but I can deal with it.  It's very good.  Want some?"

"Xander made me drink one for lunch," Tony told her.  "I'm still ready to get up and bounce.  Be careful with those until you know how strong they are."

"Why did he cause mass panic?" she asked.

"About half the remaining Watchers got blown up.  He took their non-artillery weapons to hide. We now have enough swords to outfit the Roman Empire."

"I'll have to remember that."  She took another drink, looking at Gibbs.  "I have caffeine."

"I can tell. You're calmer now."  He looked at her.  "What flavor did he decide on?"

"Orange."  She took another drink, smiling at Kate when she walked in.  "He found me caffeine in a slushie."

"It's good Xander loves you."  She grinned.  "Is it good?"  Abby let her have a sip.  Kate's eyes widened.  "He did find a caffeinated slushie.  Wow."  She sat down behind her desk.  "Any word on our computers?"

"Tomorrow," Gibbs told her.  He looked at DiNozzo.  "I'm not sure the Roman Empire needed that many swords and handguns.  Or the artillery.  But the explosives gave Caine a headache.  His lover is very happy since it's their day off."

"Xander's always happy to help," Tony quipped.

"Abby, smack him for me," Gibbs ordered.

Abby smacked him.  "Ow!  Be more gentle with me," Tony complained.

"Did he bang your head into the headboard again?" Kate taunted.

"No, he didn't get in until four."  He got back to work on his personal laptop.  "He told me that the mass panic was because he had to expose a few people in the lab up there by opening their hidden areas.  It's the same place he shopped at during the convention."

"Why were they blown up?" Kate asked.

"Sunnydale stuff."  They all nodded at that.  "Oooh, we missed it.  Xander turned in a demonic arms dealer as 'that blue guy' when he described him on the ATF tip line.  The agent busted him then promptly retired because that blue guy was a blue demon."

"Agent Wilkins said he was thinking about coming to you to bust some of the others," Gibbs told him.  Tony leaned back, smirking at him.  "The kid can't.  It'd trash his connections.  They don't want to deal with it."

"I'll see if he'll give me the pointer book."  He got back to his email, smiling at the mushy note.  "Xander sent me an e-card during lunch.  Bert was sucking up to Horatio.  He likes his hair.  Thinks he's a littermate.  Hagen's his other one, but he's a funny colored one."

Gibbs smirked.  "Does he know that?"

"Xander told him.  I think that was the cause of the headache."

"No, it was the explosives.  The Watchers were doing research too."

"Uh-huh, including genetics research so they could make stronger Buffys."

"That's a bad thought," Abby said, heading off with her soda.  She came back when she drained it a few minutes later.  "Show me this place, Gibbs," she demanded.  He gave her an amused look.  "You could use more coffee too."  He walked her off, showing her the shop, letting her get a small one of each flavor so she could taste test.  She didn't need the equivalent of twelve giant caf-pows.  Not today without any work to be done.

***

Xander walked into the house, looking around.  "I'm home!" he called.

"I heard you drive up," Horatio called, coming out of the handgun vault.  "You're out of room again."

"I'm still honor bound to keep most of those for future generations."

"Point but Mr. Giles said that you can weed them down.  There'll never be that many of them again."

"And?"

"Xander," he said patiently, giving him a look.  "Speaking of, Rick wanted to know what that deposit he heard about was for."

"I told him when I walked past him on the way out.  He's probably still gaping.  I told it was to keep the magic books away from Giles and his people.  By the way, Willow was turned."

"He told me."

"Do you still have a headache from talking to Giles?"

"Not at the moment.  Speed found a good tea to cure those.  Come see."  Xander traipsed in there, giving Tony and then his dog a hug.  "Now, where are you going to put all of them, Xander?"

"I'm not moving," he said firmly, "but I could add onto the storage building."

"You could," Tony agreed.  "It'd be inconvenient to get to."

"This is all stuff for storage anyway," Xander pointed out.

"True.  What about your hidden areas?"  Xander gave him one of those confused looks.  "I know you still have at least two."

"One."

"Two."

"One."  He held up a finger.  "I emptied the one John started to empty and the other one Horatio made me empty."

Tony gave him a kiss on the forehead.  "Gibbs said if you lied about it I could spank you.  Something about investment stuff?"

"Oh, that!"  He nodded. "That's not a storage area.  Horatio's real estate lady said it was a good investment.  There's nothing on it."

"There was by the satellite photos," Tony said, handing one over.  Xander looked, frowning at it.  "Didn't know that?"

"She said it was bare land."  He shrugged, handing it back. "Unless I was sleepwalking it wasn't me."

"We'll see tomorrow night," Tony told him.

"Sure.  Can we take a picnic?"

"We can do that."  He gave him another kiss.  "This is still way too many guns and Giles agreed with me.  He also said with the new inventory of swords that they'd probably rust.  You can't take care of this many in a week, Xander."

"So?" he asked, starting to pout.  "I can change it to cleaning every other week."  Tony gave him a look, staring him down.  "But...."

"No.  Way too much.  Some yes, the artillery I don't mind.  I feel like I should start spouting off anti-government slogans, Xander.  You said yourself this morning that some of them are crap.  Get rid of those."

"I shouldn't sell them."

"Does the department or Mac need some?"  Xander shook his head.  "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, nothing in there is something that we don't have multiple copies of and he should too."

"Las Vegas?  LA?"

"No, they do but I can send some out to Connor, Gary, and Gunn."

"That would be helpful," Horatio agreed.  The dog nudged his hand so he went back to petting him.  "That would get rid of *some* of it."

Xander shrugged.  "I was only planning on storing it, Horatio.  Not using it."

"I know, Xander.  This was a situation where you didn't get to plan.  Mr. Giles did say he didn't want any of them up there.  It might tempt the younger slayers to shoot them."  Xander nodded at that.  Bert barked so he smiled at him, reaching down to get under his chin.  "You're a good boy, Bert."  He looked at Xander again.  "We have to reduce all this anyway.  Now, Vice has suggested that we use some of it to trap some of the other weapons dealers in the city and state."  Xander looked confused. "People like Bennedict."

"Eww."

"Yes, but it would be a major coup to get him off the street.  Wouldn't it?"

"It would, I guess," Xander agreed.  "I could probably give some to Dad and them."

"You could," Tony agreed.  "Plus, we could use some of the lesser stuff to trap some of them," he pointed out again.  Xander nodded.  "Like you were doing back during your internship."

Xander nodded.  "I guess."  He looked at Horatio.  "I want full plans, I want full authority of what we're offering, they're not getting into my artillery.  If we have to use a piece I *will* be getting it back.  No remarks made."

"If I can."

"Personally I don't care if we slag the POS guns, Horatio.  You know that.  I'm all for quality as long as we have a good range and my exemplar is covered.  But sometimes I need the bigger stuff."

"I agree," he assured him.  "Though I do want to know what's down there."

"Call your realtor buddy, see if she knows."

"We'll go down tomorrow, cases willing," Tony told him.  "Gibbs already agreed to it since it's only an hour outside the city, Horatio."  Horatio nodded that he agreed.  "I'd suggest we put things out there but it would cause problems."  He stroked over Xander's hair.  "Didn't we talk about you and being able to yank your hair?"

"I haven't had time for a haircut."

"We'll get one tonight."  He gave him another kiss.  "We'll figure it out.  I faxed him the list from the inventory you brought back.  He said half the swords could be sold, and whatever you decided to do with the guns was fine as well.  He said that there are other former Watchers, mostly retired, and none of them like guns.  I did tell him to have them email or write you within two weeks or else they were gone.  That gives us a good bit of time to plan things."

Xander considered it then nodded.  "That's reasonable."  Tony smiled.  "I'm not that hard to talk into things, Tony."

"I know but you usually complain about the guns."

"No, these aren't my babies.  None of my babies are going.  Oh, tell Melinda I found them dirty."

"She had to do a test fire, she's cleaning the collection tonight, Xander," Horatio said patiently.  "You'll let us deal with the new things with you?"

"Of course.  Are you going to throw a hissy about the Vice sting?"

"We can set it up after hours," he promised, smiling at him.   "By the way, your mother called twice."

"She thought I got into trouble?"

"Something about Wesley and British officials."

"Yeah, part of his will was that he left me the crap his dad left him if he died later than his old man.  His old man was a Watcher, long term family in them, one of the backbones. I have no idea what he was left since Wes was the only child but all-but disinherited."

"Call your mom and we'll see," Tony offered.  Xander nodded, going to do that.  He grinned at Horatio.  "At least he's not attached to the new ones yet."

"There's only ten pieces in there that I covet," Xander called.  "How is the ATF sting looking?"

"Better," he called.  He smiled at Horatio.  "Thanks, I was bored."

"You're welcome.  How's your lab?"  They walked out together, finding Stetler at the door with uniforms.  "Problems?"

"Not at this moment."

Xander hung up after a quiet word.  "What?"

"Swords?"

"Yeah.  You had to bring backup to ask me a simple question?"

"No, these two show an unnatural interest in old weapons too.  This way I get a second opinion."

Xander waved.  "I was trained by the Watcher's Council."  They both shuddered.  "Ellory's blew up and it was their supply house.  I'm hiding the sword and handgun collection.  Wanted to see?"  They nodded so he let them all into the spare bedroom.  "We're still working on storage.  I only got back at four this morning."

Rick looked at him.  "Thank you for not making me ask twice about that deposit.  By the way, someone wanted to know how much you make from the club issue?"  Xander shrugged. "You don't keep notes?"

Xander looked at him.  "I thought you were.  I estimated based on what I reported to you."

"Good point.  Horatio, do you have any other forms?"

"Two," he admitted.  "I'll pull them tomorrow, Rick.  Who wanted to know?"

"The Chief and Vice."

Xander snickered.  "Which one?"

"Pierson," he admitted.

"She can kiss my ass and if this plan to trap the weapons dealers with the new stuff is hers I want someone else, Horatio.  She thinks I'm a boy pro."

"I got approached by Agent Wilkins and Lieutenant Thomas over there, Xander."

"Then I'm good."  He saw the coveting looks over his practice sword.  "Sorry, I left my practice blade in there before I left.  That's commercially available."  One other katana was held up.  "Ancient and priceless.  That's staying and going on a wall."

"It's a well-thought out collection for an army," one of them admitted, coming out of there.  The other carefully walked out, handing Xander his practice blade.  "Then again those folk were always convinced there was one coming."

Xander looked at him, then he took out his eye, holding it up.  "Four that I helped with."  He popped it back in.  "I'm one of the last ones however."

"Understandable, sir. You get into the field with that?"

"Yeah, it happened before Sunnydale fell in.  I've trained and battled with it so I can compensate.  I do always stick a uniform looking that way just in case if I'm alone but I'm very well compensated for it."  That got a nod and a small smirk.  He looked at the other guy.  "You can shudder, I do."  He shuddered, walking out.   Xander grinned at Rick.  "I know my paperwork is due next week.  I've got an appointment the week after that, I can stay out of the field that week hopefully."

"Make sure he does, Horatio," Rick warned.

"If at all possible, Rick.  Barring cases like that one that nearly got Officer Wolfe eaten."  Rick shuddered.  "He did solve it."

"He may have but it's still sickening."

"Yes and then I got to spank the hell out of the kids who did it," Xander said dryly.  "While trying to stop it they made it worse.  The original ones were the ones in the morgue," he said at Stetler's odd look.  "They went whoosh if you remember right."

"I try very hard not to.  So the second thing you cut up those three kids did?"

"The one in blue did," Xander corrected.  "He's a mini Willow.  Oh, she's now a vamp too.  So fair warning if she shows up.  It'll probably be at night."  That got a single nod from the other officer and he walked out too.  "Anyway, I beat the shit out of their asses before I handed them to Giles for that problem."

"I saw the report.  You spanked them?"

"They were causing harm.  They were still young.  I was having Buffy flashbacks.  Horatio saw me."

"I did," Horatio agreed.  "He got them straightened out and then let Mr. Giles handle it from then on our.  Are they back yet?"

"Gary's out in LA," Tony reminded him, bringing them a drink.  "Did you want some water, Stetler?"

"No, thanks.  I'm going to go have a headache.  I want apprized of whatever this thing is with the British government."

"Wes, an old friend from LA, left me stuff," Xander told him.

"Whatever.  Give me a final report, Harris."  He walked off holding his head.  Neither officer had twigged to anything that shouldn't be there.

Xander looked at him then shrugged.  "Let me call Mom again.  She wasn't sure they hadn't seized it for back taxes."  He went to do that in the living room.  "Hi, Mom.  Sorry, Stetler wanted to see what I got from Ellory's."

Tony looked at Horatio.  "Staying for dinner?"

"I shouldn't," he admitted, shaking his head.  Bert whimpered and nudged his hand.  "Do you want me to stay, Bert?" he asked.  The dog barked and wagged his tail, bouncing up to lap him.  "Let's sit and play in the back yard.  If it's not too much trouble, Tony."

"I can fire up the grill, Horatio. Not an issue.  Call your boys."  He went to do that, finding the meat in the freezer.  He called his boss.  "We're dealing with the sword and gun issue.  Horatio's Vice people have a plan to trap more weapons people.  We're here, he's bringing his boys over.  Thanks, boss."  He hung up.  "Xander, Gibbs is coming too."

"Okay.  Not like I mind.  Might wanna clean up this morning's mess."

"You can, it's your clothes," he called back.  "I'm not the maid."

Xander leaned into the kitchen.  "Dad thinks you'd look very cute in the outfit."  Tony gave him a look, shaking his head.  "You sure?"

"Very.  We're doing the grill."

"Do we have veggies?  Frank pointed out I haven't been eating any and threatened to tell Maxine and Alexx on me."

"I can do that too.  Finish talking to your mom."

"I did.  She'll call the embassy up there and let me know."

"Good.  When will you know?"

"Sometime tomorrow.  She said if there's a problem she'll tell them what's going on and send them down here."  He went to clean up the bedroom, then came out to watch Horatio play with his dog.  "We're going to lose Bert too, huh?" he asked quietly.

"If Speed and Eric aren't very good," he admitted.  "But I'm as cuddly as any dog."

Xander gave him a kiss, smiling at him.  "You are very cuddly but not as furry.  That's why I like bubble baths with you."  He winked, going back to his tidying project while Tony thought smutty thoughts and cut things up for the grill.

"Did you pick up more bubble bath?"

"I found three new bottles in LA and two new scents in New York while I was waiting on Mac to make up his mind.  It was around the corner and I took a lunch break."

"Okay.  We'll try those out tonight."  Xander brought out a bottle for him to sniff, making him moan.  "Ooooh, I like that one.  Tonight?"  Xander smiled, giving him a wink.  He put the bottle up on his way to answer the door.  "Out back, guys," he ordered.  "Someone start the grill."  Speed went to do that while Eric sighed, looking at Horatio playing with the dog.  "Just like Abby did."

"We're never home."

"That would make you come home," Xander pointed out.  "Plus Bert's trainable.  He's already trained to sniff gunpowder."

"Point," he said glumly, going out there.  "We're never home on time to walk him."

"I wasn't planning on bringing him home," his mate said, giving him a look.  "I'm playing with the dog."

"Uh-huh.  Just like Abby did.  The pound is going to start wondering why he can't keep a dog."

"I don't want to bring him home."

Speed looked at him.  Then at Eric.  "We'll talk about a dog in the near future.  That way we don't have to have one of our fights in a friend's backyard."  They both nodded and he threw the ball for Bert, making the dog run off to bring it back.  "Good boy!"  He did it again and the dog barked, staring at him.  "I threw it!"  Tony threw it back out of the kitchen, making the dog run after it.  "See?"  Xander came out to play with the dog too, looking a bit sad.  "We're never home."

"Abby said the same thing."

"Yeah, but Humphrey goes to work with her; Gibbs is training him to fetch criminals," Tony called from the kitchen.

Xander looked at him.  "I don't think he's that strong."

"Neither does Gibbs but he's apparently good at it," he offered, shrugging a bit.  "I don't know.  I did not make that decision."  He brought out food.  "Is the grill hot?"  Speed went to check, nodding and accepting the plates.  "Gibbs should be here soon."  He looked at Xander.  "So, am I going to have to complain about some wealth?"

"I haven't heard back from Mom yet."

"What did you get for the books?"  Xander gave him a sheepish, shy look, nodding inside.  Tony followed, taking the deposit slip.  "Not bad.  Probably a bit cheated."

"Bob gave me thirty percent of the worth.  Besides, what am I going to do with a u-haul full of magic and watchery books?  Then again, the other one I had in LA is probably smooshed.  Otherwise I have a whole villa full of girly looking wood furniture."

"From...."

"Remember me having nightmares about the bug eating stuff?"

"Unfortunately and that I puked for the next day."

"Him.  He never came back for it.  Giles didn't want it sitting there so he let Spike and I raid it.  He sold what he wanted and I kept the stuff I wanted.  But something huge stepped on it and dragged some pieces around."

"Uh-huh.  Okay, probably better anyway," he decided, nodding at that.  He gave him a kiss.  "I'll keep an ear out for your Mom."  He went back to the kitchen, getting everyone drinks.  Gibbs walked in and the dog threw up a fit, barking and growling at him.  "Bert!" he warned.  The dog settled down.  "That's Gibbs, you know him."

"Did you do range time?" Xander asked.

"Earlier.  That's probably what he's smelling."  He let the dog smell him.  "See, I'm still the one you stole the sandwich off of, dog."  The dog ran back to Horatio, sitting beside him.  He looked at him, getting a head shake.  "Well, you could be a pack mate if you were more furry," he offered.

Speed looked at him. "He's my pack, not yours, Bert."  Bert huffed and played with his human littermate again.  Speed shook his head.  "We've got pork and steak, Gibbs."

"Either's good.  Fully cooked please."

"I can do that.  Also veggies for some reason."

"Frank threatened to tell Alexx and Valera that Xander hadn't eaten veggies in a week," Eric said with a smirk for their young coworker.  Who nodded.  "I'd do it too."

"So would I," Gibbs admitted.  "Doctor Woods is a fierce woman."

"Too bad she's not a redhead?" Tony teased as he walked around him.  "Want a water or tea, Gibbs?"

"Tea's good," he said, popping him on the way back into the house.  He sat down, letting the dog sniff him again.  "I'm still me, dog."  The dog huffed, going back to playing with Horatio.  "Give me the ball?"  He got it tossed by Horatio, letting the dog see it before he tossed it off to the other corner of the yard.  Bert took off running, bringing it back to play with this human.  "See, I knew you liked me for more than my lunch."  He threw it again.  "Xander, your father called.  The estate's still whole.  No one contested it.  They tried to contact your friend Wesley but were told he was dead and his lawyer said he'd get in touch with you.  So you've got to talk to the Embassy."  Xander nodded, going to do that.  "Not a clue why you're getting it."

"Wes left it to him," Tony said as he came out.  "He got some from the books he had in storage too."  He sat down, putting his feet up on the spare chair.  "Okay, we have two things to talk about tonight.  Vice wants Xander to use some of his spare weapons to help lure and track arms dealers in the state and city."

"Not a bad idea for the arsenal," Gibbs admitted.

"Xander said he gets everything back, no questions asked," Tony countered.

"Again, reasonable.  He considers them like his children."  He looked at his senior agent.  "How do you feel about that?"

"I'm good with it.  He's not emotionally attached to most of the new guns."

"Even better."

"I could have brought back the pretty cursed stuff," Xander called from inside the house.

"Probably not a good idea," Tony called back.  "We'd hate to see the dog possessed, Xander."

"Me too," Gibbs agreed, taking a sip of his tea.  "Brewed?"

"We have a pot.  It's like a coffeepot only it makes tea," Tony told him.  "Even Xander can work it without poisoning others."

Xander came out of the house.  "We're getting British visitors, Horatio.  I'll take their visit as my lunch and work off any extra hours."

"That's fine, Xander.  It's something that has to be done.  What else did Wesley leave you?"

"Um, a neverending trunk with swords and stuff, his favorite fountain pen.  His journals.  His crossbow.  His motorcycle went to Connor."  Speed looked at him.  "He rode a Harley now and then."

"I've seen how you drive, Xander.  You'd die in your first week from an accident," Speed told him, getting back to grilling.  "Eric, take over."  He came back over.  "So this op would be after hours?"  Xander and Horatio both nodded.  "We can work on that with him, make a new persona and things."  Tony smiled.  "You can help, DiNozzo."

"Thanks.  Not tomorrow because we found out his investment property had a small outbuilding on it and we needed to see what was out there."  They all nodded.  "Also, the Watcher stuff he said he'd put out a general broadcast through the networks that said the old timers who've retired could claim some of it as well."

"That would require shipping things over state lines," Gibbs reminded him.

"Most of them are antiques," Xander pointed out.  "And hey, magicgram, Gibbs.  I can get the mini-Willow to do it for me.  Oh, yeah, tell everyone that she's now a vamp.  Fair warning."

"I can do that," he agreed.  He finished the tea, getting up to get some more, checking the meat.  "Looks rare."

"None of us take it rare unless Xander needs a blood transfusion?"

Xander gave him a confused look.  "Why would I?  The bringer didn't try to eat me when one showed up to destroy Bob.  Mac can use the special scythe just as well as I can.  He had the same view of it I did and it's a blessed weapon to end them.  Male slayers was what it said."  Horatio choked.  "I explained it to him.  He said he'd have nightmares but keep it in mind.  Bob's up there if something happens.  Ooooh!"  He sat up.  "I got the most fantastic sword, Gibbs.  From the early crusades."  Gibbs smiled as he came out of the house with Stetler.  "Back already?"

"There was a report that a piece of artillery was found up there in that destroyed building that you're keeping some contents of?"

"Mac Taylor confiscated all those."

"They gathered weapons?"

"The Watchers?  Yeah.  Why?"

"What do you have?" Stetler asked patiently.

"I've been asking that since I found out," Horatio offered.  "Staying for dinner, Rick?"

"No, I need to know he won't blow up Miami."

"Only if the demon tunneling under it suddenly tries to destroy it," Xander said, still looking a bit confused.  "Why would I want to?  I like you guys."

"There's a demon tunneling under the city?" Eric asked.

"Yeah, it came from under the Caribbean."  Eric choked.  "What?"

"Did it come via Cuba maybe?" Speed asked.

"Um, no.  Bermuda I think.  It may've went by Cuba but you'd have to dig down pretty deep to get to the tunnels.  I know that it's broken through in a sinkhole once in the Everglades.  Someone saw it.  It's a big huge worm, like in the Norse mythology that's eating the roots of the World Tree.  It's about as big too probably.  I should go check the sinkhole.  Last time I did I saw some of it's back."

"When did the head break through?" Gibbs asked.

"1968."

Tony blinked at that, reaching over to test Xander's forehead.  "That's a big tequila worm," Tony decided, shaking his head.  "We can check on the way out to your investment property, Xander."

"Okay."  He grinned and looked at Rick, who was whimpering.  "I promise, I keep a good inventory.  I keep track of it so no one can get anything of it.  Most of it's hidden magically.  Part of it came from LA with Dad."

"I want to see in there."

Xander got up with  a groan, leading him into the storage vault.  He turned on the light and let him see.  "See?"

He looked around.  Bomb manuals.  A cabinet marked with explosives.  A lot of cases against one wall and a shimmering wall.  "What's with the shimmer?"

Xander looked then at him.  "Who let you see magic?"  Rick looked at him so he shrugged. "I've got that stuff hidden."

"Not for much longer.  Horatio!"  He came strolling in.  "That wall is a fake wall."

"Really?"  He went around the stack of cases, moving one stack out of his way.  He felt the wall, then closed his eyes and moved his hands over it, disbelieving it.  His hand sank through and he walked through, then came back out a minute later.  "Xander."  He gave him a sheepish look.  "GIBBS!"

"He can't have it!  I might need it."

"Only for that assignment and then they can keep it at their office, Xander.  After all, this building can blow over in a hurricane."

"So can theirs.  Theirs is more likely anyway.  Mine's marble."

Gibbs walked in.  "Not that much different," he said.  Horatio motioned him back.  "What?"

"Close your eyes.  There's no wall, there's an illusion."  He led him through it, letting him see why the building was longer than they thought.  They thought the outer door to the lawn furniture storage area covered the back half.  They were apparently wrong.  Horatio came back out frowning.  "We will be talking."

"You've seen the inventory."

"One of those was not on it."

Xander got down the inventory book, handing it over.  "You can check."  He went to do that and he looked at Rick, shrugging a bit.  "Sometimes I have to.  Some demons are bigger than all the buildings downtown."

Rick walked off shaking his head.  "I'll let them deal with that.  I don't want to know!"  He slammed the door on his way out, heading back to his apartment and a large drink.

Gibbs came out.  "Where did you get the new sniper rifle?"

"Um, Connor."

"He got it from where?" Gibbs pressed.

"One of the underground in the demon network.  Horatio suggested Tony could help fill in the holes."

"One of them isn't in the right case."

"I know.  It's a spare case.  It didn't come in a case and it's really hard to move one of those without one.  People gave me odd looks."  Horatio gave him an odd look too.  "You've seen the inventory."

"I have and you will be helping Tony close some of the links and the spaces in the demonic weapons network."  Xander sighed but nodded, pulling out his address book to start writing down names and facts.  Horatio took that but Xander snatched it back.  "Xander."

"Half of those are the other hunters, Horatio.  It's the only way I know them.  It's also got other paranormal contractors and the overlord's address, things like that."

"We have an overlord?" Gibbs asked.

"Over the few demons, yeah.  He keeps them out of our hair."  He grinned and got back to work, taking out a few names.  He finished up and handed the list to Horatio.  "There you go.  Those are the loosest links in the demon network.  The top six and the later ones with stars are loose enough that it's a cash business.  I did bust a few before I left LA.  I know ATF didn't shut down that blue guy one very well either."

"You'll teach DiNozzo how to fit in?" Gibbs asked.

"All he has to do is say he's my mate, Gibbs.  They'll accept him on that alone."  Gibbs nodded, taking the list and walking outside.  Xander looked at Horatio.  "Sorry, boss, but I do need some of that."

"That is a bit much, Xander.  I know armies that don't have that sort of ordinance."

"Do they win wars?"

"You are retired," he reminded him.

"I'm also the only protector down here if something big happens.  Not that it should.  This is a low demon area."

"Then we'll be able to weed those down.  Perhaps give Gibbs two or three pieces a year that you don't need?  He'll have them held for a year at the office?"

Xander considered it.  "But what if I need them five years after that?"

"You'll have something else I'm sure."

"If I buy stuff like that I'd get noticed now.  ATF pays way too much attention for me to get away with that."

"Good point.  We'll work on disarming that part slowly.  Just in case something happens, Xander.  All right?"  Xander sighed but nodded, following him out, sealing the door behind himself.  He came out to play with the dog, but Horatio looked at Tony.  "Have you seen the inventory book?"

"I think John Hagen has, but I try very hard not to get into those things.  Xander, would it ruin your rep if I went in as your boyfriend?"

"No.  By now half the network knows about us and they're going to be wary but you can say you're hunting presents."  He grinned at him.  "I can even hand you my wish list."

"Then we can do that," Tony agreed.  "I'll feed the info back to Wilkins, then we'll work on what's going to happen later on."  He looked at his boss. "That good with you?"

"It's fine with me, DiNozzo.  We don't have half as much work down here as we did in DC.  It's a nice place to retire."  He grimaced.  "Not that I'm ready to."

"Be thankful they didn't name you, Gibbs.  Dad said he had to talk a few people out of it."

Gibbs shuddered. "I'm going to drink thanks to that thought later."

"You could be in Alaska, driving a dog sled," Eric offered with a small grin.

"Not with the way he corners the car," Tony said dryly.  "No sane sled dog would let him go seventy on the back roads."

"Horatio, you're closer."  Horatio leaned over and popped Tony on the head.  "Thank you."

The noisy neighbor's mother peeked over the hedge.  "Xander, what do you do again?"

"I'm a ballistics tech with the felony crime lab.  The redhead is my boss," he said, grinning at her.  "Let me guess, the nosy one who likes to stare into my windows overheard me talking about artillery?"

"She did," she agreed.  "I'll try to stop the peeping."

"Bert scared the crap out of her the other day," Tony offered. "I saw her trying to get into the bathroom window too, ma'am."

"Oh, dear.  Are you Xander's roomie?"

"Boyfriend," he agreed, smiling at her.  "I'm Tony.  I'm a Fed before you ask.  The graying one is my boss Gibbs."  Gibbs waved.  She smiled at that.  "Xander's got to talk about these things.  He's one of the top ballistics techs in the nation.  He even got an award at a national conference last year."

"Oooh, that's so good, Xander."  He beamed at her.  "I'll tell her you said that.  She's panicking and thinking that you're going to blow us up."

"Only if she wakes me out of a sound sleep at three in the morning," Tony told her.  "And it won't be Xander.  It'll be me."  She nodded at that.  "Other than that we're good with her for everything but her peeping."

"I'll talk with her, Tony.  Thank you for clearing that up, boys."  She went back into the house to talk to her daughter.  "He's not a thug, dear.  He's a police officer.  He works with the lab that's been on tv," they heard before she shut the nearest window.

"Horatio, can you?" Gibbs asked, waving at Tony.  "You don't get to threaten normal people, even if they do wake you up, DiNozzo," he said once he had been smacked again.

Xander looked at him.  "We could always move, dear."

"No.  No more moving.  I hate moving."  Xander straddled his lap, giving him a deep kiss. "Unless you've made millions, no.  We'd have to renovate the front room."  Xander kissed him again.  "Plus add on more storage areas."  Xander smiled at that.  "Be a good boy or no bubbles."  Xander winked, getting up to play with his poor dog again before he ran away from them.  Tony coughed.  "Sorry, he's in a happy mood."

"As long as he stays happy," Horatio told him, staring him down.

Tony grinned. "I'm not like that, Horatio."

"Good."

"I saw Tara in New York," Xander announced suddenly.  "They sent her to talk to me.  She said we're cute."

"We are?" Tony asked.

"Very," Speed said, handing him a plate.  "Eat.  You'll need your strength."

"Xander, remember, you can't take tomorrow off and neither can Tony," Gibbs ordered, taking his own plate.  "Thanks, Speed."

"Welcome, Gibbs."  He got the other plates, handing them out.  "Xander, come eat with the people, not the dog."  Xander bounced over, getting his plate and sitting next to Tony, getting a smile from them all for it.  Young love was so cute.

So was the dog that refused to get out of the hummer when the trio headed out for the night.

***

Eric looked at Xander a few days later.  "Does Bert always do the 'toddler gonna pee' dance when you come home?"

"Not always.  Sometimes when he's been bored all day."

"He does it for us every night.  We need more toys."  Xander got him the bag from his locker, handing them over.  "Thanks. You sure?"

"The next dog won't want to use his."

"If you're sure."  He got a nod.  "Thanks, Xander."  He went to hand them to Horatio.  "For your littermate."  He walked off again, leaving a confused looking Frank Tripp.

"Bert decided he belonged to me," Horatio told him.

"That's two that've left the boy's bouncy nature."

"Bert thinks he's a littermate," Speed called from somewhere behind them.  "Humphrey thought the same thing about Abby because she played like him.  He's taken the shelter's people to meet Abby so they saw what was going on.  They'll accept it this time too."

"Well, he does have good taste.  Bert is a very pretty dog," Frank offered, grinning at Horatio.  "He even matches your hair."

"He does but he loves me for other reasons too, Frank."  His phone rang.  "Horatio.  John," he said happily.  "What's wrong?"  He listened.  "Xander has a new dog already?"  He nodded.  "I'll tell him.  Are you okay?"  He smiled.  "At least this one is protective.  What's this one?"  He shuddered.  "That poor animal must have too much fur.  I'll tell him.  Thanks, John."  He hung up.  "Xander?" he called, heading for the lab.  "John found you a new dog.  One of his routine clients had to get rid of hers because she's got a daughter who ended up allergic.  He wanted to know if you wanted her."

"Is she nice?"

"Tried to bite him this morning but not usually mean he said."

"I'll call."  He beamed and called John. "What does the puppy look like?"  He blinked. "That's a  big dog.  Is it gentle?  I don't want it to bite Abby or anyone."  He nodded slowly.  "I can stand protective.  So am I."  He beamed.  "Sure!  Thank you, John.  Can you bring her over for lunch?"  He laughed.  "I can be here.  Of course I will if I can't be here.  Bring her down.  Thank you."  He hung up and called Tony.  "John has a client that has to get rid of her dog because her daughter is allergic.  He's bringing her at lunch if you wanted to meet her."  He hung up and got back to work.  He was much happier now.  He had always wanted a dog.

***

Tony hung up his phone, looking at Gibbs.  "John's bringing over another prospective dog at lunch, boss."

"What type?"

"He didn't say."

"John didn't say?"

"That was Xander.  Wanna go have lunch at the lab?"

"We'll be out here then," McGee pouted.  "This is really nasty mud."  Gibbs gave him a look.  "It is!"

"I've seen worse, McGee, even around DC."

"Should see trash pit bodies," Tony agreed.  He jumped when something came up out of the water, snapping at Gibbs.  His gun cleared the holster but Ziva got it first.  She only wounded it but it ran off.  "Damn it."

Gibbs took off his hat, wiped his forehead with his arm, then put it back on.  "Thanks, Ziva.  We should probably tell animal control that we had to do that."

Tony called Eric.  "How do you work in the Everglades and not get bitten by an alligator?  Rifle?  No, Ziva just got one with her throwing knife on the nose.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Boss, he said to post a guard.  The body's going to draw them.  So maybe we should hurry up."

"I'm all for that.  Ziva, how are you with a rifle?"

"Tony's better," she admitted.

"I can do that," he agreed, going to get the one the Ranger had given them earlier.  "I wondered why we got a gift."  He checked it over, then smiled.  "Tranqs, boss."

"Even better since they're endangered."  Tony took up a guarding spot, letting Ziva take his spot.  Gibbs shook his head.  "Florida is not DC."

"Ya think?" Kate asked dryly as she slogged over in her waders.  "McGee, there's no body parts that way.  Whatever got the intestines is gone now."

"Probably an alligator.  One tried to eat the boss."

"He's tough and stringy.  It would have spit him out," she said grimly, getting his help to get back up onto the bank.  She got out of the waders and let them puddle for now.  "What else are we doing, boss?"

He looked at her.  "Guard, Kate."

She nodded, looking at Tony.  "Tranq rifle?"  He nodded.  "Good luck.  They're very fast."  She went to get a wet wipe for her face and hands. Ducky finally got there.  "Got lost already, Ducky?"

"No, I had a talk with the charming Ranger about what we needed to watch out for.  He did warn me to add more sunscreen and bug inhibitor."

"I should have," Kate agreed.  She pointed. "There you are, all but the intestines.  Something ate them."

"At least it left us something."  He came over to check on them.  "Jethro, you do need to apply more sunscreen. You're starting to burn," he said gently.

"I'm nearly done.  I'll put some on in the truck."

"Good."  He looked at the body then nodded.  "Appears to be a sharp force trauma," he admitted, pointing at the open head wound.  He carefully closed the intestinal cavity again.  "Yes, that was animal markings but I'm not sure what."  Tony fired at something, making it yelp and go off again.  He looked.  "Ah, a cougar.  Very pretty animal."

"An alligator nearly ate Gibbs," Tony said grimly, putting in another tranq dart.  He looked around.  "Was it a 'gator or a cat, Ducky?"

"I can't tell without looking at a reference, Anthony.  I'll do that back at the lab.  Shall we, people?  Mr. Palmer?"

"I'm not coming out of the truck while that thing's alive," he called.  "It'll eat me.  I had bacon for breakfast."

"It's tranquilized, Palmer," Tony called.  "Get out here before we all get eaten."  He ran out with the bag, doing the fastest move ever, and then ran the body back to the truck.  McGee and Ziva picked up the stuff that had been under the body, wet paper.  "We good?"  They nodded, going to gather all their things.  Tony went last, breaking down the rifle in the back of the truck.  "I've got to see if Xander has one of these for us."

"Please do," Gibbs agreed.  "With good tranquilizers.  We'll ask him at lunch, DiNozzo."

"Sure, boss."  They paused beside the ranger.  "I had to tranq a cougar," he said quietly.  "She was barely starting to huff and move when we left."  He nodded, taking the rifle back.  "Any particular tranquilizer we need for our own?"

"The standard is what we use.  Fast acting, safe wearing off time."  Tony nodded.  "You know someone who can get you one?"

Tony smiled.  "We're very close with the felony lab."

"They're good at it.  Caine's boys are good."  He saluted them.  "Have fun, boys and girls.  I'll check on the cougar."  They drove off and he went to do that.  "Poor city folk.  First case in the 'Glades.  Burned too."

***

Xander smiled at John when he pulled up, waving at him.  He got out, letting the dog hop down and stretch, then sniff around.  Xander cooed, making the dog look around.  "C'mere, doggy.  Come to Xander."  John grabbed the leash, walking the dog over.  It growled a bit so Xander stared it down.  "Don't do that.  I'm a nice people."  He let it sniff him then petted the thick, soft fur.  "She's lovely, John."

"She is but her daughter ended up allergic.  No Tony?"

"He's on his way over.  He's buying lunch so I'll buy him a tranq rifle."  John laughed, sitting down so Xander could pet the dog.  "You're a lovely girl, yes you are.  Even part wolf."  Tony's Mustang pulled up and he got out with Gibbs and a bag.  "She's here."  The dog stared at him.  "That's Tony and Gibbs.  We live with the Tony.  He's nice and he cuddles and plays too."

"That is a wolf," Gibbs noted.

"Half," John told him.  "She's very protective."  He looked him over.  "You need better sunscreen, Jethro.  Sun poisoning isn't fun.  It means you can't go outside for a month."

"I've got some on."

"Coppertone," Tony agreed, putting the bag down so he could squat in front of the dog.  "Hey, pretty one.  Would you like to come live with us?"  He smiled when she sniffed Gibbs then him, then lapped Gibbs' hand.  "Huh."

"I'm not home often enough for a dog," Gibbs complained.  He sat down and the dog sniffed him again.  "Go sniff DiNozzo, he's the new master."  Xander cooed and the dog came back to him, letting him love her all he wanted to.  Natalia came over and she set up an unholy racket.  "Hey!" Gibbs complained.

"It's okay.  I'm new to her," she said, walking around them.  "What happened to Bert?"

"He decided Horatio was a littermate," John said with a grin.  "This one belongs to one of my clients."

"She's adorable and if she wants to come home with us I wouldn't mind.  Tony?"

"Is she friendly at home?"

"Yeah, she loves to cuddle up with my client's daughter and purse dog.  Not aggressive unless someone breaks in."  He handed over the leash.  "She said you could take her home if you wanted her.  I assured her you'd be good to her baby."

"Of course we will," Tony agreed, petting her some more.  She sniffed at the table.  "Ahh, another mooch."  Xander broke into lunch, handing him his burger.  "Want a bite?"  He let her have a piece and got an adoring look.  "Good girl.  C'mon, let's sit down."  They sat down together.  "Hey, Xander.  We need a tranq rifle.  Can we count on your expertise or do we have one I can steal?"

"We have four and tranqs," he said with a smirk.  "The Ranger hand you one this morning?"

"Yup, sure did."  The dog hopped up between them, letting them both spoil her.

"You're going to spoil her, she'll keep begging," Natalia said.

"It's new pack behavior.  You take care of the new pack members so they know they can count on you," Xander said firmly, smiling at his dog.  "Huh?  This way you know we'll take good care of you."  He heard a squeal and looked back.  "Come meet her, Max.  What's her name, John?"

"Pretty."

"Pretty.  That's a good name since you are," Tony agreed, making himself not talk in baby talk.  Maxine let Pretty sniff her then pet her.  "Her former mommy had to get rid of her."

"That's a shame.  You're beautiful, young lady."  She sat down next to Gibbs, looking at him.  "Aloe gel."

"I've got some back at the office thanks to Abby."

"Abby is very pale," she agreed.  She patted him on the hand.  "It'll be fine, Gibbs.  You'll get used to the strange stuff down here."  She heard the growl and looked.  "No, don't eat him.  He likes the boy most of the time.  You can come over."

"That's a dangerous dog," he said.

Xander looked back at Stetler.  "Don't show fear.  She's reacting to it.  Pretty, this is Rick.  He won't hurt you or I'll bite him."  Rick came slowly closer, letting his hands be sniffed.  She bounced up and licked his face, making him shriek.  "Hey!  Noise!" Xander complained, hugging his dog.  "We'll be just fine.  Don't sneak attack unless it's a good thing."  He fed her another bite of his burger, getting a swat from Tony, who handed over another one.  "Thanks, dear."

"Welcome.  I knew you wouldn't eat."  He grinned at Gibbs, then at John.  "Are you working today?"

"I am and I've got to get back.  Want me to stick her at your house?"

"She can come with us this afternoon," Gibbs ordered.  "That way she's not shocked too much."  That got a nod and John left, heading back to work.  "I'm sure DiNozzo can walk her around."

"You can make sure she and Humphrey get along," Xander agreed.  Stetler came back with one of the dog handlers.  "John Hagen found her for us.  Her name's Pretty."

"She's got a lot of fur for Miami," the handler said, letting her sniff his hand.  "Did you pounce the IAB guy?"

"He was looking a bit scared so she bounced up to lick him," Xander agreed with a smile for him.  "Don't show them fear.  They know you're a human packmate."

"If you say so."  He looked at the handler, who shrugged.  "She's not dangerous?"

"No, probably not.  Seems pretty harmless."  He whistled and his dog came over, sniffing noses with her.  Pretty licked his on the nose then barked at him.  "Nah, we'll be fine.  Good girl, Pretty!"  He petted her some more than his dog.  "Very good girl."  He smiled at Xander.  "I heard you've been through two?"

"My first one decided their lab tech Abby was his littermate and the last one decided Horatio was since his hair and hers looked the same."

He walked off smiling.  "Good to know, kid.  She's fine, Stetler."

"Thank you."  He stomped off again.  Though he did manage to curtail Horatio.  "You have a littermate?"

"Bert's a very good dog, Rick.  He decided we matched.  What is the new dog?"

"Outside."  He walked off.  He could get years of taunting out of that.

Horatio walked outside, letting the dog sniff him.  "Hello, dog."

"Her name is Pretty," Xander told him.

"Hello, Pretty.  You've got a very strong canine heritage."

"Part wolf," Gibbs admitted quietly.  Horatio smiled at that.  "She got on well with the K- 9."

"Good."  He gave her another pet.  "Xander, eat."  He went back to eating.  "How was the Everglades?"  He handed Jethro something.  "It'll help later on.  Speed gets those now ane then."

He looked at it then at him.  "For sunburn?"

"Bug bites."

"Thanks, this I do need."  He smoothed some onto the bites on his legs, letting out a quiet moan.  "Much better."

Xander grinned at Tony.   "I'll repack my Everglades survival kit Calleigh helped me put together tonight."

"Thanks.  We do need some advice on sunscreen.  I've been using yours and breaking out."

"Go to this address," Maxine said, writing one down on a napkin.  "Go to any of the cosmetic counters in there, tell them you need help picking out a good sunscreen and they'll give you one that's good for your skin type.  If you tell them you're on a budget they'll even stay away from the grossly expensive, sixty bucks a bottle stuff.  I've got one that helps prevent wrinkles, takes care of blemishes, and moisturizes for me."

"I like Coppertone," Gibbs said grimly.

She gave him a hug.  "You'll break out or sweat it off.  Use a sport version so you can't sweat it off, Gibbs."  He nodded so she went back to eating her salad.  Pretty stared at her so she let her sniff some lettuce, getting a sneeze and her turning to Tony, who showed he was done.  She looked at Xander, who took a small chuck out of his mouth from his last bite for her.  She scarfed it down.  "Eww, Xander.  Table manners."

"Baby birds do it," Tony reminded her.

"He's not a baby bird."  She smiled at Horatio.  "What sunscreen do you use?"

"I've got a specialty blend for those with fair skin," he admitted.  He looked at Jethro.  "I agree with her. A sport version so you won't sweat it off, Jethro."

"That's probably what happened this morning."

"Kate could declare it an office bonding exercise since the new director likes those," Tony offered.  "The same as the new team in Alaska did finding better boots and coats."

Gibbs looked at him.  "We'll see."

"McGee and Abby have to get some too, boss."

"We'll figure it out."  He smoothed the cream over another bug bite, then handed it back.  "Thanks, Horatio."

"Welcome, Jethro.  Remember, mosquitos carry diseases down here too."  That got a fast nod so he gave the dog another pet before heading back inside.

Xander grinned at Jethro.  "You sure Tony can bring her over today?"

"Your A/C was out, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I need to fix that tonight," Xander agreed, nodding quickly.  The dog licked him.  "I love you too, Pretty."  He gave her a cuddle.  After a few seconds she got free and climbed into Tony's lap.

"Ooh, too big for a lap pooch," he moaned, but he petted her anyway.  "Come on.  I'll see you tonight.  Order if you get home first, it might be a long night, Xander."

"Okay, I'll call on the way home to come get her."  He nodded, getting the dog down so they could go back to work.  Xander beamed at Maxine.  "I'm a good boy."

"You are.  You can fix air conditioners?"

"Yeah, kinda.  I had to help install a few systems while I was in construction stuff.  It's not that hard really.  We have a manual at home too."  He picked up their trash and bounced inside to tell the others about his dog.

"I know who I'm calling the next time mine goes out in the middle of the night," Maxine decided.  "He probably charges less too, just dinner or something."  Natalia gave her an odd look.  "He still can't cook."

"Why can't he cook?  I've heard he's poisonous."

"We don't know.  All we know is that he's never been able to cook and that he's poisonous. Even the most harmless stuff.  He made himself sick the other night on microwave nachos and you know you only have to pour the cheese for those."

Natalia shook her head.  "No one is that poisonous."

"Then let him cook for you," she taunted.  Natalia got up and went inside to make Xander try.  "Poor foolish woman," she sighed, shaking her head.  She shooed a fly out of her salad dressing and went back to eating her lunch.

***

Xander stopped in at Tony's office later that night.  Abby had said that Kate and Gibbs were both suffering from their sunburns.  He picked up the large gift basket and walked it inside, putting it down on Gibbs' desk.  "For the new team.  There's one in there for Abby, one in there for Kate, one in there for each of you, plus some aloe gel for those who're burned.  That should reduce it tonight.  Now, if you get white spots in the burn, that's sun poisoning and you need to hit the ER and cover up really well for the next month.  I found that out too after getting one from working by the water all day on a scene.  Also in there are ice cream treats so open it soon."

"How does Caine manage to wear a *suit* in this humidity?" Gibbs demanded.

"It's silk or linen, something that breathes," he pointed out.  "Plus we think the boss is made of ice some days.  Today was fairly hot even for me.  Kate, I know your skin runs a bit oily so I got you a formula for that.  Tony, yours too, dear, because of your complex skin.  It was the cheaper stuff, so we don't have to spend eighty bucks a bottle for you.  This stuff should work just as well and it'll keep you from breaking out again, like you did last night, and it's also got a good moisturizer that won't make you break out.  McGee, I took you as having fairly basic, well moisturized skin so I got you a normal type.  So keep up whatever else you're doing.  Abby's is for the terminally pale so she won't tan and can keep her goth look.  Now, I'm going to go home.  Enjoy the ice cream and remember to share with Abby.  Come on, Pretty, let's go see the new house."  The dog got up, following him to the elevator.

McGee came over to look, handing out what he had bought for them.  Then the treats, bringing Abby down two since she was hiding from the sun again.  "Xander picked it out for you.  It's for the eternally pale people."  She smiled and took it to look over.  He put the ice cream next to her, getting a hug.  "Gibbs has a bad sunburn."

"Aloe gel was what Eric suggested."

"He brought us some of that too," he agreed with a smile.  "Come up when you've got something."  He went back to his desk before Tony stole his portion of the treats.  Kate and Gibbs had both slathered some of the aloe gel on their burns, making Kate sigh in relief.  "Keep that in the fridge.  That's how they did it at summer camp."  Tony nodded since his mouth was full of ice cream.  "How did Xander know our skin types?  Even my dermatologist has to look."

"Buffy.  Willow," Tony said before taking another bite.  "He can do a face masque too, Probie.  Sucked my breakouts right out last night."

Gibbs looked at his, smiling at it.  It was uncomplicated.  Had a bug repellant.  Was waterproof so he could sweat in it or fish in it.  It had the tag attached so it wasn't that expensive either.  Kate's was twice his.  Tony's was more practical at a mere twenty a bottle but Abby's had been expensive.  Then again, speciality products were always more expensive.  "We will be getting another bottle each to put in the truck, people."  They all nodded.  It was a smart thing.  "That tranq rifle?"

"I'll bring it in tomorrow, boss."

"Thank you."

"Welcome.  Oooh."  He sat up suddenly and smirked.  "Natalia didn't think we were serious about how poisonous Xander was.  She made him make her something simple, just a microwave, college cooking sort of meal.   She's still in the ER.  Ryan called me."  Gibbs smirked at that.   He knew Tony wanted to hiss at the woman for hitting on his man.  "She's going to be off work for the rest of the week probably.  She's lucky she didn't ask for something more complicated.  Horatio apparently yelled at her on the way to the hospital."

"Horatio could replace her," Kate said grimly.  "Even I can't wear my tops that low-cut.  Even Calleigh can't and she's known to flash some cleavage now and then."

Tony smirked.  "I know."   He let out a small evil chuckle and finished off his ice cream.  "Okay, boss, got our dead sailor's itinerary up.  Looks like he was on a hunting trip.  One of those 'man-cation' things.  He was due to go hunting in the Everglades this morning with a reliable guide.  His guide was listed and I'm doing a search for him now."

"I've found his family for Ducky so he could notify them," McGee added.  "Plus his CO, boss.  His CO did want a call when we figured out what was going on.  All I told him was that he was unfortunately killed on his leave in the Everglades and that we were investigating."  Gibbs nodded, finishing off his ice cream.  "He did say that another sailor on his ship was supposed to be on the same vacation as he was.  A very nice stress break was what he called it."

"Which is probably where the guide is," Tony agreed, typing that in.  "Name, McGee?"  It was beamed to his computer.  "Nope, he's in the county jail for being drunk, boss.  They put him in the drunk tank and let him out this morning.  He's probably back at the hotel."

"Go ask him," he ordered.  Tony nodded, going out with Kate.  He looked at McGee.  "You, find the guide."  McGee went to look at Tony's computer, doing that.  "Ziva, I want a detailed account of what threats we have to worry about down here.  From terrorism down to mosquito-borne illnesses.  I will not have us being taken out by bugs."

"Yes, Gibbs."  She went to look that up for them.  "We have terrorists down here?"

"According to Caine, there've been a few, mostly Central and South American," McGee told her with a small grin.  "Also don't forget the gang activity.  It is heavier than it was in DC and we're near an area."  She nodded, going to pull up that information as well, starting on a general list she could add to later.  "Boss, hurricane maneuvers?"

"I've got the lab manual from Caine.  We'll go over it closer to hurricane season, McGee."  He nodded, getting back to work.  Gibbs looked at the rest of the basket, finding a gift certificate in the bottom.  "He even left us things for dinner," he said quietly.

***

Xander waved Tony into the handgun vault when he got home.  "Hey.  Which tranq rifle do you want?  Long or short barrel?"

"Whichever is going to be easier to grab."

"Well, one of the short barrels only has one sort of dart.  The others use all four sorts of darts."

"Let's get a general purpose one.  What do you suggest?"

"Longer. That way they can be taken down before they pounce.  It'll lead to more accuracy, even for McGee."  Tony nodded.  "Then you can choose between the lighter and the heavier?"

"Lighter because of Kate and Abby."  Xander handed over a case.  "Tranqs?"

Xander opened the case.  "The blue are big demon strength.  They will take down something the size of Godzilla within two minutes.  If you use them on a 'gator, it may die."  Tony nodded.  "If you use it on a wild horse, it'll live.  If you use it on a cougar it'll probably live but it'll take hours and leave it vulnerable to being attacked too."  He pointed at the next set.  "Red are medium demon strength.  They can take out a human.  The blue you *never* use on a human.  They will kill a human.  Quickly.  Like under forty seconds quickly.  Less if they're allergic.  The red you can use on a human but they won't wake up for a day and a half.  You can use it on a 'gator and it'll be fine in about an hour.  Cougars about the same.  Again, dealing with sedated animals in the wild means that they can be attacked because they're down and helpless so if you're not going to be out there that long remove the dart and wait to see them get to the growling and trying to move stage.  It'll come off *very* quickly after that.  The pink ones are general tranq strength.  The white ones are small animal strength.  Dog, cat, kid.  Because there is a half-demon child out there that has been abandoned and is running wild.  Literally.  If you have to take her down, you use the white one and then you call *me* then Horatio.  If she's showing any demon characteristics I'll have to hide them before we take her off."  Tony nodded, reclosing the case.  "When you need more, you need to go to one of the guys on your list to bust.  He's the blue guy they didn't want to bust."

"I can do that," he agreed, stealing a kiss. "Let me put this beside the door."  He went to do that, finding Pretty watching out the door.  "It's all right, Pretty.  You live with us now so the baby couldn't get sick from you."  He petted her, getting a small growl.  "Come on, we'll eat."

"I've already fed her and given her treats.  She's being picky.  John's on his way over with what she usually eats and her toys."

"Hopefully that'll help.  I know she's had a good few years with her Mistress."  Xander nodded, giving him a hug and another kiss. "Thank you for the gift certificate for dinner."

"I figured you'd be home late," he admitted with a grin.  "Is Gibbs okay?"

"He's fine.  He had Ducky look at his sun poisoning.  He found your doctor since I told him who you went to, and called him to get Gibbs the cream he'll need.  Kate's is just aggravating her but she'll be fine tomorrow after a cool shower and some more aloe gel."  He stole another kiss, smiling at John when he came in with the dog's mistress.  "Hey."

"Hey.  How was your last case?"

"Got drunk, went out into the Everglades on his own.  Ducky said the cuts were animal claws."

"Pity."  He let her have the dog for now.  The dog whined and whimpered but Xander smiled and took her back to the bedroom, sitting down and casting a small something so his hyena could talk to that one's wolf side.  The wolf was better after that, going to love on the Mommy but was happier with them. He came out, giving Tony a small smile.  John ushered his guardee out, giving him an odd look.

"We speak the same language kinda now and then.  We had a talk."   He just nodded, leaving them alone.

"You can compluse the dog?" Tony asked.

"No, I let one of my possessions out for a minute to speak to him.  On a timer so she had to go back.  Willow taught me that.  Oh, if you hear stories about me being shirtless and smoking, it was Willow."  He went into the kitchen, getting her another of her treats.  "Your mommy spoiled you by feeding you jerky," he teased, giving her another piece.  She barked and went out the doggy door, going to enjoy being outside for a few minutes.

Tony came in to give him another hug.  "You're amazing."  He stole a kiss.  "Pretty, we're going to bed.  Come in when you're ready."  He drug Xander off, making sure the rifle was still in the living room and the front door was locked.  They were halfway through when the dog came back but she took up her half of the bed so it was fine.  She wasn't watching this time.

***

Ducky smiled as he sat down across from Horatio.  "Thank you for meeting with me, Horatio."

"Not a problem, Ducky.  You know our two teams work very well together."  He handed over the spare menu.  "I like their chicken here, but the beef tends to be a bit overdone."

"Good to know."  He smiled and glanced at it, making up his mind fairly quickly.  He closed it and put it down, smiling at his companion.  "I would like to know how you manage scenes out there."

"We post an extra guard with a tranquilizer rifle.  Alexx keeps one in her van, handgun sized."  That got a smile.  "Plus each hummer has one as well, and a flare gun too."

"Interesting.  What about emergency kits?"  Their waitress came and he smiled.  "Can I have the romaine salad with chicken and the light raspberry vinaigrette please?"  She nodded.  "What tea do you have?"

"Sweet, iced tea, sir."

"No, he means real tea," Horatio told her.

"OH!  Tea tea.  Um, we have Earl Gray and a breakfast blend.  We usually have a few flavored teas but they made them iced today."

"I'll have a cup of Earl Gray please."  She smiled and nodded, writing that down.

"Give me the number ten, cheese on the side," Horatio requested.  She nodded.  "Water."  She took their menus and walked off.  "For emergency kits we carry a standard first aid kit in each hummer.  If it's something that serious, Alexx is there at the beginning scenes and PD usually has first priority unless it's a major trauma.  The one time we haven't, Eric ended up driving Ryan to the ER."  Ducky nodded at that. "Now, since your team does pack a bigger truck than ours does, you can afford to stock up a bit more.  I would put a bug repellant in there.  The general necessities.  A bottle of sunscreen for reapplication purposes.  A tranq rifle."

"We got one of those off Xander."

Horatio smiled.  "Load the pink one, Ducky.  The red one is still very strong."  Their drinks were brought, Ducky's had a tea bag.  "Thank you."  She smiled and walked off.  "Sorry."

"It's something I've become accustomed to while out," Ducky assured him with a smile.  "Not too many places have high tea these days."

"Two of the local hotels do and there is a tea bar by one of the colleges," he offered.  Ducky smiled at that.  "They also sell loose but they're highly expensive.  We do have an importer in town and he does sell more cheaply.  I buy Yelina tea."

"Even better.  Next time you go, call me so I can tag along if you wouldn't mind."

"Not in the least, Ducky.  We hope you can find a spot and be comfortable down here.  How is your mother finding it?"

"She's complained about the heat most days, but the Corgis and she are having wonderful walks around the house I found us.  I've told the local department as well in case she gets out in her dementia."

Horatio slid over something.  "A lot of places use one of these," he said gently.  "They're GPS capable, they don't look that bad, they've got the medical condition that can be engraved on it plus a phone number.  It's widely known about and the EMTs like it."

Ducky smiled at the simple silver bracelet.  "That is a good idea.  At home everyone knew us so if she got to the nearest neighbor they called me."  He tucked it into his pocket.  "Thank you, Horatio."

"Not a problem, Ducky.  There's a lot of retirees down here so it's something the city has to plan for.  Also," he said, handing something over.  "This is what's commonly called an adult day care.  They have activities and things for her to do all day if she's bored.  They have a competent staff, we've never been called there, and they've only had one person escape and wander off in the five years they've been running.  It would give her a chance to get out and be around others, but others like her and with her condition.  Plus they do have trained nurses on staff for emergencies.  That way you wouldn't have to worry so much and she could play bridge."

He beamed.  "That is a charming idea.  I'll talk about it with her tonight.  I hadn't realized how well Florida had managed to deal with the declining years of the retirement community."

"We have.  We have industries devoted to them," he agreed with a small smile.  Their lunches came and he nodded, letting her walk off again.  "You might want to remove the tea bag."

"Oh, probably."  He took it out, laying it on the saucer and took a sip.  "Yes, a bit strong, but I've been making Jethro not scratch his sunburn all morning."  Horatio did smirk a bit at that.  "Has Xander had one of those?  His doctor asked."

"He's had one bad, serious sunburn.   We were next to the water all day and he didn't have extra in his field kit.  He came in the next day, even though he did growl at everyone.  We handed him the aloe gel and Speed was kind enough to get the spot on his back."  Ducky gave him an odd look.  "It was swampland, Ducky.  Leaches.  It took us three hours to remove them all because Ryan accidentally pushed him into the water twice.  The body was right on the edge."

"Poor lad.  Could be worse I suppose but that poor lad."

"Indeed," Horatio agreed, taking a bite of his lunch.  He looked at it then at Ducky's.  "Did she switch them?"

"I think she did."  They switched back, shaking their heads.  "Yes, this is mine.  I did order the raspberry vinaigrette.  This is a decent place for lunch."

Horatio smiled.  "It's better for late night dinners, after the fashionable dinner hour and before ten."  He ate a bite of his lunch, looking at his phone when it rang.  "Horatio," he answered.  "Lunch.  Why?"  He nodded.  "I can be there."  He hung up.  "I'm being called to a Grand Jury after lunch."

"Poor man.  Do try to have fun."

Horatio smiled.  "That's why someone put games on cellphones, waiting to testify."  Ducky snickered at that, saluting him with his cup of tea.

***

Xander walked into NCIS that night, he was done for the night but Tony had a few more hours of paperwork to do.  He stared Gibbs down.  "You're not dosing yourself often enough with the cream, are you?"

"How do you know?"

"It took three hours to remove all the leaches from me after Ryan pushed me into the water twice at a scene," he said blandly.  Jethro shuddered and let out a quiet moan.  "I have been where you are now.  Put the cream on ever four hours.  Trust me, it helps."

"I can't get part of it."

"Then ask!  Not like we'll do more than smile, Gibbs.  Let me see."  He let him see the spot of burn just down the back of his neck where his t-shirt had ridden down.  "Shoulders hurting?"

"I swelled in the heat this morning."

"Drink more water."  He put some of the cream on, earning a small sigh of pleasure.  "You can also try some cool compresses through the day to help with that problem.  It'll help with the itch a little bit.  I have heard vinegar but I don't know if it works.  I do know that noxema works well.  So get some on the way home and scrub with it tonight."  He shifted, moving to work on his shoulders.  "You did swell."  He frowned.  "Is it just the heat?"  That got a nod.  "Then I'd say drink more water.  Even I had to switch off juice because my arm aches when I don't.  I'm still going to beat Buffy for breaking my arm."

"She did?" he asked.  Tony nodded too.  "How?"

"Hit me three times in the same spot."

"Ow."

"Yeah, that was right before the concussion when Tony came down though."  He shrugged and went back to doing his shoulders.  "Stop at the house tonight.  I have something in the medicine bag that you can soak in to relieve some of this."  Gibbs gave him an odd look.  "You can even borrow our tub for the night, Gibbs.  It'll help  with the pain and swelling, plus probably calm down some of the sunburn ache.  You'll still need to go out covered but it'll help."  That got a nod.  "Good.  I have to stop and pick up one thing and something from the deli?" he suggested.

"Love you," Tony agreed.

Xander grinned at him. Then at Gibbs.  "When you get done.  We even have spa jets in the tub."  He walked out, going to pick up the one herb he knew he didn't have, and something else he needed in his personal collection, then he headed home after a quick stop through a deli.  He went into the bathroom to mix the herbs he needed, putting them in a small plastic cup waiting on Gibbs.  Tony drug him in an hour later.  "You could have finished the paperwork."

"He's miserable.  Did you get the noxema?"  Xander pointed at his jar of it.  "Thanks.  Boss, you can even stay over tonight if you need to.  I've slept in that tub many a night taking care of aches and pains."

Xander hit the drain switch and started the water.  "Standard faucet, the remote is on this side," he said with a point.  "That way you can adjust the jets however you want.  If you sit on the seat on the left, one jet is a bit ...personal.  The other side doesn't have that one."  That got a quick nod.  "The stuff is in the cup, it'll smell herby but it's good for you. You're not allergic to cooking herbs, right?"  He shook his head.  "Good.  Just don't drink the water.  Outside is fine, inside isn't."  He gave him a pat, got him the noxema, then grinned.  "Have it for as long as you need it, Gibbs.  We can use the guest bathroom tonight and there's two guest bedrooms.  We'll even keep it down."  He walked out, closing the door behind him.  "Towels are in the cabinet."

"Thanks, kid."  He tested the water temperature, turning it up a bit.  Then he turned on the jets, finding the 'personal' one.  That did made him turn that one off and adjust the others to a soothing looking motion.  He poured in the herbs, then spread the cold cream on his face, arms, and neck.  It made him sigh in pleasure.  "It stinks but if it works I'm all for it," he decided.  "I can't stand this sunburn."  He wasn't normally someone to complain but this was a lesson he would not have to learn twice.  He stripped down, neatly folding his clothes on the bench in there.  Then he climbed in, moaning as the jets hit the good spots on his back and legs.  The smell of the herbs was actually calming.  The padded backrest was nicely cushioned.  He turned off the water and let himself relax.  If a guy like Harris, who was tougher than he was sometimes, could do this, so could he.  He'd take his word on how to fix this injury.  He even fell asleep in there, only being woken up enough to let out some of the water and run warmer.

"Blue button, Gibbs," Tony called. "It's the water warmer."

Gibbs looked at the small remote then the buttons on the tub.  He hit that one and smiled when it came on.  "This is a decadent tub."  He shut off the new water and relaxed again.  His face had quit hurting.  It didn't feel like all his skin was going to crack open if he opened his mouth.  His back and knees had quit hurting.  His shoulders were unswollen.  Maybe a bit of luxury would be a good thing.  Nothing this extravagant but a smaller tub with maybe a few jets.  Or he'd see if you could install a system in a tub you already had since his was nice.  Every now and then even the toughest Marine needed R&R.  This was his.  He drifted off again, content, warm, and comfortable.   In the morning Tony knocked and brought him breakfast, plus the bag from his car with a wink.  "Thanks, DiNozzo."

"Not a problem, boss. The free-standing kits aren't as good as that tub.  Nothing's as good as that tub, but it'll be fine.  Oh, turn the nozzle on the shower *down*.  Xander used it last and it's set at skin piercing.  Turn it to the left to do that."  He grabbed something and left, going to take his own quick shower.

Gibbs got out, moving to take a shower while the tub drained.  He stuck his hand in the stream as it came out, wincing at it.  He turned it down and it was much better.  It helped finish off his night of relaxation and healing.  He washed off the cold cream and all the other stuff, noticing a few spots that had turned a light purple.  "Probably one of the herbs," he decided.  Xander's shower gel was an unmanly peach scent so he used Tony's Irish Spring gel.  Much more manly.  He got out, changing into clean clothes, then digging into his breakfast as he walked out.

Xander went in to rinse out the tub, just in case the dog got inquisitive, and came out dressed too.  "You okay?"

"I feel like I've had a week's vacation," he admitted.  Xander beamed.  "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome, Gibbs."  He gave him a hug.  "It'll be okay."

"The purple marks?"

Xander frowned.  "Must've been the preservative solution on one of the herbs.  It's nothing harmful and it'll wear off in a day.  I've had that too," he admitted.  Tony smiled. "He tried to play connect the dots with the ones on my back."

"More than I needed to know."  He sat down at the table, smiling and petting Pretty when she came to join them.  "Morning, dog."  She nuzzled his hand, earning the good pets, then went to beg Tony.

"Spoiled," he teased, pointing at her dish.  "There you go, eggs."  She ran over, going to scarf them down while they did the same.  "Don't tell Kate, boss, but you can use it when you need to.  You being that tense or hurt means we can't function properly."

"Thanks."  Tony grinned.  "Any other ideas about the office?"

"Have the spraying guy come in monthly since Abby swore she had bugs?"

"I've already arranged that with the guy who does the FBI building."  Xander shook his head quickly.  "No?"

"No, Vice has them under investigation.  You might want to check.  I know Fornell was down about that."

"I've got to call him anyway."

"He'll think you're retiring," Tony pointed out, eating another bite.

"He can come down and get his own sunburn," Gibbs said.  He looked at Xander.  "I still use the medicine?"

"Yup.  You'll need to. The noxema all night did wonders but you'll still probably itch and ache a little bit for a few more days."

"I can handle that.   I don't look like a lobster anymore."  They both smiled.  "Finish up, DiNozzo. You've got to drive me in and we're going to be late."

"Sure, boss."  He finished up, putting his plate in the sink.  Then he kissed Xander.  "Be safe at work today."

"You too."  Tony smiled, taking Gibbs' plate to put into the sink.  Then they left together.  "It's Xander's job to do the dishes since I do most of the cooking."

"That's how my exes and I split it too," he agreed.  He slid in to drive, making Tony frown but hand over his keys. "Next time you kidnap me to help me with something steal my car too."

"Point.  Go easy on the engine.  She's been running a bit rough.  I need to find a good mechanic."

"Ask Delko, he's the car guy.  Or see who Speedle takes his overpriced engine to."

"I'm going to."  They backed out of the driveway, letting the door close behind them.  Then Gibbs put it in forward and it stalled.  Tony moaned.  "Come on, baby.  It's easier to have you towed from downtown."  Gibbs tried to restart it.  "Let me.  She can be fussy about others driving her."  They got out and Tony got in, putting his seat back to where it should be.  He stroked the steering wheel then started it.  Splutter, smoke, nothing.  "That's not an engine problem.  That's sugar in the gas tank," he said, looking at Gibbs.  Who stared back.  Tony nodded.  "Yeah."  He went to look, finding it was still missing the gas cap under the little door.  "Yuppers."  He called inside.  "Xander, baby, call me a tow truck please?  Someone attacked the car.  Sugar most likely. Thanks."  He hung up and got into the trunk, finding the scene kit they all carried.  He came around to print the gas cover, finding two very good prints.  He lifted them and then went to work on the inside.  He was lifting another one when a tow truck came up.  "Hey."  He grinned. "Someone doctored my gas."

"She's a fine car, sir.  I'm sorry."

"Me too."  He stood up, putting all three tape lifts into his pocket.  "I need her to go to someone good who'll treat her right."

"I know a few good ones.  You mind odd or redneck?"

"Someone who'll appreciate her."

"Redneck it is.  She'll be babied."   He hooked the car up, taking her off.  "Need a ride?"

"No, we can get one from a friend.  Where?" Tony asked.  He handed over his credit and auto cards for the tow, getting a nod.  The guy ran it, letting him sign the slip.  He handed over the guy's card.  "Thank you.  I'll check on it about noon.  I'm a Fed."  That got a nod and he drove off with his poor baby.  He turned and found Xander leaning on the gate.  "Hi.  Can we hitch a ride?"

"Yup.  Mine's fine, I've already checked."  He opened the gate so they could get in.  He went to finish getting ready quickly, heading out with his boys.  Traffic was horrible so he was late but he gave Horatio, and the Chief since they were together, a look.  "Sorry, someone sugared Tony's gas tank so I had to drive him to work.  I'll make up the thirty tonight, boss."

"That's fine, Xander.  I know you do whenever traffic snarls you.  Is he all right?"

"Pouting and planning vengeance for touching his baby."  He walked inside, going right to the lab.  Calleigh gave him a look.  "Tony's gas was sugared."  She shuddered.  "At the house."

"Ooooh.  Your poor neighbor is going to die this time."

"Probably.  Traffic is a bitch and I had to take them to work.  There are *four* wrecks on *one* side of the Causeway."  She giggled.  "Exactly.  Who else isn't here?"

"Eric and Speed.  Horatio had an early meeting.  The Chief still lurking?"

"Out there with him when I came in."

"That's probably not a great sign."  She leaned closer.  "Xander, you know we have a mole in the lab, right?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah."  He grinned.  "I even know who it is."  She looked stunned.  "Kinda obvious.  Not even the boss can wear two grand shoes.  Plus DC probably let something slip once upon a time."

"Who had the shoes?"  He pointed at the next lab over.  "Maxine?"  He shook his head, staring her down.  She frowned.  "You're serious?" she asked.  He nodded.  "When?"

"The day Pretty got here.  So it wasn't just that she reminds me a lot of Buffy," he said quietly.

"That's a nasty compliment."  She looked at the walls joining them. "I'm going to talk to Horatio.  Leave my sample alone?"  He nodded, letting her go do that while he worked on the other stuff.  She smiled at Frank.  "Give me another thirty, Frank.  Got to check with the boss on something."

"Sure.  Xander down there?"  She nodded.  "Gun jammed last night when I was putting it back together."

"He can check it for you."  She found Horatio and the Chief still on the front steps.  "Horatio, Xander thinks he knows who the mole is," she said quietly.  He looked down at her and the Chief stared in shock.  "He noticed someone wearing two thousand dollar shoes.  Even saving up for them, that's a hell of a pair of shoes.  Especially for one on a federal paycheck."

He considered it. "That could be," he agreed.  "Xander has said a few times she reminded him of Buffy."  The Chief looked confused.  "The friend who broke his arm, sir."  He looked at her again.  "Any other ideas?"

"Yeah, that someone in AV has a big mouth now and then and probably let something slip by accident."

"That is also quite possible.  I'll look into that today.  Thank you."

"Welcome.  Oh, Frank's gun jammed on him last night.  He's going to see Xander.  We're nearly clear."  She walked back inside.  She found Ryan in there.  "When did you get in?"

"I had the early body call this morning," he said, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand.  "I've been on a beach since five."  She gave him a gentle hug.  "I was asking him how his dog was."  He looked at Frank's gun.  "We can't figure out what's wrong with it."

"I can so," Xander complained.  He nudged Frank and pointed.  "Sand?"   Frank moaned.  "Sorry."  He recleaned it for him, cleaning every part before he put it back together.  He felt where the stick was.  He looked at it again.  "Hmm."  He checked.  "You're going to need a new one, Frank.  You've got rust."  He let him see.  "Probably humidity."

"Damn it.  It'll take all day for someone to get me one."

"Cal, get him my spare from my kit?"

"Tony has that one. You were complaining about it last week," Ryan told him.

"Oh, yeah.  I need to ask him about that."  He looked around then went to his desk, handing over something from the bottom drawer.  "Mine from in here."

"Thanks, kid."  He looked at it.  It was a pretty standard police issue.  Then at him.  "I thought you liked bigger and heavier weapons."

"I do but she's still got that one."  She blushed and got it out of her desk drawer, handing it to Frank while he put the other one back.  He grinned and got back to work.  "I still want it back but that's a loaner.  It should be clean."

"Thanks, Xander."  He walked out, smiling and happy.  Even if the kid did have 'pull a gun out of my ass' syndrome.  He looked at the Chief.  "Who's doing the slag reports for our service weapons?" he asked him.

"What happened?" Horatio asked.

"Xander found some rust.  Slide's stuck.  He said it was probably humidity or, now that I think about it, we had that leak into my desk a few weeks back and I only wiped the outside because I thought it didn't get in."  He held up the other.  "A loaner."

"I remember when he leant it to Calleigh.  She had a problem with the recoil."

"I'll be careful with it."  He walked off, going back to his desk.  He had paperwork to do for a new gun.

Horatio looked at him.  "We could use another few buckets of damp rid if you see the maintenance guys, sir."

"I know, Horatio.  This year has been horrible for that.  How is the NCIS team holding up?"

"Decently.  Xander donated a tranq rifle to them recently."  That got a small snicker.  "Also sunscreen since two agents got burned on their first case in the Everglades."  That got a louder laugh.  "Gibbs has sun poisoning.  He wasn't wearing a waterproof formula.  I've helped Ziva make up the threat index Gibbs wanted on who was what and what sort of threat, from bugs to gangs, to our occasional terrorist."  That got a nod.  "I also lent them my copy of hurricane codes for labs.  Just in case."

"It's good you two can get along."

"Jethro and I understand each other quite well," he agreed.  "Even without the ties Xander forged between us."

"That's right, he's one of theirs originally."

"Their intern," he agreed with a small smile.  "I believe he got Abby some sunscreen for those who're supposed to be incredibly pale so she doesn't have to tan."  That got a loud laugh.  "We've got interns coming in tomorrow."  He looked over as Speed pulled in, checking his watch.  "It took you two hours to get here from home?"

"That was with me weaving through traffic.  I think Xander magiced his way at one point.  There's now five wrecks on the causeway.  One of the ambulances crashed into a cruiser, Chief."  He got off his bike, taking off his helmet and sunglasses.  "Sorry, boss.  Delko was somewhere behind me.  We were playing traffic tag for the first few miles.  He's probably on the *other* side of the causeway.  It'll be lunch."

"I'll let him go to the first scene if he's got his kit," Horatio offered.  Calleigh and Ryan came out.  "Eric's on the other side still."

"I called," Calleigh admitted.  "He's still by the coffee-shop.  He said there've been shots fired at the FBI building and they're shutting down the block."  Horatio nodded.  "Xander's coming too, boss."

"That's fine.  We'll go help."  He looked at the Chief.  "Get us air rescue?"

"I can do that."  He moved to make the call.  Calleigh handed Horatio his kit.  Xander came out armed and with his sunglasses on. "You look like a Fed without the suit," he teased.

"Take that back," he said grimly.  "No self-respecting Fed would wear my t-shirts."

Horatio checked the shirt just in case.  'I'm not staring at you, I'm studying my prey.'  "Not that shirt," he agreed.   "Speed, call Eric.  Tell him to get there.  Tell him to tell whoever we are coming."  A helicopter landed and they boarded, letting Speed get on last as he yelled that into his phone.  The door closed and they went up.

On the way there Xander's bad shit radar went off.  "Horatio, we're targeted," he said quietly.  He leaned closer to the pilot.  "Take us around the south way," he ordered.  He got a funny look.  "Funny feeling and I'm an eleven year combat veteran.  Plus there's a better parking lot to land in."  That got a nod and he took them that way.  Xander tugged on Horatio's arm, pointing at something.  Horatio looked then nodded, texting Frank, who sent it to Dispatch.  They landed and came out of the helicopter, nodding at the Feds staring in horror.  "You needed backup?"

"You couldn't drive?" one asked dryly.  "It's our scene and you had to show us up!"

"There's billions of wrecks on the causeway," Calleigh told him.  "What's going on?  Where do you need us?"

"Mostly we need you on the second floor.  They went after our scene team."  They nodded, heading that way.  He stopped Xander.  "You're not wearing a badge?"  He held up his ID.  "You're....  Oh, shit,  you're Stetson's son," he muttered.  Xander smirked and nodded.  "You're a field tech?"

"Backup.  Oh, we nearly got shot down by the guy with the rocket launcher.  You might call dispatch to see if they got him."  He walked off, barely catching the second elevator.  "He wanted to make sure I could do the work," he told Speed, who shook his head.  "Though he did mutter Dad's name like a swear."  Speed nodded as they got off.  Xander put his sunglasses on his collar and moved to a clear spot.  He checked his kit.  "I'm down to twenty swabs.  Have to fix that."  He looked around.  "Where do you want me, Horatio?"

"Left corner, Xander.  Near Ryan.  That's ballistics."  He nodded, going that way once he had on gloves.  They were down on kits so he left his there.  Which Horatio appreciated.  Jethro came off the elevator.  "Find a clear spot, gentlemen and ladies."  They nodded, going to find the other side of the floor.  He and Jethro shared a look.  "Rocket launcher.  Xander's still got his enemy radar."

"I know.  It's not his."

"Good to know.  You look better."

"Xander."

"Ah.  He is good at fussing."  Jethro nodded at that, letting him go off to deal with his own team.  Jethro went to check over everyone.  This was a federal case, he got to take lead this time.  He found Xander staring at the exemplar cabinet.  "Do not covet."

"I'm not.  I'm trying to decide if this is a bomb behind here and how I'd move the cabinet."  Jethro came in to look.  "HORATIO!"  He came jogging in.  "Is that a bomb?"

"It is," he agreed.  "How do we get this off?"

"The easy way," he decided, taking hold and giving two good shakes before yanking out a few screws.  "Cheap wallboard for the lattice, boss."  He put it aside, looking at the bomb.  "I know this one.  Get me some clippers?  They should be in the blue cabinet."  They moved to find them while he moved the bomb, getting it onto a table.  He got it open and clipped the wire, then frowned, staring at it.  The timer was off.  He flipped it over and dismantled the back, taking out the gas canister before it went off.  Seconds before it went off.  He held it up for Gibbs to take.  "I hate backups."  He walked out, letting them handle it.  "Guys, we found a small explosive device with a gas canister backup!" he bellowed.  "Be very careful! Call if you see one!"

"Yup, I'll be doing that," Ryan agreed since he was nearest.  McGee was up the corridor and he nodded too.  He called Kate and Tony since they were on the other end of the floor to make sure they had heard.  He looked at him.  "Why did we divert?"

"Guy with a rocket launcher pointed at us."  He got back to work, finding something.  "Found a print," he offered when Horatio came out.  He held up the lift sheet.  "Kinda smudgy, sorry.  Looks like they cornered at high speed."

"That's fine."  He looked at it.  "It can be run, Xander."  Xander nodded, going back to his other searching.  They had gun casings everywhere. "Just one caliber?"

"All Mac-10's, H," he agreed.

"Thank you, Xander."  He went to check on the others, finding Calleigh had the same news and the same smudgy print.  "Xander found one out of ballistics."  She looked around the area she was in, looking a bit frantic.  They found the device and he figured out what started the countdown, fixing it before it got past the minute mark.  "That's two."

"Anyone who finds fingerprints yell," she bellowed.  "That's a second device with fingerprints nearby."

"Then I'm in deep shit," Speed and Eric called in unison.  Horatio hurried over.  He found the bomb and got it before it started to count at all.  They sighed and went back to work.

Xander leaned over one cubicle wall.  "Bomb sniffing dog's on his way up, Horatio.  Just in case."  That got a nod.  "Also, I'm finding the fridge in the break room is open for some reason.  I have no idea if some of the things in there are biological or not."

"We can check," he agreed.  Jethro walked off with him to check that.

"Question," Speed asked.  "Was the causeway traffic snarl this morning intentional?  It's hardly ever that bad all at once, especially in the morning, H."

"That's a good question.  Another is the person with the rocket launcher involved?" he agreed.  He called Frank.  "Did you get him?"  He nodded.  "Any clues?  I'll release a few of mine.  Who do you want?"  The answer surprised him.  "You sure?  That's fine.  I'll send him."  He hung up.  "Xander, you and Ryan go to where Frank is; process the scene to find out who had the rocket launcher."

"It wasn't mine," Xander defended.

"I know that, Xander.  Frank asked for you two specifically."  Xander nodded, grabbing his kit once he had stolen an extra pair of gloves off Calleigh's kit, then took off with Ryan behind him.  "Jethro?"

"Looks like a disgusting refrigerator but some of them might be biological contaminants by now," he admitted as he came back.  "Where did those two go?"

"Xander's bad radar."

"That's reasonable.  Wolfe's OCD makes him very thorough.  Xander's an artillery person."  That got a nod.  "I wish 'em luck."

"He had gotten away by the time Frank got there."

"It figures."  He went to let the bomb sniffing tech and dog in.  "We've found two so far."

"Three," Horatio corrected.  He handed over the last one.  "Anywhere we're finding fingerprints."

"I called Tony to make sure he knew, boss," McGee called.  "I'm done collecting."  He handed over his basket of envelopes.  Calleigh marked where they had come from, putting them into a plastic bag.  She put that into an evidence container and waited on the others to come in.  "Now what, boss?"

"Did you sketch, McGee?"

"No, boss, but I did take long range photos so we could do it back at the office.  Plus 'real life' distance ones.  Xander said they're all Mac-10s as far as he can tell."

"All the ones I've seen are too," Calleigh agreed.  "At least that size.  I don't know how he figured out which specific gun."

"He said spray pattern?" McGee offered.  "Based on footprints and knocked over things?  Plus a few smudges of gunpowder?"  She frowned so he led her back.  "He paused here, looked at the footprints, the ceiling, the residue spots," he said, pointing at them, then at the little number placards, "then at the casings.  Then he said 'huh, Mac-10'.  Then he moved on."

She did the same thing.  "He's right, that's the right spray pattern but it could..."  She looked again, then shook her head.  "No, he's right," she realized.  "The others have a shorter distance for the casing discharge."  She looked at him.  "There are days I don't appreciate Xander enough."  He grinned at that.  "He's right, Horatio.  With the distance the casings shot..."

He smiled.  "I figured he tested it sometime in the past," he agreed. "Are we nearly done?"

"Nearly.  I've got a bit more to go over."  That got a nod.  "Plus someone's going to have to see the cubicles to see if they've been gone through."

"The tape will tell us that," Jethro told her.  "I've got it and we're going to go over it right now, Calleigh."  He looked at the spot she was in.  "How did he tell?"

"There's footprints here," she said, getting out of the way.  "Someone stood here in muddy shoes, which he thankfully picked up and outlined.  Look at where the GSR is, then where the casings were."  He looked then nodded.  "Each type of automatic weapon has a discharge distance.  Most of them are only a few inches.  The Mac-10 is the only short one with one that size."  She pointed at the grouped cluster of placards.  "So I'm thinking Xander was right."

"Wow.  You have to know a lot to be a ballistics tech," McGee said, shaking his head.  "Glad I'm not."  He went to work.  A guy in a hazmat suit came in with a containment box.  "Fridge is this way, guys."  He pointed.  "I wasn't even sure what some of that stuff was.  And one thing's lurid green."

"Pistachio pudding, McGee.  Did you get anything else?"  He shook his head.  "Then go watch the tape, figure out which cubicles got touched."  He nodded, closing his case and heading to do that.  He looked at Horatio.  Then around.  "Let me check on DiNozzo.  I haven't heard a smart remark in a few minutes."  He went to do that, finding him hanging up the phone.  "No smutty calls on shift, DiNozzo."  Tony handed over the bomb and the canister.  "K-9!" he called.  They came over, taking the bomb, letting the dog get the areas around them.  "Why didn't you yell?"

"I didn't know we had someone here who could except Xander."

"Horatio," the K-9 officer told him.  "He used to be bomb squad."

"Good to know.  I called Harris."  That got a grin.  "Kate?"

"I'm clear, Tony."  She came over with her plastic bucket of envelopes.  "Why aren't you done yet?"  He pointed at the bomb, making her go pale. "You don't yell and warn me?"

"I kinda froze for a minute, Kate," he said bluntly.  "Excuse me for doing that.  I don't know what to do with those."

"Have Harris teach you if you want," Jethro told him helping him up.  "Kate, take over his area.  Go help McGee figure out which cubicles.  It'll take a higher security rating to look at some things."  That got a nod and he walked off to do that.  "Kate."

"Sure."  She handed over her bucket.  "From my corridor."  Once the dog was out of the way she got to work taking pictures and notating the scene.  They came back with a drawing of which ones had been ducked into, letting himself and Jethro do that while the others finished up.  She handed Calleigh her ballistics buckets.  "From mine and DiNozzo's areas."

"Thank you."  She checked them off, put them into big plastic bags, then into the same plastic bin.  "Any other casings or ballistics evidence?" she called.

"Haven't pulled the bullets from the ceiling yet," Eric reminded her.

"Doing that last, Eric, that way nothing falls onto evidence.  I need you all clear for that."  They nodded, finishing up and bringing it to her.  "Gibbs, tell me if you're going to be in Xander's section?"

"No.  Start there, do the outside corridors first.  They were only in this pod and one other cubicle in the back."  She nodded, grabbing a ladder and going to pull the bullets from the ceiling.  He went back to looking.  The agent for his cubicle came in.  "Is anything missing?"

He looked then nodded.  "I had a folder open on top.  We have an arms dealer."  He pulled out what he still had.

Gibbs looked at it.  "The Miami-Dade team nearly got hit with a rocket launcher on the way in," he said quietly.  "Harris went."

"Who?"

"Their ballistics and artillery tech."

"Oh.  I guess that's good if Caine wants," he agreed.

Tony stood up, looking at him.  "His surname is Stetson."  The agent's eyes went wide.  "As in the one the ATF likes.  They did put him in under the family name, boss.  Was this guy working on it?"

"Yeah but he's at the ER.  He freaked out downstairs."

"That's understandable," Tony agreed.  He got back to work. "Is he normally messy?"

"No, he's OCD."

"Then someone was definitely here."  He broke out the fingerprinting materials to get to work.  All the papers were gathered and put into an folder for later going over.  He found a few stray hairs as well.  "Is he a brunette?"

"Bald.  Old guy."

Tony held up a small envelope.  "DNA, boss."

"That's fine, Abby's still waiting on that machine.  Caine's people can run it."  That got a nod.  "Anything else?"  Tony handed over what he had found.  "Thank you.  Go to the next one."  Tony nodded, going on.  "We're going to need to confiscate anything they may have touched."

"Clear down the Philips file then, Gibbs."

"Good to know."  He did that, finding a few stray hairs of his own.  They might be the cubicle user's but he took them anyway.

***

Xander looked around the building top they were on then at Frank.  "He was there by the antennas."  Ryan nodded, heading that way.  Xander started on the doorway.  No one had opened it from this side according to Frank.  The fire escape didn't come all the way up here. It was the only way down.  He pulled two beautiful prints and put them into his case, closing it again because there was a slight breeze.  He saw something and took off his sunglasses.  "We have GSR on the door," he said.  Frank came over to look.  Xander pulled out his flashlight to change the lighting angle on it.  "Yeah, that's GSR."  He moved his case closer, getting a swab.  Then he closed it again until he was done with the swab and it was put back.  That time he had to catch one of the lift sheets.  He shifted things around so all the evidence was on the bottom.  That way it wouldn't blow away.  He moved around, finding a small biological sample.  "Got urine too."  He took two swabs and moved on once they were in and closed up again.  He walked the rest of the roof, finding a few things.  Including an evidence tag.  He looked at it before bagging it.  He walked it over to Frank and Ryan, holding it up.  Frank groaned. "Not ours, Frank."

"No, that's FBI issue," he agreed.  "Tell Horatio."

"I can do that."  He went to grab his kit, putting that in there while he called.  "Hey, boss. Found an evidence tag, FBI issue.  Case MDF1655-458-3."  He listened while Horatio asked an agent, nodding.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "Related to the materials gone through in the cubicles," he called out.  He saw the door open and reached for his gun.  "Frank!" he yelled when the guy came out with the AK.  Frank turned, but the guy turned toward Xander instead.  Xander got a shot off but he was in the open and squatting down on one knee.  He got a graze on the arm.  The other guy got hit in the stomach.  Xander held his arm, breathing deeply for a minute.  "I'm fine," he said when the officers rushed over.  "Check him.  I want him to fucking live. He knows something."  They nodded, getting Rescue there while Xander looked at his arm.  "Even over the broken spot.  I'm not happy."  Ryan came over to check, pushing past an officer.  "I'm fine.  It's a graze, Ryan."

"You still got shot."

"Shut up."  He stood up, handing over his case.  "The stuff's in the bottom tray so it wouldn't blow away."  He handed over his sidearm.  "For later testing."  Rescue came up and he let himself be led off.  He glanced at Frank.  "Safer," he told him.  That got a nod.  "I'm fine, I can handle myself.  Watch Wolfe."

"Agreed.  Go.  Guys, he's got a graze.  He goes too and that's a prisoner."  They nodded, taking them both off.  He knew Xander would start a tape recorder and start the 'confess now' talk in the ambulance for him.  He called Horatio.  "Xander's grazed.  We had one shooter come up with a machine gun.  Looks like an AK.  Wolfe is it tagged?"

"Yeah, it is," he agreed.  "Tell him Xander handed over his sidearm for testing since he got the guy in the stomach."

"Hear that?  Wolfe has Xander's gun.  He got the gun in the stomach.  Same arm that had been broken, Horatio.  No, he was walking and growling.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "He wanted him to bring it with him."

"The ER would've taken it anyway," Ryan reminded him.  "I need an escort."  They nodded, taking things down to put into the back of the patrol car.  Then the officer sat guard on it, literally sitting on top of the hood.  Ryan went back up to note the new incident on the sketch.   Someone was going to pay.  He looked at Frank.  "Is someone available to look at Xander's house?"

"I'll see if Hagen's available.  He can get into the vaults if we need him to."  He called him.  "Hey, where are you?  We have an FBI assault."  He nodded.  "I figured it was on the news.  No, Harris just got a graze.  The guy came after *him*.  That's what Wolfe was thinking.  Thanks, buddy.  Sure, have fun with the dog."  He hung up.  "He'll take his cheetos over there.  It's his day off."

"Damn.  Hate that for whoever goes in later," one of the officers quipped.  Ryan and Frank both looked at him.  "Unlike the new guys on the other side of the building, I know what a grouch Hagen can be, sirs.  I saw him the last time he got called in on his day off."

"Lounging around eating cheetos in front of the tv can be done just as easily at Xander's house," Ryan told him.  "Plus the new dog."

"Yeah, she likes Hagen," Frank agreed.

Ryan grinned.  "She's part wolf, Frank.  She'll eat whoever breaks in."

"Good.  The boy needs something like that," he agreed.  "We done?"

"We are done," he agreed.  They left together, Ryan taking the new sketch and the last few things down with them.  The officer got off the trunk so he could put things into there.  "Right back to the lab," Ryan ordered.  "I'm riding with you."  That got a nod.  He got into the passenger's seat, letting the officer in to drive.  They headed off with lights and sirens.  It was going to take them to get through the traffic snarl.

***

Horatio hung up, looking around.  "Gibbs, Tony?"  They both looked at him.  "Xander's fine.  They found FBI evidence tags there."

"Why is Xander all right?" Tony asked calmly.

"A second suspect came up and tried to shoot at him.  Ryan said only him.  He's only grazed.  He's going to the ER with the suspect."

Tony took a deep breath.  "I'm going to help him kill people.  Which arm?"

"Frank said the one that had been broken.  Xander apparently got him."

"Good!"  He got back to work.  "Is it linked?"

"By the case number I looked up, yes," Horatio admitted.  Tony stood up again.  "They found another evidence tag sitting up there."

"Oh, goodie," Tony said with a feral smirk.  "Is someone on my house, boss?"

"I'll call John Hagen," Horatio said calmly, walking off to do that.  "John, Horatio, where are you?"  He smiled.  "Thank you.  Let me know, John."  He hung up.  "He's on his way already, Tony.  Frank called."

"Great minds and all that."  He got back to work.  "I've still got to call and check on my car at lunch, boss."

"I'll remind you, DiNozzo."  Horatio gave him an odd look.  "Sugared."

"I hate when that happens.  I got to arrest two teenagers in my neighborhood when they did mine.  They're still not happy in jail."  Speed snickered, shaking his head.  "Are we nearly done?"

"We're done," Speed agreed, coming over with one of the plastic bins.  "This is yours, Gibbs. Where do you want it?"

"My truck.  Calleigh, do you want overloaded with the ballistics or do you want Abby to have it?"

"Up to you, Gibbs.  I've got more room and Xander."  Horatio shook his head.  "I don't have Xander?"

"He was just grazed," Tony told her.  "Someone ran up on their other scene."

"Who in the hell?" she demanded.

"Someone he got back," Gibbs told her.

"GOOD!"  She looked at Horatio.  "Who's going to take the idiot's statement?"

"Frank.  Mr. Wolfe has the evidence from there going back to our lab.  Gibbs, tonight?"

"Tonight's fine for a share.  Calleigh?"

"I can handle most of it by then," she agreed, heading off with the ballistics tub.   The boys got out of her way.  Eric even offered her a life saver from the pack in his pocket, earning a smile.  They were too far away to hear what she told him but he was scowling so he probably got told about Xander too.

"I'm almost pitying that suspect," Speed said as he walked over to the elevators.  "McGee, I need let into your truck."  He nodded, coming to do that with their evidence.  They rode down together.  "Xander's fine."

"I heard.  Tony's going to go ballistic on someone."

"That's a good pun," Speed said, making McGee smile.  He wiped it as the doors opened, walking out together.  "Last of the evidence coming down," he told one agent, getting a nod.  They put their bins in the NCIS truck and closed it back up, standing guard until the others came down.  Then Speed went to catch a ride back with a uniform.  Eric drove his own car back there.  The causeway was clear so it was better.

***

Xander walked into his house, frowning at the stink in there.  "John?" he called, reaching for his gun.  Not on him.  He found his phone. "Horatio, I'm home.  John's not here.  Pretty?"  No answer.  "No barking either, boss.  Hold on."  He moved in carefully, finding John and the dog whimpering at him.  "Send me Rescue now, Horatio.  He's injured."  He hung up and checked him over, doing a quick turn around the rest of the house before coming back.  EMTs rushed in.  "This is former Detective John Hagen.  You call Horatio immediately when he gets to the ER."  They nodded, taking him.  He looked his dog over, not finding an injury but she was still whimpering. "Come on, Pretty.  Let's take you to the doggy ER."  He got up and put her into his car's back seat, on top of the tarp back there.  His back seat was gross so he kept a tarp on it.  He got in to drive, taking her there.   One of his coworkers would be there soon.  He pulled in and got out, picking her up to carry. "Someone broke into my house, shot the guy who was in there watching her.  All she'll do is whimper.   We need to check her for forensic samples as well," he noted calmly.  The nurse nodded, taking him back to a room.  "Thank you."  He got her onto the table, taking a comb and a large piece of paper.  "Done this before?"

"Twice now.  Both home invasions."  Xander nodded, calmly combing her.  The doctor came in.  "Home invasion with a shooting, sir."

"She's whimpering.  Doesn't want to open her mouth for me.  Check to see if she bit someone?" Xander requested.  He finished and moved to her tail, then her other side.  Then finally her head.  The doctor got out of his way.  "Her name's Pretty."

"Pretty?  She's yours, sir?"

Xander held up his ID, nodding.  "Yeah.  There was a former officer shot at my home as well."

"Okay.  You done?"  Xander nodded so he got to work on her.  "She's got a broken jaw, sir."

"Xander."  He looked.  "Is that evidence she bit someone?"  The doctor nodded, plucking it out.  Xander put it onto a tissue, putting that into the same envelope.  Someone knocked then walked in.  "Here, Eric.  I combed her, he pulled the skin from her teeth.  I put it on a tissue."

"That's fine.  Are you all right?  Your arm's bleeding."

"It's from picking her up.  I popped a stitch."  He went back to staring at the vet.  "Will you need to keep her?"

"No.  We can't really cast or sew her mouth shut for this.  We can go in and put on a bar to hold it steady.  I want to do x-rays?"  Xander nodded.  "Thank you."  He walked her off, watching how she walked.  "She may have been kicked too."

"Someone's going to die," Xander said simply.  "Do whatever you have to do."  The doctor nodded, taking Pretty with him.  He looked at Eric.  "John?"

"He's at the ER, they're working on him.  Two shots to the lower chest/upper stomach area."

"Right about where I got the guy who rushed me," he said quietly.  Eric nodded.  "Who's doing my house?"

"Calleigh."

"The vaults were closed."

"Good.  You stay here."  Xander nodded so Eric took the evidence back to the lab.  "Valera."  She looked up.  "From Pretty's mouth.  She bit whoever shot Hagen."  She took it and started on it right then.  "Thanks."  He walked the rest over to Trace.  "Speed, Xander combed Pretty at the Vet's."  He took the envelope to look at, nodding at what he saw.  "She's got a broken jaw and the doc thinks her ribs may be sore with the way she's walking.  He said someone's going to die."

"I don't blame him.  Someone is asking for it," he agreed.  "No new word on Hagen yet.  Calleigh's down there waiting to process him."  Eric winced.  "She demanded.  Said he wouldn't feel comfortable with one of us doing the collecting."

"If she's sure."  He nodded.  "Okay, do they need me at Xander's?"

"No, Horatio took that one personally," he admitted.  "With Kate.  If they need more help, they'll call me."

"She's good," he agreed.  He dug in to help with the other evidence.  They could see someone in ballistics.  "Who?" Eric asked, nodding.

"Madeline, from non-felony.  Horatio called her over.  She looked at the bins and swore."

Eric smiled.  "Xander probably would too."

"Yup."  They got back to work.  Xander stomped in an hour later.  "No," Speed ordered.  "Do ballistics, not in here."

"Sure.  Let me know who hurt my dog?"

"Agreed.  Where is she?"

"Minor surgery to hold her jaw together.  I'll get her in a few hours."  He went over there, putting on his jacket and glasses, taking the spot next to his counterpart.  "Hey."

"Hey.  Where were you?"

"I went home after being shot.  Horatio said so.  So I got to walk in and find John Hagen lying bleeding on my floor and someone hurt my dog."

"Someone's going to die," she said.  Xander nodded and grunted.  "Okay.  I'll support you and cheer."

Xander looked at her.  "I dated a mean cheerleader once."

"Doesn't really surprise me, Xander."  They got back to work, sorting out which casings came from which gun first.  Then they could run samples.  "Where did this one happen?"

"FBI."

"Ooooh."  She shuddered.  "Their lab?"

"Their lab people's non-lab floor," he agreed.  "Their cubicles.  Hazmat had to come check the fridge."  She giggled and nudged him with an elbow.  "They planted bombs too."

"Should we swab for residue?"

"No.  Not yet.  We can later if we need it."  She nodded, getting back to work.  Horatio came in and he stopped to stare at him.  "How is he?"

"He's in Intensive Care.  They closed him up already."  Xander slumped and nodded.  "Calleigh's done all the collection and she's on her way back.  She stayed until he was out of surgery."

"Of course.  She should.  She's his."  Horatio smiled at that.  "Any word from my house?"

"Nothing in the vaults was touched.  The loose guns are still there as far as we can tell."

"Was he shot before or after I shot the guy on the roof since it was the same general area?"

Horatio looked at him.  "I do not know," he admitted.  "We'll figure that out, Xander."  He nodded.  "How's your dog?"

"Getting her jaw bolted together."

"I'm sorry."

"Someone's going to be," he agreed.  "I'm not calling Dad.  I don't want to worry him."

"I agree and Jethro said the same thing."  Xander grinned and nodded, getting back to work.  "Anything yet?"

"Four guns," Madeline told him.  "So far.  We haven't been checking for anything like fingerprints, residue, or anything else."  Calleigh came in.  "We've got it, go run the others."

"Xander should be home," Calleigh said firmly.

"I would but my house is still a crime scene," Xander said, looking back at her.  "John was at my house when he was shot."  She glared.  "I'm not sure if it's related to the guy I just shot on the roof when he got me or not, boss."

"I'll figure that out."  She walked off, going to ask Ryan what had happened.  Agents came out of the elevator and she glared.  "Get out of our lab, people.  They assaulted ours at the same time.  We're doing it."

Xander came out, looking at one.  "NCIS has evidence.  Go bother them," he agreed.

"We're here to take control," one said.  "You're not Caine."

Horatio came out.  "It involved our officers and yours.  You can work with us or you can go baby your own people.  Xander, have Alexx change the bandage on your arm, you're bleeding."

"I popped a stitch when I picked up Pretty."

"Pretty?" one agent asked.

Xander looked at her.  "At least you're not wearing open toed shoes today," he said dryly.  "My dog.  They broke into my house to shoot the former detective in there watching over my personal exemplar since one of them ran up on the second scene, the one where someone was trying to blow the helicopter we were using to respond to your building's scene, and tried *me*, not the others."  She went pale.  "He's in Intensive Care.  So it's ours and yours.  Work with us or without us, people.  Horatio, it's not bleeding now.  It stopped at the vet's."  He turned him around and pointed.  "Yes, boss."  He went to do that, walking into the morgue.  "Alexx, can you give me a new bandage for my arm?"

She looked over, putting down the cleaning cloth she was using.  "Get your hind end over here."  He hopped up on her table, letting her look at his arm once his jacket was off.  "Graze."  He nodded.  "You tore a stitch?"

"They shot John in my house," he said quietly.  "Plus hurt my dog.  I tore it when I picked up Pretty."

"Uh-huh."  She went to get her stitching kits, coming to fix it and then rebandage it.  He didn't even hiss.  "Local?"  He shook his head.  "If you say so."

"I've got a high pain tolerance, Alexx."  She nodded, applying a bandage.  "Thanks."  He got off the table, heading upstairs to get back to work, sliding into his jacket on the way.  "Move," he ordered as he walked into ballistics.  The agent in there got out of his way.  "Madeline, have we found more guns?"

"Most of the odd pin impressions or the ones we can't tell look like each other.  I'd say five guns."  He nodded.  "I'm starting on the bullets Calleigh pulled."

"Mac-10?"  She nodded, giving him half the stack.  He got to work, opening up a document to start his report while he worked, searching them one by one.  He was making piles out of which one went with which gun.

"We have enough microscopes, put one sample from each gun on one," the agent suggested.  "Then put a bin in front of them."  They nodded, doing that so they could sort them easier.  Xander and Madeline kept notating as they went, letting her help by sorting them and making sure things were sealed back up.  It was a small task but she knew she wasn't going to get in their way.  They were finally done ad she had a tally for them.  "We have one gun with a diminished count," she offered.  "Far diminished."

"Someone was planting bombs too," Xander admitted.  "We have a smudgy, greasy print wherever he planted one.  I'd guess it was probably that guy."  That got a dual nod.  "Thank you, ladies.  Let's finish up the reports."  He took the count to finish his, letting Madeline take it from him.  He proofed and printed, then nodded at the agent.  "You can use my log-in.  Save it under your name and ID number."  He walked his and Madeline's off, handing it to Horatio, and Jethro since he was up there and so was his dog.  "She got released early?"

"DiNozzo went to pick her up when he went to check on his car," he admitted.

Xander sat down, petting his poor dog.  "It'll be all right.  Whoever hurt John is in deep shit, Pretty.  We'll get him and you can bite him again."  She laid her head in his lap, letting him comfort her.  "I know you ache, baby.  We'll do everything we can to make you feel better faster."  He yawned.

"Take a short nap," Horatio ordered.  Xander nodded, shifting them back into the corner by the window, sitting there to nap in the sun since she liked to.  He smiled at Jethro.  "It's been a bad morning.  He told the other agents to go away."

"So did I.  So did Abby."  He smirked, taking the other reports coming in.  "From which scene?"

"Bureau," Ryan said, putting them down.  "The rooftop."  He put that one down.  "Calleigh's got Speed working on the stuff collected at Xander's.  She followed John's and he took over the house.  DNA from that one is coming soon according to Maxine.   Fingerprints is having to maneuver things.  We took a swipe from an outer edge of one print, it was pizza grease.  Olive oil and pepperoni grease specifically.  No cheese grease in that sample."  He put that one down as well.  "The bomb was taken by bomb squad and she called them to see if they pulled prints.  They're sending them over from non-felony.  Madeline went back over there.  She passed by me on the way out.  Calleigh's fuming in the locker room," he finished more quietly.

"Thank you, Ryan."  He nodded, heading out.  He looked through them, handing them to Jethro.  "It's amazing how many people have adopted his writing style," he said finally.

"It's easier to understand," he said.   He read the last one then handed the stack back, scenes separated by turning that part sideways.  "They had inside information?"

Horatio nodded.  "They had inside information."  They got up and headed out together, Horatio closing his office door.  He found Stetler looking into ballistics.  "He's napping next to my window, Rick," he said, walking down there.  "With his dog.  Looks like an adrenaline crash."

"I still need a statement from him, Wolfe, and Tripp."

"Frank's with the suspect at the hospital, waiting for him to get out of surgery.  Mr. Wolfe?"  He came out of DNA.  "Is that my test result?"

"It is.  Someone's going to pay and pay and pay," he said, handing it over.  He looked at Stetler.  "As long as you make it fast I can give a statement and show you the sketch of this morning."

"Do so."  He followed him to get those things and take it in the lab.  "I'll wake up Harris in a few."

Horatio and Jethro looked at the report.  "Inside people," Jethro agreed, heading off with it.  "Which DA would get her?"

"She did shoot a Miami citizen and one of our former officers.  We'd get her but if she turned evidence they might not hand her over for more charges.  Attempted murder over turning on the FBI?"

"They consider that treason, especially since it went to an arms dealer."  He paused.  "Is he on the ATF's list for Xander's bust or Tony's?"

"I do not know.  We can call Wilkins and check on the way over."  That got a nod and Horatio pushed the button for the elevator.  Frank came off.  "Stetler's looking for you."

"Good.  Hagen came to the same spot so I checked on him.  They're going to downgrade him to serious in a few hours if he stays stable."  They both smiled.  "Someone heard a glass break up here?"  Horatio turned and jogged off, going up to his office.  "Okay."  He followed, finding Horatio checking on Xander.  He pulled out his phone.  "Rescue, this is Tripp.  We need an ambulance in Caine's office ASAP.  GSW victim CSI Harris."  He hung up, coming over to move the dog.  "Come on, Pretty.  It'll be okay, girl."

"C'mere, dog," Jethro ordered.  She came over whimpering.  "You protected him.  It's not your fault.  The daddy will be just fine."  Others rushed in.  "OUT!"  They mostly backed out.  Calleigh looked at the hole, walking around the boys.  "Well?"

"Sniper rifle.  .307."

"Parking lot shot," Frank said.

"Could be from further out," Jethro told him.  "I used to be a sniper.  I could've hit that from the road."

"There's a bend.  I'll get officers out to search," she decided, looking at Xander.  "Shoulder?"  He nodded.  "Good.  I'll kill them too!"  She walked out.  "Let's go, people.  We need to find the sniper's nest.  Right now!"  They nodded, going to help her if they weren't busy.  Officers too.

Alexx rushed in.  "I got called.  What happened?"

"Sniper through the window," Horatio said, getting out of her way.  "His shoulder, Alexx."  She nodded, looking then putting pressure on it.  "Need us?"

"No, you go find this walking dead person before I do or Maxine does," she told him bluntly.  He nodded, walking Jethro out.  Stetler walked in.  "You can wait!" she said firmly.  "He's not conscious.  It was a sniper shot."  She looked at the dog.  "You must be Pretty.  You hop up on that couch and you sit your tired butt down, girl."  She hopped up there, sitting as was ordered.  "Good dog!  Make yourself useful and pet her for me."  She nodded at the EMTs coming in.  "Shoulder.  Into the joint."  They nodded, moving him out so they could get to him easier.  "There may be glass shards.  It came through the window."

"Yes, Doctor Woods," one said, taking his blood pressure.  "It's good."

"He was having an adrenaline crash when he was shot," Stetler said.  They nodded, taking things off the gurney so they could move the boy onto it.  The dog growled.  "You, quit.  They're helping the boy."

"Pretty, c'mere," Tony called.  She ran over to him, letting him pet her.  "Good girl to guard the daddy.  Good girl.  Very good girl."  He looked at them.  "How bad?"

"Shoulder, sugar.  He'll be fine, just sore and injured for a bit."

"So I'll be whined to death?" Tony asked dryly.  She nodded, smiling a bit.  "That's fine.  Can you put Pretty in your office for a few minutes?"  He looked at her.  "Can you guard the Alexx for me?"  He pointed.  "I'm going to go with the other daddy and guard him.  I'll even bite the guys who shot him for you."  She whimpered.  "I know, baby."  He handed over her prescription bottle.  "I have no idea how to get that down her throat since they had to bolt her jaw together, Alexx."

"I did it with a child, I can do it with her.  Come on, Pretty."  She walked her off, taking her to give her some medicine.  "Just like the vet's, baby girl.  It'll be okay and Daddy will pet you later.  He'll love you a lot for protecting him."  The dog barked quietly.  "Yes you did and you know you did."  She walked her into her office, giving her the pill as gently as she could.   "Now, you nap that off, baby, and I'll be out there finding out who hurt the baby girl.  Okay?"  The dog laid down in her chair, staring at her.  "Good girl!"  She went back out to her present body, finding her boss.  "What?"

"Dog in the morgue?"

"It's Harris' dog, Chief.  She's got a broken jaw.  His house was broken into and John Hagen was shot in there.  She's just off surgery."

"As long as she doesn't contaminate anything."  He looked and found her staring at him.  "She's got a lot of hair."

"She's a good girl.  They found her protecting Hagen."

"That is a good dog," he agreed.  "Harris?"

"Got shot through a window.  I went up to administer aid."

"Fair enough," he agreed, leaving her alone.

She sighed.  "Someone's definitely getting bitten on the hind end when they find him.  They'd better *pray* Horatio finds them first."  She smiled back at the dog.  "It's all right, Pretty.  This is just like the vet's, baby girl.  You nap off the drugs."  She went back to her autopsy.  Non-felony was catching the homicides for a little while.  They'd have to be paged but it'd be fine.

***

Xander woke up in a hospital with his arm being held up.  He looked at his arm, then growled and tried to move it.  "They gave you a muscle paralyzer in that arm," Tony said quietly from his other side.  Xander rolled his head to look at him.  "You have to have the traction for at least another day.  The shot went into the joint and they need the stitches to not pull this time."  He leaned forward.  "How do you feel?"

"Pretty?"

"She didn't get any more hurt.  She's soaking up Alexx love in her office."  Xander smiled at that.  "Now, how are you feeling?"

"Shitty."

"About normal?" he asked with a small smile.  Xander nodded, grinning back.  "Good."  He stood up, stealing a quick kiss.  "Let me get the nurse?"

"When can I go home?"

"Three days."

"Hospitals kill people."

"Not this one.  They've got too many of us in here.  Speaking of, John's across the curtain from you.  He's napping so don't yell."  That got a nod.  Tony pushed the nurse's call button, bringing one.  "He feels about normal."

"Can I have my arm back now?" he asked.

"No."  She checked him over.  "The joint was damaged. They need you to keep it propped up for a few days, sir."

Xander looked at Tony.  "Don't tell Dad and Mom?"

"I told your mother that you were fine and it wasn't a cause to rush down here.  Just a shoulder injury.  I didn't tell her you had been shot."  Xander smiled at that.  "By the way, Wes's dad left him some books and a small box of stuff.  Not sure what's in there."  Xander nodded. "They're bringing it down today.  The rest of the stuff was being released to Giles today since he's the only Watcher left in existence.  Though I did call to tell him that Wesley had left you the stuff his father had left him, just in case it was something he'd need some day.  He did say that you were one of them now."

Xander shuddered.  "I hate tweed."

Tony smiled.  "I'd hate to see yo in tweed," he agreed, smoothing down his hair.  "Will you behave?"  Xander nodded slowly, staring at him.  "Promise me you won't try to check yourself out AMA or anything?  Because someone's got to guard John."

"Can I have a gun?"

"Not yet," Tony admitted.  "Soon."  He smiled again. "We good?"  Xander nodded so he left.  "I'll be back when I can tonight, Xander.  Don't worry about anything, we're all going to bite them for you two."  He let the door close, calling his boss on the way out.  "It's me.  He's awake, aware, and complaining.  Said he feels shitty, yeah, like normal after being shot.  I told him he had to guard John, he wanted a gun.  I said I'd be back tonight."  He hung up, getting onto the elevator so he could go back to work.  Someone needed his foot up their asses.  Someone was going to get his foot up their asses.  Repeatedly.  He got back there and found Fornell waiting on them.  "What do we have that's new?" he asked before pulling Forenll out of his desk chair and sitting down.

"You're off the case, DiNozzo. They broke into your home," Fornell said at his snicker.

Tony looked at him. "Shut up and get out of my way before I bite you too."  Fornell took a step back.  "Now, what else is new, boss?"

"Two things.  The agent the dog bit is in the wind.  The other one is being picked up by MDPD and being brought here."

"The other...."

"They got the fingerprints to register.  Ziva's helping hunt him donw," McGee said, tossing him the report.  Tony caught it, looking it over, then tossed it back.  "Abby's got something but she's correlating it to one other thing with Speed's help, and he's downstairs.  How is Xander?"

"Wanted a gun.  Wanted out.  Feels like crap.  Pretty standard."  He looked at Gibbs again.  "Who else?"

"The arms dealer is on Xander's and your list, DiNozzo."

"Hey, we'll get to meet early then," he said mock cheerfully.  "Anything else I need to know?"

"They didn't get into the vaults," Gibbs told him.  "The rocket launcher was from an earlier sting."

"Good to know."  Fornell gaped.  "Xander's a Watcher."  He looked at him.  "I told his mother he had been injured on the shoulder but not that he was shot.  That way she wouldn't rush down here.  He said to."

"Good.  She'll fuss and Lee'll blow up the city," Kate said.  Gibbs nodded and Fornell shuddered.  "Anything else, boss?"

"Not yet."  He called the lab, putting it on speaker.  "Do we have anything new yet?"

"One thing," Abby said.  "But it's not a big thing.  Speed found slime by the artillery vault at Xander's house."  Tony stiffened.  "So someone should check."

"I can do that," Tony agreed, heading home to do that.  He found Horatio there with him.  "Speed said he found slime."

"Jethro told me."  They got into it together, finding things were where they should be.  There was more slime and a small spot that looked like a dimple in the floor.  "Check the cases.  I'll get the inventory."  Horatio went to do that.  Tony started to open cases.  Only one had slime on it and it was still in there.  There was an empty hole.  He let Horatio see, getting a nod.  He moved on, finding the explosives cabinet had been touched but it was full.  "That wasn't full last time," Horatio said, looking.  "The missiles are all there too."  He frowned, counting pounds and looking at the inventory.  "Someone added to it."

Tony shrugged. "It's a safe place to do that."  He heard a sucking sound from the other vault, going in there. "Hey."  The demon whimpered, cringing away.  "Don't do that, I'm Xander's mate, Tony."  The demon gave him a fearful look.  "Give me stuff directly or give him stuff directly, don't just put it in here, okay?"  The demon nodded quickly so he smiled.  "Thank you.  What's that?"  It held out the gun, looking a bit reverent.  "Thank you.  He'll like that one."

"Where did you get it?" Horatio asked.

"Gozul," it hissed, then sucked back into the floor, leaving a small dimple and a small bit of slime behind.

"Huh, I'll have to ask," Tony said, putting that gun down once he had wiped it off.  He looked at him.  "I told him he had to stay there to guard John.  He wanted a gun."

"That would be a bad idea.  He'd shoot the nurses who woke him up."

"Probably true," Tony sighed, putting that one away.  They closed the vault doors and headed back to NCIS, finding Gibbs watching their person.  "Someone added something," he reported.  Speed looked over from his corner. "Seriously.  We saw the demon.  It said it got it from Gozul and it was adding a gun when we caught it."

"Interesting," Gibbs agreed.  "Are they locked back up?"

"Sure are, boss.  So's the house and the alarm system is back on."

"Good."  He walked out, going to talk to their suspect.  He walked in and the man stiffened, sitting up straighter.  Jethro sat down, staring at him.  "You are in a very deep hole.  You have ten seconds to start talking before I hand you a shovel."

"You can't hold me.  It wasn't a military crime!"

"I was called in because you helped attack the FBI center and their own people couldn't do their own case.  Your choices at the moment are federal detention or Florida detention."  The agent sneered.  "You're wanted on two capital crimes in Florida and only one in Federal charges.  Your choices are the chair or a super max."

"That's no choice," he sneered.

Horatio strolled in. "Jethro, may I?"  He nodded.  Horatio looked at him for a moment.  "It's not often I see people who're stupid enough to shoot officers.  Technically John Hagen is still with the department. He's on unpaid leave pending a psychological evaluation.  That is a charge that will keep your appeals to a minimum.  We have enough evidence to convict you, your four other friends from the FBI shooting, the one that got away on the rooftop, and I do believe they were the same person who shot John Hagen.  She's going to be going to the chair.  You will be going to the chair for that and treason.  That means the chair or a firing squad I believe?" he asked Jethro, who nodded.

"Yeah, planting those bombs would mean treason charges," he agreed.  "So you can deal by spilling your guts or you can die.  Still the same choice.  She's being given the same one since we just found her."  He had heard Tony's tap on the window and the code of 'got her'.  "Your choice which one of you doesn't die."

"It was her idea!"

"I bet," Jethro agreed.  "Want to tell Fornell instead of us?"

"He's a better asshole than you are."

"He's a bastard, get it right," Fornell said as he walked in.  "Will Miami-Dade give us authority?"

"The DA's can argue," Horatio told him.  "I'll be there to watch it happen.  Or, I can always let you in the room with the family of those who got hurt.  I'm sure CSI Duquesne and others would love that."

"Harris is a nobody.  So's his family."

Tony walked in smiling.  "Can I have him, boss, please?"

"No, DiNozzo."

"Aw, come on, boss.  I want to go at him like my father would."  He stared him down. "Or my grandfather."  The man swallowed.  "Please?  He did hurt my dog."  The agent snickered so Tony walked over and turned off the video camera.   Then he slammed his face into the table twice.  "Shut up, putz," he said in his ear.  "Xander is mine.  Now, what was the plan and why?  Otherwise you're going to Gitmo on the fast plane tonight," he hissed.  "I'm sure they'll get you to talk.  They'll *love* you and you'll never see another soul who won't want to kill you for betraying your country.  Your choice."

"I...I...."

"Xander's related to agents in Homeland.  Covert in Homeland."  The guy whimpered.  "They'll take you to Gitmo first and then, well, that's part of  the spinning wheel really.  Chechnya.  Pakistan.  Saudi.  They can do some amazing things over there.  Have been perfecting it for *years*," he hissed, moving around him.  "Now, which do you want, little boy?  Gitmo, the chair, the firing squad, or to spill your guts like the little piggy you are?"

He burst out crying.  "I'll talk!"

"Good!"  He walked over to turn back on the tape, turning around looking perfectly calm and relaxed, smiling even. "It's good that you decided to talk to us, Agent Miller.  Now, what is going on?  How does it tie into the current ATF stings, and why Harris?"

"DiNozzo, let us handle this," Jethro told him.

"Fine, I'll be watching," he said, staring at the suspect for a second.  "Have to check on my car anyway."  He walked out, going back to the watching room.  "No, that's not normal.  I'll be suspended later," he announced.

"More time to listen to Xander whine," Speed said.  He patted him on the back.  "Calleigh would've gutted him and asked for a deathbed confession.  Want to talk to the other one?"

Tony smiled.  "Kate and Abby are."  Speed shuddered.  So did McGee.  "It'll be fine.  She'll talk too."  He went back to watching Jethro destroy every single reason the agent gave until he finally broke and admitted it was for the money.  Then he got the names.  "Probie?"

"On it, Tony.  Have a good few days off."

"I've got a boyfriend in traction. I doubt it."  He called the nurses' station.  "How's Xander Harris doing please?  Agent DiNozzo.  The one who was sitting with him.  Yes, me.  Look on his chart, lady.  I'm allowed information.  I'm his medical power of attorney.  Yes."  He held his head then looked up.  "I'll be right there."  He walked out, leaning into the interrogation room.  "The nurses hate me, boss, bring you back dinner?"

"Please.  The usual."   Tony nodded, heading off.  He looked at the agent again.  "Was something planned at the hospital?"

"They probably won't give out any information over the phone. They wouldn't when Speed was shot," Horatio said quietly.  "Eric nearly shot one of them for that."  He stared down the agent, finally taking off his sunglasses.  "Fornell, which DA did yours want to deal with?"

"I leave that to them.  I sit back with popcorn when they go at each other."

"Good to know.  The other?"

"Is staying ours," Gibbs said.  He looked at the agent. "You sit in here."

"Please let me stay in the federal system," he begged.

Fornell nodded.  "I'll try since you cooperated."  He went to tell the DA that.  He found them facing off in the bullpen.  "DiNozzo told him he'd spill or go to Gitmo for treason.  He wants to stay in the federal system so he doesn't go there or to the chair."

The federal DA smirked.  "I can arrange that.  Life?"

"Is too good for him," Fornell noted.  "He didn't say we couldn't kill him, just keep him in the fed system.  Gibbs, did you promise him he wouldn't die?"

"Barely.  You can give him options.  He might like the death penalty instead of some of the federal detention centers."  She smirked, walking off to do that.  "Kate, did she break?"

"She gave Abby a horrified look so I let Abby have her, boss.  Abby told her all about what they could do to her at Gitmo and other secret prisons.  She broke with the ripping out your toenails but Abby went on for another few minutes.  She's decided she wants a quick death.  Since she shot Hagen and he is technically still an officer you can have him."

The Florida DA smirked.  "Thank you, Agent Todd.  Any others?"  She smirked at Horatio.  "How will you do without your prize ballistics tech?"

"We won't be without him for long, Miss West," he assured her calmly.  "Until then he'll consult."  She went pale.  "Possibly for the ATF since he'll be on leave."  She stomped off.  "There's six more names on the federal side and one more on ours."

"Agreed.  Bring me a solid, airtight case."

"I'll bring them in begging for mercy," Abby said as she walked around her, handing Gibbs a cup of coffee.  "Can I, Gibbs?"

"Go for it, Abby.  Prove it, bring them in, Horatio can interrogate here.  It'll keep the threat portion down."  She nodded, dragging Speed off by the wrist to help her.  He looked at McGee.  "Has DiNozzo called yet?"  He handed over a note of what Tony had said.  "He's right, he is.  Five days as a matter of fact.  Along with a note in his file."  He put it aside.  "Thank you for handling that for me, McGee."

"He said he needed it anyway, boss."

"He probably does," Horatio agreed.  "Xander will whine him to death by the time he's out of the hospital."  Kate snickered.  "He will."

"Tony routinely checks himself out AMA, Horatio.  Bad concussions and all.  When he got the plague he came back after being out for a week.  He was shaking, could barely stand, was having problems eating, and came back to work."

"They do suit each other very well," McGee said dryly, typing.  "Boss, does he still need to do a report?"

"Yes."

"I'll let him know."  He sent that to Tony's phone and reminded him of the dog.

Tony came back a few hours later with a big basket of deli supplies.  "I'm going on the Xander-cooking method.  Here, have food."  He handed over the report.  "I borrowed a laptop there.  I've stopped him from trying to get out twice and when I got there I had to step over two bodies.  Ryan got to growl at someone finally."  He looked at him.  "Three?"

"Five and a reprimand," Gibbs said.

"That's fine.  Not like I want to move out of here anyway, boss.  Anything else I should know?"  The final report was handed over.  He glanced over it.  "Good!"  He handed it back and smiled.  "Wilkins is on his way to see him.  I said I'd be back there.  If you need me unofficially, call."  He walked out humming and much happier.  Now all he had to do was beat the neighbor's daughter for putting sugar in his gas tank.  Ryan had run the prints for him as a favor.  He and the dog headed back to the hospital to cheer them up.  He'd let Calleigh go hand the little girl the court papers saying it was her job to pay for the repairs or she was going to be sued for damaging his property.  He walked the dog in, holding up his badge.  "Hi."  The security guard gave him an odd look.  "It's CSI Harris' partner.  I'm bringing her for a visit."

"She's a K-9?"

"Ballistics."

"Oh."  He nodded.  "I guess that's fine, Agent DiNozzo."  He let them up, calling up there to warn them.  They couldn't refuse service or K-9 dogs.

The nurse glared at him.  "You again?"

"Me again and I'm staying here for a long time this time so butt out."  He walked Pretty past her, letting her go once they got into the room.  "Go ahead, girl.  That's the daddy and the John friend."  She sniffed John, hopping up to sniff his nose, giving him a little lick and a whine.  He opened his eyes partly and petted her gently, making her lap him harder. "Good girl, Pretty.  Want the daddy?"  She barked and jumped down, going to hop up on the daddy and lick him too.  Xander smiled and petted her with his good hand, making her groan and flop down on his stomach to cuddle him.  "Good girl."  He smiled at John, opening the curtains.  "How are you feeling?"

"Shitty," he muttered.

"Well, you were shot," Tony told him.  "By the way, she's going to the chair.  By the time Abby got done with her, she was begging to go to the chair."  That made John smile and Xander laugh.  "One other is going to the chair and the other six are staying in the Fed side."  Agent Wilkins leaned in.  "Telling them the outcome."

"Good."  He smiled at Xander.  "Your mother heard you got shot.  She's on her way down.  Your father's in a proud but panicked moment.  Fornell was brave enough to call her at home to tell her during lunch."

"Yay me," he said, looking at the flowers.  "Give those to John, man.  I'm not that much of a girl."

John looked over at him.  "I can't do a face masque like you can, Xander."

Xander stuck his tongue out at him.  "I'll teach you, John.  After all, we're going to be in here for *days* since I can't go home."

John pushed his nurses' call button, bringing the sour one.  "If I beg, can he go home sooner before he warps me into believing football is like gay sex too?"

"What?"

"It is," Xander told her.  "There's no other reason to get into that bend over and take me position.  Well, except labor.  I hear some native women give birth in that position."  She gave him an odd look.  "I was raised by girly girls."  He beamed.  "Do you need help draining that zit on your forehead?  I'm good at them."

"No, thank you," she said, backing out slowly.  She went to talk to the head nurse about a psychological evaluation, but the nurse had been told by Ryan so she explained it to her better.  Within an hour they had discharge papers for Xander and a sling for his arm.  Agent Wilkins got them checked into a good hotel for the night with the dog and stayed to talk with John until his boss got there, and then his friends.  He'd escape in a few more days.

***

Xander looked over at his mother's gasp.  "Hi, Mom.  Pretty, this is my mother.  Don't bark at her.  She can do worse and if she can't, Grandma can."  The dog sniffed her, letting herself be petted like the spoiled princess she was.  "I'm fine, mom."

"You got shot, son.  You're not."  She gave him a hug, kissing him on the head.  "No Tony?"

"Wilkins wanted him today."  He smiled at his brothers and his father.  "I'm still fine.  Just a bit achy and sore."  He adjusted his sling.  "And bored.  I'm about to start making face masques again I'm so bored."  His brother Philip punched him on the good arm.  "What?  My skin could use it.  So could Jamie's."

"We'll keep you from being that bored today," Jamie promised, giving him a pat on his good arm.  "How are you doing?  Back in the house yet?"

"Tomorrow.  They're trying to find out why someone was giving me guns."  He sipped his water and Pretty barked at the waitress, who gave her a bowl of water and a pat.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome, sir.  She's a beautiful dog."  She walked off, going to take care of her other tables.

Xander grinned.  "We've been spoiled."

"Spoiled is good for you when you've had a Dad Day," Philip told him.  "Because only Dad has days like you did."

Jamie looked at him.  "I had one of those when I worked with you guys.  That's why I went to NCIS.  How are they liking the local office?"

"It's good.  I had to let them borrow a tranq rifle.   Kate and Gibbs both got really bad sunburns out in the Everglades on a case.  Other than that Tony said it's been kinda boring."

"It is a low case area," Tony agreed as he came over, stealing a kiss before pulling over a chair, smiling at the dog.  "Did the pretty waitress spoil you?"  The dog barked and let herself be petted by the other daddy.  "Good girl.  Very good girl.  We'll get to go home today and see the John friend."  He smiled at them.  "John's spending tonight with us since they don't want him alone at his place.  His boss was pissed too, wanted to shoot them himself."

"Won't Calleigh be mad?" Xander asked, looking confused.

"She's got court in the morning so she's got a long night going over the case files."  Xander nodded at that, finishing his water.  He grinned at Amanda.  "I think he nearly set a record for getting out of the hospital."

"I heard.  How much glass did they have to pick out?"

"Not a whole lot," Tony assured her.  "He'll be fine.  The bone'll heal.  The joint shouldn't have any pain once it does."

"What he said," Xander said, nodding a bit.  His brothers laughed.  "The doctors refused to talk to me, they only talked to him.  I even pointed that out once and got a funny look.  I think I want to go back to the pediatrician in the ER.  He talked to me."  His lunch was brought and the waitress looked at the others, who all ordered something light, and Tony, who ordered the same thing Xander had only with pickles.  She walked off, going to get it for them.  "I'm back on comp time," he announced.  "This time the Chief agreed I could keep my vacation time and just stay on injury leave.  He did suggest I get the ATF out of his hair while I'm gone.  I also told him I could easily do minor things while I was this way but he forbid it.  So I'll go in starting next week to do minor things."

"There is that cruise assignment," Lee offered.  Amanda hit him on the arm. "It's a cruise to Mexico.  It'd be relaxing for him."

"He can't draw with one arm in a sling," she complained.  "If it gets dangerous I don't want him killed this time, Lee."

"I wouldn't let him be."

"Horatio wanted me in the city, guys."  He ate a bite of his sandwich.  "Sorry, hungry, breakfast," he said once he swallowed, taking another bite.  His mother gave him a look so he nodded at Tony, who just grinned.  "He's not very nutritious."

"No, that's not a filling meal.  It leaves you hungry for more," she agreed, smiling at him.  "I want you to rest."

"I will.  But I can do the ballistics inventory Horatio wanted done while I'm like this so Calleigh doesn't have to.  I can even consult on cases and I've got six court cases coming up soon.  The DA was told I was injury leave so maybe he'll hurry them a little bit.   I'll get to go back about when John does."  They all smiled at that.  "They did finally clear him while he was in the hospital.  I've also got the two shooting reviews while I'm down.  I don't see a problem with them.  Tony took the week off with me to listen to me whine."

"I heard why he's off," Lee said, smiling at him. "Nice work, son-in-law."

"Thanks, Dad."  He looked at Xander.  "I'm actually suspended."  Xander looked at him.  "I slammed Miller's face into the table."

"Good.  I would've gutted him and asked for a deathbed confession."  Tony snickered and nodded, letting their waitress put down food.  "The people who shot me.  He's a Fed," he said at her odd look at him.  She nodded, going off again.  He grinned at his family.  "So you came down to suck up to the new furry grandbaby since the last one went home with Horatio?"

"We did," Amanda agreed, smiling at the dog, who was laying next to her boy.  "She's a beautiful dog."

"John's guardee had her but her daughter ended up being allergic," Tony told them.  That got smiles and both brothers got their own share of playing with her.  "Be gentle with her chin, Phillip, it's got a bar right now.  Miller broke it."

"Poor thing."

"She sucked up to Alexx in the morgue for a while," Xander told them.  "Even came out to watch her, head tipped to see what she was doing."  They all smiled and dug in, eating lunch and chatting about what was going on at home.  Xander finally had to ask.  "You left Grandma food when you locked her in the closet, right?"

"She's on a senior's cruise," Lee said with a grin.  "We haven't told her yet, son."

"Crap."

"She's planning on stopping here anyway.  The ship lands here and she was going to spend the night with you then come home," Amanda told him.  "So you can tell her how you pulled your impersonation of Lee."  She stroked his cheek with a smile.  "I do want to see the house."

"We can go home today," Tony assured her.  They smiled and finished up, Amanda putting it on her expense account.  They went to help the boys pick up their room and take them home.

The waitress found the signed slip, smiling.  "So they were all Feds.  Gotta love the expense accounts."  She went to file that slip and have someone clean the table. Plus pick up the dog bowl.

***

Lee relaxed in the back yard, smiling when Tony came out.  "What's with the slime spots?"

"There's a slime demon who leaves Xander presents."

"Why?"

"I don't know.  I asked and it said Gozul."  He flopped down in his usual chair.  "He'll figure it out while he's on leave."  Lee smiled at that.  "That's what he's good at.  Figuring things out.  He's the one who found the first bomb and told me how to dismantle mine.  I still can't believe they did that."

"They were jealous of what others had," Lee said quietly. "They're not the first."

"Or the last," Tony agreed, shifting some to settle in better.  Pretty came out the doggy door, hopping into his lap.  "Hey, Pretty.  Why are you wet?  Is the daddy taking a shower without you again?"  The dog lapped him.  "Good girl."  He petted her.  "Does all the insanity come from you?"

"His mother," Lee said wisely.  "He handles it like I do."

"Ah.  That's where the handling things come from."  He looked at him.  "Does she beat you for that?"

"Now and then," he admitted.  "About every time I get shot at or check myself AMA."  He grinned back.  "It'll slow down, Tony.  His club thing did."

"We haven't had the energy to go out in a while."

"Well, you can take him out while he's injured.  Use the time off to spoil him a bit.  You're young, enjoy it.  Like the cruise to Mexico.  You'd only be there as backup."

"I'd get back a day late. You'd have to tell Gibbs why."

"Hmmm, no thanks.  I hate making Jethro growl."  The dog looked at him.  "I do.  He growls like you do.  C'mere, grandkid."  She hopped down and hopped into his lap.  "Ooh, you're heavier than you look."  He petted her anyway.

"She's part wolf."

"I'm surprised she didn't kill the person attacking Hagen."

"If it had been us she probably wold have," he admitted.  "Xander would've had her attack without a second thought while he was drawing a gun."  That got a smile.  "He's great at what he does."

"He is," Lee agreed.  "Wilkins is getting other agents into the problem list.  He said he's gotten Taylor to help with his state's problems.  They have a detective who can do it.  They'll have a mass meeting in DC in a few weeks.  He'll still be off then?"

"They're saying a month.  Xander is saying a week before he sneaks back."

"Horatio won't let him."

"There's little things that need done.  Things like that inventory that'll take a few days.  This way no one has to stay late or rush casework."  That got a nod.  "The Chief agreed with him on that and Xander pouted that he had to go on comp time.  The Chief quit complaining about him being hurt too.  Wanted to give him a medal for saving Hagen's life."

"He run?"

"He threatened to.  Made the Chief laugh.  He agreed he'd hold off the medals this time.  He learned why the rest of us appreciate Xander so much.  Wilkins promised to make sure he made it back to work healthy, they could even work on his physical therapy while he was with them if he had to.  Even the press liked him."

"Good.  You do know he's up for the Public Service Award this year?"

Tony grimaced.  "Gibbs has seven of those in my desk."

Lee smiled.  "I heard you tell him it was his turn to pick up yours."  He bopped him on the arm, getting a smile.  "I saw Sheppard.  She's about ready to cry."

"Good."

"Be nice."

"That was nice.  Did you warn Gibbs?"

"I have, he said he'd start locking his doors."  Tony smiled and nodded.  "How's Ziva doing?"

"She's been a bit bored now and then.  Kate treats her like a child."  Lee nodded at that.  "You could probably borrow her for the Mexico cruise.  She's used to spy work."

"I'll ask Gibbs, see if he can spare her.  I haven't worked with anyone from the Mossad in a while."  He looked at the building next to them then back at his son-in-law.  "Why did he put that there?"

"To put it off the pantry and not block anything but the neighbor's view.  Plus to give us some shade."

"I guess it works.  Kinda closes in the yard though."

"It helps though," he pointed out.  "Even with it he was hiding some of the stuff in a Willow way."  Lee snickered.  "Stetler can see through the illusion wall, told Horatio how to get in, who told Gibbs.  He let out this big, tired sigh of discontent."  Lee snickered harder.  "They're getting him to consider reducing some of it."

"I'm sure they are.  They might even succeed but he's got his mother's stubborn nature."

"I've noticed that," Tony agreed with a smile.

"You should've seen her when she was in the field, Tony.  She actually out-stubborned a kidnaper once.  Made him walk off pouting and let her go."  Tony had a giggle fit and the dog came back to cuddle him.  "Be thankful Xander's not a daughter, it'd be worse.  She gets it from her mother."

"His grandmother babied him when his arm was broken.  Made him eat and everything."

"Yeah, and on the way home she spent a good day in Cleveland too.  She did what Rupert should have done, spanked the hell out of those brats."  Gibbs came out of the house.  "Hey.  Can I borrow Ziva for a mission?"

"Please.  She could use the stress break.  Where?"

"A cruise to Mexico for an information handover.  Low threat of injury.  Tony thought she might be bored."

"More stressed because she doesn't always understand the forensics."  He sat down.  "I came home to find a visitor."

Tony grinned at him.  "Well, they've got one room, the brothers have the other, but you can have the tub, Gibbs."

"I'll take a couch, DiNozzo."  Pretty barked at him.  "Hey, dog.  Comfy?"  She got down and came to hop into his lap, getting petted.  "Good girl."  She doggy-smirked at Tony and got comfortable, letting him pet her wherever she wanted.  "I still can't take you home, dog.  I'm never there."

"Horatio said the same thing before his littermate refused to get out of the hummer one night," Tony said dryly, making Gibbs crack and smile.  "When is Grandma getting here, Lee?"

"Three days."

"I'll hide in the office," Gibbs assured him.  "I don't know what the attraction is but she and Ducky's mother have both hit on me."

"It's your charming nature," Lee said.

"They want you to cuff them and interrogate them, boss," Tony said with a grin.  Gibbs smacked him on the head, making the dog bark.  "See, she agrees."

"Xander,  your boy is going odd again," Lee called.

Xander strolled out of the house in a pair of pajama pants.  "Do you expect me to cure him?" he teased.  "That would be noisy and then Mom would blush.  She said so."  He came out to sit in Tony's lap, getting comfortable.  "How odd are you?"

"Your grandmother hit on Gibbs."

"Welcome to the family.  She's very stubborn," Xander told him, getting his own swat. "Mom said that's where she gets the stubbornness to put up with Dad from."

"Take him and go rest," Lee ordered.  Tony let out a wicked chuckle, standing up so he could walk Xander inside and make him a bit more sane again.

Jethro shook his head, going back to petting the dog.  "Could be worse.  Xander could be twin girls."

"That's worse," Lee agreed.  "Thankfully Jamie gave Amanda the granddaughter so she has someone to dress up and coo with."  Pretty barked.  "She'd braid your hair if she could figure out how, dear.  Don't worry about it."  She settled in again.

Jethro shook his head.  "I remember life before meeting Xander."

Lee sighed.  "I said the same thing a few months ago about life before I met Amanda.  Wouldn't trade it for the world."

"True," Jethro agreed, petting the dog again.  They could stand some Xander insanity.  Just not all at once.  Then again, Tony could keep that down for them.  That was a boyfriend's job.  That and to keep track of the artillery.

***

Epilogue:

***

Xander looked at the headlines the next morning, grimacing.  He walked into Horatio's office, handing it to him.  "Can I go visit Mac?"

Horatio looked at the paper then at his ballistics tech.  "I didn't hear about that until afterward?"

"I was doing something for Wilkins and found it," he admitted sheepishly.  He wrote down what he did.  "That's the code to turn it off and how to break down the second timer.  Peter down in Bomb Squad froze when I asked.  Can I hide now?"

"Go hide in ballistics, Xander.  Clean the guns.  You can come back."  Xander beamed and bounced down there.  He was cleared for duty!  Yes!  Horatio read over the story again, then called Bomb Squad.  "Tell me it was a ploy or a fake device?" he asked quietly.  He held his forehead.  "No, he's supposed to be on comp time for that shoulder shot.  He was helping ATF."  He nodded.  "Agreed.  Thank you.  Let me know if we need to do anything with that." He hung up and put his head down, banging it once on the desk before he got up and went to intercept Calleigh.  "He's hiding and cleaning the guns."

"That's fine.  I know he's bored."  He handed over the paper, making her stare and wobble.  "Him?" she squeaked.  He nodded.  "Well, we can always handcuff him for the medal I guess."

"I'll run and hide," Xander said from ballistics.  "Mom said I could have a couch for a few days."

Horatio gave him a look.  "You are a credit to the lab, Xander.  You'll draw others into the field."

"Then you'll have a lab full of kids just like me, Horatio."

Horatio shuddered and turned pale.  "No, that's not a good thought, Xander.  I'll find something that has to go to Mac."  He went to do that, sending him a waning email.  The lab would not survive with more than one Xander.  Or even someone else trying to be Xander.  The world might not survive there being more than one Xander.  He realized he typed that in and erased it, summing up the problem by telling him to look up the story in the local papers.   Then he sent it and found something that Mac could have.  "Xander, how about another present?" he called.

"But, Horatio.  My guns!" he complained.

"You do have those ones you don't want."

"Point.  I'm still figuring out who Gozul is too."  He shrugged, leaning into the office.  "Are you going to help me weed them out again?"

"If you want."  Xander grinned and nodded at the hall.  "Right now?"

"Chief's here and there's cameras outside.  I'm putting back on my sling."  He ducked out, going to do that and duck out the morgue entrance, sneaking around to his car.  He waved at the Chief before getting in and speeding off.

Horatio went out the front door, smiling at the Chief once he had his sunglasses on.  "Sir."

"Was that Harris?" he muttered.  Horatio nodded.  He turned around so the cameras wouldn't catch what he was saying.  "Medal?"

"He's going to be delivering something to a friend.  He did point out that if you did that it would encourage more just like him to come to the lab."

The Chief went pale.  "You'd kill me."

"Give him one but don't make him show up," he muttered.  That got a nod and they walked down there to handle the press together.

"Lieutenant Caine, is it true one of your techs disarmed a nuclear device yesterday?" someone yelled.

"It is true.  He was on assignment with the ATF since he's injured.  He's consulting with them on some gunrunners.  He does ask that you not hound him or else he'll run and never come back."

"Is he getting a medal, Chief?" another reporter called.

"We will be giving him one privately.  He doesn't want to be publically acknowledged since some of his work does require some undercover assignments now and then.  Before you ask, he's already escaped you today."  They pouted at him.  "Sorry but he's very clear he doesn't want attention."

"To consult and help the ATF now and then we do need him undercover," Horatio said.  "Mostly he's a normal ballistics tech, ladies and gentlemen.  He was in the right place at the right time.  He's thankful he knew someone in Bomb Squad he could call on for help."  They took that down.  "Other than that, he's still consulting with the ATF until his recent injury is healed."

"How was he hurt?"

"He was hurt working to apprehend the agents who planned the raid on the FBI building," Horatio told them.  "A sniper got him in the shoulder."

"I heard her was shot in your office," a blonde, female reporter called.

"CSI Harris was shot through my office window.  He had been grazed earlier that day and I was checking on him."  That got taken down as well.  "His dog was also there because she had been hurt when someone broke into his house to get him, which led to the shooting of Detective Hagen."  They smiled at that.  "Fortunately that matter has been cleared and sent to the courts.  Now, if you don't mind, we have work to do, ladies and gentlemen.  Crime does not stop for your pleasure or mine."  They backed off and he walked off.  "Chief, meeting later?"

"Three," he agreed, waving at him.  "Budget."

"I know."  He smirked as he got into his hummer, heading off to hide and help Xander pick out what he was bringing to Mac.  It was a good escape.  He got there and found Xander staring at a small demon.  "What is that?"

"Gozul.  It loves me."  He looked at him. "I think it's my clubbing problem gone odd, Horatio."

"Can you banish it without hurting it?"

"I'm trying to discourage it."  He looked at him.  "You can't have me, I belong to Tony.  He'd get really pissed and stomp you, plus get Buffy down here.  Neither of us need that."  It pouted but nodded, disappearing in a pop of slime and a small dimple on the floor.  "I hate to break his heart that way."  He walked into the gun vault, finding another padded case. "Did you get cornered?  I snuck around Alexx, making her snicker."

"I did but I told them to leave you alone, that you had to do undercover work."

"I'm not leaving the lab," he vowed.  "I'm a nice, normal ballistics tech with a trace minor from here on out, Horatio.  I swear."

Horatio smiled at him.  "At least hide for a while, Xander."  He gave him a gentle pat and they got to work sorting out the guns.  "Where's Pretty?"

"Went home with John.  Tony promised I could have another dog."  Horatio snickered. "How's Bert?"

"Good.  She's decided Speed's pillow is hers now.  She doesn't mind her adopted pack as long as they keep me happy.  During our last fight she growled at Eric until he apologized for being an ass."

"Good of her."

"Very.  Speed laughed himself sick.  Literally."  Xander grinned at that, pulling down something.  "I thought you liked that one."  Xander pulled out the newer model, making him pick it up to look at.  "That is much prettier."

"Isn't it?"  He beamed and put that one back, laying the other one into the padded case, marking it off his inventory.  "Well, at least I haven't heard from Mom yet."

"Making you wonder if she's got something worse?"

"No, I know she hasn't heard yet.  Gibbs said he'd complain to Fornell later.  I called Tony when I got the second timer dismantled.  He handed the phone to Gibbs and walked off to pound his head into a wall.  He was not a happy camper."

"I'd have done the same thing, Xander.   You can fly or drive, your choice."

"I'll fly.  It'll be safer.  I'd hate to be mugged for them and have to prove what I can do to some other lab."  Horatio laughed, leaning on the work bench.  "Hey, not nice," he complained.

"They'd ship you back, Xander.  I did warn Mac that you're coming."

"That's fine.  As long as it won't make him mad if I hide up there for two days.  I need some more of the special bubble bath I found up there anyway."  Horatio smiled, handing him over another one but Xander put that one back.  "The one behind it."  He handed that one over instead.  That one got marked off and they finished filling the trunk.  Then Horatio drove him to the airport so he could run away and hide.

***

Mac met Xander at the gate, giving him a look over.  "No radiation poisoning?"

"No, I only had to dismantle the second timer."

"Good job.  Bags?"

"One, for you."  He beamed.  "I'm hiding."

"Good.  Come on, Xander."  He walked him off, letting him get the case from security.  He looked at it and smiled.  "More toys?"

"More toys," he agreed.  "How's Don and Stella?"

"They're doing okay," he said, taking one handle to help him carry it outside to the official SUV.  "Not as nice as your hummers."

"You guys don't have Everglades up here."

"True, we're purely city crimes," he agreed happily.  "I can't imagine what Stella would yell at the alligators if one tried to eat her."

"Ducky yelled at the last one.  I never knew he knew that demon language."  He climbed into the passenger's side, letting Mac get the back gate and climb in to drive.  "I need to stay near Ellory's.  I have to hit that bath shop again."

"I know a good place near there.  Do you have a budget?"

"Tony took me clubbing last week and some ladies got hot from us making out in a back corner.  I'm blowing that wad."

"Okay."  He pulled into traffic, heading to let him check in.  Then they took the trunk to the lab.  They walked it in together.  Xander got signed in and they headed down to Trace.  Stella saw him and opened her mouth.  "He's hiding."

"Why?"

"Because I was helping ATF and we ran into a nuclear bomb.  I had to dismantle the secondary timer.  The press is rabid down there so I'm hiding," Xander finished with a bright smile.  "And giving over more of my exemplar."

"Nuclear?" she said faintly.  He nodded.  "Uh-huh."  She walked off, going to call Don and tell him Xander was back.  He groaned when she told him why.  So it wasn't just her.  She heard the squeal and looked at ballistics, smiling at the happy bouncing the techs were doing with each other.  "Boys with guns," she muttered, hanging up and going back to work before her headache got worse.

The End.

Table of Contents

Good Boy. 2

A Bothered Boy. 160

Sword Boy. 277

Boys With Guns. 334