Contents

Ballistics in Trouble.

Ballistics in Film and Fun

Ballistics In The Press

Sisters in Ballistics.

Challenging Ballistics

Naughty Ballistics.

Ballistics in Trouble.

Xander looked over at the couple arguing next to where he was looking for a new book for his next bored time at work.  Then he shook his head.   "Get one of the blue covered ones, I always liked them," he noted dryly, looking at them again.

"You're buying a romance novel?" the man asked, looking disgusted.

"I was raised by girls. Three girls actually."  He grinned.  "It gives me a unique perspective of the gender war.  The blue covers."

"See, it's guys like that who make me fight so hard for our son to never go to that prep school," the husband complained.  He looked at Xander. "What do you do for a living?"

"You're a hairdresser or something, right?" the wife asked.

Xander gave them both his most wicked grin "I'm a ballistics criminalist with the local PD."  Then he chuckled at the shocked looks.  "I get to play with guns all day long for fun and profit.  I also have a demolitions license and I'm on call for SWAT."

"Maybe that school isn't that bad of an idea," the mother said quietly.  "Is it hard to do what you do?"

"A degree in science.  The academy if he wants to go into the field.  Nothing too horrible," he promised.  "Being a tech pays well too.  Chicago starts at twenty-eight a year for field techs and mine started at fifty because I'm a lab tech with specialities."

"Science degree?" the father asked, looking really interested.  "Can he get it here?"

"Yeah, there's a sub-track at the university.  I went to UCLA.  I know Marshall University has one too.  There's about ten *really* good programs and it's no harder to get into than a regular science degree."

"Give me the money now!" someone yelled.

Xander looked around the edge of the bookshelves they were standing in front of and groaned.  "Stay here, duck if you hear a loud noise," he said quietly, unholstering his weapon and sneaking forward.  He made 'stall' motions at the cashier, glancing around. He didn't see any other people with guns and masks like that guy did.  He unholstered his weapon and walked closer.  He walked right up behind him.  "You're holding up the line, would you mind moving faster?" he asked politely.  The man turned, pointing his gun at him.  Xander waved his.  "I can fire off three-to-four shots before you can with that, especially since yours isn't cocked. Now, you can do the *nice* thing and give up so I can go back to picking out a romance novel for when I'm bored later or should I pull out my new badge and handcuffs?"  He gave the guy his most 'interested' look.  "Time's ticking, junior."

"Who are you!" he yelled, moving his gun further up.  Xander's gun came up and was pressed into the guy's forehead.  The guy wet himself and dropped the gun, raising his hands.  "I'm sorry!" he begged. "I'm so sorry!"

"Good.  Turn around.  Hands on the counter."  The guy nodded and did so, still crying.  He shook his head and put up his weapon, pulling out the cuffs he had been allowed to carry for all of three weeks now.  He patted him down once he was cuffed and grabbed the phone across the desk, dialing dispatch.  "Hey, Sheila, it's Harris.  Someone just interrupted my search for a book with a shotgun at the mall.  Yeah, there.  Please.  Need a car.  I've got him in cuffs and he's crying.  I'll wait outside with him.  Thanks, babe."  He hung up and smiled at the cashier.  "It's all right.  He's not all that bright," he said with a wink, taking him outside.  He came back for the gun, then walked back outside since the guy was sitting on the planter trying to stop crying.  He waved the cop car closer, waving the gun.  "Here, have fun with that," he said with a grin.

"I'm sure Morgan's going to be really impressed with you making her more work, Harris," he said sarcastically.

"I'll be the cute little boy I can be," he said happily.   "She'll forgive me.  All I was doing was finding a new book to read. Not like I planned it."

"Freeze!" someone shouted.

Xander looked at the guy in the light brown uniform pointing a stun gun at them.  "Dude, we're cops," he said patiently, showing his badge.

"I said freeze!"

Xander and the cop shared an amused look.  The cop looked at him and pointed at his car.  "Sir, officer, this is a police car.  I am a member of the CPD.  CSI Harris here is one of our top ballistics people.  Now, put the stun gun down before I have to arrest you too!"

"Verga!" Xander shouted, catching sight of him.  He looked at the cop, and shrugged a bit.  "Sorry, he hates me, but he's backup."  He looked at the older guy who ran the precinct that headed over the mall.  "Captain Verga, unfortunately I had to arrest someone who was trying to hold up a cashier in the bookstore."

"Morgan's going to kill you," he said dryly.  The cop and Xander both pointed at the security guard.  He looked at the guy and pulled out his badge.  "Put it down, officer!" he ordered when the guy didn't respond.  "Now!"  The officer swallowed and put away his stun gun.  "Thank you!"  He looked at Harris.  "I'm telling Morgan you're giving her more work."

"I'd offer to take it but I can't since I was there," Xander offered dryly.  "Have her call to cuss me out later.  I'll have my new romance novel."

"You read romance novels?" the security guard asked, looking horrified.

"My husband said I can't read fantasy novels anymore.  I get odd ideas," he said with a grin.  Verga snickered and nodded.  "Send Welsh any paperwork and I'll do it before I start on my new book.  For now, I'm headed to find it."  He waved and headed inside.  The cashier smiled at him.  "That's part of the job, ma'am.  Got a good recommendation for a romance novel?"

"One of the ones in the pink or the purple covers.  It's smutty but usually has a better plot."

"Thanks," he said with a grin, heading for that section. He found the books he wanted and picked two, then headed back to check out.  The manager came out to speak to him.  "It's what I do," he reminded him when he smiled.  "I'm a good CSI."

"I can tell, sir.  Which one are you?"

"Harris."  He suddenly chuckled and Xander nodded. "Indeed," he said dryly.  He waved his books.  "I need to do this so I have time to pick up lunch before work."

"Of course."  He checked him out, giving him a ten percent discount with a wink.  Xander grinned and headed off to his car. He made it through the drive-thru and back to the office before anything else happened.  He walked in and found a woman in jeans and a tight t- shirt tapping her booted foot with her arms crossed.  "Hi, Morgan."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "I'm sorry I added a shotgun but at least he didn't fire it."

"Xander, I'm already backed up!" she complained. "I'm over a day behind!"

"I'll come help," he promised. "I've got to do the paperwork for that hold up anyway."  She hugged him with a muted squeal.  "Go clear it with Mort."  She nodded, heading to do that. He rolled his eyes and headed into the lab, putting down his books and stealing a kiss from his husband.  "Morgan needs some help and I'm still workless here."  He stole a second kiss and grabbed some stuff to pack a traveling case.  Then he walked out to lean on the main table.  "Am I?"

"Of course," Mort said with a small smile.  "Get her caught up, Xander.  Then come back here.  By then we might have some work for you to do."

"They all moved to my neighborhoods," Morgan said bitterly.  "We've had more gang crap in the last two weeks than we have in the last two months nearly."  She tugged on Xander's arm.  "Come on, happy boy.  I've got stuff without your name on it."

"Sure.  Be back soon, Mort."  He headed off, smiling at her when she got into her car.  "I can follow."

"Oh, get in!  I'll drive you back or you can call your mate," she complained.  He nodded and got in with her, buckling up.  Native Chicagoans drove like maniacs.  He always buckled up when he rode with them.  She sped out of the yard, heading back to Region Three.

***

David came out of Trace around lunch, frowning at their boss and Greg since he was coming out too.  "Is Xander still gone?"

"Apparently," Greg said dryly.  They went out to the main table.  "Are we ordering from anywhere specific?" he asked the other gathered people.  The Chinese menu was handed over to him.  He wrote down his order and handed it to David. "Any word from Xan?"

"Is he in the field?" Tracy, their shift's top field tech asked.

"No, he's with Morgan in Region Three helping her with her backlog," David said, writing down his order, then checking his wallet and crossing something off.  He handed it to the person who handed them the menu, letting them put in the order.  He looked at the doorway, expecting Xander to show up since they were talking about food.  He shrugged a few minutes later and relaxed.  "I'm sure he's fine."

"He's got to be fine," Greg agreed.  "He's a Xander, he's fine."  He clapped him on the back.  "Besides, now you don't have to listen to him babbling about his newest geeky book."

"No, I took away his geeky books for the week," David said dryly.  "He's back to reading romances since he was having so many funny ideas.  He wanted to come to work dressed like an Elf Lord for Halloween."  Greg snickered.  "He did!  He came to bed wearing pointy ears.  I locked the book cabinet on him and told him he had a week to get the funny ideas out of his head this time.  Next time I might be more lenient but not this week."  They heard some shouting and he groaned.  "Please tell me we don't have a riot without Xander being here," he moaned.

"Nope," Greg said.  "If it was us, we'd be hearing the siren from the desk."

"Point," David agreed, getting up and heading upstairs.  The desk sergeant gave him a hopeful look.  "Xan's in Region Three."

"That's good, they just had some wacked out junkie take a gun off a traffic guy."  He shrugged.  "I'm sure he'll be fine."

"The reason for the shouting?"

"The Mayor's coming with a camera crew."

"Shit," he muttered, heading down there.  "The Mayor's coming with his press ho's!" he yelled.

"Clean your labs to make sure everything's done," Greg ordered.  Everyone groaned and got up, heading to do their thing and get ready for the inspection of idiots.  When the food came, he came out to get his and David's, putting them in the fridge.  They'd be eating in a few minutes, once the Mayor was gone. The mayor came in and Greg nodded politely at him.  "Mort's in with a body."

"Can we look in on him?" one of the camera guys asked, heading that way.

Greg got in his way.  "Do it and we'll make sure yours and your family's is taped too," he said coldly.  "That's disrespectful of the victims and their families."  The cameraman shrunk back and he glared at him.  Then he stuck his head in. "Mort, the Mayor and his press buddies are here."

"I'll be out within ten minutes, Gregory.  Make sure they're comfortable."

Greg came back out, looking at the Mayor. "He said about ten minutes, Mayor.  Did you want to start upstairs and then come back?"

"No, that's okay.  I wanted to know what all this fascinating stuff actually is," he said with a smile.  It was election year.  He was supposed to be a 'Law and Order' sort of mayor.  Unfortunately he only knew what he'd seen on Law and Order.

"Well, I'm in the DNA lab today if you wanted to join me. You'll have to put on gloves and hair covers."  The mayor smiled and did as he said, which made him look like an idiot, but that was really the point. He looked in the lab and groaned.  "Hold on.  Rookie intern."  He walked in and shut the door. "That had better not be a soda on the worktable," he said coolly.  "Especially not with the press here."

"I'm swabbing it," she said with a smile, pulling out a swab. "It's a good demonstration and I'll drink it later."

"Fine."  He opened the door.  "This is our intern, Melissa.  She's swabbing the soda bottle for DNA traces."  He pointed at the machine.  "Once she's got the swab done, she'll prepare it for analysis, then stick it into that machine," he said, pointing it out.  "I've got one that should be about done," he said, checking the sample he had started before lunch to marinade and soak.  He pulled on his gloves, double gloving.

"Isn't that wasteful of gloves?" the mayor asked.

"Actually, it's protocol," Greg explained.  "We don't want anything of mine to contaminate a sample that could rule out a murder or a rapist or someone," he told him.  "This keeps down my accidental contamination."  He picked up a suction device and pulled out some of the liquid, putting it into a testing pip.  He closed it and put it into the machine, turning it on.  He pressed the button and grinned.  "That's all I do and then the machine runs the sample, so I collect the report."

"Can't you wait to run both?" one of the reporters asked.

"No.  That would tell the machine to sample them against each other.  That's the way the machines are programmed.  It's not that much different, it is very energy efficient and it keeps us from mixing up samples, which could create a real tragedy."  He looked at his intern.  "Cut half that and save the rest," he reminded her.  She nodded and did as ordered, smiling when it was as ordered.  "Good job!"  He smiled at the reporters.  "Melissa is doing her in-school internship.  That's eight weeks in her senior year.  After she graduates, she'll have a year internship...where, Melissa?"

"I've applied for Detroit and I'm one of the last candidates there and Toronto," she said happily.  "I'd be more than happy to take either one.  They're both excellent departments."

"Did Thatcher suggest you?" the Mayor asked.  "I heard the Inspector is a very nice lady and she can probably talk to Toronto for you."

"She's the one who handed me the listings of the departments when I asked.  She and Constable Turnbull have been fantastic.  I've thought about staying if I got Toronto.  They've got a very nice set of benefits and Toronto is a very pretty city."

"I hear it is," the Mayor agreed.  "Didn't you want to come back here, young lady?"

"No.  I want to see different cities and different working styles.  Greg's great and so is Mortty, but I'd like to do a bit of traveling and see how other departments work.  The Toronto posting is with the RCMP unit there and it's supposed to be a lot more rigid and a much different environment."  She smiled at him.  "I like rigid environments.  Greg's a slavedriver but I'm a military brat."

"I understand," one of the reporters admitted, smiling at her.  "So was my mom."  Melissa grinned at her.  The machine beeped and Greg pulled out the report.  "That's all there is?"

"Then I evaluate it in context of the case and the other evidence and give whichever officer is working on the case my conclusions."

"Oh.  Interesting.  What does that one say?"

Greg looked at it and put it face down.  "It says that unfortunately the officer is going to need a few more suspects and people to test that sample again.  It didn't match any samples we already have."

"Does it go through that FBI database as well?" one of the cameraman asked.

"CODIS?" Greg asked.  "I can run it that way but I'll have to put it into the system by markers.  There's no way for us to merge the machine with the database due to FBI restrictions on it.  They won't allow us to.  Even then, it wouldn't save too much time.  The machine and the database work on two different operating systems by design of the FBI."

"Why?" one reporter asked.  "It seems counterproductive."

"It is," Greg admitted.  "But not as much as you think.  It's easier to input it, it only takes a few sections.  It also keeps contamination and any hackers out of the system.  I think that was their main reason.  That and to make sure only those with credentials have access to input and search records.  Privacy stuff ya know."

David stuck his head in.  "Xander struck again.  The junkie tried to shoot Morgan and he knocked the kid out.  He's fine.  They took him to the ER because he had a blood pressure spike.  Mort's not in his office or the lab.  I'm heading."

"Go," Greg assured him. "I'll let Mort know and watch your lab."  David nodded and headed off.  "Sorry, his husband's had a few blood pressure spikes over the last year.  I'm guessing he got really upset at the junkie trying to take on the Region Three office today."

The mayor coughed.  "His *husband*?"

"Yes, his husband," Greg said firmly, glaring at him.  The man actually took a step back.  "Xander and David are two of the top techs in this lab with myself and Morty behind them.  Do you remember that manpower problem?"  He nodded quickly.  "Xander *was* this lab then.  He's liaisoned with the FBI, SWAT, and other agencies and departments on cases.  He's our ballistics tech."

"I remember him," the mayor admitted.  "He seemed very nice. Is his health in danger?"

"No.  Not since they found out he was having the blood pressure problems.  They're being paranoid and Xander will be back as soon as he's done. He hates being fussed over."  He looked at Melissa, then at the reporters.  "Don't include that."

"We won't.  That's too private," the cameraman assured him.  He looked behind him, getting away from the door.  "Sorry, a new case?"

"No, that's Mort, he's our boss and the coroner for this shift."  He handed over his report.  "Did you see David?"

"I did," he sighed. "I'm sure they'll be back quickly.  I wonder what the idiot said to piss him off that way."

"He probably said something about the job," he said dryly.

"Gentlemen, and lady, if you'll follow me I'll gladly show you around our lab.  We only remodeled about a year and a half ago."  He led them out, heading to Xander's lab.  "This is ballistics."

"Is this where CSI Harris works?" the female reporter asked, looking around.  She noted the bag from the bookstore and smiled.  "I heard he had helped arrest someone earlier for trying to rob that bookstore."  She peeked inside then shook her head.  "I never imagined him to read those sort of books."

Greg leaned in.  "David made him give up fantasy novels for a week," he said dryly, smirking a bit.  "He hates mysteries since he does it here at work and thinks westerns are all factually and historically incorrect due to some accounts by his late grandfather.  I'm going into the field if anyone wants to follow myself and CSI Tracey."  A few of them went with him.  "Right this way, guys."  He nodded at Tracey, who only shook his head and took the keys.  "Can't I drive?"

"No, Greg. You still drive like you're in Vegas.  You can't drive with me in the car until you drive like a native.  Too fast and running red lights."  He led them out to the car and pointed at it.  "We're taking this one.  You can follow, but respect any area we tell you not to go near yet."  They both nodded, understanding that they could screw something up.  He got into the car and looked at Greg before starting the engine.  "Why?"

"Because there were eight of them and the mayor was going to go off on Xander and David."

"Ah. Okay then."  He started the car and backed out, heading to their scene.  "Xander will be happy, there's a gun involved."

"Morgan might still have him co-opted," Greg pointed out.  "She's backed up with that gang turf ward in her 'hoods."

"Point."  He groaned and changed lanes, heading out to the further districts of their range.

***

Xander walked into the office and stopped when he noticed everyone staring at him.  "I'm fine!  My shirt's in my locker.  I'll put one on in a minute."

"Where did your last shirt go?" the desk sergeant asked.

"The paramedic cut it off.  He thought I was having a heart attack this time," he said with a sweet grin.  They all shuddered.  "The junkie is now detoxed and going straight."  David walked in after him.  "I need to hit my locker."

"Sure.  I'll make sure the press is gone."  He watched his husband go then shuddered.  "They got into a discussion about being gay and it being natural, right, and healthy for a body.  Then the junkie started to tell him alllll about how he raped little kids for cash for an internet site.  That's why he nearly had the stroke this time.  Holding himself back."  They all nodded and got back to work.  "The press?"

"Upstairs watching Huey type," the desk sergeant noted.

"'Kay," he sighed, heading down.  "Mort, we're back!"

"That's fine, David.  How is he?"

"Getting a shirt since the paramedics cut his off him.  He had to hold himself back from not killing the junkie who was raping kids for the 'net for profit and drugs."

"Ah."  Mort nodded.  "Can we corroborate?"

"Yup.  While they were chatting, one of the field techs was checking the system.  Six were fed cases, one was local that he mentioned.  Two weren't in the system ...yet."  He smirked.  "He held himself off for nearly an hour from beating his head in to get all the information he could."

"I'm proud of the boy," their boss said with a fond smile.  "David, I still haven't found an assistant yet."

"Oh, please," he begged.  "He'll go spastic, like Sarah during the last blizzard."  Xander walked in.  "Xander, don't get more upset, but he hasn't found an assistant yet."

"I know.  His last one didn't pass the drug test."  He grimaced at his boss.  "You know I'll help, Mort."

"Yes, but you'll become overworked and overstressed and I don't want to do that to you, Xander."

"Yay," he said dryly.  "I do okay so far."

"Yes, but by the time I got back from my vacation you seemed to be missing some chunks of hair."

"That was the strippers having a fight," he defended, frowning at him, hands on his hips.

"Still," he said, staring the young man down.  "I'd rather have you as second."

"Then you'd better get us someone who can do the paperwork," David suggested.  "A cop?"

"Please don't pick Ray," Xander pleaded.  "Please!"

"It is a thought and he's next up for a raise," Mort admitted patiently.  "He's done the job before you came, Xander."

"Yeah, but he'll boot camp us or something."

Mort smiled and shook his head.  "Not hardly.  He's got a different management style but I'm sure you can work with him. You do that quite a lot anyway.   He won't yell as much at you."  Xander gave him his most pathetic look.  "Can we try it for a few days, Xander?"

"If we have to," he whined, looking upset.  "Mort!" he whined.

"Xander," he said more firmly.  "It's like working with Detective Brass when he ran the lab."

"I wasn't there then.  Ecklie was running it when I was there.  I made him have a heart attack."

"Yes, but Ray's more used to you," Mort reminded him.  "I can find another ME candidate easily but a good administrator is harder to find, and while Ray doesn't like doing paperwork, he managed to get the majority done the last time he subbed for me."

"Fine," Xander agreed, still frowning. "But I'm second in case anything bad happens."

"That's fine, Xander," he promised, smiling at him.  "Besides, this will allow him to help you mold the next generation of CSIs."

David shuddered.  "That's a horrible thought, Mort."

"Yes, well," he sighed. "Someone must.  Xander does all right but sometimes they need a more fatherly hand and Ray is very good at that.  Shall I approach Lieutenant Welsh about it today?"

"Fine," Xander agreed, still looking upset.  "You make sure he knows nothing is going to change between us and the first time he hollers at me like he does Stan I'm kicking his ass."  He went back to his lab.  "Who touched my books!"

"One of the reporters," David called. "Greg told me she was surprised but he told her about how I banned you from fantasy novels for a week."  He rolled his eyes.  "Thank you," he mouthed, heading back to his lab to get to work.  He found the overnight person in early.  "Bored?"

"Overtime," he said with a grin.  "I wanted to get some in before my vacation next month.  Some extra spending money to use and all that."  He nodded next door.  "How is he?"

"He's fine.  He was holding himself off from beating the idiot over there."  He looked around, then at him.  "Are we caught up?"

"Yup," he said happily.  "I stole half of your moo shoo since I figured Xander probably fed you."

"That's fine," he said lightly, staring him down.  The other tech grinned.  "I'll eat most of what I got Xander anyway."  He went to the fridge to get their lunches, dishing out Xander's for him and stealing the rest.  His mate gave him a hurt look so he fed him a bite of chicken.  "Tony stole half of mine."

"Sure."  He stole a kiss and they sat down to eat together.  "I wonder if Sarah's napping or doing Oprah again."

"Probably napping in front of her show," Mort offered with a grin.  "She is a very cute puppy, Xander."

"Does that mean she was shedding?"

"No.  Just an observation."

"So, where are you heading to work after here, Mort?  Somewhere warmer or colder?"

"Ah, warm weather.  I've taken a position in Cancun, Mexico.  I'll be leaving a month before they retire me to use up the last of my paid leave, that way I have time to move before my official new job starts.  I'll have access to some very pretty people all along the beaches.  I can stare all I want and no one will say a thing."  He smiled at them.  "It was my most inspired move yet, getting old."  He went back into his office.  "Melissa, are you busy, dear?"

"No, Mort.  Need me to come type?" she called, walking out her previous sample to finish drinking it while helping their poor, unable to type boss.

"He's so naughty," Xander said with a grin, taking a bite of his dinner.  "You're either buying or fixing a feast, dear.  I'm starved."

"Taco Bell?"

"Um, real food.  I'm in the mood for real meat."

"Steak place?"

"Sounds good," Xander agreed happily.  He looked at him.  "Should we warn Ray?"

David shook his head.  "Not a chance," he said dryly.  "I'm not getting anywhere near Ray until he's finished yelling."  He ate another bite.  "You're right, I'm really hungry."  He continued to eat, stuffing himself full.  They could split a good steak dinner later. That way he was sure Xander would eat vegetables beyond mashed potatoes.

***

Xander peeked into the office he had been summoned to, grinning at the secretary.  "He yelled?"

"He did, CSI Harris," she assured him with a smile.  "I'm sure it's nothing bad.  There's a reporter."

"Uh-huh."  Xander stepped in.  "I don't want a medal.  I refuse to be awarded for being my smart-ass self," he said quietly.  "You can tell him I said that and that I had a sudden case."  He turned and fled, calling Tracey on the way.  "Give me something in the field," he demanded.  "No, they're trying to either give me a medal or fire me in front of the press."  He smiled.  "Sure.  Ten-twelve, right?  Gotcha."  He headed there, making sure his siren was on the whole way so he didn't get a ticket.  He had the worst luck with that.  He'd have to banish whoever Anya was sucking up to in Traffic again.  Or her ghost maybe, one of the two.  By the time he got back, there were people waiting on him.  He got out of his car, noticing Fraser was at the door.  That tipped him off and he started to get back in but a cold, vise-like grip got the back of his neck.  "Ow!  Meany!  Let go!" he complained, struggling a bit.  The hand squeezed and he swatted back at them.  He knew who it was.  Their backup ME was the only guy big enough in the whole precinct to catch him this way. "Let go!  I don't want a reward and if I'm going to be fired it's not in front of the press!" he growled.

"Oh, shut up, Xander," he complained, dragging him into the locker room.  He stared at the few cops, who all quickly left.  Then he locked the door.  "Why don't you want awarded?  Getting awards and rewards is supposed to be a good thing. It's supposed to motivate you and others."

"So!  I don't want any!  I don't need any!  It's not like I do what I do for rewards!"

"Fine," he agreed. "Get it anyway.  It'll encourage all the other cops around here, including the few going to college to come help in the labs.  We want them to keep going and to make good on all the tuition we've paid for them.  We need you to show them that you can be heroic and good while still being in the lab.  Okay?"  Xander shook his head.  "Did you *never* get a reward for doing good stuff?  Even the stuff you *used* to do?"  Xander shook his head.  "Why not?"

"Because they undervalued me horribly and thought I was useless.  Usually I got yelled at."

"Well, this time we're giving you a certificate and I'll let David yell at you if it'll make you feel better.  Just smile, nod politely, and shake the Chief of Police's hand, Xander. That's all you have to do. No speeches or anything.  You can even donate it to The Wall if you want."  Xander slumped and nodded.  "Now, let's go.  Straighten yourself out.  What was that call anyway?"

"A domestic.  I've got the stuff in the car but I wrenched my shoulder so I was going to let someone else carry it in for me."  He gave him the pitiful look. "Must I?"

"Yes, Xander.  It's good for your career and for David's career.  You know it'll look good on you both and he's very concerned about those things.  It'll make him happy."

"Fine.  I'll make David happy by taking the stupid award," he sighed.  The ME smiled at him.  "As long as you go get the crap outta the trunk."

"Fine.  What is it in?"

"Paper bags.  My case too please.  I need to refill a few things."  He nodded, unlocking the door and letting Xander out.  Xander stopped to straighten himself out, he didn't want to embarrass his husband. David was very concerned about his career and he was also concerned about Xander's career.  He smoothed down his hair and walked down the stairs, pasting on the most happy smile he could muster.  He looked at his boss.  "Scott's bringing in the evidence.  I wrenched my shoulder.  It was a domestic.  Mother on daughter."

"That's fine, Xander. Did you want some tylenol?" Mort asked.  Xander nodded so he got him some and a soda, smiling at him.  "They're waiting in your office, Xander.  Play nicely."

"I don't want to embarrass David," he muttered, heading back to his lab, making sure his hair was smooth.  He walked into David's office, giving him a 'help me' look.  David smiled and blew a kiss, nodding at the door.  Xander nodded and opened the connecting doors, then shut it and stole a kiss.  "I'm only doing this for you, otherwise you wouldn't see me for two weeks," he whispered, then stole another kiss and walked over there.  His soda went onto his coaster on his desk and he looked at the old men in there.  "Evening, Chief."

"CSI Harris," he said fondly, shaking his hand.  "Thank you for coming back."

Xander shrugged.  "I go where I'm needed.  There was a domestic that needed my strength."

"I'm sure you'll be fair on that case.  Now, let's do this so you can get back to work?" he suggested.

Xander nodded. "Please.  I need to help Morgan in Region Three since she's a bit backed up and I'm not at the moment."

"That's fine. I understand.  Do you think a bit of internship help might help her?"

Xander shrugged. "I don't know, ask her. I know I like teaching interns and getting them straightened out and working right.  I've had two now.  One each semester since I hijacked Crissy's."

The Chief smiled and nodded.  "I heard about that.  He said you were quite tough on him when he complained about you."  Xander just beamed.  "Then again, he also said he was fully trained and his teachers gave him quite good marks.  We're proud of how you ride them when you have to."  He clapped him on the arm.  "Let's do this so you can call Morgan with me."  He smiled at the press.  "CSI Harris has been instrumental in helping this department.  He's done many things I haven't even heard about, at least until the Mayor came today and CSI Sanders told him about it."

"What has he done?" one of the reporters asked, pushing a microphone in their faces.

"He's helped the FBI on a few cases, he commonly works with our Rapid Response unit.  He's added in some construction experience on some cases that needed it.  Xander has been instrumental in making this section of our CSI department stronger.  He's someone that our officers looking to move up the ladder of command look up to now and then.  He's even taken it upon himself to counsel some of the officers after their first shooting if the department's counselors weren't readily available at that moment."  Xander nodded.  The Chief smiled at him.  "Lieutenant Welsh, who commands this precinct and unit, says he's one of the best investments we've ever made around here."

"CSI Harris, where were you trained?" the reporter asked.

"I did my education at UCLA and my post-graduation internship in Las Vegas, under Gil Grissom."  That got a smile.  He smiled at the Chief, silently telling him to get on with it.  The man winked at him and Xander had the feeling that something bad was going to happen because of this.  Any minute now someone would walk in and start crap about how he wasn't good and he wasn't worthy of this.  He swallowed and looked around his lab, then back at his boss again.

"We should probably get on with this. I'm sure we've embarrassed poor CSI Harris enough."  He pulled out a certificate and handed it to him with a smile.  "It really should be a medal for bravery for some of the situations you've handled, like the bomb here at the precinct a few months back and those things, but we don't really have one for this sort of bravery.  So the certificate will have to do."  The door opened and he noticed the boy flinched a bit.  He just smiled at Welsh.  "Ah, you're done?"

"For now," he admitted, handing him some folded paperwork.  "Since you're here, I'll save on mail costs."  He smiled at Xander.  "You do good work, kid."

"Thanks, Lieu, it means a lot to hear you say it," he said with an honest grin.  He took his certificate and the flashbulb went off.  "Thank you, Chief, for honoring me this way."  He smiled at him and the Chief smiled back, understanding very well that the boy hadn't wanted this.  "So, I take it I get more interns?"

"Of course!  You do good work with them," he said happily, clapping him on the back again.  "Come on, people, let's let him get back to work.  I'll be back in a few minutes, Harris."  He nodded and they retreated so he could make a better statement for the media.

Xander looked at the certificate and put it down carefully, then looked around before moaning and shaking his head.  "Something bad will happen because of this," he moaned quietly.  "Either I'll get another case that'll put me back in the limelight or my former friends will show up.  Something catastrophic."

"If they show up, I'm going to make sure they leave as soon as humanly possible," David assured him from the doorway joining their labs.   He walked in and hugged him, taking the certificate to hang up.  "Good boy.  I'm proud of you," he whispered.  "Thank you."  Xander nodded and sighed, giving him the same pitiful look.  "You'll get rewarded later," he offered with a grin.

"Sure.  It means more that you and Welsh think I do good anyway," he said dryly.  The Chief came back and Xander looked panicked.  "They didn't hear, right?"  He shook his head, closing the door.  "Oh, good."  He relaxed then glared at the Chief.  "I hate you for doing that to me!  I don't want rewards or awards and especially not medals!  I don't need 'em!"

"No, but it means more to the other officers.  It's moral boosting, Harris.  It gives them a reason to be like you."

Welsh suddenly moaned and held his head.  "I just had a vision of a whole force full of Xander's," he complained, rubbing his forehead.  "Please, don't encourage that, boss."

He snickered.  "I wouldn't think of it.  One or two is usually more than enough.  His uniqueness is what makes him such a good CSI and such a strong figurehead for those around him. By the way, I didn't mention you, David.  I wasn't sure you'd want me to."  David shrugged and nodded.  "Now, what's wrong with Region Three?"

"Morgan's had a bunch of gang warfare shootings," Xander told him.  "I was there earlier."

"I heard about the junkie.  Nice work.  That's why you got the certificate, for not beating him."  He clapped him on the back again.  "Let's call Morgan, see what I can do to help her."

"There's the cop upstairs who's doing his training in ballistics," David offered.

"I hadn't heard about that.  Who?"

"Prestons," Xander told him.  "I talk with him about his training now and then, make sure he's keeping up and understanding it all.  He seems to have a pretty good feel for it."  He picked up his phone and dialed Morgan, putting it on the speaker.

"Santa's warehouse," she answered with a snarl.

"Hey, me."

"What?" she whined.  "I'm busy, Xander!  You abandoned me."

"Well, how would you like some help?" the Chief asked.

"Aw, shit, warn me next time!"

"It was just on the news," David assured her.

"Oh, fun.  I'm going to skin you, Xander."

"Stand in line," he said dryly.

"CSI Hervanes, we've got an officer here who's in training to do ballistics, could that help you any?"

"Who?"

"Prestons," Xander told her.  "Nice enough guy.  He's in the second semester.  He's been a cop for years now.  He can at least do the test fires while you search."

"If you weren't gayer than my leather pants, I'd kiss you, man.  Please, send him!  Keep Xander there, my boss said he drew the wacko earlier.  You okay now?"

"Fine. My blood pressure came down after about an hour in the ER, I walked out.  I had lunch.  I got ambushed for an award and ran to do a domestic instead.  I came back and they were lying in wait for me, trapping me in my office."

"Ooh, you poor baby. Did you take one for the team?"

"Yes, and he only looked a little bit panicked," the Chief said blandly, looking at Xander.  "Thank you for that.  You did well enough for your first time.  Next time it'll be a real medal ceremony, with uniforms and all."

"That means I'd have to own one."

"Good point."  He smirked at him.  "You're worried someone will come in and decry you?"  He nodded quickly.  "I'd have stopped them.  We can't have the bad press, Xander."  He smiled at the phone.  "Did you want Prestons?"

"Please!  I'll beg!" she moaned.

"Sure, let me find him," Welsh agreed.  "Tonight?"

"I'll cook!  I'll eat Xander's cooking!" she pleaded.

"Damn, you are desperate," David said dryly. Xander glared at him.  "That is, dear."

"Guys, play later," she complained.  "Murphy just brought me in a *case*."

"I'll find him as soon as I can," Welsh said calmly.  "Hold on.  Need Xander back?"

"No, just Prestons.  I can boss him around.  Thank you!"  She hung up.

Xander called her back. "One last question, oh great one.  Interns later on?"

"I'd kill you, Xander.  You can have all the newbies. You're good at straightening out he idiots.  They're alllllllll yours, babe."  She hung up again.

The Chief nodded.  "Sure.  I like that idea.  Do you have candidates?"

"I was making sure we could," Welsh told him. "I'll send a notice to the local school tomorrow."  The Chief smiled. "You're sure you can handle it?" he asked Xander.

"I'm fine," he said patiently.  "My blood pressure is normal and I'm good."

"Fine," Welsh agreed with a smile.  "Any new news?"

"Mort wants Ray."

"Ooooh, I'll stock up on pain killers," Welsh said, shaking his head and grimacing.  "With you still as second?"  Xander nodded. "Can you handle that?"

"That depends on Ray."

"Point.  Okay, I'll warn him he might be filling in again."  He walked off rubbing his head.   He did remember to stop at the desk.  "Find me Prestons, he's needed in Region Three to help in Ballistics."

The sergeant looked at him.  "Prestons?"

"He's taking the extra classes?" Welsh prompted.  He looked at him. "You're not native to here, are you?"  He shook his head. "Fine. Where's Kennedy?"

"Childbirth.  His wife's having her twins."

"Ah."  He nodded, heading into the briefing room. There was always someone on break in there.  "Someone find me Prestons now, I've got an assignment for him," he called from the doorway.

"He's in class tonight," a female officer called, pushing her hair back behind her ear.

"Whine.  Now."

"Sure.  He's got a test tonight."  She looked at him and smiled.  "Problems?"

"Morgan needs him ASAP in Region Three to help in ballistics."

She beamed.  "I'm sure he'll be there as soon as possible, sir."  She went to find his number and call it from her cellphone.  She smiled at the grunt of annoyance.  "Region Three wants and needs you ASAP according to the Lieutenant.  They're backed up and Morgan asked for you."  She smiled at his happier grunt.  "Welsh said ASAP.  So call her at least to make sure she'll be there after you're done."  She hung up.  She walked up the stairs.  "Lieutenant, he'll call her to make sure she'll still be in when he's done and to arrange it with her.  Should I put a note on the board?"  He nodded, putting down the coffeepot.  "That's fine.  Kennedy's due back in three weeks."

"I'd expect him to be exhausted with twins," he advised.  He grinned a bit.  "Keep me informed if there's any problems."

"Yes, sir."   She hurried down to put a note on the assignment board.

"According to who?" one cop demanded.

"According to Welsh.  Ballistics in Region Three is backed up and he's taking the classes," she told him with a bright smile.  "It's a brilliant career move.  I'd do it if I could pass the science classes."  She went back to her break.

***

Morgan came into the lab the next night, looking at people gathered in there.  "Xander, I owe you," she said, coming over to kiss him.  "I love you, man.  Prestons is *great*!  I'm caught up again!"  She smiled at Mort.  "I love this man!"  She walked out again, heading in for the night.

David turned Xander's head around, kissing him.  "Mine.  Remember that."  Xander just beamed at him and took another kiss.  "Good boy."  He looked at Mort again.  "I haven't heard screaming.  Has anyone talked to Ray yet?"

"Welsh was supposed to," he said happily.  They heard a door slam and they all winced. "Perhaps they just got done?"

"No, that was Stan," Xander assured him.  "I heard boots following him."  He glanced around again, then looked at his boss.  "If you let him do that to me again I'm going to find you wherever you hide and bug the living shit out of you," he assured him.  Mort smiled at him and Mortty laughed.

"I tried, he said it was important. I wish I could have stopped him so you weren't embarrassed."  Someone shot off a gun and Xander sighed, standing up.

"Accident!" someone yelled.  "Don't send Harris up to kill us!"

"Good," Xander said, sitting down again. At least until it happened again. Then he got up and headed up there with a sigh, staring at the rookie cops.  "What the fuck are you doing!" he yelled.  The cadet whimpered and gave him a pathetic look. "Take his fucking weapon since he *obviously* can't handle it!" he told the trainer.  The guy stared at him so he pulled his ID.  The guy moaned and took the gun from the cadet.  "Thank you!  Before he shoots through the floor and hit one of us."  He looked at the desk sergeant.  "Where's Kennedy?"

"His twins were born last night."

"Oh.  Healthy?"  He smiled and nodded.  "We'll send a nice card.  Where?"

"Women's."

"Cool.  Thanks. Need help herding?" he asked the trainer.  He got a quick headshake.  "Good.  Watch out for Vecchio, he's having a bad night once Welsh finds him."

"He's already up there in the office," the sergeant warned him.

"Then I'm hiding.  I'm not coming back up again."  He jogged back down the stairs.  "Mort, you might want to check the body, make sure the bullet didn't hit anyone since he's right over your lab and he was playing with his holster.  I had the trainer take the gun from him."  He sat down, shaking his head.  "He's still with Welsh."

"Hmm.  Then I suppose we're done and you can lock the doors to your labs," he announced.  Everyone went to do that while he went to check for new holes in the ceiling.   He didn't need to do the paperwork on how a body got shot during an autopsy.  Though he did hear it when the screaming started.  Especially since he was screaming Xander's name.  Since he was the boss he had to go handle that he supposed so he went upstairs, going to calm him down.  "Detective," he said smoothly.  "Xander had nothing at all to do with your promotion."

"Why can't he handle it!" he demanded.

"He does much better as the second," he offered with a small smile.  "He gets a bit...hyper when he has to run things for good you understand."  Ray scowled and he smiled sweetly.  "Besides, you did such an excellent job last time, Detective.  We adored having you watching over my desk."

"Still!"

"No, it's been decided and the Chief agreed with me when I approached him about it. He said he wanted to give some hotshot new detective a chance to make a name for himself as well as you did."  He patted him on the arm.  Then they had to duck because a gun went off.

Ray spun.  "Who the hell did that!" he shouted.  One of the guys in the perp line smirked and waved his gun.  He stomped over there and snatched it. "Give me that, you moron!"

"You'd best be glad CSI Harris is locked in his office," Mort called pleasantly.  The guy's eyes went wide so he turned, finding Xander standing there, scowl in place, arms crossed over his chest.   "No work?"

"I heard another one and I came to beat the cadet to death," he complained, staring at the perp.  "You just lost your chance at bail and added somewhere between two and six more charges, little boy. You'd better pray the DA is feeling good and sweet tonight."  The man nodded, letting himself be led off to be strip searched.  "Anyone else?  I'm already having a bad night."  A few knives and one packet of drugs was dropped.  He looked at them, then at the sergeant. "Please tell me the cadets searched them?"  He nodded quickly.  "Trainer!" he yelled.  He came running down the stairs so he pointed. "Not only did your cadets fuck up the search, they let a fucking gun in!" he shouted.  The guy shrank away from him.  "Fucking well fix it, officer, before someone has to clean up a body!"  He nodded and ran back up the stairs to chew his class a new one, which got taken over by Welsh reinstructing them on the fine art of patting someone down while he searched Kowalski for chocolate.  He looked at Ray.  "They double-teamed me, it's not my idea.  As long as you don't yell at me like you do Dewey, we'll work together fine, Ray.  Otherwise you're still my buddy and that's all that needs to be said on my end."  He turned and headed back downstairs.  "Sergeant, clean up the mess.  I saw a knife disappearing again in the mirror."

"Yes, CSI Harris," he called after him.  He looked at Ray.  "Is he always like that?"

"Nah, sometimes he's a goofy kid," he said dryly.  "What happened?"

"I don't know.  I came up here to calm you down."  He opened the door.  "Gregory, what happened?"

"Buffy called, she's coming for a visit, she saw the newscast," David called back.  "Do we have any vacation time we can take so we can hide?"

"I'll see what I can do," he called before shutting the door down to their labs.  He sighed and shook his head.  "He didn't want the award because he knew something like this would happen," he complained.

"Eeh, I'm sure she can sightsee while he hides and does overtime."

"He doesn't have any left and our budget won't cover it."

"Really?" Ray asked.  "Since when?"

"Three months ago."

"Oooh."  He nodded.  "Well, the new year starts in another six weeks."  Mort sighed and nodded.  "We'll figure it out."  He walked off, going to sulk in private. This was making him feel really old!  He wasn't ready to retire to a desk yet and especially not ready to do paperwork all day.  At least he wouldn't have to deal with so many stupid people all day.  Just Xander, Greg, and David all day.

***

Xander looked up as his name was called over the intercom, which was rarely used.  "Must still be the stand-in sergeant," he muttered as he headed up the stairs with his soda.  He liked him but he'd be going home in another week. He was just too different and everyone had noticed things weren't run as smoothly since he had shown up to temp in.  He nodded at the college's advisor for the ballistic tech wannabes, smiling and shaking his hand.  "Hi.  We got permission."

"Good!  I've got two."  He handed over the folders. "One had hers fall through, we're not sure why, and the other guy couldn't find one in one of the other regions."

"Morgan said she doesn't want to teach," he admitted, looking in the paperwork.  "Which one's better?  Crissy might take them since I've been bored for a few days."

"I don't know why," the sergeant interrupted.  "We had that gun battle outside earlier this morning and a few others."

"Crissy handles her own shift's stuff if we're not backed up," Xander said, shrugging a bit. "She must have handled all those."  The sergeant nodded.  "Is Prestons still at Region Three?"

"By the board he is, CSI Harris."  He grinned.  "Should I order someone to get into trouble?"

"No, tomorrow's the last day of the month.  Crime always picks up around the first two weeks."  He looked at the teacher, winking.  "Let me call Crissy tonight and yell at her for not leaving me any work, and we'll work out how to take them both.  Even if I do have to teach them how to play poker."  The teacher smiled and shook his hand, nearly dancing off.  Xander went back to his office, dialing his fellow tech's cellphone and putting it on speaker so he could read through the files.

"What!"

"Ah, lovely Crissy.  We were offered two interns this year and you didn't leave me any work."

"I did so, I left six guns on the table."

"They weren't here when I got in," he told her.  "Do we have a ghostly intern?"

"Noooo," she drawled.  "I've left you work for the last six days, Xander.  Haven't you gotten any of it?  I heard someone say you've been bored so I worked extra slow to give you extra tonight."

"No," he said, shaking his head.  "I get here about a half hour after you leave most days and there's been nothing on the desk, the table, anything."

"Damn it," she muttered.  "I've been leaving it on the exam desk, usually boxed or envelopes lined up neatly for you.  How many interns?"

"Two.  One got hers canceled and the other couldn't find a spot.  Welsh and the Chief cleared it after they embarrassed me."

"Okay.  First, pull up my notes on the computer.  I've been tracking off the list since I went looking for a report and didn't find one.  I was going to call later or stay late tomorrow to check with you on that case."

"Okay."  He checked her file folder of reports.  "List vs Reports?"  She made an assenting noise so he pulled it up. "Shit, Crissy, there's got to be sixty cases on here."

"Yup.  There probably was.  When was the last time I left you work?"

"Ten days ago."

"I only knew about the last six, that case was six days ago.  I tell you what, compare with The List Mort keeps and find them.  Then let me know what was going on."

"Yes, ma'am.  I'll call later tonight or leave you a detailed note on the desk."  He hung up and got up, heading to bug their boss and Ray. "Mort."  He got a smile until Ray glared at him.  "Crissy's been leaving me work for the last ten days. Any idea where it went to?"

"What?" Mort asked flatly.  Xander nodded.  "Where?"

"On the processing and examination table.  All lined up neatly.  She's got a partial list going back six days.  There's been at least sixty cases that haven't been covered."

"Oh, dear."  He sighed and stood up.   "Who has access to your labs?"

"Me, her, about everyone in here and the janitors.  We don't lock ballistics or Trace, we only lock up the exemplar cabinets between shifts and the labs overnight."

"True."  He rubbed his forehead.  "All right, I need a full report from both of you.  Make out a charge sheet, Xander.  Like you would for a real investigation.  Get the others to make sure they haven't been missing samples or anything."  Xander nodded, heading back to talk to Greg first.  Mort looked at Ray. "There you go, you'll still get to investigate."  He called Welsh.  "Xander's string of luck at not having any work wasn't the lack of work or  Crissy being overly good.  It was the fact that the samples she leaves him have been disappearing before he gets in," he reported.  "I'm already having him do that.  Detective Vecchio's here so I'll assign him to investigate?"  He smiled.  "I thought so.  No, he said about sixty cases.  Thank you, Lieutenant."  He hung up and called the Chief of Police.  "Xander's string of lack of work was someone taking or misplacing guns," he said quietly.  "Crissy's been leaving him work and there's been none when he gets in.  He said about sixty cases.  Please.  I don't need to deal with the DA today.  Thank you, Chief.  Yes, he knows and we've assigned Vecchio to the case."  He hung up and looked at Ray.  "Figure it out quickly.  At least two of the cases took a plea."  He got up and headed back there while Mort found all his copies of The List for the last two weeks.  He printed them and handed them off to Xander when he brought the report back.   "Any luck in the closets?"

"Not a bit," he admitted bitterly.  "I checked my stats for last month. I only got ten guns over this two weeks then.  That's why I never noticed.  I've actually done more during my shift and I thought she was doing the same."

"It's all right, Xander.  It's not your fault.  It happened before you got in.  They can't blame you."

"Yes they can!  Especially with that stupid award!" he complained, heading back to his lab, then over to David's to check his closets.  Still nothing.

"Let Ray check all the storage spaces, you sit down and compare The List to Crissy's reports," David offered.  "That way we know what we're looking for and you can check the system to make sure no one's input anything."  He nodded, going to do that.  A few minutes later he let out a scream so David popped next door.  "What?"

"They've been sending some of them to Morgan!  I input this one the other day!" he complained, pointing at the screen.  Ray joined them to look over his shoulder.  So he marked that one off with a special mark and kept going.  "It's about one out of every five it looks like," he noted as he continued to search.

"So, someone's taking them and sending on the stuff they either don't want, don't need, or didn't plan on taking?" David asked.

"Yeah.  None of these were involved in a homicide.  All the ones I got were robberies.  I remember wondering why they had so many robbery cases since the main Robbery unit was under Region One."  He grunted in displeasure as he continued on.  "This is so not good."

"Okay, we'll figure it out," Ray said quietly, patting him on the back.  Welsh stomped in and he shrugged.  "Some made their way to Region Three, Lieutenant."

"Wonderful.  How?"

Xander looked at him. "Crissy goes home at five to be with her kids.  I get in sometime between five-thirty and six since I start at six," he reminded him.  Welsh nodded at that.  "She's left stuff laying on this table for me. It's not here when I get in.  She started a comparison, it's still pulled up.  I'm going down the list to mark what's not in the system at all. Then I'll cross with what she's noticed on her list.  So far, none of these have been homicide cases."  He shook his head. "Last month I did ten guns in the last two weeks of the month.  I keep my own stats on that to track it. This month I've done fifteen, all from our shift.  I haven't had any carry over from Days in ten days."  He dialed Morgan, getting his former protege.  "Prestons, there's an odd thing going on.  Some of our guns have been not here when I came in at night.  Some of them are there though.  Any idea who's been shipping you guys guns so we can check?"  He wrote down a name.  "You're sure?  Um, anything from today?"  He nodded and wrote those names down.  "Thanks, man. No, Crissy's been leaving them and they've been disappearing before I got here, but you've only been getting one out of maybe four or five cases.  Sure. We'll compare lists later by fax tag.  Let her know, just in case.  Thanks, Prestons.  No, Vecchio is.  Over my shoulder, man.  You know me, someone's going to be wishing I had shoved a shotgun up their asses and fired for this.  Laters.  Thanks."  He hung up and handed Ray the name of the delivery company.  "That's who's been bringing them samples.  Morgan thought it was odd too but Region One uses them to ship off stuff when they get overloaded."

"Okay, any today?"  Xander handed over that list and Ray looked it over.  "Two of these were Stan's.  A double homicide."

"Then that blows my theory," he said bitterly.  "Ray, we've got to fix this. I'm not letting the lab be embarrassed like this. Even if it's only a janitor taking them and tossing them out!"

"I know, kid.  We'll fix it as soon as we can and I'll let you insert the shotgun for me, 'kay?"  He walked off, going to get an immediate interview with that delivery company, even if he did have to kick in their doors with SWAT.

Xander looked at Welsh.  "I'm still working on the list.  I gave Mort an official report on a charge sheet."  He nodded. "I'll have a list for you later of what's gone missing and what went to Region Three to add to it.  No wonder she's so backed up," he complained, shaking his head.  "She's going to kill me."

"She won't. It's not your doing," David reminded him.  "This just has some very bad timing."

Xander's head popped up and Welsh groaned.  "When was that award handed over?" Welsh asked calmly, going to look at it to find the date.  "Two weeks ago?"

"Yeah, the same day the new sergeant got here," David said, suddenly getting it by the way his eyes widened.  "It's got to be a coincidence."

"No it doesn't," Xander assured him bitterly.  "It doesn't in the least."  He looked at Welsh.  "Got any clues on who wants to discredit me this way?"

"Not a one, kid.  Just calm down and finish your searching.  Let Ray handle the legwork, I'll have Dewey help him since he wanted some overtime."  Xander sighed and nodded, getting back to his searching.  "David, expect some long hours for the next few days."  He walked out, going to report to his boss, who was still not happy at the news Mort had given them.  Maybe he'd fire off the shotgun once Xander had inserted it up someone's butt.

***

Xander slammed the door, stomping back to the kitchen, where is dog had just barked from.  He picked her up to cuddle her, sighing into her flesh.  "I'm home, baby.  It's all right."  He nuzzled her, sitting down to hold her.  David came over with a cup of cocoa, putting it beside him.  He looked at him.  "We all but have proof someone in Region One did it," he said quietly.  David nodded at that.  "It's going to get really messy, David."

"I know, Xander.  It happens."  He stole a kiss.  "Drink the cocoa, we'll cuddle once you've calmed down."

Xander nodded and let the dog rest in his lap, petting her with one hand while he drank with the other.  "I wanna call Brass," he decided.

"Sure. I emailed him earlier."  He smiled at him.  "Dewey let it slip, that's why I came home early to cook."  He stole another kiss.  "Go curl up in the living room with Sarah and call."  He nodded, taking his cocoa that way, the dog tucked under his arm.  He looked down at Greg's dog, who was begging horribly.  "You don't get cocoa, just puppy treats."  He opened a new can of them and tossed one down with a smile. "There, go brag."  Little Nick went to curl up in their fuzzy basket to nibble on it while he watched the birds out the back windows.

Xander picked up the phone and dialed, getting Grissom.  "Gil, I need Brass for some advice. Is he in?"  He listened to the cheerful sounding 'no, he's on a case'.  "Shit."  He sighed.  "What do you do when someone's trying to discredit you?  No, removing evidence from my lab and sending about a third of it the other office.  We think it's Region One, but I can't prove it yet.  Ray's got the case," he admitted at the quiet questioning.  "No, normal end of the month slow down.  I'd done some during the shift but nothing was left for me.  Crissy and I finally compared notes and found out seventy-three cases were somewhere in the ether.  No, we're not sure yet.  That's what I wanted to know.  Well, he is a union rep and he's been doing this for a while.  I figured he knew something about dirty cops since I went to him the last time I got involved in hurting one by catching him."

He smiled weakly.  "I'd like to but they're targeting me, Griss.  They're taking the stuff from my tables before I get in for the night."  He nodded.  "Yeah, even on my nights off.  I don't leave anything for her.  I haven't had that busy of a night.  I've actually done more during my shift this month than last month, but..."  He listened to the wise words and that Brass had come in.  Grissom was telling him what was going on.  Brass took the phone and gave him some good advice.  "No, I want to lube a shotgun and use it on him like a sextoy," he said dryly.  "Ray has it."  He nodded at the calming, firm advice.  "Thanks, Brass.  Yeah, we might be taking one soon.  I need a nap now. Seventy-three cases without a gun anywhere that we can find."  He gave a grim little smile. "No, all handguns as noted in the notes.

David came out.  "One shotgun, Xander.  The Pendelton robbery?"

"Oh, yeah, and one shotgun David reminded me."  He nodded, making mental notes. "Thanks, guys.  I needed that.  No, he's getting ready to serve me dinner and cuddle me. Sure.  Thanks.  Laters."  He hung up.  "We need to go on vacation out there soon," he said as he hung up.  "Am I too smug?  Is that why they're targeting me?  Did I do something wrong and they're trying to show me up?  Why me?" he asked miserably, cuddling into his mate's side. "I don't like this, Dave."

"I know, Xander.  I hate it.  Greg's ready to kill over this and so is Mort.  If it was a coworker, they've got some major explaining to do."  He stroked Xander's back gently, keeping him calm while he listened for the timer on the oven.  When it went off he wiggled free and pulled the brownies out, bringing one back as soon as he could pry it loose.  "Here," he said with a small grin.  "You need chocolate."  He got back into the position he had been in, watching Xander pick at it with his fingers.  That was a very bad sign.  If Xander didn't want chocolate, the world must be getting ready to end.   He hugged him tighter and made sure he knew he was loved and safe with him.  It was all he could do until he could pressure Ray for more information.

***

Xander looked up as his lab door opened, looking at the grinning man standing there with the gun.  "Hi," he said calmly.  "What did you need?  Is that for testing?  If so, I'm sure we're not going to need to send it to fingerprints."  The man moved closer and he stayed his ground.  "Is it for processing, Evens?" he asked calmly.

"No, it's not," he sneered.  "You're going down!  The same way you tried to have me brought down!" he said happily, but still sneering.  "I'm going to see you ruined."

"Sure," he said, nodding.  He was thinking back.  "How did I do that?" he asked finally.  "I don't remember ever getting onto your case about a mismatch or anything."

"You turned me in for those missing guns!" he shouted.

Xander nodded once.  "Okay, but I didn't implicate you.  All I did was do what I'm supposed to do when I find out, and report it.  I didn't yell at you, I yelled at your boss, man."

"And he tried to say it was my fault when he was the leak!" he snapped, raising his gun up higher. "I'll see you paying for eternity for doing this to my department!"  He started to pull the trigger but Xander moved, letting the bullet barely graze him.  "Stand still!"

"No!  I'm not that dumb!"  His guns were all in his desk, he couldn't reach them.  David was really closer to them and he was upstairs in a meeting with the other departments about this stuff.  The ballistics cases were being handled later so he was planning on going up then so he wouldn't lose his temper.  He tried the emergency button but it hadn't been hooked back up.  So he did what he needed to do and dodged again, getting another graze.  He was not Superman, he was not faster than the speeding bullet from a nine mil glock. He would be paying for this later, but hopefully David wouldn't be *too* mad since he was ducking and it wasn't his fault the soundproofing was working against him.

***

Upstairs, someone was looking at the light that blinked on and off.  "What's this?" the sergeant called, pointing at the light.  "It's blinking."

"Blinking?"  Bresbiss, who used to work upstairs, looked at it.  "That's the emergency beacon from the lab.  They never hooked back up the siren."  She called upstairs, getting their civilian aid.  "Get Welsh and Vecchio downstairs now.  The emergency light's going off for the lab!"  She hung up and went to get a few other officers.  "Guys, we've got a blinking beacon light on the desk," she reported.

"They're all upstairs," one of them noted dryly.

"All but Harris."  They looked at each other and ran.  They made it before Welsh and Vecchio, so they got to pounce the guy who had just shot their favorite tech.  Fortunately he was a bad shot since he only got him in the leg, but he made a pretty sound as he hit the floor under Bresbiss' flying tackle.

Ray ran in.  "Xander!"  He came over to check him over.  "He's got at least three wounds," he reported.

Welsh grabbed one of the radios off one of the cops, using it because it was faster than dialing.  "Dispatch, we need an ambulance in the CSI Ballistics lab at the twenty-seventh.  At least three gunshot wounds to one of the techs."  He tossed the radio back and came over to help since the officers were cuffing the other guy. "Who is that?"

"Evens from Region One," Ray said grimly. "Their ballistics guy."  Welsh glared at him.  "Evens!" he snapped, getting the guy's attention, even though he was struggling.  "You working alone on this little project?"

"It wasn't me!  He discredited me even though it wasn't me who let the guns get out of our hands!  It was the boss's little party!" he whimpered, still trying to get free.

One of the guys swatted him across the back of the head. "Quit moving, moron!"

"Huh?" Ray asked.

"Xander found Region One had some missing guns," Welsh reminded him.

"That was over a year ago!"

"So?  Revenge often comes out of the refrigerator," one of the cops reminded him sourly.  "Is this about those missing guns?"  Ray nodded.  "Well, at least it's mostly solved now."

"As long as we can find the guns," Welsh reminded him.  He looked over at the paramedics.  "Good, get in here.  He's got at least three."

"Sure.  Which CSI?  Oh, Harris," he said, nodding.  "I've treated him before."  He got around Ray to check the wounds.  "Three grazes, one good shot into his thigh," he said.  "Right where he had been stabbed before I think."  His partner broke out their gear, handing over bandages to start the process.  "Move please, Detective.  Let me get that one."  Ray nodded, moving so he could get to the injuries.  "How long ago was the first one?"

"We're all in a meeting upstairs, he was coming up once he was done," Welsh admitted.   He pulled Ray farther back.  "Get your man, go beat his ass," he said quietly.  Ray nodded, nodding for the officers to bring their suspect with them.  Welsh looked around, then called upstairs.  "Greg, *calmly* come down here and clean up Xander's lab.  I'll tell David myself what's going on but he's got a gun out and I think he's still inputting.  Now.  Tell David to wait, I'm coming."  He listened and nodded.  "That's fine, he can go with the ambulance if he heard it pull in." He hung up and headed up the stairs, finding David running after them.  "Call us!" he yelled after him.  David turned and nodded, then headed for the car.  Welsh went upstairs, going to tell the others.  Region One's people were suspiciously missing now, but he could hear someone yelling down the hallway at them.  He closed the conference room door behind him and leaned on it. "It appears someone in Region One was behind those missing guns," he said calmly.  "Evens just shot Harris."  Prestons stood up, glaring at him. "He'll be fine.  A few grazes and one in the thigh."

"Good thing he's a bad shot," Morgan said bitterly.  "Can we go hurt Evens?"

"No, Vecchio gets him first, then David.  Morgan, I want your team, with you leading, to go to Region One while we have them all here.  I want you to go search their offices.  I want those guns back," he said calmly. "You can get a list off Vecchio's desk if you need it.  If their second shift gets in the way, arrest them for now.  We'll figure out who's involved tonight."  She nodded, and the field techs in attendance followed. "Prestons, you too because I know you're a good cop. You'll make a fine ballistics tech."  He nodded, running after his boss.  He looked at the others.  "For now, we're going to adjourn this meeting.  Expect it to start again in a week."  They all nodded, heading back to their spots.  Welsh went to tell Vecchio what he knew so far about them and w ho had went to Region One.  Then he went to call his boss and tell him, finding Mort in his office doing it for him.  "Good, he hates hearing bad news from me."

"He rather expects it from me," Mort agreed, smiling at him.  "He's in the bathroom.  Is my boy all right, Harding?"

"So far he seemed okay.  Three grazes, one good shot to the thigh.  Vecchio has most of Region One in a room screaming at them.  We're pretty sure it was related to when those guns that were supposedly stolen from Region One came to light."

"Ah.  Revenge served chilled, one of Xander's favorite types of jobs."  He listened to the gruff voice on the other end.  "We've had a major break in the case against Harris.  No, Evens came up to shoot him during our meeting.  He's already headed there.  Three grazes and one true gsw," he reported.  "Harding sent him on.  We've got most of Region One in a room and are letting Vecchio scream at them.  They think it's related to those guns getting stolen or whatever from Region One last year."  He nodded, making notes on some paper laying in the notepad tray.  "Thank you, sir.  Of course.  I'm sure he'll be fine."

"The paramedic said the one to his thigh was where he got stabbed during the serial case," Welsh offered.

"Ah, Harding said the true wound was to the same spot he got stabbed last year.  Yes, then," he said mildly.  He smiled. "No, Xander blames you for putting him in the media, which probably prompted this somehow.  Of course. Well, I should calm David down.  It seems our mild little Trace tech has a nasty temper where his husband is concerned," he said blandly, smiling at Harding.  "Yes, he rather threatened the man who stabbed him.  Oh, I don't know," he said happily.  "I'd make microwave popcorn and watch this time."  He hung up and looked at Welsh.  "He wants David kept away from these people before he  retaliates."

"I'm not getting in the middle of that.  David can beat the shit outta them for all I care at the moment," he said plainly, sitting down on his couch.  "I had Greg secure his lab."

"That's fine.  He's helped Xander work in there a few times so he could learn a bit more about trajectory and things."  He leaned back.  "Should we call Vegas?"

"I don't wanna tell Brass or Grissom that Xander got hurt again. They'll try to claim Greg was a swap so they can have him back so he quits getting hurt."

"I doubt David would let him."

"True," Welsh agreed with a small smile.  "He does spouse-in-a-rage so well," he said with a faint smile.

"Well, David can be a bit of a drama queen when Xander's injured horribly.  But it is rather pretty to watch people flinch away from him.  He said he never understood why Vecchio and Xander liked their scary reputations until someone did that."  He stood up.  "I'm heading down there to check on Greg, make sure he's still here and all.  Let me know what comes of this."  He walked out, shaking his head.  Dewey came in with someone.  "Ah.  Detective, Ray has someone in custody for harming Xander just now in the lab.  In case you hadn't heard the screaming from outside."

"I did, I was wondering about that."  He handcuffed his guy to the chair and went to help with the screaming and yelling.  They all appreciated Xander too much to lose him or David over this petty crap.

***

Xander woke up, which he considered a nice thing with what he remembered.  He looked around, spotting the redhead sitting next to him.  He licked his lips.  "Where's my husband?" he whispered.

"He's not allowed in here," she said, shifting closer.

Xander pushed the button on his bed, glaring at the nurse, who flinched.  "Where's my husband?" he demanded, a bit more firm sounding this time.

"This hospital...."

"Either my husband is allowed in here or I'm going to sue you," he said plainly.  "He has my medical power of attorney."

"But...."

"Now!" he sneered.  He sat up, groaning and holding his arm.  "Ow."

"Don't, Xander, you've got stitches," Willow warned, trying to get him to lay down again.

"Do I care!" he said, pushing her away.  "You don't even respect me, Willow.  Now, find my fucking husband and bring him here.  I'm checking my ass out and going to our usual hospital.  Since I *know* ours doesn't have mushrooms on the walls!"  She flinched.  "Now!"

"I can't do that, Xander," she said quietly.  "You're not going back there.  He let you get hurt!"

"Willow!  Someone came after me for being effective in my job!  He had nothing to do with it!"

"He still let you get hurt!" she shouted back.

"Fuck you," he told her.  He glared at the nurse.  "Call the fucking FBI.  Apparently I've been kidnaped."  She shook her head.  "Fine, I will."  He summoned over the phone, making Willow gasp, as he dialed a number from memory.   "Ford, it's Harris.  I have no idea where I am but David isn't here and I'm not in Chicago...."

"Give me that!" Willow shouted, taking the phone and hanging it up. "Bad Xander!  Bad!"  She started to raise a hand to slap him.

He punched her, then moaned and held his arm.  "Get her the hell away from me," he growled.  "I am with the Chicago PD.  I have been kidnaped and you're letting the woman who did it abuse me!"  She led Willow out and the door was shut. He checked his bandages, looking over as someone came in.  "I don't know you.  What city am I in?"

"Cleveland.  The nurse said you've been kidnaped?"

"Considering I live in Chicago and I was there when I got shot?" he suggested dryly.  The doctor nodded.  "Considering she took me away from my husband, who is the *only* one allowed to order non-emergency treatment for me?"  The doctor sighed and held the chart.  "By the way, that nurse wasn't particularly helpful.  You might want to note that on her forms."  He checked his thigh, then looked at the doctor.  "How bad am I and when can I fly home?"

"Not for at least a week, young man.  I noticed a few other injuries, especially a scar near that hole in your thigh?"

"I was stabbed by a perp last year during a serial case.  I'm a criminalist with the Chicago PD."  He winced.  "Now then.  I need the phone to call the guy who can come help me get home.  I have an acquaintance with the FBI out there.  I'm going home.  One way or another."

"If you move from that bed, it's going to be in a body bag," he said seriously.

"I've had worse."

"I doubt it."

"I lost my eye and had to defend my life not a week later."  The doctor hissed.  "So therefore, I'm going home."

"Let me check your eye, young man."  He came over to look and sure enough, one was glass.  "Well.  I didn't know you could be a cop with such a disability."

"I'm a lab tech.  I don't need both eyes.  They make microscopes with single eye pieces as well as ones with both."  He nodded, accepting that.  "Where's my badge and stuff?"

"I don't know.  It wasn't in the things you came in with."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "I need you to do something for me.  There is *one* person here who I trust.  Her name is Dawn Annabelle Summers.  She's about twenty-one now.   I need you to contact her and ask her to call my husband."

"We really can't follow his orders, sir, this is a Catholic hospital."

"He has my medical authority.  If you don't, I can sue this place and bankrupt it," he said calmly.  "I'd do it now and remind the nurse I'm allergic to morphine please."

The doctor checked the file.  "That's not in here."

"Why would it be?  Willow wouldn't have known it from when I got my eye popped and they found out.  She wasn't there."  The doctor nodded.  "By the way, she's a bit delusional.  You might want to watch her for more violent behavior.  She tried to strike me.  I hit her."

"Fine.  Let me call this Miss Summers first and foremost.  Then I'll...."  The door blew inward and Willow walked back in.  "I see what you mean."

"Yeah, me too," he sighed.  "Out, Willow.  I don't want to see you right now.  I'm going to have you charged with kidnaping."

"I didn't!  I'm saving you from a horrible and certain death!"

"We all die sometime," Xander reminded her.  "Besides, since I'm *saving* lives and finding the guilty who take lives, I consider any time spent on my job to be well spent.  Now, you're interrupting and violent.  I'd leave."  He looked outside, whistling at the cop.  "Yo, officer!  Come help a brother in need!"  He walked in behind Willow.  "I'm with the Chicago PD.  I'm their ballistics tech for Region Two."

"Don't listen to him," Willow said bitterly.  "He's mental!"

"My badge number is 88625.  I work in the twenty-seventh precinct.  She kidnaped me," he said, pointing at Willow.  "Took me out of a hospital kidnaped me."

"I can check all that information out.  Name, sir?"

"Alexander Lavelle Harris.  CSI, Ballistics, Trace, and Field."

"You do all three?"

"Ballistics is my main, I've got a minor in Trace, and I'm keeping my abilities open for Field tech work."

The cop nodded, writing that down.  "I can call my people and have them verify that."

"Good, can you remove Miss Rosenburg there before I have to punch her again for trying to hit me?"

The cop nodded, dragging her back to the courtesy phone.  He called his station, handcuffing her a moment later.  Then he came back.  "CSI Harris, they've been looking all over for you.  Your husband thought it might be her or Miss Summers?"

"Buffy Summers.  Dawn Summers, her sister, is a friend.  She's local.  She's probably not involved."

"That's fine," he agreed gently.  "Are you all right?"

"No, I'm here.  I should be at home being pampered by my husband and my dog."

The cop smiled and nodded.  "As soon as possible, sir.  The FBI was being called by my boss."  He looked at the doctor.  "I think he's going to be transferred back, doc."

"That's fine.  As soon as I have orders I can do that.  I will make a note on your chart about that allergy, young man."  He walked out, going to write in a long note about what was going on, in case he did sue them for misconduct.

Xander relaxed, smiling at the nurse coming in.  "Can I have some water or juice?"

"We can get you some juice, but I need to check your stitches," she offered, smiling a bit.

"I'm not mean unless you force me to be," he promised with a small grin.  "I pulled one in my shoulder when I hit her."

"Thank you, Mr. Harris."  She came in to check them all, then got the doctor to come staple that area while she got him some juice.  She'd have been violent too if she had been kidnaped while so horribly injured.  She smiled at the young woman who came running up the halls.  "Who're you?"

"I'm Dawn. I got called.  Xander's here?" she panted.  The baby on her back cooed and giggled, kicking her. "Ow, Mandy, calm down!"

"She can come in," Xander called.  "I trust her not to hurt me further!"  Dawn turned and frowned, then ran in to hug him.  "Hi, munchkin," he said fondly, smiling and hugging her as best he could.  "Oooh, you should move to Chicago, Dawnie."

"I know."  She stood up and took the baby off her back, handing her over once she was free of the carrier.  "There, Uncle Xander."  The baby squealed and hugged him just like her mommy had.  She smiled at the cuteness, wishing she had a camera.  Someone behind them took one so she turned to look, frowning a bit.  "Giles.  Go away."

"I had no part in this."

"Really?  And how did Willow get enough money to do this?" Xander asked dryly. "Did she rob the store?"

"No, she helped Ethan with a very hard spell and he paid her," he admitted, coming in.  "Hello, Amanda."  She beamed at him and went back to patting her uncle until he hugged her again.  He smiled at Dawn.  "I hope you don't mind?"

"No, interrupt away.  I'm going to sit right here until someone he knows and trusts gets here to take him home.  Then I'm planning on moving that way myself, Giles."

He sighed and nodded.  "I know Buffy is sorry for what she's said and done."

"So?  Too little, too late."  She looked over as another cop came in, this time with handcuffs already out.  "Don't make me kick your ass for hurting him more," she ordered coldly.  "I can and will."

"Um, no, ma'am.  I came here to get a Miss Buffy Summers?"

"She's a blonde, my older sister," Dawn told her.  Giles handed over a picture so she stared him down.  "Letting her hang finally?"

"She kidnaped him," Giles said, shrugging a bit.  "I can't protect her from justice but I can make sure it goes easier on her so she learns her lesson."

"Willow was screaming that she was saving me from a horrible death and David," Xander said bitterly.  He cuddled the baby.  "You're nearly as good at that as my puppy Sarah."  She blew a kiss and settled back in, falling asleep on him.

"Awww," Dawn said, smiling at him.  "She loves you.  I'll expect you to babysit at least once a year for her."

"Sure, if you can get David to agree," he said dryly.  He went back to soothing the infant, keeping himself calm with it, at least until Agent Ford strolled in and smirked at him.  "Dawn and her daughter Mandy came to see me."

"I can see that."  He nodded cordially at Dawn, then at Giles.  "Protecting him?"

"Yeah, because Willow's a bit on the powerful side," she said dryly.  She crossed her legs.  "If she tried something *that* way it'd take both of us to fix it."  He nodded, accepting that.  "When can he go home?"

"That depends on the doctors," Ford admitted, looking at Xander.

"They won't follow any order David gives them," Xander said bitterly.  "Sooner instead of later, Ford, please?"

"If I can," he agreed. "David's been growling at us now for the past two days."  Xander opened his mouth.  "They kept you sedated, Harris.  Vecchio went on a rip.  Crime's down in Chicago at the moment."  Xander smiled shyly at that, ducking his head a bit. "The Chief said he's sorry he gave you that certificate since it caused so much trouble. You'll be happy to know that ATF has arrested the Region One director for the gun selling he was doing.  It's also arrested Evens and two other techs there, plus your janitor, for taking the guns from your desk and destroying them."  Xander moaned.  He nodded. "Unfortunately.  DA Kowalski went on a rip about that and scared some of the people in the judicial club she was in when she heard.  They think the hormones are getting a bit out of whack again."  He moved closer.  "Any word on the elder Miss Summers?"

"I haven't seen her yet," Dawn admitted.

"That's fine," he agreed, smiling at her. "Are you moving back?  David went on a rant about your daughter not being safe here either."

"I'm planning on it.  I'm just about to graduate from my cosmetology program and I wanted to move closer to Xander."  She got up and took her daughter since the doctor was coming in.  Mandy whimpered but she calmed her back down and sat down with her.  "We're not leaving," she noted when he gave them all funny looks.

"I am," Giles assured him.  "I don't like to see bad wounds."  He left, letting Ford have his spot.

Ford looked at Harris.  "It'll be the easiest guarding assignment I've ever had.  You're not some primadonna who demands everything be diamond encrusted, even her juice glass."  Xander smiled and shook his head.  "When can we move him back home, doctor?"

"He really should be in traction for his thigh," he noted.

"I got stabbed there about ten months ago," Xander told him.

"I noticed the scar, but this is deeper.  I would prefer you be somewhere you could be watched."

"I have a husband," he reminded him.  "He's a Trace tech.  We've got a former DNA tech living with us too."

"A threesome?" Ford joked.

"No, Greg likes girls," he said with a smirk.  "He just never moved out."  Ford laughed at that.  "We like Greg.  I get to play with Greg when David won't let me play and be a naughty Xander."

"Wow, someone who understands a naughty Xander?" Dawn teased.  "I might want to meet this guy."

"He's a bit older, honey, but he's a nice guy.  We're best friends."

"Sure, I won't ride him too hard," she said with a wolfish grin.  He snickered and shook his head.  "No?"

"Maybe, I don't know," he admitted, shrugging a bit and wincing. "Ow.  I hate stitches."

The doctor looked at him. "Then perhaps you should quit getting hurt?"  Dawn burst out laughing at that, waking her daughter, who took a bottle and went back to sleep on the mommy's lap.  "What?"

"I'm a ballistics tech and I do some field work," Xander said with a small grin.  "People try to shoot me for doing my job.  I'm just like half the other techs in the city and about a third of the cops.  Besides, I haven't been hurt in months before this."

"True, he hasn't, we're very proud," Ford told him sarcastically.

"Hey, I saved your ass," Xander reminded him.

"You did, and you reamed my boss a new one too.  I'm really proud of you for that, Xander.  Especially since I reported him to the higher ups during my mandatory shooting leave.  The head guys in DC were not happy with that event."

Xander nodded. " Good!"

"How bad?" Dawn asked, looking upset.

"Bad," they told her together.

"Raid on some drug lords and I got sent with SWAT," Xander told her.  "The night I was going to propose.  I ended up tossing the ring at David before I left.  He was not amused with SWAT either, especially since Agent Ford's boss managed to screw everything up."

"Hmm.  No count of perps, no thermal imaging system, nothing so we went in blind," Ford agreed.  "Xander saved my butt that night, and a few others."  Xander nodded.  "Why didn't you get a medal?"

"I don't want medals, awards, or certificates of any kind," he said dryly.  "As happened this time, they lead to trouble.  I don't need more trouble.  David would get tired of me if I got into more trouble."

"Fine," Ford agreed, smirking a bit.  "I know David has a medal with your name on it."

"He can hide it too," Xander assured him.

Dawn coughed, shaking her head.  "It's where my sister and Willow used to put him down for doing what was necessary," she told him.  Ford just nodded at that.  "They got really good at it there for a while. That's why he went back to LA."

"I went to college because Angel ordered me to because I was bugging him by being bored," Xander told Ford.  "He even paid for most of it so I'd be there for emergencies but he didn't have to see me the rest of the time."

"I don't know why, you're fairly good at what you do," Ford told him.  "We liked you enough to offer you a position in our newest lab."

"Ick, no!" he said quickly.

"Fine.  I understand," he said with a small smirk.  "Who's taking over for your boss?"

"Vecchio."

"Oooh."  He shuddered.  "You're still second?"  Xander nodded, looking a bit smug.

"I'm so proud!" Dawn squealed, hugging him.  "That's an important job!"

"It is," he agreed, grinning at her. "I got it on seniority and doing it anyway."  He patted her and she let go, going back to her seat.  He looked at the doctor.  "Can't I go home to be spoiled?"

"We'll see later tonight, Mr. Harris," he said calmly.  "If you're making good progress I'll release you to home-care as long as you get someone to look in on you."

"I've got a housekeeper."

"I meant someone professional."

Xander sighed and nodded.  "Give him David's number so he can fuss everything into place?" he suggested.  Ford handed over a card and the doctor nodded his thanks, going to make that call.  "Make sure he knows I'm okay," he called after him.  "Or else he'll scream!"

"Yes, I heard one of the nurses where you were saying it was nice you weren't trying to kill the thieving janitor again."  Xander grimaced, but blushed a bit.  "Just remember, I'm in control of you until I hand you back to your husband.  Don't make me get upset and I won't yell like he probably does when you bounce around the house," Ford offered.

Xander blew a kiss. "I could never cheat on David, Agent Ford.  And what makes you think he doesn't just grin and watch?"

Ford blushed and shook his head.  "I forgot how much of a pervert you are, Harris.  I'm not like that."

Dawn looked at him.  "True, he needs a better haircut if he was going for a man.  All the gay guys around here have much better hair."

Xander nodded.  "Most of the ones I know too, except Stan."

She giggled.  "Poor Renfield.  He had a buzz cut the last I knew."

"Eeh, it's the callings of the job," Xander told her.  "I need a trim too so I'll let you work on mine once I can sit up fully."  She smiled and nodded.

***

David rushed the gate when he saw Xander, pausing to look at his hair.  "You got a haircut?"

"Dawn," he said, letting David take the wheelchair from the attendant and walk him off.

Ford coughed and held out a form.  "Sign and date, David."  David scrawled a signature and led his mate off, making Ford smile for a bit.  He went to one of the airport bars to get a beer, calling in while he was there so he wouldn't have to go on assignment again.  After all, everyone thought it'd be hard guarding Harris, but he had been pretty nice and decent about it.   He had even shared his horde of peanuts with him.

David rolled Xander out, smiling at the good haircut his mate had.  "I like it.  Is she moving in with us?"

"Near us.  Not with us.  I offered her the attic for a few days and she refused."  He grinned up at his mate.  "Do you like it?"  He nodded.  "Good.  She said it reminded her of Greg's."

"It does," David agreed, running a hand through it while the people mover belt helped them along. By the time they got to the car, he had messed up the careful spikes and it looked more like bedhair, which was what he liked on his man.  He carefully got him into the car, helping him buckle up as well. Then he handed the airport wheelchair to the nearest security guard and hurried back, getting in to drive.  "I've got our bed set up for you and the nurse starts tomorrow.  Where's your records from there?"

"The bag they gave me," he said, pointing at the thing that had been in his lap.  "How did they get me out of the hospital?"

"Faked paperwork to take custody of you.  Rosenburg claimed she was your wife and moving you back home.  The nurse on duty was kinda new but it was caught when she filed it with the administration at the hospital.  They called the FBI, and Ford called me since I was off venting my anger."  He reached over to clasp his hand.  "I was so worried."

"My first question was where you were," he assured him, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, then moaning and sitting back up.  "Time for some pain killers."

"Um-huh.  I figured as much.  Greg made dinner, something nice and soothing his grandmother used to make when he was sick.  Brass wanted a call the minute you're home and awake, so by tomorrow."  He looked over, smiling since his mate was sleeping.  He heard the honks and started moving again since the light was green.

***

David walked into the courtroom the next morning, pausing to tell Stella something because she was working second chair this time.  The main DA was doing this case.  She smiled and patted his hand, nodding a bit.  He looked at the DA.  "He's fine.  Back home and in bed.  Being spoiled by our dog."  He sat behind them, looking at the other side of the courtroom.  "Shouldn't they be here by now?"

"They should be," Stella agreed. "I sent Stan and his boys over to watch Xander for you as well, so even if they try something it won't happen.  They're supposedly having a conference with their legal team up the hall."  She shifted some, putting a hand on her stomach.  "Calm down."  David smiled at her.  "We're fine.  That's why I'm sitting second chair, in case I go this week as scheduled."  The judge walked in and they all stood, her with some help from David.  The judge gave her an odd look and she smirked.  "I'm not in labor, I can be here."

"By that stage, my wife had retired to bed to be spoiled," he told her.  "I do not want you giving birth in my courtroom, DA Kowalski.  So I'll warn you as I have the other pregnant women in here.  The first labor pain and you're expelled so the court isn't bothered or traumatized."  She gave him a cold look and he stared back.  "Understood?"

"Sure."  She glanced at the other table, then back at the judge.  "I'm not the problem of the moment however."

"I can see that.  Bailiff, where are the defendants?"

"Having a legal conference, Your Honor," he said patiently.  "Shall I bother them?"

"Yes, now.  This is wasting time."  He nodded and came back with most everyone, one of the stated lawyers was missing.  "Are we missing someone?" the judge asked.

"He had to withdraw for the day, Your Honor, he was feeling a bit ill and we all know how you are about sick people in your courtroom," the lead lawyer on the other side noted, glancing at Stella.  He looked around.  Then back at the judge.  "I believe we're also missing a witness?"

"He's still on bedrest," David said sarcastically, glaring at him.  "Until the doctor says CSI Harris can move, he's not."  The judge looked at him. "He was kidnaped as well.  His care was botched during that.  I'm not having him moved."

"You are?" the judge asked.

"CSI Hodges, his coworker and helper in this case."

"Ah.  I've heard about you, sir.  You're good enough for now and we'll arrange for CSI Harris to come in with a paramedic if we must have him too soon."  He looked at the other lawyer again.  "Any other reasons to stall that you can see?"

"No, Your Honor," he said blandly, glaring at David once the judge looked away.

"I saw that," the judge noted.  He looked at the DA.  "I believe the opening is yours?"

"Thank you.  Our case if very simple. A little over a year ago, CSI Harris was handed some weapons from an auto accident that one of the detectives he works with was in.  They had been found in the trunk of the car that hit the detective.  As was proper, the detective handed them to CSI Harris for sorting, seeing if they were wanted in another crime, or were on file as being owned by anyone.  CSI Harris found that they were, in fact, from Region One's crime lab and had supposedly been destroyed.  CSI Harris did what he was supposed to do, reporting this to his superior and the Chief of Police, plus the director over Region One.  They had a small shouting match from what I've learned and the director promised to fix this error before CSI Harris was required, by law, to report it to the Federal Bureau of Investigations, who has domain over that ballistics database."  He took a breath, staying calm.  "For some reason, the Region One director put the blame onto his ballistics CSI and his reputation was a bit tarnished, even though he proved he had nothing to do with this situation at a later inquest.  Still, Region One's director was using him as a scapegoat and it drove CSI Evens to slightly lose control.

"When the Chief recently awarded CSI Harris for doing a good job in his chosen field and being so helpful to his department, CSI Evens came up with a plan to discredit him.  When his boss found out, CSI Evens was forced to allow him to help him, thus including some others into the conspiracy he was creating to discredit CSI Harris.  The conspiracy was simple.  They took all exposed, boxed, and bagged guns during shift change so CSI Harris couldn't process anything leftover from Dayshift.  They had a janitor steal the guns and bullets left for him by his coworker and bring them to Region One, where the most high profile cases were then destroyed and the rest to Region Three.  When Mr. Harris checked his statistics from last month, he realized he had been doing more actual weapons during his shift for the time of the month, but he thought it odd that he hadn't had any left over.  He and his coworker on Dayshift talked and he found out it had been going on about ten days.  He reported it to the proper people, including his supervisor and the Chief of Police.

"A detective was assigned to investigate with his help. CSI Harris did find the link to Region Three and the shipping company the conspirators used within a few hours of realizing the problem.  He handed over all evidence and continued on with his normal duties while the detectives continued to work the case.  During a budget and case meeting between the three CSI divisions, CSI Evens lost his grip on his mental problems and went down to the ballistics lab to shoot CSI Harris for thwarting him and for dishonoring him, even though CSI Evens stated that it hadn't been Harris's fault and that his boss was over the original issue with the guns from Region One.  There are Federal charges also being applied in this case, but they're holding off their case until we're done with ours.  They've decided to charge him on four additional counts, possibly a fifth depending on how this case goes.  We have firm proof of all of this, including signed confessions given to the investigating detectives.  I see no issues stopping us from trying this case and then handing over the defendants to the Federal authorities so we don't have to deal with them ever again."  He sat down.

The judge nodded.  "Concise for a change, thank you.  Your turn," he offered the other side.

The second chair of the legal team stood up.  "If it pleases you, Your Honor, I'm making the opening today."

"I really don't care which of you do it as long as it gets done," he noted dryly, staring him down.  "I'd prefer a concise report like the other one however.  I will note that I'm not allowing any grandstanding to go on in my courtroom.  This won't turn into the OJ trial."

"Of course not, sir.  It's nothing like it," he said with a smarmy smirk.  "What the DA so nicely left out was that this is all very much a soap opera.  There's revenge, tragedy, and the requisite distaste for homosexuals."

"I see nothing in the case that points to homophobia, nor did anyone even mention it in any of the interviews they've given us," the DA said quickly, standing back up.  "Your Honor, CSI Harris is a well respected and well liked officer.  Even the Chief of Detectives likes him.  He hates everyone and he likes Harris, now that he's got his badge officially.  He likes the boy even more since he nearly had a stroke standing up to him about the CSI badge issues the department just fixed.  This has nothing to do with CSI Harris' marriage."

"Which isn't legal," the lead lawyer pointed out smartly.

"So?  Neither was yours because it was done in another country. Did you ever fix that?" the DA shot back.  The lead lawyer glared at him.  "Truth, you can check it out if you want.  It's been shown in the press before."   He looked at the judge.  "This has nothing to do with CSI Harris' sexuality or his love life. Personally, even the biggest bigots in the DA's office like Harris being married because his husband calms him down!  Most of the police department feels the same since his spouse keeps him focused and out of trouble."

The judge nodded. "I've seen him testifying before, he was a bit jittery."  He shrugged. "Unless you can prove your clients did this as part of a hate crime against CSI Harris, it's a moot point," he told the other side.  "Get on with it."

"Sorry, Your Honor, I was just making a point."  He cleared his throat.  "My clients said that CSI Harris had unfairly turned them in, not giving them enough time to fix the issues that had been found out.  Their professional reputations were ruined. All they were trying to do was do the same.  CSI Evens never meant to hurt him.  He's a good enough shot to have killed him if he had wanted to."  He saw David whispering to Stella Kowalski out of the corner of his eye, getting some paper and a pen.  He cleared his throat again.  "We also know that no real harm or foul was intended.  The destruction of the misplaced guns wasn't meant to happen, they got mixed up in the routine batch going to the incinerator.  My clients meant no real or lasting harm to CSI Harris, who is quite smug and pushy.  He's constantly trying to push his weight around as the second-in-command in Region Two.  We've had multiple techs defecting from Region Two because of him."

"Point of order," Stella offered.

"On cross, DA Kowalski," the judge ordered.  She nodded, making note of that.  "Go on."

"We also do maintain that CSI Evens wasn't mentally competent at that time."  Stella snickered.  "What's so funny!" he demanded.

"Um, my water just broke," she said with a grin.  "I'm excusing myself and calling DA Marshalls in, Your Honor.  He's already agreed and he's up the hall.  May I take CSI Hodges with me?"  He nodded, making a shooing motion.  "Thank you, and sorry.  I'll be back in a few days."  She got up with David's help, handing over the notes that had been written before letting him escort her out.  "Oh, they're in so much trouble," she moaned, holding her stomach.  She noticed the guard coming closer.  "I'm in labor, he's driving me.  Get DA Marshalls in there now, guard."  He nodded, going to do that for her.  They all knew and feared her around there.  David got her out to the car and buckled in properly, then took off driving just like a native Chicagoan.

***

Xander was helped into the courtroom two weeks later by his mate, who was hovering very closely behind him.  "I'm here.  You called?" he asked.  He looked at the chair, then at the bailiff.  "I'm to put my foot up level, doctor's orders, bailiff.  Can I get a chair to brace on?"  He nodded and got one for him, helping him sit down, making him sigh and smile.  "Thank you."  He raised his right hand and put it on the bible in front of him. "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"So help you God?"

"So help me Goddess," he said dryly, smiling at him.  "Not Christian, but close enough for me."  The judge nodded it was all right.  He shifted, looking determined for a moment, then settled back in.  "Okay, I'm good and comfy."

The judge looked at him.  "For formalities's sake, I must ask, CSI Harris, are you on pain killers?"

Xander pulled out the note his doctor had written. "This is what I'm on and that's a statement saying it does not cloud my mental capacity, it only makes me babble sometimes."  He smiled.  "He said he's had to write those before, Your Honor.  If you need to contact him, his number's on the bottom."

The judge read it over.  "That's fine.  I'm including this in the evidence for this trial as exhibit 83, competency of CSI Harris to be interviewed and questioned."  He made note of that and handed it to the Bailiff, who sealed it in a bag.  "Proceed."

The second chair DA stood up, smirking a bit as Xander.  "Mr. Harris."  Xander focused on him.  "When was your last dose of medication?  Just for the record."

"One hour, and probably twenty minutes ago.  I took it an hour before we left the house so I wouldn't babble as much as usual."

"Thank you."  He stepped closer.  "Are you comfortable?"

"For now.  I'll ache in about thirty minutes."  The DA nodded, just staring at him.  "What?" he asked finally.

"Gathering my thoughts.  For the record, you and I are not friends, correct?"

"No, you hate me because I married David.  I could care less about your narrow-minded, bitchy point of view about my relationship.  I'm stiffly formal when we have to deal with each other over a case."

The head DA nodded.  "That is true, Your Honor, I trust CSI Harris's mental state now."

"Thank you," Xander told him. "David has a baby picture for you from Stella."  He looked at Marshalls again.  "Get on with it, I'm not that cute for you to continue staring at me."  The judge snickered a bit at that.  "I'm not," he said quietly.

DA Marshalls smiled at him.  "True, you're not the sort I'd stare at normally.  CSI Harris, CSI Evens and CSI Mitchel, Region One's director, have stated that you push your weight around.  That you've driven some techs out of the office and to them.  And that you push your gayness around as well.  Is that true?  Any of it?"

"I've had to call over there to get some help when CSI Mitchels refused the AV and computer techs help.  It was their tech's fault that our system got a virus that was released from their tech's working on something while plugged into the PD's intranet.  At that time, I was in command of Region Two because our boss was out sick.  All I did was call the tech over there and note that we needed help and if Mitchels was denying it, he was probably going to be in trouble from a higher source when our boss got back or when your boss jumped on him because some pedophile cases were hanging in the balance, waiting on those hard drives to be processed."  He shifted again and Marshalls got him a pillow to pad the chair, making him smile and nod.  "I also reminded him to tell Mitchels that all the pedophiles came from around where he lived if they got released because Mitchels had ordered him not to send us a redundant backup he had in a closet over there.  We used the backup for ten hours to clear the virus out of *all* the system and sent it back with the report and a note of thanks to that tech for being so helpful.

"Their AV and computer techs have always been more helpful to us than Mitchels allowed them to be when we had a manpower issue.  Our computer tech had two weeks off because he was in quarantine due to his son having measles.  Mitchels didn't want to lend us their techs for a few hours for a case that your office was breathing down our neck on.  Our boss, Mort, let me call to badger the tech, who hadn't realized what was going on.  All Mitchels told him was that he was not to help us and to ignore any pleas because we were being drama queens, his wording.  Their tech came over on his lunch break.  I believe the Chief granted him some extra overtime for that and a commendation in his file for helping during a tough time."  He shifted a bit again.  "As to the second allegation?  That I've sent techs running out of Region Two to hide in Region One because I'm so pushy?  There have been three techs that have left our offices for theirs.  A DNA tech who was transferred against her wishes since they were short.  A later DNA tech who left because she didn't like the, and a I quote, strange things going on in our office.

"We got the first tech back thanks to her transferring.  She walked out in a huff when it was announced David and I were married. She also had numerous problems in the lab otherwise, including attendance problems and issues with most of the coworkers.  Speaking as someone who has led jobs in the past, we knew she wasn't going to stay.  She never talked with any of the other coworkers.  She sneered at the field techs bringing her stuff.  Her Little Miss Perfect act was what made her transfer more than anything.  She wanted to be rich and work on rich people crimes and our Region does poor people crimes."  He shrugged a bit and winced. "As for the third allegation, that I push my relationship with my husband around?  We make no secret of it.  We try to keep any kissing to a minimum in the office, though I do get to sneak one to his cheek now and then in the main room before going to work, or one in the office if neither of us is busy, and that's a quick peck on the lips and a smile.  David is very conscious of his career and he doesn't want to alienate any of our coworkers, and neither do I.  We did invite most of them to the wedding, and most of them did come.  We also invited most of the detectives we work very closely with and most of them came."

"Did your boss?"

"No, unfortunately Mort couldn't attend, he had broken his foot.  He was getting x-rays.  He presented them to us later that night."  The DA smiled at that.  "I don't push anything about me at anyone else.  If you like me then accept me as I truly am. If you don't, then don't and I'll be socially polite to you, like you and I are."

"Thank you, CSI Harris.  Now about the guns?  The ones that Region One...misplaced?"

"You mean sold?  I was told by Detective Vecchio that there was evidence that those first guns that were found in the trunk of the car that hit Detective Kowalski had been sold.  I wasn't allowed to examine the evidence since I had been kidnaped by some former friends and taken to Cleveland, but he did explain why everything happened the day after I returned."

"You were...kidnaped?" the judge asked.

Xander looked at him and nodded. "Some of my former friends decided it was the job and David that had endangered my life so therefore they hatched a plan to present false paperwork that one was my wife and have me moved back to their home city so they could be closer.  I left them almost six years ago now because of the way they treated me and undervalued me.  We don't even really speak to them, even before they pulled this, and I did charge them with it.  The FBI decided it was a misguided attempt of friends to help me and gave them deals for probation."

"I see.  Do you have anything on that, CSI Harris?"

"No.  Agent Ford might.  He's the one who guarded me when I was finally found.  He and I have had to work together in the past so his bosses sent him."

"I'll have him contacted about that," the lead DA noted. "I didn't think it'd be relevant."

"It may not be, but I'd still like to have it present," the judge noted.  "Just in case."  The DA nodded, understanding that someone could challenge Xander's testimony based on that kidnaping. "Proceed, DA Marshalls."

"Thank you, sir.  CSI Harris.  What did you do when the guns were brought to you?"

"I ran them through the system. I saw the notations of their supposed destruction.  I notified my direct boss, Lieutenant Welsh, and then he notified the Chief of Police.  When Region One's director showed up, I went back to my lab and quoted chapter and verse on the rules of why you don't mark guns as 'destroyed' when they haven't been. I also yelled at them that they had two days to fix it and report this problem or I was required to by law.  If I remember right, I said something about being willing to die of a heart attack for the department but I wasn't going to jail for them."

"Then you are required to report such incidences?"

"Yeah.  If I don't, then not only am I considered liable for anything that might happen due to their being released, but I'm also in violation of the database's statues and we could have been locked out of it or had all our federal funding yanked for me not reporting it in a timely manner.  I judged a timely manner to be within three days of notifying the other department.  That has been upheld in other cases that were told to me in my ballistic classes by the Feds themselves.  That way some minor information can come forward during the report."  The DA nodded. "I gave them two days, which meant I'd be reporting them the next day, on the third day.  CSI Mitchels got huffy, so I screamed at him a bit more, offered him the reports I had run.  He sneered, I responded.  He took the reports and stomped off.  As required by law I reported them three days later, and I didn't have any report to go with it so I had to make due with a simple explanation and a listing of the guns, along with a note saying I had reported it to the office in question and the circumstances of their seizure. I have a copy of that report on my office computer if you needed it."

"No, we have it. You write very thorough reports."

"I'm a redundant backup guy.  I want all my bases covered and my ass firmly enclosed in case of gunfire aimed at it.  My husband gets very upset with me when I don't wear a vest."

Marshalls smirked a bit at that.  "Well, you do tend to get a bit hurt."

"Yeah, but I can't sleep in it.  It'd hurt both of us."  He smirked at the laughter that got from some of the watchers.  "I might also mention that someone, and the police did capture them, was trying to poison my dog the other day as well as Constable Fraser's canine companion.  You might want to warn them to stop it, DA Marshalls.  My dog and my husband are my only family.  I do get a bit upset when my family is bothered."

"We've already charged him, CSI Harris," the head DA noted.  "He said it did have to do with this case and he was paid.  That'll be presented later.  Thank you for reminding me."  Xander just smiled at him.  "CSI Harris, can you please recount the incidences as they happened that led up to your shooting, since my coworker is still staring at you?"

"I think he's blacking out," Xander admitted, leaning forward.  "Um, Judge, I think he needs to see someone.  He's fully not in there."

"Bailiff, help him to a seat and get a paramedic.  We'll adjourn until he's treated or removed."  His officer nodded and did that, going to call someone.

"I've got Xander's blood pressure machine if you think it'll help," David offered quietly.

"No, it should be fine.  He's diabetic and he's had some swings from the long hours recently," the head DA noted.  "Help Xander down so he can stretch out."  David nodded, going to get his mate and help him lay down on one of the benches.  Then he had to shoo off the paramedics.  "Not him, Marshalls."  He rolled his eyes.  "He's just resting."

"Fine."  They came over to check on that one instead.  "Hodges, go ahead and check his wounds and blood pressure anyway.  Vecchio, Kowalski, Kowalski, Fraser, Welsh, and Turnbull all said that if we were called, we're supposed to check on him too."

"Our friends are worrywarts," Xander noted patiently.

"Yes, but that's because they know you," David assured him, smiling at him as he checked his arms.  "He's looking okay here."  He pressed gently on Xander's thigh, getting a hiss but no dark spot.  "No blood that I can see."  He pulled out their blood pressure machine and used it.  "One ninety over one ten," he noted.  "A bit high but not too bad."  The paramedics looked at him.  "He's been bored in bed, it's been a bit high since he got hurt and kidnaped."

"Fine.  Do you want him taken?"

"No, I'll watch him, he'll be fine," David said calmly.  "He'll behave or he's eating oatmeal tonight for dinner."

"Eww, I hate oatmeal."  The DA snickered at that, shaking his head.  "He's being mean again."

"It's because he loves you, Xander."

"Your Honor, must they do this in public?" one of the opposing lawyers demanded.

"We're on break.  I can kiss and cuddle him if I want," David assured him. "Why would I care about your opinion on my relationship?"

"It's statements like that which get people bashed," he sneered back.

"And that's a threat," the DA said firmly.  "Bailiff?"  He came over, cuffs already out.  "I'm sorry but the city of Chicago does not allow such threats to go unpunished. We do have a hate crime law here in the state, gentlemen.  I don't care if you don't like him taking care of his husband.  You have no right to threaten him for it.  You're also going to be charged with hiring someone to poison their dog.  We were going to do that later," he said with a fond smile.  "Since you got stupid, we can do it now instead."  The judge looked down at him.  "There is a valid arrest warrant in place, Your Honor.  It's with the security detail so they could get him coming out of the building."

"Bailiff, restrain him and check on that.  As long as there is, we cannot interfere."

"Your Honor!" the lead attorney complained, hopping to his feet.

"Next time, don't let your people sink to that level, counselor.  If there's a warrant, I cannot stop it from being executed.  That's not my duty.  That's upstairs.  You'll have about twenty minutes to go protest it."

"Xander takes his meds every four hours," David offered. "It'll be two hours since he took some at that point."

"We'll take a long lunch break," the judge assured him. "I've heard him babble before.  I don't think my court reporter can type that fast."  The DA snickered again.  "Since we're on break, get that picture of Kowalski's baby."  David handed it over with a small grin.  "Is it cute?"

"Very.  Has his mum's nose," Xander said with a grin.

"We're not having kids, Xander."

"I know, David. I can admire and babysit.  Dawn wanted to know if we could babysit at least once a year for her too."

"Sure, I can stand small amounts of kids. Maybe once a month or so."  He checked his blood pressure again, smiling at it.  "Nearly normal," he pronounced.

"Then we'll leave him here with you," the paramedics agreed as they finished strapping down their patient, all of them flinching as the door slammed open and Stan ran in.  "It's not him."

"So!"  He looked down at Xander, looking at the monitor Dave was holding.  "Not too bad considering.  You okay?"

Xander grinned at him.  "You fuss very well," he assured him.  Stan just grinned back.  "Can I have some chocolate later?"

"Nope.  You can't bounce until your leg's fully healed, Xander," Stan reminded him.  He looked at the DA.  "Stella demanded to come back to help.  She's wandering this way more slowly.  I'll watch the baby for her."  The DA smiled and nodded.  "He okay?" he asked as the paramedics drug their patient out.

"He'd better be fine when I come see him tonight!" Stella yelled after the paramedics from the hallway. She walked in and looked at Xander, then handed him the baby.  "There, hold the kid."  She looked at the judge.  "I'm back."

"I can see that.  Aren't you on maternity leave?"

"I am.  This is fun and games for me," she said with an evil smirk, which made her exhusband and her boss both shudder.  "Can we get back to it before the baby screams?"

"If we're all still here," the judge noted.  The defendants remaining lawyers glared.  "Except that one I suppose.  CSI Harris, can you go on?"

"For now," he grunted as he sat up, hobbling back up there and being reseated, the baby against his chest, napping soundly.  "He's so cute!" he cooed. "Okay, I'm good, we can go on.  It's out of my system again."

The judge banged his gavel, making the baby snuffle but Xander nuzzled and cooed in his ear until he calmed back down.  "We're back in session.  Reporter, please reread the last question for CSI Harris."

"CSI Harris, can you please recount the incidences as they happened that led up to your shooting, since my coworker is still staring at you?" she read.

Xander nodded.  "Thank you.  I can...."

***

Xander hopped into work on his first night back, holding up a hand when Mortty rushed to hug him. "Let me sit, please."  He sat down and put the crutches aside, then pulled her in for a hug.  "I missed you."

"I missed you too!"  She gave him an extra squeeze and went to get him the snack cake she had gotten for him, presenting it with a grin.  "Here!"

"Ooooh!  I love you!"  He kissed her on the cheek, smiling as he unwrapped it as Mort, Ray, and David came in.  "She got me a wonderful prezzie!" he said, showing it off before taking a bite.

"You still can't bounce, kid," Ray said, patting him on the back. "Where's Sarah?"

"Your house.  She kept staring at the Christmas picture from last year.  Frannie came to get her," David told him, sitting next to Mortty.  "Don't encourage that. I'll have to tie him to a chair later."

She giggled and hugged him.  "You enjoy doing that anyway, David.  This way you'll make sure his first night back is a good night all around."  He blushed and ducked his head.

Mort shook his head.  "Well, I can't say as it was *boring* while you were gone, Xander, but it's much less so now.  Shall we get started?" he called more loudly, bringing everyone out.  "As you can see, Xander's back."  Everyone clapped.  Xander grinned and waved.  "He's not allowed in the field for at least the next six months, or until I get doctoral approval."  David shook his head. "I didn't think you had it already, dear boy.  He's still on crutches.  Very hard to fire things when you're on those."  He pulled out the list.  "Well, it's long," he announced.  Everyone groaned.  "Xander, you only have two waiting on you.  David, you have samples from the same cases and one other one.  Both of you also have interns coming in tonight."  David moaned at that, shaking his head.  "Unfortunately your dayshift counterpart had to leave early so he's coming in to learn from you."

"Dear, you're a good teacher.  You taught me all sorts of stuff I didn't pick up in class," Xander assured him, smiling at him.  "You really did."

"I know.  Is he competent?"

"Quite," Mort agreed.

Mortty laughed and nodded.  "He's like a mini-David clone," she assured him with a pat on the arm.  "He's wearing a *tie* and a heavily starched dress shirt.  It's not even a day to testify.  He's always like that."

David perked up at that.  At least the guy sounded meticulous.  "I'll try, Mort.  I've never done it before except helping Xander during his internship."

"That's fine.  He's not really yours but apparently your counterpart and he don't get along well."

"If he's a suit guy, they wouldn't.  Norma's a bit too hippy for him probably and Tony went to Region One," Xander noted.  Ray nodded at that. "The same as she is with Ray."

"Yeah, I'm glad I get you fruitcakes instead," Ray admitted.

"We were going to announce that tonight," Mort said at the curious looks.  "It was decided before Xander got hurt that he doesn't really have enough experience to run the lab, yet.  Detective Vecchio has run the lab in the past when I was on vacation, before we got Xander.  Therefore he's taking over the administrative duties while Xander keeps his second-in-command spot."

"And none of us really disagreed," David assured everyone. "Xander would get more and more hyper over time if we let him have it for real."

A few people shuddered at that. Mortty raised her hand. "I wasn't included?"

"No, dear.  Did you want to run the lab?"

She snorted and shook her head. "But I'm upset no one asked."

"My standing as second started during the manpower thing," Xander told her.  She pouted and he shrugged.  "Sorry, Mortty.  Did you want to be second for a bit."

"Eww, paperwork.  Where was I then?"

"Region Three."

"Oh."  She nodded.  "So you had the most experience of the guys here?"

"Seniority," Xander corrected.  She made a grossed-out face.  "Most everyone here got hired after I did.  Or came in from the other labs after I did.  Plus I have prior running stuff experience from the construction sites.  I'm more than willing to hand it to anyone if they want it.  David hates me getting frustrated with the paperwork."  No one said anything.  "Last call?"  They all shuddered and shook their heads.  "Then I guess it stands?"  Everyone nodded.  "Sorry, honey."

"It's not a problem.  I'd go on a power trip, you do it better than I do.  More gently most of the time."  He smiled at him.  "Any word on the deliberations, Ray?"

"Still going," he admitted.  "They summoned the judge for a conference earlier. Apparently it's down to one count that they're not sure on."  David nodded, accepting that. "You guys want to go back for the announcement?"

"No, it'll make me look like I'm smugly gloating over their misfortune and then someone else will try something," Xander said, looking over as the door opened and Agent Ford came in with two more agents.  "Ooh, a raid?" he asked happily.

"Well, we are here to investigate someone," he admitted, handing Mort the warrant.  "It's not you, Harris.  Ignore us."

Mort looked at it, then at them.  "She wasn't here that long."

"We still need all the records she had and to copy off any files she would have put onto the computer."

"The cranky one I replaced?" Mortty asked.

"No, dear, Morgan."

"What?" Xander demanded. "Morgan's really good!"

"Yes, but we're doing a background and case check," one of the agents said.  Ford glared at him.  "Sorry, sir."

Xander looked at him.  "You're making more work for me?"

"No.  Finish training your intern and Preston, Harris.  It'll be close enough."

Xander sighed and nodded.  "Sure.  If I must.  I like teaching."  He looked at David, who had sighed.  "I promise, no more long hours."

"Well, he does have the option of overtime again but I don't think he'll be running out anytime in the near future to do some," Mort offered, going to get her personnel file.  He handed it over. "Go ahead.  You know where Xander's lab is."  They headed that way.

"Don't delete anything," Xander called after them.  "I need to backup the reports files.  Crissy said to do it tonight."

"Fine," Ford called back.

"I hope they won't count her feminist leanings and manifesto on her wall against her," Mortty offered.

"No, they can't do that," David assured her.  "It'd breach EEOC regulations."  He patted her on the back.  "Give Xander the other one you've got stored so he won't bounce me later."  She grinned and went to get the one she had planned to give him later, handing it over and getting another hug.  "Thanks, Mortty.  Any good news, Mort?"

"Yes, while you were gone they permanently replaced that pipe above your work table.  Your intern spent his day off cleaning your lab with bleach, then with lysol and finally with alcohol."  David smiled at that.  That was his sort of guy!  "I think you two will get along fine, David.  Just give him a fair shot."

"That's fine," he agreed, leaning on the table.  "What cases?"

"Two homicides and your extra one is a domestic.  He's trying to plea and the DA thinks something's off, probably drugs."

David nodded.  "Okay, I've done them in my sleep almost."  Mort smiled at him for that and David ignored the ring of chocolate around his mate's mouth, for now.

***

David looked up as his intern walked in.  "Sorry I'm a bit late, sir.  There was a bit of traffic outside from some federal agents chatting in the parking lot.  I couldn't get into my usual space."  He put his briefcase down and took off his suit jacket, then put on his smock.  "I took the liberty of cleaning the lab while you were gone, sir.  I also took the liberty of cleaning the stash of GSR off your desk.  I don't know what the unclean ballistic techs were doing using your computer, but I did mention it to the dayshift tech, who only laughed for some reason."

"Xander's my husband, kid.  He's also got a minor in Trace so sometimes he comes over to help when I'm backed up.  He's got special, clean, jackets and gloves over here for those cases."

"Aren't you worried that he might be carrying things in his hair or some such?" he demanded.

"Yes, but I never let him help me on a shooting case so there's no possibility of missing a native sample of GSR due to the slight risk of contamination.  If and when he comes to help it's usually closer to the end of shift so he scrubs down in the locker room and does his hair before coming back in a clean outfit and putting on a clean jacket.  I'm guessing someone had to use my computer for the extra interns they've got.  They've got three between here and Region Three's offices."  He smiled at him. "Good reporting though.  Come on, let's get to work.  I'm down to that domestic.  We're looking for evidence that might suggest drugs or alcohol were involved.  He's already confessed but the DA said something was off about it."

"As you wish."  He double gloved then came over to help.  "Should I help with this sample or another one?"

"No, let's work on this one together so I can get used to you and make sure you know what you're doing.  The only intern I've ever worked with was Xander when he was doing some hours in his minor in my lab back in Vegas."   The intern looked stunned so he smirked a bit.  "Xander's very qualified.  He ran Vegas during his internship because the main ballistics tech was home with a mother undergoing cancer treatments. He has a minor in Trace so I got help whenever I needed."  Greg leaned in the doorway.  "He's another transplant from out there."

"Tommy?" Greg asked.  The boy blushed.  "Man, the last time I saw you, you had blue hair, a Grateful Dead ripped t-shirt and surfer shorts on.  What happened?"

"Mother made me see that I had to give out a much more professional image to be accepted."

David shook his head and motioned him to the doorway, unlocking it and sliding it open.  "Xan?"  He grinned at him, pushing back some of his hair. "You need a trim, dear.  Greg's in.  This is Tom, my new intern.  Tom, this is my husband Xander.  As I said, you'll be seeing him in here and we leave this door unlocked in case he gets hurt again."  Tom nodded, blushing a bit.  "Apparently Tom and Greg used to know each other."

"I'm friends with one of his older sisters," Greg said, grinning at Xander.  "You outlasted all the bets on how soon you'd be back.  I'm impressed."  He clapped the kid on the back.  "Be yourself.  Loosen up again. You don't have to wear a tie to work in the labs. I don't.  Xander doesn't.  David doesn't either."

"Ties can drag through samples and other things, giving contact transfer," David told him.  Tom took it off, still looking embarrassed.  "Xander and Greg used to get into naughty t- shirt contests back in Vegas, Tom.  Just be yourself and keep the meticulous nature.  Yell if you need your painkillers," he ordered before shutting the door.  He looked at his intern.  "Really.  I like uptight people but hiding it will only make you miserable. I started that way too but then I let my geeky inner nature come out at Greg's insistence."  He shrugged.  "Let's get back to work."  Tom rolled up his sleeves and came over to help, earning a smile for how he was doing.

***

Stan smiled at the baby in his arms.  "See the puppy, Derrick?  That's Sarah. She's kinda a cousin of yours.  Fraser, the big guy in red who held you a minute ago, the one with dark hair, well, his wolf had puppies with Sarah so they're my grandkids and she's an in-law of sorts.  Since Stella's your mommy, I'm an uncle so that kinda makes you cousins.  Now, Rennie, the big guy in red who's a blond, you'll love him.  He plays and tickles, and teases, and even plays with my toes now and then.  He's the fun uncle.  He'll play and coo at you all day, just like the big freak in black earlier, Uncle Xander.  Yes, he will," he said happily, teasing the baby's belly.  He got a belch for it but the baby seemed happier.  "That's very good!  It's an important guy skill.  We had to teach Xander how to belch when he first joined us.  We'll make sure you don't turn as girly as he is."

"Stanley!" Stella snapped. "Don't tell him that stuff!"  She scowled at him so he grinned smugly.  "I mean it."

"Xan was raised by girls.  He can't even understand basketball.  He reads romance novels, Stell."  She rolled her eyes.  "Since you're raisin' him mostly alone, with babysitting by me of course, I'm gonna make sure you don't warp the kid like his friends did him."

"My son will be going to Harvard.  He's not allowed to belch at Harvard."

"Unless he joins a frat," Ray teased from his desk.  He looked over.  "Yo, Stan, pass me the little one."

"Yeah, like I'm gonna toss you anything but work," he snorted, shaking his head.  "Mine all mine, Vecchio.  Go find a woman and date'er if you want some babies to hold."

Stella took the baby and handed him over.  "Keep him sane."

"I try, but Stan's already too far gone," he joked.

"I meant the baby.  I already knew that about him."

"Funny, not," Stan joked, smirking at her.  "When can we babysit?  Rennie's lookin' forward to cooing all night, 'cause then I get cooed over and played with later."

Xander hopped up the stairs. "Dawn said Rosenburg was looking for a way to gift me with one of those. She had to have Giles turn her blind for ten days to make her forget about it."  He handed the files he carried to Dewey.  "All yours, big man."  He hopped over, smiling at the baby.  "Hi, Derrick.  Are you being cuddled by the Unclie Ray?" he cooed.  "He's very good at that.  Let him and Uncle Benny teach you about sports too, that way I have someone to watch curling with that won't get your Unclie Stan jealous."

"Thatcher's getting another Mountie," Ray joked, smirking at him.  "She wanted to know if you wanted that one or if she should just present him to Stan in a big, red bow."

"I've already bagged my Mountie quota.  I couldn't handle a third one," Stan joked back.  Benny looked at him, sticking his head through the door of the breakroom.  "Ray said Thatcher might present him to me or Xan."

"I doubt you'd like him that much.  He's a bit uptight." He came out.  "Xander, what are you doing up here?"

"Delivering good news and seeing the baby."

"You shouldn't have come up the stairs."

"Oh, relax," he complained, rolling his eyes.  "I guess I'm being banished back downstairs, Derrick.  Come down to see us.  Mortty wants to squeal over you too."  He waved and hopped off, his crutches making him go more slowly down the stairs.

Everyone listened until the door closed, then they sighed in relief.  They couldn't stand it if he was gone for another six weeks.

"Who won the bet?" Frannie called.

Huey looked in his drawer at the list.  "It went past all estimates so the last one would.  That's.. Xander?"  He looked around.  "Who took that one?"

"Greg made it," Stan said smugly.  "I remember him doing it.  You let him write his own name too."

"I'll have to pay more attention to that stuff," he complained.

"You could invalidate it," Dewey suggested.  "Who's next, me or Kennedy?"

"David."  He looked up the list.  "The next one not in that house is ...Pershing?"

"The bigotted asshole from downstairs?" Ray demanded.  He nodded.  "Why?"

"He said David beat him too hard or .... they were a bit too playful is what he put."  He shrugged.

"Eh, Xander won," Stan decided.  Everyone nodded at that.  They'd probably get treated to something like candy anyway.

***

Xander was lying in bed later that next Sunday night, looking at his mate.  "David, would you tell me I'm stupid?"

David moved his book to look at him.  "Do you want me to tell you you're stupid?  If so, I'm getting you a therapist for your birthday."

"No, I don't want you to tell me I'm stupid but I think you will anyway and I don't want to be called stupid today."

"Okay."  He put his book aside.  "What did you do that I'll yell at you about?"  He shifted to look at him.

"Nothing."

"Then why would I call you stupid?"

"It's an idea I had," he admitted, plucking at the blanket.  David caught his hand, he hated finding fuzzballs stuck to him in the morning.  "Sorry."  He gave him a sheepish look.  "You remember how I was bored when I was stuck in bed and how I had to fight to even get my laptop?"  David nodded, smiling at him.  "Well, I kinda tried to write something like a journal only it sounded like a kiddie book so I left it there for a few days and then I finally got around to putting pictures in it and I think it's dumb, but I don't want you to think I'm stupid," he babbled in one breath.

"I want to see it first," David said gently.  "It might not be stupid, Xander, but I need to see how much grammar and writing help you need first."  Xander blushed a bit.  "Were you planning on publishing it?"  He shook his head quickly. "Are you sure?"

"Very.  I can't stand the rejection," he sighed, snuggling in closer. "It's on my laptop.  I was thinking it'd make a good holiday present for Derrick."

David gave him a cuddle.  "I'll look at them before work tomorrow, Xan.  I'm sure they're pretty good, you just need some grammar help now and then, like you do in your reports."  He stroked his mate's cheek.  "Okay?" Xander nodded, tucking his head under David's and wrapping himself around him. "What's it about?"

"A demon hunter named Ted."

"Demon Hunter Ted?" he asked with a grin.  "Not autobiographical at all?" he teased.  Xander poked him so he laughed.  "I'm sure it's a great story about Ted the demon hunter."  He gave him a squeeze and got up, he had to see it now.  That did sound cute.  He found Xander's laptop in his office and came back to read it in bed, letting Xander rest his head on his thigh so he could stroke through it while he read.  He grinned at him.  "You did better here than you did on your reports.  I think it's cute!"  Xander looked up at him, looking hopeful.  "It's very cute.  We'll find a good place to print it for her for the holidays.  Only the one?"  He blushed and shook his head so David did a search for 'ted'.  He came up with a few more and read them, still rewarding his mate with petting.   "Remind me, it's nearly time to get the tree, Xan."

"Sure.  Next weekend?"

"That'll be the first of December, that'll be fine," he promised, grinning at him.

***

Stella opened the big, flat package and looked at David and Xander, who were grinning.  "What are these?" she asked, flipping them over.  "Children's books?"  She flipped through the first one, blinking at it.  "These are really cute!" she said happily. "Thank you! I can't wait to read them to Derrick."

Stan looked at them, then at Xander.  "Ted?" he asked.

"Hey, I was on heavy drugs!" he defended, pouting at him.

"He waited nearly two whole months to tell me," David told him.  "Don't pick on him about it."

"You wrote these, Xander?"  He blushed and nodded, ducking his head down.  "Well, I think they're very good.  Are you going to submit them somewhere?"

"No.  They're just for him."  He ran and hid.

"The two I tried without him knowing didn't want them," David whispered in her ear.  "He's really insecure about this."  She nodded, kissing him on the cheek.  "I thought about vanity publishing but that's expensive."  He looked at Ray.  "Maria got a copy too."   He grinned and nodded. "How's your mother?"

"Feeling old.  I think her age is starting to catch up to her joints."  He shrugged. "She's almost eighty-three.  You gotta expect these things and be gentle about it."  David nodded, giving him a hug.  "Xander's done good things for you, David.  I bet you'd never hug another guy before him."

"Not true," Greg said happily.  "He hugged me once, but I made him."  He handed over his presents next.  "Here you go.  Greg special gifts for special people and special friends."

"You make it sound so sleazy," Huey teased, opening his.  "Hey, I like this place."

"I know, that's why I got you the nice gift certificate, so you can splurge a bit," he teased, grinning at him.  "David, yours is a joint one."  David opened his and then covered, it blushing a bit.  "I figured there's stuff there you could use."  David blushed brighter and nodded.  "Quick, someone get a picture."  Dewey took one then cackled and ran off.  "I want a copy," he called after him.  "So will Xander!"

"I'm not sure I want to open mine," Welsh admitted, doing it anyway.  He smiled at the nice bottle of cologne. "Thanks, Greg.  It's even my scent."

"Yeah, I noticed you hadn't worn any in a few days.  I figured you ran out."  He shrugged. "I checked, your wife said it was fine."

"You asked my wife what to get me?" he asked.

"Well, yeah.  I didn't want to get you some if she already had," he said with a grin. "She said it was one less thing she'd have to put in your stocking so you could have more candy."

Welsh grinned at that, shaking his head.  "You three are nuts, but we like you guys."

"What got sent to Vegas?" Frannie asked as she opened hers, hugging Greg for the faux fur wrap and gloves.  "I like these, thanks."

"You're welcome. I'm not sure what they sent.  I know David and Xander sent some separate ones.  I sent separate ones.  I'm not really quite sure what Xander did."

***

In Vegas, everyone was gathered around opening presents.  "I got Mylanta," Bobby said, holding it up.  "I'm not sure why."

"From who?" Catherine asked, looking at her bottle of antacids.  "Mine's from David," she said, holding hers up.

Nick opened his gift from Xander and looked at it.  "I think I know why."  He read the card.  "He followed the directions exactly with help from Mrs. Vecchio over the phone and Dawn on some of them," he read off David's card.  He opened that package, finding his own bottle of rolaids.  "Anyone want to try the fudge?"

"I'm that brave," Sarah decided, breaking off a small piece to nibble.  She chewed. "Good texture."  She ate another piece.  "It's not too bad.  Maybe they'll teach Xander to cook yet."  She ate a larger piece after everyone else had.

Warrick grimaced a bit.  "Too sweet for me."  He handed his to Catherine.  "It was really sweet of him."

"He's a sweet guy," she agreed.

"It's all the sugar he ate," Brass noted, popping in another piece of his. Sarah suddenly got up and ran for the water fountain.  Everyone looked at hers, seeing the hot pepper she had eaten half of and wincing.  Everyone broke theirs into littler pieces, and no one else had those.  "I guess he thought she liked it hot?" Brass suggested, eating a walnut out of his.

"Apparently," Warrick agreed, smirking a bit.  "Rinse and spit, Sarah."  She started doing that and he shook his head.  "Xander's a funny little boy."

Grissom nodded. "He is.  He's also warped David since he sent us all stuff for heartburn."  He turned and lifted the big box that Xander had sent them, taking the meal out and handing it down for their feast.  "Okay, everyone, dig in."

Bobby got up to get the stuff his wife had sent with him, as did Warrick, and Catherine got the stuff she made.  They all ranged it around the table.  Then Bobby got the honors of trying Xander's first real cooked meal.  He winced a bit.  "Strong spices," he said. "Peel off the turkey skin."  He sipped a bit of his mylanta.

Warrick took the safe route, dishing up some of the mashed potatoes.  After all, not even Xander could mess up mashed potatoes, right?  He ate a bite and grabbed his water to gulp.  "Thai seasonings," he gasped.

Nick took some to taste.  "Interesting, but neat.  Good enough for me."  He tasted some of the stuffing.  "Not too bad.  A bit onion heavy."  He passed that down to Warrick, who was taking some rolaids from his jar.  "Try that, it's good."  He got up to get the knives for Grissom, who got the honor of carving if Doc didn't want it.  They all carefully tasted everything before fixing it.  Some things needed some salt, some things needed some spices taken out.  Bobby's wife's cornbread needed some butter because it was dry.  By the end, no one was sick and everyone had used David's presents, and Greg's presents were all amusing and fun so it was a good holiday.

Ballistics in Film and Fun

"CSI Harris," Vecchio said, looking at his list, then at his friend. "This last note is straight from the head office and only for you."  He leaned back, looking at the rest of his staff, which was a thought he instantly censored since he hated being there.  "There is a show taping downtown and they'd like it greatly if you wouldn't interrupt them," he said dryly.

Xander shrugged.  "Why would I?  I'm not some crazed fan unless they're taping elves and things."  His mate shook his head at that image.  "Why does this concern me?"

"Because they're going to be taping outside, that means they'll be shooting people outside," Vecchio said grimly.  "With your duty to jump in and stop people it was thought you'd stop them from doing that and that would cost the city a lot of money and a lot of jobs.  It was even advised that the first time you felt you had to, you'd be put on a nice vacation for a few weeks so you could go visit Vegas again and stop their crimes."

Xander snickered.  "Fine, if they're going to have problems, they're reasonable enough to stop them.  I won't jump in and save them unless I have to.  How about that, Ray?" he asked sarcastically.

"Good.  So you can keep your strange crap down, we like that.  The Chief will be very impressed with that."

"I don't schedule that stuff," he said patiently.  "It happens and I deal with it so you don't have to.  So that Huey and Dewey and the boss upstairs don't have to get the headaches."  He stared Ray down, getting a smug look.  "They want me to keep away so much that if they're attacked they're on their own?"  He nodded.  "Fine.  If they're attacked by vampires or something, it's all them, babe.  I won't save 'em at all."  He leaned back, getting comfortable.  "Then again, I also won't cater and pander to the lowest common denominator either.  So don't expect my help if something goes wrong."

"No, we want you *far* away from everyone there," Ray assured him.  "If they're attacked, that's their own stupidity.  You're not to ...go out or anything near them. Got it, kid?"

"Not my intention."

"It never is, but the last time it wasn't your intention you stopped an international gem thief who was about to take out the Embassy."  Xander shrugged, he had been out for a jog with Diefenbaker.  "Fine.  They're going to be downtown on Embassy Row. You are not to go anywhere near a single one of them and we'll keep them away from you."

"Good.  I'll agree to that.  It's not like I want the notoriety."

"Good," Ray agreed.  "Then we'll let David keep you inside for the duration of the filming.  Just in case you decide to go to the movies and run into something like another car chase," Ray said dryly, staring him down.

"Hey, I stopped him so he wouldn't run over my chubby ass.  You don't like it, next time you shoot out his tires while he's driving," he shot back.

David groaned.  "Honey, we don't need more attention.  Just stay calm and we'll gladly stay away from everyone there."  Ray nodded, making a note of that.  "But I want daily shooting schedules put up.  That way they won't harm the commute since we do work at dinner time."

"Fine," Ray agreed, handing one over.  "Copy that and post it upstairs."

Someone upstairs started to scream and holler. Xander moaned and put his head down, looking at Ray, who snorted and waved a hand.  Xander stopped trouble within seconds, it took everyone else longer than that.

Xander walked up the stairs and met Stan in the doorway.  "What's going on!" he yelled.  The screaming stopped and the people stared at them.  "You brought me from a staff meeting in CSI and Kowalski from his coffee.  It had better be a world-ending emergency."

The desk sergeant shook his head and pointed at the screaming people.  "We've got someone here to talk to you.  I was about to page you."

Xander looked at that person.  "And you are?"

"I'm Morice.  You're fabulous!" he said, walking over to him.  "I hear you're the city's resident action hero?"

Xander snorted and shook his head.  "Not hardly.  What did you need, Morice?"  He looked him over.  "Besides to not wear animal hair in the CSI unit so you can't contaminate anything."

The other man ran a hand through his dreadlocks then grinned at him.  "We need our specialist to study you.  We think he's unbelievable."  He looked at the detective.  "You're cute," he said with a wink.

"Yeah, and I've got two Mounties who'll kick yer ass," he noted patiently.  "CSI Harris is really busy solving actual crimes.  He's also been warned to stay away from your set.  Now, whatcha need with him?"

"I just need our star to stand and watch him for a few days.  He's supposed to be very heroic and very impressive."

"Heroics is in the normal things," Xander told him.  "My thing has always been to be in the wrong place at the right time.  As such, you've got to get permission from both the Chief and the Lieutenant upstairs, plus my shift supervisor to stand around my lab and watch me match bullets."

"You.... don't go out and chase down criminals?" he asked, looking defeated.

"I'm a ballistics tech primarily.  I shoot guns, I match bullets, and I write a lot of reports so I can give them to detectives, like Kowalski here."  He nodded at Stan.  "There's nothing glamorous about my job, Morice. Anytime I had to play hero, I was in the wrong spot and something was happening.  If you want your star to be believable, have him follow SWAT.  Now, I've got guns to match to homicides.  If you'll excuse me?"  he walked down the stairs and whispered in Ray's ear before heading back to his lab and slamming the door.

"One of the lackeys on the site just came up with a plan to make their star seem more realistic," he announced.  "They want to follow Xander and watch him match bullets.  He's trying to discourage him."  David moaned.  "He's already trying, Dave.  Calm down.  There's a ton of paperwork."  He hit a button the phone, dialing upstairs.  "Lieutenant, head's up.  There's a guy named Morice who wants to follow Xander around to make his star seem real.  No, he's already agreed to let them die if necessary.  Yeah.  That's what he said.  Do I care?" he snorted.  "I'm not for this project.  Not unless you've got a really good bargaining chip," he offered smugly.  "He told him he had to go through you, the Chief, and me.  I'm against it, I'm hoping you are?"  He nodded, looking smug.  "I'll make sure he's grounded to the lab if necessary but no.  No, he said he'd let them die before helping, even the strange stuff he can't plan or announce beforehand.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "They already knew.  The chief wants him to pressure me."  He leaned his head back.  "Xander!"  His dog Sarah came down the hall, carrying a message.  He grinned and scratched behind her ears.  "Good girl."  She barked and drank some water, then went back to daddy's lab to watch him blow things up.  Ray read the note.  "Xander said he'd rather head far away.  The fax is still in his lab."  He handed it to David.  "Just try to keep him calm, all right?"

"Fat chance."

"Try, I said try.  I know you can't, but try," he ordered.  He stood up.  "Everyone go do something productive while the dweeb's here."  They all went back to their labs and the field techs sat down to read and wait on something to come in. Ray went to take his first tums of the week.  He had made it to Thursday, he was proud of himself.  Even if he had been drinking the gross domestic product of Minnesota in milk for the last month.  He really hated being stuck over this bunch of lunatics.

***

Xander looked over as someone walked into his lab, raising an eyebrow.  "If you're going to be in here, you will be clean.  I will not allow random samples of hair, perfumes, or anything else that might compromise investigations around here.  That means you'd better go bathe off the stench and put on a hat after you've tied back the length."  He went back to his report.  "David!"  He opened the door between the labs.  "Here, for Greg," he said, printing it off and handing it over.  "For your report with him."

"Thanks, Xander."  He looked at the guy standing there. "New recruit or intern?" he asked hopefully.

"You don't know who I am?"

"He watches action movies and comedies.  I watch dramas and comedies.  If you're a romantic guy, we wouldn't know."

"I've been in three action movies so far this year."

"We're about six months behind.  We work during prime movie hours, guy," Xander told him.  "For that matter, I work six to midnight.  Feel free to take that shower now.  Our DNA tech is allergic to perfumes as well.  If she gets sent to the hospital tonight, that's going to screw many samples and cases."  He nodded, going to do that.  Xander looked at him.  "Should I treat him like the usual incoming intern class?"

"It might be easier," he noted.

"CSI Hodges!" someone yelled.

"Yeah!" he yelled back.  He headed that way, finding their overlord in the doorway.  "Yes, Lieutenant Welsh?"

"Did Harris just yell at him?"

"He came in dripping with cologne and covered in fur with his hair down.  Of course he did.  He's breaking lab protocol and we can't allow any transfer.  That's why we brush the dog every day," he said facetiously.  The lieutenant just gave him a long stare.  "Hey, he didn't like this idea either.  Have him watch Greg."

"Sanders is off tonight."

"Even better," David agreed, "but he's in my lab."  He walked off shaking his head.  He handed the report to Greg.  "From Xander."

"I heard."  He flipped through it, grinning a bit.  "That busts my theory."

"Yeah, but not mine," David reminded him, handing over his report.  "Better and better.  We've just ruled out all your suspects and I told you it was the maid."

Greg grimaced.  "That's so dime-store novel though," he complained as he headed out to check it against the case file.  Just in case something popped up at him.

"I thought those always had butlers and you slept with the maid," Xander said from the connecting door with a grin before he closed it.  He picked up his next three test fires and walked them into the firing pen, putting on his ear muffs.  "Firing three over the next ten minutes!" he yelled.  It was close enough in his book.  Someone chuckled behind him but he decided it was probably his husband or Ray so he went to it, putting the test bullet into the proper box in an envelope.  Then he came out and found the Chief in his lab looking at his computer.  "Greg's case," he told him, sitting down to compare the samples and input them into the database.  "What's up, boss?" he asked as he typed.

"Did you yell at him?"

"He came in stinking of perfume and Daphne's still here as an intern, alone tonight," he said patiently.  "She's so allergic I'm surprised she hasn't hit her panic switch."  He got up and peeked into DNA but she was dancing to her top 40 station and he sighed, going back to his work.  The Chief walked over to read over his shoulder.  "Remember, I can't mistype or I have to redo everything," he said when he made his first typo.  He restarted that one, doing it faster since he didn't have to look at the box this time.  He glanced at his boss.  "He also came in with dirty hair, covered in hair, and with his hair down.  I don't allow that. It can contaminate.  I was told to stay away from him and I'm treating him like I do my interns.  My last one learned what a pony tail was when I handed him the scissors his first day."

"I heard.  He understood why you did that after David took him through a tour of the labs and how a hair here can get onto something he was working on or into Chemistry."  He pulled out a stool and sat beside him. "I could send him to Morgan but they're determined to follow you around."

Xander stopped typing and looked at him. "You wanted me to be good," he reminded him dryly, smirking a bit.  "Haven't I been?"  He got a nod and a grin.  "Then why am I being forced to do this when I've been warned to stay away from their filming area?"

"Because their people are morons," he said, patting him on the arm.  "They're getting death threats.  They want SWAT to guard them."

"They have security," he reminded him.  "I got told repeatedly when I got drug into your office to be yelled at for that stupid b&e case that they had security and that their security company was set up to work with the thirteenth.  Not with us.  Not with me.  With the thirteenth.  Besides, if they're getting death threats, that's major crimes and that's also the thirteenth and upstairs."

"I know, but you're the hero that the news reports and they saw you take down that deli robber who tried to run through them.  They've decided you're the role model for the hero of this story, who's supposedly a cop."

"Which I'm not."

"No, you're not," he agreed dryly, patting him on the arm again.  "Treat him like you do any rookie."

"I did.  I sent him to bathe, put up his hair, and change clothes before he contaminated anything," he said patiently.  He heard a bunch of running feet and groaned.  "Not today," he whined. "Ray!"

"Rookie didn't search someone well enough," he called back.  "You're not needed unless you want to do the body cavity."

"Hell no!" he yelled back.  He shook his head and relaxed.  "Check on Daphne!" he yelled.  Ray walked that way, going to check on her.  He looked at his boss.  "I'm sorry if I'm really mean to him.  I'm not a cop.  I'm a CSI.  I've always maintained that and that's why I didn't want the badge."

"I know, Xander.  I think you're scarier now that you have to carry the gun," he promised with a grin. "Has David made you sleep in your vest yet?"

"Yeah, once.  That stalker got free and he had me sleep in a locked room in it that night," he said bitterly.  "All I wanted was cuddles."  His dog barked so he picked her up to hug her.  "Yes, you gave me good cuddles, Sarah."  He kissed her on the head and then put her back down.  "Go help Ray.  He's bored."  She trotted out to find Ray and help him be unbored.  She liked Ray, he played fetch with her with the paperwork balls.

"Fine.  Just try to be a bit nicer," he prompted, smiling at him.  "I promise it won't be for long.  He won't become one of your stalkers and you'll be fine, Xander."

"No, I won't."

"Yes, you will.  I promise you will."  Xander gave him a dirty look.  "You know, you're up for a raise again this year," he noted dryly.  "You're about to start your fourth year with us."

"Yeah, and with my work record, I'd better get it too," Xander reminded him firmly.  "I don't do blackmail, chief.  You knew that about me when you hired my chubby ass."

"You're not fat.  Get over it.  Take up jogging."

"You forbid me from jogging.  The last time I caught a jewel thief."

"Oh, yeah, I remember that.  Fine, go to the gym and get drooled on or work out upstairs.  Just lay low until they leave and try to cooperate as well as you can."

"Fine.  If I must."

"You must," he agreed, standing up and clapping him on the back.  "Good work, and you know you've got a medal coming from that last SWAT action, right?"

Xander snorted.  "Since when have I shown up for those?" he asked dryly.  "The others are in David's drawer.  Give it to him like the last one."

"Fine."  He walked out, going to talk to David.  The surest way to get Xander to accept this was to make David make him.  David may be a sarcastic bastard but he had a firm hold on Xander's leash most of the time.  They worked well together that way so it was all good to him.  Xander suddenly swore and got up, slamming the door and heading off at a run.  "What's going on?" he asked.

David looked at his phone, then shrugged, getting up to follow. "I'll make him calm down at lunch.  I wouldn't dream of taking personal time during shift to calm him down again."  He ran after his mate, finding him and Ray facing off with someone in the entry.  Someone fairly round and fat, but also among the local mafia.  "Oh, hell," he muttered.  He glanced at Xander, unhooking his holster for him.  Xander glanced at him and nodded, a small smirk coming to him.

Ray cleared his throat, looking at the desk sergeant.  "You paged a 911?"

"I did," he said, pointing at the guy.  "He has some guys with openly carried guns with him.  He's demanding to talk to you, Detective Vecchio.  Do you want me to page SWAT back?"

"They're on exercises today," Xander reminded him.  "Halfway outside the city."  He looked at the guy and leaned on Ray's shoulder, tipping his head closer to him while managing to look totally comfortable.  "Ray, do I get to shoot this interesting person for bringing guns into our station or can someone else?" he asked sweetly.

"No, not yet, Xander," he said, patting him on the arm leaning on him.  "Get off.  I'm not your husband or your leaning post."

"But you're so cute," he cooed, pinching him on the cheek.  Ray swatted him and glared so Xander smirked his most evil smirk at the guy standing there shocked. "You're interrupting my break time playing.  What the fuck do you want, moron?"

"Who are you?" he sneered back.  "This is between Raymundo and myself."

"I'm CSI Harris.  I'm Ray's backup."  The guy's backup winced at that and took a step back.  "Now, you're in a police station with guns.  I'd suggest you pull your licenses and present them for a start.  Otherwise, there's no discussion until I come break in your door with SWAT and arrest you. Your choice of course," he finished with the scarier 'sweet' grin look.

"Xander," Ray warned.  "Let me."  He stepped forward.  "You're keeping us from doing our work catching your minions.  What do you want?" he sneered.  "Make it snappy."

"Fine. I want my brother arrested."

"For?" Xander asked.

"Again, this is private...."  Xander changed his stance and crossed his arms, and now you could see his hands were next to his weapons and that was probably a bad thing.  He looked at Ray.  "Call off your bitch."

"My mother likes him.  She'd get upset with me if I made him not have any fun today."  He moved closer.  "For?" he hissed.  The guy whispered in his ear.  "You'll have to swear out a complaint and next time, call.  I could have sent someone over to collect the evidence and fill that out at home."

"Fine. I'll remember that.  Call here?  You're not at your desk."

"I'm over the CSI unit," he said blandly. "That's why my mother likes Xander.  Ma thinks he's nice."

The don looked at Xander, then at Ray.  "She likes little gay boys?"

"No, but she likes that one.  That's the guy who protected Maria last year."  The guy just nodded at that.  "Now, if you'll come upstairs, alone, we'll do that report and I'll have someone go after him."

"Thank you.  She's at my sister's house."

"Eh, that happens," Ray reminded him.  "Send your goons outside."  The guy waved a hand and they slowly backed up.  "Xander, back down," he ordered.

"Once they're out of my station.  They can wait in the car," he said, his voice calm and cold.  The guys stared at him and he stared back.  "Now, boys.  This is my pound and I'm the king of this block."  His dog barked and he grinned at her.  "Yes, I know you're the queen bitch on the block, Sarah.  You always have been," he offered with a small grin. He looked up and they ran out, leaving one bodyguard.  "I'm sure he can do without you unless you're a material witness?"  He nodded.  "Then follow and be ...nicer."  The guy nodded and followed the other two up.  Xander scooped up his dog and headed back to his lab, going back to his typing and inputting so he could compare samples.  His new shadow came back an hour later and was much more presentable at least.  "Fine.  Sit and watch. I'm matching bullets to samples today."

"No field work?"

"Field is a very minor part of my day; I'm last on the list to be called in case something major happens.  I only go into the field enough to keep up my certifications."

"Your chemical one is due next month," David called.

"Thanks.  Leave me a post-it."

"Already done.  I just got the email from SWAT's commander.  He also said you've got to requalify on the range.  It's time for the six month one, which means the walk-through."

"With as much as I do every day, I still have to qualify?" he muttered, going back his microscope.  "Interesting.  David!"  He came over and Xander let him see.  "Is that or is that not DNA?"  He found the gun and opened it, then showed him the blood inside.  "You want this one or DNA?"

"Daphne's about ready to cry.  Greg's hiding.  I'll let him swab it."  He took the gun parts and the box, going to hand them to Greg while Xander cleaned up the bullet with a few swabs and got  to work comparing.

"This is really your whole day?"

"On the good days, yeah," Xander told him.  He heard toenails clicking.  "Watch out for my dog, Sarah.  She's about to pounce you because you're in front of the treats and she expects to get some."

"A dog's allowed in here?"

"She doesn't shed.  We make sure of it," Xander said absently as he worked.  "Sarah."  She walked in, leaving DNA alone for now.  If the intern was about to cry, they'd have to brush the water out of Sarah's coat before she could enter any of the labs.

"Meathead!  Ma sent lunch," Ray called.

"Thanks, Ray!  I love your mother!" he called back.  "Tell Dewey no match but this is a well-loved gun with many past uses."  He ran the serial number and it came back with multiple matches and the computer matched the bullets to those cases, all but one.  He printed out the matches and the case summaries, then went to do his report.  By the time he had opened the new document, the detective was leaning in his doorway.  "Fifteen cases.  That's the record so far this year, Dewey.  What's he wanted for?"

"Burglary mostly.  What about those?"

"A few assaults with random scare shots mostly.  A few muggings and one attempted homicide that was filed against someone but they didn't have the gun at that time."  He typed one-handed, handing over the case summaries.  "Give me ten to type this up."

"Thanks, Xander.  I love you, man.  Another bad guy out to pasture for at least five-to- ten."  He grinned at the guy.  "New intern?" he asked, shaking his hand.

"No, I'm Quinlan Jones."

"The action star?  You're usually pictured more scruffy."

"Not in my lab," Xander said in a sing-song voice, then he had to backspace and retype something, saving it and moving on.  "You know better.  Check on Daphne, Dewey.  Greg said she's about to cry and if she does it on Sarah we'll have to brush her again."

Dewey walked over, looking in the Chemistry and DNA lab, then snickered, leaning in the doorway.  "Xander said if you're crying on her, you've got to brush her before she's allowed in any of the labs.  She sheds really badly when she's wet."

"Yes, sir," she said weakly.  "How does he do this?"

"This is probably one of the worse days," he offered. "I know some days he's only got seventeen or eighteen samples."  She looked around, then whimpered and put everything away, going to brush the dog upstairs so she could take a break and regroup.

Greg looked inside, then sighed and came in to close samples and things.  He made notes on the chart in his hand, then went to talk to her.  She had to be able to handle full nights on her own.  She was in her fifth month of post-graduation internship, it was more than time.  He came back alone and got to work.  "I'm going to enjoy my overtime," he said blandly when the detective grinned at him.  "She's got to do better soon."  He checked the prior results and went back over them, then got back to work on the new samples.

Xander came over a few minutes later and leaned on his shoulder, looking at what he was doing.  He whispered in his ear and Greg giggled, then nudged him with an elbow so he went back to being stared at.  "David?  We've got to get Greg to date Dawnie," he offered from the joining doorway.

"That's almost a nightmare image," David said dryly, shaking his head quickly.  He looked at the lab, then at him.  "You done?"

"Hell no."  He went back to work.  "But we still have to get them to date."

"I like women older than your baby sister," Greg called a few minutes later.  "Even if she is pretty."

"I'll tell her you said that," Xander called with a grin, getting back to work.

"So, you guys are like a big family?" the actor asked from his corner seat.  He didn't want to move much but he was really bored already.  "You really do this all day and night?"

"Four six hour shifts and two eight hours, yup.  That's why I'm here six days a week."

"Six days?  You only take one day off?  Isn't that against the law or something?"

"I more arrange my own schedule and since my cohort on days is off on the weekends due to her kids, I've got to cover them or we'll get backlogged," he noted as he worked.  "That's why I work shorter hours during the week, so I can spend more time with my man."

"You're *gay*?" he demanded, looking stunned.

Xander looked back at him and nodded.  "I am.  I was also raised by girls so I don't really get the macho crap most guys go off on.  I also read sci-fi, fantasy, and romance novels, but I don't cook.  I'm told I'm nearly poisonous," he finished sarcastically.  "I also happen to be one of the best bomb people in the city. Welcome to the real world, Quinlan.  Gay guys make up at least ten percent of the world around you.  If you're going to have hives, I suggest a watching episode with SWAT to cure that."  He got back to work.  "David, pick dinner," he yelled suddenly.

"Ma sent you food for that," Greg said from the doorway.  "Ray said come eat while it's warm."  He looked at the actor.  "There's a break room with machines and stuff upstairs if you don't want to run out.  Xander!"

"Ten more.  I just matched this I think."  He gave it one last look, then got up to do the quick report, printing it off and signing it before putting it in the 'going upstairs' box.  He took off his coat and stretched, then nodded.  "Come on.  We lock all the labs since the janitor broke in."  The actor nodded and they walked out, letting him lock the lab with the keypad next to the door.  They joined the others in the main area, Xander sniffing at everything before accepting his plate.  "No beans?" he asked with a small pout.

"She only sent a small pot, Xander, sorry," Ray said before digging in.  he looked at the actor.  "You sure you want to be him?"

David smiled at him.  "We know Xander's a bit odd...."  Someone upstairs screamed Xander's last name.  "I think that's your cue, dear."  He ate a bite of pasta.

Xander picked up the phone and dialed the main desk.  "What, I'm eating food Ray's Ma cooked," he said gruffly.  He listened.  "Dawn's a good girl.  She can come visit.  Why?"  He listened and nodded.  "No, the blonde can't come down.  Tell Dawn I'll be up in about ten minutes and to wait."  He hung up and started to eat faster.  "Dawn said Buffy just suddenly showed up today.  She and Rona are upstairs with her," he explained, inhaling the last of his food and belching.  "Sorry.  Thanks, Ray."  He got up and headed up there licking his lips and the spilled bits of sauce off his fingers.  Rona gave him a long stare and he shrugged.  "It's lunch."  He looked at Buffy.  "Reasonable excuse this time?" he asked tiredly.

"I needed to come see Dawn.  Mom's lawyers sent letters to be opened so long after she died."  She held up Dawn's.  "She won't take hers."

Xander took it and opened it, glancing over it then handing it to Dawn.  "It is from her.  I remember her handwriting."

"You don't trust me?" Buffy demanded.

"Are you breaking probation?" he retorted.  She huffed and stomped off.

"Thank you, Buffy.  Call next time," Dawn called after her. "I would have come for the day."  Buffy turned and nodded, grinning at her.  Then she left.

Xander rolled his eyes.  "Just mail it," he muttered, making Rona laugh.  Dawn glared at him.  "You, behave. And take Sarah away from Daphne so she can go lounge in front of the tv."  He kissed them both on the cheek.  "Rona, we're to stay away from the places they're filming, even if they're calling demons and summoning the dead to come eat them again," he told her.

She snorted.  "They're in prime hunting territory."

Xander shrugged. "They don't care. I'm not allowed and I was ordered to keep it down around them.  So therefore you're not hunting."  She nodded, sighing a bit at that.  "We'll hit the other areas later this week."

"Yes, Xander.  I don't mind but I don't want to be whined at by Giles if they get eaten or something."

"That's their own fault," he reminded her.  "Just do it. I don't like it either but I'm trying to stay out of trouble."  He tweaked Dawn's ear.  "Next time, call, don't scream."  He kissed each woman on the cheek then went back down to see if there was anything left.  It turned out there was some garlic bread and it made him a happy Xander.  "Joyce sent a letter to her attorney for the girls before she died to be delivered this year.  Buffy brought it and Dawn reminded her to call," he told David, giving him a quick kiss as he headed back to his lab.

"Xander, you've got time left on lunch," Ray reminded him.

"I'll take a break later, Ray."  He opened his lab and walked in, eating the last of the garlic bread.  He used a wet wipe to clean his hands then got back to work.

Ray looked at the very confused actor.  "The year he got here, we enacted our mandatory retirement clause.  Xander was working eighteen hour days with pneumonia."  David moaned at that reminder.  "He's a good guy but you're going to be bored all evening watching him.  He's not due in the field for another week."  He finished off his lunch and looked at the remains, then at David, who stole it and settled back in to finish up.  "How's your backlog?"

"Not too bad.  I've got two shirts to process and one to do for other substances.  Greg did it earlier for DNA but I've got to check it over for other stuff. He thinks he found a grass stain or something."  He shrugged and dug in for another bite.  "I told him your mother sent dinner."

"No, she said you're coming to raid the fridge for dinner," he reminded him.  "That way she makes sure we all eat, even at midnight."  He shrugged and went back to his paperwork, carrying a bunch of the balled-up forms upstairs to drop off.  He came back down, looking at the desk sergeant.  "Harris doesn't mind being bothered today," he reminded him.

"I know but I remember the blonde from the last time she had been here and he wasn't thrilled to see her.  I take it Miss Summers is a special friend?"

"The blonde's little sister and Xander's by extension.  He's still with David."  The guy looked stunned.  "You hadn't figured that out yet?" he asked dryly.  "Most of us went to his wedding."

"He's gay?  I didn't think he could even *think* about gay stuff.  He's so tough."

Ray snorted.  "Not all gays are the stereotype.  Besides, Xander ended up turning one girl stalker just by being in class with her and one stripper he dated ended up being a serial killer."

"So, CSI Hodges calms him down?"

"A lot.  Really a lot," Ray agreed dryly.  "Next time, page me or call down."  He headed down there, going back to work.  The actor had disappeared and he didn't hear screaming so either Xander had shot him cleanly or he was trying to be respectful at least.  Either way, it wasn't going to bother him until Xander got tired of it and whined at him again.

***

Xander walked into the house and shut the door, leaning on it.  He looked at his husband, who only raised an eyebrow.  "It wasn't me."

"What wasn't you?"

"There was an officer-involved shooting near the set and I was on the commute home, with Stan in the car with me, and it wasn't me."

"Good!" he said, sounding much happier with that admission.  As long as it hadn't been Xander, they'd be fine.  The phone rang and he decided maybe he had gotten happy too soon.  He answered it. "It wasn't Xander."  He listened to the lieutenant tell him why it was Xander. "He said he had Stan in the car, yell at him to make sure.  But Xander came in and the first words out of his mouth were 'it wasn't me'."  He shrugged at his husband and nodded behind him so Xander moved, letting Greg walk in and drop onto the couch.  "Greg's here.  He probably followed Xander back since it was his night to babysit," he joked.  Xander stuck his tongue out and went to get the dogs to take outside and play.  David hung up and looked at Greg.  "Be thankful you're off.  Peterson just had to shoot someone on the movie set for trying to plant a bomb.  It was the only way to stop him."

"Xander was two cars in front of me and he wasn't there," he noted patiently.

"No, but Welsh thinks he probably should have been.  He thinks Xander has danger- sensing radar or something. He hasn't figured out yet most of those are coincidence.  After all, he sends Xander out into danger and so he captures people."  He headed for the kitchen. "Ray's Ma sent me home with real food."

"Thank you."  Greg heaved himself up and headed back that way, going to stuff himself.  Xander came in a few minutes later with the tired dogs and sat down, looking expectant.  "Not cooking doesn't mean you can't dish up."

David snorted and handed Xander a plate.  "I'd rather have him on that side of the kitchen.  Something might spontaneously combust."  He sat down next to his  husband to eat, getting a hug in reward.  "You did good today."

"I thought so.  I only snapped that once.  Can I wear my special shirt tomorrow?" he pleaded with a goofy grin.

"If you must," David agreed, smiling at him.  "Greg can wear one of his rock t-shirts so you at least look cute together."

"Cool."

***

Xander got out of his car and made sure he had his bag, heading to the front door of the station.  He saw a few cops look at his shirt and grin but one stepped in front of him looking very serious.  He held up his badge.  "Sir, you still can't wear threatening shirts into the station, and no badge I know has that high of a number."

"Kid, I'm a CSI.  Our badges are special," he said dryly.  He looked him over.  "How long have you been here?"

"Three days."

"I'm CSI Harris."  The guy looked clueless so he looked at the other cops.  "You guys haven't told him about me yet?  I'm shocked and appalled.  I should pout!" he called at them, making them laugh.  He looked at the kid and grinned.  "Do you to take me to the Desk Sergeant or Lieutenant Welsh, kid?"

"I'm not that young!"

Xander grinned.  "I said the same thing when Ray Vecchio started calling me that four years ago.  Come on.  We can go see Welsh so he can explain things to you."  He walked him inside, noticing he was still giving him wary looks and had a hand near his gun.  He waved off the Desk Sergeant.  "He's worried I'm a threat."

"You are, but only to the criminals, usually," he offered.  "Maybe a random building and some nerves now and then, but mostly criminals."  He watched the guy take the new rookie upstairs to be talked to, then burst out laughing.  He called the Shift Supervisor.  "Did no one think to tell the rookies about Harris?  He just walked one upstairs.  I'm guessing the kid got him because of his t-shirt.  No, one I hadn't seen."  He laughed again.  "I have ADHD and a gun. I may forget why I wanted to shoot you but once I'm no longer distracted I'll shoot you anyway," he reported. "He tried to pop CSI Sanders for his 'Atomic Death Maidens Blow Me' shirt.  Shouldn't you include them in the intro lecture?"  He smiled and hung up.  He nodded at Vecchio as he came in.  "We've got rookies, Detective Vecchio.  One's upstairs with CSI Harris.  He apparently thought his t-shirt was a threat."

Ray groaned.  "Welsh can handle it.  I'll see him later.  Who else?"

"Sanders," he said with a grin.  "His Atomic Death t-shirt again."

"Is it a girl?"

"No, he thought it was a threat.  They're both upstairs since Sanders had to brief someone from the DA's office."

"Kowalski?"

"Not her but he's in.  His Mountie entourage isn't in tonight but he was complaining about watching out for Fraser when he comes in later, that he's on a sugar kick and hunting."

"Ooooh," he said with a wince.  "Our actor person?"

"Down there already, sir.  David's showing him around the lab and telling him many Harris horror stories from Las Vegas I imagine."

"At least it'll be realistic if he decides to become Xander," he muttered as he walked up to get some coffee, then head downstairs.  "Harris, shift meeting," he called as he headed back down the stairs.  Greg and Xander both came out and he saw the t-shirt, then smirked at him.  "Cute.  It fits you well.  I'll have to remember to keep distractions and shiny things away from you again."  He sipped his coffee as they passed the desk and headed down to their labs, noticing the smoke. "That had better be car exhaust," he yelled.

"Fried compressor in the morgue," David reported.  "We've already reported it, called someone, and opened windows."

"Good.  Another thing I don't have to deal with."  He sat down.  "Meeting!" he bellowed.

The actor looked at Xander's shirt, then at David, pointing at it. "He can get away with that?  It's not very PC."

"No, but we're extraordinary," David assured him.  "Since we don't deal with real people, just bits and pieces of people, we pretty much get around the dress code.  He's got stuff in his locker in case he's called to testify.  We all do."  Greg moaned and nodded.  "Where were you?  You beat me here."

"Rookie guy hadn't heard of us," Xander said with a grin. "Welsh is kindly explaining to him why I get to wear t-shirts like this and why it's the truth so it's counted as a warning.  Greg's just got a horrified look.  I think he's a bit of a Puritan, honey."

"That's fine.  He won't be bothering us," David reminded him.  "That's the good thing about being down here.  We don't have to deal with nearly anyone if we're not field techs."

"And those of us who double make a better impression on our days in the field," Greg agreed with a grin.  "Where's Daphne?"

"I have a fax from Xander's desk that says she's not coming in, that she's excused today and tomorrow for exhaustion," David said, presenting it to him.  "So, you don't have to go into the field at all, Greg."

"Yay," he said flatly.  He looked at Ray.  "Anything interesting?"

"Ten sperm samples for a college rape case," he offered, looking at the list.  He looked at Xander.  "A new drug dealer wannabe thug for you.  It says here that your days girl left you the girly derringer since you understand those things better than she does."

"Being raised by girls can be like that," he agreed with a grin.  "Does that mean I can watch the curling game tonight because I'll be bored?"

"Quite possibly," Ray sighed.  "David, if you're clear from days, they only listed five cases with samples for you.  Apparently you'll get to cheer on Ottawa with him."  He turned the page.  "Ah, Greg, you've got about ten others too."  He looked at him and held out the list.  "Days went home early apparently."

"Bugger," he muttered.

"You're speaking British?" Xander teased with a bright grin.  "Are you going to join Harry Potter on the Draco and Ron train, Greggie?"

"No, but Welsh told me to quit swearing in the field when he caught me last time and no one in the barrio understands Brit swears.  Therefore I can say bugger and all those things all I want," he said lightly.  He headed for his lab then came back and pulled on Ray's arm, going to show him the state of the lab.  "Call Mortty in, Xan," he called.

"Please," Ray agreed.

Xander pulled out his cell and called.  "Mortty, babe, I *know* you're on vacation, but Greg just had to drag Ray into the lab to see the mess and Daphne had a small breakdown while they were giving her a night alone.  No, she only had ten samples but she left some open and she went to cry on Sarah.  Please?" he begged.  "I'm even wearing a very appropriate t-shirt.  The new rookie boy thought I was threatening people," he offered with a grin.  "Plus I've got a watcher in my lab allllll night.  Please?  We love you, Mortty."  He chuckled.  "Sure, if I'm not busy I'll give you a backrub as long as you don't interrupt my curling match.  Thanks, love.  You too."  He hung up.  "Thirty minutes, Ray!"

"Bless you!" Greg called back.  He came out.  "I'm not touching a thing until she gets here.  I want her to see this.  Ray's taking pictures so he can beat the shit outta the day supe over this again."  He sat down, pouting a bit.  "I'm so gonna be here all night."

Xander kissed him on the cheek.  "We'll save you something in the fridge or get you a sandwich or something."  He grinned at David and kissed him for real.  "All right, everyone know their assignments?"  Everyone groaned and headed to their labs.  "Later, babe.  Get me for lunch."  He headed into his lab, going to check his coat before he put it on then go to do the test fires.  His actor shadow came in to watch him work, frowning at him when he was handed a pair of earmuffs.  "What're these for?"

"Protection.  I've got to do some test fires.  Firing four in the next half-hour!" he shouted.  He prepared and shot the first one.  Then he went to extract it from the jello looking stuff that had trapped it.  He checked on his shadow then got back to work.  A little bit of gunpowder on this t-shirt would only lend veracity to his taunt.

Mortty came in and screamed in rage.  "What happened to my lab!"

"Days," Greg called.  "Ray went to chew someone a new one," he offered, coming back to look over her shoulder, giving her a hug.  "This is really pitiful."

"It is!  I can't even tell what's a sample and what's not!"  She stomped in, looking around.  "Have we taken pictures?"

"Many.  Ray told us to give him ten minutes to drag the guy back here by his short and curlies."  He peeked in on Xander then nodded her over, making her look really confused.  "They wanted him to be Xander-like for his movie.  Xander, Mortty's here!" he called.

Xander came out and gave her a hug, letting her see his shirt, which made her giggle and hug him.  "You're so truthful this time," she cooed, pinching him on the cheek. "Did you see that?"

"I peeked but I was afraid to touch," he offered.  "I'll give you both backrubs if you can clear that up."  She grinned and hugged him again before going to put on her lab coat and get to work finding the samples from the trash that had been left.  Xander went back to his job, coming out once he was all done.  Then he sat down to input, compare, and notate.  Since it only took an hour, he was in front of his curling match with a bag of cheetos fairly quickly.  His actor just gave him an odd look once he saw what curling was.  "It's Canadian," Xander explained, handing him the bag of Cheetos.

"I don't eat anything unhealthy.  My trainer would be really upset with me."  He handed them back. "Thanks anyway."

"You've got to live while you've got time, kid.  It's my wisdom of the week."  He ate another cheeto, looking at Ray as he came in.  "Mortty shrieked.  She's not a happy girl."  The dayshift guy walked in, glaring at him.  "Ray, I'm done."

"I noticed. Did you hand out reports?"

"Huey's not up there, Dewey's off tonight, Welsh took them for them.  Stan's got his stuff from last night that he wasn't here to get and his new one.  Fraser's hunting chocolate bars.  Fair warning."

"I'm sure Stan can cater to that desire," he said smugly.

"Are you all gay?" Quinlin asked Ray.

"No, just happy boy and David, and Detective Kowalski and his two Mounties."

"*Two* Mounties?" he asked, just to make sure.

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, they were fighting over him and that's not the Canadian way.  They're much more sharing.  And hey, Stan looks good surrounded by big, buff guys in red," he noted dryly, eating another cheeto.  He handed the bag to Ray, who took some and glanced at the screen.  "Ottawa's up and I promised back rubs to both of them if they could get the mess cleaned up.  Why did she go home?"

"Migraine.  Nothing like birth or seizures that would mean she *couldn't* clean up," Ray said bitterly.  "I'm sorry for Greg and Mortty, but that's just wrong."

"It is," Xander agreed, grinning at him. Then he turned back to the screen.  "Sweep, bastard, sweep!  Damn!"

Ray looked at the actor, who was looking very confused.  "No one but Canadians and Xander understands curling."

"Nick said he thought it was girls doing their hair," Greg joked from the doorway.  "He's trying to talk Mortty into coming in for day shift.  She's ripping him a new one and I don't want to witness the homicide."

"Sure," Ray agreed.  "Take Quinlin here upstairs and introduce him to Stan.  He'll be going out to break down doors."

"Take my vest," Xander ordered.  "Stan's backup is usually on Rennie these days."  He ate another cheeto and groaned.  "Damn, lost possession too soon."

Greg grinned and nodded Quinlin with him, getting Xander's spare vest and fitting it to him.  "There, that works well enough."  He walked him up the stairs and into the bullpen.  "Stan, he's trying to become Xander.  We think you can temper that back toward the funnier side of crime.  This is Quinlan Jones, Ray said he's followin' you around tonight since Xander's without work."

"Fine," he agreed.

"What's the score on the game?" Fraser asked as he came out of the office.

Greg shrugged.  "I've got a holy mess in the lab.  She left trash, cookie wrappers, all sorts of crap on the table with the samples.  Her boss is trying to talk Mortty into filling in while she's on vacation."

"Ewwwww.  I'm going to deny any knowledge of why Xander will be removing a body later," Stanley decided.  He looked at the actor.  "Quinlan?"  He nodded. "You Canadian?"

"No, sir.  My mother has a sense of humor and a former Uncle."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "My mom's a fan of Brando.  I'm Stanley Raymond Kowalski.  I understand."  The guy snickered and shook his hand.  "Shoo, Greg.  We'll make sure you make it home for breakfast."

"Sure. Thanks."  He headed down the stairs, his good deed for the week done.  One of the field techs trudged in.  "Xander's free and watching curling, but if that's for us, it's low man on the priority list."

"I saw the lab," CSI Tracy told him.  "Mostly for David.  Nothing at all for Xander."  He headed down to hand his bag of stuff to David.  "Rape kit, sorry.  We have a person in custody but she refused to do a swab.  So you're it."

"I'm nearly done with this one," he offered with a small smile.  "Go find Xander something to do?"

"I can't promise," he muttered.  "What's he doing?"

"Eating cheetos and watching curling.  We sent the actor upstairs to hover around Stan."

"Good choice.  Xander and Stan's love child would be an action star."  He grinned and headed back to fill out his notes and hand them in.  "One bag of stuff for David, all clothes. She refused a kit being done," he reported.  "The officer already has a suspect and David's nearly to it."

"That's fine."  Ray signed it and handed it off.  "Nice work.  Go steal Xander and make him do something."

"I can't make up crimes, boss."

"Point.  Nothing cold?"

"Nothing that he hasn't gone through already.  Region One's back in the flow of things, Morgan's not backed up, and his interns won't be here until tomorrow.  Didn't Crissy leave him anything?"

"Four things, but he's done."  He grimaced.  "Did you see the lab?"

"I had," he admitted.  "That's why I called you to come in early."  Ray sighed and nodded, handing him a form to sign.  He read it and signed it, then handed it back. "Should I help?"

"No.  They're in there carefully picking things apart.  At least she sealed the samples, but we're hoping nothing transfers."

"They're good, boss.  Greg's one of the top guys in the country.  He's also a pretty good field tech."  He headed to watch the game with Xander, stealing some of the cheetos.  "Aw, man, Aubachon's screwing up already," he whined a moment later.

Xander nodded.  "Yup, he is."  He ate a cheeto and grinned at him. "Nick thought it was girls doing their hair.  He said he didn't think that could be a competitive sport when we made him watch it with us at a sports bar in Vegas.  I had to point out the bar scene was competitive and yes, they can make that into an arena event.  Just do it in bikinis and guys'll watch it by the truck full."  Tracy laughed, leaning on his shoulder.  He pushed him off with a happy grin. "I thought you'd enjoy that.  We had to drag him kicking and whining in to watch it with us.  Brass thought they'd have to do mall hair to be picked up on the screens to show the details."

"I just had the most horrible image," Tracy laughed.  "All the girls going to a Winger concert circa 1987 participating in the US's hottest new sport.  Mall hair fixin'."  Xander giggled and fell onto his side, clutching the bag of cheetos to his chest.  "Hey!  Share!"  He saw the t-shirt and burst out in another fit of giggles.  "Oh, damn, Xander.  That's so true!"

David came out, looking at them.  He just shook his head and went to get a new bottle of sterile water from the stockpile closet.

Almost two hours into shift, Xander got a page. He looked at his phone, then swore and got up.  "Tell me the score."  He headed to his desk, getting his guns and badge, then his case.  He walked out, pausing in Ray's office.  "Stan just got shot at by some big guy he called a mother-fucking bastard on a rope.  He wanted me to process personally.  I'm off.  Make sure I know the score."  He headed out to his car, going to where the page had told him to.  He got out and sniffed, then looked around.  His gun came out and his case was held in his other hand.  He closed and locked the car's door, pocketing the keys awkwardly.  Nothing was going to get in his way at the moment.  He headed for the warehouse, glancing around before moving inside.  Stan was being held at gunpoint by some guy in a Crypts bandana.  "Oh, just take me away from Curling for this," he complained, pointing his gun at the people coming in.  "CSI Harris, out!"  They backed up at least.  He walked back to where Stan and the actor were, handing the actor his case. "Hold that.  I'll need it to process in a minute."  He looked at the guy holding the gun on Stan.  "Do you really wanna do this with more cops coming?  After all, most of them know better than to leave me at a scene alone since the last serial killer case."  The guy gave him an amused look.  "I'm CSI Harris."  The guy looked even more amused.  "I got called here for a case, man.  Detective Kowalski and the pretty boy following him have nothing to do you with you unless you did it."

"This is our crib."

"That's nice and someone needs to dust, you've got cobwebs," Xander said, pointing at one.  He looked at him.  "We don't care.  Did you do it?"  He shook his head. "Then why would we want you?  We're only here about whatever Stan got called about."

"A shootin'," Stan noted, nodding at the dead guy.  "Then more guys came out and tried it, and we got them, sent them with patrol, then these guys just showed up."  He looked at the guys pointing the Mac 10 at them, then at the guy with the revolver who had gotten them first.  "I don't care who you are.  As far as I'm concerned you're a figment if you didn't do this.  That's all I care about."

"Who was it that got taken away?" he asked.

"Some guys in purple and jean jackets.  They came in after the body had been reported.  One of them said he found it and called it in and his boys started in on him.  They shot at him and us, so we retaliated."  He shrugged and moved closer.  "I don't care what you're doin', but this is a crime scene.  All we want is that.  If we find drugs or guns, we'll have to confiscate 'em, but I don't care.  Shoo and let him do his work before he gets cranky."

Xander popped a piece of gum into his mouth. "I'm not *usually* cranky, Stan."

One of the guys in the back looked at him.  "I know you.  You shot at me once."

"Were you doing stupid shit?"  The guy nodded, grinning a bit. "Then you probably deserved it.  Why was I shooting at you?"

"You said something about real food.  It was years ago.  You said you knew the gangs in LA."

"I did my college in LA and worked in LA.  I partied hard with the Crypts for about three weeks during one of my semesters.  My tutor in Chem 1 was down with them."  He grinned a bit.  "They asked me if I came from farm country."

"Where you from, white boy?" he asked, moving closer.

"Sunnydale.  Three hours outside of LA.  We had a biker gang and a few other notable excursions into town but nothing more serious than a rogue member of the Dragons trying to set up shop.  He got eaten after about two days."

"Eaten?  You had wild animals?" the guy with the gun asked.

"No, we had vampires."  Stan gave him an odd look.  "What?  We did!"  He shrugged. "I'm not going to lie about it."  He pulled off his shirt and pointed at a few marks.  "See, I got bitten too."  The guys just gave him an odd look so he put it back on.  They all looked at the shirt, then at him.  He grinned.  "It's the truth.  Like I said, we're not here for you guys.  Clear out.  Please."

"Fine.  We'll be watching."

"Hey, anything found while we're looking for who did it is fair game," Xander reminded him.  "Find better hiding spots next time."  They snickered at that.  "He one of you or do you know his affiliation?"

"He's a pretty boy, a Ghost Rider," someone in the back called.  "They hustle ...."

"Meth and Justice, yeah, I know," he sighed.  "I know someone dating one.  Shoo, guys.  Let me work.  The sooner I get done, the sooner you guys can come back."  They nodded and most of them left.  He looked at the few remaining.  "You wanted to watch?  Not like I care.  Should he have been here?"

"He was probably here snooping," the guy who recognized him offered.  "Their meth is for personal use, white boy."

"Xander," he said, grinning at him.  "I was raised by girls and I stripped for a bit.  I can dance."

The lead guy put up his gun.  "You're funny, I'll give you that.  You like that pretty boy there?"

Xander looked at the actor, then at him.  "He's here because the movie people thought he needed a better role model.  They picked me."  His phone vibrated and he pulled it out, looking at it.  "Man, Ottawa lost," he complained.  He shook his head and went to start with the body, the reasonable point of starting.  Pictures first, and then moving onto calling the coroner and all that stuff.  It was about ten when he got out of there, and Stan had stayed with the actor to make sure he was safe.  He nodded at the guy.  "So, Quinlan, still think being a cop is fun?"

"No," he said weakly.  "You knew other gang members?"

"Yeah, my Chem 1 tutor took me somewhere called the Graveyard with him one night and I went back my last year a few times."  He opened his car door and put the case and samples in his passenger seat.  He looked at him.  "You get to know a lot about people in this job.  Like the Mac 10s are easy guns.  Quick, fast, but they run out quickly.  Like an Italian temper for stupid anger reasons.  It burns hot and then fades quickly.  Uzis and that whole class are like that.  Now, they're cheap, so that's the other reason you see so many of them.  You find revolvers on either old school sorts or those who didn't plan on it.  People with training who want an infallible weapon or those who're doing something in anger so they picked the cheapest and nearest thing.  You find autos in varying calibers and strengths for the home-anger sort of crimes.  What weapon someone chooses tells you a lot about things.  The guy who was holding you hostage had a revolver.  He either had skills and knowledge or he was being a hothead and picked up whatever he could.  I'm guessing the prior.  He was nearly my age.  That means he's been fighting on the streets, statistically, since his early teens, until he's probably about thirty.  He knew what he was doing.  It would have been a clean kill.  I was more worried about him than his backup.  Yeah, they'd have shot, but they would have aimed for the chest, the easier target.  Spray and pray probably.  The lead guy, he'd have taken you out with careful shots and done it quick."

Stan nodded to back him up. "Yeah, that's about how I saw it too," he admitted.  He nodded politely at the leader.  "We'll tell them if you don't want to."

"That's fine.  Just find out who killed him.  Go boys, it's well past nice boys' bedtimes."

"Not yet," Xander offered with a grin.  "My husband hasn't said a thing about that yet."  The guys burst out laughing and he got into his car, heading back to the station.  On the way he called Rona.  "I know you're dating a Ghost Rider.  We've got what we think is one of them in the morgue.  I need someone to come ID and tell us relatives.  Thanks, Rona."  He hung up and sped up a bit.  This was not the part of town to be caught in after dark.  He parked and got out, watching as Stan came in and parked, letting the actor out so he could walk inside.  He looked at his buddy.  "You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah.  A few life-flashy moments but nothing too bad.  Thanks."  He hit him on the arm and they walked inside together.  Stan even carried his case for him.

David looked up from the main table, taking what was his from the bags.  "What was it?"

"Gang shooting in the wrong spot," Xander said grimly.  "One of the Ghost Riders got shot in Crypt territory in one of their cribs."  He headed back to the lab to look at the bullet evidence he had collected, then came out to get the one from the ME about an hour later.  His shadow was back and he had made sure his vest was back in place.  It was nice of him.  He was paged to come out and meet the person coming in, nodding at him.  "Yo.  Rona send you?"  He nodded.  "Good.  This way."  He led him into the morgue, nodding at the case.  The ME in there nodded and got back to work.  He pulled open the door and pulled out the table partway, letting him see the face of the man in there. "He was found in a Crypt hidey-hole," he said quietly.  "They said he was one of yours and Kowalski said he was met by some guys in purple.  I don't particularly want to be overloaded with another war.  Help me solve this, please," he offered.

The guy looked at him.  "The guys in purple are affiliated with us.  That's Roger.  He rides a tiger-striped bike. Did you see it?"  Xander shook his head.  "Then his killer probably has it as a trophy."

"Possibly.  Any idea who that could be?"  He closed the drawer and the door again, leading him back to the main room to take a statement.  "Got a last name on Roger?  Any family we can contact?"

"We're his family, man."  He looked at him.  "I know you."

He held out his hand.  "CSI Xander Harris," he said simply.  The man smiled it and shook it.  "I work with Rona and you might recognize me from that stuff since you guys sometimes deal with her stuff too."

"Yeah, we do."  He looked him over, grinning at his shirt.  "You'll do well finding him.  I can send you his journal, see if it's in there.  Where was he?"

"A warehouse by the auto yard."  He handed over the address.  "The guys in purple walked out and some Crypts came in."

"He was probably helping the guys there with something.  He was a great one for talking things out," he said sadly.  He wrote down what he knew, then handed it over.  "I'll let you know what I find."

"Please don't turn the streets red.  Let us."

"I agree with that.  We don't need a war in the streets, brother.  Thank you."  He got up and walked out.

Xander walked back into the morgue, going to make a card for the door.  "We've got an ID and his friends will claim his body as his only remaining family," he told the ME.  "He's a Ghost Rider so be gentle with him.  They thought he was helping some people talk things out."

"I'm always gentle, Xander.  Will I see more because of this?"

"He said he'd turn 'em over to me."  He walked out, going to put this into his report and hand it to Ray, then to Stan once Ray signed it.  Stan looked at it, then at him.  "Rona's dating one of them," he admitted.

"Fine."  He put it on his desk.  "Tell me what you find, Xan."

"Of course.  I always tell you what I find, even when it's the week-old piece of chocolate."  He winked and headed downstairs, going back to work.  He popped in on David, who was sending samples over to DNA from the guy's clothes.  David gave him a hug so he was nice enough to carry stuff over there, giving them both very nice shoulder rubs for doing such good work tonight.  He appreciated his coworkers who tried to understand him.

***

Xander looked up as his lab was invaded the next night, looking at the actor.  "Are you enjoying this or did they actually force you to come be bored again?"

"A bit of both.  They said I'm too hard now."  He grimaced.  "Isn't it your night off?"

"Yeah, but I'm only waiting on a fax from someone.  Then I'm taking David out to a movie.  Sorry, Quinlan.  Go follow Stan around."

"Sure. I even got a vest from our props people.  They assured me it was real."  He let Xander check it and got a nod.  "Thanks, man."  He headed up the stairs, mentally preparing how he was going to change the role just a bit.  These CSI guys weren't the stuffy people he was supposed to have in the movie and Stan wore t-shirts and jeans.  The only detectives he had seen who wore dress clothes were Vecchio and Huey, and one was a supervisor now.  He smiled at Lieutenant Welsh.  "It's Xander's night off."

"I forgot he has one," he admitted.  "What're they doing?"

"Movies.  He's waiting on a fax."  Stan looked at him so he shrugged.  "That's what he said.  He checked the vest I got given too."

"That's good," Stan agreed.  "We've got a suspect for that gang shootin'.  You're wearing sneakers, right?"  The actor nodded.  "Good!  We'll probably be doing some running later."  He got up and found his vest.  "We've got to stop and pick up Dief.  You mind fur?"

"Not a bit.  I have a husky who travels with me."  He followed Stan out, smiling and happy.  This was what he thought real cops were like.  Not the science guys and the nerdly guys downstairs like Greg and David.  Real cops were like Stan.  They chased people down and ran them over with their cars.  He got into the pretty black GTO and buckled up.  Chicago drivers were worse than anywhere he'd ever been, except Paris.

Stan found the guy's house and they sat there, staring at it for a few minutes.  No lights were on inside.  So they'd wait for him to come home.  He saw the garage door open and groaned, reaching for the keys.  He'd either be in a car chase or have to get out.  A zebra striped bike zipped out and he turned over the motor, heading after him, turning on his lights.  "I knew it.  He's a runner.  Had ta happen."  He sped up, running a red light.  He had a siren, he was allowed.  But the guy on the bike would be getting charged with various traffic offenses too if he had his way.

"There's a blockade around the set today on the next corner," Quinlan said, looking at the buildings rushing past.  "Are we going to hit it?"

"Nope.  We'll go around it, he'll go through it.  That's the beauty of a bike."  He swerved around the blockade, mirroring the bike's path.  He sped up to block it off when it came

out the other end of the block, making him turn, which was what Stanley wanted.  He wanted him stuck in a gridlock of traffic.  It was rush hour, things were nasty on the roads in Chicago.  The guy tried to aim for the sidewalk but he was blocked by the people.  He wasn't stupid enough to try to run them over, too many of them probably had guns.  He saw an opening and took it and Stan headed off after him.

***

David looked around when he heard the siren, wincing and groaning. "Please don't," he told Xander.

"Not unless I have to.  It's my night off."

"Thank you," he said, giving him a kiss.

Someone shot at their car.  Xander got out at that, holding up his badge.  Someone shot at him and he got them.  Then he calmly pulled out his phone and called it in.  "Welsh, someone just tried to shoot my car and me.  No, I got him.  East Third, at the big parking lot near the toystore.  Yup, that's us.  I don't know.  He's still standing but he's clutching his arm and giving me a 'how could you' look.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Chicago PD!"  The guy started to swear so he grabbed his cuffs and walked over there, slamming him into a nearby car.  "What the fuck were you thinking!"

"You're kissing another man!"

"So!  Who died and made you fucking god!" he shouted back.  "Did you see a lightening bolt!  If not, it's fucking well legal and I'm going to make you fucking well pay for shooting at my husband!  No one touches my man!"  A traffic cop pulled up and he spun the guy around once he was finished yelling at him, shoving him at him.  "He shot at my car. He shot at me and David because I was giving him a damn kiss and he'd better be damn lucky that I didn't aim to kill!"

The traffic cop looked at the guy, then pointed at Xander.  "He was worse when he was straight.  His man calmed him down.  Before he turned women into serial killers and stalkers."  The guy groaned.

"That's right, your pitiful little heterosexual mandates were worthless and useless.  They got in my way and they annoyed the fuck outta me.  Why in the hell would I want some *girl* who couldn't keep up with me?"  The guy moaned and allowed himself to be led off.  "Need the car?"

"Yeah, you know that," the officer called back.  "Where are you headed, CSI Harris?"

"Movies.  About three blocks down apparently."  He walked over there and handed the cop his keys, locking everything else in the trunk under his careful gaze.  "It had better still be in there.  Park it in the lot when they're done.  Tracey or someone can drive it back."  The cop nodded and David walked him off, taking him to his treat.  He had been a good boy, mostly, for the last week.  This had been his first mess up.

"I'm proud," David assured him, smiling at him.  "Good boy, Xander."

Xander barked and grinned at him, making him laugh.  "Does that mean I can have belly rubs?" he asked, starting to bounce around a bit.  He felt someone's hand on his pocket.  "Unless you want a ring, I wouldn't play with my ass.  Only people who want it for real get that privilege," he called.  "Put the wallet back!"  It was shoved back in and the kid ran off.  "Thank you!"  He grinned at his man again.  "See, I'm being good."

"You're being very good, if a bit scary," David assured him, leading him off to the movies.

The cop left behind just shook his head, looking at the mugger giving him a horrified look.  "CSI Harris," he said, pointing after them.  "And CSI Hodges.  Aren't they cute?"  The mugger whimpered.  "If you run and go straight, I never saw you.  He won't want the paperwork."  The kid ran off, making him shake his head.  "Less paperwork for me."  His shift supervisor showed up with the CSI in tow and he pointed at back seat.  "The guy didn't like CSI Harris and Hodges kissing so he shot at them.  Harris stood up and showed his badge, the guy shot again, Harris shot back and called.  Then Harris walked over and screamed at his narrow-minded view of the world.  Harris damaged his fragile mental state and the guy confessed while sobbing on me."  He wiped at the wet spot on his shirt.  He looked at his boss, handing over the paperwork, and tossing over the keys.  "His pistol's in the trunk.  He said park it in the lot when you're done with it.  They're at the movies."

"Good.  Xander could use it.  He's been followed around by an actor for the last few days."  They heard a siren and a motorcycle and got out of the way.  The motorcycle slammed into the back of the car, denting it and sending him over the roof.  Field Tech Terrence looked at him, then snickered.  "Even when Harris isn't here, he's helpful."

Stan opened his door.  "Shoot the bastard!  He shot a Ghost Rider and stole his bike!"  He stomped forward, looking at the car.  "Xan's?"  The CSI nodded.  "What happened?"

"Someone's afraid of gay guys kissing in their car.  Shot at 'em."  Stan snorted, shaking his head.  "Basically. Here, pull it off to the side for me, Kowalski.  I'll get the bike."  He nodded, taking the keys to pull the car out of the way of the starting-to-move traffic.  The supervisor got the guy into the back of his car and the actor got to watch a field scene again.

Stan got to call Xander and tell him his car had a new dent.  He got David and heard him start to swear.  "My perp ran the Ghost Rider's bike into the back of the car.  Take a cab tonight.  You've got a good dent.  Have fun at the movies, guys."  He hung up on the swearing, shaking his head at the actor, who was snickering.  "Xan'll calm him down and kiss him stupid.  They'll come back later happier."

"I'm just glad they stopped him before we hit the traffic jam."

"Oh, the guy would've stopped again and then I would've probably shot at him.  He'd have tried to take off running and we'd get a good jog."  He grinned at him.  "Good thing you're in sneakers, huh?"  The actor nodded, looking amazed.  "Vecchio was worse about it.  He used to complain every day that Fraser ruined his suits with stuff.  Armani and ruined totally."

"Was he screaming?"

"At first, but after the sixth one, he just kinda got depressed and sullen."  He shrugged and got to work documenting what happened.

***

Xander came into work the next day smiling and happy. And of course the Chief and Welsh descended on him.  He looked at them, waving a bit as he put on his coat.  "I was a good boy.  I wasn't anywhere near their scene.  I had nothing to do with the news report either.  David and I were necking in the movies."

Welsh groaned, looking at him.  "What was your idea last night?"

"Not get shot and go to the movies?  He shot at us!  I held up my badge first!"

"I know you did," the Chief agreed patiently.  "You still shot on a crowded street!"

"I was a good boy.  He was shooting at us.  Did you want us to die instead?"

"Of course not," Welsh noted sarcastically.  "But I didn't want you to shoot at someone in the crowded traffic jam in the middle of the city with cameras around either!"

"What cameras?"

"You didn't see the news van covering the wreck?"

"No!  We were blocks back from them.  I couldn't even see the wreck when I got out!"

"Calm down."

"NO!"

"Calm down," David called from his lab, opening the door.  "What camera crew?"

"You didn't see them either?"

"No, and we walked three blocks to the movies and dinner.  There were no camera crews, no news vans, nothing.  By the quality of the picture it looked like a hand-held and it's not like he wanted to.  I'd rather remain unshot for kissing my spouse in my car."

"Calm down," the Chief said more quietly.  "We're not blaming you.  Just that it looked bad."

"So would us having died," Xander said bitterly.  "I'm not risking him or myself.  If someone shoots at me, even without the fucking badge I'm going to fire back."  The Chief backed up at that statement, looking a bit more concerned.  "Nothing and no one threatens me.  I used to hunt those things that did and I'll be damned if I'm going to let it be a stupid human who can't accept his own latent homosexual tendencies and leave well enough alone.  Did you scream at him for a really bad shot across traffic?  He nearly clipped three cars and it could have ricocheted off our car and hit another person or even a pedestrian.  Even without the badge, I wouldn't let that go on.  Even as a civilian I would have tried to stop him before he harmed someone.  That's what good people do.  That's what I signed up for as a ballistics tech, to keep people like that guy off the damn streets."

"Xander, calm down," David said, moving closer.  He made Xander looked at him.  "Calm down.  They don't want me hurt or you hurt.  They're not here to yell about that.  They didn't think you should have done that and gotten caught by the press.  That's all they're saying."

"So!  I wasn't going to let some moron hurt you!"

Ray leaned in, looking at him.  "You did a good job, but next time chase his ass down and nail him in an alley."  Xander looked at him.  "It was a fair cop and the tape did come from an off-duty waitress with a video phone.  She sold it to get some extra pocket cash.  Including you holding up your badge.  The IAD guys already looked at it and sent me an email.  The film showed it."  Xander nodded at that.  "Next time, just chase the idiot and beat his ass in an alley then hand him over."  He looked at the Chief and his boss.  "Considering his past, of course he was going to go after the guy!  The guy was endangering the general public AND David.  I woulda beaten his ass then brought him in sobbing in misery.  Be thankful he only clipped him and then screamed."  He looked at them.  "Meeting.  Xander, how many do you have?"  He pointed at the stack.  "That's fine.  Benny said he can't watch the match tonight either."

"I'm taping it," David promised.  "He can come over tomorrow and watch it with him."  He looked at the chief.   "He's right, right?"

"He is," he agreed.  "I just thought it would have better suited the public good for you to have chased him down."  Xander sat down and rolled up his pantsleg, showing the bruise on it.  "Oowww.  How did you do that?"

"The workout regime you had me start," Xander said bitterly.  "I can't really run."

Welsh coughed.  "That's fine, Xander.  I agree, you should have gotten him.  If you couldn't chase him down I don't mind.  Next time, just be a bit more vocal about shouting your name and Chicago PD, okay?"  Xander nodded.  "Thank you.  That's all we wanted.  We want you to keep protecting David.  David could use it.  People want you and they're not scared to come after you.  We want you to continue to protect David, kid.  Protect him all you want, just learn more *subtlety*.  Sneak off and beat someone instead of shooting 'em."  Xander grimaced.  "I know, you're not a good physical brawler, but I'll excuse some bumps and bruises.  Next time, make 'im run away in fear and chase."

"You can come to gym with me, Xander.  I'll help you work on your physical fighting."

"He's not that bad," David pointed out dryly.  "We've all seen him have to fight."

"Yeah, but that's geared toward bigger and faster things, not puny little mortal things," Ray pointed out.  "He'll misjudge people."  Xander nodded, still glaring at the two heads over his job.  "Good, now come work.  We got to get this meeting done so you don't backlog Crissy.  Her kid's got the sniffles, she was on the phone half the day because she brought the medicine with her so the kid couldn't take extra."

"Yes, sir."  He looked at the others.  "You done?"  They nodded, shaking his hand and leaving.

David kissed him, making Xander relax and look at him.  "Sarcasm, Xander.  Learn sarcasm.  It'll help you instead of you getting angry."

"I don't wanna turn into Cordy."

"Am I ever going to meet her?"

"She's dead, but I guess I could call Her Highness back."  He shrugged. "Up to you."

David gave him another kiss.  "That's okay.  I don't like ghosts."  He walked off, heading back to his lab to calm himself down.  It wasn't often Xander lost his temper but being told to blatantly not protect him was probably the worst thing those two could have done. Xander did not need that.  He'd have enough to do today.  He gathered his notepad and went out to the meeting, sitting in his usual spot.  Xander sat next to him and rested his head on his shoulder, earning a pat and a small smirk, but then got shoved off since they were at work.  "Work now, cuddle later."

"Fine."  He looked at Ray, who shrugged.

"I don't care and most of us already walked in on it earlier.  You okay, kid?"

"Fine."

"You sure?"  He stared Xander down.  "They only wanted it less public."

"Not unless they were speaking a vastly different language."

Ray left it at that.  Welsh could do his own bootlicking to apologize.  It wasn't Ray's job.  Ray's job was to make sure Xander was doing okay on his job.  "How many did you have?"

"Three boxes and eight or nine bullets."

"Good. So, a few hour's work?"  Xander nodded.  "Fine.  After that, have the ME look at your leg.  That bruise looked bad."

"I got hurt on the barbell. It hit me."

"So?   Have him check it anyway."

"It's a bruise, Ray.  I've already iced it and I'm fine.  I walk fine I just can't run."

"So?  Have him check it anyway," he repeated more slowly and clearly.

"Yes, sir," he sighed, slumping down some.

"Thank you.  I need you in top form.  SWAT's got the new bomb tech starting tonight.  I'm not sure she can handle it."

"She can. I saw her training and practice exercises.  She's as good as me but faster with smaller fingers."

"Good!  She's still a girl."

"Who can kick your ass," Xander finished dryly, staring him down.  "She was a Marine, Ray.  She can kick *my* ass."

"Fine.  Still, I want you in top form for the next few days.  Just in case.  Remember, we've still got that movie project here for the next three weeks.  Who knows what'll happen because of that."  He looked at his list again. "David, I've got six things marked.  Any idea what's in your lab?"

"I'm clean," he told him.  "I checked, there's reports on the desk.  The intern was in and did 'em.  I can go back and check if you want."

"Please, just in case.  Your dayshift guy is out most of this week and he's been doing his shift."  David nodded.  "Just a casual glance, a back check."

"Of course.  I trust him, he's good enough."

"That says a lot, but two of them are marked as Stella's and one's Murphy's."  That got a small moan from David.  "So, just in case."

"I'll call him and let him know I'm doing quality review and why," he agreed.

"Thanks.  Mortty, good to have you back on swing shift.  What'cha got tonight?" he asked, looking at her.

"Zilch.  Blotto."  She shrugged. "It wasn't a big day for biting, raping, and DNA cases."

"Good.  Then I want you to clean that lab top to bottom tonight. The dayshift person is now being transferred to Detroit.  They like messy people apparently."  He looked at the list again and the lights went out.  "Ah, good old Chicago and old buildings," he said dryly.

Xander patted his hips down then David's lap, getting a squeak.  He found his phone and pulled it out, flipping it open. "Sorry, I forgot mine."

"Next time, ask!"

"Sorry."  He blew a kiss and called the Desk.  "Yo, it's dark down here.  Is there something we should know?"  He listened.  Then he groaned.  "Do you need Field?"  He nodded with a sigh.  "Thank you Goddess I don't have to go," he noted.  "I'll tell Ray.  How soon?"  He snorted.  "Oh, yeah, with dead bodies, man.  Generator?"  He groaned.  "Fine, I'll look at it once the power comes back on.  I can't do it by flashlight.  Sure.  If I can."  He hung up.  "One of our *beloved* movie crew ran a camera truck chasing the main chase scene into a power pole and knocked it over, trapping one of the cars from the chase scene under it.  It blew the main line, folks.  The radio upstairs said they have no idea and our generator is apparently broken."  He nudged David's arm with his elbow.  "Here.  Your phone."  David took it back and slid it back into his pocket.  "So, Ray, what're we doing tonight?"

"Go get some of the portable field lights.  Did they need field techs?"

"Yeah, but dispatch got 'em already.  Tracey, Terrence, and my favorite bitch Myers.  She's going to chew someone a new one since her kid is home alone and he's a teenager without a tv, computer, MP3 player, or game system."  Ray shuddered, you could hear him do it.  "I can't fix a generator with shadows, Ray.  I've only done it a few times.  I'm not that comfortable with it."

"Fine. Let's see if we can figure out if it's a simple thing, like it's out of gas."  Xander sighed and nodded, getting up and slowly making his way back to his lab and the field case he kept beside the door for easy grabbing.  He came back with his flashlight, heading up the stairs.  "Okay.  Let's just sit here and wait.  Doc!"  The morgues' doors opened.  "The movie crew hit a power line with a camera truck.  It broke over one of the cars in the chase scene.  You know anything about generators?"

"No, but you better start praying.  Remember, we're running on one compressor and barely keeping cold enough."

"Why me," Ray whined, putting his head down.  "Fine.  Go get some ice from wherever.  Improvise and call Benny ta help if you must."

"Thanks, Ray."  He went to call Benny from Ray's office since he had him on his cellphone and it was blinking in there.  "Ray, he already called. He said power's out over there and they're stuck guarding the jewelry exhibit that's being transferred to the museum tomorrow from that nice Canadian matriarch."

"Oh, dam."  Ray stumbled his way up the steps.  "Perkins," he called from the door.  "Send at least one unit to the Consulate.  They've got a stash of jewels tonight being transferred out.  They're without power too."

"Yes, Detective.  Any luck on the generator?"

"Xander went to check."

"Thanks."  He went to call dispatch from his cellphone.  Fortunately that routed through another precinct.

Ray stumbled further out.  "Where is the generator?  Xander?"  A flashlight's beam appeared so he followed it, finding him and the generator in a closet.  "Any idea what's wrong?"

"No gas, but it was hooked up to the wrong line.  It was actually hooked into the power line to charge the battery, which blew up.  Also, it's ancient and it's shedding rust," he said, focusing the beam on the ground.  Then on Ray's face.  "I'm good but I'm not God, Ray."

"Sure, kid, at least you looked.  Thanks for that.  Head down, I'm going up."  Xander nodded and headed out so Ray made his way to the door upstairs, which was, of course, electronically locked and had sealed as a safety measure when the power went off.  Just like the cells did.  He patted himself until he found his pocket knife, jimmying the door once again.  He carefully found a wall and a handrail, walking up the stairs.  He came out up there and walked back to where he could see faint light.  "Welsh," he called from the doorway.  He came out of his office, which had candles.  "Good.  The generator's crap and its battery blew.  I had Xander look at it.  Maybe a car guy like Kowalski could fix it, but it's shedding rust."  He walked over there, following him into his office and shutting the door.  "You broke Xander.  Did you have to do that?"

"All I wanted was for him to be a bit more careful who saw him pulling stunts like that," he defended.  "The Chief thought there had to be a better way."

"Yeah, sure.  In a car, in a traffic jam, with no vests, someone shooting at your car because you're a sitting duck.  He's damn lucky the guy didn't come closer and try again or try to hit him when he got out."  Welsh groaned at that, rubbing his stomach and forehead.  "You broke the guy.  He was openly asking for affection at the meeting by trying ta snuggle.  Do you mind not hurting my people?  Especially the fragile ones?  Xander's got enough on his plate without this shit.  It's bad enough the Chief's decided he's the spout that all the bad rain comes out of in this city and made him even take a different way to and from work to go around the site.  Then he gets blamed for a suspect running toward them.  After that someone gets hurt there and they blame him in the press because he wasn't lurking.  He don't need your crap on top of it."

"I know.  I'm sorry."

"Now.  You told the kid not to protect his mate.  If it was your wife and you, you'd have gotten out and killed the guy, the same as I would have with my ex. The same as Kowalski would for the Mounties.  You knew it when ya said it.  You hurt him.  I'm not losing Xander because the Chief is having a paranoid day because it's nearing election and he'll lose his spot if someone else is elected.  He should be damn glad neither of them was hurt.  How would that have looked?"  Welsh looked up and nodded.  "I'd apologize personally.  I'm not gonna do it for you.  It's your own foot in your mouth.  The Chief can blow Kowalski too for all I care.  If that's my lab, you let me handle my people.  No matter how bad they are, they're mine."

"Fine.  I'm sorry.  Tell him I'm sorry."

"That's not in my job description.  I'm not your secretary."  Welsh sighed and nodded.  "I'd do it soon though."  He walked out, going back down the stairs just as carefully.  He slammed the door and looked at the desk sergeant, who had a small lantern next to him.  "Anything for us, call down on the cells.  You should have the number somewhere."

"I've already pulled them, detective.  Is Harris all right?  He just walked out."

"Yeah, he's fine.  Did he drive off?"

"No, he's just outside.  I was wondering if he was maybe a bit claustrophobic?"

"Not that I know of but I've never been trapped in a safe with him."  He walked that way, noticing it was lighter outside as he sat down next to the boy.  "He's sure he's an idiot."  Xander looked at him.  "If it had been me and my ex, I'd have shot the bastard right there and then cuffed him once he was dead."

Xander sighed and nodded. "I know.  I was aiming to graze so I wouldn't have to write a report about that and face a review panel."  He slumped forward, leaning on his knees.  "I'm sorry, Ray, but I'm going to protect David."

"The same as I do and Welsh would with his wife," he agreed.  "Your anger was reasonable.  It's election time and the Chief is worried that the mayor'll look bad so he won't get elected and he'll lose his spot."  Xander snorted.  "Yeah, the politics at the station."  He pulled Xander closer, letting him lean on him.  "You better now?"

"No.  I still ache.  I just hit a wall.  David thought it was something like that.  He's so *good* at that politics stuff and I could care less. I guess that's one of the quirks that irks him too."

"Maybe, but then again he's got to think of his career at his age.  You should think about it."

"I've got what I want."

"Good. I'm glad ta hear it," Ray said more lightly.  "What else does David want?"

"I don't know."  He shrugged and rested his head on Ray's shoulder.  "I have no idea about this stuff.  I missed career ambition and politics classes in high school from slaying.  It was probably covered in first period or home room and I barely made those."

Ray snorted. "You do okay, kid.  Usually you stay out of it.  That's always been the best policy as far as I'm concerned.  I hate playing politics.  It wrecks careers and makes people look at cha funny."  He patted him on the back.  "Sit up, your brain weighs more than I do."  Xander snorted but he did sit back up again.  "You are smart."

"No I'm not."

"Yeah, you are."

"No.  I'm not, Ray.  I've got a good feel for my area.  Every now and then I hit a flash of brilliance on a case but otherwise it's not smarts. I had tutors through most of my schooling.  I hated school.  I still hate school."

"You don't have to go back."

"I should.  It'll mean a higher pay grade."

"Do you need it?"

"No, but David probably wants it for me."

"You could try asking me," David said from behind them, leaning on the closed door.  Ray looked back at him so he sat on Xander's other side.  "Do you want it?"  Xander shook his head, leaning on his shoulder now.  David put an arm around him.  "Then don't get it.  Yeah, I have ambition. You've always known that.  Some year, I want to be the second-in- command of the lab."

"You can have mine," Xander promised. "I don't want it."

"It's good for you to take on some responsibility, Xander."

Xander looked at him.  "I have a husband, a house, and a dog.  Isn't that enough?"  David kissed him on the forehead.  "Fine.  You can still have it if you want it.  It's not making me happy to do the extra paperwork."

"I feel that's a title you earn, Xander, and I don't feel that Mort thought I had," he explained.  He entwined their fingers, all he usually allowed them at work. "Mort thought you had a better grasp of the job so he gave it to you over everyone else.  Personally I think most of it could be done by a secretary."  He gave the hand in his a squeeze.  "Now, what's wrong?  This isn't about the ambition stuff or even Welsh and the Chief being assholes."

"Remember when we used to have fun?" Xander asked, sitting up to look at him.  "Back in Vegas we used to go out.  Last year we went out.  We don't go out and do things anymore.  I like staying at home but I'm starting to feel like I'm an invalid or I'm a horrible creature or something.  The more I feel like that, the more I react to the little things."

"The more the anger grows and the worse things become around here," David finished.  Xander nodded, putting his head back down.  David used his free hand to brush through his hair.  "You haven't even managed a haircut recently, Xan."  He looked at Ray.  "Can't you hire a swing shift person?  Crissy needs less hours too, Ray.  Xander's already done ten hours of overtime this week and it's only Wednesday and it's not like he's backed up or anything critical came in."

"I wish I could but we're in a hiring freeze."

"It's only going to get worse," Xander said quietly. "Morgan wants to take that Federal job Ford was backgrounding her for.  Prestons isn't even up to his in-school internship yet. They might count all his hours in Region Three, but we won't have anyone over there.  We'll have more interns to train and things'll start going wrong again because I'll start to get backed up between them and the flood from Region Three.  Region One only has one ballistics tech anyway."

David groaned. "No.  No more eighteen hour days.  You're already working six eight or ten hour shifts a week, Xander.  No more."  He looked at Ray.  "Really, no more, Ray."

"I'll see what I can do.  The Chief suggested the interns."

"Interns have to be watched, monitored, and checked after.  They make more work, not less," David told him.  "Besides, all we're getting are in-school interns.  Those take hand holding because they've never done more than a few practical exercises in the labs."

"My last one didn't know how to fire a gun," Xander said bitterly.

"You've got to get a swing and someone for Morgan to fill her spot until Prestons is graduated and through his internship."

"I wouldn't mind putting a *good* intern on swing," Xander admitted.  "We could use Prestons on swing; he's had a lot of experience thanks to helping Morgan all the time.  It wouldn't be that hard to follow behind him and do quality control once a week or so. Even every other day if we had to."  He sat up and let David's hand go.  "Ray, I want a life again.  I don't need to work eighty hours a week.  I'm not that driven.  I was more than happy to be a simple lab tech working forty or fifty hours a week.  That's all I want."

"We're worried about the budget so the city put up a hiring freeze," Ray reminded him again.  "You were at the meeting and reminded them that the PD had a lot of spots we needed to fill desperately.  They didn't seem to care until their houses got hit."

"Then either they're going to have to start waiting for results or they're going to have to start hiring again," Xander said simply.  "From now on, I work my shift.  My shift is six to two five days a week."

David nodded.  "I agree, Ray.  Even I'm working longer hours than I should.  I don't mind doing the occasional sixty hours a week but I'm tired.  I haven't even gotten to play with our dog recently."

Xander stood up.  "I'm going home.  I can't do anything and I'm cutting back my field hours to two cases a month.  Period."  Ray looked up and nodded.  "Can I?"

"Go," he agreed.  Xander headed off, going to his car and heading home.  He looked at David.  "I agree," he noted. "It's not my decision though."

David pulled out Xander's phone and handed it over.  "Welsh is on speed dial and so is the Chief's office so he could update him about the serial killer case last year."

Ray looked in the phonebook and found the number, hitting 'send'.  He listened to the grumpy greeting.  "Oh, get over it.  We're in the dark too at the twenty-seventh.  Is he in?"  He waited while she transferred him.  "Chief, Vecchio.  Yeah, I'm about to have a revolt.  No, my techs are working overtime for no reason. While that's nice, Xander's doing sixty- plus hour weeks.  He's working six days a week for no reason.  No, you can't.  I asked him about that.  They've got to be monitored and paperwork has to be filled out on them.  Even Prestons, sir.  He's not even graduated so they'd have to file more paperwork on him.  When Morgan leaves next month, it's going to be a wreck.  Prestons may be qualified but he doesn't have the degree yet.  That means that the FBI can cut him out of the database and demand we route everything to Xander.  No, he's not.  I don't care, Chief.  I'm not stressing my best guys out like that.  Xander's working six days a week.

"No, Chief, you did it for the advancement and the higher badge.  Xander didn't even want the badge.  He wants to be a lab tech.  That's it.  Lab techs, by definition of the PD, work straight 40 hours a week shifts.  Nothing more.  Yay, I reminded him of that.  He hasn't even been able to pet his dog.  Listen, Brad.  Do I care?" he asked impatiently.  "Yay.  Xander's a *lab* tech.  He's doing more than his fair share.  Region One's only got one ballistics tech.  Our day tech is about to have to cut back because she's got a really sick kid about to start an experimental treatment for asthma next week.  We need a swing shift.  Morgan needs a replacement.  Region One's fine.  They don't get gun crimes.  We get gun crimes.  No, once Prestons graduates Xander said he could have swing here, that way he'd only have to do quality control on him but guess what... you can't do that until he's in his post-school internship, which means he gets paid. Well, overtime would be cut if you'd give us better staffing, Chief. So?  Xander doesn't need the money.  He and David make plenty but even David's complained about the hours.  DNA has a swing with Mortty and you're not removing her.  We need a swing ballistics and we need a swing Trace."

"My intern's about to graduate and I'll trust him to work swing so he covers with both of us and the gap," David offered.  "That way I can check over his shoulder, do that paperwork and all that stuff.  He's good enough to do that with.  Prestons is good enough to do that with once he graduates."

"Did ya hear that?" Ray demanded. "No.  Xander went into his internship more than trained enough.  He's a unique case.  There's a special folder in Heaven marked 'Xander' that's just a definition of the guy.  Which would they hate more?  Paying time and a half or paying people to do the work so they don't have overtime except in extreme circumstances.  Oh, yeah, we will.  Vegas wants him back.  Their new sheriff sent him flowers and an offer of dayshift ballistics with David on dayshift Trace if they'd come back.  How much more salary, Dave?"

"They offered me about ten grand more a year," he said honestly.  "I'm satisfied with my salary, Ray.  I love you and your family.  I like Chicago.  I might miss some of the people in Vegas, but I feel more comfortable here and more relaxed here.  There I was pushing for the higher levels.  Here I'm not.  I agree with Xander.  I'm happy being a lab tech until I get chosen as lab second or lab head.  I don't expect that for at least five more years."  He shrugged.  "All we want are reasonable hours.  Me, Xander, Greg, who was promised a four day schedule so he could do his Ph.D. and isn't getting it.  Fingerprints has had to work overtime for the last two weeks straight and he's newly married.  AV is working overtime because her dayshift and Computer's dayshift are out on their honeymoons together.  I might love this department, but ten extra grand a year and steady shifts with no overtime is starting to look really good to me.  We'd try to bring Greg back with us."

Ray listened.  "No.  Morgan's going to need replaced, Chief.  Because Prestons is still in school.  Well, if you could clone Xander, we need three of 'em.  Yeah, and think about his anger recently.  When did that start, Brad?  Ya think maybe it was when he stopped being able to sleep beside his husband at night because they're working too hard?  That's what broke up your marriage.  It's part of what did it to mine.  They're happy and they're lab techs.  There's no reason they should be doing sixty a week.  There's no reason for them to be so tired that they can't play with their dog or why Xander had to go home to play with the dog because he forgot to feed her.  No, we're in the dark," he said, looking back at the building.  He opened the door and saw a light.  "Maybe we're getting them soon."  The lights went back off and someone swore. "Apparently we had it for a few minutes and they're back out.  Well, the lab runs on computers, boss.  What did you want them to do?"  He rolled his eyes and held his head.  "Listen, Brad.  If you want me over this lab, then listen to my ass.  I don't care if the city council is complaining about the overtime.  Remind them *why* they're paying overtime, because there's not enough people for the job.  That's also leading to higher absenteeism and sick days being taken.  I'd rather not see anyone having a stroke on the shift like Xander nearly did when he faced off with you about the badge.  Yeah, he nearly did.  His blood pressure was up at three-hundred over one-ninety."

"Three-oh-two," David corrected.

"Sorry, three-oh-two," Ray told him.  "No, David's sitting right here with me.  Good, then have him do something *good* for the city and fight the hiring freeze for the good of the budget.  Paying for the extra people will save on the overtime, which is more expensive.  And?" he snorted.  "I'll tell him myself if I have to.  No, you can't use someone not graduated.  Because they can't give expert testimony and it calls doubt into the cases, Chief.  Call the DA if you don't believe me."  He hung up and handed the phone back. "Moron."

"I think the local signal tower's in City Hall personally," David said as he put the phone into his pocket.  He looked inside.  They almost had lights, they were flickering now.  "Is that the generator?" he called.

"Yeah, Kowalski got it going.  It'll be enough to run the freezers and the radios, plus some recharging stations, no lab equipment, CSI Hodges," the desk sergeant called.  "As ordered by Welsh."

"Thanks.  Tell him Xander went home with a headache."  He closed the door again, looking at Ray.  Then he called Region Three, something he had been avoiding.  "Morgan, David.  No, Xander's got a headache.  Hmm, let's see.  Six days a week, eight hour shifts.....  And they don't want to replace you when you go Fed."  He listened to her swear.  "Ray tried to tell the Chief that, Morgan.  We need a swing person too.  Xan said Prestons was more than welcome to swing if it was open when he graduated.  He's had more than enough experience to only have quality control every few days or once a week.  No, we need a swing to cover our gap since Crissy's kid is going to be starting some experimental treatment.  You're leaving and leaving only an in-school intern.  You might have him check to make sure he can count this."

He grinned.  "I thought you had but just making sure.  No, he's about to give up and head back to Vegas.  Forty hour shifts together and ten grand more a year.  Region One has one ballistics tech.  I've got an intern about to graduate who's good enough for me to say he can work swing and be looked over that way. Morgan, Xander swore at the Chief and Welsh earlier when they told him not to protect me," he said honestly.  "He went home with a headache. We're working odd shifts and I'm doing fifty, he's doing sixty again.  Greg's doing nearly seventy at the moment.  We're tired."  He grinned.  "That's what I thought.  The hiring freeze.  Someone's got to get through to that man.  He thinks he can leave Prestons there without support and guidance.  Ray tried, Morgan.  Ten minutes of trying.

"No, Xander wants to be a lab tech.  He doesn't want to go higher. He's fighting at the second's paperwork now and then.  I want it some day but not until I've earned it. No, truthfully, a secretary could do it," he admitted.  "I'm the ambitious one.  I want to head the lab some day.  Xander wants to be a lab tech and be a happy guy.  I'm going to have to stick up for that."  He relaxed and grinned.  "Yeah.  You need to point out the truths why, Morgan.  Ray tried but it wasn't enough.  Thanks, dear.  Yeah, you too.  No, leave Xander alone.  He's probably asleep on the couch with the dog or out in the backyard playing since he hasn't been able to play recently.  Ten minutes on Sunday between naps isn't enough.  Nope.  Too many hours.  Thanks, love.  Bye."  He hung up.

"She gonna yell at him?"

"At the top of her lungs.  Even Prestons said he wasn't ready to be left alone in the lab, but he did appreciate that Xander wanted him as swing person and that he would be qualified enough to lord over the lab on his own at that point."  He yawned.  "I agree. I need a nap."  The air conditioner next to them went on.  "There goes that idea."  The lights all suddenly went off, even the emergency lights.  David sat up, looking around.  "That was magic."

"It was?"

"Didn't you get that stomach tingling feeling?"

"No," Ray admitted.

"I did.  That was magic."  He called the house.  "Tell me that wasn't you," he begged.  He relaxed.  "Thank you, Xander.  No, just making sure.  No, I got the stomach tingles again, like whenever you do the banishings.  Sure.  Thanks.  No, go back to your nap. Play with Sarah and Nick later, babe."  He hung up and looked at Ray.  "It wasn't him.  Someone should check on the embassy and other high risk targets."

Ray heaved himself up and opened the door again.  "Call the guys on the embassy, see if they're getting a problem."

"I just tried, they're out of the car," the desk guy said.  "I sent another unit to help.  What's over there?"

"Some Canadian matriarch of an old family sent some of her jewelry down here to be shown at some jewelry exhibit.  They shipped it through the embassy for safety."

"It's going into the Natural History, in the geological exhibit," David said as he stood up.   He heard Stan swearing.  "Stan, I felt Xander and Willow stuff," he called.  "Wait ten minutes and try again."

"You sure?"

"That stomach tingling thing happened."

"Fine.  Thanks, David.  Where is Xander?"

"Home.  Napping with the dog on the couch."  He looked at Ray.  "I'll gladly move to an overnight schedule.  So will Xander," he said quietly.  "So will Greg.  That means Morty can take a later swing and the DNA person, should they hire one again, can fix her hours so Morty comes in on our old shift.  Ten to six?"  Ray nodded.  "Crissy comes in at eight. That leaves you with a good swing shift in between if she stops at four for the kids like she wants.  When do you want us to start it?"

"Tomorrow's fine, or the day after," Ray said with a shrug.  "It'll make more sense.  Tell Xander he's not allowed to come in as a vampire and give that as a reason for the switch."

"Yes, sir."  He looked inside, then at him.  "Permission to scram and have you call me back if they come back on? I've got a hot man stud at home napping innocently."

Ray smirked.  "Shoo.  Go home."  David ran for his car, then had to make his way back inside to get his car keys, then he ran for the car again.  Ray shook his head.  "Those two," he said as he walked inside.  He headed up the stairs, going up to bother Welsh some more.  He leaned in his office door.  "I'm rearranging the hours.  You either get me a swing DNA, Trace, and Ballistics or else we're all screwed and remember, Morgan's leaving next month so they'll need to replace her too.  Xander's already home, David went to baby the poor dear. By the way, Xander's going to be working *forty* hours a week, not sixty, not seventy, and sure as hell no more six day weeks. And I need an assistant to take over the excess paperwork or else you'll get more paper balls to read."  He slammed the door and headed downstairs to his office.  At least his cellphone had some games and it had a backlight.  Plus he had the field lights to set up down there if they needed 'em.

***

The next night Xander walked inside, looking at the snickering people standing around.  "What?" he asked, smiling a bit.  He headed inside and past the desk sergeant, heading down to the labs.  He heard the laughter and smiled sweetly at Stan as they passed on the stairs.

Stan stopped and looked at the t-shirt the kid was wearing, then he shook his head.  As long as Rennie didn't get one of those he'd be sane.  Though he did wonder about Xander's ears. He was still standing there when Ray came in so he stopped him by putting a hand on his arm. "Is tonight Dave's night off?"  Ray nodded.  "Okay, that explains a lot."  He walked off shaking his head quickly to get rid of that image.

Ray looked at him.  "I saw the laughs. Who?"

"Guess," Stan called back.

"Xander," he sighed.  He walked through the bottom door and heard Mortty giggling madly at something so he headed back to DNA, looking at Xander's shirt first.  That was the usual cause.  "The sexiest elf since Legolas," he read.  He opened his mouth and Mortty moved the dark hair, showing off ear tips the younger guy was wearing.  "Uh-huh," he decided, going back to his office to take a tums.  He found a boxed DVD set in there and looked at it.  "The Lord of the Rings?" he muttered.  Well, he didn't have anything else to do tonight.  He popped the first one in and found out why Xander's t-shirt said that.  It was cute he decided.  He got up when the door opened, finding CSI Tracy there with the mayor.  "Hola.  Watch out for Xander.  It's a t-shirt night."

Tracy nodded, understanding that warning very well. "Is Greg in?"

"Nope.  He and David have tonight off.  Oh, Mayor, did Welsh send up orders that we need people for the staff again?"

"You can't make due?"

"Sure.  I can also watch my staff die of strokes and quit due to stress and then you're going to be paying more to get decent people in.  After all, our reputations are what gets us quality officers," he noted dryly.  "Tracy, Morgan's retiring next month."

"I heard," he cooed, grinning back.  "Lucky lady, going Fed!"  He headed down the hall.  "I found the Mayor wandering around looking confused upstairs and brought him home, Ma," he called as he walked.

"Shoot and I didn't even bring Sarah in tonight to play with the new stray," Xander called back.

"I'm not changing out of my mega-bitch t-shirt," Mortty called.  "Or my collar and tie."

"We wouldn't wanna change you anyway," Ray called back.  He looked at the mayor, who only whimpered.  "They're night shift, they're allowed to be total morons and fuckups with bad personalities, but they're good folk," he noted dryly.  "Even if Mortty is wearing a dog leash tonight for some reason."  He shrugged.  "I like my screwballs, sue me."

The mayor swallowed.  "This plan, it would ...hide these people?"

"Mortty would be swing unless Greg truly wanted to stay in the field.  Then we'd let Mortty be our night DNA tech.  We'd be ten ta six, five days a week. We'd stagger shifts to keep weekends covered.   Days would get Saturdays, mine would get Sundays, that means we'd be off Friday and Saturday instead. Swing would work Monday through Friday, so we'd be covered during the heavier days.  Namely Monday and Tuesday.  But we need a swing DNA, Ballistics, Trace, and Morgan's going to need replaced.  AV, Computers, and Fingerprints can stay with a single shift."

"What about her helper?"

"He hasn't graduated yet and Xander said he's good enough to work swing under him and Crissy when he does finally graduate, but that's about a year and a half from now I think.  Interns take more time and pressure to teach. You've got to handhold, fill out paperwork and reports, get them ready to handle a lab on their own, things like that.  You can't leave an intern on a shift by themselves, usually, but David and Xander both said Prestons and David's interns are good enough already to do that with if we have to once they graduate.  David's graduates this year."

"Can you wait until Prestons graduates?"

Ray shook his head.  "Nope.  You can't leave Region Three uncovered like that."

"What if we move all the centers together?"

"Then field techs can't get to a location soon enough and they do some of the investigative work themselves.  They're in the labs almost as much as the real lab techs are.  Besides, the PD itself needs at least a hundred more officers.  We're slow reacting to crimes since we're backed up.  That lowers your approval rating."

"True.  The budget is still very fragile."

"You hate paying overtime.  Which is worse?"

"Paying people to do nothing."

"Only a few days a month and those days, Ballistics and Trace are more than welcome to go home.  They've already agreed to it now and then if we run into a long dry spell, but I doubt it'll happen.  Xander helped stop the last gang war from starting by helping find who killed one of the Ghost Riders."

The mayor sighed and nodded.  "I see the necessity, Detective Vecchio.  What about your center, did you need anything else?"

"A secretary.  Xander's been working too hard to fulfill his second's duties.  He's doing sixty and seventy hour weeks for no reason, just because we need someone to cover the shift."

"You can't work out an on-call?"

"No," Ray told him.  "I can't. That's not fair to him and there's almost always stuff leftover from the shift before."

"Fine," he decided.  "I understand the necessity.  I'll talk with the council tonight before the meeting to see what we can work out.  You think only a hundred officers?"

"I think it'd help," Ray told him.  "That's at least a patrol unit per precinct. We've got cars idle at the moment.  The union guys are screaming about how we're being stretched.  You guys are paying more overtime than any other time, beside when you initiated the mandatory retirement clause and only replaced half the people.  This is the others that we needed replaced from that and you promised it'd be handled by last year."  Xander came out and he grimaced at him.  "No work?"

"No, plenty of work. I need to wait for the AV tech.  My computer just crashed.  Again."

"Is it a problem that's going to cost us something?" the mayor asked hesitantly.

"No. It's more he needs to take the thing apart again and fix a loose wire and blow out dust.  Routine maintenance.  Our tech does it since the computer techs for the PD take so long to respond to whining.  We leave it to the last minute possible."

"I understand about that.  I didn't realize you had pointy ears."  Xander opened his lab coat, making him laugh.  "Do your coworkers mind?"

"No.  They know me."  He grinned at him.  "My husband's off tonight.  I get to be playful."

The mayor nodded.  "That's fine, CSI Harris.  Can you call CSI Sanders?  Does he want to be a lab tech or a field tech?"

"He wants to be a field tech but he's supposed to be on a four-day schedule because he's trying to get his Ph. D.  He doesn't manage it," he offered dryly.  "Then again, I don't manage forty hours a week either.  You can tell them I'm this way due to the stress and am about to have a breakdown because I don't have the time or energy to cuddle my husband and play with my dog."

The mayor smiled.  "I'll use that as an argument."  The door behind him opened and someone came in with a box, looking very grim.  "Yours, CSI Harris?"

He looked at it and nodded.  "Yeah, unfortunately."  He looked at the SWAT guy.  "Do I need to come take weapons to test for a review board?"

"Yeah, and two of them are first timers," he said simply.

Xander nodded.  "Sure.  Ray, put that in my lab.  I'll be back."  He headed up after him, going to find those two officers.  He nodded at the head guy, who grimaced and pointed.  Xander headed that way, noticing one guy hissed and winced.  "It's not a big deal," he said quietly.  "It's mandatory."

"How can it not be a big deal, I killed someone!" one of the guys yelled.

Xander caught his arms, pinning them at his sides, looking at him.  "So have I.  So have a lot of us here," he said quietly.  "It's a brotherhood.  You talk to us and we help you through this.  No one here is going to make fun of you or hurt you more."

"I hesitated.  Someone died," he said miserably, staring at him.

Xander nodded.  "Been there, done that," he told him, giving him a hug.  The guy started to sniffle and he patted him on the back.  "If there's ever a time to cry, it's after things like this," he said quietly, moving them to a table and sitting down so he could talk to the guy.  "Do you know me?"  He shook his head. "I'm Harris."

"You're here for my gun?" he asked miserably.

"I'm here for all your weapons so you don't use them on yourself tonight," he said quietly.  The guy nodded.  "But I'm also here to talk to.  My first day here, while I was interviewing, I had to shoot people on Racine.  I've had to shoot others.  Most of the guys here had military service and some of them saw combat.  Most everyone in this room has had to fire, and almost all of us hesitated at some point or another.  I know Philips, that guy over there," he said, pointing at one guy, "had to shoot a little kid holding a gun on a store clerk last year."  The guy nodded when the new guy looked.  "So *talk* to us.  We have counselors, you have me if you need me after shift, and you've got your brothers up here.  SWAT is close for that reason. You guys have to do shit that no one else on the force has to," he said quietly.  The guy nodded and emptied out his gun, handing it over.  "I meant all of them.  A lot of guys reach for their knives, their backups, or a bottle to get over this.  We don't want to lose you to any of them."  The guy nodded and handed over everything, even his pocket knife.  "Good man.  Now."  He wrote down a name and held it up.  "This guy is one of the PD counselors.  He's good.  He even understands me and I've seen more death than you guys could ever dream of seeing."

"Were you in a gang?"

Xander smiled.  "No, honey, I'm originally from Sunnydale, California.  I'm from three hours outside LA.  My town had a fifty percent death rate per year and a seventy percent death and disappearance rate for my school years."  The guy shivered.  "Then we had a massive earthquake that ate the town."  The guy nodded.  "So, this guy understands me.  I've seen and helped find serial killers.  I dated a serial killer and he understands me.  He's seen combat as well.  If you can't find one of your brothers here or me, find him."  The guy nodded.  "I'm down in the basement if you need ta talk."

"I will.  Thanks, Harris."

"Hey, this is a brotherhood and I'm on call for SWAT for demolitions and construction stuff."  The guy nodded, wiping his face off and heading off to the bathroom.  He looked at the other guy he didn't know, who quickly shook his head and pointed at one guy he did.  "Hey."  The guy sighed and emptied everything into a baggie, handing it over.  Xander grinned as he took it.  "Thanks.  Need a hug?"

"No.  I'm good without a hug.  I might get gay boy cooties."

Xander grinned.  "David's off tonight.  So's Greg.  So it's just me and Mortty.  So if you need ta talk, I'm down there."

"Of course.  Thanks, Xander."

"Not a problem."  He gathered up the other stuff, stuffing them into his coat pockets.  "The rifle was from...."

"The other sniper," the boss said.

"Gotcha.  I'll test it first.  I'll lock theirs into the safe.  Have them come get it before their next shift."

"Thanks."  He picked up something and handed it over with a slight grin.  "What's the t- shirt say?"  Xander opened his lab coat and showed him, making him laugh.  "I wondered about the elf ears."  The new guy looked and cracked a smile.  "Harris is just like that," he shared once Xander was gone.  "He's a nut and a half, but he's a good guy.  Half the time he handles things so the detectives don't have to and we don't have to.  He's gone on raids with us before.  That guy's seen some shit."  The guy nodded, smiling a bit more.  "Now, let's get you and Rivers home.  And no protest."

"Yes, sir."  He pocketed the guy's name and number, heading to get his jacket from his locker.

One of the older guys stopped their boss.  "Have you realized we haven't had a post- shooting suicide in this precinct and among us since Harris started?" he asked quietly.

"I had and I'm praying it stays that way," he assured him.  "Even if God doesn't like him because he's gay, he's gotta like him for keeping you guys sane."  He patted him on the arm.  "Hold down the fort, I'm gonna drive 'em home."  He headed after his guys, taking them home so they couldn't drive out later and get into wrecks while they were thinking too hard.

***

Xander came in and flopped down beside David, looking from him to Greg, and back.

"I didn't see elf ears, did I?" David asked, staring his mate down.

"The mayor liked 'em," he said with a grin.  "We're switching shifts.  All CSI have a meeting tomorrow to figure out the new shifts.  We've had three people sitting in the hiring board now for a few months.  They're going to contact them immediately.  David, your intern is getting Swing."  He looked at Greg.  "You're getting field, four days a week."

Greg squealed and hugged him.  "I love you, man, and I mean that totally platonically and all that.  Why the change of heart?"

"They added up the overtime they're paying this month," Xander said dryly.  "It's going to break the budget.  Ray's staying on our shift."  David smiled a bit at that.  "We're working eleven to seven instead of ten to six. Get the first part of rush hour, just in case."

"Fine," he agreed. "That works for me.  What weekend are we getting?"

"Sundays.  We'll be off Friday and Saturday."  He coughed.  "Also, we're talking about redistricting.  Region One is being farmed out to us and we're getting some of them as our swing people.  It'll save the city about five hundred thousand this year and nearly a million next year once they sell that building and build the new precinct that needs to be rebuilt instead of trying to fix the old wreck that's eating money by the day.  They're putting this year's savings into more cops."  David beamed at that.  "The Mayor announced it on the news."

"I don't watch the news.  I get depressed," David reminded him.  He pulled Xander over, kissing him hard. "You did good."

"Thanks."  He grinned at him, sitting in his lap.  "I've got to leave my phone on, David.  Two of the SWAT guys had ta shoot a sniper and bag team earlier.  One's a newbie.  Six months out of the academy and straight off his rookie time into SWAT.  His second day."

David nodded, patting him on the back.  "I understand, Xander.  It's fine with me."  He stole another kiss.  "You've been there and I haven't.  I won't keep you from helping those guys."  Xander grinned and nuzzled his cheek.  "You're a good boy and you deserve a reward."

"Trivial Pursuit, music edition?" he offered.  "Or eighties?"

"Eighties," David promised, giving him a swat.  "Go find it and get the dogs so we can pet them."  Xander bounced up and went to get the poor ignored babies and the game.  Then he went to get sodas, ice cream, and chips.

Greg grinned at him.  "He's a happy boy."

"He is and he deserves to be," David agreed happily.  He got down to arrange things on the coffee table, turning on the local all-news channel so they could catch the announcement.  "When's our meeting tomorrow?" he asked.

"You've got a voice mail.  Frannie called everyone."  He stole a kiss.  "They were deciding when I left. Mortty liked my elf ears."

"I like your elf ears too but you're a naughty Xander," he teased.

Xander just beamed. "Thank you!"

***

Epilogue:

Xander walked into the station shaking his head.  "If IAD comes looking for me, I'm in the lab," he told the desk guy.  "I'll fax Welsh the report too."  He headed down the stairs, sighing as he walked into the air conditioning.  "Ray....  It happened again."

"I told you not to go out to the clubs," Ray called from his office.  A paper ball came out and hit him on the head.  "Where's your IAD shadow?"

"Probably coming."  He headed back to his lab, shaking his head at Mortty. "I went clubbing," he said miserably, hugging her.

"What happened?" she cooed, patting him on the back.  "You poor thing.  Did David get hit on?"

"No, but I made a killing off the flirting women who wouldn't leave me alone, even when I was dancing with David and snuggling.  Ten grand from the lesbians who wanted to watch me kiss him again.  They caught us later in the corner," he whined.  He trudged into his lab, nodding at the SWAT head in there.  "Hey," he said, sounding pathetic.

"What did you do?" he asked with a grin.

"We went clubbing.  I saved Greg from being taken by some heathenish bitch but he's mad at me.  Or he was until Dawn pounced him this morning so he might not be so mad now."

"So..... did someone hit on you two?  Or three?" he asked with a grin.

Xander shook his head.  "Women won't leave me alone!" he whined.

"One of them sent you flowers," he offered, pointing at the roses on the desk.

Xander whimpered and got the card, frowning at it.  "Ray!"  Ray walked in, smirking a bit with the IAD guy.  He handed over the card.  "I think I'm getting a new stalker."  He looked at the IAD guy.  "You know why I called you."

"I know," he said with a fond grin.  "How much did you get paid to not do anything this time?"

"He's done it before?" the head of SWAT asked.

"Remember that mafia wife a few years back?" Ray asked dryly, looking at him as he handed off the card.  "That was Xander.  She took him shopping and gave a donation to Vegas in his name."  The other cops shook their heads at that.  "Xander went salsa dancing and made about forty grand one night."  Xander moaned and held his head, sitting down at his computer.

"Xander made ten grand because some lesbians caught us kissing in the corner and thought it was hot when he worked me off without any of us knowing they were there," David said from the connecting doorway.  The flower card was handed to him and he snorted.  "You might want to find her and warn her I'm possessive and jealous.  Tell her all sorts of horror stories about me."

"Will it work?" Xander asked dryly.

"Hopefully.  I'd hate to have to sic Dawn on her," he said smugly. "Oh, Ray, Greg's not coming in tonight.  He'll be in tomorrow instead.  He can't move.  Dawn wrecked his back and had that smug little girl smirk when I went to check on him to see if he needed a ride."

"I take it he had fun?" Ray teased.

David nodded. "He kept me up and was loud enough so we heard it while *we* had sex."  He looked at the IAD guy.  "Do you want mine too?  Apparently whatever Xander's got rubbed off on me and I got a set of ruby earrings and a diamond ring shoved in my pockets."

"Please," he agreed.  "We have Harris on a special list, we'll include you too."  Xander wrote out something and handed it over, along with a baggie of cash and another baggie.  "You got given drugs?"

"Yeah.  She stuffed it down my thong last night."  He scratched behind his ear.  "I took it out and looked at it, then at her.  I assured her that I would have my fellow police officers destroy it for her.  She looked horrified and ran off."

"That's fine.  Do you know what it is?"

"China White."

"Ah."   He rebagged it. "Was this at the gay bar, the regular club, or at the biker bar?"

"The regular club.  I wanted to see if I still had what it took at an amateur night but David refused to let me strip ever again."

"You stripped?" the head of SWAT asked, looking really confused now.

"I had a car break down during a road trip just after high school.  I stripped, washed dishes, bartended, and did waiter stuff at the club until the car was fixed.  I didn't make hardly anything," he offered with a grin, "but I did strip a number of times.  I also met Greg there, but I didn't realize it until halfway through an interview with him."

Ray snickered.  "Don't worry, he did this in Vegas too.  Have you heard his thing about sports?"

"Oh, Ray, you wanted to know the results of the gay sex foreplay in teams?  Detroit won by ten points.  37 to 27."  Ray snorted and walked off shaking his head.  "Honey, did you remember to set up the VCR to record my curling match?"

"I did," he said patiently.  He looked at the two cops, shrugging a bit. "He was raised by girls," he reminded them.   He looked at Xander.  "If you're a *good* boy, I'll get tickets to the ice skating National's next month.  But only if you're a good boy, Xander."

"I'm a good Xander," he assured him, smiling at him.  "I've been a very good Xander.  I could have called off tonight since I can't sit either, but I came to work and 'fessed up and everything.  Please?" he begged.  "Or to the gymnastics event at the college?  Please?"

"Fine," David agreed, shaking his head.  "Those girls nearly ruined you."

"Hey, I watch curling!  It's a guy's sport!"

"Curling?" the head of SWAT asked.

"It's a Canadian thing," David assured him.  "Fraser introduced him to it."   That just got a nod and he left.  He shrugged at the IAD guy.  "Like I said, he was raised by girls."

"I've seen others with that problem," he promised, looking at Xander. "Is that all the money?"  Xander nodded, sighing a bit at it.  "Let me count it."

"You can use my lab," David promised.  "The stuff I got is on my desk."  He nodded, heading that way while David got a kiss. "Good boy, Xander," he said quietly.  "It's going to pay off more of the mortgage, right?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Good boy."

Mortty stuck her head in, grinning at him.  "How much did you make?  Ray's saying you're buying us all dinner."

"Most of whatever we get back is going to the mortgage," David told her.

"Honey, I got asked to come back to LA for a few days to see the gang," he said, teasing his stomach.  "Would you go with me so I don't get sucked back in?" he asked with puppy eyes.

"Sure," he agreed, smiling at him.  "If you're a good boy I'll let you show me all the places you used to play in LA.  Did you fill out forms?"  Xander pulled some out of his desk drawer, handing them to him.  "Oh, and a set for me?"

"I figured I needed backup and it might be a ploy by Angel to get me back."

"Fine."  He stole another kiss as the door opened and the IAD officer came back, handing them the money.  "You guys don't get a cut?"

"No.  Of course, if he wants to he can put some into the widows and orphans fund," he offered with a grin.

"Mortgage," David said slowly and clearly.  "We donate ten percent to that yearly."

"That's fine then," he promised with a grin.  "What're those?  Reports?"

"Leave forms.  I got asked to go to LA to visit some of my old hunting buddies," Xander said with a scrunched up face.  "I'm not wanting to go alone."

"Can I go?" Mortty asked happily.  "I've wanted to meet Angel and Spike from your stories about them and I have *so* many questions to ask the undead guy."

The IAD guy looked at Mortty then at Xander.  "I can't imagine you being a goth kid," he noted dryly.  "Did you get any names?"

"Only the ones that had been in the bag."

"That's fine.  If this happens in LA I'll need a report made as soon as you get back or fax it to me directly at the office, Harris, and be careful.  We want you back.  You liven up the office when you go out and get happy."  He left, taking the leave forms once David had signed his.  It was his nice deed of the year.  He looked at Ray, who groaned.  "He said some hunting buddies wanted to see him for a few days.  Mortty wanted to go too."

"I'm sure she did," he said dryly.  "Thanks.  He in trouble?"

"No.  Xander's a good boy.  Doing these incidences is much nicer than dealing with dirty cops and things.  It makes up for the wanting to kill others."  He headed up, smirking at the desk sergeant.  "Did any calls come in last night about CSI Harris, Hodges, and Sanders being out on the town?"

"Only the one where CSI Harris called in a drug deal going down and they left that club."

"Can I get a tape?"  One was handed over.  "Thanks.  You expected this?"

"Yeah, after Welsh called down to warn me it was another episode of club envy, I figured you'd need one.  How much did he get this time?"

"About thirty grand cash and some minor jewelry, and Hodges got some ruby earrings and a diamond ring shoved at him.  Ten grand from some lesbians who caught them necking in a corner and got turned on."  He giggled at that.  "Anything I need to take with me?"

"No, we're good," he offered.  "Everyone here's too scared of The Trio to step outta line too far."

"What trio?  Kowalski and his Mounties?"

"No, Kowalski, Vecchio, and Harris.  They scared the rookies straight, the cadets to pissing themselves, and the old guys into realizing they were in deep shit the last time they caught a dirty cop.  Vecchio points his hounds, Stan and Xander, at dirty cops and they run like hell before being caught."

"Good!  We like that!" he said happily, leaving with the tape and the short report.

***

Mortty looked at the newly redeadened guy who met them at the airport, tipping her head slightly to the side.  "Wow. You're much cuter than Xander said.  I'd figure a gay guy like him would have noticed more cuteness."  She beamed and shook his hand. "I'm Mortty, I'm one of Xander's escorts to keep him out of trouble.  Xander's dragging someone off the plane and David's moaning that he couldn't stay out of trouble."  She smiled at the cops heading their way.  "Be gentle with my fellow CSI guys," she called after them, beaming at Angel again.  "So, how does it feel to die?  Is it scary or icky?  Or is it sexual like Anne Rice said?"

Angel looked at her.  "How do you know Xander?"

"Oh, I'm his favorite DNA tech.  I work with him in Chicago."  She glanced at the causeway, then waved.  "There's David, Xander's husband."  She grinned at Angel again.  "He tries so *hard* to keep Xander out of trouble, but you know Xander."

"I do.  That's why I sent him to college," he noted blandly.  Xander came off chatting and smiling with one of the cops, who shook his hand and let him walk off.  "Harris."

"Deadboy!" he said with a grin, taking David's hand to hold.  "This is David, my husband. I know you've already met but I doubt you introduced yourself last time.  David, this is Angel. He sent me to college so I couldn't annoy the hell outta him with Spike.  And I see you've met Mortty.  She's one of my new girlfriends."  He grinned at him.  "So, what's the what?"

"Crythsm's been injured, he wanted to see you before he passed on."

"Pity but what does the bitch queen want me for?" he asked as they walked.  "And you couldn't say that over the phone?"

"Well, Cordy's returned for a few days and wanted to see you too.  Apparently the Ascended thing is boring.  Gunn wanted to know if you wanted to party with his gang too."

"That's cool," Xander said with a grin.  They met up with Spike further down and Xander smirked at him.  "Mortty, David, this is Spike."  She squealed and launched herself at him to hug him and hang off him with her legs around his waist.  "David, honey, the fangless wonder that used to annoy me and sleep duct taped to my old recliner."  David nodded a bit, smirking at him.

Spike peeled the girl off him, looking at her.  "Goth?" he suggested.

"No, this is my normal, sunny personality, Spike.  Xander's told me *so* much about you both!" she squealed, taking their arms and walking between them. "I *so* lucked out when I got to work on Xander and David's shift.  Did you get to go to the wedding?"

"No," Angel told her.  "Holy ground."

"Poo, I'd forgotten about that."  She grinned back at Xander and David.  "Can I bring them home?"

"Only if you clear it with Rona and feed and clean up after them," David said dryly.  "Just like you would any pet, vampires take a lot of work to care for, Mortty."

"Point."

"Your Ma named you Mortty?" Spike snickered.

"No, she named me Morticia Elizabeth, but I'm much too cool to be a Morticia.  That's why I'm a Mortty and a DNA tech."  She beamed at him.  "William."

He snickered and hugged her.  "I like her, whelp."

"Me too and if she's got any bite marks when we go home they'd better be consensual," Xander pointed out firmly.  "I'd hate to deprive the world of you again, Spike."

Spike laughed.  "Fine.  She's cute."

"I am," Mortty agreed happily.  "That's why gay guys like Xander like me."

Angel looked back at him, then snickered.  "I didn't know you swung that way."

"That's odd considering I was sleeping with Wesley there for about two weeks," he noted dryly.  "Stress relief of course," he added with a shit eating grin.  Mortty snickered at that.  "David, can I put on my elf ears and go to the Lord of the Rings showing?"

"No," he said patiently. "We couldn't get tickets, remember?"

"Oh, yeah."  He pouted a bit.  "Can we take Mortty to a goth club instead?"

"Fine," he agreed, shaking his head.  "None of the usual clubbing, Xander."

"I don't usually let it happen, it just comes out now and then," he defended.  "And hey, I only turned two women evil the last time and one was already using drugs.  Deadboy, baggage," he called.  That got a sigh and they headed that way with Mortty chatting away.  "I think she and Cordy will like each other," he decided happily.

David felt Xander's forehead.  "No fever.  Are you airsick?"  Xander just kissed him and smiled.

***

Xander trudged back into the CSI Unit and flopped down in a chair, rolling his head to look at Ray.  "Oh, Gods, shoot me?" he pleaded.

"Can't do that. It'd be more paperwork than I feel like doing.  What happened? Did you let Mortty get eaten?" he asked as he went back to making The List.

"No.  She's coming in.  She almost brought a matched set of twin vampires home as her new pets but she's fine."  He pulled something out of his pocket with a moan and handed it over.  "Here, from the LAPD."

Ray looked at it, then got up and headed to the fax machine, sending it to Welsh.  Once it was done he read it more closely, going for his antacid stash.  Mortty came in beaming and babbling and David and Greg were behind her.  He came back to his spot, watching them settle in for another midnight shift.  "Mortty, are those bite marks on your neck?"

"My new pets needed a sip for strength, Ray.  They were good boys," she said hoarsely.

"Do I want to know why your voice is going?"

"Because Mortty got us into the concert I'm sure you already heard about," David said impatiently, looking at his napping mate.  "Sorry, long flight."

Ray looked at Xander, then shook his head.  "How bad?"

"The band wrote a song about us kissing in the front row," he offered as he sat down.  "Mortty got to play with her new friends and annoy Angel and Spike.  She and Cordy got together to look at old Xander pictures.  I got told older Xander stories and met his former friends.  I got to see Xander with a battle axe again when the lawyers who prove that they're all evil showed up and wanted to hire or steal him.  I also got to beat two pretty, rich boys off him and an aspiring model with money who wanted him.  The gay clubs out in LA are much more competitive.   They thought Xander should bring home someone pretty for his sugar daddy, me."  He grinned at him, making Ray snort and hold his head for a minute.  "One of them offered him half a million for a blow and a night between us."  Ray pinched the bridge of his nose.  "The aspiring model wanted to know if he'd do porn with him since it'd be his first time and Xander had, quote, the look."  He reached over to wipe off the drool coming out of Xander's mouth then looked at Ray again.  "The dogs are upstairs."

"I heard them yap when you came in," he admitted.  "What about the other pretty boy?"

"He just wanted to take a ride and get high.  Xander pointed out he was a cop and I was a cop and Mortty was a cop so he fled in his shiny limo and got into an auto accident.  Oh."  He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it over.  "My half of the reports."  Ray looked it over, then handed it back, going to take more antacids.  "At least they didn't succeed in kidnaping us."

"I don't care!"  He slammed his office door.  "Fax that to Welsh," came through faintly.

David got up and went to do that.  No one would dare touch Xander while he was gone.  By the time he got back, Mortty was letting Xander sleep on her shoulder and telling Greg all about her pets and Spike.  "When did you meet Angel?" he asked him.

"That week you went to Tahoe," Greg said dryly, smirking at him.  "He showed up to see if Xander would come back and handle something.  So we got to pretend we were dating and I was possessive and unable to let him go."

David smirked.  "Sure.  You make a good one of those.  How late was Dawn today?"

"She wasn't.  She no longer takes appointments before ten," he said smugly.  David and Mortty both snickered at that.  "Did you guys get to see Mistress Heather?  Mortty described the woman who came up and kissed him and hugged him."

"Yup.  She still likes him," David said sarcastically as he sat down.  "Offered him a job with her if he ever gets tired of doing lab work.  I had to point out I was the top in our relationship and I held his leash a bit tightly.  She thought that was cute and of course I did.  She said no one let a guy like Xander get away unless they were terminally stupid."

"Yeah, if he were mine, I'd keep him tied to the bed too," Mortty agreed happily.

David gave her his most dry and withering look.  "I tried that.  He barks."  She giggled, waking up Xander, who yawned and smiled at David.  "Did you remember to put in the money you got offered to do porn?"

"No.  I didn't get any of it shoved in my pants this time."

"You got offers to do porn?" Greg joked, grinning at him.  "By who!"

"Some up and coming company," he said tiredly.  "They wanted to pay me good money and even would have let me stay with David, but they wanted to write out the fantasies.  I told them I'd write some out for them but David drug me off."

"That would get you in trouble with the department," David said impatiently.  "I told you that."

"I know."  He blew a kiss and grinned at the others coming in.  "We're back."

"I can see that," their fingerprint tech noted.  "How was LA?"

"Hot and muggy," David told him.  "With people who wanted Xander to do porn."

"Ah.  Well, he is cute," he offered, going back to check his lab before coming back out.  He took his usual seat.  "Ray!  We're almost all here."

"I have a headache," he called.  "Give me ten more."

Xander closed his eyes and curled up on Mortty's shoulder again, going back to his nap.

David sighed and shook his head.  "He drools."

"I noticed but it's cute," she offered with a grin.  "You wouldn't have believed the hotties that kept trying to hit on Xander, Greg.  They had to go to the gay club to get women to hit on him again.  They just wanted to watch.  One wanted him to help them raise energy for their fertility rite by having sex in front of them."

"It took me twenty minutes to convince him that I wasn't going to help them that way.  Prayers, positive energy, blood magic if I had to, but not sex magic for their pleasure," David said dryly.

Greg and the fingerprint tech snickered at that.  "So, how bad was it this time?" Greg asked.

"If he had taken the money from the porn company, I'd have paid off the mortgage on the way here.  One of the pretty, rich boys offered him a half million for a night between us and a blow.  The model wanted him to do porn.  The evil lawyers wanted him to work in their weapons labs.  By the way, we've got to head home at lunch and clear out his office.  Apparently Xander's been looking at ways to magic weapons and didn't tell me."  Greg grinned and nodded and the fingerprint tech looked very confused.  "You've met Rona, right?  Saw her at the picnic?"  He nodded once.  "Xander used to do that before he went to college.  He's her backup.  It exists."

"Damn!" he said, sounding happy.  "Cool!  Can anyone?"

"It takes a lot of willpower," Mortty told him.  "I dabbled.  I could only light candles and I'm a really stubborn person I thought."

"You are," Greg assured her, reaching over to pat her on the hand.  "You're very stubborn."  He looked at their tech.  "Xander's fairly mild, at the level of banishing his ex girlfriend.  She likes to pop in and watch the sex."

"I bet that's fun."

"If you say her name she'll probably show up," David reminded Greg.  That's why they had to banish Anya the last time. "That way leads to sex in the park since it takes time to get her gone again."

"That's okay, Cordy said she peeks in now and then and said that you're cute enough for her ex," Mortty told him.  "She doesn't lurk though.  She doesn't like to watch sex stuff."

David blushed and shook his head.  "Hopefully not."

"I wish...."  David covered his mouth.  "What?" Greg mumbled.

"No making wishes.  Didn't Xander and Dawn tell you about that stuff?" he said warmly.

"Sorry."  He moved the hand off his mouth.  "I'll be a good boy.  I just wanted to hear some of the goofy guy Xander stories."

"I got 'em taped," David assured him.  "That vampire clan sent me tapes of them and I taped Cordy's stories too so we can remind him of them when he's too naughty."

Ray came out of his office, looking at them.  "Okay, I'm ready.  Let's get started," he called.  The other techs came out of their offices.  He nudged Xander's other shoulder and he woke up again.  "Good morning, princess."

"Bite me, Ray.  I had to deal with the evil lawyers who want me to design weapons to use against Angel and his crew."  He yawned and stretched.  "Besides, I just got back from vacation."

"And you've got about thirty guns waiting on you.  They had a major bust through SWAT earlier, kid."

"Sure.  Everyone okay or do I have to go confiscate weapons?"

"No, they're fine."  He looked at the list. "David, you've got a bad night too.  A homicide. Bedding and various ropes to test for DNA samples and stuff.  Send the DNA over to Mortty of course.  She'll have a light night."  He nodded, looking at her, and she nodded that she'd come over and help him look.  "AV, you've got...."  Someone upstairs started to shriek in fear.  "Hell.  Xander?"

Xander sighed as he got up and headed up there, looking at the person standing in the lobby.  "Hey," he said, nodding at Rona, who was covered in blood.  "It for a good reason?"

"Yeah.  Someone just broke into my house.  I'm fine, this is theirs.  I wanted to borrow your shower and let you collect the clothes for me if necessary."   She looked at the desk sergeant.  "Two scum sucking lawyers tried to break into my house with a thug.  They're very sorry but no one from CSI showed up."  She looked at Xander again.  "Can I borrow a t-shirt and a shower?"

"Sure.  Come downstairs for a few.  We've got the chemical shower down there."

"She can use the changing area's showers," the desk guy offered.  "Are they dead?"

"Begging for it," she said with a grin.  "Xander taught me a lot."

He nodded, suddenly getting it.  This was the girl Xander was mentoring!  "Use the locker room, Xander.  I'll show her where once shift change is done."

"Sure.  Thanks.  Go ahead, Rona.  He's a nice guy.  He's got year-old twin girls."

"Oooh," she cooed, grinning at him.  "I love babies!  They're so cute!"

"Some days," he agreed wisely.  "Then there's days when they've got the runs at the same time."  He walked her off and Xander went back downstairs.  He even showed her a picture.

Xander walked back into the meeting.  "Greg, Rona's upstairs.  Apparently some of the slime fucking lawyers broke into her house with a thug but no field tech showed up.  She's covered in blood and in the locker room getting a shower."

"Sure."  He went to get his case and a few bags then headed up there.  Since he wasn't assigned a case yet.

Ray looked at him. "She okay?"

"Yeah.  She said it's their blood.   They're begging for death, she's fine."

"Good.  I like Rona."  He looked at the list again.  "Get to work, Xander."

"Going."  He went back to his lab, grinning at all the guns.  He loved his job!  Xander grinned as the new IAD guy came in, waving and smiling.  "Hi.  You get the fun job tonight?"

"That depends."  The usual guy came in and patted Xander on the back.  "You know about this dirty cop?"

"He's not a dirty cop.  Remember I showed you that special list?" he prompted.  "The one for people who get things in the clubs without trying?"

"What did he do for that money!" he demanded.

Xander pulled the guy in and slammed him into the wall, getting closer to his ear.  "Listen, baby boy.  I'm not a dirty CSI.  I never have been.  Cursed because people want my ass. Liked because I've got good rhythm and I know what I'm doing on the dance floor.  I don't sleep around.  I've *never* slept around, even when I was single.  I'm one of the best people on this force and the more you try to say I'm dirty the more I want to find out what you're hiding," he hissed.  "Since I'm the CSI I can do things like that."  The man whimpered so he patted him down, finding his wallet.  He looked at the ID card, then at his usual IAD contact, showing it to him.  "Is that real for you guys?"

"No," he admitted, looking at it.  "Let him go, Harris."  He looked at the other cards and held up one.  "Does that look like Vegas's?"  Xander pulled out his and showed it to him.   "Not even close.  Hodges?" he called.  David came over and looked at the ID, laughing at it.  "Where is that from?"

"UNLV. It's faded," he said, pointing at some of the very faint lettering.  He grinned at Xander, pulling out his IDs.  "That's the new one and the old one."

He looked at them, then nodded, taking Xander's cuffs.  "Thanks, I'll get you a new set."

"That's okay, mine's got a cranky lock.  I had to pick one the last time."  He grinned at him.  "I got offered a half-mil for a night with a guy between us," he said with a grin.  The IAD guy laughed.  "Needless to say, David was not a happy camper."

"I can tell.  How much did you come home with?"

"Barely two.  I got to turn down the offers to do porn.  I'm not the sort of guy that LA likes.  I'm not movie star quality."  He grinned at him.  "I'm too earthy for LA to like me that much."

"That's fine.  We like you around here.  Go out your next night off.  I could use some new laughs."

"Tell David.  He's got my leash and I'm a happy puppy for him."

"We'll see," David said, going back to his work.

The IAD guy led off the fake person, going to report in from upstairs.  He loved hearing about Xander's exploits.  Welsh came out of his office to look at him.  "Harris didn't get hardly anything but offers in LA.  This is a fake guy."

"Have fun with him.  How much did he come home with?"

"Two grand."

Huey groaned.  "That's lowball of the whole pool."  He looked at the list.  "Stan, you won.  How?"

"Easy.  Xander had trouble getting dates in LA."  He grinned, sucking on his lollipop.  "Pay up."  Huey groaned but handed over the money from the pot.  "Thanks, my boys will thank you later after I get 'em some ice cream."  He got back to work.

Welsh shook his head, going back to Ray's paper balls.  He'd have to talk to him about not balling them up anymore.  Someone screamed and he came out, looking interested.  "What was that?"

The IAD guy came up from downstairs.  "One of his friends from LA sent his stalker from out there out here.  Mortty just squealed because they brought her new friend Cordelia."

David came up the stairs and made Stan look at him.  "Cordy's here," he said simply.   Stan got up and ran down there to keep her away from Ray and Xander.  Bad things would happen if she stayed.  David handed the IAD guy the envelope the woman had been carrying.  "Someone sent it to Angel.  Fred cackled on my voicemail when she said it was coming."  He went back to his blood-soaked sheets, giving a glare at Ray.  "Cordy's here."

"Hell," Ray muttered, going to take more antacids.

The IAD guy brought the envelope down a few minutes later, snickering a lot.  "David?"  He looked over but went back to work.  "You don't want to know?"

"No.  Make sure he gets a haircut.  He looks like he belongs on the cover of one of his romance novels."  He went back to work.

"It's a big check," he offered, waving it.

Mortty took it and opened it, eyes going wide.  "Wow.  David, consider your mortgage paid, man.  Can I get you to hold my leash and be my sugar daddy?"  She held it up so he could look at it.

He sighed and shook his head.  "Nope.  Sorry, I have enough problems keeping up with Xander.  Xander, plan on getting a haircut!" he called.  "Come get this crap!"  He got back to work.

Mortty grinned at Xander when he stuck his head in. "They *really* wanted in your tighty whities this time."

"I was wearing a thong."

"You're never wearing another one unless I've got you in a collar and a leash," David said dryly.

"Does that mean we're going to go to the S&M club?" Xander asked.  "Fraser said it was really a nice place when he went in there to talk to someone."

David looked at him.  "Fraser went into an S&M club?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  David shuddered.  "Does Stan know?"

"I don't know.  Should I tell him?"

"Dial my phone, detective?"  He shrugged and dialed upstairs.  "Thanks.  Frannie, put Stan on.  Stan, did you know Fraser went into an S&M club?  He was telling Xander about how neat it sounded.  Sure. You do that."  He shook his head and it was hung up for him.  "Expect some yelling," he offered.  He went back to work.  "Get a haircut, dear."

"Yes, dear."  He went back to work.

David and Mortty shared a look.  "You're a better man than I am," Mortty assured him. "Where's your next night out?"

"The club where we didn't get hit on.  I'm ignoring his desire to go back to Vegas for a few days.  He wants to go salsa dancing out there."

"Yeah," she snorted.  "I'm sure he did.  Need a new car?"

"No, we're pretty good on cars.  The insurance fixed the cars after the last time they got hit.  Why, did you?"

"No, I'm good with my car."  She grinned at him.  "Can Xander be my sugar daddy?"

"Ask him, sweetie.  Ask him."

She giggled and went to ask him if he'd adopt her.

The IAD guy shook his head.  "You guys lighten my life so much."  He went to hand Xander the envelope.  Then he went to share this with his boss, stopping to remind the guy on the desk to call him if any more envelopes like that showed up for Xander, David, or Greg.  This time he decided to add Mortty as well since she was sucked into their circle of influence and power.  Another one corrupted by the awesome power of Xander, but at least she'd never turn into a serial killer.  She was already too warped in the other direction for that.

Ballistics In The Press

Xander looked at the guy walking up to him in the entryway, then shrugged at the desk sergeant.  "I don't know, man.  It happens.  Any other bad news?"

"No, not a bit," he offered.  "You guys okay down there?  I heard the heat blew again."

"It did but I fixed that," Xander noted dryly.  The guy coughed and he looked at him again.  "You needed to see which client?"

"I'm CSI Terrence Bailey.  I just got hired to work here?"

Xander nodded and shook his hand.  "CSI Harris, Ballistics and Trace. Tell us if you hear anything more about that vandal, Toby.  I'll lead the new guy down then up to Welsh if Ray isn't in."

"That's fine.  Welsh hasn't come in yet.  He may have tonight off."

"Wonderful," he noted dryly, nodding his head.  "Come on, Bailey.  Time to meet your death and devise your own punishment."  He opened the door and headed down the stairs.  "All the CSI labs are down here."

"You don't have security?"

"That's what desk sergeants are for," he noted patiently. "Besides, usually I'm enough of a deterrent for anyone to think twice, along with our head, Vecchio.  Yo, Ray!" he called.  "New boy's here!"

"In Trace," Ray called back.

Xander nodded, leading the way back there.  He walked in and looked at the sample.  "Blood and ash.  Looks like they tried to wash it normally but the ash probably set the stain."  He looked at David.  "That's what happened to the blue t-shirt you gave me."

"I remember.  Think we can get DNA?"

"Probably.  As long as it wasn't washed in bleach.  Mortty!"  She bounced across the hall, giving him a hug and a grin before looking at the stain.  "DNA capable?"

"Maybe.  I can try."  She grinned at the staring guy.  "Hi, I'm Mortty."  She took the shirt back across the hall.  "Ray, that mouse is back!" she yelled.  Something heavy hit the floor.  "Never mind!"

"Thanks, Mortty, I'll have the guys put out more traps."  He looked at the guy.  "With one of the local buildings burning down the other day, all the mice have moved here.  They'll be gone within a day and Xander's dog does pretty good hunting them.  So, you're a what sorta tech?"

"Field," he said, looking very cautious now.

David smirked at him.  "You'll do fine.  Right out of college?"

"No, I was working in Houston but I did my college in Maryland."  He looked from Xander, who was wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans, to Ray, who was wearing a suit and tie, to David, who was doing jeans and a nice shirt.  Then he remembered the DNA tech.  "Is it dress down day?"

"Only the field techs *have* to look presentable," Xander offered dryly.  "No one can see us down here unless the mayor or the Chief brings down the press."

"He's hunting you again," Ray noted.

"Fuck. Can I throw on a better shirt and head into the field?"

"Nope.  He ordered you to stay here."  He looked over Xander's outfit.  "I might change, Harris.  Really.  It's about that pesky reward for pouncing the thief last month."  Xander walked off muttering.  "Sorry, he hates medals and certificates."  He led the guy out.  "Did you get the introductory lessons and the information packets with the PD rules?" he asked.  The guy nodded.  "Good.  You've filled out all the paperwork I'm assuming?"  He nodded again.  "Even better.  Let me call someone so they can start you in the field with them until you start to learn the town."  He called one of the guys on his cell.  "Tracey, you busy yet?  No, new guy, Bailey, is here.  Yeah, him."  He looked him over.  "Suit and tie presently.  Why?"  He shuddered.  "I did enough of that with Benny.  Sure, come get 'im."  He hung up.  "I'd change into jeans and a t-shirt.  They've got a case with a lot of mud, slime, and fish."

"We don't have jumpsuits?"

"You do but they're not waterproof, kid.  Go change.  He'll be here in about ten minutes."

"Um, sure."  He headed back upstairs and got his bags from his car, bringing them to the locker room by following a cop taking off his tie.  "Hi, CSI Bailey," he introduce when the guy gave him a funny look.  "We just take an empty locker?"

"Sure, that's fine.  CSI have theirs along the wall," he said, pointing.  "Which tech are you?"

"Field.  I'm the new field guy."  He walked that way, finding an empty locker.  It was even dusted, so he was impressed.  He laid out his supplies methodically and got undressed, changing into something less good.  He turned and found another cop watching him and shrugged.  "I'm new.  Just started today.  CSI Bailey, field."  He grinned.  "I already met Harris and Vecchio."

"Detective Vecchio's one of the hardest asses in this city," the cop offered.  The others in the locker room with them laughed.  "He is, but he's good and he's thorough.  He tends to take a 'kill it' approach but with what he gets into it's reasonable.  You say you met Harris?"  He nodded, grimacing a bit.  The guy laughed.  "Yeah, apparently you did.  Is today a t-shirt day?"

"He had on a plain blue one but the guy in the Trace lab and Vecchio said the Chief was coming. Something about a reward so he came to change."

"You'll understand soon enough.  A word of advice, Bailey.  Either hide behind Harris if shooting starts, or hide somewhere far out of the way if they're firing on him.  Harris is one of the guys who subs for SWAT and he's *good* at what he does.  That's why some people want him and some people want him dead," he offered.  The guy nodded slowly.  "Harris is a big goofball and they're all family down there.  Him and his husband David, the guy in Trace, are really tight.  It's just that trouble likes Harris.  Who did they stick you with tonight?"

"Um, some woman named Tracey?"

"CSI Tracey, that's his last name.  He's good.  He's one of our senior people.  There's only two higher in the department than he is and one's a transfer with twenty years of experience.  They've worked with Xander on serial cases before, let him advise you about Harris.  Just remember, he's a geek, a goofball, and people don't fuck with Harris.  We don't get fucked with because people don't fuck with Harris.  His first instinct is to blow it up, shoot it up, or stab it a lot."  The guy whimpered. "He's a nice guy as long as you're not on the wrong side.  Just remember that."   He grabbed his hat and walked out.  "If you're heading with Tracey, expect to need to change again," he called.  "They're dealing with a possible homicide on a fishing boat.  Lots and lots of fish guts from what I heard."

"In the lake?" he demanded, shaking his head.  "I didn't think you had a fishing industry."

"Not much of one," one guy offered.  "Enough for some of the local markets.  Personally, I wouldn't eat anything outta the lake, but that's just me."  He came over.  "Listen, Bailey.  The twenty-seventh not only has Harris and Vecchio, we also have two Mounties and their captured man, who is the city's other badass.  Detective Kowalski, not to be confused with his ex-wife who is DA Kowalski.   If you can get along with one of them you'll be okay with all of them.  Don't try to out macho Harris or Vecchio, they'll win.  Harris was raised by some warped girls who didn't teach him about guy stuff, but he's fairly macho and heavy about the harder things in life.  He's also the guy you go to when you need to talk about a shooting.  He's been there and done that a lot as he puts it."  Bailey nodded, looking confused. "Get on their good sides.  It'll make everything easier.  As long as you get along with one, you'll be fine.  Harris is really respectable for being gay.  He doesn't do much hiding in the closets, unlike the Mounties from what we've heard," he offered with a small smirk.  "Just let them get to know the real you.  Don't try to pretend, pull airs, or anything like that.  You will lose their respect if you do that.  Now, you got a speciality we should call you first about?  Bugs, strange stuff, birds?"

"No, I haven't really done anything like that," he offered quietly.  "Strange stuff?"

"Again, Harris.  It's part of his former life.  He's one of about fifteen in the department.  We around here usually just call him and describe it.  He answers and hardly ever has to come out with the younger Mountie.  Another thing, you gay?"  He shuddered and shook his head.  "You're gonna be working with a few.  Ray's straight as a nun's ruler, but Harris and Hodges are married.  We all attended the wedding.  Kowalski is in deep with his Mounties."

"Hell, with the way they go at it, you'd think they were trying to conceive," one guy joked.

"That's a really bad thought, Perkins!" that first guy complained, turning and throwing the socks in his hand at him.  "I didn't need to imagine a pregnant Mountie!  That's just disgusting!  They eat enough odd things as is!"  He looked at their new field tech.  "Just be yourself and let it ride for now.  You'll be fine."

"Are the rest of them normal?  I met the DNA tech, Mortty?"

"Mortty?  She's cool.  She's a bit goth and badass herself, but she's good," he offered with a small smirk.  "She's also very hot and *loves* Xander.  If he wasn't taken, she'd have him wrapped in her little velvet gloved hand within a minute."

Xander walked in and looked at them.  "Don't scare the new guy off me!" he whined.  "Gods, guys!  It's not like I'm as bad as you think!  Just because people come after me and some gang kids run!"  He walked over to his locker, grabbing his jacket out of it.  "I spilled my soda," he complained, grabbing another shirt to put on as well. "Stupid Chief jumped in and surprised me while I was typing a report."  He looked at the new guy.  "One piece of very firm advice, Bailey.  If someone's shooting around us and not directly at me or Ray, hide behind us or Stan.  Or one of the Mounties.  If they're shooting at any of us, hide under a table or something.  It'll keep you alive."  He wrote down a few numbers.  "Okay, that's Dispatch, Ray's desk, and he's playing Tetris at the moment, and my office.  I've got the fax machine, just add a number and it's the fax line.  Put those into your cell and make sure you remember them.  Got it?"  He nodded.  "Good.  Tracey was pulling up as I walked in.  He's the guy with the wild red streaks.  He lost a bet and Mortty got to play with his hair."  He put on his lab coat and fussed with his hair for a moment. "Pretty enough to be filmed hating myself for getting a reward?" he asked the cops.  They all nodded so he left, going back downstairs.

Bailey closed his locker and put his lock on it, heading out to look for the CSI in question.  He found him chatting and put on his bravest smile.  "You must be CSI Tracey?  Harris said you were taking me around?"

"I am.  Got a jumpsuit yet?" He shook his head.  "Yo, Rory!" he called.  "Newbie needs gear!"  The guy looked abashed and went back to get his processing kit, coming back to get his jumpsuit as well.  "Thanks, Rory," Tracey offered with a small grin.  "Love ya, man.  We're dealing with fish so be ready."  He walked the guy out.  "Forget whatever they told you," he offered as they walked outside.  "Harris is a nice guy.  Hodges is a great guy, if a bit sarcastic and moody sometimes, and Vecchio earned his respect long ago.  Kowalski is doing two Mounties, but it makes him sane and happy, we like that.  Never feed Harris or Kowalski or the wolf chocolate.  That will get you yelled at and possibly swatted by Vecchio or Welsh.  Just be yourself and you'll do fine.  Pretty soon we'll warp you so you fit right in around here."  He opened the car door, letting him inside.  He walked around to get in, then frowned at something in the doorway.  "Hey, the third Mountie.  I'll be right back."  He tossed in the keys.  "Go ahead and start it to turn on the heater."  He walked off, going to talk to him.  No one had seen this Mountie yet.  "Which one you lookin' for?" he called as he walked.  Then he ducked and winced, looking back at his car.  "Fuck.  Go inside, tell the sergeant to call fire and our ME."  He nodded, hurrying inside.  "Huh.  Lost my bet on how long before Harris drove him mad," he noted bitterly.  "I coulda used that pot."  Ray and Xander came rushing outside.  "Boss, I handed him the keys so he could turn on the heat while I asked the new Mountie which one he was looking for."

"New Mountie?" Xander asked.

"I sent him to the desk, didn't you see?"  Xander shook his head and went back inside, but came out shaking his head.  "I know he was here."

"I'm not doubting you," Xander offered. "But you can buy a Mountie costume anywhere around here," he suggested with a grin.  "He look off?"

Tracey thought back, then nodded.  "Yeah, actually he did.  His boots were brown, not black.  They also weren't shiny like Benny's or Turnbull's.  That and I think his belt thingy that goes over the shoulder was on the wrong side.  It looked off.  Kinda loose too."

"Well, the wrong shoulder is a sign of a higher rank," Xander offered.  "But it still wouldn't be *loose*.  I'll pull the security tapes. Maybe he's the bomber."  He went to do that, taking them down to the AV lab.  "Look at the Mountie.  Tracey said his belt was loose and his boots were wrong."  The guy nodded, they all knew what proper Mounties looked like around there.  He walked back outside, waiting while the fire department hosed down the car.  Tracey went back to his site.

***

David walked into Ballistics and looked around before closing the door and leaning against it.  "You okay?"

"He seemed okay," he offered.  "I didn't really know him enough to grieve for more than a guy who got killed."

"You sure?"  He walked closer, giving him a hug.  "Are you backed up?"

"Crissy didn't come in today," he reminded him, stealing a kiss.  "I love you."

"I love you too, Xander."  He gave him a cuddle.  "Rennie wanted to go home to Ottawa over the weekend and he invited us to go with him."

"Eeeeh," Xander sighed, looking at him.  "Did you want to go?"

"It's a pretty city and there's a Star Trek convention," he offered. Xander beamed and kissed him hard, making him moan.  "Not in the office," he said, pulling back.  "I take it that's a yes?"

"Please," Xander begged.  "Can we get rooms at the hotel?"

"I checked and they said they still had a few."  He grinned at him.  "Will you be a good boy?"

"I'm always a good boy," he promised, grinning slightly wickedly.  "I didn't even make a face when I accepted the check.  I was a good boy all day."

"You were," he agreed, stealing a quick kiss.  "I'll let you get back to work.  What did you want for lunch?"

"I don't care.  What's open?"

David grinned.  "Chinese, pizza...."

"Pizza or the Greek place if it's open."

"We'll order from there before we come in tomorrow."

Xander nodded, letting him go back to work.  "David, can I have turkey and hot pepper later?" he called.

"You're an odd man, Xander Harris, and you eat like a pregnant woman!"

"Sorry, dear."  Mortty came in and hugged him.  "What?  Am I being fired?" he asked, frowning a bit.  "I was a good boy."

"I know you were, I was hugging you because you were such a good boy and didn't run from the big plastic check this time."  She patted him on the cheek.  "Are we doing pizza?"  He nodded.  "David, order a real pie.  I want some too," she called.  She kissed him on the cheek and bounced off again.

David shook his head, closing the connecting doors.  "We have some odd friends," he noted, getting back to work. His load was light tonight.  He even called in the pizza order since he knew what they both liked on theirs.

***

Xander looked up from his paperwork, noticing the people in the doorway of his lab.  "What?" he asked, his hand inching toward his gun.  "Did you need something in this lab?" he asked politely.

"CSI Harris?" one asked.  He nodded slowly.  She smiled and walked in, handing him a card.  "Here, because you're helping crime go down."  She leaned across the desk to hug him then backed off.  "Thank you."

"You're, um, welcome.  I guess.  I'm just doing my job.  Really."  They smiled.  "Here, let me get you my boss so he can pass on your comments to the Chief.  Ray!" he called, trying to sound calm.  No answer.  He called him.  "Ray, there's a group of people here who want to praise me and just gave me a card.  They'd like to give you comments to pass up the chain."  He hung up. "He'll be right down.  He's at the desk getting the mail."  He grinned, forcing himself to relax.  "So, are you relatives of officers?"  They all shook their heads.  "Huh.  A fan club?" he suggested.   That got some giggles and a few nods.  "Okay, I guess that's cool.  Ray!" he called, hearing a door shut.  He walked back there.  "These nice people just gave me a card," he said, showing it to him.  "They thanked me for helping take down crime."

"You're good at that," he agreed, smiling at them.  "That was very nice of you.  Did you want to fill out some compliment forms?"  They nodded and followed him.  He looked at Xander, who shrugged.  "Fine," he mouthed.  He took the card and walked it out to hang it on the wall.  That got a lot of smiles so he smiled back and got them some complaint forms and handed them over with pens. "Here, these'll do.  I'll correct the header later."  They sat around the main table, writing nice comments about Xander.  He sat down to sort the mail, finding two for Xander that seemed to be personal.  He got up to walk them back there, then paused in Trace to scan them.  You never could be too careful about Xander's mail.  David looked at him, then the letters, then found the scanner without a comment.  "He's got a fan club."

"I knew that but I thought most of them came from the clubs," he noted dryly.

"Apparently not.  They gave him a nice card."  He scanned the letters, putting one carefully aside.  "Dave, go *get* the bomb guys.  Do not call, it might set it off," he warned.  He nodded, calmly heading out and jogging up the stairs once he was out of sight.  He could call from the front desk.  He couldn't run up three flights of stairs for money.  Ray came out and smiled, taking the forms.  "Thank you, ladies.  That's very nice that you support your local police department.  But for right now, we're going to have to clear the lab.  Someone just sent us a questionable envelope and it's got to be checked."

"That anthrax stuff?" one asked, pouting a bit.

"We don't think so but we can't be sure yet.  So we're going to have to evacuate all of you upstairs. All right?"  He smiled winningly.  They smiled and he got the rest of the forms then they shook his hand or kissed his cheek before walking off.  He took a deep breath and hit the emergency button for the lab-wide announcement system.  "People, Xander just got sent a letter bomb.  Cover and leave for a bit.  All but you, Harris."  He let it go and shook his head as the SWAT guy came in.  "It's on David's table.  Please don't destroy the lab."

"I'll try really hard not to."  He walked back there, watching as everyone left orderly.  Another thing Xander had helped with. He found the letter on the table and scanned it, then looked at the other one laying out, then scanned it.  It came up to be the one he wanted so he carefully lifted it and carried it out to the main table.  He noticed the forms, tipping his head to read them.  "Interesting.  Harris, fan club?"

"I don't know," he offered, opening his other piece of mail.  He looked at it, then groaned and handed it over.  "It explains why I'm getting a letter bomb.  I love you, man.  Have fun with that."  He walked off shaking his head. "David, they sent a letter explaining *why* they sent me a letter bomb," he called as he walked.  David just shook his head.  "I left it with the SWAT head," he told Greg, who was pulling on some gloves.  "Ray...."

"Not my fault, kid.  Who was it?"

"He signed it an 'anonymous mob guy'," he said sarcastically.  "I so wanna go rid the city of the families, just in case!"  David pulled him closer, patting him on the back.  "I know, but it's dumb!  He sent me a *letter* explaining *why* he sent me the letter bomb!"

"I'll smack him around when we find him," Ray promised.  Only Xander.  He turned and walked outside, going to laugh in private with Kowalksi and Turnbull.  David and Greg joined him a minute later, leaning on each other to laugh.  "Only Xander."

"Yeah, only him," David agreed.  "I don't know how he does it."

"It's not my fault!" Xander whined from behind them.  "It's not funny either!  It's pathetic!"  He stomped off.  "I'm going out!" he yelled as he walked.  "Where people won't laugh at me!"  He got into his car and slammed the door, heading off.

Ray and Stan looked at each other, then burst out laughing again.

***

Xander was led into the unit by the handcuffs, glaring at the guys around them.  "I was being good!  Let me go!"

"You were out without an escort, you had to run from a woman, that's not being good!" the cop complained.  He drug him up the stairs and to Welsh's office.  He tapped gently and the door was opened. "Sir, someone let Harris out clubbing without an escort."

"I thought you were on tonight," he said, looking at Xander.

"I was, but then they sent me a letter bomb and a letter explaining the bomb," he said bitterly.  "I walked off since they were laughing at me and I couldn't work anyway."

"Fine.  Let him go, officer.  I'll take charge of him."

"Sir, I should warn you, he was running from about six women who were cooing and wanting to protect and cuddle him.  I'd also suggest you check his pockets since this fell out when I caught him," he said, handing over something from his pocket.  "I don't know how he does it, but please have Sanders and Hodges find out so it can be bottled."  He released Xander and walked off shaking his head.  Only Harris.

Xander glared at him. "I was saving my sanity and my lab was blocked off.  Is it unblocked yet?"

"No.  You're still in protective custody until we figure out who.  Where is your husband?"

"He was laughing," he said bitterly, pouting a bit.  "Can't I go home?"

"No!" he snorted, shaking his head.  "No way in hell, Harris.  Into the office.  I'll call to get you an escort to wherever your spouse is."  He let him flop down onto the couch.  "Since you're here, empty the pockets."  He handed over the paper bag from his lunch, watching as he took off his shirt and undid his pants before letting things out of his pockets.  He tried not to look when the kid dug into his boxers, but it was hard not to.

Stan came to the door, leaning over to watch Xander.  "Ants?" he asked hopefully.

"No, emeralds and pearls."  He dropped the earrings into the bag and wiggled a bit, letting something fall out his pantsleg.  He patted himself down then frowned.  "I had my ID and badge, right?"

"It's on your desk," Greg called as he came in.  He looked at him, then shook his head.  "He should beat you for being dumb."

"Oh, fuck off!"

"Sorry."  He walked in and hugged him.  "We didn't want to laugh but we couldn't stop."  He patted Xander on the back, looking at his chest.  "Since when did you have a tattoo?"

"Since the trip to LA."  He put back on his shirt after shaking something out of it and dropping it into the bag.  He handed it over and stomped off.  "I'm going home!"

"You're going to a hotel," Welsh called.

"If they want me that badly, I'll be at home and I'll mine the damn yard!  I'm not running from some stupid jerk who wrote that letter!"  He headed out to his car, but the ME stopped him and turned him around, walking him back inside. "Let go," he said impatiently.

"Can't do that, Xander.  There's a small assault that just happened and it's a crime scene."

"So?  It's not like I can't hop over the body."  He got free and headed out the other exit, walking around the building.  He found someone leaning against his car and looked at Ray.  "What!" he demanded.  He got in and slammed the door, then started the engine, gunning it a bit.  Ray did move so he didn't have to run him over, but right at that moment he wasn't really caring a whole lot.  He headed home to turn on the extra special security system he had installed, and the normal one of course.  "It's not like I can't disarm anything that the punk could throw," he muttered as he drove.  His phone rang and he continued to ignore it.  He parked, got out, slammed into the house, slamming the door behind him and stomped into his office to start the security system.  Someone stepping wrong on the lawn would either set off a really loud, obnoxious alarm, or would set off a low-charge land mine.  Their choice of path of course. He heard the door slam and slammed his office door too, locking it.

"That's not saving you," David called.  He pulled out his old ID card and jimmied the door, walking in and slamming it.  "What are you doing here!"

"I'm tired of running!  I also don't want to be laughed at again."

David grimaced.  "I'm sorry but it was funny."

"No it wasn't!  It's pathetic!"

"Pathetic can be funny."

"Not in this case," he said sullenly.

David moved closer, tipping his face up. "We weren't laughing at you, we were laughing at him.  Now, are you done with your male PMS for the month?  Because we shouldn't be here."

"I've got the special system armed."

"I thought I told you to take that down and the SWAT chief ordered you too."

"I've been too busy to."

"Xander!  You can get arrested for that."  Outside a mine went off and an alarm.  "See!"  They went out to look.  The mine only threw up dirt, it wasn't enough to really hurt someone.  That person, however, was cowering on their lawn begging for some merciful saint to come save him.  David opened the door, leaning out.  "Hey, did you write the letter?"  He looked up and nodded, still whimpering.  "Good.  Stay there.  There's more mines all around you."  He closed the door.  "Go disarm it before someone else shows up," he said quietly. Xander muttered the whole way back to his office but he did so because the alarm quit going off.  He sighed in relief, rubbing his aching forehead.  Xander came back so he grabbed him, making his mate look at him.  "You're in trouble.  You knew you were in trouble when you left tonight and I'm not happy you came back here when there was a danger."  Someone knocked so he looked out, then opened the door.  "Didn't I tell you to stay there?"  He looked and Xander's gun was already in his hand.  "Thanks, dear."

"You're gay!" the man demanded.

"Yeah," Xander agreed, smirking a bit.  "Happily gay and married to my husband with a dog.  Why?  You got something against us?"

He backed off, looking even more upset and confused now. When the cops pulled in he pointed at them. "They're gay!  They're not just dangerous but they're gay!"

"I know that, dipshit, I went to his wedding," Huey yelled back.  "Get over here!  Harris, that had better not have been a land mine!"

"I removed the explosive charge," he called from inside.  "They're only throwing enough dirt to scare you."

"I don't care, dig them the hell up!" he yelled back.

"Yes, Detective Huey," he sighed, going to find his shovel and do that.   If Huey was yelling it was bad.  He'd have to comply before he got yelled at for weeks on end.   Though, he decided, Welsh would probably be amused again.  He looked up at the discreet nozzle above his head, then grinned at his mate.

"And the flamethrower that you use against the Mormons and the Avon Lady," Huey added, having seen the look.  Stan had shared that bit of information around the office, just in case someone was having a bad day and turned it on them for showing up at eight in the morning.  "Now, Harris!"  He looked over as the SWAT van pulled into the driveway.  "He claims he took out the explosive charges."

"I can see that.  Before they would have blown up the entire lawn.  Did you order him to remove them again?"

Huey looked at him.  "And the flamethrower nozzle above the doorway Stan helped him install."

The head of SWAT just shook his head and walked up to the door.  David pointed down the hall, going back to the living room.  "I promise to only yell a bit."

"He's disabling the fuel tank on the flame thrower."

"Any other nasty surprises?"

Hodges looked at him. "Like he tells me," he said dryly.  "He knows I'll complain if he tells me about something like the back doorknob being electrified while the security system is on.  Thankfully he took that down after it got Greg late one night."  He picked up his book, starting to read.  "He's in the basement."

"Thanks."  He walked that way, knowing about the house from many events when the couple let everyone come over to watch games on their bigger than average tv.  He opened the door.  "Harris!" he bellowed.

"I'm disabling it," he whined back.  "Go away!"

"Fat chance!"  He headed down there to look over his shoulder, noticing the other things down there.  "Who was growing what?"

"Dawn's growing some magical herbs for her Wiccan and magic stuff," he said as he worked.  He finished sealing off the tank then disconnected them.  He capped that tube and dusted himself off as he went upstairs to fire it one last time.  It had scared the Mormons who had woken him up very badly, they had left a trail of wetness most of the way down the driveway.  The perp screamed as it went off, but Xander only smirked before letting it run out of fuel.  "Try it again," he called.  "After all, they can only complain about the stuff that's already here, not everything!"  He waved and slammed the door. "Boss, they're ready to go and you're blocking them."

David looked at his mate.   "Sit, Xander," he said calmly.  "I think it's time we discussed corporal punishment."  Xander snorted but sat across from him, staring him down. "You knew it was stupid to do when you took off."

"You laughed at me!"

"I laughed at the situation!"

"You still laughed at me."  He got up and went up to his tower room, slamming that door since the dogs were in there already.  He had a few spare pillows and a nice recliner in there for his napping and reading pleasure.  The dogs were even nice enough to share with him and cuddle under the blankets. He was asleep before David quit ranting at the walls to give him time to calm down and came searching for him.

***

David looked up as his kitchen was invaded by the dogs, letting them outside.  "Xander, come eat!"  The front door slammed and he smirked a bit, looking at the parts he had removed from the cars.  Both their cars.  Stan had told him how.  He went back to fixing breakfast, putting a plate down at his mate's usual seat when the door slammed again.  He opened the back door and the dogs ran inside, they didn't like the cold weather that much, unless Xander was playing with them in the snow.  "Better, guys?"  They barked so he fed them and refilled the self-waterer, then dished up his own breakfast and brought it to sit down and eat.  Xander stormed into the kitchen so he pointed at the plate. "Eat."

"No."

"Now."

"I'm not hungry."

David grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer, making Xander stare at him.  "Just admit that you did something stupid and the fight ends.  I'm sorry I laughed at you.  I was still more laughing at the idiot who sent the letter. You're the one who ran off when you should have been in protective custody."

"I didn't need it."

"You did need it, Xander."  His husband got free and sat down, glaring at him from across the table.  David pushed over the plate.  "Eat."

"I'm not hungry.  I'm also not helpless and I'm tired of running from those sort."

David put down his fork and drained some of his coffee before he started to yell.  "It's only wise to protect yourself, me, Greg, and the dogs.  Yes, you can, but you're still only one guy.  Sarah's not an attack dog and Greg and I can't fight that well."  Xander slumped a bit more.  "I don't know why they like you either, but I'm tired of it, Xander.  I'm tired of having to run and all that stuff.  I don't want to keep going to a hotel or back to the station for protection."

"See!  I can ...."

David kicked him under the table.  "You can't.  You're one guy and even you have to sleep sometimes."  He stared him down and Xander sighed and nodded.  "I'd rather not have to do this at all.  Can we find some way to make sure they can't get to us or they quit coming after us?"

"I quit and hide on the top of a mountain?" he suggested bitterly.

"That might work, but then I'd get cold at night.  No one else would ever put up with my feet."  Xander cracked a small grin at that.  "Or our dog's nose in the belly button or her snoring into the same belly button."  He reached over and made Xander look at him again.  "I love you and I realize that others come after you because they want to get the major roadblock out of the way.  I realize that Stan and his boys have the same problems.  I'm just wondering why they come after you since you're not in the field.  Is it the scary reputation?  Is it the cases you've already worked?  Is the main guy over the city paranoid about you?"

"We belong to the same gun club," Xander admitted quietly, giving him the puppy eyed look.  "He's a bit scared of me.  I won the last club tournament.  He'd won the last ten in a row.  He threatened me the last time I saw him so I pulled out my badge.  He only laughed."  He shrugged a bit.  "I wasn't trying to egg him on, David."

"I know."  He gave Xander's hand a squeeze.  "I know you don't try and people consider you scary anyway.  Could he have heard about your past?"

"Maybe.  It's not like that's a well-hidden secret."  The phone rang and he picked it up.  "I'm having a heart-to-heart with my mate, Welsh, can't it wait?"  He listened then snorted.  "LA has plenty of criminalists and ballistic techs.  Why do they want me specifically?"  He listened and looked at David, then shook his head.  "No, sorry.  Not unless David wants to move and he's left LA once."  David shuddered.  "Nope.  He doesn't want to even visit.  Sorry."  He hung up.  "LA came recruiting."

"LA can bite me," he noted. "They're all assholes."  He gave Xander's hand another squeeze.  "I know you don't want them to come for you."

"No, but he's making me either hide and defend us, or go after him."

"That's going to put even more pressure, Xander.  They'll really be after you then."

Xander stared him down.  "I know that.  Why do you think I told OCB about it?  They told me to calm down and hide.  That I bruised his pride."

"You may have, but ...."  The phone rang again and he growled as he picked it up.  "What?" he demanded coldly.  "I don't care. You can tell.....  Henrietta.  Nice to hear from you again.  Yes, this is," he said in his most smooth, kissing ass, politically benefitting voice.  "No, actually Xander is my spouse.  Yes, a male.  Yes, I realize that.  No, but I'm also not letting him go back to LA.  He did his training out there.  He had people out there who want to kill him as well.  So, no, I don't think he'll be going back to LA.  Neither will I."  He rolled his eyes "Henrietta, dear, think about it.  We have a good salary, many good friends, Xander's high up in the lab here, and Ray pretty well babies him when he's having a bad day, like last night when he got a bomb threat.  We own our house, we have a dog, his almost-sister is living here.  Why would either of us want to go back?"  He smirked a bit more evilly now.  "No, Henrietta.  If you want him, you get me as well.  We're part of a package deal you see.  That's why we're married.  Hey, consider this, he makes me be nice to people."  He heard the shocked gasp on the other end and his evil smirk got brighter and broader.  "Exactly.  That's *my* spouse and where one goes, the other goes.  Since I don't want to work for LA and he doesn't want to live in LA, neither of us are going to LA.  You can tell whoever suggested him that.  Oh, really?  No, we'll call him ourselves in a few minutes.  Thank you for that information."  He hung up.  "Angel wants you back," he sneered. "He suggested the LA crime lab should hire you."

"Fuck LA, I don't wanna be there.  There's way too many demons and I like the clubs here better."  David smirked at that.  "I didn't ask for that stuff last night."

"Again!"

"Again," he sighed, slumping down and putting his elbows on the table so he could rest his chin in his hands.  "Some pretty jewelry, but I don't want it. I just want to find out what's going on that makes them come for me and get rid of it."

David smiled, nodding.  "I'd like that too."  He stood up and gave him a kiss.  "Eat, before I spank you again.  Not that you don't deserve it for not removing the mines and having that flamethrower system."

"I only scared the missionaries away with it," he offered in his best 'hurt little boy' voice.

David snorted. "Yeah, I saw you setting it off last night to 'clear the line'," he rebutted, staring him down.  "No more scary torture devices as security systems and remember, you're digging up the mines today."

"Yes, David," he sighed.

"Eat!"

Xander gave him a small, hopeful look.  "You won't laugh at me again, right?"

David stared at him for a moment.  He knew Xander had bouts of low self worth and all that stuff, but this was getting out of hand.  He looked truly pitiful.  "I wasn't meaning to last night," he offered quietly.  "What broke you this time?"

"The stupid reward."

"Dear, that means you did good.  You've got a skewed sense of 'good job' and 'quiet job'.  Rewards and medals are good things, things to celebrate."

"But I don't want to be seen and gawked over!  I don't want to be acknowledged or anything! I hate it!"  He got up to pace.  "I hate the whole damn process, Dave.  I hate the press, I hate the notoriety, I hate being stared at and asked questions to.  I hate it all.  Everything about that whole medal shit is bad to me."  He stopped and looked at his mate, his hands on his hips.  "I know you don't understand, but I don't want the fame, or the acknowledgment.  That more than anything will make me leave a job."

David got up and gave him a hug.  "I don't know why you're like this, Xander."

"I don't like being stared at."

"Ah."  Now he was starting to discover something and it clicked with the other things in Xander's life.  He was a private person.  He didn't want to have people know the real him, the one that very few saw beyond the goofy guy in the t-shirt.  He didn't want people to see how badly he wanted to hide.  It also confirmed what he thought about Xander's childhood abuse situation.  "How about this," he proposed.  "You call Welsh and tell him if you ever get another medal or certificate, you're not accepting it."

"He won't listen.  I tried that."

"Then let me."  He gave him a gentle kiss.  "You eat. I made you a good breakfast and you didn't get dinner."  He nodded, sitting down to eat, but pulling his mate closer to hold at the same time.  "It'll be fine."  He stroked through the dark hair.  "I promise, it'll be fine.  I'll go talk to Welsh while you're digging up the land mines."  Xander nodded, eating slowly but still holding him.  "Good boy.  Now, take a soda and go outside to dig.  Take the dogs if you want."  He nodded, going to get his jacket and gloves, plus his boots from the closet.  David called Welsh. "You up yet?" he asked once Xander was outside.  "No, we've got to talk.  You and the Chief need to lay off Xander.  Because he's a very private guy and he hates being put in the spotlight.  And you knew this.  He told you before that he was going to quit if he got any more awards.  He was serious about it.  That's half the reason he ran off last night, Welsh."  He listened to the calming words.  "Yes, but remember, Xander's not everybody.  No one ever rewarded Xander and you're making him panic and hide.  I had to sleep alone last night because you guys were making him panic and hide.  He can't go out and have fun because of the press that he's gotten and he's being threatened by one of the top family guys in the city because he's a better shot than him and the press he's gotten.  So lay off my man!"  He hung up and went to watch Xander dig with the dog's help. They were having fun and laughing so he smiled as Xander picked up a clot of dirt and tossed it for them to chase.

Greg wandered out, resting against his back, his chin on David's shoulder.  "He okay now? I wasn't going to come out while you two were fighting."

"He's fine.  They scared him by making him a spotlight person again."  He smiled and waved at Xander, who grinned back and got back to work.

"Why doesn't he just set them off?" Greg asked quietly.  "It'd be easier."

"That would get someone here to see what was wrong."  He called the station again, this time SWAT.  "Xander can't find all the mines in the yard so we're setting them off.  Don't come running."  He hung up and went to the doorway.  "Babe, bring the dogs inside and just set them off."  Xander beamed like an evil little kid with his mind-control toy being sold for Christmas, bringing the dogs inside so he could arm the system and use the switch beside the door.  The front and back lawns both went up, letting him cackle grandly.  David kissed him gently.  "It's all right. You can be a good boy later and make up for making me sleep alone."  He went back to his book.  Greg could fix his own breakfast.  Xander stripped down to his boxers and a t-shirt, coming over to snuggle up against his side under the throw blanket.  He ran his hands through the hair while he read, listening for the first snore.  And the first sleep-grope.  It was an old habit from when they had been working such long hours and could only catch a nap together.

Greg peeked in then left, heading back to his room with his cereal.  He settled in at his desk and called Grissom, making him a happy guy too.

***

Their shift's ME stopped them before they could go inside. "You don't wanna do that," he noted.  Xander frowned.  "Welsh put up a big banner congratulating you for the reward."

Xander shook his head and walked in, heading up the stairs.  He walked into the office, put down his ID, his badge, and his issued gun, then turned and walked out.  "I told you to leave me alone!" he called as he headed down the stairs.  Then he went back to the car.  David could get a ride home with Greg.

David looked inside at the shocked faces.  "Xander doesn't want attention, people.  He's never wanted attention.  Did him *hiding* from the Chief and the Press miss you all?"

"We thought he was being coy," the desk sergeant offered.

David shook his head.  "No, he wasn't.  You guys just lost him because of this.  Feel proud."  He went down to his lab.  Xander wanted to be alone.  He did call and Xander actually answered his phone. "Want me?" he asked quietly.  He smiled.  "Sure, you curl up with Sarah on the couch.  I'll be here whenever you're ready to talk."  He hung up and put on his labcoat, getting ready to start work.  Ray slammed his door open and he jumped, glaring at him.  "Don't do that!"

"It's my lab!"

"Yeah, and now you have a vacancy to fill!" he shot back.  Ray flinched.  "You knew better.  Xander's presently hiding, talking to our ghosts in the attic because of that stunt.  I warned Welsh, he didn't listen.  You didn't listen.  Fucking well deal with it, Ray."

"That's not nice," Greg said from behind Ray.  He did smack Ray upside the back of the head though.  "When has Xander ever sought out attention?  Even in the clubs he's shy and usually starts out alone until someone comes for him.  He hates being put on the spot."  He looked at David.  "He okay?"

"He's talking to the ghosts."

"I've done that.  They're very nice people," he admitted.  David nodded.  "I'm headed out on a case.  Call me if I'm not back in time to take you home and I'll come back long enough."  He headed out, grabbing his kit on the way.

"Call your man and he either comes back or...."

"He handed everything to Welsh, Vecchio.  Do you think he's coming back?" David asked acerbically.  Ray winced.  "So, get over it.  You hurt Xander worse than we all did last night when we laughed at him for that stupid letter. And yes, that's what he thought it was before you ask.  And no, don't send your mother to talk to him either."

"He quit!"

"Hell yes he quit!  Xander wanted to be left alone!  Remember, he was more than happy thinking about going to Montana and having a dog.  He doesn't want any of that shit he's been getting.  No awards, no medals, nothing like it.  Especially not with the press involved!" he finished hotly.  "Xander's a very personal, private, shy guy and you hurt him, Ray.  You'd better get on your knees and *beg* if you want him back.  He warned Welsh he was going to quit if he didn't quit with the certificates and stuff, and I warned him earlier.  Then we came here to the banner and party.  You both knew better.  Hell, the blind guy who hangs out on the corner knew better!"

Ray nodded, backing down.  David was in full 'protect the mate' mode now.  "Sorry.  I'll talk to Welsh."

"Good! You do that!  Now get out, I have work to do!"  He fled and David glared, getting back to work.  Mortty came over and looked at him so he glared back. "Did you know about that?"

She shook her head.  "No, I saw it when I came in just now.  He okay?"  He shook his head.  "He here?"

"He quit."

"Oooh."  She winced.  "Welsh might not let him come back."

"I don't think he cares at the moment," David noted dryly.  "This is the same guy who refused to allow me to plan a birthday party, even with just our friends. They knew this wasn't going to go over well.  Welsh did the one thing he *knew* would make Xander quit because Xander and I both told him he would be quitting."

She walked over to hug him.  "I'm sorry, David.  It'll be okay."  He nodded, taking the comfort. "I'll go visit him in the morning, after I get off shift.  By then he should have calmed down and he'll still be up probably."

"Probably," he agreed, smiling a bit.  "Thanks, Mortty."

"Not an issue, David.  We like you two together.  He makes you a happier guy and you calm him down so I'm the loudest and bounciest."  She went over to her lab.

"Meeting!" Ray bellowed.

"Blow it out your ass, Ray, I'm already backed up!" she yelled back.  "And you'd better be borrowing knee pads to apologize to Xander!"

"No, Xander got over that fantasy," David noted to himself as he covered the evidence he had out and went out there for the meeting.  "I see you're still here," he noted bitterly.

"Welsh said it's up to the Chief if he wants to come back."  Ray stared him down.  "That wasn't my idea."

"Yeah, but I notice you didn't protest it either," David shot back.  Ray winced and sighed, but nodded to show he was right.  "Good, then you get what you deserve."  He went back to his lab, he had work to do.

***

Xander heard the doorbell but didn't really care.  Most of the people who he'd want to talk to today wouldn't be ringing it, they'd knock and walk in.  He looked outside and saw Stan and Benny.  "Must have been Benny."  He opened a window.  "What!" he demanded.

"Xan," Stan called, looking up at him.  "Are you all right?"

"No.  Do you actually care?"  Stan glared at him.  "Usually you'd come in."

"I didn't wanna be shot today," he countered, still glaring.  "Get down here and let us in."

"I'm not in the mood to talk, Stan.  Go away."  He shut the window and went back to his sulking with the ghosts trying to cheer him up.  He heard the front door slam; he hadn't thought it'd be that easy.  He glared at Stan as he came up the stairs.  "What!"

"You're a pissy bitch, Xander," he said dryly, hands on his hips, staring his friend down.  "Even worse'n Stella sometimes.  What crawled up you and died?"

"I hate being put out there like some prize stud as an advertisement for the damn farm, okay?"

Stan moved closer, sitting down in front of him.  "You've done that stuff before."

"And it keeps getting worse.  I told them to quit or else I was going to quit.  They didn't listen and when David tried to stop Welsh you saw what he did.  I'm apparently not wanted there.  They can fuck themselves with the guns for all I care at the moment."

"You don't mean that."

"Yeah I do.  I don't want to be recognized, I don't want medals, I don't want certificates, rewards, none of it.  I wanted to do my job, do it well, do it quietly, and have coworkers I could consider friends.  Since I can't do that, I can't work there."

"You'll be doing what tomorrow?" Stan demanded calmly.  "Working at McDonald's?"

"At least then no one'll wanna see me on the news."

"You'll be in trouble within a week."  He leaned forward, patting Xander on the face.  "Call the Chief, explain this to him."

"I have, he didn't listen."

"Fine.  Do you want David to?"

"He tried it with Welsh and again, he didn't listen.  I'm seeing a pattern here," he said in his most condescending, snarky voice.  "I wonder why."

Stan slapped him lightly.  "This is me, Xander.  You don't have to be that way."

"Just go away and be happy.  I wish you many happy arrests without chasing and no gunshot wounds."

"Fat chance."  He shifted closer.  "I'm here, you can talk to me."

"Talking won't make it better."

"Yeah, well, David's already blown up at Ray twice.  Welsh is even skulking around the office since Huey and Dewey are blaming him.  We don't want ya ta go."

"I can't work like that," he said, staring at him.  "I just can't."

"Fine," he agreed, standing up. "I'll go remind Welsh of that.  He knew better."  That got a faint smile.  "You're chilly, why don't you get some cocoa."

"I don't feel like it."

"You don't feel like chocolate?"  He shook his head.  "Maybe I should take you to the hospital again."  Xander grimaced, shaking his head.  "Fine.  Just get a blanket then. You're cold to the touch."  He walked out, going to chew his boss a new one.  When he got back to the station with Benny, he found him already being chewed a new one and pushed past the listening people to walk in there and slam the door in their faces.  "Do you two realize how much you've broken Xander!" he said coldly, nearly shouting. "He told you both to quit with the awards and shit, and he meant it!  Now you've fucking well lost him and it's your own goddamned faults!"  Both men glared at him.  "Oooh, yay, I'm shaking.  This is the same guy who hid from the first one.  This is the same guy who *refused* a birthday party, even just me and Ray and my boys being there, because he doesn't celebrate it.  How stupid are you!" he shouted.  He took a few panting breaths and glared again at Welsh.  "You knew long before you put that banner up that he'd take a runner.  Are you proud of yourself?  He won't even go drink cocoa now!  He doesn't feel like eating chocolate!"

"It was to protect him!"

"From what!  The mob guy he beat at the shooting contest who's not really alive!" he yelled back.  Welsh blanched.  "That's who's behind all those threats, Lieutenant.  If you got off your ass and listened to him and David, you'd know that!"  That got a flinch from the Chief.  He glared at him now.  "And you, you knew damn well to lay off Xander.  He asked politely.  He tried to hide from you.  Well, guess what!  You just lost us the best person in this fucking building, including the Mounties and you two!  I hope you're damn fucking proud of yourselves since he's sitting in his attic freezing to death at the moment and refuses to come down or talk to people thanks to you two.  How is this protecting him!"

"The notoriety...." the Chief started.

"Only makes the guy want him worse," Stan interrupted hotly, and the guy backed away from him.  "Xander beat him fair and square and now he's being a sore loser and you're rubbing his nose in it so he has to come after Xander.  Did you want to see them be blown up?"  The Chief shuddered.  "You damn near did!"  He glared at Welsh when he dared to move then back at the Chief again.  "You also lost him.  He won't be coming back.  He said all he wanted was to do the job well, quietly, and have some friends in the lab.  He had that until you and your line of medals and shit started.  Now he can't do that and you made the guy panic.  He's not like you and me; he never has been.  Take the fucking hint, every time you put him in the news, he gets another threat.  So either Xander'll have to go after the guy to stop him or else he'll be stopped by him!"  The Chief backed away another step and Stan followed. "You've put one of your best people in fuckin' danger for the sake of your department's pride.  Fuck the department, deal with the reality of the people in it!"

He walked out and slammed the door again, heading down to the lab.  "Vecchio!" he snapped from the doorway, storming inside.  "Get your ass over to Xander's and apologize or I'm taking you apart at the joints."  Ray gave him an amused look so he punched him, staring down at him since he was on the floor. "You hurt the kid, who you said was just like your little brother.  How often have you seen Xander shrink away from people!  Now get your ass over there!  He didn't even wanna eat chocolate or drink cocoa thanks to you three!"  He stormed off, going back to his desk, where everyone stayed far, far away until he got calmed down by Fraser.  Once he actually smiled at a bad joke, he was approached with a perp and got to deal with him for a bit.  They were all scared of him now so the process would go faster if he did them.

***

Xander glanced outside when someone pounded on the front door, seeing who it was.  It was the Chief so he wasn't moving.  He snuggled back into his cocoon of blankets and looked at the ghosts.  "I hate them."

"You need them," the former father pointed out.  "You were happy with your job until they did this."

"Yeah, well, they keep doing it, even after they knew how I felt about it and how much it was endangering me."  He snuggled in deeper as the door was pounded on again.  "I'm not talking to anyone."

The mother floated down, sticking her head through the door and scaring the cop standing there.  "Xander said he's not talking to anyone," she told him.  "He's very upset.  I doubt he'll be talking to anyone but Gregory and David later."  She withdrew, going back up the stairs.  Something caught her attention and she went to look, frowning a bit.  "Xander?  Can you come here please?  There's something here!"

Xander walked down the stairs, the blankets still around his shoulders and down into the root cellar that was under the stairs.  He found the reason for concern and sighed, squatting down to get a good look at it.  "Get me my tools and my cell please?" he asked quietly.  She nodded, going to move them and hand them over.  He grabbed the phone and his set of tools, taking off the blanket and using it to sit on.   The floor was really cold and so was he.  He could see his breath, but that wasn't really fogging up the timer at all.  Three hours.  Yay.  He checked the device, it seemed standard but something was off about it.  He used his picture phone to take photos then sent them to his boss up in SWAT.  "Check your email, tell me I cut the red wire.  No, it's in my root cellar.  Just look at the damn picture and tell me how to get rid of it!" he snapped.  "I'm not in the mood for people today! Yeah, well, go yell at the Chief and Welsh.  I give up but I don't wanna be blown up!  Yet!"

He looked at the phone when it was hung up and sighed, starting the tedious removal of the external casing, putting it on the blanket around him.  He came down to two sticks of TNT and one large chuck of C4, plus a small glass vial of something.  "Multiple choice, great," he said bitterly, looking at the wires.  His hand hesitated.  The little voice in his mind was screaming to not touch anything but he wasn't about to be blown up.  He looked at the display he hadn't disconnected yet then at the choices.  He tried to retrace it, finding one odd wire.  It was bare and it led under the explosives.  He carefully shifted closer, looking at the back side of the bomb.  There was another display.  It had about thirty minutes.  The top one was a decoy.  That display led back to the small vial.  The others would lend to the explosion but the vial was the main component.   That meshed with what the little voice in his head was screaming.  He was going to reach for the cap to undo it when his phone rang.  He looked at the number and answered it.  "What? No, I'm disarming a bomb in our root cellar, David.  About twenty-two minutes.  I don't know, it looks almost chemical.  No, the ghosts found it. Laters."

He hung up and bent over again. The wires were soldered onto the top.  He used his voltmeter to test the current.  It was hitched to the battery.  He couldn't unscrew it without disturbing the power line.  Not a good thing.  He checked, there was some give in the wires.  He used his pliers to lift up the container by the lid, unscrewing the bottom jar from it.  He sighed as it came off and he carefully put it farther away.  He checked the timers, then got to work on the remaining explosives.  The first timer went off with a fizz of noise when the electrodes hit the liquid that had migrated to the lid, but that was all.  He got up and went to tape off the container, feeling a bit dizzy.  "No, not a biological," he moaned.  He got everything into better containers and marked it, writing out a quick note to go with it.  The container of liquid was taped off and put aside first. If it had been biological, they'd need that separately.  He called his spouse when a second wave of dizziness hit, getting Ray instead.  "Put my husband on," he said quietly.  "I'm not arguing with you, Ray. Put my damn husband on!  Because I just dismantled a fucking bio bomb in my basement that's why!"  There was a pause and then Ray laughed.  "Fine.  Whatever."

He hung up and called Greg instead.  "Get here, there's a bomb in the root cellar.  It's already apart.  The liquid is in the plastic cup."  He had to grab onto the table.  "It's biological I think.  The bomb is still down here, neutralized.  Neither of the dogs have been down here, only me and the ghost.  I left the liquid separate and taped it off.  There's notes on what I did.  No, Greg, I'm telling you this because Ray laughed, the SWAT commander hung up, and I'm about to pass out."  He hung up and went to the doorway, locking it.  "Watch for Greg," he told the ghost.  "Keep the dogs upstairs."  She nodded, floating out to do that.  He sat down to watch the bomb, shivering again.  Now he was really cold.

***

David looked up as Greg came jogging in and grabbed a few pieces of equipment.  "What?  Xander didn't get the bomb in time?  Ray stole my phone when I told him about it."

"It was a biological liquid.  He's dizzy and about to pass out.  It's dismantled but I can't get him now."  He jogged back out, heading off with Ray by the simple expedient of dragging him out by his collar. "Ray, Xander just dismantled a bio bomb in our root cellar," he said as he drug him up the stairs.  "I don't think that's very funny.  I don't know why *you* do, but I really don't.  Now, I'm going to go check on the situation since he said it's dismantled and the liquid in it was off to the side, plus he was dizzy and about to pass out.  I expect there to be an ambulance within two minutes of me calling to say it's safe.  Do you understand?" he demanded coolly, dragging him outside now.  He ran into the guys from SWAT coming back.  "Why did Xander just dismantle a bio bomb?" he called as he drug Ray off.  He was starting to struggle now so he turned and hit him with one of the equipment cases.

"You better than anyone knows that Xander *never* calls for help unless he really needs it.  Now, get in my fucking car or else, Raymond."  He continued to walk, heading to his car.  He put the gear into the back and got in to drive, noticing Ray wasn't there, but he was heading for his own car.  "Good."  He sped off, lights going.  Xander never called for help, ever.  Xander only called after something was done, unless it was something he knew he couldn't handle alone.  There had been very few of those instances.  He pulled into his driveway and got out, pulling out the gear.  He checked the first meter and sighed.  It was swinging already, from over five hundred feet away.  He tried the second one, it was a radiation meter. It was going off the charts too.  He called it in. "Dispatch, this is CSI Sanders.  I'm at home.  There is evidence of radioactive and possibly biological agents in my house.  CSI Harris is still inside.  Repeat, still inside."  He looked over as Ray pulled up with Welsh.  "We need medical and he did say that the bomb was dismantled already."

"Affirmative, CSI Sanders, SWAT in route, along with EMTs.  Do not approach closer."

"No, I know better," he assured her.  He hung up and glared back at Ray, tossing over the meter.  "You tell me, Ray."  He got back in and pulled further up the driveway, going to take the bio readings from the back yard.  He called David.  "Root cellar is where?"  He nodded.  "Thanks.  I don't know, we're waiting on SWAT.  Um, I'm not sure yet where the dogs are.  Xander could still be fine.  It's just a precaution, David.  Calm down."  He hung up and walked back to the front of the house, nodding at the SWAT guy as he handed over his meter.  "Both our dogs are in there today, somewhere.  Heji!" he called.  The male ghost stuck his head out the attic window, scaring everyone around.  "Where's everything?"

"Xander and the whatever it is are in the root cellar, under the stairs.  The dogs are locked in the tower room, Gregory.  They weren't near it."

"Thanks.  Protect the dogs until Ray can grab 'em."  He pulled out his house keys, handing them over.  "There ya go."  He glared at the guy, making him flinch before heading to the door.  He glared at Ray, who took a step back and nearly behind Welsh.  "Good idea," he growled.

The SWAT commander opened the door and took a reading, then winced.  "I need decontam suits!" he called. "EMTs as well!"

"Fuck," Greg complained.  "Looks like I'm staying with Dawn tonight."  Welsh glared at him so he glared back.  "It's your damn fault!  Ray didn't listen, I'm betting he told the SWAT guys and they didn't listen.  How often does Xander call for help!"  Welsh shuddered, remembering the other two times.  One was a SWAT action that got well and truly out of hand with most of the team dead, and the other had been him pinned down by at least twenty gang members with guns and Xander with only one gun and no vest.  Greg looked back at the house as they came to get Xander and the pets out.  One of the SWAT guys carried out the dogs, putting them into Greg's car until they could be checked, then he went back inside to help with the stuff and Xander.  They had to break open the door of the root cellar, but that was fine.  They found everything laid out for them and the liquid set aside, handing that to the guy with the lead container to hold it in.  The bigger lead box for bombs got everything else and Xander was carried out by two of the guys so he could be handed over to the EMTs.  Greg watched them set up the first IV, then the second IV, and watched them take off.  He called David.  "Bad news.  Radiation and he's headed to the hospital. I don't know.  They didn't tell me."  He looked around, catching one guy's eyes.  "Hodges wants to know where he has to go wait!"

"Mercy!  They've got the only decontam rooms in the city," he called back.  "Tell him we're sorry."

"Not as sorry as you're gonna be, Harris quit today," he called back.  He put the phone back to his ear.  "Mercy, David.  Yeah.  The only possible spot.  I've got both dogs and we're heading to the vets right now.  Sure.  Thanks."  He hung up and went back to his car, getting in to pull around the potholes on the grass.  Their vet was very good and he called first.  "Sasha, hi.  Greg Sanders.  I've got mine and Xander Harris's dogs with me.  There was a radioactive bomb in our root cellar.  I'm not sure if they got exposed or not or if I did.  Yeah, I'm heading now.  Please."  He hung up.  They'd meet him outside with special carriers.  "It's all right, guys.  You'll be fine and so will daddy.  He's too stubborn not to be.  David would kill him if he's not all right."  He pulled into the vet's parking lot and around back, parking the car there.  They came over so he unlocked the doors, letting them take the dogs.  He got out and one of them scanned him for radiation, grimacing.  "Me too?"

"You too.  We called EMS, they said for you to head to Mercy as well.  Just in case.  Oh, the dispatcher said to tell you they think Xander only got a mild dose of radiation but he was a bit hypothermic by then."  He nodded, getting back in to drive off.  They took very good care of their dogs.   He pulled in beside the ambulance crew that was getting scrubbed down and got out, locking his car and heading over.  "CSI Sanders, reporting as ordered."

"Where did you go!" one of them shouted.

"I took our dogs to the vets.  I notified them on the way over too.  They're in decontam themselves.  Where do you want me?  Scrub down or not?"

"Not.  Inside," he said, pointing at the sealed plastic area.

"Crap, not this again," he complained, heading that way.  His things were taken and put into a special container while he was checked over and his clothes taken as well.  "I was just at a crime scene. You might bag those for the Henderson robbery case."  They nodded, making notes of that as well.  He saw the Police Chief on the news and glared at his threats to whoever had mined one of 'his' CSI's houses.  "Ya know, you'd think since Xander quit today, that he wouldn't make such statements in front of the press."

"Why?" one nurse asked, taking his blood pressure again. "Do you usually run low?"

"Yeah, a bit.  I'm a pretty calm guy."  He looked at her.  "Because they kept giving him press and he hates it.  He absolutely hates having his privacy invaded.  He hates being rewarded, he hates medals, all of it.  They kept doing it to him though so Xander walked in today and handed over everything."  He shrugged, wincing a bit.  "Can I have a soda at least?"

"Juice or water.  Nothing else," the nurse said patiently.

"Fine, can I have some juice then?" he asked with a sweet grin.  "Also, expect two shrieking light brunettes.  One's nearing middle age and the other's about twenty-two and my girlfriend.  Hopefully someone babysits and she doesn't bring the baby."

"You won't be allowed visitors."

He looked at her.  Then he pointed at Xander without removing his eyes from her.  "Xander's husband becomes a flaming queen of screaming and ranting when he's hurt.  He's gone through suspects, EMTs, and others.  The people at General are very nice and anytime they see Xander is hurt, they just get out of David's way. You might want to reserve a spot for him too.  He does live with us."

"You live with them?" she asked, smirking a bit.  "You have a *girl* friend as well?"

"I live downstairs.  Actually, my girlfriend is like Xander's little sister.  Shrieking runs in her family too."  She smiled and nodded, making notes to check those two people for any indications of illness or radiation.  "So, was it just radioactive or was it also biological?  Xander said he was about to pass out when he called me."

"We have someone testing it right now, CSI Sanders."  She handed him the oh-so- attractive hospital gown and he grimaced. "Tough, you're staying too."

"Fine.  Can I at least stay with Xander?  He's got some very heavy nightmares at times."

"No.  He's going into a much more shielded room than you'll need. He could contaminate you.  Can he take pain killers?"

"Ask David.  I don't know his full medical history."

"David...."

"Hodges.  Look for the screaming light brunette guy with a small spot of receding hairline.  It'll be him or Kowalski since his Mountie's wolf tried to trim his hair for him."

She smiled at that and made note of it.  "Thank you, CSI Sanders."

"Greg, please.  Since you're going to be getting to know me pretty well over the next few days," he sighed.

"Hopefully not that well.  Okay, he can go.  He's on a level two system.  Still able to drink and only radiating a bit."  Two orderlies in hazmat gear came down to put him into the plastic bubble and lead him off.  She looked at her fellow nurses before going to find the spouse.  She found him, he was already demanding to see his mate and screaming and ranting.  "Hodges?"  He stopped and glared at her.  "We should check you as well since you live in the same residence.  Come with me, please?"  He nodded.  "Your spouse should be fine but we need some medical history on him right now.  You'll be expected to give it while we check you over."

"Can I see him?"

"He's across the room in a sterile area.  We can't let you next to him, Mr. Hodges.  I wish I could.  CSI Sanders said your spouse has some nightmares and asked to be in the same room as well."  She got him onto the table and gave him a moment to look at his husband before going over the medical history file.  His eye got caught in the recap of the press conference and he growled, making her back up.  She understood Greg's warning now. "Depending on how we isolate him, you may be able to use waldos to touch him," she offered quietly.  He nodded, calming himself.  "This is Harris's husband," she called when a nurse called about medication he couldn't take.  She sent a student nurse over to answer the questions she had while he was checked over.  She didn't even stop him when someone called.

"Dawn?  No, I'm looking at him and I don't know yet.  Greg got the dogs to the vets.  Check on them for us.  We're at Mercy.  Greg's already in isolation and they're thinking about moving me as well. Tell me what's going on and keep me informed.  Got it?"  He hung up.  "Greg's girlfriend. Do you need to talk to our vet?"

"No, we've already been called as a matter of procedure," she assured him. "If we hear anything we'll let you know."  He nodded, relaxing again since his husband had just pushed a nurse away.  "He's not cooperative?"

"He hates being caged in."

"Ah.  Ladies, he's got a small issue with confinement," she called.

"He's been shot in the past," David called over. "He's not a happy patient either. You might call General since we usually end up there.  I think his charts have warnings now," he offered with a small, evil smirk.  He had only complained ... a little bit the last time Xander had been in there.

***

David sat beside Xander's plastic bubble, staring at him.  His mate was starting to come around and he was shaking his head already.  "You're in such deep shit."

"I called SWAT first," he groaned, flipping onto his side and tossing the IV he had yanked out off the bed.  "He hung up."

"I heard that.  He's already pleading to keep his job."

"So they still think I just make shit up?"

"No."  He smiled.  "The Chief has already come by and he's very sorry.  He wants you back and he's going to lay off you now.  Welsh stopped by and left flowers and coffee toffee stuff he knows you like."  He pointed at it.  "The dogs are fine."  Xander relaxed, smiling at him.  "You're not however.  You got some massive radiation from the liquid uranium in that small jar that you took off."

"I had to, that was the primary bomb."

"I understand that.  I love you for being able to do that."   He reached over to touch the edge of the bubble, Xander's hand coming up to touch the other side.  "You've still got to stay in there for at least another three days.  Possibly up to a week.  Until you no longer glow in the dark."

"I glow in the dark?" he asked, smirking a bit.  "Instant nightlight for you so you won't keep me up while reading."

"No.  If you continue to glow in the dark, they won't let you come home, ever.  You'll have to eat hospital food for the rest of your very short life."  Xander nodded, his smile losing some of it's happiness.  "I'm not mad, Xander.  You handled it.  I'm mad as hell at someone else for doing that to our house, but not you."  Xander nodded, reaching over again.  He touched him as best he could. "I'd give you a hug but the nurses have a dart gun.  They weighed me and everything to make sure it'd be strong enough."  Xander snickered a bit, smiling at him.  "You need to rest and you need fluids.  Can I get you some juice?"

"Sure."

David hit the button for the nurse, bringing one running.  "He'd like something to drink and can you close off the annoying dripping noise?"

"What happened to his IV!" she demanded.  Xander raised his hand. "You needed that, it's got the medicine in it!" she complained, closing it off and going to get the doctor.  She had been warned but had no idea it was going to be this hard.  "Him," she said, pointing at him.  "He removed the IV."

"It popped out when I flipped onto my side," he noted impatiently.  "I hate hospitals.  I hate being cooped up and unable to move.  I'm going to be crankier than my spouse!  Just get me out of here and I'll be a happy Xander far, far away from here."

"To do that, Mr. Harris, you need the medicine in that IV," the doctor said gently, coming over to remove the needle and get a fresh one, sticking him again.  This time he also uncoiled the extra tubing so the boy could move.  "Do you have any other problems?"

"I have ADHD and I'm not a good patient," he told him, looking very serious.  "I'm a horrible patient."

"Fine.  It shouldn't be too much longer.  The faster your radiation levels go down, the faster your spouse can get in there to cuddle you.  So just try to stay calm for now.  He can even bring in a DVD player for you if you want."

"I would, but ours is presently locked in the house, which is still under tenting and CSI control," he noted.  "I'm hoping they're going to clean the fridge."  Xander snickered.  "Everything will be bad by then," he complained.

"Where are you staying at night?" the doctor asked him.

"Right here."

"Um... I meant when you have to leave?"

"Right here," David said more firmly.  "There aren't enough cops in this city or Vegas to move my ass out of this chair."

"That's fine, we'll get you a better chair to nap in then, Mr. Hodges."  He glanced at Xander, then back at him.  "I wouldn't let him out of my sight either with his injuries."  He left, making notes on the chart and handing it over.

David looked at him.  "Would a DVD player help?"  Xander nodded, looking pitiful.  "Sure, I can do that and hit Blockbuster."  That got a shy grin.  "I'm still not mad at you.  Except for the hypothermia part. You know how to put on a sweater."  Xander ducked his head, giving him another shy grin.  "I saw the blanket, I'm still not impressed with that.  By the way, Stan's got two days off for swearing at the Chief and Welsh, even though they deserved it. He took the reservations for Ottawa when I ordered him to.  We can go next time."

"Gymnastics?" he asked pitifully.

"When you're better, Xander.  Not until then."  Xander sighed and nodded, leaving it at that.  "Once you're better I'll take you to see something you like.  Maybe even a curling tournament or something."  Xander grinned at that, beaming happily.  "Do you want to go back to work?"

"I don't know yet," he said honestly.  "Are they going to continue?"

"No, the Chief has some sort of idea that you're going to sue him since his plan to protect you backfired and got our house nearly blown up with a dirty bomb.  That's why he said he was doing it, to protect you.  That they wouldn't come after someone famous."

"And yet again, it's been proven wrong," Xander noted bitterly.

"Yeah, well, one of the new guys in SWAT asked if we weren't sure you weren't *making* the bomb.  He's up the hall in traction.  I think Turnbull got in a few hits as well.  I know Fraser got him at least once."  Xander grimaced a bit but his eyes didn't show he was unhappy.  "Think you want me to get the DVD player now?"

"No. I don't want you to go.  Can I be read to so I can nap again?"

"Can you wait for your juice?"  He nodded and David smiled, pulling out a book.  Since his mate was deciding to be cooperative.  He had warned the nurses that he'd be pulling out IV's and things like that.  "I've got Barbara Cartland, which will make me have hives, or one of the Sherlock Homes books."

"Sherlock Holmes," he said happily.  "I don't want you to get hives."

"Yeah, me either."  He opened the first page.  "Sherlock Holmes...."

***

Ray walked into Xander's room once he was out of the bubble, looking at David.  "Can I have him?"

"I don't share, otherwise Greg wouldn't need Dawn."

"That's not a mental image I needed," Ray said dryly.  "Just give us ten."

"If you upset him, I'm letting Rennie and Benny kick your ass," he warned.  They would too, they turned scarier than Ma fussing over Xander and Greg.  He gave Xander a kiss on the cheek then left, heading to call everyone with updates.

Ray looked down at his guy.  "I'm sorry."

"Yay," he said dryly, going back to his fill-it-in puzzle.  "Do I care?"

"Xander," he sighed. "We want you back."  Xander looked at him.  "When you're released back to duty. Same salary, same shift, no press, no medals ever again, even if you earn 'em, all the rookies you wanna train, and no complaining about the elf ears.  By the way, Mortty said she hasn't been able to come because she's been running the samples night and day from your place to make sure you can go back.  She got so pissed *she* went up and about killed him when they brought him in; impressed a few Feds as well."  He smirked a bit.  "Will you come back?  You're the only one that'll make her quit pouting.  She's threatened to have you turned if you don't so she can make you and David her pets."

Xander snorted.  "I already saw a vampire me.  He's an evil and cold bastard and she'd be my beloved princess within a day.  She'd help me plan how to turn David and Greg."

"Last I knew, Stan and I were on that list."

"Your mother said I couldn't have you turned for helping them with that," he said dryly, staring him down.  "Or for laughing at me.  Either time."

"Like I said, I'm sorry."  He stared back and Xander shrugged.  "Fine.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean ta upset you and I was wrong.  I'd never heard you actually call for help before. You never seen ta need it.  You're like some superhuman guy at times.  I didn't know that it was that bad.  Greg told me and I ran after him."

"Correction, Greg dragged you and yelled at you so you went to get Welsh and then followed him," Xander said, putting down his puzzle book.  "He told me."

"I figured he did," he agreed, sitting down in David's chair.  "I thought you were playing.  Like I said, I'd never heard you call for help before.  Especially not for something that sounded like a joke ta me.  You don't usually draw that sort of trouble, ya know?"  Xander nodded, smirking a bit.  "Do you know who they got?"

"Yeah, and I also know why they got him.  The pissant will be dead if I or David have a say."  Ray smirked a bit at that.  "That doesn't mean you didn't treat me wrong, Ray.  That doesn't mean I want to go back.  You guys didn't listen to me.  You treated me like some trick dog in a circus.  The only people whose opinions mattered to me did that to me.  Why would I want to go back to that?"

"It'll change, Xander.  I promise it'll change," Ray said, shifting forward some.  "It won't happen again.  The press is no longer allowed near the lab.  You may get a medal or two now and then when you do the usual brave, yet stupid stuff, but it'll just be handed over.  No ceremony unless it's something like the SWAT thing.  The Chief's already bending over backwards and taking it from the new Mayor, who wants ta keep him, but even he wants ya back.  He doesn't want to be anywhere near you, he's a bit germ phobic, but ...."

"Is he a bad guy who wants to take over the world too?"

"No, not really," he admitted.  "He wants to work his way up and make the really big bucks as governor, then possibly Prez."  He shrugged.  "He's got a narrow viewpoint about that stuff."  He reached over to touch Xander's hand.  "Listen to me, kid.  I don't want you back if you won't be comfy.  I don't wanna force you to come back, but we'll miss you.  Mortty will cry a lot more often.  She was crying last night when she couldn't get away in time for visiting hours."  Xander swallowed and nodded.  "So, at least think about it for me, okay?"  He stood up, and David came in.  "Thanks."

"You needed to apologize in private," he noted patiently.  "Xander, did you want to call Mortty? I tried and she started to cry again."

"Sure."  He took his cellphone, new and reprogrammed for him already since the old one was too lethal to ever touch, and dialed the lab.  "Mortty, why are you crying?" he asked patiently.  He smiled.  "Fine.  Come see me whenever you get off.  I'll wake up for you. You know I will."  He grinned.  "Sure.  Bring me chocolate and a coke too please.  I don't care, sneak it past the nurses."  He grinned.  "Thanks, dear."   He hung up.  "If I *ever* see another camera in my face at the station I had better be under arrest or they had better think I'm a celebrity," he noted calmly, watching his husband, who just smiled and nodded.  "Understood, Ray?"

"Understood.  Stan accepted your medal for dismantling the bomb already.  It's in your desk drawer. Along with all the others."  He leaned down, kissing him on the forehead. "Get better soon, kid.  The lab's really too quiet without your noise."  He nodded at David.  "Ma sends her love but they won't let me sneak in food either."  He left, going to tell the Chief, the Mayor, and Welsh that they were off the hook, for now.  Or at least it had shrunk a lot.  The Chief had even made sure that Xander was still covered under their insurance by saying he had only walked off the job, not resigned or handed in his badge.  That had been nice and saving his own ass.  It made everyone look good in the press.

Xander held up his hand and David came over for a hug. "I'm doing the right thing, right?" he whispered.

"Yes, you are," he agreed quietly, kissing him gently.  "Now, go back to your puzzle.  I didn't run out to get new videos yet."  Xander grinned and got back to it.  "I did call Rennie and he's bringing you some later."

"Thanks."  Xander gave him a sideways grin. "When can I escape?"

"Next week sometime," he said patiently, sitting down again.  "You know that. Not until you're better.  We won't have the house back until then either."

"At least Mandy and Dawn are taking care of Greg and the dogs."

"They are, but then again she's good at taking care of our mutts," David joked, making Xander grin at him.  "Greg is a mutt, Xander.  He always was.  Did he tell you how many girls he ...dated in Vegas?"  He nodded.  "I thought he might have bragged."

"I still get the prettier girls and guys at the club.  Like you." He blew a kiss and got back to work, erasing two letters he had switched in the word he had just done.

David settled in to watch and be with him.  It was all good again, for now.

Sisters in Ballistics.

Mortty walked into the Trace lab and gave David her best pouty face.  "David, can I borrow your car for the day tomorrow?  My sister's coming in and mine's in the shop."

He looked at her.  "I didn't know you had a sister."

"Well, she's my cousin but we were kinda raised together," she admitted with a happy bounce.  "You'll like Abby, she's just like me!"

"You mean there's two of you?" Xander joked as he came over, handing her his car keys.  "Take mine.  Treat it like the cranky baby it is and bring it back with gas please."

"Sure."  She hugged and kissed him on the cheek.  "Can we go out while she's here?  She's always stuck in Fedville in DC."

"She's a Fed?" David asked.

"Uh-huh, and she's a forensics person too, the whole lab.  She's way smarter than I am," she admitted happily.   "If you take me and add Stan's caffeine habit, you get Abby."

"As long as it's not too dangerous," David sighed, shaking his head.  "How long is she in for?"

"The whole week."  She kissed him on the cheek too. "Thanks, guys.  You guys are so great!"  She bounced back to her lab.

"Did you just get a feeling of dread?" David asked.

"No, but I had those ancient bean burritos for breakfast," he admitted, going back to his ballistics lab.

"Why did you eat those?" he demanded.  "They were in the freezer for months!"

"You ate the last of the cereal and there wasn't any pizza," Xander called.  He shut the adjoining door.

"I'll go grocery shopping tonight," he told himself, making a note to pick up more cereal before his very odd spouse ended up with food poisoning.  Or worse, Greg did and they had to take care of him.  With his recent luck, they'd end up with Mortty and her cousin coming over to baby them both.  "Hopefully Mortty can keep her from stalking Xander," he muttered as he got back to work.

***

Mortty squealed when she saw her sister, bouncing over to hug her.  "Abby!"

"Mortty!" she squealed back, hugging her.  "Oooh, it's been so long!  You should come to DC!"

"I hate all the Feds.  Besides, I work with a vampire hunter," she said proudly.  Abby pouted.  "He works with a slayer."

"Really?"  She beamed at that and bounced over to get her baggage.  Her bright purple bag came off and she grabbed it, following her sister to her car.  "That's really nice."

"It's Xander's, mine's in the shop."  She grinned at her.  "He's a really nice guy but you can't go stalker on him.  Everyone seems to want to and you just can't.  I couldn't stand it if you went evil and what would Gibbs say?"

"Probably that I was pushing it before," she joked.  She saw the SWAT van pull up and blinked as the guys piled out.  "Wow."

"Mortty, don't start the car," Xander yelled as he came off.  "Someone put a bomb on this level.  We need you two to clear out."

"Sure, Xander."  She took Abby with her, heading back to the safe area.  "That was Xander."

"He's cute."

"He's married and gay.  David's kinda stuffy but he's adorable and snarky," she offered with a beam and another bounce.  She called the station.  "David, I love you.  I just saw Xander.  No, bomb.  No, car bomb.  With SWAT.  Sure.  Xander!  David said if you get hurt after getting free of the radiation, he's going to kill you!"

"Tell him to quit worrying, dear, it's a simple bomb.  I've seen kindergartners do better jobs."

Mortty put the phone back to her ear.  "He said it's an easy squeazy bomb, David.  He said he'd seen kindergartners do better.  Sure."  She hung up and beamed at her.  "Ray said I have to come in to make sure no one was after me or you.  Or possibly Xander.  Everyone seems to want the Xander for some reason."

Xander leaned on the railing, looking down at them.  "Don't tell her that, she'll go stalker and then David would have to kill her.  Bomb's gone, let them clear the level, people."  He saw a news crew.  "That's my cue to scram.  Love you, Mortty."  He headed back to the van.  "News crew," he called.

"Go ahead and hide, kid," the SWAT commander said fondly, shaking his head.  "Hurry up, guys.  Before he gets pounced and tries to quit again."  That got a lot of heated looks at the news van's antenna, which was going up at the moment.  "You guys know what Hodges said!"  They hurried up on their checking.  Hodges had promised to take Xander Fed if they didn't keep the press away from him.

"Found another, boss," one of his guys called.

Xander came out and headed that way.  "Make sure we're getting license plates so we can notify owners and find commonalities, plus a sketch," he ordered.  One of the guys nodded and took pictures of the plates then of the area showing where the car was. He got under that car, going to fix it.  Once they were done, the cars would be towed to check for evidence.  He wasn't on field duty today and Ray had told him he couldn't be this month.  It made him a happy boy to not work the overtime.  He finished taking that one apart and got it fixed, then put it carefully away from him and checked the next one, going over with a sigh to look at it.  "Guys, you missed one.  Either that or the box with the blinky light is something else."  One of the more car-oriented guys came over to check and shook his head.  "Any ideas?"

"Not a one," he admitted.  "It's not GPS or an alarm."  Xander nodded and got to work dismantling this one. He got the first bomb in the special carrier then got another one for this one.  "Totally different box style, boss.  This one's small, square, with a blinking light.  Remote trigger."

"Good.   I always love when we find more than we should.  Check them again," he ordered.  His people, embarrassed, went back to their checking, doing it again.  None of them liked it when Xander showed them up.   He was never smug but it still looked bad on their team if their helper showed them up.  Not that he couldn't outshoot most of them, but still.

Xander finally got done with the last one and walked off shaking his head.  He looked over the railing, then called Mortty's phone.  "It's clear, they're going to release it.  I'll drive you girls back to the station, all right?"  That got a happy babble and he turned off his phone, going to get in and start the car.  They came up a few minutes later and he grinned, holding out a hand.  "Hi, Abby, I'm Xander."

"Hi.  I'm Abby.  I'm the tech for NCIS, DC."

"Cool.  I'm the ballistics and part-time field and trace tech for our unit."  He backed out slowly and honked at his part-time boss as he passed him.  "Also on call for bombs," he admitted dryly.  "If your boss is paranoid, you might wanna call him."

"Good point.  Gibbs can be a bit upset when I'm threatened.  Not that I was, but still."  She dug out her phone and called him.  "Gibbs, it's Abby.  I'm okay."  She beamed.  "No, I'm fine.  No, the car bombs were inside and I was safely outside.  Sure, you have a happy day."  She hung up.  "I don't think he knew."

"It'll be fine.  We're used to the Xander stuff around here and if he calls, Ray can explain how Xander had it well in hand, like usual," Mortty assured her happily.  "They're so used to him they even made him stay away from where they were filming a movie, even though the star came in to follow him around for a few days."

"I'm glad he went with Stan the rest," Xander joked.  "No one would believe some of the stuff I get into."  He changed lanes and sped up.  "Mortty, call David back and tell him I'm fine and on my way back so to please get me lunch?"

"Sure."  She called.  "Hi, David.  No, he's fine.  We're on our way back, he's driving us back to the station so he can come back and avoid the nasty press people, and he said he's hungry, like usual after a bomb thing.  No, car bombs.  Yup, hefty ones."

"And one smaller, odd device," Xander noted dryly.

"And a divorce aid bomb," she offered. "Nope, he's grinning at Abby at the moment because she's staring in awe.  No, she's already called her boss so he might be calling Ray to make sure Xander had it."  She giggled and hung up.  "He won't warn Ray.  He said Ray could use some stress since he's got a date tonight."

"Cool. I'm hoping she's as nice as he thinks she is.  I'd hate to have to pull a rescue this week."  Xander shrugged and turned on the radio, heading down the road happily. "Did you remember the interns are coming in tomorrow to do their day in the lab observing?"

"Yup, sure did," she sighed, looking bummed.  "I hate them.  They're all so smart-seeming and they're so damn dumb!"  Abby nodded at that.  "We were smarter."

"Yeah, but I blew up my high school and hunted for years," Xander said dryly.  "We earned our spots.  They'll have to too.  Ooh, I heard from Calleigh. She's bringing her Prime Minister up for the con next week.  Abby, are you attending?"

"Of course I am," she agreed happily.  "That way I get a few extra days of vacation.  Otherwise Gibbs would frown greatly because I wanted one.  But hey, you can't deal with a moping DiNozzo for very long without needing a vacation.  He's just so pitiful."

"Tell me about it," Mortty sighed, shaking her head.  "Xander's horrible when he pouts because he and David had a fight."

"I don't pout."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't!"

"You are now," Abby offered, smiling at him.  "It's gotta be nice to have openly gay people around work.  I work in a semi-military complex and it's highly frowned upon."

"It is at our office too," Xander said dryly.  "But no one's stupid enough to say anything to me after the last time."  Mortty giggled at that and he took the correct exit.  "Everyone learned after I kicked the last guy's ass," he assured her with a short grin at a red light.

"Xander can make gang kids run," Mortty said proudly.

"I don't know why, I'm a cuddly and nice guy," Xander complained.  He turned right, then groaned and turned the other direction.  "Sorry, home sense in the steering wheel, just like a horse."

"It probably doesn't want to deal with the cranky spouse either," Mortty joked.

"Don't remind me, David had his version of PMS this morning for breakfast," Xander moaned, turning into the station.  He parked and grinned at them.  "As a formality, did you see anyone in the parking garage?"  They both shook their heads.  "Good, go have fun.  Abby, Mortty wanted us to go out with you while you were here.  So tell us when.  We've got Friday and Saturday off."  He blew Mortty a kiss.  "One scratch and you're giving David's mom the babies she's nagging us for."  He got out and headed back inside, taking the lunch bag the desk sergeant held out to him with a smirk.  "Husband still pissed?"

"Yup.  They included Midol too, Harris."

"I'm sure that'll make him happier."  He headed down the stairs, grinning at Ray.  "Abby is *just* like Mortty," he said happily.  "Only she's wearing a chain with a small padlock and Mortty's got on her silver chains choker that I bought her.  Six car bombs, and one divorce helper remote bomb, boss.  Can I have lunch now? You know bombs always make me hungry."

"Fine. You clear?"

"I have one more," he admitted, sitting down to nibble in front of the Lifetime channel in their breakroom.  David came in and he tossed him the small box.  "The desk sergeant said it was included and I don't need it.  I'm guessing they think you're cranky."  They shared a look and he grinned.  "Abby is *just* like Mortty."

"I figured she was from the pictures she showed me last night.  Did she go home?"

"Yup, and she'll be here for the convention too.  Plus Calleigh's coming back and bringing her puppy Mackenzie."

"Okay," he agreed dryly, walking off shaking his head.  He left the pills on Mortty's desk.  She'd need them the next day.  His problem was lack of sleep from the hyper, bouncy, cuddly Xander the day before.  Plus the construction crew on their street during the day.

***

Mortty walked into the lab, waving a hand at Abby.  "Ray, this is my sister Abby," she said proudly.  "Did her boss yell at you?" she cooed at his dirty look.  He nodded.  "I'm so sorry!"  She hugged him.  "Poor Ray.  Remember, during the convention, Greg, Xander, David, and I are all gone plus Tracey."  He perked up at that, that left the normal lab people.  She led Abby back by her wrist, letting her wave.

"I'm sorry if Gibbs yelled, Ray.  He does that."  She walked into the lab and looked around.  "Wow.  This is nice!"  She walked over to look at the computers.  "I've got better computer gear but this is nicer than mine otherwise."  She noticed the pills and held them up.

Mortty beamed.  "David's cranky mood often ends up with me getting supplies.  Xander probably loved him into the bed again so he didn't get enough sleep."

"Don't remind me," David sighed from behind her.  "That and they're putting in new water pipes up the street.  Hi, I'm David Hodges, mate to the irritating one yesterday."

She beamed and hugged him. "It's okay, you've got a good thing in Xander.  Plus you can always sleep during the convention."  He nodded and smiled slightly at that. "Can I see the Trace lab?  I do a bit of everything."

"Sure, Xander can give you the tour," he agreed, smiling at her.  "We're about to do shift meeting if you wanted to sit in."

"Sure."  She beamed and went back to helping Mortty set up for the night.  "This is so cool.  I thought Gibbs was cool about me being me, but they just act like you're perfectly normal."

She nodded.  "I am next to the Xander," she shared, grinning at him. "David, is it a t-shirt day?"

"Yes, but it's a threatening one," he called back.  "The construction crew kept Xander up too.  He's growling for real!"

"Damn!" Ray called from the main room.  He went to call the Chief of Police, who could hopefully get them off Xander's street before someone happened and died. "Meeting," he called a few minutes later.  David came out dragging.  "Can you guys stay at the hotel during the convention?"

"We are.  If they'll agree to leave off the pipes until then, I'm sure we'd be happier folk."

"They're offering to," he promised.  "Where is Xander?"

"He got stopped due to the shirt of the day.  Xander!  Meeting!" he yelled.  Xander came in and slammed the door open, making Ray wince.  "They're thinking about holding off on our street until we're at the hotel during the convention," he offered. Xander growled.

"You can come sleep on my couch," Mortty offered.  "Abby can stay in my room with me.  I've got one of the oversized coffins for the really heavy guys."

Abby read his shirt. "People suck.  I'm going to end the world today. You want to go first?"  She giggled and hugged him.  "It'll be okay."

"No it's not!  We haven't had water for two days!  They didn't even warn us!" Xander complained, sitting down.  "I'm going to kill the fucking crew, Ray, and then I'm going to hook the water back up."

"It shouldn't take too much longer, Xander," he promised calmly.  "Just fire off the pretty guns today and we'll all be fine."

"Fuck fine," he growled.

"Okay."  He nodded and left it there.  Xander was going to kill and he had too many nieces and nephews to leave behind at the moment.  "You can shower upstairs."

"I have been," he said dryly.  "How many guns do I have?"

Ray looked and winced. "None?  You could nap."  Xander glared at him, he'd never get a nap in the office.  "Okay, you can try."

"It'll only make me more frustrated," he said simply, glaring when the door opened.  Someone came in pointing a gun and he got up.  "Who the fuck are you?"

"Your worst nightmare!" he shouted.

Xander grabbed the gun by the barrel and yanked, then beat the shit out of him, ending up on top of him and growling.  "You sure about that?" he snarled.  The man started to cry.  "Sissy punk bitch."  He got up and handed the gun to Ray, then went upstairs.  "Someone come get the little bitch I just beat," he called from the top of the stairway.  "Before I get to work out more anger issues on him!"

"What the fuck is your problem?" Stan yelled, coming down the stairs.  He saw the shirt, then winced.  "They're still doing the construction?"

"Yes, this makes day fucking three and I haven't had water at home for two!"

"Shit," he muttered, going down to get the guy and drag him to the infirmary first, then arrest him down there.  On the way he had a quiet word with the desk sergeant, who started to spread the news around so the Mayor's office was inundated with calls to fix that before Xander went ballistic on them too.  Until then, Stan called Rennie and had him mix a natural sedative into something and bring it to him so they could drug Xander. Before the t-shirt came true this time.

***

Mortty looked at Abby later that night.  "That's not the usual Xander.  Usually he's pretty cool. That's lack of sleep."

"I've had that and Gibbs growls worse.  I'm kinda used to it now and then," she promised with a grin. "Why doesn't he like the press?"

"Because each time he gets press, something bad happens," Mortty said simply.  She heard a door slam and winced. "Sounds like someone woke him up.  Ray?" she called.  He came back to the doorway.  "Was that the Xander?"

"No, that was the Greg, who's even worse.  Xander's still crashed on the couch in front of the hockey game."  He smiled at Abby.  "Sorry, unusual circumstances."

"Ray, I called to check on how much longer it would take.  They said tomorrow.  I'm moving us and the dogs and Greg to a suite tonight."

"Sure," he agreed.  "Have fun with that."  He smiled at that.  "You're off tomorrow anyway."

"They promised we'd have water tomorrow.  I told them if they didn't, Xander was going to fix that situation.  She didn't sound happy to hear his name.  Any idea why?"

"Yeah, about every cop in the building has called to complain about how long this is taking.  They're scared."  David smirked at that.  "Tomorrow night, take Abby and Mortty clubbing with you, David.  Let him have some fun."

"Sure."  He grinned at the girls. "If you want."

"I wouldn't mind," Abby agreed happily. "I haven't had much time to go out and have fun recently."  David smiled at that and Mortty patted her on the back.

"Poor baby, but going out with Xander and David is an experience.  We'll be hit on all night by people who want to pay Xander. Techno, goth, gay club?" she asked.

"Techno or goth," Abby agreed happily.  "Just wherever's got a good floor and we can get in."

"Xander gets in everywhere but the demon bars," Ray said dryly.  "Pick a type of club, he can get you in there."

"Hey, Ray," Mortty asked. "Benny referred the issue of the S&M Mounties to you.  Why was Benny in an S&M club?"

"It was for a case," he groaned.  "He went in to question someone and they wanted to make him a sub."  He walked off shaking his head.

"That's gotta be almost as cute as Tony and Gibbs in one," Abby said happily.  "I didn't think McGee would *ever* quit blushing and then Kate started to blush too."  She sighed and Mortty hugged her.  "I'm fine," she sighed, looking at her sister.  "It's just an ache, ya know?"

"I do," she promised, kissing her on the cheek.  "I'm sure she's pouting at you for not having her be turned instead."  Abby smiled slightly at that.  "Xander knows some, or maybe the witchly ones could bring her back."

"No, that would be bad," she sighed.  "Plus Gibbs would have a stroke trying to explain that to Director Sheppard, who's his ex and former trainee.  She wanted me to wear a *suit*, Mortty, and *heels*!"  Her sister shuddered and so did David. "Really!  It was so gross!  And then I got kinky, pervy friends who snuck in while I was changing and I didn't realize. They only saw my back, but still!"  She got another squeeze.  "I'm okay."

"I know you are, but you don't get enough hugs," Mortty reminded her.  "Hugs are important.  Xander usually gives very good hugs."  She saw Xander stumble past and grinned.  "Xander, I need a hug!  So does Abby, she just lost a team member."  He came in and enfolded Abby, making her go limp and relax against him.  "See, told you he gave good hugs."  She hugged Xander from the back.  "Are you better?"

"I'll be okay but I'm not driving home tonight," he said quietly.

"We're all going to a hotel tonight and they've promised we'll have water tomorrow," David offered quietly.  Xander looked back at him. "Can I have one next?"  That got a slight grin and a nod.  "Thanks.  We'll go get a suite and drag Greg since Dawn's keeping him up. We'll even bring the dogs since Stan brought them in tonight because they were helping Diefenbaker rob the bakery up the street again."  That got a brighter grin. "Now, let the girls go.  Remember, you gave up women for me."  Xander held out an arm and David came over to get his own cuddle.  "Thank you."

Xander kissed him.  "No thank you for putting up with me."  He stole a second one with a grin.

"That's so hot," Abby moaned.  "Maybe I should bribe Tony to kiss McGee so I could watch."  Mortty giggled at that and swatted her so she pulled back.  "You do hug very well."

"Feel free to come back for more whenever you need one, Abby."  He brushed some of her hair out of the way.  "You need a trim."  He smiled at David.  "Can we take them out tomorrow?"

"We were all but ordered to by Ray," he promised.  "He bragged you can get in anywhere."

"I wanna go to Lothario."  David moaned and whimpered. "Please, David?  I haven't gotten to wear leather in a while.  Pretty please!"

"Fine.  We'll go to the slutty goth club.  You get to dress the girls tomorrow."  He walked off shaking his head.  It was good to have his Xander back.

"I've got the perfect outfit," Mortty said happily.  "My red bustier."

"Is way too thick," Xander complained.  "We'll hit the vampire store on the way in and get your hairs done too."  He grinned at Abby. "You'll enjoy it there."  He went back to ballistics, going to see if he had any work.  "Who left me a squirt gun!" he called.

"The idiot you beat," David called back.  Then he squealed.  "Xander!"

"Hey, plain water," he said happily, getting an evil smirk so he could stalk the Ray.  Ray wisely ran upstairs so he got to hunt Stan and the dogs instead, getting Stan in the hair, a major sin in the Book of Stan.  No one messed with the blond, spiky stuff, not even the Mounties were allowed to unless it was in the heat of sex. "Thank you for the nap!" he called as he ran away. "I needed that."

Stan growled and went after his buddy. Xander was going to pay for messing up his hair.

Rennie looked and grabbed him, taking him into the broom closet.  "I do like the wet look on you," he admitted, stealing a long, deep kiss.  "It's most exciting."

***

Xander walked the girls into the vampire store, grinning at the vampire behind the counter.  "Hi."  The girl whimpered.  "We're going to Lothario."

"Awwwwww," she moaned, shaking her head.  "Fine, Harris.  I'll dress the *humans*."  She came over to help them find something good enough.  Abby ended up in a navy blue silk and leather bustier and tartan skirt.  Mortty ended up in a similar outfit but in deep green.  Then she sat down to do their hairs in the current vampire fashion while Xander hunted for himself.  "Is your mate playing straight tonight?"

"Yup.  He's playing bodyguard," he said with a wicked smirk. "I promise I won't hunt."

"That would be nice, yes."  When she was done, she took the girls' pictures and put it on the wall, then gave Abby a copy because of the deadly puppy eyes.  She watched Harris come out in very thin black leather and a chocolate colored silk shirt, making her moan.  He found a pair of boots and took the gel she held out, doing his hair too.  Then he put down his card and let her run it for him.  Their old clothes were put into the trunk and they headed off.  She probably should call, but....

Xander drove up to the front door of the club, kissing David before getting out and helping Abby out of the back while he got Mortty.  "Now, this is a true vampire club," he told Abby.  "As in there are people in there who will really eat you."  He walked them up to the door, smiling winningly.  "This is Abby, she's Mortty's sister and Mortty and I deserve a treat since I've had construction on my street and I didn't kill anyone after three days without sleep."  The vampire on the door groaned.  "Can you go 'grr' to show Abby?  She's from DC and she's only run into poser wannabes."  He went to vampire face, making her squeal and reach out to touch him.  "See, vampires.  Pwease?" he begged cutely.  "I promise I won't hunt unless someone tries to eat what's mine."

"Fine, Harris.  Rona's inside anyway."  He let them in, not even charging them cover.  David handed it over anyway.

Xander led the girls onto the floor while David found an overlooking spot to guard them.  He hated this club and wouldn't come out, but Rona would protect David once she spotted any of them.  Abby knew how to move and Mortty had his back so they made quite a pretty picture teasing all the vampires around them and their feeders.  He growled at the person trying to take Abby, pulling her closer with a smug look.  The vampire moaned and went to vamp face, leaning in to try to kiss him.  Xander blew one instead and moved Abby with him to face Mortty.  All the guy could do was stare at his very tight ass in those very thin leather pants that showed every single flex of his muscles and crack.  Mortty grinned and moved closer, putting on a real show for David, who would growl and pounce later.  He told her so.  Xander liked the jealous pouncing so she always made it good when she went out with them.  Xander winked and danced Abby closer, putting her between them.

She blushed a bit but was giggling and happy.  They played a song that encouraged you to bounce so they did together while Mortty went to check with David.  "This is so cool!" Abby shouted at Xander.  He beamed and nodded.  "Gibbs would never believe this!"  He giggled and swung her around, making her blush and giggle again.  David came down to take control of his mate, letting Abby and Mortty have each other.  She watched as David spanked Xander and led him off toward the back rooms. "You can do that here?" she called.

Mortty nodded and checked their progress, heading after them.  "There's places to watch where they won't know," she called, sneaking her up there.  "Vampires don't care but David might," she warned once they were in the quieter area.  They found a nice overlook for that couple and sat there to watch David claim his mate.  They snuck off after the bite to the back of Xander's shoulder, going back to dance off the new energy they had.  "Do you wanna hit a techno spot or a rave later?" she called finally.  "David won't want to stay, they always want Xander more when he's had some."

"Techno's fine," she promised, grinning as the guys came back.  "You two okay?"  David nodded and pulled her closer to kiss her on the forehead.  "Hey!"

He grinned.  "Only good girls get kissed. Neither of you are."  He nodded and they followed him out.  Outside he ran into Rona, who pouted.  "What?"

"Xander's wearing horny clothes, David.  Are you asking for trouble?"

Xander hugged her, then swatted her on the ass.  "I've got plenty of protection, dear."

"I'm sure you do but your booty needs a guard."  She spanked him, making David growl.  "Oooh.  Possessive mate.  Good!  Remember, if he gets a lot tonight, my birthday's next month and I deserve a massive prezzie."  She went back to her hunting and David made Xander get into the car so he could drive.

"Where to, ladies?"

"Ooh, Salvage?" Mortty asked.

David looked back at her.  "You're in a smutty mood tonight.  Once wasn't enough?"

She beamed and shook her head.  "Hell no, I want the good birthday present too!"

Xander looked back at her, smirking a bit.  "I've already got your present picked out, princess.  It'll make you happy."  She beamed back.  "Merengue?"

David moaned.  "Fine, we'll go Latin Dancing, Xander, but the first time you get paid we're out of there. They're still giving you fond looks after the last two times."  He drove them off, shaking his head.  Xander was so bad sometimes.

"You know it never works when I encourage it.  So I'm encouraging it tonight. Therefore we won't get paid, and then we can hit Salvage so I can't sleep tonight."

"Fine," he agreed dryly, still having reservations about that plan. It's not like he got to sleep the night before.  He parked and got out, helping the ladies out.  He got into the trunk, finding them sweaters to go with the outfits.  "Here, we thought we might switch it around.  Dawn said don't spill anything on those."  He walked Xander inside, letting the ladies follow.  Xander paid the cover with a shy smile.

"Is your boy pimping you again?" the bouncer asked dryly.

"No, but the music makes him hotter so I get some explosive sex later," David noted.  "Ladies?"  Xander took Mortty and he took Abby out to dance with.  He liked Abby, she was the sweeter version of Mortty, who was nearly as naughty as Xander.  "We don't mind," he assured her.  "We've known Mortty was sneaking after us.  Xander's got good hunting instincts."  He heard the shotgun blast and groaned.  "No.  Please no."  He stopped moving and looked toward Xander, who was already calling it in.  "Inside?" he mouthed.  Xander nodded at the bar.   He handed Xander his badge, he was carrying both of them.   Mortty pulled hers out of her bra and Abby gaped at that.  "They make us," David complained.  "Sit somewhere safer, Abby.  Mortty?"  She nodded and took Abby back into the back part of the crowd, near the wall.  He and Xander moved closer to the disturbance.  He could hear sirens.  The gunman was looking nervous.  "Shit," he moaned.

Xander looked at him and nodded him back.  "Go be with the ladies, David."  David nodded and headed back, taking his phone with him.  The manager caught his eye and shook his head.  Xander flashed his badge and the manager groaned.  He nodded and moved slightly closer, toward the end of the bar.  You could hear the sirens right outside now.  "Hey," he said quietly.  "Maybe you should just run.  The cops are here.  Just take off out the back door."  The man with the shotgun glared at him.  "Dude, seriously.  There's at least four cop cars out there, that means at least eight cops.  You're a single guy.  They're going to shoot you to kill you.  If you run, you've at least got a chance of finding safety and sanctuary.  So just take the money you want and go."

"I can't get the register open," the bartender complained.

Xander hopped the bar and came over to open it for him.  "Old fast food trick," he offered with a smile.  "Now, just go.  Please.  There's too many witnesses here and you don't want to shoot anyone.  That's life, man.  This is only ten to fifteen."  The man sneered and Xander put his badge on the bar.  "I'm Harris.  Out.  Now."  The man took the bag of money and backed up.  Then he turned and ran for the front doors.  He took a deep breath when the door shut and looked at the bartender, taking his badge back.  "Give it ten minutes. They've got him."  The man nodded and poured himself a beer.  "He would've shot if you kept stalling, man.  He was hyped."  He looked at the manager as he came out. "Can you pull the tape?"

"Yeah, I had the bouncer doing it already.  Thank you, officer."

"CSI Harris," he said dryly, smirking at him.  The man gaped. "He was hyped, it was going to turn ugly.  The first rule of bartending, convenience stores, and fast food.  Don't argue.  Especially not with cops outside."  He went to check on his man, who nodded that they were fine.  "They get him?"

"Yeah, they'll be right in according to Huey.  It was his night."  The door opened and a few cops came in.  "See?"  He waved at them and sipped his drink.  "Abby, you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said happily.  "Where are we going after this?"

"Cyclone?" Xander suggested.  "It's usually safer."

"Harris!" Huey yelled.

"You wanted him to shoot someone?" he called back.

"Well, no," one of the officers agreed.  "At least you knew we were there."

"Everyone heard the sirens," he complained.  "We called it in."  He looked at Jack Huey, getting a frown.  "First rule of food service, bartending, and convenience stores, Huey.  Don't argue."

"It is," he agreed.  "Thank you, Harris.   Now, shoo.  I'll get your statement tomorrow."

"It's not like I've been drinking."

"No, he's not going anywhere," one woman yelled, pulling her handgun and pointing it at Xander.  "Everyone else can leave but him!"

"How stupid are you to pull a gun in a club full of witnesses and cops?" Mortty called.  The woman shot over her head.  "Never mind.  Abby?"

"No, you're staying!  You're not our sort! You sullied us!  They probably followed you here!" she finished at a yell.

"He was here since nine, miss," the manager offered.  "Long before they got here.  Now please put it down."

The officers looked at each other and couldn't come to a silent agreement.

"At least let everyone else but us and the other cops go," Xander ordered calmly.  The woman nodded and everyone else hurried out. He sat on the table, looking at her.  "Lady, I may not be Cuban, but I've been salsa dancing for years now.  And no, he was here before us.  We've only been here for an hour."

"It was you sorts coming in here that drew him."

"Actually, it was probably the women like you, who have about sixteen grand of jewels on, that drew him," Abby noted.  "They don't go to the slummy clubs."

"Shut up!"

"Lady, I'm a Fed," she said dryly, pulling her ID and badge.  The woman whimpered. "You're in deep shit.  Now sit down and put the gun down.  You've got six cops and a Fed in front of you.  You've only got nine bullets in that clip and you've used at least one.  You won't make it.  I can promise we will shoot you if you try to hit any of us.  Then you'll be dead."

"I said shut up!"

"Fine," Abby agreed, shrugging.  "It's your life."

"Lady, you don't even know me."

"Oh yes I do. You're in the papers.  You're a *cop*," she sneered. "You test guns and solve cases.  You do bombs."

"True," Xander agreed. "And I choose to bring my husband here, like half the crowd did."  She sneered greater. "Ah, that's your problem."  He slid off the table and moved closer. "I tried women, they were boring," he said dryly, making a sudden move and pulling her closer, pinning the gun between them. "Women like you drove me away from being straight," he said, staring into her eyes.  She tried to struggle, but his finger was bigger and taking up most of the trigger guard.  He pulled her closer by the hand on the back of her neck, sneering into her eyes.  "I'd quit before you get hurt.  I have control of the gun."  She let out a shriek and a few of the cops came over to grab her.  The gun did discharge but it was past his arm. "Nice one, lady, that adds another five years."  He blew a kiss and handed over the weapon.  "Tell the swing to have fun with that."  That got a nod and they drug her off.  He looked at his friends and husband.  "We all good?"

"Well, we are but you're bleeding," Abby noted, coming over to look at his arm.  "Just a small graze."

"I'm fine.  I just need a bandaid.  I've got one in the car," he admitted, smiling at her.  "Come on, David."

"You're getting that treated."

Xander looked up then at him.  "It's a scratch, David. I'm fine."  He led him to the bathroom so he could take off his shirt and show him.  "See, just a scratch.  I barely felt it."  He stole a kiss and then walked him back out, going to take them home so he could change clothes and then they could go back out.

Abby saw the laptop.  "Can I email Gibbs so he knows I'm okay and he doesn't have to show up?"

"Sure," David agreed, logging her on and into the email program.  "Make sure he knows you're safe and protected by the alpha dog in the city."  He went to check on Mortty, who was hugging Xander.  "He's fine," he reminded her, giving his mate a kiss over her shoulder.  "All cleaned up?"  He nodded.  "Good, then let's go back out unless you want a night in front of the tv."

Xander grinned.  "True, she hasn't seen the miracle that is me being hunted."  She giggled and pinched him on the nipple.  "Hey!  Not yours!" he complained, rubbing it.  "Only David gets to play with those."  He found a shirt he wanted and put it on, then headed back down the stairs buttoning it.  "Okay, I'm done."  He found Abby scanning the picture.  "Sending it to your boss so he doesn't jump on a plane?"

"Yup.  He's a bit paranoid that I'm going to get into trouble.  He worries a lot."  She hit the send button once the picture had uploaded then stood up and smiled at him. "You look even more goth," she teased, taking off the sweater. "I'm so proud of you."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "I wish we had an open spot. I wouldn't mind you three and Greg coming back with me.  Can I pack Greg?  I'm sure Gibbs won't mind if I switch Ziva for him."

"You'd have to ask him," he said with a gentle smile.  "David."  He came out of the kitchen with Mortty.  "Cyclone?"

"It's safer," David agreed.  "Or we could go to Mercury."  Xander beamed at that.  "Since you're now hyped up and naughty."  He finished his milk and walked the women out, shutting and locking the door behind them.  The dogs were at the hotel tonight too.  It was a nice vacation for them.

***

Abby giggled as she answered her phone.  "Hi, Tony!"  She beamed at her sister, who rolled her eyes.  "No, I'm okay.  Xander handled it very well."  She giggled and shook her head.  "No, Xander's CSI Harris.  He does ballistics, trace, and field stuff, plus bombs.  I met him because he came to look at a few car bombs at the airport as we were leaving.  My sister works with him.  Did you get the pictures?"  She bounced a bit, smiling happily.  "Yup, the dark haired one is Xander.  Sure!"  She beamed at the new growl.  "I miss you too, Gibbs.  How are things there with my temp?"  She listened to him complain.  "Oooh, you poor baby," she cooed.  "Don't worry, I'll be back right after the convention!"  She giggled.

"No, I'm fine.  Xander handled it very prettily.  Well, I was thinking about sneaking one of the field techs here back in my suitcase and having him take out Ziva and take her spot," she offered, "but he's taken and his girlfriend is scarier than I am.  She threatened to go evil and destroy us all if we took her boyfriend.  Well, some girls are possessive, Gibbs.  If you dated nicer women, like me, you'd know that.  'Cause if you had been my spouse, you never would've escaped."  She giggled again.  "No, I'm okay.  Did you see the picture?  No, we went to a *real* vampire bar.  Like with real vampires!  Yeah!  And tonight I'm going to ask where the ones in DC are.  Of course!" she scoffed.  "Right after the convention.  Well, you could come in for that," she offered sweetly.  "I love you.  Laters.  Mortty's gotta go to work and she's dropping me off at the major goth tourist section.  Have fun and behave."  She hung up and rolled her eyes.  "He worries so much."

"He's not used to having a Xander nearby," Mortty reminded her.  She put on her favorite collar and stood up.  "Like it?  Xander's last birthday present."  Abby grinned.  "Come on, otherwise I'm going to be late.  Then I've got the rest of the week off until after the convention."  They linked arms and walked out together.

***

Xander looked up as his phone went off. "Harris," he sighed.  "No, I'm not on call today.  I know very well I'm not on call today. This is my other day off.  Well, I could be mowing the lawn but I'm reading Harry Potter," he admitted.  "Why?"  He listened.  "They were there.  Yeah, and I heard the sirens," he complained.  "He was hyped and shaking, he was going to fire.  That got him away from the majority of soft targets, Welsh.  That's protocol, right?  Have him get away rather than having him shoot at the soft target-shaped people?"  He smirked. "I thought so.  No, I'm sure Abby's called her boss to reassure him she's fine."  He snorted, then rolled his eyes. "I love you, Welsh, but I'm not pulling overtime and since I was there I can't process those guns.  So have swing do it when they come in."  He hung up and went back to his reading.  "I love you," he called.

"Tell Welsh I said no," David called back.

"I already did."  He smiled and went back to his reading, sure he was going to be protected yet again today.  His packmate was very good at that.

David hung up the kitchen phone and shook his head, mentally cursing the police department.  He didn't know how they got along before Xander.

***

Abby squealed and went to pounce the guy walked into the convention hotel, hugging him with her legs around his waist.  "Tony!"

"Abby, heavy," he moaned, patting her on the back.  "Down?"  She slid down and he smiled at her.  "How are you?"

"I'm great!  Mortty and I have been doing a lot of stuff and Xander's taken me out a few more times.  Did you know people want him enough to pay him even if they can't have him?"

"It's more like especially if they can't have him," Gibbs said as he came in, reading a file.  He looked at her.  "You make dangerous friends."

She snorted.  "Oh, please.  Xander's a fuzzy puppy.  He'd never hurt anyone not hurting his friends and family.  Like Mortty and David, his husband."  She hugged him.  "Didn't I look so hot in that dress?"

"You did and your hair looked nice too."  He tugged on a pigtail.  "Where is your knight?"

"Dining room.  He works midnights so he's getting coffee to go back to days for the convention."  She cooed at the dogs trotting over.  "Oh, aren't you so cute!" she cooed, picking up Xander's to pet.  "Yes, you're a good girl, Sarah.  And you too, Nick."   She picked up that one to cuddle him too.  "They're CSI dogs.  They help around the lab."   She looked around, then back at Sarah.  "No Diefenbaker?"  Sarah whimpered and licked her so she rubbed noses with her.  "Daddy's in the dining room with the coffee stuff."  They tracked him by smell and she beamed at him.  "Nick is Sarah's son and he was born under a mass spec in Mortty's lab before it was hers.  They're very well trained around the lab."  She saw a dog she didn't know and smiled.  "Oooh, you're so cute.  You must be MacKenzie.  I was told you'd be coming," she cooed, letting the dog sniff her hand then pet it.  "Ooh, someone's had some stress itching.  Was it a stressful week for the prime minister?"

"Very," the blonde woman following him admitted.  "Calleigh Dusquene," she said, shaking her hand.  "You?"

"Abby Sciuto.  NCIS, DC.  I'm in visiting Mortty, Xander, and David.  Well, I just met Xander and David, but I'll come back to visit them.  Xander's sucking coffee since he's back on midnights."

Calleigh grinned. "Yeah, he's had a long week.  Horatio's been mean all week to everyone and little MacKenzie there hasn't been at work with me so he doesn't bite him."  She picked up her dog and smiled at the men.  "Hi, Calleigh Dusquene.  Ballistics, Miami."

"Special Agents Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Tony DiNozzo," Abby introduced.  "Part of the field team I work with."

"Oh, that's so cool.  I'm off to find this one's grandfather and to see if I can find a Mountie.  Diefenbaker's outside trying to mug the delivery driver with the Chinese food."

Abby let out an ear-piercing whistle.  "Mounties!"  Rennie nearly teleported in front of her.  "Diefenbaker's mugging the Chinese delivery guy outside."  He groaned and headed that way. "Not his Mountie, but one of Stan's Mounties," she said happily, taking Gibbs and Tony's arms.  "Come on, we can all head that way.  Have you guys checked in?"  They all nodded so she beamed, walking them toward where she could hear someone babbling happily.  "Awwwww.  Diefenbaker was mugging the guy delivering chinese."  Sarah ran out to help him.  "That's so cute!"

"And there's our missing Prime Minister," Xander cooed, taking him.  "Oooh, someone had a bad week."

"Horatio's been on a rip at work for the last few days so I've had him at home," she admitted happily.  "Boys, this is Xander and his husband David.  They're local.  He's Ballistics and Trace, and David is Trace."  She took her dog back, letting him cuddle and lick her face.  "Yes, I missed you and Horatio will calm down," she promised.  "Yes he will.  Even if I do have to send him a hooker for stress relief."  Xander and David both smirked at that, Xander letting out a few snickers.  "Hey, conventions are an escape.  He needs one."  She sat down, the dog in her lap.  The waiter started to open his mouth.  "I carry a gun," she noted dryly.  He backed off and got them some more coffee and some pastries.  "Thank you," she said happily.  She smiled at Xander.  "How are your nights?"

"Going pretty good," he admitted, smiling at Gibbs.  "Let me guess, you're Abby's toys?"

"We're her team," Tony said.  "I'm no one's toy."

"Pity," Calleigh said with a smirk.  He grinned back.  "So, Xander, did you get to see the new model Winchester yet?"

"No," he pouted. "David said I egged on the person who gave me her panties and diamonds to dance with her and make her get off on the floor so I'm not allowed near the guns until he says so."

Calleigh pouted. "That's mean, David."

"It's self preservation.  He's still drawing psycho women who want to pay him to look at his butt."  He sipped his coffee and looked at Gibbs.  "Do your people have this problem or is it only Xander?  Especially when he and Abby dance.  It's just distracting.  I'm almost jealous."

Gibbs spluttered a bit.  "Abby, were you being naughty?"

"No, Gibbs.  I was a prop for Xander's naughtiness.  We look nearly as hot together as he and David do," she said proudly.  "Too bad David claims that tight butt for himself.  But then again if I tried, he'd make me an evil woman like he did the others and then I couldn't see your smiling face every day, Gibbs."  She smiled at him and he rolled his eyes, getting more coffee.

"I still like the collection of lesbians who paid us money after watching David and I make out in a corner," Xander said dryly.  Tony spluttered and Gibbs looked shocked, while the women laughed.  "I turned them down earlier and David and I were in a dark corner of a gay club and they decided to watch and paid ten grand for it after the fact, when we realized they were there."  David blushed at that.

"The problem is that things like that keep happening," David complained, looking at his mate.  "Greg's nearly figured out what it is and then we're going to bottle and sell it, Xander."

"Sure.  Please, that way I get hit on less and you get less jealous.  Though I do like to be claimed," he said with a small blush.  David pinched him under the table, making him yelp.  "I'll behave."

"Good."

"Oooh, Stella, Danny!" Calleigh called, waving.  "Come over and meet MacKenzie."  They came over to hug her.  "MacKenzie, these are Danny and Stella.  They can even make Horatio smile."

"It's the stress," Horatio said as he came in.  He looked at the dog.  "Fine, you can come back.  But you stay out of the morgue."

"It wasn't his fault someone sent us beef.  At least he tracked it."  He gave her a look and the dog growled. "You quit before I have to hire him a hooker," she ordered her dog.

"Should you, I'm going to ground you to the lab when we get back," Horatio offered.  "CSIs Harris and Hodges," he said, nodding politely. "Thank you for letting her have MacKenzie.  It's lightened her life and her spirits many times."

"Not an issue," Xander said happily.  "Sit, pull over chairs, guys.  I don't bite unless you attack David or Abby.  Or Mortty but she's still getting dressed."  They pulled over more chairs and sat around.  He looked at the two other people.  "Where do you guys come from?"

"New York.  Mac said he met you during a ballistics seminar a few years back."

"That's when we met," Calleigh said happily.  "And yeah, that's when I got MacKenzie."  Sarah came back looking very smug.  "Looks like you won against the delivery driver," she said smugly, letting her into her lap too.  The dog walked around the others and plopped down in her father's lap with a sigh.  Nick crawled into David's and grinned at him.

"Yes, hi, Nick."

"You forgot me already?" Warrick joked as he came in.  "He's parking the car."  He looked at the dog.  "Hi, Nickie.  Where's Greg?"

"Getting some sleep now that Dawn has to work," Xander said dryly. "So he can fight back if Abby steals him."  He grinned at him.  "Hi, Warrick."

"Hi, Xander.  Hi, David.  Has he been good, David?"

"Hell no," he said dryly, shaking his head.  "Dumbass there danced with someone last night and got her diamonds and her panties handed to him."

"It's a nice thing that I can sit this morning," Xander added with a grin.  "He got really jealous and possessive."

"I would too," Danny said, smirking at him.  "That happen often?"  David nodded.  "Any idea why?"

"Greg's still trying to figure it out," Abby told him happily.  "All we know is that Xander attracts people who want to give him stuff but mostly leave him alone anymore.  Every now and then one wants to kidnap him but mostly they just want to slip him money like others get phone numbers.  Though I did get offered a spot between a trio of lesbians thanks to them."  Gibbs choked on his sip of coffee so she patted him on the back.  "I didn't take them up on it, Gibbs.  What would McGee say?"

"Probably not a lot that was intelligent," Tony noted dryly.  "Were they pretty?"  She smiled and nodded.  "He would've just moaned then."

"A lot," Stella agreed with a grin for her.  "Does it transfer?"

Horatio nodded, pointing at Calleigh.  "For two weeks."  She just smiled at him.  "You do know that Eric threatened to follow us to keep you out of trouble this time, correct?"  She giggled and nodded.  "Can we try?"

"I always try," she assured him happily.

The waiter came back and coughed.  "Are they service animals, ma'am?"

"No, honey, they're cops.  They help in the labs."  She looked at him.  "There's enough CSI around this table to cover up any murder.  Including the ballistics techs."  He backed off and went running.  "I should put his badge on him."  She dug in her purse and came out with the miniature harness she had created, putting it onto the excited puppy.  "Yes, I know, you love to go to work," she cooed.

Xander took off his ID and shorted the chain, putting it around Sarah's neck.  David did the same thing for Nick.  "There, all official."  He looked at Horatio.  "Has he been good in the lab?"

"He's been very good in the lab.  Last month someone sent us beef cut up to look like a person and he found it.  Nearly ate some of it but he found it."

"Good.  We've been teaching Sarah and Nick how to bomb sniff since they like our lawn grenades."

"Xander," David moaned.  "Didn't you make them all explode?"  He looked sheepish.  "If you put in more, I'm going to paddle you."

"Can I watch?" Abby asked.

"No, this'll be punishment.  The same as if he puts the flamethower on the door to scare away the Jehovah's Witnesses who want him really badly recently."

Warrick chuckled.  "Tell me you're kidding."  The look David gave him made him laugh harder. "Xander!"

"I'm being good!  They keep waking me up an hour after I get to bed!  Besides, it's too high to really hit anyone unless they're over seven foot tall and I'm not answering with a gun anymore."  Warrick and Calleigh both laughed at that.  "I try really hard to be good."

Gibbs snorted and shook his head. "I wondered about your file, kid."

Xander gave him a measuring look.  "Which part, Agent Gibbs?  The sick, torturing bastards trying to kill us or the lawyers for hell and the Pentagon who came after us to kill us?"

"Lawyers," Tony offered with a grin.  "So, do you get into the field too?"

"I do enough to keep my certification up and my hand in," Xander said happily.  "I usually get about two cases a month at the moment.  I'm needed more in my primary role as the ballistics tech and bomb tech now and then."

"You do bombs?" Horatio asked.

"I'm not the fastest but I'm very good at disarming most things up to nuclear things," Xander said proudly.  "I start making stupid mistakes when I have to play beat the timer at under thirty seconds.  Which is why my husband worries so much every time he hears SWAT has me."

"I would too," Calleigh agreed dryly.  Sarah barked.  "See, the women know these things and David can apparently touch that mindset."

"No, that's him," David assured her.  "He was raised by girls.  He still calls football gay sex in teams."  Stella burst out giggling at that.

"It is!" Xander defended.  "With those positions and things and all the butt patting?  It is!"

David patted him on the back.  "We'll finish making you a normal guy soon, Xander," he promised.

"David, you've had him now for three years," Warrick reminded him.  "I don't think you're going to fix that one.  Is he still watching curling?"  David moaned and nodded.

"How are the Mounties?" Danny asked.  "I heard you guys had some around here."

"We do.  Two of them are constantly over to help with cases," Xander said happily.  "They work with Detective Kowalski.  Rennie's here today and I'm sure Benny will be here soon enough.  Their boss wanted them to go away and not go jump their spouse."  That got some shocked looks so he grinned.  "It works for them."

David nodded.  "The alphas in Chicago are mostly gay, except for Vecchio.  We find it really amusing at times."

"Yeah, especially when I get the things like that letter bomb and the letter explaining the letter bomb," Xander reminded him dryly, shaking his head. "Then he shows up and complains to the cops arresting him that I'm gay."  That got some laughs around the table, making him shake his head.  "He complained because of the lawn grenades too."  David pinched him.  "Ow!  Meany!  Keep it up and I'm not buying you anything pretty for our anniversary."  He looked at Horatio. "So, how's Miami?"

"Warm and overcrowded," Calleigh admitted.

"Okay, then how's New York?" he asked the two from there.

"Today it's warm and it's still overcrowded," Danny admitted with a grin.  "I'm assuming the agents are from the DC area?" Tony nodded. "How's your area?"

"Crawling with people I'd rather never work with again," Tony admitted.  Abby swatted him.  "It is."  He looked over as someone else came in.  "We need a bigger table."

Xander giggled.  "We can head up to our suite.  Greg should be up by now and we've got a deluxe one since we've been here for the last few days thanks to construction on the water lines on our street."  David moaned and nodded.  "And the city is going to reimburse us or else," he reminded his mate. "Please remind me to make that call?"

"No, I'll make that call.  The Mayor's still worried that you're going to steal his wife since she pants over you."  He shook his head.  "Should we take this upstairs?"  Everyone refilled their coffee cups and grabbed danish, and he paid the check, following behind.  He nodded at his former coworkers, pointing up the stairs.  "Twelve-fifty," he called.  That got a nod and they went back to check in.  He caught up to Warrick and Nick.  "The rest just came in.  I told them where we are."  That got some nods and they headed up there.  He took the second elevator of people, looking at Gibbs.  "So, you came to save Abby from Xander?"

"Just to check on her," he admitted dryly.  "Was she safe?"

"Oh, yeah.  Everyone wanted Xander, not her.  She even got to giggle at some of them."  He shrugged and they got off so he led them down to the room, letting them inside.  "I still think we should've gotten the penthouse."

"It didn't sleep as many," Xander complained.  "This way if one of our friends ends up roomless, they can borrow a couch.  If Mortty ever moves."  He poked her and she jumped up, looking at him.  "Nap?"

"Yeah, you two kept me up with the noise last night," she complained.  "David, buy him a gag," she whined.

"I tried that, he still screamed through it," he said dryly, smirking at her.  He flopped down and Xander sat at his feet, letting the dogs play.  He played with his mate's hair.  "You should tell them that Abby was safe," he said quietly.

Xander coughed.  "Agent Gibbs, I promise Abby was very safe and well protected while she was here.  She even helped with a few cases."

"Oh, Gods," Mortty moaned.  "Don't remind me.  They had sixteen two-liters between them," she said at the amused look.  "In a day!  It was a kidnaping!  Xander's case and oh, Gods!"  She held her head, shaking it some.  "They bought out the local Godiva branch near the station and a case and a half of two liters. They didn't even share!  I thought Abby and I were hyper when we worked together, Gibbs."  He groaned at that memory.

"But we found them and it would've taken days otherwise," Abby reminded her smugly.  "Besides, I live on caffpows at home!"

"She does," Tony agreed dryly.  "Four or five of them a day."

Mortty looked up at him. "Then he went diving in the lake like that.  A bouncy, hyper Xander with a manic smile and a death wish for someone else and your Abby in the same state."  Gibbs shivered.  "Exactly!  They saved the kid's life, but still!"

Horatio smirked.  "We call that good work and give them time for a nap."

"Since when?" Calleigh snorted.  "I never get a nap time."

He shrugged.  "If you need one and you're in that state, tell me."  Then he smirked. "You have natural energy."

"So does Abby," Gibbs assured him, looking at Abby.  "Were you a pain?"

"No, Gibbs, I was a good girl and then we went to ride roller coasters at Six Flags."

"At least someone went with him," David said dryly.  "I can't."  Someone knocked.  "Who is it?"

"It's Grissom," he called.

Xander got up with a moan and went to get it, letting them in.  "Hi. Welcome to our home away from home since we have no water."  That got some indulgent looks.  "Water main reconstruction."  He sat back down.  "Put the dogs down, food's in the other room and so is the litter box, Grissom."  The dogs got down to sniff each other and yip and play, all but Calleigh's who was napping.  "Is he all right?"

"The vet says yes but he's been one tired puppy recently."

Xander got up and got a can of food, letting him sniff it and eat it happily.  "Looks like he needs some doggy caffeine.  He stroked the thin head.  "While you're up here, you can visit our vet for comparison since he's treated Sarah and Nick."

"I might, thank you, Xander."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "You take very good care of the dogs."

"He takes very good care of all of us," David assured her.  Someone knocked and Xander got up, and you could mentally see him counting. "It could be Bobby.  He wasn't sure if he was coming," he reminded him.

Xander opened the door and looked at the bellhop.  "Yes?"  The flowers were handed over with a smile.  "Thank you.  Do you need a tip?"

"That's all right, CSI Harris."  He smiled at the dogs.  "They're adorable, but the manager would like them kept out of that dining room. The back one allows dogs."  He winked and walked off.

Xander checked then closed the door before sitting down and looking at his card.  He sighed and handed it to David, who groaned and handed it to Mortty.

"Gregory Sanders!" Mortty yelled.  He came out of his bedroom in a pair of sweats and his hair messy a minute later.  She held up the card.  "Was that Dawn?"

"No," he said, reading it.  He looked at the front.  "It's from the florist here in the hotel," he said, handing it back to Xander.  "You want me to call someone?"

"Why?  I'll investigate it and hand 'em over," he said dryly, getting up and heading down there with Sarah following him.  He grinned at his dog, jogging a bit so she had to bark and catch up.  He walked down to the florist and waved the card.  "Who sent it?  They didn't sign it."

"It was one of the guests," he offered, taking the card to look at, then blinked at it and then at Xander.   "You really should report this."  He pulled out his badge. "Oh, that's fine then," he decided, smiling at him.  He looked it up.  "Room twelve-fifty?  Hmm.  Looks like someone tried to charge your room."

Xander snorted.  "I doubt my family did it.  Do you remember the guy?"

"Oh, yes, nice young man.  Very clean cut, sweet looking, smart.  He had a badge as well but it was shaped differently.  More like the ones you see on tv if I remember right.  He kept fiddling with his dark brown hair."

"Gold or silver?"

"Gold," he said, smiling at him.  "Yes, that was a detective."

"Did he say which woman I'm supposed to quit tainting or else he's going to blow me up?"

"No and I didn't watch him write the card either.  We were a bit busy with people sending flowers to their spouses in an act of pre-guilt for the cheating they'd be doing.  That was just an hour ago."  He looked at the man coming in behind him, smiling a bit.  "I'll be right with you."

"I wanted to match the handwriting against my people's," he offered, taking the card.  Xander looked at him, giving him a patient look. "It's not my people so it wasn't about Calleigh," Horatio offered, handing it back.  "We can ask Gibbs and DiNozzo if it's their people or Stella if it's someone else from up there."

"I'm not really tainting anyone," he complained. "I don't know how to taint people."  He grimaced, looking at the florist.  "Anything else you remember?"

"His skin tone seemed off, like he was wearing makeup."

"Interesting.  Dark hair, gold badge, clean cut, smart looking, sweet looking.  Anything else?"  The florist considered it and shook his head.  "Thank you."  He smiled and went to the hotel's security desk, showing them the card. "About an hour ago, dark hair, clean cut, looked smart and sweet.  Charged it to my room," he said dryly.  "Can we check the tapes?"

"I can," he agreed, leading him back there to look them over.  "By the way, the bellhop gave you the message about the dog, right?" he asked, looking down at Sarah, who barked and wagged her tail.  "You have been very good while you were here, Sarah.  We're very proud and happy to have you here.  Yes, we are."  She trotted more happily.  He opened the door to their surveillance room.  "Tune one to the florist, about an hour ago.  Dark haired guy, clean cut, sweet looking."

"Gold badge if it helps," Xander offered.  "He said it was like the ones on tv so I'm guessing a shield."  The guy behind the monitors nodded and zipped a tape back, putting it on the main monitor.  "Hmm."

Horatio coughed. "Can you print a copy?" he requested. "It's got to be from one of a very few departments."

"Of course...."

"Lieutenant Caine, Miami-Dade CSI," he offered, shaking his hand.  "You know CSI Harris?"

"Everyone in town knows CSI Harris," he said dryly.  "And how he hates the press, especially since they broke in to try to get a comment while he had radiation poisoning."

"I still hope her hair fell out," Xander said dryly.

"Well, it sure looks like a wig," he offered with a smile.  "More radiation or remodeling?"

"City water reconstruction on our street.  We're without water and they're keeping us up since I work midnights."  The security guys nodded, understanding that.  "After the third day of no sleep when I threatened to blow up the city we came here after I was sedated for a bit."  That got a smirk.  "Seriously, Kowalski had Mountie Turnbull sedate me."  That got a bigger grin.  "I know, but it was needed."  He shrugged and accepted the printouts.  "Thank you."  He smiled at them.  "You guys are so nice.  Just give us a few more days.  Come on, Sarah.  Let's go see your family."  She barked politely then followed him.

"That is one polite dog," the security guy told Horatio.  "Yours?"

"He's good at that but he's not quite that polite all the time," he offered dryly, stalking the kid back up there. Xander presented the picture. "I figure one of us in this room know him."

"Oh, I do," Gibbs promised dryly, handing it to Abby, who squealed.  "You want him or can I have him?"

"Oh, no, I want Mr. Palmer," she said dryly, getting up and going to find him.

"Is he part of your team too?" Xander asked.  "The florist said he had a gold shield, like on tv."

"He's our ME's assistant," Tony told him.  "Has a crush on Abby and thinks she's sweet and kind."

"Which she is, just a bit odd," Gibbs added for good measure.  He pulled out his cellphone. "Ducky, Gibbs.  Where's your little tagalong so Abby can kill him.  No, he sent a threatening flower bouquet."

"That he charged back to us," Xander noted dryly.  He let Horatio walk around him then sat back down, snuggling up to his mate's calf.  "Someone should probably make sure she doesn't kill him."

"McGee's somewhere the hotel in case something else happens," Tony told him. "That would be her actual boyfriend. He's not going to be a happy camper."

Gibbs hung up and called Abby's phone, getting her.  "Room 0157, Abs.  Have fun with that.  Ducky's disgusted with him."  He hung up and smirked at the boys.  "Do you often get those too?"

"No."  He shrugged.  "Usually I just get paid for being alive."

"Boss, when they figure out how he does that, can I have some?" Tony asked.  "It'd be helpful undercover."  He got a headsmack.  "Sorry, boss."  He rubbed the sore spot. He looked at Horatio.  "He abuses me horribly.  Could you use me and not abuse my poor, damaged cranium?"

"Not really.  I run the labs.  I could use CSI Harris and Hodges, plus possibly CSI Sanders to keep them together."   Mortty pouted at him.  "I have two DNA techs."

"Meany.  Don't take my Xander!  Then what would I do?"

"Don't assassinate someone to get their spot," Stella warned her.  "We'd catch you for that."  She grinned at her. "How have you been, Mortty?  I didn't see you last year."

"I was helping with a gross serial killer.  It was just nasty," she told her, shifting closer to her to hug her, whispering in her ear and getting a grossed out face.  "Yeah, so that's where I was.  I felt like I had morning sickness I was so sick all the time."

"I'd have been sick too," she promised, giving her a pat on the knee.  "We should pal around tonight."

"Xander wanted to skip the ball tonight since he hates the uniform," David offered.  "That way I'd have backup to pull people off his butt."

Warrick laughed. "Yeah, David," he snorted. "Like that worked in Vegas."

"We managed to get him out of the salsa club and away from the women, it just took all four of us and him being willing to leave," he shot back with a smirk.  He looked at Stella again.  "That's not a problem but if he gets taken I expect help with at least a distraction."

"We can do that," Calleigh agreed happily.  "Did they ever work out your badge issue for the lab techs?"

"We had to take some minor classes to get ours," Xander said bitterly.  "I'd still rather be a lab tech instead of a lab tech and a cop.  Before I only had to call stuff in and jump in if I had to.  Now I have to call it in and I have to jump in.  It makes David worry more and I'd like some days when I don't have to carry a gun."  He looked back at David. "You're picking the place," he noted dryly.  "It'll be safer that way."  David nodded at that, making Mortty laugh.  "It will be.  He actually found six whole clubs where I haven't gotten paid yet."  Danny snickered at that.  "Seriously, man.  Ask Warrick and the Vegas guys about the time we went out together."  Warrick and Nick both moaned.  Grissom just smiled and shook his head.  "We were between clubs, having a snack at a jazz bar sorta place."

"When this woman two tables down starts to flirt with him," David said, shaking his head.

Nick snorted.  "She kissed him once, put a roll of money into his hand.  Said 'here, you'll need this', kissed him again.  He protested, a lot, and she still walked off leaving it with him."

"Then we went to this salsa club," Warrick moaned.  "Every other woman he looked at gave him money, no matter who was with him. He'd protest, they'd get hotter.  We came in the next morning and the ones he turned down had sent it to the station."

"Not even all in Xander's name," David finished dryly.  "Some of them remembered Warrick's name instead of Xander's.  It was funny at the time, but when it keeps happening and keeps going, even after you're married to him and you know he doesn't want it, it gets tiring."

"And let's not mention the pseudo-seer sorority chicks," Nick threw in dryly, smirking at Xander, who just moaned.  "Never, ever let the boy in a bachelor auction, guys.  Ever.  He got kidnaped after one by this sorority of flakes thinking they were the next incarnation of the Seers of Apollo. The ones with the snake and the fumes.  Took him and then Captain Brass hostage.  Then two more tries later that night by other people when we got them free."

"Which was about when I finally and fully gave up on women," Xander said dryly.

"Yeah, like I blame you," Warrick said dryly.  "David, you're much stronger than I am.  I'd have put a veil on him and locked him in the house by now."

"I tried that one day. Someone came into the house to kidnap him and ended up kicking Sarah in the side.  She was not a happy dog.  Neither was that woman when Ray got to her."  That got a lot of laughs and Gibbs moaned, shaking his head.  "It isn't just that stuff. Going to the movies and some guy shoots at our car for us kissing in the middle of stalled traffic.  He started to cry when he figured out what he had done."

"The movie people who didn't want him," Greg reminded as he came out.  His dog came over to cuddle.  "Hi, Nick.  Hi, Nick and Warrick."  They waved and smiled. "Hey, Gris.  I'm much less trouble now."

"I can tell.  How is Dawn?"

"Fussy.  Abby threatened to kidnap me and steal me back to her job."

Tony DiNozzo looked at him and shook his head.  "We'd get hell for that and have to spank her."

"She'd probably like it," Gibbs admitted, standing up.  "We should go stop her soon.  Before we have to ask someone to clean up the body."  Tony nodded.  "We'll be right back with our brat."  They walked out together.

Greg took his seat, grinning at Calleigh's lap muffin.  "He looks comfy."

"He is but he's exhausted for no reason."

Xander pulled out his phone and called the vet. "Hey, doc, it's Xander.  No, one of the offspring is at the convention and he's napping instead of playing.  No, the greater majority are here," he admitted. "Please?"  He smiled. "How much after our credit with you guys?"  He nodded.  "I can get that.  It's not much.  Thanks, doc.  He'll be here in an hour," he offered once he hung up.  "We've got a credit with him thanks to both of us paying the vet bill after she got kicked in the ribs."  He shrugged.  "Personally that stuff in the club is fun at times, but at others it's a pain.  But we paid off the mortgage."

"Damn," Danny breathed.  "When you guys bottle that, I'm getting some.  Even if I have ta starve for a year."  Stella nudged him.  "It'd pay for itself!"

"Yeah, but you'd have to be wary of kidnaping," David reminded him.  "He came here after that auction mess and got taken hostage by some bored mob wife who was getting back at her husband for slapping her.  She bought him a full new wardrobe and a few other things, plus bribed the LVPD to ignore what happened, but he was still her hostage and shopping buddy for four hours."

"Plus plenty of them still want to hurt me," Xander pointed out dryly.  "I got an offer off the copycat of that serial killer in Germany who ate his willing victim."  He looked back at his husband.  "By the way, Ford wants you to figure out a cure, not how to bottle it.  He said he's tired of running after the inner-state problems I keep creating by being myself."

"He can bite me," Greg said dryly. "He hasn't had a good case in a while and they're usually fairly easy to track down.  It's making him look good so he can hit DC and go back to pod central."  Xander snickered at that. "Ford's a dick, but he's a smart dick.  He's playing politics with this situation all he can to get back to DC."  Gibbs and Tony came back with Abby, who had a card key.  "Back already?"  She sat in his lap and he gave her a long look.  "I'm still taken."

"So are all the chairs," she said happily, beaming at him.  "Xander," she said, looking at him.  "Mr. Palmer is very sorry and would be tendering his apology in person but he presently can't speak and Ducky's chewing him a new one over the phone as well.  So please forgive his naivety.  He's very sorry his rose-colored glasses included the programming about thinking I'm a virgin."  David snickered at that as Gibbs groaned.  "Sorry, boss."

"Keep it up and I'm telling the Probie," Tony taunted, taking the last free seat.  Gibbs hauled him up and sat down.  "Boss, I don't wanna sit on your lap."

"C'mere, studly, I can shift over and you can wiggle your butt in here," Calleigh offered, wiggling closer to Danny, who smiled at her.  "Yes, I know, I'm surrounded by cuteness."  Tony just grinned at that.

"Don't stroke his ego, he doesn't need it," Gibbs told her.  He hauled Abby off Greg's lap and put her in his.  "That way you don't plan a kidnaping.  You'd hate prison, they don't have coffins."  She giggled and hugged him.

***

Danny walked Stella back into their precinct back home, letting her show off while he played bodyguard.  Mac Taylor, their boss, and the Detective they worked with, Flack, both whistled at her new look.  "The idiot who stole her gave her a makeover and gave her this stuff when we broke her out," he defended, shaking his head and walking off. Not that he hadn't had fun but watching Xander work was tiring at times. "Hey, Mac, I'm following Horatio's example and taking a nap," he called as he walked off.

"Fine, Danny."  He looked at her.  "You were kidnaped from the convention?"

"No, we went clubbing again last night," she admitted.  "Xander draws some idiots and this one thought I was prettier than he was."  She smiled sweetly.  "I'm told he has to claim this stuff and the Chicago PD didn't wanna hear about it since Xander was involved and it was one of his things as they call them.  Who do I tell here?"

"I don't know," Mac admitted.  "Who do they tell there?"

"IAD there has a special list of people like Xander who get offers in the clubs and protest, but they end up with the money and stuff anyway."  She looked at Flack, who was choking.  "I was standing beside him when this really gorgeous, like model gorgeous, woman walked up to him, took off her engagement ring, wrapped it around her number, and stuck it down his pants.  Not in his pocket, down his pants."  She held up a hand.  "He spluttered and protested that he was already married.  She shrugged, stole a kiss and tipped him a fifty before walking off and catching a cab.  Even Horatio laughed at that one."  She shrugged at him.  "So, who do I tell?"

"Internal Affairs probably," he admitted dryly, smirking and shaking his head.  "So I take it you had fun getting a makeover?"

"Not too bad.  He played Sinatra the whole time."  She shrugged and went to call that office.  Even though all the cops hated them, coming to their attention for something like this wasn't what she wanted.

"How long does this last?" Mac called.

"Ask Caine.  He said Calleigh had the same problem last time.  This time she got given rubies and diamonds," she called back. She turned to smile at him. "Danny wants some when they figure out how to dilute whatever this is and bottle it."  She smirked and winked, then turned back around.

"Hell, I want some of that," Don Flack muttered, walking off to go pout in private.

***

Down in DC, Abby sat at her desk with a sigh and looked at Tony as he came in.  "Hi."

"Hi."  He gave her a hug.  "Are you okay?"

"A bit depressed.  Can't we hire Xander, David, and Greg?"

"No.  Can you imagine the director's face after having to deal with Xander?"  She smiled at that.  "So, I know Stella got a makeover.  What happened to you?"

"Oh, he did a few new holes for me," she said weakly, smiling at him. "Then filled them with really pretty stuff."  She flicked the emerald stud in her ear.  "He said he was going to make me a virgin sacrifice on his altar to the Gods of Power.  When I pointed out I wasn't one he just shrugged and said it didn't matter that much to him, he could still have me anyway."  The door opened and McGee walked in, making her smile weakly at him.  "Hi."

"Didn't you have a good vacation?" he asked, smiling at the new earring. He had been sent back with Palmer that first night and hadn't been allowed to go back.

"Probie, the guy who captured her last night put that and a few other ones in," Tony told him dryly.  "He wanted her to be a virgin sacrifice."

"Which wasn't nearly as fun as I thought it could be," she complained, looking at her boyfriend.  "Xander rescued me and Gibbs had to laugh when he saw how.  It was the only time I was taken though. Calleigh got it both times."  Tony groaned and rolled his eyes.  "Do I have to report this to the Director?"  Tony nodded.  She sighed and got to work typing it out, letting them read over her shoulder.  McGee spluttered a few times.  "I'm told they'll feel really nice in a few days," she noted dryly as she kept going. "Until then I've got a warm bath."  She finished and typed her name, then handed it over once it came out and it was signed as well.  "Here.  Please hand that to Gibbs so he can slip it to her?"

"I didn't need that mental image," Tony noted dryly, leaving them alone for a bit.

"Are you okay?" McGee asked, looking around before giving her a hug.

"Yeah, I had a blast until last night.  Then I got really tired and IAD there didn't even want to deal with it because these things happen to Xander.  Some woman last night stole him from dancing with David, his husband, and kissed him, then slid money into his shirt pocket before strolling off with him complaining.  Because you have to complain to not be arrested for it apparently.  The Internal Affairs guy and the FBI guy both laughed their asses off when they saw what was going on.  He's the only guy I know who got paid ten grand for making out in front of a bunch of lesbians.  Oh, Gibbs and Tony said I should tell you that three lesbians offered me the creamy filling position if I wanted."  He closed his eyes and shook his head, then kissed her on the forehead.  "I didn't take 'em up on it."

"I didn't think you would," he promised quietly, smiling at him. "Are you okay other than tired?"  She smiled and nodded, then smiled over his shoulder as Gibbs came in.  "Morning, boss."

"Yes it is," he agreed dryly, handing her the new soda.  "Here you go, Abby.  Are you all right?"

"A bit sore in a few places but otherwise okay."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "McGee doesn't believe me about the money stuff."

He looked at the kid.  "The boy made close to thirty grand last night, protesting the whole way and trying to get them to take it back.  The FBI liaison out there taped it because he knew it was going to cause a problem with so many in the group. The more people he goes out with the more problems he runs into.  Which also meant that all the women in the party got given stuff and DiNozzo.  I think whatever's infecting Harris awakened it in him."

She giggled.  "Tony could not make it through the airport without women just flinging their numbers at him."

"I talked to Harris before we left, he said it usually wears off after two weeks," Gibbs told her. "Report?"

"I gave it to Tony so he could give it to you and you could slip it to the Director," she said with a grin.  "He said he didn't want that mental image."

"It's not one I needed either," he assured her, cuffing her gently but smirking.  "Get to work, Abby.  You too, McGee."  He headed off shaking his head.  Harris was the only good agent-material cop he would hire in a heartbeat that he'd never think about hiring.  Just so he didn't have to deal with this.  He called Fornell, his FBI contact, on the way to his desk.  "We need a copy of the tape Ford made, Fornell.   Yeah, that one.  No, she's fine," he said as he got off the elevator.  "I'm sure she's fine.  No, she's at work.  Because we're seeing how long this lasts."  Tony gave him a smirk so he glared at him.  "Sure.  If possible.  Thanks, Tobias."  He hung up and looked at him.  "You try to keep it down too, DiNozzo.  No more incidences like in the airport when the mother offered her two daughters to you so she could have some."

"Not my fault, boss.  All I did was dance near the kid and be spluttered on at dinner."  Gibbs snorted and sat down.  "I put Abby's report on your desk along with mine.  Are we getting a copy of that tape?"

"Yup.  Just in case.  Besides, it'll look good on Ford, so he can escape Chicago.  That's got to be critical insanity at times."

"At least you and Caine decided not to offer him a spot, boss.  Not that David would move or anything but still."

"Good point."  He read both reports then went to hand them to the director, who just stared at him in horror.  "What?  Did I miss a spot shaving?" he asked sarcastically.

"I just got a video feed from the FBI and Agent Fornell, Jethro.  Who was that boy?"

"CSI Xander Harris, Director.  Ballistics.  Abby went to visit her sister, well cousin but they're that close, and he works with her.  He protected her nearly as well as I can.  I need a copy of that.  Whatever he has rubbed off on DiNozzo too."  She handed over the disc. "Thank you, director.  Happy reading."   He walked off, going to put the CD somewhere safe.  He was sure someone somewhere in the CIA was trying out how he did that stuff.  He wouldn't mind knowing but he might end up married again and that would be a bad thing in his book.

***

Down in Miami, Calleigh walked the baggie, the report she had typed up, and a copy of the DVD from Chicago into the Internal Affairs office.  Rick Stetler, hated all around by her team, smirked at her.  "I take it someone in Chicago called?"  He smirked harder and nodded. "Good. I didn't know protocol for gifts in those situations.  So here's the gifts, the reports from me and them, and a copy of the DVD.  I'm hoping it's not permanent this time."  She turned and walked out.  She could do without the jewelry if she had to but she would be damned if she gave him something else to hold over Horatio's head. A while later she was interrupted in her lab by a different IAB officer.  "What can I help you with?" she asked politely.  This one hadn't earned her everlasting ire yet.

"Here," he said, handing the jewels back to her.  "We have our own version of the list and after watching that DVD, we know it wasn't your fault.  Has this happened before?"  She nodded, handing him a copy of that last report.  "Thank you, CSI Dusquene.  We'll put you on our version of the list as well.  Try not to go out for the next two weeks, just in case.  We know this happens to some people more than others.  Those of us on this duty usually find it humorous."  He smiled at her.  "Are you all right?"  She nodded, smiling back.  "Okay, let's try to give it time to wear out before you go out again.  And even then, try to go out with an escort the first few times, all right?"  She nodded, smiling at that.  "Was there anything you wanted to declare?"

"No, I gave Stetler a typed report on what went on and that DVD, along with the baggie."

"That's fine then," he agreed with a small smile. He pushed over his card.  "Just take some precautions and call me directly the next time something like this happens.  I checked on CSI Harris' problems and they're trying to figure out the cause.  We'll watch you the same way, just in case."  She smiled and nodded.  "Good girl.  Now you have a better day, CSI Dusquene.  Ignore Stetler for now.  My boss cleared you.  He knew about this sort of problem before.  He was from LA and they had it too."  He walked out, much happier with his day.  He liked these cases instead of dirty cops.  The next IAB convention was going to be full of stories about this convention.  Harris was whispered about at all of them.

She smiled and tucked the card in her wallet, then the bag in her jacket pocket.  Eric Delko walked in and closed the lab's door. "What's wrong?"

"What happened to you?  You went to IA this morning."

"Yeah, I got given gifts while I was out last night at the convention and I had to report it," she said, then smiled happily.  "Nothing too major. They have a list of these events I had to be put on.  I'm supposed to give it two weeks before I go out again and then only go out escorted until we're sure that it's not a recurring problem."

"Recurring problem?  You make it sound like a rash!" he complained.  He scowled at her, arms crossed.  "Calleigh, what's going on?"  She handed over a copy of that report and he read it, then stared at her, mouth open.  "What?"  She beamed and nodded, handing over the baggie of jewelry.  "Hel...."  He let out his breath and handed it back, shaking his head.  "So, two weeks?"  She smiled and nodded.  "I'll start going with you, Calleigh, just in case.  Does H know?"

"He was right beside me," she admitted dryly.  "At least until that one woman picked him up and carried him off.  Kinda literally.  We had to go rescue him about an hour later. The others were in a bit more peril."  She smiled and waved at Frank Tripp as he walked their way.  "There's Frank."  She beamed when he leaned into the lab.  "Hi.  We're back."

"I can see that."  He smirked at her.  "What jewelry?  And why is Horatio smiling?"

"He got picked up and carried off last night," she offered, tossing him the baggie.  He gasped and looked at it, then at her.  "I look very cute in it too, he wanted to wind it around me and use it as bondage gear but I had to stop him so it just got piled on me."  She shrugged. "One of the guys with us kept getting cash.  Another of the women got stolen and pierced.  The other got a makeover."  She looked at her poor, tired puppy, who was napping in her desk chair.  "I had him checked.  He's been having lethargy.  They gave him a few shots and it seems to have worked better."  She shrugged. "They said it's not serious so he'll be up and playing in no time.  They also dewormed him."  She grinned at him again.  "It wasn't my fault.  And hey, he gets this every time he goes out."

"Then I feel sorry for his wife."

"Husband," she corrected with a bright grin.  "You'd like David.  He's as sarcastic as Speed ever was and about as smart.  Xander's got that hint of danger and mystery that drive people insane, but he's good at what he does.  Horatio liked him to come down here but then he realized what sort of problems he'd have so he's leaving him back there.  He might drive Stetler to shoot himself and we don't need another ballistics tech really."  He smiled at that.  "So, how was your time away from us?"

"Boring.  Thank you for coming back."  He walked off, heading to go back to work after stopping at Horatio's office to tease him.  "How was it?"

"Interesting," he noted calmly.

"I meant the girl Calleigh said picked you up and carried you off."

"Me too," he admitted with the hint of a smirk.  "I'm assuming she's safe?"  Frank nodded.  "Good.  At least they called the various departments to make sure everyone made it home all right."  He yawned and leaned back in his chair.  "At least I don't have anything at the moment.  I'll talk to you later, Frank."  Frank nodded and retreated, leaving him to get up and nap on his office couch.

Challenging Ballistics

Note: Challenged by one of my list members.  She wanted to see Xander be related to the people from _Scarecrow and Mrs. King_.  She got her wish.

Mortty opened up her email once she had everything put down, looking at the email message.  Since it was from her 'sister' Abby in DC, she sat down like the message line ordered.  She frowned, clicking on that one, reading it.  "Oh, shit," she said quietly.  "DAVID!"  He walked in and she pointed, getting out of the way.  "From Abby."

"Did she get pregnant by osmosis from dancing with him?"  He sat down and read the message, then one eyebrow slowly inched up.  "I know them," he admitted.  "Well, him.  I met him during a case that crossed into our territory and we had to provide lab results."  He read it for a third time, then got up and headed to talk to his husband.  "Xander."  Xander took off his earmuffs, putting down the gun he was test firing at the look on his mate's face.  "Um, sit, dear."  He sat on the floor, just staring at him.  "It's nothing bad."

"Bullshit.  With the look on your face it's either an apocalypse, Buffy's running around naked and claiming she's pregnant by me, or you're leaving me."

"I'm never going to leave you.  You bring misery to my gloom.  A pregnant and naked Buffy is an apocalypse, and if it were demonic, I'd be scowling.  No, Abby's boss said she had to input your DNA profile into the system after that convention.  After she saw the tape of the night out we had."  Xander nodded slowly.  "Were you maybe…adopted?"

"No.  They'd have gloated about that.  Why?"

"Because, unless the system is really warped and everything we know about DNA is wrong,  you're related to an agent in DC, he's your dad.  Your mom's listed as a classified file by the same agency.  I don't know why.  Abby said she'd hunt more information after she told Gibbs to get permission, then she'd send it to Mortty."

"I want that email in my hand!" he bellowed.  She walked it over and hugged him, having to bend down to do it.  He read it, frowning at it.  "I'm not adopted."

"I don't know what's going on," she soothed, patting down the hair she had messed up.  "Maybe this is like the baby scare, a really sick joke by some Feds."

He looked up.  "Mortty, babe, I don't want to see tits unless you're nursing the offspring you have for us someday."  She backed up, pulling her shirt back up. "Thank you."  Ray walked in, giving them an odd look.  He held up the email, they were great friends and what Xander knew about his family Ray knew about his family.  "Abby's boss is whacked in the head."

"Quite possibly," Mortty agreed.  "She tried to make her wear a business suit and preppie heels."

Xander whimpered. "That poor girl.  Did she knock her down the stairs to prove they were dangerous?"

"No.  Gibbs got her free of the polyester and preppie pumps.  Fortunately.  Or else we'd have another tech here already."  She took the email back from Ray's limp hand.  "She said she's searching it further when she finds out from Gibbs if she can do this during work hours or not.  If not, she can get into trouble if they find out and come for her for looking.  I don't know what's going on and neither does she yet."

Xander pushed himself up and went to his desk phone, tapping out a long distance number.  "Shitbag," he said darkly.  "You never told me I was adopted.  I'm surprised.  You'd usually hold that over my head, how all my failures were because I wasn't your kid."   He listened to his uncle rant at him. "Yeah, keep it up."  He looked at the phone in his hand, then cackled and hung up.  "Worst decision my mother ever made, stealing me from the hospital," he reported.  Mortty hurried back to report that to her sister.  "Apparently I'm such a disgrace that she turned herself in and they wouldn't take me back or arrest her for it."  David hugged him.  "Thanks, Dave."

"Can I hit your parents if they're alive?"

"He's alive and he's in Texas.  My paternal tormentor was in Vegas for a few weeks after the disaster but then he moved down there to live in redneck squalor.  No word on my mother but she wasn't screeching in the background so I'm not sure if she's alive or not."  David opened his mouth.  "Ecklie rubbed my face in it.  He found it when personnel records were taken down with the virus.  He tried to rub it in my face about three days before he sent me that gun."  He went to pick up the gun and get back to work.  "Firing that one now!" he called, firing it.  He gathered the bullet then brought it back to compare it.  "Tell Huey he's got a bad eye.  Not only is this the wrong caliber, but the wrong make.  I'll run it through the system, see if it can match anything in there."  Ray nodded, going to tell him that.  He looked at his husband. "If they show up, you will strip the house of any and all weapons, including the steak knives, kit knives, and my pocket knife, right?"

"Of course.  They'll go with Greg."

"No, not to Dawn's.  She'll help me.  Send them to Stan but make sure he won't let the Mounties have them.  I could probably talk them into giving them back to me."  That got a nod and David walked over to his trace lab, closing the connecting doors quietly.  Xander walked out when Ray yelled his name, looking at the person standing there.  "And you are?"

"Wondering why someone at a government agency was inputting you into the DNA database for agents and cops," he noted patiently.

Xander crossed his arms and canted his weight off to the side.  "I don't talk to people who don't identify themselves, unless you want me to make fun of you?"  The guy sneered and Xander suddenly moved, pushing him against the wall.  "You leave Abby the fuck alone," he growled, getting into his face. "Her boss made her do that.  I REFUSE to let anyone fuck with Abby.  If you think Gibbs is a hardass, you ain't seen me yet.  Do we have a clear understanding?" he hissed.  The agent nodded quickly.

"Xander, down," Ray ordered.

"Bite me."  He stepped back.  "Now, ID or leave, asshole."  It was handed over and Xander looked it, then went to his office to call Gibbs.  "I've got a fed here who's from a smaller agency than you?  It says classified under that.  Yeah, that one."  He listened to him.  "Really?  No, she stole me.  You can tell them that and get their dog outta my yard, Gibbs.  Before I hurt him.  I'm not having a good day.  Have Abby tell me personally, not email Mortty.  I almost ended up staring at her tits when she gave me a hug."  He hung up and walked them back out, tossing over the credentials. "Head home, sailor, and go through Gibbs.  He knows who I am.  Tell them I was stolen from the hospital if it helps, that's why my uncle said."  He waved and headed back to work.  "Ray, please make sure I eat lunch.  David forgot to get more cereal and milk.  We didn't even have any leftovers I could warm up."  He slammed his lab door, then kicked it.

Ray looked at the agent. "I'd do that personally.  He's not in a good mood and things tend to explode around him when he's in a bad mood.  Either that or his stalkers will come by to try ta steal and cuddle him again, which will make his husband go off."  The agent slunk out the door and ran off.  Ray went to call Gibbs himself to tell him what had happened.  Some days, dealing with Xander's life was more amusing than others.

***

In a small, secret basement office somewhere in DC:

"Um, Lee, have you got a moment?" an older, still pretty blonde woman asked as she peeked into the top person's office.  He nodded, putting down his pen.  "Um, this is going to be pretty hard to say, so just stay relaxed and we'll all be fine."

He looked at her.  "Should I have someone send a sedative for you?  You look like you need one.  Just spit it out, Francine."

"Okay.  Remember when Amanda was in a coma?"  He groaned and held his head, nodding.  "Um, well, there's some things that happened that we didn't tell you about.  For a very good reason," she said quickly at his glare.  "At that time, we didn't think you needed the stress and she was still pretty touch and go, so we were deciding to shield you.  The director then, Billy, said so," she offered hesitantly, backing up a step.

"Spit it out or I'm telling Amanda how you started off this conversation," he ordered, staring into her eyes.  She swallowed.  "Now, Francine."

"Well."  She took another step back.  The phone on the desk rang and she got a small reprieve while he listened then grunted.  "A problem with the transfer under  Homeland's banner?" she asked, sounding really hopeful, even though she'd been complaining about these problems for months.

"No, Gibbs is on his way down.  I didn't know we had a crossover case," he said, staring at her.  "Somehow I think this is related.  You've got *a* minute to spit it out.  Or else I'm asking him."

"Well, you remember how the baby was in trouble and they told you he didn't live?"  She winced at the growl.  "Well, Billy decided you shouldn't be told, because he didn't want you to have to worry about anything other than her.  I promise, it was done with really good intentions."

"The road to hell and all that," Gibbs said from behind her.  "Personally, it makes a lot of sense that Harris is yours."  He walked in and looked at her.  "Should I call Ducky to have him sedate you again?"

"No," she squeaked.  Lee, her boss and friend, glared at her and she ran out.  "I'll go pull his file."

"Don't bother, I brought it with me," Gibbs called after her.

"Harris?" he said, looking at the name.  "Alexander Harris.  I know that name."

"Really smartass ballistics tech.  Trained in Las Vegas, now in Chicago?  Part of their SWAT team?  You guys, or her, sent someone to talk to him.  Abby likes him and he respects me so I got a call about it, warning me he had sent the guy off pissing himself."  He sat down, looking at him. " He also said to tell you he was stolen from the hospital.  Plus I know he got a hit on the baby thing a few years back when they input the suddenly appearing child.  So, how's the wife?"

"She's going to be going on a tracking exercise later."  He opened the file, looking at the picture.  "He looks… every bit like her."  He tapped out a number on his phone, bringing his wife from her office.  He handed it to her.  "You're going to want to sit.  Before you have a stroke.  Francine started off a discussion about that young man by 'remember when your wife was in a coma'."  He gave her a look as she sat down to look over the file.

"He looks like the grandson."

"That's because apparently he's their uncle," Lee said dryly.  She glared at him.  He held up a hand. "I had no idea, but this was probably what Billy was talking about when he gasped out something about the hospital.  He told Gibbs to tell us he had been stolen from the hospital."  An intern brought in a very ancient folder and put it on the desk with a coffee pot, then fled.  Everyone in the building knew Gibbs and they hated it when he visited.  "Need a refill, Jethro?"

"Please."  He poured some into his Styrofoam cup.  "Thank you.  Amanda."

"Jethro."  She smiled at him.  "You know him?"

"I do.  He's working with Abby's cousin Mortty in Chicago.  He's a very …odd young man is the best way of putting it.  Xander, well.  He's got this problem with women who hand him money and things in the clubs, even with his husband there with him, on his arm.  I included the tape from the convention when we all went out together.  The Director saw that and had Abby put him into the database in case we ever ran into him again, probably as a kidnaping victim."  He shrugged.  "If I had known, I'd have drug him back with me after the convention, guys."

"No, it's not a problem," she said weakly, looking at her husband, pushing her hair back. "Didn't Billy tell you he didn't survive?"  Lee nodded.  "Then what happened?"

"I don't know."  He flipped open the other folder with a one-handed snap and got to work reading.  "He was stolen, the director encouraged the local officers not to press charges, saying that it was better if we weren't stressed additionally since there was a strong possibility that you'd have brain damage and that I was still being hunted, that it was safer."  He grimaced, looking at Gibbs.  "Is your new director that bad?"

"No, she just adds to my team, makes arbitrary decisions about my staff and their dress code.  Tried to get Abby to dress like Francine."  Lee groaned; he adored Abby, everyone who knew her did. "She was horrified after watching him be gifted like that and having Abby stolen for a few hours, along with a few of the other officers with us."  He shifted some, taking a drink of coffee. "I can tell you he's a very nice young man, but if you get in his face, you'd better pray.  I almost thought about recruiting him, he'd make one hell of a field agent under me with a few weeks training, but with his problem in the clubs it's too dangerous for him.  Besides, his husband's more sarcastic than I am.  DiNozzo might grow to like him more than me," he said wryly.  Amanda swatted him on the arm.  "That picture in there doesn't do him very good justice and it's a few years old."  He handed over the one from his wallet.  "That's the one Abby sent me from her vacation right before the convention.  David is his husband, he's the older guy on Xander's hip.  Xander's the young guy, then Abby and Mortty."

"She's still a beautiful girl," Amanda said fondly, touching Mortty's face.  She had let her stay in her house as a teenager while she trained for six weeks.  "Where were they going?"

"Vampire club.  He's apparently from Sunnydale."  Lee stiffened and looked at him.  "He's her knight from what I heard.  His mate had to make him quit hunting.  He's *that* Xander."

"That explains so much," Amanda sighed, taking the other folder to look over, letting her husband have the one with the evaluations and his federal licenses and what he could do.

"He's a ballistics and explosives tech?"  Lee looked at him.  "How?"

"Construction and practical experience.  He loves his guns.  He's also only got one eye.  That's why he's not in SWAT instead, Lee.  That's why he's staying a ballistics tech.  Night shift as well.  He's a nice kid.  He jokes, he's playful, he's a bottomless pit.  He's got a dog that's his and David's baby.  Mortty and Abby both offered to carry a real baby for them if they ever wanted one but David gave them horrified looks when they brought it up.  Xander might some day, but David's scared of babies."

"All right," Amanda said, standing up.  "We're going to Chicago when?"

"This weekend," Lee told her.  "Just as soon as the computers are finished integrating."

"He's a bit pissed right now," Gibbs assured her.  "They never told him or held it over his head."  She glared at him.  He held up a hand.  "His parents were like that, Amanda.  The last time he said anything about them he called them drunken biological donors."  She growled.  "I know, it's not right but it's going to be a hard few weeks for both of you.  So just calm down, tell your mother she was right, and start with a call out there.  His boss's name is Ray.  Their CSI unit is under the twenty-seventh."

"Vecchio runs something?" Lee asked, looking horrified.

"Night shift CSI.  Your son's his second but he hates the extra jobs.  He had to fight to go back to working forty hours.  Call Vecchio.  He's good friends.  His mother adopted him from what Ray teased him about."

"Sure.  I'll do that first," Lee agreed.  "Is he on this weekend?"

"His shift has Friday and Saturday off."  Gibbs stood up.  "He's a neat kid, guys.  But he's also an asshole.  You hear local rumors about the reasons why some of the criminals run and cry, he's one.  With Vecchio and Kowalski.  He's the third in that holy trio and the Mounties back him up as much as his husband and Vecchio or Kowalski do.  He does some limited field tech work to keep his hand in."

"Thank you for telling us, Jethro," she said, giving him a hug.  "Come over for dinner after we get back."  He smiled and nodded.  "Give Abby a hug for me too, dear."  He grinned and walked out.  She slapped the folder onto the table. " Fat chance I'm waiting," she said firmly.

"Well, I can't go until this weekend," he reminded her.  "I'd rather we go together.  It's not that hard.  It's Wednesday.  We'll call Ray, talk to him about the son.  See what he thinks and have him ease up on us coming out to meet him.  I've heard of him before, he's every bit the fierce dragon you can be, Amanda.  When we got word someone else got caught in the DNA testing of that one child who turned out to be from a mission of mine with a Russian spy, he threw a bigger fit than I did.  Of course every now and then he gives them kicked puppy looks too, just like you're doing to me right now.  Go hunt down Francine."  She stomped off.  He looked up the number and called out there.  "Vecchio please.  Stetson."  He smirked.  "He'll know."  He put it on speaker so he could go back over the files again.

"Vecchio."

"Ray.  It's Lee."

"I expected this later.  He's in my office.  David.  Out.  Take your boy out to feed his pitiful ass."

"Hell no!" Xander said loudly, then there was a click.  "You are?"

"Lee Stetson.  Apparently I'm your father."

"And you don't write?" he demanded.

"Xander," another voice said calmly.

"We were told you died when you were taken from your mother, Xander.  Should I call you that, Jethro did."

"You know Gibbs?"

"Yeah, he routinely pisses us off."  He leaned back, waving his wife in.  "Amanda, your mother, just walked in.  He was talking to Ray."

"Hi," she said weakly.

"Sit," Lee ordered.

She pulled a chair closer.  "Xander?"

"I'm here, just drinking.  It's a night for it."

"No more Mountain Dew," Ray warned.  Then the sound of something being slammed.  "You have way too many guns tonight."

"Plus, both ballistics people are out, Xander, so you're on call too," that same male voice said gently.

"You are?" she asked.

"His husband, David.  Deal with it."

"Dave, nothing's taking you from me without me going on a world-ending binge," Xander assured him firmly, then it sounded like he kissed him.

"Guys, I didn't need to see you two make out in *my* office," Ray complained, loudly.  "Quit!"

"Sorry!  Maybe you should try dating again, Ray, before I set you up with a nice boy we know."

"Fat.  Chance.  I'll have Ma make you eat your own cooking."

"No way in hell," David said firmly.  "I'm not letting him go back to the hospital for that long ever again!"

"I'd never eat my own cooking. I learned that lesson, dear.  That's why didn't get breakfast," Xander said gently.  "So," he said, then he cleared his throat.  "This is really awkward."

"We were going to call Ray to find out a bit more about you until we could come out this weekend," Lee offered.  "But you're right, it is.  Our agency's director at the time thought it'd spare us some stress since your mother was in a coma and I was being actively hunted.  Of course, he had us told you died."

"My mother apparently tried to hand me back but they told her to keep me.  This was the first I'd heard about it though."   The sound of shifting.  "When were you planning on coming out?  I've got to work most of the weekend unfortunately.  I'm taking off two nights for some special training stuff."

"With the slayer or otherwise?" Amanda asked.  "We had to deal with one a few years back locally, Xander."

"No, I'm not going hunting.  Dave gets really pissed with me when I do that, or when I put landmines on the lawn, or when I put the flame thrower over the door again."

"Quit showing off," David said quietly. Another kissing noise.

"Keep it up, I'm locking the lab doors," Ray warned. "Sorry, they're having a 'coupley' day.  It happens now and then when Xander's stressed."

"How did you two meet?" Amanda asked.

"He was working in Vegas on their nightshift when I came in to do my internship post graduation," Xander told her.  "Since that's my minor I spent some time working with him and got to know him, then waded through his sarcasm and 'no one likes me because I'm a miserable person' stuff, to get the real guy.  Who I married a few years back."

"Good," Lee agreed.  "Um, well.  This is still really awkward.  Do you have any other family out there with you?"

"The dog," David told him.  "Sarah."

"Well, with us, you've got two much older brothers.  They were teenagers when you were born," she offered.  "One's got two girls, the other's got a son.  You're the only gay one, but that's okay with me," she assured him.  She looked at her husband. "I thought for sure my mother was losing what was left of her mind when she insisted some officer on the screen was a relative.  I told her she was being silly.  Next time I'll listen closer to her evidence."

"Was it a bomb thing, the taping of the movie, or the radiation thing?" Xander asked. "Or just some of the other random menaces in my life?"

"Harris," someone bellowed in the background.  "Need your help!  We've got a sniper situation!"

"Coming!  Hate to cut this short, but duty calls and all that.  I'll be here when you come in.  It's going to be a light weekend since it's near the end of the month.  I'll tell Ray where I am at all times.  Later.  Talk with Ray and David."  Another kissing noise.  "Let me get my vest," his voice faded out into the distance.

"I will say this once," David said firmly.  "If you hurt him emotionally there is nothing that will stop me from destroying you.  Xnader does not need someone else to hurt him.  Are we clear?"

"We are," Lee agreed.  "Jethro mentioned his relatives out there weren't the best."

"That's putting it mildly.  I'm a nice guy, and so's Dawn, but they're going to die by one of our hands soon.  That is the only warning I'm giving you."  Then a door slammed.

"Sorry, he's very protective of Xander, and Xander's very protective of him," Ray admitted.  "After what they've been through it doesn't surprise me.  Got my email, Lee?"

"Somewhere.  Got mine?"

"Yeah, it's in my address book in my desk.  I'll send you the file I've got on him from where I recruited him.  You could also ask Horatio down in Florida since he was up for the convention.  Calm her down.  She's huffing and growling."  He hung up.

Lee looked at her.  "Do you need a sedative?"

"No, not yet."  She got up and stomped out.  Everyone in the agency ducked.  They all knew Lee had a temper when things got that bad, but she was the one they were scared of, especially since the gossip said it was about one of her kids.  Since one worked with them….  "Philip!" she bellowed.  He came out of the computer lab, giving her a hesitant look. "Francine, explain it to him and then hide.  We'll be doing a tracking exercise later."

"Yes, Amanda."  She took the boy off to the side to talk to him while Amanda went for a walk.

Lee came out of his office.  "You're going to be on your own this weekend," he announced.  "We're going out of town on a business trip.  Emergencies only.  Have it working by Friday or deal with Amanda on Monday."

"Excuse me!" Philip yelled.

Lee looked at him.  "We just found out too.  We're going this weekend.  Did you want to come with us?  Or would you and your brother rather go out after we've made contact and talked to him?  His husband seems very  nice."

"He's gay?"

"You've heard of Harris in Chicago, right?"  His stepson slowly nodded. "Him."  Philip glared at him. "They told us he was dead, Philip.  That's why your mother's growling and calling your brother."

He nodded and went to send her a message to her blackberry system that he'd be going out later, after they made contact.  He didn't want to be there for the first few days, someone would cry on him.  Then he called his wife to warn her.  She wasn't always fond of gay people, but she'd learn to live with it or his mother and grandmother would kill her this time.  Then he sat down to think, a lot.

***

Xander came in with his rifle over his shoulder.  "The mayor is safe," he reported, handing Ray his rifle, then his bulletproof vest.  "I'm hiding.  He was yelling my name to the press.  You don't know me at the moment."  He went back up the stairs and out the back door, heading for a hiding spot.  He had a good few of them around the city by now.

Ray called the mayor.  "I need my ballistics tech in tonight.  Do you mind leaving him alone!" he snapped.  "He's already had a shitty day!"  He hung up on his blustering.  Then he called Xander's cellphone.  "Come back, you can hide in the lab."  He went to take his rifle and vest into the lab.  David would be looking it over to make sure it was still whole.  Xander had a nasty habit of getting hurt and not telling anyone unless it was life threatening.  The Chief of Detectives came in, giving him along, hard stare.  "You two drove him off again.  You'd better beg."

David glared at him, making him back up.  "My husband did what?"

"Earned his other shield, Hodges.  Where is he?"

"Out.  You made him go hide."  He walked closer.  "No ceremony."  It was handed over. "Thank you.  I'll switch them out on him later."

"Good.  By the way, you need to start turning on the security system for the next few weeks.  There was a mob hitter in the crowd.  The guy trying to hold him hostage went down and that guy pulled one, pointing it at Xander, so he took him down too.  Both non-fatal.  That's why he's getting it if he asks.  That'll keep the press off him."  He stomped off.

David called Xander's phone. "You're clear.  Get back here."  He hung up and looked at the pretty badge.  "Now I'll have to do something heroic to earn mine."

"You guys are all getting yours next year," Ray reminded him.  "That was the agreement."  He clapped him on the arm.  "Just keep him calm, all right?"  Xander stuck his head in and looked around. "He's already dropped off your reward and left again.  Get back to work."

David walked over and took off his old badge, then put his new one on him.  "There, that looks nice against that belt."  He gave him a look. "How's your shoulder?"

"Sore.  Still. I knew shooting hoops with Stan was a bad idea.  I still say basketball is a great, big rerun with cheerleaders in the center."  He went into the firing pen, then came out with his new badge being held up.  "Already?  That's next year."

"You earned it," Ray assured him. "He said so.  No awarding ceremony."

"Thank you."  He went back in there to get back to work.

Ray and David shared a look.  Living with Xander was insane at times.  Ray went back to his desk to make a note about that to Stan, so they could celebrate as a group. It was tradition, the new detective bought the first and second rounds.  Stan's squeal a few minutes followed him down the stairs and into the lab, which, of course, brought Mortty and Turnbull, their Mountie in residence today.  Frasier would get him later.   Ray shook his head.  Xander brought way too much insanity into his life.

"You'd be bored without him," Greg said from the doorway with a smirk.  "What happened?"

"He got bumped up the ladder."

"Again?"

"Detective."

"Oh, cool.  Is it first through fifth round around here like Warrick said it was when Nick made it?"

"First and second around here," he assured him with a smirk as he put his feet back up.  "By the way, bad shock earlier.  Xander has real parents."

"Are they good ones?"

"They were decent folk when they ended up out here hunting for a rogue member of their agency.  Abby knows them probably since they know Gibbs."

"I know them," Mortty called. "I stayed with Amanda for six weeks of training in DC."   David grabbed her by her collar and drug her into his lab so he could talk to her. He wanted to know what Xander was getting into before they got there.

***

Ray looked up as someone called his name, waving Lee and Amanda over.  "Hey.  He's out on a call, or something.  We lost track of him an hour ago but since then there's been a car chase.  He'll be back soon, swearing and dragging someone by their collar."  He waved a hand.  "Bags?"

"Just one," she said, taking his arm to walk out with him.  "He's doing what?"

"What I did last month probably," Lee said dryly.  "Thanks to Gibbs and DiNozzo.  Again."

She gave him a look. "Do you want to have that fight again?" she asked.  He shook his head quickly.  "Good idea."  She smiled at Ray, who just grinned back.  "How's your sister?"

"Fussy and cranky.  The same as usual."  He heard the siren go off and moaned, heading with them to grab their bags.  He headed for the security office, flashing his badge. "What?"

"Um, sir, bomb threat was just called in."

"Where?"

"Concourse B, Detective…."

"Vecchio."

"Is Harris with you?" he asked hopefully.

"He's in the middle of a car chase."  He headed that way, going to take charge.  SWAT was on the other side of the city.  "Yo!" he shouted, and they all stared, then one of them grabbed him, handing him a headset that already had Xander swearing.  "How much time?"

"Eighteen minutes."

"Good.  Go get my guests, the male can disarm if Xander can't."  He got down to look at the bomb, putting on the headset.  "It's me.  Okay, we've got a duffle bag that's been unzipped carefully.  I can see flashing numbers, and a large antenna looking thing."  He frowned.  "Why?  Oh.  Okay.  We got an insulator?" he called.  One was tossed over. "Thanks."  He slid it carefully over the antenna then opened the bag wider after checking for additional wires.  Lee got down beside him. "Xander, I'm seeing three switches under the clear plastic faceplate and then one wire leading back to the battery but it looks like it's twisted since it's got electrical tape around it."

"It's an Unger model," Lee said quietly.  "Hey, Amanda, Unger models were the battery wire or the countdown wire?"

"That's the one you usually punt."  She came over to look.  "That's not an Unger, that's a Model Two, the one based off it.  You usually do the battery wire on those, Lee."

Ray groaned and held up a hand.  "What, Xander?  Yeah, they just got in.  Well, they are kinda spies," he noted dryly.  "Gee, thanks."  He handed over the headset and walked Amanda off. "He said he'd have ta shoot it."

Lee listened, then nodded, pulling his sidearm and standing up, taking aim, then looking away as he fired.  He hit the second switch easier and then the third was blown out. "Okay, gone.  Now?"  He reached in and pulled the thin blue wire that had been behind them.  "Okay, it's been pulled out.  Weak soldering job.   Any other steps?"  He smirked.  "Thanks, kid.  See you soon.  No, we're at a hotel.  There's no way we want to push this.  That's why we left the two boys and their loud, obnoxious families back in DC.  Sure. Soon."  He handed it back to Ray.  "Done."  The officers rushed forward, putting it in the special box they kept on hand for it.  Some guy in body armor jogged their way.

"Don't worry, we had Xander."  He listened to Xander's rambling muttering.  "Where are you?"  He listened to the rundown.  "Okay, and he's got what?  Why does he have Greg?"  He groaned and rubbed his face.  "Xander, call for a road….  He's in a cruiser.  Okay.  Where are you exactly?  Is Greg in the trunk?  Then ram his ass into the lake," he ordered, handing it over to the SWAT officer, pulling out his phone to call Dispatch.  "It's Vecchio, Harris is in pursuit of a stolen cruiser, the perp has Sanders in with him.  I told him to ram him into the lake.  Make sure you've got paramedics wherever they end up.  Yeah, the sensors should go off once it's in the lake.  They're supposed to go off when the engine is flooded that way.  Thanks.  Yeah.  Make sure they've got paramedics since they've been going for over an hour.  Leaving the airport.  Bomb's taken care of unless there's more than one.  Peterson's already reporting."

"I see Xander used his method!" he called.

Ray looked at him. "It works!  Faster too.  Plus very stress relieving."  He walked off, hanging up.  "The Riv's outside."

"You still have the old Riv?" Lee teased.

"No, I'm on number six thanks ta Benny," he complained.  "He keeps getting 'em wrecked and blown up."  He walked them out to his car, letting them inside.  He looked at Amanda, who was beside him.  "Station since that's where Xander'll be heading so David can fuss?"

"Sure," she agreed, smiling at him.  "I had no idea his life was as insane as ours used to be when we were a field team."

"More," he moaned, starting the engine.  It didn't turn over.  He pushed in the cigarette lighter then tried it again once it had popped back out.  It started this time.  "Sorry, she's feeling unloved since I haven't been in a car chase recently."  He backed out and headed to the station.  On the way he called David.  "He's going to have to rescue Greg from the lake," he reported.  "He was swearing and muttering.  Have a soda and a shirt for him, Dave.  Thanks.  I've already told them to have a paramedic since he said Greg was knocked out an hour ago.  Yeah, you can tell her once we've got him and he's been fussed over by Xander.  On our way in.  Yes, them too.  No, Xander had to help us disarm a bomb.  It's fine now."  He hung up and headed for the interstate.  "Some days I wonder why I get out of bed when I have to deal with Xander all night."

He took the right exit and headed down into the early afternoon traffic.  A cruiser went screaming past with lights and sirens.  Then a silver Lincoln.  "That's Xander."  He followed them, just in case.  "Dispatch," he called, getting an unhappy voice.  "Report me as following Harris and the moron who sucked down the signal tower this time.  Sanders was awake and staring in horror out the back window.  Also, Harris is in Hodge's car.  The Lincoln."  He hung up and turned on his lights and sirens.  "Sorry.  The guy apparently changed directions."  His car sped up at the touch of his foot on the pedal, going like the champion purebred she was.  "Good girl," he offered, patting the dashboard.  "Let's go help the Xander idiot."  He sped up more, going through a red light.  He saw Xander pull ahead and shoot out the guy's tire, making him grin.  "Classic," he teased, speeding up to complete the boxing in maneuver.

The car tried to get away but it wasn't working.  It stopped suddenly and Xander spun his car, heading after him.  Ray turned his grand old lady a bit more carefully since there was traffic, but they were off again.  This time, they got to see Xander bump the car, and it did go into the lake.  Xander got out and dove after them.  Ray got out and leaned on his door, looking at the kids edging toward the Lincoln.  "That's Harris's car!" he shouted.  "Do you really wanna piss him off further?  That guy had Sanders!"  An ambulance pulled up beside them.  "Still down," he reported, slamming the door and going over to help.  Xnader came up with Greg, so Ray helped him out, then Xander went back down after the perp.  "Hey, Greg, weren't you *off* tonight?" Ray asked dryly.

"I got called in to help Mortimer," he moaned, coughing.  "He's got evidence bags in the trunk.  That's Mortimer's car."  He coughed again and the paramedics hauled him off.  "I'm fine!"

"You're going!" Xander yelled as he came out dragging the other guy.  He dropped him in front of Ray, then kicked him in the side.  "Don't make me do that again in my husband's car!  Or else he'll make you fix the paint with your fucking tongue next time!"  The guy gave him a horrified look. "Yes, you moron-signal-tower-fucking bastard!  I take it up the ass every day and I love it.  Don't worry, you'll learn to love it in prison!"  He kicked him again and went to fuss over Greg.  Greg was trying to get up.  Xander held him down and looked into his eyes.  Greg whimpered.  Xander pulled something out of his pocket and forced it into Greg's mouth, then held it closed and rubbed his throat like he did with his dog when she needed things like pills.  Greg gagged but ended up swallowing it.  He smiled sweetly at the paramedic.  "I made that earlier today to try out a new fudge recipe.  I got it off the same site as the one with the hamburger helper stuff that sent four cops to the hospital with literally explosive diarrhea.  Have fun with Greg."  Greg started to gag, trying to bring it back up.  Xander smirked at him.  "Try it, Greg.  Watch me call Dawnie."  He gave him a horrified look so Xander smirked.  "Only good boys get their sins hidden."

"I'll go so I get treated for food poisoning," he moaned, laying back and letting them handle him.

Xander smirked. "I knew you could be reasonable.  After all, Brass can come out again."  Greg whimpered.  "Or Grissom."

Greg looked at the paramedic.  "He's going to feed me more lethal fudge if you don't get me out of here."  They smiled and got him out of there.

Xander walked back to their perp, who Ray had handcuffed.  "Oh, let me kick him again!" he whined, glaring at him.  He leaned down.  "Just think, by tonight, you're going to be taking it and loving it like I do.  They're gonna love you there, little girl.  You're gonna be bending and taking it up the ass for *years* for making me chase you that way and stealing Greg.  Oh, Ray, we'll need to haul it out for the evidence.  The new bags are waterproof but may not be that good.  They went for the cheaper versions, of course."   He walked back to his car, then looked down at himself.  He called David.  "Should I leave your car here or drive back wet?"  He grinned. "I'm fine, David.   No, I force-fed Greg some of my fudge from this morning so he's going to get treated for that.  I also told him if he didn't I'd pay for Grissom and Brass to come nag him in person with Dawnie.  No, I'm soaked to the skin.  Thanks, babe. Love you too."  He hung up.  "Anyone who doesn't wanna watch, I'm getting naked.  David doesn't want me dripping on his seats!"  The other cops all looked away and he stripped down, getting into the car and heading home.  He beeped and waved. "Going to shower and change, boss!"  He sped off.

"Okay, he's worse than we ever were," Lee told Amanda, getting a slow nod.  "He's also got quite a mouth on him."

"I'll say."  She got out and walked over there.  "That was Xander?"

Ray sighed and nodded. "Yeah, that was Xander on a rip, Amanda."  He pointed at her for the perp's benefit.  "That's his real mother."  The perp burst out crying. "She's a Fed.  So's his biological dad."  The guy whimpered and nuzzled his leg.  "Not me who's going to have you tonight, scumbag."  He whistled and pointed at him.  "He's getting me wet and nasty.  Also, get the cruiser out of the lake.  There's evidence in it and Harris said it's probably important."  They rushed to get a water retrieval truck and to take the crying guy away.

"How stupid were you?  Did you not realize that was Harris!" the guy dragging him off shouted at him.  "You know how he is!  You're going to make him be mean and evil to the rest of us. It might even be a t-shirt night for this!"  The guy burst out in new tears so he shoved him into the back of the car.  "Twenty-seventh, sir?"

"Yeah.  Let Stan book the idiot if you want.  Both Mounties are at their real job today."  That got an evil smirk.  "Tell David he's on his way back after he changes."

"Of course, sir."  He got in to drive, heading back there.  "How fucking dumb are you!" floated back at them as he drove off.

"Sorry about that.  We let Xander scare people for us.  It makes our job easier," he said with a smile.  "Just like it did when I was his age.  He's my protege."  He walked them back to the car.  "Sorry about his mouth.  Every now and then he breaks out badly with it."  He held the door open for them then walked around to get in, noticing his phone was ringing.  He groaned and answered it.  "He's fine, Dawnie, but he was fussing about going to be checked out so Xander fed him some fudge he made earlier.  No, just a small piece.  With any luck they can pump his stomach really quickly before it poisons him.  Sure.  The usual spot.  We're by the lake.  Have fun with that."  He hung up and moaned again.  "Xander's adopted little sister is dating Greg.  That's going to be a loud fight when she finds him."  He started the engine and it didn't balk.  "Good girl," he praised, patting the dashboard. "See, I said we'd get into one soon."  He drove them back to the station, expecting Xander was probably already there.  He got out and found David outside pacing. "What?"

"His shoulder's still sore, Ray."

"He looked okay in the water, Dave.  It'll be okay.  He was swearing but he'll be fine."  He waved at the people getting out.  "David Hodges, these are Lee and Amanda Stetson."

David stopped moving to look at them, focusing on her.  "Your son looks a lot like you," he offered, shaking their hands.  "Forgive him, he's been having a full day with the day shift person off this week for vacation and our swing isn't doing very well."  He led them inside and downstairs.  "Xander's in a mood!" he announced.  "Send him down!"

"Hey, keep the guy calm, we'll all look the other way, even if it's in the locker room," the desk sergeant offered dryly.  "Please.  He go into the lake?"  David nodded.  "Well, consider it a way to spoil him rotten later."  David smirked at him as he opened the door down to their domain.  "Visitors?"

"His real parents."

"Oh, shit," he muttered, staring in awe.  "Oh, holy shit."  He crossed himself and said a quick prayer.  "Okay.  I'll send him right down once he's got a soda."

"I've already got one out for him."  That got a nod from everyone.  "Just send him down."  He walked down after them.  "Straight back.  Mortty's across the hall from me."  They walked straight down the hall, making Mortty squeal and come out to hug them.  "Xander had to go into the lake after them and then had to feed Greg some of his fudge."

"He also taunted the suspect about enjoying his time with his cellmate," Lee offered dryly.

"Yeah, for some reason the crooks are really surprised when they realize Xander's one seriously gay man and he just wrecked their lives."

"One of the Bloods said that he was the only gay man he'd ever respect for being tougher than he was," Mortty agreed, smiling at Lee again.  "I love me some Xander cuddles.  He hugs nearly as nice as you do, Lee."   He smiled at her and patted her on the head.  "Oooh, come see Xander's lab.  It's not the most comfy but it's very well done."  She walked in and looked.  "Oops.  RAY!"  He came walking up the hall.  She pointed at the present.  "Another one."

Ray grabbed it and walked off muttering.  "Stupid stalkers," was about the only intelligible, English words out of the lot of English and Italian.

David looked after him. "If it's another teddy bear, it goes to the children's hospital."

"I know."  Ray waved a hand.  "Talk with them.  Have a break."

"I'm nearly clear anyway," he called.  He led them in there. "This is Xander's main lab.  His minor in trace means he spends a lot of time in mine," he offered, opening the door between them. "Ray, I've got one too," he complained.  Mortty picked up that one and brought it out there.  "Thank you, dear."

"All I ask is that you let me or Abby have baby Xander and Davids for your guys," she quipped, beaming at them.  "It's the only kid I could ever see me raising.  They'd be tough little vampire Goths."  She hugged them again then hugged David, who gave her a pat on the back with a look.  "Sorry, couldn't resist."  She got off him when someone cleared their throat from the doorway.  She looked back at Xander.   "Another present."

"Ray showed me.  Both bears."  He walked in and shut the door, then picked up Mortty and walked her back to her lab, putting her down and swatting her on the ass.  "You live over here.  I can't have strays today."  He went back to his lab and shut the door again.  "Sorry, she's happy and bouncy."  His mate handed him a soda.  "Love you too, David. Thanks."

"I didn't figure you had time for it and it's been a few hours since your last one," David said dryly.  "Xander, these are Lee and Amanda Stetson."

Xander waved with his free hand as he drank. "Sorry, bad caffeine habit some days.  It was a long night with the dog growling at the escapee squirrel that got into the house."  He walked in and sat behind his desk.  He had bought his own desk chair and it was the most comfortable one he could find.  He had taken a few naps there over the last year.  "So,  you're my real parents.  You're Feds, Mortty's said that much and that you're in the covert branch, unlike Gibbs and Abby.  She's shown me pictures."  He looked at them.  "Feel free to jump in any time. I may've been raised by girls but damned if I can handle stress like this."

Lee smiled at him.  "You do look a lot like Amanda, Xander."

"Thank you."  He looked at David.  "He was playing nicely, right?"  They nodded, smiling at him.  "Good.  I'm so proud of you," he teased, poking him.  David swatted him with a glare.  He grinned back until David walked off with a sigh and a rolled eye heavenward.  "Sorry, dear.  I'll make it up to you later."

"Does that mean you don't need your shoulder worked on?"

"I'll beg and do the laundry, correctly," Xander vowed.  David gave him an evil smirk. "I will."

"In that case I might give you a few minutes of my time."  He closed the adjoining door.  Then he said a silent prayer that these new two could accept Xander as he was so he didn't have to help him through a severe rejection.  He sat down and enlisted some help from the others members of the  Xander Is Cool With Us society.  "Jim, David.  Yeah an issue, no, something interesting.  Xander has real parents.  Yeah, that's what I said.  They're here now.  It could, yeah.  Thanks, man.  No, they're covert Feds but Gibbs knows 'em.  Not a clue, Mortty knows them really well.  Well, he did have to feed Greg some fudge he had made earlier in the day, which was probably in his pocket when he went into the lake to rescue him from the cruiser that Xander had run into the lake since someone had kidnaped him from a scene and was on an hour-and-a-half car chase with, but otherwise he should be okay.  I'll see later tonight.  Thanks, Brass.  Yeah, we're good so far.  Miss you guys too."  He hung up then got back to work.  He looked over as the door opened.  "Xan, Jim'll call later."

"Cool," he agreed, smiling at him. "Did you tell him I had to give Greg food poisoning?"  David smiled and nodded.  "Excellent. Need me?"

"No, I'm almost done.  How's yours tonight?"

"Repeat after me.  Tomorrow," Xander said dryly.  He stood up and looked at the two parents.  "We can go have dinner if you want.  Ray, I'm taking them to lunch!"

"Fine, get something done today, Xander.  Helix wants to take a deal for three years."

"Fat fucking chance," he muttered.  "Give me two minutes to do a test fire and compare."  He found that gun and went into the firing pen to shoot one.  "Shooting one!" he yelled, then the gunshot.  He came out with the bullet and found the reference sample in his inbox, then stuck them both under the microscope.  "Crap.  No match."  He bit his lip and looked over the notes, walking out with them.  "Did Stan become terminally stupid or did he give me the wrong marked box?" he asked, handing it over.  "The bullet from the autopsy was the next size up and what he gave me was a thirty-eight."

"Crap," he muttered.  "I'll call.  Do it when you get back, Xander.  We'll talk later."

"David called Jim Brass."  He grinned.  "Thanks, Ray. You're the world's most tolerant boss."  He gave him a hug then went to grab his jacket.  "Come on, there's a good pizza shop up the street."

"Sure," Lee agreed, following behind him.

"One of your brothers is that hyper when he eats sugar," Amanda offered.  "Jamie's not working with us anymore but he's still hyper when he has pixy sticks for lunch."

"Don't let him have sugar or more caffeine," David called from his lab, making Mortty giggle from hers. "You, quit, or no baby Xander's in a few years, I heard that."

"But who else would let me have a kid who understood me," she complained.

"Ask Greg or jump DiNozzo again," he ordered, closing the door to his lab so he could get back to work.  He also called Bobby since he knew Brass would never tell the lab techs anything.  "It's me.  Xander has real parents who're feds.  Stetson.  I know, covert feds that Ray worked with in the past and we had them out in LA for all of a half a day waiting on results.  Yeah, they're at lunch.  No, Xander had a car chase to rescue Greg.  Hour and a half without caffeine and then into the lake.  So they probably heard him swearing quite a lot at the guy.  Sure, later's good.  We're doing real midnights.  Miss you guys too, Bobby.  No, Mortty's begging to be our surrogate.  I think she wants to get us both into bed but she blushes when he teased her about it."  He smirked.  "Thanks."  He hung up and pulled out his next sample to analyze.

***

Amanda called her sons from the hotel room that night, smiling at the happy voices.  "We managed to survive today," she said happily.

"So I take it another day like we used to have occurred?" her older son asked dryly.

"Not my fault," Lee called as he came over.  "All your brother's fault.  Remember the days when it was really bad?  Well, it's like that for him now and then too."

"So," Jamie asked patiently. "What's he like?"

Lee and Amanda shared a look.  "Well, he's a lot like you with the sugar thing.  His husband seems very nice and patient with him.  He greeted us and threatened us, like a proper spouse would in that situation."

"You know Gibbs, right, boys?" Lee asked patiently.

"How can I forget?" Philip said bitterly. "I was locked in a house for four days with the man while he worried about where DiNozzo was and without any coffee.  It's really hard to forget him, especially since he came to threaten us today about treating Xander very gently when we meet him."

"Well, Xander's exactly like what you'd expect a younger Jethro to be, but he drinks soda instead of coffee and he's got my danger senses, plus your mother's eyes and nose."

"He's the protege Gibbs always wanted but with the trouble he draws, he'd never bring him over.  Jethro seems to respect him," she agreed.

"You mean Gibbs respects someone besides Ducky and DiNozzo?" Jamie asked.  "Interesting.  How did they meet?"

Lee chuckled.  "Mortty works out here.  Abby came out for a convention and she got into trouble."

"I knew he was concerned about her, but to fly out and take in a convention?"  Philip asked.

"Yeah, well, he's always looking for good field agents," Lee reminded him.  "He told us he'd gladly take Xander but too many things happen around him.  People get kidnaped, people give Xander money for no reason in the clubs.  His husband would get pissed if they had to sell the house and move their dog.  Little things like that."

"I will mention that he's got a mouth on him," Amanda offered dryly.  "He berated a suspect earlier for making him dive in to get him after a very long car chase.  He said some very indelicate things."

"As in Gibbs would've washed his mouth out," Lee assured them.  "He kicked the suspect too for making him go in to save him.  Before he was arrested of course.  Got given his gold shield recently as well."

"So, if Gibbs and DiNozzo had a kid, it's our baby brother?" Jamie suggested.

"Basically," Lee agreed happily.  "He's a ballistics and trace tech with a bit of field work thrown in.  When we got in there was a very nice bomb threat in the airport."

"You or him?" Philip demanded.

"Him really. Ray, remember Detective Vecchio?  He's over Xander's CSI shift.  He had them call Xander…."

"They had him on the phone before Ray got there," she reminded him.  "They knew who to call."

"They did.  Ray took the headset and went to look at it.  Amanda and I discussed what sort of bomb it was.  Xander's advice was to shoot it in the switches and then pull the wire that it exposed.  He's on call for that when they're running low on techs."  He turned on the tv to the local news.  "He's a very interesting young man.  The people who took him from us weren't that good of parents but he's definitely been raised by some softer female influences.  He smarted off to one of the other officers about football being more gay than he is because of all the patting and the positions."  His wife blushed.  "She blushed then too," he said at the laughs.  "He's got a small lapdog with his husband.  David's a bit sarcastic and cynical but he's a nice man with a good record as well."

"Are they joining us here?"

"I asked Xander and he said to refer that back to David; see if Gibbs could handle having him work with Abby.  He said he probably wouldn't work with us, too much trouble with him being married to David, but he liked Gibbs and he wanted to annoy their director for making Abby put his DNA into the system.  I think he'd do even better at that than DiNozzo would. I emailed Tony and he sent back a groan but then sent a longer message about Xander and what they had found during a background check.  Remember the Initiative fiasco a few years back that we ended up embroiled in, boys?"  They both moaned.  "He's one of the people who took them down.  He's *that* Harris."  That got a deeper, female moan.  "Hi, mom."

"Lee, dear.  Where is the other grandson?"

"Right now, he's at home with his husband since he was covering swing today due to a vacation on dayshift. Usually he works midnights."

"Husband?"

"Yes, mother, Xander is very content with his husband David," Amanda assured her.  "David was very nice and politely threatened us not to hurt Xander or else he'd go off on us.  He worked with Xander and helped train him during his post-graduation internship."  The sound of an opening file came over the line and they shared a smile. "Hodges, Philip.  He married Hodges."

"Good record, cynical bastard is how it's put in background check.  Ooh, a warning.  And I quote, he will go after those who harm his husband.  Not usually violent but known to threaten and follow through if his husband is harmed, taken, or being upset.  End quote.  So I'm guessing they're pretty tight."  The folder closed and the sound of something sliding.  "He's a ballistics tech?"

"Yup," Lee agreed, sitting down.  His attention was drawn to the tv.  "Boys, check CNN.  Are they getting a massive SWAT action in town?  I could've sworn I saw him heading in with them and there's Ray and Stan behind him.  Oh, crap."  He looked at Amanda.

"Neither of us are young enough to go into that sort of situation, Lee," she warned.  "Don't even think about it.  You'd end up being saved.  We can watch to make sure how he handles it."  The building the team had entered exploded and they cut back to the reporter.  "Ooooh, that looked like it was messy earlier."  He turned up the volume.

"And I repeat, the Chicago Rapid Response team has been found and rescue teams are on their way in to them.  There are no reported casualties at this time."  She suddenly ducked as more debris got sent into the air with a second explosion.  "That was a secondary explosion, Mark, stay tuned while we figure out what that was."  The camera panned over to show the new entrance to the former building.

"Gotta love C-4," Xander complained as he came out, dusting off.  "Yo!"  He pointed at the medics.  "We've got two people with panic attacks, six broken bones, four of them on one person, and two concussions.  You mind hurrying?"  They ran that way and he groaned, shaking his head at the reporter moving closer.  "You know better."

"CSI…. Um, Detective Harris."

"You had it right the first time," he said firmly.  "Go away.  Now!  There's a line for a reason, woman!  Now!  Or I'm having you arrested.  Their families deserve better than you pushing a camera in their loved one's faces."  She backed off with the camera.  "Keep going!  I want a sheet to shield them!" Xander called.  "Now!  Right the hell now!"  More SWAT members came over with folding screens and Xander disappeared with a sigh, going to help.  He came out ten minutes later to talk to the Chief of Police quietly, whispering in his ear basically.  He got a nod and Xander grabbed a large silver case, heading inside.  "Active crime scene!" he bellowed.  "Touch nothing other than the victims!"

"Yes, CSI Harris!" someone yelled.  They watched as the bodies were carried out.  None of them had more than oxygen and IV's, so it didn't look that bad.

The Chief of Police approached the camera.  "There was an explosion in the heating system according to CSI Harris.  It collapsed the ventilation system, which weakened the floors and caused it to cave in.  Fortunately, all officers were accounted for and doing fine, only minor injuries.  The exit was then blown by minute application of plastique by the bomb squad personnel.  At this time that is the only statement we're going to make.  Now please, give the families time to get to their relatives' sides before you pounce and get back behind the line."  An officer came limping out so he looked at him.  "Tripped?"

"Over Harris, sir.  He told me to quit touching stuff unless I wanted to become evidence."

"You don't touch evidence, it corrupts it," Xander said as he came out, handing over a badge.  "It fell off someone's holder, boss."  He glared at the officer.  "You, me, training on how to handle a crime scene, tomorrow night, kid.  By the time I'm done with you, you'll make an excellent CSI, just like you said you wanted to be."

"Yes, CSI Harris.  Thank you for mentoring me."  He ducked off, heading to get away from the press.  The Chief gave him a dirty look, then shot one at Xander.

"He said he wanted to be one."  He glared at the cameras.  "Shouldn't you guys be covering traffic or something?  The line's still behind you."  They scrambled back and he looked at his boss again.  "I can get you the training system for the Academy.  I found that out earlier. Taylor said that it would be fine to send you a copy for your authorization, sir."

"Thank you, Xander.  You're very good to this city."  He patted him on the shoulder and turned him away, and you could just barely hear it.  "Do you want to lose the shiny gold thing?" he hissed.

"Not my fault, sir.  It was a ventilation explosion. No one said it ran on natural gas and the pilot was out."

"Thank you.  Are you nearly done?"

"Nope.  We'll be sifting for days to find the evidence of the drug lab we were here to bust."  The chief nodded and patted him on the back, letting him go.  Then the chief smiled at the cameras and had officers remove them to behind the line.

Lee sighed and looked at Amanda.  "I can see why Gibbs would want him."

"Me too, but he's very tough, dear."

"He is," her mother agreed over the line.  "He's cute though.  Has Lee's height and Amanda's eyes."

"Yeah, he can pout the same way too," Lee agreed dryly.   "He did it at the waitress when she cut off his sodas.  Apparently they all know him by name."

"Well, Xander did say he poisoned that other technician by feeding him fudge he had made," Amanda offered.  He chuckled at that.

"We'll be out in a few weeks," Philip assured them.

"Yeah, he'll like us.  We're more normal but DiNozzo liked us."

"Abby said that he could move on the dancefloor like DiNozzo can," Philip agreed.

"Yeah, and that he was just as cranky as Gibbs in the morning.  She said to imagine a very gay Gibbs without him going flaming queen and that was Xander.  Guess she was right."  They hung up.

"I can definitely see why Jethro respects our son," Lee said quietly, looking at her. "Even if he is bordering on thug now and then."

She nodded, sipping her coffee.  "He probably needs it on the job.  If he had become an agent he wouldn't have to deal with street crime."  They watched as someone tried to run into the building and Xander got her stopped and listened to her, then nodded, sending her off with an officer but leading another one inside.  "Oh, no.  someone was in there."

"That looks like a worried mother," he agreed.  He sighed when they finally came out with the child and the paramedics rushed over to take her.  "Oh, thank God," he whispered, hoping the mother knew better and learned from this mistake.  "What was she doing in there?"

"Maybe they lived there."

"Let's hope not."  They shared a look.

***

Xander looked up from typing reports as David loomed over him.  "What?" he asked weakly.

"There's no way in hell that child survived naturally," he said quietly.

"Who told David I did stupid shit!" he called.  "You guys know better than that!  It gets me yelled at and then I have to be cranky!"

"We do it so he doesn't bash our heads in," one of the officers defended.  "He'll scream at us if we don't and then scream at you, which puts you in a worse mood."  Xander glared at him. "Please don't make me your student too, Harris.  I don't want to be you."

"He said he wanted to be a field tech," Xander said dryly, looking up at David.  "What's the good of having it if you can't use it when needed?" he asked quietly.  "The officer knew, he asked me if I could."  David growled at that.  "She was three, Dave. I couldn't."

"I know, Xander.  Finish up and let's go.  I'm driving since you've probably got the shakes."

"I'm okay.  I got it out when I was doing the explosive to get us free."  He went back to typing, hurrying up since his mate was impatient.  "I need a bath."

"I'd say. You're sweaty and dirty."  He came over to look down Xander's back, hissing at the bruises.  "You landed on top of someone?"

"Yeah.  A beam was coming down so I tackled him out of the way.  He's got three kids and I'm pretty good at healing.  Plus I had on the newer body armor."  He shrugged and finished with a few last key strokes, then he checked it over, giving it a proofread, grammar check, and spelling check.  Then he printed it off and handed it to their Lieutenant.  "I'm going home before David fusses himself to death, Welsh."

"Good work today," he said quietly.

Xander shrugged and grinned. "It's what I do.  Otherwise I wouldn't be a Xander."  He walked out on David's arm.  "Are you sure I can't drive? You look tired."

"It was watching that on the news."  He gave him a hard pinch.  "Next time, call to warn me on the way there not to turn on the tv."

"The last time I did that you turned on the tv and the radio, then bitched me out when I got home," he defended.  David gave him a look and he wilted, giving him the most powerful puppy eyes he could.  "I love you?"

"Won't save you.  Home, Xander.  Bathe, let me check you over for more bruises."  He swatted him and opened the car door.  He climbed in to drive and Xander stole a kiss, earning a small smile. "If you're lucky, I'll climb in with you.  You did good saving her."  He stole a kiss and got a happy husband again.  He started the car and drove them home.  "Did you get to yell at the mother?"

"Once the cameras were gone.  I had the cruiser take me there to check on her and debriefed the mother about why her daughter was alone in a supposedly abandoned building.  She broke down crying and said she'd go straight now.  I pointed out it was a very good idea."  He yawned and stretched as much as he could.  "I hope like hell they weren't watching that.  They'll get the idea that I do that all the time."

"No, only a few times a month," David said dryly.  "Please make it less often and don't get picked up by a group that wants to make you a test subject?"

"Dave, Gibbs said they're still smarting from the last time they ran into me.  My file has a 'do not touch' order for a reason.  They don't want me.  Even if I pulled up the holiest of holy miracles and cured all cancers, AIDS, poverty, and hunger, they'd still probably keep away from me.  You never have to worry about them coming for me.  He'd never say anything."

"How did he know about you being able to?"

"I had to heal Stan in front of him a few months back.  That's why I brought him with me."  David pulled the car over to look at him.  Xander sighed and faced him.  "Stan got shot on a foot chase, Dave," he offered quietly.  "I was right behind him. It was that guy I hunted down later.  I ended up using some magic to heal him.  He made me swear not to tell his boys.  They'd lock him down and make sure he never left the house. You know Frasier's a worrywart about him."

"I do, and it's usually for a good reason," he pointed out dryly.  "Fine.  Anything else you want to confess since we're talking and there's no bugs?"

"Yeah, I've got a new stalker," he offered quietly, glancing around then back at his stunned look.  "Not the teddybear person, who's a bit misguided.  A true stalker sort.  Abby caught them in my file and locked them out, then called Ray.  Ray told me about a week ago.  We think it's a recently retired colonel but we're not absolutely sure.  That's why the extra special security system came back.  So please don't complain, all right?"

"For now," he agreed, taking his hand to hold. "Thank you for telling me.  When were you planning on it?"

"Um, never. Unless they broke in with a strike team."  Someone pounded on the window.  They pulled their badges and the cop sneered.  "Roll down the window, dear."  David did that.  "Listen, little boy.  We're talking about the rescue I just pulled when the building caved in.  Get over it.  He's allowed to hold my hand, that's why I married him, because he's such a good hand holder."  He grinned at David.  "Did you want to go back to Vegas for our vacation this year?"

"Or we could go to DC to see your parents," he offered.  "They might appreciate that."

"As long as they don't think I'm some thug," he complained.

"Sir," the officer said.  "You're idling."

"It happens, he just saved a little girl's life," David pointed out.  He turned off the engine and gave him a look.  "Better?"

"Thank you.  Which ones are you, officer….."

"Hodges."  The man blanched.  "Which, of course, makes him the newly Detective'd Harris."  The officer backed off.  "Traffic," he snapped.  The officer stepped closer.  "We're just talking.  I promise we won't be making out."

"Yes, sir.  Sorry, sir, but the pollution level is getting worse."

"I know.  I'm sorry we were idling.  We were talking about the SWAT thing.  Thank you for the warning."  He nodded and walked off.  David put back up the window.  "I doubt your parents will think anything about it.   You're a cop, you have to do that sometimes.  Besides, Abby said your father was nearly as bad as you are.  I'm sure they'll understand your life isn't usually like that."

"Hopefully.  I hate the exciting days."  He stole a quick kiss. "I need a shower.  My shoulder's really throbbing now and my back aches."

"It should, it's one big bruise, Xander."  He started the car and drove them home, getting him into the tub so he could look him over for more injuries.  Later on, it was all about the cuddling.  Xander needed the comfort.

***

Xander walked into the trace lab late the next night.  "The Chief wants my shiny gold badge back for mouthing off to the press.  Someone made a complaint about my language.  Should I toss it back and smirk pleasingly for not being rewarded for doing what I needed to?"

"No," David said patiently. "You've earned that badge, Xander.  You're keeping it.  He's just huffy.  It'll blow over in a few days."  He gave him a gentle squeeze to the arm.  "I want someone to look at your shoulder.  I think you damaged the joint instead of the muscles."

"I don't think so," he complained, rolling it around. "It's mostly fine tonight, just a bit stiff."

"If it's hurting tomorrow, you're making an appointment," he ordered.

"Yes, dear."  He stole a quick kiss and went back to work.  He had a lot of comparing to do tonight.  That's why he didn't realize anyone was watching him for a good thirty minutes.  He finally looked up.  "Hey," he said, getting back to work.  "This is what I usually spend all night doing."

"Our ballistics tech does the same."  He walked in and looked at the samples he was comparing.  "The mundane parts of the job are usually more satisfying."

"Yeah," Xander agreed, smiling at him.  "The heroics is in the usual stuff.  Plus it gets me less press."  He went back to work.  "I hate it when they get close matches but not perfect."  He walked to his desk to write the report.  "The rifling's only eighty percent and it's going to piss me off.  It's not the same gun but that's the only one they found.  Hit the green button please?"   He did and the computer started to run it, coming up with a match within seconds.  "Huh."  He came over to look at it.  "That's this case," he complained, hitting the 'find more' button.  "Ray?  Can I have a second opinion?"

Ray came in and looked at the samples, turning them slightly.  "Not a perfect match."

"No but the computer thinks it is."  He clicked the button again.  Then he stopped it and switched the bullets, doing it again once the autopsy bullet was back in the envelope.  It came up again.  "See?"

"I do," Ray said thoughtfully. "Select out of the state?"

"He's never been out of the city."  He fixed it, selecting a higher quality of match.  It came up again and with another one.  "Ray, I need to resolve this," he said miserably.  "This is the second one."

"I understand, Xander.  Is he edging on a deal?"

"He claims it wasn't him, it was some guy who was staying with him." He gave him a look.  "Please?"

"Call the admins over the database.  See if they're doing something."  Xadner nodded, clicking on that button then doing that.  "Sorry, Lee."

"Not a problem. We ended up having to get new computers because the old ones wouldn't run the newest version of the database.  They switched it to a Mac platform instead for some reason."  He shrugged.  "No one's sure why."

"Probably the anti-trust issue," Xander said as he hung up, hanging his head. "That's what they said too, Ray."  He looked at him.  "Screw it, I'm calling Abby.  Even if we do have to reload the operating system and software it'd be better.  I'll still have to do a quality control check since they switched over."  He picked up the phone and called out there.  "Abby, I love you.  Do you know how to fix the ballistics database?  I'm only getting matches back to my cases today and they said it's the new upgrade."  He nodded, making notes.  "Can I get that at any store, have to download it, or can I get a hacker to get it for me?  Please, Abby.  I've got to do a quality check since they changed it in May."  She sighed and gave him what he needed.  "Thank you, dear.  I miss you.  Mortty misses you too.  Yeah, he's here.  Love you too, Abby,  you behave and tease Tony for me, 'kay?"  He grinned, making a note of that. "Should I announce it?"  He beamed.  "Cool."  He hung up, then hit the intercom button.  "Abby wanted you guys warned that we've got a crossover case with NCIS coming in and they've assigned Gibbs."  He hung up and looked at Ray, holding up the sheet.  He moaned.  "I don't know enough to do that.  Lee?"

"Not me.  I'm not the technical sort. That's your brother Philip."  He shrugged.  "Can we get new computers?"

"No, they're doing a secondary security upgrade.  We may go down totally if so."  He called Ford next, growling at his voicemail.  "What did you do to the ballistic's network!  Fix it before we go down for good, Ford!  Do you know how many murders I have to go back and check by hand?  Not like you guys sent us notice!"  He slammed the phone down.  "I should sic David on them."

David opened the door.  "Calm down."

"I am calm.  I've had about eighty-three homicides since then that're going to be called into question.  They never notified us.  The person on the phone said they did it May fifth."

"Calm down," David repeated more firmly.

"I am!"

"Xander!"

"Fine.  I'm calm," he sighed, holding his head.  "I'll be a good Xander and go over it by hand but that doesn't mean I can match alternate cases.  That's going to fully go down tomorrow if we can't get that fixed."  David grimaced.  "She said that they're doing the final security upgrade today and then working on yours."

"Damn it!" he snapped, going to write his databases' administrators to see if that was true and see what they needed for it.  He got a longer notice and moaned.  "Ray, they sent it to the cities.  Not to departments.  They want us running stuff that's not out yet!"

Xander called Bobby.  "I need to know what you guys did to comply with the new upgrades to the ballistics database.  Because we're going to go down tomorrow with the newest security upgrade. All I'm getting are matches to the current case.  Yeah, like that.  How did you guys fix it?"  He groaned. "That's not available yet, David said so."  He shivered.  "That's a fate worse than death at the moment.  Anything else you can suggest?  How did you get the preview copies and how bad is it?"  He wrote down that name and address.  "No, they sent it to the city and it never got passed onto us. I'm not sure how Fredricks is doing theirs.  Thanks, man."  He hung up and called the only other ballistics lab in the city.  "It's Xander.  Did you guys hear anything about a security and database upgrade?  Where was I?  No, I don't even remember hearing about a meeting. When was it?"  Xander slammed his head into the table.  "He sent me out with SWAT that day.  Thank you.  Who?"  He nodded.  "Are we all getting them?  Because if not, I'm dead in the water now.  Thanks."  He stood up.  "'Scuse me, I've got to threaten our boss."  He walked off, heading for the car.  He drove down there, trying to calm himself down, but he wasn't any calmer when he walked into the Police Chief's office.  He pointed at the door and the secretary shook her head.  "Press?"

"Mayor."

"Fuck him."  He walked in and slammed the door shut.  "You sent me out with SWAT on the same day you announced we had to upgrade the lab's computers and I never heard.  We're dead in the water in ballistics and Trace is going to start going tomorrow.  I didn't even get a memo about this, boss."

"Calm down, Harris."

"You just took out my ability to do half my job!" he shouted.  "You want me to stay calm!  People are going to go free!"

"Calm down," the mayor said dryly.  "You're being a drama queen.  You're not usually like that."  Xander glared at him and he flinched. "Sorry."

Xander looked at their boss again.  "You sent me out with SWAT instead of going to the meeting, and that was the one that we had redundant backups.  Did you do it on purpose?"

"Harris, I love this department."

"So do I," he snapped.  He crossed his arms over his chest.  "Why wasn't there a memo about the meeting?  David didn't hear a thing about his either."

"There's a trace update coming?" the mayor asked.

"Yeah, when they finish locking my unit out of the system tonight they're going to start locking him out because they want us to use an experimental new OS that's not available."  He looked at their boss.  "Memos?  Anything paperworky, a phone call?  Anything?  So I don't end up dead in the water?  I can match with a microscope but not to any other cases.  That and now I've got to do quality control back to May 5th."  He whimpered at that.  "Exactly.  That's eighty-three homicides and another, at least, hundred cases like B&E's and muggings.  Are you going to suddenly start paying me overtime?"

"Why?  It's your job," he pointed out.

"Yeah, and you didn't let me know what I needed to do to stop this and you SENT ME AWAY," he said slowly and clearly, "from the informational meeting that I needed to attend to know this shit."

The chief stood up.  "I don't like your insinuation, Harris."

"That's wonderful.  Then why did you send me out with SWAT that day?  Even though they didn't ask, didn't want me there, and tried to send me back but you refused to let them.  The commander there filed a complaint!" he finished on a shout.  The mayor flinched again.  "You kept me from knowing this!  You're making my job fucking impossible."

"That's not my duty."

"If they send it to the city instead of the departments, like the person at the admin's office for the database said they did, then yeah, it is.  And this isn't the first time.  Why was I with SWAT last night?"  The mayor gave him a horrified look. "I'm a *tech*, not a cop.  They made us get our badges.  I'm a ballistics tech and I'm only supposed to be on call for *bombs*," he told him.  "Not for general SWAT actions.  Not to go out and hunt down cases."

"I want your badge."

"I want my life before you made us get the badge," he snapped back.  "You're the one who wanted us to have badges for no reason. I warned you this shit was going to happen and you kept pushing.  Congratulations.  My office is now dead in the water and I'm going to have to go back and do hand-matches until I find out what I need so Ray and I can requisition it, like we should've known to do back in April, when they sent out the notice.  Which also didn't come to me."

"How dare you," the chief hissed.

"How dare me!  I'm the top ballistics tech in this fucking city!" he shouted back.  "How dare me!  You're keeping this shit from me on purpose!"

"I think that's enough," the mayor said calmly.

"Yeah, well, me too," Xander promised, glaring at his boss.  "Consider my lab closed until further notice and start transferring stuff to Region Three.  I can't handle anything without having what I need.  By the way, DNA is going down next month by what she said.  And then fingerprints.  Have fun with that."  He walked out, slamming the door behind him.  He headed back to the office, still huffy and growling.  The desk sergeant took one look at him and backed off.  "We may have a claim of missing memos.  I need to know if anything  came in April or May about a database upgrade to my lab, or any other lab, and about any meetings with the chief about such things.  Also, let it be known, my computers may be permanently down until we can fix this conflict but they got Region Three working.  Send 'em there."  He stomped down the stairs.  "He did it on purpose," he called.

"He said you're on suspension too."

"Wonderful.  Have fun with that."  Xnader handed him his badge. "Not like I wanted it.  The day of the meeting was the same day SWAT complained that I got sent to them.  The memo got sent to the city in April.  I'm still the senior ballistics tech, right?"  Ray nodded quickly.  "We're sure?  None of the swing guys, who're all new, or the guy in Region Three, who just got hired?  None of them are?"  Ray shook his head again.  "Then I'm down to hand matching and unfortunately rerouting everything out of this lab.  Trace is going to start having troubles tonight, DNA and fingerprints start next month."  Ray moaned.  "Let them get used to it. Since we've got most of the senior CSIs here, they can throw their own fits. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a hellish backlog of QC stuff and hand-matching to do.  Don't expect me to find old cases anytime soon."  He walked off.

"You're still suspended," Ray called after him.

"Not like he was going to approve the overtime it'd take anyway," Xander called back.  "It's me or it doesn't get done.  Ever."  He called the DA's office, holding up a finger when his father opened his mouth.  "It's me.  Did you hear anything about database upgrades?  Yeah, me either.  Region Three did though.  That was the day they sent me out on SWAT on purpose and got the complaint filed.  No, we're dead and I'm having to do quality reviews back to May 5th, when they started this.  So, I'll let you know if you've got a problem sometime next week."  He hung up and sat on his stool again.  "Sorry, I'm having a hissy fit."

"No, I agree.  I'd have one too.  What did they want?  That operating system isn't even more than a trial in a few labs.  Vegas, Miami, LA, and Seattle have it, not even Homeland Security has it yet."  Xander nodded.  "You knew that?"

"Yeah, I've been keeping track of the new lab equipment.  I knew they'd try something.  The Chief of Police is same guy who used to be Chief of Detectives and he's the guy that made all the techs, straight techs, not field techs, but the lab techs, qualify for their badges."  He looked at him.  "I tried to fight that one, which is why he doesn't like me.  That and I'm better at his job than he is.  I'm also a better cop than he is.  So now I'm supposedly suspended but this needs to be done."  He got up and went to pull his files.

"Harris, you're still suspended, you're not supposed to be in the building," Ray said as he walked in. "I got ordered to escort you out."

Xander looked at him.  "You know what, tell Stella that since he just endangered over two hundred of their cases."  Ray groaned.  "Sorry, but this has to be done.  Either I do it here or I set up a small lab at home.  You're choice, Ray.  Which would you rather have?"

"Set up a lab at home," David called over.  "Ray, I'm down.  They started mine early."

"Okay.  Do what you can, Dave."

"I can't."  He joined them.  "My system's completely down.  Like virused down with a message saying this was the planned upgrade, make sure your system complies with the new codes."

"But the new codes aren't legal," Lee pointed out.  "That OS is only available in a few labs for testing.  No one else can get it.  They can't make you upgrade either."

"Yes, they can.  It's their playground," Xander assured him.  He looked at Ray, then at David.  "Lee, you and Ray go away for like, twenty minutes?"   He smiled sweetly at them.  "Please."

"Why?" Ray asked.

"So I can gather what I need to so I can work at home.  I'll telecommute with you and Stella, Ray.  With this problem, I could've endangered anything with additional matches in the system."  He nodded, taking Lee back to his office.  Xander looked at the computer, then at his husband.  "Get me the blue discs please?"  David smirked and got it for him, then went to do a system backup as well.  Xander knew he could still get in there, he had access to get in an delete files if he had to.  He downloaded it straight from the file manger, like they liked them to do.  He had to get an extra disc but that was fine.  Then he went to pull the cases he remembered.  If he had to, he could get Ray to bring him any others.  He copied down a backup file of his reports and stuffed that in there as well.  The cases and discs went into a box he had lying around.  Then he lifted up a microscope and headed off, blatantly walking out.  "You'll hear from me tomorrow, Ray."

"Sure, Xander.  Let me know what you need."  He smirked at Lee.  "He's not a happy camper."

"I wouldn't be either."  He got off the phone with Philip, who was going over the administrator's head about this.  Homeland owed them a lot and this had to be fixed before departments all over the country went down.  "It's a petty power play, Ray.  They want to have control over all the cases."

"Which means it'll take eight thousand times as long to get anyone convicted," Ray pointed out dryly.  He called someone he knew.  "Calleigh, I love you and Horatio.  I need the specs for the upgrade we're going to have to do.  No, they upgraded it for everyone.  Xander's locked out of the system and due to politics, he made a complaint and got suspended for a few days.  Thanks, dear."  He hung up then smirked at him.  "Gotta love the politics."

"I told you Xander doesn't play that game," David reminded him dryly.  "Thankfully.  I'm barely able to make a backup copy of everything, Ray.  They're locking down mine and Mortty's too.  Fingerprints is out at the moment so we're not sure about there. Should I start it?"  Ray nodded so he went to check their computers.  "We're down in here too, Ray.  Transfer control over and pull up solitaire again."

"Thank you."  He called Dispatch.  "Alert all CSIs that anything for Trace, Ballistics, DNA, or Fingerprints is to go to Region Three.  We're in the middle of a database upgrade and we're dead in the water.  Yeah, this is Vecchio.  If he tries to force it," he said at the 'the chief said not to', "tell him we've got no access in any of those departments.  Our computers are completely down.  He'll have to switch control.  We can't do anything with just microscopes these days.  Thank you."  He hung up and shook his head. "Mortty, do what you can with samples, you too, Dave.  Everyone else, endure."  He sent out a text message, getting various flavors of 'fuck this' back.  Greg's was especially colorful and in Italian.  "I love Sanders, he's learning Italian because he's bored."   He sat down and put his feet up.  "Sorry.  He'll be at home soon."

"I'll see if I can pull some strings.  Was he supposed to be there last night?" Ray shook his head.  "Then why was he?"

"The same cause.  The same as last time.  He hates Xander for sticking up for what was right.  The lab techs shouldn't be required to be cops.  Xander nearly had a stroke fighting with him.  He hated Xander for being a figurehead then.  Xander is the longest hired ballistics tech we've got.  When we had manpower problems, Xander was this lab.  He worked eighteen hour days with pneumonia.  He thought it was cute," he said with a sneer.  "And good of him, doing his duty."  Lee shuddered.  "Exactly.  So therefore we're all sticking up for this."

"Ray, my Mass Spec's blinking at me.  It lost computer access too.  I don't have the samples database."

"Okay, do what you can and then deliver samples by hand.  Take David."  She came into the office and whispered.  He nodded. "I know.  He's suspended so he's telecommuting."  He smirked at her.  "He called Stella Kowalski personally to let her know."

"This is going to blow 'speedy process' out of the water."  She walked off shaking her head to bag and bundle up samples and what she had.  "David?"

"Nearly done.  I'm driving."

"Sure."  She went to get them someone to carry boxes, because there was no way she was carrying eight boxes up those stairs.

***

David walked into the precinct that housed Region Three, getting horrified looks.  "We've got a database upgrade going on.  We can't even run samples in the Mass Spec anymore.  They never told us like they did you guys."  He kicked the door open, nodding for a few of the officer to go help Mortty.  "Go heft for the department, boys."

"And you are?"

"Hodges."  Two of the patrol officers ran off.  Mortty walked in with a box and he followed her down. He'd never been down in this one.  It was a lot more new than theirs.  Everyone stared in horror at them, apparently it was nearly shift change.  "We're doing a database upgrade they never told us about.  We're completely down but AV."  He put a box down in front of his counterpart.  "I've got another four in the car, she's got another seven.  Let's go."  He just got stared at.  "Tough, kids.  The Chief never told us."

"There was a meeting," Fredericks, their ballistic tech said weakly.  "He said Xander skipped."

"No, he sent Xander out with SWAT, who then filed a complaint for them being stuck with the non-cop for no reason.  Do you have copies of that OS?"

"It's integrated into the new machines," his counterpart said quietly.  "You didn't get…"  David shook his head.  "Shit!"  He hopped up. "Let's get the stuff, people."  They went to help.  "Where's your mate?"

"Telecommuting.  He complained and got suspended.  This means he's got to quality control any matches back to the May 5th start date for anything he matched through the database.  He's got a microscope and files at the house."  He hefted another box.  "I'm damn sorry, but we're rerouting."

"That's fine," they agreed,  going back there.  Mortty was still going over the upgrade's details with their supervisor, including what was really needed.

"See, that's what Calleigh said, but they've got the trial OS.  Ray's already called the routing change."  He moaned lightly.  "Until we're up and running, even my samples database for the sampling machines is gone."

"I understand.  It's not your fault, Mortty.  You're our senior DNA tech.  Harris is our senior Ballistics.  David is second head of Trace."  David gave him a look.  "You are.  We've still got Horton.  You were hired right after he came on.  He's on sick leave so you're defacto senior Trace guy until he comes back from his surgical recovery.  We've got the senior AV tech and computer tech, and you've got the senior fingerprint.  Plus you've got Sanders and the senior field techs, all but the union rep that we have here on day shift.  We're screwed."

"I know.  Ours was supposed to start tonight. I was going to work longer to get clear and have them send anything new to you guys but they started early."  The door opened and the chief stormed in.  He snorted and got back to the list.  "Do we have the costing and that stuff so I can give it to Ray?  And what's this one?  It's a single use that's got major software flaws."  He looked at that supervisor, who pointed.  David pointed at the item.  "That recently got thrown out of a federal court case for having flaws in the software.  That means anything tested on it can be thrown out or at the very least heavily challenged here."

"Do I care what you think?"

"Well you obviously don't care that the department can't work," he shot back.

Mortty patted him on the back.  "Unfortunately, thanks to the memos never making it to us, we're dead in the water except for AV, Chief," she said more politely.

"I told him…."

"No, Trace, DNA, Fingerprints, and Ballistics are all dead.  I can't even run samples thanks to this.  Thank you for giving me an easy night."

"You can stay here and work."

"No, I can't.  I cannot leave my lab unmanned.  I can see if Greg wants to come over."  The other tech nodded quickly at that.  "I'll call on the way back, Steff.  Not an issue.  He was hopping mad when I left."  She called Greg but he took her phone.  She took it back.  "Do not snatch things out of my hand, that's rude."  She called him.  "Greggy, me.  Come to Region Three or did you want to man the lab at home tonight?"  She nodded. "Good deal.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "He's on his way.  He was headed out for a call but Tracey was working with him and told him to come."  She got hugged.  "It'll be okay.  I promise."  She looked at the chief again.  "Providing we manage to get what we need on paper tonight, how long will it take us to get it?"

"You're not getting anything."

"Hey, you can explain to the DA why they can't try any cases," the supervisor agreed.  "My team could use the overtime.  And if not approved for it, then it'll get us sued for another problem with due process and speedy trials."  He looked at Mortty.  "Can you and Greg switch off?"

"I can."  She smiled at him.  "You know I miss you but I love my lab over there."

"I understand, dear.  You're our senior DNA tech.  Greg may have the higher Federal rating but you're our senior."  She nodded and the Chief growled.  "It's true.  Hodges there is the senior Trace tech until Horton comes back.  Harris is the senior ballistics tech.  We've apparently got more than we thought, kids.  Let's head back.  Cut the meeting short."  They nodded and carted things where they needed to go. "AV is still okay?"

"AV and computers don't need federal databases.  We can't even get into the sample query files.  I had to do a manual backup, so did Xander before he got sent home."

"For lack of work?" Fredericks asked.

"No, he went and threw a fit about being sent to SWAT and not hearing anything about this since they sent the memo out in April."

"We heard May first," he admitted.

"I know.  He knows.  Stella knows.  Everyone knows now."  That got a shiver of horror.  "Xander's going to try to match the samples by hand for any cases that he had multiple matches out of the system.  It could throw hundreds of cases out as far as I know.  Have fun with the overtime.  I've got to get back there with Mortty.  With Xander gone, we're lab seconds."

"You're staying," the Chief hissed.

"It's a requirement that our labs be staffed during normal hours," he said firmly. "Even if the equipment is down.  If this continues, I might think about an offer to switch out for the night but it is illegal by PD and Federal standards to have the labs unmanned for that long without an emergency having been declared.  It's in the lab handbook."  He walked off with Mortty.

"If you leave you're fired," he called.

"Do it, watch me sue, Chief," David said, turning to glare at him.  "By the way, we do know that Xander's the reason we get such good techs?  That he's been talking to them?"  He blanched. "That it's because of him that SWAT's still alive and he can sue you for making him do a job he's not trained to do.  A ballistics tech is not an officer, even if you make us take the classes.  For that matter, we've all had offers to move somewhere else.  Miami's putting on a new shift.  New York is opening up a new lab.  I'm sure either of them would love it if the three of us and Sanders transferred out as a well-integrated group.  Hell, we'd get better salaries too.  Miami's offering nearly double what I'm getting now.  I think Xander would look great with a tan, don't you?"   He walked her off, hand on her lower back.  "I've had enough of him," he muttered.  Once they got outside, he tossed her the keys, getting in so he could call some people and not crash them.

"Horatio, David Hodges.  No, small issue.  The Chief is sabotaging our lab on purpose.  Are you still looking for nearly a complete night shift?  Because I'd rather work with someone I trusted not to do that to us.  No, he got the memo and sent Xander out with SWAT, getting a filed complaint since he shouldn't have been there.  Seriously.  I can't speak for Mortty, but she's affected.  They suspended Xander for complaining.  Us, possibly Greg.  Possibly Mortty if this continues.  She's about to cry."  He gave her hand a squeeze and she started the car, heading back to the lab.  "I don't want to think about it, but can you give us a week?  I think Xander would do wonderfully with a tan and he's from California, the same as I am."  He smiled.  "I heard.  He was going to be my next call if you couldn't use us."  He smirked at that. "Thank you, Horatio.  We love you guys."  He hung up and called Mac Taylor in New York.  "Surprise, Stella, it's David."  He grinned.  "No, our department just decided to screw us over about the database updates.  Yeah, those.  No, they intentionally didn't tell our office.  Mortty, honey, I can drive if you need me to."

"No, I'm good."  She sneezed.  "Allergies.  Hi, Stella."  She pulled them out onto the street, taking the phone from her.  "Are you guys still setting up a new lab?  Because unless they fix shit, it's between you and that very sweet redheaded man in Miami.  Yeah, him, Xander, me, probably Greg.  Yeah, fully.  They never told us.  We're down to one lab in the city.  Let us know or we'll call in about a week, give it time to straighten out?  Thank you, Stella.  Love you, dear.  Oh, I'm considering it anyway.  It's a tossup at the moment.  Love you." She hung up and handed the phone back. "You guys go, I go."

"Sure," he agreed, smiling at her.  "I'm sure we can sell the house fairly easily.  I'm wondering if she went running up the halls or not."

"Maybe.  Greg and Danny got on really well too.  Then again, so did Eric and Danny and Eric and Greg."  She shrugged. "With the way things are going, some day it'll all be one city."  He chuckled at that.  "It will."  She pulled into their station and got out, heading inside.  The desk sergeant gave her an odd look.  "Were we suspended too?"  He shook his head.  "Staffing rules, someone's got to be down there who is qualified."

"I understand.  Detective Kowalski is down there bugging Vecchio.  His ex-wife's nagging the Lieutenant at the moment."

"Good, tell her to go further up the chain, it wasn't Welsh," David assured him.  He walked her back down there, going back to their labs.  "We dropped it off.  Any word from Xander?"

"Yup, he faxed over a list of cases he needs evidence on," Ray called.  "You two okay?"

"This goes on for more than a day and either Horatio or Mac gets us," David told him.  "I'm not endangering his health for this petty politicking. I don't mind politics now and then but to sabotage this way?  No way in hell I'm putting up with it."  He headed back to his office to clean his desk and finish up any remaining reports.  At least that could be cleaned up.

Greg called in, so he put him on speaker phone.  "David, if you guys go, I go."  Then he hung up.

David smiled.  He loved his friends and family.  They were very neat.

***

Elsewhere, Horatio and Mac were talking, trying to see who needed the group the worst.  Their various crews were involved.  Horatio was offering a better salary and beaches, but Mac pointed out the problem of David not going to them and Mortty not being a tanner.  Whereas they had more culture.

"Oh, just share them!" one of the detectives yelled.  "Please!"  The bosses considered it then let it go, shaking their heads.  Not doable really.  The cities were too far apart and crime was too nebulous to schedule that way.

***

Ray looked up as the Chief stormed into his office, then went back to his journal reading.  Someone had called down to warn him he was coming so they were all looking productive.  His journal was snatched and slammed onto the table.  "Problems getting us what we need, Chief?"

"Yes," he sneered.  "How dare you do this!"

"It's not our fault we weren't told that we needed to have a system's upgrade by today, Chief.  Or that Xander's found the system mismatched about twelve cases so far. Fortunately Stella didn't take it out on his hide and our swing person went over there to sub in and rematch those cases for him."  He crosses his arms, staring him down.  "Ya know, if they leave, there's every chance you'll lose Kowalski and the Mounties to their other office so Stan can follow.  Can't say as I wouldn't mind retiring either boss.  Sorry, we're a family on this shift," he said at the heated glare.  "Xander is this lab.  He's broken himself numerous times for this place.  There's no way in hell we're letting you do this ta him."  He sneered.  "The only thing left to decide is more urban or sunshine."

The Chief stomped out.  "I've already let the Mayor know, in very certain terms, what happened, including backing it up with paperwork," he called after him.  "Have fun explaining yourself."  The man glared at him before slamming the door.  He picked up his journal.  "He's stomped off in a snit," he called.  The cards in the back labs came back out.  They could only clean so many times. Everyone had already agreed with their Region Three counterparts who'd get what shifts so things could still get done and the tired local techs could get a few hours of freedom from work.  Ray called Stan.  "So, if Xander and everyone leaves thanks ta this mess, you gonna go?"  He smirked at the assertion Rennie was following his 'little brother' Xander one way or another.  He'd just tie them up and cart them over a long pole across his shoulder.  "You might wanna put in your vote for New York or Miami."  He hung up and pulled out the real magazine he had been reading.

***

David smiled at the man who had knocked on his door.  "Horatio.  Come in."  He walked in, taking off his sunglasses.  "Let me guess, you've heard about the politics?"

"I have and I agree, he's sabotaging the lab."  He looked at him.  "Mac and I are still arguing over you guys."

"Stan and his Mounties would come if they can.  Ray might as well."

Horatio smirked.  "We've got some good detectives, but we'd welcome them.  I'm not sure if the Mounties could find anything to do in Miami however."

"Dief would pout about the lack of snow and all the hot peppers," Xander called from the room he was working in.  They walked in there and he waved absently.  "Sorry, I'm handing matching the cases we cross-referenced with."

"Not a problem, Xander."  He came in to look at the two stacks of files and the evidence boxes.  "Someone smuggled them out?"

"Yeah, Ray had someone bring them for me," he said, straightening up and rubbing his eyes.  "I hate the really close matches."  He got out of the way.  "I'd call that ninety-six because Stella wants an exact figure."

Horatio looked the nodded slowly.  "It looks like another case of ammo switch."  He looked at him.  "Lab reload?"

"No, not by the box."  He made a note on the notes beside him, checking the name again.  Then he bundled everything back up and refiled it.  He looked at Horatio.  "I love Chicago.  I seriously love Chicago.  Like I loved Vegas.  I don't wanna leave, but I can't take this.  I don't need this stress.  Ray and Welsh are great, but I want a supportive department behind me, Horatio."

Horatio smiled.  "Mac would be here to tell you this, but he just caught a sniper case into a school."  Xander hissed.  "With the people who're willing to move with you, they're willing to switch out Mac's other shift and put you on with his staff, who doesn't exactly work on the shift system alone."  David leaned against the wall, gaping at him.  Horatio smiled.  "You've got a lot more firepower than we could use and the Mounties don't have a consulate down there.  Besides, like you said, they'd miss snow."  Xander gave him a goofy grin.  "Also, I heard a rumor about you having real parents?"

"Yeah, Abby's director made her put my DNA profile into the Federal Agents system after she saw the party convention tape."  Horatio chuckled at that. "Abby was putting it in and it came up with matches.  She warned Mortty, then went to check it out further.  They're up the street at the hotel."

"Good.  Are they good?"

"They are, covert feds."  Xander shrugged a bit.  "I've had one of those weeks when I've had to be Super Xander, Son of Ares, God of War again.  The day they got here, I was in the middle of rescuing Greg from a tech-napping moron, who I sent into the lake.  Plus I had to undo a bomb at the airport over the headset system.  So they caught me in Super Xander mode."  Horatio smiled at that.  "You're sure Mac could use us?"

"Yes, I am.  He said he'd welcome the whole group, Xander."  He patted him on the arm.  "This way, Eric can't pout at you because he has to protect Calleigh to this day in the clubs-he doesn't trust it won't suddenly spring back up."  Xander blushed a bit at that.  "Besides, that way you'd be closer to Abby and Gibbs.  There's a shuttle from New York to DC every few hours.  Which would mean you could get to know your parents better."

Xander smiled.  "You think we could get a nice house out there?"

"You should be able to.  New York housing costs are ridiculous."

"I've been making him invest what he gets given in the clubs," David offered dryly.  "That plus selling this house?  We can manage it."  Horatio smiled at him. "Xander, Maria wanted to know if she could buy the house."

"Wow.  Sure.  Yeah."  He grinned at him and walked over, hugging him.  "I love you."

"Love you too," he agreed quietly.  Xander gave him a gentle, sweet smile.  "Let's call the others to say we've decided on New York, then we can conference in with Mac."

"He'll be out later tonight," Horatio assured them, smiling at them.  "Can you two put me up?  I could use some help from Mac on a case and a night off."

"Sure," Xander agreed happily.  "Hey, does this mean I get to meet the Don guy?"

"Yes, it would," Horatio agreed happily.  "What about Dawn?"

"She's a hairdresser."

"Good point."  He smiled at them.  "Mac should be in within a few hours.  He said he'd call when he landed."  Xander squealed and hugged him.  "Eric ordered me to tell you this way you couldn't gang up on poor little him."

David cackled. "I think that'll be a vacation."  Horatio smirked at that.  "Thank you, Horatio."

"Not a problem.  You're serious?"

Xander nodded.  "I can't take this. I love Ray's mother and hopefully she'll move with us.  I just can't take the non-supportive department.  They've been inching my hours back up on me again too."

"I understand."  He patted him on the cheek.  "Let go, Xander."  Xander blushed and let him go. "Thank you.  Let me get my bag from the car and I'll come play with the dogs."  He went to do that, putting it in the spare room David was changing sheets in.

Xander called Mortty.  "New York.  Mac said he can use us all."  He hung up and got back to work.  He would clean up this mess since he hadn't realized it was like this.  It was his job to do this.

***

Xander signed the last form and handed it to the Mayor, then put down his old badge.  "My personal firearm."

"That's fine, Harris.  Are you *sure*?  We'd hate to see you go."

"Yeah, well, I loved working with you guys until the politics and stuff got in the way of being a simple lab tech.  He kept the press on my ass.  He kept sabotaging me. I can't stand it, I'm sorry."  He stood up.  "I'll come back for vacation."  They shook hands.  "Thank you, sir."  He saluted and headed off, going to get into the car.  David had less paperwork than he had since he was officially in review for a raise.  "Last checks?"

"Are being sent."  He stroked his thigh.  "It's the right decision."  Xander nodded so he drove them to the airport, heading for their new home.  They were all flying out as a group, Mortty's idea, and would be greeted on the other side by Stella and Danny, since they knew everyone.  Thatcher hadn't been happy to lose her Mounties, but she understood the power of politics and had made an offer from one of the Canadian cities.  David had simply given her a look, then pointed out that would mean Kowalski, Vecchio, and Mortty would have to become Canadian citizens.  She had shut up and quit trying after that.

They got to the airport and got out, dropping off the rental.  The dogs were with Greg in their carrier.  They only had a suitcase between them.  Xander pointed at the terminal.  "Shall we?"  He took David's hand and walked him inside, smiling at their posse.  "My people," he said fondly, grinning at everyone.  "We checked in?"  They all nodded.  "Dave and me too?"  That got another nod from Ray.  "Cool, through security, people."  They headed for the checkpoint, getting some horrified looks.  "They pissed me off.  We're leaving."  The security guards took Xander's gun and boxed it up, along with the others' sidearms for their later retrieval.  Dawn was the only one who got to go through the metal detectors, but the dogs did bark at the x-ray machine, making the tech smile at that.  Everyone else got passed through. They got onto the plane with only stops for burgers and magazines, settling into the tiny seats for the two hour flight.

Xander stepped off the other side, going first by mutual decision.  He walked into the terminal and grinned, squealing as he rushed over to hug Stella and Danny.  "Hi.  We're here."

"Stop him!" someone shouted.  Xander looked and then took Fraser's hat to toss it at him, knocking him down.  The transit officer looked at him, handing Fraser back his hat.  "Thank you, sir.  You are?"

"My lab's other crew," Stella said with a fond smile.  "Thank you, Xander."

"My pleasure, dear.  You know that."  He tweaked her on the cheek, then took Danny's arm to walk him off.  "So, labs?" he asked happily.  "They're nice and I've got lots of pretty guns to play with?"

"You do, but first you've got to stop and do the badge stuff."

"That's okay, we've got to pick up our personal sidearms," Xander assured him, letting him lead him that way while Greg got the bags.  They came out and found a few official SUV's waiting on him.  "Nearly as nice as Horatio said his hummers are, but more practical.  Sweet rides.  Can we take them when we go on field calls?"

"Of course," Danny agreed, grinning at him. "Perk of the job, staring down at anyone in their tiny economy cars."  He helped everyone get settled, letting Stella ride herd since he had point.  Danny looked at Fraser.  "Our Mounties don't often do the hat toss these days."

"We're not the standard Mounties," he offered.  "Ray and Ray have spoiled us terribly."

"Yeah, we have," Vecchio called.  "Please tell me I'm back in the field?"

"With Flack," Stella assured him with a smile. "Our personal slave detective."  He hugged her.  "It's okay.  We've got a lab administrator for the shift."  She patted him on the back.  "Mac heard your complaints and he's fixed it all."

Danny nodded, looking at Xander.  "You're only a part-time field tech."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Get in!"  Everyone piled in and he got to see the baby that had been napping. "You're precious."  She smiled at him.  "What's your name?"

"Amanda, but she usually goes by Mandy," Dawn offered, patting her on the back. "She's fussy.  Sorry."  She got her hitched in like only an experienced mother could.  "Xander, we've got the house, right?  No hotel tonight?"

"No, we've got the house, it's all set up for us.  All the various apartments are set up as well."  She smiled at him.  "We're letting you live with Greg unless you want to move out on your own."  She slid in beside her daughter and buckled up.  He slid into the front seat.  The doors were shut and David had to stand there and tap a foot.  Stella laughed and got him into hers, winking at him.  He smirked back.  "So, how is everyone?"

"Doin' good," Danny admitted as he pulled out into traffic.  "Mac's growling at a case presently and it's right up your alley.  Someone tricked out a gun to make it automatic and it screwed the rifling."

"That can happen but you still usually get a firm pattern, like you would with a silencer.  You can usually match the underlying pattern behind the new one."  Danny grinned at him.  "Are we heading in tonight?"

"Tomorrow.  You can stop in and see it if you want."

"Sure.  So, field techs don't work standard shift?"

"Nope.  So you'll see some of us, some of night shift, some of Flack and them.  We'll introduce you guys around tomorrow.  The old night shift got moved to the new lab and it's pretty sweet, like Horatio's are, but I like the old home base. Besides, I'd miss having Mac on my ass."

Xander looked at him.  "If you need help with that project, I've worked up some really good ideas for wooing a very stubborn mate."

Danny coughed and shook his head. "Not that way."

"Damn.  Sorry.  We're very open about it, but we've only got Stan, Rennie, and Benny like us in the group."

"That should be more than enough for anyone," Stan reminded him patiently.  Dawn nodded at that so he flipped her on the back of the head.  "You behave and we're teaching her how ta play basketball this weekend."

"Just remember she's got asthma," she said firmly.

"Of course.  She's pitiful when she's that sick."  Stan smirked at Xander.  "You, no traumatizing people with your views on sports."

"Mac's already warned everyone, he can be as gay and loud as he wants," Danny promised with a smirk in the mirror back at him.  "Stella warned them about his views on football being just like a gay orgy, it got some laughs and we're good with that.  Mortty can wear her dog collars.  Unless the Mayor comes in then she's gotta take it off for a few minutes.  We already told her that and she agreed it'd be fine.  Mac's over our lab and it's all good ta him."  He took an offramp.  "We're right in the center of lower Manhattan.  Stan, you'll be doing Homicide with Don and Ray Vecchio.  He's at work today so I'll introduce you when we do the badge thing.  Boys, your consulate is officially downtown but your apartments are about three blocks from there.  Which means Stan's a thirteen block commute going against the standard path of traffic.  Xander, you and David live further out and it's in a good neighborhood, lots and lots of gay couples.  Mortty's livin' in the Village.  Dawnie, we've got you and Greg a nice little apartment near the station.  There's a good few hairdressers who's looking for help nearby.  Also a really good daycare and a Church daycare that's supposed to be pretty good nearby."  She smiled at that and smoothed down her daughter's hair.  "We did everything we can to make it a painless transition.  Including maps."  Xander beamed at that.  "Also, convention's in our neck of the woods this year."

"Yes!" Xander agreed happily. "If we have to work, can we go after hours?"

"Of course.  We do it that way every year it's here."  He patted him on the arm.  "Relax, Mac and Stella like you.  Everyone else will think you'll fit in and you're only a little bit strange.  The SWAT commander's been told about you by your last one and he's already agreed you're last on the on-call list, and there's no way in hell you'll be going on an assault, unless it's in our station or it's one of us personally."

"Bless you," Xander said, hugging him around the arm.  "I love you guys.  I spent one day a week with SWAT for the past few months.  Dave was getting an ulcer."  He let him go when they pulled up in front of a station.  "Oooh, another building with history."  He slid out once Danny had parked, going over to look at the wall.  "Someone put a lot of love into this building.  It shows."  Someone coughed so he grinned at them.  "Hi.  Xander Harris," he said, holding out a hand.  "I used to do construction before I went to college."

The tall, dark haired guy grinned and shook his hand.  "Don Flack."

Xander squealed.  "Danny and Stella said *so* much about you!" he said happily, letting him go but dragging him over.  "Guys, this is the Don they told us about."

"Let him go, Xander," Ray ordered.  Xander pouted but let him go, giving Don a sheepish look.  "Sorry, he's having an excited moment. You just get used ta 'em."

Don grinned.  "It's all good.  He can be as gay as he wants since we've all been told he's married."  Everyone pointed at David.  "Now I know who ta go to if we find him sulking.  Hi."  He shook his hand.  "Don Flack."

"David Hodges, Trace."

"Cool. You'll like the lab, they've just updated it on Danny and he's swearing about not being able to find anything."

"I can fix that," Danny assured him. "Dave and me, we can rearrange it tomorrow."  He waved at the building.  "Shall we?  Dawn, you wanna come with or sit out here with Mandy and be admired?"

"I can go," she agreed, smiling at him.  She pinched him on the cheek.  "You're adorable, but I'm still taken."  Greg smirked at her so she beamed at him.  "That's my man and our dogs.  Oooh, dogs!"  She turned back and David got them out, putting them in their harnesses.

Don looked at the little dogs, then at them.  "Mac knows you bring 'em in, right?"

"Yup," Xander agreed.  "Calleigh brings hers too.  They're fully lab trained. Even potted plant and Mayor's coffee cup trained," he joked, leading the way inside with his dog.  Sarah gave him a quiet bark.  "This is the new home, Sarah.  We're going to be working here."  She barked again and sniffed, but settled in to like that idea.  "Where are we heading?"

"This way," Don ordered, pointing at the front desk.  "First.  Guys, this is our receptionist.  Dora, this is Harris, Hodges, Sanders, and his girlfriend Dawn and her daughter Mandy, Mortty, Vecchio, Kowalski, and his two Mounties Benny and Rennie.  Get used to 'em."  She smiled and waved.  "Mac?"

"Mayor."

"In or out?" he asked dryly.

"In, on a call."

"Thanks."  He walked them back.  "We're not really formal around here, but you'll have ta wear your badges or ID's at all times."

Xander raised a hand.  "For those of us who had to take the equivalencies has it been decided?  I'd rather be a lab tech if it matters."

"We appreciate that about you," Don assured him.  Xander relaxed and smiled. "Your record's impressive, but you're a tech.  Like the scene techs may be detectives too, but we all know they're tech's first.  Except Mac.  Well, he is, but he's a Marine first, then a tech, then a cop."  He shrugged and the elevator came.  "You'll have one in name only.  We don't expect you guys to carry 'em, except for Greg."  They smiled and piled on, squeezing in.  Mandy cooed at the dogs, petting them.  Then she reached over to pet Don.  "Thanks, Mandy.  It's been a while since such a cute little thing like you's made cow eyes at me."  He pinched her nose and she gave him a shy grin, then hid her face.  He winked at Dawn. "I'm used ta it.  All the girls flirt sometime."  She elbowed him, making him laugh.  "Good instincts, girl."

"Thank you."  They came off and she followed the group out, looking around.  "This is so much nicer than the basement, Xan."

"It is," Ray agreed, looking around. "Nicer than Region Three too," he said appreciatively.  "How's the detective's side?"

"Crappy but we've got computers.  Defend your desk chair."  Ray smirked at that.  He tapped on Mac's door, walking them in.  "We're here."

"I can see that."  He looked at the dogs.  "I thought you were kidding."

Xander snorted.  "Not hardly, Mac.  Besides, it'll take her a few days to find Oprah here."  He came over to look at the pictures, petting his dog.  The folder was moved closer.  "See the underlying marks, those are matchable.  The spectron can select the underlying layers and match only that."

"How?"

"I can show you."  He grinned at him.  "Not a problem.  It's a click of the mouse and a few keystrokes."  Mac relaxed at that.  "So, I only get to do field stuff as a last resort?"

"Two or three cases a month, like you were supposed to be doing.  Anything serial I might put you on as a secondary CSI."  Xander beamed at his husband, who nodded.  He smiled at the group.  "Also, we've resolved the badge issues.  Since you've technically graduated, you'll have them in name only."

"Thank God," David sighed.  "I don't want to carry one, Mac."

"I understand fully," he agreed.  He smirked.  "You're on as a regular lab tech, that makes you basically an officer for life, David."  That got a smile and a nod.

"Hold on, Xander got his gold shield for stupid heroics," Ray offered. "Nearly lost it two days later too.  Shortest time in history."

Mac smiled.  "That's fine.  We heard.  I bragged and shoved it in their faces for you guys."  He pulled open a drawer, handing out badges and ID cards.  "Xander, I want your promise.  You're a lab tech, right?"  He nodded.  "You're not going to pull some Super Xander stuff?"

"Not unless I have to."  He gave him a small grin.  "I will stop it if I see it."

"That's fine.  I can agree with that.  Anytime you have to do something like that, you call me right after you call David.  Got me here?"

David snorted.  "Please enforce him calling me at all."  He looked at his mate.  "The first time you get caught in a holdup, I'm spanking you."  Xander blushed.

"Does the hat throw at the airport count?" Danny asked from the back wall.  "Nice by the way.  He's learned well from the Mounties."

"Xander!" Dawn complained.

"Sorry!  A transit cop was yelling 'stop him'.  At least I didn't tackle him and make him complain about gay boy cooties or anything."

"Point," she agreed, rolling her eyes.  Her daughter laughed.  "Don't worry, we'll let Xander teach you self-defense when you're old enough so you can beat up on all the boys who'll want you, Mandy."  She smiled at her mother, then held her arms out to Greg, who switched the dog with her.  "Hi, Nickie."  She got a bark and the dog settled down in her arms.  "Do you need Xander tonight or more paperwork?"

"Nope, as long as they've got those, we've got everything else done.  We did their pictures when we came out for orientation and the weekend off.  Everything's set for them.  Xander, I will require you to carry a gun, even though I want you to be a lab tech.  Anytime you're around I want it on you."  Xander nodded that was fine and patted his.  "That's fine. I can accept you having one of your own."

"One?" David moaned.  "Only one?"

"Only one," Don agreed. "Unless he carries a holdback."

David snickered. "You should learn this now.  Xander jumps in."  Mac nodded at that, he'd seen him doing it in the past. "Please pat my mate down, just in case?"

"He only had the one gun today, Dave," Ray offered.  "Plus a pocketknife."

David gaped at his mate.  "You're practically unarmed.  I'm impressed and proud.  I'll cook tonight."  Xander beamed and bounced on his heels.  "Good boy.  Settle down before your dog gets a bad idea."  Sarah barked at him.  "Yes, you."  He looked down at her. "What?"  She barked again.  "Okay.  Dawn, can you take the furry children outside?"

"Sure."  She walked off. "Come on, Sarah.  Let's find a corner."  The dog trotted after her.

Xander looked at Don.  "I'm really sorry if I have to jump in, in advance."

Mac nodded.  "Try to keep it down, Xander.  Also, if you go clubbing and that stuff happens, you report it to me, and I've got the forms to fill out since it still happens to Stella and Danny now and then."  Xander blushed and nodded.  "Good boy.  Now, you guys were all night shift before.  How about swing here?  That way you're working with most of us and we can move a few of the more daytime cranky people back to night shift.  They've asked to be moved. That leaves our swing open almost completely."  David smiled and nodded.  "That's one to nine, guys.  Are you sure?"  They all nodded.  "Good.  I was hoping you'd all agree. Ray, you and Stan will be on the same shift as well but there's a position opening on days next month if one of you wanted to switch down."

"We work well together," Stan assured him. "Did it for years."

"Good.  Any other questions?"

"When are we doing the house warming?" Xander asked his mate.

"Two weeks.  Give me time to unpack and stuff, Xander."

"Honey, the movers did everything but the guns and the swords."  David raised an eyebrow.  "Necessary.  Really."

"Fine. Two weeks so I can rearrange things then."  Xander nodded at that.  "Would that be all right, Mac?"

"Sure.  We'll work out the date later with the schedule.  That's the last thing.  Swing gets Tuesday and Wednesday off.  Any problems?"  No one said anything.  "Last chance?"  No complaints.  "Okay, then we're set.  Go home, come in tomorrow at noon so you can take a tour before you get to work.  David, they've all been warned you're a cranky person and only like Xander."

"I like Stella.  She's not pushy."

"That's fine," Danny agreed with a grin.  "You'll have me in there working with ya most of the time when I'm back.  Trace and fingerprints are my area."  Dave nodded at that.  "We work like Horatio's crew here.  The field techs all have their areas.  Stella and Mac do well in chem."  He looked out.  "Sheldon!"  He came in, smiling at everyone.  "This is the new swing shift.  That's Xander, his guy David.  Ray Vecchio.  Ray Kowalski.  Rennie Turnbull and Benny Frasier, Mounties.  Greg Sanders, who's one'a us.  His girl Dawn's got the dogs outside.  That's Mortty, DNA, and Greg's a former DNA guy too.  Xander's ballistics and trace, some limited field work.  David's trace."

"Hi," he said, waving and smiling.  "I'm Sheldon Hawkes, formerly the shift's ME, now a level one field tech.  Welcome, I look forward to working with you guys.  Oh, our soda machine likes to steal anything not crisp, new, and clean.  I suggest you iron things because if you bring something for the fridge someone occasionally steals it."  That got mass nods.  "I look forward to your first day tomorrow.  Have a nice night and welcome.  Mac, we've got a suspect and they're coming in."

"Gotta go," Don admitted, heading out with Danny.  "No, you drive 'em then come back."

"We can cab," David promised.  "Just drop the bags off."

"Sure.  Thanks."  They headed out to help Sheldon.

Mac smiled at David.  "It's been driving them nuts for a few days."

"I've seen those.  Greg gets even messier hair."

Greg ran a hand through his hair.  "I'm trying for respectable."

"Go back to what you had before," Xander sighed.  "Please, Greg?"

"Sure, Xander."  He grinned at him.  "Think I could make her do mine?"

"Yeah, and she's gotta do mine again soon too."  He shrugged and looked at Mac.  "Want me to show you that now before we disappear to christen various houses and find Ray a woman his mother would approve of?"

"My mother wanted me to meet a nice, soft spoken, steel backboned girl," Ray Vecchio agreed dryly.  "Oh, Maria said she had a lot of fun detonating the landmines in the lawn, Xander.  The kids all clapped."  David moaned and pinched his husband on the arm. "She said the static thingy made her pause for a few minutes but then her daughter figured it out?"

"She'll be a brilliant little girl and follow in my slightly warped footsteps," Xander agreed happily.  "I'm already corrupting her to the fun that is being a female Xander and a future ballistics tech."

"Uh-huh.  Make sure she doesn't get into the sort of trouble you do in the clubs when she starts ta date," Ray ordered.  He shook his head.  "We should probably go settle in and iron stuff for tomorrow.  Thank you, Mac."

"Not a problem. I hate to see good people wasted."  He smiled at the person lurking outside.  "Lindsey, come in."  He waved a hand.  "Most of our new swing shift.  This is Xander, ballistics and trace, his husband David, trace.  Greg, a level one and rarely DNA, Mortty, DNA, and Ray Vecchio and Stan Kowalski, our new detectives."

She smiled and waved.  "Hi, I'm Lindsey Monroe.  I just transferred in myself.  If you need help finding your way around, just ask me."

Xander grinned at her.  "Watch out for the dog, who is a girl even though she's got balls.  Her former mommy was very mean to her.  She's fully lab trained and is a good messenger and scouting dog.  We make sure she's brushed every day."

"Okay," she agreed, nodding at that. "I've heard of you.  You worked in Las Vegas."  He beamed and nodded.  "I know Nick."  She looked at David. "Which makes you Hodges."  He nodded once, smirking at her.  "Cool.  I'll tell him you're out here.  Let me know if you need help finding stuff the first day, guys."  She walked off, going back to work to tell the others about the new techs and warn them about the dog.  Which came off the elevator.  She looked at them.  "Hi.  I know you from Nick's picture.  His livejournal has a picture of him," she said, pointing at the Nick dog.

Dawn smiled and shook her hand.  "Dawn Summers, Greg's girlfriend.  You're right, that's Little Nick and Little Sarah.   Nick's Greg's and Sarah's Xander's.  This is Mandy."

"You're cute," she said, tickling the baby.  She smiled at Dawn.  "I'm Lindsey, I know the bigger Nick."  That got a smile.  "Are you a tech?"

"Hairdresser."

"Let me know where you end up.  I could use some help with my mop."  She pushed the button for the elevator.  "There's a really nice place up the street for lunch breaks with him.  Stella's probably going to show him.  Don knows every hotdog vender within sixteen blocks of here."  Dawn giggled at that.  "Have a nice day, Dawn, and welcome."  She got onto the elevator, watching the dogs watch her as she disappeared.  She could believe what Nick had told her about those dogs.  She did email him then went to gossip.

***

Out in Vegas, Nick answered his email, smiling.  "We need to send Taylor in New York antacids," he called.  "That's where the horrible crew moved!"

"Why?" Grissom called, walking in to read the message.  "Greg moved too?"

"Greg, Ray, Stan, his mounties, Hodges, Xander, Dawn."  That got a small smirk.  "I don't know why they all moved but I'm sure Taylor will need some antacids soon since he's only casually met Xander in the past at conventions."  He dialed a number and their ballistics tech leaned in.  "They're in New York."

"I knew that.  I already sent their nightshift guy a list of Xander's care and feeding instructions, just in case Hodges decides to let him flounder so he can laugh."  He walked in to read the message.  "They went for theatric?" he asked, cracking a smile.  "Greg and Xander must've planned the move."

"Why did they move?" Grissom asked.

Bobby stared at him.  "You didn't hear?"  Grissom shook his head slowly.  "Ah.  Nick, did you hear about the upgrade situation?"

"I heard from Greg that they were having troubles and had ended up backed up so he was back in the lab for a bit," he offered, shifting to face him better.  "What happened?"

Bobby smirked at them.  "Their Chief of Police sent Xander out with SWAT then called a meeting with the other lab about the necessary upgrades we had to do.  He never told Xander or anyone in their lab.  Their whole lab went down and he blamed Xander for not being omnipotent."  Grissom moaned.  "Exactly.  He was forcing more attention on Xander.  He suspended Xander for throwing a hissy in his office," he said with a soft grin and his accent making it sound nearly indecent.  "He turned on the whole lab so most of the lab moved with Xander and David."  He patted Nick on the back.  "Poor Taylor will have to deal with Xander reestablishing his cred."

"He'll deal with it," Grissom assured him.

Bobby and Nick both looked at them.  "Gris, you know Xander does a lot of work with the gang kids, right?" Nick prompted.  He groaned and walked off shaking his head. He grinned at their ballistics tech.  "We should take up a donation of antacid stuff to send out there, like David did for us when Xander sent us food."

"You know Xander's been using his habitually bad cooking to make sure cops go to the hospital when they need it, right?" he teased.  "He dosed Greg with some fudge the last time."  Nick moaned and held his stomach.  "Exactly."  He patted him again then strolled out humming happily.  The other techs gave him an odd look.  "Xander, David, Greggy, and the rest of that group are in New York!" he announced happily.

"I'll send him aspirin," the Fingerprint tech offered.

"I've already sent out the industrial sized bottle of rolaids," Bobby assured everyone, getting some laughs.  "We should send more and warn our fellow techs about the care and feeding of Xander and Hodges."  That got some mean smirks.  "Now be nice.  We don't want to ruin it for them."

"We'll be nice," Archie, the AV tech, assured him happily.  He grinned at Catherine as she walked in. "Hodges and them are in New York."

"Why?"

"Politics got too heavy and they sabotaged the lab the guys were working in," Bobby said quietly.  She glared and he nodded. "Their Chief of Police, same guy who made them all get badges.  Even Hodges and Mortty."

"I so pity New York.  What're we sending?"

They got together to make a list of what they could send in the 'Xander-warming' basket. After all, if you weren't prepared for the Xander, you could end up with various problems - like headaches and ulcers.

***

Xander walked in his first day, smiling at his lab.  He hugged the tech in there.  "Hi, I'm a Xander."

"I heard.  I'm Chad."  He looked at him oddly.  "You're our new ballistics tech?"

"Ballistics, trace, and some minor field work."  He beamed at him.  "I'm a good boy but I get bored easily."  The other one laughed at that, clapping him on the back.  "I did my post-grad under Bobby out in Vegas. I subbed in while he had a personal crisis."

"I heard.  I've heard a lot about you.  Including your little clubbing habit.  Every now and then it hits Stella and she mopes and swears for a few minutes."

"You should hear my husband's."  He heard the squeal and grinned.  "That's Mortty.  The new DNA person."

"Well, I'm all but clear so let's go introduce ourselves.  I'm moving to nights so you'll have it all by yourself."  Xander nodded, letting him lead the way down there.  Xander looked around.  "What was the lab in Chicago like?"

"Under the precinct.  Dave's trace lab and mine were right under the upstairs bathrooms too."  That got a horrified look. "Mortty was right across the hall.  We only had a few leaks and David swore at the very slow workmen."

"I'd have sworn a lot about that."  He opened a door.  "This is DNA, trace is upstairs."

Mortty was dancing around and touching everything with a manic grin.  "Xander, come look!  I've got a *big* lab!"

"I can see that."  He came in and hugged her.  "Calm down.  Don't scare people."  She snickered and squeezed him. "Good girl.  Dave's upstairs."

"Poo.  Oooh, hey, did you get the new menu system started?"

"Not yet.  We're going out tonight to start that with Stella's help."  She smiled. "This is Chad."

She walked over to him, head tipped to the side, then she gave him a very careful hug.  "Hi.  Nice to meet you.  You've got a very good aura."  She let him go and went back to rearranging things to suit herself.  "Who else works in here?"

"Um, a few people. Most things are marked."

"I like to keep the cleaning pads on the tables, just in case so they're handy.  We've had trainees who made horrible messes," she told him, setting out what she'd need.  Then she found a plastic carrying basket and filled it, smiling at her neat handiwork. "I can live with that.  Where's Greg?"

"Already out on a call," Xander said dryly, smirking at her.  "He called to say they needed him and he was working with Danny today."  He shrugged.  "He can wander in later."

"Hold on, Sanders?" Chad demanded.  They both nodded, smirking at him.  "Oh, hell, we heard about him.  He's staying in the field?"  They both nodded.  "Why?"

"For the same reason Sheldon probably does," Xander offered.

"Oh, man!  He was like one of the best DNA techs in the country!"  Mortty nodded.  "Wow.  Hold on, you guys had trainees?"  They both nodded.

"I didn't mind," Xander offered.  "I liked getting them off to a good start.  I'm very strict about my trainees.  You guys don't have one?"

"No!  They take classes for that.  Even internships are limited to day shift."

"Well, I don't mind and if I get one I won't make you share."  Xander grinned at him.  "I'm fairly strict in the lab.  I had an actor following me around.  First day he showed up, I made him bathe off the stench of his aftershave because Mortty's trainee was deathly allergic, go shower, and come in wearing clean clothes.  I got yelled at for it, but I'm pretty strict about that stuff."

"Wow."  He waved at Mortty.  "Come down to bother us later if you're not busy."  He walked him back up the halls.  "Mac?"  He looked over and smiled.  "Xander's trained interns."

"Post and pre graduate," Xander agreed.  "About eighteen pre-graduate and two post."  Mac blinked at that.   "I don't mind it if we get an applicant.  I'm pretty tough in my lab but I'm fair about it."

"I'll keep that in mind.  Mortty?"

"She does.  David's picky about his.  They've got to be a savant and deal with him very well.  He's had a few."

"I'll definitely keep that in mind, Xander.  Thank you for offering."  Xander smiled.  "David's lab is about there," he said, pointing at a spot. "Upstairs."

"Cool.  Thank you."  He punched him on the arm and went back to look over his lab again.  He pulled out his ear protectors and safety goggles, then got to work on the open gun.  "Do we do reports?"

"I do short ones."  Xander nodded, going to do the test fire, letting Chad watch him work this one.  He came back out with the test fire and scoped it.  They didn't have a reference sample, it was a found gun.  Then Xander put it into the system with the serial number off the gun.  Chad blinked when he pulled up matches and got to work on the computer, referring back to it.  Then Xander printed off the three pages and stapled them, handing them over.  "Thank you.  That's Stella's."

"Sure."  He bundled everything up properly and sealed the box with the sample inside it, initialing it once it was tape-sealed.  He showed him the cabinets they used and then Xander went to hunt down Stella's inbox.

Chad read over the report on the screen.  It was concise, gave all the pertinent information and other matching case detail.  Including case number and suspect's not entered in the files.  "Wow.  Bobby wasn't lying.  Xander's super efficient and he knows his shit," he said happily.  His lab was going into good hands for the daylight hours.  He nearly clicked his heels.  An older guy came in and looked around.  "You're one of the new ones, so that would make you Hodges?  Since I heard Sanders was younger and out on a case?"

"I am.  My spouse?"

"Finding Stella's inbox.  He just did a report for her."

"Thank you."  He looked around again.  "Tell him he's not allowed to call up every thirty minutes to check on me.  He gets a bit paranoid now and then."

"When you're in deep love that's standard."  He smiled at him.  "I'm Chad. I'm moving to nights."  He walked over to shake his hand. "Mortty's up the hall and he said Greg was out on a case."

"I heard, he woke us up."  He smirked at him.  "There are three rules with Xander around.  You don't feed him chocolate, or he bounces.  Caffeine is okay now, but mass quantities of chocolate is a bad thing.  We've had to chase him around to take chocolate frogs from him because he was gorging on them.  Seriously," he said at the grin.  "A bouncy, hyper Xander is a bad thing on the world.  Secondly, Xander was raised by some very girly girl girlfriends.  He has no concept of why guys like sports.  He watches curling.  He calls football gay sex in teams."  Chad blushed at that.  "Basketball is 'reruns with cheerleaders shaking it like pros begging for money on the street corner'.  Hockey is 'that fun violence game'.  He usually just stares at baseball in a non-understanding way.  He swims, he jogs, and he watches curling, ice skating, and gymnastics.  Third, watch out for the t-shirts.  Some are playful, some are warnings.  If it looks like a warning and he's got a manic grin or he's sulky, pouty, or glaring, it's a warning.  We've had people run at the sight of his t-shirts."

"Okay," Chad agreed.  "I can live with those rules.  Anything else?"

"Don't let him give you the dreaded puppy eyes.  You'll cave.  Even I caved before we got together.  It's a horrible thing to make him pout."  He walked off, going to remind Mac of Xander's t-shirt habit.  "Mac?"  He looked at him. "Did you think to warn the detectives about the t-shirt habit?"

"I did," he agreed.  "Did you tell Chad not to let him have chocolate?  I told Flack and I'm sure Ray'll chase him down soon."

"Probably," he sighed, shaking his head.  "I'm clear until someone brings me something. Back cases or anything?"

"I'll show you where they are," he agreed, leading him back up there.  "You guys can just make piles for us.  Most of us come looking, especially if you're working with Flack, who is a lot like an older, more mentally stable Xander at times.  Especially when he and Danny are in a playful mood."

"I'll remember that."  They shared a look.  "Someone warned Flack about his sports things, right?  Danny said so but I thought I'd make sure."

"Yeah, we did.  There's a lot of rumors about Xander. I'm hoping it's going to be a calm first month.  No sending anyone into the harbor."

David smirked at him. "His parents came in that day."

"His real parents, as Ray put it?"

"He was stolen from the hospital by the Harris'.  His parents are the Stetsons, now in Homeland?"

"Lee and Amanda?  I know 'em," he agreed, smiling. "They're good people."  David nodded, accepting that.  "They're okay?"

"Getting there. It's still really awkward most of the time. She wants to fuss and he's scared of fussing women thanks to Willow and Buffy.  Stella might end up mothering him now and then when he's having a pitiful day but I doubt it."

"I'll keep that in mind too."  He opened a cabinet, pointing at all the samples. "The current backlog of cold cases we've reopened." David nodded, browsing the shelves.  He pointed at one. "Anything with that initial is Danny and he'll pout if you do it on him.  He likes being in here.  That one is Sitra," he offered, pointing at another.  "That one is Burns.  Aiden got burnt out.  You can do anything with her stuff but expect Danny to clam up."

"No I won't.  Dave's more than worthy of working on her stuff," Danny said from the doorway, carrying stuff in.  "It's all good, David.  Just don't work on mine.  Sistra might whine but oh well.  You're higher ranked than she is in the databases."  He smirked at him.  "Greg's got some training to go but he's good.  He's only got some rough edges really."

"He's only been doing this for a little while," Mac reminded him. "He started in the field right before Xander started in Las Vegas.  He only made level one right before he moved to Chicago a few years ago, Danny.  How rough?"

"He still asks to make sure.  He knows his shit and he's probably better than Monroe...."

"Greg doesn't like working cases alone," David told him.  "He likes having the feedback.  He's also a jokester and needs human contact most of the time.  He'll crack some really stupid jokes to see just one person smile."

"So he's like Xander only more scientific?" Danny teased.  David considered it then nodded.  "That's cool with me.  I don't mind working with a partner or without.  If he's more comfy, I'll gladly work with him."  Greg stuck his head in.  "Yes, you, goober."  Greg grinned and came in.  "Xan and Mortty are downstairs."

"I saw.  I stopped in when I heard Ray reminding him not to eat chocolate in the lab."  He grinned at the lab.  "This is nicer than the one in Vegas, Dave."

"It is. It's also not under the bathroom like the one in Chicago.  No chance of leaks or overflows."  Danny shuddered.  "Six different times in the last year.  Last time, I took Xander's bullwhip with me on day three of it not being fixed.  They got the point."

"Yeah, after Xander took it and showed you how to use it," Greg snorted, smirking at him.  "I'm not sure it was you with it once you knew how to use it or him showing such ease with it."  He looked at Mac.  "How many knives did he bring in?"

"Three, a small short katana that I can't remember the proper name of, and his two usual backups, plus his vest and target glasses," David told him.  "Plus his other usual locker stuff.  His regular carry is on his back today."

"Usual?" Danny asked.

"Xander grew up somewhere people died a lot," Greg told him. "Ever hear of Sunnydale?"

"Xander handles those things that go bump that rational people don't like to think about," Mac assured him.  "He, Dawn's sister, and Miss Rosenburg, plus a few others, took down a Special Ops group a few years back.  He's also a tactician."  Danny whistled.  "So, I can and have put him on to qualify any and all techs who have to requalify on the range, Danny.  That includes you, Sheldon, and Stella."

"Yes, Mac."

"Him or me, either one, Danny."

"Yes, Mac," he agreed patiently.  He looked at Dave.  "Do you get nagged?"

"No, I get pouted at.  Mortty nags now and then but it's mostly because she wants to be our surrogate; we're the only way she'll ever have a kid that'll understand her."  Danny blushed at that.  "Her and her sister Abby both."

"I'm having bad baby vampire thoughts," Danny said, shaking his head quickly.

"Exactly and children scare me," David assured him happily.  Greg snickered at that.  "How was Dawn?"

"Good.  She called around to set up some interviews at the local places by the daycare.  She's looking for somewhere kinda trendy instead of a lot of old lady hair.  I gave her the list Danny gave me so she's a happy camper."  He shrugged.  "We brought you much stuff and the clothing will be coming later, Dave."

"I hate you too," he quipped back, coming over to look.  "Ooh, goody.  Sex assault or simple homicide?"

"Simple homicide," Danny offered.  "We only deal in felony cases here."

"Good.  No more child molesting cases," he sighed.  "Or at least less, right?" he asked Mac.  Who nodded. "Thank you."  He opened the first one, getting to work on it.  "Xander's the one who needs the audience," he noted.

"I'm off to check on DNA and wait for your brilliance to report back to me," Greg offered, heading off.

Danny put on his coat. "I told you you'd see me a lot."  He smirked at Mac.  "We got anything for you?"

"Not yet.  Thankfully.  I've got paperwork and a budget meeting later.  If I disappear it's because I got the Borough Chief for real this time."

"Take Xander as your assistant, he seems to be able to scare politicians," David offered.

"That's a mean and cruel thought, David.  Be a bit more nice ta us," Danny teased, smirking at him.  "He can threaten 'em when they come in for a tour again since he don't understand anything we do down here."

"Wonderful.  Neither did Ray but he appreciated us."  He shrugged.  "Mac, standard hours and watch out for Xander casually sliding into overtime.  He's done it before."

"I heard, David.  I've got that covered. Tell me if it happens."  He walked off, going to make sure the others were settled in.  He found Don and Ray comparing basketball injury scars.  He looked at Ray and the smirking, casually leaning back Stan.  "Warn him about any special care and feeding instructions for your kids, Ray."

"Never, and I do mean NEVER, feed Xander chocolate," Ray warned.  "We've had to chase him around the building before to take it away from him."

"He's the only guy I know who could eat a case of chocolate frogs," Stan agreed happily.  "The t-shirts are often a warning.  If he's pouty, sulky, angry, and the t-shirt is a threat, believe it.  If not, he's playful and teasing.  Watch out for the elf ears too."

Don just nodded slowly.  "You're sure he's trained?"

"Xander's a big goofball," Mac assured him.  "If you took someone with my training and Danny's mentality, then turned them twelve, that's Xander."  Don nodded, able to picture that.  "Until he's mad, and then he's worse than I am."  Both Rays nodded at that.

"Xander's best described as the guy who does what's needed.  Oh, if he EVER calls for backup, believe it, no matter how strange it sounds.  Xander NEVER calls until things are done unless it's desperate.  The last time he did it, he had a bio bomb in his basement and was severely radiated by disarming it. The time before that was a SWAT action where half of them came out nearly dead from an explosion and another few were shot.  It was basically two other guys, Xander, and a Feeb named Ford.  If you EVER see Xander in a club and he's not surrounded by one of his crew, which is us, you do not leave him alone. People like to take the Xander, or tip the boy on occasion.  He's made more than enough to pay off his first mortgage within a year and a half."

"That stuff that happened to Stella," Don said, sitting up.  "He's like that?"

"He's the cause of it," Mac assured him.  "It rubbed off on her while they were dancing.  If he's alone out at the club, he's being naughty or escaping a bad night.  Bring him to David.  David's got his leash, it's very pretty and leather from what I hear."

Stan snickered, shaking his head. "David don't play that way," he promised.  "The only leash in that 'ship is Sarah's."  That got another nod from Don.  "It's all right.  Just remember those things.  Watch out for the elf ears and don't ever let the boy cook."

"The boy sent four cops to the hospital with literally explosive diarrhea thanks to hamburger helper and a bread he made from a mix," Ray told him.  "We've forbidden him to cook, under penalty of being arrested.  Anytime you order from anywhere for the next few weeks, gather menus for them.  David can cook pretty well."

"All the delivery places knew Xander on sight, by voice over the phone, and knew what he meant when he said the usual," Stan told him.  "I still like the horse cop he poisoned with the fudge," he told Ray. "I have no idea how he got the runs that bad either."

"That was microwave fudge," Ray told him.  Don moaned.  "Never, ever let Xander in a kitchen.  He can do chemistry experiments and things, but not cook.  Ever.  My mother even tried and it didn't work.  The boy needs help but no one's gonna be able ta do it.  Ever."

"I'll remember that," Don said weakly.

"Also, he'll try to feed you a piece of fudge or something he made if you don't go to the hospital and he thinks ya need ta go," Stan offered with a grin.  "He poisoned Greg one day when he had been kidnaped and refused ta go."

Don nodded faster this time, grinning a bit.  He could deal with strange stuff like that. "Sure.  I'll keep that in mind.  What sort of t-shirts?"

"Oh, he's got world ending ones.  He's got funny ones.  He's got a whole closet full of t- shirts that make people take notice," Ray assured him. "Some of his own making.  Like his final's shirt.  Most of the threatening ones are along the lines of 'I'll shoot you if you don't leave me alone'.  The funnier ones have things like 'sexiest elf since Legolas', 'world's hottest gun boy', and 'I make the world go round, I am gravity and I am heavy'."  Don shook his head but he was smiling.  "Just remember, if something happens around Xander, he'll stop it.  Fast.  No matter what it is.  We had gangs that ran from Xander in Chicago."

"He made a few Crypts cry," Stan offered.  "Plus one of the Latin gang guys and he bonded over Mexican food and talking about LA."  He looked at Ray.  "I wonder if he told them he was moving. If so, Welsh has got to be spitting about the increase of crime in our precinct."

Ray smirked.  "Brass warned Welsh not to lose Xander or let him get that upset.  He's paying for it."  He shrugged. "Works for me, Ma's still protected and so's Maria and Frannie."   Ray watched Lindsey walk past them, smiling when she did.  "Hey, got something for us?"

"Not yet.  Danny had a call but they called one of the other guys for it.  You're up next and we work singly," she offered with a grin.

"Monroe, he's got a very Italian mother who'd make you cook," Don warned.

Ray snorted.  "Fat lot you know.  There for a bit she hinted about me dating Stan since he had both Mounties and Benny worked with me for years.  She was kinda glad when I disputed the idea, but she pouted.  A lot.  Everyone likes Benny and his wolf.  Oh, the wolf steals food," he announced.  "He works with Harris' dog Sarah to steal food.  They can open drawers and only like sweet stuff.  Fair warning.  She responds to water, the wolf will beg and pout."

Mac shook his head, walking off.  "I remember them mugging a delivery guy at the last convention."

Lindsey frowned at him.  "The wolf?"

"Benny's wolf, Diefenbaker.  He had ta come specially because Benny admitted he's half wolf.  He's sensitive about that by the way and supposedly deaf."

"Yeah," Stan snorted.  "Conveniently.  Mention food, he perks right up."  She smiled at that, walking off shaking her head.  "She'll learn."

Don looked at them.  "Please tell me you're kidding?"  They shook their heads. Stan pointed down so he looked at the dog under his desk, who was giving his tie sorrowful looks.  He looked and dusted off the powdered sugar.  "All donuts around here disappear within minutes, dog.  Work faster."  She hopped up into his lap, sniffing his mouth, then jumped down and hopped into Stan's lap, groaning as she stretched out.

"Don't get too comfy, dog-in-law.  I'm up for next case."  She gave him a long stare. "Tough."  The dog put her head back down again, giving him a quiet 'woof'.  "Thank you."  He petted her gently. "Since I'm dating Benny and his wolf knocked her up, she's like an in-law at times.  The puppies went to a lot of labs."  Ray nodded at that.

Don burst out in giggles. "Now I know you're pulling my leg."  They shook their heads and he saw Mac shaking his.  "Please tell me you're kidding?"

"Nope, sorry," Ray said with a smirk.  "Xander brings it with him, Don.  Then again, David tries ta get him ta calm down most of the time.  You have a problem with Xander pouting and stuff, or goofing off, you bring him ta David.  That's a hard and fast rule.  If he's eating too much chocolate, hand him over in handcuffs if you must, but David handles all Xander problems like that and tries to keep the t-shirts down to a minimum."

"As long as he's not out in public," Mac promised.  "He can wear one under his lab coat."  He came back and looked at the dog.  "Lunch isn't for another two hours, Sarah.  Go lay down in ballistics.  Stay out of trace and DNA.  We don't have good filters."

"They brush him every day," Ray assured them.

"I know, but you guys had better air filters than we do and the nightshift Trace and DNA people are allergic."  He shrugged and Sarah followed him back down, letting him show her where the daddy was.  "You stay in here, my office, or in reception, Sarah."  Xander looked at him.  "We've got allergic techs on night shift in Trace and DNA."

"That's fine."  He looked down at her.  "People will sneeze, like that one trainee did."  Sarah sneezed herself and found a comfy spot to wait.  "Good girl, Sarah."  He pulled out a piece of jerky and tossed it over, making her growl and snap it up.  "I'll bring in your basket tomorrow."  She settled down and chewed.  She liked Benny's jerky. He grinned at Mac.  "Have they finished warning?"

"Don's shocked and thinking they're joking.  No chocolate binges, Xander.  Or I will handcuff you in the locker room."  He walked off, going to deal with some more paperwork.  "T-shirts are fine under your lab coat," he called as he walked off. "As long as it can be covered.  No elf ears unless they can be hidden if someone shows up."

"Yes, Mac."  He cackled and Chad gave him a horrified look as Xander took off his overshirt and put back on his labcoat.  Chad read the saying about Chinese dogs being very Ying Dogs and shook his head.  He didn't get it but he was sure Xander was going to be fun to work with.  Xander took off his coat and turned to show the back, making him burst out laughing since it said human dogs were yang dogs, that's why they kept ying dogs as pets. Then the labcoat got put back on.  "It's my puppy adoption shirt."  He grinned and got back to work.  He scrawled the name across the top of the report he was printing off then stapled it and put it in the pile.

"Yo, got anything for me?" Don yelled form the hallway.

"Sure, Don, but my husband might object," Xander called.  "But if all you want is a gun report I've got that for you."  Don smirked at him as he leaned in the doorway.  He turned and handed it over with a smirk.  "Of course, if you get David to agree, I give *fantastic* backrubs."

"I'll keep that in mind for when I cramp."  He looked it over.  "This is nice.  Compact, referenced.  Thank you.  I like this style."  He walked off glancing it over.  Pertinent, laid out well, and referenced, he loved this.  He headed to DNA.  "Mortty, do I have anything from you?"

"Not yet, baby, but if you ask nicely I'm a wonderful cook and I like bubble baths."  He blushed at that and she cackled. "Sorry, I have to try each new one.  It's how I tell which ones I can play with."  She handed over a stack of reports.  "In Xander format even.  He taught me his and I liked it more, along with necessary result sheets.  Oh, have you seen Sheldon?  I've got some for him too."

"He's up the hall working on something. I can deliver. It's among my many talents."  He took them and walked them up there.  His were in more technical speak, so she didn't quite dumb it down but she didn't expect him to do the jargon intensive thing, which was nice.  Some of the detectives were less than smart but it was good for those who had a clue too.  "Sheldon."  He looked over.  "From Mortty."

He accepted the small stack, looking through them.  "Wow.  Technical jargon!" he said happily.   He looked at the other ones, whistling.  "I like that format.  It's good for those who don't have a clue or who do."  He went back to reading his.  It was a good read, and very well referenced, plus had results sheets. He could get to like working with these techs.  "Have we gotten anything from David yet?"

"He writes the same way," Mortty said as she walked in another sheet and poked Don.  "I misplaced a sheet on that one, I was printing it, studly."  She smiled at Sheldon. "I thought I could do techie with you if you don't mind?"

"Not at all, I enjoy it," he assured her.  "Hammerback will too."

"Cool.  Is he the older guy in the morgue?"  He nodded. "I met him earlier when I was taking the tour.  He seems really nice."  She skipped back to her lab, her bells on her collar jingling.

Sheldon smiled.  "They were good choices."

"Yeah, but I was warned to not feed Xander chocolate, take it away from him if he's eating a lot, hand him to David if he's pouting, and to watch out for some of the t-shirts, some are warnings."

"Okay, good to know," he agreed.  Mortty squealed, then something crashed.  They headed back and found her backed against the wall with someone in there with a knife in her face.  Xander slid past them and cocked his gun against the guy's skull.

"Mine," Xander hissed in his ear.  "No one touches what's mine.  Or else I get mean and evil and I will ruin your life forever and ever."  The guy whimpered and dropped his knife.  "Thank you."  He pulled out his cuffs and cuffed him, then gave him a swat across the back of the head.  "Stupid, fucking, moron signal tower receiver!"  He shoved him at Don and got back to work.  "I hate idiots.  Stupid people do vex me."

"They also said Xander likes to handle things," Don told Sheldon.

Mortty snorted and walked around the broken glass.  "I've seen him make gang kids cry and beg for mercy," she said dryly, looking at them.  "I've seen Chicago's Godfather leave him alone after trying him a few times.  The time he tried to bomb Xander's house, he learned.  Xander went and dismantled three of his relative's businesses and waved each time he arrested them."  She found the broom and the spill powder, cleaning up the mess. "Sheldon, where can I find the replacements?  That's the equalizing solution.  Also, can you pop open the bottle of handi-wipes for me?  It's still sealed."

"Sure."  He put the reports down and opened them for her while she cleaned up.  "How did he get in here?" he asked once Don had drug him off.

"I have no clue, but I'm Xander's bitch."  They shared a look and she grinned.  "Hell, I've volunteered to give him kids some year.  Xander's very protective of what's his.  Someone takes me, Greg, or Dawn, they're gonna be sorry.  Someone takes David again, Ray will have to talk Xander out of killing them.  Fair warning, honey."  She got back to work, weathering the look when Stella walked in. "Reports over there, post it with your name, beautiful one."

"Did something fall?"

"Only the mental capacity of the guy who came in with the knife."  She grinned at her.  "As I'm a member of Xander's extended family, he learned that no one messes with what's Xander's.  Oh, if David's ever hurt, make him stay with him even when David wakes up and tries to send him off.  That's when Xander will go find the person and try to hurt them."  She smiled sweetly.  "Which was the other reason why the Latin gangs respect Xander and the Godfather in Chicago pisses himself when he sees Xander coming near him."  They shared a look.

Don came back.  "Mac explained it as 'take him, add Danny's mental state and personality, then deage to twelve'."

Mortty considered it, the broom pausing, then nodded.  "Yeah.  A very serious thirteen- year-old at times.  He's already got all he needs to be happy.   No one can bribe Xander with anything to make him turn.  He's got David, a house, his dog, and his job.  That's Xander's life.  Xander will interfere with anything trying to change those.  There's a reason Xander got respect from the Ghost Riders in Chicago.  He helped them broker a deal to end a fight last month."

"So, on top he's a goofy guy like Danny on a happy, playful day, and underneath he's Mac," Stella said.  Mortty nodded, smiling at her.  "Okay."  She got to work helping her clean up.  "What was this?"

"Equalizing solution.  He shoved it over and it rolled off the table."  She shrugged. "If you want my reports in a different format, tell me now.  Most of us adopted the Xander style since it saved on words and the detectives praised it for giving them all they needed at a quick look."

"I like it," Don assured her.

"I can take either," Sheldon promised, smiling at her.

Stella looked at hers, then nodded.  "I like this too.  It's very concise and to the point.  Oooh, cross referencing with case numbers and names.  Some people only use one.  I like this.  Think we can get Mac to make it standard?"

"We'll brag, the others will like it, they'll switch over. That's how most of us converted," Mortty assured her.  She found the dustpan and scooped up the mess of glass and powder. She went back to get more then took some of the handi-wipes to clean the spots on the floor.  She came up and found Mac and Danny in there.  "Idiot with a knife who was bothering what's Xander's."

"Xander told David he had done it," Danny offered. "You okay?"

She snickered.  "Baby, I grew up in New Orleans."  She turned and lifted her shirt to show off the very nice gang tattoo on her back, then put it down and turned back around.  "I don't have a problem with knives.  I'm a very good knife fighter."  She looked at Mac, challenging him to say anything.  "I walked away when it got too hard to stay good more often than not, Abby helped me.  Then I broke their asses and made 'em cry.  Xander gets respect, I get respect since most of my clan are gone. We don't have a problem with little dickless boys with tiny, pointy things.  I was going to kick his ass when Xander came in, that's why I was bracing on the table.  Xander's just very protective of what's his, which includes me and will include you guys some day soon."  She finished on a smile and handed out reports.  "There we go.  Go bask in our brilliance."  She made 'shooing' motions.  "Go, before I must turn on my music and declare this a hot clubbing spot."  Danny grinned as he looked over his report.  "Anyone wants anything different than the Xander style, let me know."

"No, I like it," Danny promised.

Mac nodded at his.  "I could appreciate more like this."  Xander walked in and handed him one, Danny two, Stella one and she got kissed on the cheek and handed the candy bar in his hand.  "Xander?  No assaulting the other techs," Mac said patiently.

"David caught me having my midmorning sugar attack and said I had to give it someone who needed some sweetness.  She was looking pissed."  He shrugged.  "We all know I've got my guy and I enjoy howling in pleasure for him.  I doubt she thought I was offering, Mac."  He walked off whistling.  "Sheldon, I'll have yours within an hour.  I'm still searching for a match."

"Thank you," he called, smiling at Stella.  "Share?"  She broke off a small piece and walked off eating the rest.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."

Mac looked at Mortty.  "I want to test your self-defense before you think about doing it yourself."

"Sure, but Gibbs taught Abby and I both.  Plus Lee did when I stayed with them while I was in training in DC for a summer camp and something came for him."

"I know those people," Mac admitted.  "You know Abby?"

"She's my cousin but we were raised as sisters."

"Good."  He smiled at her. "I'll get a report on what he taught you and then test you."  He walked off.  "Xander, I'm testing your hand-to-hand tonight," he called as he walked.  "Should I worry about David's?"

"Someone touches David and they'll be tiny, charcoal like pieces," Xander called back.  "Ray won't stop me next time."

Mac considered that then nodded.  "Good to know."  He went to write Gibbs.  He had worked with him once upon a time when they were both still in uniform.

***

David tossed over a towel once Xander finished his sparring with Mac.  "You still look very good."

"Yeah, but I was holding back since he's slower," he complained.  Mac glared at him.  "What?  I trained against vampires!"

"Get back here.  Prove it."  Xander sighed but came out and really attacked, going all out.  Mac was blocking mostly but did manage to get behind him.  Xander spun and took out his legs, then got him onto his back, poking him in the chest.  "Weapons fighter?"

"Mostly.  Axes and single edged swords mostly," he agreed happily.

"Wow," Danny said, coming up to the ropes.  "Teach me that."

"Okay.  I taught Turnbull."  He nodded him in so he went over some of what he had done.  Danny wasn't bad, but he was more street brawler than a weapons guy like him.  "Sorry, I'm a weapons person instead of a bare-hand fighter," he said when Danny tagged him with a good punch.

"I'm good at that stuff," Mac offered, coming over to help Danny with what Xander was trying to show him.  Danny nodded and tried it, getting a nod and a smile from them. "Good job."

"Thanks."  He grinned at him.  "How was Mortty's?"

"She's a lot like you," Xander admitted. "She learned how to brawl in the alleys down in her home town.  Her daddy taught her well and her friends helped."  Danny nodded, getting that.  "I've seen Mortty face down some of the most aggressive Latina gang members in Chicago and come out the other side laughing and friends with them.  Never underestimate it.  She just hates to do it.  That's why I took over protective duties.  The same as Greg's a geek, not a fighter."

"It can go hand-in-hand," Danny pointed out dryly.

"No, Greg was a surfer guy," Xander told him.  "Thrill junkie and geeky, not a fighter.  He got cool points for being into heavy metal and skateboards.  He got picked on for being a geek but he managed to move around it.  I was an outcast from the word go."  He shrugged and toweled his neck off.  "I don't want Mortty to have to fight.  That's why I protect her.  Any others I should worry about?"

"Hopefully not," Mac admitted.  "If it comes to a stand situation, you're evacuating.  You're an end game fighter, Xander."  That got a nod.  "Good.  Can you do sniper duty?  They wanted to know."

"I can, but I always go for non-fatal when possible.  I don't like to hurt or kill people.  That's the second reason I'm not in SWAT, beyond my eye it's the reason that kept me from going there."

"Your eye?" Danny asked.

"My left one's glass, Danny."  Danny stared.  He nodded. "Yeah."  He smirked.  "I've been compensating since before I went to college.  Even fighting like that."

"That's tough.  Was your town gang central?"

Xander shook his head.  "You know that nice club down about three from Mortty?"  Danny nodded slowly. "From the age of sixteen until the day I graduated college, I hunted those things.  I'm officially retired and training others."  He walked off, gathering his mate and heading home.

Danny blinked at Mac.  "You knew?"

"I did.  It came out during the convention when I saw him stake something trying to move in on Stella.  I asked."  He looked at him leaning on the ropes of the boxing ring they were using.  "Danny, I need to know if you hear anything about that element moving in on him.  Chicago sent over a 'don't mess with him' order but some will, I'm realistic."

"They won't," he said, shaking his head.  "Too many heard how he reacted this morning.   Plus, it wasn't a 'don't touch' order it was a 'slightly psychotic, but good to us' message.  He stuck up for the kids there when they needed it.  Anytime a gang case got assigned, he went out on it for Ray."  He wiped his face off. "They respect him and know he's got limits."

"Would someone like Sonny respect that?"

"No," Danny admitted. "Then again, Sonny wouldn't get within a foot of Xander without having a gun in his face.  I left him a primer on the people he'll need to watch out for at their place.  By now he's familiarized himself and he'll handle it if it comes near David or Mortty."

"Good thinking.  I hope I'm worrying for nothing but he came from Vegas, where he was mostly quiet and just clubbed, to Chicago, where he broke into Ray's role of badass and proved it.  That's how he got stuck out there."

"He'll be fine.  He went down during lunch ta introduce himself to a few of the local leaders.  The Ghost Riders like him, he'll be fine. He met the local head of the Crypts there since they were meeting for some reason.  Xander and he had a few smiling insults and it was handled, they're at peace.  The Ghost Riders especially sent over news on him."  He rolled his shoulders.  "He solved two of theirs being killed in the streets and one that got killed during a negotiation.  They respect him."  Mac nodded, leaving it there.  He held open the ropes and Danny slid out, heading for the locker room.  "Thanks for the help, Mac."

"That's fine, Danny.  Do you want to requalify with me or him?"

"I'll try him this year," he said with a grin.  "Xander was calling his gun his little twinkie earlier and petting it."  Mac snickered at that.  "David did the same thing and swatted him."  He grinned and packed up for the night, heading home.  He found Xander waiting on him.  "Lose the husband?"

"He's getting menus from the receptionist.  Damned if he wants to cook tonight."  He shrugged.  "Not like I can."  Danny snickered at that. "They warned about that?"  Danny nodded, looking smug.  "Good.  I'll only force you to eat it when you're refusing to go to the hospital and you need to go."  He looked around, nodding at one of the guys across the street, getting a nod back.  "Be right back."  He walked over there, checking the traffic.  "Stewart, man," he said, shaking his hand.  "When did you leave LA?"

"When the shit got too freaky."  He looked him over, then smirked. "You look good."

"Thanks.  My husband keeps me in shape."  Stewart brayed a laugh and he smirked, looking over.  "That's my husband with Flack.  Hey, David?"  He walked him over there.  "David, this is Stewart, my tutor in Chem 3.  Stewart, this is my husband David.  I met him in Vegas during my post-grad internship."

"'Sup, dude."

"Hi," David said quietly.  "Thank you for helping him.  It's too much like cooking for him."

Stewart snickered. "He didn't tell you how he poisoned the whole dorm during a bake sale?"

"Hey, I tried to make brownies," Xander said dryly, staring at him. "I really did try."

"I know you did, Harris.  That's why we love you."  He punched him on the arm.  "Relax, man.  Your creds were established.  If we've got issues with a homicide, we come to you."

Xander nodded.  "I also accept dropped guns.  I can't promise I won't try to find their former owners, but I accept them so they're not on the streets."

"Agreed.  We heard you had that going in Vegas and then Chicago. You're cool with most of us.  Just watch out for some of the more hardcore Family stuff."

Xander snorted. "If Amigo back there hasn't warned someone I'm here, I'm going to fuss and blow up his house this time," he said blandly.

"Oh, he warned.  They think he's a crybaby."

"He was."  He shrugged. "It happens.  I'm hoping to be beneath the radar.  Let that be known but I'm still willing to help, okay?"

"Deal, man."  He punched fists with him.  "Good luck, homie."

"You too.  Live long and prosper."

"Oh, I plan on it.  My MBA does me good."  He strolled off, going back to his car.

David looked at him. "That was Stewart?  The guy who had you hanging with the Crypts in LA?"  Xander nodded, walking him off.  "I thought he'd be taller."

Don relaxed and Danny untensed.  "Did you expect that?"

"No but I heard it was possible," Danny offered quietly.  "I heard he's got a good rep and he's fair. Beats mine."  He walked off, heading for the subway.

"Get in, I'll head your way tonight," Don called.  Danny grinned at him. "I could use dinner anyway. You going out?"

"Nope, I'm dateless and open tonight."

"Cool.  Sports bar?"

"Decent."  He got in and they headed off to enjoy the manly men sports.

***

Xander accepted the package the receptionist held up the next day, smiling at her. "Thank you."  He took it to the lab, pulling on some gloves to open it.  Then he gathered swabs and got to work finding epithelials and other evidence of the former owner.  That always came before ballistics tests when he got sent an unknown gun. Mac stepped in and closed the door.  "I've been doing this for years, since Vegas," he said quietly.

"I heard.  Grissom told me."  He came over to watch him work.  "Where did that one come from?"  Xander nodded at the envelope.  "Dirty, used twice," he read.  "Passed on, jammed.  Not like they're going to send a good gun."

"This is a trial, Mac."  He capped the last swab and set them aside, looking inside the barrel.  "Yeah, firing pin's bent."  He got a small pair of pliers and unkinked it, then went to test it.  "Firing one."  A shot, then he came back out to register it into the system by serial number, ballistics identification, and pin impression.  He did note on that sheet that it had been bent so he had to manipulate it straight.  He came up with a few matches and smirked, printing them off to put under the gun, taking the swabs down to DNA.  "Mortty, princess, gun drop case."  He handed over the handful of swabs.  "Grip, trigger and guard, plus behind. Hammer, barrel since it looked like some burned skin."  She nodded, getting to work on them. "Thanks.  It had a few uses."

"Great.  Your test case?"  He smirked and nodded. "Who showed up?"

"Stewart, the guy who tutored me in Chem 3."  He walked back there, going to bundle up the gun and reports properly, sticking them out of the way.  "She's got the DNA and she'll work it for me."  He looked at Mac.  "Is this a be careful warning or just making sure I'm not insane?"

"More warning you.  We've got a few gangs outside the normal.  They'll try you."

"I stay under the radar and I'm known to be fair to the kids and help when I can," he reminded him.

"I know.  They'll do it for that reason.  Some of the families have their pocket gangs. They don't like the traditional ones.  We get some violence from that.  We've also had some threats from that."

"They can't and won't touch me, Mac.  If they try, there's nothing they can bribe me with.  If they try to blackmail me or take David, I'm going to expose them and whatever it is.  My life's pretty open anyway.  If they try to kidnap David they're going to be sorry but I'll handle it within the system."  Mac nodded at that.  "I usually get six, seven of these a month.  I usually register, see if anyone else needs them, then put them in the unknown locker."

"That's fine. I like that protocol.  It's good that they trust you instead of making you pay for them.  Less guns on the street for others.  Plus I'm sure you've caught them."

Xander smirked.  "Oh, yeah.  And then they usually give up someone they got it from... and up the line.  I even had a few kids who wanted so bad to establish a good reputation that they sent their just used ones to me."  He grinned sweetly as Mortty came in.  "Already?"

"Yours from last night. I'm running the new ones off to the side."  She kissed him on the cheek. "Pizza for lunch?"

"Okay.  See from where, we'll split one."

She smiled and nodded, going back to her lab.  She smiled at Stella when she came in with samples for her.  "Oooh, goodie."  She handed her a plastic tray.  Stella gave her an odd look.  "Put them in there, give me a list of what you need, and if you know what it is it's all good, and I'll get it next.  I'm a first-come-first-served unless it's degrading quickly or it's a child rape case."

"No, it's a homicide," she admitted.  "What're you doing already?  You just got here."

"Xander's well known to be fair among a good few of the street gangs and he's promised, always has, to take in any unwanted or about to be tossed guns.  He blatantly states he'll be trying to find the old owners, but he'd rather have them destroyed than see them get passed on for another go-round.  They sent him their trial one today.  Well loved by the stack of reports he had.  He took epithelial samples and I'm running those since they came in first."

"Okay."  She smiled at him.  "I know we've got a problem with those so it makes sense.  He's got street cred?"

"Oh, yeah," she said dryly.  "More than I do.  He's known to fly under the radar and keep his head down, but he's known to be fair and helpful if you need it.  He's the guy the Ghost Riders went to when their people died in Chicago.  His former tutor for Chem 3 was a Crypt and made him hang with them in LA.  He showed up last night, he's here in town working somewhere with his MBA."  Stella just blinked at that.  "They like Xander.  He's fair.  He's not pushy.  He understands and tries to when he can't immediately understand. He doesn't try to imitate or ingratiate himself.  He's built up a pretty fair rep for playing fair and honest, but if you come to him he'll help you if he can.  Xander is ever a knight in slightly tarnished armor.  He doesn't take care of it at all.  Way too many sodas corrodes you know."  She turned to get back to her samples.

Stella smiled.  "I'm going to like having you guys here.  You're slightly insane and blunt.  You admit it when things happen around you."

"Yeah, scared the shit outta us," Don said from behind her.  "You knew Stewart?"

"Heard of him.  David asked one day over lunch and Xander told him."  She shrugged and got back to work, smiling and happy.  "Do we have music rules?  I'm having a hip shaking day."

"Quietly, close the door otherwise," Stella told her. She smiled and took the vial she was shaking over to turn on her small stereo, then walked over to haul Don in by his hand and close the door before the noise started.  Stella smiled at her.  "You guys are kinda fun to work with."

"So what's that story from the guy last night?" Don asked.

"He tutored Xander in two Chem classes, especially through Chem 3 when he nearly died from being stabbed.  Stewart made him hang with his buddies in the Crypts in their territory to get Xander used to dealing with normal people he hadn't seen before.  Apparently Sunnydale wasn't very diverse.  David reminded him he told Warrick his school had had a few Asian students but nothing more racially diverse.  Stewart got him thinking outside the prior boundaries.  He also got him to see the normal people weren't all dangerous, because by that time Xander was supposedly one uptight person who thought everyone was a threat."

"Moody," Don muttered.

She smirked at him and nodded.  "Exactly, just like Mad Eye."  She grinned at him.  "Which actually kinda fits since his left one is glass."  Don looked up, startled at that.  "Yeah.  He compensates really well.  He's had it since Sunnydale fell in, fought through college with it that way, then retired the day he graduated to become a normal human being and not Super Hunter Xander."  She shrugged.  "By the way, thank you guys for putting me near the vampire bar.  They're so cute when they growl at me.  I've got to remember to get Xander to make more holy water pepper spray."  She got back to work, running the next sample while the first one ran in the CODIS DNA database.  She looked at them when they continued to stare.  "What?"

"Xander can make pepper spray?" Don asked.

"Oh, yeah, he does it really well too but mine's kinda old and wearing out.  I usually let him replace the canister once every four months and it's been six."  They both continued to stare.  "What?  At their house in Chicago Xander had a landmine system for the lawn.  Low powered and barely enough to move the dirt after the one nearly went off at full strength, but landmines mixed with some really loud alarms.  Plus he had the flamethrower over the door and a static discharge plate under the front mat for those who woke him up when he just got home, like the Mormon seemed to like to.  After the mild zing the second time they decided to leave them alone.  The guy who came after him for daring to bust his nads on a case, the guy who sent the letter bomb and the letter explaining the letter bomb, got into the landmine system and he whimpered, at least until he started complaining that he had been brought down by a gay man.  I'm wondering if he bragged about it in prison," she said thoughtfully, looking toward ballistics.

"I know Xander likes to taunt some of them about turning gay like him after prison."  Don snickered at that and Stella moaned.  "He so does," she assured them with a bright and happy grin. "The day his parents came in he did it and swore at them.  Oh, Xander needs to orient to know where the moron signal tower in town is.  Where's the local population of stupid people?"  They both pointed uptown.  "Okay, I'll tell him.  That way he can point that way when he's taunting someone about being a moron who sucked in too much of the signal tower's feed.  And in occasional cases took it up the butt from the tower."  Stella giggled at that one.  "You've heard that one before I take it."

"Oh, yeah.  Last convention he had a guy who he told that to."  She looked at Don.  "If you hear someone asking what a moron signal tower is, they've just had a run-in with Xander.  One of the rookies came in muttering about it.  Apparently he tried to stop him even though he had on his ID and badge."

"Crap," Don muttered.  "Hazing the rookie?" he asked hopefully.  She nodded.  "He okay?"

"Pouting.  He tried it with me earlier, I kissed him on the cheek and told him to let me know when the penis enlargement worked so he had a real set."  Mortty grinned at his giggling.  "He wasn't that heartened by it.  He tried Greg yesterday and Greg just gave him the 'Ray' stare.  He's learned it very well."  Stella walked off howling in laughter.  "It'll be okay, Don.  You get used to Xander very quickly and then you realize you don't know how you got along without Xander before.  Oh, and someone told you he worked construction before, right?"  He nodded.  "That's cool.  SWAT loved him for those assaults when they needed advice.  Especially when planting the explosives and not needing to collapse the building."

Xander walked in and patted her down, finding his keys.  "Need in the special bag, Mac wants me out with Lindsey."

"Um, she's real serious in the field," Don offered.

"Good, he was looking for you too."  He walked off, heading for the locker room.  He smiled at Lindsey. "Let me get my vest on."

"You wear a vest?"

"Always.  I'm like that."  He shrugged out of his shirt then into an undershirt, his vest, then his t-shirt again.  He left it loose this time, then pulled on his new CSI jacket Mac had handed out during orientation.  "This is really heavy."

"We don't worry about it except at night or the winter."

"Cool."  He looked at his shirt, then took it off and put on his new NYPD t-shirt instead, the one with his name on it.  "That should ease some problems."  He checked his boots, then his boot knife, his gun, his backup, his sunglasses, his case from the bottom of his locker, which got checked.  "I need to get some gloves."  He looked over his locker, then locked it and headed out to refill the necessary thing and grab a few more of the larger bags.  He met her outside, sucking on a lollipop.  "Sorry, I'll need my midmorning sugar rush by the time I'm done."

"Okay.  No camera?"

"I don't take good pictures so I'll let you do that.  I've got a minor in trace so I usually take that first.  Besides, the camera's being sent back since it was broken."  He waved at the cars.  "Your car, my car, or official car?"

"Your car," she decided, heading over to it.  He got in to drive and she pulled out the sheet the receptionist had sent her.  "Okay, we're heading out toward the park."

"Cool.  I drove out that way last night."  He visually checked their cases and backed out, heading that way.

***

Lindsey leaned in Mac's office.  "We're back. He said it was a sword by the angle of the incoming cut and it was done from behind.  I don't know how he knows, but he said so and Hammerback smiled at him for it."  Mac smiled and nodded.  She came in.  "Is something wrong with his health?"

"No, he's a sugar junkie."

"Then why did he have to check in with Hodges?"

"David is his husband and people like to try themselves against Xander."  He put down his pen to look at her.  "In Chicago, there were three badasses in their part of town.  Stan, Ray, and Xander.  Those three pretty much scared most criminals, Lindsey.  That's what they did there, here they're trying to be a bit more under the radar."

"That explains why he wore a vest."

"No, that would be David.  David said so," he said blandly.  "David is the leader in their relationship and Xander is the protector.  How did he do on the scene today?  Horatio said he did very well when he managed to catch him working one."

"He did good.  Got right down into it but let me take the pictures.  He said his was being fixed?"

"He's got his own full field kit," Mac agreed, smiling slightly.  Xander's field kit included some hunting supplies and extra clips too but he'd let the others discover that on their own.  "Any problems working with him?"

"No, he knew his stuff.  Why isn't he listed on the field tech list?"

"He doesn't want to be a field tech," Mac said patiently.  "He wants to be a ballistic tech but he had to do field work as a secondary minor."

"Oh."  She nodded a bit, accepting that.  "So what's wrong with him?"  Mac arched an eyebrow up.  "Everyone's real hesitant around him."

He smiled.  "Xander's one of those rare creatures, a nice guy who can kill," Mac offered.  "His early life was spent in a town that had a very high death rate and they've had to work with him in the past to solve some of it.  In college, some of his tutors took him to meet their gang contacts, so he gets respect from them. From what I hear, he relaxed around the Crypts because they were less scary and intense than some of the other people he knew."  She shivered at that. "So yes, Xander is a weapons's person.  He's a very good fighter as well.  He's also very protective of what's his.  A few people over the years have learned not to try for what was his.  As I've heard it, he's made some gang kids cry in the past.  It wouldn't really surprise me.  People who know Xander end up being pretty loyal if they're in his 'family' group.  He's also got this nasty habit of mining his house with weapons just in case an attack happens."  He smiled reassuringly at her.  "Xander is a big geek with a weapon's collection.  If he's having a bad day, everyone knows so don't worry about it snapping out on others."

"Okay.  I knew about the weapons, I saw him arming up to go on the case.  I didn't think Chicago was that dangerous."

"It's not but David's a bit paranoid about Xander's health since he's been hurt in the past."

"Mac, he put on two extra guns, a boot knife, a vest, and then his NYPD t-shirt."

Mac nodded.  "That's about how it usually happens, even when he was back in Vegas.  Xander is very prepared for something to happen.  Which is a good thing.  We've had techs shot and other things."

"We have," she agreed, eyes a bit wide. "It's not the norm though."

Greg tapped on the door and walked in.  "No, but Xander will always be ready to face someone down.  He had to hunt and protect for way too long to ever fully retire.  Think of him like a very strong veteran just back from the war.  Because it's always that way in the field.  I love working with Xander in the field. I know I can get lost in the evidence because he'll have my back."  Mac nodded.  "Make sure his camera always has the auto-focus on.  He's got depth perception problems," Greg told them.  "His is broken, that's why it's at the shop."

"I'll remember that.  Head injury?" she asked him.

"He's had quite a few, but no."  She nodded and walked off.  "I like working with Xander, he's a good guy in the field, but he'll crack a joke now and then."

"That's fine, as long as it's not loud."

"The last time he cracked one, even the patrol guys laughed.  How are we handling any press issues?  Xander will run.  He nearly quit over it."

"I got his full file, Greg," he promised.  "I shield you guys.  It'll be fine."  Greg nodded.  "Ease that fear?"  Greg nodded again. "Good, tell David.  Anything on your case?"

"Yes, I do," he said dryly, walking in the reports.  Mac looked and smirked.  "Not like I'm wanting to question this guy," he said quietly.  "I'd hate to be branded that way."

"I know. That's why we've got IAB."  He called over there.  "As much as I hate you, we've got one for you."  He hung up.  "Make sure Danny, Don, and Xander all know IAB is coming," he said quietly.  Greg nodded, leaving that file there.  Mac looked it over, nodding at the well laid out evidence.  Greg had made sure everything was covered.  Danny's name was on some tests but nothing else.  It was a good job.  Their IAB tormentor, Chief Hillborne, walked in already glaring.  "Here."  He handed it over. "It's a DNA match.  My new tech didn't want involved or to seem like it was going to be an issue."

"I can understand that."  He looked it over, smirking a bit.  "Sanders.  Not Harris?"

"Xander is mostly a ballistics tech," he said firmly.

"Really?  I heard you hired another gang member."

"She left it a long time ago and her home gang is mostly dead and the rest are in New Orleans."  Hillborne gave him a dirty look.  "They are.  I knew that about Mortty."

"Harris," he sneered.

"Isn't, he's respected by them.  He had a Blood tutoring him in Economics one year and a Crypt in Chem.  Xander's always played fair with them and he's got a good reputation that got passed on.  His main problem will be one of the families wanting him out of the way, at which time he'll call me and we'll handle it.  Or the aftermath if they try to hit him."

"I see."  He closed the folder, looking at him. "You can't tell me that kid isn't connected or has military service."

"Actually he came from a very bad town for homicides and he had to help protect some people," Xander said from behind him, making him turn and glare at him.  "I hate it when people talk behind my back.  You have concerns, you bring them to me.  I'm a big boy, I can make fun of you myself if you try shit with me."  He pulled off his shirt then his vest and undershirt.  "See a tattoo or evidence that I had one lasered off?"  Hillborne looked, then shook his head.  Xander put back on his t-shirt, putting the other two over his arm.  "That's because there isn't one.  Unfortunately I lived in a very dangerous town.  Sunnydale used to have a thirty percent homicide rate.  Between that and my parents, the ones who raised me, being shitbags, I've had to learn.  For your information, I'm a crack shot and I'm a weapon's person.  I'm also the sort who'll do what's necessary.  I'm surprised you haven't gotten the IAB file from Chicago and Vegas yet.  It's amusing, mostly about my clubbing issues."  He smirked.

"And the three shooting reviews I had in Chicago, plus how I had a supe who went demented in Vegas and tried to set me up.  Read, then come ask.  I do accept questions from the reverent and respectful worshipers to my name."  He looked at Mac.  "Thick, heavy sword.  Metal analysis is being done but I have the feeling it's a ren-fair or a Highlander remake."  Mac nodded at that.  "The metal seemed thin to me, not like it was folded.  I'm not sure why yet but like I said it's being run by David.  ID said...." he said, pulling the file out of his back waistband and flipping it open.  "David Ocha.  35.  His wallet had a work pass for a computer company," he said, walking it over.

"I've got a call into them since they're out on lunch at the moment.  I'm expecting at least a sheet faxed from personnel and the receptionist gave me the fax number.  The person I talked to said he was a programmer and he wasn't well liked, but he didn't hang with anyone.  By the description he sounded like David on a moody day.  I doubt this is related to work since he was wearing a kilt."  Mac smiled a bit at that.  "He was."  He shrugged.  "Another good reason to think this was ren-fair or a Highlander remake sword.  Not that some of them are bad.  They're nice swords.  Speaking of, if it's a nice sword and it goes to trial, can we buy it after the trial's done?  David's forbidding me to buy from the catalog directly," he said with an impish grin.  "Something about my office not having any more  room on the walls."

"You like swords?" Hillborne asked.

Xander looked at him.  "Of course I do. I'm a weapon's guy.  I've got swords and battle axes.  I prefer a single bladed one for size, but that's just me.  My axe is double headed."  He got back to the case review.  "Also, his kilt wasn't tied properly. I'm not sure if he was redressed or not.  I'm pretty certain he tied it backwards.  Then again, it could be him doing it or my online hunt could be wrong."  He looked at him. "David shooed me out of the lab or I'd be running the trace myself."

"No, that's okay.  Finish this one and then work on the ballistics backlog while you're waiting."

"Yes, Mac."  He headed off. "Heading there now."

"That's fine," he called.  He looked at Hillborne.  "Still think he's a gang member?" he asked blandly.

"No, but I'm wondering how he passed a psych test."

"Easy, it's not his problem."

"With those scars...."

Mac got up and closed the door, looking at him. "Someone tortured Xander a few times and the people who raised him were drunks," he said quietly.  "I'm not surprised at any of those, Hillborne.  I'd be more surprised if I didn't see any.  Xander didn't have a good early adulthood time.  He protected a lot of people and it was like homegrown combat.  He's a veteran.  Now, all you need to worry about is if Xander has to pull he'll go for a wounding shot, he's good enough to pull it off, and his clubbing issue.  It really is funny how he gets sent stuff that way.  Anything else or can you get to work?"  Hillborne walked off, silently thinking.  He sat down and shook his head, getting back to his own work.

It only took six days for a Xander-ish thing to happen.  He, Don, Danny, and David were outside on the front stoop taking a break in the sunshine, Xander having lunch.  Someone screeched up and Xander pulled on instinct, getting the person as they started to shoot.  "Mother fucker," he muttered, blowing a tire as it turned, making it flip.  He looked at the others.  "David?"

"I'm fine.  I ducked.  Danny, Don?"

"Good," they assured him, coming out of their areas.

"You stood in the open?" Don demanded.

"Not like I could've made it to safety," Xander countered, letting the patrol officers lead the way over to the car.  He wasn't wearing his vest.  "They alive?" he called.

"Yes, sir, one is."

"Damn it," Xander sighed.

"Looked like it was the crash, sir," one of them reported, then looked at him. "Aren't you the ballistics tech?"  He nodded.  "You pulled?"

"Of course I did," he said, glaring at him.  "Are they clear?"  They got nods so he got down to look at them.  "We're going to need a collar for this one and probably Rescue, guys, he's upside down.  It'll hurt him worse, if not kill him, to remove him."

"On its way, sir."

"Xander."

"Xander then."  He looked at the detective, who shrugged.

"Yes, I'm qualified to make this call," he noted without having to look "David?"  He held up his gun and David took it.  "Thanks.  I know I hit the tire."  He checked the driver, then removed his gun out to beside the car.  "I don't care if he's dead," he noted.  Paramedics came up.  "Guys, his pulse is thready and he's breathing hard.  It flipped as it turned."  That got a nod and they came over.  "Okay, people. Let's do the tape and stuff," he demanded, waving a hand.  They ran off to get the necessary stuff.  David handed him his case.  "Thank you , dear."  He stole a quick kiss.  "Save the rest of my lunch if possible.  I'll eat it later during my interview."  He got down to work, taking the dead guy's fingerprints.  "Get me a camera quick?" he demanded.  Don handed one over.  "Thanks."  He knelt down to take pictures.  "Guys, two shots please?"  They moved out of frame, letting him have them, then came back to get back to work.  "Thanks.  Which hospital?"

"St. Vincent's is closer.  What happened?"

"Drive-by," Danny called.  "Xander popped the back tire as it turned."

"Nice shot," one paramedic said, looking at him. "You're a CSI?"

"Harris," he said, waving with a small grin.  "I'm not usually in the field.  I'm the ballistics tech and part-time field.  I've got some basic field medicine training."

"Okay."  They got their patient ready while Xander continued to work the scene, then they all had to get out of the way of Rescue so they could get the guy out.  Xander looked at Danny.  "There's an envelope lodged underneath his leg.  I'll get it once we've got someone to move the body."

"We usually don't have the ME come out."

"That's fine, but I'm still not carting the body," Xander said dryly, giving him an odd look.  "I don't like dead bodies."

"Fine," he said with a small grin, looking at the pictures.  "The flash isn't on."  He flipped the switch.  "There.  It'll be fine.  We can lighten them if we have to."

"Pretty standard."  Rescue got the door off and removed the survivor, then he and Danny got back to work on the scene.  "Guys, body?"  They came over to remove him and laid him out into the bag someone brought.  "Thanks, guys."  He got the envelope and bagged it, then got back to work, taking new pictures since his old ones had been so dark.  "This is why I usually let someone else do pictures," he admitted.  "That and my depth perception doth sucketh."

Danny snickered. "I'm not surprised with that eye injury of yours."  He bagged something.  "He wasn't wearing his bandana?"

"Maybe it didn't go with his shirt," Xander quipped. "You've gotta be aware how you accessorize."  Danny gave him an odd look.  "What?  I always accessorize with leather or knives."  Danny just shook his head and got back to work.

Don got a nudge from one of the officers, walking off with him.  "Whatcha got?"

"A question.  He kissed the other male tech?"

"Yeah, they're married but Harris is tougher than about half of us."

"Oh.  So he's one of those butch gay guys?"

"I can hear you," Xander called, glaring at him.  "You wanna box with me, little boy?"  He shook his head quickly.  "Yes, to put rumors to rest, I am gay.  I'm married to David.  Most of my old precinct came to our wedding.  Also to put rumors to rest, I'm gay because I used to draw serial killers and psychotic women.  After having three stalkers, two serial killers, and a very nasty, bitchy cheerleader, plus a nympho, I went for guys.  You'd do it too if you had my history of exes."  He stared him down.  "If you have a problem with me being gay, just be socially polite and I'll get the point.  If you don't then I don't have a problem, but fair warning if anyone touches my husband, guys.  Got it?"  That got another nod. "Good."  He smiled sweetly. "Any other questions, ask me."

"Okay.  How long have you guys been married/"

"Nearly three years now," Xander said with a sappy grin.  "I'm still figuring out what to get him for our anniversary.  The girls who raised me said that stuff was important."  He got back to work.  "Hey, Danny, where can I go to find a good curling or gymnastics event on a bigger screen than mine?"

Don shook his head.  "Forgive him, he got raised by girly girl friends."  The cop just nodded at that.  "Xander, I have no idea.  Call your Mounties."

"I did, that's why I'm asking."

"Oh.  We'll figure it out.  When's the next one going off?"

"Two weeks or so," he said, bagging a hair that didn't belong to either of the passengers.  "Shoulder length and blonde," he reported.

"Car's probably stolen," Danny agreed.  He looked at him. "You're really open."

"That's because I'll stomp anyone who hurts my mate.  You can say shit to me but if you go near David I will hide a body."  Danny nodded wisely at that.  "The same as I would if someone hurt Mortty or Greggy."  He got back to work.  "More blonde."  He made it to the glove compartment and opened it, pulling out the registration.  "A Belynda Mysts.  East Village.  Probably changed it."  He looked around then grabbed the keys out of the ignition.  "Danny, can we flip it yet?"

"Nearly done."  He bagged one last sample, then they both crawled back out and nodded. "Let's flip it," he ordered.  The cops came over to help them flip it back up.  Xander went for the trunk.  "You don't think....."

"I do think, it's classic," Xander offered.  He opened it and looked. "Blood, no body."  He held out a hand but Danny came back to take pictures. "Thank you."  He swabbed some of the blood once Danny was done, testing it off to the side.  "Human."  He took more swabs.  "Danny, there's at least two different samples," he offered quietly.  "We've got fresher and more dried."

"Wonderful.  Get samples of both."  Xander nodded, doing that, and scraped up some that was truly dried.  He started to tape lift hair samples.  "We've got blonde, curly and dark, and long afro."  He held that one up.  "Someone's got serious 'fro going on."

Xander looked, then shook his head. "I never understood that hairstyle.  It looks like you're wearing a helmet about half the time."  He lifted off a few other samples.  "I've got skin flakes," he said, looking at it. "Mortty may love me enough to work on my neck tonight."  Danny grinned at that. "I give wonderful backrubs and arm rubs but she's got magical fingers for neck stress."

"I'll remember that."

Mac pulled in and parked, then got out. "What happened?"

"Some idiot didn't like my sandwich so they were trying to shoot it out of my hand," Xander called.  "I popped the tire and the car flipped.  David bagged my gun."

"Thank you."  He came over.  "Body in the trunk?"

"No, but probably multiple samples," Xander offered quietly.  "Some's more dried than others. Registration's in my case, in an envelope."  Mac went to get it.  He looked at Danny.  "This is how I keep getting sucked into the field."

"I can see that.  Next time go for cover or I'm letting Flack yell at you in front of Mac."

"No time.  Besides, I had a clear shot for the tire and the gun barrel.  Mac, did someone take the rifle?"

"Yeah," Don called.  "David took it to your lab.   What happened to the barrel?"  Xander held up a hand.  "You're that good of a shot?"  Xander looked over and nodded. "Then why didn't you go for cover?"  Mac moaned.

"No time, Don.  Besides, I had a clear shot and they were aiming for you."  He got back to work, humming quietly. "The only sucky part of this job is not being able to listen to music while you're hunting for trace."

Danny smirked at him.  "I thought it was dumpster and trash barge cases."

Xander gave him a long look then grinned. "I'm a part-time tech, Danny.  It had better be multiple bodies if I'm called to a trash barge."  He got back to work at the laughs.  "What?" he asked with an impish grin. "I should be an elf tomorrow since Dawn's cutting my hair tomorrow night."

"You do that," Danny agreed, smiling and shaking his head.  "I like working with you."

"Thanks, love.  Like you too.  Ooh, hey, heard a new joke about a dog...."

"No," Don called.  "Not that one."

"Sorry."  He winked at him. "I made him blush.  He's such a cute little boy."

Danny snickered, leaning on the bumper.  "Thank you, Xander.  I needed to relax," he said finally.

"I know."  He smirked and got back to work.  He finally straightened up.  "You see anything?"

"Nope.  Let's check the rest of it."

"Can we drag it into the garage?"

"We can," he agreed.  He waved a hand. "Make it disappear into our garage, guys."  The patrol officers nodded, calling for a tow truck.  He looked at him.  "Good call."

"I need a soda and a bathroom break before the shooting review questions."  He walked over, bagging all his samples envelope and bags into one larger bag, then handed it to Danny.  "Here you go.  The registration?"

"I'm working on it," Don offered, looking at the case, then at him.  "I know their kits don't have some of that.  You've got six different colors of fingerprint powder."

"I stocked my own."  He shrugged and closed it up, then bagged his gloves, handing that bag to Danny as well.  "There you go.  I'm headed inside for a bathroom break since I can feel the ominous blight that is IAB."  He headed inside, dropping his case in his lab.  He wrote a note on the rifle that he had shot, aiming for the upper barrel, looking at his shot.  "I need more target work," he noted.  "Not too bad."  His gun was bagged so he made a note it was his sidearm, then went to the bathroom and to get a soda.  He came out and found Hillborne in the middle of the hall. "I'm ready if you are."

"You volunteer?"

"I've got shit to do, Hillborne.  Why do I want to do this on your lame, slow schedule?  Unfortunately, I've got samples that're backing up at the moment."  That got a sneer and they headed for an interrogation room where Xander sat down and opened his soda.  "Sorry, the rest of my lunch.  I dropped my sandwich."

"Fine. Are you gay?"

"Technically I'm probably bi since I used to date horrible women.  But yes, I'm married to David if you're that interested.  Did you need to know sexual positions?  It's not like me taking it up the ass affects my judgement in the field or the lab."  He took a drink and stared him down, getting a sneer. "I'm a nice guy until you push me."

"Fine.  What happened, in chronological order."

"Okay.  I was taking a late lunch, I had a rush from SWAT earlier, a shooting victim and they needed it processed for poisons and anything else on it.  I called David, he was taking his mid-shift smoke break with me on the front steps.  Don and Danny came out to get some sun for a few minutes too.  We were talking and joking.  Car screeched up, literally.  Squeal of brakes alerted me.  I pulled, they fired, I fired at the driver, then the gun barrel, aiming up it to get the person behind it.  I ended up hitting the middle of the barrel.  As the driver turned, I took a tire shot, it flipped since it was mid-spin.  The patrol officers came out and they cleared the scene, then I went over to check for survivors since I've had some field medicine training here and there over the years.  Driver was dead, shooter wasn't. I started processing the driver while waiting on the paramedics, taking some fairly dark pictures when I got handed a camera by someone.  Danny came over to help me process.  The living person was removed, they removed the other body, we went back to processing.  We flipped the car when we had as much as could and got into the trunk, finding multiple blood samples, which we processed, then we had it towed in."  He took another drink.

"You said processed?"

"Pictures taken, samples collected in an appropriate manner, multiple ones from the same blood spot if possible."  He took another drink then looked at him.  "We did find a bandana on the seat beside the shooter, I made a joke about it not going with his outfit to make Danny relax."

"Why?"

"Because right after being shot at you're supposed to be tense.  That's why I'm gulping a soda and had a bathroom break."

"If you need to puke, aim away from me," he said firmly.

Xander looked at him.  "I saw my first dead body at sixteen," he said quietly.  "If I puke, I better have eaten my own cooking or something equally as poisonous."  Hillborne gave him a confused look.  "I can't cook.  I've given myself food poisoning with microwave nachos."

"How?"

He was starting to get that 'confused with the Xander' look that had been so epidemic during his time in Vegas, and Xander decided to take it a bit easier on him this time.  Mac would probably yell at him if he caused this guy to have a heart attack.  Besides, it was a bad way to start off in a new city.  "You know, David never did figure that out," he offered, taking another drink and tossing the bottle out.  He looked at him.  "Do we need to go over it again in more detail?  My gun was bagged by my spouse. It's in the lab with the rifle.  I noted on the rifle's bag what I had been aiming for and that the other gun was mine.  Don didn't get off a shot, at least I don't think so. I don't remember hearing another shot."

"Why didn't you duck for cover?"

"I can't roll backwards and hit the ground on my feet, there wasn't any more time, and I had a clear shot to the gun.  That's how I was trained, Hillborne," he offered quietly. He looked at him. "I grew up in Sunnydale.  Look up the old stats from before it fell in.  Please."  He stood up.  "Anything else? I've got another ten or twelve guns besides mine to process today.  I'll leave mine for Chad if you don't do it or Mac doesn't do it."

"You're fairly cold about this sort of thing."

"Not like it's the first.  There's a reason Chicago had me with SWAT now and then.  Look into my record, Hillborne.  I can't stress that one enough.  You're making rookie mistakes to try to inspire fear and there's very few things I fear in this world," he offered quietly.  "I'm not the average guy with a badge."  He walked off, heading to get another soda and go back to his lab.  He found Mac in there.  "Hola.  I'll work on the other stuff while you do that."

"That's fine, Xander."  He looked at him.  "You all right?"

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"  Mac gave him a 'get real' look.  "One of the reasons I retired from hunting was because I was starting to expect the outcome, Mac.  That's not a good thing and it's not overconfidence before you say it.  I know I'm mortal."  He pulled on his jacket and cleaned his hands off with the special soap.  "I'm wearing my elf shirt tomorrow with the ears."

"Thank you for the warning. What about your other case?"

"Danny's got the metal analysis, he went to the books to find out what sort it was.  He was doing that last I knew. I was right, it was a reproduction piece."   He cut open his next sample, pulling out the bullet to look at it. "You're bronze," he said, frowning a bit.  "Why?"  He walked over to the second scope to get to work on it.

Mac looked at him for a minute longer then got back to work.  "What were you aiming at to hit the gun?"

"The top of the barrel.  With wind and movement it should've hit up near the stock or the shooter if I was lucky.  Hitting the gun would've made him jar or drop it.  Hitting him if I aimed too high would've stopped it too.  I fully admit I need target time because I was about five inches off.  Where is the range?"

"I'll show you on the way home.  Danny said you could get him through his qualification this year."

"That's fine.  Coming out to the housewarming Sunday?"

"Of course."  He smiled at him.  "I want to see your weapons."

"Sure."  He shrugged and got back to work.  "Bronze means that you don't get good rifling. I'll have to remember that."

"It's too soft," Mac agreed.  "I've never seen one in bronze."  He came over to look in the scope.  "That's not even bronze coated, it's pure bronze by the core."

"It is, unless they formed it around a more solid kernel," Xander agreed, looking at him. "Pulled out of someone too."  Mac shook his head, walking off.  Xander got to work typing up the report since he couldn't match the squished pattern. "Whose was this?" he muttered, finding the name on the envelope.  He resealed it and properly signed it before going to find Stella.  He tapped her on the shoulder then looked at her, holding up the report. "Bronze?"

"Bronze what?"

"Bullet.  A pure bronze bullet.  At least what we can see of it. I didn't crack it to check the core but I can if you want.  Bronze is too soft, it squished over the pattern.  I'll figure out if I can match it if you bring me the gun with the bullets still in it, but right now, you've got a soft bullet. Sorry."

"No, that's okay.  Can you buy bronze bullets?"

He considered it then shook his head. "Not unless it's a speciality shop."  He pulled out his ID case and dug in the cards, finding one.  "Ask him," he said, handing it over.  "Tell him I sent you.  He's nervous around badges but he heard of me."  She nodded.  "Just don't go in with a 'tude, honey.  Be your nice, sweet self.  He'd like girls like Calleigh."

"I'll keep that in mind."  She wrote down the information and handed it back.  "Thank you, Xander.  Are you okay?"

"Not the first time I've hit a tire, Stella.  Really."  He walked off, heading back to his lab.  Hillborne was in there with his IAB file from Vegas.  "Happy reading.  Ecklie's still probably screaming at his padded walls."

"What did you do to him?" Mac asked, looking at him.

"He got spooked when the Feds started to show up over the Initiative mess.  Then came the day of the music.  I had on comedy, he complained. I switched, he complained.  I switched to country, David complained and confiscated.  I switched to Disney, he had a heart attack, a mild one."  He grinned.  "Then he tried to set me up.  Tried to have SWAT raid me too.  Fortunately I was with Jim Brass and they knew him and a few knew me."

Hillborne looked at him.  "This clubbing thing of yours."

"If I had a clue I'd stop it," Xander promised. "I always complain when they hand me stuff.  Nearly as much as my husband does."

"Hodges upstairs?"  Xander nodded.  "He share your skills?"

"David hates guns.  Most of the guns in the house are in my office.  Except for the one I keep in my bedside table and whatever I take off that night since we don't have kids.  Not like my dog's going to shoot herself by accident."

"Oh, I don't know, Sarah's pretty smart," Mac offered.  "She could probably figure out how to shoot an intruder."

"Possibly," Xander admitted happily.  "Maybe I'll try to teach her that trick."  He sat down on his stool, looking at him.  He had the Chicago file now, it was thicker.  "You're allowed to ask questions.  The guy I dealt with over the club stuff came to me a few times to have me prove someone innocent that he knew was being set up."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He looked at him again.  "You're a marksman?"  Xander nodded.  "The rifle shot?"

"About five inches higher than I had planned, but it was kinda windy and sudden. I'm going to go back to the range soon.  That and have my eye checked."

"Eye...." Hillborne trained off, then turned to look at the smirking young man.  "You only have one?"

"You do?" Don asked from the doorway.  "Since when?"

"Since I was about twenty-one and someone popped it with a really dirty fingernail, Don.  Hurt like a bitch too."  He looked at Hillborne again, that same smug little look on his face.  "I learned to compensate thanks to my former life in Sunnydale and LA.  After four years of protecting others you do that."  Hillborne dropped the files.  "Those get out and I will cap your ass," Xander assured him.

"It mentions gang interaction."

"I stay beneath the radar, but I'm the sort of guy who doesn't play, doesn't imitate, but I get shit done and I'm fair.  I don't judge anyone on who they are.  The guys in Chicago knew I was fair and they requested me in some homicides to keep some peace.  They knew I'd get whoever did it and it wouldn't turn into a battle because I had no allegiances.  I also helped the Ghost Riders out there since they were working on negotiating turf to keep from a few battles."  Mac gaped at that.  "Also, I've been running a 'send me your used guns and I'll deal with them' program since Vegas.  They know I'm going to search for former users of the weapons and all that, but they won't be on the streets.  I blatantly state I'm going to be looking for former owners but it gets some of them off the streets.  I usually get six or seven a month."

"Taylor...."

"He got one as a test and I watched how he handled it. He took DNA and trace samples, had them run, searched for history, then put it into the 'found gun' pile.  What I'd do.  I like that idea."

"I see."  He looked at the boy, then picked up the files, going through them both more carefully.  "Military service?"

"Survival of the fittest," Xander said dryly.  "I left the survival game the day I graduated."  He leaned against the worktable next to him.  "It was a nasty habit, that survival stuff."  Hillborne nodded at that. "Somewhere I still have a sealed Federal file where my friends and I ran into a covert Special Ops program in Sunnydale and we destroyed them."  Mac blinked at him so he smirked and waved. "Yes, I helped take down the Initiative, Mac."  Then he smiled sweetly.

Don just stared at him, blinking.  "If you went into the military, could you count that?" he asked.  "Or do you have an equivalent of service time?"

Xander considered it then looked at Mac, motioning him over to whisper in his ear since he knew how he had the combat experience.  Mac nodded.  "Ten years, Don.  Including some reserve service now and then and SWAT actions.  Full time combat veteran."  He looked at Xander.  "PTSD?"

"Ask David.  I have nightmares.  Like I said, I had to retire because I was expecting the outcome."  He stared at him.  "Yes, I know I'm fucked up, but hey, that's life."  He looked at the reading IAB officer again.  "Any other questions about my prior service or anything like that?"

"No.... well, yes."  He closed it and looked at him.  "Are you dangerous to others?"

"Only if they touch David."

Hillborne blinked at that, then looked at Taylor.  "You gave me that answer once with your wife."

"Same sort of survival instinct."

"I live with very few needed things," Xander said calmly.  "My job, my spouse, and my sanity.  There is nothing that you can bribe me with to make me do something for you, not do my job, or to make me go into hiding for the most part.  As long as I have my spouse, my job, and my dog, I'm pretty content with life.  That's why I'm a *lab* tech.  Don't make the same mistake that Chicago made.  I may be on call for SWAT but I'm not SWAT.  I like being a lab tech. It makes me happy and content.  Yeah, I do field work now and then to keep my hand in and to keep my skills sharp.  Two, three cases a month.  I'm a ballistics tech with a minor in trace.  Oh, Mac, I need to start pulling some trace hours now and then to keep sharp."

"Sure, whenever you're clear you can help up there."  He clapped him on the back.  "You will search for cover when shot at, Xander.  Even if you have the perfect killing shot."

Xander looked at him.  "I don't go for kill shots, Mac, I go for injury and disabling shots.  The only things I kill are non-human and trying to kill others unless I'm forced."

"Good.  I like that."  He looked him over.  "How many guns are you wearing?"

Don smirked at Xander, looking him over.  "Ankle.  He switched the one on his back out."

"Actually, I'm wearing a double holster. It was my last birthday present," he said happily, turning to let him see it.  "See?  David had it made for me since I like my guns back there instead of on my side.  It's a less awkward draw for me.  My ankle piece."  He started to unload himself on the table.  Dagger off his skin holster from under his waistband.  Another one from his other ankle holster.  One from each of his sides.  His pocket knife.  Don gave it an odd look.  "For work stuff."

"You're the sort of guy to pull a gun outta your ass," Don said, looking amused.  "Does your office look like an armory?"

"No, he decorated in swords in there," David said blandly from the doorway.  "The guns are kept in the safe.  Which he doesn't lock."  He walked in and looked at the weapons, then looked at his mate.  "Baton?"  Xander snapped his fingers and pulled it out of the sewn holder inside his pants leg.  Don whimpered at that, walking off shaking his head. "Every day.  Remember that."  He waved a hand.  "Put it back, quit showing off."  Xander stuffed things back where they went, letting Mac look at his skin-colored, soft fabric holders he was wearing.  "A few times I wondered why he didn't get those pierced to hold it in place."  He looked at Hillborne.  "Are you done with him?  I could use some help."

"Take him," he agreed weakly.  Xander got finished and headed up with David, leaving them alone.  "Are you sure you want to keep him?"

"Yes, I am.  I understand the kid very well.  Xander's a very nice guy until you try to hurt his spouse or his dog.  He's got the same sort of reactions I have.  His triggers are very well understood by anyone else with combat experience.  His husband, his dog, and doing it in front of him."  He saw Xander go stomping and pouting past.  He rolled his eyes when Hillborne looked.  "Xander?"  He came back, still pouting.  "Did David yell?"  He nodded, heading back to DNA with the samples.  "According to Grissom, who watched him while he was doing his post-graduate internship, he was worse when he was trying to date women.  David has calmed him down, a lot.  When he got to Chicago, they enacted the mandatory retirement clause.  He was doing eighteen hour days seven days a week for the department there," he offered quietly.

"With pneumonia," Greg called.  "Then he came out when we got bombed and solved ours while he was recovering, doing the same amount of hours."  He walked in.  "Xander is the guy who'll do what's necessary, even if it's not technically the best idea.  Get over it."  He looked at Mac.  "This case of mine sucks.  I wanna hit the victim."  He stomped off again.  "Xander!"

"Helping David."

"Meet you up there," Greg agreed, heading that way.

Mac smirked at him.  "Ray put it best.  Take my instincts, Messer's playful nature and mental capabilities, then deage it to an early teenager for the jokes he tells.  That's Xander."   Hillborne groaned.  "He got the guys out there to relax right afterward."

"Fine.  I'll have to note he didn't take cover but appropriate discussion was had on that subject and retraining was attempted by supervisory forces."

"I'm sure David will be talking to him later," Mac agreed. "It's not like we have good cover outside anyway."

"Point," he admitted, shaking his head.  "That clubbing stuff...."

"Is the same thing that happened to Stella.  It rubbed off Xander onto her.  I can handle reporting that stuff."

"Thank you."  He looked around the lab. "Is he a good tech?"

"One of the best in the country.  He came in trained enough to run Bobby's lab when he had to be with his mother.  By himself.  His in-school one was done at a military academy.  He's more than good enough."

"Fine.  He's on to make sure people qualify?"  Mac nodded.  "I'll leave this in your hands, this time."  He walked off with the folders.

Mac relaxed.  That was one hurdle.  IAB *liking* someone?

***

Mac leaned into Xander's office.  "Is Sarah here?"

"Locker room last I knew.  She followed Stella in there when she went home.  Hopefully she's not drinking out of the shower this time."

"Thank you.  We've had a lost child reported and he's crying."  He went to get the dog, bringing her down there.  "Hey," he said, sitting beside the child.  Sarah looked at the kid then barked and wiggled closer, licking him on the cheek.  The kid stared at him, then petted her. "This is Sarah. She belongs to one of officers."  He smiled at him.  Sarah barked and wiggled, jumping down when he relaxed his grip to trot over to someone.  "Lee.  Sarah?"  She came back, climbing up beside the kid.  "Why don't you pet Sarah for a few minutes?  Then we'll talk when you're a little bit calmer, okay?"  The little boy nodded, staring at the dog as he petted her.  He looked at the agent, smiling a bit.  "Xander's in Ballistics."

"I need a favor and need to borrow him."

"For?"

"A problem," he admitted after a hesitation.  "A case," he expanded at the long stare.  He pulled Mac out of the way.  "Not out here.  You've got clearance so I can tell you and him at the same time."  He looked at the boy then at him.  "Can his husband watch the kid?" he murmured.

Mac chuckled.  "David's child-phobic. To him they're like mold."  He walked back over, smiling at the officer watching the boy.  "That's Xander's Sarah."

"I wasn't trying to figure that out.  I think I know him."  He sat down and tapped the boy on the arm, getting a smile.  "You live on my block, right?"

"I live upstairs from Officer Rod."  He gave him a hopeful smile. "Do you know Officer Rod?"

"I probably do.  I know a few Officer Rods.  Do you know which department he's in?  Does he wear a uniform, like me?"  He pointed at his uniform.  The kid shook his head.  "Does he wear a tie?"

"He wears pants that stick out way far on the thighs and look really funny," he said.

"Motorcycle or horses?" Mac asked.  "There's one in each."  The kid frowned at him.  "Does his ride have a name or does he have a partner?"

"Officer David comes over now and then," he offered. "She's pretty when he's in a dress."

"I know him," Mac agreed, smiling at the little boy. "Let me call his supervisor so he can come see you, okay?  Make sure we've got the right one?  And maybe he can call your parent?"  The boy nodded and continued to pet the dog.  He looked at the officer, arching an eyebrow up, getting a wink and a subtle smile.  "Can you watch him for a few?"

"Sure, Detective Taylor.  Sarah and I are very good guardians for him."

Mac smiled and walked Lee back to his office, calling the Mounted Patrol office.  "This is Detective Taylor, CSI at the twelfth.  We've got a young boy here who said he lives upstairs from an Officer Rod, who wears baggy pants, and knows an Officer David?"  He smirked.  "Yeah, that's about how he described it.  I recognized David.  Can you send Rod over?  With his horse is fine if he wants.  Sarah the Dog might like that. Thank you."  He hung up then paged Xander to come to his office.

Xander walked in.  "What's up?  Sarah run off after the kid when he went for a snack?"

"No.  They're by the entryway on that bench and we found an officer who lives near him."  He pointed at Lee, who was in the corner on Xander's blind side.

"Ah."  He looked at him.  "Hi, Lee.  What's up?"

"I need your help."

"Depends on what it is," Xander said firmly.

Lee looked at him.  "We have a suspected information courier in town to hand off some really important information. I need help tracking and taking him down."

"Again, it depends on what you need me for," Xander pointed out.  "I'm a lab tech.  Not a cop. Definitely not an agent.  Need me to dart him?"

"I'd prefer you to help me find him and capture him.  Darting would possibly be okay."

"Do you have any idea where he is?" Xander asked hesitantly.

"Some.  We know he's at a hotel under an assumed name.  We know the assumed name."

Xander held up a finger and went to the locker room, coming back with a black zippered bag.  He pulled out the laptop and fired it up, then input a special password, getting a different screen than even David saw.  He motioned his father closer.  "Assumed name?"  It was typed in.  Xander hit the 'search' button, finding him in the city.  He looked at it, then at his father.  "Says he's downstairs in the morgue, dad."  He smirked a bit.  "Mac, this case?"  He came around to look.

"Who made this?" Lee asked quietly.

"Willow."

Lee gaped.  "That little redheaded girl in your background?"

"Yeah.  I was wondering, is my secret file still floating around with the really badly done profile or just the 'don't touch me or else' file?"

"Your secret file is in a few hands.  The don't touch notice is in your public profile in the FBI's database. Along with your marksman rating, the fact you're missing an eye, and your rating as a tech in all three fields."  He smirked at him.  "Where might Miss Rosenburg be so I can offer her a job?"

"Cleveland.  With the slayers.  She's just about to go off probation for kidnaping me."

Mac moaned.  "She did what?"

"She decided David was bad for me because I got injured a few times on the job so she kidnaped me from the hospital by claiming I was her husband and had some faked papers saying she was bringing me closer to home.  I called Ford, he came down on her and they offered her and Buffy probation for it."  He looked at his father. "She might do it if you give her a good set of reasons.  I wouldn't use the 'serve your government' route.  Not like we like most of them after the Initiative and the inquest she and I got sucked into afterward."

"I saw that, we cleaned up after the inquest," he admitted.  "Had I known then what I know now, I'd have had you stolen, kid."  He patted him on the cheek.  "Mac, who has this case and can I have it reassigned to Xander?"

"It says Danny has it by himself."  He paged him, bringing him jogging.  "Danny, door."  He shut the door but leaned against it. "This is Special Agent Stetson, you've never met him nor will you ever meet him," he said firmly.

Xander looked at him. "This is my biological father.  He's a covert Fed.  Your case was his case.  You wanna switch?"

"Which case?"  Xander waved him over so he looked.  "He was mugged."

"He was carrying a packet of information on a new movement in Asia," Lee said quietly.  "This can go no further."

"Of course not.  Are we talkin' people in suits showing up in the middle of the night like MIB?"

"I don't usually have to send my agents out to do that," he said with a small smile.  "Yet."

"Point taken.  Yeah, that's fine.  I can help Xander and keep my hands off.  Not like I don't have others I can have him help me with."

"Good, thank you for understanding."

"Not an issue.  Not like I want visited and mind wiped.  I might go odd."  Xander snickered at that.  "I'm guessing that's what happened to him."

"No, these two happened to me," Xander said, handing over the picture in his wallet.  "If you see either of them, run the other way and please warn me, David, Greg, and Ray and/or Stan so we can all hide."

"Are they dangerous?"

"Only to your sanity.  To me, probably more so."  He took the picture back.  "The blonde was Buffy, the other's Willow."

Danny blinked at him, then nodded once.  "I'll call you as I'm running away."  Mac gave him a look.  "Stan told me about 'em and how they warped him.  Willow's the cause of the football being gay sex talk a few weeks back that made most of the precinct search out a beer for dinner."

"I said I was sorry," Xander whined.  Everyone in the room stared at him. "I haven't done it on purpose since I almost made Welsh have a heart attack or a stroke, the last time."  He canceled out the computer and logged off before shutting down, then put it back into the bag.  It was closed and locked again, then Xander put it over his shoulder, one hand holding the straps.  "Let me put this back while Danny gets that file and we'll go over it.  Well, I've got to make sure I've got the lab in a 'safe' manner so it'll take me five."  He headed off.

"Any idea what's in the bag?" Mac asked Lee.

"Unless Amanda sent it to him?  No.  Danny?"

"Not like I had a clue about any of this.  All I know about Xander is that he's warped, he's a marksman, he REALLY likes guns and knives, and he's married to David with a dog for a child."

"His grandmother will be nagging about that soon," Lee assured him.  "She already is nagging Amanda."

"Abby and Mortty have offered," Mac assured him.

Lee considered those children. "My mother-in-law nearly had a heart attack when she met Mortty the first time. Started going off about satanists and things.  Then Mortty got her calmed down and now she's praying for her to become normal.  I doubt she'd let that happen."  He looked over as Danny left.  "Are they considering it?"

"David considers children like mold," Mac assured him.  "He's not looking forward to it."

"Pity.  Xander would make a good father."

"That's why I have a dog," Xander said as he walked back in. "I get my spoiling out of the way by taking care of Dave.  By the way, Mac, he's better now.  He should be in by tomorrow."

"What happened to him?  Did he get hurt on the job?" Lee asked. He kind of liked his cranky son-in-law; reminded him of Gibbs in some ways.

"No, I made him some cookies.  I don't know how I did it since Dawn was watching me."   He sat down with a sigh.  "I guess that's like how I got food poisoning from microwaving nachos."

"I still say someone in that magic shit did somethin' to ya," Danny offered as he came back in with the file.

"Possibly, but Willow swears up and down it's not her doing.  Tara loved me so it wouldn't have been her, and Dawnie thought I was better than cheese in those days."

"I don't need to know about that stuff," Lee assured him.  "We're forbidden from using it."  He looked at the case file, then groaned.  "Somewhere on him was some manner of carrying digital information."  He looked at Danny.  "Has the body been claimed?"

"Not yet.  Xander, go for it and we'll switch later."  Xander nodded, leading Lee off.  He looked at Mac.  "He doesn't look much like him but they've got the same height."

"He looks more like his mother.  I ran into them on a few cases in the past, got loaned out and the like."  He sat down shaking his head.  "Just don't ask, Danny.  They're a very small covert agency."

"Think he'll try ta get Xander?"

"Possibly but I'm hoping not."  He gave him a look. "I can't see Xander being a covert ops agent, can you?"

"Some days.  Then you've got the t-shirt days."  He walked off, heading back to his lab.  Xander would come help him later if he could walk.

***

Xander led the way into the morgue.  "Yo, Doc, 'sup?"

"Xander," he said, smiling at him.  "How's your shoulder?"

"Just fine, still a bit stiff but David spoiled me rotten."  His father gave him an odd look. "I fell changing a lightbulb in his lab."  He pointed at the drawers.  "I took over Danny's mugging case on this guy," he noted, handing over the files.  "This guy's a Fed and he swears up and down he's got some form of information device on him."

"I didn't see anything."  He found the right drawer and pulled the body out for them to look over in a corner. "I did a complete autopsy, he was shot in the neck."

"Angle?"

"Upward, someone much shorter than he did it," Hammerback noted calmly.  He looked at Lee, then at Xander.  "Your father?"  Xander just smirked at him and went to look.  "I'll have his effects pulled, Xander."

"Thank you, doc.  Did David call you or Sheldon about seeing why the cookies were poisonous?"

"I believe he called Daniel, but I know he didn't call me," he offered as he walked over to get the bag of personal effects.  He brought it back for them.  "I did put the bracelet he was wearing in a separate baggie, Xander."

"Thank you."  He grinned at him.  He pulled on a set of glasses and got to work starting in the scalp.  "Have we had anyone call in to ID him or anything?  Anything under missing persons?"

"Not that I've heard," the doctor said quietly.  "Is he American?" he asked Lee, who shook his head.  "Should I worry about him being stolen in the middle of the night?"

"No, they're letting us do that."  He shrugged and opened the bag of effects to look through it.  He did look at the bracelet.  "When I first started out, you needed something this size to hold information capsules."  He checked the links, none of them opened.  "No film in here."

Xander gave him a horrified look.  "Lee, Abby had a case where they had a small gold heart as eye jewelry and it contained files."  He gave him a horrified look.  "Yeah.  Think tiny.  The charms could hold the information if necessary."  He got back to work.  "Think we could shave him, Doc?"

"If you want, as long as no one would object."

"They won't.  He'll probably be cremated unless they're hiding a family of his from us.  As far as I know he's single."  He pulled out his phone and made a call.  "We're doing a body search, make sure no one's going to complain about him being shaved."  He listened to his wife call someone else.   He smiled at his son.   "Amanda said hi."

"Hi!" he called, waving one hand.  He looked at the doc, who got him the clippers.  He grinned and chuckled a bit evilly, looking at Lee.  "Tell her to tell my grandmother David doesn't like kids.  Tough.  She's got a furry grandchild."

Lee smiled at her comment back.  "Mom said that she'd accept Mortty giving you one but she'd turn the child normal."

"Then it definitely wouldn't be my kid.  My kid'll be hunting vampires by the time he's ten," he quipped. The ME looked at him.  "Well, not real ones," he offered with an evil look.  "He'll be able to but I'd never let him do it for real.  Do you know how often I got hurt doing that and how many concussions I've had?"  Lee nodded so he turned on the clippers, shaving off all the dead guy's body hair.  Even his pubes, which made his father shudder and turn away.  "I'd hide it there.  No one would search."  He turned off the clippers and handed them off, then blew the hair off his glasses and got back to his examination.  "Small scars," he noted.  "He's done it like Abby's case in the past."

He kept going over the front.  He did finally find it, at the base of the penis.  "Ow," he said, then shook it off.  He looked at the doc, who was with his next body, then went hunting for tools.  "Found it, doc," he said as he made a very simple slice next to the small gold disc.  He slid the blade under it, clipping out the small area of skin so he couldn't damage it.  He put it on the petri dish his father was holding out.  Then he got to work finding another one.  He and one of the morgue techs flipped the body, finding the other one on his inner thigh.  "Another owish spot," he complained, digging out that one as well.  He checked behind and inside ears, inside the nose.  Everywhere but inside his rectum because he wasn't about to go there.  Then he stepped back and let the morgue tech put them back.  He looked at the small dish, they had found three overall.  "Abby said hers had two simple files."

"He was supposed to be carrying video proof of a new cell."

"Maybe that's where they're hidden," Xander offered. "Thanks Doc."  He nodded and they headed upstairs with them.  He walked into the AV lab.  "Federal case," he ordered.  "We've got small storage devices."  The tech looked then gaped at him.  "That's what I thought.  If I call someone and have her walk you through the process she used to access something like this in the past, can you do it?"  He nodded so Xander dialed Abby's number from the card in his wallet.  "Abby?  Xander.  No, but I've got three mini-storage discs from a dead spy.  Lee's here.  Yeah, one at the base of his cock, one inner thigh, and one between his big and next toe.  Please.  Our tech here hasn't ever seen one and I remembered your case, so I thought maybe you could tell him how to access them?" he asked hopefully.  "Thank you."

"Let me switch to a headset," he offered when he took it.  He switched them out and slid his headset into place.  "Can you hear me okay?"  He took it off mute and repeated it, getting a 'sure can, sweetie' said happily in his ear.  "Okay.  They're three extremely small gold discs.  I've got to excise the flesh still around them since Xander brought me divots."  He followed her instructions, writing them down as he did them.

Xander looked at his father.  "I'm headed back to ballistics to make sure I've got it ready for next shift, then heading up to see which one Danny wanted help on," he said quietly.  "He can page me."  Lee nodded so he disappeared.  His last sample was sealed and the report was mostly done so he finished that and printed it off, going to deliver stacks of his day's work around.  He ran into Don and most of them were from his last case.  "Yours, Sheldon's since he's out interviewing, Stella's because she's out with a new one, Lindsey's since she's off today, and Mac's since he's hiding in his office from the Fed case my father brought."  He walked off, going to find Danny, and they exchanged reports. "What's this?"

"Blood tox on the vic.  What did you find?"

"Tiny gold storage devices," he said with a smirk. "We ended up shaving him to find 'em."  He looked it over, then at the rest of the case's reports, frowning a bit.  "He was wobbling home drunk?  What sort of spy was he?" he complained.  David's head slowly came up from his scope and he stared at him.  "Dad's downstairs in AV.  He asked me to help him find this guy's stash."  They shared a look. "I promise, no Super Xander stuff, David."

"I had Abby fax me a report on your father's career.  Remember that Jim guy and the stuff we've heard about him from their techs?"  Xander nodded, beaming.  "Worse.  Much worse.  You do that stuff and I will chain you to the bed for the rest of your very short life."

"Yes, dear.  When did you get in?"  He came over to kiss him gently and calm him down. "I promise, nothing I wouldn't do as a field tech."  David pinched him.  "OW!  Bastard!"  He rubbed the bruise.  "Don't abuse me.  He was talking to Mom and Grandmother."  He frowned at him.  "I'll be a good boy.  Nothing Mac wouldn't do, okay?"

"Fine," he complained.  He got back to his sample.  "Can I know anything?"

"Up to him."  He came back over to look at the results again.  "This doesn't add up."  Lee came in.  "Any luck?"

"Abby said one's encrypted.  She's getting permission from Gibbs to come up for the night."  He took the lab reports, looking clueless.  "Okay, these mean what?"

"Well, he drank a lot of gin," Xander said, pointing at them when he put them on the table. "His blood alcohol level was .13.  It was gin by the way his blood was reacting and other indicators. He had eaten a hearty meal with it, looks like stroganoff with shrimp for some reason."  He looked at the rest of them. "That's a sexual activity report.  He'd had sex with a woman, that's her DNA profile because he was apparently not a condom sort.  His brain had a small tumor growing but nothing that should've impaired his judgement according to Hammerback," he said, tapping the autopsy report.  "Plus he was so unfit it wasn't funny.  Any running and he'd probably have died within a block from it. This one says he's got Hepatitis B.   That one says that the bullet that killed him was a thirty-eight, no matches in the system since I remember writing it.  And this last one says that his ID led back to a brick wall."  He looked at his father, who looked stunned. "Forensics can be used like a weaker level of profile.  We're usually more accurate than the person who did mine for the Initiative."

"Thankfully.  They were stupid and said you were a tag-along."  He looked over them again, then at his son.  "You do this on every case?"

"No, I don't have to on every case.  Some cases are a lot easier than others.  Then again, I only do a few cases a month by choice.  I don't want to be a full-time field tech, father.  I like being me.  It's who I am and who I am is a ballistics tech."  Lee nodded at that.  "This is pulling out all the stops."   He tapped one report.  "Something's off about this one.  How did he get Hep B and still be in the field?  With his medical conditions he should be on medicine for it."

"Maybe he didn't know," Danny offered.

"Abby said they have to take physicals at least once a year, even her," David told him, coming over to look.  "You're right.  No evidence of any medicine in his system.  His heart condition might've needed one too."  He handed that back to Xander.  "That'd be something to ask Sheldon or Hammerback."

"Sheldon's out interviewing and Stella's bringing Hammerback a new body," Xander said thoughtfully, looking at his father.  "Unless you've got a consulting doctor?"

"No, we borrow Jethro's Ducky when we need one in my group."  He called down there, putting it on speaker phone.

"Doctor Mallard's office," a young, male voice answered.

"Palmer, put Ducky on," Xander ordered.  "It's a fed case and Lee needs an opinion on something."

"How did you know who I am?" he demanded.

"You threatened me over hanging out with Abby, dipshit.  Do it now."  They were put on hold and an older man came on.

"Doctor Mallard."

"Hi, Ducky, it's Lee, Xander, David, and their coworker Danny."

"Oh, hello, boys.  What can I do for you?  I wondered why Mr. Palmer had walked off sulking."

"He asked how I knew him.  I reminded him," Xander said dryly.

"Ducky, if I send you an autopsy report can you tell me what he should've been taking?  Fitchers died and there's no medicine in his system but the reports say he's got Hepatitis B, a heart condition, and a small brain tumor."

"All it showed was a lot of gin," Xander added.

"Of course I can.  Send me the full reports, including details if possible."

"I can get them from the ME," Lee agreed.  "Thank you, Ducky.  Usual fax number?"

"That would be fine, Lee.  Xander, do pop in the next time you're down, dear boy.  I heard you moved to New York and I expect you've had some fun."

"No he hasn't.  I've kept him out of the clubs," David assured him.  "Plus I think it's wearing off finally."  He smirked at his mate.  "No one wanted to hit on him recently."

"Yeah, I'm almost feeling unloved," Xander teased back.  David pinched him again and he yelped. "Hey!  You already gave me a bruise!"

"No playing, boys," Lee said, shaking his head at Danny's smirk at him.  "I'll get those and send them down as soon as I can, Ducky, and I'll try to talk Xander into coming down for at least a weekend sometime soon.  Thank you." He hung up and headed back to the morgue, smiling at the ME when he looked over.  "I need to get the more full report.  An anomaly came up."

"Which one?"

"Well, no one knew he was in that bad of health.  There was no medicine in his system, and we're making sure it's a DNA match as well.  I hadn't seen him in five years but he really let himself go."

"Drinking that heavily can do that to one," he agreed, walking over to get him the full report.  "When Xander said a Federal Case I thought it might be needed."

"I only need to fax it.  We have Ducky check on anything like this."

"Mallard?  I've heard of him."

Lee smiled. "He's the ME for the DC NCIS branch.  He's a fascinating old guy, but a great ME and doctor.  He's the sort of doctor we spies go to when we're sick so he'll know who to call to get his medical records to compare."

"I'm not insulted.  In cases like these I'm usually happy if the bodies don't disappear in the middle of the night."

"No, if I have to make him disappear, I'll leave you an order to have him transferred to a mortuary."  Hammerback smiled at that and handed over the folder.  "Thank you for being so understanding."

"Not an issue.  Thank you for not being pushy."

"No, that's the FBI," he admitted, smiling before walking off.  He headed back to Mac's office.  "The fax machine?"  It got pointed to. "I'm sending it to Ducky.  We had some anomalies."  He looked at him while he was sending it.  "Did you know you could use something that looked like a baby's charm or earring to hold data?"  Mac slowly shook his head.  Lee nodded. "Yeah.  We found three of them by shaving the guy.  Oh, it's Fitchers if you ever worked with him."

"I've heard of him.  That small?"

"Yeah.  Apparently Abby had one that was being worn as eye jewelry."

"Now that's small," he admitted, getting up to go look.  He walked into AV, looking at the discs.  "I'd like to know what those are, just so I can update myself," he requested quietly.

The tech smiled at him.  "Someone named Abby's coming up to help me with them, Mac.  Xander had me call her to decode them.  Aren't they tiny?  I'm wondering if they're Japanese or Indian made."

Mac looked at one under a microscope.  "There's nanocircuits too.  Man, I'm out of the loop."

"Yeah.  She said she'd bring references on that stuff.  By the way, I'm heading to my convention this year.  I'm apparently really far behind."

"Give me the leave papers when you're done with them," he promised, clapping him on the back.  "Cover those so no one sneezes in the hall and makes them fly off."  That got a smile and they were all covered. He walked off to check on Xander and Danny.  "Did you decide what you're trading Xander for?" he asked Danny.

"He offered ta help me with anything I wanted and to take that one outright from me," Danny said with a grin.  "How tiny were they?"

"Abby told us about one that was worn as eye jewelry," David told him.

Mac looked over. "You made it out of bed?"

"I quit puking earlier.  Thought I'd give working a shot," he said sardonically.

"Sarah find Oprah and bug you to death?" Danny teased.

"Our nearest neighbor's daughter is a cheerleader and they're having a meeting in the back yard."   Danny shuddered at that.  "They're cute fourteen-year-old girls but still.  Not even Dawn could squeal at that cuteness."  He bent back down.  Then he groaned and held his stomach.  "Go shoo off the eating people, please?"

Danny hurried out.  "Guys, David's in and he's still sick.  No eating near him!" he called.  Don turned and walked the other way with his sandwich. "Thanks, Don.  His neighbor has cheerleaders over."  Don smirked at him.  "Fourteen-year-olds."

"Never mind.  I might've taken him home if it were real ones."  He finished off his sandwich and came back.  "He okay?"

"No.  He smelled the food and doubled over."

"Sorry, Dave," he called.  "Didn't mean ta make ya puke again."  He looked at Danny.  "My mugging case?"

"The Fed case?" he said with a smirk.

"It's a what?"  Lee came out and he looked at him.  "Oh, shit.  Xander said Mac was hiding from you but I hoped it was another case."

"Unfortunately not.  He was a courier."

"Damn.  Okay.  I'll hand over what notes I have.  Let me get back to my desk."

"Thank you."  He smiled at him.  "I don't try to be pushy."

"I noticed.  So, you're Xander's father?"  He walked closer and David ran past them.  "Sorry, Dave."  He looked him over, then into his eyes.  "He must look a lot more like his mother but he's got your build."

"My stepsons are a lot mor stocky, like their father," he agreed, smiling at him.  "You'd be Flack, right?"  Don nodded.  "Xander's emailed us about you and his other new friends.  He said you're incredibly tolerant, trained that way by having to deal with Danny in a bad mood?"

Danny snickered at that, walking off shaking his head.  "Yeah, I trained him real well," he agreed.

Don looked at Danny's back. "Not yet you haven't.  Do I sound like I bark?"  He looked at Lee again.  "Sorry about him.  It's been one of those days, ya know?"

"Definitely but mine usually include a run of at least four blocks with people after me."  Don nodded, understanding that one.  He watched as David came back.  "Want me to drive you home, David?  I'm dead in the water until I can get some more information and for that I'll have to borrow Xander to break into his hotel room."

David looked at him. "You're overestimating Xander's skills."

"It's under CSI control I'm sure.  That means he can get me in there."

David stared at him then moved slightly closer.  "Lee, if you try to take Xander back to DC with you, there will be a funeral.  Do we have a clear understanding?" he asked quietly.  "Xander is mine and Xander likes being a ballistics tech.  He hates what happens in the field when things go wrong.  He has for many years.  After the last shooting he ended up swearing and unable to sleep all night for killing that one when the car crashed because of his shot.  You will not get Xander into your job or into the field more often.  You may borrow my spouse now and then, borrow his expertise and his skills, but you are not to let him get hurt, or else I will carve you up into so many pieces not even Mortty and Greg will be able to find enough DNA to match you."

"I'd never hurt him."

"Not intentionally but you've lost how many people in the last year in your sort of agency?" he pointed out.  "The only time I turn into an evil bastard is when Xander's injured.  You hurt him and I will destroy you and his mother both.  Are we clear?"

"We're clear," he agreed, looking at him.  "I don't think it'd suit him anyway, David."

"I don't care because there's others who do.  Including Jethro's boss."  He walked off, heading back into the lab.

Don blinked.  "I've never considered David to be the scary sort before.  Sarcastic, mean, and a bastard now and then, but never scary."  He looked at Lee.  "Xander's happy with his life."

"I know.  The same as I know he's right and that there are people in Homeland who'd love to have him in their custody.  I doubt it'll happen with his injury, but it was suggested by a few people."  He looked at Don.  "Can I get those notes?"

"Sure."  He walked off, going to get them for him.  It was hard watching the fatherly instincts fight with the field work necessities, but he was handling it so far.  There was no way Xander was going to be doing anything dangerous, not with that threat on Lee's mind.

***

Xander limped into the office and sat down across from Mac's desk that night, making him gasp and drop his pen.  "I'm fine," he reported, slurring a bit.  "A bit banged up.  We got him."  He yawned and tossed something over.  "That got sent to me by someone.  I don't know who."  He hissed and shifted some.  "I need someone to get me home.  I lost my wallet somewhere."

"Your badge?"

"No, that I've got, but my ID card was in there, along with a few credit cards."  Mac nodded, making notes about that.  "Fortunately the driver's license has the wrong address on it.  Pictures of everyone but no correct addresses and it was my thinner, field one so it didn't have my stash of cards from helpful places and folks."  He yawned again. "Lee's taking the guy back tonight but he'll be back in two days to wrap everything up.  He said they'd be coming to claim the body then and probably be bringing my mother as well.  Did David threaten him?"

"Yes, he did," Mac said quietly.  "Don said it was the first time he'd ever seen David as the scary sort."

"David's overprotective of me.  I really should clean up before I head home."  He stood up with a wince.  "Before you ask, I fell."

"From what?" Don asked from behind him.  "The Eiffel Tower?"

Xander looked back at him.  "I landed funny when I ended up going over the side railing of first floor fire escape and then fell over another body, which I called in while we were chasing the woman who did it."  He tried to shift an arm and winced.  "And right now, I want a hot shower."

"You need the emergency room."

Xander looked down at himself, then shook his head.  "I'll be fine with a shower and some tylenol."  He looked at Mac.  "Since you live out my way can you get me at least most of the way home?"

"I can take you home," Don promised.  "Come on, Xander."  He led him back outside.  "Did you jump or did you get pushed?"

"Technically I jumped.  She had help at that point and that guy was caught there. Then she took off running and we had to chase."

"Crap."  He looked at him.  "You've got a small head injury."

"That was when I tripped over the dead body and fell against the side of a dumpster.  Night shift is probably loving us."

"I should tell David."

"You do that, you won't see my smiling face for weeks. I'll be pouting," Xander countered.

"At least you wouldn't die from the infection you'll be getting in that cut."  He let him into his car.  "Come on, let me get you checked out.  I'll call David when you're done.  I'll even call him now and say that I've got you to do the last few things.  Nothing specific."  Xander looked at him.  "Seriously."

"David's got Xander-trouble radar.  I'm sure he's already realized I'm a bit banged up."

"A bit banged up is a fat lip and a black eye.  This looks like you went a round with King Kong."  He smirked at him.  "You're going or I'm going to call David and tell him what you look like."  He pulled out his phone and took a picture, then tapped in the address it'd need to go to.  "Your choice."

"Bastard."

"You bet.  Ray and Stan might let you get away with it, but I'm not that nice."  He sent it.  A minute later he got a 'ER Now' text message back.  "I'm right."  He showed it to him and Xander groaned.  "Come on.  Let's go."  He closed the door and walked around to get in so he could drive, taking him to the usual ER that they all used.  David knew that as well.  Greg was there when they got there. "You doing night shift?"

"No, David called since I'm closer."  He looked at Xander, walking around him.  "You hit what with your head?"

"Dumpster when I tripped over a DB."

"Uh-huh."  The nurse came out to examine him, finding his badge.  "He's a criminalist, like me.  He got hurt chasing someone."

"Job injuries are horrible in your field," she agreed gently.  "Any dizziness?"

"He'll lie," Don assured her.  "He didn't want to come."  She gave him a look. "He has in the past."  Greg nodded at that.  "His buddy there can tell you alllll about it."

"He hates doctors," Greg agreed. "Especially since he got irradiated a few months back."

"It's almost been a year," Xander defended.

"I'd smack you but I'm not sure it wouldn't hurt you more," Don said firmly.

"I can take him back," the nurse promised, taking him back to an exam room.  "Are you taking anything?"  He groaned and nodded, taking the form to fill out.  He tapped the phone number and she called.  "Should I lie?"

"He screams."

"That's fine.  I've dealt with some drama queens before, Mr.  Harris."  She called out there, helping him lay down since he was obviously having a dizzy spell.  "Hi, this is St. Vincent's ER is a David Hodges there?"  She smiled, he wasn't screaming yet.  "No, he's mostly fine.  A bit banged up."

"That's what I said.  Don got pushy."

"Yes, well, pushy friends are good for you," she reminded him.  "No, I do need to know what he's taking."  She made notes on it.  "Does he have a usual doctor?  All right, we can get his file from there.  Thank you, Mr. Hodges.  Of course.  Right away if we need to keep him.  Thank you."  She hung up on the sound of something glass breaking.  "He was trying to stay calm."

"Which means he'll yell at my father later."

"You got into it with him?"

He looked at her.  "He borrowed me.  He's a Fed."

"Oh.  All right, Detective."  He winced.  "Leave off the title?"

"Please.  I'm a ballistics tech mostly."

"All right then."  She checked him over again.  "Let me call the other ER to get your medical records from there.  They should have a good list of what's happened before."  She went to do that, amused when it got faxed over with the warning about his spouse being a screamer.  A middle aged man was waiting with the group when she went back out there to update them.  "The doctor should be seeing him any minute now, Detective Flack.  I've gotten his medical records from the ER he used in Chicago upon advice of his husband."  The middle aged man got pointed to.  She smiled.  "Your authorization to treat is in this file.  You can come back while he's examined.  He said his father borrowed him?"

"Yeah, and then he ended up getting hurt, again.  He's going to be lucky if I don't rip him apart at the chemical or molecular level for letting him get hurt."  He followed her back, looking Xander over critically.  "Head injury?"

"Tripped over a body while chasing someone," Xander said weakly, smiling at him.  "I'm okay, really.  Just a bit sore and achy mostly."

"You'll probably need some stitches for that cut and we'll be looking at your hip and shoulder as well," she assured him.  She looked at him.  "Shirt and pants off, you can keep on your boxers."  She got him a gown and handed it over, then left again to integrate the file into his new chart.  The doctor glanced over it, then read it more slowly and carefully.  "He tripped over a dead body and hit his head on a dumpster," she told him.  "He was on loan for a federal case.  He says he's a ballistics tech but he's wearing a detective's badge.  He's like that Messer guy we had last month."

"Thank you."  He went in there, finding David look him over for more bruises.  "Did you find anything he didn't admit to?"

"No, I'm finding reasons to kill his father for borrowing him for a case," David admitted.

"Dad's limping worse," Xander offered.  "Plus I was faster than him."

"That's because he's old, Xander.  Very old."  He got out of the doctor's way.  "I'm his husband David.  If you see as much of him as Chicago used to, we'll be very good friends."

"I saw."  He looked at Xander, who gave him a pathetic look.  "I've seen kids who do that as well, right before they have to get a shot."

"No, then he'll try to hide," David assured him. Xander frowned at him.  "Mac knows you lost your ID?"  Xander nodded.  "Good.  Hopefully it'll turn up.  Your card file?"

"I brought my field wallet with me.  Thirty bucks, two cards, my ID, and my license and power of attorney thing we had laminated."

"Good.  Where's the other one?"

"I think I put it in my locker but I've got a pounding headache," he admitted quietly.  "I hate head injuries."

"How many have you had?" the doctor asked.

"In what time frame?" Xander countered.

"Lifetime."

Xander thought back.  "Ten in high school, four in the next two years. Three or four during college.  One in my internship year, three in Chicago.  Now this one.  Twenty- four?"

"Twenty-two or three," David said calmly.  He and the doctor shared a look. "Please."  The doctor nodded, starting to make notes about the tests he wanted to run.  "Congrats, dear, it's the big whirly machine again."

"It always makes me nauseous to watch it run," he complained.

"Yay."  He came over to stroke through Xander's hair.  "We're both off tomorrow anyway," he reminded him gently.

"He'll still be here," the doctor assured him. "With that many head injuries, we'll need to observe him."  He looked at David.  "The nurse said he's a ballistics tech?"

"He is, but he's called into the field now and then.  Hence all the shootings."

"It's not every time."

"No, in Chicago it was one out of every ten or twelve times you got hurt," David agreed.  "Here, it's one out of every four so far."  Xander pouted.  "No more field work for a while, okay?  I can't take this."  Xander nodded.  "Thank you. You're giving me an ulcer, again."

"Not my fault I tripped over him."

"You could've said no," David reminded him.  Xander gave him a look.  "I know it was your father, Xander, but you still could've said no."  He went back to petting him.  "We'll have this fight when you're better and I'm more calm."

"I'm surprised you're not screaming yet," Greg said as he walked in.  "His clothes are where?  Night shift wanted them to search for evidence on the DB he tripped over during the chase."  David pointed at the neatly folded pile.  "Thank you."  He pulled out a bag and put them into there.  "I'll have someone swing home to get him something to wear home."

"He's staying overnight," the doctor assured him.

Greg looked at him.  "Need my handcuffs?"

The doctor looked at him then smirked.  "We've got plenty of restraints.  Thank you anyway, Detective."  Greg just beamed and headed off again.  He looked at Xander.  "You'll find we're not quite as tolerant as your old ER was.  No removing bullets in the ER.  No letting you go home with a mate when you obviously need to stay, and definitely no letting you two have sex in your room tonight."

"Sex isn't my main concern, that was him wanting comfort," David told him.  He looked at his mate, then at the doctor. "He's got a pretty good pain tolerance as well."

"It says that."  He got back to work, then came over to do the exam. "The bruises on his arm?"

"I pinched the hell out of him at work a few days ago."

"Did it help?"

"No, apparently not."

Xander looked at them.  "Keep it up, watch me walk out," Xander pointed out dryly.  "Remember, I will fight back."  David glared at him.  "I'm fine!  I could use the stitches on my head and the antibiotics since it was a dumpter that my head hit.  I can agree with that.  The rest, I can use some tylenol and a heating pad."

"Ice," the doctor reminded him.

"Heat works better on mine.  Ice makes me ache more."  He looked at his mate.  "David, I love you, but tough.  I'm *fine*.  Now, if we're going to have this fight here, you're going to end up screaming, I'm going to walk out, and then we're both going to pout for weeks.  It wasn't my idea to trip over the body.  It wasn't my idea to chase either of those people or to go over the railing of the first story fire escape."  David groaned, rubbing his head.  "Okay, that was my idea, I felt I'd fall if I had to hurry down the ladder and I landed okay but my hip started to twinge after that.  I landed on top of the guy then we chased the other person.  That's when I tripped and fell.  Which again, accident.  Not like I saw the body in the dark alleyway."

"You need your eyes checked again," David said quietly.  "I've noticed that."  He stepped closer, looking down at him.  "Quit, Xander.  I'm supposed to fuss and worry about you.  You do stupid stuff for a job."  Xander moaned.  "Stop," he ordered more firmly, but staying quiet.  "This keeps happening."

Xander looked at him.  "I don't plan it to happen, David.  I didn't get hurt when someone was shooting at me.  I didn't get hurt when I had my field cases.  I got hurt on Dad's case.  Minor injuries that I could've gotten in the back yard."

David's fist clenched and he leaned down, kissing him on the forehead.  "We'll discuss this when I'm calm," he said, walking out.

Xander thumped his head on the bed.  "Can you please hurry up so I can chase him?  I'm not staying.  I know how to handle a concussion."

"Shut up, Detective."  Xander flinched at that.  "He's right.  With your medical record, I'd probably have tied my spouse down by now."  Xander glared at him. "No matter what horrors your past contained to give you that many injuries, he's got a right to worry.  That's what spouses do."

"Just stitch me up."

"Fine."  He went to get the necessary supplies. "We still need to do a CT."

"Stitch me up," Xander ordered calmly and coldly.  "Now."  The doctor nodded and did it for him, then wrote him out the antibiotics prescriptions.  Xander concentrated on the magic he had, bringing his bag out of the trunk of the car and flying into his hand. He slid into something comfortable and stood up, doing up his shirt.  He was standing straight by sheer willpower, but he was fine with that.  He finished doing up his shirt, reattached his badge, put on his holster, then walked out, dodging around the waiting people when he checked out.  He caught Don's eye and nodded outside, then headed that way.  He bag was tossed into the back seat of the car, since David hadn't locked it, and he went for a walk.  Fortunately his subway pass was still in there.  He headed for the nearest entrance, then down into the darker depths.  The transit cop there gave him a look.  "Fight with the spouse," he muttered as he walked past him.

"You all right?"

"Pissed.  I got hurt chasing someone so he's pissed."  The cop gave him a startled look so he looked at him. "I'm Harris, ballistics tech."

"Oh, I've heard rumors about you being gay."  Xander nodded.  "Thank you, detective."

"Just Harris.  I don't need a rank."  He headed down, deciding to ride around for a while.  He saw it when some thugs got on but didn't pay that much attention to them, just noted their presence.

"Hey, lookie here, it's a copper," one of them sneered.

Xander looked at him, his eyes cold, glassy, and bored.  "And?  What?  You wanna kiss the badge?  Go sit down, kids."  He went back to his watching the walls.

"You know, it's not safe down here for guys like you," his friend sneered, moving closer.

Xander stood up and looked at him. "Little boy, back down.  I'm headed off to cool down from a fight with my boy.  So just back off and live and let live.  I'm not in the mood for this."  They laughed and one took a swing.  Xander got him down, then kicked the next one, working out some of his stress.  The third one was backed against the doorway.  "You want it too?"  He shook his head quickly.  "You sure?"  He nodded.  Xander noticed they were coming into a station.  "Good."  He pulled the emergency cord once they pulled in, which made the driver radio for help.  The transit cops ran in.  "They decided to jump me," he said, sitting down again.  "Little punk bitches," he told the third, staring him down.

"You'd better watch it, I'm connected," he sneered.

"Yay.  You've got friends, I've got friends.  I've also got an arsenal at home."  The guy went pale.  "That's right.  I'm like that.  Let's feel lucky I didn't want to do paperwork tonight, okay?"  He looked at the transit cops, who were looking very hesitant.  "Harris, ballistics, twelfth," he said, showing his badge.  "My ID got lost earlier when I was chasing someone."

The transit cops called in for someone to pick the guys up.  One of them moved closer.  "Are you all right, Detective?"

"Just Harris, please.  Ranks are annoying."  The officer gave him an odd look.  "Not like I wanted it.  My last posting made all the lab techs take it or else we'd be fired.  I'm a lab tech.  Ballistics."

"Oh.  You're the guy that came in from Chicago!  We heard you came in with most of a new shift for the labs."  Xander nodded.  "Why are you out so late?  Bad case?"

"I was on loan for a federal case, I ended up chasing suspects, where my ID got lost when I tripped over a DB in an alleyway, and then my husband and I had a fight in the hospital over this stuff happening to me. It's not like I ask," he complained, sitting down again and pouting.  "I don't ask for people to shoot at me.  I don't ask for people to put radiating bombs in my basement.  I don't ask for people to come up and try to stalk me or challenge me.  But suddenly it's my fault I get hurt?"  He looked at him.  "That's not fair.  We had a fight and I stomped off."

"My wife doesn't like the job either," he said wisely.

"Someone put a radioactive bomb in your basement?" the other officer asked.  Xander nodded.  "Why?"

"To prove a point.  I disarmed it and spent three wonderful weeks in a plastic radiation bubble because I kinda glowed a bit."  They shuddered.  "Does your wife complain?"

"My ex did," he admitted.  "The job and the dangers drove her off.  If you love your guy, you might wanna work this out.  Not saying he'll leave but it's a major stress."

"I know.  Not the first time we've had it," he sighed, rubbing over his face.  Other officers came in and he waved.  "They tried to jump me, I fought back.  I was probably wearing out some of the stress from the fight with my husband."

"Sure, Harris," one agreed, nodding at that.  He smirked at him.  "Don't realize you were heading back to work?"

"No but it makes sense.  I should go do that."  He looked at the third one, cocking up an eyebrow.  He ran.  "He was a spectator.  Didn't jump in."  He stood up.  "Can I catch a ride?"

"Sure," one of the new ones agreed.  "Chad's off tonight."  That got a gentle smile.  "You and what's-his-name have a fight?"

"I got hurt chasing someone.  Not the first time but we're both mad."  He sighed and helped them lift the guys, wincing a bit.  "I'm fine.  I tripped over a dead body and jumped off a first story fire escape."

"Ow."  They all hissed at that.

"Where were you before?" one of the transit cops asked.  "Since you just transferred in."

"Chicago."  He grinned.  "Most of my crew came with me from the twenty-seventh and I'm trying to stay lower profile than I had there."  He shrugged and helped lead the bodies out to the patrol car.  "Thanks, guys."  He slid into the back with them, smiling.  "This is why you should've just backed off."

"You let the other one go free?"

"All he did was watch and gape in awe.  Up to you if you name him or not.  I'm known for being fair to thugs, even ones who jump me."  The cops looked at him.  "I had to deal with a lot of gang activity.  I'm always known to be fair and just.  I don't care who you are: star, president, or banger.  You're a human I treat you like it.  You're not a human I treat you like that."  That got some smiles from the officers.  "What can I say, I had a good rep with the kids out there for being fair."

"I heard you did, Harris.  Good job with staying out of trouble too."

"They jumped me.  Not my idea.  I warned, they still came."

"Point," they agreed from the front seat, taking them off.

"You wanna do the paperwork?" one of them asked.

"Not really but I can if I have to," Xander offered.  "Not the first time.  Trust me."  That got some smiles so he shrugged, then winced.  "Ow."  He rubbed that shoulder.  "Tackling is bad.  Remind me of that in the future, okay?"  That got a nod.  "The fed case I ended up chasing suspects earlier.  Hence me and David having a fight in the ER and me stomping off."  He looked down at his hunting clothes then shrugged.  "I'm good enough for the office."  They pulled in and he got out, hauling the guys inside.  "Thanks, boys!"  He walked them back to the office area, sitting them down and handcuffing them to the chairs before doing anything else.  "Let me get this done so the block doc can look at you guys," he muttered as he sat down at a desk and pulled up the computer files system to find the forms.  He logged in and got to work.  "Name?" he asked the first one.

"Crucio."

"Like the spell in the books or spelled differently?"  He gave him a look.  "Or is that an adopted one?"

"Adopted," he admitted sheepishly.  "Who are you?"

"CSI Harris, out of Chicago."  He stared him down and the kid shivered. "I take it my rep got handed over?"  They both nodded.  "Good.  Then next time don't be so stupid.  They have video surveillance on those things.  Now, name?  The longer you make me type the longer it is before you get an ice pack."

"Steps."

"First?"

***

Mac walked into work the next morning, finding the labs mostly quiet.  He always got here early to handle the first case of the day.  He did a turn around, noting the few techs who were staying late.  Including one he knew he had sent home.  He walked into ballistics.  "Xander?"  Xander grunted, still staring into his microscope.  He noticed how he was standing.  "Did you take anything?"

"Six tyelnol over the last eight hours," he mumbled, frowning now.  "I hate the near misses."  He printed off the view to include in his report.

Mac came over to look.  "If you shift it....."

"It's got an extra line."  He waved a hand.  "Go ahead and try."  Mac tried and shook his head, frowning at it.  "That's what I'm saying.  I hate those."  He looked at him.  "Yes, I'm fine. I got stitches, David's probably gotten my antibiotic by now.  Not that I think I'll need it.  I'm fine, just a bit stiff."  He saw the look over his clothes.  "It was in my bag in the trunk.  David and I had a fight in the ER about my problem with people wanting to hurt me.  I walked off after he did.  So I came back to clear some of our backlog.  I'm fine to work."  He took the picture out of the printer and got to work on the report.

"How many have you done tonight?" Mac asked, looking at the stacks of reports.  "Xander?  You left last night at nine."

"I know that.  I was out of the ER by eleven, and back here by midnight.  I'm still fine to work."

"You're not fine to work and it's your day off."

"Not like I'm going home at the moment," he said bitterly.  "I don't want to have a fight with David.  I don't like fighting, he doesn't seem to get that."  He kept going, typing about as fast as usual.  "I'm fine, Mac.  Thank you anyway."

"Uh-huh."  He made Xander stop, saving it for him, then made the kid look at him.  "He's got to be sulking."

"He called a while ago and demanded to know where I went."  He stared at him.  "I don't do it on purpose. I don't like when it happens, but it does.  I'm trying to stay out of trouble and it's not *my* fault that I had to chase someone down and ended up tripping over a dead body!"  He got free.  "How in the hell is it my fault?"

"It's not," he agreed.  "Though you probably shouldn't have been chasing someone."

"They were tossing the room when we got there.  Not like Dad's as fast as he was when he was my age."

"Point," he agreed calmly.  "I'm not either."  He patted him on the cheek.  "Go home, Xander.  After you finish this one."  Xander shook his head and got back to work, rereading his last paragraph. "I mean it."

"I'm fine."

"That's an order, Xander."

Xander looked at him.  "You want to make me go wander in the park, that's up to you; at least I'm making sure we get caught up.  I'll go home later."  He got back to work, finishing that report and marking the picture with a purple marker then stapling it to the printed report so it could go into the correct pile.  He reached around Mac, getting another sample. "I'm sure you've done this before," he noted calmly.

"I have and I regretted it when my wife was killed."

Xander looked at him.  "David won't be dying today.  I know when he's going to die. I have friends who can tell me that.  Besides, he'll be here within the hour.  He knows I came here to work. He called the desk phone instead of my cell.  Now, shoo.  You're cutting my productivity."

Mac sighed and left him alone, letting Xander get back to the next match.  He went back to his office to call David.  "Dave, Mac.  Yes, he's here.  He's apparently been here since about midnight.  I don't know what he did in that spare hour.  I didn't ask.  No, he didn't look any worse than last night. A whole stack of reports waiting on people."  He smiled.  "He said he didn't want to fight.  David, it happens.  I know he's a lab tech.  I'll try to keep him out of the field if I can," he promised at the assertion that it was only that part of the job. "Do you think it'd help?"  He saw Don walking his way reading something.  "Hold on."  He put him on hold.  "What's wrong?" he asked when Don walked in.

"Xander does real reports too."  He handed it over. "Night shift patrol supervisor.  Some kids jumped him on the subway.  He did the arrest reports."  He grimaced.  "He didn't turn in the guy with them?"

He dialed Xander's office. "There was a third suspect?"

"He gaped and stared.  Didn't taunt.  I let him go since he ran."  The phone line was cut.

Mac and Don shared a look.  "That's probably how he got his rep for being fair.  Most of us would've arrested the third guy and all their friends for watching.  He in the park?"  Mac shook his head.  "Dave woke me up earlier looking for him when he didn't come home."  Mac pointed at the hallway.  "Oh, tell me he didn't come work it off."

"Yup.  You've got a nice stack."

"At least it's helping you and me both."  He walked off with the arrest report.

Mac considered it then went back to David.  "David, I do know what happened. Xander took a ride on the subway and stopped some kids getting into a fight.  No, he's here.  A large stack on the desk.  Because he said he didn't want to fight.  Think about it, David, with his past life, it could happen at home.  You know that."  He listened to his complaints.  "David, what would've happened if Xander hadn't handled it?" he asked quietly.  "It's not like he asked to have someone shoot at him.  It's also not every case.  It's not even a great majority of his past cases from the review I did before the hiring board.  He's only had three shooting reviews in his file."  He smirked at the 'of course, they hated talking to him and just asked him informally' complaint.  "No, those would've been noted too," he assured him.

"There was one of those noted and it was while he was recovering from the guy who stabbed him in the thigh.  David, I don't send him out on anything that could be considered dangerous.  You know that.  I send him out on the most innocuous things.  I'm going to keep doing that if he wants to keep doing field work once or twice a month.  So far, nothing that's happened has been case related.  He tripped, David.  I got a report from Lee this morning in my email.  He tripped.  Lee admitted Xander was about a half block in front of him.  He also called it in as he continued on.  I know that, and I know Lee's personal message agreed he didn't want Xander in the field either.  So just calm down and think.  David, it can't be as bad as when he was hunting," he said quietly.  "You and I both realize that. There's no way he wasn't hurt more back then.  Now, he's channeling it in a socially acceptable way and it's not the standard thing.

"He doesn't get shot at every case.  It doesn't happen every month.  Yeah, he had a bad run in there.  We run the same risks here though.  He could be attacked coming into work or in the lab.  You've seen lab assaults.  You were in one or two.  Plus a bombing.  It's the same risks you run because you're one of us too.  So let him handle it.  He's good at that.  He doesn't do it to worry you and he's not doing it on purpose.  I swear he's not doing it on purpose, David.  No one here is going to challenge him that way.  No, they tried to jump him," he admitted at the wise question.  "Xander let the one that was just watching go.  Don got told."  He smiled at that complaint. "It could be a lot worse, David.  Think about what he could've turned out like with his past."  He grinned.

"Definitely.  Sure, I'm trying to send him home and he's ignoring me."  He smirked a bit evilly.  "As long as it doesn't end in a divorce.  I know that's on his mind.  Because I know how Xander thinks, David.  The one thing he's scared of having happen is you to abandon him.  Therefore stay calm.  No, that probably scared him since I heard you were a drama queen when he got hurt.  Thanks."  He hung up and got to work, watching as Xander walked in and delivered a stack of reports.  "Thank you.  Go home."

"Bite me."  He walked off, heading to the detective's area.  He put stacks down on each of the desks.  "Vicaro?" he asked Don, who pointed.  "Thanks."  He dropped that stack there with his name on top of it, just in case.  Then he went back to drop Danny's and Stella's in their lockers.  It wasn't that hard to pop them.  Stella came in and frowned at him so he handed her her stack with a grin.  "Didn't know where to leave it since you said to not put it on your desk."  He walked off, going back to his lab and the lesser stack of work they had left to do.

She looked at the stack, then put it into her locker and walked out, heading to Mac's office.  "What happened to Xander?"

"He was chasing a suspect and tripped over your body last night," he noted dryly.

"I realize that.  Why is he *here* today, now?"

Mac looked at her.  "David yelled."

"Oh.  Okay.  Worried spouse?"  Mac nodded. "It happens."

"A few times now.  He'll be here later to have a traditional screaming match, like usual, and feed his mate since he probably had a candy bar for breakfast."  He smirked at her.  "Where were yours going?"

"He had popped my locker and was putting them inside when I walked in," she admitted.

"You and Danny both told him not to put them on your desk." He smiled and got back to work.  "Give him a better target."

"Sure, Mac."  She walked off, going to gather the reports.  There were a lot of people coming in to find paperwork apparently.  She found Danny sitting down staring at his.  "Xander and David had a fight."

"I heard from Don."  He looked at her.  "Did he magically put them in there?"

"I don't know how he popped the locks, but he was doing it to mine.  Mac suggested we give him a better place to put them for us."

"Yeah," he snorted, getting everything he needed and heading out with the reports. "Xander?"  Xander glanced over from his latest comparison sample.  He walked in, smacking him on the back of the head.  "Don't get into my locker again."

"Then give me somewhere else to make sure you'd get 'em."

"Fine," he agreed. "My lab coat in the trace lab.  Pick a pocket."

"Deal." He pointed at the single report on the table.  "One last one for you and Monroe."

"Gee, thanks, I mean that," he said dryly, looking through them. "How long have you been here?"

"Midnight, since the kids who jumped me got arrested."

"Kids who jumped you?"  Xander nodded, making notes on his computer now.  "Why?  And where?"

"Subway.  Dave and I had a fight so I walked off.  I got 'em down and cuffed, called for backup, they got arrested, I did the paperwork so the officers didn't have to, then came up to work."

"Okay."  He considered it.  "Why did you two fight?"

"Because I got hurt being in the field."

"That happens."

"Tell that to David, he'll remind you it happens a lot now and then."  He finished off, saving the report then went to check for matching cases.  "We needed to clear the backlog anyway.  I've only got a few more samples and then I'll go up and help in Trace for a while. I could use the refresher hours."  He didn't find anything on the bullet or the gun so included that in that report, then printed it.  He handed it over.  "Another for Mac."  He bagged up the sample and went to the next in his stack.

"Go take a soda break," Danny ordered.

"I'm fine."

"Do I care?  Go take a piss and soda break."  He pulled Xander away, closing the lab up on his way out, dragging Xander with him.  He pushed him into the break room. "I doubt you've had a break all night, take one."  He went back to gather his things up, including the new one for Mac, then headed to hand it to him and back to work.  "He's taking his first break.  He said he's only got a few left and then he's heading for Trace."

"That's fine.  There's a good place for them to have their fight later," Mac promised, looking at that one.  "I had hoped that one had a match."

"I was watching as he searched, nothing came up," he offered.

"It happens," he agreed.  He looked at Danny, then down toward ballistics.  "He's still on break, I'm impressed. Thank you."

"He only has three more samples in his stack, Mac, and we both know how backed up Chad's been."

"He'll be happy when he comes in tonight," he said with a slight smile.  "Happy techs are nice."

"They are, but now I've got tons of shit to collate into files."  He went to do that, finding Stella doing the same thing at her desk.  "Xander's nearly cleared the backlog."  She gave him a horrified look.  "Yeah."

"Damn," she said, shaking her head.  "Flack's going to be buried under paperwork."

"Not funny!" Don called from the doorway.  He walked in.  "Have either of you noticed a few of them have David's name repeatedly in them?"

"I had, but that stopped by about my third one."

"So he worked it out," Danny agreed dryly.  "We can always make him find and replace those and reprint 'em if we have to.  He saves all his reports."

"Good.  At least I've got tons of suspects for today.  Where is the kid?"

"I made him take a break."  He shrugged and smirked a bit. "He hadn't taken one yet."

"I'm wondering what he was wearing," Stella offered.

"He somehow had clothes that came from the car," Don admitted dryly.  "He took stuff out of that bag, including a different gun."

Danny smirked.  "Mac went nuts over his collection at home," he reminded him.  "I'm sure he could wear a different one each shift for a month or so.  Plus a new knife."

Don shivered.  "Let's hope he doesn't decide to use them on someone."  He walked off, going to send out people to arrest others for him.  There was no way he was picking up twelve suspects by himself.  But hey, his boss would be impressed with his diligence today.

***

Danny looked up as David came in, then pointed at where Xander was squatting down to check on something in the microwave.  He nodded and David shook his head, slamming the door.  Xander jumped and looked at him. "I can go."

"No, it's fine.  I just wanted to make sure he still had a fear reflex," David assured him, staring at his mate.  "You pissed the dog off."

"Sorry."

David moved closer, staring into his good eye.  "You need your eyes checked, your aim's been off," he said quietly.  "I won't have you getting hurt."  Xander gave him a sheepish look.  "Are we understood?  Next time you get hurt, I'm sending you away."

"I don't do it on purpose, David."

"I don't care, Xander.  It still keeps happening."  He patted him on the unbruised cheek.  "If it keeps happening, I'm going to have Mac make sure you're only in the labs.  Understood?"  Xander nodded, looking down. "Good.  I like it when you understand."  He made him look at him again.  "You're getting your eyes checked."  Danny slid a card down the table and he smiled at him. "Thank you."  He looked at his mate again.  "What are you doing instead of eating and sleeping today, our day off?"

"Clearing some of the backlog.  Come see."  He pulled him over to the microscope then pulled the slide out of the microwave, putting it back.  "It's fluoresces when heated. By the way, this one's got a lamp problem so I changed it out."  He grinned at him.  "It's a type of algae but the books don't list it."

"And what do you call that on the report?" David asked, crossing his arms and smirking at him.

"Unknown algae sample with characteristics given if I can't get someone at the local college's biology department with a clue.  Of course, only after I do a search online."

David patted him again, smiling. "Very good.  I trained you well, Xander, but you still haven't eaten.  Write the report, turn off the scope, and let's go."

"Yes, dear."  He gave him a grin.  "I did about twenty things for you."

"I'm proud but you still didn't eat and you made me worry all night about where you were.  Next time change the message to 'I'm alive' or something."  Xander blushed and nodded, getting down to write the report, including a picture of what the microscope showed.  He slid it over to Danny, who just smirked.  "Thank you for keeping track of my naughty little boy here, Detective.  I'm going to take him home and make him sorry for running away, again."

"Dave...."

David hit him on the arm. "Shut up, Xander.  You did."  Xander sighed and nodded, trudging out.  David copied down the name and address, then handed the eye appointment card back before following.  "What do you want for lunch?"

Xander looked at his watch. "It's lunch?  Already?"  David nodded, so he sighed. "I'm sorry.  I was going to call when I took my next break."

David pinched him.  "I'm sure you were but you got lost.  Again."  They stared at each other.  "We're clear?"

"Yes, David.  You know I don't do it on purpose."

"I know.  Which is why you're not more than worrisome and irritating when you do get hurt. Which is why I still put up with you."  Xander nodded, hugging him.  "Thank you.  Now, it's more than past time for you to eat and sleep.  Let's go."  Xander nodded, letting himself be taken home.  "Do I have a backlog?"

"Only the cold stuff that's in the cabinet," he offered.  "I did a few of those while Danny watched me.  He said you trained me very well too."

"I did. You're a testament to mine and Bobby's training skills.  Doesn't mean I like interns."  He took Xander out to the car, taking him home.  "So, punks on the subway?"

"Yeah, three punks, two jumped me for having a badge.  By the way, they found my wallet with the DB so I've got my ID back.  Stella got called out on it and she found it.  Then she came to get a DNA sample for the dumpster samples."

"Good.  Anything else happen?"

"Yeah, the third punk wasn't really involved, he just watched.  So I gave him the option, he ran."

"Which was probably smart. Well, he'll be able to bail his buddies out and your rep will grow yet again.  Let's try not to get as bad as it was, okay?  The day the Crypts all came into the station about one of their girl's being killed made a lot of the cops search out hard liquor for dinner."

"I know.  I'm being a good boy."

"I know you are."  He patted him on the knee, then signaled a change of lanes and headed for the house.  "I'm cooking."

"Okay.  If you feel like cooking."

"I do.  I had to do something last night since I couldn't sleep and the house was still clean."

"Sorry."

"Call, Xander.  How's your head?"

"Aches."

"Any further dizziness?"

"No, not yet.  We'll see about later."

"Good, and then you're going to have a CT later tonight.  The ER arranged it for you and I've already called our old doctor to get a recommendation.  You've got an appointment with the new one next week.  I gave Mac the paperwork since it'll be early Thursday.  No other times open this month."  Xander groaned.  "Suck it up."

"Yes, dear. I'm sorry."

"It's all right," he sighed.  "I know you don't do it on purpose to worry and annoy me.  Just try to keep it down.  Okay?"

"Yes, dear."

"Good.  Thank you."   He pulled onto the bridge and ran into a wreck.  "Fuck."

Xander giggled and called dispatch.  "This is CSI Harris, there's a wreck on the Brooklyn Bridge.  Has anyone reported?  Heading out.  No, no lights or sirens from where we are.  Looks like a third of the way across on our side, heading away.  Thanks."  He hung up and looked at him.  "No one had called it in."

"Which surprises me with how many cellphones are probably on this bridge at the moment," he noted, looking at his mate.  He kissed him.  "I still love you, even when you do vex me and start to partake of the moron signal now and then by not calling. You ever forget to call me again and I will kick your ass out.  Understood?"  Xander nodded.  David smirked and gave him another kiss.  "Good boy.  After you've rested I'll reward you."  A siren went off on their other side and he looked but he couldn't move.  "Good luck with that," he noted dryly.  The cop car inched up as people tried to get out of his way.

"I should go look."

"You're not licensed as an EMT or a doctor, you're not required to, and you're injured.  With your luck, you'll fall off the bridge in a bout of dizziness."  Xander smiled at that, slumping down some.  "Good."  The cop cars finally made it closer to there, followed by an ambulance.  He saw some people getting out and grimaced as he got out to look too. "Eww.  There's a head on the pavement."  He heard another siren and got back in, closing the door and locking it.  "At least it's not one of ours probably."

"Good.  Though my lab is perfectly clear and cleaned up."

"Congratulations."  He gave him another kiss. "You're still in trouble for not calling."

"Yes, dear."

***

That night, Chad, the other ballistics tech walked in and saw three boxes on his table.  He frowned, going to the usual storage cabinet, it hadn't been nearly full when he left.  He opened it, staring in horror.  Then he paged Mac, who came walking in a minute later.  He pointed.  "Someone stole some!  We're missing evidence, people are going to go free!  We're so screwed!"

"Xander and David had a fight," he said calmly.  "He was here from midnight last night until about ten this morning.  He also cleaned."  Chad gaped.  He nodded.  "That's all you've got."

Chad hugged him then danced around.  "I love you for hiring me a Xander of my own!"  He hugged him again.  "Thank you, Mac!"

"Let go," he said tolerantly, patting him on the back.  "Keep us clear if possible.  Xander's got a slight head injury.  He tripped over a body and hit the side of a dumpster with his head.  David called to say his CT did show a concussion but not a bad one.  Also, some of his reports earlier mentioned David. You might get Stella or someone in here asking for a reprint for a DA."

"Sure.  It's easy enough to find and replace his name."  He beamed and hugged him again.  "I love you!"

"Chad, I'm not like that."  He patted him on the back and walked off to the laughter.  Happy techs were a good thing.  He headed up to trace since he had been paged up to there too.  He saw the amused look.  "David and Xander had a fight so Xander came in to work.  He cleared up some of the backlog from ten until about two."

"I realized it had to be him when I saw the reports.  No, it's this one," she said, handing it over.  "Partially Xander and partially Messer's styles. I looked at the sample and they're right but I thought that was in the books."

Mac looked at the picture, then at the reference page, then shrugged. "It does look different.  See if you can tell first."  She nodded, taking the report back.  "That was at about two this afternoon and he pulled that case yesterday, a head injury, all night clearing up ballistic's backlog, then came up here."

"Ah.  No wonder Danny was still grinning when I came in.  Xander must've been loopy by then.  Should I check the other ones?"

"No, that's why I let Danny work in here until he left."  He walked off, going to get the other reference books.  That hadn't looked the same.  A few hours later he heard her complaining as she stomped past; so Xander had been right.

***

Lee and Amanda came off the plane ramp, looking around.  Xander waved so they walked over and she hugged him, looking him over. "At least you look better than your father did when he made it home."

"David complained, we had a fight, I walked off and did lab work all night," he admitted, scratching the back of his head.  "Come on. The only reason I got through security was that I was escorting a high level Fed about a crossover case."  They nodded, following him down.  Back at the security outpost, they ran into running people.  "Crap," he muttered, looking at the transit cops.  "What's going on?" he called.

"Bomb threat, sir!"

"Fuck."  He called it in.  "Mac, I'm picking up Lee and Amanda.  Bomb threat here.  Want me here?"  He listened.  "Yes, I do know how.  No, I'm in the good but not fast category.  I could've sworn I handed you that list."

"He and I both," Lee called.  He pulled his badge for the guards, who pointed.  So he walked them that way.  He took the phone.  "Mac, tell David I insisted so he doesn't get into trouble, okay?"  He hung up and handed the phone back. "It's nice that they worry about you."  They made it to the outer line and Xander pulled his ID, Lee and Amanda pulled theirs.  "Junior and I here are both qualified to build and destroy if needed."

"Let me check, sir.  SWAT's on the way now."  He went to tell the scene commander.  "Sir, we have a native Detective Harris here and two Feds from Homeland offering to help?" he offered quietly.

"Harris?  Where do I know that name from?" he called.

"Harris, from Chicago," one of the guys called.

"Ballistics tech with a background in explosives.  Undid the dirty bomb in his basement and got totally radiated for almost a month," another offered.  He looked at the other guy.  "The Feds his parents?  I heard his parents were."

"The guy called him Junior."

"Let 'em in," the scene lead ordered.  He went back, letting the in, so he gave them a long stare on the way in. "You are?"

"Harris, CSI, Ballistics, Trace, and Explosives," Xander said, shaking his hand. "Lee and Amanda Stetson, Homeland."

"Wonderful.  Incoming?"  They both nodded.  "That federal case Taylor got recently?"

"We borrowed our son," Lee agreed, smiling a bit until Amanda elbowed him.

"Forgive him, not enough coffee on the flight.  Can we help, Captain?"

"We're scoping it right now," he offered, letting them see the video screen.  He rewound it and let them see it all.

Xander looked, then pulled out his glasses.  "First, that's the secondary.  Primary trigger's underneath," he offered.

"Is that a canister of gas?" Lee asked, pointing at something.

"Someone wanted a redundant backup," Xander agreed.  "Can I get a vest and some tools?"  They were handed to him.  "When's the other bomb expert getting here?"

"Ten minute ETA."

"Cool.  Thank you."  He walked out there.  He squatted down in front of the bomb, looking at the other guy.  "Hey, I'm Harris."

"Okay.  Why are you out here?"

"Because I've seen these before.  The primary's underneath, with the gas canister."  The guy groaned. "Help me flip it, kid."  They carefully flipped it, Xander having him keep a finger in a very important spot.  "Okay."  Lee came out and handed him a headset.  "It's Harris.  Yup, me.  Well, you said you loved me, dearest.  Nope, we've got a canister, a thermal heating coil, and then a secondary trigger up top."   He flipped it back over, to look then shook his head.  "By definition, not by name please."  He listened to it.  "Nope.  The other one.  Good, you got live feed?  Thank you."  He nudged wires out of the way, finding the one he wanted.  "Trigger, battery, then gas, right?"  He nodded, doing those three, then flipping it over suddenly, getting the balance switch, the timer, and then the battery on that end.  "Screwdriver," he ordered, getting handed one.  "Philips, not flat."  The head got changed.

"Thank you, dear."  He opened the small battery cover, noticing the wires.  "Ooooh, someone was a *smart* boy!  Plastique, my favorite squishy ball!"  He got it undone too and put it all aside.  "Okay, someone get me evidence containers?" he called more loudly.  He got to work dismantling it to make sure they hadn't included any more surprises, finding a small one.  "Hmm, thermal coil was rigged backwards.  Someone obviously doesn't fix his own air conditioning."  When the bomb guys got there, he handed over the evidence containers, then the headset, then he let Lee help him up so he could dust off.  He looked at the top bomb guy.  "We all know I'm good, not fast.  Thermal coil was inserted backwards.  Plastique's in the opaque container, looks regulation gray so maybe not homemade.  Gas container feels full and cool to the touch, can't tell you what it is."  He shrugged.  "Need me for anything else? I'm dropping the 'rents off at their hotel so they can wrap up the Feddy case they called me in on."

"Who are you?" another of the guys demanded. "We do paperwork around here, boy."

Xander looked at him, then smirked.  "I'm Harris, ballistics under Taylor, and I do paperwork too.  Probably a lot more than you do every day.  Remember, I'm the one who comes to get your guns when you have to shoot someone."  He looked at the commander, nodding at him.  "Speaking of, I'm good for midnight calls," he offered more quietly.  That got a nod.  "Wouldn't be my first time."

"How many people have you shot?" the loud guy demanded, sneering at him.

"This year?  Four.  Last year?  About twelve."  They gave him a stunned look.  "I do field tech work too, including some really nasty serial cases.  That's why my husband hates to see me coming to pick up anyone or out of the lab.  But I'm good for that."  He looked at the commander again.  "Standard report, describing what I did?"  That got a nod.  "I'll email it from my couch."

"Thank you, Harris."  He shook his hand.  "Going with the Feds?"

"The 'rents.  They borrowed me for a case.  We're on cleanup for that one."  He walked them off, calling the station.  "Redundant backup guy.  Gas canister, small node of nastiness in another one, and then plastique on the battery.  Well, it would've only given them two minutes, Mac.  You can't make it from the entrance back here in two minutes.  Besides, I needed something to do today."  He grinned.  "Sure.  You tell him that.  He knows not to let me come to the airport."  He hung up and walked on, grinning at them.  "I'm a good boy most of the time."

"Keep telling yourself that, son," Lee said, clapping him on the back.  "It took me nearly two years to make Amanda see I was right, it just kept happening to me."

"What about me?" she complained.  "You just happened upon me one day and coopted me, then refused to have me trained."  He blushed at that, giving her a sheepish smile.

"So that's where he gets that look from," Don said as they walked outside.  "No wonder you told me to wait in the car."  Xander just smiled sweetly.  "What was it?"

"Redundant backups out the ass."  He shrugged.  "Twelve minutes, ten to get people there and then inside."

"Better you than trying to rebuild," he decided. "David won't be happy."

"That's why David made you come with me," Xander assured him patting him on the back.  "Come on, let's drop them at the hotel, then we'll feed you tonight, Don."

"Good.  David said he's ordering."

"Quite possibly since I can't cook."  He noticed Amanda looking around. "Problems?"

"Hoping there's no more."

"It happens," Don assured her.  He got them into the car and buckled in, then headed to their hotel to drop them off.  Then he took Xander home, presenting him to his mate.  "This happen a lot?"

"Only at airports when he's picking up or dropping someone off," he admitted. "If we're flying out for fun it never happens."

"Hey, I didn't even get tipped at the club," Xander defended.  "Not even a phone number."

"I'm surprised," David said facetiously.  He pulled Xander inside.  "What did we want to order tonight, Don, and did you want to play Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit with us?"

"Eighties," Greg offered with a grin.

"Trivial Pursuit's fine and I'm good with whatever."

"I was going to call out for Mexican," David told him.

"That's cool.  I'll eat about anything."  The menu was handed over so he picked out what he wanted and paid for it, then sat down to look at the board.  "You know, usually the other CSIs just go out to drink."

"We learned not to club thanks to Xander," Greg assured him happily.  "But if it's truly slowing down now, maybe we can go back to that."  He grinned as Abby came down the stairs.  "Did you decode that stuff?"

"I did and Lee's already got the fax back at his hotel."  She hugged them all.  "Hi, I'm Abby."

"I figured as much since I didn't think that you were Mortty," Don offered with a grin.

"Nope, she's my cousin but we were raised as sisters."  She sat down between him and Greg.  "David, did you get me something?"

"I did," he agreed. "I went on what Mortty usually eats."

"Cool."  She beamed at Xander as he came in.  "Nice job with the bomb."

"Thank you."  He sat down on the floor side of the coffeetable.  "I want black."  That piece was handed over.

"I get green, Don, blue?"  He nodded so he got that one.  "David's usually brown so Abby gets blood red," he offered with a grin.  She smiled at him and bounced a bit.  "We'll play by normal rules since Don's not as big of a geek as we are.  Though extraneous information is always helpful," he offered.  Don looked confused.  "Geek rules state you have to over answer and offer a trivia bit if possible."

"Wow."   He had no idea that geeks had special rules for games like Trivial Pursuit.  The official rules never said anything about special rules for geeks.  "I can do that in some of the sports stuff, but not the science stuff."

"We'll excuse that this time," Xander promised with a teasing grin.  "We should do this with the other geeks on shift," he said when David came out with drinks.

"We can do that some day we have the night off," he promised.  The dogs came out and ran to sit in Abby's and Don's laps.  "Comfy?" he asked.

"I was going to ask the same thing," Don said, looking down at Sarah, who gave him the biggest begging eyes.  "Sure, you can have my lap, Sarah."  She snuggled in and woofed happily at the Nick dog.  He shook his head.  "She's a good guy ta have around the office.  Even if Vicaro can't keep food in his desk."  Xander giggled at that.

"No, that was mine," Greg admitted.  "Nick there came in dragging his beef jerky.  She does Rennie's jerky as treats, but she's a sugar hound.  Creamy filling and jelly are her best friends."

"I've noticed.  She licked my tie the other day to get some off for me.  Which I thought was very nice except for the part where she pounced me from the front desk."

"I heard, she got tucked into my lab that day.  So, did Chad dance around and sing?"

"He grabbed Mac and professed his undying love," Don said with a smirk. "How's Trace doing?"

"Only cold stuff and current caseload," David said happily.  "Plus one really frustrating algae sample that Xander ran into.  No one knows what it is."

"I know it's not native unless it's mutated," Xander said, looking at him with a grin. "It's from Horatio's area and further south.  Topmost border is the islands off the Carolinas."

"Interesting.  Did you fax down a description?"

"I did and Calleigh wrote that she'd ask Eric since he's a diver and has to deal with that stuff.  I'm expecting one within a few days since it said it's common around boating marinas, it attaches to oil and stuff."

"To eat it?" Don asked.  Xander shrugged.  "Let me know.  It could impact that case."

"Which is Ray's," Xander promised with a grin.  "Did you get some bad guys?"

"I got so many bad guys the judge complained," he agreed happily. His phone rang so he looked at the number. "My dad."  He flipped it open. "Yeah, Dad?"  He listened, then shook his head.  "No, I'm having some time off with our new techs.  Trivial Pursuit, geek rules."  Abby grinned at that and wiggled some, making the dogs bark.  "No, no alcohol involved, dad.  Why?"  He rolled his eyes.  "Of course I know Danny, why?"  He groaned.  "Thanks for the warning."  He hung up and called him. "Stay inside.  Someone's hunting for you."

"If he's already out, have him come here," David ordered calmly.

"If you're already out of the house, come here, Danny.  No, I'm at Xander's."

"We've got the spare room and an arsenal," Xander agreed.  "Even if it's gang thugs."

"Come here, Danny.  Don't matter, get here now.  Cab if necessary but get here."  He hung up.  "He's out with Stella and them."  He called Stella's phone. "My dad just called, someone put out a hunt for Messer's head.  Get him to Xander's now. They said they'd hide him at least for tonight."  He hung up and looked at them.  "Sorry about that."

"Not the first one," David assured him, pointing at Greg.  "They wanted him for finding out who had gotten one of their boys."

"I let the third bitch punk kid go for not jumping in, just standing there in awe," Xander offered.  "I'm known for being fair."  Abby nodded, having heard that.  "Oh, Mortty came out with her tat at the office."

"She said so. She said Mac took note but nothing else.  Anybody try anything?"

"Not yet," he promised. "If so, I've got her back.  They all know this by now."  She nodded, grinning at him.  The food came so David got up to get it, tipping him nicely, bringing it back to hand out.  "Danny can have my nachos," Xander promised.  David smiled at him and put them aside.  He saw a patrol car pulling up and got out, waving Danny inside.  "Hi."

"What the fuck?" he asked quietly.

"Don's dad said you're being hunted.  I've got the better fall back space and David said so."  He waved at the car, getting a nod as he closed the door.  They headed off and he walked him into the living room.  "I let you have my nachos."

"Thanks."  He sat down, looking at Don.  "Who?"

Don looked at him.  "Who do you think?  Sonny got shot by someone and they wanted to make sure it wasn't you or yours."

"Not as far as I know or care."

"Good.  You're still being safe tonight."  He pushed over his extra burrito.  "Eat, play games with us."  Greg handed him the extra little circle.  "Thanks, guys."

"Not an issue.  We've had to do this before when Ray got hunted," David assured him.  "Xander, no landmines in the lawn."

"Yes, dear.  Can I put back on the nozzle?"  David looked at him so he gave him a very sweet grin. "Only sleeping gas with holy water spray."

"Fine."  Xander squealed and got up to install that then came back to eat some dinner once everything was hooked up.  "If any of you catch him drafting weapons ideas at work, confiscate it and hand it to me," David ordered firmly.  "Xander's horrible about it."

"Sure," Danny agreed, smirking at him and nodding.  "How horrible?"

"He changed some landmines so they barely threw dirt and mined the last house's lawn," Greg offered, smirking back.  "Then there was the flamethrower over the doorway to scare off the Mormons who kept waking him up just as he got to bed.  The static generating switch that ran about five volts through you under the doormat.  The rubber ball shooting cannon out of the old tower window."  David moaned at that.  "A few trick bricks that exposed a small trigger and targeting system for a taser system he had installed.  The arsenal, the knives and swords, oh, and let's not forget his cooking.  We did use that offensively twice against some people who refused to talk."  He smiled sweetly at them.  "Never, ever eat Xander's cooking.  It is toxic, worse than anything you've heard.  What Dave went through with the cookies?  Nothing compared to the guys who ended up in the ER thanks to bread from a mix and hamburger helper.  With hot peppers."  Danny moaned at that.  "So far, Stan can eat his cooking, Xander can usually eat his cooking, anyone else?  We're kinda thinking it's a small club of people with cast iron stomachs."

"How bad can it be?" Danny asked.  David got up and got him a cookie, handing it over.  He nibbled.  "Allspice?"  He ate another bite, then grinned.  "Funny flavored but okay.  I'll remember that for when we've got people who won't talk but'll be there for a while."

"Yeah, me too," Don agreed, digging into his normal food.

"Man, he lasted longer than Stan did," Greg said in awe, giving Danny a look like he was the Geek's God.  "Okay, I now officially bow down to you for being able to eat Xander- cooking."

Danny just smirked.  "I've had worse.  I couldn't cook worth a damn until my girlfriend showed me.  Took her months of food poisoning to do it too."

"I gave up after six weeks of it," David assured him.  "Even Ray's mother couldn't make him cook."  He and Xander shared a look.  "No, you can't date her, I don't share."

"Why would I want to?  She'd turn stalker and possibly a serial killer," he said blandly.  "Like the others did."

Danny patted him on the back.  "You have the best reason ta go gay of anyone, Xander."  Xander just beamed at him.

"Thankfully the present wielding fanclub leaves him alone now," Greg said happily, taking a bite of dinner.  "Okay, let's get started, people.  Roll to see order."  They rolled to see who went first.  "Geek rules apply but Don's exempt unless he can hold up the trivia requirement."  Danny gave him an odd look.  "You don't play by geek's rules?"

"Not in quite a while," he admitted, grinning at him. "Not since college."

"Well, here we do," Xander assured him.  "That's why I married myself a geek, who is incredibly understanding and puts up with me."  He smiled sweetly at David.  "I still have no idea what to get you for our anniversary tomorrow, honey."

"I'll give you another week," he said blandly.  Xander kissed him and he smiled.  "Not in front of those who're het."

"Anyone mind?"

"As long as you don't try ta slip me any tongue, we're all good as long as it doesn't get to groping," Don said happily.

Danny looked at them. "It's your house, grope away.  He'll blush and he'll find someone tonight if it gets him that hot."  Don swatted at him so he chuckled evilly.  "Is that tagging me for later?"

"No!  Mean bastard!"

Danny just smirked.  "Thank you."

Abby giggled, hugging them both.  "No one does bastard like Gibbs, guys.  So behave before something happens and he's got to come save me."  They all nodded, leaving it there.  She dealt with federal bastards, they were only local bastards.

***

Xander walked in the next morning, his shirt tucked in and everything in place.  David gave him a long stare. "What?"

"You changed shirts."

"I spilled coffee on it.  It's in the back seat."  He stole a quick kiss with a grin as he walked past him.  "You can check if you want."

"No I trust you," he assured him, watching him walk off.  He went to find Mac.  "Who's hunting Danny and what did Xander just do?  He's a bit too happy, he's got that hunting look in his eyes."

Mac looked up at him. "Let me call and see."  David nodded, sitting down to stare at him.  "In private?"

"If he's in trouble, I have to know first."

"I doubt he would be."  He called the hospital, he had a nice contact there from all the times they've had to visit someone.  "Hey, it's Mac.  Was my ballistics tech there earlier?"  He listened, then nodded once, smirking a bit. "Thank you.  He okay?"  He nodded.  "Good.  Thanks."  He hung up, calling Xander's lab.  "What did you do?"

"I had a talk with him in a reasonable, non-threatening manner about how I'm the bigger badass, Danny was like my big brother, and I could easily consider him killable since he's obviously not a human being.  He didn't believe me so I gave him a reference.  His boy called, came back pale and squishy, then whispered in his ear.  The guy gave me a horrified look and I reminded him I was still a cop and a good boy most of the time, as long as you didn't threaten those I consider family, and that should he try to challenge me, I'd be very upset with him.  I left it there.  Why?  Did he call to make a complaint?"

"No, but your husband wanted to know what happened."

"You know, my husband can actually *ask* me those things, Mac.  That's one of the reasons why I married him.  Of course, that means he's going to be tied to the bed tonight and begging for not asking me himself.  Love you, hubby, but you know you can ask me anything."

"Did you threaten him?" David asked quietly.

"No, I made very simple statements.  If he touched anyone I considered my family, he was going to not like the consequences.  If he touched anyone who was my direct family, he was definitely not going to like the consequences.  Since he was already pale and squishy himself by then, he decided I was a bit right.  Anything else?  Chad left me two."  No one said anything.  "Then I'm getting back to work."  He hung up and got back to work.  He looked over when Danny walked in and closed the door.  "I pointed out you're like my big brother and that no one touches my family, and if you yell, I'm going to tie you down and tickle you until you beg."  Then he grinned and hugged him.  "Punks like that annoy me.  I haven't had anyone to threaten and taunt in a while, thank you."

"You did what!" he demanded.

"Produced credentials."  He gave him a long stare, then closed the blinds.  "Danny, do you know anything about the world that Mortty and I live in now and then?" he asked quietly.

"No.  What world?  Those roleplaying people?"

Xander snickered.  "You know that club by Mortty, the one that keeps having the awful smell?"  He nodded, he had been there before. "Where do you think that smell comes from?"

"It's a goth place, they probably have blood samples all over the floors and walls somehow."

"That too."  He nodded.  "Come with me on lunch, Danny.  There's a reason why David's so damn scared of me going off on someone like that guy."  Danny gave him a steady stare.  "Ever hear of Panchenkos?"

"I have.  I know that place," he agreed quietly, moving closer so he could sit on one of the stools.  "How do you know it?"

"I'm known down there in the back room, the one where the negotiations are done.  I'm known for being fair and protecting a very few people like they're my family.  Everyone knows I'm fair about that stuff. I don't care who you are, you come to me and I give you what help I can.  That's why I get given drop guns."  Danny blinked at that.  Xander nodded and patted his latest set.  "Two this time.  They know damn well I'm going to go after someone if I find an owner but it's worth it to them.  The same as I'm the guy they liked to come to for things like family members getting killed and everyone discounts why."

"I've heard that rep when I checked," he agreed.  "It's said you're very fair about stuff."  He shifted some. "You went to face down Sonny for me?"

"I consider you a very good friend, bordering on family.  I have since I met you.  The same as I'd do it for Stella and probably Don.  I did have a talk with someone for Horatio and Calleigh.  Someone was going to use her to get him.  I stopped that fairly quickly.  That's the sort of guy I am.  Some little bitch like Sonny?  Not my favorite topic of discussion but nothing too terrible either.  Let's face it, I've got a female friend who's five-four, blonde, cute, and nice, who can kick his ass.  I pointed this out.  They checked my references and went pale and squishy due to things like the bar down by Mortty's house.  Or like Dismortia."

"I've been in there by accident," he admitted quietly.

"I hunted those things for nearly ten years," he offered gently.  "It was that or death in my former town.  Now I'm training others, like Rennie if it ever comes up.  I gave him a reference in that world.  Who happens to be a dealer they'd probably have heard of.  He backed my ass up and they're still pale and squishy.  If they come near you, they're going to be sorry motherfuckers.  I'm enjoying retirement.  I made it very clear I'm not going to act unless they come near me and mine.  As long as they stay away, I stay away.  It's called a peace pact."  They looked at each other.  "Do you understand a bit more now?"

"I did before but I didn't know you could back it up."  Xander nodded, pulling off his t- shirt to show him.  "Damn."  He pointed at a scar.  "What was that?"

Xander looked.  "Whip.  Tentacle whip."  He shrugged and put it back on.  "Nothing new in my life really.  Just kinda nasty.  Another reason I gave up women, I dated women like that for some reason."  Danny snickered at that.  "I did!  While I was in Sunnydale, that's all I ever drew.  Demons and borderline psychos.  Since I left, it got worse.  Then the clubbing stuff happened so I have no idea where that came from.  But hey, since it's stopped, I can go out again.  You busy tonight?  David said it's okay as long as I don't go out alone."

"Did you have any normal childhood?" Danny asked quietly.

"Some.  Not great stuff but some.  I survived, Willow survived.  Buffy survived with our help.  We lived and learned.  But that's why I do occasionally go back to goofy teenager.  I did take the two mandatory psych classes."

"That's fine.  We're good, just tell me so I can talk you out of it.  I doubt it'll help any."

Xander smirked.  "I sicced an imp, a harmless little imp, on them if they came near you.  They can't do more than scare the piss outta them, but it will do that.  They disappear when you make a move toward 'em.  They like to pop in in the middle of the night and scare the shit outta you then disappear. It's how they get off."

Danny smirked. "Is this your version of evil?"

"No. I don't do evil very well."  He grinned sweetly.  "Now shoo.  Tell me if he comes back."  Danny nodded, leaving him alone.  Xander got back to work, whistling happily.  He called up to the office. "Hey, Mac, on the days when there's a curling match I wanna watch, can I bring in the tiny tv and an antenna to watch while I work as long as I don't slack off?"  He smiled.  "Thanks."  He hung up and pulled it out of his hidden spot, plugging it in and setting the antenna so he could get the game later, for now he had five guns to do.

***

David looked up as Lee and Amanda walked up to the table he was waiting at. "Hey."  He waved the waiter over, getting them drinks.  It was a nice martini bar, more his style.  "Xander's out clubbing with Danny tonight."

"That's fine," Amanda agreed, smiling happily.  "So, how have you been?"

"Better now that Xander's not hurt."  She sighed and nodded.  "I really don't like that stuff, guys.  Xander gets hurt enough without it.  Family is one thing, but I don't like Xander being hurt."

"Me either," she agreed, patting Lee's hand.  "He got into trouble for not asking for backup beyond Xander."

"Good.  So we can come to an agreement?"

"Sometimes you can't help it," she reminded him, "but for the most part, yes.  Lee is too old to be chasing people down, the same as I am. He's not to jump off fire escapes and land on people. He's not to chase people down dark alleys.  He's not to get his son to do those things since he's a *tech* and not a cop.  Backup is a good thing."

"Thank you for being reasonable," he sighed, smiling at her.  "Now can you get your mother off the subject of kids?  She called earlier today and said she's going to introduce him to a nice girl to surrogate for us.  I pointed out we had one of those if we wanted kids and I don't want kids.  She yelled and I hung up on her."

"She called to complain about you," Lee assured him happily.  "I pointed out not everyone wanted children.  She said it was blasphemy and it would happen or she'd have someone hit on him in the club some night.  I reminded her strongly that Xander didn't screw around on you.  She's a bit hysterical at the moment for some reason."

"Actually, any kid of Xander's has a better than average chance of ending up being a slayer," David said quietly.  "I never want to watch him bury our child.  There's much too much danger in his life as it is."  His phone rang.  "Hodges," he answered, listening and smiling.  "Sure, Xan.  No, we're at the martini bar.  You'd have to clean up with what you left the station in, dear.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Danny's making him leave the old club.  I'm not sure why.  He's going to change into stuff he's got in the trunk then come here."  He smiled as his coffee was put down with their glasses of wine, tipping the waitress. "We've got my husband coming.  Early thirties, dark hair, glasses."  She nodded, walking off to tell the hostess that.  He sipped his coffee.  "I'm wondering what happened."

"I haven't heard anything," Lee offered.

"Me either," Amanda agreed happily.  She wouldn't mention what she heard about earlier.  David looked at her.  "How was he when he got to work?"

"I already knew about that. He and Danny made peace with it and I doubt the little punk's going to come anywhere near him.  In our relationship, I'm the steady one and he's the scary one.  At least until someone hurts Xander. Then I turn into the scary and overprotective one."  Lee nodded at that.  "Next time, don't let my husband get hurt.  Before I sic Buffy and Willow on you."

"They're on their way up, they wanted to see him," Amanda offered.  "Our son that works with us has been monitoring them and said so."

David moaned and nodded.  "Thank you for the warning. I'm going to let Mac handle them if Ray can't.  Or maybe Don'll charm them into going shopping."  His mate was walking in wearing a silk shirt and leather pants, making him moan.  "I thought I said to change."

"I did.  I needed to change my shirt."

Danny walked up to them and smiled at someone before taking a chair from their table and sitting down.  "Does that stuff that happened ta Stella happen often?"

David nodded slowly.  "We thought it had stopped, that's why I let him out with just you.  Why?"  He took another drink of his coffee as a check was pushed over.  He blinked at it.  "Xander, who is this person?"

"Some blond guy who wanted his butt," Danny complained.  "Hence me gettin' us both outta there.  He said it was good for the next three days when Xander complained.  Oh, boy, did he complain.  The guy threatened to take him home if he didn't quit pouting while he complained.  Said his husband obviously needed to have him more often," he offered more quietly.

"No, I get plenty," Xander assured him, smiling as his coffee was put in front of him and a beer was gotten for Danny, per his instructions at the door.  "Thank you."  He paid for them with a nice tip, earning a smile. "He was pretty but not nearly geeky enough for me," he assured his mate.  "I tried telling him I was married. I told him you were a great guy who cooked for me.  He was giving me the 'I'm going to kidnap you' look so I quit complaining. I called Mac on the way over. He said to bring it over tomorrow.  He'd try to dissuade him."  He dug into his pocket, handing something else over.  "That got dropped on me as I walked out.  I have no idea who it belongs to. I was going to put it in lost and found tomorrow."

"Thank you."  He pushed the gaudy ring back over.  "We need to go over the last bling file too."  Xander winced.  "What?  You don't want to sell it?"

"A few pieces were kinda nice. I was hoping I could keep those," he offered hesitantly.  "In case I needed bling?"

Danny snorted. "How bad can it be?"

"We paid off our mortgage in a little over a year," David told him.  Danny gaped.  The couple both nodded.  "He got worse in Vegas the night we all went out salsa dancing together."

"Please no," Xander whimpered. "Please no!"

"Of course not.  I'd never do that to my poor mental state."  He kissed him on the cheek. "Drink."  Xander took a sip of his coffee.  "I wonder why it turned off for those last few weeks?"

"Not a clue," Xander admitted. "Stress of the move?"

"Maybe," Lee agreed, looking at his wife.  "Didn't you get that a few times?"

"Only on assignment," she reminded him.  "There was this one diplomat who refused to leave me alone."  They all smirked at that.  "That sort of thing?"

"No, Xander gets given gifts," David said, showing her the check.  "Sometimes it's in appreciation, sometimes it's people hitting on him. I have no idea why. All I know is that it happens."  He looked at his pouting mate. "I know, you wanted to go out and have some fun," he sighed.  "We'll see if we can stay in the higher class places but you've got to change."

"I only had shirts in the car."

Danny smirked at them.  "I can go home with him on the subway," Danny offered.  "Meet you guys somewhere."

"The subway stops about six blocks from the house," David told him.  "We can swing by the house and still do an hour at a nice club."  That got a round of nods.  "Are we driving you two as well?"

"How about we head to a nice club and you join us?" Amanda asked with a smile.  They nodded.  "There's a nice one called Romance?"

"I like that one, it's got a decent enough floor," Danny agreed.  "Bit light and sweet but nice."

"Okay," Xander agreed.  "I got the urge for a pounding beat out earlier."

"You certainly did," Danny agreed.  "Twice someone tried to take him off the floor and he refused. I ended up dancing with him so they'd leave him alone."

"That's what I usually do," David agreed. "I'm not a great dancer but now and then I have to improvise or lose him to someone who wants to take him home."  He looked at his mate, who gave him a sheepish grin. "Keep that look up."  He finished his coffee and Xander finished his, standing up.  "Danny, you can come borrow clothes if you want."

"Sure.  Thanks, guys.  See you two in a few minutes," he promised, taking the check and putting it in his pocket, making David smirk.  "That way it's not lost."  He followed them out.

***

Mac looked as David walked into his office the next morning with a box.  He moaned.  "Oh tell me it didn't come back."

"It did and Willow's in town," he complained. "She helped it by trying to auction him off.  I smacked the hell out of her for you."  He handed him the box, then the stack of checks from his pocket.  "It was nice how two of the gay beefcake strippers saved us from the mob she worked into a frenzy."  Mac let out a small whimper. "I honestly thought it had stopped. But no, they were teaching Xander some of their moves and people got interested.  I'm never letting Xander drink ever again."  He stomped off, then came back and pulled the other check out. "The first guy that Danny had to stop."  Then he stomped off again, pouting. Xander walked into his lab, hugging and kissing him.  "I know it's not your fault," he sighed, squeezing him. "It still sucks that your mother handed you her pile too."

"At least we know where it comes from. Dad said stuff like that happened to her too, she's a trouble magnet."

"Then we're never having children. It'll either be a slayer or someone who starts a cult."  Xander grinned at that. "Okay?"

"Sure.  Not until you're ready."  He gave him a gentle kiss and went back to cuddling him.

"Not in the lab!" Monroe complained.

"Shut up!" Xander snapped, glaring at her.  "Someone upset David horribly by trying to take me and tip me for a few dances.  I have every right to calm my mate down.  You don't like it, go help Mac sort jewelry and cash."  She stomped off.  He kissed him again, earning a smile.  "She's just gotta get used to the fact we're gay. I'm not going back to women and I'll be damned if I won't turn psycho stalker bastard if you try to leave me."  David smiled at that, giving him a squeeze then letting him go.  "You okay now?"

"No.  Has anyone seen Danny?"

"I put him into the cab to send him home," he reminded him. "Other than that, no."  Don walked in and just looked at them.  "What?"

"Tattoo?"

"Well, yeah.  But they only had me for an hour," he offered quickly.  He pulled off his shirt, showing it off.  "Mortty helped me to make sure it'd be okay this morning."

"Good.  Now, why is Mac moaning into the phone?"

"People gave him stuff, again," David said bitterly.  "Hence me getting a cuddle and Monroe stomping off."

"She's uptight.  Yay her.  You okay?"  They both nodded.  "We sure?"  They nodded again. "Good. 'Cause Xander's got no work left from Chad."  He handed over the note that had been on the desk.  "I checked down there first."

Xander read it and smiled. "Good.  Honey, need help?"

"Sure."  Xander went to find his clean lab jacket and come back up.  He looked at Don.  "We poured a giggling, happy Danny into a cab."

"I heard.  He called to moan about the hangover and briefed me at six when he got up ta puke.  He said he got a few too."

"It happens to everyone but me."

"You don't grin and act happy."  He shrugged. "You sure you're okay with someone tryin' ta mark your boy?"

"No, but I can't make him have it lasered off already.  I may have him cover it in a few months. Until then, I'll have possessive, claiming sex with him to make sure he knows he's mine."  Don smirked and nodded.  "We're okay.  This happens a lot."  Don nodded, leaving him alone.  "Tell Stella."

"Of course I did. She's already helping Mac with his headache," he called back.  He walked into Mac's office, looking at the piles of things spread out.  "Xander got David out of his funk already.  They're both in Trace since Chad wrote him a note saying he had left him clear."  He looked at the stack of checks, then whistled.  "Nice."  He grinned at Mac.  "Danny come in yet?"

"Danny was out with them?" he moaned.  Don nodded.  "Why?"

"I don't know.  I'm guessing they still thought it was gonna be okay and that it had stopped.  Apparently someone was wrong."  He shrugged. "I guess it happens to 'em."  He looked over as Lindsey stormed in.  "What did you do?  Go run around the block twice?"  He nodded at the jewelry.  "Don't you usually make Stella put it in lost and found for a few weeks?"

"Yes, I do," he agreed. "I'm letting her estimate worth."

"Quite a lot," she said dryly.  "Where is Xander?"

"Trace, hugging his husband and kissing on him in the lab!" Monroe complained.

"He was getting him calmed down," Don assured her, rolling his eyes.  "All that stuff got given ta Xander last night when he and his parents and them were out at the clubs.  He was reasonably upset that someone was tipping his mate for existing."  Danny walked in, already frowning.  "You're early."

"I figured there'd be paperwork and Hillborne."  He dumped a small bag on the table.  "I was told to give that to Xander."  He walked off grumbling something under his breath.

"You thought it was bad when it rubbed off on me?" Stella complained, smirking at Mac.  "Maybe we should let Flack dance with him, see what he brings the department."

"I'm not that easy," Flack announced, smirking back at her.  "Besides, I'd look horrible in that much jewelry."

David walked in and looked at the new bag, shaking his head with a moan.  "That can stay Danny's and the stuff his mother gave him can stay hers," he told him.  "Also, we've got to get rid of the rest of the bling box at home.  Anyone need some jewelry?  We've mostly got women's stuff."

"Hold on, his mom?" Don asked.

"Oh, you didn't hear," he said bitterly. "It comes directly from her.  That's why she's a spy.  His father saw her one morning and made her help him with an information drop or something. Didn't give her a choice.  Then she kept getting kidnaped and haunted because he didn't train her.  And then, she passed it on!" he shouted, glaring now.  "To their son!"  He stomped off.

Don looked at Stella.  "Any idea how you two do it?"

"Not a clue," she admitted.  "No particular thought, no particular outfit, though I learned not to wear what he danced with me in after the time I nearly got snatched and Aiden had to go thug to save me, and nothing in common.  I tested it and I can't figure it out."

"David probably has too," Mac said tiredly.  "Stella, where did I put your forms?"  She got them for him and started to fill out the list part, letting him fill out the top part.  "Any idea which club it was?"

Don called Danny.  "We need a club list for the stuff."  He hung up and shook his head, mentally coveting the money.  "Think Xander would adopt me as his kid?"

Stella looked at him. "Maybe, but then you'd have to become a puppy like Sarah."

"I've already got balls," he shot back, making her laugh.

"Hold on, his dog is female?" Lindsey asked.  "I thought he just named it Sarah as a tribute."

"No, her first owner decided to add balls.  Said she was a transgender dog," Don said dryly, smirking at her.  "You know damn good and well Dave and Xander don't cuddle in the labs unless it's been a bad day.  So quit harping and either help or go work."  She walked off complaining.  "Ten bucks there's a rumor that David's his pimp by lunch," he said dryly.

"Not even. I went and complained about how Xander was the cause of Stella being gifted that way," Danny said from the doorway, handing over a list.  "From the time we went out together, the description of the guy who gave him the check the first time, everyone else I could remember and what they gave him.  What was given to his mother instead, and what got handed ta me for him.  Let me tell you, I felt like a pimp there for a bit."  He walked off again. "I'm going to make sure everyone knows David didn't sell or rent his boy."

"Thank you," Mac called after him.  "Can't we just let IAB do this?"

"They told you to do it," Stella reminded him dryly.  "I wonder if he pouted when he complained again.  Last time I saw it in action he pouted while he complained and they donated more."  She smiled at Mac.  "Can I watch him give Hillborne a coronary?"

"Please do," Don agreed happily, smirking at her.  "If not, maybe we'll let you two go out together and watch him have one from that."  He finished his part of the list, which was the money portion, handing it back. "There you go," he offered, standing up.  "At least some's unisex.  Unless Xander likes going out in drag?"

"He'd make a *horrible* girl," Mortty said from behind him, making him smile at her.  "I checked the front desk since Danny said something about him clubbing.  The receptionist wasn't sure why but I told her if anything came for Xander that wasn't a gun to hand it to David or Stella first."  She waved.  "Don, you and I can both be adopted, but now and then we've gotta bark."  Don chuckled and hugged her.  "Thank you, studly."  She poked him on the stomach.  "Xander usually even buys lunch on these days."  She walked off with him.  "Sorry, I've got results for him.  I'll hand him back when I'm done with him."

"Why hand me back?" he joked.

She looked up at him.  "I wouldn't normally but I figure you've got a girlfriend somewhere.  You're much too fine to be left all alone in this big city by the slutty women society."

"Nah, I dabble in their union but otherwise I'm not dating.  No one would ever have a real thing with me."

She looked at him.  "All you had to do was ask, Don.  As long as you don't make me change who I am, you're a hottie and I'd love to worship your studliness."  She grinned and pulled him back to her lab.  "But until you've totally fallen for me and are wanting me to do naughty things that should make a good girl like me blush, I've got DNA results on three of your cases," she assured him, happily bouncing along with him in tow.  "Did you like Abby?"

"I think Abby was adorable," he assured her, smiling at her back.  "The same as I think you are, but you shouldn't get a guy's hopes up."

She stopped him and then turned, kissing him as best she could.  Then she gave him a smile.  "Dinner tonight, Don?  Or tomorrow?  Whichever's better for you. I get off at eight and then hopefully again by midnight."  She continued to haul him along, ignoring Danny's amused chuckles into the folder he had been carrying and Lindsey's shocked look.  She opened the door.  "Because I'm a very chivalrous young woman, all pretty men should go first.  That's why I always let you and Xander take point."  He blushed and walked in.  "I'll back off if you want."

"I'll take you out but if it gets awkward you deal with it."

She snorted. "I don't do awkward.  You're either a friend and very dear to me or not.  You're up there with Dave and Xander."  She got the results and handed them to him. "Plus one really happy making thing?"  She turned on her monitor, showing him the match.  "The DB that Xander tripped over had his DNA inside him."

He looked.  "Rape victim?"

"No.  His natal DNA, dear.  He's put down as being a rape suspect?"

"On a number of cases.  Mac!"  He came jogging in and Don pointed.  "Stella's DB that Xander tripped over."  She came in and looked over Mac's shoulder.

"Justice was served," Stella agreed happily. "I thought it was him.  Anything on his sex assault kit?"

"Nope, not a thing but his blood and no lube."  She handed that result over to her.  "Justice very served and they either used a condom or a toy."

"I'm feeling giddy," Don said happily.  "We've been trying for years to get him."

Stella patted him on the back.  "We still have to find his killer."  She looked at Mortty.  "Would Dave have gotten to those yet?"

"Yup, yesterday.  I think he said something about stuff from the park. You've gotta ask him.  Since I'm not across the hall I don't get the good gossip.  Did we lock the office?"  Mac hurried back there to do that.  She smiled at Stella.  "I thought that'd make for happy news since he was suspected in so many rapes but not caught."

"I know someone who'll be ecstatic," Stella promised. "Thank you, Mortty."

"Not an issue.  We love you guys."  She hugged Stella, then Don, not even getting a grope in.  "See, I can be a good girl."

"You can," he agreed with a smile.  "Did you wanna go somewhere fancy?"

"McDonald's is fine with me," she promised.  "I'm good with wherever."

"I've got more class than that," he promised, patting her on the cheek and walking out with his new reports.  It was a happy day for him.  Even if he did have to find who killed the rapist.

***

Amanda listened to her mother complain. "Mother, stop.  Just stop.  He said he's not having children, probably ever but anytime soon definitely.  He and David agreed they don't want children.  It's much too dangerous.  People like to kidnap him, mother, that's why.  While we were clubbing with him, us, his husband, and a friend who's an officer up there, he was taken from the club.  Long enough to be tattooed."  She smirked.  "I thought you might say that.  No, mother.  They don't want children."  She put her on speaker phone so she could rub some feeling back into her ears. "Mother.  He doesn't want children.  Xander said he doesn't want children. David's pathologically afraid of children.  They have a dog, they said that's all you're getting from them."

"But why?  They should be giving me great-grandchildren."

"Mother, just stop it! That's their decision.  Not everyone wants children.  With Xander being a father that child would have a lot of danger in its life.  Mortty and her cousin Abby have both offered but they're very firm on the point that they don't want children. Ever.  Nag the other boys."  She looked at her older son as he came in.  "Hi, Philip.  How was your weekend?"

"Apparently better than yours. What happened?"

"You know your mother's problem with people who want to kidnap her?" Lee said from behind him.

Their son nodded, smirking at him.  "Not really," her mother said over the phone. "You kept that away from us, Lee."

He glared at the phone.  "It's worse in your brother.  Kidnaped, tipped by women who wanted to kidnap him.  He walked out of the last club with about eight grand plus jewelry for some reason.  They wanted him to have their jewelry.  And he still got kidnaped."

Philip shook his head.  "Better him than me.  He'd make a horrible spy then."

"With his injuries and the amount of danger already in his life, he doesn't need to add ours," Amanda assured him. "We can borrow his investigative skills but not in the field.  We promised David we'd never put him into danger again. Xander's a very nice young man but he's got that streak of danger already in his life."

"If we had known about him during the Initiative inquest, we'd have taken him then but it was still five years after he started hunting things like that," Lee offered.

Philip shuddered. "Jamie's going up there to introduce himself.  I'll make sure he knows that Xander's the same sort of danger magnet mom is."  He waved.  "Later, Grandma."  He walked out shaking his head.  Once he was safely back in his office he called his brother.  "Our little brother is just as bad as Mom and you about attracting danger, but he's a hunter.  No, like Initiative hunter.  Like ask Gibbs hunter.  Yeah, he knew him.  He came over to talk to Mom and Dad about him.  No, he's a ballistics tech.  Yeah, I've got his full file, including what Jethro sent over about him, plus what Abby sent.  No, like with mom, dad, his husband, and another officer with them, they still managed to kidnap him long enough to tattoo him according to dad.  Oh, and Grandma's on a rip to get more babies.  Watch out."  He hung up and printed off the full file for his brother, who worked for NCIS on another team.  Then he sent it over there by courier.

***

Xander walked into the interrogation room, looking at the man across from him.  "How stupid are you to loot a cop's house?" he asked blandly, moving closer, reading the file.  "I know that you've had carnal relations with the moron signal tower before, but you looted my house."  He dropped the folder in front of him. "Then you tried to sell me back my own gun."  He leaned down, getting in his ear.  "Do you even know who I am?" he hissed.  That got a quick head shake.  "Pity.  Maybe if you listened to the gossip you wouldn't be in here.  Now, where's the rest of my ammo and stuff?  I want my swords back."

"S..Sonny told me ta crank ya," he said, looking at him.  "I promise, not my idea!"

Xander patted him on the back. "Will you testify to that?"

"He'll kill me!"

"If you don't, I'm going to tell the whole cellblock that you robbed a cop's house and tried to sell him back his gun."  The guy swallowed.  "Quite a few in there have heard about me.  Remember me, idiot.  You don't fuck with what's Harris'.  Don't you get it yet?"  He handed him a paper and a pen.  "Write it out for me, including where they are now.  Or else I'm going to get pissed and make your life a living hell.  Because, you know that statutory case probably never got told to anyone else in there."  He swallowed and nodded, writing it down.  "Good boy."  He patted him on the head. "You got the mark or are you freelance?"  He looked at the tattoo.  Then he smirked. "You just wave that so proudly.  Don't worry, Sonny will be very proud when he joins you."  He walked out, taking the confession with him.  He handed that and the file to Mac, then walked out with Don.  He even took the keys since he knew the address very well.

"Backup?" Don asked.

Xander looked at him.  "I won't need it, you can stay in the car."  He got in to drive, making Don dive in since it was his car. He took off, humming happily as he drove.  He pulled up in front of the warehouse and climbed out, heading inside once he kicked the door in.  "How fucking stupid are you to make my gay ass come back down here?" he asked fondly, pulling his gun.  "You forget so quickly.  How in the hell did you make it this far?  You had him sell me back my own gun?"  He turned and hit the guy trying to come up behind him.  Sonny picked up a piece of rebar.  "You wanna go that way?  More than happy to oblige, little bitch."  He put up his gun and held up a hand, then when one wasn't tossed, he pulled his pantleg and got his own, letting it slide back down once he had a good look at the knife on it.  He snapped it open, then took on the person behind him, then lunged for Sonny once he moved, who backed up and tried to block, but Xander was well trained for a reason.  "You'd think after ten years of hunting things I'd be slower," he sneered.  "Can't even beat a gay man?  Does that mean you enjoy taking it up the ass like I do?" he taunted as he got him again.

The second bodyguard he usually had came rushing out and Xander threw a knife at him, making him fall, holding his thigh.  Then he went back after his main target, getting him onto his back and trapped, his own rebar against his throat.  "What's wrong, little girl?  I can go a few more rounds.  Next time, listen when you're warned. You're about to learn the hard way why you don't mess with me and mine."  He punched him, knocking him out. Then he got up and put his pole back as soon as he had it collapsed.  He walked over and gathered his knife, wiping it off as he put it away.  "My other swords, daggers, battle axes, and guns?"  One shaky, bloody hand pointed.  "They'd better be in perfect condition or else I'm going to make you fix them before I arrest you. See, they're like my kids.  Them and my dog."  He knocked him out too.  He walked over to the door and waved Don in.  "They're down and very sorry."

"What did you do!  We can't beat up on the thugs!"

"I didn't.  They came after me.  I defended myself.  I never throw the first punch.  The last I'll cop to, but never the first.  That's very well stated in the files."  He called Mac.  "Found my stuff.  No, they attacked me when I walked in.  Well, one got hit when he tried to come up behind me.  Sonny came after me with some rebar but I knocked him out.  Then the third guy tried to flee so I ended up doing a very pretty knife toss since it was more handy than my gun, but they're all down. Yeah, they could probably use medical support.  No, I'm going to check over my guns.  Yeah, they said it was all of them.  If there's any others, I have no clue. Yeah, we can do that.  You have my list with the theft report, Mac.  Including pictures of the non-guns. Sure.  Want to do that here?"  He grinned.  "Well, Don's still staring in open-mouthed awe.  Mac it says very clearly in my file that I never throw the first punch, but I always throw the last one.  Especially when they're like my kids.  Sure.  Got the addy from the file I handed you?"  He hung up and nudged Don.  "Handcuffs since I don't carry any?"

Don glared at him. "You don't carry handcuffs?"

"Like I have room with all the ammo and stuff I carry!  There's two sets in my case but that's in the back of your car.  Along with spare clips and things."  Don stomped out, going to see that for himself.  He smiled at the three thugs.  "Bring me my camera too so I can start documenting before Danny gets here!"

"Danny won't be allowed!" Don yelled as he came back in, putting the case down.  "Neither are you."

"Yes, sir."  He skipped over and looked down at Sonny, squatting beside him. "How does it feel to have been beaten by one of the gayest of the gay?"  He moaned, blinking at him. "Yes, you, princess.  How does it feel to have been beaten so badly by a gay man who takes it nightly up the ass?  One who's even a slightly bondage slut?  Are you trying to be as bad as me?"  Sonny lifted a hand and Xander patted it.  "I know, you wanna be just like me. That's fine, I'm sure some of the other guys I've arrested can show you how to be just like me and take it up the ass nightly.  And every afternoon you can be snuck away."  Sonny moaned and let his hand drop, muttering something.  "Awwww, are you *praying*?" he cooed, patting him on the head.  "What a *good* idea!  Such a good boy to remember how your mother raised you since it's all that might save you.  Even though God won't save you from me for taking my weapons."  Then he grinned at him. "But remembering your manners your mother beat into you would be a good thing, juries like that stuff.  When they hear how you came after poor little gay me with a rebar, I'm sure they'll like your manners a lot.  Too bad you didn't listen to the rumors that said how skilled I am with various weapons."  He smiled at the other guys.  "Or with knives."  Mac and Stella came in.  "Oooh, come here, sweetie.  Come look.  He's remembering what his mother taught him and praying.  Isn't that so cute!" he cooed, patting him on the head again.

"Kill you," he mumbled.

"I'm sure you'll try, but bigger real mafia guys have tried and failed.  Hell even the one that put the radioactive bomb in my basement failed, sweetie.  But don't worry, I'm sure someone there will *love* to show you how to be more like me and tougher for taking it up the ass all the time.  After all, that's the real sign of being a real man, being able to take it and enjoy it because it feels good."  He stood up when Mac made him.  "Don't worry, I'll be sure to tell everyone how you came after me with a rebar.  And how you failed because you didn't listen. I'll even get to use you as an *example*."  He walked off whistling, heading out to the car with Mac pushing him slightly.  "So, when can I have my guns back?"

"As soon as we know they're yours. He did what?" he growled, glaring at him.

"He picked up a piece of rebar. Not like I was gonna shoot him for it."  He shrugged.  "I pulled out my collapsible staff since it wasn't fair to shoot him for having rebar, and I took care of him.  Like is mentioned, I never throw the first hit, just the last one," he said, smirking at him.  "Next time, he'll listen better and no one's going to fuck with me and mine.  He's a very good example."  He smiled sweetly at him.  "She can use my case if she wants.  Just have her leave the spare clips in the bottom."

"Sit in the car, Xander," he ordered, heading back inside. He came back out. "I can't cover for this."

"Hillborne and I won't have a problem.  Should I call him myself?"  He pulled out his phone and dialed the number down there.  "Hi, can I please speak with Hillborne.  Harris.  Yeah, he'll be swearing soon.  Get him something for his tummy.  No, look at him and tell him that Sonny Sassone tried to take my weapons from me, and had someone try to sell one back to me.  When I came to get it back, he picked rebar so I went staff against rebar with him.  I never hit first.  I may taunt but I never hit first," he said sweetly.  "At the scene.  No, I made Flack wait in the car.  Why would I need it for three thugs, Hillborne?" he asked dryly.  "Okay, you've went over my file how many times?" he asked fondly.  "Yeah, sitting on Don Flack's car.  I made him stay outside.  No, I went in saying I was going to scout it but I went in.  I hit one who was trying to come up behind me.  Sonny picked up a piece of rebar.  I didn't think it'd be polite to shoot him for it since I had my collapsible staff on me, so I used it instead, drove him to the ground so I could knock him out.  No I don't carry cuffs.  Because I don't need them except in the bedroom?"

He smirked. "Hey, I told her to get you something for your stomach.  No, the third guy tried to run so I threw a knife at him since I still had my staff in both hands.  Less chance of losing the main thug.  Of course I am. Especially with my new glasses.  I don't know but they said they were all mine.  There could be more here but if I'm missing some promise me I get to ask him.  Please?" he whined.  "Fine.  Sure, come here, see if I care.  No, Mac's still glaring at me from the doorway.  It's not like Mac's the sort to cover for us," he pointed out. "Mac's way too straight for that.  No, I taunted him about having a gay man who takes it nightly beat him and about how when he's taking it up the ass nightly he'll learn how to be a real man too."  He smirked. "I'll be here.  Sure.  Bring the recorder.  I'm sure he's got surveillance here somewhere."  He hung up and looked at him. "He's on his way."

"Just stay out there," Don ordered.  "No wonder Ray has antacid for breakfast."

"I warned him," Xander reminded him. "He didn't listen.  Pity.  I'm sure the next one who tries to hurt David and my dog will learn."  He sat on Don's hood, looking toward the sounds of the sirens.  He pointed at the doorway.  "I'm waiting on Hillborne," he told Sheldon and Monroe when they showed up.  She gave him a long look.  "He came after me with rebar.  I didn't want to do the shooting paperwork since it's not fair to shoot someone who's only got a staff. I still won."  They headed inside.  "Mac's got the list of what they stole from my house!" he called.  He smiled at Hillborne when he pulled in, waving at him.  "Hi."

"You did what?" he demanded coldly.

"He picked up a rebar rod.  It's not fair for me to shoot him for having a staff when I've got one on me and I'm better at using it.  He's clearly a weapons fighter, probably with bats from what I've heard, so it was a fair fight.  Mostly.  He knew I had combat experience.  I warned the guy and he didn't listen.  That's why he robbed my house and tied up my spouse."

"How did you get involved?" he demanded, moving closer.

"He sent one of the guys to sell me back my own gun," he said fondly, smirking at him.  Hillborne moaned.  "He's the guy who I interrogated, properly, and got the addy from.  I handed Mac the file and his confession. Then I came out here with Flack, who I made wait in the car since the pussy bitches don't really scare me."  He looked off to the other side, nodding at a gang member that way.  He came closer.  "It's cool. He won't hurt you."  The guy came over and clasped arms with him.  "What's up?"

"You're Harris?"

"I am."  He grinned. "Sonny ignored the warning I gave him about leaving me and mine alone.  Pity."

The guy nodded. "Cool.  This isn't his only warehouse ya know."  He smirked at Don as he came back.  "Tell him?"

"Please.  I know some people who'll be dancing later.  Let them know that the big, bad, hunting gay man took him down.  Pity about that but he knew I had experience in all sorts of weapons and he picked up rebar?"  The guy burst out laughing.  "Yeah, so pussy bitch of the block soon.  Bad choices.  Definitely a moment of sucking the cock of the moron signal tower.  Oh, well.  Live and learn.  My swords there or here?"

"Here, man.  We were wondering why he had a thing for heavy metal."

Xander grinned. "I love my swords and stuff. They're like my babies."  He threw his dagger at someone trying to take the hubcap off the official SUV.  "Don't do that!  Not with cops standing right here!  Dumbass!"  He ran off.  Xander slid off the hood and went to get his dagger back from the ground.  Then he came back, wiping it off again.  "Yes, I am a good shot," he told the other gang member.  He grinned sweetly.  "Any issues?"

"Nah, man, you're cool with us."  He punched fists with him and looked at Don.  "You want his other cribs?"

"Please.  I like Xander but some days he frustrates me."

"Not his, Sonny's."

"Yeah, I could use that too," he agreed, walking him off to get a list of them and who was probably there.  The gang kid smirked as he walked off. "Thanks, man."  He glared at Xander.  "You do not go in without back up!  I am telling David."

"David told me to kick his ass for tying him up and trying to kick the dog."  He looked at Hillborne, giving him his best puppy eyed look.  "Can we go back so I can check on my boy?"

"Soon."  He finished making his preliminary notes.  "Walk me through it, Harris."

"They're still processing."

"I doubt it'll matter."  He walked him inside.  "You were where?"

"I kicked the door in, came to about where you're standing.  The light's shifted a little bit and I was in the pool of light.  Then I mouthed off, reminded him it was a bad idea to try me.  He picked up rebar, I pulled my staff, letting him see the dagger on my ankle, then I went for him. The guy behind me got knocked out. The second bodyguard came out when I had Sonny down with both staffs at his throat, and I tossed the dagger at him, same one I tossed earlier."  A hand was held out so he handed it over. "Just wiped off."  He looked around.  "He was trying to escape when I tossed it.  I taunted Sonny some more, got Flack, asked for handcuffs since I don't routinely carry any.  He went to get my case since I told him I had two sets in there.  I called Mac, who growled.  Mac got here and growled in person, I called you."

"So, you put up your gun to pull a different weapon and go after him that way?" Hillborne asked.  Xander nodded.  "WHY!"

"Because it's not fair to shoot someone who's only got a staff.  I try not to use more force than I have to, Hillborne."  He got given a round of dirty looks by everyone.  "Did you guys want to quip and say I hadn't been to the gym this week and needed my weekly spar?"

"No, but I almost expected it," Sheldon offered.

Hillborne glared at him then back at the idiot in question.  "I don't know where to start, Harris, I really don't."

"I never throw the first punch, Hillborne.  I never have and I never will.  Hell, I even warned the guy to leave my family alone since Danny's like a big brother.  He brought it on himself.  Besides, I missed my arsenal while he had my poor babies."  Everyone gave him another odd look.  "I'm a *gun* tech, people.  I like guns.  Guns nice."  Lindsey whimpered and got back to work.  "When can I have my babies home?" he asked pitifully.  "I'm going to have to clean and polish them all to make sure he didn't scratch any of them."  Sonny moaned where the paramedics were strapping him down. "You better not have!" he called.  He was drug out with the others and taken off with an officer.  He looked at Mac, then Hillborne.  "What did we expect me to do, people?"

"Not be Rambo," Hillborne complained.

"I'm not, I speak much more intelligently.  I have to since I got good grades in college, right?"  Hillborne moaned.  "I knew what I was doing."

"That may save you," Hillborne said.  "Go back to the office and wait on me, Harris."

"Yes, mother."  He looked at Mac.  "I stopped the guy trying to take your hubcaps too.  Nice dagger into the dirt beside him got him scared.  Don got information on some other warehouses as well."  He walked off, going to put Don's keys back into his car, and then take a cab back to the station.  He walked in and found David tapping a foot.  "I got him.  Our babies are coming home.  Hopefully unscratched."

David walked closer, looking him over.  "You don't smell like gunpowder."

"He picked up rebar," Xander said.  "I'm not going to shoot someone who's not pulling a gun on me.  Not like he could've killed me with rebar, dear.  I'm better than that.  Really," he reminded him at the heated look. "You've seen me with my staff."  David hissed and walked off.  "Sorry!" he called, following along pathetically behind him.  "I'm sorry I went alpha bitch on him, David, but he hurt you and he took the arsenal!" he complained. "He deserved it and I didn't use more force than I needed to! I was a good boy!  I brought Don with me, even though I did make him sit in the car, I brought back up with me this time!"

"Shut up, Xander, you're digging yourself deeper," Greg called from somewhere.

Xander pouted, following his mate back, looking like someone had kicked him again.  "I'm sorry."

"You're going to be when we get home," he promised.  "If you're not in jail thanks to IAB."

"Mac made me call Hillborne myself and confess."  Danny walked in and looked at him. "He's very sorry he touched what was mine.  He picked up rebar."

"Did you shoot him?"

"No, he didn't have a gun."  Danny moaned and held his head, then slapped him really hard before walking off.  "What?  I only use as much force as I have to."

"He needs drugs, David!" Danny yelled back.

"I don't think they make drugs for being a Xander, otherwise you'd have been on them already," David said drolly, glaring at him.  Xander wilted, giving him another pitiful look.  "Don't even try."

"I'll be down in the break room," he said, walking off, still looking pathetic.

David dialed Ray's cellphone.  "Do they make drugs for being a Xander?"  He listened to him.  "No, the idiot pulled out a staff and put up his gun because the other guy picked up a rebar!"  He listened, calming himself down.  "I know.  I know that.  I don't care, but I know he's like that, Ray.  No, yes.  Hopefully or else he'll scare someone buying new copies of what we lost. I already can't take him to a gun show. Last time he asked about LANS rockets!" he complained.  "I know he's a ballistics tech, Ray, and I know that means he likes guns. I don't care!"   He calmed himself at the quiet words.  "No, break room."  He hung up and put his head down, calming himself down before he did something like shouting at him at work.  He didn't want to make Xander cry but he needed to stop this.  Unfortunately this was something his father would've done so he didn't have any help there.  He decided to go for the older backup.  He called Vegas.  "Jim, David Hodges.  Please, take my mate back!" he whined.  "Please?"

***

Mac looked at Xander when he came in the next morning.  "Hillborne said that with your history and that file they had on you, he wasn't surprised you did something that dumb.  He showed me why, which is why you're never going into the field alone ever again.  Any time you have to do a field case, you will be going with myself, Danny, or Stella.  Understood?"  Xander nodded, just looking normal.  No happiness, no sneering, no smirking.  "You will never do something like that again.  You will carry handcuffs from now on.  Even if they're in your case, I want at least a pair on you.  Hillborne said the tape backed you up.  Fortunately."  He stood up.  "I will not have to have this talk with you again, Xander.  Correct?"

"No, sir."

"Good.  I am the alpha in this department. All threats are cleared through me from now on.  Sonny told us how you had warned him and he hadn't listened.  He said how you taunted him.  Which I don't think anyone can count against you as police brutality.  His lawyers are hoping for a major deal with what we found in the other warehouses.  You are suspended to the labs for the rest of this month and next.  Unless it happens right in front of you or we're suddenly all sick, you're not going into the field.  Understood?"

"Yes, sir.  Sorry, Mac."

"I should put you back but unfortunately the mayor thought it was cute."  Xander shuddered.  "I've already told him he doesn't award or reward you without you hiding.  He's aware of why.  Thankfully."  Xander nodded, hanging his head.  "As of this moment, I'm very pissed.  I'm not sure why you did it.  Was it because of David and your dog?  The weapons?  The fact that he tried Danny the night before?  That he stole from you?"

Xander looked at him.  "E, all of the above?"

"Okay.  I can understand those reasons.  That's why you're supposed to TALK to me, Xander.  If you had told me, we could've done a better job and not have you get in trouble."

Xander stepped forward.  "Better me than Danny, Mac.  Think about it."  Mac moaned and nodded.  "This way he's completely in the clear.  Hillborne knew I'd do something like this the moment he heard my guns had been stolen.  I'm pretty sure of it.  The guys in Chicago knew.  The guys in Vegas knew."

"I realized a bit later, after you handed me that file," Mac admitted.  "I was hoping you'd trust me, Xander."

"And I do, but he fucked with me, Mac. That's why I left Don in the car in case something really went wrong."

"Xander, a unit is like a strike team."

"And I've got commando history, Mac.  Strike team with Buffy and Willow?"  Mac shuddered at that.  "Exactly.  I'm way used to acting on my own.  Teamwork is good, I can do teamwork, but I'll still always take point.  Even injured I'd take point.  It's the way I am.  Unless the people around me are way more trained, I take point."

"I realize that now.  Your father sent me the extended profile the Director at NCIS had done on you since you had ranted so much about the Initiative's being incorrect.  It was interesting reading.  Do you trust anyone?"

"David."

"Anyone else?"

"My dog.  It's like layers of trust.  Yes, I do trust you enough on the streets to have my back.  I'll still take point from anyone but you in the lab."

"Fine.  From now on, you'll be going out only with the senior people."

"I can go with Sheldon.  I respect Sheldon, Mac, he's a good guy and he's got more than enough sense if something happens.  The same as Greg and I work very well together."

"I realize that.  I don't want them learning bad habits from you."

"Mac, would you have went in with a strike team?"

He considered it, sitting back down.  That did put it into a different light, something he could understand a little bit better.  "Probably not more than someone I trusted at my back.  Don and Stella most likely."

"You had the training to work in strike teams.  In a SWAT team situation, unless I'm told otherwise, I take rear position so I can't fuck up anyone else's job.  Other than that, I learned how to hunt alone and follow Buffy around like an obedient puppy and audience for her quippage."

"I understand.  Can I trust you not to take someone like Sheldon into a dangerous situation?"

"A crime scene's supposed to be cleared, Mac.  If something happens I'd rather have me there instead of someone who couldn't shoot."

"Good point.  I'll consider it.  For the rest of this month and all of next, you're suspended to the lab.  No privileges of any kind.  Including the tv and music."

"Yes, Mac," he sighed.  "I understand.  Am I in trouble further?"

"IAB cleared the use of force as reasonable.  The use of the staff wasn't, but he explained you by handing that part of your file over.  They're not sure you should be in the field at all."  He stared Xander down, watching him slump. "I understand, Xander, but you're still retired.  Train now.  Baby your husband before someone takes him from you," he said quietly.

"Why do you think the first thing I did was establish my rep, Mac?" he asked gently.  Then he left, going to his lab.  He found David in there, arms already crossed. "I'm suspended to the lab for the next two months and I'm only allowed to go out on cases with certain people."

"Good.  You're still in deep with me, mister."

"I understand."  He gave him a tentative hug and David sighed, hugging him back like normal.  "I'm sorry."

"I know, Xander.  Trust me, I realize why you do these things.  No one touches what's most important to you or else your world is rocked.  I get that.  We're the stable foundation of your life.  I fully understand that stuff.  It doesn't mean I like it when something happens, okay?"  Xander nodded, hugging him again. "Good boy.  At least you're not in real trouble."  He patted him on the back. "Let go."  He got off him. "I have other bad news. Willow and Buffy are coming this way sometime this week.  Danny didn't get them to go home."  Xander stiffened and he watched him scent the air. "I didn't tell her which precinct you worked at.  This may be where your rep is a bad thing though."

"If they come, I'm running and hiding."

"You hide from something?" Stella asked from the doorway.  "What?  So I can stock up."   Xander pulled out his wallet and showed her the picture. "They're cute.  Who are they?"

"Buffy and Willow, they who screwed me up and taught me to hunt," Xander said grimly.  "If they show up, I'm heading in the other direction.  I don't care.  You won't find me."

"Sure."  She patted him on the cheek.  "When you're finally allowed in the field again, I'll make sure you're bringing reasonable things.  Your case is a bit scary."

"What else did he have in there?" David asked.

"Six spare clips, two pairs of handcuffs, three throwing knives, and another staff."

David frowned, looking at his mate.  "Only six?"

"I'm not carrying the gun I can't switch out clips on anymore.  It's at home under the couch.  The ones I carry I can interchange clips so I don't have to carry two sizes or types."

"Oh, okay."  He nodded, looking at the bemused looking Stella.  "He had one he had to change out with specific clips.  He carried that and had to carry more spares.  He's needed them in the past."

"I guess he would."  She walked off shaking her head.  Mac gave her a look.  "He told me why he's only carrying six spare clips in his field case."

"He can interchange?"  She nodded, frowning at him.  "I carry three spares and a flat of bullets in mine, Stella."  She walked off muttering about military mindsets.  "Sorry, it's been trained into us.  That's the one thing I understand about Xander."

"Ooh, you know the Xander?" a female voice asked.  Mac turned and looked at the petite blonde woman.  "Where is my Xander buddy?"

"In the lab," he offered, pointing.  "That way, miss.  Do you have a visitor's pass?"

"No, should I? I never had to get one when I went to bug Xander in Chicago."

"You should have one, just for security reasons," he agreed, leading her back to the reception desk.  He turned and saw Xander's horrified look, then his sprinting in the other direction.

"Get back here, Xander!  I'm going to kick your ass!" she yelled, taking off after him.

Don tripped her.  "You are?" he asked dryly.  "Besides trying to attack a detective?"

Danny came out of the lab.  "That's a Buffy, Don.  Where's David?"

"I don't know.  I saw Xander go running past and thought it might be an emergency.  I've never seen him run that fast.  Not even when he ate his own cooking the last time."  He pulled Buffy up and looked at her, then handed her back to Mac.  "Where should we start looking for him?"

"He'll have to come down, Willow made good cookies for him," she complained.  "Meany."

"Grow up," Danny told her.  "Obviously he didn't wanna see you, or he wouldn't have taken off running like you were demonic."  He walked off, going to hunt the Xander.  He stopped in David's lab.  "Buffy's here."  He shuddered.  "Where would Xander be hiding?"

"He's a climber in these situations.  He'll come down when he's hungry, like a cat would."  He gave him an odd look. "The other one?"

"Don only tripped the blonde."

"Damn."  He walked out with him, going to find the pouting Buffy.  "Buffy, is it an emergency?" he asked firmly.

"You guys moved closer, we wanted to visit and make sure he had the hunting schedules down already.  We have maps and stuff."

"Xander isn't allowed to hunt.  If you want a hunter here, send one of the baby slayers. Xander is *retired*.  Like he was his last year in Chicago.  He told you that. I told you that.  Ray told you that.  Xander told you a second and a third time, I know he did, I was standing there."  She glared at him, hands on her hips.  "Just go away, Buffy.  He doesn't want to see you."  He noticed the person sneaking past.  "Someone stop Willow."  Don went to grab her, making her shriek and try to stake him.  He walked out and took the stake, then slapped her, hard.  "Don't start, Willow.  You've already made Xander run and hide."

"I can get him down," she said firmly, sneering at him.

"I'd rather have him hide then have another violent episode this week," he shot back. "Mac, is Greg out?"

"Yes, he is.  With Sheldon," he admitted. He came over to take the stake, then look at Don's chest.  "You okay?"

"I'm fine.  Thanks."  He glared at her.  "No wonder Xander doesn't like you."

"We're his best friends," she sneered back.

"Bet me," David snorted.  "Best friends don't make you run."

Danny looked at the girls.  "And I thought Sonny was bad," he snorted, walking off shaking his head.  "Xander, if you come down, I'll protect you from the scary bitches," he called.  He heard something shift in the ceiling and looked up, spotting his nest.  "How in the hell did you get up there?"  Mac joined him, looking up.  "How in the hell?"

"Across the rafters, after going up that access port in the airflow system," he said quietly.  "It's a beautiful sniper spot."  He shook his head.  "We'll get him down later."  He clapped him on the back.

"Can we stick her in tha room with Sonny?" Danny asked, grinning at him.  "Might teach him better ta be beaten by a girl."

"That's mean, Danny.  That's an evil Xander thought," he said patiently.

"Suits me," Don promised, smirking at them.  "He moved from there yet?"

"Yeah, he's heading up further," Danny admitted, pointing at the spot of shadow. "That's him or we've got a chimp loose in here."

"Oh, let me," Willow complained.  David knocked her out with a very nice Vulcan neck pinch.

"Pays to be a geek," he said, stepping over her.  "I'm going back to work.  He'll come down when he's hungry."  He headed back to his lab.

Stella and Lindsey joined the group. "What's going on?"  She looked at Willow, then at Buffy. "You're the two in the pictures he said he'd run from.  Did you hurt him already?"

"No, he's climbed up into the ceiling," Danny offered.  She smiled at that so he pointed. "That's his nest."

"I can't get up there."

"I can," Mac assured them all. "Don, please escort the young women out of my lab."  He nodded and walked them out, letting her carry Willow until she woke up.  "Have them banned!" he called.  "Someone call Ray and Stan to warn them."

Danny called Greg's phone.  "Greg, Danny.  Blonde and redhead girls just showed up and made Xander run. Yeah, them.  The redhead tried ta stake Don, does that count?  No, ceiling.  Thanks."  He hung up. "He's got Stan with him."

Stella hung up and walked closer again. "Ray's hiding at his desk and is praying for temporary invisibility.  Should we call the consulate?"

"No, they will," Mac assured her.  He looked up again.  "Are we sure he'll come down when he's hungry?"

"He could've had a candybar in his pocket," Stella admitted. "It was either that or he was carrying a small sex toy.  Knowing Xander, it could've been either."

Mac gave her a look. "I'd hope not."

"Me too but then again this is Xander we're talking about.  He might've given it to someone."

"Eww," Lindsey complained.  "Who were those two?"

"You know how Xander got warped by some girls?  That's why he's got the violent streak and why he doesn't understand sports?" Stella asked.  Lindsey nodded slowly. "They're the reason.  Buffy and Willow.  Willow's the redhead.  They were his best friends and practically raised him in Willow's case."  Lindsey moaned.

"Which is probably why Xander's such a brat at times, but he makes a good face masque," Danny offered.  "He did one for me and it was great."  He walked off, looking happier now that he understood Xander just a bit better.

Don came back.  "He grew up with those two twats?"

"Be more politically correct," Mac ordered.

"I can't, not with them.  Bitches isn't strong enough.  They wanted to hang around or sneak in to make him come down.  They were talking about that magic stuff and stuff like that to bring him down."

"I doubt it," Mac told him. "Xander, it's safe," he called.  Nothing.  "Okay, come down when you can.  Guns are going to start backing up soon."  He went back to his office.  "Stella?"  She followed. "Anything yet on the cabdriver case?"

"Not yet," she admitted.  "I'm waiting for reports."

"Let me know.  See if David can coax him down later."  He went to write Grissom to see if he knew more about Willow and Buffy, just so they had a more complete briefing.

Danny and Don shared a look, Danny going to place the order. When the pizza came, he walked it into the lab and put it opened on the table.  "Yo, Xander, got your favorite pizza," Don called.  "You gotta come down ta get it though!"

"Shit!"  Don walked into the lab, noticing the box was gone.  "How did he do that?"

"Willow was muttering about magic making him come down.  You don't think...."

Mortty coughed and nodded.  "It is.  Xander can do very limited stuff with it.  Basically he can open a door and get stuck keys.  David doesn't like him to practice except for driving off his ex whenever she comes back. Willow is a power user and she makes bad mistakes now and then.  If she had gotten Xander down, he'd have died from hitting the floor.  Where are they staying so I can avoid them later tonight?"

"Downtown," Don offered.  "The Regency."

"Crap, that's on my way home," she complained.  "Guess I'm going the long way and staying inside tonight.  Either of you two wanna come over to watch movies?  That way they don't attack me this time?  I protected Xander last time and ended up with a concussion and a sprained neck."

"Yeah, I'll be there tonight," Don assured her.

"Why'd they come after you?" Danny asked.

"They wanted to know where he was."  She shrugged and went back to her lab.  "He won't be down until David calls him to go home now.  If then, only when he thinks it's safe."

"Not good, not good, not good," Danny sighed, shaking his head.  The box reappeared and he smirked since half of it was still in there.  "Thank you, Xander."  He took a few slices and let Don take his, then they went to eat.

***

Mac walked across the last span, finding where Xander was hiding and watching, sitting beside him. "They're back at their hotel."

"Willow's tried to summon me twice.  She can't with all the cold iron around me."

Mac nodded.  If he said so.  "I can have them sent home."

Xander gave him a look. "You can do that?"

"I can."  Xander hugged him.  He patted him on the back.  "I know it's hard, Xander."

"They're going to torture or kidnap me again."

"They won't."

"They have!  I'm not part of their world anymore and they don't like it."  He pulled back, looking at him.  He rolled up his sleeve.  "That's not a knife cut, Mac."

"I realize that, Xander.  Claw?"

"Tooth."  He put the sleeve back down.  "I can't live like that anymore.  I can't die like that.  I'm not ready to leave David yet."

"I get that part.  The same as I understand that's why you make sure no one's going to hurt him because they don't want to cross you.  Once you told me that, so much more clicked into place."  He patted him on the back of the head.  "It'd be safer if you were on the ground and surrounded by other stuff that would keep you safe.  Otherwise you could fall."

"They've tried that once too."  He snapped his safety line. "Not the greatest, but plain rope works too.  I'll have bruised insides."

Mac nodded, looking him over.  "Are you okay?"  He shook his head.  "David's worried sick since you didn't come down yet."

"Danny and Don got a pizza.  I stole half."

Mac grinned at that.   Xander sounded like a pouty little kid at the moment.  "I heard.  You should still come down.  David can protect you.  If not, I'm sure Dawn can."  He gave Xander a nudge when he saw him staring into space.  He looked where he was staring and groaned.  Buffy.  Wonderful.  "Miss Summers, how did you get up here?"

"This is what I do for a living," she noted as she came over. "Xander, it's time to come down and come home."

"Bite me."

"No, you have gay boy cooties.  It's time for you to come home.  Now."

"NO!   Go the fuck away!  I like my life!"

"Now, mister!"

"No, Buffy, I've got a life!"

"How can you call this a life!  No one here understands you!  They humor you!"

"No, I understand him.  I'm a combat veteran and I do understand him perfectly well.  Maybe not all his motives, but I understand his actions and Xander can easily tell me when something comes up.  He warned us when he heard you two might be coming this way."

"Yeah, and you can so understand what he's been through."

"Combat is combat.  No matter if it's saving your high school's graduating class or your unit in the field, Miss Summers."  She gave him a sneer and he stood up. "I think you should leave.  You're trespassing."  She walked closer. "Miss Summers, I want you out of this building or else I'm going to arrest you.  Your choice."  She snorted and took a swing, which he blocked.  He had his balance on the beams.

"NO!" Xander shouted, standing up.  He had to undo his rope to do that.  "Stop it, Buffy.  Now!"  He pulled his gun, pointing it at her.  "Go the fuck away.  No one here wants to see you.  Not me, not Dawnie.  No one!"

"You won't hurt me."

"Why not? You hurt me."  He cocked it.  "Go, now.  I may hit you to wound you but it'll still hurt like hell."  She sneered and moved in on him but Mac caught her.  "Mac, move."  He moved out of the way.  "Go home, Buffy.  New York's managed to handle itself this long, it can keep going that way."

"I'm not leaving without you. It's time you came home and did your real job."  She threw a punch and he ducked, then struck back, knocking her backwards and off balance.  She managed to catch herself.  "You think you can beat me?  I'm not some street thug with bad taste."

He shrugged, putting his gun back.  "I don't care, Buffy.  Go away.  I'm not going anywhere with you.  If you try to kidnap me again, this time you'll go to a federal jail for it.  Ford's already passed on the information to the local office and guess what, my real parents are feds."  She snorted and shrugged, glaring at him.  "Your choice, just go away.  I've been up here all day because of you."

"Too scared to come down?  Think your boyfriend will spank you for it?" she taunted.

"No, I'm fully planning on being spoiled rotten later by a long, hot bath with him. David knows I like tactile expressions of comfort and love."  She shrieked and moved for him, but Mac tried to get in the way. She tossed him, and Xander reacted, catching Mac instinctively by magic, glaring at her.  "Out, Buffy."

"You'll drop him."

"Not yet I won't."  He looked down, then whistled sharply, bringing someone running. "I can't hold him forever."  He ran off to get help and he sneered at her.  "Go away, Miss Summers. You're not wanted here by anyone, nor are you needed."  She came at him and he blocked her shot, pushing her face first into a beam.  He kept the mental strain of the magic and blocked her shots as well as he could, still getting tagged a few times.

"Let him go!" Don shouted.

Xander slumped and let him go, then hit her back now that he had the focus to do that.  She shrieked and came after him again but he was better than she thought.  He always had been.  He got her down and had one knee in her back, one hand pressing on her neck.  "Don't make me hurt you, Buffy."  He patted himself down.  "Fuck.  I could use some cuffs," he called.

"Catch," Stella called.  He looked and caught then punched her out as he brought them over with his touch of magic.  He got her cuffed and hauled her up so they could both come down.  She walked over to where they were going to end up, taking the young woman from him. "Mac's fine."

"Good. I didn't think I could catch him," he panted, wiping off his forehead.  He looked at Don.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine.  I haven't been hiding from homicidal little brats all day."

"No but I felt Willow trying something."

"Ray fixed it with Dawn's help."

"Thank you."  He gave him a hug, then gave one to Stella.  "Mac?"

"Being looked over.  What...how did you do that?"  Xander went pale and backed away. "Xander, stop!"  He froze.  "I'm not mad, I just want to know.  This isn't a reason to run."  He nodded, and turned, running away.  "Crap!  David!  He's running!"

David whistled.  "Freeze, Xander!"  He froze and gave him a horrified look.  "Come here."  He came over, giving him a hesitant hug.  "They already knew, and almost no one saw," he whispered. "Just tell them the truth.  Not like Dawn didn't put on a light show earlier with hers."  Xander shook his head.  "Do not take off running, Xander.  I won't put up with it."  Xander whimpered.  "I mean it."  Xander slumped and nodded.  "Good boy, come on."  He walked him back down to ballistics, which would calm him down more, even though Mortty was bouncing around frantically.  He sat her down then sat Xander next to her, watching as she hugged him.  "He had to catch Mac magically."

"And handcuffs," he admitted.

"That's okay, at least you caught him.  It could've killed him to fall from that height," Don said as he walked in.  He looked him over.  "You okay?"  Xander nodded.  "You sure?"

"I could use a potty break."

"Not alone you're not.  Mac's trying to figure out how you managed that."  He clapped him on the shoulder. "C'mon.  I'll escort you around.  Mac's fine, he's behind his desk."  Xander nodded, going with him to the bathroom then to Mac's office.  "One saving person."

"You did good, Xander," Mac assured him calmly.  "I just wanted to know how you managed it."

"Magic," he said weakly.  "I can't hardly do anything and I'll never do it in the station again, Mac, I promise."

"Whoa," Don said, holding up a hand.  "If it's necessary, you do it.  Like to save someone else, you definitely do it, kid."  Xander gave him a scared look.  "We'll cover for that shit.  Just do what you have ta do ta save a life.  Got me here?"  Xander nodded, swallowing.  "Good."

"I agree, Xander.  In that circumstance, magic is appropriate.  Nowhere else, but it's appropriate to catch someone who's going to die."  Xander nodded, looking behind him.  He called ballistics.  "David.  I've got him."  He hung up and David walked in a few minutes later.  "You and I are in agreement, right?  If it's necessary to save a life, Xander can use any means at his disposal?"

"I agree.  To save a life, and I don't mind him catching the handcuffs.  She was too dangerous not to confine before dragging her down."  He stroked through Xander's hair.  "I agree with today's use," he said, calming his mate down until he rested against his side.  "You need to eat."

"Bubble bath?" he asked quietly.

"If that's what you want for dinner, I can do that," he promised, smirking slightly at him.  "You're still going to eat.  No matter what else you do."  Xander swallowed and nodded. "Good boy.  You did very good today.  I'm proud that you chose not to take them on earlier and that you ran.  It was safer."  Xander nodded, wrapping his arms around his mate's stomach to hug him properly.  "Good boy.  Mac?"

"We're fine.  Chad's only got eight that came in today.  He'll leave the dropped guns for Xander."  Xander nodded, looking at him.  "As long as it's necessary, no other reason, Xander."

"Yes, Mac."

"Good boy.  Now go home, come back tomorrow without the homicidal women after you."  Xander nodded and he leaned back once they were gone.  "I was scared."

"You were scared?  We weren't sure how you were hanging," Don told him.  "Did they teach him that?"

"No, they taught him other things," Mac said quietly.  "They're the ones who started him hunting.  The redhead was the one who basically raised him.  They were also responsible for him being kidnaped from Chicago once.  They claimed they were worried about him since he had gotten so badly hurt on the job.  The FBI report said they told him it was because his husband was endangering him.  She wanted him to come back to work with them again, said he was only being humored here."

"Ya know what, I ever get into a standoff with anyone, I want it ta be him and you, Mac.  I know you two'll make sure my butt gets home that night."  He stood up and walked off, wondering how in the world you called people like that friends.  He ran into David and Xander in the locker room.  "He showering now?"

"Recovering from puking.  He was going to shoot Buffy to make her leave Mac alone," David said quietly.  He stroked Xander's back gently. "He'll be fine but I didn't want to let him do that in the car."

Flack nodded. "I can see that.  Xander?" Xander looked up at him.  "You consider me and Danny and Greg friends, right?"  He nodded.  "Do you consider us the same sort of friends?  I mean, you know we won't hurt you that way, right?"

"Willow and Jesse were all I had growing up, and he died," Xander said quietly.  "She raised me, Don.  I know it's fucked up but it's like hating your parent for fucking you up.  Some part of you still likes them for some reason."

"I get that," he promised, sitting beside him.  "Just make sure you know what real friends are.  Because, like I told Mac, if I ever get into a standoff, I want you and him at my back.  You two'll make sure I get home."  Xander nodded, giving him a hug.  "I know, it's been a hard day.  Hurry up and go home so you can be cuddled. Come in tomorrow wearing a smart t-shirt."  Xander nodded and stood up, letting David walk him off.  Don shook his head.  He knew Xander's real parents hadn't known about him, but he wanted to kick his other parents' ass, hard.  Multiple times.  Then take a beer break and start again.  He understood why Ray couldn't explain how you got along with someone like Xander.  You just did.  He called Ray to update him.  "It's me, Ray.  Xander's down.  She went up after him and Mac was up there trying ta talk him down.  She attacked Mac. So, this magic shit, you got any clues?" he asked.  He heard the wise words of 'ignore it' and chuckled.  "He caught Mac that way.  He would've fallen and died.  Then he caught a pair of handcuffs too.  No, she attacked Mac up there.  Yeah, now I understand Xander a bit more.  I still like Danny's suggestion of putting her and Sonny in a cell together."  He smirked at the evil chuckle.  "Which one would you think would win?"

***

Xander walked in the next day but everything seemed normal so he wasn't going to panic.  Yet.  He walked back to his lab, seeing the samples left out for him and moaned, writing Chad an 'I'm sorry' email telling him why he had been hiding.  Then he got down to work.  He'd have to clear everything today for Chad.  He was letting Mac down and he knew this.  Mac walked in and he swallowed.  "I'm sorry I freaked out that way yesterday."

"I understand why.  It's not a problem, Xander."  He walked in to look at the small stack. "Is that all?"  Xander nodded.  "All your guns and everything back in place?"

"All but the three that weren't found. Plus one of my battle axes."

"I'll keep an eye out for them. They're searching his house today.   The search warrants finally came through."  He clapped him on the back.  "We all have bad days. You'll make it up to me today and we'll be fine because next time you'll hide where I can find you first and talk to you.  Got it?" Xander nodded, looking at him. "Good boy.  Nice job hiding too.  That nest is in a nice spot and I only spotted that one."  He clapped him on the back again and headed out.

Xander relaxed when nothing else happened for the next hour.  No sudden noises, no one shouting, nothing like old friends showing up.  Eventually he finished relaxing and let his guard drop.  David came in about an hour after that, giving him a look.  "I'm okay."

"I can see that.  How long did it take you to relax?"

"Until about an hour ago.  Why?  Is something going on?"

"No.  Perfectly normal day so far. Greg's out on a call, just left with Lindsey.  I'm getting backed up and you've got how many samples?"

"Four more.  I'll come up as long as Lindsey doesn't bring me anything."  David smirked and strolled off, getting a bottle of water on his way back.  He got back to work, going at his usual nice, calm, pace.  When he got done, he called Greg.  "It's me, David needs me so if you've got a sample for me, let me know when you get back."  He hung up and headed upstairs to help David, finding Mac and Stella in there.  "Still need me?"

"Yup," David assured him, pointing at a microscope.  "Eric sent back another sample of that algae.  Make sure it's the same stuff. The report's in the envelope.  Then finish that report and help us with the multiple homicide from hell."

"Yes, David."  He got to work comparing the two samples.  "It's a match."  He called up his report and found the envelope, smiling since it gave proper name and references to look in.  He typed in what he needed then put the envelope and the slide together so pictures could be taken for the reference library.  He made a note of that and put the report next to it, then got to work with the other stuff.  "Cat fur?"

"Ten cats in the house.  Twelve bodies, none nibbled on.  Mostly kids."  Xander tensed up.  "We're not sure why, Xander.  The cats were fine."

"Crap.  Did we do the usual for carbon monoxide and things?  I thought I read recently that cats could live through more of that than humans."

"Already checked, yes they can, and not the COD," Stella told him.  "Cause of death was poisoning. Specifically rat poison."

Xander frowned.  "Saying that their cats weren't doing a good enough job?"  Mac and Stella both frowned at him.  "It sound symbolic to put rat poison in a house full of cats."

"It could be," Mac agreed.

"Or it could mean that they ratted someone out," Stella pointed out.  "Remember, that one neighbor said that one daughter was always a bad tattletale."

"The evidence will tell us one way or another," Mac agreed.

"Well, did we find out what it was in?" Xander asked.  "Food or not food?  Rubbed on the silverware like a polish?"

"That's that pile," David said, pointing. "Food samples from everything in the house."  Xander nodded, going to do that.  He smirked at Mac.  "It's a good place to start."  He glanced over but Xander was taking small samples and handling them while he made note of what was in them, numbering and labeling each of the containers. "Are you going to mass spec it?"

"Yeah, three samples from each.  That way I don't have to worry about stuff like the gravy not having soaked in equally.  The other test would tell us where it is, but this'll tell us if it was an ingredient or just applied."

"That's right, it does come in a powder and a liquid," Stella agreed.

"Plus a gel form.  We use that around the house since Sarah winces at the stench," David offered.  They got back to work while Xander found the evidence of where it came from.

"Holy crap, someone defiled the sacred godly power of chocolate," he said finally.   Mac and Stella both gave him an amused look.  "Can you think of anything else that can magically cure a bad day just by taking a bite? It's a godly power.  Plus chocolate was sacred to the people who invented it.  You could even buy prostitutes for chocolate way back when down there.  I don't remember if it was the Mayan or Aztecs, but I know it was sacred to one of them. The emperor dined on it every day to get close to their Gods."

"No more food channel, honey.  You're turning into that scary walking Xander'pedia again."  Xander just smirked and got back to work, separating out everything that had chocolate.  David looked over there.  "That's roast."

"It's got mole sauce on it.  That's chocolate based."

"Why would anyone want to put mole sauce on pot roast?" Stella asked.

"They eat like Xander," Greg said as he walked in with a few bags.  "Bad news, Xander.  One bullet, no gun yet."

"Let me finish this run and I'll get it, Greggy."

"Okay."  He walked over and slipped it into his pocket.  "Ah, the multiple kitty case.  Where was the poison?"

"Chocolate."

"Any particular type?"

"Mole sauce usually has dark chocolate, or the recipes I've seen have.  The other stuff was semi-sweet so maybe chips?"  He looked at him. "I'm not sure.  Did you gather them out of the cabinets?"

"I hadn't, but we can do that if Mac and Stella wants," he offered, looking at the bosses.  Who nodded.  "Anything else?"

"Not yet.  Just chocolate so far.  Remember to check the trash too.  They had a lot of chocolate in this meal. Pudding, but that's a mix and there's none in there.  Mole sauce, cake, which did have some in the icing and the cake itself.  Plus garnishes on the veggies."

"Okay."  He walked off, going to do that for them.

"Xander, go run that bullet and come back."

"If I do that, I risk carrying contamination back up here," Xander reminded him.  "We don't want contamination from ballistics in this case."  He got back to work. "It'll only take me a few minutes to run it once I'm done with this, Mac.  Then David can run the various chocolates."

"Would you melt it or not?" Stella asked.

"Most of the applications were melted chocolate but you could try solid since it was in the garnish as well.  Unless we have proof that they used melted drizzle to make the garnish.  You can do that, I saw it on a food competition show."

"Watch more food network, Xander.  Good job," Mac praised, smiling at David.  "Sometimes we need factoids like that."

"If he watches more food channel then he also watches more animal planet, specifically the one where the baby animals are born, and that grosses me out," David complained.  Xander nodded at that.

"You know, you came out that same way," Stella teased.

"I know, which is one reason why I shudder at the thought of children. Besides the mess, the work, the screaming, the illnesses, and did I mention the mess, there's the ickiness of childbirth and then the later sickening diapers.  Even if Xander somehow grew a vagina and appropriate parts, there would be no children."

"If I do suddenly start to grow girl stuff, can I grow breasts that make men stare in awe at the power of them?" Xander teased.

David looked at him.  "You do that, you're still taking it up the ass," he assured him.

"Boys," Mac said, sounding strangled and blushing bright red.  "Please.  Discuss that after work?"

"Sorry, Mac," David said, looking at Xander.

"Sorry," he said, giving him a sheepish grin. "I'd be cute though and I'd use them to make stupid criminals stare and confess to them."

"I've done that once or twice," Stella admitted.  "Good breasts can make certain types of men stupid."  Mac gave her an odd look.  "They can.  You ever try to question a guy on the beach during bikini season?"

"Have you?" he countered.

"Why do you think I keep the slutty red shirt in my locker, Mac?  Just in case I need it for the stupid people."  He shook his head quickly.

"The look on his face is nearly as bad as the 'confused with the Xander' look that happens around him now and then," David quipped.  "It usually starts with a Xanderism and then gets stuck in someone's head. Stan's the worst about that."

"Can I tell him?" Xander asked excitedly.  "No one's had the 'confused with the Xander' look in weeks, dear."

"As long as it doesn't go near the Ecklie record, you can tell them about this conversation," he promised.  He heard a crash and turned, catching Xander.  "Fuck," he muttered, checking him over.  "Get Dawn," he ordered.  "This isn't normal."  Mac called Dawn, Stella came over to help.  "It's magically induced. I felt the tingle of magic, that's why I turned."  He looked up.  "Get the samples back."  She nodded, moving the samples back to safety then getting the ballistics one.  He pulled out Xander's cell, searching for a number.  "Are you in Cleveland?"  He smirked.  "Get the bitches, they just knocked Xander down into his own head.  Yes, this is David, I don't care, just do it."  He hung up and put the phone into his own pocket.  Xander moaned and shifted so he grabbed his hand to stop him.  "I've got you, you're safe," he whispered.

"Dawn's coming as soon as she's done with her current client," Mac promised.  "Is there anything we can do?"

"Knock the redhead around some?  Killing her could lock him this way."

"They're back home as far as I know," Mac admitted.  Dawn suddenly appeared.  "Interesting."

"Not now, Mac."  She got down.  "We're not doing this the easy way.  She knocked him back for a chat.  He's basically in a dream quest state."  She got to work, bringing him back around.  Xander moaned and she smiled.  "Talk to him, wake him up like normal.  I've got a perm to do."  She disappeared.

David looked down.  "Xander," he said quietly.  Xander groaned and blinked at him.  "Hi. You back?"  He nodded, looking at him.  "Speak?"

"Soda?"

David smiled, nodding.  "You are back.  Can you sit up?"  Xander sat up, holding his head.  "Magic headache?"  Xander nodded.  "Dawn had to bring you around."

"She wanted to tell me why they wanted me back. I was sitting there with my fingers in my ears going 'lalalalalala' over and over."  He used a stool to pull himself up, standing.  "Okay, I'm going to go match this bullet, then take a break for a nap for lunch.  Come get me when lunch is over with."  He walked off, going to do just as he had said, though he'd be napping in the firing pen because it was soundproofed and the floor was nice and cool.

David looked at his bosses.  "I'm finding myself more and more in favor of Danny's plan to put Buffy and Willow in the same cell as Sonny and see who wins."

"That's an evil Xander thought," Stella said firmly.

"Well, we have been married for a while.  How hard should I hint about what I want for our anniversary since he's still stumbling a few days after the fact?"

"Drop a fairly blatant one without outright saying it," Stella told him.  "What did you want?"

"A nice, calm, romantic dinner out somewhere nice and a spa treatment for a massage."

"I'll make sure he gets the hint later," she promised, smirking at him.  "You really are a softy now and then, David."

"Don't tell anyone but he's spoiled me for anything but really good backrubs."  He checked the clock then got back to work.  "I'll wake him up in a half-hour."

"I'm sure someone storming in for a soda will do it," Mac offered.

David looked at him.  "He's somewhere down in ballistics, Mac.  Probably the firing pen."  He snorted, shaking his head.  "It's quiet, cool, and no one would think to look for him there."

"You can figure that out later," Greg said as he came in.  "What happened?"

"The twin menaces to Xander's mental health charmed him to have a little virtual brain talk."

"Ah.  I'm liking Danny's idea to put them in with 'I get all the bitches' Sonny and his boys to see if he can't beat their asses for them to bruise their egos.  Because I truly believe they'd do it for each other.  He'd remind her she's a girl and she'd point out he was just as much of one when she kicked his ass."

"We let them leave since Xander didn't press charges, and you can't put a female in a male's cell," Mac said firmly.

"Yeah, the only way was if we counted them all as dangerous inmates and put them on the higher security transport," Stella agreed. "That's basically a big steel box on wheels."  Mac gave her a dirty look.  "It is the only way to do that."

"He still didn't press charges as long as those two went away and left him alone."

"Which they didn't," David noted.  "Fortunately there's a clan of very gay vampires who adore Xander and have promised to turn him if he's ever that injured.  They're in Cleveland right now."  He smirked at Greg.  "They weren't happy with the blonde at all for picking on their cheerleader."

"Sorry, I just had the picture of Mortty, Abby, and Xander all being goth cheerleaders in little black leather outfits and black pompoms."  He walked out, fingers pinching at the headache behind the bridge of his nose.  "Sheldon, man, *please* give me a thought that'll take David's last one out of my head?" he pleaded when he ran into him.

"What thought?"

"Goth cheerleader Xander with Abby and Mortty.  Complete with short black leather skirt and pompoms."

Sheldon shuddered.  "We found out what killed out dead victim earlier.  His stomach exploded when he ate too much."

Greg hugged him.  "I love you, man."  He walked off once he had the folder, taking it to look at the gross pictures instead.

Sheldon walked into Trace.  "Do I need to know why he had that bad thought and felt he had to pass it on?"  David smirked and raised his hand.  "You're mean.  I'll have to remember that."  Stella cackled.  "Never mind."  He walked out, going to the morgue to see if he could help for a bit.  He definitely needed a better mental image before that one got stuck in him.

The ME looked at his former coworker, raising an eyebrow.  "You look like you just got Xander'd."

"No, I got a nasty mental image that David gave to Greg.  About Xander but not directly because of him."  The ME made 'go on' hand motions.  "Somehow it came up as cheerleader Xander with goth outfits, including skirts, with Abby and Mortty."

The ME considered that, then smiled.  "I could see that.  Xander is very energetic, especially if you fed him some chocolate first."

"I wanted that image *out* of my head, Sid," he complained.

"Sorry.  Well, I do have spiders that've nested in a diabetic's infected pustule.  You can help me with that."

"Thank you."  He walked over to help him kill the spiders and pick out their remains.  He was sure things would go back to normal soon.  Things with Xander went in cycles from what he had heard.  It'd be quiet until someone tried to attack the station or David again.  Then fierce, defiant Xander would come back and make them all worry until it was fixed, then they'd baby him and go back to normal.  "Those two girls who warped him showed up."

"Wonderful.  Were they arrested?"

"No, he wouldn't press charges and Mac said he wouldn't for one's assault on him as long as they went home immediately."

"One of them assaulted Mac?" he asked, staring at his friend.  "How?"

"I'm not sure. She's five-four, blonde, and perky, but he came out with some bruises and so did Xander.  So apparently there are things that're scarier than Mac when he's mad."  That got a gentle smile.  "You missed it.  Xander took off running in the other direction.  Headed up into the ceiling and sat in the rafters watching for them all day."  The other ME chuckled.  "Seriously.  It scared the hell out of me to see Xander fleeing in fear.  I'm going to do the same thing next time.  Mortty said they attacked her back in Chicago to try to find Xander.  Anytime Xander flees and I'm there, I'm running behind him like I'm going for a medal."

"You can always hide down here in a drawer, Sheldon.  You know that."  That got a grin.  "Is the boy okay?"

"He's napping in ballistics.  In the firing pen.  I almost walked in on him until I heard the snore. Greg's dog is sitting watch on him since I put him in there."

"Good.  The other's down here," he said, pointing at the one who was watching them, head tipped to the side.  "She is quite a dog.  If any of her litter come up for adoption, I'll see if I can have a dog."

Don ran into the room.  "Sheldon, we need you up in Trace.  Someone just mailed David a bomb.  Xander got it undone in time but he nicked his hand with the knife.  You know how he is about hospitals."

"Sure."  He grabbed some gloves and a sterile stitching pack, just in case, and headed up to help.  Yes, life was definitely more interesting with Xander, and he realized he was probably bored before he had met the guy.  Because he surely wasn't now.

Naughty Ballistics.

Notes: All the t-shirts are either from scribe's page (scribescribbles.com) or from coolsig.com.

Mac looked at his staff.  "All right, we all here?"  He looked around.  "It's not a great bit of news.  It's a policy change.  We all have seen the mayor's change of rules for the PD.  Correct?"

Xander raised a hand.  "I'm having the 'I need to shoot someone now' feeling.  Any protests?"

"Wait until you hear the news first," Stella ordered patiently.  "Mac?"

He nodded.  "I agree with Xander.  We're not professional looking."  Half of them burst out laughing.  "He wants the men in ties and the women in pants suits."  The rest of them burst out laughing. "He's not kidding."

"Ties are dangerous and they can lead to contamination in the lab," Xander pointed out dryly.  "Does he know this?"

"He's not too sure what we do down here," Mac admitted.  "I've got a week to protest this, I need any sort of real evidence.  Research of that point, Xander.  Letters of protest that give *good*, *logical* arguments."

"No shooting him.  Then we'd end up with a bigger idiot."  Danny frowned at him.  "I'd like to see him do this job in what you wear, Mac.  Much less in something like a tie."

"That's not a logical enough argument, Danny."

"Then have him do a scene with us," David suggested dryly.  "Point out no one sees most of us.  If someone comes down here, we all run and hide from them."

"I've made that argument already."

"Okay, so we need that research. It was in my Ballistics Three textbook.  Critcheon?"

"We don't have that one," Danny admitted, looking at him.  "We used the edition before what you would have.  You?"

"No, I managed to lose it between UCLA and Vegas."  He grimaced.  "That and my Chem 3 book both disappeared along with my sparkly shirt."

David looked at him.  "No, Greg threw out your sparkly shirt when it gave him nightmares," he said plainly.  He looked at Mac again.  "Think the local college would have it since it's got a program?"

"He can check.  For now, give me logical arguments for the rest of you.  Write them reasonably without threats, give them to me within five days.  Cite cases, cite situations, do whatever you have because if I have to wear a tie every day, someone's going to be snapped at."   They all smiled at that.

Mortty raised a hand.  "I'm not dressing preppie.  I'll move to Miami and be their shadowy goth person with a sunbrella."

Mac smiled.  "I don't want you to change a thing, Mortty.  Also, he thinks this will enhance our statistics."  That got another laugh.

Xander shook his head.  "We solve forty percent of our cases within the first two weeks we get them, Mac.  What does he expect of us?"

"Fifty.  If we can do that this month, we can have a massive bargaining chip.  I don't care how you do it, but try to clear all the backlogs.  Every lab.  Those of you who have more than one area, help out where you can."

"I'm mostly clear every day," Xander protested.  "But I can temp in to help Dave and Mortty.  Oh, and Mac, can we discourage his plan to make us all have a Masters, soon, please?  I hated college.  A lot.  That's why I have most of the threatening t-shirts."

"I'll try, Xander, but it would help.  You're about the only tech who doesn't have one really."  Xander glared at him.  "I know, but one class at a time?"

"I *loathed* college," Xander said firmly.  "Let's face it, I got help from gang kids to tutor my stupid ass.  Can we see what'll happen if I have to go further up the chain?  Besides, what am I going to major in?  There's no master's in guns and ammo."

"Chemistry?" Greg suggested, looking over at him.  "To help your minor in trace?"

"Barely passed, sweetie."

"Point," David agreed.  "We'll think about that one, Mac."

"I understand.  Xander's also the only one that a Masters really can't help."  He shrugged.  "Give me what you can within five days.  For now, try to think and keep it down.  Try to hype the stats with what you can."

"Sure, Mac, make the dead bodies quit coming in too while you're at it," Danny offered bitterly.  "I've got three open cases and fourteen cold ones.  We're one of the best in the country by our stats."

"I know that, Danny, but he wants more."

"He's still an idiot."  He stood up.  "We done?  I feel the need ta get drunk."

"You've still got three hours left, then you can get drunk," he reminded him.  "We're done."  They all left.  "Xander, try to make it reasonable," he called.

"Sure, Mac.  Don't I usually?"

Mac moaned.  That was a very bad sign.

***

Xander smiled at the teacher at the local program's head.  "Hi.  Harris, Manhattan Felony Ballistics."  He shook his hand.  "I need a reference work that's not available in the library and I was hoping someone had it on their shelves."

"Sure.  For a case?"

"No, to cite a research source.  The mayor's decided we should wear ties to scenes."

"We should present a good public image," he said patiently.

Xander looked at him.  "Have you ever worked a scene?  A tie not only gets evidence on it, it tends to transfer it, plus makes most techs miserable."  Another teacher coughed and he looked at him.  "Hi, Harris, Ballistics, Manhattan Felony lab."  He shook his hand.  "I need to photocopy a reference book but the library doesn't have it."

"I've heard of you."  He smirked.  "Nothing tragic today?"

"I only work the field part-time.  Mostly I'm ballistics and trace."  The other teacher sat up.  "They told me I had to major and minor."

"Where were you trained?"

"UCLA.  My advisor was she of the moron signal tower theory."

He laughed and nodded.  "I remember her fondly.  Which book, CSI Harris?"

"Critcheon.  Ballistics three out there.  I need the reference on the ties study."

"Ah, that's actually in three different books, and I have two of them on my shelves.  The other I can find in another office if I can pop the lock."

"I wouldn't want to do anything illegal," he offered with a grin.  That got a laugh and the teacher led him off.  "Thank you.  The mayor's also pushing for us to have a two-week solve average above forty percent."

The teacher stopped to look at him.  "Most labs get thirty.  There's only eight labs in the country that get forty, and only two get above forty-five now and then."  He led him into his office, pulling books down so he could have them photocopied by his assistant.  He called the other one, leaving a message.  "I'm popping your lock to get a reference book for the local lab.  We're photocopying a reference on the ties study."  He hung up and led him that way, pulling out a library card to twitch the lock.  Xander grinned and shook his head when it didn't work, pulling out a better one and getting the lock.  He smirked at him.  "You're good."

"I am," he agreed happily, beaming at him.  "I lock myself out of the house all the time.  My husband hates it when I ring the bell."  The teacher laughed and led him inside to get that book and have it photocopied as well, then locked the door behind them.  "Thank you.  The library didn't have them."  He shook his hand again and took the copies.  "I hope to see some of your students as my pre-graduation intern if Mac can arrange it."  That got a brilliant smile.  "I'm a tough bastard in my lab, but I deal well with everyone.  My bestest buddy is goth."  He winked and walked off.  "Thank you!" he called from the doorway before he disappeared.  He skipped down the stairs and out to the car, heading back to the lab.  He looked at Mac as he walked past him.

Mac stopped and looked at his t-shirt of the day.  "Xander, didn't I say cover most of them?"

Xander stopped and looked down at his shirt, then at him.  "Mac, it's not a threatening one. "'Just say no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression' isn't a threat, it's a statement of fact."  He shrugged.  "I can wear worse ones."  He headed back to the office area to sit down and work on a report for him, citing this research.  He also pulled up some fairly good crime scene photos from his own few cases to go with it.  He summarized nicely then saved it down and went to hand it to his personal editor, his spouse.  "Honey, can you please edit this for me?" he asked, giving him a kiss on the cheek and a grin.  "It's the report Mac wanted."

"Fine."  He pointed at the computer on the desk.  "Put it there.  If I have a few I'll do it tonight."

"Thank you."  He gave him a better kiss and bounced out once the CD was on the desk.  He went down to ballistics to get back to work.  He'd clear up his few guns for the night and then go back up to Trace.  He got down there and found someone looking in the cabinet.  "Excuse me," he said loudly.  "Who the fuck are you and why the hell are you in my fucking lab!"  The man jumped and turned to face him, hand on his gun.  "I'd drop it, moron.  Now.  Also, produce ID or die."

"I don't have to."

"You do."  He looked around.  "MAC!  RAY!  DON!"  Don came jogging over.  "Idiot in my lab," he noted, waving a hand at him.

Don looked.  "You are?" he demanded.  "I want ID and I want it now, buddy."

"No."

"Xander, have him."  Xander beamed and lunged, grabbing his gun hand and beating his ass.  Don checked his watch, giving him thirty extra seconds of choking.  "That's enough!  I want him able to sing like a canary."  He pulled out his cuffs and put them on the guy, then patted him down.  "One gun.  One wallet."  He looked inside.  "No badge here."  He went back to patting him down, finding his ID case.  "Hey, Feds," he said dryly.  He called Mac.  "Get to ballistics.  A Fed refused to hand over ID so I let Xander have him for busting into his lab."  He hung up and let Xander grab a bag for his stuff, then hauled the groaning man up and away.  "Bring that stuff, Xander.  Let someone do an inventory against yours."

"Yes, Don."  He walked out the door.  "Someone illegal was just in my lab," he announced.  "I need someone to do an inventory!"

"I can," Greg called, coming out of DNA.  "Mortty's hellishly pissed," he said as he walked past him.

"I've been a good boy all day.  Why is she pissed at me?" Xander asked, looking confused.

"She's mad at the world, Xander.  Not just you."

"Oh, that mad.  Okay."  He grabbed the bag and pulled up his inventory list, letting him have it so he could help Don.  He walked in and put the bag next to him.  "Want me to do a bullet count and unload?"

"Please.  By the book.  If he's doing shit, I want him to fry for it."  Xander nodded, sitting down with the paperwork and the tape recorder going to do a bullet count and unload.

Mac walked into the interrogation room.  "Xander, ballistics is clear.  Greg found two guns missing out of the cabinet but on the work bench.  He give you a reason?"

"He's moaning so far.  Unfortunately his arrest was fairly bad.  He didn't produce his ID.  He didn't want to give us a name and position.  So I let Xander subdue him."

"I wondered why he needed an ice pack."  He shrugged.  "I guess it happens when you fight in such a small place."  He came in, taking the paperwork from Xander.  "Three bullets short?"

"Yeah," Xander agreed.  "Also this, Mac," he said, holding up the ID.  "Have Greg call up my case list?"

Mac typed that into his phone in a text message, getting back a 'three unsolved cases with his gun from home' back.  He showed it to Xander.  "Good work.  Go back to ballistics, I've go this."

"Yes, sir.  Oh, David's editing my report."  He got up and headed back there, taking over for Greg, who was reprinting those reports.  "Thank you."

"Not an issue."  He smiled as Xander slid past him to look over those weapons.  "They don't match back to these.  I've already pulled up those cases as well. Where's Mac?"

"Two."

Greg nodded, taking those guns and the reports down there.  "Hey," he said, sticking his head in.  "Got the reports pulled up that were with his gun from home and the guns he pulled out plus their reports."  He handed them over.  "Need me to write up what I found?"

"Please, just a statement."  Greg nodded, handing that over as well.  "Thank you, Greg.  Go back to your other work."  He nodded, heading back to DNA to help out in there.  Mac looked them over, then at him.  "These two guns weren't even about the one stolen from your house.  They're gang related."  He handed those reports to Don.  He checked the guns, nodding at them.  "This one's loaded."

"Now, I know Xander wouldn't allow that.  He's a bastard about his guns," Don said dryly. "He's so anal about that he can probably close his eyes and name all the guns in that cabinet by type and type of case."  The man whimpered. "You need an aspirin?  I can get you some."

"No," he moaned.  "Blackmail."

"Write it out," Mac demanded, handing over some paper and a pen.  "I'll get your boss down here."  He looked horrified.  "No?"

"No, please.  My partner?"

Mac leaned down.  "Why your partner? Is your boss in on it?"  He shook his head quickly.  "Then why not your supervisor?"

"He's a figurehead," he admitted, looking at him.  "My partner's good.  He'll do it for me.  If he doesn't already know I'd be surprised."

Mac looked at the ID, then at him.  "I shouldn't.  That's against protocol."  He moaned and hung his head.  "But I know someone in another office.  I can call him," he said more quietly.  He looked up at that.  "I know Gibbs and so does Harris.  That work for you?"

"It would.  Thank you."

"Write out everything for me."  He went to make the call, leaving Don to ask questions.  He found the number in Xander's file and called it.  "DiNozzo, it's Taylor in New York.  I need Gibbs, is he there?"  He sat down.  "It's a case but not something that all you need to fly up here for.  We've got one of your local agents here who's claiming blackmail.  Xander found him breaking into his lab and the unsolved and unclaimed guns cabinet."  He nodded, writing that down.  "Thank you.  No, he wanted his partner, not his supervisor.  He's claiming blackmail.  Please.  I'll be in my office for the next twenty."  He hung up, settling in to read the report Greg had given him, signing it.  Then he called David.  "You have a report for me from your spouse?"  He smiled.  "Thank you."  He hung up and waited.  The phone rang and he snatched it.  "Detective Taylor.  Gibbs, yes we do.  Local NCIS agent.  He was breaking into Xander's lab and separating out the guns.  Also, he had a gun supposedly stolen from his house a few months back.  It's been used at least twice that we know of.  Robberies.  He's claiming he's being blackmailed and he wanted his partner to investigate.  Thank you.  I'm sure you could even hide out at Xander's house."  He smiled.  "That's fine.  Thank you, Gibbs."  He hung up and went down there again.  He walked in and closed the door. "Gibbs will be up here tonight.  I gave him the basics.  You're staying here."

"I will.  In a cell?"

"In here for now.  We'll put an officer outside the door.  We'll check on you when we can.  Don, get him a soda and some aspirin."

"He's a powerful officer," he praised.

Mac smirked.  "Gibbs likes him too."

"That's fine.  Thank you for your help, Detective."

"Next time, you come to us openly and we'll do it without Xander having to hurt you," Don offered, going to find him some aspirin and some soda.  He brought it back, letting the officer hand it to him, then he went back to work.

***

Xander bounced down to the entrance when the receptionist told him Gibbs had come in, pouncing him.  "Hi!"  He beamed at him.  "Did you bring Abby? Mortty's pouting badly."

"I'll talk to her in a few, Xander.  Can I borrow your spare room?"

"Okay.  I don't mind.  David shouldn't.  I'll check."  He bounced off.

Gibbs shook his head. "Someone fed him too much sugar again," he complained, nodding at Mac as he came out.  "Where is our idiot?"

"Interrogation two," he offered, leading him that way.  He let him read the statement he had written out.

Gibbs snorted.  "Wonderful.  Any verification?"

"He said to let you handle it.  Wouldn't let us try.   Said he'd talk to you once you got here."

"Even worse for him."  He looked at him through the window.  "Xander did what to him?"

"Don said he got him against the gun cabinet and kicked him a few times."

"Interesting."  He walked in there, looking at him.  "I want details, I want facts, and I want it now."  He nodded, handing over a second statement.  Gibbs looked it over, then at him.  "Give me an hour to make a few calls."  He walked out, leaving him in there.  "Can I borrow a desk?"

"Take Xander's.  He's up in Trace by now."  That got a nod and they headed that way.   They found Xander in there putting down a note.  "David didn't agree?"

"No, he did, and that's my spare key in case he needs it."  He beamed at them.  "By the way, he edited my report and agreed that the pictures made my case very well."  He handed over that CD.  "If I have to, I can present it myself tomorrow."

"How many candy bars did you eat?" Mac asked cautiously.

"Two.  David said I can't have more than two at any given time."

"How many over the day, kid?" Gibbs asked.

"Eight."

Mac looked at his watch.  "Xander, it's only five.  You got here at one.  How did you eat eight candy bars?"  Xander inched toward the door.  "Do it and I'm telling Ray to tie you down."  Xander whimpered and looked down, shooting him a sheepish look.  "Xander.  Truth?"

"Eleven?" he asked.

"Eleven!"

Gibbs moaned.  "Go do something in the gym, kid."

Xander beamed.  "Good idea!"  He hugged him, hugged Mac, then hurried out before he got spanked by one of them.

Mac called upstairs.  "David, your spouse just admitted to having somewhere between eight and eleven candy bars.  Gibbs sent him to the gym.  Do something about him before he drives me to drink tonight."  He hung up and walked off.  "Tell me if you need help, Gibbs."

"I will.  Have fun with that."  He sat down at the desk, looking over the note, pocketing the key, and getting down to chasing this story down.  Because this could be a very bad thing for the agency.   Even the director wasn't happy about this.

***

Don looked around the gym, then at Mac.  "I feel like Elmer Fudd when he hunts Bugs."  Xander cackled from where he was hiding.  "I'm a good cop but this is an insane exercise."

"Officers should be able to find a hiding suspect," Mac reminded him patiently.  He had tried earlier but Xander had pounced out and hugged him, then hid again while he was still stunned stupid.

"Can't we use this as a training exercise for the dogs?"

"I did, he petted three of them and then hid again," Mac sighed, rubbing his neck.  "They love him, Don, you know that."  Personally he thought it was odd that the dogs gave their owners looks when they told them to track and hunt Xander.  But that may just be him.  "It's us or David, and he's refusing to let Xander come home while he's in this state."

"Fine."  He handed over his gun and walked into the room, concentrating.  "Xander, come on out and I'll let you pick out my clothes for tomorrow."

"I'm not that gay, Don," he called, then he giggled when Don looked in the direction of the voice.  "Cold."

"Fuck," he muttered, heading on.

Danny leaned in, looking around.  "What's going on?  Someone else sneak in?"

"Xander's had about a dozen candybars," Mac sighed, looking at him.  Xander let out a cackle.  "Did you have more!"

"No, Mac, I'm high on life!  Consider this a training exercise for when you have toddlers some decade soon!"

Danny walked in and over to where Xander was hiding, pulling him out to look at him.  "Dumbass!"  He handed him to Don, walking off shaking his head.  "We needed you on today, Xander."

"Hey, I cleared up Trace!" he complained.  "Plus mine!  Plus helped in DNA and Fingerprints!  That's why I had that much chocolate.  So I could keep up."

Don looked at him, shaking his head.  "Why were you helping in DNA?"

"Because she's backed up."  He shrugged and looked at him. "You need tracking exercises."  He walked out, kissing Mac on the cheek. "So do you."  He skipped upstairs, smiling at his mate.  "They need practice."

David looked at him. "You've had more."

"In between helping clear up DNA and Fingerprints, plus your lab, plus my lab."  He shrugged and headed back to his lab, going to clean up any late additions.  He grinned at Gibbs.  "They couldn't find me in the gym."  He took the new gun into the firing pen to start his report and do the test fire.  "Firing one, hopefully.  This is a filthy piece of crap."  Gibbs snickered, putting someone on hold while he tried to fire.  "Yup, jammed.  Damn it."  He came out and leaned out the door. "Sheldon, if this thing ever fired, I'd be shocked.  Are you sure this was the only gun?"

"Yes," floated back up the hall.  "I saw him fire it, Xander."

"Fine."  He went back to it, shaking his head.  He came out to get a pipe cleaner from the freezer.  "Dropped his gum inside."  He went back to pry it out.  "Okay, now firing one!"

Gibbs listened to the report on the present case.  "No, that was Xander doing a test fire, DiNozzo.  Yeah, and he's on sugar too."  He made more notes.  "Thank you."  He hung up and went to talk to the agent, not taking pity on him for being so bruised.  "Truth, Stalk.  Who's blackmailing you? Your supervisor or your partner?"  The guy gave him a panicked look.  "It was obviously within your office.  I want the full details."

"They'll kill me and my family."

"If not, you're going to be a Fed in jail."  He pushed back over the papers.  "If you do, I'll see if someone in the FBI can protect you."

"There's agents over there too!" he complained.

Gibbs stared him down. "Do you really think Fornell's going to play those games?" he asked dryly.

"Well, no.  Not if he's anything like you," he muttered, writing down a list of names and what he knew.  He pushed it over and shrugged.  "That's all I was involved in and who's doing it."

He looked it over, looking slightly impressed.  "Good.  Let me make a few calls."  He called Fornell. "Let me guess, you're on a plane heading to New York?  Because I've got an agent in the local field office up here who's being blackmailed and claims some of your guys are in on it too."  He smirked at him.  "They're on their way up."  He walked off. "Sure, I can borrow the fax."  He found Mac in his office. "Fax machine?"  It was pointed out. "Your   office, Fornell?"  He grunted and hung up, dialing that one to send it over.  "Either he's lying or we've got a minor conspiracy to make the government look like idiots.  Again."  He headed back to Xander's lab, but then came back a minute later.  "You couldn't find him in the gym?"

"I nearly had him but he bounced out and pounced me, kissing me on the back of the neck.  I was so stunned I lost him.  He charmed the dogs into giving their owners dumbass looks for their orders to hunt him."

"It's days like these that I keep a flask in my desk for."  He went back to ballistics, watching Xander write reports.  He took it over, frowning as he read it.  "I know him."

"Why?" Xander asked, looking at him.

"I served with him."

"This is the tenth time I've typed his name this month, Gibbs."  He pulled up the other files and let him read them.  "I'm thinking there's a pattern, Mac doesn't.  Danny's torn, he just wants the guy before he goes worse."

Mac walked in.  "Another one?"

"Yeah, and Sheldon brought it to me," he said dryly, looking at him.  "This time he swears up and down that the guy who had it wasn't him, but it belongs to him, it was registered to him, it had been really used.  Plus the guy slid some gun into it.  I had to pipe cleaner it out."  Mac grimaced at that.  "It wouldn't mess up the rifling but with the amount of crap in the barrel, it's been well used and not cleaned."

"Where is it?"  Xander handed over the boxed gun.  He looked in the barrel, grimacing.  "That has been used a lot."

"Which is against military protocol.  He knew better when I served with him," Gibbs said quietly.  "You can't find him?"

"No, and I'm about to ask the local office for help," Mac offered.  "Danny's case but he can't find him.  We've got his poster up and everything."

"Sure, if I can, I'll help you hunt the other scary Marine down, Mac," he taunted.

"I was trained the same way you were, Jethro, and believe me, I can't find the guy.  I have no idea where he is.  I'm about to let Xander hunt him."

Xander leaned his head in.  "Ooooh, can I?  Please?"

Gibbs watched him wiggle.  "You look like a toddler who needs the bathroom.  Go before you have an accident, Harris."

"Just for that, I'm sending Abby the t-shirts Dave said I have to get rid of."  He pouted off.  "David, Gibbs made fun of me!" he whined as he walked off.

Gibbs moaned and shook his head.  "With my luck, she'll enjoy the scary ones and scare the director again."

Mac nodded.  "That can be a benefit of being scary."

Gibbs gave him a dirty look. "This is Abby, Taylor.  She's already scary enough without his t-shirts."  He walked off, going to settle things for the night.  That way he could wait on Fornell in peace and quiet since Xander was going to be spanked at home.

***

Mac walked in the next morning, it was his late morning so it was nearly nine.

"Mac, you gotta stop Xander," Danny called when he saw him.  "I came in to ten million reports again!"

Mac blinked, looking at him. "Why is that a bad thing?"

"I'm confused between 'em!  Hell, I've got my cases, the joint cases, Aiden's cases.  A few of Flack's for some reason, I don't know why I got 'em."

"Don said so," drifted out of ballistics. Then the door slammed.

Mac shook his head.  "Danny, it's a good thing if it helps us catch more bad guys," he said plainly.

Danny glared.  "I don't care if it is, Mac!  Today's another day of pick if you want me at my desk or in the field.  I've got too much new paperwork to deal with."

"I second that motion," Sheldon offered as he joined them.  "Though at a lower volume since I'm sure they're all pouting."

"So!" Danny demanded. "How many reports did you get?   Height of the stack."

"About ten inches," he admitted.  Mac gave him a horrified look.  "That's from all the labs.  I think they're all current, Mac."  He walked off, stopping in ballistics.  "Thank you, Xander.  You slave very well for us and we do appreciate it, even though Danny's clearly got female issues today."

Xander pouted at him.  "Mac said we needed to up our stats this month."

"He did, and hopefully we'll be able to go find people by tomorrow."  He smiled at him.  "You do good work."

"Thank you.  Now shoo before I have to unleash the new t-shirt I found when Dave made me go play in the park last night."

"Let me see," he offered.

Xander undid his lab coat, showing him the new t-shirt.  'A corpse is a corpse, of course, of course, and no-one can talk to a corpse, of course. That is, of course, unless the corpse is the famous Mr. Dead!' was boldly proclaimed in lurid red letters on the pale pink t-shirt.

Sheldon moaned.  "Show that to Sid, see how long he laughs."  He walked off, shaking his head.  The sad thing was, the theme song's tune had went along when he had started to read it.

"Is it a threat or a promise?" Don demanded.  "Because I think all that new paperwork was a threat personally."

"No, it's just weird," Sheldon promised. "You just gotta read it for yourself, Don."  He ran into Mac and Danny, slapping Danny on the arm.  "You've made him pout so much he's moved into strange and dangerous."  He walked off, nearly pouting.  Xander was going to give everyone headaches and they'd all come to him for something to take for them.

Mac walked into ballistics.  "T-shirt, Xander?"

"Why should I?"

"I just got here.  That was Danny complaining about papercuts and reading headaches.  Let me see."  Xander took off his coat and Mac read, then reread, then whimpered and walked off to take something for the headache he knew he'd have soon.  He came back.  "When you're clear for the day, go help Gibbs hunt down that Marine he served with."  Then he went to take something for the headache.

Mortty came down, reading it, then burst out in cackles.  "I love that one!  Where did you get it!"

"A small shop near the park.  I'll take you tonight."  He beamed at Danny when he came in.  "I get to hunt."

"I heard.  Don't dump that much paperwork on us all at once, okay?  Give it out in large chucks through the day so we quit overlapping and getting confused."  He read the shirt and whimpered.  "I don't wanna know."  He walked off shaking his head.

"Xander, which shirt are you wearing?" David called from the break room.  That many people with incipient headaches could only be caused by his mate, and the only reason this early would be his shirt of the day.

"My Mr. Ed shirt."

"What Mr. Ed shirt!"  He came out and met Xander half way, then moaned and walked off.  "Change, Xander!  Before the nice people with the pretty jacket with all the buckles show up again!"

"They've shown up before now?" he asked, looking confused.  "When? You never told me they showed up to give me the pretty jacket with the extra long sleeves."

"I ran them off with Ray's help.  Change!"

"Yes, dear."  He ducked into the break room to get a candy bar, but Don walked in and pulled him away, pushing the coin return button for him before he drug him back to ballistics and shoved him inside.  "Dave said I had to change."

"Changing doesn't require a candy bar."  He looked at his shirt and moaned.  "What's in your locker?"

"My vest and some sealed scrubs that're sterile and staying that way?"  One of the other techs stuck his head in, then burst out cackling before leaving.  "See, he likes my shirt and Mortty likes my shirt.  Greggy liked my shirt too."

Gibbs walked in and stared, then moaned and walked off shaking his head.  "Harris, you're helping me.  Hurry up."

"Yes, Gibbs."  He got back to work with his two guns leftover from night shift, then hurried after him to help him hunt down the Marine hiding in the woods outside the city.  He hadn't gotten to hunt in a while and he was getting rusty.  He needed the practice time.  Gibbs even let him have two candy bars and a large soda to take with him.  It was much appreciated.  Running through the woods was hard work, especially when you weren't armed.  Much.   It was nearly four when they found the guy and Xander tapped him on the shoulder, giving him a manic grin.  "Tag, you're it!  Thank you! I needed that practice.  You're a great playmate.  Can we go again?"

The guy stared at him.  "Who are you?"

"Harris, NYPD.  And that's Gibbs, NCIS.  It's like alphabet soup some days, but he's a bastard and I'm a hunter, so we work well together."  Then he beamed.  "Now, pack your camp and let's go.  Before I have to prove I can out-bastard him and whine him into letting me hurt you."  He smiled sweetly.  "Please?"  The guy scrambled to pack his kit at Gibbs's glare.  "Awww, man!  No one thinks I'm scary anymore."

"I do," Gibbs assured him, clapping him on the back.  "I think you're very scary, Xander.  Mostly because I think you might be contagious, especially around DiNozzo and Abby, but I think you're very scary."  Xander beamed at that and helped by taking the Marine's bag and hiking back while Gibbs handcuffed him and led their suspect back.  "Got any weapons around here?  He loves weapons."

"I found a stash from someone named Sonny," he offered.  Xander dropped the bag and stared him down.  He swallowed.  He didn't like that look.  "It's in a cave up the hill."

"I need that," Xander said quietly, moving closer.  "Where up the hill?  Lead me to it and I'll drive instead of Gibbs.  He drives like it's a pursuit.  I'm more normal there."

"Um, sure."  He let Gibbs get his bag while he led Xander to the stash.  He didn't like the look of unholy glee that came over his face or the wicked, evil cackle that came out.  Or even the phone call he made.

"Mac, our Marine found a stash of guns that belonged to some guy named Sonny.  No, I don't have my field kit. You said you wanted him hunted down and he packed his camp into his duffle and backpack.  Please?  Thank you.  Expect a hike."  He hung up and texted the GPS coordinates from his watch's readout, then looked at Gibbs.  "I need to stay here.  Go lock him in the car and I'll drive."

"Taylor can drive him back," he offered, leading him off.  "Any others?  He's a ballistics tech and a weapon's guy."

"That's all I found but this was my fallback spot.  They nearly found my other one in the city."

"Yeah, Taylor said you led him on a merry chase."

The guy shrugged.  "I tried, Gunny."

"Too hard, Corporal.  Too hard."  He got him back to the car about the same time as the trucks pulled up.  He put the gear bag into the trunk and pointed at one of the officers.  "He's Taylor's prisoner.  Watch him, watch his bag.  Or else I'm handing Harris a box of candy bars and locking you in the gym with him."

"Torture is not legal," Don said as he walked past him. "How far up?"

Gibbs pointed.  "See the shiny spot?  Ten meters past that on that same trail.  Take the left fork, it's an easier climb."

"Gee, you're all heart."  He headed up that way, taking the easier trail.  It wasn't much easier but Xander was chattering with Mac by the time he got up there, even being out of breath.  "I need to run more often," he panted, bending down.  Stella patted him on the back. "No fair, you're not huffing."

"I stopped for rest breaks, Don.  Besides, I watched where you nearly fell since I was staring at your butt again."  She smiled and he grinned back. "Okay, what's inside?"  Xander led them up to the cave, letting them see.  "That's a grenade launcher."

"It is," Mac agreed.  "Who saw it, Xander?"

"Gibbs' Marine buddy."

"Okay.  Was that cave his?"  Xander nodded.  "Good.  Take the spare camera, go do that scene for me."

"He told Gibbs it was his fallback position. He had one in the city."

"I found that one.  Go document that other scene since I can't let you near this one.  After all, you did try to dismantle him."

Xander shrugged and took Stella's camera, heading off checking it to make sure it was on auto focus and the flash was on.  Gibbs joined him with a curious look.  "I kinda beat up on the potential owner of those weapons.  He was coming after my family and had my house robbed.  I wasn't happy that he took my babies.  Or kicked my dog."

Gibbs shook his head.  "So you can't work that one, but you can this one?"

"Yeah, I'm just a bloodhound for him."  He shrugged and got to work.  He finally looked at him.  "Here, you take pictures, I'll gather other evidence.  That way I know they're not blurry and off-center."  Gibbs nodded, taking the camera to do that part of the job while Xander opened the kit to take other evidence and do a sketch.

Don came down.  "Why aren't you doing pictures, Xander?"

"Because only having one eye means that my depth perception is off and even with the auto focus feature on I take fuzzy pictures.  That leaves defense lawyers an opening about tampering when they have to clean them up.  Everyone else on the team realizes that and lets me do everything else."  He looked at him.  "I can work alone but Mac said I'm not allowed."

"Fine.  I understand.  At least it's reasonable."  He headed back up there.  "Gibbs is doing the photos."  Mac frowned.  "He said something about blurry pictures?"

"Yeah, he does take them," he admitted.

"Mac, the guy's only got one eye, of course he does," Stella complained.  "Especially since he should probably have his eye checked.  He's squinting in the labs now and then.  And yes, with the auto focus on, he takes really blurry ones."  Mac nodded, he had seen those.

"He said defense lawyers could challenge it," Don admitted.

"They can and probably have," he agreed, getting back to work.  "That's fine.  Gibbs knows what he's doing.  He does the same job."  His phone rang and he answered it.  "Detective Taylor."  He listened. "He's down the hill from us, Tony.  We had a Marine who went sniper in the city and he and Xander hunted him down for us once he was done with the last case.  He had served with him.  They're doing that crime scene right now."  He smiled. "Sure, I'll have him call you, Tony.  Thank you for letting us borrow him."  He hung up and walked out of the cave.  "Gibbs, call DiNozzo.  He said he got a lead on a cold case of yours."

"Thank you!"

Mac went back to work.  This was something else that would keep Sonny in jail for a very long time as long as they could tie him back to it.

***

Xander walked in the next morning and smiled at the people staring at his shirt. They all knew the t-shirt code by now.  One would see a threat and pass it around.  The stranger ones that would lead to people standing around to read and stare in confusion however, which was kinda fun.  Today's though, today's was special.  He knew that one of the women he worked with would be taking it home tonight.  He grinned at the people who came back to read it a second time and shrugged.  "I'm having one of *those* days."

"Obviously," Danny called, walking off shaking his head with a small moan.  "Mac, you gotta read the shirt of the day.  It's not a threat!"

Mac came out and read it.  'Things you should never, under any circumstances, say to a woman--"No, no, NO! You're doing it all wrong. Here, let me show you."'   He moaned and shook his head.  "Xander!"

"What?  It's a nice shirt and very practical advice, Mac."  He grinned at him.  "I learned that lesson the one time I tried it.  This way, others know not to do the same thing I did."  He grinned and hugged Stella, who stared at his shirt, then cackled and nodded.  "I learned the one time I tried to do it with woodworking stuff.  Never, ever tell Buffy she's doing something wrong."

Mortty came up and looked at it, then walked closer to untuck it and take it off him and back to her lab, putting it up on the wall with some thumbtacks.

Xander shrugged, looking down at his spare t-shirt that he had been wearing underneath.  Entropy - it's a tough job, but somebody's got to undo it.

"Ah, someone did listen in physics," Stella praised, beaming at him.  "We need to get Mortty a frame for that shirt."  She went to help her find one online.

"Don't you dare write a requisition for it," Mac called, looking at Xander.  "Must you?"

"You want us to get over fifty percent?  Yeah, I must, and I might even change at lunch time."  He headed into his lab, finding the small stack of guns.  "Awwww, someone loves me," he cooed, patting the top of a box.  "Don't worry, babies, Uncle Xander will take good care of you before we find out what idiot used you."

Danny walked in to look at this one, then snickered.  "I like that one.  It's sane and normal.  Sane and normal is good, Xander."  He walked off, going to tell the cops about the t-shirt switch so they could quit laughing.  "Guys, Mortty pulled the other one off him and hung it in DNA," he offered.  "He's wearing a better one now.  Entropy - it's a tough job, but somebody's got to undo it."

Ray Vecchio's eyes went wide.  "No, not the entropy shirts!  No, no no!  Stan!"

"Going," he called, getting up to head down there.

"What's wrong with entropy?" Danny asked.

"His entropy shirts means he's in a playful mood and chaos will reign.  That's what entropy is according to another one."

"Kinda," Danny admitted. "So that's a bad thing?"

Ray called David.  "He's wearing one of his entropy t-shirts.  Fix it!"  Stan came back pale.  "What?"

"He's going into the field.  With Mac."

"Mac can keep him outta trouble," Danny promised, looking at Don, who shrugged.  "It'll be fine, guys.  New York thrives on chaos."  Both Rays gave him a look like he was insane.  "Fine, you guys cower up here.  We'll show you it'll be okay."  David stomped in. "He's going out with Mac."

"I saw and warned.  I know he didn't walk out wearing that one this morning."  He tossed Don a report.  "Figure out why I got given slime?  Please?"  He looked at Danny again.  "Where's his other one?"

"Mortty yanked it off him and put it in DNA."

"That's fine.  Hopefully it'll be okay."  He looked at Danny and Don. "They don't believe?"  They shook their heads.  "Well, as one of the other ones says: Fate protects fools, little children, and ships named Enterprise.  They'll learn the rest of the t-shirt code."  He went back to his lab to hide and wait for the phone call. Because he was sure there would be one.  He called Mortty, and Greg since he was down there.  "He's wearing an entropy t- shirt.  It was underneath the one she took off him or something."  He put his head down.  "He's out with Mac, Greg.  Thanks."  He hung up and got back to work. They didn't have the time to mope.  Not if they wanted to raise the stats more.

***

Mac looked around at the scene, then at Xander, then at his t-shirt, shaking his head.  "I got a call saying to watch out for the chaos, but I never expected to have a parade around us while we processed!" he called over the noise.

"It's a coincidence, Mac."

"There's no such thing, Xander.  You know that.  Everything is connected."

Xander looked at him.  "I'm flattered that you think I'm that powerful, but not even I can spontaneously create a Pride parade out of thin air, Mac.  Wish I could some nights, just to cheer David up, but I can't."  He got back to work, taking pictures.  Mac was taking his own, just in case Xander's came up bad like usual.  "Did you hand in the tie study?"

"I'm doing it all together, Xander."

"That's fine.  Need help?"

"No, that's all right.  You'd scare the mayor.  A lot.  Like you do the rest of us now and then."  He took one last picture then took Xander's to look over.  "I swear, I'm going to figure out why your auto focus doesn't work."  He flipped the switch, then tried it again, handing it back.  "Try that."  Xander gave him an odd look.  "Do it."  Xander took the series of pictures over again, letting Mac check.  They were worse.  He moaned.  "I'm going to make you buy a new camera, Xander."

"Yes, Mac.  Get it approved through our purchasing committee."

"I'll talk to David later."  They switched places so Mac could take pictures on that side, letting Xander pick off little bits of stuff and bag them.

***

Lindsey walked into DNA and looked at the shirt, then at Mortty.  "That's rather sexist."

"No, it's a life's lesson," she told her happily, grinning at her. "Xander learned that lesson when he tried to teach Buffy how to hammer in a nail correctly to hold up a board over a window.  He ended up with a concussion from the hammer."  She looked around.  "What do I have of yours?"

"I'm down to get stuff for Danny."

"Okay, I've got tons of stuff for Danny, including some shit he wanted to see if there were other biologicals in.  Which is what I'm running."  Lindsey gave her an odd look.  "Literally."  She held up the swab container, getting a grimace and a shudder.  She shrugged.  "Which one was he looking for?  Night shift was off last night and I'm just now getting to today's."

"I'll have him call."  She walked out, going back to where Danny was.  He gave her a sideways look then went back to his microscope.  "She said night shift was off last night and she's just now getting to today's and your excrement sample."

"Rape kit," he said absently.  "That's fine.  I can wait another few hours."  He pulled back and rubbed his eyes, then put down his glasses.  He looked at her.  "What?"

"Did you see that shirt?"

"Yeah, and it's the truth.  Men who say things like that get hit with somethin'.  I'm sure Xander got clobbered by at least one of those girls of his."

"She said Buffy hit him with a hammer."

"Doesn't really surprise me."  He shrugged. Greg came in laughing and hugged him, whispering in his ear.  Danny burst out laughing.  "Okay, so maybe Dave was right," he admitted.  "What parade?"

"Not a clue, man.  Not a freakin' clue."  He walked off, going to tell that to David.  "Hey, David, Mac and Xander's case will have a lot of stuff for you.  Fair warning."

"Why?" he moaned.

"They were in the middle of a parade."  David moaned and put his head down on his table.  "Xander called to warn me.  He thought it was cute Mac blamed him for the parade."

"In one of his entropy t-shirts?  I'm not surprised.  I'll make him change at lunch," he complained. He pulled his head up and took the post-it off his forehead.  "Thank you for the warning, Greg.  Anything else?"

"Nope, not yet.  Got mine done?"  The report stack was pointed at.  He found his two and brought Danny's back for him.  "From Dave. He'll make Xander change t-shirts at lunch before it gets more chaosy around here."  He walked off smiling and happy.  "Yes!  Love you, David!"

"I'm married, dumbass, and you're engaged to a woman!" floated out of Trace.

Stella squealed and hugged him.  "You're engaged?"

"Popped the question two days ago," he said with a grin.  "She's very nice, Stella, but Gods can she ride my ass now and then.  She learned well at Xander's knee."  She giggled and hugged him again.  "Thanks.  We haven't set a date yet or anything.  We're at the 'yeah, let's do that' stage.  We might even run back to Vegas and do it there but invite others out or to a party when we get back."

"That's fine."  She patted him on the cheek.  "David?"

"Moping.  Xander was wearing an entropy t-shirt underneath the one Mortty stole and those usually mean chaos is coming one way or another."  He shrugged.  "Mac and Xander's scene was apparently in the middle of a parade."

"Yeah, a gay parade," she said fondly.  "Mac's going to need an ice pack.  One of them pouted at Xander, who pulled out a picture of his wedding and made some of the drag queens float squeal."  She walked on, going to see Danny. "I see you're slaving away.  Is that my sample?"

"Nope, mine. Yours was next on my plate, Stella."

"Thanks, Danny.  Let me grab a jacket and I'll be right back."

"Sure."  He looked at her. "What sort of parade?"

"Gay pride.  Mac's ass is swollen from all the pinching."  She smirked and walked off.

"Well, who wouldn't want a man like Mac if they were gay," Danny agreed.  Monroe gaped at him.  "It'd be like dating a guy like Gibbs or Xander, though I don't think Gibbs *is*, but a good minority of the gay guys I know want someone well built, kinda tough, and strong enough to drive 'em through a wall if it got that hot and heavy.  All three of those guys could."

"You have no idea, Xander's mostly a bottom, and Mac will spank you when she tells him you said that," David said from the doorway. "Can I have yours back?"  Danny found it and handed it back.  "Put it in the wrong pile.  That's Sheldon's."  He went to change them out, bringing him his so he could go get another drink.  Then he came back and went back to work.

***

Mac flopped into his seat with a moan of complaint.

"Want an ice pack?" Danny teased. Mac glared at him.  "We all heard, Mac, and I'm betting a lot of them would want a guy like you.  You're strong, well-built.  Could probably drill 'em through the wall if it got that hot and heavy.  I'm telling you I said this earlier before Monroe can come nark."  He tossed over the ice pack in his hand.  "You sound like you need it."

"Xander got beads and candy," he complained.  "And I'm still straight."

"Sure, not saying you weren't, just why they'd like you."

Mac snorted.  "Too much."  He sat on the ice pack with a sigh.  "Thank you, Danny.  Anything good?"

"Mortty managed to rule out every person in CODIS for my rape kit.  She's searching further out.  Monroe hated the t-shirt Mortty stole.  She came up to complain it was sexist.  David is going to make Xander change t-shirts since he said any of the entropy ones means that chaos will happen."

"I knew the parade was his fault," he complained mildly.  "Thank you.  Anything else?"

"Your voicemail light is flashing."

"Thanks."  He pushed the button and input his code, listening to it.  He moaned.  "The mayor's coming down today."

"On it," Danny said, going to spread that around.  "Guys!" he yelled. "Mayor's coming down sometime soon!"

"Change, Xander!" someone yelled from up the hall.

"Already done!" he called back, coming out of ballistics.  He shrugged.  "I liked the parade."  Danny snickered at that, walking off shaking his head to tell the others.  Xander went back to work, ignoring the people who came in to look at his shirt to make sure it wasn't *too* bad.  'I'm very responsible, when ever something goes wrong they always say I'm responsible' was good enough for the mayor with the case those two had just pulled.  At least until Mac saw it and made him change.

***

The mayor stopped in ballistics, finding Xander in there writing a report.  "Well, it looks like this lab is caught up.  Unlike DNA."

"DNA's nightshift person was off last night.  Mortty's doing the work of two techs," Xander said absently, then saved it down.  He looked at him. "Mr. Mayor, I'm told I was to give you this report that Mac asked me to write on some research about ties in the labs?"  He handed over the papers and pictures.  "Come on in, sir.  I'm clear for another few minutes as long as I get this report finished."

"How many did you have today?"

"It was a light day, I only had ten guns and a rifle."  The man blinked at that.  "Plus I was out in the field to help Mac during the parade."  He turned, and saw the mayor noticed his shirt.  "Read the report first, sir.  I'm the method of stress relief around here."

"I'd say. Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will.  That's not exactly professional, CSI..."

"Harris, sir."  That got a surprised look.  "This job is stressful enough without making us grim little pod people.  Let's face it, we see dead bodies.  A lot of dead bodies.  Every day.  Some very gruesome dead bodies and some very young dead bodies, and then we see the ones that we have to reconstruct to make sure they were human and not hamburger originally."  He shuddered at that.  "You wanted us to wear ties.  There have been six very good studies about dress codes in the labs.  Yes, field techs have to be decent enough to not get laughed at.  Mac's the only CSI I know, well and Horatio Caine, who can wear a *jacket* on a scene.  Not when you're on your knees, usually next to or in the pool of blood to gather things.  Not when you're crawling in dirt or under bushes.  Or even on the sidewalks because, hey, not that clean either.  That's why most of us wear nicer jeans.  They wash.  Unless you want to give us a laundry allowance for dry cleaning?"

"The budget is a bit tight," he admitted, looking at the report.  "Someone studied ties?"

"Of course they did.  They did it starting back in the fifties when it was procedure that everyone wore one to work.  The problem becomes that ties become infected because you can't keep them from hitting things on a scene or in the lab.  Then it transfers.  And in a job like mine, where I get gunpowder on *everything* there's no way.  If I had to wear a tie, I'd transfer gunshot residue all over this building every time I went to hand reports over or to get a drink."  Sheldon leaned in.  "Ten minutes.  It did have two matches but I'm not quite finished with the report."

"That's fine.  I can come back.  It's my secondary case.  Need a soda?"

"That'd be great."  He grinned and Sheldon headed off.  He turned back to his computer and checked it over, then typed in his last few paragraphs and printed it while the older man read.  He stapled it together and traded it and a dollar he pulled out of his pocket for his soda, winking at Sheldon, who read his t-shirt and smiled, heading out.  "See?"

The mayor looked at him.  "I do.  What about on scenes."

"Did you see Detective Messer?"

"I did, but he was heading out."

Xander got up and leaned out.  "Is Danny still here?"  Stella nodded from up the hall.  "Can I borrow him?"

"He's in Trace, Xander."

"Thanks."  He walked back in and called. "Can I borrow Danny?  Thanks, dear."  He hung up and smiled at the shocked look. "My husband runs Trace.  I'm married to David."

"Oh.  I didn't...."  Danny skipped in.  "All right, that's not that dirty and nasty," he admitted.

"I haven't been out today," he complained.  He looked at Xander, then back at the mayor. "Yes, I usually wear these or dockers.  They wash.  A decent enough shirt that also washes.  Unless you want to give us a clothing and dry cleaning allowance?  Because I've ruined cotton shirts on some scenes, much less something nicer that cost more than five bucks."

Xander nodded.  "I went out earlier in these pants, a different t-shirt, and my CSI vest," he agreed.  "We were in the middle of the gay pride parade."  The mayor looked at him.  "Detective Taylor was a great hit with the parade goers and they all respected both of us.  Of course, they thought he was a detective detective while I was the crime scene guy, but then again he was wearing a jacket."

The mayor looked at the pictures attached to the report and grimaced.  "What are these?"

"Representative samples of the less messy half of our cases, Mr. Mayor.  The second one was about what we had this morning.  They're all from my last three cases.  Um, never mind, three out of four cases.  One of them was a hamburger case.  Guy was chopped up and I had to help retrieve stuff out of the drain he was shoving it down."

"Why?" he asked weakly.

"Because I worked construction for three years before going to college."

"Oh.  I see."  He swallowed and went back to the main report.  Then he looked at Danny.  "How long have you been a CSI?"

"Five years."

"Do you think dressing like Detective Taylor would improve your stats?"

"Frankly, sir, we're fifth in stats nationwide," he said honestly and dryly.  "There's only eight labs that make it to the fortieth percent point for two week solve rate routinely.  That's considered phenomenal.  Only two of them get above forty-five."

"This last week, Mac's asked us to bust our asses to get above it," Xander admitted.  "That's why you're going to be paying me twenty hours of overtime this week.  We're at forty-two.  We were at thirty-nine before then I think. It's been a busy week.  Only two of the other labs in that group of eight are major labs.  The others are all relatively small ones for smaller cities.  Smaller state capitols that would maybe hold a borough if you're being generous."  The mayor nodded at that.  "We've all busted our ass in our own clothes, just like my t-shirts.  Putting me in a dress shirt would slow me down, a lot.  Some of the techs manage dress shirts and jeans.  I can't stand how they feel and I'm the stress relief for the lab because it's a bad thing we see now and then."

"Xander!"

He hopped up and came out of the lab, coming out to find one of the SWAT guys coming up the halls.  "Problems?"

"One of our guys is going in front of a shooting review."

"I'm clear, I can do it now."  He smiled and handed over the box.  "Did you confiscate all of them so he doesn't go over tonight?"

"I did, they're in my desk, Harris."  He looked at him.  "You did that?"

"All the time," he agreed quietly.  "The same as my husband does for me when I have to."  That got a nod.  "We even took pocket knives.  We shared a precinct with one."

"I understand why, kid.  I need to know which of those guns shot the guy."  Xander nodded, taking them back there.  "Bullet's in Hammerback's possession."

"I'll get it once I've got exemplars," Xander promised.  "Thanks, Chief."  He called down there once the box was on the table.  "Sid, Xander.  I've got to do a quick match for SWAT.  A shooting for a review panel.  I need it ASAP.  So as soon as you pull it, call, please?"  He smiled.  "That's fine.  Just make sure I can match it."  He hung up and called Sheldon.  "Sid's backed up."  He grinned.  "I know your last case was a kid, Sheldon. I thought you could use the stress relief."  He smirked.  "Thanks.  Yeah, he's got one I need for a SWAT review panel.  Thanks, man."  He hung up and got to work.  "Sorry, gotta start with this, sir."  He took the box into the firing pen, then came back to get a pen, tags for the guns, and envelopes for the bullets. Then his jacket, which got a grimace.  "Gunpowder gets everywhere.  Danny, it's going to be a cloud."

"That's fine, I can take him on and let him ask questions of the others."  He walked the mayor off.  "You know, two of my last six have been in the park and crawling under bushes, sir."

"Is it always like that?"

"Yup.  Xander keeps us up when things start to look bad to us.  Sheldon's last two cases were kids.  One was an accidental one and the other was an intentional one. Xander's kept him from going off the deep end and internalizing it.  He does it for all of us.  Xander was our best poach to date, sir."

"Where did we get him from?"

"Chicago.  We got him, his husband, our DNA tech Mortty, Greg Sanders, and two detectives from them when they started to abuse Xander."

"I see."  He looked at him.  "You're serious about the statistics?"

"We are.  Vegas and Miami both ride the two week line a lot. Most labs think it's great when they hit thirty-five.  We pout when we don't hit forty or really close.  There's been a few months when we had so many bodies we couldn't hit twenty.  You get turns like that."  They ran into Mac.  "Xander got handed stuff from SWAT for a review panel."

"I heard.  He gave you his report?"

"He did.  It's well documented."  He looked at Mac.  "Isn't he the one without the Masters?"

Mac nodded.  "Xander had some problems with school and some of the required classes.  He's a genius in ballistics and he can minor in trace.  He knows how to run the tests in DNA if he has to help over there on a major case.  The others?  He's the sort who knows what he's supposed to do in those areas but doesn't get why most of the time.  He's a ballistics tech with a minor in trace and the field.  We appreciate Xander for his areas of genius."

"That's fine.  Would more education help?"

Danny coughed.  "He had a gang member tutoring him in the mandatory economics classes he had ta take, sir," he offered dryly.  "Xander's an excellent tech but he's a hands-on guy.  That's why his areas are guns and trace.  It's very hands on and practical application.  Not the more esoteric of DNA and the various ways you can split it.  Not the ways of fingerprints, which can be problematic.  He can put samples in and run them, he can get prints off things, but that's as far as he can.  That's basic levels of competency.  That's all we require outta our areas."

"I really don't think sending him to further education would help his areas any more," Mac admitted.  "I might ask him to go take further chemistry classes or maybe a higher level Trace class through the local program but that would be in-line with keeping his skills current and continuing education."  That got a nod.  "He's one of the best ballistics techs in the country.  He trained under one and loves the other like a sister.  The two guys on the west coast and he have differences of opinions but they realize he's an expert in some things. They called him about crossbows the other day from what Xander was bragging."  Danny nodded at that.  "I really don't think anything other than continuing education would help him and with our hours here, it'd be almost impossible for him to do that and work full time for us."

"I can understand that.  He seemed very knowledgeable about things."  He looked at Mac's outfit, then at Danny's, then back at Mac.  "Do you find problems with what you wear to scenes?"

"To be honest, sir, there's been plenty of cases I've changed into a pair of jeans for.  Then again, I can afford to replace clothes if I ruin some due to my higher pay.  My staff works best when they can decide these things for themselves.  The same as Mortty's happier in goth gear and a spiked dog collar."  He nodded, he had seen her.  "She's one of the better DNA techs.  She's rated fifteenth in the country I think.  Her cousin Abby is the one that's rated top overall from NCIS.  I let my staff be themselves and they reward me by working their tails off for me."

"Fuck!" Xander yelled.

"And they occasionally swear," Danny offered, heading that way with Mortty beating him.  "Xander?"

"Misfire.  I'm fine."  He got helped to the sink to clean out the injury.  "I'm fine, guys.  Mac, the one on the floor under the firing table is jammed.  It misfired."

"I'll check it, Xander.  You okay?"

"Burned.  I think I got some shrapnel scrapes too."  He held up his hand. "I'll be fine in a minute."

"That's fine.  I'll come help you in here while someone looks that over."  He put a hand on Mortty's head since she was babbling into the phone.  "It's a scrape and burn, Mortty.  We don't need an ambulance.  We need Sheldon if he's not down in the morgue."  She nodded, hanging up and hurrying that way.  David came walking in.  "Misfire," he offered, going to check the gun.

"It's not the first."  He nudged Danny out of the way.  "Go cover Trace.  I've got him."  That got a nod and Danny headed up there.  "Let's see, baby," he soothed, pulling the hand out from under the water.  "Flash powder burn and some little pieces of metal."  He found some gloves and a pair of tweezers, pulling a stool over with his foot for both of them.  He pulled down a paper towel and got to work plucking out the small pieces of metal he could find, saving them for later.  He rinsed between plucking.  Finally he could feel a few pieces but not see them.  "Okay, you've still got a few, but they're deeper than I can get."  He reached over, calling Mortty.  "Where are they?"  He nodded. "That'll work."  He hung up and called down there.  "Sid, did you want him down there?  I plucked out most of them but he's got a few deeper ones and we need the burn cream.  That's fine.  Yeah, that's probably what he's working on.  Thanks, Sid."  He hung up and stuck his hand back under the water, taking off the gloves and moving to DNA to get some of the alcohol pads.  "Some small bits and pieces, he's fine," he soothed, giving her a hug.  She sniffled and nodded. "It happens.  Someone's a dead person when I tell the commander that it jammed that way."  He found what he needed and brought it back, finding Sheldon in there.  "Here," he said, handing over the pads.

"Thanks, David.  Nice work."

"My last one was just a flash burn," Xander admitted bitterly, looking at his hand.  He looked away.  "Go ahead."  He let David hold his head against his chest while Sheldon dug out the deeper pieces.  A few presses, some more water, one more piece.  Some more prodding.  Water.  Then the water was turned off.  Xander looked.  "It all out?"

"It's all out.  You'll be fine."  He dried it with a clean papertowel, patting it gently.  "It's not really bleeding. Let me slap some cream on here and then we'll wrap it up, Xander."

"I've got to get this done.  It's for a shooting review."

"Then we'll do it so you can wear gloves over it," he promised.

"I've got my firing gloves under the table," Xander admitted.  "In the drawer."  David got them and Sheldon wrapped the bandage over the injury, letting Xander put on that glove, then the latex one over it.  "Thanks, guys."

"Not a problem, Xander."  He gathered the bits and pieces up, putting it into an envelope.  "In case it's necessary.   You probably know the first aid for those things.  Let me see it tomorrow just in case."  Xander nodded so Sheldon smiled.  "Good boy.  Good work, David."  He patted him on the arm.  Then he ducked in to see Mac.  "He'll be fine.  Flash burn mostly.  A few little pieces and I extracted the deeper ones for him.  They're all in an envelope for you.  We wrapped it, he put his target gloves overtop of the bandage and latex over it."

"That's fine.  Thank you, Sheldon."  He smiled at him.  Sheldon smiled and nodded, going to write a short report on that for him.  He knew Mac would want one.  "Xander?"  He came in to look over his arm.  "This came from SWAT?"

"That was in the box from him, Mac.  It was my third or fourth."

"Okay, I'll let you do the comparison and log in the guns.  I'll do the test fires."  Xander nodded, going to do that with the exemplars he had and the guns he had done.  Mac put that one specially aside.  He wanted to tell the commander himself.

The mayor slipped out, going to talk to Danny again. "He's fine."

"Of course he is.  He's Xander.  He's always fine.  He got radiated by a dirty bomb and he's still fine," he said, looking at him.  "Even if we do occasionally joke about him glowing now and then."  David came back in.  "Burn?"

"Now.  Sheldon got the rest of the pieces out."  He sat down and looked at the mayor.  "He'll be fine.  He won't want to take time off for this."

"I'd be moaning and babying myself," the Mayor offered.

"Xander's past includes some survival training," Danny said wisely.  "Dave will baby him later."  That got a nod from David.  "Ice cream?"

"Possibly."  He shrugged.  "I'll see what he wants.  By then he'll be whimpering in pain."  He got to work on his next sample. "How many did you do?"

"The goat hairs, the cat hairs, and the bunny rabbit hairs."

"Ah, the hair sample.  Get the camel or llama one?"

"I did but it's still running to see which it is."  He shrugged and got back to work on what he was doing.  "With all due respect, sir, you really should be covered and gloved in here."

"That's fine. I'll go back to my office and think about what you've told me.  Thank you for explaining it to me."

"Not an issue," Danny said, looking at him. "We're usually more than happy to brag about what we're doin' if you wanna know.  We bore most of our friends who aren't in the labs with what we do.  Just know that we get stressed and uptight sometimes too and may snap during the bad ones.  That's the reason we put up with Xander's t-shirts."  That got a smile and the mayor patted him on the back shoulder before leaving.  "It is."

"I know.  I use it to gauge what sort of mood he's in."  He shrugged and got back to work.

***

Mac looked at his staff a few days later, smiling at Xander's t-shirt -  <-*-o-*-o-*-o-*-o-*--- Tribble & onion kabob.  "Cute, Xander, but why would anyone want to eat a tribble?"

"Klingons would probably eat anything," he said wisely.  "If not, I'm sure some other culture would."  He grinned.  "Are we clear?"

"We're clear. He showed up at a few of the crime scenes and was disgusted by six out of the eight he showed up on.  Stella told him that the other two were freakishly neat, then one started to rain and the blood started to drip.  It was enough for him to understand. We have been given permission to wear what we want, within reason.  So my usual dress code rules stand."  Everyone clapped.  "Xander, how's your hand?"

"A little ouchy but I'm fine, Mac.  I'm down to the last few spots of flash burn."

"Good.  We won on that point but not on one other one.  He does want us to do what we can to keep current.  That includes some people going to retake classes they may have flunked in college, or going back to retake some things that may have changed."

"Aw, man, not A&P again," Xander moaned.

"No, I want you to take chemistry, Xander.  Some physics if you want, but chemistry classes.  That way you know more about the tests you run in trace.  It can only help you in there."  He pouted.  "You can have Danny help you when you get stuck.  Take one a semester for now.  I looked at your transcript.  You were taking four hard classes every semester.  I'm surprised you didn't get worn out doing A&P Biology, Physics, Field Tech 1, and Chem 1 together."  Danny looked at him in awe.  "Even if you did have tutors for Chem.  Just take one.  It won't affect your present job but it could help."  Xander slumped down and nodded.  "There's a few good teachers at the local schools.  Go to one of them, take Chem.  You don't have to go to the one that has the program.  I doubt you need any of the advanced, continuing ed classes."  Xander shrugged at that.  "Thank you."

"If I must."

"Who's paying for this?" David asked.

"Tuition reimbursement is part of the perks," Mac assured him.  Danny raised an eyebrow.  "The same as any of you wanting to go back and retake things would get the same benefit."  Danny smirked at that. "We'll rearrange your schedules for that.  Also, David, get him a camera he absolutely can't take fuzzy pictures with.  Please.  I'll try to get you reimbursed but he needs one.  His present one can be sold to someone else.  Just buy him one he can take decent field pictures with."

"I'll try," he grumped.

"Thank you."  He handed down a card.  "Try there first.  That's where I got mine and the guy who runs it was a photographer in the military."  David tucked it into his shirt pocket.  "Thank you."  He looked around.  "All right.  Other than that, he was very impressed that Mortty wasn't snacking on people.  He thought the tutu skirt was cute but not really work material."

"I was wearing it over leggings."

"I realize that.  We'll try to give warning so you can change into a better skirt the next time, Mortty," he offered with a smile.

"I've got one of my schoolgirl ones in my locker but I didn't have time to run and DNA is first on his list most times."

"Put it in your desk.  Just in case. You know I don't care but you scared him.  He thought you should be nibbling on baby parts."

"Well, I did have gingerbread arms," she offered dryly, smirking at him.

"We try not to freak him out," Danny said patiently, smirking at her.  "Please?  Or else he cuts our budget.  Oh, Mac, I suggested a clothing or laundry allowance since we get into so much nasty crap."

"So did I," Xander admitted.

"I pointed out I could afford to replace some clothes now and then being paid more," Mac agreed.  "We'll see what comes of it."  He smiled at them. "Any other issues?"  Lindsey raised her hand. "Yes, Lindsey?"

"The t-shirt hanging in DNA, Mac?"

"I like it," Mortty said, then cat-hissed at her.  She backed away.

"I learned that lesson the hard way," Xander assured her.  "I tried to tell Buffy how to hammer in a nail.  I got a concussion from the hammer."  She gave him a horrified look, then he looked at Stella. "You're a female and the alpha bitch of the pack.  You mind it?"

"No, not at all.  Jane, the nightshift DNA tech adores it.  She's the one who got the frame for it."  She looked at Lindsey.  "What's your problem with it?  Most of the women I know would get the guy trying to tell them how to do stuff.  That's the New York woman's way."

"I wasn't trained that way.  I was trained to take it under advisement and then ignore it."

"Yeah, well, most of New York isn't socially polite," Greg noted.  "In case you haven't been flipped off today, they're not."  He smirked at Danny.  "I'm now at one hundred fingers!" he said proudly.  "Today's was stereotypical since it came from a cabbie, but I'll take it."

Stella patted him on the back. "Congrats, Greggy."  He beamed at her.  "Did everyone hear he's engaged?"

"Really?" Xander asked, staring him down.

"We've decided to go ahead and take that step but not when, Xander.  We were telling you this weekend."

He snorted and slumped some.  "I'm going to be spanking Dawnie later."

"She'll enjoy it, you know she will," Stella teased him.  He smirked and shrugged.

"Congratulations, Greg.  As soon as you set a date, I want paperwork for leave.  That way no one and nothing can take it from you.  If it comes down to a jammed time someone with more rank or more time in can get yours canceled.  If it's in there first, they can't."

"Gotcha.  We're seriously talking about going out to Vegas to do that, then coming home to do the celebration for whoever couldn't fly out with us."

"I like that idea," Mac agreed, smiling at him.

"Tech's Convention's in Vegas this year," Dave said casually.  Greg stared at him.  David smirked.  "That would get most of us out there anyway, Sanders, and the friends from Chicago and Vegas, plus the guys from Miami and Abby.  She probably wouldn't mind much and you'd take a few extra days afterward for your honeymoon."

Greg smiled.  "I'll suggest it tonight. Thanks, Dave.  Mac?"

"That would work and it'd mean most of us could get reimbursed for the airfare."  He smiled at him.  "Let me know as soon as possible.  Signups for that convention are next month."  Greg nodded at that.  "Okay, anything else?"  No one said anything.  "Lindsey?"

"No, if she won't take it down, I can ignore it."

"I have one," Xander offered.  "How are we doing holiday gift exchange?"

"We usually do a Secret Santa," Stella offered.  "We start that at the beginning of November."  She looked at him. "You've already started shopping?  It's barely October."

"I know that, but I get mine done early because I used to work hellish hours around the holidays with all the robberies."

"Point," she agreed, shaking her head. "We do one official gift for the office then private gifts if you want to give anyone anything."  She smiled at him. "I'm sure you're a very good shopper, Xander."

"I put him on a budget," David said firmly.  "Nothing from Tiffanies.  The usual limit is twenty?"

"Twenty-five," Stella offered. "Let him do his normal list and then we'll pick that one early next month.  He can pick it up after work one night."  David nodded at that.  "We do try not to give presents that would make the other person feel guilty for getting you something cheap."

"I found some great t-shirts for the guys in Miami and one for Griss.  Lieutenant Welsh is getting a gift certificate to his favorite deli.  The rest I'm still working on."  He looked at David.  "I sent Horatio the package of presents I already did for them so he can hide them in his closet.  That way Eric can't snoop.  I think Calleigh and Mac will like theirs."

"Me?" Mac asked.

"No, her dog, Mackenzie."

"Ah.  I'm sure she will.  He's a good lab dog."  He smiled at him.  "Try to make it reasonable gifts.  Don usually works that night since he's single."

"We usually bring in coffee and snacks for the guys who do," David agreed.  "Since we celebrate Solstice."  He nodded at Xander.

"Dawn does too but we'll be doing the present exchange Christmas morning."

"That's how we do it too, Greg," David assured him. "That way I get my holiday and he gets his, but we have the big dinner on Solstice."

"That's what we were planning but I'm thinking about taking her out."  Xander shook his head.  "No?"

"No, Solstice is a restarting of the year.  She'll be cleaning all day.  She'll want a fire of some sort, even a fake one, and she'll want to make a dinner.  Unless she's really fragged from work.  Then she might accept a nice dinner somewhere that has a fireplace and looks like it's been cleaned."

"Okay.  I'll look up the various holiday rituals."  He smiled at him and looked at Mac again.  "Do we light a Menorah around here too?"

"We have a group of officers who have one downtown.  They all go down there each night for the lighting."  Everyone nodded at that.  "Xander, you're about the only Pagan on staff."  Mortty snorted.  "Sorry."  She shrugged.  "Will either of you complain about holiday decorations?"

"The tree, tinsel, and lights all started out Pagan, Mac.  Why would we complain about you guys decorating for our holiday?" Mortty said dryly. "I will walk *far* around any manger scene but lights, tinsel, and a tree are ours originally.  You guys took them when you came to civilize us."

He smiled.  "That's fine.  We usually do have an angel on a tree."

"So?" she asked, looking at Xander, who shrugged.  "We're flexible about that.  I know Xander escorted one of the Jewish cops back in Chicago because he was having problems after an injury.  We're not the picky ones.  Can I put up the giant singing Santa?"

"Please, no," Greg moaned.  "Especially not yours, Mortty."  Everyone stared at him and she pouted.  "She made hers sing Goth-versions of the holiday carols, guys."

"I liked the rap ones she added in last year," Xander offered.  "I have no idea who got a rap group to do _Grandma Got Run Over By A Drive-by_."  Greg put his head down and shook it on the table.  "I did!"

"I know you did," David said, patting him on the arm.  "Mortty, honey, carols are annoying after the first ten renditions."

"He can say other things."

"Yes, I remember you having him say _Merry Christmas to my Bitches_ last year," he offered.  He patted her too.  Just like he did when he thought his mate was delusional or going that way.

"If it gets that annoying, we'll go stick it by Don's desk," Xander said, shrugging.  "They could use some levity."

Mac had a sudden vision of Don jumping when a rap version of a carol started next to his desk and shook his head quickly.  "No, Xander.  He'd kill you."

"Stan liked it," he defended, pouting a bit.  "Ray went off about how we were destroying a good, solid Catholic holiday.  So I got him a book on how his faith stole it.  He was not amused.  He read it, but he wasn't amused."

"You got him one on the origins of Easter too," David reminded him.

"I did."  He leered at him.

"There is no way you're going to get me to dance and revel in a field, then fornicate outside to hype the fertility of the earth, Xander.  Don't even try," David said firmly.  Greg squeaked at that.  "Beltane, Greg."

"I know," he moaned.  "Mac, I'll need that night off," he said into the table.  "She'll nag if I don't."

"I'll try, Greg."  He shook his head and made that note too.  Also to get those books from Ray.  "Anything else?"

"Can I make candle cookies?" Mortty asked.

"As long as you put them out, keep them up, let them beg when they run down, and put out an ingredient list in case anyone's allergic," Mac told her.  She nodded, accepting that.  "That rule goes for any other holiday food.  Though those of us on duty usually do some sort of dinner.  Last year it was Chinese.  The year before that it was pot-luck.  We'll talk about that at the beginning of December.  Xander, needless to say, you can buy yours.  We won't be offended."

"Thank you, I don't bake," David assured him.  Xander pouted at him.  "Except for cookies for pouty here.  Anything else?  I've got to get him home and straightened out for a while again."  No one said anything.  "Mac?"

"Not a thing.  Thanks, guys."  They nodded and traipsed out. Mac went to see Ray Vecchio since he should still be in and getting ready to head home.  He found him swearing at his computer.  "Eat another report?"

"We had a power blink in here."  He grimaced and found it, reopening it.  He looked up.  "What?"

"We were talking about the holidays.  Xander wanted to know about the Secret Santa that we do.  He said you have some books?"

He snorted and pulled them out of his desk.  "I can't bring 'em home, Ma complains," he said, handing them over.  "It's pretty much the same, just take God outta it and that's the Pagan Solstice.  Dinner and all."

"Okay.  We agreed that the tree, tinsel, and candles or lights were fine."

"Hmm.  Mortty's candle cookies look funny but they're great.  Stan pigged himself sick last year."

"I'll keep that in mind. Anything else I should know from the last one in Chicago?"

"Yeah, if I see that stupid santa of hers, I'm shooting it," he growled.  "Seriously."

"We've got one in storage," Mac offered.

"She'll change the soundtrack.  Fair warning.  I never wanna hear another grunge version of 'Oh, Come All Ye Faithful' ever again, Mac."

"I'll keep that in mind, Ray.  Thank you."

"Ehh.  Watch out if you're putting up a manger scene."

"No, we don't usually.  A tree, some lights, some tinsel or garlands, but nothing else."

"They'll want a live one, but Xander's practical.  She'll pout but relent."

"Okay.  Anything else?"  Ray shook his head.  "Have you guys heard anything bad about the t-shirt she's got in DNA?"

"Some guys agreed that their wives would kill 'em if they tried to tell 'em how ta do something.  Otherwise?  Nope.  A few guys thought it was cute.  Then again, they think Mortty's cute."  He smirked and shrugged.  "We're all good.  Xander will work that night since he doesn't celebrate."

Don walked in.  "When?"

"Christmas."

"Xander doesn't celebrate Christmas?"

"He's Pagan, Don," Mac reminded him. "Him and Mortty both."

"Okay, so trees and stuff are bad?"

"Trees and stuff started out as theirs," Ray offered.  "If you take that holiday and strip the religion outta it, that's the Pagan Solstice celebration.  Dinner and all."

"Okay," he agreed, nodding at that.  "As long as we can have a tree, food, and all that stuff."

"We can.  They even said they could stand the angel on top of the tree.  They only thing they'd protest was a manger scene."

"Works for me.  I don't think that belongs at work anyway," Don agreed.  "Hey, Ray, you wanna go to Midnight Mass with me and Pops?"

"Sure, if I'm here.  Ma wants me home."  He shrugged.  "We'll have to see how that works out."

"Sure.  If you're here, let me know."  He looked at Mac.  "Any other no-nos?"

"Just the manger according to them."

"Mortty's candle cookies look funny but they're great," Ray told him. "But watch out for any talking decorations.  Mortty has a way of changing soundtracks.  Rap songs, goth songs, things that shouldn't be said by Stan's talking angel desk ornament.  Last year, she made his say 'drop trou, it's time for the body cavity search'.  Shocked everyone since it's a cherub angel statue."  Don snickered at that.  "So anything talking watch out for."

"We've agreed, if she gets into our talking santa, it's coming up here," Mac offered, walking off. "Thanks for the lending, Ray."

"Not a problem, Mac."  He looked at him.  "A rap version of 'Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer', Don.  Watch out for anything talking."

"Sure.  We've got a few Jewish officers in patrol."

Ray shrugged.  "Xander went with one last year.  He was injured and couldn't drive.  He's respectful but annoyed by some things."

"That's fine.  I'd be annoyed by some things too.  Hell, I am annoyed by most carols after a day or so.  Plus the bell ringers."  Ray nodded at that.  "Why were they talking holidays?"

"Our lab wasn't just felonies," Ray reminded him dryly.  "Xander was our hard-working ballistics tech during the holiday robbery season too."

"Ahhh.  So he's nearly done?"

"Probably starting. Maybe halfway.  He'll use his overtime from last week for it."  That got a grin.  "You hear?  The mayor said they could be themselves."

"So more Xander t-shirts?"  Ray nodded.  "Okay then.  Hey, you hear about Mac going off on the SWAT commander?"  Ray nodded.  "Why?"

"Xander got burned by a misfire from one of their guns.  Mac found it dirty, jammed, and nasty inside.  He went to rip him a new one and they ripped the officer a new one together," he said dryly, looking at him.  "I heard Dave say he had ta pick small bits outta his hand from it."

"Eww.  He okay?"

"Yeah.  It's down to a small burn," Xander offered as he came in.  He looked at Don. "Would you rather have music, something cute, or a t-shirt?"

"A t-shirt or something cute."  He grinned.  "Are you doing your lab?"  Xander nodded.  "Garland?"

"Yup, living ones.  Ray?"

"Anything's fine, Xander.  You know I'm not that picky."  Xander kissed him on the head.  "Gee, thanks."

"It'll make hair grow on you.  A few lesbians told me that I was man enough to make hair grow on them."  He grinned at Don. "You're sure?"  Don nodded. "Cool, because I found the *perfect* gift but David thought it was corny."  He skipped out through their entrance and headed to the car.

"Last year I got a gameboy and two books on the symbolism of Christmas and Easter and where they came from."  He looked at Don.  "He's always good with the presents. Last year he got Mortty thirty pounds of liquored chocolates.  She was happy for *months*."  Don grinned at that.  "I wonder what he's getting for Ma."  He shrugged and finished his report then printed it, checked it over so he could hand it in, then headed home.  "Later, Don."

"Later, Ray."  He got back to work.  He still had to finish a few things before he could go home.

***

David frowned as he walked in, holding up a sign.  'Xander's having an REM day, ignore the shirt if it confuses you'.  The receptionist nodded and called one of the techs to get that passed out.  He walked past Danny and handed it to him then disappeared.

Xander came in a few minutes later, he had been talking with someone outside.  Danny looked at his shirt.... His lips moved as he read it, then he stopped Xander to read it again.  "I wouldn't mind the wombats nesting in my lingerie drawer, but they WILL insist on wearing my Wonderbra," he said finally, then he looked at Xander.  "Most men wouldn't even be caught dead reading it, Xander."  Xander beamed and bounced.  "Um, Sheldon!" he called, knowing he was nearby.  "We need a t-shirt ruling!"  He let the receptionist see it when she cleared her throat, making her blink and stare.

"*That* is the confused with the Xander look," Mortty said proudly, hugging Xander.  "He's caused strokes and heart attacks with that look before.  I'm so proud!  It's only been six months and you're already doing it!"

Sheldon moved her out of the way to look at the t-shirt, then blinked and did it again.  He started to get the same look, just staring at it.  "Is Mac around?" he asked finally, sounding  a bit odd to his ears.

"Yeah, he's in the office," Danny offered, walking Xander that way. "Doc, go take a few to get your wits again," he called as he marched Xander off.  They walked in and Mac read the shirt, then shook his head quickly.  "Is that a no?  Because Mortty called the look on Sheldon and the Receptionist's face that Confused With The Xander look.  Claims it's caused strokes and heart attacks?"

"I got warned about that look.  No, Xander.  Not that one.  Please."  Xander sighed and took it off, putting on the one inside his bag. _Elephants wear tu-tus so they can hide in pine trees. Did you ever see an elephant in a pine tree? No? Well then, you know it works_.  Mac got that look now, then shuddered and shook himself free.

Danny read it, then looked at Xander.  "I know you love us, but we can't join you in your insanity, Xander.  We really can't."  He got that t-shirt off him and the one from earlier, putting them on Mac's desk.  "I'll let Don hold those so you can't cause mass strokes."

"I'm not a public health hazard.  They said the radiation was all gone," Xander defended.  "I can't make anyone glow in the dark."

"Radiation...  No, that wouldn't matter with digital pictures," Mac sighed.  "Got any other ones?  If not, put on your NYPD t-shirt, Xander.  You can't run around without one."

He looked in his bag.  "I've got two left in here.  One's slightly rude and the other's less mind warping.  Sorry, Mac.  Don't mean to cause strokes."

"Put on the rude one first," Danny suggested.  He saw Stella walk in and showed her the others, making her blink and frown.  "Yeah, can you see if Don's in here?"

"I'm looking at the scars on Xander's back.  Otherwise my brain might explode with the image of him or David in a wonderbra."  Xander slid on his new t-shirt and turned, making her burst out in high-pitched giggles.  She pulled it off him and handed him a twenty.  "It's worth it to not eat lunch today."  She walked off with it.  "Don!" she called, seeing him up the hall.  "Danny said you're guarding two of Xander's t-shirts."  She held up hers, making him laugh. _Single Women Can't fart, They Don't get Assholes till they Marry_.  "It's worth not eating lunch to have this one."  She went to put it in her locker so it'd be safely away from dirt and other nasty things.

Don walked in and Danny handed him the first two, making him blink in confusion. "Why am I guarding them?"

"So he can't wear them and cause strokes," Danny said firmly.  Xander was sliding into his other t-shirt.  Don looked. _Fur is more actively protested than leather 'cause its easier to harass rich women than biker gangs_.  He shook his head and walked away.  Danny read.  He groaned.

Mac read it and cracked a smile.  "It's true at least.  I'll let that one stand.  Don will hold the other two until you can make him bring them to the house.  You can't wear those two to work ever again, Xander."

"Not even to make Hillborne have a stroke?"

Mac hesitated on that, then sighed and nodded.  "For that purpose, you may," he decided.  That was nearly a worthy cause.  Xander beamed and skipped out.  He looked at Danny, who was still staring at that spot.  "Danny, go get a drink and gather your wits again," he ordered patiently, talking to him like he was two.

"Yeah, coffee good," he agreed, heading to the break room.  He sat beside Sheldon, who passed over the sugar.  He poured some into his cup and drank it dry.  "The second one said 'Elephants wear tu-tus so they can hide in pine trees. Did you ever see an elephant in a pine tree? No? Well then, you know it works'."  He took another drink of sugar.

Sheldon whimpered.  He looked at Danny.  "I thought he loved us."

"He does.  David's note said he's having an REM day."  He finished off his cup of sugar and went to pour some coffee, then head back to the lab, only stopping to shake his head vigorously.

"I warned you, feel lucky," David called sweetly from Trace.

Mac walked Danny back down to the break room and put him back beside Sheldon.  "You two take a nap in here for an hour then get back to work.  All right? I'll make sure Xander's being a good boy. His newest one isn't as bad."  They both looked at him so he patted them on the heads.  "Take a short nap, guys, you'll feel better afterward."  He walked out to find Xander dancing to music in his lab.  He kept going, not wanting to go in there.  He went to talk to David. "Can you keep those down?  He damaged Danny and Sheldon."

David looked at him.  "Why do you think I have control of his t-shirt habit?"  Mac moaned.  "That's my warning code too, Mac.  He's having an REM day.  Watch out for a few other surreal ones and one on Homeland Security.  That was in his bag.  He's saving it."

"Sure.  Thank you.  We let Don handle his first and second one.  That way he can make sure no one else gets damaged."

"So, what is he wearing?  The women one or the fur one?"

"The fur one.  Stella yanked the other one and paid him twenty for it."

"Sounds like he's buying lunch today."

Mac sighed and walked off, going to find Don, who was head down on his desk and napping.  "Good.  He damaged Sheldon with the first one, then got Danny with that one and the elephant one. Is there any known cure?"

Stan looked at him. "Exposure, Mac. It's like a virus.  The more you're exposed the less you get hit.  Don'll be fine and they're in my desk drawer.  Watch out for the tootsie roll shirt, the one about lawyers and IRS agents, and one about monkeys and dil pickles."

"And his DHS one," Ray agreed from his desk.  He looked over, then put his feet down. "Especially if they're in the building."

"Thank you, guys.  Make sure he can't wear those around the office, okay?  Stella said she got bad mental images from the wonderbra one, namely either of them in one."  He walked off.

Ray Vecchio shook his head quickly.  "Keep those in the drawer, Stan.  Just in case, okay?"

"Sure.  I'll even remind Rennie and Benny not ta give 'em back this time," he promised, checking on Don before going back to work.  Their boss walked in and looked at Don, mouth opening to yell.  "Xander had a t-shirt day and it damaged him."  He handed them over.  She read them, then whimpered, handing them back before she left again.

One of the other detectives looked over.  "What's going on?" he called.

"Xander was having a surreal/REM t-shirt mood.  They're the sort that can cause strokes."  He came over to look, then squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, shuddering.  He went back to his desk, deciding a nap was a good thing for him too.  "Does this mean we can have a day without paperwork?" Stan called to the guy who was in charge when the boss was gone.   He nodded at that, looking at the shirts, then bursting out in laughter.  "Yeah, that look they had on their face is called the confused with the Xander look.  It's been known to cause strokes and heart attacks.  Fair warning.  What's he wearing now?" he asked Lindsey when she came in.

"Who?"

"Xander."

"Something about fur and gangs."  She shrugged, handing him paperwork.  "Yours.  When do you want to get him?"

"Let me read it over, give me an hour?"  She nodded.  He looked at Ray.  "Fur?"

"Fur is more actively protested than leather 'cause its easier to harass rich women than biker gangs," he recited from memory.

"Yeah," the lead detective admitted. "It is.  Most of them would never think about going after a biker gang for wearing cows."  The other detectives looked at him.  "Really.  Then again I like working with Harris.  He gives me indigestion with all the paperwork I get now and then but he clears incredibly fast."

Ray nodded.  "He does, even though he is a known cause of stroke."  The other guys nodded at that and got back to work.  He checked the clock and nudged Don awake. "You better now?"  Don nodded and yawned.  "Good.  Now let's get back to work. We scared the lieutenant home for the day."

"Cool."  He pulled open a file and got to work, slowly but work.  You couldn't expect a guy to be at top performance after a mental shock like that one.

***

Xander heard the alarm going off and covered his work, sliding the bullets back into their proper envelopes.  He retaped and initialed, then did a visual check, taking the key for the gun locker with him.  He followed the others out, frowning around.  "Dave, where's Mortty?" he called.

"Haven't seen her yet," he called back.  He moved his way closer, pointing at Mac.  "There's Mac and Stella.  I'll do a head count."

Xander nodded and moved over that way.  "Guys, where's Mortty?"

"She should have heard the alarm," Mac offered, frowning inside.  "Stella, you do a head count."

"Dave is."

"Okay, get it from him."  He headed inside, finding her asleep on her table.  He nudged her shoulder, coughing at the smoke in there.  "Mortty!"  She moaned.  He pulled her off her stool and outside, letting the fire department take her.  "DNA has smoke."

"Thank you, Detective."  They went back inside while Xander and Mac got to work on her.

Mac looked at Xander.  "She had her headphones on."

"Mac, I can hear through mine and I listen to mine a lot louder than she does.  Dave!"  He looked over.  "Who else is missing?"

"One of the ME's according to Sid, and Sheldon's not here."

"Sheldon's out on a call."  Mac got up to tell the firemen that and came back when Mortty started to cough.  "Mortty, you didn't hear the alarm?"  She coughed and hacked, shaking her head.

"Mac, feel this," Xander said, taking his hand to put on the back of her arm.  There was a small bruise there.  Mac moved his fingers, finding blood.  "She wasn't bleeding earlier."

"She wasn't."  He waved the paramedics over.  "Take blood."  They looked stunned.  "Sid!"  He came jogging over.  "Take a look at this."  He moved her arm, letting Xander hold her while she coughed.

"That's a needle mark," he agreed.  Mac got handed a camera by Danny and took a picture.  "Mortty, dear, can you breathe?  Is this an allergy or smoke?"  She shrugged, still coughing.

"Give her benadryl anyway," Xander ordered quietly.  Sid nodded, getting some from the paramedics and administering it.  She calmed down after a few more minutes.  Xander put the oxygen mask back on, now that it would do some more good.  "Mac, you said there's smoke in DNA?"  Mac nodded.  "Doesn't DNA and Trace have individual air circulation?  To keep contamination down?  Like the morgue does?"  He gave him a look, then slowly shook his head. "Just filters?"

"Just filters but good ones.  CDC approved.  Why?"

"I'm just up the hall and there wasn't smoke in ballistics when I came out.  Where did it start?"

"The morgue," Sid noted.  He checked her over.  "All right, let's let her go, Mac.  You as well, Xander."

"Dave, go with her. We have joint power of attorney if something happens," he told the paramedics."  They nodded.  He looked at what she was wearing.  "I can get her out of this too.  You'll never be able to cut it."  He followed them into the ambulance, weathering the swats to his hands from her.  "You'd rather they try to cut it off?"

"No," she moaned. He gave her a look and went back to freeing her from the PVC and leather outfit, plus her collars.  Xander tapped one.  "That's sealed."

"I understand, sweetie."

He kissed her on the forehead.  "Protect my Dave."  She nodded, taking Dave's hand.  He got out and handed Greg her clothes.  "She's still got the one that's sealed around her throat."

"Why would you seal it?" Sid asked.

"Like mine, it's to remember someone special," Xander said quietly. "Some people have remembrance earrings that they play with.  We have chains."  That got a nod.  "Different reasons though.  Either that or she goes sub and only her master has the key.  You'd have to ask her."  He walked back to where Mac was.  "Put those in my car, Greg?"  He nodded, going to do that.  "She's off.  I got her out of everything but her locked chain."  Mac gave him a sideways look.  "Now what do I do, boss?"

"We wait.  They're going over everything.  Did you close down ballistics?"

"I have the key to the gun locker on me.  Last samples were put up and I took the time to retape them."  Mac nodded at that.  "I didn't save my last report, or the one behind it I think, but otherwise yeah, it's closed.  Only needed cleaned before I went to help in Trace."

"Okay."  The firemen came out and Mac walked over to talk to their boss.  "What's going on?"

"We're not sure the smoke isn't chemical in nature.  You've got some tipped things in some labs."

"Mortty had a few in DNA but they weren't anything that would produce smoke or heat."

"Trace?"

"David!"  He looked around. "Xander?"  Xander's head popped up.  "Text David, make sure Trace wasn't tipping chemicals?"

"I was there, Mac, it was cleaned up.  We were clear and talking about going back over some of the cold case stuff or waiting for a new one," Danny offered, coming over.  "We had just wiped down the tables.  Why?"

"There's openly tipped containers in the ones labeled Trace, DNA, and ballistics."

"There aren't any chemicals in ballistics," Danny assured him.

"Some acid for acid etching," Xander offered.  "You have two fill-in techs and me here if you need us to look."  That got a nod.  "Still smokey?"

"No, sir.  We've turned the exhaust fans backwards and ran it through the filter system."  Xander nodded, walking past him.  "Which one are you, sir?"

"Harris, ballistics and Trace."  He glanced in DNA, pausing to stare at the mess.  "Oh, God."  He dug the keys out of his pocket, heading into ballistics with Mac behind him.  He paused, staring at the mess.  "Mac, most of this isn't native to here and the gun cabinet's open, isn't it?"  Mac nodded.  "I locked that, Mac, I swear I locked that."

"I know you did, Xander."  He carefully walked around the mess, finding it empty.  "It's all gone.  How many did you have in here?"

"We did the dump to storage two days ago.  I can pull you up a timestamp list."  He moved to his computer, canceling the screen saver of his dog running across the screen.  "Thankfully, Sarah was at home today."  He glanced around then back at the screen. "Mac...."  Mac came over to look.  His computer was doing a countdown. He unhooked it from the system, ejected all the discs and everything, but at the end, a computerized explosion happened and it went blank, then rebooted itself.  "Not good."

"Very not good," he agreed.  He looked around.  "Get Stella in here, Xander.  Put that down."  Xander nodded, putting it down.  "Where were the samples?"  Xander pointed at the table in front of the microscope.  Nothing.  "Get Stella.  Now."

Xander carefully made his way out of the mss, glancing into the firing pen.  "More in here, Mac."  He walked out and looked around.  "STELLA!"  She came running in.  He pointed behind him.  "The locker's open.  The firing pen has more chemicals in there.  I need to check the exemplar cabinet."  He held his head.  "I have the most splitting headache at the moment."  He took a deep breath and led her back inside, letting Mac tell her what was needed.  He walked into the firing pen and opened the exemplar cabinet, then whimpered.  "Mac?" he moaned.  That's the last thing he remembered before he passed out.

Mac walked into there, seeing the open cabinet, which was empty, and his tech on the floor.  "Medics!" he called, coming in to move him out of there.  "There's no exhaust system in here," he noted, helping carry him out.  "Stella, the cabinets were opened and emptied."  He shook his head.

"Xander said he had a headache," Stella ordered.  "Take Mac too."  They nodded, taking them both.  Stella was led out and pointed at the doorway.  "Tape it.  I want it filmed, I want the doors sealed.  I want the security footage," she ordered.  Danny nodded, running to get it done for her.  "Do the same for Trace and DNA!"

"I'm doing DNA now," Greg called. "Half of this isn't native, Stella!"  She headed that way.  "What happened?"

"Opened the gun locker, took it all.  Took the exemplar cabinet.  May have taken some samples.  His computer was rebooting and came up with no harddrive."  Greg moaned.  "Exactly.  This is a wreck."

Greg pointed at a group of things.  "Together those make a gas that can be too heavy to breathe through.  Mortty?"

"Mac was taking pictures of the back of her arm."  She looked at the containers.  "We don't even have these."

"I know," he agreed, taking another picture.  He grabbed onto the desk.  "I think we're going to need to air it out before anything else.  This is heavy gas."  She nodded, leading him out.  "Tape this doorway, no one in or out.  Those chemicals create a heavy gas," Greg told one of the firemen, who nodded.  "Take readings near the floor or ankle height in DNA, but be wearing a fume hood."

"Take it in ballistic's firing pen too.  There's no ventilation in there," she ordered.  That got a nod and they went to do that then call the hospital with that information.  Mac and Xander had already been taken.  Danny was led out gasping and choking too.  Sid came over to help them.  Stella did the bad thing, she called uptown.  "Sir, this is Detective Bonasera, Mac Taylor's second in command.  Our lab got attacked.  Gas, chemicals, stolen information and guns.  Please.  Now, sir, but we may not be able to go back in.  One of the techs realized that the chemicals placed around create a heavy gas.  We've got three, possibly four, techs down.  One before the rest after we were allowed to go in.  Also, Ballistics was raided by someone.  Exemplar cabinet and gun locker, plus the samples he had been working on.  Yes, sir.  That's bad.  DNA, Trace, and Ballistics, sir.  Please.  Thank you."  She hung up and sighed, looking up.  She called Mac's phone, leaving a message.  "It's me, I started the notification chain.  Check to make sure they know about the heavy gas.  Greg identified it.  He's on his way to you if they have any questions.  Danny's going too," she said, nodding for them to take him.  "It's bad, Mac.  Really bad."  She hung up and started to pace.  "Someone call in Chad and Adam, now," she snapped.  "Have them on standby for when we can get back inside."  That got nods and a few went to do that.

"Chad's out of the city," one of them reported.  "It'll be two hours.  Should I tell him anything?"

She looked at them.  "Tell him Ballistics was raided.  The sample he was working on, the computer, the gun locker, the exemplar cabinet, and chemicals put around."  She repeated that then winced.  "Tell me he didn't just wreck his car."

"Hit a tree, Stella, but with his fist.  He'll be back as soon as he can."  She nodded at that, going back to pacing.  "Chad, they took Xander and Mac out of here.  Someone had drugged Mortty.  They just took Danny and Greg, they said something about a heavy gas.  Thanks, man."  She hung up. "Was Mortty the gas or whatever Mac was taking the picture of?"

Stella turned to look at her.  "What?"

"Mac took pictures of the shot mark on the back of Mortty's arm," Sid told her.

"I need Taylor's camera," she called.  "Now!  It's got evidence on it!"  The firemen found the cameras in there and brought them out.  They were starting to melt.  "Crap!"  The AV tech came forward to take control of them.  "Pull the pictures if you can," she ordered.  He nodded, going to do that.  "If you have to, borrow a lab," she called.

"Yes, Stella."

She looked at the building, then at the detective's side, seeing them standing there. "Why weren't they affected?"

"We cleared them," one of them offered from beside her.  "GSMAC readings on the gas, ma'am?"  She pointed at the AV tech.  "Yes, ma'am.  We've informed the hospital as well."

"Thank you."  She walked over to where the detectives were.  "No Vecchio, Kowalski, or Flack?"

"Flack was here," one of the guys offered.  "Kowalski and Vecchio were off chasing down suspects, literally I think in Vecchio's case.  I called dispatch to have them notified.  They said he reported running after a suspect.  Kowalski reported he'd be back within the hour.  Flack!" he called.  Don came out of the alley, talking into his phone. "Girlfriend?"

"Sanders' fiance.  Danny's girlfriend too," he said as he hung up.  "I sent them to the usual place.  That good?"  She nodded.  "We have a clue yet?"

"They totally stripped ballistics, including the computer and the exemplar cabinet.  They put down stuff that created a heavy gas.  Danny and Greg were affected even after they cleared it.  Xander passed out.  Mac was apparently affected in there too.  Mortty had been given a shot earlier and had an allergic reaction."  Don scowled at that.  "We're going to have Feds."

"I called the kid's parents.  They're on their way up too."  She nodded and relaxed.  "It'll be okay.  We'll get this scumbag, Stella."

"They just endangered thousands of cases."

"That's fine.  It's reasonable.  Not like anyone touched anything except in those areas."  He patted her on the shoulder.  "Someone go check on the prisoners so we can move 'em," he called.  The lead detective did that with another one.  He looked around.  "The others?"

"Coming in.  The lab people are going to come too."

"It's all right. Not like you can't prove we didn't do this."

"True."  She looked over as a car with lights pulled up and stopped.  "Crap."  She walked over there.  "Hold it!" she ordered.  "There's a heavy gas in there!  They opened canisters of chemicals we don't have in the labs and created a heavy gas.  We've already sent techs to the ER and it's corrosive.  It ate a few cameras."  Their contact with the Department of Homeland Security stared at her.  "Containers were put into Ballistics, Trace, and DNA.  Maybe other places.  Greg Sanders is a DNA and Chem tech in addition to field.  He said we don't have most of them."

"He'd know," she agreed.  "I was briefed on this lab last month."  Stella nodded. "I want a complete rundown of what we know and I need the security tapes."

"I'm working on those," she admitted. She led her off to the side, then looked at the car.  "Have someone move it."  She nodded, going to park and then come back.  "We need a timeline, guys, and we need real-time camera images if possible."

"We're plugged into the surveillance system, Detective.  Was that DHS?"  She nodded.  "Okay.  We'll work with her. I will tell you now there's no good angles into ballistics."

"No, but we've got the secondary system for that," she noted, pointing at something.  "That system."  He smirked and nodded.  She leaned out.  "Someone break into the secondary surveillance system and download it for us!" she yelled.

"Trying to," their AV tech called.

"I've gotten a report on what was given to Mortty," Sid offered, handing over the note.  "That's the doctor's name and what they found in her blood."

She looked at the results, then winced.  "Why is there THC?"  Sid shrugged.  "Could it be medical?"

"If she's got cancer or something.  They can prescribe it.  I'd ask her."

"We can do that."  She brought what they had into the command center to hand it over. "We're not sure if she was prescribed it or not," she said at the opening mouth. "Mortty's never been high that I know of.  She's got a natural life high, she doesn't need it.  We'll be checking on that soon."

"That's fine."  Someone stomped in. "You are?"

"Vecchio.  I used to run the lab in Chicago."  He looked at the report in Stella's hand, then pointed at the THC.  "They put her on it to make her eat.  Her thyroid's out of balance and she forgets for months at a time while she's on the meds, then she'll go off the meds and eat like crazy.  They don't know why the meds make it so she doesn't eat but she told me that when she came in and had a doctor's note. Mac's files should have it too."

"Good," she said, that cleared that up.  She was happier now.  "Does Xander know?"

"Of course.  He's the ultimate busybody.  Where is he?"

"Passed out.  The gas in ballistics got to him and he passed out. Mac got him out and we took them both at the same time."

"Wonderful.  Someone notified Dawn and everyone?"

"Dave went with Mortty.  Don called Dawn and Xander's parents.  No one to notify for Mac but he did get Danny's girlfriend too since he got hit with Greg in the last dose.  Greg identified it and we've got a gas match."

"Good.  What can I do ta help?"

"Go move prisoners."  He nodded, heading to do that.  "He brought in a lot of us."

"Why those three labs?" she asked.

"It could be related back to a case.  Trace and DNA both have linked air filtration systems.  Ballistics has a filter for GSR but nothing else.  The morgue was also hit.  Did we ever find the missing ME?" she called.

"We did, he was passed out too," one of the firemen called.  "Still had a needle in his arm."

"Wonderful.  We also know that Mortty, in DNA, was given something. She was having an allergic reaction when we pulled her out."  Stella looked at the pictures.  "Chem's got the gas too."  She kept flipping.  "So does the morgue."  She bent down to look at it.

"Stella," their AV tech offered from the tent's entrance.  "You gotta see this."  He came in and brought his laptop, running the pictures on a quad-split screen. "I enhanced one of the vests.  It said LVPD.  Dave and Xander both came from there."  She nodded, and he kept it going.  They raided a few different labs and took two bodies.  It was very clinically done and very efficient.  "They knew where they were going.  That means they either had maps or they've been in here before.  And I sincerely doubt the second best lab in the country did this."

"True," she agreed.  "And that would explain getting DNA too since Greg was a DNA tech," she murmured.  He nodded.  The DHS agent stared at her, mouth slightly open.  "Greg Sanders, our field tech who identified the gas, he came from Vegas originally too.  He, Hodges, and Harris all moved from Vegas to Chicago when Chicago had that horrible manpower thing and the lab in Vegas got bombed.  Then Chicago started to play games with Harris so he brought those two, Mortty, Vecchio, and Kowalski from Chicago, plus two mounties, a girlfriend, a dog, a wolf, and the girlfriend's daughter."  She slapped herself on the head.  "Tell them to get Dawn's daughter out of daycare if she didn't."  He nodded, setting the film to rerun then do that.  She looked at her then moved closer.  "Be aware, Harris' parents are DHS like you, only on the covert side.  His father's Stetson."  She moaned at that.  "They're on their way up as well.  He's got contacts in those labs, NCIS, and Miami."

"That's fine.  We'll do what we can.  For now, we'll make sure this lab is cleaned up and the person found.  Even if I do have to move around twittering parents who carry a badge."

"Mortty's cousin is like her sister.  That's Abby at NCIS."  She moaned.  "Gibbs like Xander.  Called him a good agent but too many bad things happen around him."

"I'll make sure it's known.  Thank you for the warning."

"Not an issue."  She looked at the film again.  "I'm not so sure this isn't military anyway."

***

Xander walked back toward the station about two and a half days later.  The feds in his way gave him an odd look but he shoved one and stomped inside, finding Mac.  "Do we know what happened yet?"

"You should be resting."

"Fuck you.  What happened?"  He stared him down. "This is my lab!"  He coughed then cleared it up.  "I'm fine.  What's going on and can I help?"

"It depends, can you do anything with the computer to get the files back?"

"Did anyone check the backups I've got inside the safe?"

"We did, but you last backed it up a week ago.  Last Saturday?"  Xander nodded, that was his usual day.  "Did you do one since then?"

"No, but you'd be surprised.  Where?"

"Your lab.  They finally got the gas out of there, but you're still sick.  Go home and rest."

Xander gave him an odd look, then burst out giggling, ending in a few more coughs.  "Good joke.  Really."  He punched him on the arm and headed to help, letting Mac rub his sore spot.  He walked in and tossed his jacket onto the table, coming over to move the computer tech out of the way.  "I grew up with a hacker," he muttered quietly before getting into what he was doing.  He frowned and went into his safe, pulling out a green CD, putting it in.  The thing ran automatically upon bootup, showing him partial file fragments.  He pulled a stool over and got deeper into it, smirking and getting into the menu.  "She said a lot of hackers used this sort of thing."

"Don't," the tech ordered.  "We tried that on Mortty's and it erased it."  Xander gave him a look and shook his head, clicking on three options.  Then he ran it.  He got up to put in a few more CD's into his laptop, then hooked them together.  "Huh?" he asked.

"I grew up with a hacker.  She dated another one."  He came over to hit enter, then hit it again when the yes/no box came up.  His laptop came to life and started to download all the file fragments and completed ones, but his computer was processing them to put them back together.  Another yes/no box came up and he looked at it, then nodded and clicked on 'yes'.  It pulled the longer-term ones, the ones that had been there so long it was like they were engraved into the hard drive.  A third one came up and he shrugged.  "You want it to reformat it now or later?"

"Later," he said, clicking on that option.  "Please."  He moved to look at Xander's laptop, then stared at him. "Think it can get Mortty's off hers?"

"Not a clue.  It'd take a higher level of hacker.  Not like I'm going to call Willow up here either."  He gave him a horrified look.  "Yeah, her."  He turned his head and coughed.  "If you know one," he wheezed.  He sat down again, calming himself down.  "If you know one, I'll let them borrow it.  I don't think it can be copied but I'll gladly let them borrow it to do the others around here."

"Please.  I'll ask.  Do you know of any others?"

"Abby."   The AV and computer tech moaned.  Xander gave him a small smirk.  "So you know Abby?"

"Yes, I remember her very fondly. Is she up to see Mortty?"

"As soon as they're done with their current case Gibbs is escorting her.  Let me call."  He tapped in a number and put her on speaker.

"NCIS Lab, this is Abby speaking."

"Baby vamp?" Xander asked, sounding pitiful to his own ears.  He coughed.  "They wiped our computers.  Do you know a convenient fed approveable hacker I can hand some hacker buddy's stuff to so they can pull it off one that got more wiped when the local guy tried what he thought would work?"

"How's Mortty?"

"Okay. She's at home napping.  We're both still coughing."  He turned his head and coughed again, then went to spit in the sink. "Sorry, still got some cloudy lungs."

"You should talk to Tony, he had the plague."  She turned her head away from the phone.  "MCGEE!"  She giggled and there was the sound of running feet.  "Here, Xander.  Let me put you on speaker."  A click then a beep.  "Here we are.  What's going on?"

"I came in and canceled my screensaver, it was countdown.  I know I had to use a hacker buddy's recovery tool but it's not like I'm gonna call Willow down here to work on this.  It's got about eighty percent off my computer but they tried the standard response before and the tech said it wiped it cleaner.  So we need someone who can do more than click on the menus in this thing to figure out how to pull up the files.  They took evidence, Abs," he finished miserably.  "They stripped my lab bare, even took the exemplar cabinet.  All the evidence, everything."

"You poor baby!  What are you doing out of bed?"

"This is my lab," he said firmly.  "I should be here!"

"Sweetie, you should be in bed," she said firmly.  "What recovery tool are you using and is your tech there?"

"I am, Abby, and..."

"Hi, baby!"

"Hi."  He smiled.  "It's not one that's known to me.  All Xander said was that he grew up with a hacker buddy and he wouldn't want Willow to come help.  It's got menu options to try different forms of retrieval.  He doesn't think it can be copied but he's willing to let someone come borrow it."

"Sounds interesting," she admitted, and a tapping sound happened.  "Timmy?"

"I'd have to look, Abby.  There's a few viruses that do that.  Xander, where are you?"

"My lab.  Where else would I be?" he asked, sounding confused.  He started to cough again and went to lean on the sink.  "Sorry," he gasped between bouts.

"They laid out some chemicals that created a heavy gas," the computer tech offered bitterly.  "They drugged Mortty before laying it in her lab. She had her i-pod in and didn't hear them come in.  They stripped a few of the labs.  Including the computers.  We weren't sure we could recover anything. I'm good but I'm not hacker good."

"I'll see if I can bring him up with me tonight when I come up," Abby promised.  "Can you get me in remotely so we can look at what he's got running?"

"Sure.  Let me hook this one back in."  A cough came from the doorway.  "Mac, this is Abby, Gibbs' Abby, the one who helped us.  Xander called her to see if someone with more than special programs from hackers could help us and he knew she knew something about computers so he called to see if she could find us an approveable hacker."  He plugged them back in.  "Okay, we're back into the intranet.  Do you have his IP?"

"I do, just in case ya know?  Lee has me hack to check on him now and then," she admitted sotto-voice, earning a laugh from the guy next to her on her end.  She typed in something then giggled.  "I know her."  The guy on her end grumbled. "Be nice. Her stuff is being helpful!"  The sound of a punch.  "Meany."  The screen in front of him changed and a menu was dropped down.

"Abby, what are you doing?" Gibbs' voice came from over the phone.

"We're asking her to find us a hacker and she's seeing what we need," Mac called.  "Xander, go lay down in my office."  Xander flipped him off and took a few gulps of air, then came back over. "Xander!"

"Bite me, Mac.  This is my lab they stripped.  Abby, I got into the green one and it should still be set.  I had everything downloaded onto my laptop."

"That's fine, but maybe you should go lay down.  Mac's probably huffing in irritation."

"My lab and they fucked with it.  They're getting my foot up their asses and through their ears for fucking with my lab."  He started to cough again, bending down, grabbing onto the table.

"I thought Tony sounded bad when he came back after the plague and refused to take long enough to recover fully," McGee said quietly.

"I'm fine!" Xander snapped.  "I've had worse."

"Sure."  Another menu was clicked on and he hummed. "I can do something with that.  Can I copy it?"

"I'm not sure if you can or not, but if you can I don't care. I trust Gibbs."

"Thanks, kid, but you should still be in bed," Gibbs ordered. "Go home.  This is computer tech work.  I'll send McGee up with Abby when I send her."

"I thought you were coming up," she complained.  "Mortty will be upset."

"Yeah, so did I," Gibbs complained. "Our director had other ideas.  I'm going to help his parents for a week."

"Hmm, they're both up here and nagging David," Xander said dryly, then started to cough again.

"All right, that's enough," Mac decided.  He came in and hauled Xander up but the guy fought.  He knocked him out and shook his head.  "I'm taking him to my office, guys.  Do whatever you can and the rest when you get up here.  Good luck on your present case."  He carried Xander off, listening to him cough.  "You sound like you have pneumonia."  He called David.  "Did he handcuff you?"  He listened to how Xander got out. "Is the dog with you?  He's here alone."  He smirked.  "I'll get her from Don and make him drive him home.  He's still coughing up stuff, David.  He needs to be in bed.  Even if you do have to handcuff him."  The pitiful answer of 'I hate hearing him bark when I do that to him' made him shake his head.  "He does what?"

David explained it and he moaned.  "That's fine.  He sounds like he's got pneumonia.  I want a medical clearance on all of us who went in before I can let him back.  I have to have it for the federal paperwork.  He did help.  Yup, right after I hang up.  No, I knocked him out with a choke hold."  He laughed.  "It worked.  He flipped me off one too many times.  Thanks."  He hung up and called Don's desk.  "If you have Sarah...."  He listened to his car radio.  He must have it forwarded.  "You're taking her to question someone?  Oh, a child witness.  I guess that's fine.  No, nothing you can do if you're doing that.  Thanks.  Good luck."  He hung up and called Stan's desk.  "Are you in?" He smirked.  "Coughing and hacking boy.  Yes, that one.  He came in."  He watched as Greg trudged past his doorway.  "Greg!"

"I came in with second degree burns, I came in sore and shaking after the explosion, I'll wear a mask so I don't cough on things!" he yelled as he kept walking.

"Stan, come get both of them.  I need medical clearance to let them back in here and Xander sounds really bad. I'm about to knock Greg out too.  Thanks."  He hung up and went to track down Greg, putting him into a choke hold and then carrying him back to the office.  He put him down next to Xander, letting them cough in each other's ears for now.  Not that he felt much better but at least he wasn't hacking like one and in pain like the other.  Stan walked in and he waved a hand.  "Those two.  Xander sounds like he's got pneumonia.  Greg's grumpy and swore at me."

Stan chuckled. "They'll do it again later."

"Hand them both to David and let him handcuff them both, even if Xander does bark.  Oh, and tell him Don's got Sarah out to help him interview a child witness."

"Sure."  He looked outside.  "Help me heft the sick CSI, guys.  Down to my car."  They nodded and came in to pick them up.  Xander started to wake so Stan knocked him back out then nodded.  "Thanks, Mac.  Never boring, ya know."  He headed out after them, finding his car keys in his pocket.  He let them into his car and got in to drive, shaking his head.   David was not going to be happy with his husband for this.  Xander started to cough again, waking up enough to try to curl up.  Stan rolled down the window for him, giving him some fresh air.  "You need to be back in the hospital.  Wonder if you checked yourself out."  He called David.  "I've got 'em both.  Grumpy Greg and Hacking Xander.  Yup, still.  Sounds like when he had pneumonia for us. Thanks, man."  He pulled into the hospital's parking lot and up to the ER entrance, getting out and waving at the guard.  "Take the dark haired one back inside.  His husband was told he escaped without the paperwork.  His name is Detective Harris."  The guard nodded wisely at that and came to get him and carry him inside.  "Thanks.  His husband will be down once he gets the other one settled!"  He got back in to drive Greg to David and Xander's.  They could watch over him.

***

Xander trudged into work the next day and Mac stopped him.  Xander glared.  "I can't have you here if you don't have permission to come back."

"Fuck doctors, they're evil."

"Did you escape again?" he asked patiently.  Xander nodded.  "Xander."

"Tough shit.  Let me get back to work and then I'll go rest in the break room."

"Abby and McGee are in there, Xander."

"I know, I heard they're in our house too."  He trudged that way but Mac stopped him. Xander glared at him.  "I've had worse and went to work."

"Not in my lab.  I need medical clearance for the federal paperwork."

"I'll have some forged for you tonight."  Two officers came in and Xander growled, making them back up.  "It's not like I'm a danger to others."

"No, sir, just yourself, and the hospital said if you don't come back peacefully they're going to put you in for psych evaluation as well," one offered.

"Boys," Mac said, shaking his head.  "His lab was broken into."

"Not our fault, sir.  He didn't sign the paperwork."

"They wouldn't give it to me," Xander said grimly.  "Do you have it?"  One of them handed it over.  He looked, then signed and handed it back. "Better?"  They both nodded. "Then go do something else, something productive for humanity.  Before I bite."  They both ran out.  He looked at Mac.

"That's still not medical clearance.  You know that."

Xander kissed him on the cheek. "Let me go or else I'm going to make sure you need a remodel too," he said quietly.  "It's not like I'm going to chase someone down an alley and trip.  I've worked with worse. I worked the bombing in Vegas with full blown pneumonia and one lung working at thirty percent.  Now, let go."  Mac let him go.  "Thank you."  He headed back there.  "I'm back."  Abby hugged him. "I'm fine.  I've had worse."

"I saw your service file," she agreed, patting him on the cheek.  "If you don't rest, I can't make you good cookies tonight.  David said so."

"Then someone's not getting sex tonight," Xander said dryly.  "How can I help?"

"You should be in bed, you look like hell," McGee offered.

Xander looked at him.  "There's this thing called tact, McGee.  Did it miss you?  That's usually my sort of line.  Or maybe you got raised by Willow and Buffy too?"

"No," he snorted, smirking at him. "But if you tell me where Rosenburg is, I won't tell Gibbs how you worked the case in Vegas with pneumonia so bad you should've been on oxygen, like today."

Abby gaped. "You did what!" she shrieked.

"It was needed," Xander said grimly.  "Ask Agent Ford.  He keeps track of her for me.  By the way, I stole that off her."

"So?"  He shrugged.  "Hackers who do things like this are still a blight."

"She hasn't been doing it that I know of."

McGee snorted. "Six times into a federal database to try to erase hers and Miss Summer's records."

"Pity.  Ask Agent Ford.  He knows where they are."

"Oh, I will be.  Thank you.  She got into our system to try to erase any mention of you as well."

"Double pity then," Xander said with a shrug. "How can I help?"  He coughed off to the side.  He saw the cautious looks.  "Not like I can chase someone down right now.  I'm restricting myself to lab work."

"Okay.  Pull up all your ballistics files from the database," Abby offered.  "We're using your laptop to help us with the other's computers too."  He nodded, going to the desk and pulling something out of there.  "You have two?" she asked.

"Part of my emergency kit.  Some Willow stuff, some other stuff, some great stuff, but I can log onto the database and search by tech with it."  He got into it, plugging into the system so he could recline in his chair and work from his lap.  Mac walked in.  "I'm being good."

"I'm sure you're trying.  What are you doing and that's not a registered computer.  They caught you logging on."

"She's got my normal one.  She wanted my cases pulled up from the database."

"Okay. Which one is that?"

"The one from the black bag."

"Can I see that bag?"  Xander gave him a long stare.  "I won't say anything."  Xander pointed at his bottom drawer and got back to pulling it up.  "Will you ever show me that laptop?"

"Nope.  Based on who I log in as is how I get different things."

"Like Yoda you do speak," Abby quipped, grinning at him. She came over to look, staring at something. "How did you get the odd knuckle thing?"

"Bought it off someone at UCLA's labs."  He opened it and fired it at the wall, watching the laser burn.  Then he put it back. "I have the feeling someone took that from somewhere.  So you guys didn't see that."

"Sure," she agreed, browsing and then she went back to work.

"Hey, Mac.  McGee said Willow's trying to erase me from the federal databases.  Can I use that on her?" Xander asked as he sorted the search by date.  "Damn I'm a busy tech," he said grimly.  "Just my name alone came up with ten thousand-three-hundred-forty-eight matches."

"Congrats, Xander," Abby called.  "You're a great tech."

"Thank you.  I do try.  Patiences."  Mac nodded at that.  He held up one last thing.  "I know, it's my explosives squishy ball. It's what I use to squeeze when I've got stress, Mac.  I used to wear the timer on my necklace but Brass freaked when he saw me do it that once."  He shrugged.  "Horatio heard that story and checked me for a fever."

Mac checked his forehead.  "Well, you are running one," he admitted dryly.

"I'm fine.  I'm restricting myself to the lab for now."

"Thank you but I still need clearance."

"Call David."

"I did, he said to get it yourself.  The doctor wouldn't even give him one.  Something about his blood pressure...."  Xander moaned and called his mate, talking quietly then hanging up.  "He still mad?"

"Yup, I'm sleeping on Greg's couch tonight."  He shrugged.  "They knew when I had pneumonia.  We got them to Chicago right after I got better.  My body was shutting down because it was so tired.  That's how we got them into our labs," he said, smirking at him.  "That and David loves me."

"He does, which is why his blood pressure is so high," Mac reminded him.

"I'll make it up to him later," he promised.  "He knew I'd be here too."  He opened another browser window and typed in something quickly, then sent it to his mate.  Then he got back to work.  "Just the last two weeks?  Since the dump to storage or did they hit storage?"

"Any file you've accessed in the last two weeks, Xander," Mac ordered.  Xander nodded and printed off the list of names, case files, and dates.  Mac took it with him to pull those up in his office so he could see if there was a common thread.  Or maybe it did relate back to Vegas.  One came up odd.  "Xander, why did you call Horatio on one?  It's got yours and Calleigh's name on it."  He listened.  "Oh.  Who's over it?"  He groaned.  "Tell me that's not your other one?" he demanded.  "We'll figure it out then."  He hung up and called Horatio.  "Xander just informed me, belatedly, that his last field case came back to your jurisdiction.  Do you need him?  No, he's got a low grade fever and pneumonia but he's here because they took from his lab," he said dryly.  "Yeah, that reason.  I know but he's still sick.  He escaped from the hospital two days in a row, Horatio."  He smirked.  "Exactly.  He got given the paperwork today.  No, he's not been cleared.  Do you need him?"  He smirked.  "He said he had sent you the Christmas presents.  He said he shopped early because the lab in Chicago wasn't just felonies.  He did a lot of robberies."  He smiled.

"That's fine.  Some warmth might do him and David good.  Get one get the other one, Horatio.  You know how it is with married couples."  He grinned.  "That's fine.  No, he's pulling up case lists.  They wrecked his computer, stole all the guns from the locker and the exemplar cabinet, and then put a heavy gas in there.  Sure, I can have his medical records forwarded to Alexx just in case.  Thanks."  He hung up and called David.  "I need his medical records forwarded down to Horatio, David, and for you to get down there.  His last case is in their turf and the rest would do him good.  I do, really."  He smiled.  "I thought you might.  Thank you, David.  That's fine.  Let him solve it, get me medical clearance from Alexx or someone when you get back. Not yet.  You want to or do you want me to tell him?"  He smirked.  "That's fine.  Thanks."  He hung up and got back to cross- referencing.  This had to have a reason.  You didn't break into the lab without a good reason.

***

Horatio looked up as Xander and David came off the plane.  "Xander, how are you feeling?"

"Don't nag.  David gets enough of that in."  He hugged him, then handed over his file.  "That's what I had before my computer got eaten.  Abby managed to pull it up."

"Thank you.  Let's head back to the labs.  Alexx is going to look you over to make sure you can help us chase this person down."  Xander sighed, rolling his eyes.  "Tough.  You know that.  David, I saw your email with your reservations.  Very nice choice."

"Thanks, Horatio.  I thought it looked nice online."  He walked his mate off, following the local boss.  "I've got our bag, he's got the joint briefcase so we're good."

"That's fine, boys."  He smiled at the transit officer, getting a polite nod.  "You remembered sunscreen, right?"

"I'm from Cali, near the dessert, Horatio. The only difference is the humidity," Xander said dryly.  He patted him on the arm.  "So, in that case, we know he ran down here and we know he committed that homicide.  Calleigh found the match in the system as I was typing it in because I was a day behind.  Chad's had some funky respiratory thing too.   See, honey, I could have what Chad has."

"I doubt it," he noted dryly.  He handed Horatio his file.  "What we got off Trace's computer, DNA's computer, and Chem.  Chem was the only untouched one.  The others were fragmented and had to be reconstructed."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He got them into his hummer, smiling because Xander let David have the front passenger's seat.  "Xander, if she doesn't clear you, I can only let you in the lab.  Do you understand?"

"Horatio, I love you, but this guy shot two of our own during a robbery.  If your people have to run after him, I can wheeze behind them if I must.  One of us will get him," he said firmly, staring back.  "I know David sent what I had when I had to do the bombing in Vegas.  I ran then, I can run now if I have to.  I'll wheeze later."

"As long as Alexx clears you," he assured him, turning around to start the engine.  Now he knew why Mac said he was too stubborn and needed a diversion.

***

Eric waved at them as they walked in.  "Pulled up that case file and what we got sent so far," he admitted. "It hasn't been much."

"We brought down what we reconstructed and Chem's files, the only non-touched system that he was in," David offered, shaking his hand.  "Horatio has them and he's dragging Xander down to Alexx's office to get him checked over.  Don't let him run."

"I'll try not to.  What sort of heavy gas was it?"

"They opened a few containers of chemicals and spilled them together," he admitted, writing out the formula he had been researching.  "They drugged Mortty before they did hers.  She probably would've died if Xander hadn't realized she wasn't outside.  They did ballistics and it pooled in the firing pen since it's not ventilated at all.  They did it in my lab too.  Then, while it gathered, they stripped each of the labs.  Ballistics got the gun locker, the exemplar cabinet in the firing pen, everything, even the two samples he had been working on. They also had enough time to virus the computers so they were fragged totally.  It took something Willow wrote to bring them back and then Abby and McGee from NCIS to finish pulling the information off.  They'll still need replaced."

"Man," Eric complained.  "Any leads?"

"They were very tight, very military according to Mac and Xander when he saw it in the pressure chamber." Eric moaned.  "The heavy gas settled into his lungs.  He's got pneumonia.  So please don't let him run, even if he tries it.  I know he did it in Vegas and we appreciated that, but I would've stopped him then if I had known, and so would've everyone else."  Eric nodded, getting that. "The one odd thing was that they were wearing LVPD vests.  The CSI vests."  Eric gave him a long look.  "Yeah, all six of them.  Mac talked to Grissom but I'm not in the loop about that right now."   He looked around then back at him.  "Can I help?  I'm bored.  Taking care of Xander is making my blood pressure skyrocket."

"Go see Speed.  He's in Trace."

"Bless you."  He headed that way, finding him in the lab.  "Please, God, let me do something other than baby my husband."

Speed smirked at him.  "Sure.  Pull up some gloves and come help with soil samples."

"Thank you.  I hate it when he's sick.  Especially when he's so sick he ignores it and keeps going."  Speed snickered at that, leaning on the table.  "Idiot walked out of the hospital *twice*, two days in a row," David said as he pulled on gloves.  "Without signing out. They were going to declare him a danger to himself and put him in psych if they had to bring him back.  Thankfully one of the patrol guys brought in the paperwork for him.  He swore at Mac.  He growled at Mac.  He ignored direct orders to go home from Mac.  The first day they sent me him and Greg.  I handcuffed them together and they nearly managed to escape but Don was bringing home Sarah and saw them."  Speed shook his head.  "Seriously.  Unfortunately seriously.  Speaking of, she's being dog sat.  Don's thinking about getting a dog so he's keeping her at the moment."

"That's fine.  We've got Mackenzie in anyway."  He gave him a shoulder nudge.  "Remember, he gets better and spoils you."

"Oh, he's already started on his 'please forgive me for being a bastard' plans.  I've gotten flowers.  Food, candy.  Spa time.  All in one very nice package sent to me.  His mother thought it was cute."

Speed giggled, leaning on the table.  "Only Xander."

"Yeah, only my husband.  Horatio said Alexx has to clear him."

"Yeah, and that'll work," Speed agreed sarcastically.  "We heard about Vegas.  She told me how bad off he was then.  Not breaking confidentiality or anything," he offered at the look.

"That's okay.  At least someone realizes."  He got to work helping him.  Eric leaned in the door.  "Did Alexx knock him out again?"

"No.  She's feeding him tea."  He shrugged.  "Calleigh's back, she wants to know where Sarah is."

"Don's thinking about getting a dog so he's watching her."

"I'll tell her.  Speed, Horatio's back in his office, looking over that file with Calleigh."

"Going.  Have fun, David."

"Thanks.  I needed this little bit of extended sanity."  Speed left him alone but Eric came in.  "Am I that fascinating?"

"Yup.  Because otherwise I'm going to have to break open a new case ten minutes before I leave for the day.  Since I've got a hot date tonight...."

"Ah.  It's a wise man who does that when he must."  He gave him a look.  "Are you bringing flowers?"

"She doesn't like them."  He shrugged and came over to look at what he was doing.  "We found a lot of acidic traces there."

"That's what I'm seeing too," he admitted.  "I'm fine, Eric.  Go take a long time changing."  Eric grinned and skipped off.

Xander grinned as he came in.  "I'm okay as long as I have someone with me.  Horatio is sulking. What can I do to help?"

"Soil samples."

"Okay."  He washed his hands, put on gloves and came over to help until someone else needed him.

Horatio looked down from his office.  "Now I know why it's so easy to abuse him," he said dryly.  Alexx nodded and made an agreeing noise.  "Are you sure?"

"He's done it before and this way someone will be there if he starts to cough up that dirty lung of his, Horatio.  The poor boy's exhausted."  Horatio looked at her.  "He is.  He won't admit it but he's got to be.  They had him in a diving chamber."

"That's not unreasonable with a heavy gas.  Do we know what was used?"  She shrugged.  "It wasn't in there?"

"No.  Call David."  He called down there and smiled, then called Eric, who jogged the paper up to him then saluted and left.  "Hmm, someone's got a date and plans on getting some tonight."

"He usually does, Alexx," he sighed, shaking his head.  He looked over the formula, glaring.  "No wonder.  Look."  He handed it over and she moaned, going to check Xander's lungs over again.  That was corrosive.  No wonder he was still coughing if it was in there.  He called Mac.  "Did you know the gas was corrosive?"  He smirked.  "It is.  She's looking him over now, Mac.  Thanks.  No, they're in Trace at the moment.  Thank you."  He hung up and opened the door.  "Mac didn't know it was corrosive, Alexx.  He said their insurance would cover it if you needed him on breathing treatments down here."

"I'm fine!" drifted up from Trace.  Then the sound of a slap before David stomped off.

"Hmm, someone's seen Superman Xander before," he mused.

"Ya think?" Speed asked dryly as he joined him.  "I heard he did it for Vegas after the bomb too."

"This time the gas was corrosive."

"Yeah, Stella told me it ate a few of the cameras."  Horatio looked at him.  "It did."

"Wonderful.  Does he know that?"

"Do you think it'd matter?"

"No," he admitted, walking down there and into the lab. "Xander, Stella told Speed that the gas ate some of the cameras."

"Really?  My laptop was in ballistics and so was my special one and neither of them got hurt."

"We can check on that, but if it is corrosive....."  Xander sighed and looked at him. "I know you're trying to help, but if you're that sick, it'll cut your career short.  Or it could kill you.  Then what would David do."

"Mope," he admitted.  "I'm really not that badly off, Horatio. It's a mild cough and a small fever now and then. Putting me in the pressure chamber cleared it out of my lungs but it brought back the pneumonia I had a few years back.  They put me on an antibiotic and I'm taking it religiously.  Even if David doesn't realize it I am.  I'm taking good care of myself and I'll be *fine*.  No matter how much he fusses."

"If you say so, but should you start to get worse, we will handcuff you and bring you to the hospital."

"And I'm all for that, but worse is not always what you think it is.   Just because I cough and I wheeze doesn't mean I'm in bad shape.  I had worse when I was working eighteen hours days with pneumonia.  Then I wasn't coughing.  It wasn't coming out.  I was down to a lung and a third.  Well, technically three-quarters of a lung and a third."  He leaned on the table.  "I'm at full capacity now but I'm coughing a bit.  I can handle coughing even if it does annoy the crap out of me."

"As long as you tell us if you start to feel worse."

"I take sudden turns for the worst, Horatio.  I'll pass out probably.  I did when I quit coughing.  So if you hear me quit coughing, it's a bad thing."

"I'll keep that in mind.  Doesn't David know about the antibiotics?"

"I don't think so.  I never outright told him but I did take them a few times while he was in the room."

"Yes, I know about them," David said, leaning in the doorway.  "You'll actually admit it when you start to feel worse?"

"I will and I'm cutting back my hours for a few weeks too, Dave.   I know I'm stupid but I'm not quite that dumb.   I'm not in the same shape I was when I had to fill in for half the lab and then come do you guys' bomb.  Since then I got glowy and stuff."  David nodded.  "Just because I'm coughing doesn't mean I'm that sick."

"With the radiation you took, it could be," he reminded him, coming in to look at him.  Xander kissed him gently.  "No necking in the lab."

"I know that.  It was to reassure you.  I did tell them that. They have the files there from Chicago.  I saw it.  They were going over the radiation stuff with me while I was in the pressure chamber.  The same as I'm on the right meds for it and I'm taking them.  All right?"  David nodded. "Good, then go sit on the beach and wallow in the sun."  He stole another kiss. "I'll be heading to the hotel within an hour."  David shook his head. "Let me finish this testing series."

David looked.  "Why are you doing that one?"

"Because the mass spec said it was an alkaline, not an acid."  He grimaced and handed it over.  "See?"  He got back to work.  "I figured it'd double up but this one would tell us if there was more than one and relative concentration, plus probably what form it was poured on in.   That's just confirmation since your acid test came back negative."

"Fine," he agreed, regloving to help.

"I'll trust you, Xander, but remember what I said," Horatio warned.

"Yes, mom."  He grinned at him. "You fuss nearly as well as Mac does."

"He told me you swore at him and threatened him."

"Yeah, well, a bored Xander is a freak of nature that is worse than a black hole for destroying the world.  I really should have that printed on a t-shirt," he offered, looking at his mate, who moaned and shook his head.  "Sorry."  He got back to work, smirking slightly.

Horatio walked off shaking his head. Those t-shirts of his were something else. He had seen the holiday presents.

***

Speed looked at Xander's t-shirt when he came in, then burst out laughing.  "I like that one."

Eric came out of his lab, reading it silently. _Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population is growing_.  He nodded. "Especially among the criminal contingent."  He nodded. "I've got something for you."

"Ooh, presents," he said happily, following him.  "What do we have?"

"Two of the files weren't put back together right, but I may have found out why," Eric offered. "Before you ask, I had Horatio email that to Mac already.  It looks like it may have related back to Vegas."  He pushed over the two complete folders.  "See, they had the same things involved so the computer put it together.  Shouldn't have been though.  Checking them against the other, untouched, computers, meant that we found a link for that."

"Woo-hoo!" he shouted, hugging him.  "I love you!"

"If he's that nice to you, he can have you," David called. "You snored worse last night."

"Sorry, honey, but he's too young and pretty for me. You know I like older and sarcastic."

"You can have Speed," Eric offered getting free so they could go over it.

"I heard that, Delko, I will get you for that," Speed called from the hallway.

"Boys, no hurting each other because Eric found Xander a clue," Horatio said patiently.

"But he offered me to Xander, H!" Speed complained.

Horatio looked at him.  "You are more like his husband than Eric himself is, Speed."

"Oohh, I'm so going to get you both," he warned, stomping off. "McKenzie, Horatio's got chocolate dog biscuits," he called.  The small dog came running out to bark at Horatio, bouncing up and down around him as he walked.

"Down, McKenzie," Horatio ordered. "They're in my desk."  The dog ran that way and barked loudly until he sighed and came up to get him one.  He handed one over and the dog barked again, trotting off happily to show his mommy his treat.

"Awww, that's so sweet of Horatio to treat you," she cooed, smiling at him.

"Speed sicced him on me," he complained.

She hit him on the arm.  "Quit being so mean to Speed, Horatio.  We know you love my McKenzie like he was your own."  She carried her dog off, cooing and teasing him with the dog biscuit's end. "Who's a good boy then?" she cooed, kissing Speed on the cheek.  "Quit using my dog to torment Horatio," she ordered in his ear.  "Or else I'll get you worse than Eric ever could."  He smirked and nodded. "Besides, you would look cute against Xander.  You're both dark but he's well dressed, sometimes, and you're beach boy scruffy."  She went back into ballistics.  "Go get the granddaddy to help me," she ordered.  McKenzie barked and went to find Xander and bring him back for her.  She smiled and held up a gun, getting a squeal.  "I could use the help anyway.  I'm a bit backed up with a smuggler the other day."  He nodded, coming over to help, the dog laying down in his basket to watch the mommy and granddaddy work together. It was a good day for him.

***

Xander got off the plane in Vegas and waved at the cop there to meet him, giving him a hug.  "Hi, Brass."

"Hi, Xander.  What's going on?"

"When we were reconstructing the files, two of them went back together wrong but Eric and Abby figured it out.  When they did that, they figured out other stuff."  He handed over what he had carried up.  "Including them."

"I see."  He frowned, then nodded, walking him out to the car.  "No Hodges this time?"

"He had to run home and get back to the lab.  His was just cleared.  Mine is still in lock- down since they stripped it bare.  I don't get to go back to work until the Feds release me so Mac told me to come liaise here after we got done with my case that crossed us into Miami."

"That works for me," he admitted, smiling at him.  "Hodges did call Grissom and warn him you're coughing again."

"Heavy gas settled into my lungs and I've got the end of the pneumonia it gave me.  I'm fine.  I chased the asshole down in Miami with Eric and Speed."  He got yelled at for it too but oh well, that was the job.  Brass gave him a look.  "Let me guess, someone from down there called?"

"Yup.  Alexx called Grissom too."  Xander moaned and he smirked, patting him on the back.  "It'll be okay, kid.  Come on, let's go give this to Grissom, see what he thinks."

"Oh, we don't think, we know.  Go to the last page."  He did that and moaned.  "Therefore, yeah, we know."

"Damn it," he muttered, letting him into their SUV and heading back to the station.  "How did you guys figure out he was involved?"

"Not that hard really.  Abby checked my grudge and case lists and came up with him and two other cases.  So when Eric realized those files had been put together wrong... it came up suddenly in the middle of the night.  Made David give me an evil look for saying his name too."  He looked at him.  "How is everyone?"

"Doing good.  We're all okay.  Nick may pout that you didn't bring the dog."

"We'll be in for the convention.  For a few reasons I think," he offered with a shy grin.

"Oh, really?  Redoing our vows?"

"No, but Greg's engaged to Dawn."

"Really?" he asked, smirking brighter.  "Warrick got some news that he hadn't shared."

"Yup.  He wanted it kept quiet because they weren't sure they were doing it that way, but they were talking about it since most of our friends would be there anyway."

"That makes sense and it'd be cheaper since the departments would be reimbursing for part of the convention costs."  He smirked as he pulled into the station.  "I'll keep it quiet but you tell me when they make that decision."

"If they tell me," Xander noted dryly.  "Dawn's mad at me for going back to work and escaping the hospital."  Brass laughed, leaned on the steering wheel laughed.  "Exactly."  He took the folder and slid out, heading inside.  He smiled and waved at the receptionist, getting a squeal and a hug.  "I'm back on a case," he teased.  "David's doing very well."

"It's a good thing he makes you happy!" she assured him.  "Let me get you a visitor's pass, Xander."  She dug one out and handed it over.  "There you go.  Gris is in his office sulking."

"Thank you, Brass will be following when he quits laughing."  He grinned and winked, using his pass to get back into the CSI section.  He ducked under Warrick's arm since he was in the way.  "Geeze, hall blocking much?" he taunted.

"Xander!" he complained, frowning at him. Xander shot him a smirk and waved the folder.  "Ooh, you found out something."

"Eric found out something and it started off the clue."  He leaned in ballistics, blowing a kiss.  "I miss your sanity.  I'm still shut out of my lab."

Bobby, the guy who mentored him, smiled and came over to give him a hug.  "Visiting?"

"In to kill the assholes who got me locked out of my lab," he said blandly.  "But we need you and whoever it got handed to."

"Gris took it with Warrick and Nick."

"Cool.  Clean up and come on."

"Be right there."  He went back to what he had been doing, cleaning it up and following.

Xander leaned against the doorway to Grissom's office.  "I thought it was just me who was looking older," he said dryly.  "You really need a moisturizer, Grissom."

He looked up and smiled.  "Thank you for the advice, Xander. Got any good suggestions?"

"Greg likes this pear scented one from Clinque or someone."  He shrugged.  "It works for him.  He found a wrinkle the other day and a gray hair. There were many hours of freakage and yelling then a good week of pouting."  He walked in and handed over the folder.  "When we had to put back together the files on my computer, two got stuck together wrong.  Delko, down in Miami, figured it out because it related back to his case, but it ends up relating back here and I'm fairly certain following this one down will get me back in my lab and so we can find all the shit they stole from New York."  He gave him a look.  "Then I had a screaming epiphany in the middle of the night and got disgusted looks for the name I yelled out."

"Did Hodges say it had better not have been a good and happy dream?" Bobby teased.

Xander looked at him and nodded.  "You bet."  He turned his head and coughed. "I'm still fine."

"I'm sure you are.  Sit."  Xander flopped down and sprawled out.  Grissom smirked.  "You sat that same way during part of your interview."

"My back was out," he complained.  Grissom smiled at that. "Besides, you knew by that alone that I was the right tech because I could keep up with everyone here, even Greg and David."

"Nah, you were worse than Greg and David," Nick said as he came in, giving him a hug.  "Did you bring me more work?"

"No, I brought you less work, snookums."  He patted him on the arm.  "Get off."  Nick laughed but got off his neck.  "Thanks.  Heavy gas released into my lab makes me cough."

"I can see why."  He looked at the folder, then smirked and took it to read over.  "That does fit."

"I thought so.  Eric Delko down in Miami found the flaw when we put two files back together that shouldn't have been.  Between that and a screaming epiphany?  Proving it might be more difficult, but easier out here than out there."

"Good point."  Nick looked at him. "I thought you guys were in New York."

"We are but I had a crossover case down in Miami, multiple homicides, and since I still can't get into my lab thanks to the Feds, Mac sent me down there to coordinate with them and to give us some time on the beach.  David went home since his lab is open and Don's tired of puppysitting.  The Feds are hinting I can't have my lab back until we find the missing evidence."

"Crap, man.  We'll see what we can do.  Where are you staying?"

"Not a clue.  Who's having the specials this month?"

"Stay out of Braun's places," Bobby ordered.  "He's been using connections to taunt the lab."

Xander nodded.  "Okay, I can do that."  He grinned at him.  "Dinner sometime soon?"

"I can do that tonight.  I'm off tonight."  He punched him on the arm, seeing the wince.  "Awww, are you tired?"

"Hell yes, I had to stock up on my infusion of husband since I'm going to be here until it's solved and I can get back into my lab."  He smiled sweetly at Nick, who shuddered. "I see you see my point.  Can I help?"

"Nope.  Let me get to work on this, I'll send Bobby over with notes tonight, Xander."  He patted him on the head as he walked past him.

Xander grinned at Bobby.  "There was this many guns in the lab that they stole," he admitted, handing over that list from his pocket.  Mac had faxed it to him before he had left.  "We're going to have to verify every single one of them."

"Oh, crap," he said, mentally counting.  "They took your exemplar?"  Xander moaned and nodded.  "You poor thing!"

"It's in the firing pen and that's where I passed out from the gas."  He stood up.  "Okay, I'm to find a hotel room.  I'll call down here to tell you where I am so you can call when you're ready."  He gave him a hug and shot a grin at Grissom.  "If I get bored, can I come help him?"

"If he's got things to do.  We're having a low gun crime run.  A lot of stabbings and poisonings."

"Pity.  But okay."  He waved and left, handing back his pass.  "I'll call in a few."  She handed over a coupon and he smiled, winking at her.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  He headed out, catching a cab to the suggested hotel and then heading to his room to nap after calling Bobby.

***

Nick looked up as Bobby's lab door didn't open when he tried it.  He knocked. No answer.  He peeked in the windows.  No one in there.  He went to the office.  "Grissom, did Bobby call in sick?  Too much Xander maybe?"

"No.  Why?"

"He's not here yet.  His lab door is locked."

Grissom called the hotel.  "Can you please connect me with Detective Harris' room.... really?  Was a report made by anyone?  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Someone broke into his room and tried to take him.  Bobby's probably still at the ER.  Xander's nowhere to be found."

"Aw, crap.  He comes to Vegas and gets kidnaped again?"  Grissom nodded.  "Any idea who?"

"Torres got the call.  Go ask him."

"Yay, new guy," he said bitterly, going to find him.  He found him at the ER.  "Okay, which CSI got the call?" he demanded.

"Um, Sidle, why?"

"He's in on a case that links our PD back to the lab assault in New York."  The man moaned.

"Let's not forget that Xander hunting was a sport of rich women," Bobby said quietly from his bed.  "They had masks, Nick, dressed the same as the video we got sent from the team in New York.  Vests like you're wearing and all."

"Did they drag him out?"  Bobby nodded slowly, holding his head.  "You gonna live?"

"If only so I can kick the crap out of them for it," he agreed.  "Xander had his phone on him.  If David's smart it's got GPS."

"Thanks, man.  I'll call Sarah and let her know."  He patted him on the foot and looked at the detective.  "We want to know all of it.  Brief me on the way back to the station.  Better yet, we'll sit down with Sarah and get it all together."

"Sure," he agreed, looking at Bobby.  "Anything else, call him, okay?"  Bobby nodded at that.  He followed Nick out.  "He said Harris was a local?"

"He did his post-grad internship with us.  He was Bobby's protege and favorite student outside of his wife.  He spent part of his internship running the lab since Bobby's mom had cancer.  It let him get home to her a lot more than he would've been able to.  He also handled a lot of stuff for us.  Plus he married Hodges and took him with him.  Sanders went with him when Hodges transferred to Chicago.  Harris did our bomb investigation when we got blown up."

"Oh.  So he's really tight with the lab?"

"Yeah, and we've had to rescue the guy before.  He draws trouble.  A lot of expensive trouble."  He opened the door to his SUV.  "Meet me back there?"

"Sure.  I'll stop in on Sidle."

"Oh, she'll be there," he assured him.  "She really will."  He slid in and went back.  First, he called Sarah.  "You do know that it was Xander they took, right?"  He smirked.  "Because of the lab assault in New York.  No, they moved there last year, Sarah.  Chicago was yanking their chains again.  So you've got a missing Xander, we've got the case he was sent out on.  Meet me back there to switch since it looks like Internal Affairs is going to be down our throats.  I've already filled him in some.  He'll be joining us."  He hung up and called Grissom. "You're going to hate me.  Xander's been taken.  Bobby's in the hospital, looked like a sprained wrist and a concussion by the way he was holding his head.  Sarah got the call to the hotel.  Torres was the officer.  They're meeting me there so we can do an information switch.  Warn everyone that IA is going to be showing up sometime probably."  He hung up and drove a bit faster.  This was a bad thing to have happen.  He was sure someone was going to call David and they'd get a screaming, worried spouse soon enough.  After all, Xander had only been radiated a little over a year ago.  Now he was sick again and snatched.  Xander just didn't have the luck some days.

***

Xander waited until his present captor was done sneering at him and then shifted, crossing his legs.  They had left them unbound. "You know, you really should get new lines. You've used those already today, twice."  The man sneered and pulled a gun. "Hey, I know that piece.  It came out of my exemplar cabinet.  Nice choice.  Did you take the british made bullets for it too?"  The man frowned.  Then he grinned. "That's why I put them in there.  That's what I use when I need to blow off steam doing targets," he said talking down to him.  "I'm a gun tech.  I have many, many guns.  I like my guns.  I'm good with my guns."  He coughed, then spit it on his captor.  "Ah, I feel better now.  Your gas gave me pneumonia."

"I'll kill you!"

"No you won't.  Right now your group's highest crime was attempted murder.  That's a life in prison thing, not a death penalty thing.  Of course, I'm going to kill you for trying to kill Mortty because she's my bitch, but oh, well.  It's not like you're going to be missed in the gene pool.  No one will ever miss you."

"I've got family, they will."

"If you had a family that gave a damn, you wouldn't be here.  Neither would I."

"My wife would care!"

"She'd get your insurance from the PD and your pension.  Even though you were a fuckup they'd still give it to her for your two kids.  The Sheriff would make her take the single payout instead of taking it over the years, but she'd get something to keep her for a few years.  Besides, she'd be better off with a guy like Nick.  She stares at his ass every time she sees him walking."  Not that half the women around the city didn't, but....  "Then again, maybe your kids will marry well.  They probably won't want to become cops so they'll get good marks in school and go somewhere better and more profitable.  Either that or Wendy's."  The man slapped him.  Xander shrugged.  "I've had worse and we both know this."

"Shut him up!" someone yelled from the next room.  "Just kill him already!"

"Huh, gotta love that at the leach motels."   He concentrated, feeling the inhabitants.  Just his luck, no demons to drive into a frenzy so he could get free.  He got punched this time, breaking his concentration.  Xander casually kicked the guy in the nuts, making him moan and go down.  "Ah, I feel better now."  The door slammed open and he waved his foot at the guy standing there. "I'd wave my hand but it's rather tied down."

"Why won't you shut up!"

"Because I'm a fucking cop and my husband hates it when I'm quiet.  He thinks I'm going evil."  The man gave him a horrified look.  He checked behind him just to make sure then at him.  "You know, if you call the crime lab in Vegas and tell them where I am, they might forget you're here."

He shook his head.  "I can't stand cops and we're in Laughlin."

Xander sighed.  "Can you hand me the phone then?"  His gun was cocked.  Xander looked at him, then kicked him under the chin before smiling sweetly at the demon in human form.  "Please."  He shook his head and stomped off.  Xander sighed and concentrated really hard, floating his cellphone over from where it had been put.  He turned it on and then hit the speed dial for the number two, all he could reach comfortably.  He knew who it lead to.  "Hey, Greggy, can you please call Nicky or Warrick. Tell them Laughlin sucks and it's dirty and nasty, not to mention having neighbors who wanted the guy to kill me faster."  He heard the yelling and could just make out words.  "One of the cops who broke in.  I think I broke his neck.  Kicked him under the chin.  Thanks.  I'll leave my phone on in case they need GPS."  He heard the click and dropped his phone onto the floor, sighing in relief that he could release the magic.  "This must be a null spot," he said wisely.  "This so sucks ass.  Wonder if I could pull a Sunnydale and draw the power this way...."  He shook his head. "No, not a good thing."  He waved a foot at the guy in the doorway.  "Hi, who're you?"

"Who're you?"

"Detective Harris, NYPD.  I'd show you my badge but it's over there," he said with a nod for his things. "Along with my antibiotics.  Can I have one?"  He came in and helped him pop his antibiotics, then got him some water. "Thanks, had pneumonia thanks to this guy and a few others.  You are?"

"Um, not here, Detective."

"Uh-huh.  LVPD is rolling this way at the moment."

"Thank you for the warning, sir."  He headed off at a run for his room.

Xander shook his head.  "At least I got my antibiotic."  He blinked at the woman in the doorway. "Not again," he complained.  She smirked and nodded. "Oh, blow off, Anya."

"If you want."

"Well, you could untie me, as long as you don't try to keep me."

"Nope, sorry. Not my field.  How's the spouse?"

"Fine.  At work probably with what time it is.  How's the afterlife?"

"I got sent back to work."

"Pity."

"I was bored.  I jumped and begged prettily when D'Hoffryn called."  She shrugged.  "So, how's Sarah?"

"She was fine the last time I saw her.  Why?  Did Don do something bad?"

"I haven't stopped in, I wouldn't know."  She shrugged.  "So, what's this?"

"Oh, he and some buddies broke into my ballistics lab in New York and stripped it bare.  Why I'm not real sure and I don't care, but he did."

"Sucks to be them then.  Can I get you anything?"

"Uncuffed?"

"Can't.  Against union rules."

Xander sighed.  "Can you go find Stokes or Warrick and give them a physical address of wherever I am when they get here?"

"Maybe.  What's in it for me?"

"I won't have to banish you again," he said blandly. "I'll wear a t-shirt that makes people have those headaches you giggled at," he offered when she shook her head.

"I enjoyed your t-shirts."  She disappeared. Then she came back.  "You know you won't be here, right?"  He nodded.  "That's fine, I'll tell them where you'll be when they get here."  She disappeared again.

He groaned and got comfortable.  He couldn't remember if Laughlin had a lake or not...

***

Greg hung up and called Nick's phone.  "Nick, it's Greg.  I just got a head's up from Xander.  One of the guys has him Laughlin.  His phone's on now so you can get a GPS lock. He said he's somewhere that the neighbors wanted him killed faster and it's dirty and nasty.  He thinks he broke the guy's neck since he kicked him.  Thanks."  He saw a glowy figure.  "Hold on, Nick.  Incoming message."

Anya materialized and shrugged.  "He tempts well."

"Anya," David growled.

"Chill, pookie, I'm me again.  Greg, he's not going to be there when they show up. He's with a lot of serial killers and psychos.  One of them is going to take him to their Bates' Motel place and make him sorry he was ever born. It's the one who's three down on the..."  She closed her eyes and held up a hand.  "Three down that way facing the door to the motel."  He blinked.  She shrugged.  "I'm bound by what I can do, dear.  The same as I can't undo him."  She shrugged and smiled.  "Pet the doggies for me, they're *so* cute!"  She disappeared.

"Nick, did you hear Anya?" Greg asked.  "Yes, that Anya.  He dated demonic women, Nick.  Does it really surprise you.  This is one of Xander's exes here."  He listened. "Thanks.  Third down on the right to where he presently is looking at the door.  He said high percentage of serial and psycho killers.  Yeah, that sounds like it.  Let me know, man.  I've got David here with me.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "They broke into the hotel room, knocked out Bobby and took him, David."

David said something Xander usually did and something in the next lab over exploded.  David frowned that way.  "I didn't know I could do that."

The rest of the team stared at him.  "Us either," Danny said finally.  He looked at Greg.  "He gonna be okay?"

"This is Xander," he pointed out.  "He'll be fine."  That got a nod.  He looked at Mac.  "If she *ever* shows up again, call Dawn to send her packing.  She's a scary woman."

"Of course she is, Xander dated her," Stella agreed, shaking her head.  "She's what?"

"Vengeance.  Scorned women."

"Charming."

"She was human when they dated," David assured her.

"Still charming," she said dryly.  She looked at Lindsey, then at Sheldon.  "That's why we handle those things when they come up," she assured him.

He shrugged.  "I've seen her before.  My roommate in medical school ended up turning into a giant mouse for his psych experiment maze.  She cackled pleasingly then."

"And she dated Xander, why does this not surprise me," Danny noted.  The ones who could think laughed.

Mac shook himself free.  "Do we think Xander will be fine?"

"He's a Xander," Greg reminded him.

"He can still be killed."

"No, Dawn saw how they'd be killed," Greg said, staring him down.  "It's not today."

"Okay.  I'll leave that there.  Lindsey?"  She shook herself free. "Are you all right?"

"Where did she go?"

"She disappeared," Danny assured her.  "You won't have ta see her. She only comes for girlfriends who were wronged."  She gave him an odd look.  "I'm sure you had girlfriends done wrong in Montana," he noted dryly.  She got up and stomped out.  "They didn't?"

"I'd think they shot their guys instead of waiting," David muttered, shaking his head.  He looked at Greg.  "When?"

He shrugged.  "She didn't say.  All she did was cry about seeing it.  Gasped in pain and woke up sobbing from a dream."

"I'll make sure we've got wills," he sighed, making a note of that.  "Together?"

Greg looked at him.  "All I got out of her was that you'd never feel it, David."  He nodded, accepting that.  "And that it wasn't this year."

"Thank you."  He made another note and pushed it out of his mind. "We should call to check on Nick."

"We can't.  He'll hang up on us."

"Point.  Call Brass?"

"No, David," Mac ordered.  "I know it's hard but we can wait for information.  Interrupting them means it takes longer to get him back."  He nodded, grimacing at that.  "Let's go ahead and break this meeting.  We'll take it up once we hear about Xander."  They nodded, going to visit the snack machines and hang around David and Greg for information.  Mac went to his office, finding Dawn in there.  "How did you get in?"

"Magic.  I sent Anya away."  She got up and let him have his chair.  She kissed him on the forehead.  "Danny will handle it, but he'll turn into Xander to solve it," she said quietly, making him shudder.  "Greg will go further.  They won't feel anything and it won't be this year.  They'll be asleep cuddled together and it'll be a single shot.  That's all I'm sure of."  She stroked his cheek.  "It'll hurt but they'll be together and the funeral will be well attended."  He nodded, looking at her.  "He looked a bit older than he does now.  Some gray hairs and things."  He relaxed at that.   "Okay?"  He nodded. "Then forget it."  She blocked the memory before going to see her boy.  "Hi.  Did the skanky Xander-ex get you?" she teased.

"Yeah, and why she came here instead of there I'm not sure."

"You were probably as direct as she could get.  Not like anyone in Vegas would've paid any attention to her."  She gave him a cuddle, blocking the memory from him as well.  He relaxed and she nuzzled his throat.  "I'm starting to like the wedding during the convention idea."  He smiled and nodded.  "That way we'll have plenty of backup if my sister shows up."

"I forgot about her. Must we?"

"She is family."

"Point," he sighed, kissing her for real.

"Eww," Lindsey complained from the doorway.

"Shut up," Greg ordered, glaring at her.  "We just set our wedding date, I'm allowed to kiss her."  He did it again, using his tongue this time too.

Lindsey stomped off. "Mac, make Greg and Dawn stop making out in the labs!"

"We're doing it during the convention," he called. He gave her another kiss while Mac brought in a sign-up list and smiled, walking away again. He sat down, letting her snuggle into his lap.  "We're waiting on word."

"I know we are."  She stroked his chest, smiling at David. "I'd give you a hug but you'd break another beaker."

"How did I do it in the first place?"  She motioned him closer and tapped something that Xander had given him.  "Okay."  He sat down with a soda, sipping it.  Then he realized what he was doing and gave it an odd look, earning a laugh from the other couple. "I'm turning into him."

"You can't.  You don't like guns," she reminded him.

"Good.  Then I won't worry.  Much."  He finished his soda and looked at Greg, who handed over his cellphone.  He checked the call log.  No missed calls.

***

Nick found Xander later that afternoon.  He was a bit more bruised and had a cut on his stomach, but the killer had been shot by the cops.  "Can't you stay in one spot?"

"Not like I could resist kidnaping, Nick.  She put me and the chair into the truck."

"Point."  He got him undone and helped him stand.  "You good?  Need an ambulance?"  Xander gave him a look.  "I know, it's you.  That's fine, you'll go so David knows to fuss."

"Can I have my stuff?  I should've taken my antibiotic a few hours ago."

"Sure."  He walked him out.  "You can have it at the ER."  Jim Brass looked at him.  "He'll need his antibiotic."

"It's in the car with Grissom. He called David and got yelled at."

"I'll calm him down in a minute.  You know, he doesn't yell at the doctors in New York."

"That's because you can't get past them," Nick reminded him patiently as he walked him down to where the ambulance was.  "One kidnaping victim twice over."  They nodded, taking Xander to look over and take in for an exam. Nick called Greg's phone this time, getting David.  "Calm down. He was fine.  He's going to have a new scar on his stomach. No, she tied his feet down this time.  Took him chair and all from the last place, David.  He couldn't fight back.  I'm sure he was fine, he asked for his antibiotics."  He smiled at that.  "Desert Palms.  Yup.  He's fine.  We'll get some information then send him home, David.  I promise.  You and Sarah the dog can have him back in a day.  Should we let him go to the mall to pick up presents too?"  He smirked.  "That's fine.  Thanks, man.  No, Grissom knows you were being a worried spouse.  He's been yelled at by many of them over the years. Of course. I'll even see if Jim can go with him.  Of course I will.  On Greg's or yours?"  He smiled. "Thanks, man. Yup, it gave us all we needed to know and we found all his.  That's between the departments, man.  Ask Mac to come out or call."  He hung up and looked at Brass.  "He's got to bring back a present for upsetting David."

"That's kind of a standard Xander thing," he agreed.  "And?"

"Greg's getting married during the convention."  Brass smiled at that.  "I guess they figure everyone's going to be out here anyway."  He shrugged and headed to where Grissom was.  "David apologized for being a worrying spouse."

"I figured he would be.  That's why I called Greg's phone."

"So did I.  I'm guessing he confiscated it.  Did you hear, Greg's going to be marrying during the convention."  Grissom smiled at that.  "That way we can pick on him."

Grissom nodded. "I'll keep that in mind for attendance.  Where is he heading?"

"Desert Palms?"

Grissom looked at the ambulance that was pulling up. "Then why is there a third one?"

Nick looked and moaned, going to see if they were the right ones with Brass.

***

Mac came off the plane with David, letting him go when they saw Xander waiting on them.

David walked up to him, looking him over. "I should spank you."

"Not my fault the ambulance driver wanted to keep me," he muttered, hugging him.

"What!"

"Ooops.  Didn't hear about the fake ambulance?  They found me about ten minutes later but he was pushing his suit to get me as his slave."  He kissed him, making David's mind depart.  "Come with me?  I set up our hotel room very nicely since I'm on rest and Bobby can't deal with the guns for another day, when the Feds release them."

"Fine.  Mac, we're heading to the hotel."

"Of course you are.  I'll see you both later.  Xander, I'll want a report."

"It's waiting on you at the hotel, Mac."

"Thanks."  He watched him walk off then looked at Brass, shaking his hand.  "I was warned when they transferred in but I've never seen it that bad."

"The weird and psychotic were having a convention in Laughlin this year according to the locals on patrol there."

"So of course they congregated around him," Mac complained.  Brass nodded.  "The usual happen?"

"No, I sat in his hotel room with him. He wasn't even allowed out for a soda.  I figure Hodges will wear it out someday soon."  He walked him out to the car he had signed out for the day.  "Grissom is about to release his tarantula on the Feds."

"I've thought about shooting them personally.  They're still crawling over our lab."  He got in, letting him drive him in.  When the finally got there, he got given a visitor's pass and headed back there.  Nick pointed and let out a small groan. "Still?"

"Yup.  Bad too."

"We've had them for the last three weeks," Mac told him.  He walked in and put his bag against the wall next to the door.  "Grissom.  Hodges has Xander well in hand."

"Thankfully."  He shook his hand with a smile.  "Can we send them back with him?"

"He'll be ecstatic if you do, Grissom.  Any evidence of tampering?"

"They didn't break the seals except for on an envelope in a garbage bag.  The officer who had Xander hostage had one of his that was listed as being part of his exemplar collection."  Mac moaned at that.  "It's evidence but he can probably replace it.  Did you bring the list?"

"In my bag."  He got it out and handed it over.  "Need help with the matching?"

"No, we'll be fine, Mac."  He smiled.  "Bobby wanted to look since Xander said he'd been helping build it.  Said he had hyped the exemplar cabinet with a lot of big and idiot shiny guns."  Mac nodded, smiling at that.  "He'll have fun."

"That's fine.  I can let Xander work with him. He'll coo and pet them like his babies.  He usually does."  He looked at the Fed.  "Anything else?"

"No," he ground out.  "We'll be overseeing the transfer."

Mac shook his head.  "The only Feds that we trust are a team in NCIS, Harris's parents, or Special Agent Ford from the FBI.  Get one of them so you don't butt heads with Harris again.  This time he'll bite you."  He stomped off.  "He accused Xander of masterminding this," he said quietly.  "Xander broke four of his ribs for him."

"I noticed how he was moving.  Who stopped him?"

"No one.  He decided, after hacking phlegm on him, that he wasn't worth it.  How are his lungs?"

"Still a bit cloudy but I haven't heard him cough.  I had the doctors check to make sure."  Mac smiled at that.  "Would you like to see their storehouse?"

"I would.  Any idea why they did this?"

"Some.  They were paid.  One of Xander's grudge list took his retirement all at once and paid them to do it."

"Who?"

"Ecklie."

"You're kidding."  Grissom shook his head.  He started to say something then shook his head.  "Does he know?"

"We couldn't keep it from him.  Xander was giving a statement and he walked into the hospital with a gun, ranting about what was going on.  Fortunately Nick was using a tape recorder for the statement."  Mac shook his head.  "Xander got off the hospital bed and started to sing Disney songs, particularly _It's A Small World_ and it made him grab his head and scream.  Nick got him in handcuffs and sent him back here to his new cell."

"Interesting."  They went to look at the sealed warehouse that had ten officers guarding the doors.  "Good security."

"It's too much to move safely.  It was them or the Feds and they demanded the right to guard it to take the stain the others had caused."  He signed them in and let Mac open the door and walk in first.

"Damn," Mac said, staring around.  He took out his camera and took pictures.  "They emptied our guns, our drugs, and our money storage?"

"They did," Grissom agreed.  He looked at him.  "We've got well-lit photos as well.  You can send some of those back."

"They're going to be impressed that the Feds missed the storage areas.  They never even checked," he said dryly.  Grissom laughed at that. "So, how much is there?"

"Approximately eight million, mostly in hundreds.  That's what the wrapped bundles are.  We're not sure if that's original or not.  The drugs are in the wrapped boxes, we did that."  Mac nodded at that.  "The guns are in crates with styrofoam around them."

"They're going to have a fit at home."  He called his office.  "Danny, where's Stella?"  He frowned.  "I thought I left her in charge... oh.  Okay.  Well, she can handle Lindsey for the day. That's fine.  I need a report sent to Grissom's lab about what our storage areas had in them.  It looks like they got them too.  Oh, I don't know, about eight mil in cash, mostly hundreds?"  He smirked.  "Thanks, Danny."  He hung up.  "He'll send out a precise list of what should be in there."

"It'll be helpful to compare."  He led Mac back out, relocking the warehouse.  "Just a few more days, guys."  They nodded and he took Mac back to the office.

Warrick handed over the list.  "That's less than we've got there, Grissom."

"Why?" Mac complained, looking it over.  He looked at Warrick. "Did you ask them if they planned on keeping him too?"

"I hadn't, but I can do that."  He walked down there with Mac.  They were in a solitary section by themselves.  "Guys, were you planning on setting up a nest to keep Harris?  The things you guys had are more than what New York had in storage."

One of them started to cry.  "He said we could keep whatever we stole but I was going to bring him home to my mother," he admitted.

Mac groaned. "He's already married."

"Yeah, but my momma would treat him nice," he defended.

"He's married to Hodges, our former Trace tech.  He's gay, guys," Warrick noted.  They all whimpered at that.  "I thought the lesbians at the dance club were bad."  He walked Mac off shaking his head.

"David doesn't let him out that often," Mac offered.

"Thankfully!"  He looked at him then smirked.  "Well, now we know."

"We do.  You want that report?"

"Sure, I'm still writing mine.  I'll bring him out and go back to interrogation with him."  He looked at the guards.  "Bring Martin to one of the rooms and come get me when he's in there."  That got a nod.  He walked him back into the labs, handing him to Grissom.  "They were promised anything they took and one of them was going to give Xander to his mother."  He walked off, going to find a clean tape and a tape recorder.

Grissom made a phone call.  "Jim, Gil.  They wanted to keep Xander as well. Thank you, Jim."  He hung up.  "He'll have someone on his room."

"Thanks.  We'd miss the insanity David doesn't let him bring."  He sat down across from him. "How did you want to do this, Gil?  It's your area, I'll help."

"Thank you, Mac."  He smiled at him.  "We'll bring it here by category and count, seal, and notate, then dispose of the drugs that day if that's all right."

"As far as I know."  He looked at the list.  "Yeah, Danny asked.  He said they could be destroyed. The money was confiscated from a vault and the home of someone.  They need that back.  The DA wants the guns back in New York as well."

"That's fine.  Anything else we'll figure it out as we come to it."

Mac nodded. "That's reasonable.  You know, I should send that to Horatio and Ray Vecchio, plus my lab."  Grissom handed over a CD and a postit with a temporary log-on.  "Thanks. Anywhere you need me to not go?"

"Ballistics is free.  I'm sure you've spent time in there calming Xander down."

"Not usually.  He's done pretty good with us.  Of course, after he beat the crap out of the guy who broke into his house and stole his collection, who handcuffed David and kicked his dog, we don't let him go out alone anymore.  David keeps the rest down."

"I'm glad they got it worked out." Mac grinned and got up to send those pictures and a note about what was going on.

***

In Miami, Calleigh opened her email and frowned. "HORATIO! MESSAGE FROM NEW YORK'S GUYS!"  He came running in. "I don't know why they sent it to me."  She let him have it, looking at the pictures of the warehouse. "Wow."

He looked at the approximate list and shook his head.  "And they wanted to keep Xander as well.  They got very greedy."  He sent one back to Mac, getting a 'your inbox bounced' back.  He smiled.  "My inbox was full."  He let the others see the pictures.  "They caught the person behind it, the officers who did it, found their stash, rescued Xander from not one, but two sociopaths, and now they're going to verify the evidence."

"Man!" Calleigh sighed, shaking her head.  She read over the note, then smiled.  "Greggy's getting married during the next convention.  We have to go."  She looked down at her dog, picking him up to cuddle.  "Yes, we will.  We will go see the Nicky's daddy and the Granddaddy and we'll celebrate the Nicky's daddy's marriage to the Dawn."  The dog barked and wagged his tail at her happy tone.  She smiled at him. "You deserve a treat. Beg Uncle Horatio for another dog biscuit."  The dog pounced Horatio, making him catch him, and licked his face until he gave up and brought him to get one so he could wash his face.  She forwarded it to Eric and Speed, getting stereo groans from up the hall.  She laughed.  That was so cute!  They were setting up a Xander kidnaping fund!

***

"David, I know I told you to not let him out," Mac said coolly.

"I didn't!  I let him go for a soda," he complained, watching SWAT go in to retrieve his mate.  "They took him out of the hallway, Mac.  It was not my fault."  Mac glared at him.  "It wasn't! He was walking funny and everything, all right?"

"Fine."  Xander was brought out, pouting.  "Xander."  He smiled and came over to hug David.  "What happened?"

"He decided me being with David was morally wrong so he was going to give me to his sister. That way I'd be straight and since she's a stripper making good money she'd be able to keep me in style."

Mac moaned and walked off shaking his head.

"Not my fault!  All I did was go for a soda!"

"You're confined to your hotel room, Xander.  Order room service."

"That's how we stole him back last night," David complained.  "They had knock out gas."  Mac moaned and held his head.  "Go hug him."

Xander trudged that way and gave him a hug. "I'm sorry I'm such a pain."  He went to hug Grissom and tell him the same thing then found himself staring at a guy with a very impressive gun.  "Man, talking about big and idiot shiny," he said in awe.  "The new Eagle Talon model."  He took it from the guy to look over, swatting the hands trying to get it back. "Baby, can I have one for my birthday?" he called, waving it.  "The new model's out."

"Only if you give last year's model to the lab," David called.  "Someone get the person he took the gun off of, please!" he demanded.  A few of the guys walked him off, protesting.  David shook his head. "Xander, hand the nice gun over.  We'll go look at a good one in the stores."

"Yes, David."  He handed it to Nick and went back to cuddle his man.  "I'm sorry."

"I know, dear.  I know."  He patted him on the back. "Did you want to pop around to LA before we head home?"

"Nope."  He snuck a kiss and grinned.  "Can we go back to the hotel now?"

"As soon as they take a statement. You know that, Xander," he said patiently.  Nick and Grissom came over to take it and escorted them back personally.

***

Mac walked into his office and flopped down in his very comfortable desk chair, which was even warm from someone using it.  "I'm not back yet," he called.

Danny stuck his head in. "I heard the hotel staff got him a few times."

"Plus the one guy who came up to him as we were rescuing him and wanted him.  Xander took his gun to look it over and the guy swatted at him to get it back."  He closed his eyes.  "How were things while we were gone?"

"Trace is clear.  Ballistics is clear. Crime's been pretty down for the last few days. Mortty's pouting.  With this latest scare she wants the baby Xander now instead of later.  Stella's thinking it might be a good idea too."  He came in and closed the door.  "Stella was in here but she went to ride Monroe's ass about stuff.  She got it into her head that all this was an attempt to take Xander again."

"No, it was an attempt to discredit the techs from Vegas.  Remember hearing about Ecklie?"

"Yeah, the guy he drove nuts and gave the heart attack to with Disney music.  Why?"

"He paid them."  He rubbed his eyes.  "One was going to keep Xander as a spoil of war.  Was going to give him to his mother."

Danny sighed and shook his head.  "Is it worn out again?"  Mac moaned and pointed at his briefcase.  He opened it, putting the laundry aside carefully since it was folded.  He found the file marked 'Xander paperwork' and looked inside, flipping through the reports.  "Man!  They let him go out to the clubs?"

"No, the last kidnaping attempt was someone who remembered him from the last time they were in.  She took him out at knifepoint and made him go to the clubs with her."

"Just a knife?"  He found that report and looked at it.  "Electroshock cock ring.  Ow."

"Very.  He said after the second time, he wised up and did what she said, sending clues back to David and Nick," he complained.  He stood up and stretched, then sat back down again.  "Anything I need to handle?  I've got a headache."

"Not yet.  She did all the mundane stuff.  Unless you wanna straighten out Monroe?"

"I probably will," he agreed. "Have Stella file those so she can laugh."  He got up and gathered up his laundry and his bag, clapping him on the back.  "Nice work keeping it down while we were gone, Danny."  He left, going home to take a real nap.  He hated hotel rooms.

Danny walked the folder to Stella, looking at her until she motioned him closer since she was talking with Lindsey. "Mac's been here and gone again. He went home with a headache.  Remember hearing about Ecklie?"

"Yeah, the supe he drove insane.  Right?" she asked.  He nodded. "He was behind it?"

"He paid the cops to discredit them by breaking into the labs.  Thought Sanders was back in DNA here. They could keep anything they stole or sell it, and one was going to claim Xander as an additional prize for his mother."  He handed over the folder.  "Whatever makes Xander and you get hit at the clubs went into overdrive for a while.  Room service guys, hotel workers, one with an electroshock cock ring that made him go into the clubs.  Mac said ta file those for him please."

"Sure."  She went through the reports, then at him.  "Hold on, they were rescuing him and someone new came up?"

"Yeah.  Read that one.  Xander took his gun from him to look over, asked for it as a birthday present.  David made them arrest the guy."

She moaned and kept going.  "Ellie Brass.  Any relation?"

"Jim's daughter.  She fixated.  He was probably not the happiest former New Jersey cop."

She shuddered and kept going, coming to the end of the file.  "Well, discrediting the Vegas group is a better reason than just wanting Xander and Mortty."  She walked off, taking it to make copies and file or send them where they needed to go.

***

Mortty tapped on Xander's door, smiling at David. "Can we talk?"  He nodded, letting her inside.  "Thanks."  She hung up her cloak and followed him back into the living room.  "Guys, that time was too close," she said, staring at them.  "I know you hate kids, David, but we almost lost him, four times."  David nodded, giving Xander a squeeze.  "Is there any way I can convince you guys to let me have a baby now?"

David nodded.  "We talked about that last night.  We're wary of having one left behind."

"But I'll be here."

"You will be and we'd want it to go to Gibbs and/or Abby if something happened to you," Xander said firmly."  She beamed at that.  "That leaves the details.  What doctor did we want to use?"

"Doctor?"  She gave them the puppy eyed look, getting a glare from David.  "Oh, come on!"

"Mine," David reminded her.

"Not like I'll want to keep him, Dave, and he's said often enough that I'm his bitch.  It'd be pack bonding," she offered, smiling at him.  "Please!  Just once? I'm sure it'd take since he's so strong."  Xander blushed at that. "Pretty please?  I'll get between you two and everything!"

David looked at Xander, who shrugged.  "You know I don't cheat," Xander reminded him.

"I know."  He kissed him, considering it.  "When are you fertile?"

"Pretty much all the time."  She gave him a manic grin.  "I've been a naughty girl. I'm off my meds again."  Xander pulled her into his lap, and David took a kiss.  She purred and David was very nice to her.  "Thank you!"

"I'll use a condom, he won't," he reminded her.  "You get one you get both."  She nodded, getting up and taking them upstairs to do this the right way.  She wanted the full David and Xander experience.

***

Abby answered her phone.  "NCIS Lab....  Mortty."  She looked around and smiled.  "Yeah, I'm free.  Why?"  She pulled a stool over and sat, listening to her babble, moaning a bit.  "Ohh, sissy."  The door opened.  "Hold on, sis."  She put her on hold.  "Sorry, Director, my sister.  What did you need today?"

"Is it important family news?"

"She's telling me how the attempt to have a baby for her two best friends is going."

"Oh.  I see.  Did it work?"

"She won't know for another few weeks, but they've been spoiling her rotten so she thinks so."  She smiled.  "If I ever have one it'd probably be from the same source."

"Who?"

"David and Xander, out of the NYPD lab?"  She moaned and walked off. "Did you need something?"

"Not anymore.  Only something for my headache."

Abby took her off hold.  "So, how was it?" she asked, getting a giggle that made her blush.  "Cool!  So, are you and Don still...."  She nodded.  "Then it's probably better that way.  I'm sure he'll still cuddle you whenever you need it."  She listened to her babble about how great it had been.  David was apparently a very good lover, he had learned a lot pleasuring Xander.  And Xander had rocked her to the core.  "Wow.  Think they'd want twins?"  She giggled. "I know, but I want one if you have one," she complained.  She pouted.  "I understand.  Thank you for trying for me."  She smiled.  "You're right, I should.  Love you.  Be safe.  Remember to tell me if it did work.  Yup.  You too."  She hung up and went upstairs, going to pout at Gibbs and Tony.  "Hi."  They gave her a look. "Mortty just called."

"Something happen?" Gibbs asked, staring at her.

"She talked them into letting her have their baby.  She said it was fantastic and they're great."  He blushed at that.  "They're spoiling her horribly."  She pouted, looking at Tony then back at him.  "I want one, Gibbs.  We've always done everything together."

"Go get some in the clubs," Gibbs muttered.

"I'm not that sort of girl!" she said, swatting him.  She walked over to where Tony was sitting.  "Can you help me pick a nice boy to have one with?"  He gave into her puppy eyes and nodded.  "Would you be the nice boy I can have one with?  You'd be nearly as cool as having one with Xander and we can make Gibbs give it baby Marine lessons while I dress it goth and make it pretty and dance."  Tony let out a strangled squeak.  "Please don't die on us?"

"Not," he squeaked, then he cleared his throat.  "That's a big request, Abby.  I'd have to be there to help.  I'm the sort I'd marry the girl."

She shrugged.  "You can be there but I'm not looking for a ring.  I want a baby."  She smiled at Jamie, Xander's brother, when he came over.  She gave him a hug.  "Xander and David got talked into it by Mortty.  She said they're *fantastic* and they're spoiling her rotten."  He blushed at that. "So there'll be a baby Xander goth vamp up there in about a year."  He went to call his parents and tell them that. She smiled at Tony. "Please!  I'll even let you talk me into the horribly unnatural way and go through the medical office."

He coughed.  "Give me a day to think, Abby.  Please?  This is a big decision."

"If you think you'll say no," she pouted.  She knew he couldn't resist her pout.  "It's you or Gibbs."  Gibbs moaned and shook his head.  "Come on!  Please!" she begged.

Ziva walked over to her desk.  "New case?"

"No, my sister Mortty is having a baby Xander and we do everything together so I want mine now.  So I'm young enough to take my kid to his or her first rave and all that."  She pouted at Tony again. "Please?"

"Having a baby is a big commitment, Abby," Gibbs reminded her.

"I know.  Mortty and I have been studying this.  But I figure the only way I can have one that'll love me back will be with one of you two.  Of course, I could suggest we play roulette but you'd spank me for that suggestion."  He glared and nodded.  She shrugged. "I tried.  Tony? Please?  It'll be a really cool kid and you can do however much you want to with him or her."

"You want...Tony to father it?" Ziva asked.  "Why?"

"Because he's a good daddy," she said, turning to glare at her.  "Back off."  She backed up and then walked away.  She growled and Tony gave her a hug.  "I know but she's an evil bitch like Xander would date."  Gibbs snickered at that.  "Let me guess, you got briefed about what happened in Vegas?"

"By Lee," he agreed, looking at her.  "Think about it, DiNozzo.  It's probably the only way she'll get a baby who'll be like her.  Otherwise it'll just be a geek."

"Boss, babies take a lot of work."

She turned to look at him.  "Tony, if you don't, we could all be killed tomorrow and then there's no little Tonys in the world to make it laugh and play and be great investigators.  Or maybe they'll take after me and be a goddess of the lab, but either way still great.  Please?"  She cuddled into his arms.  "Pretty please?  Tonight?" she asked quietly.

He looked down at her and he could see it, but it was still a lot of work.  "Abby...."

"How else are we going to have a great next generation of NCIS agents?" she asked. "It's for the good of the country."

"No, that's a Gibbs reason," he noted dryly, spanking her.

"Agent DiNozzo!" the director bellowed.  "What are you doing?"

"Talking to the young woman who wants to share a child with me, Director.  She thinks the prospects of getting agents like Gibbs is abysmal without us having one together and letting him help train it."  Gibbs moaned and put his head down, shaking it.  "It could wear goth camo," he told her, smiling.  She squealed and hugged him.  "Tonight.  Are you sure it'll take?"

She winked. "Practice is nice," she reminded him. "Not like I'm going to apply for strings or anything."  He gave her a smug look. "Yes, I've heard you're fantastic.  So maybe our baby will be a slut but that's okay."  She smiled at the director as she came down.  "My sister convinced me I needed to have mine now too.  Just in case something happens to my chosen parents.  It was kinda tied between Tony and Gibbs but Gibbs said no."  Gibbs let out another moan.  "So can I borrow Tony for the day to get it done?"

"Will it take today?"

She counted mentally.  "Should.  If not, tomorrow definitely."  She smiled sweetly. "My sis and I are on the same schedule."

"Go," she moaned, walking off shaking her head.  Abby whooped and drug Tony from the building and down to his car to take him home.  Maybe she could talk Gibbs into a second one if she and Mortty decided to have two each.

***

Epilogue:

Xander opened the suite door, nodding everyone inside.  "You all came together?"

"We were waiting in the lobby for the others," Horatio offered, giving him a pat on the shoulder.  "Why weren't you down there?"

"Mortty wasn't feeling well."  He bounced back over and stroked her stomach.  "We decided to let her have a baby Xander," he said proudly.

The entire Vegas and Miami teams stared and the ones from Chicago came over to pat the belly and hug her.

Xander beamed.  "She wants a baby David after this but he's being cranky today."

"He told us he was being cranky but not why," Calleigh said, giving him a hug.  "Congratulations!  When is the baby Xander due?"

"Two more months," he said proudly.  "We painted the nursery midnight blue and put up those glowy stars and got him a pretty crib too."

"Oooh, a boy," Calleigh said happily.  "Does everyone up there know?"

"Yup, they said we could tell you guys, that way no one was babbling by the time they saw you," he teased, poking her on the stomach.  "Then next generation of great techs.  Abby's pregnant too.  She's having a baby Tony."

"We do everything together," Mortty agreed, grinning at Horatio and waving.  "Hi, Horatio."

"Hi, Mortty."  He kissed her on the forehead.  "Congratulations."

"Thank you.  And you know what? He hasn't been hit on recently at all!"

Speed gave Calleigh a look.  Then looked at Eric, who shook his head quickly.  He'd do many things to help her, but not that.  He looked at Horatio's back, then caught her eye, giving her a look.

"Oh, no.  It's not a proven cure," she said, backing away from him.

"Yes it is.  They even took Xander to a club in slutty clothes and he only got appreciative looks," Mortty told her.  "Mac was giving Stella and Danny that same look.  Tony's has worn out too."

"What's Abby having?" Horatio asked, ignoring what was going on behind him.

"A boy.  We're both having boys."  She pulled his hand down and put it on her stomach, then poked the other side, getting him kicked.  "Neat, huh?  He already takes hints."

He laughed and gave her a hug.  "I'm glad you're happy, Mortty.  You deserve every happiness."  He patted her on the head and sat down in a chair.  "Boys, leave Calleigh alone."

"But, H, she went and got kidnaped again," Eric complained. "Not that I'm offering, it'd be an odd looking kid, but if it worked on Xander and on Tony...."

"No!" Calleigh said firmly.  "No, no nono nonono!"

"Fine, we'll have to keep taking you back," Speed told her.

Calleigh opened the door, she knew the New York contingent was up the halls.  "Stella, save me!"

She leaned out of her room.  "I'm still reminding Mac why it's a bad idea.  Danny's cackling and said he's sterile.  I still think it's a lie."

Calleigh pouted.  "We should go out together."

"We should.  Give me ten to change."

"Yup, me too.  Meet you downstairs?"  She heard the handcuffs be opened and ran.  "Ten minutes."  She made it to the elevator and got the doors closed before Speed could catch her.

Stella smirked at him. "You know, this cure won't work on Danny."

"We don't live with Danny.  She got taken twice this month."  He looked at her and brought the handcuffs up but she disappeared and slammed the door.  "Damn it."  He trudged back into the suite. "Lost her, Horatio.  She made it to the elevator."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Horatio said blandly, staring at him.  "It might not work on her anyway, Speed."

Speed gave him a look and pointed at Xander.  "If they're not doing it to him or Tony, then it's a cure."

"Maybe it's fluke and it'll come back," Mortty offered.

Speed looked at her. "Most likely it got transferred to the kid."

"Xander was picked on in high school," she said fondly.  "The baby Xander will bo goth by then."

He moaned and took Eric off, going to find the other guys from New York and Vegas to work out how to manage this one.

***

Calleigh woke up the next morning, blinking at the ceiling.  There was a mirror on the ceiling.  Then she let out a scream.  "Horatio!"

He hummed and rolled back onto his side.

She poked him, making him wake up.  "What the hell are we doing...."  She looked at her hand, then at his, then let out another shriek.  "What did they do!"

"Calleigh, it's very early and I have a headache," he noted quietly.

"Hangover?" she taunted.

"Hmm.  After taking you back from the group of Mounties."  He blinked at her.  "Are you okay?"  She shook her head, holding up her left hand.  He looked at it, then at his.  "That is not my taste."  She swatted him.  "Quit," he growled.  She shrunk down.  "Thank you.  For right now, let's start the day and then we'll think rationally.  All right?"  She nodded, storming into the bathroom.  He found a robe and got up to look around the motel room.  Which was very cheezy.  Red hearts and cupids everywhere.  There was a note on one of them and he opened it, sitting down to read it.

//Horatio, we tried to stop you, but you claimed her in front of the Mounties and they demanded you prove it.  This was after the bachelor party so I'm pretty sure you don't remember it,// the note offered. //You told her it was going to happen, carried her off, and got it done at the same place we got married.  We'll all gladly lie and say that you didn't consummate it if you need us to.  Even Mac said he'd lie for you.  Before you ask, we stopped taping when you pushed her against a wall in the club and had her there.  We stopped it at the kiss.  It was a great party.  Also, just so you know, Sheldon pounced Stella to make her be normal when someone tried to take her out of the club as well.  They're down the hall from you.  No one's sure where Danny is but we're hoping he's safe since the doorman saw him leaving with a girl.  We've already alerted LVPD to find him.  So for now, just sit and think.  Call us when you're ready to talk to us.  We're taping the lectures today for you and the other couple.  But you do look very nice together.  Let us know if you need anything, Xander tried to save you twice.  Greg.//

Horatio put it down and went into the bathroom.  "Greg left us a note.  We need to watch the tape.  He said it was my idea."

She stuck her head out of the shower.  "I'm starting to remember.  You?"

"Not really."  He stared at her.  "Save me some hot water please."  He went back to the bed. He still had a headache.  Someone tapped on the door so he changed directions, going to open it.  "Xander."

"I tried, Horatio. I tried a hell of a lot."

"The note said that."  Xander handed over the tape and a bag.  "Breakfast?"

"Painkillers and a fertility test.  Just in case, man."  Horatio nodded at that wisdom.  "The Mounties put up a small tab since you were obviously more worthy of her than they were.  If you need to talk, I'll listen.  I delivered a copy to Sheldon.  He's two to the right."  Horatio nodded.  "Take the painkillers. You look like you could use them."  He gave him a hug.  "Pass that on."  He left.

Horatio sat down o the bed to take the painkillers, handing her the test when she came out.  She gave it a dirty look.  "Calleigh."  She sighed and went to take it, coming back shaking her head.  "That's one blessing at least.  The note's by the gaudy gold cupid and the chair."  She walked over and sat down to read it while he put in the tape.  He handed her the painkillers, then decided he wanted a shower first.  He felt slimy.

She watched it, smiling at the cuteness of Greg's wedding and party.  She vaguely remembered the Mounties.  Ah, there they were.  She was being carried off.  Nope, Horatio saved her.  Claimed she was his.  "Hopefully in the departmental sense," she muttered.  Nope, he kissed her to prove it and she moaned.  So it was a good one.  He looked down at her, said something quiet, then drug her off.  She didn't protest.  At one point he ended up carrying her over his shoulder.  She heard the shower shut off but he turned on the hairdryer.  So apparently he was going to fuss with his hair for a few minutes.  The tape moved on to the wedding, which was cute.  Then Stella's and Sheldon's since apparently he had saved her and decided to end that streak.  It moved to a club they were having the post-wedding party at with most of their friends, and it cut away just after Horatio shoved her into a wall and took control of her mouth.  Her body seemed to remember that, she could feel it responding.  He came out and she rewound it, letting him have it while she fussed with her hair.  She found their clothes in the closet, hanging neatly, and laid his out on the bed, then glanced at him.  He was standing still watching it, staring intently at the screen.  "Horatio?"

He paused it and looked at her.  "I'm guessing I decided to give you the cure."

She pouted.  "I don't think marriage was the one noted."

He shrugged. "At least you weren't fertile or I was careful."  He went back to watching, smirking at the scene with the kiss.  He turned it off after watching Sheldon and Stella drunkenly grope at a table for a minute.  He looked at her.  "What do you want to do about this?"

"Get dressed so we can have breakfast?  I'm hungry."

"That's fine," he agreed, taking his clothes into the bathroom to change modestly then came back out.  He tipped her face up.  "I would never force it, Calleigh."

"I know.  Even if my body has memories that I don't."  She blushed a bit and he chuckled, kissing her on the forehead.  "I heard the knock, who delivered it?"

"Xander.  He tried to stop us."

"I saw.  It's a good friend that points out when you're doing stupid stuff and tries to stop you."  He frowned.  "Horatio, think about work."

"I know about work.  I'm sure both Eric and Speed are hiding from us at the moment."

"Plus you'd have to tell everyone and Alexx would get mushy and cry on me."

He smiled. "She'd hit me."  He stroked her cheek. "We'll see," he offered.  She nodded, leading the way out to get breakfast.  The tape went into her bag back at the original hotel and David handed over coffee and a morning after pill pack.  "Not necessary," Horatio offered.

"Still better to be safe than sorry," he pointed out.  Horatio nodded and Calleigh took them.  "So, we've seen Danny, finally.  Xander went and laid down the law with the cheerleaders who had him.  They gave him back with a pout.  He took Warrick with him," he offered.  "Mac's pouting now.  We handed Danny to him and he's keeping him out of trouble.  Stella's already had her pills and she's in our room sulking while Sheldon's beating his head against a wall and hoping like hell that Don doesn't hear."  She smiled at that.  "Go ahead up.  Mortty's with us."  She nodded, going that way.  He looked at Horatio.  "Think long and hard, Horatio," he said quietly, watching him stare after her.  "She could use the love.  Remember, people get shot in our jobs."  He walked off, his wise act for the day done.

Horatio considered it, going to find his boys.  They both gave him a look from their corner in the coffee shop.  "Don't say it."

"I was willing to sub in, Horatio," Speed offered. "You carried her off like a caveman."

Horatio glared at him. "Don't start.  I mean it."  Speed shrugged and handed him a cup of coffee.  "What am I going to do?"

Eric stroked him on the arm.  "Up to you, Horatio.  Does she know?"  He shook his head.  "Would any one in that bed with you mind?"  Speed shook his head and Eric grinned.  "We all know my answer."  Horatio smirked at him.  "Tell her, see what she says.  You can't expect her to make a decision without that."

"I can't."  He got up and headed to talk to her.  "Calleigh?" he asked when she opened the door.  "Can we talk?  It was pointed out there were things you don't know."  She nodded, going with him back to his room.  He opened the closet and stood her in front of it.  It was clearly a mix of three people's clothes.  He wrapped his arms around her.  "You had to know before you could make any decision and they're thinking as well," he said in her ear, earning a shiver. "My boys and I have been together now for over a year."  She turned to look at him. "You'd end up agreeing to all of us.  They keep me centered."

She swallowed and nodded. "I understand."  She hugged him. "Is it hot?"

"Very," he moaned.

"What about Eric's playboy reputation?"

"Sometimes he still needs the softer sex, so we give him permission as long as we see it, watch it, and he plays safely."  She shivered at that.  "You would be doing that when we needed that."  She nodded, swallowing.  "You had to know to make a choice."

She kissed him. "Can we all talk?"  He nodded, paging them.  They came in a few minutes later.  "Hi, guys.  I'm sorry."

Eric hugged her.  "It's all right, Calleigh.  This is Vegas, it happens here."  He let Speed get her front to hug her.  "We'll figure it out together."  He sniffed her hair.  "Horatio's shampoo."

"It was the only one in there."  She blushed as she looked at Speed, who stared into her eyes. "What?"

"We all know I was willing to use Xander's cure on you," he said, stroking her cheek.  "It's more likely it would happen now."  She swallowed.  "But we'd still get to rescue you all too often."  She moaned and hid her face.  "Up to you, Calleigh.  Eric and I still get urges for girls.  Horatio likes to watch it most of the time. He's got too much self-denial going," he whispered in her ear.  She hiccuped on her next moan.  He smiled at Horatio.  "So, how was it?"

"I can't remember."

"No more drinking for you," Eric teased, pinching him hard.  Horatio winced and rubbed the sore spot.  He got Calleigh down onto the bed and put Horatio down next to her, he and Speed taking the other bed to watch.  Horatio kissed her gently and she moaned, arching into his gentle fingers.  Eric looked at Speed, who shrugged before kissing him.  "Guys, want your honeymoon day alone and then we'll come back tonight to take our rightful spots?"

She looked back at him.  "You don't mind?"

"Of course we do, but we'll get you later," Speed reminded her.  "This'll be your honeymoon with him and then he'll bring you home to the harem.  Because we basically are Horatio's harem at home."  She blushed and giggled at that.  "By the way, no using his shampoo.  He gets possessive about it."  He reached over to kiss her, then their boy.  "If that's what you want."

"I should spank you."

"Eric would enjoy it too much."

"Point.  Go be good boys while we talk."  They nodded, kissing her then him before leaving.  "They're playing."

"I can see you having a harem," she offered, playing with his shirt.  "You take care of those around you.  It's only natural that we'd please you in return."  He moaned and she shifted closer.  "Would I be a toy?"

He shook his head.  "You'd be an equal with those two.  I don't have toys in my house, except for this purple thing that Speed brought with him.  Eric picks on him horribly about it."  She blushed and giggled. "You would be ours.  We're equal, Calleigh."  She nodded, kissing him again.  "Also, don't touch Speed's books of the moment, he tends to complain and then Eric has to pounce him to get him back into a good mood."  She nodded, stroking up his face.  "Eric's picky about his razor and those things."  He stroked down her side.  "He's got a personal hygiene thing going most days."

"I've noticed that.  What about Ryan?"

"I like Ryan but it's not a thought any of us have had."  She nodded, kissing him again.  "Hmm, you're a sensualist at heart.  I could enjoy more of that."  He took control this time, showing her what he could do for her.

***

Mac looked over as Danny walked into his office the day they got back.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. It was horny cheerleaders, Mac."  He shrugged and looked sheepish.  "Not like I wanted it ta happen but it was kinda fun."

Mac looked him over.  "Danny, did you think you needed someone to watch your back more often?"

"Usually Stella and I would, but she's with Sheldon and they're figuring things out at home. Don's still pouting.  So I guess I was gonna ask you if you wanted a beer?"

"I wouldn't mind a beer but I've got about three forms to finish first.  Mostly change of status paperwork for Stella and Sheldon."

"Will it be a problem?"

"No, I'm listing them as newly married but not to who.  I won't let them work cases together for a while but otherwise it'll be fine."  He smiled at Don as he came in.  "He said you were pouting."

"I don't pout."  He gave Danny a shove on the arm. "Beer?"

"Mac said he's got to fill out about three forms but he can join us."  He looked at him.  "Anywhere special?"

"Not Sullivans."  He looked at Mac, who raised an eyebrow, then he looked at Danny.  "You went to him?"

"No, I got handed to him and you were pouting."

"I don't pout."

"You do pout, Flack.  You pout worse'n Xander sometimes."  He stared him down, then it clicked. "Crap."  He backed away.  "Don...."

"Yeah?" he snorted.

"I didn't think you were...."

"You never asked."

"True, I never asked."  He sat down.  Don closed the door, making him swallow.  "Um...  Am I on the wrong track here?"

"No," Mac said quietly, going back to his paperwork.  "Don, what did you want to do about this?"

"I wanna have that one and you," he said bitterly, glaring at him.  Mac flinched.  "What?"

"I haven't done that in a very long time," he said quietly, looking at him.  Don shrugged.  "Let's let me think first, okay?  Danny I could probably take and tie down but I'm particular."

"I've noticed.  So you mind if I have him?"

"I'm not some war prize," Danny said firmly.

Don looked at him.  "Ya think?  Not like you're any sort of prize, Messer, but you're good at what you do and I wanna sink into your mouth right here."  Danny blushed at that.  He pulled him closer to get into his face.  "If it happens between us, I'm possessive as hell.  You'd be mine.  Mac would be mine.  Anything else and it's not happening.  I am the Master your momma warned you about."  Danny swallowed at that.  "Got me here?"  Danny nodded slowly.  "Truly?"

"Truly," he squeaked.  Don smirked at that and he glared. "Don't you dare."

"It was cute."

"I don't do cute. I'm not a girl."

"Never said you were, but I can still make you scream like one," Don promised, latching onto his eyes again.  Danny went tense at that.  "I can make you scream whole octaves of scales.  Up and back down then up again.  In two weeks I'd have you back to normal but I'd fix the wrong spots first, Messer.  Are we clear?" He swallowed and nodded. "No more trouble, none of it."

"Don....."

"Yes or no? If not then maybe I'll take a leaf from the cheerleaders and show you what you've been missing."  Danny's eyes went wide.  "Mac, you mind?"

"As long as you don't break him, Don.  I can't have him here if he's broken."

"No, I'll take out that self-esteem stuff he's got a problem with.  In two weeks he'll be the same Danny he was before.  In between might be a bit odd but after two weeks he'll be great."

Mac looked at him. "Are you asking for leave time for him?"  Don shrugged, looking at Danny, who shook his head. "Technically he was kidnaped during the convention.  Plus we found out Horatio's got a harem out of his lab."  Don smirked at that.  "You knew?"

"Eric acts like his bitch now and then."  He looked at Danny again.  "Yes, no?  You try it for a night and think?"

"Don...." he let out in a strangled sounding noise.  Don smirked and nodded.  "I'm not a sub."

"You'd be surprised.  Try it for a night.  Let me show you."  He nodded at Mac and walked him off to his car.  Danny balked at one point but Don got him inside and headed home with him to show him where his place should be.   He wasn't surprised when Mac came over later that night.  He seemed like he knew the life.  He let him help, training him in how he liked it as he was working with Danny.  By the time Danny gave up for the night Don was sweaty and hard but it was good for them all.  In the morning they could apply for leave for Danny and Don and it'd be good.

***

Xander smiled at the people crowding into his house.  Everyone was there for the baby shower.  Well, post birth baby shower since Mortty had insisted they wait until after she gave birth.  He smiled at Stella, who smiled back.  It had been a loud few fights with Sheldon but it was okay now.  Danny and Don were being cute on the couch next to the baby.  Danny was a lot more secure in some things now and he had quit picking on Lindsey, who was making faces at the baby and teasing him with a rattle.  She even offered to change diapers.  Mac was watching his boys play.  He and Don had worked it out easily enough that first night.  Calleigh was curled up next to Eric, smiling and chatting with Speed and Sheldon about a recent case.  Horatio was looking on in paternal pride, then he went back to his conversation with David and Grissom.  The rest of the LVPD team was spread around the house, mostly trying to keep Xander out of the kitchen.  Xander heard the doorbell so he went to answer it, finding a messenger there.  "Hi.  What's up?"

"Is there a Mr Messer here?"

"Danny!" he called.  Danny came out and took the message, signing for it.  Xander looked at it, then at him. "It's from Cleveland."

"Yeah, it is."  He opened it then moaned.  It was fairly short.

//You were right, they do settle each other and he keeps her in line.  She reminds him he's not all powerful and the greatest ever.  He screws her against walls.  And now they're going to South America to hunt demons together since he's on the run.  Wish Granted, Danny Messer.  Thank you for the fun.//

Xander took it from the limp hand, then let out a whimper.  "Honey!"  David came over and took the message, then moaned and went to hand it to Mac.  Xander hugged him.  "They're not going to come back, right?"

"No, not coming back.  Never coming back."

Mac watched them then looked at the note.  He choked.  "Stella, what was it you were talking about with Danny after the two women showed up?"

"You met Buffy and Willow and you survived?" Calleigh asked.

"Yeah, but we thought we should lock Sonny Sassone and Buffy in a room together.  She'd become a girl again and she'd bring down his ego by kicking his ass.  Why?" Stella asked.

"You were right, they do settle each other and he keeps her in line.  She reminds him he's not all powerful and the greatest ever.  He screws her against walls.  And now they're going to South America to hunt demons together since he's on the run.  Wish Granted, Danny Messer.  Thank you for the fun.  Anyanka and Mirith."  He looked at Xander, who moaned again.   Xander whimpered and sat down on the stairs.  "We should hand this over since he's a fugitive."

"I'll do it on my way home," Abby called from the kitchen, coming out to take it.  Then she looked at the two in mental agony.  "Hey, Buffy's getting some.  It'll make her happier and she'll make sure he knows she, a girl, is a better thug than he is.  It's a good compromise."

"Abby, honey, are you feeling all right?" Gibbs asked, taking the note and handing it back,  helping her to the couch to sit next to her sister.  "Is the baby being mean again?"

"No."  She smiled.  "But I'm having contractions ten minutes apart."

"At five we go to the hospital, right?" he prompted.

"Yes," Sheldon called.  "That's standard unless there's a problem."  He looked at her. "I don't want to deliver any baby vampires."

"Okay."  She smiled. "Tony can do that.  That's why he's hiding in the pantry calling my OB."  Gibbs went to help with that.  She giggled and hugged Xander when he was brought back in. "It'll be okay.  I promise it will be, Xander."

"I know it will but still!" he complained.

"Shhh, it'll be fine."  She patted him and let David have him.  Tony and Gibbs came out, picking her up between them to carry out.  "But, guys, I had stuff in the oven," she complained.

"Tough," Gibbs ordered.  "Suck it up, Abby.  You can have croissants later."

"I'll buy you the big box of them once the baby's born," Tony promised.  They got her into the car and headed for the hospital their doctor was briefing.

Xander looked around.  "We should toast the other baby vampire."  That got a laugh from Horatio, who went to get the sparkling juice for them.  "To baby vampires.  May they be as close as their mothers," he toasted.

"And more sane than their fathers," Nick teased.

"Amen," David agreed, taking a drink.

"So, David, can we plan for a baby David sometime soon?" Mortty asked. He spluttered and choked.  "What?  That way the baby Xander has someone to calm him down from the start."

Horatio moaned and looked at his harem.  "No kids," he said quietly, heading into the kitchen to take the stuff out of the oven.

Calleigh looked at Speed.  "Didn't we already settle that one?"

"Hmm, yup.  Ooops."  Horatio came back and stared at him. "Don't look at me."

Horatio growled and looked at Calleigh, who shrugged.  "We'll be talking, Calleigh."

"Ooh, someone's gettin' spanked," Danny taunted.

"Yeah, you," she shot back, making him laugh.

"Well, at least no one will kidnap her anymore," Sheldon admitted, looking at Stella.

"No one's tried to kidnap me in months," she protested.

"Even Xander had null spots," he reminded her.  She glared.  He grinned.  "It's one sure way of knowing."

"Well, the next time you have to rescue me, you can try it.  I won't promise it'll work but you can try," she noted sarcastically.

Don pulled her into his lap and spanked her.  "If we have ta rescue you again, I get you before you go to him, Stella.  Mac said I could spank you for real."  He let her go and settled Danny back into his lap.  "If you get taken again, we'll see what we're doing."

"I haven't been taken since the cheerleaders."

"I'll check for you," Warrick offered.

"Thanks," Danny said with a grimace.

Horatio pulled Calleigh up and back into the back guest bedroom with him to talk to her.  Or possibly spank her.  He hadn't decided yet.

The others laughed.  They were sure it'd be fine and another future CSI great one.  Maybe they'd even work together some year.

The End.

Table of Contents

Ballistics in Trouble. 2

Ballistics in Film and Fun. 57

Ballistics In The Press. 116

Sisters in Ballistics. 146

Challenging Ballistics. 180

Naughty Ballistics. 340